WEBVTT - I Can’t Fight This Feeling 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:06.640 Hey there, everybody. Welcome to the Amy and TJ podcast 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:10.760 make Up addition, where we make up as a couple 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:13.320 for the fight we got into for the previous episode 0:00:14.080 --> 0:00:20.560 of this podcast. I'm kidding. Do we have making up 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:21.880 to do after the last one? 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:25.800 Well? I think here's what happened. We made up and 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:29.560 then we because we were re listening to the podcast 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:32.000 because we were debating whether or not to actually air it. 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:35.239 Having to re listen to it brought up a lot 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:38.880 of other emotions, I think for both of us, and 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:43.519 we had to re examine the fight because maybe it 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:44.360 hadn't been. 0:00:46.159 --> 0:00:47.239 Okay, So we haven't made up. 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:49.520 We're in the process of it. 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:52.200 Wow. Even on that, we're in two different places because 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:53.920 I'm done and I'm over it. You know, I didn't 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:54.640 know we were still working. 0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:55.200 You're over it. 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:59.920 I'm over it because I would really like to be 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:03.760 not how this was supposed to go. Welcome everybody, Yes, 0:01:04.080 --> 0:01:06.800 how about this? Did anything the reaction any of the 0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:10.560 reaction we got from the last podcast? What surprised you 0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:11.520 by the reaction? 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:13.360 Okay, that's a really good question. 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:15.839 What surprised me the most is that people were surprised 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:21.039 because I think if anyone has been in a relationship 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:23.960 in their life or are currently in a relationship. Don't 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:27.640 y'all fight? Don't you have issues? I think I was 0:01:27.680 --> 0:01:29.880 surprised that people said it was too soon for us 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.840 to have a fight. We've been together as a couple 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:37.280 officially for almost almost exactly a year and a half. 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:40.080 We're close to it, we're coming up on it. I 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:42.959 feel like we should. If we didn't have a fight, 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:45.880 if we didn't argue, that would be a red flag. 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:49.600 Do you really think there's a general idea consensus for 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:52.960 most level headed folks that are surprised that two people 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:55.480 in a relationship might have a disagreement. 0:01:56.440 --> 0:01:58.680 And by the way, there was no yelling. I was 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.040 actually really proud of So I was proud of us. 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:02.120 Would I listen? 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:04.880 And I don't think we ever yell. No, So I 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:06.160 think we fight. 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:09.480 I mean, fighting is not fun, It's not fun at all, 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:13.399 But I don't. I actually feel pretty good about how 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:15.839 we fought, and I think it was clear that we 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:20.359 were not communicating great and that's what we're working on. 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:23.160 But I guess that was my biggest surprise, that people 0:02:23.200 --> 0:02:25.360 really were taken aback. 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:29.160 That we fought, or that we disagreed. 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:32.919 I would love to see their relationships, wow, and take 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:34.600 some notes because I would love to not fight. 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:35.360 That'd be amazing. 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:38.120 But don't they tell you, you know you're in trouble if 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:39.120 you're in a relationship and. 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:42.840 You don't fight, right, because the opposite of love is indifference, 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:45.400 and in difference means yeah, you do you, I do 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:49.080 me bye or whatever, like living alongside somebody and not 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:51.079 with someone, And so yeah, I mean. 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:53.400 I that was the biggest surprise. 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:55.800 Did you have a something that stood out to you 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:57.760 that surprised you that would have to be it? 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:03.560 That that Yeah, it's the end of us because we 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:07.200 told people that we've had a disagreement. Just that that 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:10.359 part's fascinating. But I think a lot there are a 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:12.160 lot of reasonable, level headed folks, folks who are in 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:14.960 relationships who listen to it, and we got a lot 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:18.839 of those responses and read them. They see themselves in 0:03:18.880 --> 0:03:22.680 that disagreement, They see themselves in the lack of communication, 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:26.440 and sometimes people come down on what their own They 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:28.480 bring their own junk into it as they listen. Your 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:31.119 ears are filtering what you're hearing based on your own 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:33.959 experience and sometimes yes, your own bias, but yeah, a 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:36.480 lot of women will say yes TJ da da da, 0:03:36.480 --> 0:03:39.400 and a lot of men were going another way. And 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:42.160 then Frank it went along racial lines as well, some 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:45.880 black and white. It was that was fascinating. But yeah, 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:48.560 I was surprised that we're not supposed to fight. 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:51.960 I know, I always I think there were two things 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:54.040 at play that men are is it Men are from 0:03:54.760 --> 0:03:57.560 are from Mars, from Venus, matter from Mars. Women are 0:03:57.560 --> 0:04:01.600 from Venus, and so that was absolutely and then you 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:04.160 know the black white thing. It's it's interesting that there 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:06.960 are different ways to look at it, and that's part 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:08.760 of I think that's part of the reason why we 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:12.120 wanted to put it out there. And I love what 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:17.520 someone wrote. They talked about what we did in the 0:04:17.560 --> 0:04:19.080 podcast and they gave it a name that I had 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:20.000 never heard before. 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:24.320 Well, you told me, oh, oh, the value tainment. I 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:26.279 wish I could give him credit. A guy that passed 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:29.240 it along, and I, okay, if that's something you all 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:30.800 are familiar with, I never heard it before. But he 0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:34.159 called it value tainment to where yes, we are listening 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:37.000 to you and we are being we are engaged, and 0:04:37.040 --> 0:04:40.440 to some degree you have to be entertaining in all 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:44.360 you do, but there there was some value in it, 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:46.880 and he used that word, and I'll think, Wow, I 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:49.480 guess that's really what we were going for. I don't 0:04:49.480 --> 0:04:52.320 think we were talking about entertaining anybody in doing so, 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:54.480 but he found value in what we were doing. 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:57.320 I love that, and I think that's something that it 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:01.080 made me feel better about making the decision to go 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:03.280 ahead and err, because that is what we were hoping 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:07.160 to do, a just to say hey, here we are 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:09.119 and we don't And we said this from the beginning. 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:12.720 We didn't want to put out an Instagram all smiles 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:16.000 type of podcast where hey, look at us, We're doing great, 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:19.960 everything's rosy. We wanted to be real. So we figured, 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:21.640 if we're going to put the good stuff, we should 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:23.760 also put the stuff that's tough and hard and maybe 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:27.039 people can A not feel so alone or B learn 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:30.760 something from it. And we got a lot of really 0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:34.440 positive comments from people saying just that, oh my gosh, 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:38.200 this made me feel validated. Oh my goodness, I feel heard. Wow, 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:41.400 I have the same fight with my husband or my wife, And. 0:05:41.960 --> 0:05:44.800 That felt cool. That's what I was hoping for at 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:45.479 the very least. 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:47.920 Okay, Well, we talked about I wasn't thinking that at 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:50.359 the time when we first set up the microphones, and 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:54.160 again that disagreement, that back and forth happened. I guess 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:57.360 we're talking to you now several days removed from it, 0:05:57.600 --> 0:05:59.800 but initially I didn't think about we went back and 0:05:59.839 --> 0:06:04.440 forth about the why. But we're have Tammy in South 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.880 Dakota right now. Give you the why because Robot and 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:09.680 we're going to talk a little more about why and 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:12.760 what went into how the last episode actually got on 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:15.679 the air. But we are going to read a statement 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:19.120 not prepared by us, not prepared for us, but a 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:22.640 statement word for word for somebody named Tammy from South Dakota. 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:25.440 And I think Robe she sums up better than you 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:30.280 and I ever could, and she got it. She got 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:32.039 it exactly like we wanted people to get it. 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:34.479 So go ahead, all right, this is from Tammy. Yes, 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:35.560 we love this, she said. 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:36.120 She writes. 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:39.920 Relationships are hard enough, let alone having to do it 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:43.200 under the public eye. And then some remember that these 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:46.600 two are human beings, just like all of us. They 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:51.080 are choosing love, and love is not easy. It's something 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:53.920 you have to work at every day. They could choose 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:55.919 to be fake and lie to us all and not 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:58.880 share their genuine feelings, making the public feel more alone 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:01.440 than ever. But no, they are choosing to be vulnerable 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:05.120 and talking through that They don't have everything figured out. 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:09.880 They are sharing their triumphs and struggles, joy, laughter, pain, 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:13.320 my gosh, they have shared some deep stuff and feelings. 0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:16.040 All these things they are sharing should make you all 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:19.960 feel not alone. Just stop being judgmental and let them 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:22.080 work through things and maybe help a whole lot of 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:25.920 others be honest with each other and themselves. They are 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:28.560 both human. Thank you, Roboc and TJ for sharing your 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:31.600 lives and helping others figure things out along the way. 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:35.480 Tam Me from South Dakota, thank you for that message 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:38.760 and thank you for putting it in the best of ways. 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:41.720 I was surprised, also rose by some people were so 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:44.240 it took time to be so thoughtful in the responses 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:46.720 that they did given. I absolutely appreciated that, But I 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:50.480 thought she put it in a way that we never could. 0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:53.880 And I appreciated it, but that wasn't I didn't think 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:56.520 about it when we put it out or decided to 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:59.680 the like helping someone. I didn't think about it as 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:02.360 a man of anyone else looking at it in feeling 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:04.080 heard or seen or not alone. 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:06.880 But that was a lot of that there was, And 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:09.640 I don't know that that's what our intention was necessarily. 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:11.520 I think we just had set out. 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:13.520 When we started to do this that we weren't going 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:17.960 to fake our way through anything or put on a 0:08:18.000 --> 0:08:20.720 strong face if we didn't feel it. And we also 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:24.360 knew that there might be times working together like this 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:28.640 in a relationship that we wouldn't be great, that we 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:31.120 wouldn't be in a good space, and how are we 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:33.560 going to deal with that? And I think we decided 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:35.320 in that moment that we were going to deal with 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:37.400 it by being real about it, and. 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:39.559 I was me. 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:41.679 I was definitely I think hopeful that by putting it 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:45.199 out people would relate. I don't know that we were 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:47.440 setting out to help anyone, but just maybe even feel 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:50.480 connected to people saying, hey, we're all in this together. 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:56.199 These relationship things ain't easy, and nobody is immune from 0:08:56.559 --> 0:08:58.880 those types of difficulties. And I think, especially early on 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.439 in a relationship, regardless of how long we had known 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:03.400 each other and how long we had been friends, and 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:06.439 how long we had leaned on each other about other relationships, 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:09.560 it's still different when it's the two of you, and 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:11.719 it's just you and you have to figure it out. 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:14.280 In all honesty, I didn't want to put it out 0:09:15.200 --> 0:09:20.680 to let folks know. We recorded this several again several 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:23.520 days ago, but then you and I listened to it, 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:27.240 and we didn't let anybody else know. We listened to 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:29.680 it first, and then we let our iHeart team, in 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:31.760 particular Amy sugarm and you over hear her name a lot, 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:33.760 so just let you know who she is. When you 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:36.839 think iHeart, just think Amy Sugar. Okay, just do that. 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:40.680 But she's the one we collaborate with, and she's the 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:43.960 reason really why we're on board here I'm having this podcast. 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:46.760 So we reached out. We sent it to her and 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:49.800 let her listen to it, and then we had to 0:09:49.840 --> 0:09:51.240 talk it out with her about whether or not we 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:53.920 should put this out there. We had the option. We 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:55.720 could have said no, and we did say no. 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:59.600 There was at least I think maybe a twelve hour 0:09:59.640 --> 0:10:02.520 stretch where we I did not think we were going 0:10:02.600 --> 0:10:04.320 to release it. 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:05.120 But that was on me. 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:10.400 Yeah, well I was nervous, I would you know. Look, 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:14.160 I was nervous about Yes, I knew what our intentions 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:18.040 were and I knew everything was real and raw, but 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:21.120 I was and I continued to be. And I don't 0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:24.280 want to make decisions based on being afraid of what 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:26.880 other people will say, what the headlines will say, what 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:29.000 the comments will be. I mean, that is something I 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:31.880 struggle with, and so that was a part of my equation. 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:35.240 I was nervous, but you were even more. 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:36.240 Nervous than I was. 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:37.719 On would you say after we listened to it the 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:41.240 first time we both came out of this on the fence, 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:43.719 I would say, but I think you were I don't 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:45.040 want to put these words in your mouth. I think 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:48.080 you were more so leaning, like okay, I'm good to go. 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:50.240 This was before we talked to Sugarman the first time. Yeah, 0:10:50.320 --> 0:10:53.280 you remember, okay, So I am on the fence solidly 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:57.000 and you're leaning. And then one thirty in the morning 0:10:57.880 --> 0:11:00.440 the day we at in the morning, the night we 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:04.040 recorded this, we had sent it to Sugarman and we 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:07.360 wanted to get her response. And me, I'm up all 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:09.320 the time anyway, So no, no, no, was that for one? 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:13.839 So it was four thirty for me and I'm all 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:15.040 everybody knows I don't sleep. 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:15.840 You've already been up. 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:18.600 I've been up at this point for a while, and 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:20.840 you know, I said, you know, she's out on the 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:23.600 West coast. She's probably way just center her text. She'd 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:24.559 messaged right. 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:25.880 Back and then called. 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:28.120 And we were on the phone. Robot was passed out 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:29.640 in the bed. I woke up. 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:30.520 When she started. 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:34.200 On speaker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, She's not really a voice 0:11:34.240 --> 0:11:34.960 you can sleep through. 0:11:37.640 --> 0:11:39.439 She has so much positive energy. 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:41.120 It just it wakes you up in a good mood, 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:42.360 even if it's a tough subject. 0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:44.120 So here we are one third in the morning out 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:47.000 there for her, four thirty for us. Robes is passed out, 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:49.520 just out of it. I'm bouncing off the walls. I 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:52.840 lean over you. I physically lean over you and laying 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:55.440 across your back, put the phone in your face, and 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:56.480 I have it on speaker. 0:11:57.760 --> 0:11:58.240 What is that? 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:02.120 But yeah, we gotta talk with this podcast. Wake up. 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:06.480 And after the conversation with her, I came out of it. 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:09.320 How you doubled down with hell, no, we are not 0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:13.480 airing this. Absolutely. After I talked to her, I said 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:15.760 there is no way and I was sure that we 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:20.679 should not do it. And my reasoning was that listening 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:23.760 to her, sure you and I any are you? I 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:25.800 keep calling with a fight, but that's if that's a fight, 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:28.440 We're doing great because that that wasn't a nasty thing, 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:30.240 and that's how we go back and forth in private 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:35.600 as well. So that was authentic. But her listening to 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:38.959 it and was concerned. She said, well, this part, want 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:42.320 to make sure TJ you don't sound like you're being 0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:44.880 a total asshole, and want to make sure this and 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:47.959 so we're plucking out like little things that could be 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.840 misconstrued or this might be a problem area, just the 0:12:50.880 --> 0:12:55.320 little little things in her saying that the first response 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:57.040 and you all you didn't expect this, so I'll let 0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:01.320 you tell it. What was my immediate response when she 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:04.839 stopped talking about her opinion of the podcast. 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:09.040 And now I know this can never air, but why 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:14.720 because the way it's viewed. I mean, the truth is, 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:18.680 I'll back up, and I hate that. I cry when 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:22.680 I get mad or I'm upset or I'm defensive. But 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:28.760 when you have someone crying, that creates a certain dynamic 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:30.320 where people feel like they have to come to the 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:32.920 rescue of me, versus actually looking at it from a 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:40.199 more balanced perspective, I think tears can appear to be 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:42.600 manipulaid that wasn't my intention, but it could come off 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:47.160 that way, and I just think the concern was that 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:51.520 it wouldn't be something that people could be objective about 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:52.000 listening to. 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:03.439 Okay, you were I was wondering where you were going. 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:05.400 I could tell looking at you you're being very careful 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:07.960 with your words. Just then, because this is the truth 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:09.559 of the matter, I flat out said to both of 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:10.920 you right there on the phone at fourth third in 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:13.120 the morning, East Coast time, that I don't want to 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:15.959 put this out because this is going to I fear 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:18.680 be viewed as a black man beating up on a 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.560 white woman. Now, if anybody took their time and listened 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:25.480 to that podcast, obviously I was not yelling, screaming. I 0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:28.680 wasn't doing anything. Now we are a couple who's having 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:31.280 a disagreement, so obviously neither one of us are having 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:35.360 our best moments. But my immediate concern was that, and 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:38.680 you and Sugarman both like, wait what. 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:42.880 I was shocked, and this has been There's been a 0:14:42.920 --> 0:14:46.400 lot of things that I have learned personally from not 0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:49.720 only doing this podcast, but listening to it back and 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:55.960 then hearing your reaction and then seeing the response that 0:14:56.040 --> 0:14:58.040 would never have crossed my mind. 0:14:58.240 --> 0:14:58.520 Race. 0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:01.560 The fact that you're black and I'm white would never 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:03.120 have crossed my mind. 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.480 And that's kind of to your point. 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:08.640 You have to think about things that I don't think about, 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:12.120 And honestly, it took me a second to actually get 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:15.520 my head around it. And once you explained it, and 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.720 then once we've seen some of the reaction, a light 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:21.240 bulb went off for me in a way. And it's 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:24.880 just a constant learning curve. But and I've said this 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:26.680 the whole time, I don't know what I don't know, 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:28.720 and every day I learn more about what I don't know. 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:33.280 I have known throughout my career in certain situations in 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:38.920 board rooms, in in newsrooms that when you are going 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:42.760 face to face with a colleague or a white woman 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:45.760 and things get heated, I know that there's only so 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:48.320 much base I can put in my voice. I know 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:53.000 there's only so much flailing of my hands I can do. 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:56.120 I know there's only so much movement I can put 0:15:56.160 --> 0:15:58.520 in my body. I have made conscious decisions not to 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:01.960 even stand up when I am being confronted or taken 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:04.440 on by a white woman who might be screaming at 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:07.280 the top of her lungs. And disrespectful to me. But 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:10.600 I know as soon as I make any move it 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:13.160 is going to be now seen as a threat. That 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:16.800 thing is there, and I didn't want to put myself 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:18.840 in a position, or or us, because we are in 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:23.080 this together, in a position to where someone could take 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:27.640 that and begin to Nobody in any articles written said 0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:31.920 black and white. But there are things we start to 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:37.080 notice in coverage and in comments that absolutely brought to 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:39.160 fruition exactly what my fear was. 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:42.480 All of the headlines and we didn't I didn't read 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:45.040 any of the articles, and it was actually just this 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:50.080 morning that I braced myself to just go through the 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:54.280 headlines and not actually click on the articles. But every 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:59.640 single headline was what I said, how I felt that 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:04.200 I was crying, and you predicted it. And that's exactly 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:07.080 how it was covered. And that is eye opening to me, 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:08.920 and I hope it's eye opening to a lot of people, 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:13.640 because again, when we were recording this and going through 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:16.360 this authentic moment we were having that we've had before, 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.480 and we wanted to, you know, for all the reasons, 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:23.480 put it out there. It never crossed my mind that 0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:26.080 there would be any racial element to this. Now when 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:29.000 we're actually just having our own private moments. Do you 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:36.920 I'm curious, do you edit yourself as a black man 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:38.440 knowing that your girlfriend's a white woman? 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.639 Okay, okay, I was actually curious about that. 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:43.440 And even when we recorded, to your point just then, 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:46.400 even when we recorded this, that wasn't on my mind 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:48.040 about how this is going to be viewed. I need 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:50.439 to be careful how I'm talking. We just really the 0:17:50.440 --> 0:17:52.879 MIC's were just there. We just talked, so that wasn't 0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:55.440 a thing. But to hear it was more so hearing 0:17:56.240 --> 0:18:00.879 our Amy Sugarman's response. To hear what she was saying 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:03.159 is the thing that got me off the fence and 0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:06.359 solidly in that camp of well, oh this can we 0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:08.720 cannot let this go out. And I even told you 0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:12.280 I was talking to too many white people in preparation 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:15.800 of this podcast going out. I started calling back to 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:19.480 Alabama and Arkansas. I was like, yo, to my people, 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:21.160 and you were in the room when I was having 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:24.760 conversations with my folks, and they were going in in 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:29.520 a much different way and concerned about me and concerned 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:34.480 about even doing a follow up, and the concern I 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.960 everybody knows. If you listen to this I don't read comments. 0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:39.960 I don't read headlines and tabloids, not at all. I 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:42.399 stay away from it. I had to in preparation for 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:45.240 this podcast, at least, I had to read through comments 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:48.639 on the show's page on Instagram. Got it this morning, 0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:52.199 bounced up five am, went right to the computer, just 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:55.119 looked at our The very first comment I wasn't looking 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:59.159 for one, but the very first one when I started 0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:01.520 reading was from my guy named Sam, who wasn't on 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:04.160 our side. He wasn't like he was being supportive of us. 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:09.720 Preface that, but then he said this, but let's all 0:19:09.760 --> 0:19:13.439 agree he's the problem because he's black. 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:14.320 WHOA. 0:19:14.440 --> 0:19:19.200 All these comments are saying everything but that shake my head. 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:22.320 The first comment IRA was from Sam, and he noticed 0:19:22.560 --> 0:19:24.720 that thing before I even got a chance to read Sam. 0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:27.480 White or black. I'm okay, okay, got it. 0:19:28.080 --> 0:19:31.080 That's just a part of it. And people bring their 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:34.480 own experiences and biases yes to a conversation like that. 0:19:34.600 --> 0:19:35.000 It's it. 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:39.439 This has been, like I said, incredibly eye opening. I 0:19:39.480 --> 0:19:43.040 will say, when you got to a place where you 0:19:43.119 --> 0:19:45.840 were kind of I don't know, you just said, you 0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:48.960 know what, just let's just Eric and I don't I'm 0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:51.040 not doing it to say I told you so, But 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:55.359 you basically said I know what's going to happen, and 0:19:55.520 --> 0:19:57.879 I was I was like, really, you think that's going 0:19:57.920 --> 0:19:59.920 to happen? I mean, I knew we were both gonna 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:03.119 take hits, and they people were gonna say whatever they 0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:05.399 were gonna say. We're very used to negative comments and 0:20:05.480 --> 0:20:07.240 negative publicity and negative headlines. 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:08.840 That's nothing new for us right now. 0:20:09.440 --> 0:20:14.520