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Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody. Welcome to the Amy and TJ podcast

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Speaker 1: make Up addition, where we make up as a couple

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Speaker 1: for the fight we got into for the previous episode

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Speaker 1: of this podcast. I'm kidding. Do we have making up

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Speaker 1: to do after the last one?

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Speaker 2: Well? I think here's what happened. We made up and

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Speaker 2: then we because we were re listening to the podcast

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Speaker 2: because we were debating whether or not to actually air it.

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Speaker 2: Having to re listen to it brought up a lot

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Speaker 2: of other emotions, I think for both of us, and

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Speaker 2: we had to re examine the fight because maybe it

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Speaker 2: hadn't been.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So we haven't made up.

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Speaker 3: We're in the process of it.

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Speaker 1: Wow. Even on that, we're in two different places because

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Speaker 1: I'm done and I'm over it. You know, I didn't

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Speaker 1: know we were still working.

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Speaker 3: You're over it.

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Speaker 1: I'm over it because I would really like to be

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Speaker 1: not how this was supposed to go. Welcome everybody, Yes,

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Speaker 1: how about this? Did anything the reaction any of the

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Speaker 1: reaction we got from the last podcast? What surprised you

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Speaker 1: by the reaction?

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Speaker 3: Okay, that's a really good question.

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Speaker 2: What surprised me the most is that people were surprised

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Speaker 2: because I think if anyone has been in a relationship

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Speaker 2: in their life or are currently in a relationship. Don't

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Speaker 2: y'all fight? Don't you have issues? I think I was

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Speaker 2: surprised that people said it was too soon for us

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Speaker 2: to have a fight. We've been together as a couple

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Speaker 2: officially for almost almost exactly a year and a half.

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Speaker 2: We're close to it, we're coming up on it. I

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Speaker 2: feel like we should. If we didn't have a fight,

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Speaker 2: if we didn't argue, that would be a red flag.

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Speaker 1: Do you really think there's a general idea consensus for

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Speaker 1: most level headed folks that are surprised that two people

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Speaker 1: in a relationship might have a disagreement.

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Speaker 2: And by the way, there was no yelling. I was

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Speaker 2: actually really proud of So I was proud of us.

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Speaker 2: Would I listen?

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Speaker 3: And I don't think we ever yell. No, So I

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Speaker 3: think we fight.

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Speaker 2: I mean, fighting is not fun, It's not fun at all,

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Speaker 2: But I don't. I actually feel pretty good about how

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Speaker 2: we fought, and I think it was clear that we

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Speaker 2: were not communicating great and that's what we're working on.

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Speaker 2: But I guess that was my biggest surprise, that people

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Speaker 2: really were taken aback.

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Speaker 3: That we fought, or that we disagreed.

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Speaker 2: I would love to see their relationships, wow, and take

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Speaker 2: some notes because I would love to not fight.

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Speaker 3: That'd be amazing.

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Speaker 1: But don't they tell you, you know you're in trouble if

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Speaker 1: you're in a relationship and.

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Speaker 2: You don't fight, right, because the opposite of love is indifference,

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Speaker 2: and in difference means yeah, you do you, I do

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Speaker 2: me bye or whatever, like living alongside somebody and not

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Speaker 2: with someone, And so yeah, I mean.

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Speaker 3: I that was the biggest surprise.

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Speaker 2: Did you have a something that stood out to you

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Speaker 2: that surprised you that would have to be it?

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Speaker 1: That that Yeah, it's the end of us because we

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Speaker 1: told people that we've had a disagreement. Just that that

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Speaker 1: part's fascinating. But I think a lot there are a

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Speaker 1: lot of reasonable, level headed folks, folks who are in

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Speaker 1: relationships who listen to it, and we got a lot

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Speaker 1: of those responses and read them. They see themselves in

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Speaker 1: that disagreement, They see themselves in the lack of communication,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes people come down on what their own They

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Speaker 1: bring their own junk into it as they listen. Your

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Speaker 1: ears are filtering what you're hearing based on your own

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Speaker 1: experience and sometimes yes, your own bias, but yeah, a

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Speaker 1: lot of women will say yes TJ da da da,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of men were going another way. And

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Speaker 1: then Frank it went along racial lines as well, some

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Speaker 1: black and white. It was that was fascinating. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was surprised that we're not supposed to fight.

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Speaker 2: I know, I always I think there were two things

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Speaker 2: at play that men are is it Men are from

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Speaker 2: are from Mars, from Venus, matter from Mars. Women are

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Speaker 2: from Venus, and so that was absolutely and then you

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Speaker 2: know the black white thing. It's it's interesting that there

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Speaker 2: are different ways to look at it, and that's part

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Speaker 2: of I think that's part of the reason why we

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Speaker 2: wanted to put it out there. And I love what

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Speaker 2: someone wrote. They talked about what we did in the

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Speaker 2: podcast and they gave it a name that I had

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Speaker 2: never heard before.

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Speaker 1: Well, you told me, oh, oh, the value tainment. I

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Speaker 1: wish I could give him credit. A guy that passed

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Speaker 1: it along, and I, okay, if that's something you all

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Speaker 1: are familiar with, I never heard it before. But he

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Speaker 1: called it value tainment to where yes, we are listening

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Speaker 1: to you and we are being we are engaged, and

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Speaker 1: to some degree you have to be entertaining in all

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Speaker 1: you do, but there there was some value in it,

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Speaker 1: and he used that word, and I'll think, Wow, I

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Speaker 1: guess that's really what we were going for. I don't

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Speaker 1: think we were talking about entertaining anybody in doing so,

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Speaker 1: but he found value in what we were doing.

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Speaker 2: I love that, and I think that's something that it

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Speaker 2: made me feel better about making the decision to go

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Speaker 2: ahead and err, because that is what we were hoping

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Speaker 2: to do, a just to say hey, here we are

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Speaker 2: and we don't And we said this from the beginning.

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Speaker 2: We didn't want to put out an Instagram all smiles

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Speaker 2: type of podcast where hey, look at us, We're doing great,

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Speaker 2: everything's rosy. We wanted to be real. So we figured,

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Speaker 2: if we're going to put the good stuff, we should

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Speaker 2: also put the stuff that's tough and hard and maybe

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Speaker 2: people can A not feel so alone or B learn

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Speaker 2: something from it. And we got a lot of really

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Speaker 2: positive comments from people saying just that, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: this made me feel validated. Oh my goodness, I feel heard. Wow,

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Speaker 2: I have the same fight with my husband or my wife, And.

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Speaker 3: That felt cool. That's what I was hoping for at

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Speaker 3: the very least.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well, we talked about I wasn't thinking that at

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Speaker 1: the time when we first set up the microphones, and

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Speaker 1: again that disagreement, that back and forth happened. I guess

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Speaker 1: we're talking to you now several days removed from it,

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Speaker 1: but initially I didn't think about we went back and

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Speaker 1: forth about the why. But we're have Tammy in South

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Speaker 1: Dakota right now. Give you the why because Robot and

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Speaker 1: we're going to talk a little more about why and

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Speaker 1: what went into how the last episode actually got on

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Speaker 1: the air. But we are going to read a statement

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Speaker 1: not prepared by us, not prepared for us, but a

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Speaker 1: statement word for word for somebody named Tammy from South Dakota.

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Speaker 1: And I think Robe she sums up better than you

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Speaker 1: and I ever could, and she got it. She got

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Speaker 1: it exactly like we wanted people to get it.

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Speaker 2: So go ahead, all right, this is from Tammy. Yes,

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Speaker 2: we love this, she said.

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Speaker 3: She writes.

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Speaker 2: Relationships are hard enough, let alone having to do it

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Speaker 2: under the public eye. And then some remember that these

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Speaker 2: two are human beings, just like all of us. They

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Speaker 2: are choosing love, and love is not easy. It's something

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Speaker 2: you have to work at every day. They could choose

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Speaker 2: to be fake and lie to us all and not

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Speaker 2: share their genuine feelings, making the public feel more alone

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Speaker 2: than ever. But no, they are choosing to be vulnerable

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Speaker 2: and talking through that They don't have everything figured out.

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Speaker 2: They are sharing their triumphs and struggles, joy, laughter, pain,

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Speaker 2: my gosh, they have shared some deep stuff and feelings.

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Speaker 2: All these things they are sharing should make you all

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Speaker 2: feel not alone. Just stop being judgmental and let them

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Speaker 2: work through things and maybe help a whole lot of

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Speaker 2: others be honest with each other and themselves. They are

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Speaker 2: both human. Thank you, Roboc and TJ for sharing your

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Speaker 2: lives and helping others figure things out along the way.

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Speaker 1: Tam Me from South Dakota, thank you for that message

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Speaker 1: and thank you for putting it in the best of ways.

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Speaker 1: I was surprised, also rose by some people were so

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Speaker 1: it took time to be so thoughtful in the responses

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Speaker 1: that they did given. I absolutely appreciated that, But I

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Speaker 1: thought she put it in a way that we never could.

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Speaker 1: And I appreciated it, but that wasn't I didn't think

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Speaker 1: about it when we put it out or decided to

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Speaker 1: the like helping someone. I didn't think about it as

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Speaker 1: a man of anyone else looking at it in feeling

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Speaker 1: heard or seen or not alone.

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Speaker 2: But that was a lot of that there was, And

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Speaker 2: I don't know that that's what our intention was necessarily.

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Speaker 3: I think we just had set out.

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Speaker 2: When we started to do this that we weren't going

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Speaker 2: to fake our way through anything or put on a

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Speaker 2: strong face if we didn't feel it. And we also

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Speaker 2: knew that there might be times working together like this

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Speaker 2: in a relationship that we wouldn't be great, that we

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be in a good space, and how are we

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Speaker 2: going to deal with that? And I think we decided

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Speaker 2: in that moment that we were going to deal with

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Speaker 2: it by being real about it, and.

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Speaker 3: I was me.

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Speaker 2: I was definitely I think hopeful that by putting it

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Speaker 2: out people would relate. I don't know that we were

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Speaker 2: setting out to help anyone, but just maybe even feel

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Speaker 2: connected to people saying, hey, we're all in this together.

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Speaker 2: These relationship things ain't easy, and nobody is immune from

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Speaker 2: those types of difficulties. And I think, especially early on

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Speaker 2: in a relationship, regardless of how long we had known

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Speaker 2: each other and how long we had been friends, and

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Speaker 2: how long we had leaned on each other about other relationships,

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Speaker 2: it's still different when it's the two of you, and

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Speaker 2: it's just you and you have to figure it out.

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Speaker 1: In all honesty, I didn't want to put it out

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Speaker 1: to let folks know. We recorded this several again several

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Speaker 1: days ago, but then you and I listened to it,

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Speaker 1: and we didn't let anybody else know. We listened to

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Speaker 1: it first, and then we let our iHeart team, in

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Speaker 1: particular Amy sugarm and you over hear her name a lot,

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Speaker 1: so just let you know who she is. When you

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Speaker 1: think iHeart, just think Amy Sugar. Okay, just do that.

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Speaker 1: But she's the one we collaborate with, and she's the

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Speaker 1: reason really why we're on board here I'm having this podcast.

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Speaker 1: So we reached out. We sent it to her and

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Speaker 1: let her listen to it, and then we had to

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Speaker 1: talk it out with her about whether or not we

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Speaker 1: should put this out there. We had the option. We

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Speaker 1: could have said no, and we did say no.

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Speaker 2: There was at least I think maybe a twelve hour

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Speaker 2: stretch where we I did not think we were going

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Speaker 2: to release it.

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Speaker 1: But that was on me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well I was nervous, I would you know. Look,

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Speaker 2: I was nervous about Yes, I knew what our intentions

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Speaker 2: were and I knew everything was real and raw, but

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Speaker 2: I was and I continued to be. And I don't

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Speaker 2: want to make decisions based on being afraid of what

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Speaker 2: other people will say, what the headlines will say, what

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Speaker 2: the comments will be. I mean, that is something I

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Speaker 2: struggle with, and so that was a part of my equation.

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Speaker 2: I was nervous, but you were even more.

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Speaker 3: Nervous than I was.

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Speaker 1: On would you say after we listened to it the

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Speaker 1: first time we both came out of this on the fence,

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Speaker 1: I would say, but I think you were I don't

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Speaker 1: want to put these words in your mouth. I think

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Speaker 1: you were more so leaning, like okay, I'm good to go.

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Speaker 1: This was before we talked to Sugarman the first time. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you remember, okay, So I am on the fence solidly

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Speaker 1: and you're leaning. And then one thirty in the morning

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Speaker 1: the day we at in the morning, the night we

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Speaker 1: recorded this, we had sent it to Sugarman and we

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Speaker 1: wanted to get her response. And me, I'm up all

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Speaker 1: the time anyway, So no, no, no, was that for one?

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Speaker 1: So it was four thirty for me and I'm all

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Speaker 1: everybody knows I don't sleep.

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Speaker 3: You've already been up.

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Speaker 1: I've been up at this point for a while, and

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Speaker 1: you know, I said, you know, she's out on the

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Speaker 1: West coast. She's probably way just center her text. She'd

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Speaker 1: messaged right.

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Speaker 3: Back and then called.

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Speaker 1: And we were on the phone. Robot was passed out

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Speaker 1: in the bed. I woke up.

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Speaker 3: When she started.

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Speaker 1: On speaker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, She's not really a voice

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Speaker 1: you can sleep through.

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Speaker 3: She has so much positive energy.

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Speaker 2: It just it wakes you up in a good mood,

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Speaker 2: even if it's a tough subject.

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Speaker 1: So here we are one third in the morning out

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Speaker 1: there for her, four thirty for us. Robes is passed out,

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Speaker 1: just out of it. I'm bouncing off the walls. I

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Speaker 1: lean over you. I physically lean over you and laying

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Speaker 1: across your back, put the phone in your face, and

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Speaker 1: I have it on speaker.

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Speaker 3: What is that?

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Speaker 1: But yeah, we gotta talk with this podcast. Wake up.

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Speaker 1: And after the conversation with her, I came out of it.

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Speaker 1: How you doubled down with hell, no, we are not

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Speaker 1: airing this. Absolutely. After I talked to her, I said

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Speaker 1: there is no way and I was sure that we

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Speaker 1: should not do it. And my reasoning was that listening

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Speaker 1: to her, sure you and I any are you? I

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Speaker 1: keep calling with a fight, but that's if that's a fight,

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Speaker 1: We're doing great because that that wasn't a nasty thing,

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Speaker 1: and that's how we go back and forth in private

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Speaker 1: as well. So that was authentic. But her listening to

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Speaker 1: it and was concerned. She said, well, this part, want

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Speaker 1: to make sure TJ you don't sound like you're being

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Speaker 1: a total asshole, and want to make sure this and

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Speaker 1: so we're plucking out like little things that could be

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Speaker 1: misconstrued or this might be a problem area, just the

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Speaker 1: little little things in her saying that the first response

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Speaker 1: and you all you didn't expect this, so I'll let

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Speaker 1: you tell it. What was my immediate response when she

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Speaker 1: stopped talking about her opinion of the podcast.

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Speaker 2: And now I know this can never air, but why

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Speaker 2: because the way it's viewed. I mean, the truth is,

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Speaker 2: I'll back up, and I hate that. I cry when

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Speaker 2: I get mad or I'm upset or I'm defensive. But

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Speaker 2: when you have someone crying, that creates a certain dynamic

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Speaker 2: where people feel like they have to come to the

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Speaker 2: rescue of me, versus actually looking at it from a

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Speaker 2: more balanced perspective, I think tears can appear to be

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Speaker 2: manipulaid that wasn't my intention, but it could come off

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Speaker 2: that way, and I just think the concern was that

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Speaker 2: it wouldn't be something that people could be objective about

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Speaker 2: listening to.

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Speaker 1: Okay, you were I was wondering where you were going.

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Speaker 1: I could tell looking at you you're being very careful

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Speaker 1: with your words. Just then, because this is the truth

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Speaker 1: of the matter, I flat out said to both of

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Speaker 1: you right there on the phone at fourth third in

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Speaker 1: the morning, East Coast time, that I don't want to

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Speaker 1: put this out because this is going to I fear

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Speaker 1: be viewed as a black man beating up on a

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Speaker 1: white woman. Now, if anybody took their time and listened

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Speaker 1: to that podcast, obviously I was not yelling, screaming. I

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Speaker 1: wasn't doing anything. Now we are a couple who's having

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Speaker 1: a disagreement, so obviously neither one of us are having

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Speaker 1: our best moments. But my immediate concern was that, and

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Speaker 1: you and Sugarman both like, wait what.

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Speaker 2: I was shocked, and this has been There's been a

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Speaker 2: lot of things that I have learned personally from not

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Speaker 2: only doing this podcast, but listening to it back and

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Speaker 2: then hearing your reaction and then seeing the response that

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Speaker 2: would never have crossed my mind.

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Speaker 3: Race.

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Speaker 2: The fact that you're black and I'm white would never

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Speaker 2: have crossed my mind.

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Speaker 3: And that's kind of to your point.

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Speaker 2: You have to think about things that I don't think about,

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Speaker 2: And honestly, it took me a second to actually get

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Speaker 2: my head around it. And once you explained it, and

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Speaker 2: then once we've seen some of the reaction, a light

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Speaker 2: bulb went off for me in a way. And it's

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Speaker 2: just a constant learning curve. But and I've said this

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Speaker 2: the whole time, I don't know what I don't know,

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Speaker 2: and every day I learn more about what I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I have known throughout my career in certain situations in

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Speaker 1: board rooms, in in newsrooms that when you are going

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Speaker 1: face to face with a colleague or a white woman

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Speaker 1: and things get heated, I know that there's only so

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Speaker 1: much base I can put in my voice. I know

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Speaker 1: there's only so much flailing of my hands I can do.

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Speaker 1: I know there's only so much movement I can put

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Speaker 1: in my body. I have made conscious decisions not to

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Speaker 1: even stand up when I am being confronted or taken

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Speaker 1: on by a white woman who might be screaming at

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Speaker 1: the top of her lungs. And disrespectful to me. But

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Speaker 1: I know as soon as I make any move it

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Speaker 1: is going to be now seen as a threat. That

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Speaker 1: thing is there, and I didn't want to put myself

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Speaker 1: in a position, or or us, because we are in

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Speaker 1: this together, in a position to where someone could take

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Speaker 1: that and begin to Nobody in any articles written said

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Speaker 1: black and white. But there are things we start to

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Speaker 1: notice in coverage and in comments that absolutely brought to

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Speaker 1: fruition exactly what my fear was.

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Speaker 2: All of the headlines and we didn't I didn't read

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Speaker 2: any of the articles, and it was actually just this

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Speaker 2: morning that I braced myself to just go through the

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Speaker 2: headlines and not actually click on the articles. But every

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Speaker 2: single headline was what I said, how I felt that

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Speaker 2: I was crying, and you predicted it. And that's exactly

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Speaker 2: how it was covered. And that is eye opening to me,

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Speaker 2: and I hope it's eye opening to a lot of people,

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Speaker 2: because again, when we were recording this and going through

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Speaker 2: this authentic moment we were having that we've had before,

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Speaker 2: and we wanted to, you know, for all the reasons,

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Speaker 2: put it out there. It never crossed my mind that

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Speaker 2: there would be any racial element to this. Now when

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Speaker 2: we're actually just having our own private moments. Do you

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Speaker 2: I'm curious, do you edit yourself as a black man

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Speaker 2: knowing that your girlfriend's a white woman?

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, I was actually curious about that.

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Speaker 1: And even when we recorded, to your point just then,

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Speaker 1: even when we recorded this, that wasn't on my mind

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Speaker 1: about how this is going to be viewed. I need

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Speaker 1: to be careful how I'm talking. We just really the

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Speaker 1: MIC's were just there. We just talked, so that wasn't

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Speaker 1: a thing. But to hear it was more so hearing

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Speaker 1: our Amy Sugarman's response. To hear what she was saying

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Speaker 1: is the thing that got me off the fence and

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Speaker 1: solidly in that camp of well, oh this can we

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Speaker 1: cannot let this go out. And I even told you

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Speaker 1: I was talking to too many white people in preparation

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Speaker 1: of this podcast going out. I started calling back to

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Speaker 1: Alabama and Arkansas. I was like, yo, to my people,

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Speaker 1: and you were in the room when I was having

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Speaker 1: conversations with my folks, and they were going in in

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Speaker 1: a much different way and concerned about me and concerned

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Speaker 1: about even doing a follow up, and the concern I

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Speaker 1: everybody knows. If you listen to this I don't read comments.

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Speaker 1: I don't read headlines and tabloids, not at all. I

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Speaker 1: stay away from it. I had to in preparation for

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Speaker 1: this podcast, at least, I had to read through comments

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Speaker 1: on the show's page on Instagram. Got it this morning,

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Speaker 1: bounced up five am, went right to the computer, just

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Speaker 1: looked at our The very first comment I wasn't looking

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Speaker 1: for one, but the very first one when I started

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Speaker 1: reading was from my guy named Sam, who wasn't on

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Speaker 1: our side. He wasn't like he was being supportive of us.

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Speaker 1: Preface that, but then he said this, but let's all

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Speaker 1: agree he's the problem because he's black.

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Speaker 3: WHOA.

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Speaker 1: All these comments are saying everything but that shake my head.

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Speaker 1: The first comment IRA was from Sam, and he noticed

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Speaker 1: that thing before I even got a chance to read Sam.

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Speaker 3: White or black. I'm okay, okay, got it.

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Speaker 1: That's just a part of it. And people bring their

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Speaker 1: own experiences and biases yes to a conversation like that.

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Speaker 3: It's it.

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Speaker 2: This has been, like I said, incredibly eye opening. I

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Speaker 2: will say, when you got to a place where you

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Speaker 2: were kind of I don't know, you just said, you

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Speaker 2: know what, just let's just Eric and I don't I'm

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Speaker 2: not doing it to say I told you so, But

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Speaker 2: you basically said I know what's going to happen, and

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Speaker 2: I was I was like, really, you think that's going

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Speaker 2: to happen? I mean, I knew we were both gonna

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Speaker 2: take hits, and they people were gonna say whatever they

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Speaker 2: were gonna say. We're very used to negative comments and

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Speaker 2: negative publicity and negative headlines.

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Speaker 3: That's nothing new for us right now.

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00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 2: But you called it and it absolutely played out the

402
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Speaker 2: way you thought it would. How do you feel now

403
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Speaker 2: about airing it? I know we I think we're both

404
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:20,919
Speaker 2: glad we did it, But what are your feelings now

405
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Speaker 2: after reading all the comments and seeing the headlines.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to do that again, right it's you.

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Speaker 1: That's an honest answer, and I hate to be that

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Speaker 1: kind of honest because what I'm saying is I am

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Speaker 1: now scared to speak my mind because of what the

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Speaker 1: potential fallout is going to be anyone who took to us.

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Speaker 1: So many of the comments were just people who listened

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Speaker 1: to a forty five second teaser, a promo, or they

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Speaker 1: read a headline. Obviously many people were just jumping on.

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Speaker 1: I get that, but it makes you hesitate to put

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Speaker 1: yourself out there and as be and be as And

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Speaker 1: again we had every opportunity to say no, we listened

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Speaker 1: to this thing we had so it it does, and

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Speaker 1: you know this, we talk about it. It just like, Wow,

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Speaker 1: you've always been strong like I do not. I am

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Speaker 1: not going to let the fear of somebody saying something

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Speaker 1: negative about me keep me from but man, after an

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Speaker 1: experience like this, and I hate to say I told

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Speaker 1: you so, but you and I talked about this. I said,

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Speaker 1: watch what's going to happen?

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Speaker 2: You literally said that exact thing to me, And sure enough,

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Speaker 2: we were monitoring throughout the day yesterday and then this

427
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Speaker 2: morning before we came here to record this, really did

428
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Speaker 2: a full sweep about what the coverage was, what the

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Speaker 2: comments were, and it was as you said. And you

430
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Speaker 2: know what, I know, I could never ask you to

431
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,680
Speaker 2: put yourself in that position. And I honestly didn't even

432
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Speaker 2: realize you were putting yourself in a position until you

433
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Speaker 2: mentioned it. And it's something I think we have to

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Speaker 2: talk about in order for things to get better. But

435
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 2: you shouldn't have to be the person who puts yourself

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Speaker 2: out there, So I would never ask that of you.

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Speaker 2: I do want to say this to anyone who who

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Speaker 2: did actually listen to it, or maybe people who who

439
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 2: just think they know what was said based on clips

440
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Speaker 2: and headlines. But I am not proud of the fact

441
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 2: that I cry easily.

442
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 3: I cry all the time.

443
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 2: And so I want to say, as your girlfriend, arguing

444
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 2: with you has been the most peaceful, respectful, even though

445
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 2: it's frustrating, because all arguments are I think because you're

446
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 2: not seeing it the way I want you to see it,

447
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,439
Speaker 2: and I'm not seeing it the way you want me

448
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 2: to see it. But I have never had more respectful

449
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 2: disagreements with anyone in my life than I have with you.

450
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 3: You are so it's a pleasure to argue. It is

451
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,359
Speaker 3: not a pleasure. I don't like arguing.

452
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 2: I don't like it, but I you. You are very

453
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 2: measured and calm and logical, and I tend to be

454
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 2: more emotional. And i'd like to think that I make

455
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:13,680
Speaker 2: some points. But to what everyone is saying, I actually

456
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 2: am shocked because I'm thinking to myself, were you and

457
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 2: the same Did you hear the same conversation I heard?

458
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 2: Because I heard somebody who actually never raised his voice

459
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 2: and even though he was frustrated, never lost his cool

460
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 2: or his temper, and frankly, I was impressed. I have

461
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 2: been impressed with how you've handled arguments.

462
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 3: You're welcome, let's argue more, Let's argue you more.

463
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 2: Kidding No, And it's funny because you asked me what

464
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,679
Speaker 2: I was surprised by. So all of these things have

465
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,880
Speaker 2: all been surprising and hopefully a little bit enlightening where

466
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,440
Speaker 2: we can have a conversation and talk and maybe unpack

467
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:55,120
Speaker 2: what happened or how people have reacted. But something else

468
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 2: that surprised me is how surprised people were that I

469
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 2: was insecure. I think some people actually said, you're too

470
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 2: old to be insecure, Like, really, there's an age at

471
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 2: which you stop worrying or thinking that maybe you aren't enough.

472
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,360
Speaker 2: I don't know, And look, it's not something that feels.

473
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:14,680
Speaker 3: Good to say.

474
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:19,400
Speaker 2: Yes, I have insecurities. Yes I am insecure at times,

475
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 2: And that also was surprising to me. It's not easy

476
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 2: to admit, but I feel like, if we're all being honest,

477
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 2: all of us have different degrees of insecurity. Maybe mine's

478
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 2: just glaring, but in a fight, I think it definitely

479
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 2: came out, and when I listened to it back, I

480
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,159
Speaker 2: heard it even more I've never denied it, but I

481
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 2: actually was a little surprised that at how I sounded,

482
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 2: and I learned from that, but I was surprised that

483
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 2: people thought it was outrageous that I was insecure at

484
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 2: the age of fifty.

485
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,120
Speaker 1: Well, you're not supposed to. Uh, That's what we all

486
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 1: try to keep from people, all right, our insecurities. I

487
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,360
Speaker 1: think you have spent so much time throughout your or

488
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:05,680
Speaker 1: life and career making sure you never appear to have

489
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,479
Speaker 1: any weakness, and I think it the only thing that

490
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 1: drives you crazier about being weak is for somebody to

491
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: think you're weak. Yeah, and I don't think you're not

492
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,160
Speaker 1: a weak person at all. But we are all human beings.

493
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: We all have these moments and insecurities. But I do

494
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 1: I think that it drives you crazy. I think people

495
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 1: are shocked given how much I think I've talked to

496
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 1: you about it during our relationship with sometimes like wow,

497
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 1: you're such a little girl, or because I'm surprised because

498
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:39,639
Speaker 1: you always want to exude you always always always have

499
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 1: that thing, So I can see where why someone now

500
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 1: it shouldn't be insulted, like oh, caw dare you have insecurity?

501
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,160
Speaker 1: Not that but I think people who know you tangentially

502
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 1: would go, well, she's secure. Yeah, I never saw that.

503
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 2: I have always tried to put on that show, and

504
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 2: obviously I'm not always okay, and so yes in our

505
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 2: conversations that are uncomfortable and difficult, and yeah, I do

506
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 2: so that whole I'm scared thing. I also wanted to

507
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,399
Speaker 2: talk a little bit about that because I think some

508
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 2: women related to that, and some people might have misunderstood that,

509
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 2: because the scared thing was I have finally I am

510
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 2: with somebody now who I am deeply invested in in

511
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 2: a way where I feel like there's a real balance,

512
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 2: like we're in this together. And I don't feel in control.

513
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,639
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying that you should feel in control,

514
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,159
Speaker 2: that that's the sign of a good or a bad relationship,

515
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 2: But all of a sudden, when you decide to go

516
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 2: into a relationship and you're like, yeah, I don't, I

517
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 2: have no control over what's going to happen. And I

518
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:55,680
Speaker 2: think if you think you have control, it's a false

519
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 2: sense of security, perhaps even but that's what I'm just saying.

520
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,160
Speaker 2: And so in those moments, if things aren't going well

521
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,399
Speaker 2: or things aren't going right, all of a sudden, you

522
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 2: start to worry and you go into worst case scenario mode,

523
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 2: and that's on me. That has nothing to do with you,

524
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 2: and that has.

525
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,159
Speaker 3: Only to do with me.

526
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 1: You see where that comes from. People think, well, if

527
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: this person here is not feeling safe and secure in

528
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 1: their relationship, but they feel scared to day, to more

529
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 1: or at any point, then it must be something about

530
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 1: their partner, right, that's not making them feel secure or

531
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: making them feel scared. I think that's a natural jump

532
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,119
Speaker 1: that people make, well, and I.

533
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 2: Want to clarify that that is, but I do, but

534
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 2: because that isn't something that should be on you, That

535
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 2: should be something that's on me. And that was something

536
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,640
Speaker 2: that stood out to me that I look, I'm always

537
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 2: trying to work on myself and I'll probably be doing that,

538
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 2: hopefully I'll be doing that until the day I die.

539
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 2: Because I'm somebody who believes we're here to learn, We're

540
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 2: here to connect and to love and to learn. And

541
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 2: so I'm god, I'm learning so much about myself too much,

542
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,200
Speaker 2: Like I'd like another subject, please.

543
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,919
Speaker 1: What did you learn about yourself in this whole exercise?

544
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 3: I learned that I need to.

545
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:26,639
Speaker 2: Learn how to satisfy whatever need I have within myself

546
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 2: and not look outward to expect someone else to make

547
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 2: me feel okay. That is the healthy way forward, and

548
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 2: so you come into a relationship as a fully functional being.

549
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that I don't have needs from you,

550
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 2: of course I do. But if I base my mood

551
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 2: or my feeling or my day on what I'm not

552
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 2: getting from you that I think I should, that is

553
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 2: a recipe for suffering and a recipe for.

554
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,959
Speaker 3: Problems that I'm creating. That I'm creating.

555
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:05,720
Speaker 2: So I need to do better at satisfying my own

556
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 2: needs and then looking to you for yes, companionship and

557
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 2: camaraderie and support and security and all of that stuff.

558
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 2: But I can't say this is what you're not giving me,

559
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 2: and that's why I'm upset. No, I really do want

560
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:27,720
Speaker 2: to do better at What I like to say is

561
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 2: it's not what you're not getting, it's what you're not giving.

562
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 2: And so I want to focus on what I can do.

563
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 2: And if you really focus on your own power as

564
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,720
Speaker 2: a human being to not only soothe yourself, but to

565
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 2: then give in a situation instead of complaining about what

566
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 2: you're not getting, that is the way forward for a peaceful,

567
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 2: joyful life, and so you're that way, you are in control.

568
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 2: It's not about someone else, and so I don't want

569
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 2: to be somebody who points the finger and blame someone.

570
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 1: I have to.

571
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 2: Accept and surrender more. That's what I learned from listening

572
00:29:59,160 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 2: to it.

573
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 1: Back that fight we had spawned at least one and

574
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 1: maybe two others, because at this point now you're in

575
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 1: a position to where we don't have to fight about

576
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 1: well you said, and well you said, no, no, no, no.

577
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 1: What you really said was, oh I had to do

578
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:19,800
Speaker 1: is roll the tape.

579
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 2: And let me go back to timecode twenty three four

580
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 2: when you said, well, let me just play it.

581
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: Yep. But if you go to time code fifteen twenty two,

582
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 1: you were breathing really hard there, and that sent the message, Look.

583
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 2: Hey, would you would you recommend Hell No, I was

584
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 2: just gonna say couples to record their arguments, because if

585
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 2: you're not in a good place already, that sets up

586
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 2: someone perfectly to be an even bigger asshole than they

587
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 2: were during the actual fight.

588
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 1: Because no one wants that person to say, aha, I

589
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 1: told you or I was right. Nobody wants that. We

590
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 1: weren't listening to it back to try to call each

591
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: other something. We were listening to it as producers essentially

592
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: and listening through it, and I absolutely I found myself

593
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: more upset with you by listening back to it than

594
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 1: I was when we were actually in it.

595
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 3: I didn't like it.

596
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 1: I didn't like it. We didn't set up, we didn't

597
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: set up the mics and records that conversation afterwards, because

598
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: that was a tough one.

599
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think I ever want to record our

600
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 2: fight again, because if I made you mad the first time,

601
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 2: it's like with time and space, you get even re angered.

602
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 3: Or if we were angry, if.

603
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 1: We didn't have to listen to it again, I think

604
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 1: we would have floated on and been fine. It's true,

605
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: but we were reliving in a trauma essentially, and I'm

606
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,360
Speaker 1: listening to it back and listening to myself and listening.

607
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: But then I'm hearing you again, like wow, she really said,

608
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: I think.

609
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 2: You caught things that you didn't like that I said

610
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 2: that you didn't catch we were having the actual argument,

611
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 2: so then there were more problems to do with.

612
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true.

613
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 3: That is absolutely true.

614
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 1: So no, people do not record your fights.

615
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 2: You know. What they say was that ignorance is bliss. Yeah,

616
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,880
Speaker 2: and I'm grateful for my forgetful mind.

617
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 1: But it was fascinating to listen back to it, and look,

618
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: we had to do it at least five times, I bet.

619
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 2: Fascinating and excruciating. Yeah, I think those are the two

620
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,760
Speaker 2: things I would put to it. And you know, I'm

621
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 2: I now know I never need to do that again.

622
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 1: I don't know, do we, right, I don't. That was

623
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 1: and folks don't remember where that came from. It was

624
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 1: just an experiment we had. This was not a plan

625
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: or we need a podcast, we need an extra one.

626
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 1: We were fine and something was going on. I just yeah,

627
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 1: let me set up because it wasn't if we were

628
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 1: having a kickdown fight. There's no way I would have

629
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: set up Mike's. Then.

630
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 3: We haven't had one, have we?

631
00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: There was one?

632
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, there was one right now, But that's pretty amazing,

633
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 2: I think to say I can only recall one in

634
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 2: a year and a half.

635
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: But that was that one was anger and that I

636
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 1: was fear. Yeah, and that was earlier. Now, that's being scared,

637
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: I understood, because I was scared at the time, like,

638
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 1: oh my god, like I was seeing something I wasn't

639
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,240
Speaker 1: seeing before and I make a mistake that kind of

640
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 1: fear crept in. But that was a long time ago. Yeah,

641
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 1: that was a while back.

642
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 3: But that's the only one I got a kick out of.

643
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 2: You know, more than one person saying that that we

644
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 2: have an unhealthy relationship because we're arguing.

645
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 3: I just the honeymoon is over. I saw a lot

646
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,239
Speaker 3: of that. Do you think our honeymoon is over?

647
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 1: How long our honeymoon?

648
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 2: I don't know.

649
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: No, Seriously, what's generally considered honeymoon time for a relationship?

650
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 1: You get married on this day, then you got how

651
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: long that's considered the mother honeymoon per Is it a year?

652
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 1: Is a two years?

653
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 2: I think some people I've actually looked it up. I

654
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 2: think people argue that it's between three months and three years,

655
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 2: and it just wow. And I've seen that kind of

656
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 2: spread as to what defines the honeymoon period in any

657
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 2: relations and hip, and I think ours is extra complicated

658
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 2: because we've.

659
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 3: Been friends for so long.

660
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 2: We've kind of been in a friend zone honeymoon period

661
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,279
Speaker 2: for a very long time where we just we didn't

662
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 2: have to deal with much of the ick of each other,

663
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 2: but we just got to enjoy the best of each other,

664
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:22,319
Speaker 2: and so we kind of had a honeymoon friend zone.

665
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 1: See I see it. I say it a little bit

666
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,800
Speaker 1: different in that we we did enjoy the ick of

667
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 1: each other or got to experience the ich, but we

668
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,319
Speaker 1: didn't care because I don't she's not my problem.

669
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 3: That's right. I don't have to go home with him.

670
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 1: So he did not.

671
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 3: You can go work that other stuff out on his

672
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 3: own and I'll see him in the morning.

673
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 1: It work, it work. But it was entertaining as hell

674
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,399
Speaker 1: that you were, Oh, that's weird, she does that, see

675
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 1: you in the morning, not my problem, So that was

676
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:54,840
Speaker 1: interesting to me. But yeah, it's it is. That is

677
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:56,800
Speaker 1: if we talk about a honeymoon, If a honeymoon is

678
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 1: when you finally start to see the real person, If

679
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: the honey moon is when you start to get annoyed

680
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,560
Speaker 1: by the little things that didn't annoy you before that,

681
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 1: if the honeymoon is when that stuff ends, then why

682
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: honeymoon is going as strong as hell?

683
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 3: Yeah?

684
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, this to me, you're like, wow, when all

685
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,439
Speaker 2: those little things that you do that right now seem

686
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 2: cute to me, aren't I worry?

687
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 1: So we're honeymoon and like crazy, No, we are good

688
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: at this point, and I don't know what to do

689
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 1: about this podcast being that place, for being that honest.

690
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 1: I we have to make the best call we can.

691
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 1: But I after my first instinct was to say no,

692
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:43,880
Speaker 1: we shouldn't er it, and then after we aired it,

693
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: my first instinct is again to go, well, yeah, I

694
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 1: shouldn't do that again. And I, for myself, I hate

695
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 1: being ruled by outside forces.

696
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,239
Speaker 2: And I'm the same way. I don't like, as you

697
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 2: put it, the fear of something negative happening stop me

698
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 2: from doing something that I know has value to it.

699
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 2: But I do think there was value. Do you think

700
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 2: there was some value in that, at least exposure for Also,

701
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 2: you're talking about the audience, and then I mean hopefully

702
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 2: through this conversation, maybe for the audience.

703
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:21,279
Speaker 1: I think I'm making a mistake in thinking that that

704
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:27,480
Speaker 1: vocal minority is really the majority opinion. And we obviously

705
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,280
Speaker 1: we know better than to take every social media comment

706
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 1: as true or bond or whatever. We know better. But

707
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:42,400
Speaker 1: I am hesitant, and I think there are plenty of

708
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:47,319
Speaker 1: people who listened to that previous episode and they didn't call,

709
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 1: and they didn't write in, they didn't say they didn't

710
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 1: do any of that stuff, who listened and applied it

711
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: or didn't feel alone, or I think it helped folks

712
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 1: we don't know it helped or made people feel better

713
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 1: that we don't know feel better because we didn't hear

714
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:05,279
Speaker 1: from them. I think that's the overwhelming majority. But again,

715
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,440
Speaker 1: when you're hearing so much of it going the other way,

716
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 1: and you know, I said this as well, and on

717
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,799
Speaker 1: the way in, don't want to be polarizing. I don't

718
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,759
Speaker 1: want folks to take the guy side or the woman's side.

719
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 1: I don't want to split people. But we also, and

720
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 1: it was evident today there's this split between white and black,

721
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 1: and I don't want that either.

722
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 2: This wasn't about I'm right, he's wrong, I'm right she's wrong.

723
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 2: This wasn't about who was right. It was about sharing

724
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 2: the fact that communication is really hard, that relationships are

725
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 2: tough but they're worth fighting for when you're at this

726
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 2: place where you have so many shared experiences and so

727
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 2: much love, but even the best of relationships, it still

728
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 2: is so tough. I think a lot of time for

729
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,920
Speaker 2: men and women to communicate with each other. So it's

730
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 2: not about taking sides at all. And I definitely want

731
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 2: to make sure that was nothing that we were looking

732
00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 2: to do. And I found I saw the ugly sides

733
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 2: of myself that I.

734
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:07,320
Speaker 3: Could only have seen or heard listening.

735
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, that I can see that at times, And this

736
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 2: is not easy to admit that I'm more focused on

737
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:19,320
Speaker 2: my own emotional needs and I'm so focused on my

738
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 2: own emotional needs that are real and I'm not poo

739
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,839
Speaker 2: pooing how I feel. How I feel is how I feel.

740
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 2: But I'm clouded by that. I'm blinded by that, so

741
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 2: that I don't see yours, I don't hear yours. And

742
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 2: I heard myself doing that, bringing it back to me

743
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,800
Speaker 2: instead of following up with what you just said to me.

744
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:43,839
Speaker 2: And so I learned something about myself that I can

745
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 2: do better the next time we have a conversation like this,

746
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:50,440
Speaker 2: or the next time you open up to me, or

747
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 2: the next time I'm telling you I want you to

748
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 2: let me in. I'm telling you that I want you

749
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 2: to turn to me. But if I don't give you

750
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 2: that safe space or that response acknowledging your needs, then

751
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 2: why would you turn to me? So I did hear that,

752
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 2: and that was an AHA moment for me listening back, I.

753
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,919
Speaker 1: Agree to it. So it's not just and this wasn't

754
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 1: a I kind of was just resigned to it. Look

755
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 1: just put out there and see what happens, even though

756
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,880
Speaker 1: I might've had a good indication of what might happen.

757
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,840
Speaker 1: But it's hey, we are where we are, and we

758
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 1: live in the public, public eye, so we have to

759
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 1: understand that we're supposed to have a little thicker skin.

760
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 1: But it's just it could get really really frustrating when

761
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 1: what you want to come across, or what you actually

762
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,840
Speaker 1: feel is not just not understood but actually plucked and

763
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: taken and twisted for someone else's gain or entertainment that stuff.

764
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,320
Speaker 2: It does feel good to have this platform, and I

765
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 2: hope that people who are listening really look at the

766
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 2: whole picture and hear you and hear me, and hear

767
00:39:54,600 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 2: what this is really all about. Do you regret airing it?

768
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 1: Kenna? I'm not into the regret business.

769
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 3: No smile, you have a smile on your face.

770
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 1: I no regret doing anybody. If you gave me another

771
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 1: crack at it, You know what, if you gave me

772
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:20,839
Speaker 1: another crack at it, I probably this is a damn shame.

773
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 1: Would be more careful in the initial conversation and fight

774
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 1: we had so not even getting to the point of

775
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,839
Speaker 1: deciding to air it or not. But if I knew

776
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,840
Speaker 1: it was going to air, and I knew all of

777
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 1: course all this was coming, I might have and this

778
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,960
Speaker 1: is not a good way to be put on for

779
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 1: the sake of the audience. To the right way, and

780
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 1: that was I was on the phone with my boy

781
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 1: Montel down in Alabama this morning, and this was something

782
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:59,800
Speaker 1: he was all over. He's coming from a place of

783
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: protecting me, He's coming from a place of looking out

784
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: for me. It's just difficult to talk about race.

785
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

786
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 1: Always. Everybody knows that I've loved talking about it with

787
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 1: you behind the scenes, and I've been great.

788
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:16,399
Speaker 2: I've loved those conversations because and you know, after talking

789
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 2: to me about it, it doesn't mean that many of

790
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 2: us are coming from it from a bad place. It's

791
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 2: just from an uninformed place and in a place that

792
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,400
Speaker 2: we couldn't know. And so I think that's just for me,

793
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,400
Speaker 2: the place to start is to say I don't know

794
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 2: and tell me about it, and I know it's that's

795
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:38,759
Speaker 2: the whole thing, like, let me learn from you. But

796
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 2: it's just about trying to bridge a gap that is

797
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 2: clearly there, and to not acknowledge it is the worst

798
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,800
Speaker 2: thing you can do. To say it doesn't exist is

799
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:48,360
Speaker 2: the worst thing you can do, because how could you

800
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 2: possibly say that if you've never had that experience.

801
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 1: You can always look you, you can always ask me.

802
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:57,160
Speaker 1: You know this behind the scenes. But there are some

803
00:41:57,280 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: things I would I would die in front of the

804
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 1: microphone before I let you say some things because of

805
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 1: how somebody else would take it. Not because you're coming

806
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:07,320
Speaker 1: from a bad place, but because I know you and

807
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 1: love you and know where you're coming from and you're

808
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 1: just trying to learn. If you don't ask the question,

809
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 1: how can you learn? But then the question too often

810
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 1: is then twist it and someone wants to call yeah,

811
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:17,520
Speaker 1: you're a racist or you're ignorant because of at it,

812
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 1: And that's we're scared to speak yeah.

813
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 2: And I think that's something I've always loved about us,

814
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 2: is that I haven't been scared to speak to you

815
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 2: and you haven't been scared to speak to me. But

816
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 2: we both said no one could ever hear us have

817
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 2: this conversation ever.

818
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 3: I mean, how many times have we said that?

819
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 1: A lot? And I hope we don't get away from

820
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: what I think is certainly can be and even should

821
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 1: be our lane. I was ultimately proud that we put

822
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 1: that last episode. I like that took a lot. We

823
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,960
Speaker 1: were so deliberate in our back and forth, and it

824
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 1: came at a It's some expense to us behind the

825
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 1: scenes in getting it prepared, and there were a lot

826
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 1: more conversations, very difficult ones. But I ultimately was proud

827
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:20,839
Speaker 1: we put it out, and I am they talking about

828
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:24,719
Speaker 1: lessons you took from that. I learned them in the

829
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 1: moment with you, like every time I taught every fight

830
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 1: we've ever had. The only time I am upset about

831
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 1: it or disappointed is if we didn't get something out

832
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 1: of it, if I feel like we're just having the

833
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: same fight we had before. I like new fights.

834
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 3: We kind of have the same fight though.

835
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:42,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't like that.

836
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:43,280
Speaker 3: It's boring.

837
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 1: I don't like it. But when it's the same thing

838
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: coming up over and over again, No, No, do some

839
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 1: new for me, Do some crazy. I would love for

840
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 1: you too. I want to find about something new.

841
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 3: All right, all right, I'll give it a whirl.

842
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:56,799
Speaker 1: Then I can learn.

843
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:57,799
Speaker 2: But I I.

844
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:02,239
Speaker 1: Am and I have to learn to do. I've said it,

845
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 1: but this is another example, I have to do better

846
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 1: about when it's someone as close to me as you are,

847
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 1: about letting folks in when I'm shutting down to when

848
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 1: I'm struggling. That is hard to do. By my sister.

849
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:19,560
Speaker 1: I was on the phone with her. I told you

850
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 1: I was, I had my black tribunal going this morning, like,

851
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 1: I gotta call my black folks today to find out

852
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 1: their reaction to this. I am not your sounding board, obviously.

853
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 1: Can you tell as soon as I got on you

854
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: can just hear my tone change.

855
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,920
Speaker 3: Oh, you were laughing, you felt comfortable again, The expression

856
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,279
Speaker 3: was gone. I was like, Wow, what am I doing wrong?

857
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 3: He's not like that with me. Damn.

858
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 1: It's also all of my sister all morning. And she

859
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:51,800
Speaker 1: said it, He said, you take shutting down to a

860
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:55,400
Speaker 1: whole other level. Like she was frustrated by listening to

861
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:58,800
Speaker 1: the podcast the last episode and she had all her comments,

862
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:02,719
Speaker 1: but she came back, dude, you are you shutting down?

863
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 1: You take it to a whole other level. And she

864
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 1: knows me better than anybody. She's seen me do it

865
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:09,840
Speaker 1: in the room across the hall from her. Since you

866
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 1: and I talked about it. Actually, when we were in Arkansas,

867
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 1: she was like, I know, trust me, So I am

868
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:20,560
Speaker 1: trying to do better about that. And I am in

869
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 1: this situation as well. Could have saved us some issues.

870
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 1: I could have saved us some time by being better

871
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:34,320
Speaker 1: in those moments. So that's that's that is a constant

872
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 1: working prodgress. And I said to you privately, I'll say

873
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:39,080
Speaker 1: you well, I said it in the last podcast. I

874
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 1: can't say it enough that I am sorry for that frustration.

875
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 1: I am sorry for my active role in putting us

876
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 1: in those positions. I am, but it was I love

877
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:53,359
Speaker 1: you and I'm going to be with you. Whatever fight

878
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: comes next. That's going to be the result of said

879
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 1: fight is that we are still then be going strong.

880
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 2: And I told you this privately as well. I am sorry,

881
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 2: I said in the last in the actual fight, I

882
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 2: wasn't sure what I did wrong. I said to you,

883
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 2: I don't know what I did wrong, and listening to

884
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 2: it back, I did figure out what I did wrong.

885
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 2: And it's what I said a few moments ago that

886
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 2: I have not been as good about and I haven't

887
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:35,799
Speaker 2: been good at all in times in responding to your

888
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 2: emotional needs to not shifting straight to me or going

889
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 2: straight to a defense about why I did what I did.

890
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:45,880
Speaker 2: So I want to be focused less on the explaining

891
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 2: and the defense and the wise and just more on

892
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:54,120
Speaker 2: board with acknowledging how you're feeling, validating how you're feeling,

893
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 2: and apologizing for contributing.

894
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 3: To the mess we're in.

895
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 2: So that's my work, my work. I have a twofold thing.

896
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:03,960
Speaker 1: Well, you have homework.

897
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:04,400
Speaker 2: I do.

898
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:05,960
Speaker 3: Well, it's just kind of.

899
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 2: Putting it into practice. I intellectually know all of this,

900
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 2: but it is first of all to make sure that

901
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,759
Speaker 2: I'm in control of my own needs and that I

902
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 2: take responsibility for how I'm feeling. No one can make

903
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 2: you feel a certain way. You love to say that,

904
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 2: and it's absolutely true. Number two being more of being

905
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 2: a better listener and being a better supporter.

906
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 1: You know, some therapists could come in and damn it,

907
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 1: I was about to say unpacked, but I was.

908
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:38,879
Speaker 3: Looking for another we have this thing, we have this word.

909
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:42,840
Speaker 2: Maybe in our former career, it was a very go

910
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 2: to way to describe something. We're going to unpack this

911
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 2: for you coming up next. And it got to the

912
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:50,399
Speaker 2: point where it was silly, like it was in every

913
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 2: script at least like twice during the show we're going

914
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 2: to unpack this for you. So we kind of made

915
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 2: a point to.

916
00:47:56,840 --> 00:48:00,160
Speaker 3: Never say it. But now I've I just actually said it, So.

917
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 1: Okay, I got so I'm gonna find another word. Thesauris

918
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 1: dot com right, I look, some therapists could help us

919
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: with this and figure this out from our past. But

920
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 1: if they were to sit down and figure this out

921
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,919
Speaker 1: with me, I am. I am a guy who grew

922
00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 1: up around very strong southern black men, and there was

923
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 1: no I didn't hear the word mental health. I didn't

924
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:35,320
Speaker 1: hear that phrase until I was well into my professional career.

925
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 1: There was never a time there was just for black

926
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,840
Speaker 1: men generally. And I was raised this way, not taught

927
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:46,320
Speaker 1: by sitting down and teaching a lesson by by examples

928
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 1: that were around me. You do not have time, and

929
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:51,120
Speaker 1: nobody gives a damn about how you feel. Why are

930
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 1: you talking about your feelings? Your feelings don't matter. I

931
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:59,319
Speaker 1: don't count here. You get it done, and I sometimes

932
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 1: am guilty of not even you were saying it here

933
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 1: with TJ. What I need to do. I need to

934
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 1: be more mindful of your feelings. Even I got uncomfortable

935
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:14,520
Speaker 1: like my feelings, my feelings, but that's still something we

936
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:16,840
Speaker 1: all got to get over. And again, like you say, intellectually,

937
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:22,719
Speaker 1: I know better, but it's not something that is that

938
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 1: easy for me. But then when it does become something

939
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:29,920
Speaker 1: that is I'm getting more comfortable with, and then it's

940
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:35,240
Speaker 1: slightly rejected or not received, then I go back into

941
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 1: that shutdown mode. And as you know, I take shutting

942
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 1: down to a whole other level. It's like deaf cone five. Yeah.

943
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 2: So I.

944
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 1: Got that work to do, and it starts with just

945
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 1: an awareness of it, and I am aware that I

946
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:53,799
Speaker 1: did I do that. So I'm working on it. Baby.

947
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 1: But even if we get into another fight, as you

948
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:58,680
Speaker 1: heard earlier, I am a pleasure to fighter.

949
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:04,880
Speaker 2: It just never gets heated. It just it gets frustrating.

950
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:09,040
Speaker 2: But I'll take that any day. And so I guess

951
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:14,279
Speaker 2: we both have our homework assignments and our next fight

952
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,240
Speaker 2: will we'll probably just keep to ourselves.

953
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:24,919
Speaker 1: Okay, Actually I'm okay with that. We yeah, and that's

954
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:26,799
Speaker 1: just we were honest and then we didn't know how

955
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 1: this was going to go. But that I just hate

956
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: saying that, but it is the truth. I hate being

957
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 1: fearful of being honest. Yeah, that's tough.

958
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 2: Well, that's why most people aren't. I mean some of

959
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 2: the other podcasts we've had where we've been like brutally honest.

960
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:43,680
Speaker 2: Oh people love throwing those barbes back.

961
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,400
Speaker 3: In our face. But you know what, it's okay, we

962
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:45,800
Speaker 3: get it.

963
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 2: We get we're public figures and we're we're creating the

964
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 2: content and everyone's allowed to have an opinion. And that's

965
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,239
Speaker 2: just the way it is. But I will say this,

966
00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:57,719
Speaker 2: I want to thank many of you who did We

967
00:50:57,840 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 2: pointed out our friend from Dakota, but so many of

968
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 2: you wrote so many thoughtful, beautiful, wonderful, kind, supportive, amazing

969
00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:08,719
Speaker 2: things to us, And for all of you who took

970
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 2: the time to do that, I just want to say

971
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,680
Speaker 2: thank you, because we did read them all this time,

972
00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 2: and it did make a difference to see the support,

973
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:18,719
Speaker 2: and it did feel good to know that at least

974
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 2: some people and hopefully many of you got something, got

975
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,279
Speaker 2: some sort of takeaway from it, even if it was

976
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:27,759
Speaker 2: to feel heard or to not feel so alone. So

977
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:31,120
Speaker 2: thank you for those of you who did take the

978
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:33,080
Speaker 2: time to say something kind.

979
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:37,440
Speaker 1: And if you would please, it does mean a lot.

980
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: You don't have to send in a note of support

981
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 1: for the two of us but it does help for

982
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:46,440
Speaker 1: you all out there to take the time to actually

983
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:49,840
Speaker 1: write in about maybe how you deal with conflict in

984
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 1: your own relationship, how you have, what's worked for you,

985
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: what hasn't worked for you, what you heard in our

986
00:51:56,160 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 1: conversation our relationship that is like youppreciate hearing that stuff.

987
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 1: So you can find us the podcast. The Instagram page

988
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 1: is at Amy and t J Podcast. You can find

989
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:13,719
Speaker 1: us both personally on TikTok and on Instagram. Baby, thank

990
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: you for the chat. Now let's go listen to this

991
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:17,200
Speaker 1: back and fight about it.

992
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:18,759
Speaker 3: Oh, I think this is going to be a good

993
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,320
Speaker 3: one to listen back to. Yeah, I do. I love you.

994
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:22,240
Speaker 1: I love you, Betty