Speaker 1: Welcome to the Greatest, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: All right, and welcome to another episode of the Greatest.
Speaker 1: Quarantine is still happening. Uh, we are trapped. I don't
Speaker 1: want to say trapped. It seems harsh, but I'm joined
Speaker 1: by my co host and my wife here, Megan Gaily.
Speaker 1: You say co host person, I said wife and co host.
Speaker 1: These are the type of nitpicky fights of Quarantine could
Speaker 1: bring out of you. We are in our new Quarantine
Speaker 1: podcast studio right next to our washing machines. That is
Speaker 1: our laundry room. I am coming to you smashed between
Speaker 1: our back door and our dryer construction next door. But
Speaker 1: a man with a ponytail moved in next door and
Speaker 1: I I don't feel good about it, that's all. It's
Speaker 1: blonde and it's long and I and I want to know.
Speaker 1: I want to see his finances. Also, um, we have
Speaker 1: a very special guest today. This is our first time
Speaker 1: having a guest from from the phone from the beyond,
Speaker 1: but it sounds pretty good. He is a dear friend.
Speaker 1: You will recognize him from Insecure. Bless This Mess a
Speaker 1: Comedy Central half hour handsome, smart, funny. Please welcome Langston Kerman,
Speaker 1: Body thank you for joining us. How how are you doing?
Speaker 1: Having just a very general question, I'm fine. One of
Speaker 1: my neighbors have blonde pony tails. I'm doing great. I
Speaker 1: couldn't be happier with my circumstances. Lincon. You got married
Speaker 1: in October. We got married in December. I have been
Speaker 1: getting a lot of texts that are like, how are
Speaker 1: the newly Lands to it? Like everyone series to think
Speaker 1: that maybe one of us has killed thee. I feel
Speaker 1: like most most of the communication has like an under
Speaker 1: don't remember not to beat your wife? All right, Okay,
Speaker 1: I wasn't planning on it, but if you keep bringing
Speaker 1: it up, feel like, yeah, a lot of people to
Speaker 1: have been like you know that first year, it's it's hard,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what were you going through? We've been
Speaker 1: locked in a house together and and I think we're
Speaker 1: going to make it. Yeah, I think we're gonna be okay.
Speaker 1: I will say that it's it's been extremely helpful to
Speaker 1: have enough space that like you can separate rooms and
Speaker 1: just be like, Okay, I won't see you till seven
Speaker 1: and then we're good. Like then we can just be normal,
Speaker 1: as opposed to if I had to just like look
Speaker 1: at you all day. Some of those texts would make
Speaker 1: more sense. You know what I mean, We've been we've
Speaker 1: been taking time apart. We've been taking times apart. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like, I mean, not gonna not to make this
Speaker 1: a therapy session, but it is. It's tough. It's just
Speaker 1: like how do you say, how was your day? It's like,
Speaker 1: you know, how my day was? Like I was about
Speaker 1: to you the other day. I was like, man, I
Speaker 1: quit comedy, like stand up five years ago, and I
Speaker 1: came back and then up like I got I got
Speaker 1: burned out on comedy. But now I'm married to a
Speaker 1: stand up comedian in the shows are happening in my
Speaker 1: living like you came back and then comedy died. It died.
Speaker 1: But it's like creeping from the grave in the most
Speaker 1: annoying way possible, where she's just like what it was, Megan,
Speaker 1: you were doing a show yesterday, and I want to
Speaker 1: hear Langston how your spouse is dealing with this, But
Speaker 1: like I am now criticizing Megan's energy levels per show.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh that one sounded that was that
Speaker 1: like a TV taping Like she like got makeup on
Speaker 1: and everything, and like yeah, I'm like, I still I
Speaker 1: don't know if you're you're showing up for all of
Speaker 1: them the same way you showed up for that one.
Speaker 1: I've been pretty much avoiding those. Oh yeah, yeah, what's
Speaker 1: your feelings on it? I I mean, I'm not mad
Speaker 1: at anybody for doing it. I think it's it's a
Speaker 1: cow words. Uh, it's a cowards choice to go. Ah,
Speaker 1: you look like an idiot when you're doing a thing
Speaker 1: that you love, even in a way that isn't the
Speaker 1: way we love it. But like, boy, is it uncomfortable
Speaker 1: for me? And I can't bring myself to uh settle
Speaker 1: into that quite yet, but I'm sure I will. Desperation exactly.
Speaker 1: I almost feel comfortable doing it because my stand up
Speaker 1: has always felt like a manic breakdown. So now like
Speaker 1: I am unfortunately very well suited for zoom comedy. Like well,
Speaker 1: I think you're you're such a your style is so
Speaker 1: conversational that that you can almost settle into it and
Speaker 1: just be uh talking. And I think that I had
Speaker 1: years of my career where I haven't heard laugh. So
Speaker 1: I'll just look at the spring of Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: bombed more than usual, but good stuff out of that.
Speaker 1: I do feel got. For me, the hardest thing is
Speaker 1: actually thinking about the last couple of shows that I
Speaker 1: did before Quarantine, you know what I mean, Like there
Speaker 1: were those like that last run where you were just
Speaker 1: sort of like I went and did the Improv Lab
Speaker 1: as the last show and I just got to live
Speaker 1: with that till October. And that was like the early
Speaker 1: advice that we would get was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: you're gonna do bad shows, but there's always another say no.
Speaker 1: I don't say no like you're gonna you know, you
Speaker 1: might learn something there, and it's just like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: might have learned something from that bad show, but then
Speaker 1: there might never be a good show again. It could
Speaker 1: have been the last show. Speaking of the Improv Lab,
Speaker 1: you and I were in the Improv Lab when the
Speaker 1: strongest earthquake that I've ever felt since living in l A.
Speaker 1: How did And I remember watching the wine glasses shaking
Speaker 1: and I was like, I cannot believe I'm going to
Speaker 1: die and you call me room sidekick, like so like
Speaker 1: Jack had just out in a tesla and I was like,
Speaker 1: I haven't even seen his day. I haven't even seen
Speaker 1: another man's. But we saw that tesla. We survived it. Was.
Speaker 1: It was a pretty scary thing and it was unbelievable
Speaker 1: that that audience didn't leave. They had they had all
Speaker 1: the reasons. The show was not really even going that well. No,
Speaker 1: it was not going well. Did well? You did well? Well?
Speaker 1: You guys took some ls for me and survived an earthquake. So, Langston,
Speaker 1: you are from Chicago, from Chicago Park, Illinois. Just in
Speaker 1: case anybody wants to fistfight, did you go to Oak
Speaker 1: Park River Forest High School? I did? How do you
Speaker 1: know that so? Well? That rolled off your tongue real easy. Well,
Speaker 1: you always like how you said it. It's like r
Speaker 1: H say like that. I like to I like to
Speaker 1: be in with the suburbs too, you know, lady, I've
Speaker 1: ever the suburbs, and I like to keep track of
Speaker 1: what Hinsdale is. Oh, I've got I've got the pulse
Speaker 1: of Hinsdale. I can get somebody on the phone right
Speaker 1: now that can give us a UM. You you are
Speaker 1: a huge sports fan. You have like one of my
Speaker 1: favorite bulls jokes. I guess so basketball jokes, Bulls jokes
Speaker 1: specifically Benny the Bull joke. Mascots NBA mascots really, HI
Speaker 1: love so much Seeah, it's you know, it's a hard
Speaker 1: personal truth that I have to on earth that my
Speaker 1: mother's former husband was Benny the bullet one point in
Speaker 1: his life and uh also a very very very very
Speaker 1: sick alcoholic. Both of those things can't be true apparently. Wait, so,
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I've talked to you at
Speaker 1: length about this, but are you a Bulls fan? Where you?
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously you came up during the nineties, Bulls
Speaker 1: are do you consider them your team? Yeah? I don't
Speaker 1: think you could have been anything but a bull stand
Speaker 1: in the nineties unless you were, like, you know, one
Speaker 1: of those you know, I guess the Lakers kids probably
Speaker 1: always just stayed Lakers kids, and the you know, the
Speaker 1: Rockets had a second where like they seemed like they mattered.
Speaker 1: But like, yeah, it was like I was a die
Speaker 1: hard Michael Jordan's fan, and now I know he's a
Speaker 1: human trash. I wonder, I wonder if he'll come up today.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I see. And that was a difficult. Uh,
Speaker 1: this was much more challenging than I anticipated to put together.
Speaker 1: We are going to be doing Greatest Villains today and
Speaker 1: the greatest sports villains specifically, and maybe that first. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I actually was like asking c J questions in bed today,
Speaker 1: being like, now, now villains, we want for someone to
Speaker 1: be considered the greatest villain, They've got to have some
Speaker 1: level of like this was fun. Like I was like,
Speaker 1: because if it was me, we're just picking like worse person,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, I guess I gotta go with O Jay,
Speaker 1: we go yeah if we don't mention that, and people
Speaker 1: have a different definition as episode, but it's like as
Speaker 1: an athlete, not really a villain, as a as a husband,
Speaker 1: a giant villain. I love that that we just skip
Speaker 1: okay and go Tim Duncan terrible man. He beats the
Speaker 1: worst thing you can do. So so I'm just saying
Speaker 1: that to define that, my choices today will be coming
Speaker 1: from a place of like I don't like them, they're
Speaker 1: fun to root against, and they do. They accepted that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they played the heel like it's a very we have
Speaker 1: to take like a page from wrestling of like they
Speaker 1: kind of know they're the villain and they're kind of
Speaker 1: leaning into it in some ways. Yeah, that's I think
Speaker 1: I came from a similar place of somebody who was
Speaker 1: okay with taking on the position that they took on
Speaker 1: and in some cases were legitimately awful people absolutely while
Speaker 1: simultaneously being really but they also I think they have
Speaker 1: to be winners also, which is a tough factors that
Speaker 1: adds to their prominence a little bit. Yeah, I will
Speaker 1: say before we get started at our list, I have
Speaker 1: eight people. People are not going to say all of
Speaker 1: them I as we go, I think I'll narrow it.
Speaker 1: I will say they're all men. Tough to find to
Speaker 1: find female sports villains. Um, there were someone like there
Speaker 1: were lists. I was again it was like Diana Tarassi.
Speaker 1: It's like, what, No, she's like a hero. I mean,
Speaker 1: you have the Tanya Hardings of the world. But I
Speaker 1: feel like, yeah, she was. She was definitely on list.
Speaker 1: But it's like now that that has so much distance
Speaker 1: between it and I thought I Tania was such a
Speaker 1: sympathetic movie. It was that um that it definitely changed
Speaker 1: in I guess I never really hated her that much.
Speaker 1: I think I was. I think I was a child
Speaker 1: and I'm more of a Nancy for sure, But but
Speaker 1: the Indiana and me feels Tanya too. Okay, Yeah, Linen,
Speaker 1: do you want to kick us off with your first pick?
Speaker 1: As great as sports villain I do, and boy is
Speaker 1: it a controversial start win in edgy folks. Uh my
Speaker 1: my number three, the person who I picked is Kobe Bryant. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's ballad for sure. I mean, as a
Speaker 1: basketball fan, he was who never was a Lakers fan.
Speaker 1: He was the worst for everything that I loved and
Speaker 1: that Sacramento team, that two thousand Sacramentos It's my favorite
Speaker 1: team of all time. And so he like snatched everything
Speaker 1: that I believed in away from me. Like Chris Webber
Speaker 1: was my god for a very substantial period of my
Speaker 1: sports loving youth, especially when he was with Tira. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know, what a hero, what a what a couple,
Speaker 1: what a powerhouse of a couple. But it is weird,
Speaker 1: like with a lot of these villains, there are always
Speaker 1: the guys who, like the league almost wanted to push
Speaker 1: that narrative of Kobe and Shock and the Lakers and
Speaker 1: Kobe no matter, like they were getting calls that were
Speaker 1: just not correct whatsoever, Like the game was rigged. That
Speaker 1: series was this, Yes, very much, it felt like they
Speaker 1: had made a choice that these guys needed to be
Speaker 1: the next dynasty. Uh. And I think that was a
Speaker 1: point where we really felt like Dynasty's had to exist.
Speaker 1: Like now I think that we get it that, like
Speaker 1: it's almost the way that wrestling has changed. Were like
Speaker 1: they're like, okay, it's more fun if you just have
Speaker 1: a new person who's really good at the thing that
Speaker 1: gets to usurp the whole like experience. But like before,
Speaker 1: it was like, oh, man, we need to build a
Speaker 1: way of selling revenue over and over again, and the
Speaker 1: only way we can that is by making Shack and
Speaker 1: Kobe the face of this lea. I also think now
Speaker 1: that Kobe's gone, so many people were like, man, I
Speaker 1: hated him, but we also really needed that. Like in movies,
Speaker 1: you need a villain, and he was such a good
Speaker 1: one because he was smiling through it, you know, and
Speaker 1: he was the best. He was so good and and
Speaker 1: seemed kind of like a bit of a prick about
Speaker 1: being so good, and was handsome and charming and just
Speaker 1: had all of these things that you were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're a perfect movie villain and like, you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: the water boy can't exist. Unlet's says that mean who
Speaker 1: says the R word? I mean, like it's not you
Speaker 1: need that person. And Kobe was like the perfect just
Speaker 1: mean like but really good at being mean without crossing
Speaker 1: a line except for that one time, and like he
Speaker 1: just really was was the perfect person to hate. He's
Speaker 1: the first like villain person I hated as a kid
Speaker 1: that I like legitimately cried over, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like when he passed, it was like, ah, you meant
Speaker 1: so much to me. I think too. I think if
Speaker 1: he could hear that you genuinely cry being angry at
Speaker 1: him as a kid, he would love that. That's like, then,
Speaker 1: I've been at work because I just watched this video
Speaker 1: of I think it was All Star appearance in Philly
Speaker 1: where he grew up and he got booed and he
Speaker 1: and like they did postgame interview with him and he
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, my feelings are hurt. And I think
Speaker 1: that like that moment made him win those following three
Speaker 1: titles after that because he has a giant chip on
Speaker 1: his shoulder. He's not motivated. He wasn't motivated to like,
Speaker 1: you know, be good. It was like no, I want
Speaker 1: to shut yeah, I want to Yeah. I think he
Speaker 1: was definitely in the face snow. Yeah. Um okay, that's ah,
Speaker 1: I see why you think controversial. But we were very
Speaker 1: quick to jump. No. I think it's great for people
Speaker 1: to talk about it in that way, especially now. Um, okay,
Speaker 1: c J, you want to give us your first pick? Yeah,
Speaker 1: my first pick? Uh. And actually it's kind of inspired Lankston.
Speaker 1: You have one of my favorite bios on Twitter. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's still is this, but it's Kate
Speaker 1: and my my pick is Kevin Durant And the tweet
Speaker 1: or the the bio is what I don't I don't
Speaker 1: give a damn about no Drake night. No, I don't
Speaker 1: give a damn about no damn Drake. Yeah, because so
Speaker 1: early in Katie's career, he was playing in Okay see
Speaker 1: this small town new team and he made them relevant
Speaker 1: and for some reason, like the persona that they gave
Speaker 1: him was that Katie is nice, like he's this nice
Speaker 1: small town guy. But then he was yeah, but then
Speaker 1: he was like, I don't want to be nice, but
Speaker 1: he's also one of the corniest dudes ever, one of
Speaker 1: the best basketball players to play in the last twenty years.
Speaker 1: But now and then he went to the Warriors and
Speaker 1: it was just like everyone thought they were so close,
Speaker 1: that thunder team was so close to being the greatest
Speaker 1: team to play our greatest team ever, and he decided
Speaker 1: to join them and just totally accepted that role of
Speaker 1: most hated athlete. I think we liked him, at least
Speaker 1: I personally liked him win that m v P speech,
Speaker 1: and his mom like him and his mom are I
Speaker 1: just like love their dynamic um, and so that went
Speaker 1: a long way to be like, oh, what a sweetie pie.
Speaker 1: And then the turn was intense. For sure, I will
Speaker 1: say and I hear this, and I think these are
Speaker 1: all legitimate opinions. I love Kevin Durant. I'm a big fan.
Speaker 1: He's never rubbed me the wrong way. He's a nice
Speaker 1: boy in my mind, and I can't get enough. And
Speaker 1: I know that's not it's not a popular opinion. I'm
Speaker 1: probably one of six people who feel that way, including
Speaker 1: his mom and his brother. But I just the only
Speaker 1: thing I haven't cared for is that. And I think
Speaker 1: this does go to the issue of like how we
Speaker 1: qualify a villain, is that he won't just be honest
Speaker 1: that he did a bad thing, like just be the
Speaker 1: bad guy and it'll be okay, And instead he keeps
Speaker 1: trying to push against it and be like no, what,
Speaker 1: why why would you be mad? At me would want everything.
Speaker 1: I did something wrong. Everyone can see. It's not like
Speaker 1: a back door deals and even bad. His attempts to
Speaker 1: be back door and have the burner accounts, he got
Speaker 1: caught and then he also was like, yeah, that's me,
Speaker 1: and I gotta do it sometimes right, just say no,
Speaker 1: it was corny. I did a corny thing. It's okay,
Speaker 1: but you know, I'm happier with with this situation instead
Speaker 1: of being like whoa somebody else to dude, why didn't
Speaker 1: they say to do bad? And it's like, shut up, man,
Speaker 1: to be a nice boy. You're a nice boy. For
Speaker 1: my first book. Also basketball college basketball a basketball players coach, Yeah,
Speaker 1: Bobby that I mean. I'm from Indiana, so I grew
Speaker 1: up watching the Hoosiers more. But it's like, this is
Speaker 1: a guy who would filip out so intensely throwing chairs.
Speaker 1: That's an iconic meltdown. He eventually was fired or relieved
Speaker 1: of his duties at IU for I believe pushing a
Speaker 1: student who was not even one of his players. He's
Speaker 1: like a guy on campus walked up to him, was
Speaker 1: like Bobby or like something something like that. He snapped
Speaker 1: in a way that like I know my dad wishes
Speaker 1: he could, and so then he then he was relieved
Speaker 1: of his duties, went to Texas Tech, still had meltdown's.
Speaker 1: I mean, he it's so crazy. I think there's so
Speaker 1: many fans of I you that are still mad that
Speaker 1: he got fired too. Like he went back recently and
Speaker 1: it was like massive ovation. They're playing Pretdue that day
Speaker 1: and then Produe beat them at home and it was
Speaker 1: beautiful to see. Yeah, I saw, I saw that video
Speaker 1: and he like is too old to even yell anymore,
Speaker 1: that he was still trying to pretend to be angry
Speaker 1: because that's what the fans wanted. Yeah. Well, and college basketball,
Speaker 1: if you think of the greats, it's Wooden and Coach
Speaker 1: K and he's very even tempered. It's almost crazy that
Speaker 1: Coach K was a coach underneath Bobby Knight. Like it
Speaker 1: just seems they're so different to me, but very close.
Speaker 1: But yeah, Bobby Knight was like the first kind of
Speaker 1: adult in charge that I remember seeing just have full
Speaker 1: meltdowns as a child. Yeah, I feel like he's been
Speaker 1: the inspiration for every like bad guy coach in a
Speaker 1: in a movie. Because I think in your town, especially
Speaker 1: Indiana or just like the Midwest, that is like the
Speaker 1: default like sign of a good coach, right, yeah, if
Speaker 1: you screen you can yet that was standard. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: something that like you see that poll in every single
Speaker 1: sport happening, like do you have to be bullying your
Speaker 1: players to get them to perform their best? And and
Speaker 1: there's people that played under Bobby Knight that are like,
Speaker 1: he's my favorite coach I've ever had. And then I
Speaker 1: think there's people that are like, my, I'm happy I
Speaker 1: don't have to see that. Okay, we are going to
Speaker 1: take a quick break and we're back with our second
Speaker 1: picks for the greatest sports Villains. Megan, do you want
Speaker 1: to go maybe? Oh yeah, I get to go first.
Speaker 1: You go back to back with your picks. But you
Speaker 1: gotta fire and call this a spider. Wow, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go coach again. Listen, my honorable mention is going to
Speaker 1: be like all owners. So coach, he's great. He's one
Speaker 1: of the best of all time. Bill Belichick, Oh, I know,
Speaker 1: he is just such a when you when you see
Speaker 1: him being smug, when you see him not wanting to
Speaker 1: answer reporters, and then you add in the spying and
Speaker 1: the sort of always trying to get away with things
Speaker 1: that you know you're not allowed to do it, but
Speaker 1: they haven't explicitly written them in the rural book yet.
Speaker 1: He's just he's a villain in the sense of he's
Speaker 1: always the one winning and then is never happy or nice,
Speaker 1: and so he's just yeah, he won't even try to present,
Speaker 1: which also is like a character. It has to be
Speaker 1: at this point, Yeah, it was, It has to be.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm waiting for him to crack. I
Speaker 1: don't think he ever had. We saw him like sitting
Speaker 1: courtside at a basketball game with his with his wife,
Speaker 1: and you know, he didn't seem like he was having
Speaker 1: a great time, you know, just pretty It was three
Speaker 1: days before the super Bowl. His wife is probably like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're going to the super Bowl again, that's a whole week.
Speaker 1: We have to do whatever he wants to do. And
Speaker 1: I think that was his like, oh, yeah, we're gonna
Speaker 1: go out and do stuff that's not football. But all
Speaker 1: he could think you could just read on the space
Speaker 1: from ft away the halftime like he was. But also
Speaker 1: that's right before the super Bowl, so it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe some other stuff on his mind. Yeah, he may
Speaker 1: throw on a Tommy Bahama and get a little loose,
Speaker 1: and we've never seen it though, Like I feel like
Speaker 1: I thought offseason it would be you know, we'd see
Speaker 1: him having a few cocktails, but instead it's him like
Speaker 1: scouting white white receivers in the middle of nowhere, like
Speaker 1: at two am. Him and him, Him and Nick Saban
Speaker 1: have the same type of vibe to me. And the
Speaker 1: only reason that we even think of them as villains,
Speaker 1: I think too, is because they beat people more than
Speaker 1: most people didn't. Right, well, yeah, they barely lose. So
Speaker 1: it's sort of like, Okay, not only are you unlikable,
Speaker 1: but you're really good at whatever you're you're claiming to
Speaker 1: be doing. Yeah, so it's like, how do I stop this? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I did like that I'm having drama this, you know,
Speaker 1: like he had a divorce this offseason, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you need to just you have to handle things that
Speaker 1: everyone else has been dealing with. But that to me
Speaker 1: almost feels like, you know, it's like we're all comics,
Speaker 1: you get it. It's like when you don't know how
Speaker 1: to cut the character off. It's like he's just doing
Speaker 1: a bid, but he won't stop doing the bid. It's
Speaker 1: like when comics get in that circle and they just
Speaker 1: keep riffing. It's like, no, bro, open up, yeah, please
Speaker 1: stop running your set. You were so mean. You made
Speaker 1: a millionaire who's married to a super bottle moved to
Speaker 1: Tampa Bay. Like that's or like you know, when comics
Speaker 1: say something controversial that is not like in a joke,
Speaker 1: like no, I was just joking. It's like no, like
Speaker 1: you don't realize, Yeah, it wasn't funny, and it's like
Speaker 1: there was no reason for but it's like no, that's
Speaker 1: my character and it's like, well, we could be humans
Speaker 1: and consider other people. Yeah, you can take a second
Speaker 1: to reflect before you say the meanest thing that popped
Speaker 1: in ahead with no sort of entertainment tone in it whatsoever. Yeah, okay, links,
Speaker 1: did you want to give us your second pick? All right,
Speaker 1: well you you set me up perfectly. My second pick
Speaker 1: is that that supermodel husband who moved to Tampa Bay.
Speaker 1: It's Tom Bray. I'm going Tom. It's a it feels
Speaker 1: like an obvious choice. He's a he's a Trump supporter,
Speaker 1: at least a Trump pacifist. If that's a thing, like
Speaker 1: a classic hunk, I don't buy it, and maybe I'm wrong.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to be wrong about this. I'm not always
Speaker 1: sure how handsome white men are. It's hard to judge.
Speaker 1: And it's not because I don't think white people are
Speaker 1: handsome or not handsome. I just can't always tell which
Speaker 1: one you guys like. But I don't see. He looks
Speaker 1: real weird to me in a way that I'm not
Speaker 1: sure I know how to articulate. But he certainly has
Speaker 1: all the parts of a handsome person. But he's so smug,
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of himself. And he tongue kisses his
Speaker 1: son and none of us can do anything about it.
Speaker 1: It's just uh, And he's a winner. He's a goddamn winner,
Speaker 1: and that's hard to fight against. Yeah, there there's something
Speaker 1: about him I have. I share the same exact sentiment
Speaker 1: that you have. It's like he has these eyes and
Speaker 1: like he's just like there are parts of a what
Speaker 1: what people consider a handsome white guy and it's all
Speaker 1: put together and you're just like, have one flaw about you,
Speaker 1: you know, it's almost like a facial something like that
Speaker 1: that shows us you are relatable. And that's the thing.
Speaker 1: It's like, I cannot relate to Tom Brady whatsoever. Nothing
Speaker 1: about it seems even kind of like something I could
Speaker 1: start a chat with. Yeah, it's it's not even like
Speaker 1: he's almost like a karate kid villain, Like it's like
Speaker 1: you just had, like you got the nicest stuff, you
Speaker 1: got the model, like everything is just like too. I
Speaker 1: mean he also left a pregnant girlfriend. I feel like
Speaker 1: that that gets skimmed over. My dad brings it up all.
Speaker 1: He's always like Bridget moynihan, I think, and it's like that, like,
Speaker 1: oh so, just to just abandon your pregnant girlfriend for
Speaker 1: the most famous model in the world, It's like that's bad.
Speaker 1: Well and also too, I mean, I don't know about
Speaker 1: how you guys came up, but like I thrive on
Speaker 1: knowing my high school bully isn't doing anything as cool
Speaker 1: as I am. But like Tom Brady, if we went
Speaker 1: to the same high school at the same time, he
Speaker 1: would have been my bully. And if I knew he
Speaker 1: went on to win as many super Bowls and Mary
Speaker 1: a supermodel and have all these kids and Mansions's like, man,
Speaker 1: my life sucks. Like there's no right in the world.
Speaker 1: There's no way Tom Brady wouldn't have called you something racist,
Speaker 1: and there's no way that whatever he called you was
Speaker 1: racist enough that you could report it like it was.
Speaker 1: He's not. He's not a dumb man, so he knows
Speaker 1: how to be a big it subtly, and that's the
Speaker 1: most dangerous ship we have because you can't do anything
Speaker 1: about it. He's just passive racia. It's not even like
Speaker 1: he has there's no like passion behind you know, like
Speaker 1: because when he got caught with the maga hat, he
Speaker 1: just was like, look like he didn't even defend it.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, if you're gonna have a maga hat,
Speaker 1: I want you to be like Trump is my best friend.
Speaker 1: I love like just be like, oh I didn't know
Speaker 1: it was there. It's like, no, you're a little loser.
Speaker 1: He's like he should be like he gives the second
Speaker 1: best kisses to myself, and instead he says nothing. And
Speaker 1: then you're just like, all right, man, I don't know
Speaker 1: how to feel about any of you. He's honestly, Tom
Speaker 1: Brady is capitalism personified. I think he is like exactly
Speaker 1: all the dangers of our society sort of being enacted
Speaker 1: in front of us and there's nothing we can do
Speaker 1: about it. And it kind of seems pretty but also
Speaker 1: awful at the exact same time, he is like athletic
Speaker 1: Mitch McConnell. Yeah, and I want to I want to
Speaker 1: say before I go into my pick, but it's just
Speaker 1: like we respect the hell out of his game. But
Speaker 1: it's just, yeah, it's strange. I mean, we haven't done
Speaker 1: greatest quarterback yet we get a lot of hate. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: my pick. And I'm sorry, I lean towards a lot
Speaker 1: of basketball here, but it's in their nickname. But the
Speaker 1: eight nine Bad Boys Pistons. And again, it's like you
Speaker 1: talked about how Kobe made you cry. This team Jordan
Speaker 1: would have had maybe eight championships if it wasn't for
Speaker 1: this team. And yeah, but just they're their physical play
Speaker 1: in there again, acceptance of the role that they're going
Speaker 1: to win by playing as physical as possible, and just
Speaker 1: you know, and this is the n b A. And
Speaker 1: I again, I like watch too much old basketball, but
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I kind of wish we could watch
Speaker 1: basketball as physical as this was back in the day.
Speaker 1: But just like the Bad Boys Pistons just doing everything
Speaker 1: they could accept play basketball to shut down their opponents.
Speaker 1: I do think the thirty for thirty about them was
Speaker 1: in some ways, kind of like Titania was very It
Speaker 1: just like shows their perspective and it's like, yeah, everybody
Speaker 1: was so mean to you guys, you know, and you
Speaker 1: were just like we're in Detroit and we're just like
Speaker 1: trying to let the people of Detroit be happy about
Speaker 1: But I think that only it also so little parts
Speaker 1: in the grand scheme of like what it took to
Speaker 1: actually make a championship team. Bill lamb Beer was your
Speaker 1: fourth best player. Yeah, that's a problem. He's not even
Speaker 1: he wouldn't even make a roster in today's NBA. No.
Speaker 1: You look at his stats and it's like what did
Speaker 1: you do in this game? And it's like, oh, we
Speaker 1: don't keep records of elbows and throwing people out, you know.
Speaker 1: And he wasn't even good at fighting. That was the
Speaker 1: other crazy thing, Like you were the meanest man in
Speaker 1: the league. You were literally elbowing the biggest, toughest guys
Speaker 1: on every team and then running away from the fight
Speaker 1: and letting John Sally like jump in and fix it.
Speaker 1: It is like they had a little brother that had
Speaker 1: no shame in being dirty as well and like poking people.
Speaker 1: And he's Grayson Allen. Yeah, Grayson Allen Is is a
Speaker 1: modern villain. For sure, he's not good enough, he hasn't
Speaker 1: been enough irrelevant team, but he is definitely that same path.
Speaker 1: Grayson is such a bad name too, Like it's just
Speaker 1: a classic, Oh you went to Duke and you're gonna
Speaker 1: be unbearable to the day you die. It's like you're
Speaker 1: too tall to yacht, so you'll play basketball and be
Speaker 1: a mean, mean man to everyone around you. Let's take
Speaker 1: one more quick break and then we'll be back with
Speaker 1: their number one picks, and we're back with our number
Speaker 1: one picks. Lankstone will end on you. Um, I guess
Speaker 1: should I go? Should you mind? Yeah? Because I've got
Speaker 1: a lot of honorable mentions to get down. And again,
Speaker 1: mine is basketball, and maybe I should did a little
Speaker 1: bit more research because now I'm like, man, I should
Speaker 1: have diversified this little bit. But I think the Big
Speaker 1: Three heat, the Lebron Way, Chris Bosh it was in
Speaker 1: Miami alone. Yeah, I just think, And again it was
Speaker 1: a he accepted that role. And they came out that
Speaker 1: press conference like right after it was more of like
Speaker 1: a wrestling appearance, but they all came out were like,
Speaker 1: we're about to win nine championships, not one, not two,
Speaker 1: not three. And just the thing is it really did
Speaker 1: the role. It amplified I think all of their games
Speaker 1: because everyone hated them and it just made them better.
Speaker 1: Miami feels like a really like not that the city
Speaker 1: of Miami is hateable, but you know it's it's kind
Speaker 1: of this like flashy South Beach, Like the city, the
Speaker 1: city is great, but the culture is hateable as Yeah,
Speaker 1: my god. When you when they would like do the
Speaker 1: white outs there and you would just see these slimy
Speaker 1: men in linen pants and their heat shirt, it was like, look,
Speaker 1: this guy doesn't care about basketball, right, And they didn't
Speaker 1: even go to the games before showed up. It was
Speaker 1: like empty arenas until he got there and then they
Speaker 1: were like you said, they're slimy and just like covered
Speaker 1: in gold and chest hair. It's just not the wrong
Speaker 1: group owners. I don't know if this is confirmed or not,
Speaker 1: but the rumor there was rumors that I get I
Speaker 1: guess at the time that there was a nightclub or
Speaker 1: several nightclubs in the arena and you could see this
Speaker 1: in the games. But at halftime, obviously people would get
Speaker 1: out of their seats, but it wouldn't be until it
Speaker 1: would just look empty when you came back from the
Speaker 1: break and it was all of like the you know,
Speaker 1: the first ten rows, because it was all the rich
Speaker 1: people meeting with their friends at the nightclubs and having
Speaker 1: drinks because they did not care. But it's like you
Speaker 1: have on the court Lebron, d Wade and Chris Bosh
Speaker 1: playing for your team. I would want to watch every
Speaker 1: second of that. And that's how good they were. I
Speaker 1: forgot about ray Allen. Yeah, yeah it was. And then
Speaker 1: Lebron started wearing that black face mask. He leaned into
Speaker 1: it in a way that was like, Okay, you know
Speaker 1: what this is. But he's also a tough one because
Speaker 1: he as much as he's leaned into it, he also
Speaker 1: hates being hated. Yeah, and so it becomes this weird
Speaker 1: dance of like him acknowledging like Okay, you think I'm
Speaker 1: the bad guy, but also please stop it. He'd like
Speaker 1: for you to be my best friend again like we
Speaker 1: were before. I'll teach you a handshake and think about it.
Speaker 1: He was what like when he did that, and it's
Speaker 1: just like, yeah, you gotta remember some of these athletes
Speaker 1: when they make these decisions, like what were we do
Speaker 1: when we were twenty five or twenty six, like some
Speaker 1: really probably corny, bad decisions being made, and his was
Speaker 1: just to go to a team with all of his
Speaker 1: friends in Miami. Like year old is like, I'll move
Speaker 1: to Miami. Yeah, I was in Cleveland my whole life.
Speaker 1: Like if I was moving, I definitely would have gone
Speaker 1: to the Boys and Girls Clothes and there would have
Speaker 1: been no charity involved. Shown up. He at least did
Speaker 1: a nice thing, did he did? And that gets overshadowed
Speaker 1: because they did a nice thing while doing a not
Speaker 1: nice thing. Right, But he is he has redeemed himself.
Speaker 1: But yeah, my brother will agree with that pick. He
Speaker 1: texted this morning. I was having a tough time narrowing
Speaker 1: it down. So that brings me to my honorable mention,
Speaker 1: UM Roger Goodell. He's he's, you know, a commission probably
Speaker 1: the most hated commissioner I can think of every UM
Speaker 1: and then I feel like this is one that does
Speaker 1: not get talked about enough. I think NASCAR has like
Speaker 1: really good villains and fights. For some reason, most NASCAR
Speaker 1: fans like hate Jeff Gordon. I love Jeff Gordon, um,
Speaker 1: but so a villain. I didn't want to listen, he
Speaker 1: can read. I love it. So a villain of NASCAR
Speaker 1: is Tony Stewart. Tony Stewart was always listen, I'll get
Speaker 1: to it. He was always fighting with he was always poking,
Speaker 1: like he was kind of the bad boy of NASCAR.
Speaker 1: And then a very horrific tragedy he ended up killing
Speaker 1: a man on a track. But it was like the
Speaker 1: same day that the Ray Rice tapes came out, so
Speaker 1: it got kind of pushed just and and like the
Speaker 1: NASCAR I don't even think it was a NASCAR race,
Speaker 1: but they deemed that, like Tony Stuart didn't do anything
Speaker 1: wrong because the guy was walking on the track. But like, horrific.
Speaker 1: He's the only person we're going to mention who killed
Speaker 1: another athlete during the sport. A rod I think is
Speaker 1: honorable mention. But I you like his like post baseball career,
Speaker 1: so he's less for me. And then well you like
Speaker 1: that he's with j Loo. I would love to be
Speaker 1: with j Lo. Just you're just saying there is no career.
Speaker 1: He just kind of stands next to j Lo and
Speaker 1: she does. And I love that because you're like the
Speaker 1: king of baseball and then post career you have to
Speaker 1: stand behind the most powerful woman on the planet. And
Speaker 1: it's just funny to see a dude figure that out
Speaker 1: because we all have been there. Yea, so maybe that's
Speaker 1: my camera and your stomach. I like, I like a
Speaker 1: rod holding j Loo's purse. Um, this is my holy
Speaker 1: grail of terrible owners. Donald Stirling. Yes, okay, you're a villain, sir,
Speaker 1: bad person. That's why these are bad people. Dan Snyder,
Speaker 1: I hate you. You are bad. No one likes you.
Speaker 1: And change the name. And then James Dolan, with every
Speaker 1: single fan of your team, wants you to sell them
Speaker 1: you are a villain. Okay. And so now that those
Speaker 1: were these are all the men I hate. And I'm
Speaker 1: really glad I was able to get that off my chest.
Speaker 1: And my number one greatest villain is Barry Bonds. I listen.
Speaker 1: He is obviously amazing. He's a incredible baseball player. If
Speaker 1: we knew none of what we knew, absolutely first ballot
Speaker 1: Hall of Famer. It is hard to find someone who
Speaker 1: says anything nice about him. Refresh me what he what
Speaker 1: we know? When you say what we knew? I mean
Speaker 1: I think we know that he used to not look
Speaker 1: how then he looked? He took yeah, he took he
Speaker 1: took all this stuff and then and then broke records
Speaker 1: and and then has also in a Kevin Durant type way,
Speaker 1: but like I don't know what you're talking about, and
Speaker 1: it's like we all everybody knows, um, you know, Congress
Speaker 1: got involved. So yeah, I mean, I think the weird
Speaker 1: thing with all those guys is none of them will
Speaker 1: admit to it. Like there there hasn't been one that's
Speaker 1: just been like Sammy Suzli tried to change his face
Speaker 1: just to avoid having this conversation, only like baseball villain
Speaker 1: that's ever been like yeah I did do that, and
Speaker 1: it's and we're like, okay, well you are banished from society.
Speaker 1: And and then there's all of these men with giant
Speaker 1: necks that are like, I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: You know, you know what I'm waiting for in this
Speaker 1: whole thing is I want the players who also took
Speaker 1: all those drugs, who didn't break the records, were like, man,
Speaker 1: I took it, and it's still tough to hit as
Speaker 1: many homers, Like we gotta give them their records. It's
Speaker 1: just it's not for everybody, you know. It just made
Speaker 1: me run slower. Those are the people I need to
Speaker 1: stand up right now to correct some of the sports history. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think that seems to be at least And
Speaker 1: again I don't know how true any of this stuff is,
Speaker 1: but that seems to be part of why they don't
Speaker 1: admit to it is because everybody's doing it. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just some of them are actually benefiting from it and
Speaker 1: some of them aren't. So it's like, well, if I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go down, I'm not going to be the only one,
Speaker 1: so I'll just not say anything that can Sacho book
Speaker 1: kind of echoed all of that, and so I think
Speaker 1: within the sport he's kind of looked at as a villain,
Speaker 1: but then he's you know, he's more of a dumbass
Speaker 1: than a villain. Yeah. And then like he's been on reality,
Speaker 1: like he has a very strange sort of like career path.
Speaker 1: I would love to talk to his manager, which is
Speaker 1: him and and then Barry Barry, it's like he retired
Speaker 1: and then that's it, you know. Like I also, you
Speaker 1: don't really ever hear people say nice things about him
Speaker 1: that were like teammates, like it just when you say
Speaker 1: Barry Bonds. Now it's not like oh, what an amazing
Speaker 1: baseball player. It's like he took steroids and then like
Speaker 1: robbed records. I yeah, yeah, his name now has a
Speaker 1: negative connotation. How fair that is, I don't know. But
Speaker 1: he is like an athlete that you can point at
Speaker 1: and go, oh, their legacy is tainted forever. Well he's
Speaker 1: he's a weird one because he was so good without
Speaker 1: the drugs, and then you do the drugs and you
Speaker 1: make it so that these records are like unbeatable forever,
Speaker 1: but also have the asterix. So it's like, okay, well
Speaker 1: you made the sport not fun, like you changed the
Speaker 1: way the game is going to always be seen because
Speaker 1: of your choice. Well, Langston, we come to your final pick.
Speaker 1: What is your greatest sports villain? Uh? Well, like Megan,
Speaker 1: I was really struggling to think of of a real
Speaker 1: choice that that felt right. I at one point was
Speaker 1: considering a Patrick Beverley, who just is like the personification
Speaker 1: of everything that is antagonizing in the NBA. There's the
Speaker 1: Rudy Gobert move growin basketball forever. So maybe uh doesn't
Speaker 1: like you, so you certainly can't be a good man.
Speaker 1: Uh And yeah, so I ended in my mind and
Speaker 1: I had to be honest, and this sort of crosses
Speaker 1: over with one of your picks, c J. Dennis Rodman
Speaker 1: feels like the ultimate sports villain. And granted he was
Speaker 1: the first pair of sneakers I ever bought was a
Speaker 1: pair of Dennis Rodman shoes. Uh. And he was my
Speaker 1: hero growing up. I thought he was the coolest, weirdest
Speaker 1: dude to ever exist. But when people hated him, I
Speaker 1: understood why. He was just an ultimate bad boy, mean
Speaker 1: guy bully who happened to be like so good at
Speaker 1: rebounding in defense and you couldn't do anything about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and he is so fascinating because as as he got
Speaker 1: like in more off trouble or was a bad boy,
Speaker 1: the better he was. And so that's what I really
Speaker 1: think he is a villain because he's like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: can do all this stuff and it's not gonna distract
Speaker 1: me from continuing to beat your guys team, which I
Speaker 1: think is like such a trend and all the people
Speaker 1: that we've been talking about. Yes, and now he's like
Speaker 1: aligned with North Korean. He I saw him within the
Speaker 1: last two years. He was at the comedy store and
Speaker 1: it was it was not a good way what was
Speaker 1: he doing at the comedy store. He was watching comedy
Speaker 1: with two hookers. I mean, what do you and like,
Speaker 1: I mean, what do you think he was doing? I
Speaker 1: don't know, stand up has gotten weird. No, he definitely
Speaker 1: got on stage in the belly room at one point
Speaker 1: during Gross Battle and just started screaming about how he
Speaker 1: likes to have sex with white women. And then he
Speaker 1: and then I follow like I was just like it was.
Speaker 1: It just was like, oh God, and then he almost
Speaker 1: got hit in the middle of Sunset Boulevard and a
Speaker 1: hooker saved him. You know, so it's like money well spent.
Speaker 1: That's why you pay for the good hookers. It almost
Speaker 1: was like, oh, you were pretending like you this is
Speaker 1: you are, You're just you're on a wild journey. No,
Speaker 1: there was like all those years where like you would
Speaker 1: hear stories about how Michael Jordan's couldn't even stand being
Speaker 1: in a room with them, But so they were so
Speaker 1: good together in terms of like basketball, that it just
Speaker 1: they had to make it work kind of thing. How
Speaker 1: excited are you for that the last dance doc coming out.
Speaker 1: I'm really excited. I think it's gonna I think it's
Speaker 1: gonna be fun. I don't think it's gonna be quite
Speaker 1: as honest as we all wanted to be because Jordans
Speaker 1: had to sign off on it. But I do think
Speaker 1: that it's going to be a little more transparent. I
Speaker 1: think Jordan's now understands, at least for the first time
Speaker 1: in his life, that he is a more complicated anti hero.
Speaker 1: It is like an untouchable god, and so it is
Speaker 1: going to show a lot more of him being like
Speaker 1: mean to a sweet Steve Kerr and Judd Bustler and
Speaker 1: like yelling and you know what I mean, smoking cigars
Speaker 1: instead of like exercising and stuff like that. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm excited it's gonna be good. I wonder how much
Speaker 1: it's going to get into him as a dad. There's
Speaker 1: also a there's gonna be a whole episode. Maybe that's
Speaker 1: when you come back Linkston, when we just dive into
Speaker 1: the complications of Michael Jordan's great complicated person. Please let's
Speaker 1: go into some conspiracy theories. Let's get messy. There's always
Speaker 1: that's always a fun path about the flu game recently,
Speaker 1: and god, my mentions have not stopped with people tell
Speaker 1: me it's a hangover game. It's this, It's it's just like,
Speaker 1: I don't care. I'm a comedian, just trying to make
Speaker 1: a joke on a tweet. As a comedian, we know,
Speaker 1: performing hungover very difficult. It is. It is maybe harder
Speaker 1: than the flute. Yeah, because no one has sympathy for you,
Speaker 1: and you don't have sympathy for you. You know, you
Speaker 1: made a mistake and you have to fight through that
Speaker 1: that on your own. Yeah. Um, Langston, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Is there anything that we can plug for you? Some
Speaker 1: handles and yeah, what's your twin? Where can people follow you?
Speaker 1: And maybe some past projects if nothing upcoming is Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I at Langston Kerman on Instagram and Twitter. Please follow
Speaker 1: me there and you can watch me on Bless This
Speaker 1: Mess every Tuesday at seven thirty Central eight thirty Eastern,
Speaker 1: and we have like three or four more episodes left,
Speaker 1: so watch that show. It's you an album and you
Speaker 1: have an album that came out it's very very funny.
Speaker 1: And I have an album on like Spotify and iTunes
Speaker 1: that called Light Skinned Feelings. Yes, thanks, and we love
Speaker 1: you so much. Thank you. Tell Nikki high U we
Speaker 1: can outside and this is all over. Let's do it well.
Speaker 1: I picked the improv lab. We'll have prides and chicken
Speaker 1: fangaros together, all right. Enjoy an earthquake, and don't forget
Speaker 1: to follow myself and Megan at Megan Gaily on Twitter
Speaker 1: at CJ Toldano on Twitter, and don't forget to rate
Speaker 1: and review and keeps us suggestions coming up topics or
Speaker 1: I just love the messages when people are like, how
Speaker 1: dare you not bring up the like we love it,
Speaker 1: thank you so hate love whatever it is, d emmett,
Speaker 1: I will read it, I will respond, all right. Take
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