WEBVTT - Avoiding the Comparison Trap & More with Kate Strickler EP 427 0:00:09.560 --> 0:00:09.720 Hi. 0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:13.840 I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist, 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:14.440 and speaker. 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:19.120 And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer, 0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:22.280 and courtse creator. We are two working parents who love 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:24.000 our careers and our families. 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:27.360 Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:30.360 how real women manage work, family, and time for fun. 0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:33.360 From figuring out childcare to mapping out long. 0:00:33.280 --> 0:00:34.200 Term career goals. 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:39.320 We want you to get the most out of life. 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:43.600 Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:46.960 This episode is airing in early October of twenty twenty five. 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:49.839 Sarah is going to be interviewing Kate Strickler, who is 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:51.960 the author of the brand new book I Just Wish 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:56.720 I Had a Bigger Kitchen, which is essays about comparison 0:00:57.240 --> 0:00:59.800 being content with our own lives. Sarah, maybe you can 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:01.120 tell us all a little bit about it. 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:04.280 Yeah, I was really attracted to the concept of this 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:08.160 book when I saw the title. Kate is a kind 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:10.880 of a social media personality and a She does a 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:14.440 lot of cooking videos and she's known as Naptime Kitchen 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:16.760 is her brand, and she created that while her kids 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:20.400 were really little, and she talks about struggling with comparison 0:01:20.480 --> 0:01:22.720 and how that has gotten her down in various areas 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:24.640 of life and how she is still working through that 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:28.960 and as someone who absolutely can fall prey. 0:01:28.800 --> 0:01:31.240 To these same difficulties at times. 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:33.720 I just thought it was a fantastic topic for the book, 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:36.720 and she does a great job talking about it in 0:01:36.840 --> 0:01:39.759 various realms of life, so from like how you look 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:41.600 to how much money you have to what you're doing. 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:42.960 For work and all kinds of things. 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:47.520 And yeah, it's just really interesting to read it because 0:01:47.560 --> 0:01:49.840 it was done so personally. I mean, she talks about 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:52.840 what she's actually struggling with and what she's still struggling 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:55.000 with and what has helped, and you feel like you 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:55.760 really get to know her. 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:58.880 So yeah, well that's so fascinating that she's a social 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:01.360 media personality give and that I think social media is 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.600 kind of the source of a lot of people's compare 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:07.280 and despair. I mean, how does that work out? I mean, 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:09.800 I know that something you've thought about in the past 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:12.799 and actually have exited several apps because of. 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:16.240 She does talk about that, she does not say the 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:19.200 answer is to get off, maybe because because. 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:20.120 That's how she makes her living. 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:24.160 Yes, I mean that's fair, that is absolutely fair. I 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:26.239 mean she actually does probably talk about that. I'm trying 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:28.200 to remember if she specifically talks about like not following 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:30.480 accounts which make you feel bad. I have found that 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:34.400 to be a fantastic tool the unsubscribe or just to 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:38.240 quit a platform altogether. I'm going to just also say, 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:41.080 if you decide that like reading someone's thing or listening 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:44.120 to them isn't serving you, you can just quietly leave. 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:46.079 It doesn't have to be forever. It can be an 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:48.600 experiment where you see if you miss that person's presence 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:50.440 in your life, where you're like, huh, I actually feel 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:53.480 better not seeing that. And also you don't have to 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:54.480 tell them. 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:56.680 Also true with the creator. 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:59.160 I've received a couple of like people flouncing out of 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:03.480 my website and I'm like, you could just leave, it's fine, 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:04.280 it's fine. 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:06.720 Well, and like the apps don't send you a notification 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:08.360 like so and so has stopped following you. I mean 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:10.320 that might be interesting in it of itself, but like, no, 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:14.760 generally they don't know at all, and so yeah, you 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:17.480 can just quietly put a pause on it, and if 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:21.600 you find it that you've been missing somebody's wonderful photos 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:24.840 of children and matching outfits frolicking on the beach. 0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:28.280 You can always follow them again. But if that thought never. 0:03:28.120 --> 0:03:30.960 Crosses your mind once you stop seeing them, then maybe 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:32.200 that's something to know. 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:35.640 Yes, for me, it's been the like running accounts. Even 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:37.800 though I respect these creators so much and there's nothing 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:39.400 wrong with what they're putting out there, I'm like, I 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:42.400 don't need this for me and for you, I feel 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:44.600 like your pain point is exactly what you just said. 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:45.960 It's the although I think maybe. 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:47.440 You just find it funny at this point, that's true, 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:51.800 the white you just find it, Oh, this is my children, 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:54.240 Like there are certain lines in the sand, and the 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:57.120 matching outfits is one of them. Which is why I 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:01.640 will never be like a big family influencer, since I 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:04.640 think it is a requirement to show all your children 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:08.760 like lined up in matching outfits in some sort of 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:11.480 natural scene. I mean your husband would have to be 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:13.320 in it too. It's almost you'd have to hire a 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:15.360 photographer because he can't just take it like you have 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:16.159 to show him too. 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:20.760 And they have to be like white, like flat out 0:04:20.880 --> 0:04:25.400 no want linen designer outfits. We're not talking Christmas pajamas, 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:27.240 like you got to like they humor. 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:30.919 Me on Christmas, Like we all get matching pajamas on Christmas, 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:35.480 and with some grumbling, everyone will wear the matching pajamas 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:37.880 on Christmas for like one photo and then somebody's back 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:40.320 in a hoodie or whatever, and you know you never 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:40.919 get it again. 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:45.320 But yeah, well, anyway, this book is really fun and 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:47.720 she does talk about stuff like that and again how 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:50.200 you can kind of empower yourself to live your own 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:54.440 life and enjoy what you do have without being worried 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:56.000 about keeping up with the Joneses. 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:58.760 So I hope you enjoy this conversation absolutely. 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:00.560 Well, let's hear what Kate Strickler us to say. 0:05:01.240 --> 0:05:03.960 Well, I am so excited to be here with Kate Strickler, 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:06.200 the author of I Just Wish I had a bigger 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:09.040 kitchen and creator behind Naptime Kitchen. 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:10.720 Welcome Kate to the show. 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:13.359 Thank you, thank you so much for having me. Happy 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:13.800 to be here. 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:17.600 So I loved reading your book, which is all about 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:20.440 the comparison trap as Laura and I just talked about, 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:25.000 and I am just wondering, Well, first, I guess give 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:27.359 our listeners some of them probably know you from the 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:30.240 various socials that you're on because you are kind of big. 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:32.320 But just in case they don't give us a little 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:34.960 hint of your career journey as it's looked so far 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:37.680 and kind of where you are with everything. 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:38.839 Absolutely. 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:41.920 So. My name is Kate Strickler. I am a mom 0:05:41.960 --> 0:05:46.280 of four mary Tonate. We live in Charleston, South Carolina, 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:49.880 and almost ten years ago, really, which sounds so wild, 0:05:50.760 --> 0:05:54.520 I started Naptime Kitchen, which was never meant to be 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:57.360 any It was just a place to post recipes I 0:05:57.440 --> 0:06:00.640 was making, and really just a creative outlet in a 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:03.880 season where I was really lacking in creativity. My son 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:05.760 was napping twice a day, I was stuck at home 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:08.320 a lot, and so I just kind of channeled my. 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:09.919 Energy into cooking. 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:13.440 And it's funny because at the beginning the recipes were 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:15.240 like way more elaborate because it was like, hey, I 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:17.719 have this whole nap time, and I was really leaning 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:20.800 into the nap time cooking, like you cook while this 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:23.400 baby's asleep, because you can't cook at five PM when. 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:24.800 The baby's screaming and attached to you. 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:28.120 And then over time, so we now have four children 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:32.720 and it's like overtime as each child joined the recipes. 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:34.520 Just it was an inverse relationship. 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:38.839 So it went from like, here's something beautiful homemade to like, 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:40.520 let me show you what I threw at a crockpot 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:41.480 with a jar of sauce. 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:45.960 So and both are useful for different phases of our lives. 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:47.240 We one hundred percent get it. 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:49.920 I've got three kids, Laura has five, so we are 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:51.000 right there with you. 0:06:51.279 --> 0:06:52.320 Yeah, that is awesome. 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:56.120 And so this journey kind of I mean, let's just 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:59.880 be honest, like, You've had some awesome success in the 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:03.480 social media space, which is really really cool, and now 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:05.320 you've written a book. So what has it been like 0:07:05.640 --> 0:07:08.479 for this to become your career. 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:15.160 Yes, well it really was pretty slow, and so it 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:18.680 wasn't something that like overnight happened, but just this kind 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:23.120 of slow realization of like, wow, okay, people are following 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:25.080 along with this, and then like a year would go 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:26.720 by and I'd be like, wow, like a lot more 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:28.640 people are following along with this, and then I like, 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:31.160 remember when I got paid to do something for the 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:32.800 first time, and I was like, oh my gosh, because 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:34.760 before that, like somebody would send me like a bag 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:36.040 of almonds and I. 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:38.840 Would be like, this is amazing. I can't believe I 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:39.880 got a free bag. 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:41.600 Of almonds as a veil, you know, just so funny. 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:45.560 And so it took a long time for me to 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:47.240 kind of come to terms with the fact that it 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:50.400 was a career, like that this could be something that 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:54.560 would be a job and be sustainable. And I think 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:56.960 it helped me when I started to name it as that, 0:07:57.000 --> 0:07:59.000 because then I could start to be like, Okay, this 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:02.800 is work, Like I need to set aside time for this, 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:05.200 I need to give a certain amount of energy to this, 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:08.040 all of those sorts of things. But I don't even 0:08:08.080 --> 0:08:10.680 know if I answered your question fully, but that's kind 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:14.320 of where just slowly over time, it wasn't this like 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:19.200 overnight decision. But then probably well when Alberta was born, 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:21.080 so that would have been, like, you know, I was 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:23.920 like six years in at this point. That's when it 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:25.880 really started to be like, Okay, I think this is 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:28.840 really something that I could build on if I was 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:30.160 given a little more time to do. 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:32.719 So that's so cool. And then your husband ended up 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:35.000 joining in. I think that must have been a pivotal 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:36.400 moment as well. 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:38.880 That was really pivotal, and you know, it's funny because 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:42.120 he works with me, he does his own stuff on 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:44.520 the side, like he's still a practicing attorney, so he 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:48.360 can still do law for people. He really has found 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:51.200 like a niche kind of in my market of doing 0:08:51.920 --> 0:08:55.880 law for other creators, just kind of understands how the 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:58.319 contracts were, like because able to you know, be helpful 0:08:58.360 --> 0:09:01.199 in that regard for people. But at first it was 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:03.600 definitely he needed like a clean break, like he couldn't 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:06.360 just go part time for his firm. It just didn't 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:08.439 work that way. So for the first few months it 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:11.320 was like a very clean break of like Nate no 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:15.080 longer works at this law firm or he was doing 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:18.000 in house at that not that it matters, but that 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:20.240 was like a pretty big like Okay, this is like 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:24.680 our schedule is really different, and Nate is very really 0:09:24.720 --> 0:09:27.600 pretty organized and like wants to understand how the days 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:28.160 are going to go. 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:31.120 So he wasn't like, hey, let's just like see. 0:09:30.960 --> 0:09:32.840 He was like, okay, I want to know like when 0:09:33.440 --> 0:09:36.520 you expect to be working, when I should expect to 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:39.640 be working, Like let's create some sort of schedule. So 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:43.200 he really spearheaded kind of like what our days would 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:46.959 look like, which was good for me because I needed that. 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:49.640 That is super interesting kind of behind the scenes stuff. 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:51.640 And I love how both of you ended up kind 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.040 of doing what we call on the show sometimes career crafting. 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:56.400 You know, it's like it's evolved slowly, but you're like, yeah, 0:09:56.480 --> 0:09:58.160 let me lean into this because I'm really good at that, 0:09:58.240 --> 0:10:00.760 and let me develop this niche. And it worked out 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:03.200 so well well with all the success. I guess what 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:04.880 I was leading up to is then you write a 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:07.800 book that's like, and yet I can't stop comparing myself 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:10.800 to everyone else in all of these realms, and I 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.440 one hundred percent get it. I am like, I one 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:15.640 hundred percent get it. But I also want you to 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:17.880 talk about kind of like, well, how did you realize that? 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:20.200 And how can that be true when you're someone who 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:23.720 objectively has just done so incredibly well in life. 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:26.839 I know, you know, I think partly it is just 0:10:26.880 --> 0:10:29.400 like part of the human condition that we just do 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:32.920 this to ourselves. I always think of that. I'm pretty 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:35.800 sure it was C. S. Lewis that was like envy 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:38.000 doesn't want the most, It just wants more than the 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:40.719 other person, you know, or it was it pride or 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:42.840 arrogance or whatever. It's like it just wants to be 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:46.160 above the other people, and our hearts are so bent 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:51.000 towards that. And online is a space that I really 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:53.880 love and I love the connection, but unfortunately it gives 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:56.840 you like a view into way more people's lives than 0:10:56.880 --> 0:11:00.200 you would ever have on a normal basis. So I 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:03.600 think that there was kind of a perfect, a perfect 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:05.320 coming together. I don't even want to call it a storm, 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:07.200 because I feel like a storm's kind of a negative term. 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:10.480 But I was in a place where I was able 0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:13.719 to kind of share vulnerably if I was having a 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:17.400 hard time with something, and then because I was online, 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:21.959 I would receive hundreds of DMS back of people. 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:24.760 Being like, wow, I feel that way too, Like I can't. 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:25.480 I didn't. 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:27.800 One, I can't believe you feel that way, Kate. I 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:30.120 would have never imagined that you would feel that way. 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:32.880 And two like, man, thanks for like saying that, because 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:35.280 I have felt really alone in it or you know, 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:35.960 whatever it is. 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:37.160 And so I. 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:39.560 Started to almost have this like test case where I 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:42.160 was like, Okay, every time I share something like this, 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:46.960 there is like a huge response, and every time, like 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:49.800 much bigger than other things that I would share, you know, 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:53.240 just this kind of like desire. I think that especially 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:55.480 as women, we have to just know we're not alone, 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:59.600 that other people are feeling these things, matched with kind 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:03.080 of like a guilt. I was feeling of like, gosh, 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:04.920 I shouldn't be feeling this way, I should just be 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:08.080 happy and grateful all the time. But I have never 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:10.640 met a woman who has been that way. You know, like, 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:14.720 normally there's something that has to intersect in your life 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:17.720 to make you realize how good you have it, Like 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:20.679 something bad happens and you're like, gosh, I can't believe 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:23.400 I took that for granted. But on a daily basis, 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:27.840 I think that the struggle for contentment and the struggle 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:31.520 against comparison is just like very living an act. 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:33.400 I totally can see that, and it's almost like on 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:36.120 a smaller scale we have that struggle, even if on 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:38.559 a larger scale like we know, we know, oh my gosh, 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.480 we are so lucky. I'm sitting here in a climate 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:44.000 controlled environment, like wearing clothes, I don't have to worry 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:46.360 about where my next meal comes from, like, and yet 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:49.880 it doesn't stop the fact that when somebody else tells 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:52.600 you about their kid doing something amazing, you're like, oh, 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:54.920 maybe mine didn't do that, And I feel a certain way, 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:57.800 and there's something very human there and something so honest, 0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:00.200 and I love I think what you're getting out with 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.920 the responses, like you hit a nerve and the fact 0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:05.080 that you were willing to share vulnerably because this book 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:07.559 is pretty is pretty raw in some of these chapters, 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:11.240 and I love that in a lot of these different areas, 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:13.640 I think is just really really valuable because I don't 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:15.960 think there's just that many people putting themselves out there 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:16.400 like this. 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:17.319 Thanks. 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:19.960 It's funny because during the writing process, I think I 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:22.360 was just so in it that I was doing it. 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:24.440 Like a month before the book came out. I was like, 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:29.079 oh my gosh, everyone is about to read this. 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:33.839 What did I do? And I'm so great. It's like 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:37.480 you know, but I was like, oh, gosh, okay, here 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:37.880 it is. 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:38.800 We're doing this. 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:43.000 It's in boxes, it's going to bookstores, all right. 0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:45.959 But seriously, I'm so glad you did. We're going to 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:47.800 take a quick break and then we're going to start 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:50.240 delving into some of those specific areas that you talk 0:13:50.280 --> 0:14:04.920 about in your book. All right, we are back, and 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:08.040 we were just talking about Kate's vulnerability and how she 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:11.080 really delved into multiple areas where I think many of 0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:14.760 us tend to compare and despair, and she goes into 0:14:15.000 --> 0:14:18.319 detail about like what in this area has been hard 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:20.640 and then has some solutions of like what has been 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:23.440 helping And Kate, I love how you you're never like 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:25.120 and this is the answer You're like and this is 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:29.960 still a continued process. Yeah, because I guess you know 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:31.960 this is going to be human nature. It's going to 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:34.960 be a forever thing. But let's dive into the first place. 0:14:35.080 --> 0:14:37.400 And I'm going to go with the title, So Home, 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:40.600 I wish I had a bigger kitchen. Earn my case, 0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:43.480 I wish I had a beautifully organized, minimalist home. Go 0:14:43.720 --> 0:14:46.120 tell me about your struggles and some of the things 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:48.240 you've done to counteract them. 0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:52.680 Yes, so the home chapter really, like the bigger kitchen 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:58.920 title really was very honest, because so funny. I've been 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:02.920 on Instagram and so often cooking in like an interior kitchen, 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:05.440 like I have no great lighting, I don't have a 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:09.600 big island, I don't have ample storage, and so really 0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:11.080 I would be like, oh. 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:12.600 I really just wished I had a biker kitchen. 0:15:12.960 --> 0:15:17.360 But I think that the kitchen so much like for 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:20.240 so many people, just exemplifies this like level of peace 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:22.400 kind of for you, like you were saying a minimalist tone, 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.640 you like, look at someone who has that home and 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:28.080 you just think, like, man, their life is so simple, 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:31.840 they're probably so happy. Everything about their life is probably 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:35.280 better than mine. You just kind of create this whole 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:38.040 narrative based off of, like it's so funny to say, 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:40.520 but based off of like a clear kitchen island that 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:44.000 I could believe, like this whole narrative for somebody based 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:48.240 off of that. But I think our homes, I hope not. 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:50.360 You know, I really try in this chapter not to 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:52.440 do a disservice to the home, like not to say 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:56.840 it shouldn't matter, because I think it actually deeply, deeply matters, 0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:59.320 Like it quite literally houses you. You know, it is 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:02.080 where you see spend probably more time than anywhere else. 0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:05.520 But I think that we really have got to reframe 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:09.440 what we see our homes as. And so I think 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:12.040 about even my little girls playing with like a Barbie dollhouse. 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:15.040 They don't just sit the Barbie in the dollhouse, they 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:17.840 play with the Barbie in the dollhouse, like they move 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:20.160 it around, and they move the furniture around and they 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:23.080 make it whatever they need it to be for what 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:26.640 their barbies are doing. And I think sometimes we think 0:16:26.640 --> 0:16:28.640 of our homes as like something that we're just gonna 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:30.760 sit in and not touch and have be beautiful all 0:16:30.800 --> 0:16:35.040 the time. But really it's such a working mechanism in 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:39.280 our house. Like everything, it's like it needs to be moving. 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:43.240 I think furniture, there are seasons where your furniture should move, 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:45.960 you know, like you're gonna do something with You're gonna 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:47.720 have a playroom for a while, and then eventually you're 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:49.400 gonna be like, you know what, our kids don't need 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:52.200 a playroom anymore. How could we use this space differently? 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:54.400 Or your basement was used for something and now you're like, 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:56.080 you know what, the kids are older, we could really 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:58.000 use like a pool table down here. How do we 0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:01.880 change this space for our season of life? And so 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:04.480 seeing your home that way is like, how is this 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:09.399 a tool that serves our family versus this like Christine 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:12.720 building that we just try and like maneuver our lives around. 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:17.040 Like a symbol or something like yes, yes, agreed as. 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:19.639 A human yes exactly. 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:23.200 I also feel like when we see examples of others' homes, 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:27.080 we're either seeing them curated spaces on social media, or 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:29.679 even when you're invited to someone's house, unless it's like 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:33.280 your best friend, you're probably getting the best possible version 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:34.119 of their house. 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:36.680 Yeah, and that probably doesn't help. 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:38.080 I'm guessing no. 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.879 And it's funny because in my real life when I 0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:46.719 walk into my friends' houses, I see the whole picture. 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:51.280 You see, even if they're like countertop is clean, they 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:51.919 have a corner. 0:17:52.000 --> 0:17:53.200 Everybody's got a corner. 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:55.240 Everybody has a place they're trying to like shove the 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:57.399 mail and that thing they need to return, and that 0:17:57.440 --> 0:17:59.960 tupperware they got to get to somebody, and the short 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:01.240 that didn't fit that they got to get back to 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:05.600 the store. Like everybody has that somewhere. I think you 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:08.800 see it so much more in real life, and so 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:12.640 we have to like fight online remember that those corners 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:14.720 exist in the same way, we just might. 0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:15.160 Not see them. 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:17.440 So your advice would be to think of your home 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:19.439 in terms of its utility and in terms of the 0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:21.840 living that you're doing in it and its function, and 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.560 then also pay attention to when you can get a 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:27.919 taste of what other people's real environments look like. 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:30.879 Yes, I would definitely pay attention when you go to 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:32.000 other people's homes. 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:33.640 And just see like and see the different way. 0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:35.720 Like I would be very open minded, like how do 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:38.679 they deal with shoes by the door? What systems do 0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:41.760 they have in place? But I think there is a 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:45.919 place for utility and like beauty to meet. But I 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:51.560 think very often we sacrifice utility for beauty and then 0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:55.440 we get super frustrated at ourselves or at the people 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:57.440