1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:09,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning, 2 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:20,680 Speaker 1: tip is that you don't need to explain your every 4 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 1: move and request as long as you are being reasonable. 5 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 1: Saying less might keep you from causing a bigger problem. 6 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,920 Speaker 1: People are also too wrapped up in their own lives 7 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:41,519 Speaker 1: to obsess much over your actions, so you can usually 8 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:47,520 Speaker 1: just live your life. This episode is first airing over 9 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:51,600 Speaker 1: the holidays. It's a time when extended family and friends 10 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:56,160 Speaker 1: gather and people go to parties and the like. Often 11 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: in these contexts we feel the need to explain our 12 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 1: very choices. You might mentally prepare explanations of why you 13 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 1: are asking visitors to take off their shoes in your mudroom. 14 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,000 Speaker 1: You might come up with a list of bullet points 15 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: about why you gave some folks gift cards instead of presents. 16 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: You tea up arguments about why you are not drinking 17 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:25,680 Speaker 1: alcohol or eating the brownies that everyone else is raving about. 18 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:30,200 Speaker 1: Maybe you feel like whatever you are doing is conspicuous, 19 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 1: and if it is not what everyone else does, you 20 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: might be self conscious about it. But if you ponder 21 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:40,479 Speaker 1: all the mental energy that you put into your own choices, 22 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,680 Speaker 1: you can quickly see that there isn't a huge amount 23 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 1: left over for anything else. Have you been obsessing over 24 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 1: whether your colleague is drinking at that party? Did you 25 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 1: notice if Aunt Gertrude ate your cheese dip? Did you 26 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: demand an explanation from a relative who gave your kids 27 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 1: gift cards? My guess is no. Most people are too 28 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 1: busy worrying about their own lives to worry all that 29 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 1: much about anyone else's. So if you tend to explain 30 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: yourself a lot, try pulling back, wait to see if 31 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:26,400 Speaker 1: someone asks for more detail. If so, you can provide it. 32 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 1: If not, maybe just let it be. For instance, if 33 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,839 Speaker 1: you are getting an end of your eye exam, your 34 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: eye doctor's office doesn't need to know why you are 35 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: asking for a hard copy of your prescription. They don't 36 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: need to know that you prefer an online company's frames 37 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,760 Speaker 1: to the ones in the office, or that you want 38 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: to minimize the cost of glasses this year because you 39 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: are saving up for a down payment for your first home. 40 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 1: Just request a hard copy of your prescription, and then 41 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:03,359 Speaker 1: everyone can move on with their lives. Your hairstylist probably 42 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 1: doesn't care why you need to reschedule your appointment two 43 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,320 Speaker 1: weeks from now. You can just ask whether she has 44 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: another opening later that week. Now, if you are canceling 45 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:18,079 Speaker 1: your appointment for today, that is a different matter. That 46 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: is a lot more inconvenient to the stylist. So you 47 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 1: should probably let her know that you woke up with 48 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 1: a fever and don't want to expose her to your germs. 49 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 1: There is a good reason you are inconveniencing her, but 50 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 1: for much else that is not the case. Your boss 51 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 1: doesn't need to know the exact purpose of the medical 52 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: appointment that is necessitating that you come in late one 53 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:48,280 Speaker 1: day next week. You can provide a doctor's note documenting 54 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: your absence if need be, but you probably don't need 55 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 1: to explain about your mole that is being removed. I 56 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,840 Speaker 1: feel like people go through an evolution in their lives. 57 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 1: You are young, we worry that everyone is thinking about 58 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 1: what we are doing. At some point we realize that 59 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:13,080 Speaker 1: most people aren't thinking about us all that much. At first, 60 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:17,679 Speaker 1: that can be a little alarming, especially if you made 61 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 1: any big life choices based on what you thought other 62 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 1: people thought was right. But then you realize the fact 63 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 1: that no one is thinking about you is absolutely liberating. 64 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,520 Speaker 1: The clerk at the grocery store has seen one hundred 65 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:39,039 Speaker 1: orders this morning already. He really doesn't care that you 66 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:42,839 Speaker 1: are buying cookies and soda. He doesn't need to hear 67 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 1: that you bought broccoli the last time you were there. 68 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 1: You don't need to explain yourself. You can just live 69 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 1: your life in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, 70 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 1: and here's to make you the most of our time. 71 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:13,240 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, 72 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,760 Speaker 1: or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura 73 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:26,159 Speaker 1: vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. 74 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:30,800 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app, 75 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.