Speaker 1: The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. It's the Nickulasor Podcast. It's Thursday, Ah,
Speaker 1: the end of another week of the Nikki Laser Podcast.
Speaker 1: Andrew is here with me. Noah is in Arizona. Um,
Speaker 1: we're all joined together by um kind of you know,
Speaker 1: wonky technology. This morning. I can't even see Noah, but
Speaker 1: I feel her, hear her. There, you are connected because
Speaker 1: we're all by We're by cactuses. Now, We're usually not
Speaker 1: all by cactuses. What do you mean by cactus? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Usually we have very different climates. Who do you think?
Speaker 1: Who do you think is closer to a cactus right now?
Speaker 1: If I had to do a walk off, yeah, I
Speaker 1: would say Noah is because she's Yeah, because I'm in
Speaker 1: a resort, and I think they keep cacti out of
Speaker 1: this resort. I think mostly palms and in different ferns. God,
Speaker 1: I feel like cactuses, Like it's like the porcupine of trees.
Speaker 1: Like I'm just kidding, because because how do I explain that.
Speaker 1: I know this is very esoteric, but I want to
Speaker 1: try to understand what. Um, No, it just sucks to
Speaker 1: be a tree or a porcupine or a skunk or
Speaker 1: whatever like no, no, that's why they have it. They
Speaker 1: like to be left alone. It's not like, um, it's
Speaker 1: not like they feel like innately unlovable and so they
Speaker 1: have this defense up like humans have where without being
Speaker 1: they just gotta fun just dick to pussy. They can't.
Speaker 1: They can't doggie only, don't occupine. Yeah, there's something. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's a porcupines do umliferate? Is that the word they procreate?
Speaker 1: So they figured it out, whatever it is. I don't
Speaker 1: think they're and cacti. I love cacti. There's I mean,
Speaker 1: they just look so cool and like ready to party.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just because there's always I always know animatronic
Speaker 1: cacti with sunglasses on, like dancing like this. You know
Speaker 1: how I'm dancing right now if you're not watching the video. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: cacti are are awesome. And what happened to why did
Speaker 1: succulents become like the new cacti of like cacti a
Speaker 1: type of succulent don't look that up. I don't care.
Speaker 1: But in terms of like low maintenance, yeah, it's the
Speaker 1: I bought one the other day. The uh, what's it
Speaker 1: called everyone gets it now because you only have to
Speaker 1: put water in it like once every three weeks. Fake
Speaker 1: a fake tree. Yeah, plants because they well, first of all,
Speaker 1: they're made of plastic, so I guess that's bad um,
Speaker 1: but they they do last forever. And it's just there's
Speaker 1: something so sad about a snake plant. I've never even
Speaker 1: heard of that maybe I don't have it wrong. I'm
Speaker 1: so jealous, I will say jealous, and I know I
Speaker 1: shouldn't be, but I'm really envious of people who wait,
Speaker 1: what's the best between jealousy and then I forget what
Speaker 1: is Like? It's like, for sure, it's like the porcupine, Um,
Speaker 1: no jealousy. There's a difference one has, like you know,
Speaker 1: the difference between sarcasm and facetiousness. One I can pronounce
Speaker 1: a little better. You are killing it today. No facetious
Speaker 1: I know is sarcasm without the meanness. Sarcasm is like, oh,
Speaker 1: like I'm trying to make you feel bad, So like, oh, really,
Speaker 1: what I just did about the porcupines and cacti that
Speaker 1: was sarcastic and faious. It though I would say it's
Speaker 1: it's definitely out of love, but it just is it's
Speaker 1: there to prove to make a point that you some
Speaker 1: people hate sarcasm, like they don't like people being funny
Speaker 1: in conversation. It's very regional. I found there are some
Speaker 1: places you go to and everyone is sarcastic. Where did
Speaker 1: I go where everyone? I mean, Long Island is all sarcasm?
Speaker 1: English people are all sarcastic. It's very it's a very
Speaker 1: dry sense of humor because there's no like break in
Speaker 1: and I like, I'm just kidding, like some people just
Speaker 1: hold the sarcasm and then that's all that they give you,
Speaker 1: and you wonder, is this even? There was somewhere I
Speaker 1: went where sarcasm was so sick. I it happened multiple
Speaker 1: times where I just took I was very gullible, which
Speaker 1: isn't in the dictionary, and I really did believe the
Speaker 1: person I felt so stupid. I'm I am very gullible
Speaker 1: when it comes to people's sarcasm. I just and they
Speaker 1: feel like you can get ship like accomplished within a
Speaker 1: real conversation. And if it's only sarcasm, sarcasm is it's
Speaker 1: it's kind of like the the PhD of dad jokes,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like a little it's
Speaker 1: like a dad joke with a fucking one of those
Speaker 1: graduation caps on it, Like it's a little bit more
Speaker 1: sophisticated dad joke. But it's very it's a very simple
Speaker 1: thing to do, and it's corny and it's easy comedy.
Speaker 1: So when people on you know, Tinder, all those when
Speaker 1: I was swiping before, they'd be like, I'm an expert
Speaker 1: in sarcasm. If you don't like sarcosms, swipe bluff, Like
Speaker 1: is that sarcastic? Should I not swipe bluff? And I
Speaker 1: don't know what you even want anymore? Um, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think sarcasm is just it's easy. It's it's an easy
Speaker 1: way to make jokes because you can literally it's kind
Speaker 1: of going not ah, it's just taking whatever. It's based
Speaker 1: on what the person says, and then you say the
Speaker 1: opposite and you act like you mean it. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: can't even I use sarcasm a lot in my comedy,
Speaker 1: though I realize it's just I do do. I used
Speaker 1: to be very sarcastic. My whole conversations would be there'd
Speaker 1: be nothing, reflection, there would be nothing. I mean, you
Speaker 1: still struggle with that sometimes you do, well, that's sorry,
Speaker 1: that facetious. That's just rude really and yeah, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that that bugs me so much. I mean, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: turning into a porcupine right now. That guy, Wait, I
Speaker 1: just said porky pine in said a porcupine, a porkypine.
Speaker 1: Did you ever see the movie Porky's Back Into No,
Speaker 1: I never did. I know. There's like a shower scene
Speaker 1: or something like that. No, that's LFC or uf ufl
Speaker 1: or jfl or FCC or some there's some like movie
Speaker 1: with No, there's some movie with letters in it that
Speaker 1: all the guys are like, who could do the people
Speaker 1: with the girls showering? Well, nerds they do it, okay,
Speaker 1: revenge and nerds. I just have a joke that I hadn't.
Speaker 1: Like I was, I work on my body. I go
Speaker 1: to the gym all the time, and no one ever
Speaker 1: fucking sees it because I'm not hooking up because I'm
Speaker 1: pretty much celibate. So like when I'm in the shower,
Speaker 1: I hope my landlord has a fucking people because I
Speaker 1: want someone to appreciate it. I did feel that way
Speaker 1: at some point of like I wish someone would spy
Speaker 1: on me just because I want blind open, because that's
Speaker 1: so obvious. I want to be assaulted. I want, I know,
Speaker 1: I want, No, I just wanted. I don't want it
Speaker 1: to happen with me knowing you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: But I do want it. I really I gotta bring
Speaker 1: that joke back because it was like, I don't think
Speaker 1: I ever put it on anything. It felt so stupid
Speaker 1: to go to the gym all the time and to
Speaker 1: have like, and I know you work on your body,
Speaker 1: say that you look good and clothes and stuff, but
Speaker 1: there was a um, I looked really good naked for
Speaker 1: a while and no one saw it except me, and
Speaker 1: it's just like it wasn't really I used to say,
Speaker 1: a masturbate with my eyes closed. I don't need this
Speaker 1: ship like I don't I'm under the covers. So there
Speaker 1: was something that felt like sad about it. And I
Speaker 1: know that's like, oh, you're supposed to do it for yourself.
Speaker 1: But that was when I was more obsessed with what
Speaker 1: would you ever feel your own body while masturbating? Does
Speaker 1: that turn you on? Sometimes I would pinch my own
Speaker 1: nipples or well, we know you do that any any
Speaker 1: time you might be going to the doctor. And one
Speaker 1: is sexual when I find myself touching myself during that.
Speaker 1: That's what I know. Like, oh, whoa, I'm out of
Speaker 1: it because it's just to me, that's not something that. Um.
Speaker 1: I just feel ridiculous when it comes to masturbation. UM.
Speaker 1: Not like I'm ashamed or anything, but I just, um,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just what about the son of
Speaker 1: a mirror? Do you like masturbating in front of a mirror?
Speaker 1: A mirror here? Um? A guy named a mirror. Um,
Speaker 1: that's so funny, like a room of like fifty of them. Uh,
Speaker 1: so funny. I don't know. No, have you ever done that? No? Uh,
Speaker 1: I can't say that I have. That's okay, Okay, I haven't. Yes,
Speaker 1: she can't think. It was just like instead of like
Speaker 1: finding a porn or something, you just kind of like,
Speaker 1: look at what you're doing. I don't look at my
Speaker 1: face though. I feel like I've definitely. Um, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm so motivated by performing that anything I do
Speaker 1: alone unless there's someone to account for it. I just
Speaker 1: like when I mastered, But there's it has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with me feeling like sexual or me putting on
Speaker 1: a like me, I'm not there. I'm like I'm astro
Speaker 1: projecting myself into the scene. But that's interesting, like being
Speaker 1: turned on by yourself. I gotta practice that. I don't
Speaker 1: think I could look into mirror and masturbate. I think
Speaker 1: it'd be too much. I'll try it now. That's self
Speaker 1: love for sure. And um, I definitely feel really sexy
Speaker 1: and I like looking at myself when I'm with someone else.
Speaker 1: But it's the same as playing guitar, like when I
Speaker 1: go in those Instagram lives and all the besties watched me,
Speaker 1: like pretty much practice, I wouldn't be good. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: practice that much. I wouldn't play that much unless I
Speaker 1: was performed. I have to. It's I have that same
Speaker 1: gene to perform with sports, like if I if I
Speaker 1: go surfing, I want someone to see what I did, like,
Speaker 1: or if I play anything to the gym, there's gotta
Speaker 1: be other people there. I'm not going to stay even
Speaker 1: though I've been playing golf, but you could kind of
Speaker 1: have You could catch a glimpse of other guys seeing
Speaker 1: your shot. You know, just someone, anyone, yeah, anyone. Watch.
Speaker 1: That's why believing in God must feel pretty good, like
Speaker 1: you always have that, but some people just don't need that.
Speaker 1: I get jealous of, like surfers or whatever that can
Speaker 1: go out alone and just enjoy it without like because
Speaker 1: they're doing it to feel one with nature and like
Speaker 1: being like, unless I've never felt that, I've never done that,
Speaker 1: I've never done either. That's it's kind of sad to
Speaker 1: me that everything I do has to be basically yeah,
Speaker 1: other people to approval or appreciate. It's not even other
Speaker 1: people's approval, it's like I just need someone to bear
Speaker 1: witness or something. I don't know. I enjoyed practice. Like
Speaker 1: last night, I was trying to learn a song and
Speaker 1: it was just one that I had to like really practice.
Speaker 1: It just sounds so clunky. If it doesn't sound good,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it in front of anyone.
Speaker 1: But as soon as it sounds somewhat good, I need
Speaker 1: to be like, look look at what I can do.
Speaker 1: And I would do that way before I was really
Speaker 1: good at it, right, you know what I mean? I
Speaker 1: guess we did that with stand up. We all did
Speaker 1: it before we were really good at it. But like
Speaker 1: we were doing that yesterday, we were going over like
Speaker 1: our first one, Oh my god. Yeah. We went on
Speaker 1: Instagram Live right after that We did the podcast yesterday
Speaker 1: and we were I was just playing, you know, a
Speaker 1: couple of chords back and forth, and um, Andrew I
Speaker 1: was like, let's just do one liners. I used to
Speaker 1: do this with Jay Chris Newberg. He was a comic
Speaker 1: in l A. And we used to go on stage
Speaker 1: and he was a guitar comic and he would just
Speaker 1: he was a one liner guy and he would just
Speaker 1: play guitar and we would go one we would go
Speaker 1: joke for a joke, and it was so fun to
Speaker 1: just do one liners back and forth and have no like,
Speaker 1: we don't need you don't need to think about the
Speaker 1: flow of it, any transitions. You just tell jokes. It
Speaker 1: was so fun. What are you looking at? No? I
Speaker 1: found my very first. I was listening to everything you said.
Speaker 1: I know, it's so funny. Your head needs to go
Speaker 1: totally down to look at it. Isn't this more rude? No,
Speaker 1: let's just look at watch watching this. I'm looking at
Speaker 1: my phone right now. Okay, I see that I have
Speaker 1: a hump in my neck. But you hold it all
Speaker 1: the way down in your lap. Yeah, No, I get it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you can pull it kind of in front of
Speaker 1: you at about learning yeah. Okay, well you got it
Speaker 1: right right right after we took the news job from you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got nothing left. All right, we'll tell us some
Speaker 1: of your first job, first ever joke. No, I want
Speaker 1: to do you have yours anywhere? No, I mean I
Speaker 1: never I don't write things down, and they're all on
Speaker 1: like set lists that have been long gone. All right,
Speaker 1: these might be terrible to erosion. I haven't even looked
Speaker 1: at some of these. I probably did say, but these
Speaker 1: where my very first Yes, this is before I even
Speaker 1: took my counter. You look at this? Did you find
Speaker 1: this yesterday after we did the thing? Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: was going through my email. I just typed in one
Speaker 1: liners because I used to one and so I went
Speaker 1: all the way down to the bottom. So I sent
Speaker 1: this to like probably like twenty friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: And you were trying to write like Jack Handy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: deep thoughts by Jack? Yeah, Mitch Hedberg, I guess was he?
Speaker 1: Were you a fan of his? Yet a little bit?
Speaker 1: I saw him right before he died. Actually, okay, well
Speaker 1: some of us it looks like if we just what
Speaker 1: I killed him. Yeah, I'm just Heath Ledger before he died.
Speaker 1: So there's a how soon before? Huh, I don't know.
Speaker 1: They both have like kind of the same name too,
Speaker 1: Heath Ledger, Yeah, Porcupine. Okay, alright, alright, I'll do something,
Speaker 1: but these might be terrible. Okay. I remember when I
Speaker 1: ran away from my parents forget in a divorce. That time,
Speaker 1: I think it was my fault, not bad kind of
Speaker 1: like a turn on. I think I remember the time
Speaker 1: I ran away from my parents after getting after they
Speaker 1: got a divorce. That time, I think it was my fault.
Speaker 1: That doesn't even make sense. I get it like you
Speaker 1: were doing a joke on like parents always say it's
Speaker 1: not your fault. Yeah, yeah, that's funny. There's something really
Speaker 1: good about that, all right. I sometimes was ridiculed for
Speaker 1: not doing drugs in grade school by my doctor. It's
Speaker 1: actually not bad for not doing drugs in grade school
Speaker 1: by your doctor. Yeah, I'm getting like he wanted he
Speaker 1: ridiculed me for not taking my riddle in or something. Wait,
Speaker 1: so like so the joke is like, doctors tell you
Speaker 1: don't take drugs, but this one wanted you to take drugs.
Speaker 1: No that he prescribed me drugs and I didn't take them.
Speaker 1: So where's the joke. The joke is I was ridiculed
Speaker 1: for not doing drugs and grades by my Like who
Speaker 1: would ridicule you in grade school for not taking Yeah?
Speaker 1: Lot of so A better way to say that it
Speaker 1: is like I was a dork in. I was a
Speaker 1: dork in high school. Sometimes I got made fun of,
Speaker 1: sometimes I got It was very It was hard in
Speaker 1: grade school. I felt like I didn't fit in. I
Speaker 1: would get ridiculed for not doing doing drugs. But it
Speaker 1: wasn't by the cool kids. It was by my doctor.
Speaker 1: You would have to like feed it a little bit more.
Speaker 1: I think you're very good at feeding. Yeah, you gotta,
Speaker 1: you gotta. I used to do the same thing where
Speaker 1: the people would go the audience isn't thinking what you're thinking,
Speaker 1: Like you have to like you have to walk, you
Speaker 1: have to hold their hands there because you have to
Speaker 1: set the scene. Because I mean you that one. We
Speaker 1: were all confused. Hangman is the most racist game I
Speaker 1: know except blah blah blah, except uh, what what was
Speaker 1: the game that your your teacher made you do within
Speaker 1: your nose in the circle? Oh? Yeah, what it was called?
Speaker 1: He just said, put your judos in the circus, Okay,
Speaker 1: except to put your judos in the circle, which was
Speaker 1: one of yeah, which is my eleventh grade teacher, after
Speaker 1: I talked heads up seven up, after we played heads
Speaker 1: up seven off seven times in a row, or like
Speaker 1: I guess, in a different number. This one's really fucking clever.
Speaker 1: People who tend to smell in public think they're farting
Speaker 1: in private. Okay, that sucks. Okay. Dogs are man's best friends. Listen,
Speaker 1: no judgment here. These are all like they're not bad thoughts.
Speaker 1: But so what I did is like no these yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: dogs are man's best friend. Cats are better as a musical. Whoa,
Speaker 1: oh man, dude, you're thinking outside the box. What's the
Speaker 1: difference between sarcasm and facetious? Oh my god, that's good.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't hate that. Oh god. I started
Speaker 1: free diving lessons fifteen years ago, and now I have
Speaker 1: horrible credit, meaning what wait, hold on, I want to
Speaker 1: try to even understand. To say it again, don't explain,
Speaker 1: I started free diving free diving lessons. Free diving is
Speaker 1: when you go hold your breath, right, Okay, you started
Speaker 1: free diving lessons years ago, and now I have horrible
Speaker 1: credit because you spent money on lessons with my credit Okay.
Speaker 1: What I think the joke is free to as well.
Speaker 1: Like the joke is that it ended up being you
Speaker 1: thought it was going to be free diving lessons. Okay,
Speaker 1: so that's funny. So I saw a sign that said
Speaker 1: free diving lessons, and I've always wanted to do learn
Speaker 1: how to do that. So I show up and all
Speaker 1: we're doing is holding our breath and going under. I
Speaker 1: was like, where's the board or something like where's the
Speaker 1: where's the diving board? Essentially, Oh no, I that's enough
Speaker 1: a post on it. I don't have any money to pay.
Speaker 1: I have no money at the end of the class.
Speaker 1: I feel bad watching free porn in front of a
Speaker 1: hooker free porn? Wait, I feel bad watching free porn
Speaker 1: in front of oh right, like, because she's probably you're
Speaker 1: taking away her business. And why would you be watching
Speaker 1: free porn in front of a hooker? I know that
Speaker 1: would be mean because I'm not paying her free hookerless Wait,
Speaker 1: you would be paying a hooker. Oh yes, that worse
Speaker 1: would be even worse. So I pay for the hookers time.
Speaker 1: But yet I watched free porn in front of I
Speaker 1: think she would love that. You kidding me, don't there's
Speaker 1: a lot more where that came from, and this is
Speaker 1: really fun. Yeah, we gotta go back into this little
Speaker 1: stat Do you stop reading right now? I don't want to.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get Oh man, some of my
Speaker 1: first jokes were so fucking bad and made no sense,
Speaker 1: and we're just there's one that I just thought of it.
Speaker 1: I can't do it because it um is based on
Speaker 1: using a word that we no longer use as a
Speaker 1: uh pejorative statement, if you know what I'm saying. No,
Speaker 1: that one still, Oh, I know, I bet it was
Speaker 1: just I mean, I think you can probably guess it.
Speaker 1: But I'm not even gonna give the punchline. They say
Speaker 1: for for the cup of um, the price of a
Speaker 1: cup of coffee every day, you could save one Ethiopian child,
Speaker 1: um just for that. But I go to Starbucks and
Speaker 1: I found out for the price of a fenty double
Speaker 1: whip Moca double blended with blah blah blah, you can
Speaker 1: save up to blank. You get it. Yeah, do you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? People? That is funny to think like,
Speaker 1: because you think I'm gonna say like eight Ethiopians, but
Speaker 1: I just say you can save one. Wait, now I'm confused.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to make you say the words. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to can you say like the first
Speaker 1: letter of the word. I just want to say that
Speaker 1: there are certain things that that drink is um rather
Speaker 1: feminine and maybe metro sectional, and so you might use
Speaker 1: a word back in two thousand two to describe that drink,
Speaker 1: and so I would say you could. It was a
Speaker 1: misdirection where you're like, oh my god, but I every
Speaker 1: day I get this specialty drink, so for the price
Speaker 1: of this, and then I say all of these like
Speaker 1: things on the drink with like you know, caramel drizzle
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah, you can save up to one
Speaker 1: See that was play more in joke form, like stand
Speaker 1: up joke form already early on, then would you how
Speaker 1: would you come up with a break But I'll tell
Speaker 1: you what I get back a girl in okay? But
Speaker 1: how would you back to jokes? How did you know?
Speaker 1: Because that's a real set up punchline, like well written, Joe,
Speaker 1: early on, did you watch like did you just fill
Speaker 1: in the words of like another stand up I just studied, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I studied other stand up like so hard. So that
Speaker 1: was almost like you took out words and put words
Speaker 1: in kind. Start with um. I would start with the
Speaker 1: same thing that you were saying yesterday on the Instagram
Speaker 1: Live of like an old saying an older dodge, A dodge,
Speaker 1: a a d a g s of like old adage.
Speaker 1: I think the word is, oh my god, I give
Speaker 1: says a dodge and a dodgy and an old adele.
Speaker 1: Um you would say, you would take like you know, um.
Speaker 1: So the the old adage is that for a couple
Speaker 1: of coffee, for the price of a cup of coffee,
Speaker 1: you can say like it's just trying to make Americans
Speaker 1: feel bad about their spending. And that was like a
Speaker 1: thing that you heard all the time, at least I
Speaker 1: remember it being said. I never saw the commercials where
Speaker 1: it said it, but that was like a thing. So
Speaker 1: I remember going, Okay, there's something funny about that. And
Speaker 1: I remember the Sarah Silverman joke. I really liked that.
Speaker 1: I've said in the podcast before. I think where she says, um,
Speaker 1: you know uh, I really I like to do good
Speaker 1: and I like to give back. I recently UM sent
Speaker 1: a village in Ethiopia uh um a an a shipment
Speaker 1: of these beautiful cow neck sweaters like it was just
Speaker 1: her being this white dumb woman that doesn't understand that
Speaker 1: like giving to them isn't the same way that what
Speaker 1: you would want. And she's like these really creamy, yummy
Speaker 1: Kashmir cow neck sweaters and I gotta let her back
Speaker 1: and it was so sweet. They said they love the
Speaker 1: sweaters and that they were delicious, and so I remember
Speaker 1: thinking that joke is really funny, Like what what my
Speaker 1: favorite communities do is take these taboos of like starving children, abortion,
Speaker 1: like these things that are like really harsh subjects and
Speaker 1: like making light of them and also playing this character
Speaker 1: that's kind of stupid. And so for that joke, it's
Speaker 1: like sardcast like using no because you're you're you're not
Speaker 1: you're playing You're not like playing dumb. You're actually you're
Speaker 1: actually being a dumb person, but the audience doesn't. The
Speaker 1: audience obviously knows that you're behind it. But sarcasm is
Speaker 1: more like really like yourself. People get mad about these
Speaker 1: racist jokes. It's like, well, why don't you get mad
Speaker 1: at characters on TV who read who? Why don't you
Speaker 1: get mad at um Leonardo DiCaprio for saying the N word?
Speaker 1: And Yeah, but seriously, because why is that different than
Speaker 1: Sarah Silverman. I think I'm being gullible right now, because
Speaker 1: why is that? Why is that different than Sarah Silverman,
Speaker 1: who had to apologize for all the jokes she did
Speaker 1: as a character who's this naive She's what she's portraying
Speaker 1: is the opposite of the person she's being, the Karen.
Speaker 1: But people, because stand up, they take it as like
Speaker 1: it's you, and they're like, well, you wrote the joke.
Speaker 1: Well guess what people wrote if you watch Veep. I've
Speaker 1: always said this, it's the most racist jokes I've ever
Speaker 1: heard in my life. Stuff that if a stand up
Speaker 1: said those jokes, they would get canceled. But because these
Speaker 1: characters are terrible people, they get away with it and
Speaker 1: their actors. Why can't stand ups be actors? You know,
Speaker 1: like in the fact that Amy Schumer and Sarah Silverman
Speaker 1: have have to apologize for jokes they made playing a
Speaker 1: character who is clearly a dumb cunt um, and that's
Speaker 1: that's what I did with that joke. It's like, okay,
Speaker 1: so all right, so the cup of coffee a day
Speaker 1: you can save any theopian. Okay, Well, what's something I
Speaker 1: can do with coffee, well, coffee comes in all shapes
Speaker 1: and sizes. Oh what if I did, what would um
Speaker 1: a frappuccino save? And I was thinking, okay, the where
Speaker 1: you would go normally is they would save a lot
Speaker 1: more people because it's more expensive, so not one Ethiopian child,
Speaker 1: it would save seven. And then I go, wait a second,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say seveny theo with ChEls. What
Speaker 1: can I say instead? That makes me a dumb cunt,
Speaker 1: which is one gay Ethiopian? Yes? Right, so because and
Speaker 1: I go, because that's kind of a fruity drink. I
Speaker 1: said something like, you know, disparit. But but the thing
Speaker 1: is what I'm wondering. First of all, that wasn't saying
Speaker 1: that drink was um. That actually wasn't using it as
Speaker 1: a presorative statement, because that's true, that drink is delicious
Speaker 1: and I love it, but it's a little bit gay
Speaker 1: in the sense that it's like, you know, it's it
Speaker 1: has a lot of um, a frappy frappuccino, like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: And where does are you allowed to say that things
Speaker 1: are gay anymore? That are like uh, or that are
Speaker 1: like more feminine feminine or um, yes, flamboyant. I mean
Speaker 1: you're allowed. I mean culture will say you can't. But
Speaker 1: a lot of people would say it's okay, because yeah,
Speaker 1: will culture would have problem with that. Yeah, they have
Speaker 1: a problem with using the wrong proninent. They would definitely
Speaker 1: have a problem with say, oh, yeah, that that guy
Speaker 1: runs like runs gay or you know what. I guess
Speaker 1: because certain men wouldn't get the drink because I would
Speaker 1: say if I said that that drink is that's kind
Speaker 1: of a gay drink or whatever. If I was just
Speaker 1: being like fun about it or not meaning to be harsh,
Speaker 1: I guess it could be interpretive, uh, in a negative
Speaker 1: connotation because it might mas make mask new men not
Speaker 1: want to get the drink because of what that would imply.
Speaker 1: But um, yeah, so I guess it is not that
Speaker 1: it wasn't. I wouldn't do that joke now ever, because
Speaker 1: I think it's just it's I mean, it's I was good. No,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just to unless I'm being very ironic,
Speaker 1: I mean, who says things are gay anymore? I mean,
Speaker 1: but that was so common that everyone should be canceled
Speaker 1: based on what how we used to talk. I've seen
Speaker 1: what show was I was watching some regular show. It
Speaker 1: was insanely common the O C or something, and I
Speaker 1: was Taylor Swift as a lyric where she's like, and
Speaker 1: I'll tell everyone you're gay about like a guy in
Speaker 1: the song she's like, and I'll tell my friends you're gay.
Speaker 1: Al Right, well shall we cancel her? Like it was, well,
Speaker 1: let's think about this. And obviously we're too, Like I'm
Speaker 1: maybe a little bit gay. I've uh come to terms
Speaker 1: with that. I don't know, you know, but I think
Speaker 1: we're all in the Kinsey scale. But when this is
Speaker 1: coming from three fucking white people and or white you know,
Speaker 1: straight people, and they're fucking podcast talking about um, I
Speaker 1: don't mean to describe the gay experience, but I think that.
Speaker 1: I mean, we're talking the other day about our high
Speaker 1: school graduating class, no gay people in mind. Mm, Like
Speaker 1: two thousand two, gay people did not feel comfortable enough
Speaker 1: coming out. Don't you think that in two thousand two,
Speaker 1: we were living in a culture where it didn't feel. Um,
Speaker 1: we just didn't know that it wasn't okay to say
Speaker 1: that because there were no gay people around us, and
Speaker 1: we didn't know how common it was. We didn't know.
Speaker 1: We didn't know that us saying things were gay was
Speaker 1: actually contributing to the silence of those people. We didn't
Speaker 1: think of it that way. And it's not to say
Speaker 1: that it was right or like you should excuse it,
Speaker 1: like I'm I'm so sad that people in high school
Speaker 1: who are now gay and my graduating class couldn't be
Speaker 1: that way in high school. It's like, it fucking sucks
Speaker 1: because that's who they were the whole fucking time, or
Speaker 1: maybe you know when they depending on when they were turned.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I just think that going back,
Speaker 1: and it's just about cancel culture stuff like thinking of
Speaker 1: these things in just comparing everything to the present. Well then,
Speaker 1: oh my god, Andrew, you slept with a girl, Um,
Speaker 1: five years ago, you're cheating on Brenna right now because
Speaker 1: five years ago, we have to hold you to the
Speaker 1: same standard right now. Didn't you know you were gonna
Speaker 1: be with your wife someday back then? Didn't you know
Speaker 1: five years ago when you were slept with that woman,
Speaker 1: that you knew you weren't going to marry, that some
Speaker 1: day you would marry a girl, and that that would
Speaker 1: betray her. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to everyone I let
Speaker 1: down for having sex with that girl five years ago,
Speaker 1: but I didn't there were no other girls that would you.
Speaker 1: But didn't you know some day that you would be
Speaker 1: with someone. I get what you're saying. I get what
Speaker 1: you're saying. I think, like, listen, I'm I'm I'm bearing
Speaker 1: for I'm like bracing for like you know, uh, someone
Speaker 1: trying to cancel me based on things that I used
Speaker 1: to be okay to say. And it's just like if
Speaker 1: you if you can look back and go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm horrified by how I talked or how we talked,
Speaker 1: or how we've made gay people or black people or
Speaker 1: anyone feel less than if you can say that, then
Speaker 1: I think it should be okay and say and you
Speaker 1: can say I don't do that now, and I would
Speaker 1: never say that now. Why isn't that enough? Well, I
Speaker 1: think what happens to is like, let's say someone goes
Speaker 1: back and sees that joke because it's on some tape
Speaker 1: somewhere at some like shitty show you did, and somehow
Speaker 1: it's pulled up on YouTube. I don't know however they
Speaker 1: do it. You just type in Nikki Glazer Ethiopian joke
Speaker 1: and I mean it's not out there because I just
Speaker 1: I was so so I never put it on. Let's
Speaker 1: say you get canceled for that, you lose your show,
Speaker 1: you lose this show, you lose you lose everything, right,
Speaker 1: So then where can you go? You can only be
Speaker 1: embraced by people that are fine with using that word,
Speaker 1: which I'm not even fine using that. I know, I know,
Speaker 1: but then you're like, well, I have more embraced by
Speaker 1: people that know that. I think most of my fans,
Speaker 1: even on this show, would understand that that was like
Speaker 1: a different me, and they would come along and they're
Speaker 1: not people that currently use that word. That's true, That's
Speaker 1: a good point. I'm just saying that because then what happens.
Speaker 1: I think if someone goes, Okay, well I can't even
Speaker 1: do this thing, well, now I'm gonna be worse for
Speaker 1: this apology of saying like, I can't believe I said that. Listen.
Speaker 1: I didn't hear his uh second apology about and I
Speaker 1: didn't watch the tape of all of it. It's just
Speaker 1: I was honestly going to be, I think, too disturbed
Speaker 1: by it. But I read the things he said, and
Speaker 1: he was I think, from what I understood, rightfully horrified
Speaker 1: by what he says. Does that excuse it was it,
Speaker 1: you know, a different time back then. I don't I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. I just know that, like
Speaker 1: when I cannot forgive anyone, I'm not kidding you anyone
Speaker 1: for anything if they go I don't know what the
Speaker 1: funk I was thinking when I did that. I would
Speaker 1: never do that now, And I'm gonna go forward and
Speaker 1: actually do good, try to make the world a better
Speaker 1: place moving forward, knowing what I know about my past
Speaker 1: actions and how they affected people, Like how can you
Speaker 1: be mad at that person? First of all, They're gonna
Speaker 1: actually probably go out and do more good. And maybe
Speaker 1: I'm gullible, maybe I'm falling for people's apology, or maybe
Speaker 1: I'm these people just went their careers back and I
Speaker 1: should just see it for what it is and it's
Speaker 1: just a money grab and they just are only But
Speaker 1: I don't know. I guess I still have a little
Speaker 1: faith that people can have humility and be really I'm
Speaker 1: someone who has been horrified by things I've said and done.
Speaker 1: Even last week, even in moments of like anger, when
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm back into a corner and you know,
Speaker 1: my partner makes me really upset and I say something
Speaker 1: just out of anger, just to hurt them in that moment,
Speaker 1: because I just fight or fight, you know, porcupine, and
Speaker 1: I could be horrified minutes after I say something that
Speaker 1: is completely out of line, and I expect to be
Speaker 1: forgiven for those moments because we all do things. We're
Speaker 1: all stupid sometimes, and if you're someone out there being
Speaker 1: like I would never say that word, and I would
Speaker 1: never make those jokes. We're talking about this at dinner
Speaker 1: last night. I would never drive drunk. I'm sure there's
Speaker 1: something you've done in the past that you would never
Speaker 1: do now that you if you got caught for it,
Speaker 1: which you just haven't been because there was no record
Speaker 1: of it, you'd be horrible. You just no one's perfect.
Speaker 1: All you got to do is be able to Everything
Speaker 1: that he did was recorded over the last like twelve
Speaker 1: year or whatever it's like, over his span. If everything
Speaker 1: you thought and you had to talk for two hours,
Speaker 1: you would probably find something pretty shitty that you said.
Speaker 1: But people argue, I wouldn't have said that, yes, but
Speaker 1: I would never have said that could be yes, of course,
Speaker 1: like even I said that, Like if you were to
Speaker 1: trick me and go I have recording of you saying
Speaker 1: that where go. No, I never said it, but me
Speaker 1: to go, I'm better than anyone who says it. It's
Speaker 1: like I've probably said things that are qualifying in different ways.
Speaker 1: Just how I've said things I've said graz just the
Speaker 1: tone of my voice, whatever that now I have. I'm
Speaker 1: not kidding you. In with me and my friends, when
Speaker 1: I have been very hurt by men or really resent
Speaker 1: full of other women, I have said things that would
Speaker 1: I mean, probably hold up in a court of law
Speaker 1: as premeditated murder. Do you know what I'm saying like
Speaker 1: that that could that could be treasonous because of Because
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to really let let my friends know
Speaker 1: how fucking man I am at someone. I've said things
Speaker 1: that if they were recorded, could get me arrested, because
Speaker 1: guess what, in those moments, I just need to let
Speaker 1: it out, and I'm so embarrassed afterwards, and I have
Speaker 1: to say to my friends, like, by the way, I
Speaker 1: don't want to do that to that person. I don't
Speaker 1: hope that person does that thing. But we all humans
Speaker 1: are capable of some of the ugliest You can't help
Speaker 1: the way you think. But I think that all I
Speaker 1: need from someone is accountability. That doesn't mean like you
Speaker 1: can just get away with being a terrible person and
Speaker 1: just apologize. Oh I'll just apologize every time that I
Speaker 1: can keep being terrible. That's not what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: Don't do that. Don't say that to me of like, oh,
Speaker 1: so you just apologize every time. I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: mean like a guy can hit me and then apologize.
Speaker 1: But if if someone I I think, I I I
Speaker 1: trust an apology when I get it, when I feel
Speaker 1: it sincere and if the person you know does it again,
Speaker 1: then we have you know, there's two strikes in your
Speaker 1: out for me. But I will always accept an apology always,
Speaker 1: and maybe not even two stricture out. I just feel
Speaker 1: like humans operate really uh stupidly when they get drunk,
Speaker 1: when they get comfortable, when they get angry, when they
Speaker 1: get lonely, when they get tired, when they like get
Speaker 1: hung like we just become not the best version of ourselves,
Speaker 1: and that I think we should allow ourselves to I
Speaker 1: think we should. It's kind of like when that there
Speaker 1: was you know, I'm a Jewish guy. You know I'm
Speaker 1: not the most Jewish. No, I'm just kidding. I'm not
Speaker 1: the most Jewish porcupine, but you know, I'm Jew. I'm
Speaker 1: a Jew. And then my buddy Myers Leonard said the
Speaker 1: word kike, right, and as a Jew, that's like the
Speaker 1: worst word you could possibly hear. And he yelled it
Speaker 1: in a in a in a when he was playing
Speaker 1: a video game like a live stream. He yelled it in
Speaker 1: in like a way of like you know, talking ship
Speaker 1: like to someone or just like screamed someone like to
Speaker 1: to someone like who killed him? He's like, oh, you
Speaker 1: fucking And was the person was Jewish in the NBA anymore?
Speaker 1: Right now? Partly was he was injured? But then also
Speaker 1: I think people aren't allowing him. Did he say it
Speaker 1: to a Jewish person? Not that it completely matters, but
Speaker 1: did he like I think some people take on slurs
Speaker 1: because they just are these harsh words. No, No, he
Speaker 1: didn't know the person wasn't Jewish, so he said it too.
Speaker 1: There's some context and he was being honest, he said
Speaker 1: the next day he was like, um, I really don't
Speaker 1: didn't know that, Like I knew the word, like I've
Speaker 1: just heard the word, but he didn't know behind the word.
Speaker 1: And he's done so much work since then with like
Speaker 1: different Jewish groups. He's like been so public about it
Speaker 1: where I don't even think he needs to do that
Speaker 1: honestly as a Jewish person, you know, I wrote him
Speaker 1: the next day. I was like, you know, you know,
Speaker 1: as a Jewish person, like you know, I I get
Speaker 1: what you know what you did and I'm sure you're
Speaker 1: sorry and what's that? And I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: thanks for being a fan, and if you could promote
Speaker 1: my next album on your inst stories, I'd be great. No. No,
Speaker 1: but like no, I was just like I get it
Speaker 1: right away, like you can see the sadness in them
Speaker 1: that he just didn't know, Like he just didn't know.
Speaker 1: You know why people want people to be canceled is
Speaker 1: because they're fucking jealous and they want to success. People
Speaker 1: are people are miserable inside and they need to punish
Speaker 1: others to feel better. And it's I don't blame them,
Speaker 1: because it sucks being depressed and having no concept of
Speaker 1: where your hatred and your desire to ruin people comes from.
Speaker 1: Anyone I ever am like excited to see them get canceled,
Speaker 1: which I have before. You know, this is not this
Speaker 1: is talking outside of like people who have done like
Speaker 1: sexually aggressive things to women or other men. Um. But
Speaker 1: like I've been, I've been like secretly happy to see
Speaker 1: some people fucking take a turn in their career for
Speaker 1: whatever reason. And because it's because I'm jealous of their
Speaker 1: success and that they're happy and that their beloved, I'm jealous.
Speaker 1: It all comes from me. And let me just say,
Speaker 1: in high school, I remember my friend Taylor one time
Speaker 1: she used to call She used to just rhyme my
Speaker 1: name with things and be like Nick nickel, nickel, pickle, pearl,
Speaker 1: like nick nick nick, and she used to call me
Speaker 1: Nick this Yeah, okay. Had no clue that that word
Speaker 1: was a bad word until she said it in front
Speaker 1: of my mom, and my mom said, Taylor, I love
Speaker 1: that word. No, she said, Taylor, oh my god, don't
Speaker 1: you cannot say that? And we we had no idea. Now,
Speaker 1: obviously my Mayer's Leonard probably had heard that word and
Speaker 1: NI people bad like that word we didn't know was
Speaker 1: any kind of bad word. Obviously, he was saying that
Speaker 1: we're in a event of frustration, so he knew it
Speaker 1: had some kind of weight to it, but he didn't
Speaker 1: know the full significance of it. I think what happens
Speaker 1: is though, is like when the cancel stuff is that
Speaker 1: will say that word right even though he didn't he
Speaker 1: didn't mean any harm. He was just I get yeah. So,
Speaker 1: but what happens is is people really do shoot up
Speaker 1: synagogues and people really do have anti Semitism, and so
Speaker 1: it's like if we could make an example I know,
Speaker 1: but if we could make an example of him, right,
Speaker 1: this is a public figure, we could jump on him,
Speaker 1: which will then hopefully alleviate some of that other stuff
Speaker 1: like if you even say the word, then you're gonna
Speaker 1: get canceled, let alone if you do anything worse than this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so it's a way. It's a way to kind of
Speaker 1: like be like, if we punish him, I just know
Speaker 1: that what you're doing is wrong the way work, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get screwed either way. So funck y'all. Like to me,
Speaker 1: it says like it's like when your parents are like
Speaker 1: gonna ground you if you don't um, if you if
Speaker 1: you drop a little piece of paper on the ground.
Speaker 1: It's like, well then I'm gonna go smoke crack because
Speaker 1: it's the same punishment, you know, Like, what is it, Matt,
Speaker 1: Like when I'm gonna get pun for saying damn. And
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get you know, grounded then funk. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go fucking do whatever, mom dad, because nothing you there's
Speaker 1: no there's no fairness in this. And I think that
Speaker 1: that makes you just go, this is irrational, and like
Speaker 1: you know what, I know that what I meant in
Speaker 1: saying this wasn't wrong, and I'm still being punished for it.
Speaker 1: Like when I when if someone thinks I'm like doing
Speaker 1: something wrong, I do it anyway because it's like, well
Speaker 1: you already think I'm doing it wrong, Fine, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: actually do it because who cares. I'm already guilty in
Speaker 1: that in your eyes. And uh so it's all very interesting.
Speaker 1: Let's get to the news. A no, uh oh, you
Speaker 1: have to do the opening. I'm not taking that. Oh well,
Speaker 1: it's Thursday, folks, you know what that means. It is Thursday.
Speaker 1: I hope you're having all the swells they're out there,
Speaker 1: and do you know for the readings? All right, Well,
Speaker 1: we have an update. The man who was killed in
Speaker 1: a horrifying attack by a great white shark and has
Speaker 1: been identified as thirty five year old British diving instructor
Speaker 1: who was training who was training for a charity swim
Speaker 1: and about to get married to the girl of his dreams. No, God,
Speaker 1: so sad. I heard the father in law paid to shark.
Speaker 1: That's what I heard. That the word on the street.
Speaker 1: I looked into this too, apparently, you know, we were
Speaker 1: we were saying that how could this guy go swimming?
Speaker 1: This doesn't look like swimming waters. A lot of people
Speaker 1: swim in this little where he was out, and it's
Speaker 1: a very common place. This is a first shark attack
Speaker 1: in Sydney in sixty years. Andrew, what are you looking
Speaker 1: at the story? He's just bad. It's just so said, um,
Speaker 1: can we see a picture of this guy now? Six five?
Speaker 1: But really, I'll show you the photo. It's really sad.
Speaker 1: Oh god, do we have any other details of like
Speaker 1: what I heard? I mean the shark bit him in
Speaker 1: I mean he was It was such catastrophic injuries. There
Speaker 1: was no surviving. What happened to him was a cat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's god. Dang, he is so cute. Simon nella nellist.
Speaker 1: You know what that makes it look like though, That
Speaker 1: makes it look like the cat killed him. Okay, was mad.
Speaker 1: So there's a picture of him holding a cat and
Speaker 1: it says Simon Nellis was mauled to death Wednesday. Oh no, oh,
Speaker 1: here's him into the water. He is such a cuteie.
Speaker 1: All this okay, so sad. Here's what his friend said
Speaker 1: about him, just so we can say something nice. Um,
Speaker 1: everything that is connected to Simon is connected to the ocean.
Speaker 1: The news hit us like a truck because he was
Speaker 1: one of the people who makes this earth lighter. Oh no,
Speaker 1: I did start to tear up when I read it,
Speaker 1: but I thought we should give an update. Yeah, honor
Speaker 1: him and give an update. I I looked into it
Speaker 1: yesterday and I heard I watched some more clips. There
Speaker 1: was a couple other there was one other clip I
Speaker 1: saw of people filming from the beach and it was
Speaker 1: horrific and people were throwing up. These people like what
Speaker 1: they saw. Those people also in pain and traumatized. So
Speaker 1: it's awful. And you know, the shark was just being
Speaker 1: a shark, honestly, Like I don't want to demonize sharks.
Speaker 1: It literally just was doing what it would have done.
Speaker 1: You know, if that was a seal, we would have
Speaker 1: that footage would have been seen on National Geographic you know,
Speaker 1: like it's um, it's like that saying no it's like,
Speaker 1: you know when people say you, like, you died doing
Speaker 1: what you love, which he did do in the most
Speaker 1: like graphic way possible, but if you could look at
Speaker 1: it as like a positive at all, it's like he
Speaker 1: loved the ocean, and like the ocean, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like like when people say, like, he died
Speaker 1: doing what he loved, it's usually obviously not his gad.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of like an example of when
Speaker 1: someone's it's usually a extreme sport. Yeah, it's usually an
Speaker 1: extreme sport, yea, or like that's not like playing chess
Speaker 1: and then he had a heart attack or like men
Speaker 1: who died from fucking or whatever we read the other day,
Speaker 1: light Head, no heavier. Okay. Tinder channels love is Blind
Speaker 1: with latest available feature. Oh okay, So last week they
Speaker 1: rolled out um tinders new feature called fast Chat Blind Date,
Speaker 1: which pairs singles without letting them see each other's profiles.
Speaker 1: So instead of making an initial judgment based off attraction,
Speaker 1: they have to chat and develop a spark through conversation.
Speaker 1: If successful, how we're going back to phone lines and
Speaker 1: only then if it's successful, they'll be able to match
Speaker 1: and check each other's profile pictures. Oh, but the thing
Speaker 1: is like love is blind. Casting really make sure these
Speaker 1: people are like attractive enough. Tinder is a cess pool
Speaker 1: and you're going to get you don't want. Voices are
Speaker 1: so important though, Oh my god. Lisa Gilroy had the
Speaker 1: funniest um, love is blind like spoof where you know
Speaker 1: love is why if you don't know? These people are
Speaker 1: in pods. They can't see each other. They just have
Speaker 1: to talk to each other and they fall in love
Speaker 1: and they literally get engaged before they see each other.
Speaker 1: You rise, it's wild and they really develop, like like
Speaker 1: they're all crying and they love each other through a wall.
Speaker 1: So least Gilroy was like doing this one where she's
Speaker 1: like um, like there, She's like, let's play a game. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you a question, like to get to
Speaker 1: know you game if you're a Sunday what topping would
Speaker 1: you be? Or like if you were Sunday tapping, what
Speaker 1: would you be? And the guys like, I guess nuts, okay,
Speaker 1: my turn, Um, if you were on a scale, what
Speaker 1: would the numbers say? And also when the guy was
Speaker 1: like a picture of yourself inside it under the door
Speaker 1: and the guy like asking oh um, or the guy saying,
Speaker 1: I wish I knew what you look like, because they
Speaker 1: always say that they all because men are so visual,
Speaker 1: I guess, and women are more cerebe Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I I mean, in terms of attraction,
Speaker 1: I definitely feel like I eat from the first boy
Speaker 1: I had a crush on who I referenced otherday, Matt
Speaker 1: Johnson um playing sends up seven off if he touched
Speaker 1: my thumb, and I was so excited. I remember realizing
Speaker 1: in fifth grade, I told my friends, Wow, I didn't
Speaker 1: even like wasn't didn't think he was that cute, and
Speaker 1: still I started talking to him, and now he's so cute,
Speaker 1: and I was like, personality can make someone so cute.
Speaker 1: You know, back then we didn't say hot cute, But
Speaker 1: it is true, Like I I cannot believe who I've
Speaker 1: been attracted to after I got to know them, and
Speaker 1: from looking at them, I never would have swiped right,
Speaker 1: and after getting to know them, that someone can transform
Speaker 1: so drastically. And I don't know that men have the
Speaker 1: same ability to see a woman who is who you
Speaker 1: would know, who would not get your boner, get no
Speaker 1: blood flow going there, and then after you spend a
Speaker 1: conversation with them. All your dick is hard. I mean
Speaker 1: I just remember chat rooms, you know, a O L
Speaker 1: chat rooms, and that was before you could really see photos.
Speaker 1: But you would still go, you know, what do you
Speaker 1: look like? Oh, blond hair, blue eyes? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: you would say all that ship like how quick? But
Speaker 1: have you ever fallen for someone? I mean, I know
Speaker 1: you fall for rundom harder after you know, but she's
Speaker 1: still someone that you were trying to do it. Has
Speaker 1: ever been a girl that you were like nah, but
Speaker 1: then you got to know where You're like, holy sh it, wait,
Speaker 1: I think I'm like attracted to her. I mean I
Speaker 1: just have had so many few girlfriends, so it's like
Speaker 1: but like anyone that would just go wow, I didn't
Speaker 1: realize like she actually has a sexual vibe to her
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't have thought. You didn't have to have
Speaker 1: sex with the girl. But like ever, usually it's the
Speaker 1: other way around, right, and be like, Wow, she's beautiful,
Speaker 1: And then I'll talk to her and be like how
Speaker 1: did she get ugly? How did this like gorgeous person turns? So? No?
Speaker 1: What what about you? Like? Have you have you about guys?
Speaker 1: I know, I know a guy who Um, that exact
Speaker 1: situation happened. You know, the woman that he was with
Speaker 1: was not exactly his type physically, but he loved her
Speaker 1: personality and her values and all of that, and um,
Speaker 1: they got married and now they're going through divorce because
Speaker 1: it's because they're Yeah, maybe that's attraction is waning, but
Speaker 1: I think it's it's more than just that, Like probably
Speaker 1: there's other always going to wane because you turn into
Speaker 1: an eight year old person. No one should be sexually
Speaker 1: attracted to an eight year old person. It is by
Speaker 1: design that eight year old people are not sexually attractive
Speaker 1: because they become you know, brittle, a little bit demented,
Speaker 1: and you shouldn't. They become like babies again, that's why
Speaker 1: they babies are not sexually attractive, and old people aren't
Speaker 1: because you become fragile and you can't and you're not
Speaker 1: able to have children anymore, and you shouldn't be fucking
Speaker 1: I wonder if really old so we all can end
Speaker 1: up if we did till death, end up with someone
Speaker 1: who is sexually unattractive. Well, but then you're I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's it's gonna be I don't know. I guess we
Speaker 1: have to ask like an eighty five year old of like,
Speaker 1: when they look at another eighty five year old, do
Speaker 1: they see them as hot because they're eighty five and
Speaker 1: they're looking at their own body and they're like, well,
Speaker 1: this is my body. It's interesting Like my mom. I
Speaker 1: I haven't seen my mom age because I've just been
Speaker 1: the whole time, like she looks like my same mom
Speaker 1: that I've always had. I can't picture, like, WHOA, she's
Speaker 1: way different looking. She used to be so young. Um.
Speaker 1: But because agean happens so slowly, I wonder, at what
Speaker 1: point if you're married very long, like forty years, and
Speaker 1: then you look, do you see your partner? And maybe
Speaker 1: right in if you experience this and you're listening to podcast,
Speaker 1: I know people are going to say they do, but
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, no, it's just interesting to me because
Speaker 1: I'm if you're a guy on if you have your
Speaker 1: memory wiped of your wife and you're she's an eight
Speaker 1: year old woman and you see her, there's nothing about
Speaker 1: an eight year old woman that should set your boner
Speaker 1: a fire. That's what I'm saying. But there's no biological
Speaker 1: reason for that. There's no reason. The reason being is
Speaker 1: that because you, and like, I want to protect this person,
Speaker 1: but there shouldn't be I want to fuck this person.
Speaker 1: Oh my grandma was fucking so she. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: sure I don't know Dick is Dick. I guess yeah.
Speaker 1: It is interesting though, like I have no worries about
Speaker 1: getting older with a partner that I find that it's
Speaker 1: like loves me and like I know that the like
Speaker 1: I would never be with someone who was just with
Speaker 1: me because I was hot or like really needed me
Speaker 1: to stay hot, or I felt like if I gain weight,
Speaker 1: they're not going to like me anymore. Something I would.
Speaker 1: I just it would never happen for me. That's just
Speaker 1: such a requirement that I already put so much pressure
Speaker 1: on myself in that way. I could, and people are
Speaker 1: too lazy to do, like a Tinder where you have
Speaker 1: to write, or at least when I was dating online,
Speaker 1: like I could, I had laziness and I could you
Speaker 1: can see the photos, like if I had to go
Speaker 1: through five photos, that would be annoyed like hinges and
Speaker 1: was annoying to me because I felt like how it's
Speaker 1: set up, like how the app is set up. I
Speaker 1: loved those dating apps because I feel like you I
Speaker 1: like going through all that stuff, and I mean after
Speaker 1: a while, you're just like, God, there's just I've seen
Speaker 1: you swipe on the first photo when you're single. What
Speaker 1: do you mean you go first photo you're in or out?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. But if someone is like, does spark my interests?
Speaker 1: Then I dig around and that's fun. But you can
Speaker 1: tell from first. But they dig your interests by looks.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying to imagine trying to dig your interests
Speaker 1: by just hobbies like that you're actually seeing them and
Speaker 1: it's not causing you to you would have to read
Speaker 1: too much or talk to them to if you have
Speaker 1: to talk to each one. This is going back This
Speaker 1: is going backwards. Like you said, it's like the phone.
Speaker 1: But I honestly think that if I listened to a
Speaker 1: voice memo of ten seconds of someone just talking, I
Speaker 1: would be able to be attracted to them much easier
Speaker 1: than just looks, because I just think there's something about
Speaker 1: the way of a person talks and like how they
Speaker 1: that I've been attracted to people from just their voice before,
Speaker 1: Like what wou do you think I look like just
Speaker 1: by hearing my voice? All right? You ready? Hey, what's up?
Speaker 1: I hope you're having a great day to day. I
Speaker 1: had a good day. Really tall and thin really yeah,
Speaker 1: wow with a huge day. Yeah just no ah, animal,
Speaker 1: this is the nicest day on her YouTube. The next
Speaker 1: news story, Um, do you want to take a break. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's take a break and come back with a weekly
Speaker 1: sports moment. Alright, we're back. It's our weekly sports moment,
Speaker 1: gears Andrew's weekly sports moment. Okay, a rare signed Michael
Speaker 1: Jordan's Kobe Bryant jersey card is up for auction. It
Speaker 1: previously sold for five whoa what wait? I would have
Speaker 1: guessed thirty dollars? Okay, what thousand dollars? It's a jersey
Speaker 1: or a card. It's a card that has their both
Speaker 1: their autographs and pieces of their jerseys. Me okay, and
Speaker 1: there's ten copies made. Ever, so they cut up the
Speaker 1: jerseys and Kobe passing away this card that funk. I
Speaker 1: literally forgot about that. I'm not because I don't care,
Speaker 1: but no, no, I know. It's just like life. So
Speaker 1: did they both signed car? Is it like they just
Speaker 1: put the cards? Okay, let's see because million It was
Speaker 1: released in two thousand, So it's a card and it
Speaker 1: has like a little fabric swatches. But it's like a
Speaker 1: really decorative looking card and it has both their signatures
Speaker 1: on it. It looks like they're signing, like uh uh,
Speaker 1: those don't look like autographs. They look more like they
Speaker 1: were signing a like a you know, like a doctor signing.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, or like um, when you were signing a
Speaker 1: bunch of papers for like the real estate, you know
Speaker 1: where you just like write it very small and on
Speaker 1: the line and uh you have your like lawyer pointing
Speaker 1: at like a highlighted section. All right, So this same
Speaker 1: this same card sold for five okay, and so now
Speaker 1: it's up for auction again. No, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: The same card but different. So there's another one up
Speaker 1: that recently sold for a five D sixteen thousand. This
Speaker 1: one is now up for so we'll go around prior
Speaker 1: to the the same price. Um, anyone who's I saw a
Speaker 1: TikTok the other day and this kid, there's this guy
Speaker 1: who goes up to like people driving really fancy cars
Speaker 1: and he's like, what do you do for a living?
Speaker 1: And this kid goes, oh, I sell real estate on
Speaker 1: the in the metaverse, and he just sold an n
Speaker 1: f T for a house by like a celebrity's house
Speaker 1: for five thousand dollars. So it's like, what is that? Like,
Speaker 1: I can't remember when baseball cards will go like a
Speaker 1: Horace Wagner, which is like the most expensive. It's like,
Speaker 1: for some reason, the most expensive baseball card go for
Speaker 1: like over a million dollars, and we'd all be like
Speaker 1: it's just like I'd be like, just minimum wage has
Speaker 1: not gone up in like twenty years, but like being
Speaker 1: a millionaire means nothing anymore. Like it's like, honestly, it's
Speaker 1: not even that when people go, I'm making six figures,
Speaker 1: it's like, well, that better being the high six figures,
Speaker 1: because I'm not impressed by, yeah, the sick figures. Now.
Speaker 1: It's just it doesn't mean the same because things are
Speaker 1: so fucking expensive and then people are billionaires. And didn't
Speaker 1: you say the other day that crypto it's like of
Speaker 1: crypto is or bitcoin, Bitcoin is owned by the top
Speaker 1: of It's like the same thing with stocks too, but
Speaker 1: stocks are just harder to manipulate than bitcoin. But it's just,
Speaker 1: you know, I just like it's wild because I remember
Speaker 1: just being like, what the funk why would baseball code?
Speaker 1: You're just paper. It's the same ship with n f T.
Speaker 1: It's like, huh, it's not even paper, it's a number
Speaker 1: on your screen. Like that was what was wild, was
Speaker 1: like when you get money, it's not like there's like
Speaker 1: a vault with a bunch of cash and it's like
Speaker 1: take it from she wants some cash. We'll go into
Speaker 1: the will spin the wheel and then the thing will
Speaker 1: crank open. You go in. It's just a fucking number.
Speaker 1: It's just a decimal point. Well that's why it could
Speaker 1: go down, and that it's like metaverse for like we
Speaker 1: already are working with the things that aren't real, that
Speaker 1: aren't tangible. Yes, I think that's already not tangible. Yes,
Speaker 1: well yes, I mean I haven't put cash in my wallet.
Speaker 1: What's the most you've ever spent on something? My condo
Speaker 1: that was worth Oh yeah nothing. I would love to
Speaker 1: look up the right now. Do you ever look at that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: It was don't worry about that, Fairways Beach, Florida. Yeah, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think the most I've ever spent is like, yeah,
Speaker 1: putting down payment on an apartment or like you know,
Speaker 1: first and last month plus the deposit and being like
Speaker 1: but you've never dropped like a chunk and that's something
Speaker 1: you guys actually used. Like what have you ever sent
Speaker 1: an exorbitant amount of money on something that you just
Speaker 1: display on a shelf in your own house. I mean
Speaker 1: I bought that Taylor Swift guitar that was a sticker
Speaker 1: of her autograph. That was probably what did I spend
Speaker 1: on that? I think like five? I know, but you
Speaker 1: said that, like, whoa, that's a lot on a fake out.
Speaker 1: But to them, I bet you anything that that is
Speaker 1: a penny compared to what they actually have in their
Speaker 1: bank account, Like it's nothing to do so it's all
Speaker 1: you know. Oh my god, dude, what they're back in
Speaker 1: the same price that I paid, We're more expensive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well let's get to fan tracks. Motherfucker. I bought it
Speaker 1: at two twenty it was worth sixty and now it's
Speaker 1: back to one here for two it dude that Yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't have any money to hold on. God my
Speaker 1: car got repot out of my dad's house. So embarrassing. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're coming through so much, you gotta write a book. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's time to hear from you guys. What do you
Speaker 1: have for us this week? Noah, Who's who's talking to us? Okay?
Speaker 1: We have a lot of great voicemails. Let me just
Speaker 1: pull up the names. Okay, these voicemails. Actually I agree
Speaker 1: with your point, Nikki, about knowing if the person is
Speaker 1: like you liked them or not. Yeah, I mean this
Speaker 1: is love is blind. Oh good point. You just get
Speaker 1: a good sense of like what they might look like.
Speaker 1: We should try to guess what these people look like today. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: here in your photos after Okay, here comes Tony. All right,
Speaker 1: did a great impression of our opening music. Mhm, Hey, Nikky,
Speaker 1: Andrew Noah, big fan of the pod, been listenings and
Speaker 1: stay one and listened to every single episode. Calling in
Speaker 1: to tell you guys about a time that I was
Speaker 1: a sales rep for a company and I was given
Speaker 1: a list of customers to contact, and so I caught
Speaker 1: one of them. Uh, And I asked. The girl answered
Speaker 1: the phone and I said, I can speak to the colonel.
Speaker 1: And there was a pause and she said, do you
Speaker 1: mean the colonel And I said, oh, yeah, the colonel
Speaker 1: kind of speak to the colonel. And she said, oh no,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, he died about a month ago. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And I had no response to it. I just hung
Speaker 1: up the phone. And moved on to the next person
Speaker 1: on the list. But even thinking about it to this day,
Speaker 1: it makes me cringe. And um, yeah, thank you for
Speaker 1: sharing it with uh. I love the pod, Love you guys.
Speaker 1: Jackie Slater, Jackie Slater. I think this guy has a
Speaker 1: strong jaw and maybe dimples. I feel like it's dark
Speaker 1: and good hairline, dark care, spiky a little bit. I
Speaker 1: bet he's wearing a He's like a polo and he
Speaker 1: works out a lot. He's like bulging muscles. He's wearing
Speaker 1: a black working in sales usually work out too. Um, Tony,
Speaker 1: that's so funny because that word, by the way, I'm
Speaker 1: with you the worst. I don't understand the echnology of it.
Speaker 1: K e r n a L Colonel, Well, colonel, like
Speaker 1: a popcorn colonel is about k e r n e L.
Speaker 1: I believe close enough. Oh so colonel missed thing. No
Speaker 1: one should ever get it right, and everyone should always
Speaker 1: get it wrong. And the funny part of this story
Speaker 1: is though, that he fucked up colin colonel, and then
Speaker 1: the colonel's dead, and I wonder if the colonel is
Speaker 1: really dead or they just knew he was a marketing
Speaker 1: call telemarketer, and that they did. It's the old My
Speaker 1: dad's in the shower. You should have said, is he
Speaker 1: all naked and soapy? Said he's dead? Is he in
Speaker 1: the ground rotting? Is he? By the way, it's got
Speaker 1: to suck to like work really hard in the in
Speaker 1: the army to become like a colonel. Don't only when
Speaker 1: people and I think colonel, I think Kentucky, right, chicken,
Speaker 1: Like I never wanted to think of a like a
Speaker 1: guy that worked hard in the army. Oh my god, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're so right. I only think about chicken. I that
Speaker 1: caused me. Documentary was a big part of it was
Speaker 1: about him getting his doctorate in education, which for anyone
Speaker 1: who's a doctor in education, like doctors laugh at you
Speaker 1: like it's the no one respects a doctor at an
Speaker 1: education If you call yourself doctor, you're kind of like
Speaker 1: a people kind of like laugh at you and think
Speaker 1: you're an idiot because you're just obvious, like trying to
Speaker 1: be like I would. It's like um and Becausby didn't.
Speaker 1: He didn't even write his thesis or his his dissertation.
Speaker 1: He hired people in The Cosby Show to do it.
Speaker 1: And he didn't never go to class. And he also
Speaker 1: made his character, Cliff Huxtable, a doctor on a show
Speaker 1: because he wanted people to just think he was a doctor,
Speaker 1: and he was a do you know what kind of doctor?
Speaker 1: He was a geologist? Oh? Yes, he really was. And
Speaker 1: do you know where his office was in the basement
Speaker 1: of his house. It's so disgusting, you guys, Like everything
Speaker 1: he was like the whole documentary is about how he
Speaker 1: shown us. He all along was just creeping us out,
Speaker 1: but none of no one was looking at it. His
Speaker 1: office was in the basement of his house where he
Speaker 1: was examining women. It's like when I lived with the
Speaker 1: vagina waxer, who would do it in our living room? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But when he were a serial rapist. Doctors get like
Speaker 1: a tax credit or something if it's like a home
Speaker 1: office like that. Uh Still, why of all the doctor
Speaker 1: things you could do, would you pick that for your character? Partly,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's pretty doctorate if you think about
Speaker 1: like doctors that work in emergency rooms and then nurses
Speaker 1: have to do everything, and then he just comes in
Speaker 1: and goes, uh, huh are you doing today? I know
Speaker 1: the doctor's fucking feel like it feels like they don't
Speaker 1: do ship. I mean they do, but it's just like
Speaker 1: this is so funny how much the nurses have to do,
Speaker 1: like the thesis, and he just comes in. He's like
Speaker 1: hearing your doctor like down the hall, like coming to
Speaker 1: your room. All right, yeah, we'll get that on stat
Speaker 1: and then us just have them clear the milligrams or
Speaker 1: and you just like hear them like stepping closer, and
Speaker 1: you hear them like saying goodbye to another patient and
Speaker 1: the door and they're like, hey, you're coming, he's coming,
Speaker 1: he's coming. And then you hear a door open it's
Speaker 1: next door to you, and you're like, fuck, I'm not next.
Speaker 1: There's all you just are always waiting for the doctor
Speaker 1: like a fucking woman that's about to lose her virginity
Speaker 1: to like an old man, and like you're just like
Speaker 1: a woman in waiting. All I'm thinking about when I
Speaker 1: go to doctor is him putting this steath of scope
Speaker 1: and it being cold on my body, and I'm just like, God,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about do I shake their hand? Do I
Speaker 1: say I'm you never say where they go hi, I'm
Speaker 1: like they bott of them put it out. I don't remember.
Speaker 1: Then alright, let's sit in the basis this one's uh
Speaker 1: for Andrew from Amanda. Okay, Hi Nikki Andrew, and no uh,
Speaker 1: this message is specifically for Andrew. I just listened to
Speaker 1: yesterday's podcast and you were talking about there was a
Speaker 1: kid in the background and secure about your puffy nipples.
Speaker 1: And you've mentioned it before in a few other episodes,
Speaker 1: and I always was confused, like what do you even
Speaker 1: mean puffy nipples? What is that? And I looked it
Speaker 1: up because I just wanted to know, like coffee nipples
Speaker 1: in men, like what does that mean? And they're just normal,
Speaker 1: like my my dad has nipples like that, and actually
Speaker 1: so does my fiance, which is kind of weird that
Speaker 1: they both have it. But I try not to think
Speaker 1: about it like that. But I think it looks good,
Speaker 1: especially if you have nice pecks, a little bit of
Speaker 1: chest hair, if you're strong, you work out. I think
Speaker 1: it looks good. So you need like five other positives
Speaker 1: to care about or worry about. It definitely looks good.
Speaker 1: Um and the haters and anyway, I love you guys.
Speaker 1: I saw you at the Paramount on Long Island, if
Speaker 1: you know, crushed it. It was so hilarious. I hope
Speaker 1: you come back and I love you guys that Jack.
Speaker 1: But I'm looking at puffy. I'm doing what she did.
Speaker 1: I said, puffy nipples on men on Google, and you're right,
Speaker 1: they don't look bad. I mean, I want to see
Speaker 1: what what they're claiming that are puffy because I don't
Speaker 1: think my I think the older I've gone and I've
Speaker 1: grown into them, right, you know what I mean. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna send you some puffs right now, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: text you some puffs. Yeah, that's that's pretty much what
Speaker 1: I was talking. Yeah, I mean, they're they're not They're
Speaker 1: not bad at all. Like I think, it's just it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, like what even it's it's hard to erase
Speaker 1: childhood trauma of feeling like another and that's what happened
Speaker 1: with you, and so that's your thing. Even if they
Speaker 1: puffy nipples became totally like the coolest thing in the world,
Speaker 1: it would still linger in your what happens like like
Speaker 1: look at this guy for example. I love that message. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this guy's he's he's in very good shape, but his
Speaker 1: nipples they stick out more because he's in't. So that's
Speaker 1: like the dilemma is like because the more RiPP you get,
Speaker 1: then the more pronounce your nipples will be but if
Speaker 1: you're a little chubby or with chest hair, your nipples
Speaker 1: kind of gold. Say, though, I wear tape to put
Speaker 1: down my nipples sometimes, you know, um, you can get
Speaker 1: if you're wearing a shirt that you don't want them
Speaker 1: to embarrass thing though to do that, I could never
Speaker 1: wear a thin white T shirt, but maybe just use
Speaker 1: a nipple cover. But what if someone sees that's the
Speaker 1: most embarrassing, and then I'd rip out my nipples hairs.
Speaker 1: It would be cool to just be like, I'm wearing
Speaker 1: nipple covers because I just don't like the way if
Speaker 1: you Stefano claims to have very puffy nipples, he definitely does.
Speaker 1: He has definite puffs. Yeah, there's nothing about that guy
Speaker 1: that I would say, Oh my god, I'm here to
Speaker 1: say that. I'm yeah, that was a really I believed her.
Speaker 1: I love that message alright. Next Casset, So this one
Speaker 1: is from I'm not sure if I'm pronouncing her name right,
Speaker 1: but it said, oh wait, what did she look like?
Speaker 1: What did we think she looks? Oh? I forget what
Speaker 1: she sounded like. I mean I I hair, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: kind of a lot of hair. I pictured like a
Speaker 1: like a brown brown hair ponytail. I'm always picturing people
Speaker 1: in their car when they do this too. And so
Speaker 1: she's wearing a seatbelt. She has on like a yellow
Speaker 1: shirt that's like kind of fitted and like it's like
Speaker 1: a little bit cropped, and she's wearing like Lulu Lemon
Speaker 1: joggers or like uh tights, and she was like sipping
Speaker 1: uh like like with a she has like something with
Speaker 1: a straw, and like she just has like she doesn't
Speaker 1: have that much makeup on, but her skin is like clear.
Speaker 1: Maybe she has like a little bit like she has
Speaker 1: like uh, freckles makeup. I don't know what really, I
Speaker 1: feel like minimal makeup, but I think when she goes
Speaker 1: out she wears makeup. And right when she was doing that,
Speaker 1: she was like coming from the gym or going to
Speaker 1: the gym, or like dressed for the gym but not
Speaker 1: going to the gym that same thing. Yeah, oh my, okay,
Speaker 1: and likes and like just like okay, next one, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Yeah, Okay, this one is from
Speaker 1: I think her name is pronounced Anisia. Okay, Andrew, Nikki
Speaker 1: and Noah, and I just wanted to share a recent
Speaker 1: cut that I saw. So I was recently dating a
Speaker 1: guy who I was explaining the Nikki Glaser podcast too,
Speaker 1: and how I listened to it on my way to
Speaker 1: work every day. Um and we had decided to go
Speaker 1: out to do a movie date and we stopped at
Speaker 1: the bar because we had some time to kill and
Speaker 1: the bartender went to the middle of the bar and
Speaker 1: turned around and yelled at the waitress and she proceeded
Speaker 1: to throw a drink straight up in the air so
Speaker 1: that he could catch it. And he did this several
Speaker 1: times throughout the night. Each time he would scream so
Speaker 1: that everyone around him would look at him first, and
Speaker 1: then he would catch the drink. And I just thought
Speaker 1: it was really funny because me and the guy was
Speaker 1: seeing totally looked at each other and we're like, that
Speaker 1: was so and it's just funny because I had just
Speaker 1: been explained the concept of cut to him. So I
Speaker 1: just wanted to share it out with you guys. Anyways,
Speaker 1: Thanks love the pod guys, Thanks Anisia. Um So, bartenders
Speaker 1: are some of the kiss people you'll ever see anyone
Speaker 1: who were in the bar industry because alcohol culture is
Speaker 1: to begin with. But um, Chris, my my lover, Chris uh.
Speaker 1: He We've always made fun of people who bartenders who
Speaker 1: shake drinks and they have to do like they battle
Speaker 1: it and they get their shoulders into it, and it's
Speaker 1: just like just shake it a couple of times, like
Speaker 1: it does not need more than that, and they just
Speaker 1: but they're doing it so loud because they want attention.
Speaker 1: And that guy throwing doing a bar trick. It's all.
Speaker 1: So I'm so happy that story ended the way it did,
Speaker 1: because I thought her date was going to end up
Speaker 1: being and I was bracing for like her night to
Speaker 1: be ruined on another day. I want to know it
Speaker 1: sounds like he likes this guy. This guy sounds awesome,
Speaker 1: by the way, because he embraced right away. He was
Speaker 1: down to hear about her interests. He's like adopting them.
Speaker 1: Oh she Um, I think he thought. I think she
Speaker 1: is has is a different ethnicity, like as a darker
Speaker 1: tone skin. I pictured like very straight black hair. I
Speaker 1: pictured like very manicured like. She sounded like she has
Speaker 1: glossy lips, really, dewey skin, um, great eyebrows, long eyelashes, um,
Speaker 1: delicate features. Um. Really I bet her. I bet her
Speaker 1: hands are like I bet her hands are so soft
Speaker 1: and I don't know that she is like when I
Speaker 1: say well, manicured, not necessarily her hands. I bet her
Speaker 1: nails are manicured, but I don't think she has like long,
Speaker 1: like fucking fake nails and stuff, and that she wears
Speaker 1: like cozy. Like she dresses like cozy and like kind
Speaker 1: of loose fitting clothes, but she always looks like elegant,
Speaker 1: but in like a cozy way. Interesting. I see like
Speaker 1: her kids being on our shoulders. Oh, I know what
Speaker 1: you mean. Yeah, they're up there. Yeah, because in the
Speaker 1: middle of that she was like, yeah she was that's
Speaker 1: what I saw. I don't know you here in the
Speaker 1: last recording the there was a in the background of
Speaker 1: a guy. It was so awesome that you caught a
Speaker 1: cut during your recording. It was amazing. All right, let's
Speaker 1: do final thought. Okay, um, here's just yeah, go hear it.
Speaker 1: I know I'm doing Nikki. This is Pablo calling in
Speaker 1: from London. I'm a major bestie Nikky found from way
Speaker 1: back when she was doing You Up and Not Safe.
Speaker 1: So I've been listening to the pod from episode one
Speaker 1: and I've always wanted to call in, but I was
Speaker 1: always afraid that I had nothing funny or interesting to say.
Speaker 1: But now my time has come because I have something
Speaker 1: you uful to say, and I think that's way better.
Speaker 1: Um So, I was listening to the fun facts from
Speaker 1: Stephen South Africa into these episodes and he said the
Speaker 1: words that none of you quiet go. I was listening,
Speaker 1: and I'm pretty sure I know what he said. I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure he said I slowly. So I think he's
Speaker 1: he hates the sound of someone boicing into a nice
Speaker 1: slowly and a nice lowly is just what they call
Speaker 1: popsicles in the UK and Africans uh sometimes us British
Speaker 1: words when they speak English. Um So, yeah, I hope
Speaker 1: that was useful to someone, and okay, that's good. Um
Speaker 1: I love this guy. I just want to hug this Okay.
Speaker 1: I know what Pabla looks like. He's not a big guy, No,
Speaker 1: he looks like justin Timberlake. He has curly blonde hair.
Speaker 1: I know that's crazy curly blonde hair with and he
Speaker 1: has tiny glasses, and he's wearing a turtleneck and he
Speaker 1: is up at a desk and he has many books
Speaker 1: around him, but he has He's very hot, but like
Speaker 1: in an understated way that if like he's almost like
Speaker 1: nerdy hot where you have to take off the glasses
Speaker 1: and be like wait, oh my gosh. He's like like
Speaker 1: he's he's bookish hot. I don't know. I see him
Speaker 1: like an all leather with like a wooden spoon in
Speaker 1: his mouth and he's biting down on it and he's like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: I know what you mean, Like that kind of guy
Speaker 1: with the biting down on the wooden spoon guy with
Speaker 1: all other Yeah. Like I think he's like out like
Speaker 1: outside on a building, threatening to jump, and everyone's like,
Speaker 1: WHOA leave the fan Rex first, that's right, And he's
Speaker 1: got like a snake on a leash. Yes, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know we know that guy. Yeah, we all know that.
Speaker 1: This is my new favorite game. Is I actually try
Speaker 1: and you say the most surged? Oh man? Um oh yeah,
Speaker 1: so ice lolly. It's a popsicle and and I that
Speaker 1: sound not a People were saying that they don't like
Speaker 1: the sound of like the teeth scraping on the wood
Speaker 1: part of the what is biting through a popsicle that
Speaker 1: isn't like isn't melted yet, and it's just like like
Speaker 1: that sound of like a really oh boy, I don't
Speaker 1: mind the party hitting the wood part, but I just
Speaker 1: don't want it breaking through the ice part or the
Speaker 1: part or the ice lolly. The red one so it's
Speaker 1: like really cheap red ones. And they have like that
Speaker 1: gelatin on the side. For some reason, it's just congealed
Speaker 1: like sugar syrup that's like too thick and like it's
Speaker 1: all settled there. It's like melted at one point. And
Speaker 1: then yeah, ever die rappers? Oh yeah, I love white rappers.
Speaker 1: You ever did you ever dive into long ice pops
Speaker 1: that were like really you could buy like seven, like
Speaker 1: four bucks, the plastic bag that you like, they're in plastic,
Speaker 1: those ices. Yeah, those things are so good. The blue
Speaker 1: was the best, dude, I can knock down. I'm not kidding,
Speaker 1: knock down them at a time to see. Yeah, they're
Speaker 1: like diet cokes. Still, I'm still off the sauce by
Speaker 1: the way, going strong off diet coke. Get you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm not getting off. Don't get off, don't get off.
Speaker 1: It's it's fine. Drink them around me. Um, but I
Speaker 1: it's I miss him. I miss him so much. She's
Speaker 1: talking about, Yeah, diet cokes, I really miss that. Um,
Speaker 1: just that first step it's almost like a cigarette, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, I just with the first puff of a
Speaker 1: cigarette's the best one. The worst part of a diet
Speaker 1: coke is like the last set. Well, the frizes died,
Speaker 1: the frizz frize the spice, it's just the frienz is dead. Also,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. Have you ever tried to drink a
Speaker 1: diet coke when you're really thirsty? Yes, you cannot. It's
Speaker 1: the worst possible. It's so weird. Oh, like when you're
Speaker 1: really thirty and you're trying to chug it to like
Speaker 1: get your just any kind of um oh yeah, because
Speaker 1: they're not really hydrated, like a hangover. And my mom
Speaker 1: always would chug diet coke when she was hungover, and
Speaker 1: I would always love diet soda when I was hungover
Speaker 1: because there's something about the seltzer that like soothes you.
Speaker 1: The flavor you need something. But I mean, isn't that
Speaker 1: so funny that nothing tastes better than water when you're
Speaker 1: thirsty when you're Oh my god, last night, I woke
Speaker 1: up in the middle of night and I felt like
Speaker 1: I had a cactus in my mouth. And it turns
Speaker 1: out it was a porcupine that you picked up we
Speaker 1: gotta go, and but you drunk chug water and you
Speaker 1: it's just the most delicious thing. It was insane. I
Speaker 1: had like three of the smaller ones and it was
Speaker 1: the water is so hard for me to drink when
Speaker 1: I'm not thirsty and I know I need to, but
Speaker 1: when my body tells me I need it. Oh, it's
Speaker 1: almost like worth waiting till you're super thirsday because of
Speaker 1: how good it tastes. You feel so human. When you
Speaker 1: just chug water and it tastes good, you feel so like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's a it's a coke. So leptern uh you guys,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening today. Thank you all
Speaker 1: the busties who are just die hard busties that listen
Speaker 1: every show. Even if you don't listen every show. We
Speaker 1: love you so much. Thank you for listening. You're so
Speaker 1: sweet and I love you. And make sure you you know,
Speaker 1: watch us on YouTube, subscribe to our channel, and also,
Speaker 1: uh definitely get on Instagram and subscribe or you know,
Speaker 1: follow Nikki Glazer Pod because we go live a lot
Speaker 1: on there. I don't go live on my own Instagram ever,
Speaker 1: I only go live on on this on our Nikki
Speaker 1: Glazer Pod Instagram, so make sure you follow that because
Speaker 1: we do really fun stuff on their. Love you so much,
Speaker 1: have a great weekend, don't be and j Jack chest
Speaker 1: like Jack Jack a jacked chest. Okay. Also with you're
Speaker 1: an NBA team there signed Meyers Leonard so just do it.
Speaker 1: H