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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, it's doctor Joy and you're listening to Therapy

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Speaker 1: for Black Girls. Today's episode kicks off a special three

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Speaker 1: part series presented by our partners at Chase Saphire Reserve,

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Speaker 1: focused on travel, mental health, and the power of putting

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Speaker 1: your joy at the center of your life. Throughout this series,

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Speaker 1: we'll explore how travel can be a tool for healing.

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Speaker 1: We'll talk about what it looks like to travel with

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Speaker 1: friends and how to navigate the dynamics that come with that.

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Speaker 1: We'll also dive into how wellness trips can boost self

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Speaker 1: esteem and help you reconnect with yourself in meaningful ways.

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Speaker 1: But first, we're starting with something that often goes unspoken,

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Speaker 1: the idea that rest is something black women have to earn,

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Speaker 1: and this episode will unpack where that belief comes from

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Speaker 1: and how choosing joy and rest can actually be a

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Speaker 1: radical act of self care. So, whether you're planning your

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Speaker 1: next trip or simply need a moment to breathe, this

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Speaker 1: one's for you. If you have been listening to Therapy

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Speaker 1: for Black Girls long enough, you have likely heard us

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Speaker 1: talk about the idea of the strong black woman trope.

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Speaker 1: So this idea that everybody else's needs have to be

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Speaker 1: prioritized over our own and we know that there is

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Speaker 1: historical context to this right, like much of the survival

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Speaker 1: of our community, our families, our churches, our spiritual homes

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Speaker 1: has been grounded in Black women being of service to

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Speaker 1: other people, and there will always be a space for

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Speaker 1: us to be of service to other people. I think

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Speaker 1: what is really important for us to interrogate at this

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Speaker 1: moment is how much of our service to other people

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Speaker 1: negates our care for ourselves. And so if we only

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Speaker 1: exist to take care of other people, what then happens

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Speaker 1: to us? And so we know enough about the research

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Speaker 1: and the information about what happens when we are not

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Speaker 1: paying attention to our own needs. We know that we

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Speaker 1: see increases in maybe things like depression and anxiety. We

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Speaker 1: notice increases in things like blood pressure, increased heart conditions.

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Speaker 1: There is no shortage in the toll that it takes

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Speaker 1: on both our mental and our physical health when we

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Speaker 1: are being in service of other people at the expense

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. And so when we talk about the importance

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Speaker 1: of centering things like joy and rest, it is not frivolous.

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Speaker 1: It is not something that just happens when we can

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Speaker 1: get to it. It is something that's actually critical for

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Speaker 1: us to both be of service to other people, but

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Speaker 1: more importantly for us to be of service to ourselves

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Speaker 1: and for us to be connected and grounded to ourselves.

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Speaker 1: And so I often talk about this guilt that will happen.

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Speaker 1: I definitely experience it myself when I'm planning to take

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Speaker 1: a trip somewhere, especially if I'm not bringing the family,

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Speaker 1: or if I am thinking about wanting to do something

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Speaker 1: for myself, there is often a twinge of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: but you know, the kids have a game, or I

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Speaker 1: really need to be doing this other thing, and I

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Speaker 1: know that I'm not alone in that feeling, and so

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Speaker 1: I encourage you, like I encourage myself to really get

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Speaker 1: still with this idea that rest and joy is something

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Speaker 1: that I have to earn because like I worked really

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Speaker 1: hard or because I accomplished X y Z, as opposed

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Speaker 1: to it being something that I actually deserve and am

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Speaker 1: worthy of simply because I am a human and I

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Speaker 1: deserve joy and excitement and pleasurable experiences that both fill

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Speaker 1: my cup but also allow me to continue to do

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Speaker 1: the work and be the person that I am in

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Speaker 1: the world. And so I think anytime we are setting

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Speaker 1: out to do a new thing, which this might be

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Speaker 1: for many of us, right like the idea of centering

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Speaker 1: joy and being really intentional about prioritizing rest, about prioritizing joy.

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Speaker 1: We know that it can be a little bit of

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Speaker 1: a shift, and it takes some work to get more

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Speaker 1: intentional about doing these things. And so when I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: about some of the practical strategies that really can help me,

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Speaker 1: that may help you as well, to get better at

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Speaker 1: centering my joy, I often think about my colleague Kenya Crawford,

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Speaker 1: who I recently had a chance to see again at

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Speaker 1: the Holding Stakes Her Healer Summit last year. At the summit,

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Speaker 1: she was our keynote speaker and talked about how she

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Speaker 1: is very intentional about quarterly vacations. So Kenya has a

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Speaker 1: private practice, but also does lots of continuing education classes

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Speaker 1: for other therapists, and so her work is largely service based,

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Speaker 1: right like, she is a service provider, and I think,

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Speaker 1: especially when you're a service provider, but also regardless of

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Speaker 1: what your work is, it is really important for you

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Speaker 1: to be paying attention to how you are removing yourself

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Speaker 1: from work so that you can kind of get refilled

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Speaker 1: to continue doing that work, and so Kenya is strategic

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Speaker 1: and very intentional about her quarterly vacations, and every since

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Speaker 1: she mentioned that, that is something that I have been

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Speaker 1: endeavoring to do. Now I will admit I am not

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Speaker 1: there yet. Though this year we did have a week

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Speaker 1: long break here at Therapy for Black Girls, So that

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Speaker 1: was my step into getting a little bit more like

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Speaker 1: Keny in terms of being intentional about my breaks and

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Speaker 1: my vacations. But it is something that I want to

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Speaker 1: continue to be intentional about. And I want you for

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty six and invite you to also look at

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Speaker 1: your calendar, to actually put myself on the calendar, because

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Speaker 1: we know that if it is not on the calendar,

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Speaker 1: at least for me, if it's not on the calendar,

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Speaker 1: it's not happening. And so I want to be just

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Speaker 1: as intentional about prioritizing my rest as I am about

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Speaker 1: the kids' doctor's appointments, the kids' games, family visits, like

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Speaker 1: all of those things that go on the calendar, Because

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Speaker 1: it is important enough that I don't want to double

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Speaker 1: book or forget that this thing is happening. I also

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Speaker 1: want to put me on the calendar. I invite you

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Speaker 1: to put yourself on the calendar. So let's open the books.

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Speaker 1: If I really look at twenty twenty six and figure

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Speaker 1: out where can we take some time off, whether that

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Speaker 1: is a staycation, whether you just want to stay in

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Speaker 1: bed and watch whatever you want to watch on TV,

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Speaker 1: whether you're going to travel. What is the time for

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Speaker 1: you going to look like in twenty twenty six. I

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Speaker 1: will also be participating in this and would love to

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Speaker 1: hear where are you putting yourself on your calendar for

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty six, because I think that is a very

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Speaker 1: important part about being more intentional about creating joy is

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Speaker 1: to make sure that we're putting it on the calendar.

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Speaker 1: While that is the first step, I think that sometimes

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Speaker 1: like weekends away or like staycations can sometimes feel too big,

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Speaker 1: and so I also want to invite you to consider,

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Speaker 1: like what other small rituals for joy can you put

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Speaker 1: into your schedule. So something that I really enjoy is

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Speaker 1: like a walk at the end of my day. It

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Speaker 1: really helps me to kind of separate work from the

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Speaker 1: rest of the day. Also gives me some movement I love,

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Speaker 1: especially when the weather is nice and it's getting nice

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Speaker 1: here in Georgia, so not too hot anymore, and so

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Speaker 1: a nice walk at the end of the day feels

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Speaker 1: like a joy filled moment for me. I also really

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Speaker 1: enjoy hula hooping. I think I've talked about that here

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Speaker 1: on the podcast before, but sometimes I will just hula

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Speaker 1: hoop in the middle of my kitchen floor or dance

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Speaker 1: to whatever Beyonce's song I'm feeling at the moment, and

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Speaker 1: those are all joy filled moments for me. And so yes,

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Speaker 1: putting yourself on your calendar for like bigger things like

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Speaker 1: trips and vacations is important, but also what tiny moments

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Speaker 1: of joy are you also making a ritual for yourself

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Speaker 1: so that you have some things to look forward to

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Speaker 1: you and there are things that you can do for

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Speaker 1: yourself to make you smile. We recently interviewed doctor Judith Joseph,

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Speaker 1: who is a psychiatrist and the author of the book

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Speaker 1: High Functioning on the podcast, and she talked about joy

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Speaker 1: being something that we have to actively and in tensionly

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Speaker 1: create and cultivate for ourselves. It's not something that happens passively.

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Speaker 1: It is not a passive activity. And so what kinds

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Speaker 1: of things can you actively do to create joy in

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Speaker 1: your life? So as we close I want to offer

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Speaker 1: you something for your journal. You know we love a

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Speaker 1: journaling exercise here, and I want you to think about

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Speaker 1: where in your life are you waiting for permission to rest?

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Speaker 1: Is it with the kids? Is it at work? Is

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Speaker 1: it with your partner? Where are you waiting for permission

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Speaker 1: to rest? And what do you need to give yourself

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Speaker 1: permission to do so? Very soon? This week, this month,

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Speaker 1: I invite you to choose joy first, not later, not

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Speaker 1: when it's convenient, not when you get around to it,

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Speaker 1: but right now, because you deserve it. I hope today's

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Speaker 1: conversation reminded you that rest is not a reward, it's

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Speaker 1: your right. You don't have to wait until you're burned

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Speaker 1: out or overwhelmed to choose yourself. Your joy, your peace,

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Speaker 1: and your rest are all worthy of being prioritized right now.

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Speaker 1: A big thank you to Chase Fire Reserve for supporting

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Speaker 1: this important conversation. And if this episode resonated with you,

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Speaker 1: take a moment to share with a friend who might

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Speaker 1: need the same reminder. We'll be back next week with

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Speaker 1: part two of our special series, where we'll talk about

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Speaker 1: how to navigate travel with friends, the expectations, the boundaries,

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Speaker 1: and the beauty of shared experiences. Until then, take good

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Speaker 1: care