Speaker 1: Why do women in their late thirties have such an
Speaker 1: interest in reading books about vampires and fairies having orgies
Speaker 1: at a magic Academyshaw Tosh Show Show three two. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the show. I'm Daniel Tosh. You like that, Eddie?
Speaker 2: I do like that.
Speaker 1: I'm at the show. It seems cooler. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's what the kids probably call this. Oh, the show? Yeah, Hey,
Speaker 1: you guys see the new show. Hey it's Tuesday. What
Speaker 1: are you doing. I'm probably gonna check out the show.
Speaker 1: Who's on? Who cares? The show's on? The show's on.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get that to spread. Let's start calling this
Speaker 1: the show, man, Why don't we just call it the show?
Speaker 1: To begin? Is there something else already called the show?
Speaker 2: I don't think so.
Speaker 1: Nothing in the history of entertainment has been called the show.
Speaker 1: It's the big show. Isn't the big show? It's just
Speaker 1: the show? Oh man, I can't believe it's called that.
Speaker 1: I love it all right. Today is the first Tuesday
Speaker 1: of November. And you know what that means. Insurrection in surrection. Oh,
Speaker 1: there's bad people on both sides. Guys said it. I've
Speaker 1: said it a hundred times. Do you guys know what
Speaker 1: all the props are on the ballots. No, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: always like you vote yes on eighteen, no on nineteen.
Speaker 1: There's never a box for maybe maybe, I write it in.
Speaker 1: I write maybe in. So when you guys see the
Speaker 1: tallies coming in later night, you're going to see one
Speaker 1: vote from maybe question mark that's my vote. Hey, you
Speaker 1: think they're going to announce who the President of the
Speaker 1: United States is going to be by the end of tonight. Never,
Speaker 1: I doubt it. It's gonna be sad that this election
Speaker 1: is over because it's really been fun. The campaigning. It's
Speaker 1: just been fun. You're getting to see the best of
Speaker 1: America in an election year. I'm gonna miss that. I
Speaker 1: think presidential terms should also be like Supreme Court justices
Speaker 1: for life. But every year we vote in another president.
Speaker 1: You don't understand what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, you're gonna
Speaker 1: have lots of presidents. I love it.
Speaker 2: Are they sharing the house?
Speaker 1: Yeah, they all left it. They all live. There's a
Speaker 1: reality show. There's cameras everywhere. It's gonna be awesome. It's
Speaker 1: called the White House.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like there's a live feed you or you can
Speaker 1: watch just the weekly put together package, or you can
Speaker 1: just watch it all day long and they just all
Speaker 1: live there and they all have to agree on stuff
Speaker 1: and figure things out. Nobody's getting voted out until one
Speaker 1: they died, and they die and then okay, fine, But
Speaker 1: at any given time there can be you know, thirty
Speaker 1: forty presidents. I'm just spitballing. I'm just spitballing, guys. I
Speaker 1: don't have all the answers.
Speaker 2: That's a great state of the Union.
Speaker 1: Let's get on it. You know what country does it?
Speaker 1: Costa Rica? Oh yeah, you have to look down though,
Speaker 1: you know, if you know what country actually does this,
Speaker 1: it's not it's not a unique idea. Nicaragua, they got
Speaker 1: it together down there. Yeah, that worked. Columbus. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure Columbia does this too.
Speaker 2: A few of these places are nailing it.
Speaker 1: You know. You know, actually what country does this? Turks
Speaker 1: and Caicos. Oh yeah, they got to figure it out there.
Speaker 2: People love it there.
Speaker 1: People love Turks and Caicos. Did you know that originally
Speaker 1: it was just one country? Turks didn't know that. You know.
Speaker 1: Another thing I'd like to point out whoever wins this election,
Speaker 1: you know, if Kamala wins, because she's the better person
Speaker 1: and better candidate. That's great. Now, if Trump wins, I'd
Speaker 1: love to check in on these people's lives that have
Speaker 1: been so horrible the past four years and just see
Speaker 1: how amazing their lives are. Now, did he fix all
Speaker 1: your problems? That would be fun. That'd be fun to
Speaker 1: check in with them. I don't even to be honest
Speaker 1: with you, I probably shouldn't admit this on a comedy podcast,
Speaker 1: but do I really vote? Well, I get a ballot
Speaker 1: and my wife gets a ballot and she fills both
Speaker 1: of them out for me. Okay, she feels mine now
Speaker 1: for me. Now we agree politically, but sometimes she's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna vote to legalize gambling in the state
Speaker 1: of California, and I get furious. I'm like, but that's
Speaker 1: what I want, and she's like, fuck you. Technically, I
Speaker 1: guess that is voter fraud, but you know, what are
Speaker 1: you gonna do? I'll tell you what we need right
Speaker 1: now in this moment. The ultimate distraction for the political unrest,
Speaker 1: and it's today's guest, an author who focuses on teenagers
Speaker 1: that are not old enough to vote getting fingered by
Speaker 1: monsters and unicorns. Yeah, enjoy. Pasha, my guest today, is
Speaker 1: an author who uses her art form to explore what
Speaker 1: makes teenagers so damn sexy. And as she sat down
Speaker 1: across a rather drab table from me in a dark
Speaker 1: studio on the outskirts of La, my heart began pounding,
Speaker 1: knowing all too well our eyes would soon meet. And
Speaker 1: with every slow, deliberate adjustment of my microphone, I knew
Speaker 1: I was on borrowed time before the listening audience would
Speaker 1: discover our robbing's secret. Please welcome, Dana Claire.
Speaker 2: What an intro?
Speaker 1: How was it?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: It was good?
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: I had the word throbbing in it, and I know
Speaker 1: that that is definitely you have to tick that box.
Speaker 2: Yes, throbbing is definitely what gets the kids to read
Speaker 2: your books these days.
Speaker 1: Do you say tick or do you say check? Like
Speaker 1: when you're talking about boxes, I oh, that checked a
Speaker 1: lot of boxes? Or do you say that ticked a
Speaker 1: lot of boxes?
Speaker 2: I say checked.
Speaker 1: Most people do, But I think the right I think
Speaker 1: the correct thing is tick. Am I wrong? I think
Speaker 1: you're right? I think I'm right. That's all I need.
Speaker 1: That's my fact checker. He just basically goes, I think
Speaker 1: you're right every time.
Speaker 2: But it's really about perception being reality. So even if
Speaker 2: your fact check your is right, what is the rest
Speaker 2: of the world.
Speaker 1: Think They think I'm an idiot?
Speaker 2: I don't think Dana.
Speaker 1: Do you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Good?
Speaker 2: Thanks?
Speaker 1: Finally, now convince me.
Speaker 2: I mean, how can they not be? What happens after
Speaker 2: somebody dies but isn't ready to go to the beyond.
Speaker 1: It's just human souls that are that are the ghost
Speaker 1: I think. So Okay, yeah, have you ever had an
Speaker 1: interaction with a ghost?
Speaker 2: Oh? Man kind of oh oh, we want me to
Speaker 2: tell you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do, unless it's hard to believe.
Speaker 2: Well, it's probably gonna heart be hard to believe. But
Speaker 2: my mom passed and I was in my late twenties,
Speaker 2: and the night that she passed, my dad was trying
Speaker 2: to get all the things together that we're going to
Speaker 2: go inside her coffin. I know, this is like a
Speaker 2: sad story, so he's like putting all this. She had
Speaker 2: a whole list, she knew she was dying, so we
Speaker 2: planned this out. So anyway, he's like putting everything together
Speaker 2: because he doesn't want to forget it, and he couldn't
Speaker 2: find this broken yodro do you know what a yodro is?
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's a very expensive statue. It was like the
Speaker 2: first very expensive present I gave my mother when I
Speaker 2: was younger. So I broke it, and good old kid fashion,
Speaker 2: I elbowed it. It fell, so the broken one my
Speaker 2: mom want to be buried with, and he just couldn't
Speaker 2: find it. So later that night I kind of had
Speaker 2: a dream that some and sat on the edge of
Speaker 2: my bed and I like woke up and there was
Speaker 2: like a figure but I didn't quite see it, and
Speaker 2: it told me where the yadre was. The next morning,
Speaker 2: I woke up and I said to my dad, I
Speaker 2: kind of think I saw Mom last night, and she said,
Speaker 2: the yodro is in one of the kitchen cabinets. And
Speaker 2: sure enough, it was in a kitchen cabinet.
Speaker 1: I mean, okay, it's a heartwarming story and I'm not
Speaker 1: going to discredit it. I just wish she would have
Speaker 1: been more specific than one of the cabinets.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, yeah, I know, a little vague, or she
Speaker 2: could have given me like the pick six numbers too,
Speaker 2: like if she really wanted to help me out.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know, just because you're a ghost. I
Speaker 1: don't believe that they can see into the future.
Speaker 2: No, right, that's fair. You're right.
Speaker 1: Is Dana Claire your pen name?
Speaker 2: Dana Claire is my first and middle name.
Speaker 1: Interesting, right, talk to me like I like, I'm an idiot.
Speaker 1: So it's gonna be a big stretch. Okay, Explain to
Speaker 1: me what young adult is, Okay, the whole genre, the books, yes,
Speaker 1: and why people are so into them? Go on.
Speaker 2: Okay, so young adult is supposed to be like thirteen
Speaker 2: to eighteen, but over the last decade it's really kind
Speaker 2: of evolved to that, like seventeen to nineteen, and it's
Speaker 2: gotten spicy, which is why have you heard Twilight?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so like that was really when I think young
Speaker 2: adult went skyrocketed and people were like, we must jump
Speaker 2: on this train.
Speaker 1: By the way, Twilight unwatchable, really unwatchable. Well it looks
Speaker 1: like it shot off a cell phone.
Speaker 2: Fair, But a lot of people did watch it.
Speaker 1: Uh huh, everyone watched it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, every garbage garbage.
Speaker 1: That just completely the hook garbage.
Speaker 2: But do you know why? Why why people much hot.
Speaker 1: Dudes turn it into were wolves?
Speaker 2: Yes? But sure, but the tropes. Do you know what
Speaker 2: a trope is? Okay? So a trope is like enemy
Speaker 2: to lovers or forbidden romance, things like that where people
Speaker 2: love the idea of like he wanted to devour her.
Speaker 2: You talked about Throbby before It devours a good one too,
Speaker 2: And he wanted to eat her and then all this
Speaker 2: like I can't have you, I can have you. He's
Speaker 2: like centuries old, she's like sixteen. It's like taboo. These
Speaker 2: are things that hook people.
Speaker 1: What's his name tried to eat people. He got canceled
Speaker 1: for it. What's his name? Armie Hammer? Armie Hammer, that guy,
Speaker 1: he was real into cannibalism or something. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Again, it's not as catchy.
Speaker 1: He grew up in New Jersey, but always tell people
Speaker 1: you're from New York. I do Do you do that?
Speaker 1: Because New Jersey is depressing?
Speaker 2: Yes, the people are always like, oh, the armpit of America,
Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, it's beautiful. It has horse farm.
Speaker 1: Well then why don't you embrace it? Be the sunshine
Speaker 1: that it needs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it really does need like some positive marketing to it,
Speaker 2: some pr for New Jersey. But I lived in New
Speaker 2: York for over ten years, so like I feel like
Speaker 2: that counts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, yeah, I just know you're not from there.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm from Florida. Oh, born in Germany. You know, I've
Speaker 1: got those two nooses around my neck. I have to
Speaker 1: embrace them.
Speaker 2: Do you talk about them a lot?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Right, feels fair.
Speaker 1: Then you went to the University of Delaware and studied English.
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 1: How was your time at the University of Delaware?
Speaker 2: I loved it. I was an English major, though, because
Speaker 2: I was failing every other class, and my advisor was like, Hey,
Speaker 2: you do really well at English. Why don't you take
Speaker 2: that on as a major.
Speaker 1: Give me some of the jobs that you had from college,
Speaker 1: out of college, et cetera, before you got into this
Speaker 1: current world.
Speaker 2: Well, I was a bartender.
Speaker 1: Were you a good bartender?
Speaker 2: I was fantastic, as long as you didn't order anything
Speaker 2: too complicated.
Speaker 1: Okay, did you have attitude?
Speaker 2: I had attitude? I had SaaS. I was loving it.
Speaker 2: You know. Give me a stage in a spotlight?
Speaker 1: And did you love the movie Coyote Ugly?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, do you want to hear a story?
Speaker 1: Yep? Okay, so that's why we're here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so, oh my god, this is so going
Speaker 2: far in the wrong direction. But so that is actually
Speaker 2: called that coyote Ugly movie was based off of Red
Speaker 2: Rock Bar. I had an audition for it. And yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm also a really good dancer. I danced my whole life. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I teach bars.
Speaker 1: I believe it. Are I see them?
Speaker 2: Okay? So I loved it. I mean I loved the dance.
Speaker 2: I loved being on the bar. There was a part
Speaker 2: where you have to pour cold water on yourself, and
Speaker 2: I'm allergic to cold water. I've cold you to carry
Speaker 2: you so like I couldn't physically do the job. And
Speaker 2: that's why I didn't take it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not. I don't you're gonna take this
Speaker 1: the wrong way.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not. I'm gonna love it.
Speaker 1: But you're kind of like a witch. I believe it
Speaker 1: ghosts if I threw a bucket of water on you, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're done.
Speaker 2: I is so done.
Speaker 1: I've never heard of such an allergy. I know, so like,
Speaker 1: you could never do a cold plunge.
Speaker 2: No, no, it would kill me.
Speaker 1: It would actually kill you.
Speaker 2: It would actually kill me. So there are like things
Speaker 2: I'm not allowed to do. I have an epupen. What's
Speaker 2: the tempt I don't know the way they figured it
Speaker 2: out is. I ended up in the er like a
Speaker 2: bunch of different times, and I had to start keeping
Speaker 2: a diary, and it would be like after a cold shower,
Speaker 2: after I went in the ocean. So then they started
Speaker 2: to be like, something's happening. So they put an ice
Speaker 2: pack on my arm, and my arm blew up with hives,
Speaker 2: and they were like, oh.
Speaker 1: She has cold you to carry you, cold you to
Speaker 1: carry you. Yeah, I'm so excited that I learned something today.
Speaker 1: Thank you. How many books have you written?
Speaker 2: Ten that are published, but I have like another eight
Speaker 2: that aren't out yet.
Speaker 1: How long does it take you to write a book?
Speaker 2: It depends how much time I have.
Speaker 1: I mean the shortest time you've ever written a book
Speaker 1: two months? Two months? How many pages is it? Well?
Speaker 2: A word count is what we normally go by, right count. Yeah,
Speaker 2: about eighty to ninety thousand words, which is approximately depending
Speaker 2: on how the book is around, like three hundred and
Speaker 2: fifty pages.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, so continue. How did you get into it?
Speaker 2: So I went into sales and business and made a
Speaker 2: lot of money, but very busy, lots of traveling and
Speaker 2: flying every week. The pandemic was the first time I
Speaker 2: think I don't know since college. I actually was sitting
Speaker 2: there like what do I do with myself? So I
Speaker 2: was like, I think I'm going to start to write again.
Speaker 2: I haven't written in a really long time, and I
Speaker 2: just the words just flowed out of me. And next
Speaker 2: thing you know, I was researching how to publish it.
Speaker 2: What's the difference between self pub and traditional publishing? Which
Speaker 2: I'm a hybrid, so.
Speaker 1: I'm both okay?
Speaker 2: And that was it. That was really what it is.
Speaker 2: I just had time for the first time ever, I
Speaker 2: didn't have a job.
Speaker 1: You write the book, You finish writing the book. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how does it go from that to people actually reaching? Oh?
Speaker 2: I failed miserably. I literally put it on Amazon. I
Speaker 2: didn't even know what I was doing. I didn't have
Speaker 2: I didn't even have a proofreader or an editor. I
Speaker 2: knew nothing. When I first did it, I was lucky
Speaker 2: a five hundred people buy it, and that was just
Speaker 2: family and fronts.
Speaker 1: Huh.
Speaker 2: It was after that tragic downfall. The first book I
Speaker 2: wrote was called The Connection, which I'm thankful they didn't
Speaker 2: bring up. War of the Sea was like my big hit.
Speaker 2: That was the one where I started to get recognition.
Speaker 2: So I did it terribly and realized that, like, what,
Speaker 2: am I really good at business? So go back to
Speaker 2: the drawing board, learn everything you possibly can about the
Speaker 2: publishing industry, and then let's do it again. And that's
Speaker 2: when I got picked up by my publisher.
Speaker 1: And then things took off on the things the next swing.
Speaker 2: Then the next swing, they started to take off. Yes,
Speaker 2: so War of the See came out that won five awards,
Speaker 2: The hunter Land series came out, that's actually optioned for
Speaker 2: TV right now.
Speaker 1: Is that always the goal or or is it just
Speaker 1: in the back of your mind or you're like, no,
Speaker 1: I want to write the best young adult novel that
Speaker 1: I can and I don't care whether it gets picked
Speaker 1: up for TV.
Speaker 2: No. I wrote that to market. I was like, this
Speaker 2: could go on TV tomorrow. You've got some people that
Speaker 2: write what's called beat spoke, which is outside of the box.
Speaker 2: It's not writing to market. You don't have an exact audience.
Speaker 2: But those are not the people that are looking to
Speaker 2: get picked up by a big publisher or make that
Speaker 2: into a TV show. Is it better to self publish Honestly, yes,
Speaker 2: I think so. You make a heck of a lot
Speaker 2: more money. But I think hybrid is the way to go.
Speaker 2: So you can take your marketing that you have from
Speaker 2: your publisher or some of the promos that you get,
Speaker 2: like going to in Barnes and Nobles, and then you
Speaker 2: can say, well, I also have all of this over here,
Speaker 2: because once you have a read or read one of
Speaker 2: your books, they normally, if they like you, devour all
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 1: Now you write I correct me if I'm wrong clean
Speaker 1: young adult? Is that what it is? It's called clean?
Speaker 2: So I'm just about to get into that spicy romance
Speaker 2: next year.
Speaker 1: So you're like the hallmark of young adult?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like how far? Like Hallmark? They take it to a
Speaker 1: kiss in their movies. That's it? Are you guys making
Speaker 1: out in your books?
Speaker 2: It's like heavy petty, that's like where we.
Speaker 1: Stop over under the shirt.
Speaker 2: Over Okay, yeah, I know, but it's going under next
Speaker 2: year because let me tell you.
Speaker 1: Now, you write clean because you have certain family members
Speaker 1: that you don't want to upset. Is that is that
Speaker 1: partially true?
Speaker 2: Yeah? My dad reads everything I write. So I was like,
Speaker 2: when I first wrote my first spicy book, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I can't do this. I just cannot have my father
Speaker 2: read this. But my husband came home and he was like,
Speaker 2: those spicy romance authors sure make a lot of money.
Speaker 2: I'm thinking you need to change your ways. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've always kind of done comedy where I know that
Speaker 1: my parents are listening. My mom's listening right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's just like, why do you have to say these
Speaker 1: horrible things? But I always say, once they pass, oh
Speaker 1: the edge I'm gonna throw on this world. Oh now
Speaker 1: that's going to be so like do you do you
Speaker 1: have that in your head, like, oh, if a couple
Speaker 1: of key family members were out picture, I'm gonna write
Speaker 1: some real juice.
Speaker 2: Yes I do. But I feel like my dad's not
Speaker 2: gonna die for a long time, so I'm just gonna
Speaker 2: have to do it now.
Speaker 1: Let's have him around for a long time. But he's
Speaker 1: leaving a lot of money on the table.
Speaker 2: Yeah he is. I'm telling you these when I go
Speaker 2: to these book signings and readers come up to me
Speaker 2: and they ask me like, what's your spice level? They
Speaker 2: are hungry for the spice.
Speaker 1: What is your spice level?
Speaker 2: I'm probably like a two or three peppers, but a
Speaker 2: five pepper is like everyone's fan favorite.
Speaker 1: Gosh.
Speaker 2: I mean the things that book signings that happen? Are
Speaker 2: crazy with just writing clean romance?
Speaker 1: Do you have photos in your books?
Speaker 2: Yes, a lot of authors are now doing that. I
Speaker 2: mean I just saw yesterday morning a cock with tentacles
Speaker 2: around it because it was a fantasy novel. It was wild.
Speaker 2: There is a book called A Court of Thorns and
Speaker 2: Roses that's fay porn. It's literally about fairies and it's
Speaker 2: fay porn and people love it. They devour it.
Speaker 1: What level do you take take the heat back? Like?
Speaker 1: How far? I mean, does it like full?
Speaker 2: It was so far?
Speaker 1: If you do, I know, But if you did a
Speaker 1: five five jalapeno or whatever you is it like penetration?
Speaker 1: Are they writing about God?
Speaker 2: Yes, in all different places, multiple times.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: There's a genre called reverse harem. So it's a girl
Speaker 2: just it's like a gangbang. But it's like, okay, read it.
Speaker 2: They read it. Oh my god. People get lost in
Speaker 2: these worlds. You have no idea what these conferences are like.
Speaker 2: When readers come in, they are what the conference?
Speaker 1: And who are these fans are? Are they questionable? Do
Speaker 1: you worry about who is some of these Hey, you're
Speaker 1: not you're not meant to be reading this book?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I mean, I mean, I've had the weirdest request.
Speaker 2: I've said no toe some of them I've been like, okay, maybe,
Speaker 2: like can you sign your name and a penis next
Speaker 2: to it squirting jizz? And I'm like, I write clean romance,
Speaker 2: but okay, I'll try.
Speaker 1: They want they want you to draw jizz. Yes, when
Speaker 1: you knew you wanted to be an author, was it
Speaker 1: always going to be in this genre?
Speaker 2: I think so. It has the most angst. And it's
Speaker 2: like you're not dealing with the drama of like, you know,
Speaker 2: a spouse cheating on you, or like, you know, things
Speaker 2: that my age would actually have to deal with. It's like,
Speaker 2: remember when you were in high school and it was
Speaker 2: just about the person you were like madly and deeply
Speaker 2: in love with and like making the cheerleading team or
Speaker 2: the football team or I don't know, whatever you were into.
Speaker 1: I wasn't into either.
Speaker 2: Okay, what were you into? What would I write about
Speaker 2: if I was writing about you?
Speaker 1: I don't know. My memory of high school is so cloudy. No,
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's revisionist or I just kind
Speaker 1: of wanted to get through it.
Speaker 2: You know, you didn't enjoy high school.
Speaker 1: I mean I liked it fine, and I had friends
Speaker 1: that I enjoyed, but I kind of was like, well,
Speaker 1: this isn't it. Okay. I was never somebody like, these
Speaker 1: are the best years of my life if people, if
Speaker 1: I truly believed when people said these are the best
Speaker 1: years of your life, I would have killed myself.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. Okay, I could see that too. Those
Speaker 2: were not the best years of my life either.
Speaker 1: No, No, you live in the now. Yeah, this is
Speaker 1: the best time of your life.
Speaker 2: I'm a yoga teacher. We're all about the present.
Speaker 1: I love it. You're married? Yeah, how long?
Speaker 2: Five years?
Speaker 1: Five years?
Speaker 2: Yes? I love him?
Speaker 1: Well, sure you should, you know, like I really love him?
Speaker 1: Uh huh. How long have you dated before you got married?
Speaker 2: We were on our second date, where like we should
Speaker 2: get married.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's a disaster.
Speaker 2: But we've been together for almost seven years.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you said it after your second date, but
Speaker 1: you didn't do it after your second day. You waited
Speaker 1: the proper amount of time two years.
Speaker 2: Well, we know, we got engaged thirty days later, and
Speaker 2: then we waited for the wedding.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fine, Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Is your first marriage?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: How many?
Speaker 2: Well, I've been a this is a rabbit hole. I've
Speaker 2: been proposed to a lot.
Speaker 1: Well that's awesome.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it was like a runaway ride for a
Speaker 2: little bit. But then I did do wine and then
Speaker 2: we were divorced like ninety days later, So very Kim
Speaker 2: Kardashian of me didn't even count.
Speaker 1: No, I mean it counts in the eyes of the Lord,
Speaker 1: and you'll have to deal with that at some point.
Speaker 2: Yes, a judgment day.
Speaker 1: All right, So you're happily married now and you really
Speaker 1: do love this guy? Oh yeah, if you don't mind.
Speaker 1: Is he older or younger than you?
Speaker 2: I like him young. He's six and a half years
Speaker 2: younger than me, six.
Speaker 1: And a half years younger. Yeah, that's good. I mean
Speaker 1: it's not like record breaking. No, I mean you're right,
Speaker 1: you're not dating like, you know, waiting for a kid
Speaker 1: to turn eighteen. No, No, that'd be fun.
Speaker 2: That would although that would help with the demographics, would
Speaker 2: I write?
Speaker 1: M Right, let's get into this Olympian Wars series. You
Speaker 1: have War of the Sea, War of the Land, and
Speaker 1: War of the Mind. Tell me where are we warring next?
Speaker 2: No, that one's over. That's that's a trilogy, and it's done.
Speaker 1: It's done.
Speaker 2: It's done.
Speaker 1: You could always do do a prequel. I could.
Speaker 2: I love that. You know what a prequel is, what
Speaker 2: a novella is?
Speaker 1: I know it about it seems like I'm like a
Speaker 1: seven year old. I think my son is five and
Speaker 1: knows what a prequel is. Uh, that's funny. Did you
Speaker 1: write monsters easy falling in love that could be deadly?
Speaker 2: I think that's the tagline from my book.
Speaker 1: It's a tagline from Hunterland, Yes it is. Did you
Speaker 1: write that tagline?
Speaker 2: I feel like there might be a couple of words
Speaker 2: missing in there, but yes, the tagline.
Speaker 1: Was monsters easy falling in love that could be deadly?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Man, that's good.
Speaker 2: Yeah that there you go. That was much better.
Speaker 1: Silver bullets aren't enough to protect your heart?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yep?
Speaker 1: I could just melt what right right here? Man? You
Speaker 1: had a busy pandemic?
Speaker 2: I sure did.
Speaker 1: As a writer. Is spelling important?
Speaker 2: No, there's spell check, there's editors go wild.
Speaker 1: I can't spell it all.
Speaker 2: We also make up a lot of words, do you yes?
Speaker 1: Like for what?
Speaker 2: For everything? It's fiction?
Speaker 1: You say, just make up words.
Speaker 2: You can make up words left and right.
Speaker 1: Talk to me about your process, like how regimented. Are
Speaker 1: you do you wake up at four thirty every morning
Speaker 1: and start writing for six hours?
Speaker 2: I do wake up at four thirty every morning, but
Speaker 2: not to start writing too. Are working because I own
Speaker 2: a company in the publishing industry as well?
Speaker 1: Have a four thirty he do? What time you go
Speaker 1: to bed?
Speaker 2: Probably around like ten?
Speaker 1: That's not enough sleep. It's not you nap?
Speaker 2: I do not.
Speaker 1: You don't nap?
Speaker 2: No, I have a lot of energy.
Speaker 1: I love napping.
Speaker 2: Oh well, naps are great. The Europeans do it.
Speaker 1: I can naps like just like this, just sitting straight up.
Speaker 1: I can just close my eyes, fall asleep within three.
Speaker 2: Minutes and your body doesn't go anywhere. No, you just
Speaker 2: stay upright.
Speaker 1: You can. I can do it.
Speaker 2: That's like a trick.
Speaker 1: Yeah. How annoying are reviews?
Speaker 2: I think they're entertaining. I once at my favorite review.
Speaker 2: It was a one star. It said this book is
Speaker 2: just two ya thank you?
Speaker 1: You fuck with kindles?
Speaker 2: Do I fuck with them? Like? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I read the off of Do you like kindles?
Speaker 2: Do you read book books?
Speaker 1: Huh?
Speaker 2: Do you read off kindles? No? I prefer book That's
Speaker 2: what I mean, a book book, like a physical book.
Speaker 1: Oh I sorry, I didn't hear you say book.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Sorry, Are you a paperback or a hardback?
Speaker 1: Hard back?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I like this. I like to bend. Yeah, I like
Speaker 1: to make sure that money goes ideal.
Speaker 2: ICP.
Speaker 1: Does young adult come in hardcover?
Speaker 2: Sure? Does? Okay, the spicier it is, the harder.
Speaker 1: Just kidding, there's your tag. RN. Does the same person
Speaker 1: make the cover art for every romance novel? No, it
Speaker 1: seems very similar.
Speaker 2: Oh because of the naked men.
Speaker 1: I don't know just all of them.
Speaker 2: Well no, I mean there's like cover design artists. There's
Speaker 2: like thousands of them. And now there's what's called discrete covers.
Speaker 2: So do you remember the Fabio covers from the back
Speaker 2: in Our Parents?
Speaker 1: I know, Fabio love you love that man?
Speaker 2: What great hair?
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know if it's still great, but yeah,
Speaker 1: he at one point, at.
Speaker 2: One point it was lovely. It was like a panting commercial.
Speaker 1: I know Fabio. Sure didn't we do a bit with him? Oh? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure? Yeah. Okay, that's how I say I know
Speaker 1: him if they if I've worked with him one time?
Speaker 2: I know best friends.
Speaker 1: Were not best friend, but he seemed I get him
Speaker 1: and Kato Kaline confused very similar.
Speaker 2: All right, Fabiah, okay, Fabia. So remember those covers, yes,
Speaker 2: So now fast forward in the present. We don't have
Speaker 2: those types of covers anymore. You have two versions of covers.
Speaker 2: You have the mail wearing nothing like no shirt, right,
Speaker 2: and then you have what's called a discrete cover, which
Speaker 2: is probably like big typography and flowers. So you get
Speaker 2: those two different types of covers.
Speaker 1: You knew we were going here. Let's talk Fourth Wing.
Speaker 1: Where do you stand and how would you rate Iron Flame?
Speaker 1: And are you excited about Onyx Storm?
Speaker 2: You don't even know what these books are, of course not.
Speaker 1: I love you, it is not a clue.
Speaker 2: Well, I think Fourth Wing changed my business, not my
Speaker 2: author career, but the business that I own, which is
Speaker 2: called the influence, because Fourth Wing's publisher decided when they
Speaker 2: launched the book that they would launch a special edition,
Speaker 2: that version, that limited version would be the first I
Speaker 2: think like fifty thousand books that they sold, and that
Speaker 2: changed the course of everything After that happened, and how
Speaker 2: popular it was. Every author under the sun wanted a.
Speaker 1: Special edition your company that you started. It does it
Speaker 1: help other writers? It does?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well, see not Pete his wife, she's a writer. Too.
Speaker 1: My wife's a writer. They both write film and television, okay,
Speaker 1: but they're always trying to write other things. Pete's wife Sam,
Speaker 1: she wrote a mystery novel that I'm told is amazing.
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 1: Can you get it off? Get it going? Because she
Speaker 1: hasn't found the publisher. I don't know what the hang
Speaker 1: up is, but she needs help.
Speaker 2: She needs help.
Speaker 1: My wife wrote a poetry book. Oh and she wants
Speaker 1: help getting that published.
Speaker 2: So that's a publishing house. What we do is we
Speaker 2: work with publishing houses and we work with authors to
Speaker 2: create special editions. And special editions are the books that
Speaker 2: have foil or sprayed edges or spot gloss uv, just
Speaker 2: some special embellishments on them, and then we produce them overseas.
Speaker 2: Because I've been an importer for China for over twenty years.
Speaker 2: Oh and that business blew up in less than six months.
Speaker 2: We're at seven figures.
Speaker 1: Let's get into your side hustle, which is a yoga instructor.
Speaker 1: Yeah you taught oh yeah, countless amount of classes?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, like thirteen in a week on top of
Speaker 2: a full time job. I love teaching yoga.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's let's get into it. How did you become
Speaker 1: a yoga instructor? You went to a class? I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I could do this.
Speaker 2: No, my dad actually owned fitness clubs. When I was little.
Speaker 2: I was like this three year old like climbing on
Speaker 2: the adductor and abductor machines that just loved the gym.
Speaker 2: And then when I came out to LA, started to
Speaker 2: get more into yoga, and I was like bitching on
Speaker 2: my dad about how expensive it is, and he was like,
Speaker 2: just go teach then it'll be free. I was like, huh,
Speaker 2: I'm a public speaker. When did you move to LA
Speaker 2: twenty thirteen?
Speaker 1: All right, so you went to a class. What class
Speaker 1: did you go to? Do you remember?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I will never forget how date yoga? Bar class
Speaker 2: on a second date?
Speaker 1: Where is it?
Speaker 2: How date yoga? In Santa Monica? And I took a
Speaker 2: bar class on a date, which is like not the
Speaker 2: best thing to do on a date. I don't know, yeah,
Speaker 2: just like real sweaty you know.
Speaker 1: I've never been to a yoga class.
Speaker 2: Oh that's going to change. Yes, I'm bringing you. I've
Speaker 2: had to drag you by your ears. It could be
Speaker 2: your thing, you don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had one of my family members of my
Speaker 1: wife's family members. It was a yoga instructor and she
Speaker 1: taught us at the house.
Speaker 2: But there was no heat.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I don't do but hold on it. Let
Speaker 1: me just point out some things that I remember hating. Okay,
Speaker 1: go ahead, like she says, Okay, now, lay on your
Speaker 1: favorite side. I'm like, what what the fuck are you?
Speaker 1: That was a lot of I don't have a favorite side.
Speaker 1: What does that mean? My favorite side?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: I love this side.
Speaker 2: Well, it's supposed to be energy, right, I know I
Speaker 2: don't like.
Speaker 1: You don't like that.
Speaker 2: You don't like that talk? Okay, Well, I'm very like
Speaker 2: I do high energy yoga classes like yoga sculpt, So
Speaker 2: there's no like. You know, your feelings are?
Speaker 1: What what's good? I don't like the feelings.
Speaker 2: I don't have time for that. We need to tell me.
Speaker 1: About the temperature for hot yoga.
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 1: What's well? I don't mind.
Speaker 2: What temperature will get you in the class? No, I
Speaker 2: don't know, all right, Like one.
Speaker 1: Ten, that's the temperature?
Speaker 2: One oh five?
Speaker 1: No, what's the percentage in your classes versus a guy girl?
Speaker 2: Just out of curiosity, I have a lot of guys
Speaker 2: in my classes.
Speaker 1: I don't like smell. Well, right, I hate smell. I
Speaker 1: hate if I smell someone, I'm just like, ah, you
Speaker 1: could move. I hate hearing noises, so you hate living.
Speaker 1: I don't like people looking at me. I don't like
Speaker 1: to look at other people teach.
Speaker 2: I teach at sweat, and there's no lights and no mirrors.
Speaker 2: You don't see anybody. That's worse.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It just seems gross. People are touched.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, I've had a lot of famous people
Speaker 2: in my class.
Speaker 1: I am sure, who's some of the famous people.
Speaker 2: Oh, well, Vince Vaughn is lovely. He's just a lovely man.
Speaker 2: But he is really terrible at yoga. I think it's
Speaker 2: because he's so big.
Speaker 1: He is huge.
Speaker 2: He is a tall man doing yoga.
Speaker 1: Sure, he's a tall man, but he's also a trumper.
Speaker 2: I had my high school crush once in class.
Speaker 1: Oh why did make me saying trumper? Make you think
Speaker 1: of that?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I was like, how do I shift gears?
Speaker 1: Wait, your high school crush in one of your classes?
Speaker 1: I did? Did he did he come looking to rekindle?
Speaker 2: No? No, no, I mean, like you know, he was
Speaker 2: like a famous person. I had a crush on what
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 1: Sorry, that's my fault.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that might of mine.
Speaker 1: What was what was your? Who was you high school?
Speaker 2: Ryan Felipe?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, are you kidding me? Cruel Intentions?
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm telling what right, like the best movie.
Speaker 1: And when they didn't when they in real life, when
Speaker 1: their relationship didn't.
Speaker 2: Work out, it was so sad, I know.
Speaker 1: But now that but now they're kids, they're just like identical.
Speaker 2: Versions of kids are identical. It's clone like almost it is.
Speaker 1: That's soundtrack of Cruel Intentions. I could just listen to
Speaker 1: that forever.
Speaker 2: One of the best movies, hands down.
Speaker 1: I don't think you're going to get anyone to argue
Speaker 1: with you.
Speaker 2: Oh man, so does that mean you might try one
Speaker 2: on my yoga clues? Oh? So? There was no convincing
Speaker 2: in any of.
Speaker 1: This at all. I don't want to. Okay, can you
Speaker 1: do crazy poses?
Speaker 2: Not in this out of it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm almost fifty and my son I go
Speaker 1: to his break dancing class.
Speaker 2: He's five any dances?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I love that. Yeah. So anyway, in his
Speaker 1: class and they're doing this pose where they're you know,
Speaker 1: they're ciphering, and he's teaching them different freestyle moves. But
Speaker 1: then they do this one thing and all the dads
Speaker 1: are watching this, and I'm like, I can do that.
Speaker 1: And I just went out.
Speaker 2: There and I did it better than your five year old.
Speaker 1: No way better than my five year old, but not
Speaker 1: as good as the instructor. But like I held it,
Speaker 1: I held a position. It was pretty impressive.
Speaker 2: So you could do Yoga's what I hear.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, but I can also just fucking stretch on
Speaker 1: my own.
Speaker 2: Okay, So you do like stretching, No, I don't.
Speaker 1: Like it, but I'll do it, okay. And when I
Speaker 1: get massages, I tell them to incorporate stretching, all.
Speaker 2: Right, so you don't have to do it on your own.
Speaker 1: That's lazy. That's only I know. It is so much
Speaker 1: better though, Okay. I give everybody's on the show a gift. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: but the gifts are just stuff that I find around
Speaker 1: my house that I don't want.
Speaker 2: How thoughtful of you.
Speaker 1: Well, And it started out as a way to get
Speaker 1: rid of stuff, and now it's it's still.
Speaker 2: That I am excited.
Speaker 1: Okay. The first thing I'm giving you it's an old
Speaker 1: journal that I don't that I didn't only use like
Speaker 1: three pages. These are notes from the Goat. I was
Speaker 1: at reality TV show I hosted, and I only wrote
Speaker 1: three pages of notes, So I'll get rid of those.
Speaker 1: Those you don't get those are from the goat.
Speaker 2: That was the most valuable part of the gifts.
Speaker 1: This is a book. It's this art. This is a
Speaker 1: local artist. As to my sweetheart. We have some of
Speaker 1: his pieces in our house. But he writes like uh,
Speaker 1: like I don't know, he reads like cute things, like
Speaker 1: he writes on skateboards, and but they're always like little
Speaker 1: love letters, a little tiny little lover.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you'll like you really want to part with them.
Speaker 1: Well, I have some of his art in my house,
Speaker 1: and but like it's just random stuff. There's some cute
Speaker 1: stuff and there. You'll like that.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: Now, this next gift, it's to give it to some
Speaker 1: of your your your horny fans. Okay, legally you probably
Speaker 1: can't do it, but I don't care, Okay, because I
Speaker 1: had to asect me no, so my wife doesn't need
Speaker 1: any more birth control, so I just got all of
Speaker 1: her birth control. You just can give this to your fans.
Speaker 2: I think they would love that. Signs.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're legally allowed to give birth
Speaker 1: control away, but we.
Speaker 2: Give condoms away as gifts.
Speaker 1: Well, birth control is a little different. But I just
Speaker 1: want I.
Speaker 2: Just want to And they could be expired.
Speaker 1: They're definitely expired, Okay, so not usable. No, I think
Speaker 1: I think it's been proven that expired medicine still works.
Speaker 2: I agree with you.
Speaker 1: Okay, now get that off my desk, please.
Speaker 2: It's lovely.
Speaker 1: You're going to want to give that to people so much.
Speaker 2: I've never been given something, so consider it before.
Speaker 1: Well, I just think you're making these kids all horned up,
Speaker 1: and especially in the world we live in now, where
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to put that on the floor. I
Speaker 1: don't want that on the desk. The dog don't. My
Speaker 1: dog can't get pregnant either. But you know, in a
Speaker 1: world where women's bodies are always a topic, and I
Speaker 1: just want to make sure that you know I.
Speaker 2: Do my trend.
Speaker 1: I do my part to keep them from having an
Speaker 1: unwanted pregnancy.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, and I will tell you that all these
Speaker 2: spicy books do practice safe sex inside of them.
Speaker 1: Ah, you talk about putting condoms.
Speaker 2: They do, They do that a lot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's awful. Nobody's ever raw dog in it.
Speaker 2: In the bow, but like they make it very clear
Speaker 2: why they're raw dogging it. Like everyone's gotten tested, Like.
Speaker 1: Talk about a boner kill unless it's the pages of
Speaker 1: this boner kill?
Speaker 2: Do I have to get through fantasy? There's no whole
Speaker 2: bar because it's fantasy. So if like they're banging you
Speaker 2: with testicles or like, you know, octopus whatever, you should
Speaker 2: read some of these fantasy books. It's not just normal,
Speaker 2: you know, anatomy of the human that gets in there.
Speaker 1: Oh man, I don't know how I am I gonna read
Speaker 1: with one hand?
Speaker 2: Challenge balance challenge.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have a gift for me.
Speaker 2: I do. I have a bunch so bunch. I wanted
Speaker 2: you to see all walks in my life, so I
Speaker 2: figured I would show you. This is what a special
Speaker 2: edition books looks like.
Speaker 1: Oh my, just look at this?
Speaker 2: Is that fun?
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, this looks like it's devil worshiping stuff.
Speaker 2: Devil Worshiping that's the first book in the series. And
Speaker 2: this is the second book in the series. And this
Speaker 2: is one that's option for TV.
Speaker 1: This is Honor Lore, a deadly dance between predator and prey.
Speaker 2: Would you like to hear a full circle story about
Speaker 2: this though. The way I got picked up was teaching
Speaker 2: a yoga class. The writer was in my class. Well,
Speaker 2: so I thought that was very cool. That was a
Speaker 2: full circle. We just did a full circle.
Speaker 1: I thought it was a way to like get me
Speaker 1: into yoga.
Speaker 2: No oh, I got that ready.
Speaker 1: Olivia, Chapter thirteen, knowing Liam and Jack were going after
Speaker 1: a vamp nest while my father and agent Hunter were
Speaker 1: research sheep.
Speaker 2: This would you like to narrate one of my books?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 2: Well, I tried.
Speaker 1: That seems like a lot of I don't want this
Speaker 1: Shit't there?
Speaker 2: You're getting it?
Speaker 1: God, damn it.
Speaker 2: It's everything you need for a class.
Speaker 1: You've got all of your This is not everything you
Speaker 1: need made in China. Oh, you keep trying to act
Speaker 1: like you and China are in good hoots. Next time
Speaker 1: you come take my doesn't feel like it's that ground.
Speaker 1: Is this good? Is this good quality? It feels a
Speaker 1: little light.
Speaker 2: You know what. It's free, It's all free swag. You
Speaker 2: got it. Okay, I've got one more gift for you.
Speaker 1: Let's see. Let's see it.
Speaker 2: The one that I think is the most important that
Speaker 2: it is a stuffed penis.
Speaker 1: It's a tiny, little choke.
Speaker 2: It's his tiny, durable so wise, so he's worthy.
Speaker 1: Is that your fantasy?
Speaker 2: I think this, No, it's definitely not.
Speaker 1: By the way in your books, are you going always
Speaker 1: uh circumcised? Oh I don't actually, well again, yeah, you
Speaker 1: need to get in that because I gar right now
Speaker 1: in our country we're almost fifty fifty to fifty on
Speaker 1: new kids. So as these kids age in to your genre.
Speaker 2: We want to make feel everyone feel welcome.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. Throwing a few uh uh an
Speaker 1: if you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So that is the most interesting thing that I've
Speaker 2: ever signed. So I love stuffed animal. You signed this, well,
Speaker 2: I haven't signed yours, but I can always do that.
Speaker 2: But at book signing by these, the readers by them,
Speaker 2: and they are brand new one. It's a brand new
Speaker 2: just for you, all right, maybe maybe Carl can play
Speaker 2: with it. Point is that those are some of the
Speaker 2: things that I get at book signings to sign.
Speaker 1: Anybody ever ask you to sign their actual hog.
Speaker 2: No, there's not a lot of men at these signings.
Speaker 1: These are women are walking Dick's.
Speaker 2: Oh God, or like dick picks and asking you to
Speaker 2: sign the dick Picks. Asking you to draw them.
Speaker 1: To show somebody else a photo of a penis. It
Speaker 1: feels like that's a form of assault on some level.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it feels like that. Sometimes it feels like that.
Speaker 2: Fans are fun.
Speaker 1: Thanks for thanks for my stuff. Penis. Who's going to
Speaker 1: get this my new pig?
Speaker 2: Oh, it's perfect.
Speaker 1: You've ever seen a pig penis?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Is it something to write about?
Speaker 1: Oh? It's so disturbing. All right, So I got a
Speaker 1: tiny seven pound pig right now?
Speaker 2: You already got the pig.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've had it. Okay, okay, but when their penis
Speaker 1: comes out, it's long, thin, and it has a drill
Speaker 1: bit at the end of it, like a pencil, yes
Speaker 1: to like go into the earth.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, stop.
Speaker 1: Look at the penis.
Speaker 2: Real.
Speaker 1: I know it's so disgusting. Oh no, I know. I
Speaker 1: didn't know this. And you guess are you ready for this?
Speaker 1: This is right up your alley. Female pigs orgasm for
Speaker 1: thirty minutes. Shut up, Well you would do if this
Speaker 1: corkscrew is going in you look at the tip of it.
Speaker 2: Stop it. Why does it do that? I don't know
Speaker 2: it went from street to that.
Speaker 1: No, No, it's it's that's the end of it. The
Speaker 1: end is always shaped like that.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you can.
Speaker 1: See the coils into the soil down.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's disgusting. Oh, I know, I'll be honest with you.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would, I might have taken
Speaker 1: him back had I known that that was the.
Speaker 2: Pain you get a female pig.
Speaker 1: Great question. We wanted to.
Speaker 2: Oh, and there just wasn't any of mine was.
Speaker 1: This one was the one that we needed to take.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: My wife just brought it home.
Speaker 2: Did she know about that though? What happened when she
Speaker 2: found out?
Speaker 1: She's repulsed? Repulsed and it sprays. It's man seamen all
Speaker 1: over you, and it stinks to high heaven for you
Speaker 1: constantly when you pick it up and startle it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when it frightens again, because it's.
Speaker 1: No, it doesn't get hard. It just sprays. It's it's
Speaker 1: something that pigs do. It's just a spray, and it stinks,
Speaker 1: it's rancid. But you have to get the neutered at
Speaker 1: like ten weeks, because they reached full sexual maturity between
Speaker 1: six and ten weeks.
Speaker 2: And you got yours too late.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's already been eleven weeks he's twelve weeks old
Speaker 1: now or so, but we're gettinghim nuted next week.
Speaker 2: Can you still do that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I know, yeah, and they'll take out a smell
Speaker 1: gland or something that's in there. I'm told I'm worried
Speaker 1: sick about this.
Speaker 2: Has your child seen it?
Speaker 1: Yeah? My kids play with it constantly. Not the penis
Speaker 1: the pick God?
Speaker 2: Okay good.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know what to say. What's
Speaker 1: your favorite holiday?
Speaker 2: Christmas? Yes? I love Christmas?
Speaker 1: Do you ever you ever have Christmas as a backdrop
Speaker 1: to one of your novels?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: What about a seasonal young a young adult?
Speaker 2: I could, but like they're not in school during that time,
Speaker 2: so it would be like more of like an outside school.
Speaker 2: Most of my stuff is like around the school year.
Speaker 2: But I will tell you this. I have a house
Speaker 2: in Florida, and the house in Florida is Christmas twelve
Speaker 2: months a year.
Speaker 1: What haacky neighbors?
Speaker 2: No, like not on the outside on the outside.
Speaker 1: Oh even weirder. That's terrifying.
Speaker 2: Are you kidding? What's your favorite holiday?
Speaker 1: Christmas? By a mile?
Speaker 2: Okay, then how come you don't love my house in Florida?
Speaker 1: Because I have real rules about Christmas.
Speaker 2: Would tell me your rules.
Speaker 1: Okay, my rules are we don't start celebrating. We don't
Speaker 1: play Christmas music until the day after Halloween. Thanksgiving Fuck Thanksgiving. Okay,
Speaker 1: we did those Indigenous people dirty. We did out. We
Speaker 1: prep for Christmas all the way till Christmas. We're very
Speaker 1: excited about. We play tons of Christmas music. That's all
Speaker 1: we play basically after the thirty first of October. But yeah,
Speaker 1: and then and then once Christmas is done, it's done.
Speaker 2: Wait, so, like, when do you take down your tree?
Speaker 1: Well, okay, this is I'm going to sound like the elitist,
Speaker 1: but we go to Tahoe and that's where we decorate.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't think that's it.
Speaker 1: Right, So whenever I leave, whether it's January first or
Speaker 1: January tenth, that's when everything goes down.
Speaker 2: Let me ask you this, Do you take it down
Speaker 2: or do you have somebody take it down?
Speaker 1: I take it down.
Speaker 2: It's impressive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the tree. I fight my wife Ony, well
Speaker 1: because I only get a six foot tree.
Speaker 2: Are you kidding? Do you have cathedral ceilings?
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's the high ceilings.
Speaker 2: Then you should be having like a high footer.
Speaker 1: Well, here's what ready for this?
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: Tell me if you tell me i'm your wife, I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm a genius on this one.
Speaker 2: I'll be the judge.
Speaker 1: Okay. I have this large coffee table that we use
Speaker 1: that we put the tree on. That gives a tree
Speaker 1: two and a half feet now, hold on. It makes
Speaker 1: it so much easier to display gifts all around it
Speaker 1: because you don't have this clearance. Now you have this clearance,
Speaker 1: so there's just presence, and you can layer the presence
Speaker 1: on the coffee table. And the floor is that dangerous?
Speaker 2: Like is it gonna wabble off the car?
Speaker 1: It's a totally secure, happy, big base for the tree.
Speaker 1: Real tree. Uh you know Douglas fir So. Now it's
Speaker 1: eight feet right, and it's you got the big star
Speaker 1: on top of it. We don't go angel she wants
Speaker 1: she wants a bigger tree. But then it's like now
Speaker 1: it's in a hallway at the top of a staircase
Speaker 1: with big ceilings. It's it's hard to walk by it.
Speaker 1: If you go bigger, I get the height, but then
Speaker 1: I don't have to have the width, and I still
Speaker 1: have all the room for presidents.
Speaker 2: The width is also nice. If you have the height
Speaker 2: without the width. Doesn't it kind of look Fuck. I'm
Speaker 2: just saying she might have a point.
Speaker 1: Nah, I mean she has a point, but it's just
Speaker 1: I just don't think you're giving me enough credit for
Speaker 1: the coffee tae thing, because it really does change the game.
Speaker 1: Even if you were to do an eight foot tree,
Speaker 1: I would recommend putting it on a table for the
Speaker 1: layering of presents. It just looks nice layering of the presents.
Speaker 2: I actually kind of.
Speaker 1: Lean the depth from the bottom branch. You're getting this
Speaker 1: much clearance on most trees watering it you reach in,
Speaker 1: you can put a picture in there to get to
Speaker 1: the water.
Speaker 2: I'd have to see it. I don't know. I'm not
Speaker 2: convinced based on this. We'll get her a flight.
Speaker 1: You're coming to Dana. Thank you for being on the show.
Speaker 2: You're very welcome.
Speaker 1: Thanks for having my pleasure. So hot in here now.
Speaker 2: Hot and bothered from all the throbbing.
Speaker 1: So much throbbing, Pasha, I want to thank Dana for
Speaker 1: being on the show. I can't wait to rip into
Speaker 1: one of her books tonight. They're ripping in the terrain.
Speaker 1: They're ripping in the terrain. Now is the election or
Speaker 1: are the results in? Not yet? No, nope, you're telling
Speaker 1: me with one percent in it's too early to call. Well, listen,
Speaker 1: it's not too late for me to publicly endorse one
Speaker 1: of the candidates for president of the United States. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be honest with you. I'm still on
Speaker 1: the fence. Now, I've already voted. I voted for Kamala Harris.
Speaker 1: But who am I going to endorse. That's different than
Speaker 1: who I voted for. You understand the difference. We explained
Speaker 1: it to me. Well, see, there's gonna be a civil war.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and I got to do what's right for
Speaker 1: my family. So I haven't picked a side who we're
Speaker 1: going to align with, and we're not gonna fight in
Speaker 1: either scenario. But depending on who's marching down our streets
Speaker 1: and with what type of artillery, that's what I'll need
Speaker 1: to hoist a certain flag. Those will be your people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not afraid to be like, oh yeah, go Trump whatever.
Speaker 1: If that keeps my family from being slaughtered in a
Speaker 1: civil war, I'll say it. It sounds like you're a
Speaker 1: good father. I don't have. I don't have so much
Speaker 1: pride that I'm like, I can't say it. Carl, who'd
Speaker 1: you vote for a lot of people don't know this, Carl, Uh,
Speaker 1: big maga, big mega dog. And look at us sitting
Speaker 1: across from each other on election day, respecting each other's differences.
Speaker 1: Sure he won't look me in the eye, Carl, look
Speaker 1: at me. Hey, Carl, who'd you vote for? You don't
Speaker 1: want to talk. You want to talk politics. That's all right.
Speaker 1: But I still love you. I still love you, even
Speaker 1: though I don't agree with you, even though I think
Speaker 1: fundamentally we couldn't be different, we still love each other.
Speaker 1: We love each other. You want some water? Have some
Speaker 1: water there? You go drink up, big guy. You know
Speaker 1: you look like kind of to me right now, look
Speaker 1: like that one wise orangutang in the Planet of the
Speaker 1: Apes movie. But you're a dog that loves Trump. Let's
Speaker 1: do our plugs, Carl, You go do our plugs. Boyswarpink
Speaker 1: dot com, get yourself something cute and adorable for your child.
Speaker 1: Now that the economy is going to come roaring back
Speaker 1: under the new leadership of you want to head on
Speaker 1: over to toss showstore dot com. Get yourself some fly
Speaker 1: merch so all the kids at school will know that
Speaker 1: you're down with opp You check out Eddie Gosling's to
Speaker 1: our dates. Check out my tour dates. I need people
Speaker 1: to come seeming next week in New Orleans, Man am
Speaker 1: I looking forward to that, the big easy, We gotta
Speaker 1: do the free plug hit the free plug music. You
Speaker 1: all right, what do we got? This week? The Redondo
Speaker 1: Union High School wrestling team has kicked off their holiday
Speaker 1: tree sale. All proceeds from sales will go toward helping
Speaker 1: the team with transportation and new singlets, but mostly fighting ringworm.
Speaker 1: Get yourself a seven foot Douglas fir for eighty bucks,
Speaker 1: same size noble fur running about one hundred and five.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're not a tree person, or you get yourself
Speaker 1: a wreath they got those are like forty five bucks.
Speaker 1: All right? Maybe maybe you're Jewish, okay, or you just
Speaker 1: don't want to buy a tree or wreath. You can
Speaker 1: donate a tree to the troops. What do the troops
Speaker 1: want trees for? I put up in their tent, in
Speaker 1: their tent, yeah all right, Well, what you can donate
Speaker 1: a tree to the troops for seventy five bucks. I
Speaker 1: bet you they don't pick out nice trees for the troops.
Speaker 1: I bet you they give them the leftovers. Yeah, all right,
Speaker 1: you go to well, what is this r u h
Speaker 1: S Wrestling dot org slash fundraising slash holiday dash tree
Speaker 1: dash sail. That is nonsense, all right, be sure to
Speaker 1: you know, select wrestling from the student organization drop down
Speaker 1: and you just type in what wrestler you're supporting. I
Speaker 1: I always type in uh, macho man Randy seven oh
Speaker 1: year on the online sale ends November eleventh and tree
Speaker 1: pickup is on the seventh. Well, if it ends on
Speaker 1: the eleventh and you pick it up on the seventh,
Speaker 1: December seventh, Oh, December seventh. Oh, you don't have a Okay,
Speaker 1: Eddie's really making sure I get this free plug right,
Speaker 1: really really sucking the comedy out of it by taking
Speaker 1: it seriously. Jesus, if you live out of town, there's
Speaker 1: a twenty dollars delivery option, but I'm sure if you're
Speaker 1: outside of LA I don't I don't know. They can't
Speaker 1: imagine that they're going to deliver outside of LA. You
Speaker 1: gotta try one of our Are you ought to try
Speaker 1: to order one of these for delivery and see if
Speaker 1: it'll go across the coast? Give him a call, see
Speaker 1: what they can do. That's the Redondo Union high school
Speaker 1: wrestling team. We'll see you next week.