Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is to exercise your social muscles. If you have
Speaker 1: any social skills that are weak, consciously thinking of how
Speaker 1: to strengthen them can make your social life better over time.
Speaker 1: Today's tip comes from friendship expert Shasta Nelson, who has
Speaker 1: been a guest on my other podcast, Best of Both Worlds.
Speaker 1: Shasta recently gave a TEDx talk called Relationally Fit The
Speaker 1: Social Secret to a longer, happier Life. In her ted talk,
Speaker 1: she argues that no pain, no gain turns out to
Speaker 1: be true for relational fitness and not just physical fitness.
Speaker 1: Just as you have to lift heavier weights and perhaps
Speaker 1: feel a little sore in order to strengthen your muscles,
Speaker 1: she says that sometimes we have to do things that
Speaker 1: feel a little uncomfortable in our relationships in order to
Speaker 1: get stronger. So think about this. Where might you be
Speaker 1: socially flabby? Shasta suggested a few areas. Maybe you rarely
Speaker 1: initiate plans. Maybe you have a tendency to start talking
Speaker 1: about yourself as soon as the other person takes a breath.
Speaker 1: Maybe you withdraw from conflict. I could think of several others,
Speaker 1: like not working to remember the details of other people's lives,
Speaker 1: or not staying in touch with people who you really
Speaker 1: like but who are no longer in your daily circle
Speaker 1: of activity. It happens, we can all get socially flabby.
Speaker 1: But if you search yourself in your life and see
Speaker 1: that you have a particular week spot, you can consciously
Speaker 1: train to get better in these areas. For instance, if
Speaker 1: you tend not to be the person that initiates plans
Speaker 1: and you think your friends and loved ones may be
Speaker 1: wearying of always taking charge, challenge yourself to do this
Speaker 1: once a week for the next few weeks. Put it
Speaker 1: on your priority list each week to reach out to
Speaker 1: someone and suggest something. The first time might feel awkward,
Speaker 1: but by your fourth or fifth time doing this, it's
Speaker 1: going to start feeling a lot easier. You are getting stronger,
Speaker 1: that is a good thing. Or if you tend not
Speaker 1: to remember the details of people's lives, try to take
Speaker 1: at least one note from something someone told you, send
Speaker 1: an email to yourself about it, or write it on
Speaker 1: your calendar for when you are next going to see
Speaker 1: this person. Whatever it takes that way. When Jackie from
Speaker 1: book Club mentions that she's going to Miami to celebrate
Speaker 1: her fifteenth wedding anniversary, you can see that note in
Speaker 1: your calend DURAN. When book Club meets again, you can
Speaker 1: ask her about it. Over time, you might not need
Speaker 1: to be so formal about this, remembering as your flabby
Speaker 1: muscles get stronger. While some people are more natural connectors
Speaker 1: than others, a lot of relationship building is a skill.
Speaker 1: I love Shasta's metaphor about being relationally fit. We can
Speaker 1: improve at most things if we try to improve at them.
Speaker 1: Identifying weak spots lets us train to get stronger in
Speaker 1: the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's
Speaker 1: to making the most of our time. Thanks for listening
Speaker 1: to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,
Speaker 1: you can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.
Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts
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Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.