WEBVTT - Exercise your social muscles

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is to exercise your social muscles. If you have

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<v Speaker 1>any social skills that are weak, consciously thinking of how

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<v Speaker 1>to strengthen them can make your social life better over time.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip comes from friendship expert Shasta Nelson, who has

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<v Speaker 1>been a guest on my other podcast, Best of Both Worlds.

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<v Speaker 1>Shasta recently gave a TEDx talk called Relationally Fit The

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<v Speaker 1>Social Secret to a longer, happier Life. In her ted talk,

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<v Speaker 1>she argues that no pain, no gain turns out to

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<v Speaker 1>be true for relational fitness and not just physical fitness.

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<v Speaker 1>Just as you have to lift heavier weights and perhaps

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<v Speaker 1>feel a little sore in order to strengthen your muscles,

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<v Speaker 1>she says that sometimes we have to do things that

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<v Speaker 1>feel a little uncomfortable in our relationships in order to

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<v Speaker 1>get stronger. So think about this. Where might you be

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<v Speaker 1>socially flabby? Shasta suggested a few areas. Maybe you rarely

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<v Speaker 1>initiate plans. Maybe you have a tendency to start talking

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<v Speaker 1>about yourself as soon as the other person takes a breath.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe you withdraw from conflict. I could think of several others,

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<v Speaker 1>like not working to remember the details of other people's lives,

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<v Speaker 1>or not staying in touch with people who you really

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<v Speaker 1>like but who are no longer in your daily circle

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<v Speaker 1>of activity. It happens, we can all get socially flabby.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you search yourself in your life and see

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<v Speaker 1>that you have a particular week spot, you can consciously

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<v Speaker 1>train to get better in these areas. For instance, if

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<v Speaker 1>you tend not to be the person that initiates plans

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<v Speaker 1>and you think your friends and loved ones may be

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<v Speaker 1>wearying of always taking charge, challenge yourself to do this

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<v Speaker 1>once a week for the next few weeks. Put it

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<v Speaker 1>on your priority list each week to reach out to

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<v Speaker 1>someone and suggest something. The first time might feel awkward,

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<v Speaker 1>but by your fourth or fifth time doing this, it's

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<v Speaker 1>going to start feeling a lot easier. You are getting stronger,

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<v Speaker 1>that is a good thing. Or if you tend not

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<v Speaker 1>to remember the details of people's lives, try to take

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<v Speaker 1>at least one note from something someone told you, send

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<v Speaker 1>an email to yourself about it, or write it on

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<v Speaker 1>your calendar for when you are next going to see

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<v Speaker 1>this person. Whatever it takes that way. When Jackie from

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<v Speaker 1>book Club mentions that she's going to Miami to celebrate

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<v Speaker 1>her fifteenth wedding anniversary, you can see that note in

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<v Speaker 1>your calend DURAN. When book Club meets again, you can

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<v Speaker 1>ask her about it. Over time, you might not need

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<v Speaker 1>to be so formal about this, remembering as your flabby

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<v Speaker 1>muscles get stronger. While some people are more natural connectors

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<v Speaker 1>than others, a lot of relationship building is a skill.

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<v Speaker 1>I love Shasta's metaphor about being relationally fit. We can

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<v Speaker 1>improve at most things if we try to improve at them.

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<v Speaker 1>Identifying weak spots lets us train to get stronger in

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<v Speaker 1>the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's

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<v Speaker 1>to making the most of our time. Thanks for listening

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<v Speaker 1>to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,

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<v Speaker 1>you can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts

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