WEBVTT - Boundaries

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<v Speaker 1>You found your way here to waking up with Ryan.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so glad that you pushed play. This is the

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<v Speaker 1>place you and I come to wake up together. So

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<v Speaker 1>let's take a deep breath and begin.

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<v Speaker 2>Good morning, my love.

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<v Speaker 1>Today I want to talk to you about boundaries, because

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<v Speaker 1>boundaries are a big word in personal development and spirituality.

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<v Speaker 1>It's often used as a way to think about keeping

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<v Speaker 1>someone or something out and putting up a boundary so

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<v Speaker 1>you don't belong in here. Okay, that's fine, But I'd

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<v Speaker 1>like to entertain a different way in that may be

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<v Speaker 1>more helpful. Rather than thinking about boundaries as something exclusive,

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<v Speaker 1>how can you think about your boundaries as something that

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<v Speaker 1>is inclusive? So if you imagine a boundary around you

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<v Speaker 1>as boundary, like a fence around you, let's call it

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<v Speaker 1>ten feet in circumference all around you. What if a

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<v Speaker 1>boundary is actually this really sacred wall or fence, and

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<v Speaker 1>your focus is about what belongs in this space rather

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<v Speaker 1>than what should.

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<v Speaker 2>Be excluded from the space.

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<v Speaker 1>What if you think about what do I want in

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<v Speaker 1>this space?

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<v Speaker 2>How do you want to fill this space?

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<v Speaker 1>And let that be the information that dictates whether or

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<v Speaker 1>not someone or something is welcome into it.

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<v Speaker 2>So What do you want in this space? Do you

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<v Speaker 2>want love and care?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you want creativity and opportunity? Do you want the

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<v Speaker 1>kind of energy of yes, right, yes, and rather than no, no, no,

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<v Speaker 1>that won't work, because what about yes? And let's build

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<v Speaker 1>from there. Do you want emotional intelligence? Do you want

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<v Speaker 1>the energy of the capacity to sit in a deep

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<v Speaker 1>place and be able to feel everything that all the

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<v Speaker 1>colors that life has available for you, the stuff that's really,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, bright and positive and gorgeous, and the stuff

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<v Speaker 1>that has that darker tone that's more painful and uncomfortable

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<v Speaker 1>but very real. Do you want the knowing of who

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<v Speaker 1>you truly are in this space? What do you want

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<v Speaker 1>inside of this boundary?

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<v Speaker 2>How are you then filling this space with that.

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<v Speaker 1>Energy, emitting it from your heart and your mind? How

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<v Speaker 1>are you inviting others to know that that's what you

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<v Speaker 1>want in this space?

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<v Speaker 2>Not in a way that's like.

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<v Speaker 1>You made a mistake and you're imperfect, and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want that here, and so get out of my life.

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<v Speaker 1>You know that's not what we're talking about. I certainly

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<v Speaker 1>know that, I certainly hope you know that that's a

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<v Speaker 1>very immature way of dealing with this.

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<v Speaker 2>Rather it looks more.

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<v Speaker 1>Like when something comes in or someone comes into your

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<v Speaker 1>life and does something that isn't in alignment with what

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<v Speaker 1>you're committed to. If what you want is emotional intelligence,

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<v Speaker 1>how do you sit inside your boundary and feel everything

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<v Speaker 1>arising inside of you? Rather than reacting from the first

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<v Speaker 1>thought and attacking back, which is actually what you don't

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<v Speaker 1>want inside your boundary and saying, man, you don't belong here,

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<v Speaker 1>get out, I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>Want this in my life. No.

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<v Speaker 1>Instead, if what you want is that emotional maturity and

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<v Speaker 1>that divinity of capacity to be with, what is how

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<v Speaker 1>do you feel what's arising inside of you and do

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<v Speaker 1>your inner work and then communicate with the person you're

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<v Speaker 1>in conflict with to say, hey, you know when this happened,

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<v Speaker 1>When you said this thing, what a rose inside of me?

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<v Speaker 2>Was right?

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<v Speaker 1>You turn that wall into a window. You let them

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<v Speaker 1>know as long as you're safe and they're safe for

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<v Speaker 1>you to do so what that experience was like for you,

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<v Speaker 1>And then you communicate really clearly what it is that

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<v Speaker 1>you want. You know, hey, I'm really committed to relationships

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<v Speaker 1>where I can have tough conversations and where we can

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<v Speaker 1>really look at each other and remember to do the

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<v Speaker 1>work together and be kind to each other as best

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<v Speaker 1>we can, and you know, recognize that in relationships, tough

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<v Speaker 1>things happen and there's ways that we can move through

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<v Speaker 1>them that can be really healing for us. And then

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<v Speaker 1>ask that person, are you willing to meet me there?

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<v Speaker 1>Are you willing to show up inside of this conflict

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<v Speaker 1>in a way that we could move forward together and

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<v Speaker 1>both potentially have I'm healing from it and maybe get

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<v Speaker 1>closer as a result of that.

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<v Speaker 2>That's what I'm talking about here.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like, let them know what your boundary is in

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<v Speaker 1>an inclusive sense. This is what I'm committed to, and

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<v Speaker 1>you can also say and what I don't want is

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<v Speaker 1>the reactivity. I don't want the blaming, the shaming, the attacking,

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<v Speaker 1>the judging.

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<v Speaker 2>I think all of that.

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<v Speaker 1>Is here, But we could have a way to move

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<v Speaker 1>through it together that's different, that uses that material as

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<v Speaker 1>an opportunity for more understanding.

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<v Speaker 2>And if they say to you, yes, well, then there

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<v Speaker 2>you go.

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<v Speaker 1>If they can line up there yes with the actions,

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<v Speaker 1>then there you really go. And if they can, if

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<v Speaker 1>you've communicated as clearly as possible and they roll their

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<v Speaker 1>eyes or they say I don't want to hear it. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>then there's your boundary. I'm committed to keeping this inside

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<v Speaker 1>and thank you so much for sharing with me what

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<v Speaker 1>you're committed to. And I must say I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>leave now. This is how you navigate boundaries in a

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<v Speaker 1>relationally intelligent way that actually serves you being committed to

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<v Speaker 1>the life that you.

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<v Speaker 2>Want to build and to the becoming of who you

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<v Speaker 2>really are.

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<v Speaker 1>So let's go into a short practice to open and

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<v Speaker 1>expand the love inside of your boundary today. So we

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<v Speaker 1>close your eyes if you're somewhere that you can do so,

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<v Speaker 1>and by the way, if you can't because you're walking

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<v Speaker 1>the dog or driving the car, it's okay.

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<v Speaker 2>You just listen along and take some deep breaths.

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<v Speaker 1>Already the breath, the pausing and the breath is already

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<v Speaker 1>adding to the infrastructure of this space around you. Perhaps

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<v Speaker 1>that's enough. Pausing and breathing with every inhale, inhaling the

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<v Speaker 1>love of the heavens, of life, of this universe of creation,

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<v Speaker 1>inhaling the brilliance that is at the source of everything,

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<v Speaker 1>and when you exhale, noticing as that energy moves into

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<v Speaker 1>this space around you that has a container that is

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<v Speaker 1>this fence or this wall, this boundary around you with

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<v Speaker 1>every exhale, filling this space.

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<v Speaker 2>With love and noticing the people or the things in.

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<v Speaker 1>Your life that are easy for you to include in

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<v Speaker 1>this space, who enter into it sacredly, who you trust

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<v Speaker 1>to be inside that space, or what you trust to

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<v Speaker 1>be inside that space, and take a moment of gratitude.

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<v Speaker 1>How sacred If you even have one person that you

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<v Speaker 1>can invite into that space, that's major. And if you

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<v Speaker 1>don't have anyone or anything that you feel that you

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<v Speaker 1>can invite safely.

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<v Speaker 2>Into that space, I'm with you. I'm with you.

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<v Speaker 1>Perhaps you invite an ancestor or a pet, or a tree,

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<v Speaker 1>a beautiful vista, or a positive memory, or a delicious

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<v Speaker 1>tasty meal you had recently, some experience that clean, lovely,

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<v Speaker 1>Just offer your gratitude, thank you for being so beautiful

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<v Speaker 1>in the space with me, for being something so beautiful

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<v Speaker 1>that I get to witness and experience.

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<v Speaker 2>And take a reflection now.

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<v Speaker 1>On the things or the people in your life that

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<v Speaker 1>aren't quite at the level of what you would like

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<v Speaker 1>to have in this space around you. Maybe those or

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<v Speaker 1>the things that sometimes enter it really well and sacredly

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<v Speaker 1>and safely, and those who sometimes kind of shatter the

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<v Speaker 1>energy inside that boundary, and perhaps you open now to

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<v Speaker 1>become aware of a conversation that you can have with

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<v Speaker 1>that person, or a way that you might approach that

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<v Speaker 1>thing that can be in alignment with what you truly want.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's take a deep breath in and let it go,

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<v Speaker 1>m beautiful. Let's take one more deep and exhaling again,

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<v Speaker 1>filling that space around you with love. Seeing this space

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<v Speaker 1>around you contained by this boundary, so filled with light

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<v Speaker 1>and love. Now trusting that that light that love extends

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<v Speaker 1>with you. It's like this beautiful bubble around you as

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<v Speaker 1>you move through the world today, and when you're ready,

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<v Speaker 1>blinking your eyes open, loving you from here, Hi, I

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<v Speaker 1>hope you're feeling even just a little bit more prepared

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<v Speaker 1>to take on the day. But before you go, I'd

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<v Speaker 1>love to hear from you, and you can send me

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<v Speaker 1>a voice note by going to my website Waking Up

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<v Speaker 1>with Ryan dot com, scroll down to the section that

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<v Speaker 1>says send Ryan a voice note, Tap the button to

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<v Speaker 1>leave me a voice message with a question you have,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe a relationship challenge you having, or a spiritual hang up,

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<v Speaker 1>some kind of an emotional struggle, any topic that you'd

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<v Speaker 1>love for me to address on the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to hear from you, loving you from here,