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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John. We're the ancient

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Speaker 1: two case story Time podcast hosts, and we have some

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Speaker 1: ancient wisdom in the stories coming up. If you want

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Speaker 1: to hear the wisdom from two old heads that know

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Speaker 1: more than they know what to do with, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to wait for a quick message from our sponsors

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Speaker 1: for the next two minutes or so.

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Speaker 2: My wife decided to test me. It sent our marriage

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Speaker 2: in a downward spiral.

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Speaker 3: No go, this is me going on to spiral.

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Speaker 2: Trigger warning for verbal So if that's not something that

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Speaker 2: you can listen to right now, skip ahead to the

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Speaker 2: next story. Background. I'm thirty mail and she's thirty. We've

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Speaker 2: been married for one year and eight months, but lived

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Speaker 2: together for five years before getting married.

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Speaker 3: No kids.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from I Sell Putts and

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Speaker 2: if you want to spend your own story, go to

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Speaker 2: the r slash. Okay, Storytime suppared it. So we have

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Speaker 2: been fighting since the day we got married because she

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Speaker 2: got into an altercation with my family, my mom, and

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Speaker 2: supposedly I did the wrong thing and sided with my family. Okay,

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Speaker 2: I know that in laws and this sort of thing

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Speaker 2: can definitely get sticky in a marriage, but I tried

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Speaker 2: to work through it. I don't believe my character and

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Speaker 2: intentions are bad. I've supported her and provided everything in

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Speaker 2: the world for my wife. I do not hutter or anyway.

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Speaker 2: To be fair, there have been fights we have had

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Speaker 2: a year ago regarding my family, where I did say

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Speaker 2: mean things to her, but since then I have corrected

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Speaker 2: myself and refrain from using bad words and hurtful comments. She,

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Speaker 2: on the other end, still cusses me out, uses ef

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Speaker 2: in this and ef in that, and makes demeaning comments

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Speaker 2: towards me. You guys don't seem to have a healthy relationship.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not sounding good to me.

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Speaker 2: I made her apologize to my family for acting disrespectfully

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Speaker 2: towards them, which she did reluctantly, but nevertheless she did.

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Speaker 2: At the time a year ago, I told her that

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Speaker 2: if she could not get along with my family, we

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Speaker 2: couldn't be married. So I guess it was an ultimatum.

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Speaker 2: I'm very close to my parents, and right now they're

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Speaker 2: getting old and really need my help the most. I'm

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Speaker 2: not going to put them in a home ever. They've

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Speaker 2: done so much for me and raised me, went through

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Speaker 2: ups and downs with me, bailed me out of several

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Speaker 2: sticky situations, and I cannot thank them enough. So it

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Speaker 2: is very important for my wife to get along with

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Speaker 2: my family because I do spend the weekends with them.

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Speaker 2: In return for the apology my wife made to my parents,

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Speaker 2: I promised my wife that I would ignore and disregard

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Speaker 2: anything negative she says or does to me.

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Speaker 3: These were her terms.

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Speaker 2: Basically, act normal even when she's upset and bringing down

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Speaker 2: the world on my shoulders. Since last October, we've been

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Speaker 2: fighting a great deal about this said promise. Every fight

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Speaker 2: we've had since then, she says that I broke the

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Speaker 2: promise and I'm a liar. It usually goes like this.

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Speaker 2: She cusses me out, says really mean stuff, hurtful things,

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Speaker 2: and not being able to take all they've herbal, I

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Speaker 2: end up making a sarcastic or passive aggressive remark. Basically,

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Speaker 2: she wants to yell at me like I'm a piece

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Speaker 2: of trash, and I sit there and take it and

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Speaker 2: shut the f up. Well, since January fifteenth, we haven't

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Speaker 2: been fighting much because she was basically yelling at me

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Speaker 2: and I decided to shut the f up. So things

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Speaker 2: were going, Okay, Oh pee, if you're just not talking

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Speaker 2: while she's yelling at you. That doesn't mean things are okay.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, By the way, she starts getting angry at

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Speaker 2: me when I do little things wrong to make her mad.

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Speaker 2: They are insignificant to me, like coming home at three

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Speaker 2: point thirty instead of three, or forgetting to fill the

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Speaker 2: dog bowl, or serving her cold fruit when she has

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Speaker 2: told me repeatedly she likes it at room temperature.

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Speaker 3: Are you her maid? Are you one of are you

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Speaker 3: her butler? Are you goldilocks? Perhaps? Yeah, she goldilocks.

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Speaker 2: She clothed it locks, or putting too much cream cheese

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Speaker 2: on her bagel and making it look sloppy.

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Speaker 4: Ah, cast him into the fire.

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Speaker 2: This woman, I mean just little things, nothing like cheating

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Speaker 2: or lying, She says, Each and every consecutive time I

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Speaker 2: break my promise to her, She'll get worse and worse.

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Speaker 2: It will take longer and longer for her to get over. Oh.

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Speaker 2: She does not let things go easily. I can be

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Speaker 2: mad today and twenty minutes later I'm fine and happy again.

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Speaker 3: She cannot do that.

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Speaker 2: She also says she will be testing me the more

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Speaker 2: I break these promises, and she needs to test me

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Speaker 2: to make sure that this final promise I made to her,

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Speaker 2: is for real the punner? Well, she tested me two

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Speaker 2: days ago and I failed miserably. She was on her period,

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Speaker 2: so I understand she was moody. Okay, she was nagging

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Speaker 2: me all day long about little things and such, and

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Speaker 2: I just simply apologized and admitted fault.

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Speaker 3: At night, I.

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Speaker 2: Hands squeezed her a glass of orange juice, which I

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Speaker 2: left at room tenth before squeezing, and said, baby, do

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Speaker 2: you want some OJ? She got furious at my question

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Speaker 2: and sharply responded, when do I ever refuse OJ? You

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Speaker 2: normally just give it to me. In this case, you

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Speaker 2: can drink it yourself. She got mad at you because

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Speaker 2: you asked her if she wanted OJ.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, See it's in these kinds of stories that

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Speaker 3: I have to remind myself that I am not in

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Speaker 3: this situation. Yeah, it's not worth the blood pressure.

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Speaker 4: Now. I would classify this person as maybe a little uppity.

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Speaker 2: She can't use the excuse i'm sorry, I'm on my period. Well, actually,

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Speaker 2: I don't think she's saying I'm sorry. Yeah, I think

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Speaker 2: she's saying on my period. She can't use that when

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Speaker 2: she doesn't change at all, regardless of whether she's on

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Speaker 2: her offit.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it's just you at that point. Also, that's

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Speaker 3: also not exactly like it's just an explanation.

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Speaker 2: You say, hey, sorry, I was you know, mean, I

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Speaker 2: was mean. I'm sorry said that. Yeah, she's not doing that.

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Speaker 2: She's just like, yeah, she's just like, I can't believe

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Speaker 2: this is who I am.

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Speaker 3: You can't read my mind. That's crazy. Yikes. You should.

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Speaker 3: You should be severely punished for not being able to

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Speaker 3: read my mind.

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Speaker 2: The only reason why I asked her this time was

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Speaker 2: because she refused to eat those specific oranges because they

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Speaker 2: were sour. So obviously, I asked her because what if

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Speaker 2: she didn't want to drink sour juice?

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Speaker 3: Opi, Opie, please leave.

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Speaker 2: Possibly think that you are in the wrong for asking

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Speaker 2: her if she wants to drink some oree juice that

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Speaker 2: you freshly squeezed for her.

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Speaker 3: I feel tingly I have no power in this situation.

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Speaker 3: I need to grab a hold of.

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Speaker 5: Something, maybe a good orange. Give it a nice squeeze.

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Speaker 3: Orange orange that looks like this woman.

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Speaker 4: Even remember, guys, the title said, downward spiral, downwards spirus.

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Speaker 3: Sirl been thirteen years thirteen years ago. It's gotta get better, folks,

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Speaker 3: it's gotta be better, yez.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, maybe they put a lot of money in crypto.

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Speaker 4: You know, maybe this person's got like one hundred billion

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Speaker 4: real dollars right now.

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Speaker 3: They're rich now.

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Speaker 2: Exactly knowing she was in a pissy mood, I did

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Speaker 2: not let the clment phase me. Instead, we proceeded to

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Speaker 2: play with the dogs, and about five minutes later, I said, baby,

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Speaker 2: are you going to drink your juice? Well, she responded

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Speaker 2: by picking up the glass and dumping the contents into

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Speaker 2: the sink, down the drain six hole hands squeezed oranges.

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Speaker 2: It may just be oj and a small thing, but

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Speaker 2: you know, it hurt me really bad when she did that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, not a small thing. That's a very big thing

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Speaker 3: that she just did.

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Speaker 2: I was furious at that, and it kind of pushed

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Speaker 2: me over the cliff. I responded, in a soft tone,

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Speaker 2: you did not have to do that, and you're a

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Speaker 2: terrible person.

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Speaker 3: Good, I'm just a magicaling. You didn't have to do that,

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Speaker 3: and you're a terrible person. Yeah, she's not gonna like that.

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Speaker 2: Well, that blew her up, and she cussed me out

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Speaker 2: and cursed me and said she was right. Of course

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Speaker 2: she knew I couldn't keep my promise and that I

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Speaker 2: failed her again divorce. My wife intentionally tested me and

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Speaker 2: kept driving me over the cliff and set me up

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Speaker 2: to fail. I feel that she's a buy this way

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Speaker 2: and making me look like I'm just a compulsive liar

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Speaker 2: and cannot honor a single promise when she has already

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Speaker 2: lived up to her end by apologizing and getting along

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Speaker 2: with my family. Well, we haven't spoken for two days,

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Speaker 2: and when we did, it was her screaming at me.

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Speaker 2: I feel like every day is a walk on eggshells,

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Speaker 2: or I'm walking in a mine field, not knowing when

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Speaker 2: or where I step, and it's going to explode in

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Speaker 2: my face. When the times are good, they're really good,

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Speaker 2: but they never last for more than a few days.

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Speaker 2: My wife acknowledges her anger and says it would only

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Speaker 2: get better over time and if and only if I

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Speaker 2: stick to my promise. But there are some comments, so

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Speaker 2: we're gonna get into those, all right. Comment one, it's

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Speaker 2: pretty obvious to me that she doesn't want to be

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Speaker 2: with you and is just trying to make the separation

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Speaker 2: look like it's your fault, so she isn't to blame.

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Speaker 2: Comment to congratulations might seem insensitive, and I'm sure you

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Speaker 2: love her on some level, but seriously, this is someone

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Speaker 2: you want to spend the rest of your life with.

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking good riddance. Your wife sounds like a horrible, petty, selfish,

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Speaker 2: pretentious witch who was intentionally mean to you. Let her

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Speaker 2: go wallow in her anger. No need for you to

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Speaker 2: be tied to an unreasonable person. Hit the gym and

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Speaker 2: find someone who will treat you right to protect your assets,

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Speaker 2: see a lawyer and change the locks and clean out

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Speaker 2: your bank account. Yes, I reply says, no, kids, it's

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Speaker 2: like a get out of jail for re card. Yay,

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Speaker 2: congratulations my friend, and there is an update.

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Speaker 3: Any thoughts before we jump in? Yeah, these people there's

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Speaker 3: nothing that you can do when they put these these

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Speaker 3: pressures on you, like, oh, it's all your fall. You

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Speaker 3: just have to be better for me to be better.

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Speaker 3: It's like, well, what the heck how does that work?

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Speaker 3: Because no, it's just they just don't know how to

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Speaker 3: deal with their own emotions and they just put everything

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Speaker 3: on everyone else and nothing will be good enough. No

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Speaker 3: matter how much you change about yourself, they will always

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Speaker 3: find something new because it's about their emotions that they

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Speaker 3: can't exaculate. So just the fact that she made you

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Speaker 3: asking her if she wanted orange juice a promise. Yes.

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Speaker 2: Wednesday night after posting my original story here, and my

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Speaker 2: wife came home that night and handed me all the

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Speaker 2: divorced documents, signed dated everything. Neither of us had moved

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Speaker 2: out of the house yet, so basically I am sleeping

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Speaker 2: downstairs on the couch, all right, but.

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Speaker 5: It's the party couch now.

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Speaker 2: I yeah, I'm like, I understand that you're sad, but

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Speaker 2: I'm so happy for you, so happy for you. I

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Speaker 2: was a bit shell shocked when she actually signed the papers,

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Speaker 2: but okay, whatever, she said she was going to file

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Speaker 2: them first thing in the morning, so I said fine.

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Speaker 2: While I was resting on the couch, she started texting

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Speaker 2: me from upstairs. She was telling me how it was

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Speaker 2: my fault for us getting to where we are, and

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Speaker 2: basically everything that I did was wrong.

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Speaker 3: She's that's not true.

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Speaker 2: I tried not to say too much for fear of

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Speaker 2: setting her off, but then she started comparing my love

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Speaker 2: for her to my love for my family. I told

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Speaker 2: her that I loved her and my family equally, and

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Speaker 2: I was you are both my family, but love for

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Speaker 2: a wife is different than love for parents, just a

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Speaker 2: different type of love, in my opinion. She didn't accept

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Speaker 2: that answer, texted me another couple of paragraphs and then

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Speaker 2: stormed out of the house and did not return till

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Speaker 2: after midnight.

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Speaker 3: She texting you from inside the house. She was like,

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Speaker 3: let me just hit really quick and then I'll slam

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Speaker 3: the door. Wait, I don't know what she's doing.

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Speaker 5: The call is coming from inside the house.

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Speaker 3: Side those Thursday afternoon to night.

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Speaker 2: In the morning, I asked her if she was going

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Speaker 2: to file, because if not, I would She responded, unlike you,

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Speaker 2: I actually do what I say.

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Speaker 3: Okay, enough said.

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Speaker 2: I came home from work and saw our car in

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Speaker 2: the garage earlier than usual. I was scared to go

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Speaker 2: upstairs in my home office because of what I knew

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Speaker 2: would be waiting there for me on my desk. I

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Speaker 2: couldn't face it seeing the actual stamped and filed copy,

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Speaker 2: so I stayed downstairs on my couch and just stared

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Speaker 2: at the ceiling. My wife started to text me again

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Speaker 2: from upstairs. It started out with just know that I

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Speaker 2: still love you. I responded, I don't believe it, simply

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Speaker 2: because I feel that if she truly loved me, I

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Speaker 2: would not have been put through all this verb and such.

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Speaker 2: I did express that to her in another reply text,

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Speaker 2: and of course her response was, if you loved me,

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Speaker 2: you wouldn't have made me apologize to your family against

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Speaker 2: my Well.

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Speaker 3: So basically circles.

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Speaker 2: Each party thinks they have the right and valid arguments

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Speaker 2: or not wanting to piss her off even more because

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Speaker 2: she warned me and said.

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Speaker 3: You don't want me to get hostile with you, do you?

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Speaker 6: What?

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Speaker 3: Who is this? She literally looked at him and said,

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Speaker 3: why ayada YadA? Why you she hit? She hit one

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Speaker 3: of these? Shit? Yeah, I would hit one of those,

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00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,840
Speaker 3: one of those her right now? Where is she thirteen

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Speaker 3: years later? I'll do it. I'll still do it.

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Speaker 2: I said, Okay, no more replies. I'll shut the f up.

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Speaker 2: Then she started to text me, let's just be happy

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Speaker 2: for our last days.

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Speaker 3: Oh shut up, sorry girl, Oh oh ah. Because that's

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Speaker 3: the thing. There's no one's gonna stay in this relationship

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Speaker 3: if it's only these bad things. They stay because of

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Speaker 3: these little blips of good things.

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Speaker 2: Then she started to text me, let's just be happy

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Speaker 2: for her last days together. In addition to that, she

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Speaker 2: was texting me about how.

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Speaker 3: It's fine, she's okay with that. It's better for the bother.

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Speaker 3: We'll get over it soon. Oh my god, blah blah

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Speaker 3: blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 2: Indeed, a few moments later, she came downstairs to find

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Speaker 2: me on the couch. She brought me a snack and

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Speaker 2: a drink, and we went outside dub a chat. She

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Speaker 2: was super nice and super sweet, saying stuff like let's.

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Speaker 3: Just be happy.

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Speaker 2: She was smiling and grinning, not sure if it was fake.

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Speaker 2: I'm Jesus, I know you have a bad back and

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Speaker 2: it must hurt sleeping on the couch. You can come

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Speaker 2: upstairs and sleep on the bed and we can watch

285
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Speaker 2: our favorite shows together, basically inviting me to sleep in

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Speaker 2: our room. Dude, she's gonna turn you into a vampire.

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Speaker 2: Don't go in there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Literally, I declined and told her, as much as I

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Speaker 2: would like to, it would only make things harder for

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Speaker 2: me because at the end of the day, it's not

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Speaker 2: gonna meet anything. She told me she would be out

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Speaker 2: by the end of the week. The house is owned

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Speaker 2: by my family trust, so there will be no division

295
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Speaker 2: of property here, and I cannot be the one to

296
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Speaker 2: move out. I told her, just take your time to

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Speaker 2: get your situations straightened out. I will buy another bed

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Speaker 2: and sleep on it to temporarily. She went back upstairs

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00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,840
Speaker 2: and I went back on my couch. She texted me

300
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,640
Speaker 2: again telling me how I did not deliver on my part,

301
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,960
Speaker 2: but she did. After the apology, it took about twelve

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00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,280
Speaker 2: months to regain back trust in my family. But she

303
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,360
Speaker 2: did not have to do anything. She just had to

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00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,439
Speaker 2: show up with me and just chat, say hi, or

305
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,920
Speaker 2: simple social stuff. So she used this against me to

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00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,080
Speaker 2: say that she did her part and I didn't. So

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00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,120
Speaker 2: the divorce was basically a result of my actions and

308
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:28,080
Speaker 2: her anger was a result of my lack of communication skills.

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Speaker 2: Over and over, that's not true.

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Speaker 3: I want to break things. I want to grab things

311
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Speaker 3: and break them over other things.

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Speaker 2: She did finally admit some fault, though she said it

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Speaker 2: was her fault for not walking out at the time.

314
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Speaker 2: I said she had to apologize to my family. She

315
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,240
Speaker 2: said she should have left me back then, but because

316
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Speaker 2: she loved me so much, she did it anyway. I

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00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,720
Speaker 2: feel that she did it, but resented the fact that

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Speaker 2: she did it and has been making me pay for

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00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,720
Speaker 2: it ever since. She said it was typical of me

320
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,160
Speaker 2: to think negatively of her like that. She then came

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00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,880
Speaker 2: back downstairs sat with me on the couch. I started

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00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,800
Speaker 2: to tell her again that I don't believe she loved

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Speaker 2: me ever. I told her she was just in love

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Speaker 2: with being in love. I told her how her anger

325
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,440
Speaker 2: issues got me to where I am. I told her

326
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Speaker 2: I felt mistreated and that I read about it and

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00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,200
Speaker 2: what it is. She said, of course, if I'm looking

328
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Speaker 2: for it, I'll see it that way and see her

329
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Speaker 2: in a negative light.

330
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Speaker 3: See, ah, I have so many thoughts inside my brain

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Speaker 3: right now, and now an excelt on my nose. Thank

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00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:33,080
Speaker 3: you to ever sent this ah, this one, this woman ha.

333
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,760
Speaker 2: I told her she needed to take responsibility for her

334
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:40,520
Speaker 2: anger and stop blaming it on me and holding that

335
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:45,280
Speaker 2: resentment inside, letting it turn bitter. She said, her anger

336
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,560
Speaker 2: came from me, so it was circles again.

337
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,720
Speaker 3: See, it's never her fault. It's never gonna be her fault,

338
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,120
Speaker 3: someone else's fault.

339
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Speaker 2: By the way, this was the first time we ever

340
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,880
Speaker 2: sat down and just talked without her screaming at me,

341
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,680
Speaker 2: calling me names and getting worked up. I told her

342
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,920
Speaker 2: I couldn't live in fear anymore and worried about her

343
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,280
Speaker 2: moods on a daily basis.

344
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:05,640
Speaker 3: Yes, I told her it.

345
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,440
Speaker 2: Was my fault for not bridging the gap correctly between

346
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,680
Speaker 2: my family and spouse. I told her I assumed she

347
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,680
Speaker 2: saw my folks the way I did through my eyes,

348
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,200
Speaker 2: but made the wrong assumption and did not work the

349
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,760
Speaker 2: communication correctly between the two parties. I did say, even

350
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,880
Speaker 2: though I made a mistake, I am human and I

351
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,640
Speaker 2: wished to take the steps to correct it and do better.

352
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,760
Speaker 2: I said, I wanted to learn how to bridge the

353
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,960
Speaker 2: gap properly, but she never gave me a chance to

354
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,760
Speaker 2: do it. It was like this for me. Every time

355
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,760
Speaker 2: I wanted to speak to her about my family or

356
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,160
Speaker 2: teach her something, she was in a good mood. I

357
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,720
Speaker 2: was scared that by me bringing up my family that

358
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,960
Speaker 2: good mood would turn into a bad mood, so I

359
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,760
Speaker 2: would only bring up issues during our fights, which now

360
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,080
Speaker 2: I know is never a good thing, because she wasn't

361
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,600
Speaker 2: listening anymore. In addition, her screaming scares me and makes

362
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,920
Speaker 2: me nervous, and I end up spurting out bits and

363
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,760
Speaker 2: pieces of what I really want to say, and it

364
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,560
Speaker 2: comes out all wrong and not really what I meant

365
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:55,360
Speaker 2: to say, she told me.

366
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,080
Speaker 3: Why didn't you tell me all these things before?

367
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,480
Speaker 2: I said, because I couldn't. Yeah, I'm sorry you were

368
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 2: yelling and constant berating of Op didn't really offer a

369
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,320
Speaker 2: safe space to bring his, you know, problems to you.

370
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,120
Speaker 2: That's the stupidest thing to get mad about, Like, why

371
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:13,320
Speaker 2: didn't you tell me these problems earlier? Yeah, in any

372
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,280
Speaker 2: situation like it happens in situations that aren't as a

373
00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,880
Speaker 2: business one too, And it's just like, what, why are.

374
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,879
Speaker 3: You mad about that? Bring it up now? I'm talking

375
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:21,600
Speaker 3: about it now?

376
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:25,000
Speaker 2: Come on, I said, because I couldn't, because I was

377
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,600
Speaker 2: scared your mood would change. When she's in a good mood,

378
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,040
Speaker 2: I try to enjoy it as long as I can

379
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,280
Speaker 2: because they never last. So for me to bring up

380
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,840
Speaker 2: an issue is like asking for it. She said, had

381
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,960
Speaker 2: she known that this was what I was trying to

382
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,000
Speaker 2: do learn how to bridge the gap, then she would

383
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,399
Speaker 2: have taken a different approach with me this whole time.

384
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,920
Speaker 2: And again she's blaming you. She's saying, Oh, well, if

385
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,439
Speaker 2: if you had just done this, I would have been better. Oh,

386
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,720
Speaker 2: if you had just done this, maybe I wouldn't have

387
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:55,560
Speaker 2: gotten mad at you. But I told her, this is

388
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,719
Speaker 2: all too late. I was late in telling her because

389
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,840
Speaker 2: of that It's too late. So she said it was

390
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,879
Speaker 2: my fault this divorce for miscommunication. I told her, I

391
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,919
Speaker 2: want to learn, but I need time and patience from you,

392
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,119
Speaker 2: which I felt I didn't get at the time. Again,

393
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,760
Speaker 2: this was the first time in almost four years that

394
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 2: we sat down and just talked and tried to understand

395
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,600
Speaker 2: each other. It had to be after the divorce was filed.

396
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,919
Speaker 2: I balled as I was talking because I just couldn't

397
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,320
Speaker 2: hold it in. I felt that I was cheated and

398
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,439
Speaker 2: viewed as someone that I am not. What hurts me

399
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,840
Speaker 2: and disappoints me the most is that my wife was

400
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 2: not able to look past these communication issues and see

401
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,120
Speaker 2: the true person that I am. She could not see

402
00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:34,480
Speaker 2: how much I really love her. I have done everything

403
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 2: in my power above and beyond to try to give

404
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 2: her happiness, and I feel if she loved me, she

405
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:42,200
Speaker 2: would step up and do something positive to keep us together.

406
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,720
Speaker 2: You finally admit it and said we both made mistakes.

407
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,639
Speaker 2: But what I wanted her to say was that she

408
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,320
Speaker 2: was wrong and sorry for treating me badly, and to

409
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,800
Speaker 2: admit that her anger came from within. The thing is,

410
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,440
Speaker 2: even if you did both make mistakes, you didn't apologize

411
00:18:56,440 --> 00:19:00,520
Speaker 2: for the mistakes that you made. You still haven't apologized.

412
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,680
Speaker 3: No note at all, And with people like this, you're

413
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,800
Speaker 3: never going to get an apology either. So she's going

414
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,640
Speaker 3: to use the way to twist your words. Yeah, there's

415
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 3: no use in asking for one, or waiting for one

416
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:09,840
Speaker 3: or anything at all.

417
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wanted to hear say she wanted to work

418
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,800
Speaker 2: on her anger and such. I owned up to my

419
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,760
Speaker 2: mistakes from the outset, but she still feels her actions

420
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,920
Speaker 2: were a result of my lack of communication. It hurts

421
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,280
Speaker 2: really bad right now because I do really love her

422
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:24,919
Speaker 2: and I have given her everything. It would have been

423
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,800
Speaker 2: easier if she screamed at me and stormed out. Now

424
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,159
Speaker 2: that she's being very nice and sweet, it is just

425
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 2: reminding me of the good days that we have. Oh,

426
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,080
Speaker 2: that's that's trick. That's the cycle.

427
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:37,400
Speaker 3: The cycle. They trick you. They know what they're doing,

428
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 3: all these people, they know what they're doing.

429
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,920
Speaker 2: Comments common one. She only wants you now that you're

430
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,960
Speaker 2: slipping away from her control. Stick to your pupews, be

431
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:49,600
Speaker 2: strong comment to stop right there. Sara's do not believe

432
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,600
Speaker 2: a single word that comes out of her mouth. If

433
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 2: she was that remorseful, she still wouldn't be blaming you.

434
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,199
Speaker 2: In fact, it's smart because she's taking a new direction

435
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,359
Speaker 2: with her manipulation and leaking out a time, a bit

436
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,879
Speaker 2: of responsibility on her part, but still getting you to

437
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 2: admit fault. And once you admit fault, you're back to

438
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 2: being in her clutches. See the pattern here.

439
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,400
Speaker 3: And it's working, is it?

440
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 2: I reiterate my advice from you from first thread. Pack

441
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 2: your bags and sleep in another person's house until she

442
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,760
Speaker 2: is physically out of the house. You're wounded and still

443
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 2: love her, and she knows it and can smell blood.

444
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 2: This is you at your very most vulnerable, and you're

445
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,080
Speaker 2: still running to her. This is why she has power

446
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 2: over you. She's buttering you up and getting you to

447
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 2: trust her, and all she has to do is seduce

448
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,119
Speaker 2: you to get you to take her back, which I

449
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,640
Speaker 2: promise she's gonna do. Dude, it's been two days since

450
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,800
Speaker 2: she posted this. Where's your resolve from this?

451
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 3: You're letting her lee get away from you.

452
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,639
Speaker 2: The longer you're in her presence. Get out of that

453
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,240
Speaker 2: house and sleep somewhere else. What do you think is

454
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,240
Speaker 2: going to happen once you admit fault once again and

455
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,880
Speaker 2: take her back. I don't like manipulative people. I've seen

456
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 2: all the tactics and counseled through all of them. I

457
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,920
Speaker 2: can't claim a single manipulative person as a friend because

458
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,399
Speaker 2: they sicken me the same as your wife. It's a

459
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,160
Speaker 2: cruel game to play with someone's emotions. And that's why

460
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,840
Speaker 2: I'm taking in rest in your story. Your wife hasn't

461
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:05,399
Speaker 2: changed magically over night. Realize this and seek support in

462
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 2: family and friends, and for the third time, get out

463
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 2: and sleep somewhere else. And there is a second update.

464
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 3: Oh wow, ambig saga continues, But uh, what what are

465
00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:19,400
Speaker 3: you thinking? I'm glad that she brought up divorce because

466
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:20,840
Speaker 3: I don't think he would have been able to bring

467
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,399
Speaker 3: it up, because you know, obviously in these situations, we

468
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,919
Speaker 3: notice it is hard to bring yourself out of that.

469
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,479
Speaker 3: So I'm glad she at least started that cycle and

470
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:33,159
Speaker 3: that he is knowing, like you know, it's gonna be

471
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 3: harder for me if I if I go to bed

472
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 3: with you, like I'm gonna say, I'm so glad that

473
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 3: he's doing that for himself.

474
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 2: Really proud of this guy, because it's not easy to

475
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 2: get out of these situations and he's been in it

476
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 2: for a while.

477
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,320
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you know. I mean if he's married to

478
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:49,800
Speaker 3: her like.

479
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,040
Speaker 2: That, thinking that he's the one in the wrong.

480
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, and that is not a good way to

481
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,399
Speaker 3: live at oh all.

482
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,640
Speaker 2: But yeah no, dude, stick to to your pew pews,

483
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 2: as you said.

484
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:02,879
Speaker 3: Yep.

485
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,359
Speaker 2: Up date two, the epic saga continues. I know I

486
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 2: will be flame for posting this, and I seriously do

487
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 2: not know why I am, but I just need some input.

488
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 2: Maybe I do have a high tolerance for pain, but

489
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,200
Speaker 2: by no means do I like it or get off

490
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 2: by it.

491
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 3: I have no.

492
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 2: Friends, no coworkers, and I do not want my family

493
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,960
Speaker 2: involved because I cannot give them this kind of stress.

494
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 2: I've read all the previous posts, and I should have

495
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 2: moved into hotel, but since I do work out of

496
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 2: my home and there is a great deal of equipment

497
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,000
Speaker 2: and sensitive information here, I cannot leave my house. Since

498
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 2: my last post, I've been still living in my house

499
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,680
Speaker 2: and my wife hasn't really moved out yet. He's only

500
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 2: taken half of her belongings into a storage facility down

501
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,359
Speaker 2: the street from my house. Despite everyone's previous comments and

502
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:48,920
Speaker 2: efforts to get away and not communicate with the wife.

503
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 3: I failed.

504
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:52,160
Speaker 2: I was busy for the most part of the week,

505
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:55,200
Speaker 2: but we somehow managed to talk. We were talking about

506
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 2: how to improve ourselves in our future relationship, and somehow

507
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,640
Speaker 2: got to the topic of how this all started between us,

508
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:05,439
Speaker 2: what caused the spark that caused the fire? Cude it is.

509
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 2: I don't believe this is the truth. Okay, I don't

510
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 2: think this is true, but we're gonna read it. This

511
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,439
Speaker 2: is how they met, how they like kind of got together.

512
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,680
Speaker 3: Well, this is what caused the problems. Oh what caused

513
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,919
Speaker 3: the problems? Okay? Okay, gotcha.

514
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 2: We met seven years ago. Me and my little brother

515
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 2: lived together in the same house. He was twenty one

516
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 2: at the time. Brother and I went to school together

517
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 2: and bought this house together and at her own business together.

518
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 2: Later I bought him out of the house, But that

519
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 2: is beside the point. Met my wife and she moved in.

520
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 2: My wife only met my parents a few times. After

521
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 2: one year together. New love for me butterflies distracted from business.

522
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,439
Speaker 2: Brother was pissed at me for neglecting our business. Instead

523
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,919
Speaker 2: of working my normal hours, I worked odd hours to

524
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 2: make up for it, brother took out anger on my

525
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 2: wife by giving the cold shoulder when crossing paths at home,

526
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 2: slamming doors bombastically, acting immature, but never really made any

527
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,359
Speaker 2: mean or harsh direct comments to my wife. Passive aggression.

528
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 2: You could say wife took notice got angry at my

529
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 2: brother because she initially did nothing wrong to him. First

530
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 2: wife told me I got mad at brother, and me

531
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 2: and brother fought. Business was getting busier. Brother and I

532
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 2: fought more frequently. I quit the business, and wife and

533
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 2: I moved out of town. Business relationship severed, and brotherly

534
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 2: relationship as well.

535
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 3: Moved out of.

536
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 2: Town for two years, and I did not speak to

537
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,720
Speaker 2: my brother or parents often. Brother was angry and spoke

538
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,199
Speaker 2: negatively about my wife to my parents. Parents got a

539
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 2: bad impression of my wife from my brother before they

540
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 2: got to know who she really is. After returning back

541
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 2: home from moving out of town, brother and I mended

542
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 2: our relationship, and parents wanted to get to know my

543
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 2: wife but had a bad impression of her. Parents did

544
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 2: not do anything to my wife. They just wanted to

545
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 2: get a know her. They asked her questions. English was

546
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 2: not their first language, so it came off as offensive

547
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 2: and interrogating like to my wife.

548
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 3: Ah, I don't think that's because of the language barrier,

549
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 3: my guy. I think this cuzar and her lack of

550
00:24:53,640 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 3: understanding of her her a bad the control on her motions. Yeah,

551
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:01,640
Speaker 3: she stinks.

552
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 2: Yep, stinks like wife who yep and poetry. Wife got pissed,

553
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,119
Speaker 2: never wanted to see my parents again and didn't for

554
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 2: at least two years. Our relationship carried on. I ignored

555
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 2: and respected her wishes to not be around my family.

556
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 2: Six months before our marriage in twenty ten, a wife

557
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 2: started to come around to family events. I was happy,

558
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 2: thought she changed. All I wanted, by the way, was

559
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,360
Speaker 2: for her to just get along with my folks, and

560
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,880
Speaker 2: it appeared she was getting along with everyone.

561
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 3: I married her. Big mistake. Yep, yep, okay.

562
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,959
Speaker 2: A week after marriage May twenty ten, wife fought with parents,

563
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 2: got mad that I defended parents' actions and did not

564
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:41,520
Speaker 2: support her. In my eyes, I felt that my wife

565
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 2: should not have walked off and stormed off on my

566
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 2: parents when they were talking to her. I also told

567
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 2: my parents that they should have been more constructive in

568
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 2: what they said to my wife, but I could not

569
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 2: say this in front of my wife, because it is

570
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,720
Speaker 2: great disrespect in our culture to reprimand adults in front

571
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 2: of a spouse. I told wife she had to apologize

572
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 2: or make things right with my parents or we would

573
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,359
Speaker 2: not be together. One month later, a wife apologizes to

574
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 2: my parents but tells them I'm sorry. I really don't

575
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 2: know what I'm apologizing for, so she didn't apologize.

576
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's like, I said the word apologize. She said, yeah,

577
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 3: the word apology was in my sentence. Yeah, I think

578
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 3: we're good. The criteria was met, everything's fine.

579
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 2: Parents got mad, felt that that was not a real apology. Rightly,

580
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 2: so and wife stormed out of my parents again for

581
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 2: the second time. Wife and I fight over this because

582
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 2: I felt that she again disrespected my parents. I told Wife,

583
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 2: parents should not have said this to you, and you

584
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 2: should not have walked out. I felt, deep down in

585
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 2: my heart and still do today that both parties did

586
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 2: something wrong and did not communicate right. Wife says it's

587
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 2: my fault for not bridging the cap properly and communicating

588
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 2: with both parties. Fast forward to June twenty eleven. Wife

589
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 2: calls my parents without me knowing, about a year after

590
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,199
Speaker 2: the initial blow up. Goes with me to my parents'

591
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 2: house and apologizes again. Apology was accepted. Since then, wife

592
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 2: has been gradually coming to family events, but still rarer

593
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,160
Speaker 2: than what is normal. Parents are totally cool with my wife.

594
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 2: They bought her gifts, took her to dinner, and tried

595
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,199
Speaker 2: to socialize with her. Parents are not mad at my

596
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 2: wife and don't have any issues with her ever since

597
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:16,640
Speaker 2: the real apology back in twenty eleven. Ever since then,

598
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,200
Speaker 2: I thought we dropped the whole thing and finally put

599
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 2: it behind us. But it became more and more clear

600
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 2: that my wife was resenting me for the real apology

601
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,920
Speaker 2: she made to my family. We would be fighting about

602
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 2: what to eat for dinner, and she would somehow navigate

603
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 2: the argument to my relatives and how she did this

604
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,959
Speaker 2: and that for me and I couldn't do jack. Around

605
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 2: October we had another monstrous fight. This was when I

606
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,040
Speaker 2: posted the last one. I ended up apologizing to her.

607
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 2: I came to understand that I should not have forced

608
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 2: her to apologize against her will, and that I was

609
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,399
Speaker 2: not supportive as a husband when she fought with my family.

610
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:54,879
Speaker 3: Oh you understandings, no, stop understanding those things up. I

611
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 3: wanted to find oping give him a big old hug up.

612
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 2: Thinking back, Okay, I probably could have done some things differently,

613
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 2: so I tried to be the bigger person and gave

614
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 2: in again. I bought her a bouquet of long stem

615
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 2: roses and wrote an apology letter and attached it to

616
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 2: the roses. She threw my roses in the dumpster and

617
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 2: tore up my apology letter without reading it.

618
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 3: First. Okay, I forgave her for that. Stop forgiving her.

619
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,160
Speaker 3: Don't do that.

620
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,120
Speaker 5: That's not a forgivable thing.

621
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,639
Speaker 3: No, He's like, yeah, it's okay. We got over it

622
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:36,160
Speaker 3: because I forgave her. She didn't apologize, of course. Yeah no,

623
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 3: and she just.

624
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 4: Woke with your brainstorm me like, what do I have

625
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 4: to do to get this guy to actually hate me?

626
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah.

627
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 2: Wife says, none of those apologies are genuine because I

628
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 2: keep breaking our promises.

629
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 3: HA said, to let that out really quick. Don't mind me.

630
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 2: Now that we know what the spark was that caused

631
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 2: the fire, I spoke to my bro who openly admitted

632
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 2: saying bad things about my wife to my parents, but

633
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 2: he also said he was Imma, that's sure.

634
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 3: At that time. Being twenty one, wife.

635
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 2: Tells me I cannot blame her for how she acted

636
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 2: towards me, the mean and demeaning comments, cussing, anger, resentment,

637
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 2: all that. She states that she was merely reacting after

638
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 2: a situation that snowballed inside of her over the years

639
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,880
Speaker 2: and finally blew up. She says, it was my fault.

640
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 2: Of course, it's O peace fault for not being supportive

641
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 2: and not owning up to the whole thing as my fault,

642
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 2: me and my family as the cause of all of

643
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 2: our pain and suffering.

644
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 3: I feel that while what I did.

645
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 2: Was wrong, that is to force her to get along

646
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 2: with my family, I made a mistake, which I expressed

647
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 2: to her time and time and again. I should not

648
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 2: have done it. Why it feels that since she carried

649
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 2: her part of the deal and I have not kept

650
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 2: my promise to take her crap, I am the one

651
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 2: who is ahempocrite and the one who is younger. I

652
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 2: feel that wife is bitter and not wanting to forgive

653
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 2: and forget. I told my wife several times that it's

654
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 2: my fault for the cause.

655
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 3: Of all of this. Stop.

656
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 2: But I also told her that she should not have

657
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 2: treated me with zero respect or as a doormat. She says,

658
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 2: while she knows that was wrong of her. She cannot

659
00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 2: be blamed for treating me that way because it was

660
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 2: nearly a human reaction to something she did not start

661
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 2: or cause, or an any faulton.

662
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 3: She's perfect.

663
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 5: I'm gonna do crimes.

664
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 3: I'm gonna turn to a life of crime now because

665
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 3: of this woman. I'm turning to life of crime. Me

666
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 3: and my little axel Omos, We're gonna do crime together. Bye, guys,

667
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do crime now. Bye.

668
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:27,800
Speaker 4: Wow, very justified crash out. Look, it's like, I don't know.

669
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 4: This is a great disclaimer for like or not disclaimer?

670
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 3: What is it?

671
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:33,719
Speaker 6: Now?

672
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 5: That's a p s A for like just having like

673
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 5: self respect.

674
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is if.

675
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 4: This guy had just even just a little bit of like, hey,

676
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 4: like I actually deserve.

677
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 5: More than this.

678
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 7: Sure, sure he'd be able to you know, yeah, but

679
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 7: this woman properly.

680
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 3: Yeah No, but this woman she keeps. It's that's what

681
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 3: they do, though, That's what they do. They again with

682
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 3: the emotion that they know, you can they can tell

683
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 3: when people are are starting to pull away and then

684
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 3: they go, oh, it's perfect, especially especially since he's like

685
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:15,959
Speaker 3: she's not only telling him that like everything that you know,

686
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 3: she has a problem with is his fault. She's also

687
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 3: telling him that everything that he has a problem with

688
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 3: is also his fault because she wouldn't be acting that

689
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,960
Speaker 3: way if he acted this way. And it's like, well,

690
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 3: well we'll shut up. Would he just shut your freaking

691
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 3: mouth that? Yeah, and then no one's got a problem

692
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:33,960
Speaker 3: with anything. Yeah, because you don't want to leave somewhere

693
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 3: if you think that you're the problem, because you wouldn't

694
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:38,479
Speaker 3: leave because you're mad. But you can't be mad if

695
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 3: you think you're the problem. So exactly, that's the cycle.

696
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 3: Any final thoughts, My final thoughts are as follows. Yes,

697
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 3: it's a very concise final thought.

698
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 5: I just love that you screamed and then Sophia yawned

699
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 5: right to that.

700
00:31:58,840 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 3: That's my final thought.

701
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 2: My final thought is get out of this situation, leave

702
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 2: her behind, Do not talk to word because she is

703
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 2: a manipulative gaslighting.

704
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 3: Exactly, we accept the love that we think we deserve.

705
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:18,880
Speaker 2: He's been told that he exactly has made all these mistakes,

706
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 2: and now he thinks that he deserves us.

707
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's yeah, ugh, so now you know the

708
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 3: whole story.

709
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 2: This pretty much sums it up in a nutshell. I'm

710
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 2: trying to write only the facts because a part of

711
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 2: me feels that I should do better in terms of

712
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 2: handling her and my family, although my family is nothing

713
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 2: against her.

714
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 3: At the moment, she.

715
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 2: Made me feel guilty for the past and did quite

716
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 2: well at it too. I've been telling her the past,

717
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 2: it's the past and we should move on, but she

718
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 2: says she cannot forgive me until I genuinely accept all

719
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 2: responsibility and act genuinely sorry for everything.

720
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 7: You can't, not until you say I'm the Queen of

721
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 7: France and you really mean it, Not until you.

722
00:32:56,560 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 2: Not until then, exactly. Comment one, Why do you ask

723
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 2: for advice and then ignore all of it? Comment to, Oh, man,

724
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:06,479
Speaker 2: you're not gonna fix this.

725
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 3: You aren't.

726
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 2: If you keep doing what you're doing, obsessing over every

727
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 2: wrong turn in the course of relationship, you're going to

728
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 2: do your self harm. Keep in mind that you don't

729
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 2: have to hate her or yourself or make a decision

730
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 2: about who was at fault.

731
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 3: All that matters is.

732
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 2: That you two were not healthy for each other. Exactly,

733
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 2: Let's forget about fault. Let's let's remove it from the equation.

734
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 2: You too don't work, That's all that matters. You two

735
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 2: do not work as a couple.

736
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 3: That is true. It is true, and go to therapy.

737
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 3: That's it.

738
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 2: You can't be together because you're not good for each other.

739
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 2: It's natural for it to be hard to avoid contact

740
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 2: with your someone who has been such a central part

741
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,480
Speaker 2: of your life. Don't beat yourself up if you slip.

742
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 2: This is a nasty situation and one that would be

743
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 2: emotionally chaotic and draining for anyone. I hope you reconsider

744
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 2: your decision to keep this from your family. You need support,

745
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 2: and that, folks, is the end of that story.

746
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 3: God fine, wow, oh, oh my gosh, I need support

747
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 3: after I read that at.

748
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 5: The bottom of the downward spiral.

749
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 1: Sam, Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But

750
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 1: here's three of it's bad from our sponsors.

751
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 3: My parents discovered I have a girlfriend. They want us

752
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 3: to break up. They're just jealous. I've been with my

753
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 3: girlfriend for a little over a month. She's the first

754
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 3: girlfriend I've ever had. Prior to her, I had only

755
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 3: kissed one girl. I come from a very religious and

756
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:30,360
Speaker 3: conservative background. We're Christian and my parents are church elders,

757
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 3: and the Word of God is absolute in our household.

758
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 3: Growing up, I wasn't allowed to date girls. If I

759
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 3: had done so and they found out, there would have

760
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:42,040
Speaker 3: been heck to pay. That heck has finally materialized. By

761
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 3: the way. This comes from just another Gunner And if

762
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to our

763
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 3: slash Okay storytime sepreddit. So I'm fortunate that I'm away

764
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 3: at university. I'm not even in the same country as them.

765
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,319
Speaker 3: I'm from Kenya and I've been studying for my undergraduate

766
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 3: degree in the United Kingdom. I only arrived a couple

767
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,120
Speaker 3: of months ago, and my girlfriend is f Norway. We

768
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 3: stay in the same dorm. I'm very shy and introverted,

769
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 3: and when I arrived initially I kept myself. She is

770
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 3: like the total opposite of me, very confident and extroverted.

771
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 3: She would drag me out of my room when I

772
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 3: tended to isolate myself, forcing me to interact with other

773
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 3: people and to explore. One thing led to another and

774
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 3: we started dating. Yeah. I loved this. I loved this.

775
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 3: You these the last few weeks have been in the

776
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 3: best of my life. Honestly, I've never been so happy.

777
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:34,359
Speaker 3: My girlfriend is beyond amazing. Like I wrote, I come

778
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 3: from a very strict and religious background and upbringing that

779
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 3: didn't allow dating or spices sleep before marriage. I lost

780
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 3: my virginity with my girlfriend. Initially, with my faith, it

781
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,240
Speaker 3: was difficult to reconcile with, but I realized I couldn't

782
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:48,719
Speaker 3: live in my parents' shadow forever, and I am now

783
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 3: content and at peace with it. However, it's not so simple.

784
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 3: My parents found out about my relationship before coming here.

785
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 3: They were clear that dating was off limits, that it

786
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 3: was some thing I should do only when I graduate.

787
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 3: They found out about my girlfriend and me because of Facebook.

788
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 3: I was tagged in a photograph by a friend and

789
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 3: we were kissing. The pick went onto my timeline and

790
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 3: someone from my church back home saw it. That person

791
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 3: told my parents and it was game over. My dad

792
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:22,240
Speaker 3: called me in a rage. What made the picture worse

793
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,400
Speaker 3: was that it was taken in a bar. I don't drink,

794
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 3: but that night my girlfriend and I, along with a

795
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 3: few friends, went to a bar. They were drinking and

796
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 3: I wasn't. But the table we were sitting at was

797
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:36,240
Speaker 3: filled with booze, and because of that, my parents also

798
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:40,320
Speaker 3: thought I was drinking. Oh man, I caught so much

799
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 3: check They have demanded that I end the relationship. They

800
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 3: made me feel like the devil. They wouldn't even let

801
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 3: me explain or get a word in. They said, if

802
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 3: I don't end it, and if I don't stop drinking,

803
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 3: they will turn their backs on me. It's like, well,

804
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 3: I've got great news for you. It's never drinking in

805
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 3: the first place. So there are some comments coming. Number

806
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 3: one says like if for you you are eighteen and

807
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 3: not living under their roof, just because they demanded something

808
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 3: doesn't mean that you have to do it. Dating is

809
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 3: normal at eighteen, and if you want to do it,

810
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:11,280
Speaker 3: so be it. Live your life how you want, especially

811
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 3: abroad at UNI. You ain't getting this time back. Opi responds,

812
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,760
Speaker 3: The thing is they are paying for my education. Yeah,

813
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 3: that's a tricky bit, and that is something that they

814
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 3: are using as leverage. Someone responds, if they are threatening

815
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,240
Speaker 3: you financially, it is likely a bluff More than anything.

816
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,720
Speaker 3: What they desire is control. If they stop paying for college,

817
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,799
Speaker 3: what else would they have left to threaten you with?

818
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 3: What has happened in the past when you disobeyed? Then

819
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 3: Opie says, I have an older sister and she said

820
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 3: the same thing. They're bluffing. My parents value education a lot,

821
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 3: and growing up as a kid, I was always pushed

822
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 3: hard to do well in school. My sister told me

823
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 3: that there is no way they would stop me from

824
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 3: doing my degree as for what they have done in

825
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 3: the past when I disobeyed, shouted at me and reprimanded me.

826
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 3: But these were minor things. The disobeying, as someone else responds,

827
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:01,399
Speaker 3: this is that's why you need to get in touch

828
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 3: with your dean or an admin of a financial affairs

829
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 3: whatever it's called. Explain to them that you are in

830
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,479
Speaker 3: a harmful situation with your parents and need to start

831
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 3: transitioning to independent financial aid. Explain the situation, your upbringing,

832
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 3: and the fact that they will pull your financial aid

833
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 3: if you don't follow their ridiculous rules and you just

834
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 3: cannot live with you anymore. Go from there. Make sure

835
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 3: that they know it's not just a typical helicopter parent

836
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 3: situation either. If those are even typical, Comment number two says,

837
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 3: just lie to them. They aren't your friends and they

838
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 3: don't respect you. Lie and get what they should have

839
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 3: given you unconditionally. Then set boundaries and gradually decrease contact

840
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:42,800
Speaker 3: until you are comfortable. People like this don't change easily.

841
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 2: I'm like not gonna lie. Yeah, you try to talk

842
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,360
Speaker 2: to them. You did that already, didn't.

843
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:51,520
Speaker 3: Work, right. It sucks that Like the picture is literally

844
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 3: of them kissing though it's not like I think you

845
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 3: just go in.

846
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 2: They say you better break out whether there are roused okay, Like, okay,

847
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,400
Speaker 2: I'm doing yeah, honestly, all right, I'll do it.

848
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 3: I'll break up, yes, sir, and then tell all your

849
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,200
Speaker 3: friends like you, guys, you can't post anything about me,

850
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 3: can't post anything at all. Are there settings on Facebook

851
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 3: to like not have other people's posts about you on

852
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 3: your pH I think there are it? Yeah.

853
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:16,720
Speaker 2: I wonder if you can make sure like so people

854
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 2: don't tag you on things or something.

855
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:20,640
Speaker 3: Honestly, I think for now that's the way to go.

856
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 3: You'll grow up and then they'll be fine with it.

857
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,920
Speaker 3: I guess we do have an update. So, my parents

858
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 3: recently gave me an ultimatum break up with my girlfriend

859
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 3: or face them turning their backs on me, prompting me

860
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,399
Speaker 3: to drop out of university. There we go and then

861
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 3: just lie. They are very conservative and religious Christians, and

862
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,879
Speaker 3: they said that I should only date when I'm done

863
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,920
Speaker 3: with school. Growing up, I wasn't allowed to date at all.

864
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,600
Speaker 3: Prior to my first girlfriend, I had only kissed one girl.

865
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 3: My parents have always been very strict and unrelenting and

866
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 3: what they think is right and what they think is wrong.

867
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 3: Spice to sleep before marriage for them is an absolute

868
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,799
Speaker 3: no new I come from Kenya, but I'm studying for

869
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 3: MYBA in England. My parents found out that I had

870
00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 3: a girlfriend. Dude Facebook. Yeah, I learned from that mistake

871
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 3: big time, and they flipped. Initially, my plan was just

872
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 3: to lie to them. They are thousands of miles away

873
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 3: and with me being much more savvy with Facebook privacy settings,

874
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 3: in the aftermath of what happened, the chances of them

875
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 3: finding out that I was still with my girl were

876
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 3: slim exactly. That sounds great, but there is However, that

877
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 3: didn't come to pass because I got very pissed off.

878
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 3: I want my dad demanded of me. He required physical

879
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,840
Speaker 3: proof that the relationship was over. Do you want me

880
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 3: to send her a locket of her hair? How do

881
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 3: you get physical proof? Crying face? Yeah, like we're done.

882
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 3: I could just broke up with her. Yeah, a picture

883
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:41,840
Speaker 3: of you both crying or like a video of you guys,

884
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 3: like of you telling her and like a secret video

885
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 3: she's on a boat. She's going bye, but yeah, broke

886
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:50,840
Speaker 3: up with her. She's moving.

887
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 4: Just a bad photoshop of her on a boat and

888
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 4: you like with like the modified like face edit that

889
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 4: gives you the big overdone like frownie face.

890
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:01,880
Speaker 3: Over the week weekend, he called and demanded that my

891
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,879
Speaker 3: girlfriend should record a video of herself saying it was over.

892
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:07,760
Speaker 3: This is so funny. I am a shy, reserved person

893
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,919
Speaker 3: who has always been obedient to my parents. But for

894
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 3: the first time in my life, I stood up for myself.

895
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 3: I've never spoken back to my parents before, but on

896
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 3: that day I did. I told my dad that he

897
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 3: wasn't living in the same universe as everyone else, and

898
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 3: that there's no way that I would humiliate and degrade

899
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:25,839
Speaker 3: my girlfriend in such a manner. Honestly, good point. That's

900
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 3: like so awkward to for the dad to ask off

901
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,359
Speaker 3: the girlfriend. Dude, I could do it. Get some fake

902
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:33,120
Speaker 3: tears going, I'm breaking out with you. It seems like

903
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 3: an easy video to record and then just be like

904
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 3: hah and then just kiss afterwards.

905
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 2: From like a principal standpoint, I understand for sure, for sure,

906
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 2: like if we're all adults here, you're asking another adult, like, hey,

907
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:46,879
Speaker 2: you have to record that you are breaking up?

908
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 3: Like that's weird as heck. Yeah. I would be like,

909
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 3: do I want to be with you? I don't know,

910
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 3: but so it's good that O. He's like, no, yeah,

911
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 3: I won't do it exactly. Good on you. Op. He says,

912
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 3: that's such a propose was insane. He then started screaming

913
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:06,759
Speaker 3: and shouting at me characteristically, so I got the line.

914
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 3: He tried calling again. I answered, and he continued chouting.

915
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 3: I told him I wouldn't talk to him until he

916
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:15,399
Speaker 3: started acting in a civil manner. I hung up again

917
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 3: and didn't respond to his calls. He then sent me

918
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:21,240
Speaker 3: a string of angry messages saying that he will stop

919
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 3: paying for my tuition and that I'm not his son anymore.

920
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 3: My mom called me a few hours later, and she

921
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 3: imitated my dad's angry rhetoric. But I calmed her down

922
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:32,279
Speaker 3: and we spoke. I told her that I absolutely love

923
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 3: her and my dad and that I'm grateful for everything

924
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 3: that they've done for me in life. But I stressed

925
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 3: the fact that I'm eighteen, I'm a man living in

926
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 3: a completely new country, absorbing a completely new culture, and

927
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 3: making my own way in life and that I'm old

928
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:49,280
Speaker 3: enough to have a girlfriend. I told her, my girlfriend

929
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 3: makes me happier than I've ever been, and that she

930
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 3: got me out of isolating myself in my room during

931
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 3: those few weeks when I was too shy to meet

932
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,600
Speaker 3: new people and make new friends. She continued to object

933
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 3: and will into the extreme justification of her reservation's pregnancy.

934
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 2: And that's why we teach kids safe practices exactly so

935
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 2: that there is no pregnancy right, going so far as

936
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 2: to asking whether we had slept together. I told her that, respectfully,

937
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 2: none of her business. After that, she just hung up

938
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 2: on me. I didn't hear from my parents until yesterday.

939
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 3: It was my mom. She said that she and my

940
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 3: dad will continue paying for my tuition nice, but that

941
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 3: they are very disappointed in me and they regret setting

942
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 3: me off to Europe to study, that it was better

943
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:33,799
Speaker 3: for me to go to a Kenyan Uni. How would

944
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 3: I live with your disappointment? No, happily. She added that

945
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 3: they raised me to be a better man and that

946
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 3: the path I'm going down isn't right and there is

947
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:46,919
Speaker 3: a little bit more to the story, but I think

948
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 3: we're at a great point. I agree.

949
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,319
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I understand why that commenter said lie,

950
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:54,399
Speaker 2: but he found out that, you know, they probably weren't

951
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 2: going to cut off his funding. Yeah, and then was like,

952
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 2: you know what, No, I'm not gonna let them boss

953
00:43:58,920 --> 00:43:59,520
Speaker 2: me around.

954
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:01,360
Speaker 3: This is my life life.

955
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 2: You know, there are certain things that you gotta acquiesce

956
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 2: to your parents because they's still financial or you know,

957
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,360
Speaker 2: you're still financially dependent, or you live at home or

958
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:11,000
Speaker 2: et cetera.

959
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:11,240
Speaker 3: Et cetera.

960
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:13,120
Speaker 2: Right, and Opie's like, you know what, this is not

961
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 2: one of them. I'm my own man, I live in

962
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 2: my own place. I'm not even in the same country.

963
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:19,800
Speaker 2: But there is a little bit more to this story.

964
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 3: I was planning to go to Kenya for the Christmas break,

965
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 3: but with the way things are, I don't think I will.

966
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 3: My older sister lives in Seattle, and she said that

967
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 3: I'm welcome to stay with her over a Christmas break,

968
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 3: but that will probably be too expensive of a proposition

969
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 3: for me. My girlfriend is Norwegian, and she said that

970
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 3: she would love it if I spend Christmas with her

971
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,200
Speaker 3: and her family back in Norway. Her parents would be

972
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 3: cool with it. Norway is a much more realistic destination

973
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,359
Speaker 3: for me. It's much closer than the States and thus

974
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:46,320
Speaker 3: much cheaper. And that is the end of that story.

975
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:49,640
Speaker 2: Lovely, lovely, we'd love to see it. Good on you, Opie,

976
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:54,720
Speaker 2: good on you. My parents disown me now my sick

977
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 2: mother wants to rekindle our relationship. I don't know if

978
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 2: that's possible. My parents to so own me last year.

979
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:03,719
Speaker 2: It's been a little over a year now. This isn't

980
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 2: the first time. They also dis owned me two years

981
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 2: ago for a few months. They came back to talk

982
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 2: to me, and at first it seemed like things were

983
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 2: smoothed over, but of course they weren't. By the way,

984
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,719
Speaker 2: this comes from both repeat three eight one seven and

985
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 2: if you want to smit your own stories, go to

986
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 2: the rs slash Okay, storytime separate it so a bit

987
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 2: about them. My father mistreated my mother for most of

988
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,440
Speaker 2: my life. She was always in his shadow and we

989
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 2: lived in fear, but that was considered okay because we

990
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 2: had enough money. We went on vacations and at everything

991
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 2: material we needed besides the physical stuff. I wasn't fully

992
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 2: aware of how deep the psychological scars were until I

993
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 2: met my long term boyfriend. And also I think trigger

994
00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 2: warning for mentions of being with him helped me realize

995
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:51,120
Speaker 2: just how problematic my parents' behavior towards me was. Daily control,

996
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,759
Speaker 2: constant belittling, treating me like I was twelve when I

997
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 2: was actually twenty. For the first time, I started standing

998
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:00,839
Speaker 2: up for myself and behaving like an adult. At first,

999
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,400
Speaker 2: things were fine between them and my boyfriend, but that

1000
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 2: changed over time. My boyfriend and I went through rough patches, arguments,

1001
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 2: and even breakups, but we worked through them together. The

1002
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:13,799
Speaker 2: first big issue arose when my boyfriend moved in with

1003
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 2: me in the city where we lived. This didn't align

1004
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 2: with my father's standards, meaning we didn't ask for his

1005
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 2: permission in person at his house, though we did call him.

1006
00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 2: My boyfriend took over paying rent so that my parents

1007
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 2: wouldn't have any control over me, as I was still

1008
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 2: a student at the time. Later, we decided to leave

1009
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:33,719
Speaker 2: the house and move to a rural area where my

1010
00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 2: boyfriend inherited a house that needed work. We wanted to

1011
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:38,839
Speaker 2: fix it up and make it our home. That's when

1012
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 2: my parents disowned me again. But stop disowning your children. Yeah,

1013
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:46,239
Speaker 2: you don't deserve your children if you keep disowning them.

1014
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 5: Fool me once, Shame on you. Fool me twice. Still,

1015
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:51,960
Speaker 5: shame on you, stop disowning your children.

1016
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 2: Eventually they came back and after a lot of back

1017
00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 2: and forth, we reconciled. But after some time they started

1018
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 2: another cycle of manipulation, insulting where I lived, mocking me,

1019
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 2: saying I'd be stuck taking care of livestock and become

1020
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:10,600
Speaker 2: a dumb country girl despite my education. They called me worthless,

1021
00:47:10,719 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 2: said my boyfriend had me under his control, was probably

1022
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 2: hurting me, and so on. During this, my boyfriend and

1023
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:19,359
Speaker 2: I had a huge argument and I decided to leave

1024
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 2: the house. There was a lot of yelling, but no violence.

1025
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:24,359
Speaker 2: My parents came to get me and I moved back

1026
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:24,919
Speaker 2: in with them.

1027
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:26,400
Speaker 3: They were overjoyed.

1028
00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 2: Everything was fine for a while until my boyfriend reached

1029
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 2: out to my father, trying to explain that he was

1030
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:36,880
Speaker 2: the one who suggested I leave because our living conditions

1031
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 2: weren't ideal. We had no heating, no bathroom.

1032
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 3: Et cetera.

1033
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 2: My father refused to listen and got even angrier, saying

1034
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:48,280
Speaker 2: my boyfriend had no right to call him. My boyfriend

1035
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:50,759
Speaker 2: then called me and I went to see him. I

1036
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:53,480
Speaker 2: wanted to bring him home so we could all talk properly.

1037
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:56,319
Speaker 2: But my father said my boyfriend could only kiss his

1038
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:59,640
Speaker 2: feet before getting punted out. He told me I had

1039
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 2: two choices, walk out the door and never return, or

1040
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 2: stay and block my boyfriend completely. I panicked how to

1041
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:09,800
Speaker 2: break down and block my boyfriend, who had been waiting

1042
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:13,480
Speaker 2: outside for me For a month, we had no contact.

1043
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 2: I moved in with my sister in a bigger town

1044
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,719
Speaker 2: near where my boyfriend lived. One day, he came to

1045
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 2: her place just to hand me a letter and see

1046
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,759
Speaker 2: me one last time. That's when I unblocked him and

1047
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 2: we started talking occasionally. After a while, I realized I

1048
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 2: wanted to try again with him. When I told my parents,

1049
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 2: they said they would disown me again.

1050
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 3: You don't get three. It's too many, too many. One

1051
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:38,440
Speaker 3: is too many, two is too many. This is a

1052
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:42,719
Speaker 3: lot of paperwork, such a big like punishment thrown out

1053
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:43,320
Speaker 3: will and illy.

1054
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:45,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, you gotta expect to hit a little easier the

1055
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,399
Speaker 4: third time, right, Yeah.

1056
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:49,840
Speaker 3: At the third time, you're like, well, they'll come back.

1057
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:51,440
Speaker 5: So this is like we're gonna go get some ice

1058
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 5: cream and then everything's fine, right.

1059
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:54,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, we know the stats.

1060
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 2: They claimed he would beat me, throw me out like

1061
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 2: a dog, that I'd end up homeless and they start

1062
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 2: cursing me. I stayed silent. Then I realized, why do

1063
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 2: they think they can forbid a twenty three year old

1064
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 2: woman from seeing or reconciling with her partner because you

1065
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 2: allow them to And that's not like, get your fault.

1066
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:15,920
Speaker 2: The only power that they have is what you give

1067
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 2: them true wise words. It was insane. Meanwhile, they either

1068
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,640
Speaker 2: treated me like a princess or a servant. One moment

1069
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 2: they'd say, you don't have to cook, You've cooked enough,

1070
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:28,399
Speaker 2: And the next they say, why don't you cook, You're

1071
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 2: just sitting around. If I didn't cook, it was what

1072
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,800
Speaker 2: just one meal? If it cooked more, it was that's nothing.

1073
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 3: Leave her alone.

1074
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 2: My sister started spying on me and gave me a

1075
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:44,759
Speaker 2: cleaning schedule. What my parents showed up unannounced twice a week.

1076
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 2: That's when I fully realized how sick our relationship was,

1077
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:51,480
Speaker 2: how it wasn't normal for someone to control the grown

1078
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:55,400
Speaker 2: woman's life. What if I wanted to move change jobs,

1079
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:58,320
Speaker 2: would they think they had the right to decide for me? Yeah,

1080
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:01,360
Speaker 2: just like my old childhood, where I lived in their shadow,

1081
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:05,880
Speaker 2: afraid to even breathe differently for fear of the reaction,

1082
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 2: so I told them I was getting back together with him.

1083
00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:11,839
Speaker 2: Their response, you'll only answer this house again in a

1084
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:13,279
Speaker 2: coffin or a stretcher.

1085
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:17,560
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's psychotic. Your parents are crazy.

1086
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 2: They called me a substance user, mentally ill, cursed everything

1087
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 2: they ever gave me, and told me their doors were

1088
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:28,359
Speaker 2: closed forever or until like next year.

1089
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 3: Knowing them when they've owned you again, when they're on again.

1090
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:35,880
Speaker 2: Parents, Even if my boyfriend, oh my goodness, hurt me

1091
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:38,720
Speaker 2: or threw me out in the street, I simply said, okay, can.

1092
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 5: We point out the logical gap there? They're like, if

1093
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:45,360
Speaker 5: you a boyfriend makes you cease to exist, we're still

1094
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 5: not taking you back.

1095
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 7: It's like you're a little too late at that point. Guys, Yeah,

1096
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 7: I reckon you wouldn't take me back.

1097
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 4: So now it's just like okay, fourth or fifth time,

1098
00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:00,600
Speaker 4: you just gotta like be like, oh, I like, okay,

1099
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 4: I believe you. I guess I'll have nothing to do

1100
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 4: with you. Then from now on, treat.

1101
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:08,920
Speaker 2: Your parents like the okay storytime public livestream timer.

1102
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:10,880
Speaker 5: Treat it like it's not real.

1103
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:15,759
Speaker 2: Within days, I moved out completely. They threatened everyone not

1104
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:19,320
Speaker 2: to talk to me. They pestered. My grandparents checked their phones,

1105
00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 2: monitored their messages, and yelled at them. My aunts eventually

1106
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:25,359
Speaker 2: reached out, and when I saw my mother at a

1107
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:28,520
Speaker 2: family wedding, I nodded at her, but she ignored me completely.

1108
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 2: And my sister also cut off contact because I told

1109
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,880
Speaker 2: her I wouldn't call her to avoid her being pestered,

1110
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 2: but that I'd always answer if she called. Once I

1111
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:39,920
Speaker 2: missed her call, and she never called me again. Your

1112
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:43,759
Speaker 2: sister is very much in that, like she's in the

1113
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 2: trenches of your parents kind of manipulation. Yeah, I mean,

1114
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 2: is she's spying for them. She's pretty far gone. My

1115
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 2: grandparents secretly came to see me, but later my father

1116
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:55,200
Speaker 2: found out because he has people in the village watching me.

1117
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:58,239
Speaker 2: In the village, dude, this is nineteen eighty four.

1118
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 5: No, no, no high key. This village being dropped in

1119
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 5: there makes so much sense.

1120
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 3: This is the thought, please, dude.

1121
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:06,520
Speaker 4: This is like a small community of tight knit people,

1122
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:09,480
Speaker 4: and that's why these parents are like ah, this.

1123
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:15,239
Speaker 2: Is where like a disappointment means something and disownment is devastating. Now,

1124
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 2: the twist my mom is she had her uterus removed

1125
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,839
Speaker 2: and she's recovering. My grandparents are pushing for us to reconcile,

1126
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:25,279
Speaker 2: and they accidentally gave her my.

1127
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:28,719
Speaker 3: New phone number. They didn't accellently do anything. They did

1128
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 3: that on purpose. They just whoops, Oh no, I slipped

1129
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 3: and typed it in your phone. Oh no.

1130
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 2: My parents are now claiming they have had no issue

1131
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 2: with my boyfriend anymore. I understand why my grandparents want peace,

1132
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 2: but I can't erase everything that was said to me

1133
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 2: or the year I spent completely alone. During this time,

1134
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:53,320
Speaker 2: my boyfriend and I have struggled with rising costs and inflation,

1135
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 2: but we made her twice and that's fine. Still, every

1136
00:52:57,120 --> 00:52:59,880
Speaker 2: time I think of my parents, I feel nothing but anger.

1137
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:02,839
Speaker 2: A few days ago, my mother messaged me, I think

1138
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 2: enough time has passed and it would be nice to

1139
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,279
Speaker 2: meet and talk. I've been home resting, so why not

1140
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 2: if you feel the same, You know.

1141
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 4: Mom, just absolutely insane that these people are conflating disowning

1142
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:20,120
Speaker 4: their kid with like we're just gonna like have some space. Yeah,

1143
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 4: not at all the same thing.

1144
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 3: Nope.

1145
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 2: And the thing is that like it's like it's not

1146
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:29,279
Speaker 2: even like in their circles, disomen means nothing, like it's

1147
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 2: just a word probably if they're in I mean, like

1148
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 2: I'm again, I'm just kind of guessing here. But they

1149
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 2: mentioned village. It seems like they have a pretty tight

1150
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 2: network of people. Disomen is probably a big deal, yeah,

1151
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:45,320
Speaker 2: I bet, And yet they're using it like it's nothing.

1152
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 2: I replied, I heard what happened. I hope you recover soon.

1153
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:51,040
Speaker 2: If you want to talk, we can, But I don't

1154
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:54,560
Speaker 2: see where the conversation would lead. Time alone won't erase

1155
00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 2: everything that was said to me without a good reason.

1156
00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 2: She answered, it wasn't right on either side. If you

1157
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:04,920
Speaker 2: want to talk, let me know. That response infuriated me.

1158
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:09,279
Speaker 2: I haven't replied in ten days. I never insulted them

1159
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:11,840
Speaker 2: or responded to any of their words, but they trashed

1160
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:15,360
Speaker 2: my name and disrespected me entirely. I thought that was

1161
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:18,480
Speaker 2: the end of it, but today she messaged again, asking

1162
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 2: to meet in a nearby town. My boyfriend says I

1163
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 2: should go, since it can't get worse. I'm considering it

1164
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:27,960
Speaker 2: just to put an end to their constant calls and

1165
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 2: messages and to hear what they have to say. But

1166
00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:34,440
Speaker 2: the idea makes me deeply uncomfortable and anxious. I avoid conflict,

1167
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:36,800
Speaker 2: and I don't know how to handle it. I'm afraid

1168
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:39,799
Speaker 2: they'll manipulate me again and I'll end up back in

1169
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:42,520
Speaker 2: the same cycle. Before we finish off this story, do

1170
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:43,440
Speaker 2: any final thoughts.

1171
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:45,920
Speaker 3: It's the kind of thing that like you really have

1172
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 3: to just kind of let it go over your head.

1173
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:52,040
Speaker 3: Can't let it affect you too hard. I mean, way

1174
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:54,920
Speaker 3: way easier said than done. But it's like, you know,

1175
00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:57,319
Speaker 3: try to distance yourself. You probably should be in therapy

1176
00:54:57,360 --> 00:55:00,440
Speaker 3: if you're not already. Just focus on yourself, focus on

1177
00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:02,439
Speaker 3: the things that make you happy, in what you want

1178
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 3: for your future, and just you can understand why they're

1179
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:08,920
Speaker 3: saying these crazy things, not forgiving them, but just be

1180
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 3: like that's just their own issue, has nothing to do

1181
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 3: with me.

1182
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 2: And these people are never going to be in the

1183
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,560
Speaker 2: right because they you know.

1184
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:18,319
Speaker 3: But we got a little bit onto this story. What

1185
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 3: do you think.

1186
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:20,960
Speaker 2: I know this is a lot and you don't have

1187
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:24,080
Speaker 2: the full picture here, but please help me gain some perspective.

1188
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:27,399
Speaker 2: Everyone around me just says, do what you think is right,

1189
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:29,880
Speaker 2: or ask me if I could live with never seeing

1190
00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:32,479
Speaker 2: them again if something happens to them. But I don't

1191
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:34,960
Speaker 2: even know how to deal with what's happening now. Let

1192
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:39,800
Speaker 2: alone hypothetical futures. I feel lost and overwhelmed. It seems

1193
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:42,320
Speaker 2: so unfair that everyone expects me to make the effort

1194
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:45,600
Speaker 2: to visit, to talk to lower my pride, when in

1195
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,320
Speaker 2: the end I was the only one it was hurt.

1196
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:51,080
Speaker 2: Comment one says, say you'll go, but leave a letter

1197
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:53,560
Speaker 2: addressed to them with whatever you want to say. Go

1198
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,799
Speaker 2: no contact, Quit answering them. They're probably trying to get

1199
00:55:56,840 --> 00:56:00,800
Speaker 2: you to come back and play made or nurse now. Yeah, yeah,

1200
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:03,920
Speaker 2: she's recovering from, you know, having.

1201
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 3: To get rid of her uterus.

1202
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:07,319
Speaker 2: Opie says, from what I hear, they are all one big,

1203
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 2: happy family helping my poor mother get better.

1204
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:10,759
Speaker 3: They don't need me.

1205
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:13,640
Speaker 2: I live nowhere near them, and I neither have the

1206
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:17,280
Speaker 2: money nor the willingness to help her. I've been no contact.

1207
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:17,439
Speaker 3: For over a year.

1208
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:19,160
Speaker 2: This is the first time they reached out to me,

1209
00:56:19,239 --> 00:56:22,680
Speaker 2: aside from my grandparents. Common two says, do you really

1210
00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:25,600
Speaker 2: trust them? They already lured you back in once and

1211
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 2: look how that went. What do you think you might

1212
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:30,359
Speaker 2: get out of seeing them? Opie says, No, I don't

1213
00:56:30,360 --> 00:56:33,400
Speaker 2: trust them at all. That's why I'm feeling scared, because

1214
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 2: I fear that they can still have power over me.

1215
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:36,759
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1216
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 2: Maybe if I do see her and stay no contact,

1217
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:41,640
Speaker 2: I will feel easier if something happens to her down

1218
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 2: the line. I do not want to be a bad

1219
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:46,719
Speaker 2: person who holds grudges, but I can't help feeling furious

1220
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:48,719
Speaker 2: that she even thought it was okay to message me

1221
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:52,200
Speaker 2: without even an apology. Reply says sounds like you already

1222
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:52,880
Speaker 2: know your answer.

1223
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:53,400
Speaker 4: You know.

1224
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,239
Speaker 2: The thing is, I think a lot of people are like, oh,

1225
00:56:56,840 --> 00:57:00,400
Speaker 2: you know, when someone's sick or ill, you know you

1226
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 2: need to go and like let them apologize. You need

1227
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:05,360
Speaker 2: to let them see you because they don't have a

1228
00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:08,680
Speaker 2: lot of time. And sure, there are scenarios where you know,

1229
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,200
Speaker 2: that's you being the bigger person and stuff. This isn't

1230
00:57:11,239 --> 00:57:13,600
Speaker 2: a moment where she's like on her you know, like

1231
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:17,080
Speaker 2: last day, right and saying like I would love to like,

1232
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:20,440
Speaker 2: please come, I want to apologize for everything I've done.

1233
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:21,680
Speaker 3: Like, that's not what's happening here.

1234
00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:26,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's got no self awareness, noop, but uh, I'm

1235
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:27,840
Speaker 2: aware that this is the end of the story.

1236
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:30,920
Speaker 1: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

1237
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:31,480
Speaker 1: back to the stories.

1238
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:33,000
Speaker 5: But here's a quick three minute break from as for

1239
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:33,720
Speaker 5: more sponsors.

1240
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:37,160
Speaker 3: My parents disapprove of my relationship with my boyfriend. It

1241
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 3: made me miserable. Disown your parents. There you go. Treg warning,

1242
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:43,640
Speaker 3: there are mentions of self harm in this story.

1243
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 2: And I also looked ahead. It's very brief mentions and

1244
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:48,400
Speaker 2: it does not go in depth.

1245
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:51,600
Speaker 3: So this all started because my parents don't approve of

1246
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:55,200
Speaker 3: my boyfriend. As backstory, Me now twenty one female and

1247
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 3: my boyfriend twenty three male, got together when we were

1248
00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:00,600
Speaker 3: fifteen and seventeen, respectively. We are each other first love

1249
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 3: and had been together for five and a half years.

1250
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:04,760
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Flower Coffee and if

1251
00:58:04,760 --> 00:58:06,080
Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1252
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:09,240
Speaker 3: our slash Okay storytime stepread it. So, during my childhood

1253
00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:11,520
Speaker 3: and teenage years, my dad always said to not date

1254
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:15,440
Speaker 3: or marry anyone Middle Eastern, Central Asian or Indian because

1255
00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:18,520
Speaker 3: the cultural differences would be too big for context. I

1256
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:23,800
Speaker 3: am Chinese Indigenous Malaysian, all right, starting off strong here. Coincidentally,

1257
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 3: my boyfriend is Uzbek, so Central Asian. Yes. I didn't

1258
00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:30,280
Speaker 3: listen at the time, though, I always thought that they

1259
00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:33,760
Speaker 3: were being too strict, just discriminatory. And my boyfriend brought

1260
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:36,120
Speaker 3: out parts of me that I never knew existed. For

1261
00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 3: even more context, I was brought up in a really

1262
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 3: strict household, and my dad's temper is super short. He

1263
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:44,440
Speaker 3: goes from laughing one second to suddenly screaming f in

1264
00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:48,000
Speaker 3: the house, shouting at us, slamming things, accusing Mom of

1265
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 3: being sarcastic. It was hard to talk to him openly.

1266
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:53,320
Speaker 3: I grew up to be quiet, learned how to walk

1267
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:56,920
Speaker 3: on eggshells. I also had difficulty socializing sometimes because I

1268
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 3: was bullied a lot in primary school and mom didn't

1269
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:01,440
Speaker 3: let me hang out too much, so I was pretty

1270
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:04,840
Speaker 3: socially awkward person. I was also pretty unconfident because of

1271
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 3: my quietness and introversion, as my classmates would make fun

1272
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 3: of me. Dad wasn't helpful either when it came to confidence.

1273
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:14,360
Speaker 3: For example, he would laughingly say that I don't have

1274
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:17,360
Speaker 3: what it takes to get into Oxford or Cambridge or medicine,

1275
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:20,080
Speaker 3: but it's worth a shot. I wanted to do psychology

1276
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 3: and he said that I was too sensitive. I was

1277
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 3: also never encouraged to speak my own opinion, to always

1278
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:27,960
Speaker 3: stay neutral, but my boyfriend taught me how to feel

1279
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:30,600
Speaker 3: okay in my own skin. With him, I learned how

1280
00:59:30,640 --> 00:59:32,840
Speaker 3: to be witty and funny, to not be afraid to

1281
00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:35,680
Speaker 3: speak up my opinion. He said that it was okay

1282
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:37,720
Speaker 3: to be quiet. He taught me how to be patient

1283
00:59:37,760 --> 00:59:40,280
Speaker 3: with my dad, but to also stand my ground. He

1284
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,760
Speaker 3: encouraged me to do psychology and medicine, even though I

1285
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:45,800
Speaker 3: doubted myself. I'm doing a bachelor's in psychology now and

1286
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 3: am internally grateful I am doing so. He is patient

1287
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 3: and always does his best to make me laugh when

1288
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:53,920
Speaker 3: he himself is hurting. He taught me it's okay to

1289
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:56,680
Speaker 3: be neutral in some situations, but that it's important to

1290
00:59:56,720 --> 00:59:58,800
Speaker 3: have my own opinion too, so I can be strong.

1291
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 3: He was my ca and gave me so many perspectives

1292
01:00:02,200 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 3: on life, which guided my decisions to allow me to

1293
01:00:04,280 --> 01:00:07,280
Speaker 3: become the person that I am now, more extroverted, more

1294
01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:10,520
Speaker 3: confident in my own abilities, more steadfast in my own values,

1295
01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 3: so that I am not easily swayed by others because

1296
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 3: I tell him everything. He always also calls me out

1297
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:18,280
Speaker 3: when I do something wrong, but does so in a

1298
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 3: way so gentle I don't feel fearful to grow and learn.

1299
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:25,360
Speaker 3: I am now a third year undergraduate student studying in Australia,

1300
01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 3: and he is working as a software engineer and as

1301
01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:30,320
Speaker 3: the director of his own company in Malaysia. We are

1302
01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:34,520
Speaker 3: also both adults. He is financially independent, I am planning

1303
01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:36,400
Speaker 3: to go to medical school. We are in a long

1304
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:40,680
Speaker 3: distance relationship, and yet my parents won't let me see him.

1305
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:43,640
Speaker 3: The plan was for him to come to Australia, or

1306
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,200
Speaker 3: at least for me to visit him as much as

1307
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:47,600
Speaker 3: I could whenever I came back for the holidays. But

1308
01:00:47,760 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 3: really I had to fight so much with my parents

1309
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:53,160
Speaker 3: to see him. He moved during the bid to a

1310
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:55,920
Speaker 3: different city and I always layover at his city whenever

1311
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:58,880
Speaker 3: I come back, but they always say not too long

1312
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:01,400
Speaker 3: of a layover, even even though I tried to negotiate.

1313
01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 3: How I barely ever see him when he comes to

1314
01:01:04,040 --> 01:01:06,160
Speaker 3: my city. They barred me from seeing him, saying that

1315
01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:08,960
Speaker 3: I was acting like a witch. What he flew over

1316
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:11,320
Speaker 3: to my city time and time again for me. Whenever

1317
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:13,520
Speaker 3: I mentioned his name as well, my mom would say, no,

1318
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:16,560
Speaker 3: you guys are just good friends and don't mention his

1319
01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:19,960
Speaker 3: name in front of dad. So my boyfriend and I thought, okay,

1320
01:01:20,080 --> 01:01:22,480
Speaker 3: how about we meet him so that everyone can relax,

1321
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:25,720
Speaker 3: since you know who I'm hanging out with. But they refused.

1322
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:29,080
Speaker 3: I understood they were ready, but stopping me from seeing

1323
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:31,480
Speaker 3: him and calling me names and made me feel hopeless.

1324
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:35,720
Speaker 3: Their criteria is Malaysian and has a degree. He doesn't

1325
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:38,400
Speaker 3: have a degree, but he holds a qualification from forty two,

1326
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:41,880
Speaker 3: a prestigious free coding school based in France or which

1327
01:01:41,920 --> 01:01:44,680
Speaker 3: has a branch in Malaysia. And while he is in Malaysian,

1328
01:01:44,720 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 3: his whole family is here, and he lived here since

1329
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:50,760
Speaker 3: thirteen fourteen years old, and he didn't allow himself to

1330
01:01:50,800 --> 01:01:54,760
Speaker 3: move anywhere else in case my parents wanted to meet him. Wow,

1331
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:57,520
Speaker 3: this is a devoted guy you've got here. He sounds

1332
01:01:57,560 --> 01:01:58,360
Speaker 3: like a great guy.

1333
01:01:58,720 --> 01:02:01,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, if parents were telling you that you can't date

1334
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:04,920
Speaker 6: like a certain culture or certain you know, like just

1335
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:08,520
Speaker 6: right off the bat, you can be like, oh, yeah,

1336
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 6: that's just prejudice.

1337
01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 3: It's not something we're gonna hang on to.

1338
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:16,120
Speaker 4: And have we ever heard of Romeo and Juliet the

1339
01:02:16,280 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 4: Montagusian acapulates his shadaway shadower.

1340
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:23,400
Speaker 2: Exactly, But that's also a story about them being very

1341
01:02:23,480 --> 01:02:24,320
Speaker 2: young and naive.

1342
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:25,320
Speaker 3: I'm just social.

1343
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:28,480
Speaker 5: Shane Love Conka's cultural boundaries.

1344
01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:31,360
Speaker 3: That's right. Okay, Well you don't have to take everything

1345
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:34,120
Speaker 3: from that story and ably to this one, but I

1346
01:02:34,160 --> 01:02:37,680
Speaker 3: see the similarities. Finally came the latest holiday, and he

1347
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 3: said that he won't come to my city unless my

1348
01:02:39,760 --> 01:02:43,080
Speaker 3: parents really let me see him. This time reasonable request

1349
01:02:43,160 --> 01:02:46,280
Speaker 3: because he was nearly stranded alone in my city had

1350
01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:49,280
Speaker 3: his friend not traveled with him, But instead they didn't

1351
01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:52,680
Speaker 3: let me see him at all. The layover was even

1352
01:02:52,720 --> 01:02:54,720
Speaker 3: shorter this time, and when I tried to negotiate for

1353
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:57,160
Speaker 3: a longer one, my parents just said, we're your parents,

1354
01:02:57,200 --> 01:02:59,600
Speaker 3: listen to us. Created a lot of tension between me

1355
01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:02,640
Speaker 3: and my boyfriend of my parents. So something happened in

1356
01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:06,160
Speaker 3: between the previous portion and the next. But long story short,

1357
01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:08,160
Speaker 3: I asked my dad what he thought of my boyfriend

1358
01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:10,520
Speaker 3: to spite my mom telling me not to, and my

1359
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:14,560
Speaker 3: dad cut off contact with me. WHOA, that's a big jump.

1360
01:03:15,280 --> 01:03:16,160
Speaker 3: It's disowning.

1361
01:03:16,440 --> 01:03:19,800
Speaker 2: It really really sucks to lose your parents or like

1362
01:03:20,240 --> 01:03:22,880
Speaker 2: you know, lose their relationship or that relationship that they

1363
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:26,480
Speaker 2: have with them for very silly reasons. But just know

1364
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:30,160
Speaker 2: that you haven't done anything wrong. Yeah, you are in

1365
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:33,360
Speaker 2: love with someone who is a good person, not hurting you, not,

1366
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 2: you know, being any sort of is supportive, and your parents'

1367
01:03:39,240 --> 01:03:40,360
Speaker 2: story against him because.

1368
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:44,440
Speaker 3: Of very prejudiced reasons. It's just ridiculous. Yeah, I was

1369
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:47,000
Speaker 3: back in Australia at this point. My mom would call

1370
01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:48,600
Speaker 3: me and say that it's my fault and that I

1371
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:50,880
Speaker 3: should have just listened, and that I wanted to cut

1372
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:53,760
Speaker 3: my dad off. It was a cycle of gaslighting. It's

1373
01:03:53,760 --> 01:03:55,480
Speaker 3: good that you know that though. Yeah, that is good.

1374
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:57,440
Speaker 3: When I told my mom that I was self harming,

1375
01:03:57,520 --> 01:04:00,520
Speaker 3: she sort of laughed and said, I'm not surprised. I

1376
01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:03,640
Speaker 3: read your self harm letters before. We should read them

1377
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:07,920
Speaker 3: together someday. Oh my gosh, what, Oh my god. No,

1378
01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:08,920
Speaker 3: that's insane.

1379
01:04:09,400 --> 01:04:12,400
Speaker 2: That's like sick in the head. They're not your yearbook.

1380
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:13,240
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

1381
01:04:13,480 --> 01:04:15,840
Speaker 3: These aren't love letters. This isn't something to just like

1382
01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:18,400
Speaker 3: read and like hah, yeah, hey, mom, let's look at

1383
01:04:18,400 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 3: the times when I was at my lowest point, literally,

1384
01:04:22,920 --> 01:04:25,080
Speaker 3: like maybe we can talk about them, but if we're

1385
01:04:25,440 --> 01:04:28,880
Speaker 3: in therapy at the time, like, oh my goodness. I

1386
01:04:29,040 --> 01:04:32,640
Speaker 3: was appalled, especially because right after that she gasped me again.

1387
01:04:33,080 --> 01:04:36,200
Speaker 3: All the tension led to our breakup. He was tired

1388
01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:38,080
Speaker 3: of needing to beg to see me, and he didn't

1389
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:40,960
Speaker 3: want to get hurt further. We had plans to marry

1390
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:44,280
Speaker 3: each other. His example of how things might get worse was,

1391
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:47,200
Speaker 3: imagine your family doesn't come to our wedding. It hurts you,

1392
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,320
Speaker 3: it hurts me, and it hurts both our families. The

1393
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:53,000
Speaker 3: breakup hurts because we were never given a proper chance,

1394
01:04:53,040 --> 01:04:55,960
Speaker 3: and because I know he's right. Without my parents' support,

1395
01:04:55,960 --> 01:04:59,520
Speaker 3: there'll be more hurt down the line, especially because he

1396
01:04:59,560 --> 01:05:02,120
Speaker 3: comes from different culture. He says that he doesn't want

1397
01:05:02,160 --> 01:05:04,920
Speaker 3: me to be left stranded alone if anything happens. He

1398
01:05:04,960 --> 01:05:06,800
Speaker 3: wants to make sure that my family supports me.

1399
01:05:06,880 --> 01:05:08,760
Speaker 2: But there don't support you. That's a thing like you.

1400
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:12,640
Speaker 2: Guys are operating under the idea that if he you know,

1401
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:15,960
Speaker 2: is out of the picture, then your family will support you.

1402
01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:19,560
Speaker 3: No, No, they'll find something else that they are upset about. Yeah,

1403
01:05:19,640 --> 01:05:22,080
Speaker 3: he feels responsible for not only us, but for my

1404
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:25,000
Speaker 3: family and his family as well. He says exactly what

1405
01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:28,600
Speaker 3: my dad always says, family first. He also never cut

1406
01:05:28,600 --> 01:05:30,960
Speaker 3: me off. He texted me every day, checking in on me,

1407
01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:33,120
Speaker 3: calling me and my friends to make sure I'm okay.

1408
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:34,920
Speaker 3: Even after I said nought to call me because I

1409
01:05:34,960 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 3: was so hurt. It took a while to see why

1410
01:05:37,120 --> 01:05:39,600
Speaker 3: he broke up with me. I thought he just abandoned me.

1411
01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:43,120
Speaker 3: Eventually I realized that he just wanted me really badly

1412
01:05:43,160 --> 01:05:46,280
Speaker 3: and didn't want to hurt anyone further. So I flew

1413
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:49,160
Speaker 3: out to see him secretly without my parents knowing. Oh wow,

1414
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:52,680
Speaker 3: this is romantic. This is literally Romeo and Juliet. We

1415
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:55,160
Speaker 3: had one week of bliss before it flew back to Australia,

1416
01:05:55,240 --> 01:05:58,040
Speaker 3: then back to my city in Malaysia. I've never flown

1417
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:00,840
Speaker 3: to see him in secret before because we both knew

1418
01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:03,440
Speaker 3: that if my parents found out, then it would be disastrous.

1419
01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:06,120
Speaker 3: He always stopped me because he knew the risk of

1420
01:06:06,120 --> 01:06:09,120
Speaker 3: things falling apart was too high. But I snapped because

1421
01:06:09,120 --> 01:06:11,000
Speaker 3: my dad didn't want to talk to me anyway, and

1422
01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:13,040
Speaker 3: I felt so guilty not being able to give my

1423
01:06:13,080 --> 01:06:16,040
Speaker 3: boyfriend what we both wanted, all this while just each

1424
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:18,760
Speaker 3: other's company in person, without needing to feel like we

1425
01:06:18,760 --> 01:06:21,880
Speaker 3: were fighting the entire world to be together. So I

1426
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:23,960
Speaker 3: wanted to talk to my dad about it. I wanted

1427
01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:26,240
Speaker 3: to finally clear the air and get him to see

1428
01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:29,360
Speaker 3: my perspective. Instead, he compared me to ants who got

1429
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:32,920
Speaker 3: pregnant out of wedlock, ants he called parasites to society

1430
01:06:33,160 --> 01:06:35,840
Speaker 3: because she doesn't work and lives off grandma's money, and

1431
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:38,720
Speaker 3: who got caught for being a mistress to an aunt

1432
01:06:38,760 --> 01:06:41,720
Speaker 3: who he cut off because she made irresponsible mistakes in

1433
01:06:41,760 --> 01:06:45,120
Speaker 3: her marriage decisions. He started to cry and say, it's

1434
01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:48,400
Speaker 3: easy for you youngsters to live in these dreams. What

1435
01:06:48,480 --> 01:06:50,640
Speaker 3: about this, old man. I don't want to go live

1436
01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:54,560
Speaker 3: your dreams. Man, what why are you putting your regrets?

1437
01:06:54,960 --> 01:06:58,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know the mistakes of other people on

1438
01:06:58,560 --> 01:06:59,240
Speaker 2: your daughter.

1439
01:06:59,560 --> 01:07:03,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's insane. He's just holding them back because he

1440
01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:05,840
Speaker 3: doesn't have a good example like in his own life.

1441
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:08,640
Speaker 3: So these aren't dreams. This can be a reality. You're

1442
01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:11,080
Speaker 3: just not letting it happen. Like this is now your fault.

1443
01:07:11,360 --> 01:07:14,040
Speaker 3: He said. My boyfriend worked as a coder and hacker

1444
01:07:14,120 --> 01:07:17,160
Speaker 3: in some IT shop and that was basically the lowest

1445
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:20,120
Speaker 3: of low. He said, my boyfriend has a work pass

1446
01:07:20,240 --> 01:07:23,040
Speaker 3: and that it could get canceled at any time. I

1447
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:25,000
Speaker 3: tried to clear things up with my dad about who

1448
01:07:25,040 --> 01:07:27,640
Speaker 3: my boyfriend really was, because he said, these are based

1449
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:30,919
Speaker 3: on what you told me. He misunderstood everything I told him,

1450
01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:33,439
Speaker 3: but he only said, I don't want to talk about

1451
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:38,320
Speaker 3: him anymore. Please, you're crazy, girl, what you're doing. He's like,

1452
01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:40,640
Speaker 3: I just know it based on what you told me.

1453
01:07:40,680 --> 01:07:42,520
Speaker 3: He's doing this and this and this, and then he

1454
01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:45,280
Speaker 3: he's just like wait, wait, wait, and you're like, no,

1455
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:48,520
Speaker 3: I'm too distraught to talk about it. I don't even

1456
01:07:48,520 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 3: want to talk about him anymore. Stop it. You're the

1457
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:55,280
Speaker 3: drama man. You're the drama. Am I the villain? Am

1458
01:07:55,320 --> 01:07:58,160
Speaker 3: I'm the drama? Yes you are. I never even got

1459
01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:00,760
Speaker 3: the chance to say that my boyfriend's death is one

1460
01:08:00,800 --> 01:08:05,080
Speaker 3: of the top men in Patronis Malaysia. My dad thinks

1461
01:08:05,120 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 3: that I fell for a guy with no future prospects. Furthermore,

1462
01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:11,960
Speaker 3: my boyfriend isn't some hacker, and he is an expatriate.

1463
01:08:12,240 --> 01:08:15,080
Speaker 3: Funny how he says hacker when my cousin is also

1464
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:18,320
Speaker 3: a software engineer. Plus, he says, AI will replace his

1465
01:08:18,439 --> 01:08:21,760
Speaker 3: job anyway. Probably it's a possibility, but that's not a

1466
01:08:21,800 --> 01:08:23,840
Speaker 3: reason not to like pursue him.

1467
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:25,920
Speaker 2: You know what, I thought I'd be the last in

1468
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:28,879
Speaker 2: the line of AI replacing jobs.

1469
01:08:29,080 --> 01:08:31,200
Speaker 3: Apparently AI's placed an actress too.

1470
01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:34,519
Speaker 4: Nah, not in a real cool way. It's a whack way.

1471
01:08:34,640 --> 01:08:38,160
Speaker 4: People won't care about AI actors because there's no allure,

1472
01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:39,599
Speaker 4: there's no mistique, there's.

1473
01:08:39,439 --> 01:08:40,600
Speaker 5: No humanity, there's none of this.

1474
01:08:41,120 --> 01:08:43,639
Speaker 3: He says that I live comfortably and that I shouldn't

1475
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:46,120
Speaker 3: ask for more. He said that I caused suffering for

1476
01:08:46,160 --> 01:08:49,639
Speaker 3: the past two months because we weren't speaking. You're literally

1477
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:52,360
Speaker 3: the one that win no contact. What do you mean, oh,

1478
01:08:52,439 --> 01:08:55,280
Speaker 3: P caused the suffering? That's on you, my guy. He

1479
01:08:55,360 --> 01:08:57,479
Speaker 3: said he nearly had a heart attack when I spoke

1480
01:08:57,479 --> 01:08:59,280
Speaker 3: to him about my boyfriend, and that he is going

1481
01:08:59,320 --> 01:09:00,240
Speaker 3: to pass away.

1482
01:09:00,439 --> 01:09:03,120
Speaker 2: What you gotta get that checked out, brother, If you're

1483
01:09:03,120 --> 01:09:04,840
Speaker 2: having a heart attack from that, you gotta get that

1484
01:09:04,920 --> 01:09:05,360
Speaker 2: checked out.

1485
01:09:05,640 --> 01:09:08,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, he said. If I still want my boyfriend and

1486
01:09:08,160 --> 01:09:10,479
Speaker 3: refuse to cut off contact, then my dad threatened to

1487
01:09:10,520 --> 01:09:14,000
Speaker 3: cut me off. Now. He said that because of my aunts,

1488
01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:17,360
Speaker 3: so many other family members were still suffering. But I

1489
01:09:17,479 --> 01:09:19,840
Speaker 3: never messed around. I never said I wanted to run

1490
01:09:19,840 --> 01:09:21,920
Speaker 3: off to marry him. I was just trying to do

1491
01:09:21,960 --> 01:09:25,000
Speaker 3: the right thing by getting them to know him. I

1492
01:09:25,040 --> 01:09:27,360
Speaker 3: am not going to throw away my degree for a man,

1493
01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:30,120
Speaker 3: especially not the man who encouraged me and gave me

1494
01:09:30,160 --> 01:09:32,439
Speaker 3: the bravery to do the degree in the first place,

1495
01:09:32,840 --> 01:09:35,760
Speaker 3: and he would never let me do that. I even

1496
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:38,559
Speaker 3: offered to move back to Malaysia to do my medical degree,

1497
01:09:38,600 --> 01:09:40,320
Speaker 3: but my boyfriend said that he didn't want me to

1498
01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:42,720
Speaker 3: give up my dream of living in Australia. So in

1499
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:44,519
Speaker 3: the end I never got a say and my dad

1500
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:47,120
Speaker 3: threatened to cut me off and we are still broken up.

1501
01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:51,320
Speaker 3: My boyfriend, technically, my eggs and I have agreed on

1502
01:09:51,360 --> 01:09:53,200
Speaker 3: a checkpoint later in the year to see where we

1503
01:09:53,240 --> 01:09:55,679
Speaker 3: both end up geographically, to allow time for the both

1504
01:09:55,680 --> 01:09:57,920
Speaker 3: of us to ease from the tension see how my

1505
01:09:57,960 --> 01:10:01,280
Speaker 3: parents react then. But it's a lot of waiting, and

1506
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:03,280
Speaker 3: based on how my parents are, I don't see much

1507
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:05,679
Speaker 3: hope for us anymore. I feel like I'm being selfish

1508
01:10:05,720 --> 01:10:08,559
Speaker 3: by choosing my own happiness. Another reason when my dad

1509
01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:10,759
Speaker 3: is so against my ex is because my dad doesn't

1510
01:10:10,760 --> 01:10:13,960
Speaker 3: want more trouble. He said I was heading down the

1511
01:10:14,080 --> 01:10:16,960
Speaker 3: root of all my aunts, that my problems were unwanted,

1512
01:10:17,240 --> 01:10:19,200
Speaker 3: and that my dad is the only one keeping the

1513
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:22,560
Speaker 3: family together. Half of my relatives rely on him financially,

1514
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:25,280
Speaker 3: and that he doesn't want another problem in his head.

1515
01:10:25,400 --> 01:10:29,679
Speaker 3: This guy he's forgetting about emotions in humans. He's thinking

1516
01:10:29,680 --> 01:10:32,479
Speaker 3: that everyone has to like work as a robot. He's

1517
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:35,519
Speaker 3: thinking of everyone as a problem that he has to solve,

1518
01:10:35,800 --> 01:10:38,280
Speaker 3: which is not the case. He and Mom also married

1519
01:10:38,280 --> 01:10:41,200
Speaker 3: because they both did it for a family, not love

1520
01:10:41,240 --> 01:10:44,000
Speaker 3: for each other. So very different perspectives going on here.

1521
01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:46,880
Speaker 3: Mom comes from a respectable family and Dad had the

1522
01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:50,200
Speaker 3: character and build to make sure Mom's respectable family, which

1523
01:10:50,240 --> 01:10:53,759
Speaker 3: was crumbling because of the above mentioned ants, wouldn't collapse.

1524
01:10:54,040 --> 01:10:56,559
Speaker 3: My sister also had lupus. So they don't want me

1525
01:10:56,640 --> 01:10:59,320
Speaker 3: moving far away, and neither do I want to move

1526
01:10:59,360 --> 01:11:01,400
Speaker 3: far away, but they think that I will be brought

1527
01:11:01,560 --> 01:11:04,000
Speaker 3: away to Zbekistan forever. And there is a little bit

1528
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:05,320
Speaker 3: more into the story, which do we have any final

1529
01:11:05,360 --> 01:11:06,599
Speaker 3: thoughts before we wrap this up?

1530
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:10,799
Speaker 2: The trouble here is again we have this like culture

1531
01:11:11,439 --> 01:11:13,439
Speaker 2: or person who would live in a culture where family

1532
01:11:13,479 --> 01:11:17,960
Speaker 2: is very important clearly, and you know, not disappointing your

1533
01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:22,599
Speaker 2: family members the main goal for the life. But you

1534
01:11:22,640 --> 01:11:25,439
Speaker 2: know you have to also take into consideration what makes

1535
01:11:25,520 --> 01:11:29,519
Speaker 2: you happy. We don't have very long on this little rock.

1536
01:11:29,960 --> 01:11:32,599
Speaker 2: And if you're gonna let your parents kind of tell

1537
01:11:32,640 --> 01:11:35,320
Speaker 2: you or who you're allowed to date and love, You're

1538
01:11:35,320 --> 01:11:38,240
Speaker 2: just gonna be spending your whole life catering to all

1539
01:11:38,240 --> 01:11:40,200
Speaker 2: of their demands and that's just tough.

1540
01:11:40,560 --> 01:11:43,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, we've got a little bit more to this story.

1541
01:11:43,320 --> 01:11:45,680
Speaker 3: I don't know. Am I being selfish or am I

1542
01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:48,760
Speaker 3: just begging for a sminge of a chance for us

1543
01:11:48,800 --> 01:11:51,120
Speaker 3: to work out. I'm not saying it will be easy,

1544
01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:53,120
Speaker 3: but the chemistry my ex and I have is something

1545
01:11:53,160 --> 01:11:55,719
Speaker 3: we both know a lot of people fight an entire

1546
01:11:55,880 --> 01:11:59,160
Speaker 3: lifetime just to find We get each other on such

1547
01:11:59,240 --> 01:12:01,599
Speaker 3: a level, I find and it amazing that we were

1548
01:12:01,640 --> 01:12:03,800
Speaker 3: able to find each other. I just wish I had

1549
01:12:03,800 --> 01:12:06,639
Speaker 3: greater space to breathe, to be given a proper chance

1550
01:12:06,680 --> 01:12:09,519
Speaker 3: for us to work rather than have a relationship built

1551
01:12:09,560 --> 01:12:12,680
Speaker 3: on tiny moments my parents barely allowed because they are

1552
01:12:12,720 --> 01:12:15,280
Speaker 3: too cautious. And that's the end of that story.