WEBVTT - Ep. 422: Luck of Dating (Ft. Les Alfred) 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.760 Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say 0:00:02.800 --> 0:00:06.000 decision decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kirsty. 0:00:06.440 --> 0:00:09.400 You definitely say to welcome, Welcome to the new podcast. 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:13.440 Oh wait, you want to say together Decisions Decisions. 0:00:13.960 --> 0:00:19.040 Welcome guys to another episode of Decisions Decisions. I'm your girl, 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:22.320 You're taking girl, your lover, girl, Mandy B. 0:00:23.120 --> 0:00:25.560 I'm weezy. I used to be the Pisces on this show, 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:29.240 but it's transferred. Definitely not a pissis libergang All day? Girl? 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:31.800 You love a girl And if you haven't yet, make 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:35.800 sure you pre order your copy of No Holds Barred, 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:40.239 a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power, available now 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:44.120 for pre order, releasing June twenty fourth. Help you girls 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:46.800 become New York Times best self. 0:00:46.960 --> 0:00:47.360 Please. 0:00:47.440 --> 0:00:51.080 We are so desperate, but hopefully we get lucky. Like 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:55.279 our new Rebrandy Girl on the Couch. We're here with 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:59.840 Les Alfred, who is previously the host of Balance Black Girl. 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:02.040 And the story I wanted to tell was balance like 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:02.920 a Libra scale. 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:05.759 It was I started Balanced Black Girl during Libra season, 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:08.640 not even realizing that like I started it, you better 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:11.720 know what I'm a leoh. 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:13.080 Okay, okay, just let me be very clear, Hey, Star 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:15.600 the Moons, We're not going to start hate it. 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:17.479 No. 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:20.160 So I went on Balanced Black Girl, and I was 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:22.720 telling LEZ that when I would see the name Balanced 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:26.760 Black Girl podcast, I had no idea that or no, 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:29.920 because you're balanced balance left Yes, So I thought it 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:33.920 was about a balanced lesbian and how lesbian was balancing 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:36.160 their Lifeans need balance too. 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:37.760 I really thought that was so. 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:41.400 Then I was seeing clips, I'm like, really give gay 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:42.480 and then I kept dad. 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:44.759 I swear to got it's kind. 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:49.280 If someone wants to start the balance lesbian show or platform, 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:49.720 they should. 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:51.920 You need to bring to lesbians on this fighting and balance. 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:53.520 Oh wait, sorry, don't do it no more. 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:59.080 So I'm not balancing you no more that I'm done 0:01:59.120 --> 0:02:01.480 telling y'all a journal. You either gonna listen or you're not. 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:03.480 I can't. I ran out of ways to say it. 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:05.560 I've got said it as many ways as I could 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:05.840 think of. 0:02:05.960 --> 0:02:06.680 What's crazy ist? 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:09.679 I feel like we probably haven't collabed because the two 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:13.240 brands didn't necessarily match so well at the first, you. 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:13.720 Know what I mean? 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:14.639 What's funny though? 0:02:14.680 --> 0:02:17.040 The episode where you came on the show a lot 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:19.320 of the comments are like, this was a crossover I 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:21.720 didn't expect, but I liked it, and I'm like, y'all 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:24.760 other guys are like needed, yeah, but why not. 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:29.360 Why did the rebrand? Because to me, we rebranded because 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:33.519 we had to. But your rebrand, your brand has always 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:35.480 been clean and this and that, so like, tell me 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:37.640 about that. Because our rebrand was for a purpose of like, 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:38.240 we need to sell them. 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:42.560 Look, yeah, I mean part of it was. 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.880 I wanted a brand that had more room to grow, 0:02:47.000 --> 0:02:49.720 and I did feel like I had plateaued in terms 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:53.440 of the people that I could reach. I love centering 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.200 and catering to black women and having a platform that 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:58.400 is explicitly named that there's only so many of us, 0:02:58.440 --> 0:02:59.880 and there's also only so many that are going to 0:02:59.919 --> 0:03:02.320 be interested in what I'm talking about. And so after 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:04.440 so many years, I reached a point where it was like, 0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:07.640 this is it's hitting a limit and I'm just not 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:09.040 able to really get past it. 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:12.520 So that was one two. I don't really feel. 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:14.720 As compelled to talk about wellness anymore, which was pretty 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:16.440 apparent in the show because it hadn't really been a 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.080 wellness podcast in a while. That was how it started, 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:21.720 I thought it was right and it I hadn't really 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:24.400 talked about wellness probably for about two years now. It 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:27.000 hasn't really been a wellness show, and so it felt 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:29.840 like that didn't really make sense. And then the episodes 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:31.960 that were really hitting, both for me and for the 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:35.400 audience were about successful women. They wanted to hear from entrepreneurs, 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:37.280 They wanted to hear from founders, They wanted to hear 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:40.240 how successful women were doing things, and that was what 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:42.360 was really hitting. That was also what I really liked too, 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.400 So I thought, Okay, maybe I can rebrand this to 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:47.280 better match what it is that's resonating with me and 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:47.960 the audience. 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:49.600 And that's where She So Lucky came from. 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:52.640 Which is crazy because what you just went viral recently 0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:55.440 for sitting with Gabrielle Union though, right, yeah, and. 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:58.720 I was trying to rush over here. That wasn't I 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:00.000 assume that wasn't about. 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:02.600 I love that you got her to talk again about 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:05.560 the fifty to fifty conversation that at this point is 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.440 the fucking gift that keeps giving between her and Dwayne Wade, 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:11.000 because that's all they both talk about whenever they sit down. 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:12.840 But that's gotten viral though. 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:15.640 You praise that question really well because that is all 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:16.320 they talk about. 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:18.120 I didn't even really ask about it. 0:04:18.120 --> 0:04:20.280 I mean, we were talking about vulnerability and she brought 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:23.440 that up as an example. I asked her about, Okay, 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:25.600 are you getting better at asking for help? 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:27.280 And like, how is that looking for you? 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:30.000 Because we had talked about just previously how she never 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:32.040 really would ask for help and was very hyper independent. 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:33.840 So I asked, Okay, what is your. 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:36.640 Relationship to vulnerability, like now, what is asking for help 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:37.320 for you? 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:37.880 Like now? 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:40.160 And that was what she mentioned. So I didn't even 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:41.000 I didn't ask well. 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:44.160 I like that. It trickled into. 0:04:45.440 --> 0:04:48.159 A clip from Dwayne Wade and it's it's funny because 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:52.200 we sometimes don't realize how our trauma shows up, especially 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:56.120 in new relationships. And he was on the Shannon Sharp 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:58.200 Show and it came back and he pretty much said 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:02.080 they had gotten into whatever tit and he was like, 0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:05.880 this is my house, and I guess because of previous relationships, 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:08.400 that's where it first started. She was like, oh, nah, 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:09.839 You're never going to be able to say this is 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:12.760 your house only when I'm here. So when they moved 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:16.159 to lay they went in on a house because this 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:21.159 is our house. I don't know about the The cohabitating 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:23.600 thing is not something that I want to do. But 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:26.120 it's interesting that she was able to acknowledge. That's where 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:29.279 that even came from. It was from the trauma response 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:32.000 of feeling like, at any given point, you can kick 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:33.800 me out because she had actually done that to someone 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:36.960 in her previous relationships. I love her book, by the way, 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:40.480 like love her book now, but yeah, that was so great. 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:45.120 So your audience is just now able to grow because 0:05:45.160 --> 0:05:48.239 you're sitting with other founders entrepreneurs. 0:05:48.120 --> 0:05:49.760 And now you feel like that's the lane. 0:05:50.160 --> 0:05:52.040 I just feel like it's expanding the topics that I 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:55.560 can talk about because I'm really interested in understanding how 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:58.800 successful women do things, Like that's what I love talking about. 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:01.520 I love talking to men who are doing cool shit 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:03.120 and understanding how they do it. 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:05.080 And that was what I really wanted to go all 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:05.359 in on. 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:08.560 You're a good listener too, because like I normally want 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:14.479 to do podcasts, they're so fun and loud and comedic. 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:17.400 And at one point I said to Les, I feel 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:19.800 like I'm talking a lot, and I'm like, oh, this. 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:21.520 Is really how you get the money? You just shut 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:24.440 up in little guests. We don't we haven't learned that. 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:27.279 We don't try to dance, but you know, if it's gorgeous, 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:32.640 because I think a lot of people it's it's hard 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:35.599 to introduce a guest that someone's gonna care about, but 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:38.000 you make them interesting somehow, you know what I mean. 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:40.839 That's such a nice compliment because it's tough. 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:42.840 Like if we have a guest on someone's like, well, 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:44.160 why what sex thing? 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:44.880 Are they gonna say? 0:06:44.920 --> 0:06:47.360 Like they're pressuring it right, And I think you have 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:49.320 to make the audience care about your guests. I think 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:51.360 you do a really good job at it. That's something 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.200 that a lot of podcasts don't do. I have a 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:55.479 lot of podcasts I listen to back in the day 0:06:55.560 --> 0:06:56.800 that I was like, if they have a guest, I 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:59.640 won't click on it either, but you know, finding the 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:01.520 art of that. I'm really looking forward to seeing what 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:03.600 guests do you have? Who are your dream hmmm. 0:07:03.640 --> 0:07:07.880 Dream guess Okay, I would love to interview Asa Ray. 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:10.680 She's been like my dream guests from the beginning because 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:13.880 I think that she has such a unique blend of 0:07:14.000 --> 0:07:16.360 creative talents and business savvy. 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:18.280 The coffee shops alone have you heard about it. 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:19.600 Yeah, Oh, I used to go all the time when 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:21.400 I lived in LA. I just want to lift up 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:23.280 the hood and understand how she does things, Like I 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:23.920 want to radio. 0:07:25.400 --> 0:07:27.000 She has a whole empire. 0:07:28.720 --> 0:07:31.680 Up, has a big business tip because like the fact 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:33.320 that she even got married and people were like, you 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:33.960 had a man. 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:37.240 Right, you know, and we haven't seen him since. I 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:40.840 love it and haven't I'm working on it. Yeah, Issa, 0:07:41.040 --> 0:07:43.240 you know what, I would really love to interview. This 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:44.680 is kind of a reach because I don't think she 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:49.400 really does this, but Megan Sussex, I almost said Markle really, yes, 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:53.920 because I am so curious how she operates and manages 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:55.440 to keep her head on straight with how much hate 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:55.680 she gets. 0:07:55.920 --> 0:08:00.440 But she's they separated now too, that's what Harry. The 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:02.160 last I heard they separated. I think it was a 0:08:02.200 --> 0:08:02.800 Twitter rumor. 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:04.040 No, I don't, that's not true. 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:06.960 Literally our day was separated Twitter rumor. I thought this 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:07.360 was true. 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:10.760 I still want to understand how she gets. 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:12.240 Through today because she talked to that white girl and 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:14.760 wasn't it not so skinny of the fat don't have 0:08:15.360 --> 0:08:17.560 a dialogue recently means that I saw and I'm like, oh, 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:18.680 she should definitely go to you. 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:22.920 I if she ever wants to throw way out of more. 0:08:23.040 --> 0:08:24.880 The African American flag, I would love to. 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:25.720 I would love to you. 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:27.520 Well, she has a podcast coming out too, so I 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:29.240 feel like maybe she'll be more open to it. 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:32.480 One week ago, Prince Harry urged to keep professional separation 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:35.760 from Megan Markle after ill Advi's move why they Can 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:39.320 Never get divorced? Two days ago, confirm major updates on 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:43.200 Megan Markle and Prince Harry's divorced like make there's there's 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:46.120 a This was all within the last two to three weeks. 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:48.400 Professional separation. 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:50.720 I don't know what that means, but yeah, that sounds 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:52.160 like interesting what we would do. 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:55.880 I think it means like if she if they have 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:59.000 professional projects, they need to stay out of each other's projects, which. 0:08:59.440 --> 0:08:59.840 I don't know. 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:02.480 Oh, let's talk about that a little. Yeah. 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:07.320 So I was recently on a vacation sitting next to 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:11.559 a couple that became like tech millionaires, and I watched 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:12.560 this movie called fair Play. 0:09:12.600 --> 0:09:14.080 Don't know if anyone's seen it, but I've. 0:09:13.920 --> 0:09:16.160 Heard of the book. There's like a book that goes 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:17.880 with it, right, I don't know you. 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:19.400 Saw it or maybe I'm thinking, if I've never heard 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:20.760 of the air, okay, so let me tak about it. 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.439 Like division of labor, no, no, no, household okay. Different. 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:24.200 So sitting next to this. 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:28.040 Couple and I met at work and they started this 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:30.800 big company and now she's a housewife, I'm like, oh shit, 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:32.120 did you just have a baby? 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:33.280 What made you stop working? 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:36.440 And she's like, well, we couldn't keep working together, right, 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:38.840 but they built this company ten years. She's like, we 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:41.360 had to save ourselves. Then I watched this movie called 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:44.040 fair Play. Great movie on Netflix, check it out. It's 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:46.680 about a couple that both work at a company. She 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:50.200 gets promoted before him, she becomes his boss. They're in 0:09:50.280 --> 0:09:53.319 stocks and trading. She's got a delegate task, and it's 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:57.360 a constant rift of him feeling like, you're you're beautiful, 0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:00.120 that's why you got promoted. You're not as smart as me. 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:02.559 They want to fuck you. You think you're one of 0:10:02.600 --> 0:10:04.480 the boys. So you're doing this and like kind of 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:07.760 knocking her down a lot. And my partner and I 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:09.800 were talking and there was a check a scene where 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:11.080 she got a check for six hundred K. 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:13.840 I did see this, you did? I did see that? 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:17.520 He was like, this is the moment where they should 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.360 have separated at work, and I agree because she even said, hey, 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:22.280 you go look for another job. 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:25.439 I'll hold it down. He was so insecure white people. 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:26.160 I remember. 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:30.240 Do you think there's ever way for couples to work 0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:32.080 together and it works. 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:35.839 I think for most couples it would probably be really hard. 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:38.040 There's always probably going to be a unicorn couple that 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:39.800 can make it work, but I think for most people 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:41.240 it's probably really hard, and not. 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:42.120 That unicorn guys. 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:44.720 Yea, because people, Yeah, I don't think I'm that I'm 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:45.280 on the wrong show. 0:10:45.400 --> 0:10:49.680 Yeah no, no, But like I think for most people, 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:51.960 it's probably healthier to have a little bit more separation 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:55.480 and you have your own identity in that own way. 0:10:55.600 --> 0:10:57.440 I asked Adam twenty two and Len of the plug. 0:10:57.480 --> 0:10:58.840 I don't know if you know who they are there 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:03.000 people but am podcasters, but they really make a lot 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.520 of money creating content together and building a huge brand 0:11:05.559 --> 0:11:08.679 and whatever. So I asked them, how do you guys 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:11.160 make money together? And never like, how do you keep 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:14.880 from fighting? And Adam said, well, now we have a 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:16.800 rule when we're in the bed, we don't talk about work, 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:18.600 and we didn't always honor it, but now it's like no, 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:22.120 and we schedule time on the calendar to talk about work. 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:25.000 Sounds ridiculous because you're like, you got a kid or together, 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:27.360 but are you really doing this? But since it makes 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:31.000 fucking sense, like even when friends start businesses together, you know, 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:34.160 how do you have these boundaries? Is there anyone that 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:38.080 you've interviewed yet that's in a business with their husband. 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:40.840 Or trying to think none that come to mind. 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:44.760 Actually no, I mean there are some people who I 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:47.360 can think of, just entrepreneurs that I look up to, 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:50.080 like Emma Greed, who I know her and her husband 0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:52.240 work really closely together. She's the one who is like 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:55.520 co founds Skims and like Good American and all of 0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:57.840 those brands. And I know like her husband is also 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:00.920 deeply involved in those business relationships and they seem to 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:02.400 make it work. I haven't interviewed her yet, but I 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:04.920 would love to another person I'd love to interview. So 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:06.480 I think there are some people who make it work. 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:09.439 But I think for the average person and probably I 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:10.640 have zero. 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:15.160 To ever like create business with a friend or partner, 0:12:15.520 --> 0:12:16.560 specifically a partner. 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:18.960 I like the separation together, but I. 0:12:18.880 --> 0:12:22.200 Do think investing in your money together might bleed in 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:25.560 at some point because when you think of a couple 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:28.760 that are thinking, hey, what's next for our financial future, 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:32.200 something's going to tie together at some point, like what 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:33.839 are we going to put our money into a house? 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:35.079 Is in an investment together? 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:37.480 Things like that, And so it makes me think like 0:12:37.920 --> 0:12:39.080 how do you make sure not to? 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:42.079 But yeah, I don't know. 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:44.360 I think make your own investments. 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:47.280 That really too, like to me, being like all of 0:12:47.360 --> 0:12:51.000 even the recent divorces like and breakups and things that 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:55.000 like splitting of assets and what all that entails. I 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:58.760 think that doing that is literally going into business with 0:12:58.800 --> 0:13:02.439 a partner. And again y'all go hate because everything don't 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.160 last we have, But it's just like a, well, maybe 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.800 we should invest in our own separate things. So what's 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.520 mine is mine, what's yours and yours and you keep 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:12.280 it that way outside of the relationship. 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:14.920 I want to pring up with a copat well. 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:18.200 Yeah, or it's like there's there's yours, there's mine, and 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:21.200 there's hours so that like, yes, we can build something together, 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:23.640 but if we do need to split, neither of us 0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:24.640 is left high and dry. 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:26.000 And I think that's okay. 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:28.880 Are you in a relationship, I'm not Do you want 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:31.439 to be married? I think so, you think so. 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:33.280 But I'm not super pressed about it. 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:36.160 I'm not right, girl, Okay, why what are your reasons? 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:40.280 I think if I, if I've found the right partner 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:43.800 and we allied and have the same values and want 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:45.640 to create a life together, I would love to get married. 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:47.679 But I've never been someone who felt like. 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:49.439 Oh, I can't wait to be a wife, or I 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:51.600 can't wait to get married, or like I gotta gotta 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:54.199 get married soon, or feel bad about being a certain age. 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:55.000 Do you want kids? 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:56.320 I don't think so. 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:58.480 I think I love that. 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:01.240 Yeah, it's so crazy because I just have a conversation 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:05.760 on selective ignorance about reimagining the American dream. And what's 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:09.640 crazy is for so many of us, it is you know, 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:12.240 you finish school, you go to college, you find your husband, 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:15.400 you get your kids, you get your white you get. 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:16.640 Your big house with the white pick of fence and 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:16.960 the dog. 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:21.560 And where we're at now, specifically as millennials, and because 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:23.920 of the economy and just where we have so much 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:27.120 more autonomy, not really with abortions and stuff, because the 0:14:27.160 --> 0:14:30.040 government fucking is raggedy but where we're able to create 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:33.160 our own businesses, become c suite execs, and all these things, 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:39.280 those ideals for so many women are are not like 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:42.960 are what we envisioned for Our American dream looks so 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:45.680 much different now and it doesn't often include a man 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:46.920 or kids, And. 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:47.280 I love that. 0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:50.280 I love that we're able to like even hold space 0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:53.120 to have these conversations to let like other women know 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:56.080 that they're not alone, they're not weird. And also like 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:59.040 in my case, I have a lot of friends who 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:03.160 are battling with infertility and we just had if you guys, 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.560 go check out our patroon patreon dot comback slash Horrible 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:08.280 Decisions because it still exists. We had a conversation with 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:12.560 Cinnamon Love even about perimenopause and menopause, and there's all 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:15.520 of these things around women. Oprah is doing like a 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:19.680 whole menopause special, and I'm like, there's just so much 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:23.280 about the woman's body that nobody knows, doctors are still 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:26.920 figuring out. And yet y'all really planted in our minds 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:28.840 that all of us had to be moms. So I 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:31.080 love that, like we're in a place where there are 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:33.200 women that could be like yeah, maybe that's not for me. 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:35.520 The play Devil's Advocate, though it does kind of fuck 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:36.880 us up a little bit. I think. 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:41.240 One, I don't know, I want children, hm, so that's 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:43.200 why I think family and marriage has tied to it. 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:47.280 But I've always wanted success more, which is probably why 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:51.000 finding love happened after thirty or whatever, you know. But 0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:55.720 something I've realized is not wanting marriage like I thought 0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:58.320 I did when I was a teenager. It's simply because 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:01.560 of the success rate of it, and because I don't 0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:06.640 see enough examples of healthy marriage now. I have seen it, 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:10.240 but the problem is that too many people feel like 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:13.400 they don't need to commit to someone as long. I 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:16.160 think loyalty looks different now, and so it kind of 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:19.239 bucks up everything for people that are looking for partnership 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:21.920 because you're kind of just like, all right, well, it 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:23.560 doesn't exist, so why would I look for it? 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:26.720 And it really bad? No, But it's true. 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:28.720 Yea, even when you think of like Japan with the 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:32.600 focus on you know, they have children later in life 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.320 than anyone else, and because there's such a heavy focus 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:38.040 on work, and I think that the child thing is 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:41.920 interesting because are we gonna pour into work or building 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:43.680 the life that we want, and it's the life that 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:45.520 we want that directly tied to work. 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.000 Hell yeah, because the bill don't always have to be paid. 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:50.320 What is it though? How are you gonna pay bills 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:50.920 without the money? 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:55.040 And unfortunately like things that are like so expensive, I keep 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:58.160 saying it started six dollars a one bedroom twenty five 0:16:58.280 --> 0:16:59.560 hundred like it? 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:02.320 I think, I think that's what and why is millennials 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:03.560 and even the gen z or is like. 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:08.119 The amount of kids that are being had are less, 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:13.000 Like it's becoming inherently visible to us that the cost 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:16.480 of living is not possible. I mean, we talked about 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:19.959 a couple months ago people literally getting into relationships so 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:22.480 they could cohabitate to save money so that they could 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:24.200 split rent together, you know what I mean? 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:25.560 Like it's but this point is. 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:28.240 Interesticuarly about being a workhorse not enjoying life. 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:31.399 Something else that I recently saw too, were just some 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:35.520