Speaker 1: Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say
Speaker 1: decision decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kirsty.
Speaker 1: You definitely say to welcome, Welcome to the new podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, you want to say together Decisions Decisions.
Speaker 2: Welcome guys to another episode of Decisions Decisions. I'm your girl,
Speaker 2: You're taking girl, your lover, girl, Mandy B.
Speaker 1: I'm weezy. I used to be the Pisces on this show,
Speaker 1: but it's transferred. Definitely not a pissis libergang All day? Girl?
Speaker 2: You love a girl And if you haven't yet, make
Speaker 2: sure you pre order your copy of No Holds Barred,
Speaker 2: a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power, available now
Speaker 2: for pre order, releasing June twenty fourth. Help you girls
Speaker 2: become New York Times best self.
Speaker 1: Please.
Speaker 3: We are so desperate, but hopefully we get lucky. Like
Speaker 3: our new Rebrandy Girl on the Couch. We're here with
Speaker 3: Les Alfred, who is previously the host of Balance Black Girl.
Speaker 3: And the story I wanted to tell was balance like
Speaker 3: a Libra scale.
Speaker 4: It was I started Balanced Black Girl during Libra season,
Speaker 4: not even realizing that like I started it, you better
Speaker 4: know what I'm a leoh.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, just let me be very clear, Hey, Star
Speaker 2: the Moons, We're not going to start hate it.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 3: So I went on Balanced Black Girl, and I was
Speaker 3: telling LEZ that when I would see the name Balanced
Speaker 3: Black Girl podcast, I had no idea that or no,
Speaker 3: because you're balanced balance left Yes, So I thought it
Speaker 3: was about a balanced lesbian and how lesbian was balancing
Speaker 3: their Lifeans need balance too.
Speaker 1: I really thought that was so.
Speaker 2: Then I was seeing clips, I'm like, really give gay
Speaker 2: and then I kept dad.
Speaker 1: I swear to got it's kind.
Speaker 5: If someone wants to start the balance lesbian show or platform,
Speaker 5: they should.
Speaker 3: You need to bring to lesbians on this fighting and balance.
Speaker 3: Oh wait, sorry, don't do it no more.
Speaker 2: So I'm not balancing you no more that I'm done
Speaker 2: telling y'all a journal. You either gonna listen or you're not.
Speaker 5: I can't. I ran out of ways to say it.
Speaker 5: I've got said it as many ways as I could
Speaker 5: think of.
Speaker 1: What's crazy ist?
Speaker 3: I feel like we probably haven't collabed because the two
Speaker 3: brands didn't necessarily match so well at the first, you.
Speaker 1: Know what I mean?
Speaker 5: What's funny though?
Speaker 4: The episode where you came on the show a lot
Speaker 4: of the comments are like, this was a crossover I
Speaker 4: didn't expect, but I liked it, and I'm like, y'all
Speaker 4: other guys are like needed, yeah, but why not.
Speaker 3: Why did the rebrand? Because to me, we rebranded because
Speaker 3: we had to. But your rebrand, your brand has always
Speaker 3: been clean and this and that, so like, tell me
Speaker 3: about that. Because our rebrand was for a purpose of like,
Speaker 3: we need to sell them.
Speaker 5: Look, yeah, I mean part of it was.
Speaker 4: I wanted a brand that had more room to grow,
Speaker 4: and I did feel like I had plateaued in terms
Speaker 4: of the people that I could reach. I love centering
Speaker 4: and catering to black women and having a platform that
Speaker 4: is explicitly named that there's only so many of us,
Speaker 4: and there's also only so many that are going to
Speaker 4: be interested in what I'm talking about. And so after
Speaker 4: so many years, I reached a point where it was like,
Speaker 4: this is it's hitting a limit and I'm just not
Speaker 4: able to really get past it.
Speaker 5: So that was one two. I don't really feel.
Speaker 4: As compelled to talk about wellness anymore, which was pretty
Speaker 4: apparent in the show because it hadn't really been a
Speaker 4: wellness podcast in a while. That was how it started,
Speaker 4: I thought it was right and it I hadn't really
Speaker 4: talked about wellness probably for about two years now. It
Speaker 4: hasn't really been a wellness show, and so it felt
Speaker 4: like that didn't really make sense. And then the episodes
Speaker 4: that were really hitting, both for me and for the
Speaker 4: audience were about successful women. They wanted to hear from entrepreneurs,
Speaker 4: They wanted to hear from founders, They wanted to hear
Speaker 4: how successful women were doing things, and that was what
Speaker 4: was really hitting. That was also what I really liked too,
Speaker 4: So I thought, Okay, maybe I can rebrand this to
Speaker 4: better match what it is that's resonating with me and
Speaker 4: the audience.
Speaker 5: And that's where She So Lucky came from.
Speaker 2: Which is crazy because what you just went viral recently
Speaker 2: for sitting with Gabrielle Union though, right, yeah, and.
Speaker 1: I was trying to rush over here. That wasn't I
Speaker 1: assume that wasn't about.
Speaker 2: I love that you got her to talk again about
Speaker 2: the fifty to fifty conversation that at this point is
Speaker 2: the fucking gift that keeps giving between her and Dwayne Wade,
Speaker 2: because that's all they both talk about whenever they sit down.
Speaker 1: But that's gotten viral though.
Speaker 3: You praise that question really well because that is all
Speaker 3: they talk about.
Speaker 5: I didn't even really ask about it.
Speaker 4: I mean, we were talking about vulnerability and she brought
Speaker 4: that up as an example. I asked her about, Okay,
Speaker 4: are you getting better at asking for help?
Speaker 5: And like, how is that looking for you?
Speaker 4: Because we had talked about just previously how she never
Speaker 4: really would ask for help and was very hyper independent.
Speaker 5: So I asked, Okay, what is your.
Speaker 4: Relationship to vulnerability, like now, what is asking for help
Speaker 4: for you?
Speaker 1: Like now?
Speaker 5: And that was what she mentioned. So I didn't even
Speaker 5: I didn't ask well.
Speaker 1: I like that. It trickled into.
Speaker 2: A clip from Dwayne Wade and it's it's funny because
Speaker 2: we sometimes don't realize how our trauma shows up, especially
Speaker 2: in new relationships. And he was on the Shannon Sharp
Speaker 2: Show and it came back and he pretty much said
Speaker 2: they had gotten into whatever tit and he was like,
Speaker 2: this is my house, and I guess because of previous relationships,
Speaker 2: that's where it first started. She was like, oh, nah,
Speaker 2: You're never going to be able to say this is
Speaker 2: your house only when I'm here. So when they moved
Speaker 2: to lay they went in on a house because this
Speaker 2: is our house. I don't know about the The cohabitating
Speaker 2: thing is not something that I want to do. But
Speaker 2: it's interesting that she was able to acknowledge. That's where
Speaker 2: that even came from. It was from the trauma response
Speaker 2: of feeling like, at any given point, you can kick
Speaker 2: me out because she had actually done that to someone
Speaker 2: in her previous relationships. I love her book, by the way,
Speaker 2: like love her book now, but yeah, that was so great.
Speaker 2: So your audience is just now able to grow because
Speaker 2: you're sitting with other founders entrepreneurs.
Speaker 1: And now you feel like that's the lane.
Speaker 4: I just feel like it's expanding the topics that I
Speaker 4: can talk about because I'm really interested in understanding how
Speaker 4: successful women do things, Like that's what I love talking about.
Speaker 4: I love talking to men who are doing cool shit
Speaker 4: and understanding how they do it.
Speaker 5: And that was what I really wanted to go all
Speaker 5: in on.
Speaker 3: You're a good listener too, because like I normally want
Speaker 3: to do podcasts, they're so fun and loud and comedic.
Speaker 3: And at one point I said to Les, I feel
Speaker 3: like I'm talking a lot, and I'm like, oh, this.
Speaker 1: Is really how you get the money? You just shut
Speaker 1: up in little guests. We don't we haven't learned that.
Speaker 3: We don't try to dance, but you know, if it's gorgeous,
Speaker 3: because I think a lot of people it's it's hard
Speaker 3: to introduce a guest that someone's gonna care about, but
Speaker 3: you make them interesting somehow, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: That's such a nice compliment because it's tough.
Speaker 3: Like if we have a guest on someone's like, well,
Speaker 3: why what sex thing?
Speaker 1: Are they gonna say?
Speaker 3: Like they're pressuring it right, And I think you have
Speaker 3: to make the audience care about your guests. I think
Speaker 3: you do a really good job at it. That's something
Speaker 3: that a lot of podcasts don't do. I have a
Speaker 3: lot of podcasts I listen to back in the day
Speaker 3: that I was like, if they have a guest, I
Speaker 3: won't click on it either, but you know, finding the
Speaker 3: art of that. I'm really looking forward to seeing what
Speaker 3: guests do you have? Who are your dream hmmm.
Speaker 4: Dream guess Okay, I would love to interview Asa Ray.
Speaker 4: She's been like my dream guests from the beginning because
Speaker 4: I think that she has such a unique blend of
Speaker 4: creative talents and business savvy.
Speaker 1: The coffee shops alone have you heard about it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh, I used to go all the time when
Speaker 4: I lived in LA. I just want to lift up
Speaker 4: the hood and understand how she does things, Like I
Speaker 4: want to radio.
Speaker 5: She has a whole empire.
Speaker 3: Up, has a big business tip because like the fact
Speaker 3: that she even got married and people were like, you
Speaker 3: had a man.
Speaker 4: Right, you know, and we haven't seen him since. I
Speaker 4: love it and haven't I'm working on it. Yeah, Issa,
Speaker 4: you know what, I would really love to interview. This
Speaker 4: is kind of a reach because I don't think she
Speaker 4: really does this, but Megan Sussex, I almost said Markle really, yes,
Speaker 4: because I am so curious how she operates and manages
Speaker 4: to keep her head on straight with how much hate
Speaker 4: she gets.
Speaker 1: But she's they separated now too, that's what Harry. The
Speaker 1: last I heard they separated. I think it was a
Speaker 1: Twitter rumor.
Speaker 5: No, I don't, that's not true.
Speaker 1: Literally our day was separated Twitter rumor. I thought this
Speaker 1: was true.
Speaker 5: I still want to understand how she gets.
Speaker 3: Through today because she talked to that white girl and
Speaker 3: wasn't it not so skinny of the fat don't have
Speaker 3: a dialogue recently means that I saw and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: she should definitely go to you.
Speaker 5: I if she ever wants to throw way out of more.
Speaker 1: The African American flag, I would love to.
Speaker 5: I would love to you.
Speaker 4: Well, she has a podcast coming out too, so I
Speaker 4: feel like maybe she'll be more open to it.
Speaker 2: One week ago, Prince Harry urged to keep professional separation
Speaker 2: from Megan Markle after ill Advi's move why they Can
Speaker 2: Never get divorced? Two days ago, confirm major updates on
Speaker 2: Megan Markle and Prince Harry's divorced like make there's there's
Speaker 2: a This was all within the last two to three weeks.
Speaker 1: Professional separation.
Speaker 2: I don't know what that means, but yeah, that sounds
Speaker 2: like interesting what we would do.
Speaker 4: I think it means like if she if they have
Speaker 4: professional projects, they need to stay out of each other's projects, which.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Oh, let's talk about that a little. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I was recently on a vacation sitting next to
Speaker 3: a couple that became like tech millionaires, and I watched
Speaker 3: this movie called fair Play.
Speaker 1: Don't know if anyone's seen it, but I've.
Speaker 5: Heard of the book. There's like a book that goes
Speaker 5: with it, right, I don't know you.
Speaker 1: Saw it or maybe I'm thinking, if I've never heard
Speaker 1: of the air, okay, so let me tak about it.
Speaker 5: Like division of labor, no, no, no, household okay. Different.
Speaker 1: So sitting next to this.
Speaker 3: Couple and I met at work and they started this
Speaker 3: big company and now she's a housewife, I'm like, oh shit,
Speaker 3: did you just have a baby?
Speaker 1: What made you stop working?
Speaker 3: And she's like, well, we couldn't keep working together, right,
Speaker 3: but they built this company ten years. She's like, we
Speaker 3: had to save ourselves. Then I watched this movie called
Speaker 3: fair Play. Great movie on Netflix, check it out. It's
Speaker 3: about a couple that both work at a company. She
Speaker 3: gets promoted before him, she becomes his boss. They're in
Speaker 3: stocks and trading. She's got a delegate task, and it's
Speaker 3: a constant rift of him feeling like, you're you're beautiful,
Speaker 3: that's why you got promoted. You're not as smart as me.
Speaker 3: They want to fuck you. You think you're one of
Speaker 3: the boys. So you're doing this and like kind of
Speaker 3: knocking her down a lot. And my partner and I
Speaker 3: were talking and there was a check a scene where
Speaker 3: she got a check for six hundred K.
Speaker 1: I did see this, you did? I did see that?
Speaker 3: He was like, this is the moment where they should
Speaker 3: have separated at work, and I agree because she even said, hey,
Speaker 3: you go look for another job.
Speaker 1: I'll hold it down. He was so insecure white people.
Speaker 1: I remember.
Speaker 3: Do you think there's ever way for couples to work
Speaker 3: together and it works.
Speaker 4: I think for most couples it would probably be really hard.
Speaker 4: There's always probably going to be a unicorn couple that
Speaker 4: can make it work, but I think for most people
Speaker 4: it's probably really hard, and not.
Speaker 1: That unicorn guys.
Speaker 5: Yea, because people, Yeah, I don't think I'm that I'm
Speaker 5: on the wrong show.
Speaker 4: Yeah no, no, But like I think for most people,
Speaker 4: it's probably healthier to have a little bit more separation
Speaker 4: and you have your own identity in that own way.
Speaker 3: I asked Adam twenty two and Len of the plug.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you know who they are there
Speaker 3: people but am podcasters, but they really make a lot
Speaker 3: of money creating content together and building a huge brand
Speaker 3: and whatever. So I asked them, how do you guys
Speaker 3: make money together? And never like, how do you keep
Speaker 3: from fighting? And Adam said, well, now we have a
Speaker 3: rule when we're in the bed, we don't talk about work,
Speaker 3: and we didn't always honor it, but now it's like no,
Speaker 3: and we schedule time on the calendar to talk about work.
Speaker 3: Sounds ridiculous because you're like, you got a kid or together,
Speaker 3: but are you really doing this? But since it makes
Speaker 3: fucking sense, like even when friends start businesses together, you know,
Speaker 3: how do you have these boundaries? Is there anyone that
Speaker 3: you've interviewed yet that's in a business with their husband.
Speaker 5: Or trying to think none that come to mind.
Speaker 4: Actually no, I mean there are some people who I
Speaker 4: can think of, just entrepreneurs that I look up to,
Speaker 4: like Emma Greed, who I know her and her husband
Speaker 4: work really closely together. She's the one who is like
Speaker 4: co founds Skims and like Good American and all of
Speaker 4: those brands. And I know like her husband is also
Speaker 4: deeply involved in those business relationships and they seem to
Speaker 4: make it work. I haven't interviewed her yet, but I
Speaker 4: would love to another person I'd love to interview. So
Speaker 4: I think there are some people who make it work.
Speaker 4: But I think for the average person and probably I
Speaker 4: have zero.
Speaker 2: To ever like create business with a friend or partner,
Speaker 2: specifically a partner.
Speaker 1: I like the separation together, but I.
Speaker 3: Do think investing in your money together might bleed in
Speaker 3: at some point because when you think of a couple
Speaker 3: that are thinking, hey, what's next for our financial future,
Speaker 3: something's going to tie together at some point, like what
Speaker 3: are we going to put our money into a house?
Speaker 1: Is in an investment together?
Speaker 3: Things like that, And so it makes me think like
Speaker 3: how do you make sure not to?
Speaker 5: But yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think make your own investments.
Speaker 2: That really too, like to me, being like all of
Speaker 2: even the recent divorces like and breakups and things that
Speaker 2: like splitting of assets and what all that entails. I
Speaker 2: think that doing that is literally going into business with
Speaker 2: a partner. And again y'all go hate because everything don't
Speaker 2: last we have, But it's just like a, well, maybe
Speaker 2: we should invest in our own separate things. So what's
Speaker 2: mine is mine, what's yours and yours and you keep
Speaker 2: it that way outside of the relationship.
Speaker 1: I want to pring up with a copat well.
Speaker 4: Yeah, or it's like there's there's yours, there's mine, and
Speaker 4: there's hours so that like, yes, we can build something together,
Speaker 4: but if we do need to split, neither of us
Speaker 4: is left high and dry.
Speaker 5: And I think that's okay.
Speaker 1: Are you in a relationship, I'm not Do you want
Speaker 1: to be married? I think so, you think so.
Speaker 5: But I'm not super pressed about it.
Speaker 1: I'm not right, girl, Okay, why what are your reasons?
Speaker 4: I think if I, if I've found the right partner
Speaker 4: and we allied and have the same values and want
Speaker 4: to create a life together, I would love to get married.
Speaker 5: But I've never been someone who felt like.
Speaker 4: Oh, I can't wait to be a wife, or I
Speaker 4: can't wait to get married, or like I gotta gotta
Speaker 4: get married soon, or feel bad about being a certain age.
Speaker 1: Do you want kids?
Speaker 5: I don't think so.
Speaker 1: I think I love that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so crazy because I just have a conversation
Speaker 2: on selective ignorance about reimagining the American dream. And what's
Speaker 2: crazy is for so many of us, it is you know,
Speaker 2: you finish school, you go to college, you find your husband,
Speaker 2: you get your kids, you get your white you get.
Speaker 1: Your big house with the white pick of fence and
Speaker 1: the dog.
Speaker 2: And where we're at now, specifically as millennials, and because
Speaker 2: of the economy and just where we have so much
Speaker 2: more autonomy, not really with abortions and stuff, because the
Speaker 2: government fucking is raggedy but where we're able to create
Speaker 2: our own businesses, become c suite execs, and all these things,
Speaker 2: those ideals for so many women are are not like
Speaker 2: are what we envisioned for Our American dream looks so
Speaker 2: much different now and it doesn't often include a man
Speaker 2: or kids, And.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: I love that we're able to like even hold space
Speaker 2: to have these conversations to let like other women know
Speaker 2: that they're not alone, they're not weird. And also like
Speaker 2: in my case, I have a lot of friends who
Speaker 2: are battling with infertility and we just had if you guys,
Speaker 2: go check out our patroon patreon dot comback slash Horrible
Speaker 2: Decisions because it still exists. We had a conversation with
Speaker 2: Cinnamon Love even about perimenopause and menopause, and there's all
Speaker 2: of these things around women. Oprah is doing like a
Speaker 2: whole menopause special, and I'm like, there's just so much
Speaker 2: about the woman's body that nobody knows, doctors are still
Speaker 2: figuring out. And yet y'all really planted in our minds
Speaker 2: that all of us had to be moms. So I
Speaker 2: love that, like we're in a place where there are
Speaker 2: women that could be like yeah, maybe that's not for me.
Speaker 1: The play Devil's Advocate, though it does kind of fuck
Speaker 1: us up a little bit. I think.
Speaker 3: One, I don't know, I want children, hm, so that's
Speaker 3: why I think family and marriage has tied to it.
Speaker 3: But I've always wanted success more, which is probably why
Speaker 3: finding love happened after thirty or whatever, you know. But
Speaker 3: something I've realized is not wanting marriage like I thought
Speaker 3: I did when I was a teenager. It's simply because
Speaker 3: of the success rate of it, and because I don't
Speaker 3: see enough examples of healthy marriage now. I have seen it,
Speaker 3: but the problem is that too many people feel like
Speaker 3: they don't need to commit to someone as long. I
Speaker 3: think loyalty looks different now, and so it kind of
Speaker 3: bucks up everything for people that are looking for partnership
Speaker 3: because you're kind of just like, all right, well, it
Speaker 3: doesn't exist, so why would I look for it?
Speaker 1: And it really bad? No, But it's true.
Speaker 3: Yea, even when you think of like Japan with the
Speaker 3: focus on you know, they have children later in life
Speaker 3: than anyone else, and because there's such a heavy focus
Speaker 3: on work, and I think that the child thing is
Speaker 3: interesting because are we gonna pour into work or building
Speaker 3: the life that we want, and it's the life that
Speaker 3: we want that directly tied to work.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, because the bill don't always have to be paid.
Speaker 1: What is it though? How are you gonna pay bills
Speaker 1: without the money?
Speaker 2: And unfortunately like things that are like so expensive, I keep
Speaker 2: saying it started six dollars a one bedroom twenty five
Speaker 2: hundred like it?
Speaker 1: I think, I think that's what and why is millennials
Speaker 1: and even the gen z or is like.
Speaker 2: The amount of kids that are being had are less,
Speaker 2: Like it's becoming inherently visible to us that the cost
Speaker 2: of living is not possible. I mean, we talked about
Speaker 2: a couple months ago people literally getting into relationships so
Speaker 2: they could cohabitate to save money so that they could
Speaker 2: split rent together, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like it's but this point is.
Speaker 3: Interesticuarly about being a workhorse not enjoying life.
Speaker 4: Something else that I recently saw too, were just some
Speaker 4: statistics around birth rates that is I think actually really
Speaker 4: good news is that another reason why the birth rates
Speaker 4: are lower is because teen pregnancy is like barely a
Speaker 4: thing at this point. Really women are having their first child.
Speaker 1: Why later, I did.
Speaker 4: I think better sex? Said I think like things like
Speaker 4: access to birth control.
Speaker 5: I think they get their.
Speaker 1: Earlier Well, now that's just like being a problematic.
Speaker 4: Younger generations aren't having as much sex as balthiest generations
Speaker 4: did because they don't they love.
Speaker 1: I think they're socially awkward.
Speaker 2: I think that the pandemic did a goddamn number on people.
Speaker 1: Yeah it did.
Speaker 2: And I think with sex and porn and all of
Speaker 2: these things being in our face, I really maybe think
Speaker 2: self pleasure is on the rise even among them. Like
Speaker 2: I think younger younger people are having awkward It's also
Speaker 2: I don't know if you saw this, and this is
Speaker 2: the strangest thing.
Speaker 1: This is probably why they not have a sex anymore.
Speaker 2: Did you see that over fifty percent of gen Z
Speaker 2: men said that they've never approached a woman or asked
Speaker 2: them on a date.
Speaker 5: But I believe it.
Speaker 2: It's like, so y'all, really, y'all out here saying we masculine.
Speaker 2: It's because we got to approach y'all like it picks.
Speaker 3: Have you guys seen this video on the beach with
Speaker 3: the guy who said he thinks he's a six and
Speaker 3: a half but he was looking for the ten and
Speaker 3: a girl comes to talk to him.
Speaker 1: Has anyone seen this? Yes, I saw it.
Speaker 3: So it's a video of a guy who is very
Speaker 3: average looking who's looking at this other woman that I
Speaker 3: show him, and she's hot. There's a girl who is
Speaker 3: also average looking, who's like, he's cute. Where is he
Speaker 3: goes up to him. They both she looked better than him,
Speaker 3: but they both are very average. Let's just say that
Speaker 3: the way that he treated her head down, body language,
Speaker 3: just as if she wasn't good enough. It was so
Speaker 3: disappointing because it really shows what we think we can
Speaker 3: get based on the Internet or whatever it is, instead
Speaker 3: of someone that actually likes you, that's interested, that's like
Speaker 3: int you.
Speaker 1: And the girl was so cute and flirty with him, like, oh,
Speaker 1: what do you live here?
Speaker 3: And he's like, you know, like it's a very weird
Speaker 3: thing to me that we are so grossed out by
Speaker 3: attention from someone.
Speaker 1: And that's the problem. Women do it too, though. Have
Speaker 1: a guy be interested in you, Oh yeah, if you
Speaker 1: live what you talking to? Go a wait, oh well
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about luck and love.
Speaker 4: Joel doesn't discourage that girl from shooting her shot in
Speaker 4: the future, me.
Speaker 2: Too, because I'm all year like I think that's probably
Speaker 2: one of the very few things that if you go
Speaker 2: all the way back to the beginning of horrible decisions,
Speaker 2: I've always said she show shot slighting them DMS. I
Speaker 2: used to always be like, send this Jiffy Moji, like
Speaker 2: if you're like, I've always sent drinks from across the
Speaker 2: bar to men and women.
Speaker 3: Is sexy, okay, I will let you know how interest. No,
Speaker 3: thirst thing isn't sexy, but a flirt is cute.
Speaker 4: But I think giving giving a signal, giving a green
Speaker 4: light and showing interest, isn't it bad?
Speaker 1: How shout out somebody?
Speaker 4: M No, I'm not as forward with it, but I
Speaker 4: will like make eye contact with someone.
Speaker 5: I mean your mile. I will give them perceeds. I
Speaker 5: must give them permission to per.
Speaker 2: It's so funny because me and my boyfriend were on
Speaker 2: the phone Eddie he in his mind I did all
Speaker 2: the work and slid into his DMS. I had to
Speaker 2: go all the way back to last summer, like, no, sir,
Speaker 2: I did not slide in your DMS. You slid in
Speaker 2: my dam's first. And he was like, no, babe, it
Speaker 2: didn't happen like that, And I said, yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 2: I'm a RS like, now, yes, I liked all the
Speaker 2: pictures first, so I sent the smoke right, but you
Speaker 2: slid in the DMS mutual interesting and I had to
Speaker 2: be like so online, like that's definitely how I do it.
Speaker 3: I'm like, you know, I never a guy would have
Speaker 3: never been able to get me from liking mad photos.
Speaker 3: I don't really look at that. I don't look at that.
Speaker 3: I don't look at I really.
Speaker 4: I'm like, it's dinent for them and especially get a
Speaker 4: lot more engagement.
Speaker 1: Not only there, God, only there.
Speaker 2: And we talked about like when, okay, this is gonna
Speaker 2: sound like this, don't y'all don't. When you have a
Speaker 2: blue check, you also stand out more than a guy
Speaker 2: without one. So I'm not gonna notice a guy without one,
Speaker 2: but one with one, you go, you gonna see it.
Speaker 1: God, that sounds sod, but that sounds.
Speaker 3: Let's be normal people. Hypothetical question. Now, today is all
Speaker 3: about hype about luck and love. You told me that
Speaker 3: you know you've got some takes on that. So I've
Speaker 3: got a question for both of you. Would you rather
Speaker 3: let's say you laid out your type on the table,
Speaker 3: what they had to look like, money and morals? If
Speaker 3: your family could arrange a marriage based on those three
Speaker 3: things to give you your type. Would you rather end
Speaker 3: up with that person forever or remain single until you
Speaker 3: could possibly find that person that checks those boxes on
Speaker 3: your own?
Speaker 2: Definitely the second one for me. I don't want any
Speaker 2: arranged marriage. I don't first off, and nobody in my
Speaker 2: family really got the niggade won't so what I want
Speaker 2: him picking my uncle.
Speaker 1: But it's like, y'all ain't y'alla write money, and what
Speaker 1: I realized too looks cool.
Speaker 2: I mean, clearly I have a type, like I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna lie again.
Speaker 1: I overshare.
Speaker 2: So my boyfriend knows a few of my ex partners
Speaker 2: and he has a problem with him being a part
Speaker 2: of my type. He hates that they all look the same.
Speaker 2: But I don't care whatever, So looks as easy. I
Speaker 2: think for any of my friends. Money that's subjective, and
Speaker 2: then morals I think change over time essentially. I mean,
Speaker 2: you have your character, but depending on if you move,
Speaker 2: how you view things, I think those things can change.
Speaker 1: To me, it's energy and connection and also the bedroom.
Speaker 1: So to me, those three things what it just is.
Speaker 2: So those three things wouldn't even necessarily be just my
Speaker 2: top three pay you.
Speaker 4: So when you were asking that question, my first thought
Speaker 4: was the second one I would rather choose than myself
Speaker 4: because I thought about my parents. My parents are still together, great,
Speaker 4: they love that for them. They got together really young. Okay,
Speaker 4: so they have never chosen a partner with an adult brain.
Speaker 4: They have chosen partners with like teenage brains and it
Speaker 4: worked out well for them.
Speaker 5: But that's their only experience with it. Doing that back
Speaker 5: in the eighties.
Speaker 4: Versus choosing a partner for like a thirty something year
Speaker 4: old woman today.
Speaker 5: I just don't know if I trust it.
Speaker 1: I were also different than a woman from in the
Speaker 1: eighties too.
Speaker 5: Like I just want to do it myself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if someone is picking it based on the things
Speaker 3: that you want, right, they.
Speaker 1: Don't know that's right. They don't know that. They don't know.
Speaker 3: Let's just say you put he's got to make this much,
Speaker 3: he has to look like this, and they actually got it.
Speaker 3: I think that still doesn't work because that's a dating app.
Speaker 3: When I swipe you right, it's because you already check
Speaker 3: those boxes.
Speaker 4: It's also not accounting for like energy connection.
Speaker 1: I mean, I have a type too.
Speaker 3: But I don't know he's date them because sometimes energy
Speaker 3: just takes me a different wait, right, Like I have
Speaker 3: dated so many different looking men long term because they
Speaker 3: just superseded the vanity for me. Like, don't get me wrong,
Speaker 3: it's sure I want to fuck my man every day,
Speaker 3: and just looking at him, I get excited, but like, fuck,
Speaker 3: like to me, the personality and the way he treats
Speaker 3: me as god tear, Like I've been asking for something
Speaker 3: like that my whole life, and if it was just looks,
Speaker 3: I may not have gotten there. But definitely looks got
Speaker 3: the door open.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: But I think what's helped me even in friendships, it's
Speaker 3: not always what it looks like, Like I recently said, damn,
Speaker 3: my friends do so many different things. Some are high
Speaker 3: up the corporate ladder, some are millionaires, some are still
Speaker 3: figuring it out, Like I'm able to find what I
Speaker 3: like in that personality, And I think with relationships, we've
Speaker 3: probably all become a little too shallow because when you're
Speaker 3: on the dating apps, are you swiping someone left because
Speaker 3: they don't look the exact way you need them to
Speaker 3: when they could have been fucking amazing? Because in person,
Speaker 3: you vibe with someone a lot harder if they don't
Speaker 3: check everything I mean, I'm sure we've all had that experience,
Speaker 3: Like damn, I'm kind of surprised this worked out that way,
Speaker 3: but maybe he would have went left if on the app.
Speaker 3: And I think we're not giving people like enough chances.
Speaker 3: We're so used to that instant gratification. I wish I
Speaker 3: could have met someone in person. I hate that my
Speaker 3: story is for hinge, but but if it works, it works.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And I recently found a stat that says sixty percent
Speaker 3: of people today meet online. We'll talk about that, so, okay,
Speaker 3: we have a segment where we go over and basically
Speaker 3: react to it.
Speaker 1: This one from TikTok.
Speaker 3: I'm sure you guys may have seen it or heard
Speaker 3: about it, but I would love to dig in if
Speaker 3: this person's guilty or not.
Speaker 6: This of model is in a heap of trouble after
Speaker 6: a fetish allegedly went horribly wrong.
Speaker 7: But was it really a fetish or was it a
Speaker 7: cold blooded murder? I'll let you guys be a judge now.
Speaker 7: This all took place in April of twenty twenty three,
Speaker 7: and the client Dale Age fifty six, paid Mikayla riylers
Speaker 7: Dam eleven thousand dollars to do this, she allegedly wrapped
Speaker 7: her client up in siam rap like a mommy.
Speaker 6: Put adhesive in the guy's eyes to seal them shut,
Speaker 6: and then super glued woman's boots onto his feet.
Speaker 7: But that's not the end of it.
Speaker 6: It gets even worse. He had duct tape over his mouth,
Speaker 6: saran wrapped tightly around his neck, Saran wrap.
Speaker 1: Over his head.
Speaker 7: The guy couldn't breathe at all.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 6: The medical examiner ultimately determined that he had all all
Speaker 6: the shit all over his face, couldn't breathe for eight
Speaker 6: freaking minutes, okay, and the cause of death was a phyxiation,
Speaker 6: and he ruled it a homicide.
Speaker 8: To make things even worse, there was a video made
Speaker 8: during the time that this was all taking place of
Speaker 8: Mikayla using a vibrator on herself while this guy was
Speaker 8: laying on the floor dying. Police eventually arrested Mchaela in
Speaker 8: February and she's being held without bond.
Speaker 6: In San Diego County Jail. Mikayla's going to be back
Speaker 6: in court in April, and her lawyer is saying that
Speaker 6: she did not put the bag over her client. Set
Speaker 6: sounds like a lot of bullshit to me, What do
Speaker 6: you guys think?
Speaker 1: I want to add, also, because she is married with kids. Oh,
Speaker 1: she is just a big and she's.
Speaker 2: An OnlyFans girl that was hired by one of the
Speaker 2: men who I guess are on her only eleven K
Speaker 2: is a lot baby death has is a lot of money.
Speaker 4: But like we would have to know that, like duct
Speaker 4: taping someone's mouth and wrapping them in plastic would mean this.
Speaker 1: However, that's the thing.
Speaker 2: I think that when you're new to BDSM, you assume
Speaker 2: that maybe this is something they've done before.
Speaker 1: I have two things on this. I do feel like
Speaker 1: she was inexperienced.
Speaker 2: However, a part of me feels like this also may
Speaker 2: have been someone that she actually was seeing that threatened
Speaker 2: to tell the husband. And I think this was in
Speaker 2: a bit of rage that maybe their affair was going
Speaker 2: to get out. I think that this actually may be
Speaker 2: she killed them on purpose. The eyes shut, the mouth shut,
Speaker 2: the bag over their head, the gluing.
Speaker 1: Of the like.
Speaker 2: I think that maybe you know, she glued the shoes. No, no,
Speaker 2: in the eyes. The eyes were taped.
Speaker 1: She they says, they sealed him glued.
Speaker 5: He said he glued.
Speaker 2: She glued his eyes shut, duct tape his mouth, put
Speaker 2: a bag over his head, glued women's shoes onto his feet,
Speaker 2: like the things that were even asked. I think that
Speaker 2: even in BDSM, right knowing that we've talked to people
Speaker 2: like so marvelous and and all of these different well
Speaker 2: trained ds and people in the conversations that I normally
Speaker 2: had beforehand, a lot you can't say no to something.
Speaker 5: A lot of that, a lot of measures.
Speaker 1: People use chloroform a lot during BDSM for kidnapping scenes,
Speaker 1: and it's super common to chlor chloroform a client. I think,
Speaker 1: miss me at dark, what is what is chlorofy? Chloroform
Speaker 1: is making over.
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: But like.
Speaker 3: You know that makes you pass that, So I use
Speaker 3: it a lot in BDSM. I hear it all the
Speaker 3: time for kidnapping scenes. Kidnapping is very popular between toms
Speaker 3: and subs. So when I'm first, you know, hearing about this,
Speaker 3: but now more details are coming on, I don't even
Speaker 3: know what the glue eyes, but like I'm like, I know,
Speaker 3: it does get extreme because in most cases someone wants
Speaker 3: to keep taking it up and up and up. If
Speaker 3: you watch Florida Man, It's on HBO. First episode is
Speaker 3: really funny it's a guide eating extra cash on Craigslist.
Speaker 3: And there was someone that wanted to pay him six
Speaker 3: k to chop his toes off, fry them, and eat them.
Speaker 3: And he signed a contract to say what he'd be
Speaker 3: doing to them.
Speaker 1: So six k not high enough to eat some.
Speaker 2: Toes and a I don't care if I don't care
Speaker 2: if shula hot sauce on the side to put them things.
Speaker 1: What is we talking about.
Speaker 2: I'm not eating toes fried boiled saltat garlic.
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not doing either. I'm not cutting or
Speaker 1: eating toads. Six grand.
Speaker 2: No ship on me, baby, I take the ship for
Speaker 2: the six grand.
Speaker 1: I'd rather eat, but I'm I'm not.
Speaker 3: I'm imagine you gotta like keep going with the knife
Speaker 3: because it's think about when you're cutting his tis tough stick.
Speaker 2: Now you get the machete, bitch and just stop one
Speaker 2: thing is well either way, I'm basically no, that's terrible.
Speaker 2: But what's interesting about the episode is that it really
Speaker 2: wasn't the guy wanting his toes cut. When you watch
Speaker 2: the scene, right when the knife lifts up, you go
Speaker 2: stops off sop. So it's the thrill and what I
Speaker 2: think is kind of hard for sex workers to figure
Speaker 2: out is how much is of this is the thrill
Speaker 2: and how much do you want to be scared. I
Speaker 2: also interviewed a DOM who told me that she does
Speaker 2: contracts and consent forms.
Speaker 3: But she said, I wonder if that holds up, and
Speaker 3: she said, they actually don't really hold up. They're a
Speaker 3: little bit of a barrier for yourself, but they don't
Speaker 3: really work.
Speaker 1: She says, they do them with every intense scene.
Speaker 3: But what's interesting is even if someone signs it, let's
Speaker 3: just say she spanks someone, they can call the police
Speaker 3: take her to jail, because it's still assaults assault. You
Speaker 3: can never consent to someone assaulting you. That's not legal yet,
Speaker 3: but neither is sex work. So if you're doing this
Speaker 3: as a sex act paid well, this type of or
Speaker 3: legal depends on where you do it. Because this is
Speaker 3: considered acting in role play. This is an exchange of
Speaker 3: service for something else. In court, if it's not penetrated
Speaker 3: sex or anything with genital is exposed, et cetera, this
Speaker 3: is legal what she just did. That's why dungeons are legal.
Speaker 3: Sex itself is legal prostitution.
Speaker 1: In the United States.
Speaker 3: Penetrative sex and oral sex exchanging money for that that
Speaker 3: type of scene is not, which is crazy when you
Speaker 3: think about it. But that's why dungeons are legal. It's
Speaker 3: considered like acting studios on some of their forms. I
Speaker 3: learned that on sex mills, but I thought it was crazy.
Speaker 3: The reason sex clubs are legal is because people are
Speaker 3: paying an entry fee to a space.
Speaker 2: That it's not a seblic space. Yeah, it's not a
Speaker 2: public space either. It's considered private. But yeah, I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna hold you. I know about the glue on eyes,
Speaker 2: but I don't know if she killed them on. I
Speaker 2: think she just was an.
Speaker 1: Experienced I think both things can be true.
Speaker 2: I definitely don't know what I'm saying, but a part
Speaker 2: of me feels like there may be been some underlying
Speaker 2: mallae or she was or she was inexperienced, one or
Speaker 2: the other. But a part of me like hearing the
Speaker 2: details me the mouth, the eyes, like I get putting
Speaker 2: a plastic bag over someone's head, even the gluing of
Speaker 2: women's shoes, women boots his feet.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 5: And but it's the video part though.
Speaker 4: If she intended to kill him, why would she make
Speaker 4: Yeah that's a good video.
Speaker 2: Well maybe she didn't look in the laws and thought
Speaker 2: that that was gonna s neighbor and maybe she could
Speaker 2: say he requested all of them.
Speaker 1: Maybe that was her maybe saving grace.
Speaker 3: How Mary in her video though, if we ever see
Speaker 3: him being excited about what she's doing, it's a wrap
Speaker 3: because you will see consents from or her being like
Speaker 3: you've been bad or no. Like it's obvious to see
Speaker 3: if someone's turned on by it, like if he's a gimp,
Speaker 3: and do you know.
Speaker 1: What that is? No, a gimp.
Speaker 5: I'm learning so much.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's getting horrible, you know when you see the
Speaker 3: guy in the late text and they're like not talking
Speaker 3: and maybe you haven't seen No, let me get.
Speaker 1: A picture left, you know.
Speaker 2: You know with this though, I would correlate it to
Speaker 2: and why there's no saving race in this matter. It
Speaker 2: reminds me of rip, the instance that just happened with
Speaker 2: the fraternity and hazing where that where that.
Speaker 1: Man lost his life from the hazing.
Speaker 2: If you join us, you know, fraternity sorority, there's normally
Speaker 2: an element of hazing and it kind of is consensual
Speaker 2: because you're going into it. And still those two boys
Speaker 2: were charged with one was charged with I think they're
Speaker 2: both involuntary manslaughter or one is an accessory, but nonetheless
Speaker 2: they're being charged.
Speaker 1: But it doesn't different than consensual be you No, it's.
Speaker 2: But it's consensual. It's a consensual act and even though
Speaker 2: it's not sex.
Speaker 5: At all, consenting to something that could Yes, you're because.
Speaker 2: You're you know that hazing is a part of joining
Speaker 2: a fraternity or fraternity.
Speaker 1: He agreed to be. I think it was he was
Speaker 1: being paddled or something, right.
Speaker 4: I don't I read that it was something like some
Speaker 4: sort of chest chess, like getting hit in the chest and.
Speaker 1: His heart stopped.
Speaker 2: And yeah, but like you know, you're you're signing up
Speaker 2: essentially to be is a part of almost the ritual
Speaker 2: to go in.
Speaker 1: You're essentially also consenting.
Speaker 3: Hazing isn't always beating though, Mandy, and it's no, it's
Speaker 3: not always. But I'm saying, like if you watch drum line,
Speaker 3: they yeah, I'm not saying at all things.
Speaker 1: But he consented.
Speaker 2: I know this, But he consented at the moment, so
Speaker 2: what this act was and both guys are charged, so yeah,
Speaker 2: like he could have said no.
Speaker 1: I'm not down for this part of hazing.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying all hazing is at any part at
Speaker 2: all physical or traumatic or beating. But some of it is,
Speaker 2: and we're aware that that's the history that we've been
Speaker 2: told about, the hazing rituals that's associated to fraternities and sororities.
Speaker 2: And so is sex work, which is what I was saying.
Speaker 2: Even if there's not this penetrative thing, she was engaging
Speaker 2: in a form of sex work, which is why too
Speaker 2: when I had my foot page, they they literally removed
Speaker 2: it because your online legally though, Like that's what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: you can buy those services that she did as a
Speaker 2: down Legally, he's saying hazing is illegal. You're saying, sure,
Speaker 2: if it's penetrative, that's literally what makes it legal, though,
Speaker 2: like you actually have to account for that. If she
Speaker 2: was doing something illegal, that'd be the conversation.
Speaker 1: He's saying, hazing is illegal.
Speaker 3: No, there isn't a caveat for well, sex work if
Speaker 3: it's penetrative or not. No, No, what she did was
Speaker 3: in it was a legal exchange of money for that
Speaker 3: service she offered.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but attempted murder can't like so even say, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, like the fact that she's charged
Speaker 2: with the death of his imagine if someone said, hey,
Speaker 2: I want you to shoot me in here, you could
Speaker 2: still be charged because even if a person asked to
Speaker 2: be shy right like, you can't do that.
Speaker 1: It's still almost attempted murder. That's the thing about. You
Speaker 1: can't consent to someone assaulting you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I wonder if those laws, because that's technically
Speaker 3: what you're saying about the hazing. I wonder if somewhere
Speaker 3: around the world that isn't illegal, because you have to think,
Speaker 3: like in Germany where there's very loose or Netherlands where very.
Speaker 1: Loose prostitution laws. Maybe oh damn, that tripped. It's all.
Speaker 3: But like I'm just thinking to myself, there has to
Speaker 3: be some kind of place where that comes up. Because
Speaker 3: if I'm saying to you one which was thinking really
Speaker 3: hard to do this, and then I go to the
Speaker 3: doctor and they see a little bruise, don't take my
Speaker 3: husband in jail.
Speaker 1: We was having fun.
Speaker 3: Anyway, Speaking of husbands and partners and loving things, We're
Speaker 3: going to get into the history of luck with dating,
Speaker 3: and I have a bunch of things to read about
Speaker 3: how people meet.
Speaker 1: But tell us why you wanted to get into this
Speaker 1: conversation or what peaked in your brain?
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, so it was maybe like a month ago.
Speaker 4: Over Valentine's Day, there was a lot of discourse on
Speaker 4: TikTok around the idea of like self love when it
Speaker 4: comes to like meeting somebody. There was somebody who had
Speaker 4: posted a video talking about basically like being sick of
Speaker 4: partnered people, telling single people just love yourself more and
Speaker 4: then you'll meet somebody.
Speaker 5: You know, Oh, it's meant to happen.
Speaker 4: And it was like this whole big thing that went
Speaker 4: on for like several days around Valentine's say, it probably
Speaker 4: comes up every year, but when that happened, it got
Speaker 4: me to thinking about just that whole exchange and about
Speaker 4: how people will often say that self love is like
Speaker 4: the key to finding somebody or whatever, and I had
Speaker 4: a different perspective. My thought is meeting somebody often is luck.
Speaker 4: Self love is how you keep somebody around and don't
Speaker 4: self sabotage and fuck it up.
Speaker 2: You know what else I want to add to that
Speaker 2: self love and what I've realized even within some of
Speaker 2: my friends, when you actually as a woman, reach the
Speaker 2: point of peace self love, enjoy your space, enjoy your friends.
Speaker 2: The least likely you care about getting in a relationship
Speaker 2: at all. I've been talking to my friends a lot
Speaker 2: who are at the age and a lot of my
Speaker 2: friends are older than me. They're all like thirty eight
Speaker 2: to forty, and for the most part, they've gotten so
Speaker 2: content with living alone, paying their own bills and just
Speaker 2: being able to exist without all the drama that it
Speaker 2: comes with. And maybe too because they're dating and men
Speaker 2: are fucking men suck. Let's be very clear that they're like, Damn.
Speaker 2: The longer, the longer that I'm finding enjoyable time with myself,
Speaker 2: the more I like just lighting my candles and watching
Speaker 2: the shows I like, the least desire I have, or
Speaker 2: the less desire I have to.
Speaker 1: Date or entertain anyone.
Speaker 2: And they're like, WHOA, I didn't know actually enjoying being
Speaker 2: by myself was gonna make me not give a fuck
Speaker 2: if I had a man or not. Like that's been
Speaker 2: The conversation is that once you're actually no longer seeking
Speaker 2: validation or waiting for a man to show up to
Speaker 2: bring whatever happiness is missing, the least likely you are
Speaker 2: to even put yourself out there to care to find
Speaker 2: someone else.
Speaker 3: That's only easy though, when you don't want kids to me.
Speaker 3: When you don't have that hunger for children, you're not
Speaker 3: against the clock, and when you have that biological clock
Speaker 3: ticking of, like damn, I gotta hurry this up, that's
Speaker 3: really what fuck.
Speaker 2: I think that's the great thing about I have three
Speaker 2: friends total now, three all have gone through IVF, so
Speaker 2: all three of them have eggs frozen, and another one
Speaker 2: is actually looking now for either potentially her ex partner
Speaker 2: or looking through possibly finding a partner to inseminate to
Speaker 2: form embryos. And knowing what Ebanie Cages did, she was
Speaker 2: like at forty, if I'm not.
Speaker 1: Married yet, I want to be a mom.
Speaker 2: I think what's amazing now is because we're women of
Speaker 2: wealth status creating our own like kind of lies for ourselves.
Speaker 2: I'm really enjoying seeing my friends navigate deciding to still
Speaker 2: have motherhood without partnership.
Speaker 1: Independence is good.
Speaker 3: But like even before I was about to freeze my eggs,
Speaker 3: there's a part of this conversation that's not.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be anti feminist, but.
Speaker 3: To know that it's so hard to meet meant to
Speaker 3: have a great family dynamic with is kind of depressing.
Speaker 5: It likes disheartening.
Speaker 1: Sure that yeah, we.
Speaker 3: Can cheer on our friends and ourselves for that, but
Speaker 3: like this shit sucks. I love that we can have
Speaker 3: autonomy to do that. And what Ebany did, especially at
Speaker 3: her age, is bomb. She was almost wasn't she engaged
Speaker 3: or something or dating someone? Then was like, fuck it,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do it. That's what made Everny story so
Speaker 3: great to me. But at thirty or twenty nine, I
Speaker 3: was really about to freeze my eggs or a freeze
Speaker 3: in embryo with my best friend, and I didn't want
Speaker 3: to have a fucking kid with my gay best friend.
Speaker 3: But at the same time, I felt that much pressure
Speaker 3: and that little of.
Speaker 1: Faith in love. So I think there's a few things.
Speaker 3: That are happening with the self love conversation. One, the
Speaker 3: desperation surrounding relationships is what makes them, to me impossible
Speaker 3: to find too fucking desperate. Oh, we all have a
Speaker 3: friend that every time they go out there like you
Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like that, damn bitch, can we
Speaker 3: just drink? I've felt that energy from a front and
Speaker 3: I was like, girl, you need to this is just
Speaker 3: for us.
Speaker 1: Now. When that starts to happen, I really.
Speaker 3: Think men just become completely like we're both like I've
Speaker 3: seen all of my homeboys tell me like yep, bro,
Speaker 3: like we're on date one two. Don't get me wrong,
Speaker 3: fine to talk about the things you want in life,
Speaker 3: but like, are we in alignment?
Speaker 1: Like this chill? Do you know what movies he likes?
Speaker 1: Do you know any interests? Are you guys compatible?
Speaker 3: I think the other issue too, with how men are
Speaker 3: carrying on relationships is that, because of all the ethical
Speaker 3: non monogamy talk, the polyamory, the more that we're on
Speaker 3: dating apps, it feels like you don't really need to
Speaker 3: pour into anyone anymore. And the more that you feel
Speaker 3: like that from the people that you date, the more
Speaker 3: you want to do this thing on your own. I
Speaker 3: don't really know how great it'll be when we're sixty
Speaker 3: and there's a bunch of kids that haven't met their
Speaker 3: dad or grew up with a single mom. Because a
Speaker 3: lot of my friends that are single moms aren't happy
Speaker 3: about it.
Speaker 1: I can maybe name.
Speaker 2: One if that I don't really need them. No, that's
Speaker 2: why I don't want kids. The one thing I can
Speaker 2: control is not being a single mom. If I don't
Speaker 2: have kids, if I have a guarantee that there's no
Speaker 2: way to guarantee it.
Speaker 1: There's literally no way.
Speaker 2: And growing up growing up in a single parent household
Speaker 2: and then also having so many friends that are single
Speaker 2: moms probably the worst thing in the world. I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: sorry for all the single moms out there. It's the
Speaker 2: most depressing role in life that I've been a product
Speaker 2: of that I've witnessed, that I've partookn and that now
Speaker 2: as an adult, I see it from an outside lens
Speaker 2: where my friends are calling me crying because and they're
Speaker 2: doing it all alone, or they're showing that me that
Speaker 2: since last November they've gotten one hundred dollars from the
Speaker 2: baby daddy through a cash app, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: Or that their daughter has never met going on seventeen
Speaker 2: years old, never really even met the.
Speaker 3: That's it's scary about the freezing of the eggs and
Speaker 3: us getting so accepting of doing this alone.
Speaker 1: I really hope that like men encourage each other more.
Speaker 3: And I'm seeing a lot of content around it, around it,
Speaker 3: but just celebrating being a family dynamic and unit. Like
Speaker 3: I saw this clip of doctor Umer and he was like,
Speaker 3: you know, I might have married one of my baby
Speaker 3: mamas if they just gave me more time. One of
Speaker 3: my daughter's mothers probably would have got a ring out
Speaker 3: of me if they just gave me more time, because
Speaker 3: marriage is such a big decision and.
Speaker 1: I'm like, baby ate so crazy to watch because I
Speaker 1: really that's what I think. We need to start encouraging
Speaker 1: courage before Oh, I think we need to start encouraging
Speaker 1: the sectomies.
Speaker 9: But I.
Speaker 1: Curiod. Okay, So with that conversation, luck with meeting people.
Speaker 5: Meeting people is all luck.
Speaker 4: I think people make it sound like the minute you
Speaker 4: fully love yourself, somebody appears and sure, when you are
Speaker 4: in a good space and you're putting out good energy, yes,
Speaker 4: that good energy comes back.
Speaker 1: So many people.
Speaker 4: It is absolutely a numbers game because how many people
Speaker 4: do you know who are with somebody who was like, oh,
Speaker 4: you loved yourself fully with this right?
Speaker 5: Oh, it's luck.
Speaker 4: It's being in the right place at the right time,
Speaker 4: swiping right at the right time, like eval.
Speaker 1: Being in the right bar at the right time, ringing together.
Speaker 9: That's what's different. Get eating out there. It's a lot
Speaker 9: of y'all. I'm talking to you, bitch, whoever you are.
Speaker 9: Every time you're in the house and you're like oh,
Speaker 9: I'm such a good kiddidate to Befe because I don't
Speaker 9: do anything.
Speaker 3: Don't you don't care, go outside, go with your girls,
Speaker 3: have fucking fun with your friends. You don't have a community.
Speaker 3: You need to connect with one. Not having friends, not
Speaker 3: going out with those girls that are getting drinks on Fridays,
Speaker 3: like that's not cute. You better start having your own
Speaker 3: life because when you meet someone and you don't have
Speaker 3: your own life, they're gonna be like, damn, why is
Speaker 3: she on my ass all the time?
Speaker 4: And if you not, if you settle down, you have kids,
Speaker 4: whatever the amount of time that you're gonna have for
Speaker 4: yourself to actually do what you want to do, your
Speaker 4: windle down, so you got to enjoy it while you
Speaker 4: have it time.
Speaker 1: Me and my man think we should go home.
Speaker 2: He goes, we know in two years, baby, you're gonna
Speaker 2: be pregnant, so we should stay out tonight.
Speaker 1: We've been saying shit like that, and it's genuinely my thought.
Speaker 3: Even when I didn't have him in my life, I
Speaker 3: would make jokes with myself like let me go out
Speaker 3: girls single and free and something I have in Nohl's barred.
Speaker 3: A friend of mine, Rashida I was crying to her
Speaker 3: at one of her birthday dinners because I was going
Speaker 3: through a breakup and I was like, I feel so
Speaker 3: bad to be going through this.
Speaker 1: I'm so sad around you. She's like, why are you
Speaker 1: so sad?
Speaker 3: I was like, I can't believe I fucked up again,
Speaker 3: and she said, baby, this made me your last summer single.
Speaker 1: It might be and you.
Speaker 3: Want to spend it in tears, and we've all been
Speaker 3: through that. I don't give a fuck what high horse
Speaker 3: you're on. Everybody has spent time they shouldn't have reading
Speaker 3: a relationship.
Speaker 1: Yep. I'm telling you.
Speaker 2: If you don't pick your right back up now, you're
Speaker 2: being unlocky.
Speaker 1: Okay, So let's talk about how people met now.
Speaker 3: In nineteen thirty eight, twenty percent of couples met through family,
Speaker 3: twenty percent men at school, and twenty percent met through friends.
Speaker 1: By nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 3: Thirty percent met through friends, fifteen percent met through coworkers,
Speaker 3: and the rest were at bars.
Speaker 1: Which makes sense.
Speaker 2: They just said that the millennial generation spent the most
Speaker 2: money in alcohol consumption, and believe it, gen Z, it's
Speaker 2: completely fell from there, but it's because they're all fucking
Speaker 2: eating tide pods and on drugs.
Speaker 5: Now casual in the club wasn't cheap?
Speaker 2: Is that it was judged to.
Speaker 1: Like you were.
Speaker 4: But they had a little mini skirt I had the
Speaker 4: peplum had so many peplams man.
Speaker 3: Now sixty percent of couples in twenty twenty four where
Speaker 3: do they meet online?
Speaker 1: For sure?
Speaker 3: It went from thirty percent of friends twenty years ago
Speaker 3: to thirteen percent.
Speaker 1: And you know what's crazy.
Speaker 3: When I meet couples that are in their forties or
Speaker 3: fifties and I just start to talk to them, they
Speaker 3: always talk about either how they met out at a
Speaker 3: party or a friend introduce them. And I kind of
Speaker 3: wish that my friends were more open to this. I
Speaker 3: don't know how y'all feel, but I've been out recently
Speaker 3: and done this twice in the last year, seen someone
Speaker 3: fine and sent them my friend's Instagram, and my homegirls
Speaker 3: thought it was fucking crazy and weird. One of them
Speaker 3: went on like five dates with a guy they were vibing.
Speaker 3: But I feel like we should be doing this more.
Speaker 3: I made a comment when you did a vanilla shit
Speaker 3: of the girl holding up the profonal.
Speaker 1: Was like, that's crazy.
Speaker 3: But now I'm doing it because I really feel like
Speaker 3: a lot of my friends are so discouraged because they're
Speaker 3: unlucky in love right now. And I'm just like, if
Speaker 3: you pitches ain't in the streets, I'm goa go give.
Speaker 4: Well, that was the initial premise of I mean, I
Speaker 4: remember hinge back in the day where you had to
Speaker 4: be you had to have mutuals with somebody. Everybody you
Speaker 4: saw was a mutual. Yeah, you had to have friends
Speaker 4: in comments.
Speaker 1: Oh I didn't.
Speaker 5: That was why it was called hinge, like there was
Speaker 5: a connecting point.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's definitely not that now.
Speaker 2: No, my friend Hinge scrolling niggas in Alabama, Like I'd
Speaker 2: be like, girl, you.
Speaker 1: Get all you help you Alabama DC. But a lot
Speaker 1: of men, which.
Speaker 2: Y'all is weird on the dating apps, especially if you pay,
Speaker 2: and of course they now make it to where most
Speaker 2: of the apps rya hinge all the things. In order
Speaker 2: to be able to see matches or have more access,
Speaker 2: you gotta pay. And apparently one of the benefits that
Speaker 2: they do is they allow you to put the location
Speaker 2: you want to be at. Because Atlanta is such a
Speaker 2: fucking mecca of so many women, so many successful black,
Speaker 2: bomb ass pretty ass women, majority of the men on
Speaker 2: the dating apps do not even live in Atlanta.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's interesting.
Speaker 2: The DC, they're Alabama, they're Jacksonville, they're the surrounding states.
Speaker 2: And literally my friend is like, bruh, none of these
Speaker 2: many to live here. They're all like, well, I can
Speaker 2: come or you could come here. But she's meeting so
Speaker 2: many men on these dating apps that literally aren't even within.
Speaker 3: This So hold on, that's interesting you bring that up
Speaker 3: because annamar and White. I don't know if you know
Speaker 3: who he is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had Anna war on the show. He was
Speaker 1: on your show.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so Ana Warre said on the show he put
Speaker 3: or you should put the passport on and you should
Speaker 3: start looking at other cities.
Speaker 1: I think that's not that bad.
Speaker 2: The only thing is to me, and it's what I'm
Speaker 2: realizing even with my partner, like we've been lucky to
Speaker 2: now since January see each other every two to three weeks.
Speaker 2: But even with that long distance relationship costs money.
Speaker 1: It's an investment.
Speaker 2: And I think, again going back to what we were
Speaker 2: talking about with the economy, it's gonna take two people
Speaker 2: willing to have that extra bit of funds to invest
Speaker 2: to see each other. So where my friend is currently
Speaker 2: looking for work.
Speaker 1: They may even keep her Monday through Friday in her city.
Speaker 2: What's the reality of meeting someone else too that has
Speaker 2: the ability for y'all to co exist. And then let's
Speaker 2: not even talk about the kid thing. I will say
Speaker 2: what I'm what I'm really noticing is the swapping with
Speaker 2: co parenting. I'm hearing of so many more men that
Speaker 2: are literally having custody of children every other week, So
Speaker 2: that's impacting how my friends date. My friends are damn
Speaker 2: near in bi weekly date relationships with these men because
Speaker 2: they have their kids every Thursday through Sunday, and that's
Speaker 2: causing my friends not to be able to even be around.
Speaker 2: So it's really interesting to even see my friends navigating
Speaker 2: fathers who are actually active and how it's impacting how
Speaker 2: often they're even able to see my homegirls. It's really
Speaker 2: crazy as adults, the limitations of dating not only just
Speaker 2: age facts, like it's a lot of factors like co parenting, jobs, money,
Speaker 2: and yeah, and just logistics of dating.
Speaker 1: The long distance thing.
Speaker 3: I mean, you're in one now, and so I was
Speaker 3: on oh for my birthday trip. My friend came to
Speaker 3: Loom with her husband and they are a great couple
Speaker 3: just left their wedding in Mexico City.
Speaker 1: So we're talking about how they met and.
Speaker 3: Connected and what they were doing because they met during
Speaker 3: the pandemic and they were like, man, we was doing
Speaker 3: in virtual dates for the museums and doing this and
Speaker 3: doing that. And when they left, my boyfriend and I
Speaker 3: were like, they probably connected so hard on the phone
Speaker 3: and FaceTime because that was considered a date. Imagine if
Speaker 3: everybody had at least two to three phone conversations before
Speaker 3: they met someone in person. They made me think about
Speaker 3: you because you really connected with your partner on the phone.
Speaker 1: For like eight months.
Speaker 3: So he's like, you get so invested in that person
Speaker 3: that you're like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna see this through.
Speaker 3: And it made me think how many times have I
Speaker 3: been on a date where I'm like, oh, he had
Speaker 3: one little I'm okay with this now, but what if
Speaker 3: I really fucked you on the phone whatever.
Speaker 1: On the other side, my friend BRIOND.
Speaker 3: Is dating right now, and I'm like thinking to myself, well, damn,
Speaker 3: you don't want to connect too much with someone if
Speaker 3: you don't vibe in person. But it's so difficult because yes,
Speaker 3: you want to have some kind of connection before.
Speaker 1: You meet a little bit.
Speaker 3: I had a rule, I gotta at least hear your
Speaker 3: voice voice, no voice message, phone call. I need that
Speaker 3: before we see each other in person. Curious to know
Speaker 3: for your dating online.
Speaker 1: Experiences because sixty percent of people meet online, so we've
Speaker 1: got to expect the listeners are meeting them people online.
Speaker 1: Did you have any rules while dating online? And do
Speaker 1: you have any now?
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm not dating online now and I haven't
Speaker 4: for a while, but I feel like when I did,
Speaker 4: I usually would do like a phone call with people
Speaker 4: beforehand before meeting in person.
Speaker 2: I mean, for me, it's not dating apps. It's Instagram
Speaker 2: that I'm finding people that are attractive. That's how I
Speaker 2: met my partner now and then my excitmental zoom. And
Speaker 2: if y'all been listening, there's been very little online dating
Speaker 2: for me. I don't like the element of swiping and
Speaker 2: just that it takes too long. And that's what I'm noticing.
Speaker 2: Even with my home now, they'll literally be in your
Speaker 2: dams for weeks and it's like, not set up a date,
Speaker 2: not do that.
Speaker 1: And to me it's just.
Speaker 5: Like does it also feel like work to you?
Speaker 4: Because I was on app it felt the same as
Speaker 4: like responding to my DMSc. It felt exactly the same.
Speaker 4: And I was like, I don't I don't like this.
Speaker 1: I didn't like it.
Speaker 3: I think that the bumble app where women had to
Speaker 3: write first actually really really hurt us.
Speaker 1: I swear to god it let men be like they
Speaker 1: gonna come fus. I'm good.
Speaker 3: It's like, in some ways it was great because we
Speaker 3: learned how to get that going, but nobody wants to
Speaker 3: make the first move anymore, Like they really don't unless
Speaker 3: you're in a club and you just pulling somebody like.
Speaker 5: You got to give some sort of like green green light.
Speaker 3: How do we fucking blindly get these traders jos niggas.
Speaker 3: Let me tell you my homegirl said this, and she's
Speaker 3: married too. She was in Trader Joe's downtown, our Whole
Speaker 3: Foods downtown, Los Angeles. She called me and was like,
Speaker 3: are you still single? Sort of God, this is a
Speaker 3: real phone conversation.
Speaker 1: I was like no. She's like, bitch, tell somebody tell
Speaker 1: a guy, damn friend.
Speaker 3: She's like, the Whole food downtown has so many good
Speaker 3: looking men, and I think that they're all in a
Speaker 3: group chat talking about this is where you learn to
Speaker 3: find women like this is where you go.
Speaker 2: This is the plate if you go to not in Atlanta, baby,
Speaker 2: I'll go to the Whole Foods.
Speaker 4: Like hot bar at like seven pm on like a
Speaker 4: Friday night. That's this very specific. I used to live
Speaker 4: next to a Whole food which one it was when
Speaker 4: I lived in La It was in Pla Vista, Okay,
Speaker 4: And it was right next to a gym, So all
Speaker 4: the cute dudes will work out at the gym right
Speaker 4: after go to Whole Foods, go to the bar, say no,
Speaker 4: they're not.
Speaker 1: Cooking their food. They're not cooking.
Speaker 5: I pan of Whole Foods before I went to I went.
Speaker 2: To Trader Joe's after walking the belt line in Atlanta,
Speaker 2: and I look over and.
Speaker 1: I was like, girl, follow him on Twitter. He met
Speaker 1: the fuck over? He he oh hold but like brawlic tall,
Speaker 1: like had a little braids.
Speaker 2: And I was like, bitch, I follow him on ex
Speaker 2: I rolling my pussy to that nigga. She said, oh,
Speaker 2: I got because all the gays on eggs living in Atlanta,
Speaker 2: and so I was like, well that too, but that too,
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh my god, I'm me just
Speaker 2: seeing someone I want to say Jack all too, and
Speaker 2: I don't check at the.
Speaker 3: Well we learn the piece of advice since we're at
Speaker 3: the end of them, so we may need to leave
Speaker 3: a piece of advice that worked for us while dating
Speaker 3: I ral or online.
Speaker 1: Because it does feel like you're never gonna find him.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just luck. It is. It's just luck.
Speaker 2: It is as much luck if you win the lottery.
Speaker 1: I think you. Actually, my advice would be.
Speaker 3: I wasn't actively doing it for a relationship, but I
Speaker 3: will say at the time I met my partner, I
Speaker 3: was making a promise to myself. I'm going on at
Speaker 3: least three dates a month, That's what I was saying.
Speaker 3: I was like, but I'm not going to be sitting
Speaker 3: here mad about the other guy that did something or
Speaker 3: didn't text back as fast. Let me just keep myself
Speaker 3: busy and start like learning how to date again. Because
Speaker 3: I had a lot of PTSD and I was kind
Speaker 3: of doing the same I.
Speaker 1: Don't know, song and dance on dates.
Speaker 3: I was bringing up my ex often on dates and
Speaker 3: bad relationships or things men did that I didn't like.
Speaker 3: And I was bringing a lot of weird ass energy
Speaker 3: to first dates. And I would recommend for no woman
Speaker 3: to do that. Why how does he know my ex.
Speaker 1: Cheated on me?
Speaker 5: They don't need to know anything.
Speaker 4: Yeah, as far as they're now, you've been treated amazingly
Speaker 4: by everybody forever. That's all they need to know until
Speaker 4: unless you actually establish something with them. They only need
Speaker 4: to know that you're used to being treated the best.
Speaker 4: Like then if you tell them how bad you've been
Speaker 4: treated before, they'll be like, oh cool, the.
Speaker 5: Bar's down here.
Speaker 1: Yep, yeah, I mean I am nothing. We talked eight.
Speaker 2: Months before getting together, and it's so interesting because just
Speaker 2: recently have we both started talking about our previous relationships
Speaker 2: essentially and what things went wrong.
Speaker 1: Like even in.
Speaker 2: Terms of how we talk, I was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: me and Mix never got on the phone. It's because
Speaker 2: he was twenty minutes away. He always just came over.
Speaker 2: And now it's so different because in my relationship now,
Speaker 2: because it's long distance, we're on the phone every day,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, this is different for me, And so
Speaker 2: I was like, damn, I realize I don't know how
Speaker 2: you existed in your previous relationships and we're just now
Speaker 2: talking about those things now.
Speaker 1: Damn.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, because we got to learn each other from family.
Speaker 2: What we do and who we are is not crazy.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go through the tag. I'm a fine Oh.
Speaker 1: What was your name? I'm a final ho.
Speaker 3: I'm a find of mother fucking grandmama, fun of my
Speaker 3: mom from no that I realized that that I don't even.
Speaker 1: Know what they look like. I literally will yeah, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna starting real time.
Speaker 5: You talk a little bit.
Speaker 3: But I know every time I see a girl that
Speaker 3: just looks too sweet, Oh bitch.
Speaker 1: I know you do.
Speaker 4: I'm first of all, it's called research, thank you, It's
Speaker 4: called preppary.
Speaker 1: What are you researching?
Speaker 5: I just know why going on? I need to know
Speaker 5: where they've been. I need to know. I just need
Speaker 5: to know whatever I can find.
Speaker 1: Why don't you ask them what you want to know?
Speaker 1: Why don't you ask?
Speaker 2: And I will eventually you will eventually, but you're gonna
Speaker 2: dig first. Just ask them now, Wolf laughing, Wolf is
Speaker 2: just chuckling Like.
Speaker 1: I thought, I yell, talk before you do you check
Speaker 1: on the X. Check on the X. No you look.
Speaker 4: Both men said no, no, But I really usually when
Speaker 4: I am I'm doing my like lurking, I'm looking for
Speaker 4: are there any signs that he is a weirdo.
Speaker 5: Has he said something weird? How is he moving?
Speaker 7: Like?
Speaker 5: That's usually lying's.
Speaker 1: For example, right, you tell me, oh, yeah, I went
Speaker 1: to dr on a solo trip.
Speaker 3: But some y lining up was that bitch and poompa
Speaker 3: conis off for to find out And now I'm gonna
Speaker 3: send it to you and you'd be like, Yo, that's crazy.
Speaker 3: I know, don't give a damn anyway, Let's tell them
Speaker 3: where they can find you.
Speaker 5: Yes, you can listen to She's So Lucky every Tuesday
Speaker 5: wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1: Right, She's so lucky.
Speaker 2: I Well, guys, if you haven't yet, make sure you
Speaker 2: pre order and help us become New York Times bestsellers.
Speaker 2: No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power,
Speaker 2: available now Amazon, any bookstore you go to.
Speaker 1: Make sure you cut that.
Speaker 2: And we are really excited because we have an announcement
Speaker 2: for you.
Speaker 1: If we haven't announced it yet, Okay, bye.
Speaker 2: This has been another episode of Decisions, Decisions you through