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Speaker 1: Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say

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Speaker 1: decision decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kirsty.

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Speaker 1: You definitely say to welcome, Welcome to the new podcast.

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Speaker 1: Oh wait, you want to say together Decisions Decisions.

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Speaker 2: Welcome guys to another episode of Decisions Decisions. I'm your girl,

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Speaker 2: You're taking girl, your lover, girl, Mandy B.

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Speaker 1: I'm weezy. I used to be the Pisces on this show,

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Speaker 1: but it's transferred. Definitely not a pissis libergang All day? Girl?

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Speaker 2: You love a girl And if you haven't yet, make

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Speaker 2: sure you pre order your copy of No Holds Barred,

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Speaker 2: a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power, available now

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Speaker 2: for pre order, releasing June twenty fourth. Help you girls

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Speaker 2: become New York Times best self.

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Speaker 1: Please.

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Speaker 3: We are so desperate, but hopefully we get lucky. Like

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Speaker 3: our new Rebrandy Girl on the Couch. We're here with

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Speaker 3: Les Alfred, who is previously the host of Balance Black Girl.

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Speaker 3: And the story I wanted to tell was balance like

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Speaker 3: a Libra scale.

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Speaker 4: It was I started Balanced Black Girl during Libra season,

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Speaker 4: not even realizing that like I started it, you better

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Speaker 4: know what I'm a leoh.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, just let me be very clear, Hey, Star

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Speaker 2: the Moons, We're not going to start hate it.

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Speaker 5: No.

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Speaker 3: So I went on Balanced Black Girl, and I was

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Speaker 3: telling LEZ that when I would see the name Balanced

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Speaker 3: Black Girl podcast, I had no idea that or no,

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Speaker 3: because you're balanced balance left Yes, So I thought it

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Speaker 3: was about a balanced lesbian and how lesbian was balancing

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Speaker 3: their Lifeans need balance too.

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Speaker 1: I really thought that was so.

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Speaker 2: Then I was seeing clips, I'm like, really give gay

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Speaker 2: and then I kept dad.

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Speaker 1: I swear to got it's kind.

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Speaker 5: If someone wants to start the balance lesbian show or platform,

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Speaker 5: they should.

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Speaker 3: You need to bring to lesbians on this fighting and balance.

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Speaker 3: Oh wait, sorry, don't do it no more.

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Speaker 2: So I'm not balancing you no more that I'm done

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Speaker 2: telling y'all a journal. You either gonna listen or you're not.

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Speaker 5: I can't. I ran out of ways to say it.

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Speaker 5: I've got said it as many ways as I could

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Speaker 5: think of.

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Speaker 1: What's crazy ist?

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Speaker 3: I feel like we probably haven't collabed because the two

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Speaker 3: brands didn't necessarily match so well at the first, you.

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Speaker 1: Know what I mean?

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Speaker 5: What's funny though?

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Speaker 4: The episode where you came on the show a lot

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Speaker 4: of the comments are like, this was a crossover I

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Speaker 4: didn't expect, but I liked it, and I'm like, y'all

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Speaker 4: other guys are like needed, yeah, but why not.

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Speaker 3: Why did the rebrand? Because to me, we rebranded because

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Speaker 3: we had to. But your rebrand, your brand has always

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Speaker 3: been clean and this and that, so like, tell me

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Speaker 3: about that. Because our rebrand was for a purpose of like,

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Speaker 3: we need to sell them.

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Speaker 5: Look, yeah, I mean part of it was.

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Speaker 4: I wanted a brand that had more room to grow,

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Speaker 4: and I did feel like I had plateaued in terms

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Speaker 4: of the people that I could reach. I love centering

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Speaker 4: and catering to black women and having a platform that

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Speaker 4: is explicitly named that there's only so many of us,

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Speaker 4: and there's also only so many that are going to

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Speaker 4: be interested in what I'm talking about. And so after

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Speaker 4: so many years, I reached a point where it was like,

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Speaker 4: this is it's hitting a limit and I'm just not

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Speaker 4: able to really get past it.

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Speaker 5: So that was one two. I don't really feel.

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Speaker 4: As compelled to talk about wellness anymore, which was pretty

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Speaker 4: apparent in the show because it hadn't really been a

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Speaker 4: wellness podcast in a while. That was how it started,

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Speaker 4: I thought it was right and it I hadn't really

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Speaker 4: talked about wellness probably for about two years now. It

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Speaker 4: hasn't really been a wellness show, and so it felt

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Speaker 4: like that didn't really make sense. And then the episodes

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Speaker 4: that were really hitting, both for me and for the

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Speaker 4: audience were about successful women. They wanted to hear from entrepreneurs,

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Speaker 4: They wanted to hear from founders, They wanted to hear

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Speaker 4: how successful women were doing things, and that was what

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Speaker 4: was really hitting. That was also what I really liked too,

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Speaker 4: So I thought, Okay, maybe I can rebrand this to

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Speaker 4: better match what it is that's resonating with me and

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Speaker 4: the audience.

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Speaker 5: And that's where She So Lucky came from.

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Speaker 2: Which is crazy because what you just went viral recently

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Speaker 2: for sitting with Gabrielle Union though, right, yeah, and.

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Speaker 1: I was trying to rush over here. That wasn't I

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Speaker 1: assume that wasn't about.

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Speaker 2: I love that you got her to talk again about

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Speaker 2: the fifty to fifty conversation that at this point is

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Speaker 2: the fucking gift that keeps giving between her and Dwayne Wade,

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Speaker 2: because that's all they both talk about whenever they sit down.

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Speaker 1: But that's gotten viral though.

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Speaker 3: You praise that question really well because that is all

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Speaker 3: they talk about.

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Speaker 5: I didn't even really ask about it.

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Speaker 4: I mean, we were talking about vulnerability and she brought

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Speaker 4: that up as an example. I asked her about, Okay,

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Speaker 4: are you getting better at asking for help?

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Speaker 5: And like, how is that looking for you?

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Speaker 4: Because we had talked about just previously how she never

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Speaker 4: really would ask for help and was very hyper independent.

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Speaker 5: So I asked, Okay, what is your.

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Speaker 4: Relationship to vulnerability, like now, what is asking for help

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Speaker 4: for you?

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Speaker 1: Like now?

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Speaker 5: And that was what she mentioned. So I didn't even

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Speaker 5: I didn't ask well.

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Speaker 1: I like that. It trickled into.

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Speaker 2: A clip from Dwayne Wade and it's it's funny because

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Speaker 2: we sometimes don't realize how our trauma shows up, especially

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Speaker 2: in new relationships. And he was on the Shannon Sharp

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Speaker 2: Show and it came back and he pretty much said

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Speaker 2: they had gotten into whatever tit and he was like,

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Speaker 2: this is my house, and I guess because of previous relationships,

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Speaker 2: that's where it first started. She was like, oh, nah,

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Speaker 2: You're never going to be able to say this is

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Speaker 2: your house only when I'm here. So when they moved

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Speaker 2: to lay they went in on a house because this

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Speaker 2: is our house. I don't know about the The cohabitating

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Speaker 2: thing is not something that I want to do. But

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Speaker 2: it's interesting that she was able to acknowledge. That's where

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Speaker 2: that even came from. It was from the trauma response

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Speaker 2: of feeling like, at any given point, you can kick

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Speaker 2: me out because she had actually done that to someone

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Speaker 2: in her previous relationships. I love her book, by the way,

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Speaker 2: like love her book now, but yeah, that was so great.

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Speaker 2: So your audience is just now able to grow because

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Speaker 2: you're sitting with other founders entrepreneurs.

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Speaker 1: And now you feel like that's the lane.

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Speaker 4: I just feel like it's expanding the topics that I

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Speaker 4: can talk about because I'm really interested in understanding how

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Speaker 4: successful women do things, Like that's what I love talking about.

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Speaker 4: I love talking to men who are doing cool shit

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Speaker 4: and understanding how they do it.

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Speaker 5: And that was what I really wanted to go all

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Speaker 5: in on.

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Speaker 3: You're a good listener too, because like I normally want

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Speaker 3: to do podcasts, they're so fun and loud and comedic.

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Speaker 3: And at one point I said to Les, I feel

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Speaker 3: like I'm talking a lot, and I'm like, oh, this.

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Speaker 1: Is really how you get the money? You just shut

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Speaker 1: up in little guests. We don't we haven't learned that.

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Speaker 3: We don't try to dance, but you know, if it's gorgeous,

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Speaker 3: because I think a lot of people it's it's hard

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Speaker 3: to introduce a guest that someone's gonna care about, but

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Speaker 3: you make them interesting somehow, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: That's such a nice compliment because it's tough.

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Speaker 3: Like if we have a guest on someone's like, well,

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Speaker 3: why what sex thing?

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Speaker 1: Are they gonna say?

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Speaker 3: Like they're pressuring it right, And I think you have

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Speaker 3: to make the audience care about your guests. I think

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Speaker 3: you do a really good job at it. That's something

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Speaker 3: that a lot of podcasts don't do. I have a

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Speaker 3: lot of podcasts I listen to back in the day

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Speaker 3: that I was like, if they have a guest, I

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Speaker 3: won't click on it either, but you know, finding the

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Speaker 3: art of that. I'm really looking forward to seeing what

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Speaker 3: guests do you have? Who are your dream hmmm.

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Speaker 4: Dream guess Okay, I would love to interview Asa Ray.

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Speaker 4: She's been like my dream guests from the beginning because

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Speaker 4: I think that she has such a unique blend of

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Speaker 4: creative talents and business savvy.

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Speaker 1: The coffee shops alone have you heard about it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh, I used to go all the time when

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Speaker 4: I lived in LA. I just want to lift up

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Speaker 4: the hood and understand how she does things, Like I

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Speaker 4: want to radio.

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Speaker 5: She has a whole empire.

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Speaker 3: Up, has a big business tip because like the fact

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Speaker 3: that she even got married and people were like, you

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Speaker 3: had a man.

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Speaker 4: Right, you know, and we haven't seen him since. I

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Speaker 4: love it and haven't I'm working on it. Yeah, Issa,

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Speaker 4: you know what, I would really love to interview. This

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Speaker 4: is kind of a reach because I don't think she

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Speaker 4: really does this, but Megan Sussex, I almost said Markle really, yes,

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Speaker 4: because I am so curious how she operates and manages

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Speaker 4: to keep her head on straight with how much hate

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Speaker 4: she gets.

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Speaker 1: But she's they separated now too, that's what Harry. The

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Speaker 1: last I heard they separated. I think it was a

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Speaker 1: Twitter rumor.

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Speaker 5: No, I don't, that's not true.

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Speaker 1: Literally our day was separated Twitter rumor. I thought this

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Speaker 1: was true.

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Speaker 5: I still want to understand how she gets.

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Speaker 3: Through today because she talked to that white girl and

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Speaker 3: wasn't it not so skinny of the fat don't have

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Speaker 3: a dialogue recently means that I saw and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 3: she should definitely go to you.

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Speaker 5: I if she ever wants to throw way out of more.

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Speaker 1: The African American flag, I would love to.

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Speaker 5: I would love to you.

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Speaker 4: Well, she has a podcast coming out too, so I

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Speaker 4: feel like maybe she'll be more open to it.

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Speaker 2: One week ago, Prince Harry urged to keep professional separation

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Speaker 2: from Megan Markle after ill Advi's move why they Can

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Speaker 2: Never get divorced? Two days ago, confirm major updates on

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Speaker 2: Megan Markle and Prince Harry's divorced like make there's there's

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Speaker 2: a This was all within the last two to three weeks.

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Speaker 1: Professional separation.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what that means, but yeah, that sounds

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Speaker 2: like interesting what we would do.

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Speaker 4: I think it means like if she if they have

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Speaker 4: professional projects, they need to stay out of each other's projects, which.

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Speaker 5: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Oh, let's talk about that a little. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So I was recently on a vacation sitting next to

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Speaker 3: a couple that became like tech millionaires, and I watched

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Speaker 3: this movie called fair Play.

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Speaker 1: Don't know if anyone's seen it, but I've.

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Speaker 5: Heard of the book. There's like a book that goes

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Speaker 5: with it, right, I don't know you.

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Speaker 1: Saw it or maybe I'm thinking, if I've never heard

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Speaker 1: of the air, okay, so let me tak about it.

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Speaker 5: Like division of labor, no, no, no, household okay. Different.

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Speaker 1: So sitting next to this.

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Speaker 3: Couple and I met at work and they started this

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Speaker 3: big company and now she's a housewife, I'm like, oh shit,

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Speaker 3: did you just have a baby?

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Speaker 1: What made you stop working?

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Speaker 3: And she's like, well, we couldn't keep working together, right,

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Speaker 3: but they built this company ten years. She's like, we

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Speaker 3: had to save ourselves. Then I watched this movie called

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Speaker 3: fair Play. Great movie on Netflix, check it out. It's

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Speaker 3: about a couple that both work at a company. She

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Speaker 3: gets promoted before him, she becomes his boss. They're in

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Speaker 3: stocks and trading. She's got a delegate task, and it's

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Speaker 3: a constant rift of him feeling like, you're you're beautiful,

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Speaker 3: that's why you got promoted. You're not as smart as me.

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Speaker 3: They want to fuck you. You think you're one of

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Speaker 3: the boys. So you're doing this and like kind of

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Speaker 3: knocking her down a lot. And my partner and I

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Speaker 3: were talking and there was a check a scene where

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Speaker 3: she got a check for six hundred K.

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Speaker 1: I did see this, you did? I did see that?

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Speaker 3: He was like, this is the moment where they should

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Speaker 3: have separated at work, and I agree because she even said, hey,

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Speaker 3: you go look for another job.

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Speaker 1: I'll hold it down. He was so insecure white people.

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Speaker 1: I remember.

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Speaker 3: Do you think there's ever way for couples to work

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Speaker 3: together and it works.

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Speaker 4: I think for most couples it would probably be really hard.

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Speaker 4: There's always probably going to be a unicorn couple that

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Speaker 4: can make it work, but I think for most people

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Speaker 4: it's probably really hard, and not.

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Speaker 1: That unicorn guys.

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Speaker 5: Yea, because people, Yeah, I don't think I'm that I'm

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Speaker 5: on the wrong show.

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Speaker 4: Yeah no, no, But like I think for most people,

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Speaker 4: it's probably healthier to have a little bit more separation

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Speaker 4: and you have your own identity in that own way.

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Speaker 3: I asked Adam twenty two and Len of the plug.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if you know who they are there

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Speaker 3: people but am podcasters, but they really make a lot

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Speaker 3: of money creating content together and building a huge brand

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Speaker 3: and whatever. So I asked them, how do you guys

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Speaker 3: make money together? And never like, how do you keep

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Speaker 3: from fighting? And Adam said, well, now we have a

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Speaker 3: rule when we're in the bed, we don't talk about work,

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Speaker 3: and we didn't always honor it, but now it's like no,

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Speaker 3: and we schedule time on the calendar to talk about work.

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Speaker 3: Sounds ridiculous because you're like, you got a kid or together,

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Speaker 3: but are you really doing this? But since it makes

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Speaker 3: fucking sense, like even when friends start businesses together, you know,

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Speaker 3: how do you have these boundaries? Is there anyone that

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Speaker 3: you've interviewed yet that's in a business with their husband.

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Speaker 5: Or trying to think none that come to mind.

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Speaker 4: Actually no, I mean there are some people who I

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Speaker 4: can think of, just entrepreneurs that I look up to,

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Speaker 4: like Emma Greed, who I know her and her husband

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Speaker 4: work really closely together. She's the one who is like

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Speaker 4: co founds Skims and like Good American and all of

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Speaker 4: those brands. And I know like her husband is also

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Speaker 4: deeply involved in those business relationships and they seem to

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Speaker 4: make it work. I haven't interviewed her yet, but I

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Speaker 4: would love to another person I'd love to interview. So

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Speaker 4: I think there are some people who make it work.

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Speaker 4: But I think for the average person and probably I

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Speaker 4: have zero.

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Speaker 2: To ever like create business with a friend or partner,

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Speaker 2: specifically a partner.

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Speaker 1: I like the separation together, but I.

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Speaker 3: Do think investing in your money together might bleed in

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Speaker 3: at some point because when you think of a couple

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Speaker 3: that are thinking, hey, what's next for our financial future,

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Speaker 3: something's going to tie together at some point, like what

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Speaker 3: are we going to put our money into a house?

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Speaker 1: Is in an investment together?

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Speaker 3: Things like that, And so it makes me think like

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Speaker 3: how do you make sure not to?

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Speaker 5: But yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I think make your own investments.

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Speaker 2: That really too, like to me, being like all of

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Speaker 2: even the recent divorces like and breakups and things that

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Speaker 2: like splitting of assets and what all that entails. I

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Speaker 2: think that doing that is literally going into business with

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Speaker 2: a partner. And again y'all go hate because everything don't

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Speaker 2: last we have, But it's just like a, well, maybe

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Speaker 2: we should invest in our own separate things. So what's

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Speaker 2: mine is mine, what's yours and yours and you keep

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Speaker 2: it that way outside of the relationship.

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Speaker 1: I want to pring up with a copat well.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, or it's like there's there's yours, there's mine, and

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Speaker 4: there's hours so that like, yes, we can build something together,

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Speaker 4: but if we do need to split, neither of us

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Speaker 4: is left high and dry.

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Speaker 5: And I think that's okay.

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Speaker 1: Are you in a relationship, I'm not Do you want

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Speaker 1: to be married? I think so, you think so.

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Speaker 5: But I'm not super pressed about it.

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Speaker 1: I'm not right, girl, Okay, why what are your reasons?

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Speaker 4: I think if I, if I've found the right partner

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Speaker 4: and we allied and have the same values and want

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Speaker 4: to create a life together, I would love to get married.

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Speaker 5: But I've never been someone who felt like.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I can't wait to be a wife, or I

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Speaker 4: can't wait to get married, or like I gotta gotta

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Speaker 4: get married soon, or feel bad about being a certain age.

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Speaker 1: Do you want kids?

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Speaker 5: I don't think so.

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Speaker 1: I think I love that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so crazy because I just have a conversation

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Speaker 2: on selective ignorance about reimagining the American dream. And what's

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Speaker 2: crazy is for so many of us, it is you know,

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Speaker 2: you finish school, you go to college, you find your husband,

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Speaker 2: you get your kids, you get your white you get.

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Speaker 1: Your big house with the white pick of fence and

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Speaker 1: the dog.

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Speaker 2: And where we're at now, specifically as millennials, and because

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Speaker 2: of the economy and just where we have so much

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Speaker 2: more autonomy, not really with abortions and stuff, because the

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Speaker 2: government fucking is raggedy but where we're able to create

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Speaker 2: our own businesses, become c suite execs, and all these things,

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Speaker 2: those ideals for so many women are are not like

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Speaker 2: are what we envisioned for Our American dream looks so

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Speaker 2: much different now and it doesn't often include a man

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Speaker 2: or kids, And.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 2: I love that we're able to like even hold space

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Speaker 2: to have these conversations to let like other women know

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Speaker 2: that they're not alone, they're not weird. And also like

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Speaker 2: in my case, I have a lot of friends who

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Speaker 2: are battling with infertility and we just had if you guys,

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Speaker 2: go check out our patroon patreon dot comback slash Horrible

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Speaker 2: Decisions because it still exists. We had a conversation with

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Speaker 2: Cinnamon Love even about perimenopause and menopause, and there's all

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Speaker 2: of these things around women. Oprah is doing like a

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Speaker 2: whole menopause special, and I'm like, there's just so much

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Speaker 2: about the woman's body that nobody knows, doctors are still

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Speaker 2: figuring out. And yet y'all really planted in our minds

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Speaker 2: that all of us had to be moms. So I

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Speaker 2: love that, like we're in a place where there are

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Speaker 2: women that could be like yeah, maybe that's not for me.

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Speaker 1: The play Devil's Advocate, though it does kind of fuck

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Speaker 1: us up a little bit. I think.

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Speaker 3: One, I don't know, I want children, hm, so that's

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Speaker 3: why I think family and marriage has tied to it.

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Speaker 3: But I've always wanted success more, which is probably why

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Speaker 3: finding love happened after thirty or whatever, you know. But

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Speaker 3: something I've realized is not wanting marriage like I thought

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Speaker 3: I did when I was a teenager. It's simply because

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Speaker 3: of the success rate of it, and because I don't

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Speaker 3: see enough examples of healthy marriage now. I have seen it,

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Speaker 3: but the problem is that too many people feel like

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Speaker 3: they don't need to commit to someone as long. I

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Speaker 3: think loyalty looks different now, and so it kind of

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Speaker 3: bucks up everything for people that are looking for partnership

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Speaker 3: because you're kind of just like, all right, well, it

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Speaker 3: doesn't exist, so why would I look for it?

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Speaker 1: And it really bad? No, But it's true.

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Speaker 3: Yea, even when you think of like Japan with the

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Speaker 3: focus on you know, they have children later in life

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Speaker 3: than anyone else, and because there's such a heavy focus

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Speaker 3: on work, and I think that the child thing is

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Speaker 3: interesting because are we gonna pour into work or building

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Speaker 3: the life that we want, and it's the life that

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Speaker 3: we want that directly tied to work.

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Speaker 1: Hell yeah, because the bill don't always have to be paid.

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Speaker 1: What is it though? How are you gonna pay bills

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Speaker 1: without the money?

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Speaker 2: And unfortunately like things that are like so expensive, I keep

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Speaker 2: saying it started six dollars a one bedroom twenty five

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Speaker 2: hundred like it?

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Speaker 1: I think, I think that's what and why is millennials

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Speaker 1: and even the gen z or is like.

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Speaker 2: The amount of kids that are being had are less,

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Speaker 2: Like it's becoming inherently visible to us that the cost

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Speaker 2: of living is not possible. I mean, we talked about

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Speaker 2: a couple months ago people literally getting into relationships so

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Speaker 2: they could cohabitate to save money so that they could

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Speaker 2: split rent together, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Like it's but this point is.

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Speaker 3: Interesticuarly about being a workhorse not enjoying life.

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Speaker 4: Something else that I recently saw too, were just some

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Speaker 4: statistics around birth rates that is I think actually really

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Speaker 4: good news is that another reason why the birth rates

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Speaker 4: are lower is because teen pregnancy is like barely a

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Speaker 4: thing at this point. Really women are having their first child.

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Speaker 1: Why later, I did.

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Speaker 4: I think better sex? Said I think like things like

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Speaker 4: access to birth control.

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Speaker 5: I think they get their.

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Speaker 1: Earlier Well, now that's just like being a problematic.

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Speaker 4: Younger generations aren't having as much sex as balthiest generations

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Speaker 4: did because they don't they love.

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Speaker 1: I think they're socially awkward.

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Speaker 2: I think that the pandemic did a goddamn number on people.

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Speaker 1: Yeah it did.

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Speaker 2: And I think with sex and porn and all of

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Speaker 2: these things being in our face, I really maybe think

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Speaker 2: self pleasure is on the rise even among them. Like

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Speaker 2: I think younger younger people are having awkward It's also

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Speaker 2: I don't know if you saw this, and this is

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Speaker 2: the strangest thing.

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Speaker 1: This is probably why they not have a sex anymore.

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Speaker 2: Did you see that over fifty percent of gen Z

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Speaker 2: men said that they've never approached a woman or asked

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Speaker 2: them on a date.

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Speaker 5: But I believe it.

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Speaker 2: It's like, so y'all, really, y'all out here saying we masculine.

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Speaker 2: It's because we got to approach y'all like it picks.

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Speaker 3: Have you guys seen this video on the beach with

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Speaker 3: the guy who said he thinks he's a six and

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Speaker 3: a half but he was looking for the ten and

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Speaker 3: a girl comes to talk to him.

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Speaker 1: Has anyone seen this? Yes, I saw it.

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Speaker 3: So it's a video of a guy who is very

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Speaker 3: average looking who's looking at this other woman that I

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Speaker 3: show him, and she's hot. There's a girl who is

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Speaker 3: also average looking, who's like, he's cute. Where is he

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Speaker 3: goes up to him. They both she looked better than him,

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Speaker 3: but they both are very average. Let's just say that

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Speaker 3: the way that he treated her head down, body language,

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Speaker 3: just as if she wasn't good enough. It was so

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Speaker 3: disappointing because it really shows what we think we can

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Speaker 3: get based on the Internet or whatever it is, instead

443
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,480
Speaker 3: of someone that actually likes you, that's interested, that's like

444
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 3: int you.

445
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,360
Speaker 1: And the girl was so cute and flirty with him, like, oh,

446
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,360
Speaker 1: what do you live here?

447
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 3: And he's like, you know, like it's a very weird

448
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:39,200
Speaker 3: thing to me that we are so grossed out by

449
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 3: attention from someone.

450
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 1: And that's the problem. Women do it too, though. Have

451
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,399
Speaker 1: a guy be interested in you, Oh yeah, if you

452
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,919
Speaker 1: live what you talking to? Go a wait, oh well

453
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,120
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about luck and love.

454
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,439
Speaker 4: Joel doesn't discourage that girl from shooting her shot in

455
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,840
Speaker 4: the future, me.

456
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 2: Too, because I'm all year like I think that's probably

457
00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 2: one of the very few things that if you go

458
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:03,119
Speaker 2: all the way back to the beginning of horrible decisions,

459
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 2: I've always said she show shot slighting them DMS. I

460
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,240
Speaker 2: used to always be like, send this Jiffy Moji, like

461
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 2: if you're like, I've always sent drinks from across the

462
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,120
Speaker 2: bar to men and women.

463
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,119
Speaker 3: Is sexy, okay, I will let you know how interest. No,

464
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 3: thirst thing isn't sexy, but a flirt is cute.

465
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 4: But I think giving giving a signal, giving a green

466
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 4: light and showing interest, isn't it bad?

467
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 1: How shout out somebody?

468
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,919
Speaker 4: M No, I'm not as forward with it, but I

469
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 4: will like make eye contact with someone.

470
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,399
Speaker 5: I mean your mile. I will give them perceeds. I

471
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:35,680
Speaker 5: must give them permission to per.

472
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 2: It's so funny because me and my boyfriend were on

473
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 2: the phone Eddie he in his mind I did all

474
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,159
Speaker 2: the work and slid into his DMS. I had to

475
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,400
Speaker 2: go all the way back to last summer, like, no, sir,

476
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,440
Speaker 2: I did not slide in your DMS. You slid in

477
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,359
Speaker 2: my dam's first. And he was like, no, babe, it

478
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 2: didn't happen like that, And I said, yeah, I didn't.

479
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 2: I'm a RS like, now, yes, I liked all the

480
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 2: pictures first, so I sent the smoke right, but you

481
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 2: slid in the DMS mutual interesting and I had to

482
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 2: be like so online, like that's definitely how I do it.

483
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 3: I'm like, you know, I never a guy would have

484
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 3: never been able to get me from liking mad photos.

485
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,719
Speaker 3: I don't really look at that. I don't look at that.

486
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,120
Speaker 3: I don't look at I really.

487
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,720
Speaker 4: I'm like, it's dinent for them and especially get a

488
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:19,560
Speaker 4: lot more engagement.

489
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 1: Not only there, God, only there.

490
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,760
Speaker 2: And we talked about like when, okay, this is gonna

491
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 2: sound like this, don't y'all don't. When you have a

492
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,200
Speaker 2: blue check, you also stand out more than a guy

493
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 2: without one. So I'm not gonna notice a guy without one,

494
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 2: but one with one, you go, you gonna see it.

495
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 1: God, that sounds sod, but that sounds.

496
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:48,119
Speaker 3: Let's be normal people. Hypothetical question. Now, today is all

497
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,159
Speaker 3: about hype about luck and love. You told me that

498
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:53,920
Speaker 3: you know you've got some takes on that. So I've

499
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 3: got a question for both of you. Would you rather

500
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 3: let's say you laid out your type on the table,

501
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 3: what they had to look like, money and morals? If

502
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 3: your family could arrange a marriage based on those three

503
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 3: things to give you your type. Would you rather end

504
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:14,679
Speaker 3: up with that person forever or remain single until you

505
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 3: could possibly find that person that checks those boxes on

506
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 3: your own?

507
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,920
Speaker 2: Definitely the second one for me. I don't want any

508
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 2: arranged marriage. I don't first off, and nobody in my

509
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,560
Speaker 2: family really got the niggade won't so what I want

510
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 2: him picking my uncle.

511
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 1: But it's like, y'all ain't y'alla write money, and what

512
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 1: I realized too looks cool.

513
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 2: I mean, clearly I have a type, like I'm not

514
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 2: gonna lie again.

515
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 1: I overshare.

516
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 2: So my boyfriend knows a few of my ex partners

517
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 2: and he has a problem with him being a part

518
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 2: of my type. He hates that they all look the same.

519
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 2: But I don't care whatever, So looks as easy. I

520
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 2: think for any of my friends. Money that's subjective, and

521
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:01,399
Speaker 2: then morals I think change over time essentially. I mean,

522
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 2: you have your character, but depending on if you move,

523
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 2: how you view things, I think those things can change.

524
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 1: To me, it's energy and connection and also the bedroom.

525
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 1: So to me, those three things what it just is.

526
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 2: So those three things wouldn't even necessarily be just my

527
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:23,639
Speaker 2: top three pay you.

528
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 4: So when you were asking that question, my first thought

529
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 4: was the second one I would rather choose than myself

530
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 4: because I thought about my parents. My parents are still together, great,

531
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 4: they love that for them. They got together really young. Okay,

532
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,879
Speaker 4: so they have never chosen a partner with an adult brain.

533
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 4: They have chosen partners with like teenage brains and it

534
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 4: worked out well for them.

535
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 5: But that's their only experience with it. Doing that back

536
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 5: in the eighties.

537
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,360
Speaker 4: Versus choosing a partner for like a thirty something year

538
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:55,960
Speaker 4: old woman today.

539
00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 5: I just don't know if I trust it.

540
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,159
Speaker 1: I were also different than a woman from in the

541
00:23:59,200 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 1: eighties too.

542
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 5: Like I just want to do it myself.

543
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, if someone is picking it based on the things

544
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 3: that you want, right, they.

545
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 1: Don't know that's right. They don't know that. They don't know.

546
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 3: Let's just say you put he's got to make this much,

547
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,159
Speaker 3: he has to look like this, and they actually got it.

548
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 3: I think that still doesn't work because that's a dating app.

549
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,680
Speaker 3: When I swipe you right, it's because you already check

550
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 3: those boxes.

551
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:22,640
Speaker 4: It's also not accounting for like energy connection.

552
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 1: I mean, I have a type too.

553
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 3: But I don't know he's date them because sometimes energy

554
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 3: just takes me a different wait, right, Like I have

555
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:34,160
Speaker 3: dated so many different looking men long term because they

556
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 3: just superseded the vanity for me. Like, don't get me wrong,

557
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 3: it's sure I want to fuck my man every day,

558
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 3: and just looking at him, I get excited, but like, fuck,

559
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 3: like to me, the personality and the way he treats

560
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 3: me as god tear, Like I've been asking for something

561
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,679
Speaker 3: like that my whole life, and if it was just looks,

562
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,680
Speaker 3: I may not have gotten there. But definitely looks got

563
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 3: the door open.

564
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 1: Right.

565
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:02,160
Speaker 3: But I think what's helped me even in friendships, it's

566
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 3: not always what it looks like, Like I recently said, damn,

567
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 3: my friends do so many different things. Some are high

568
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:10,399
Speaker 3: up the corporate ladder, some are millionaires, some are still

569
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,919
Speaker 3: figuring it out, Like I'm able to find what I

570
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 3: like in that personality, And I think with relationships, we've

571
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 3: probably all become a little too shallow because when you're

572
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 3: on the dating apps, are you swiping someone left because

573
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,879
Speaker 3: they don't look the exact way you need them to

574
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 3: when they could have been fucking amazing? Because in person,

575
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 3: you vibe with someone a lot harder if they don't

576
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 3: check everything I mean, I'm sure we've all had that experience,

577
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,640
Speaker 3: Like damn, I'm kind of surprised this worked out that way,

578
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 3: but maybe he would have went left if on the app.

579
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 3: And I think we're not giving people like enough chances.

580
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 3: We're so used to that instant gratification. I wish I

581
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 3: could have met someone in person. I hate that my

582
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 3: story is for hinge, but but if it works, it works.

583
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

584
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 3: And I recently found a stat that says sixty percent

585
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 3: of people today meet online. We'll talk about that, so, okay,

586
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 3: we have a segment where we go over and basically

587
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 3: react to it.

588
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 1: This one from TikTok.

589
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 3: I'm sure you guys may have seen it or heard

590
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 3: about it, but I would love to dig in if

591
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 3: this person's guilty or not.

592
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 6: This of model is in a heap of trouble after

593
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,480
Speaker 6: a fetish allegedly went horribly wrong.

594
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 7: But was it really a fetish or was it a

595
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 7: cold blooded murder? I'll let you guys be a judge now.

596
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,640
Speaker 7: This all took place in April of twenty twenty three,

597
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:31,159
Speaker 7: and the client Dale Age fifty six, paid Mikayla riylers

598
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 7: Dam eleven thousand dollars to do this, she allegedly wrapped

599
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,120
Speaker 7: her client up in siam rap like a mommy.

600
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 6: Put adhesive in the guy's eyes to seal them shut,

601
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 6: and then super glued woman's boots onto his feet.

602
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 7: But that's not the end of it.

603
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 6: It gets even worse. He had duct tape over his mouth,

604
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 6: saran wrapped tightly around his neck, Saran wrap.

605
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 1: Over his head.

606
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 7: The guy couldn't breathe at all.

607
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 1: Now.

608
00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,119
Speaker 6: The medical examiner ultimately determined that he had all all

609
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 6: the shit all over his face, couldn't breathe for eight

610
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 6: freaking minutes, okay, and the cause of death was a phyxiation,

611
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 6: and he ruled it a homicide.

612
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 8: To make things even worse, there was a video made

613
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 8: during the time that this was all taking place of

614
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 8: Mikayla using a vibrator on herself while this guy was

615
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 8: laying on the floor dying. Police eventually arrested Mchaela in

616
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 8: February and she's being held without bond.

617
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 6: In San Diego County Jail. Mikayla's going to be back

618
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 6: in court in April, and her lawyer is saying that

619
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 6: she did not put the bag over her client. Set

620
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 6: sounds like a lot of bullshit to me, What do

621
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 6: you guys think?

622
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 1: I want to add, also, because she is married with kids. Oh,

623
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,360
Speaker 1: she is just a big and she's.

624
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 2: An OnlyFans girl that was hired by one of the

625
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,159
Speaker 2: men who I guess are on her only eleven K

626
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 2: is a lot baby death has is a lot of money.

627
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 4: But like we would have to know that, like duct

628
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 4: taping someone's mouth and wrapping them in plastic would mean this.

629
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:04,920
Speaker 1: However, that's the thing.

630
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:09,919
Speaker 2: I think that when you're new to BDSM, you assume

631
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,920
Speaker 2: that maybe this is something they've done before.

632
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 1: I have two things on this. I do feel like

633
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 1: she was inexperienced.

634
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,400
Speaker 2: However, a part of me feels like this also may

635
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 2: have been someone that she actually was seeing that threatened

636
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 2: to tell the husband. And I think this was in

637
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 2: a bit of rage that maybe their affair was going

638
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 2: to get out. I think that this actually may be

639
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 2: she killed them on purpose. The eyes shut, the mouth shut,

640
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:35,640
Speaker 2: the bag over their head, the gluing.

641
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:35,959
Speaker 1: Of the like.

642
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 2: I think that maybe you know, she glued the shoes. No, no,

643
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 2: in the eyes. The eyes were taped.

644
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 1: She they says, they sealed him glued.

645
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 5: He said he glued.

646
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 2: She glued his eyes shut, duct tape his mouth, put

647
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 2: a bag over his head, glued women's shoes onto his feet,

648
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 2: like the things that were even asked. I think that

649
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 2: even in BDSM, right knowing that we've talked to people

650
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 2: like so marvelous and and all of these different well

651
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 2: trained ds and people in the conversations that I normally

652
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 2: had beforehand, a lot you can't say no to something.

653
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 5: A lot of that, a lot of measures.

654
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: People use chloroform a lot during BDSM for kidnapping scenes,

655
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 1: and it's super common to chlor chloroform a client. I think,

656
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 1: miss me at dark, what is what is chlorofy? Chloroform

657
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: is making over.

658
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 5: No?

659
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 1: But like.

660
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 3: You know that makes you pass that, So I use

661
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 3: it a lot in BDSM. I hear it all the

662
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 3: time for kidnapping scenes. Kidnapping is very popular between toms

663
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 3: and subs. So when I'm first, you know, hearing about this,

664
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 3: but now more details are coming on, I don't even

665
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 3: know what the glue eyes, but like I'm like, I know,

666
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 3: it does get extreme because in most cases someone wants

667
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 3: to keep taking it up and up and up. If

668
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 3: you watch Florida Man, It's on HBO. First episode is

669
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 3: really funny it's a guide eating extra cash on Craigslist.

670
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 3: And there was someone that wanted to pay him six

671
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 3: k to chop his toes off, fry them, and eat them.

672
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 3: And he signed a contract to say what he'd be

673
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 3: doing to them.

674
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 1: So six k not high enough to eat some.

675
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 2: Toes and a I don't care if I don't care

676
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 2: if shula hot sauce on the side to put them things.

677
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 1: What is we talking about.

678
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 2: I'm not eating toes fried boiled saltat garlic.

679
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not doing either. I'm not cutting or

680
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 1: eating toads. Six grand.

681
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 2: No ship on me, baby, I take the ship for

682
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 2: the six grand.

683
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 1: I'd rather eat, but I'm I'm not.

684
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 3: I'm imagine you gotta like keep going with the knife

685
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 3: because it's think about when you're cutting his tis tough stick.

686
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 2: Now you get the machete, bitch and just stop one

687
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 2: thing is well either way, I'm basically no, that's terrible.

688
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 2: But what's interesting about the episode is that it really

689
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 2: wasn't the guy wanting his toes cut. When you watch

690
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 2: the scene, right when the knife lifts up, you go

691
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 2: stops off sop. So it's the thrill and what I

692
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 2: think is kind of hard for sex workers to figure

693
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 2: out is how much is of this is the thrill

694
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 2: and how much do you want to be scared. I

695
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 2: also interviewed a DOM who told me that she does

696
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 2: contracts and consent forms.

697
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 3: But she said, I wonder if that holds up, and

698
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 3: she said, they actually don't really hold up. They're a

699
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 3: little bit of a barrier for yourself, but they don't

700
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 3: really work.

701
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 1: She says, they do them with every intense scene.

702
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 3: But what's interesting is even if someone signs it, let's

703
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 3: just say she spanks someone, they can call the police

704
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 3: take her to jail, because it's still assaults assault. You

705
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 3: can never consent to someone assaulting you. That's not legal yet,

706
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 3: but neither is sex work. So if you're doing this

707
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 3: as a sex act paid well, this type of or

708
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 3: legal depends on where you do it. Because this is

709
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 3: considered acting in role play. This is an exchange of

710
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 3: service for something else. In court, if it's not penetrated

711
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 3: sex or anything with genital is exposed, et cetera, this

712
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 3: is legal what she just did. That's why dungeons are legal.

713
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 3: Sex itself is legal prostitution.

714
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 1: In the United States.

715
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 3: Penetrative sex and oral sex exchanging money for that that

716
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 3: type of scene is not, which is crazy when you

717
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 3: think about it. But that's why dungeons are legal. It's

718
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 3: considered like acting studios on some of their forms. I

719
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 3: learned that on sex mills, but I thought it was crazy.

720
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 3: The reason sex clubs are legal is because people are

721
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 3: paying an entry fee to a space.

722
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 2: That it's not a seblic space. Yeah, it's not a

723
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 2: public space either. It's considered private. But yeah, I'm not

724
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 2: gonna hold you. I know about the glue on eyes,

725
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,239
Speaker 2: but I don't know if she killed them on. I

726
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 2: think she just was an.

727
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 1: Experienced I think both things can be true.

728
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 2: I definitely don't know what I'm saying, but a part

729
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 2: of me feels like there may be been some underlying

730
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 2: mallae or she was or she was inexperienced, one or

731
00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 2: the other. But a part of me like hearing the

732
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 2: details me the mouth, the eyes, like I get putting

733
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 2: a plastic bag over someone's head, even the gluing of

734
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 2: women's shoes, women boots his feet.

735
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: I don't know.

736
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 5: And but it's the video part though.

737
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 4: If she intended to kill him, why would she make

738
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 4: Yeah that's a good video.

739
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 2: Well maybe she didn't look in the laws and thought

740
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 2: that that was gonna s neighbor and maybe she could

741
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 2: say he requested all of them.

742
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 1: Maybe that was her maybe saving grace.

743
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 3: How Mary in her video though, if we ever see

744
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 3: him being excited about what she's doing, it's a wrap

745
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 3: because you will see consents from or her being like

746
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 3: you've been bad or no. Like it's obvious to see

747
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 3: if someone's turned on by it, like if he's a gimp,

748
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 3: and do you know.

749
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 1: What that is? No, a gimp.

750
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 5: I'm learning so much.

751
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 3: Oh, it's getting horrible, you know when you see the

752
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 3: guy in the late text and they're like not talking

753
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 3: and maybe you haven't seen No, let me get.

754
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 1: A picture left, you know.

755
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 2: You know with this though, I would correlate it to

756
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 2: and why there's no saving race in this matter. It

757
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 2: reminds me of rip, the instance that just happened with

758
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 2: the fraternity and hazing where that where that.

759
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 1: Man lost his life from the hazing.

760
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 2: If you join us, you know, fraternity sorority, there's normally

761
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 2: an element of hazing and it kind of is consensual

762
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,800
Speaker 2: because you're going into it. And still those two boys

763
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 2: were charged with one was charged with I think they're

764
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:30,759
Speaker 2: both involuntary manslaughter or one is an accessory, but nonetheless

765
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:31,760
Speaker 2: they're being charged.

766
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: But it doesn't different than consensual be you No, it's.

767
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 2: But it's consensual. It's a consensual act and even though

768
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:39,160
Speaker 2: it's not sex.

769
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 5: At all, consenting to something that could Yes, you're because.

770
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 2: You're you know that hazing is a part of joining

771
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 2: a fraternity or fraternity.

772
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,279
Speaker 1: He agreed to be. I think it was he was

773
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 1: being paddled or something, right.

774
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 4: I don't I read that it was something like some

775
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 4: sort of chest chess, like getting hit in the chest and.

776
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:54,720
Speaker 1: His heart stopped.

777
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 2: And yeah, but like you know, you're you're signing up

778
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 2: essentially to be is a part of almost the ritual

779
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 2: to go in.

780
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: You're essentially also consenting.

781
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 3: Hazing isn't always beating though, Mandy, and it's no, it's

782
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 3: not always. But I'm saying, like if you watch drum line,

783
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 3: they yeah, I'm not saying at all things.

784
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 1: But he consented.

785
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:15,759
Speaker 2: I know this, But he consented at the moment, so

786
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 2: what this act was and both guys are charged, so yeah,

787
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:21,320
Speaker 2: like he could have said no.

788
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 1: I'm not down for this part of hazing.

789
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 2: I'm not saying all hazing is at any part at

790
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:31,399
Speaker 2: all physical or traumatic or beating. But some of it is,

791
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:33,920
Speaker 2: and we're aware that that's the history that we've been

792
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 2: told about, the hazing rituals that's associated to fraternities and sororities.

793
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 2: And so is sex work, which is what I was saying.

794
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 2: Even if there's not this penetrative thing, she was engaging

795
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 2: in a form of sex work, which is why too

796
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,800
Speaker 2: when I had my foot page, they they literally removed

797
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 2: it because your online legally though, Like that's what I'm saying,

798
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,360
Speaker 2: you can buy those services that she did as a

799
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 2: down Legally, he's saying hazing is illegal. You're saying, sure,

800
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,439
Speaker 2: if it's penetrative, that's literally what makes it legal, though,

801
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 2: like you actually have to account for that. If she

802
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 2: was doing something illegal, that'd be the conversation.

803
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 1: He's saying, hazing is illegal.

804
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,279
Speaker 3: No, there isn't a caveat for well, sex work if

805
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 3: it's penetrative or not. No, No, what she did was

806
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 3: in it was a legal exchange of money for that

807
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 3: service she offered.

808
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, but attempted murder can't like so even say, you

809
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:24,720
Speaker 2: know what I mean, like the fact that she's charged

810
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 2: with the death of his imagine if someone said, hey,

811
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 2: I want you to shoot me in here, you could

812
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 2: still be charged because even if a person asked to

813
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 2: be shy right like, you can't do that.

814
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: It's still almost attempted murder. That's the thing about. You

815
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 1: can't consent to someone assaulting you.

816
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I wonder if those laws, because that's technically

817
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 3: what you're saying about the hazing. I wonder if somewhere

818
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 3: around the world that isn't illegal, because you have to think,

819
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,879
Speaker 3: like in Germany where there's very loose or Netherlands where very.

820
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 1: Loose prostitution laws. Maybe oh damn, that tripped. It's all.

821
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 3: But like I'm just thinking to myself, there has to

822
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 3: be some kind of place where that comes up. Because

823
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,439
Speaker 3: if I'm saying to you one which was thinking really

824
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 3: hard to do this, and then I go to the

825
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 3: doctor and they see a little bruise, don't take my

826
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:11,479
Speaker 3: husband in jail.

827
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 1: We was having fun.

828
00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 3: Anyway, Speaking of husbands and partners and loving things, We're

829
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 3: going to get into the history of luck with dating,

830
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 3: and I have a bunch of things to read about

831
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 3: how people meet.

832
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 1: But tell us why you wanted to get into this

833
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 1: conversation or what peaked in your brain?

834
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, so it was maybe like a month ago.

835
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 4: Over Valentine's Day, there was a lot of discourse on

836
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:39,359
Speaker 4: TikTok around the idea of like self love when it

837
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,920
Speaker 4: comes to like meeting somebody. There was somebody who had

838
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 4: posted a video talking about basically like being sick of

839
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:48,360
Speaker 4: partnered people, telling single people just love yourself more and

840
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 4: then you'll meet somebody.

841
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 5: You know, Oh, it's meant to happen.

842
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 4: And it was like this whole big thing that went

843
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 4: on for like several days around Valentine's say, it probably

844
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,839
Speaker 4: comes up every year, but when that happened, it got

845
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:03,760
Speaker 4: me to thinking about just that whole exchange and about

846
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,759
Speaker 4: how people will often say that self love is like

847
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:10,799
Speaker 4: the key to finding somebody or whatever, and I had

848
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:16,359
Speaker 4: a different perspective. My thought is meeting somebody often is luck.

849
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,839
Speaker 4: Self love is how you keep somebody around and don't

850
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 4: self sabotage and fuck it up.

851
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:23,880
Speaker 2: You know what else I want to add to that

852
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 2: self love and what I've realized even within some of

853
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 2: my friends, when you actually as a woman, reach the

854
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 2: point of peace self love, enjoy your space, enjoy your friends.

855
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 2: The least likely you care about getting in a relationship

856
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,879
Speaker 2: at all. I've been talking to my friends a lot

857
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:46,360
Speaker 2: who are at the age and a lot of my

858
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 2: friends are older than me. They're all like thirty eight

859
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 2: to forty, and for the most part, they've gotten so

860
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:56,839
Speaker 2: content with living alone, paying their own bills and just

861
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:00,120
Speaker 2: being able to exist without all the drama that it

862
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:02,359
Speaker 2: comes with. And maybe too because they're dating and men

863
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:06,760
Speaker 2: are fucking men suck. Let's be very clear that they're like, Damn.

864
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:13,239
Speaker 2: The longer, the longer that I'm finding enjoyable time with myself,

865
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,240
Speaker 2: the more I like just lighting my candles and watching

866
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 2: the shows I like, the least desire I have, or

867
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 2: the less desire I have to.

868
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:23,320
Speaker 1: Date or entertain anyone.

869
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 2: And they're like, WHOA, I didn't know actually enjoying being

870
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,040
Speaker 2: by myself was gonna make me not give a fuck

871
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 2: if I had a man or not. Like that's been

872
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 2: The conversation is that once you're actually no longer seeking

873
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 2: validation or waiting for a man to show up to

874
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,399
Speaker 2: bring whatever happiness is missing, the least likely you are

875
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 2: to even put yourself out there to care to find

876
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 2: someone else.

877
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 3: That's only easy though, when you don't want kids to me.

878
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 3: When you don't have that hunger for children, you're not

879
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 3: against the clock, and when you have that biological clock

880
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:59,320
Speaker 3: ticking of, like damn, I gotta hurry this up, that's

881
00:39:59,360 --> 00:39:59,959
Speaker 3: really what fuck.

882
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:04,160
Speaker 2: I think that's the great thing about I have three

883
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 2: friends total now, three all have gone through IVF, so

884
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,560
Speaker 2: all three of them have eggs frozen, and another one

885
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 2: is actually looking now for either potentially her ex partner

886
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 2: or looking through possibly finding a partner to inseminate to

887
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:25,400
Speaker 2: form embryos. And knowing what Ebanie Cages did, she was

888
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 2: like at forty, if I'm not.

889
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 1: Married yet, I want to be a mom.

890
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 2: I think what's amazing now is because we're women of

891
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 2: wealth status creating our own like kind of lies for ourselves.

892
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:42,440
Speaker 2: I'm really enjoying seeing my friends navigate deciding to still

893
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:43,880
Speaker 2: have motherhood without partnership.

894
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 1: Independence is good.

895
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 3: But like even before I was about to freeze my eggs,

896
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 3: there's a part of this conversation that's not.

897
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,279
Speaker 1: I don't want to be anti feminist, but.

898
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:00,120
Speaker 3: To know that it's so hard to meet meant to

899
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:04,280
Speaker 3: have a great family dynamic with is kind of depressing.

900
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 5: It likes disheartening.

901
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 1: Sure that yeah, we.

902
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 3: Can cheer on our friends and ourselves for that, but

903
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 3: like this shit sucks. I love that we can have

904
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 3: autonomy to do that. And what Ebany did, especially at

905
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 3: her age, is bomb. She was almost wasn't she engaged

906
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 3: or something or dating someone? Then was like, fuck it,

907
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,400
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do it. That's what made Everny story so

908
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 3: great to me. But at thirty or twenty nine, I

909
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:30,240
Speaker 3: was really about to freeze my eggs or a freeze

910
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 3: in embryo with my best friend, and I didn't want

911
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 3: to have a fucking kid with my gay best friend.

912
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,760
Speaker 3: But at the same time, I felt that much pressure

913
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 3: and that little of.

914
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 1: Faith in love. So I think there's a few things.

915
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 3: That are happening with the self love conversation. One, the

916
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 3: desperation surrounding relationships is what makes them, to me impossible

917
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,759
Speaker 3: to find too fucking desperate. Oh, we all have a

918
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 3: friend that every time they go out there like you

919
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like that, damn bitch, can we

920
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 3: just drink? I've felt that energy from a front and

921
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 3: I was like, girl, you need to this is just

922
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 3: for us.

923
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: Now. When that starts to happen, I really.

924
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 3: Think men just become completely like we're both like I've

925
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:14,879
Speaker 3: seen all of my homeboys tell me like yep, bro,

926
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 3: like we're on date one two. Don't get me wrong,

927
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 3: fine to talk about the things you want in life,

928
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 3: but like, are we in alignment?

929
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 1: Like this chill? Do you know what movies he likes?

930
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 1: Do you know any interests? Are you guys compatible?

931
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 3: I think the other issue too, with how men are

932
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 3: carrying on relationships is that, because of all the ethical

933
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 3: non monogamy talk, the polyamory, the more that we're on

934
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,959
Speaker 3: dating apps, it feels like you don't really need to

935
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:44,800
Speaker 3: pour into anyone anymore. And the more that you feel

936
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 3: like that from the people that you date, the more

937
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,840
Speaker 3: you want to do this thing on your own. I

938
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 3: don't really know how great it'll be when we're sixty

939
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 3: and there's a bunch of kids that haven't met their

940
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 3: dad or grew up with a single mom. Because a

941
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 3: lot of my friends that are single moms aren't happy

942
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 3: about it.

943
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 1: I can maybe name.

944
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:08,239
Speaker 2: One if that I don't really need them. No, that's

945
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:10,359
Speaker 2: why I don't want kids. The one thing I can

946
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 2: control is not being a single mom. If I don't

947
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 2: have kids, if I have a guarantee that there's no

948
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 2: way to guarantee it.

949
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:19,319
Speaker 1: There's literally no way.

950
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 2: And growing up growing up in a single parent household

951
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 2: and then also having so many friends that are single

952
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 2: moms probably the worst thing in the world. I'm sorry,

953
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 2: sorry for all the single moms out there. It's the

954
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:37,200
Speaker 2: most depressing role in life that I've been a product

955
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 2: of that I've witnessed, that I've partookn and that now

956
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 2: as an adult, I see it from an outside lens

957
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:45,759
Speaker 2: where my friends are calling me crying because and they're

958
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,360
Speaker 2: doing it all alone, or they're showing that me that

959
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 2: since last November they've gotten one hundred dollars from the

960
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:54,839
Speaker 2: baby daddy through a cash app, you know what I mean,

961
00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:58,400
Speaker 2: Or that their daughter has never met going on seventeen

962
00:43:58,440 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 2: years old, never really even met the.

963
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 3: That's it's scary about the freezing of the eggs and

964
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 3: us getting so accepting of doing this alone.

965
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 1: I really hope that like men encourage each other more.

966
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:12,239
Speaker 3: And I'm seeing a lot of content around it, around it,

967
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 3: but just celebrating being a family dynamic and unit. Like

968
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 3: I saw this clip of doctor Umer and he was like,

969
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 3: you know, I might have married one of my baby

970
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 3: mamas if they just gave me more time. One of

971
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,839
Speaker 3: my daughter's mothers probably would have got a ring out

972
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:28,800
Speaker 3: of me if they just gave me more time, because

973
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 3: marriage is such a big decision and.

974
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, baby ate so crazy to watch because I

975
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 1: really that's what I think. We need to start encouraging

976
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,760
Speaker 1: courage before Oh, I think we need to start encouraging

977
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 1: the sectomies.

978
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 9: But I.

979
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 1: Curiod. Okay, So with that conversation, luck with meeting people.

980
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:55,839
Speaker 5: Meeting people is all luck.

981
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 4: I think people make it sound like the minute you

982
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:02,479
Speaker 4: fully love yourself, somebody appears and sure, when you are

983
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,919
Speaker 4: in a good space and you're putting out good energy, yes,

984
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 4: that good energy comes back.

985
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 1: So many people.

986
00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 4: It is absolutely a numbers game because how many people

987
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 4: do you know who are with somebody who was like, oh,

988
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 4: you loved yourself fully with this right?

989
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:15,879
Speaker 5: Oh, it's luck.

990
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,399
Speaker 4: It's being in the right place at the right time,

991
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 4: swiping right at the right time, like eval.

992
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:26,760
Speaker 1: Being in the right bar at the right time, ringing together.

993
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 9: That's what's different. Get eating out there. It's a lot

994
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 9: of y'all. I'm talking to you, bitch, whoever you are.

995
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 9: Every time you're in the house and you're like oh,

996
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 9: I'm such a good kiddidate to Befe because I don't

997
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 9: do anything.

998
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 3: Don't you don't care, go outside, go with your girls,

999
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 3: have fucking fun with your friends. You don't have a community.

1000
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 3: You need to connect with one. Not having friends, not

1001
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,120
Speaker 3: going out with those girls that are getting drinks on Fridays,

1002
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 3: like that's not cute. You better start having your own

1003
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 3: life because when you meet someone and you don't have

1004
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 3: your own life, they're gonna be like, damn, why is

1005
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 3: she on my ass all the time?

1006
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:03,919
Speaker 4: And if you not, if you settle down, you have kids,

1007
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 4: whatever the amount of time that you're gonna have for

1008
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:08,319
Speaker 4: yourself to actually do what you want to do, your

1009
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 4: windle down, so you got to enjoy it while you

1010
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 4: have it time.

1011
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:14,560
Speaker 1: Me and my man think we should go home.

1012
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 2: He goes, we know in two years, baby, you're gonna

1013
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 2: be pregnant, so we should stay out tonight.

1014
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 1: We've been saying shit like that, and it's genuinely my thought.

1015
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 3: Even when I didn't have him in my life, I

1016
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 3: would make jokes with myself like let me go out

1017
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:29,839
Speaker 3: girls single and free and something I have in Nohl's barred.

1018
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:32,359
Speaker 3: A friend of mine, Rashida I was crying to her

1019
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 3: at one of her birthday dinners because I was going

1020
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:35,360
Speaker 3: through a breakup and I was like, I feel so

1021
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:36,360
Speaker 3: bad to be going through this.

1022
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 1: I'm so sad around you. She's like, why are you

1023
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:39,319
Speaker 1: so sad?

1024
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 3: I was like, I can't believe I fucked up again,

1025
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,400
Speaker 3: and she said, baby, this made me your last summer single.

1026
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 1: It might be and you.

1027
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,480
Speaker 3: Want to spend it in tears, and we've all been

1028
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 3: through that. I don't give a fuck what high horse

1029
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:55,399
Speaker 3: you're on. Everybody has spent time they shouldn't have reading

1030
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 3: a relationship.

1031
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 1: Yep. I'm telling you.

1032
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:59,919
Speaker 2: If you don't pick your right back up now, you're

1033
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:07,640
Speaker 2: being unlocky.

1034
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:11,240
Speaker 1: Okay, So let's talk about how people met now.

1035
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 3: In nineteen thirty eight, twenty percent of couples met through family,

1036
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 3: twenty percent men at school, and twenty percent met through friends.

1037
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:23,280
Speaker 1: By nineteen ninety nine.

1038
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 3: Thirty percent met through friends, fifteen percent met through coworkers,

1039
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 3: and the rest were at bars.

1040
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:32,799
Speaker 1: Which makes sense.

1041
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:37,240
Speaker 2: They just said that the millennial generation spent the most

1042
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:42,839
Speaker 2: money in alcohol consumption, and believe it, gen Z, it's

1043
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 2: completely fell from there, but it's because they're all fucking

1044
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 2: eating tide pods and on drugs.

1045
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,680
Speaker 5: Now casual in the club wasn't cheap?

1046
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 2: Is that it was judged to.

1047
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:54,520
Speaker 1: Like you were.

1048
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,279
Speaker 4: But they had a little mini skirt I had the

1049
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:01,680
Speaker 4: peplum had so many peplams man.

1050
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:03,799
Speaker 3: Now sixty percent of couples in twenty twenty four where

1051
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 3: do they meet online?

1052
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:06,279
Speaker 1: For sure?

1053
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:09,240
Speaker 3: It went from thirty percent of friends twenty years ago

1054
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 3: to thirteen percent.

1055
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:12,040
Speaker 1: And you know what's crazy.

1056
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 3: When I meet couples that are in their forties or

1057
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 3: fifties and I just start to talk to them, they

1058
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 3: always talk about either how they met out at a

1059
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 3: party or a friend introduce them. And I kind of

1060
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:24,239
Speaker 3: wish that my friends were more open to this. I

1061
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 3: don't know how y'all feel, but I've been out recently

1062
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 3: and done this twice in the last year, seen someone

1063
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:35,240
Speaker 3: fine and sent them my friend's Instagram, and my homegirls

1064
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 3: thought it was fucking crazy and weird. One of them

1065
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:39,280
Speaker 3: went on like five dates with a guy they were vibing.

1066
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 3: But I feel like we should be doing this more.

1067
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 3: I made a comment when you did a vanilla shit

1068
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,840
Speaker 3: of the girl holding up the profonal.

1069
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:48,280
Speaker 1: Was like, that's crazy.

1070
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 3: But now I'm doing it because I really feel like

1071
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 3: a lot of my friends are so discouraged because they're

1072
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:56,319
Speaker 3: unlucky in love right now. And I'm just like, if

1073
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 3: you pitches ain't in the streets, I'm goa go give.

1074
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 4: Well, that was the initial premise of I mean, I

1075
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 4: remember hinge back in the day where you had to

1076
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,680
Speaker 4: be you had to have mutuals with somebody. Everybody you

1077
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 4: saw was a mutual. Yeah, you had to have friends

1078
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 4: in comments.

1079
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 1: Oh I didn't.

1080
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 5: That was why it was called hinge, like there was

1081
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 5: a connecting point.

1082
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's definitely not that now.

1083
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 2: No, my friend Hinge scrolling niggas in Alabama, Like I'd

1084
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 2: be like, girl, you.

1085
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:24,439
Speaker 1: Get all you help you Alabama DC. But a lot

1086
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 1: of men, which.

1087
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 2: Y'all is weird on the dating apps, especially if you pay,

1088
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:33,360
Speaker 2: and of course they now make it to where most

1089
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 2: of the apps rya hinge all the things. In order

1090
00:49:36,719 --> 00:49:39,240
Speaker 2: to be able to see matches or have more access,

1091
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 2: you gotta pay. And apparently one of the benefits that

1092
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 2: they do is they allow you to put the location

1093
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:47,440
Speaker 2: you want to be at. Because Atlanta is such a

1094
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 2: fucking mecca of so many women, so many successful black,

1095
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 2: bomb ass pretty ass women, majority of the men on

1096
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 2: the dating apps do not even live in Atlanta.

1097
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 1: Wow, that's interesting.

1098
00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:01,720
Speaker 2: The DC, they're Alabama, they're Jacksonville, they're the surrounding states.

1099
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 2: And literally my friend is like, bruh, none of these

1100
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 2: many to live here. They're all like, well, I can

1101
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:09,000
Speaker 2: come or you could come here. But she's meeting so

1102
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,800
Speaker 2: many men on these dating apps that literally aren't even within.

1103
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:13,520
Speaker 3: This So hold on, that's interesting you bring that up

1104
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:15,239
Speaker 3: because annamar and White. I don't know if you know

1105
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:15,560
Speaker 3: who he is.

1106
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had Anna war on the show. He was

1107
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 1: on your show.

1108
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, so Ana Warre said on the show he put

1109
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:23,800
Speaker 3: or you should put the passport on and you should

1110
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 3: start looking at other cities.

1111
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:27,680
Speaker 1: I think that's not that bad.

1112
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 2: The only thing is to me, and it's what I'm

1113
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:33,040
Speaker 2: realizing even with my partner, like we've been lucky to

1114
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:38,280
Speaker 2: now since January see each other every two to three weeks.

1115
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:44,360
Speaker 2: But even with that long distance relationship costs money.

1116
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:45,280
Speaker 1: It's an investment.

1117
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:47,359
Speaker 2: And I think, again going back to what we were

1118
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:51,240
Speaker 2: talking about with the economy, it's gonna take two people

1119
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 2: willing to have that extra bit of funds to invest

1120
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 2: to see each other. So where my friend is currently

1121
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:57,719
Speaker 2: looking for work.

1122
00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:00,560
Speaker 1: They may even keep her Monday through Friday in her city.

1123
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:03,319
Speaker 2: What's the reality of meeting someone else too that has

1124
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 2: the ability for y'all to co exist. And then let's

1125
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,719
Speaker 2: not even talk about the kid thing. I will say

1126
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 2: what I'm what I'm really noticing is the swapping with

1127
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:16,359
Speaker 2: co parenting. I'm hearing of so many more men that

1128
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:20,360
Speaker 2: are literally having custody of children every other week, So

1129
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 2: that's impacting how my friends date. My friends are damn

1130
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:27,200
Speaker 2: near in bi weekly date relationships with these men because

1131
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 2: they have their kids every Thursday through Sunday, and that's

1132
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:33,720
Speaker 2: causing my friends not to be able to even be around.

1133
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 2: So it's really interesting to even see my friends navigating

1134
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 2: fathers who are actually active and how it's impacting how

1135
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 2: often they're even able to see my homegirls. It's really

1136
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 2: crazy as adults, the limitations of dating not only just

1137
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 2: age facts, like it's a lot of factors like co parenting, jobs, money,

1138
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 2: and yeah, and just logistics of dating.

1139
00:51:58,520 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 1: The long distance thing.

1140
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 3: I mean, you're in one now, and so I was

1141
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 3: on oh for my birthday trip. My friend came to

1142
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 3: Loom with her husband and they are a great couple

1143
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:11,879
Speaker 3: just left their wedding in Mexico City.

1144
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:14,120
Speaker 1: So we're talking about how they met and.

1145
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 3: Connected and what they were doing because they met during

1146
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 3: the pandemic and they were like, man, we was doing

1147
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:20,920
Speaker 3: in virtual dates for the museums and doing this and

1148
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:23,480
Speaker 3: doing that. And when they left, my boyfriend and I

1149
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:26,720
Speaker 3: were like, they probably connected so hard on the phone

1150
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 3: and FaceTime because that was considered a date. Imagine if

1151
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:35,240
Speaker 3: everybody had at least two to three phone conversations before

1152
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:37,560
Speaker 3: they met someone in person. They made me think about

1153
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 3: you because you really connected with your partner on the phone.

1154
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:41,800
Speaker 1: For like eight months.

1155
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:45,680
Speaker 3: So he's like, you get so invested in that person

1156
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:47,399
Speaker 3: that you're like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna see this through.

1157
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:49,799
Speaker 3: And it made me think how many times have I

1158
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:51,160
Speaker 3: been on a date where I'm like, oh, he had

1159
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 3: one little I'm okay with this now, but what if

1160
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 3: I really fucked you on the phone whatever.

1161
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 1: On the other side, my friend BRIOND.

1162
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:02,560
Speaker 3: Is dating right now, and I'm like thinking to myself, well, damn,

1163
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:04,200
Speaker 3: you don't want to connect too much with someone if

1164
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:07,839
Speaker 3: you don't vibe in person. But it's so difficult because yes,

1165
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:12,239
Speaker 3: you want to have some kind of connection before.

1166
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 1: You meet a little bit.

1167
00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:15,960
Speaker 3: I had a rule, I gotta at least hear your

1168
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 3: voice voice, no voice message, phone call. I need that

1169
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:21,400
Speaker 3: before we see each other in person. Curious to know

1170
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 3: for your dating online.

1171
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 1: Experiences because sixty percent of people meet online, so we've

1172
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:28,120
Speaker 1: got to expect the listeners are meeting them people online.

1173
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:30,279
Speaker 1: Did you have any rules while dating online? And do

1174
00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:30,879
Speaker 1: you have any now?

1175
00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm not dating online now and I haven't

1176
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 4: for a while, but I feel like when I did,

1177
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 4: I usually would do like a phone call with people

1178
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:40,439
Speaker 4: beforehand before meeting in person.

1179
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 2: I mean, for me, it's not dating apps. It's Instagram

1180
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 2: that I'm finding people that are attractive. That's how I

1181
00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 2: met my partner now and then my excitmental zoom. And

1182
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 2: if y'all been listening, there's been very little online dating

1183
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 2: for me. I don't like the element of swiping and

1184
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 2: just that it takes too long. And that's what I'm noticing.

1185
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 2: Even with my home now, they'll literally be in your

1186
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 2: dams for weeks and it's like, not set up a date,

1187
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 2: not do that.

1188
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:05,799
Speaker 1: And to me it's just.

1189
00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:07,319
Speaker 5: Like does it also feel like work to you?

1190
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 4: Because I was on app it felt the same as

1191
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:13,399
Speaker 4: like responding to my DMSc. It felt exactly the same.

1192
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:15,000
Speaker 4: And I was like, I don't I don't like this.

1193
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 1: I didn't like it.

1194
00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:18,759
Speaker 3: I think that the bumble app where women had to

1195
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:22,080
Speaker 3: write first actually really really hurt us.

1196
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:24,440
Speaker 1: I swear to god it let men be like they

1197
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:25,840
Speaker 1: gonna come fus. I'm good.

1198
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,960
Speaker 3: It's like, in some ways it was great because we

1199
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 3: learned how to get that going, but nobody wants to

1200
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 3: make the first move anymore, Like they really don't unless

1201
00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:37,120
Speaker 3: you're in a club and you just pulling somebody like.

1202
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:40,279
Speaker 5: You got to give some sort of like green green light.

1203
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:43,400
Speaker 3: How do we fucking blindly get these traders jos niggas.

1204
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:46,360
Speaker 3: Let me tell you my homegirl said this, and she's

1205
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:50,040
Speaker 3: married too. She was in Trader Joe's downtown, our Whole

1206
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:52,960
Speaker 3: Foods downtown, Los Angeles. She called me and was like,

1207
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 3: are you still single? Sort of God, this is a

1208
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 3: real phone conversation.

1209
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 1: I was like no. She's like, bitch, tell somebody tell

1210
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:00,800
Speaker 1: a guy, damn friend.

1211
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 3: She's like, the Whole food downtown has so many good

1212
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:05,880
Speaker 3: looking men, and I think that they're all in a

1213
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:08,080
Speaker 3: group chat talking about this is where you learn to

1214
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:09,440
Speaker 3: find women like this is where you go.

1215
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 2: This is the plate if you go to not in Atlanta, baby,

1216
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 2: I'll go to the Whole Foods.

1217
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:17,799
Speaker 4: Like hot bar at like seven pm on like a

1218
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 4: Friday night. That's this very specific. I used to live

1219
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:22,359
Speaker 4: next to a Whole food which one it was when

1220
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,280
Speaker 4: I lived in La It was in Pla Vista, Okay,

1221
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 4: And it was right next to a gym, So all

1222
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 4: the cute dudes will work out at the gym right

1223
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:30,640
Speaker 4: after go to Whole Foods, go to the bar, say no,

1224
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:31,080
Speaker 4: they're not.

1225
00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:32,280
Speaker 1: Cooking their food. They're not cooking.

1226
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 5: I pan of Whole Foods before I went to I went.

1227
00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:36,800
Speaker 2: To Trader Joe's after walking the belt line in Atlanta,

1228
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:38,440
Speaker 2: and I look over and.

1229
00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:40,839
Speaker 1: I was like, girl, follow him on Twitter. He met

1230
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:45,400
Speaker 1: the fuck over? He he oh hold but like brawlic tall,

1231
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:46,720
Speaker 1: like had a little braids.

1232
00:55:46,719 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 2: And I was like, bitch, I follow him on ex

1233
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:51,279
Speaker 2: I rolling my pussy to that nigga. She said, oh,

1234
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 2: I got because all the gays on eggs living in Atlanta,

1235
00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 2: and so I was like, well that too, but that too,

1236
00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh my god, I'm me just

1237
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:02,759
Speaker 2: seeing someone I want to say Jack all too, and

1238
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:03,839
Speaker 2: I don't check at the.

1239
00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:07,200
Speaker 3: Well we learn the piece of advice since we're at

1240
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:08,839
Speaker 3: the end of them, so we may need to leave

1241
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 3: a piece of advice that worked for us while dating

1242
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:13,440
Speaker 3: I ral or online.

1243
00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:15,680
Speaker 1: Because it does feel like you're never gonna find him.

1244
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,280
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just luck. It is. It's just luck.

1245
00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 2: It is as much luck if you win the lottery.

1246
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:24,120
Speaker 1: I think you. Actually, my advice would be.

1247
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:28,440
Speaker 3: I wasn't actively doing it for a relationship, but I

1248
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:30,960
Speaker 3: will say at the time I met my partner, I

1249
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:32,920
Speaker 3: was making a promise to myself. I'm going on at

1250
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:34,640
Speaker 3: least three dates a month, That's what I was saying.

1251
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:36,880
Speaker 3: I was like, but I'm not going to be sitting

1252
00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:39,360
Speaker 3: here mad about the other guy that did something or

1253
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:41,800
Speaker 3: didn't text back as fast. Let me just keep myself

1254
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:44,400
Speaker 3: busy and start like learning how to date again. Because

1255
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:47,040
Speaker 3: I had a lot of PTSD and I was kind

1256
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 3: of doing the same I.

1257
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 1: Don't know, song and dance on dates.

1258
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:52,400
Speaker 3: I was bringing up my ex often on dates and

1259
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:55,279
Speaker 3: bad relationships or things men did that I didn't like.

1260
00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:57,440
Speaker 3: And I was bringing a lot of weird ass energy

1261
00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,359
Speaker 3: to first dates. And I would recommend for no woman

1262
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:01,520
Speaker 3: to do that. Why how does he know my ex.

1263
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:02,000
Speaker 1: Cheated on me?

1264
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:03,480
Speaker 5: They don't need to know anything.

1265
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:06,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, as far as they're now, you've been treated amazingly

1266
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:09,920
Speaker 4: by everybody forever. That's all they need to know until

1267
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 4: unless you actually establish something with them. They only need

1268
00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:15,640
Speaker 4: to know that you're used to being treated the best.

1269
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 4: Like then if you tell them how bad you've been

1270
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:19,520
Speaker 4: treated before, they'll be like, oh cool, the.

1271
00:57:19,440 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 5: Bar's down here.

1272
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:23,960
Speaker 1: Yep, yeah, I mean I am nothing. We talked eight.

1273
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:26,920
Speaker 2: Months before getting together, and it's so interesting because just

1274
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 2: recently have we both started talking about our previous relationships

1275
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:33,840
Speaker 2: essentially and what things went wrong.

1276
00:57:33,960 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 1: Like even in.

1277
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 2: Terms of how we talk, I was like, oh yeah,

1278
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:37,760
Speaker 2: me and Mix never got on the phone. It's because

1279
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:39,720
Speaker 2: he was twenty minutes away. He always just came over.

1280
00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 2: And now it's so different because in my relationship now,

1281
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:45,880
Speaker 2: because it's long distance, we're on the phone every day,

1282
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:48,800
Speaker 2: and I'm like, this is different for me, And so

1283
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:51,680
Speaker 2: I was like, damn, I realize I don't know how

1284
00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:54,280
Speaker 2: you existed in your previous relationships and we're just now

1285
00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 2: talking about those things now.

1286
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:56,920
Speaker 1: Damn.

1287
00:57:57,120 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 2: Like yeah, because we got to learn each other from family.

1288
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 2: What we do and who we are is not crazy.

1289
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,800
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go through the tag. I'm a fine Oh.

1290
00:58:05,680 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 1: What was your name? I'm a final ho.

1291
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:09,800
Speaker 3: I'm a find of mother fucking grandmama, fun of my

1292
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 3: mom from no that I realized that that I don't even.

1293
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:15,720
Speaker 1: Know what they look like. I literally will yeah, oh yeah,

1294
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna starting real time.

1295
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:18,880
Speaker 5: You talk a little bit.

1296
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:23,440
Speaker 3: But I know every time I see a girl that

1297
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:26,480
Speaker 3: just looks too sweet, Oh bitch.

1298
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 1: I know you do.

1299
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:30,840
Speaker 4: I'm first of all, it's called research, thank you, It's

1300
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:31,400
Speaker 4: called preppary.

1301
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 1: What are you researching?

1302
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:34,160
Speaker 5: I just know why going on? I need to know

1303
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:36,320
Speaker 5: where they've been. I need to know. I just need

1304
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:37,360
Speaker 5: to know whatever I can find.

1305
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 1: Why don't you ask them what you want to know?

1306
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:39,840
Speaker 1: Why don't you ask?

1307
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:42,400
Speaker 2: And I will eventually you will eventually, but you're gonna

1308
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 2: dig first. Just ask them now, Wolf laughing, Wolf is

1309
00:58:46,360 --> 00:58:47,680
Speaker 2: just chuckling Like.

1310
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:52,200
Speaker 1: I thought, I yell, talk before you do you check

1311
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 1: on the X. Check on the X. No you look.

1312
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 4: Both men said no, no, But I really usually when

1313
00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:02,200
Speaker 4: I am I'm doing my like lurking, I'm looking for

1314
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:04,000
Speaker 4: are there any signs that he is a weirdo.

1315
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 5: Has he said something weird? How is he moving?

1316
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:06,680
Speaker 7: Like?

1317
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:08,600
Speaker 5: That's usually lying's.

1318
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:10,160
Speaker 1: For example, right, you tell me, oh, yeah, I went

1319
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:11,480
Speaker 1: to dr on a solo trip.

1320
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 3: But some y lining up was that bitch and poompa

1321
00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:17,960
Speaker 3: conis off for to find out And now I'm gonna

1322
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:19,400
Speaker 3: send it to you and you'd be like, Yo, that's crazy.

1323
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 3: I know, don't give a damn anyway, Let's tell them

1324
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:24,160
Speaker 3: where they can find you.

1325
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:27,560
Speaker 5: Yes, you can listen to She's So Lucky every Tuesday

1326
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:28,760
Speaker 5: wherever you get your podcasts.

1327
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:31,240
Speaker 1: Right, She's so lucky.

1328
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:34,680
Speaker 2: I Well, guys, if you haven't yet, make sure you

1329
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:38,160
Speaker 2: pre order and help us become New York Times bestsellers.

1330
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:43,200
Speaker 2: No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power,

1331
00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:47,760
Speaker 2: available now Amazon, any bookstore you go to.

1332
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 1: Make sure you cut that.

1333
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:53,520
Speaker 2: And we are really excited because we have an announcement

1334
00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:53,760
Speaker 2: for you.

1335
00:59:53,760 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 1: If we haven't announced it yet, Okay, bye.

1336
00:59:57,480 --> 01:00:00,439
Speaker 2: This has been another episode of Decisions, Decisions you through