1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:04,400 Speaker 1: Scrubbing in with Beachilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio and 2 00:00:04,519 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: two times People's Choice Award winning podcast Hell Love Everybody. 3 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:18,599 Speaker 2: We are scrubbing in. Tanya just did the heartbeat like 4 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 2: you remember Step Up two when they do the dance. 5 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:24,320 Speaker 2: It's so iconic when they're in the rain and then 6 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 2: he does the Yeah, same same vibe. 7 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:30,160 Speaker 1: I know the streets. 8 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, arguably maybe the best. 9 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 3: It's so good. 10 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 2: There's a bunch of them though hard to say. Oh really, 11 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:44,839 Speaker 2: I think there's three or four. Yeah, but the guys, 12 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 2: how's it going speachy? Keen? How you did just and don' good? 13 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: Good? 14 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 2: And didn't just fun? Love that. We have a Dear 15 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 2: Vania today. 16 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 3: Six step Up movies? Yeah, what up? 17 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 4: Three? 18 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 3: Step Up? Revolution, Step Up? 19 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:06,959 Speaker 5: All in, Step Up, China going to international. 20 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 2: I need to step up, step up my step up. Yeah. 21 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 2: I thought four was reaching. 22 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,560 Speaker 1: I thought two was plenty. 23 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:24,680 Speaker 2: You might be right. We have a Dear Bonnie episode. 24 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 2: We're here to give advice. Whether you agree or not, 25 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 2: that's okay. We just appreciate you being here. 26 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, take it away. 27 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,400 Speaker 6: Mark from Emily Hey, scrubbing and fam first in Neto 28 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 6: A backtrack because Mark and Easton didn't answer how often 29 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 6: they washed their water bottles. 30 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 3: Didn't we not? I thought we did. 31 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,399 Speaker 5: I mean maybe we did. You got to kill on 32 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 5: my pagreon to get that information, he little pigs. 33 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 3: If you want that, you gotta pay up. 34 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 2: Do you have a Patreon? 35 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 3: I no, No, I don't. 36 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 5: I have a cameo though, If you buy a cameo, 37 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 5: I'll tell you how often I watched my water bottle, 38 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 5: not at that. 39 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 3: I have two work one in a home one. 40 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 6: The home one gets washed every day, and then the 41 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 6: work one gets washed once a week. There you go, Tanya, 42 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 6: has that improved on your end? 43 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,639 Speaker 1: I mean I've watched it a handful of times since 44 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 1: our conversation. 45 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 3: But not regularly. Okay. 46 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 6: I'm married with two daughters, one and three. I live 47 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 6: in a town without any family or close friends. How 48 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 6: to make mom friends without being a total creep? I 49 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 6: try to have small talk with other moms at church, neighbors, 50 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,080 Speaker 6: daycare pickup, but I always feel like it's forced, and 51 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,359 Speaker 6: I'm so not brave enough to ask for a playdate 52 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 6: for the kids, because what if they say no? I 53 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 6: just feel so beyond awkward during these conversations. I'm trying 54 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,519 Speaker 6: to be brave and make friends so I can show 55 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,359 Speaker 6: my girls that we are brave and can do hard things. 56 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,760 Speaker 6: But it's so intimidating. Thanks for all the last or 57 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 6: my absolute favorite podcast. Can't wait to see what the 58 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 6: future holds for all of you. 59 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 2: That's nice, so nice. I feel like this is I 60 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 2: do I feel for you because I do feel like 61 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,920 Speaker 2: this is hard because you're you're in a place where 62 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 2: you don't have familiarity. You're kind of isolated because the 63 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,359 Speaker 2: ages of your daughters three and one, I feel like 64 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 2: are an age where you're kind of just in survival. 65 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 2: And so I think that you're doing a great job. 66 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,960 Speaker 2: I think if you're having those conversations, just put what's 67 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 2: the worst they can say, You're already prepared for is 68 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 2: no yeah, And if they say no, great, move on 69 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,959 Speaker 2: to the next. I also think there's so many groups 70 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 2: and like ways to connect with people. Now there's BUMBLEBFF, 71 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 2: you have like all these apps where you can make friends, 72 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 2: you have Facebook groups. I think you just find maybe 73 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,080 Speaker 2: places and things that you enjoy and then go or 74 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 2: places and things that your kids enjoy. So therefore you're 75 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 2: going somewhere where you're meeting other mom friends. 76 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,640 Speaker 1: I also feel like, if your kids are playing with 77 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 1: their kids, why wouldn't you ask for a playdate? I 78 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 1: don't know one mom that would say no. Right, that's 79 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 1: another mom. 80 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 3: It off, that's yeah easy, Yeah. 81 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 1: That would say no to a playdate. 82 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:55,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, and maybe even find somewhere fun to go that 83 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 2: maybe they haven't been yet, or do research and be like, oh, 84 00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 2: I wanted to try out this place? Would you want 85 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 2: to go and check it out? 86 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: I feel like making friends, whether they're mom friends, single friends, whatever, 87 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 1: it's just like dating. You have to just like keep 88 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,960 Speaker 1: asking people and then eventually it like sticks. 89 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 2: And it is awkward, Like no matter what trying to 90 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 2: meet new people, whether it's romantic or friends, friendship based, 91 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 2: it's just uncomfortable. You have to go through the So 92 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 2: where you're from, Although I do feel like with kids, 93 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,040 Speaker 2: you have this like new information to have people like 94 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 2: you can talk you don't even have to talk about yourself. 95 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, where'd you grow up? 96 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 6: I like that though. I like where'd you grow up? 97 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 6: And I got right into the sports element of it. 98 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 6: That's my way in Just the other day, I got 99 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 6: to ride from a guy the Enterprise Rendlica. 100 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 3: So, where'd you grow up by New York. Oh yank 101 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,360 Speaker 3: you fan? Yeah, and then way we were off, We're 102 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,000 Speaker 3: off to the races. 103 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 2: So Haley has this theory because I'm not from LA 104 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 2: that she always says She'll ask people where are they 105 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 2: from to start the conversation, and if they say, like, oh, 106 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 2: I'm from wherever, it somehow always gets back to oh, 107 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 2: my girlfriends from Louisiana and she goes always my way 108 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 2: because if I just say I'm from LA, It's like 109 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 2: the conversation totally dies. 110 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:05,640 Speaker 1: Like no one cares plot lines, plotlines. 111 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 2: So she always uses it. But I agree, I think 112 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 2: there's something to that. 113 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,560 Speaker 6: Well, So my wife had a hard time after Ali 114 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 6: was born. Ali's now in college, but it was hard 115 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 6: at the time because she didn't know anybody and we 116 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:14,720 Speaker 6: don't know any family here. 117 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 3: Three things. Number One, she'd only Yahoo Mom's group I 118 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,919 Speaker 3: think face for a group, same deal. Yeah, that was 119 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:21,479 Speaker 3: a big one. 120 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,719 Speaker 6: Two she joined stroller Fit, which was an exercise class 121 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 6: for other moms with your kids in the stroller. You 122 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 6: exercised with the kids in the stroller. Met a lot 123 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,400 Speaker 6: of women That way built her friend group. And three 124 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 6: was just like you were talking about, Ali was really 125 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 6: good at going up to kids in the playground saying Hi, 126 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,599 Speaker 6: I'm Ali, what's your name? And some kids would freak 127 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 6: out and run from her. Didn't care go up to 128 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,800 Speaker 6: the next kid, Hi, I'm Ali, what's your name? And 129 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:45,039 Speaker 6: then they I remember a girl, her name was Dana, 130 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:47,040 Speaker 6: and they hit it off on the playground. We ended 131 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,600 Speaker 6: up having a whole bunch of playdates with Dana and 132 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,599 Speaker 6: her family. So these are my three suggestions. These worked 133 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 6: for us. 134 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:56,159 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think these are great suggestions. I like the 135 00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:00,560 Speaker 2: stroller thing because you're getting a workout in, you're having community, 136 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:02,400 Speaker 2: and you're entertaining the kids. 137 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,120 Speaker 1: That was great for There's got to be like, because 138 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,840 Speaker 1: there's a park that I walk. I do a lot 139 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,039 Speaker 1: of my ten thousand steps around this like specific park, 140 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:14,160 Speaker 1: and depending on the time of day, there's like a 141 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,600 Speaker 1: pod of like twenty moms that just sit in a circle. 142 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,839 Speaker 1: They all have a baby on a boob and it's 143 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 1: got to be some sort of like newborn class something 144 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,359 Speaker 1: teaching you how to breastfeed whatever. I don't know what 145 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 1: it is. 146 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 2: I think it's a baby baby on boob group. 147 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, but then there's another mom there's you made that up. 148 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 2: The bomb the bobs. 149 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 1: So next to bobs, there were the mobs. Yeah, because 150 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,839 Speaker 1: there was another group of moms but all like we're 151 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 1: doing something else with the babies, and like they were 152 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,320 Speaker 1: looked a little bit older, and so I'm like, and 153 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,040 Speaker 1: they're all they all look like they were like meeting 154 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: each other for the first time. So I'm like, everybody's 155 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 1: doing it. It's uncomfortable for everybody that you just got 156 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 1: to do it. There's it's a means to an end. 157 00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 2: It's so true, you know if dating that mentality of 158 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 2: like everyone who's going into those situations either is feeling 159 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 2: or has felt the same way that you're feeling. No 160 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 2: one is exempt from feeling the nerves and awkwardness of 161 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 2: being brave, like you said, So I encourage you to 162 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 2: keep being brave, keep putting yourself out there, join some groups, 163 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 2: see what sticks. 164 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to do this. I'm sure soon make 165 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,240 Speaker 1: friends new friends that are in like the same. 166 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 2: So you gotta find your bob, you gotta find my bobs. 167 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,160 Speaker 1: And that's just when I became a stepmom, like because 168 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 1: I'm friends with like moms in the school, so they know, 169 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: like what's going on. 170 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,840 Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to meet some friends that don't have kids. Yeah, 171 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,680 Speaker 2: you learnie, life is it? 172 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,640 Speaker 1: Just watch it as we go. 173 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 6: Stunning All right, Grace Hi back at Tanya Market easton 174 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 6: day one. 175 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 3: Scrubber here. 176 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 6: Love the podcast and everything y'all do. I'm hoping you 177 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 6: guys can have With a work life situation. I'm a 178 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 6: social worker and work for a nonprofit in Texas. I've 179 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 6: been at the same place for seven years, but recently 180 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 6: offered my dream job where I'll get to run my 181 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 6: own program entirely. A new company is same city. In 182 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 6: the new company in the same city. It's a huge 183 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 6: promotion and I would be stupid not to take it, 184 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 6: so I've accepted it. My main problem is that we 185 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 6: were just about to start trying for our first baby. 186 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 6: I'm thirty, my husband's thirty two. We're ready for kids. 187 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,360 Speaker 6: I can help, but feel like now is not the 188 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 6: right time. I really don't want to wait to get pregnant, 189 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 6: but at the same time, I don't want to start 190 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,440 Speaker 6: a new job with a lot of responsibility and then 191 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,560 Speaker 6: take maternity leave within the first year. I'm struggling with 192 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 6: some imposters, says syndrome, as well as with the big promotion, 193 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,559 Speaker 6: which could be playing a part here. I need advice 194 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 6: on how to navigate the situation. Do I stick with 195 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 6: my plan of having kids a SAP or do I 196 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 6: wait a year or two to settle into the job. 197 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,760 Speaker 6: I'm worried they might regret hiring me if I announce 198 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,800 Speaker 6: a pregnancy just after getting hired. Thank you all, you 199 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:49,480 Speaker 6: guys are the best. 200 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,840 Speaker 1: I have a friend that has happened too. She got 201 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 1: a new job and they were trying, they wanted to 202 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 1: start trying for a baby, and then she got this 203 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,559 Speaker 1: new job and she didn't feel like exactly what we said, 204 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 1: like getting this new job and then taking maternity leave 205 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: was like the right thing to do. And it sucks 206 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,520 Speaker 1: that it's something that we as women have to think 207 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 1: about because we also have our biological clocks. I would 208 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 1: to think about and it sucks. And so I want 209 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,959 Speaker 1: you to know, like what you're thinking and what you're 210 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 1: going through. I think a lot of people deal with 211 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:24,720 Speaker 1: And my friend did end up waiting a year, like 212 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,640 Speaker 1: so she was start trying to start trying. 213 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think I really think what is which 214 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 2: is my gut is saying go for the new job 215 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,000 Speaker 2: and try to have a baby. You don't know like 216 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 2: when it's gonna happen. It might happen immediately, it might 217 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:47,679 Speaker 2: not happen immediately. And I think that you can go 218 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 2: and chase after the dream that you've had for a 219 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:52,920 Speaker 2: long time while trying to achieve another dream, and it 220 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 2: might be a little overwhelming, and they might have opinions 221 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,080 Speaker 2: on like why did you take this job? But that's 222 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,120 Speaker 2: not your responsibility think about right now? 223 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:04,440 Speaker 3: Correct? Well put becca, thank you? Who cares what they think? 224 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:08,120 Speaker 1: I know, I know, but we do like you do 225 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:08,960 Speaker 1: you take that on? 226 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,200 Speaker 2: No? No, no, I think and I see, I totally see, 227 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,240 Speaker 2: and I hear it because I would probably feel the 228 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 2: exact same way. But I'm saying like, it's not I 229 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 2: think when that time comes for them to have an 230 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 2: opinion about it, it'll come, So navigate it then. But 231 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 2: I think in the meantime, take the opportunity you've been given. 232 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,439 Speaker 2: This is such a dream of yours, and also start 233 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 2: trying to have a baby. And if you get pregnant, 234 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 2: then you'll have nine months to figure out, get set 235 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 2: up and find someone to help you run it and 236 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,319 Speaker 2: figure it out. 237 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,200 Speaker 6: And also lose the imposter syndrome. I know that's easier 238 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,160 Speaker 6: said than done. But they offered you this job. They 239 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,959 Speaker 6: didn't offer you this job because they got turned down 240 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 6: by a thousand people. They want you to do this 241 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 6: job because you're qualified and you're the best person for it. 242 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 6: I think you take it and pull the goalie. And 243 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,439 Speaker 6: if you want to wait a few months to pull 244 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 6: the goalie, fine, but I think you got to take 245 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 6: this job. 246 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't think there's any need to wait on 247 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:59,080 Speaker 2: either thing. Go for it, that's my opinion. 248 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 3: I agree, I agree, Easton, I completely agree. Fantastic. 249 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 6: Yeah, you know we'll be right back. All right, We 250 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:36,840 Speaker 6: are back for anonymous. Hi, Becka, Tania Market, Easton Incline. 251 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:38,480 Speaker 3: Are you there? 252 00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 6: Because I really want his opinion. It's spend a minute 253 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 6: since I've submitted an email, But I'm wondering. I've been 254 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 6: wondering about this for a time now and figured it's 255 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 6: time to turn to the experts. My fiance and I 256 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,960 Speaker 6: have been together three years. Of course, as it happens, 257 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,840 Speaker 6: it started out hot and steamy. Now as time's going on, 258 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,520 Speaker 6: we barely do the deed once maybe twice a month. 259 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 6: We both agree we feel very content in our relationship. 260 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 6: Fulfilled in many ways. We have a ton going on 261 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 6: in our lives, moving, buying houses, yeah, taking care of 262 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 6: our dogs, traveling, new jobs, family issues, all the life 263 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,199 Speaker 6: changes you can imagine cram into just a few years, 264 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,680 Speaker 6: and the planner in the relationship he is not so 265 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:15,560 Speaker 6: I recently suggested scheduling sex. It sounds kind of silly 266 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,000 Speaker 6: even to me, but at this point I just don't 267 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,440 Speaker 6: see it happening organically as much as we'd like. I 268 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 6: told him maybe if we schedule it, it'll build some 269 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,800 Speaker 6: excitement and anticipation, because honestly, for me, this part has 270 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 6: been lacking. 271 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,439 Speaker 3: Have you all ever gone through this? Is it normal? 272 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 6: Sometimes to get in my head and I'm like, this 273 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,839 Speaker 6: is how it's gonna be forever. We aren't even married 274 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,440 Speaker 6: yet and we don't have kids yet. People say it 275 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 6: can become less frequent even more then. Don't get me wrong, 276 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 6: I don't have the highest libido ever, but I'm also 277 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,800 Speaker 6: not dead and would thoroughly love to keep things interesting, exciting, 278 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,680 Speaker 6: and keep the romance alive and feel it being reciprocated. 279 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,880 Speaker 3: Also, we're so damn goofy together. It's the best thing 280 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 3: ever because we're always making each other laugh. 281 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 6: But we need to reel it in sometimes when we're 282 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 6: trying to set the mood. 283 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 3: Please help. Well, that's good, that's a good sign. 284 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 6: I feel like that's good that you're so silly together 285 00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 6: and laughing that it's tough. I mean, I can see 286 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,559 Speaker 6: that being a challenge, but I think that's a good 287 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:02,520 Speaker 6: time for the relationship. 288 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 2: I also think that it's fun to like be able 289 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 2: to laugh even during sex. Like I think it it 290 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 2: doesn't always have to be so serious and sexy every time. 291 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 2: But I'm curious. So he doesn't seem to have a 292 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:21,719 Speaker 2: problem with this is. 293 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,959 Speaker 1: What we're It seems like neither of them really have 294 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:25,560 Speaker 1: a problem with it. 295 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:26,040 Speaker 2: Kind of does. 296 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: She liked it to be more frequent, but she's not 297 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:33,920 Speaker 1: saying like she's like unhappy. She wants it to be 298 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 1: more frequent, So she's wondering if scheduling it is like 299 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 1: a mood killer. 300 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 2: Well, she she said, is this how it's gonna be? Yeah, 301 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 2: I mean that makes me feel like she's not thrilled. 302 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 1: About it, But she doesn't seem unhappy. 303 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,800 Speaker 2: No, she seems fine. She seems content. But I think 304 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,960 Speaker 2: he fears if it's like this, what happens when we 305 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 2: get married and if it's like this what happens kids? 306 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, maybe it's figuring out each other's sex language. 307 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:07,680 Speaker 2: What's it called? 308 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,800 Speaker 1: What do we what's like it's called something mm hmm. 309 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 5: Your sex blue printer. 310 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 2: I think that if you can figure out what interests 311 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 2: the other and turns the other on, I think maybe 312 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 2: that could. I think you could bring your humor and 313 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 2: fun into those things, like make it fun and like 314 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 2: exciting for the things that you both like. So maybe 315 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 2: have that conversation of like what do you like, what 316 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,400 Speaker 2: do you prefer? What gets you in the mood, and 317 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 2: so that it's not just this expected thing of like 318 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 2: we have it on the schedule and you know it's rigid. 319 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think you can like loosely schedule it too, 320 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:49,280 Speaker 1: because like I loosely will schedule it in my own head, 321 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,960 Speaker 1: like I'm like I'm getting my period next week, so 322 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 1: let's like do it a lot before, like. 323 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? I think I don't 324 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 2: think scheduling it is a negative thing. Like I think 325 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 2: people are like, oh, yeah, you're. 326 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: Is like a nine pm schedule on the Friday night. 327 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 2: Pressure that puts pressure on it. Correct, But I think 328 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,920 Speaker 2: if you're able to just go like, hey, maybe we 329 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,320 Speaker 2: can have some time together this week and just like 330 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:17,280 Speaker 2: maybe make it spontaneous, but in a way that feels expected. Yes, 331 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 2: but I don't think it's a horrible thing. I just 332 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:23,560 Speaker 2: think you've got to rekindle the I think your's friendship 333 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 2: aspect is very strong, and I think you just need 334 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 2: to rekindle. 335 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: I also think, too, if you say to him, hey, 336 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 1: I really want to have sex more than twice a month, 337 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 1: and like, let's make this a priority, I don't think 338 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:35,480 Speaker 1: that's a bad conversation to have either. 339 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't imagine he would be disappointed to hear 340 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:43,760 Speaker 2: that at all at all. Men, Do y'all have any opinions? 341 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 3: I think it's fine to schedule sex. 342 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 6: There's been a lot said about how it can, like 343 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 6: she says, increase anticipation and excitement, because throughout the day 344 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 6: you're thinking about that, like, oh tonight, that's happening, and 345 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 6: how's that going to go, and it's just on your mind. 346 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:57,560 Speaker 6: I think it's good. I think I think you have 347 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 6: the right idea. 348 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,120 Speaker 3: Here, go ahead and schedule, let's see how it goes. 349 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, just don't like put in the calendar. 350 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,360 Speaker 3: I don't mind put in the calendar. 351 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 5: Yeah, I preferred in the calendar. Yeah, I want to 352 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 5: see that thing on my phone. 353 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:09,560 Speaker 3: A lot better than that. 354 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 6: Then in the conference call with so and so meeting here, 355 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,960 Speaker 6: meeting there. What a great thing to see in your calendar, 356 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 6: What a delight? 357 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 1: What if other people have access to your calendar? Good 358 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:25,239 Speaker 1: Friday night, APM. 359 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 3: Right, let's see here. 360 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 6: I want to jump to a confused scrubber trying to 361 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 6: make a big life decision. This is B she says, 362 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,480 Speaker 6: B and T and M and E and S n P. 363 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 6: That's Sonny and Phoebe. I think my brain's about to explode. 364 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,120 Speaker 6: Your advice on business decision that is in front of me. 365 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,680 Speaker 6: I have two options, and the regardless of what I 366 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 6: commit to, it will be successful. I will be fulfilled 367 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 6: and I will be living my dream. I just don't 368 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 6: know which path to take. Well, that's good, I guess 369 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 6: so far. Here's the situation. I'm a young professional without 370 00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 6: children yet, and I have a supportive family and partner 371 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 6: who are willing to support me during this life transition. 372 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,000 Speaker 6: I'm at a crossroads of leaving my stable job, which 373 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 6: at one time was my dream job in order to 374 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,440 Speaker 6: pursue my own business in the same field. The other 375 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,040 Speaker 6: option in front of me is partnering with my current 376 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,040 Speaker 6: employer to open a new location. So here here are 377 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,080 Speaker 6: the option number one. Path number one. 378 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:17,920 Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm going to say. 379 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 6: Start my own business, own it one hundred percent, turn 380 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,679 Speaker 6: it into exactly what I want. It'll likely take longer 381 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,880 Speaker 6: to build the brand and the income. My biggest fear 382 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,199 Speaker 6: on this path is the vulnerability of the beginning stages income, 383 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,200 Speaker 6: no healthcare, having no idea what I'm doing with figuring 384 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 6: out as I go, more risk. 385 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,919 Speaker 3: Path two partner with my current. 386 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,440 Speaker 6: Employer, get a small piece of the pie, keep a salary, 387 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,119 Speaker 6: keep healthcare in the startup period, get to be creative 388 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,960 Speaker 6: on the business side, but within their brand, brand and 389 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,040 Speaker 6: reputation the company is established. My biggest fear here is 390 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:51,359 Speaker 6: trusting the partnership. At the end of the day, I 391 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,920 Speaker 6: know this is a big life decision I need to 392 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 6: make for myself. I keep thinking about how Taylor Swift 393 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,639 Speaker 6: owns all of her work, and she worked hard for 394 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,120 Speaker 6: ownership for a reason. Maybe I need to take her 395 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 6: energy forward with thoughts. 396 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,920 Speaker 1: I have no doubt in my mind that it's path 397 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:10,800 Speaker 1: number one. Mm hmmm, one hundred percent. Why because here's 398 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 1: the thing, the things that you're worried about, your fears 399 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 1: of the low income, the losing the healthcare, having no 400 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 1: idea what I'm doing, but figuring out as I go 401 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,679 Speaker 1: right now, Because you don't have children yet, you are 402 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 1: at you can make mistakes and you can do all 403 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,760 Speaker 1: of this. Now, when you have kids, you can't do 404 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,679 Speaker 1: all of you It's there's more risk, so you're going 405 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:38,880 Speaker 1: to be less likely to make these moves. Losing healthcare, yeah, 406 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 1: you're gonna have to pay more for it. But I 407 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:45,280 Speaker 1: just think, to me, there is a reason. And you 408 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:48,480 Speaker 1: use taylorship as the example of owning your own work. 409 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,880 Speaker 1: There is something to be said about that. And if 410 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,600 Speaker 1: you have this presented to you in this opportunity right now, 411 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: I think you go for it. 412 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:01,399 Speaker 2: Yeah. I My thought process is, you know, sometimes I 413 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,679 Speaker 2: watch these videos this is my algorithm TikTok, but it's like, yeah, 414 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,120 Speaker 2: it's like people racing and one person starts like it's 415 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,679 Speaker 2: let's say there's items that are laid out in a 416 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 2: straight line on either side, and so one person starts 417 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,160 Speaker 2: at the closest item and they put it in the bucket, 418 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,440 Speaker 2: and then the other person runs and gets the furthest 419 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,080 Speaker 2: and starts at the furthest. So it's hard to work 420 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,040 Speaker 2: at the beginning, but then at the end it's so 421 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,600 Speaker 2: much easier, and that person always wins. The person who 422 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 2: runs further, who starts harder in the beginning, always finishes first. 423 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,639 Speaker 2: And so I think there's something to be said of 424 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,880 Speaker 2: like putting in the work and even though it might 425 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,399 Speaker 2: be hard at the beginning, that what comes from it 426 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 2: is going to be make your life better and easier. 427 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 2: And I think like you're putting in the work to 428 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,400 Speaker 2: create your own brand and business. And here's the thing. 429 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,240 Speaker 2: If you're going to work for another company, you can 430 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 2: do that, whether it's the same company that you're debating 431 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 2: between or not. If your your idea doesn't go the 432 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 2: way you want it to and you need to go 433 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,120 Speaker 2: and be employed by someone, you'll be able to find 434 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 2: that somewhere. 435 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,639 Speaker 1: Yeah. But what in fact that you said you have 436 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,679 Speaker 1: a supportive family and partner. Yeah, I mean that's like 437 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,119 Speaker 1: that's like having like five gases of tank in your 438 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,400 Speaker 1: car before you go, do you know what I mean? 439 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 2: Like you're already or just a full tank. 440 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,719 Speaker 3: Really yeah, sure, and more in the trunk. But you're right, 441 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:22,159 Speaker 3: it's high risk, high reward or a lower risk, lower reward. 442 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,120 Speaker 6: And if you have kids you probably take the lower 443 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 6: risk path. But at this point in your life, I 444 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,560 Speaker 6: agree with telling you high risk, high reward. 445 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,359 Speaker 2: And I think it's I think what I think is 446 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,040 Speaker 2: either way you're going to be great. I just think 447 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,000 Speaker 2: if you're. 448 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,000 Speaker 1: If not now, when, If not you who? 449 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,879 Speaker 2: If not here? Where? 450 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,639 Speaker 3: And also I always went in these situations. 451 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 6: Which one would I regret? I think you would regret 452 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 6: not trying to do your own thing. You won't regret 453 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:52,920 Speaker 6: the other one. 454 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,280 Speaker 1: I really agree. 455 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 2: Agree. All right? Our next one is do I start 456 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 2: a long distance relationship? And I have opinions on this, 457 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,920 Speaker 2: so we're going to get to it when we come back. 458 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:29,359 Speaker 2: All right, we are back. This one is about long dating, 459 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 2: long distance relationships. 460 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 6: It's from k Dear Banya and Mark in Eastern in 461 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,359 Speaker 6: mide April, left through to Colorado for a weekend trip 462 00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:39,560 Speaker 6: with some friends. While standing in line to board my 463 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 6: flat at Lax, my inner Tanya came out and I 464 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 6: started chatting with the couple behind me. It turns out 465 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,639 Speaker 6: we're all lds. Mormon, and after just a few minutes 466 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 6: of conversation, the wife mentioned she wanted me to go 467 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,960 Speaker 6: on a date with her son. I kind of laughed 468 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,679 Speaker 6: it off and said okay, but her husband encouraged her 469 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 6: to get my info and we ended up following each 470 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,960 Speaker 6: other on Instagram. We realized we had mutual friends and 471 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 6: lived that evening, her son Ill would be on Instagram 472 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,760 Speaker 6: and asked me out. We went out on to date 473 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,440 Speaker 6: while I was in town. It went really well. After 474 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,240 Speaker 6: I returned to Willa, I messaged him to say I 475 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:08,680 Speaker 6: had a great time, and he said he did two. 476 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,440 Speaker 6: He measured we should go out again next time we're 477 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,680 Speaker 6: in the same place. Well, ten days later, I booked 478 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,200 Speaker 6: another trip for a second date. That date also went well. 479 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 6: He brought up future plans, asked when I'd be visiting again. 480 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 6: He said he'd love to go out next time I'm there. 481 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,560 Speaker 6: I just got back from that second trip, and now 482 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 6: I'm facing a dilemma. I have a really busy summer, 483 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,240 Speaker 6: maybe four to five weekends that might work for another 484 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 6: visit before September. I don't want to wait that long 485 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,440 Speaker 6: to see him again. Another challenge that we haven't really 486 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,280 Speaker 6: kept in touch between visits, there's been almost no communication. 487 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 6: Everything we've planned has been through DMS. So how do 488 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,080 Speaker 6: I get rids their texting or talking on the phone 489 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,960 Speaker 6: in between visits? Or should I just be direct and 490 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 6: tell him that's what I'd like? And am I totally 491 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:46,919 Speaker 6: crazy for even considering a long distance relationship? Thank you 492 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,679 Speaker 6: for your help and your input. Sincerely, K that has 493 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 6: kind of stuck in LA but also kind of wishes 494 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 6: she was in Colorado. 495 00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:59,000 Speaker 2: This is very fun. However, I need him to make 496 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:03,080 Speaker 2: some efforts gone to visit. Yeah, so I first and 497 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,320 Speaker 2: foremost I need him to book a trip to see 498 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,679 Speaker 2: you and plan a date with you in your city. 499 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 2: And then I also think that Yeah, I would say 500 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,479 Speaker 2: my initial reaction is just have a fun summer. If 501 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,440 Speaker 2: y'all happen to be in the same place, see each other, 502 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,040 Speaker 2: go on dates, have fun, don't put any pressure on it. 503 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:22,360 Speaker 2: And then the other thing is like, Okay, if you're 504 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,919 Speaker 2: connecting and this feels like something that you want to 505 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:28,080 Speaker 2: move forward with, go for it. But communication for long 506 00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:31,919 Speaker 2: distance is everything like being able to talk on the 507 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,679 Speaker 2: phone and FaceTime and have know what's going on in 508 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,600 Speaker 2: each other's life. If you're going to enter into a 509 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:40,200 Speaker 2: relationship is crucial. So if y'all are still in the DMS, 510 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,240 Speaker 2: I think that you need to communicate. Hey, I like 511 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,480 Speaker 2: seeing you. I like when we go on dates. We 512 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:51,000 Speaker 2: have great conversations. But if we were to move forward 513 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:52,919 Speaker 2: with this, I would need a little bit more in 514 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,000 Speaker 2: between us seeing each other. Otherwise, I'm totally open to 515 00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:58,120 Speaker 2: just be casual to see each other when we see 516 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 2: each other. But that's where I stand. I feel like 517 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:02,240 Speaker 2: there's like. 518 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 1: A bigger issue here, and that is why you want 519 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,800 Speaker 1: a long distance relationship. I'd like you to really think. 520 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,000 Speaker 2: I don't think she does. I don't think she wants 521 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 2: a long distance relationship. I think it just fell into 522 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,040 Speaker 2: her lab right. 523 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,959 Speaker 1: But that's what I'm saying. You're trying to make this 524 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:18,639 Speaker 1: into something. 525 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,240 Speaker 2: But I think I know what you're getting at because 526 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,760 Speaker 2: you would intentionally go for long distance people because. 527 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,080 Speaker 1: It protected correct from a lot of pain. 528 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 2: I think her thing is that happened. It fell into 529 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,919 Speaker 2: her lap. She went on the date, and then she's like, oh, 530 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,359 Speaker 2: I like him? Is this worth getting into. 531 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 1: A long distance Everything can fall into your lab's, do 532 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:36,119 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? 533 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 4: The same game, K, No, same game K this is 534 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,280 Speaker 4: so I'm just saying, I just think maybe taking a 535 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,560 Speaker 4: little bit of an internal look at this. 536 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:52,800 Speaker 1: Because what is the ultimate outcome you date this guy? 537 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:56,280 Speaker 1: Can you can either of you ever move? I mean 538 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,200 Speaker 1: it might be early for those conversations, but in my opinion, 539 00:24:59,200 --> 00:24:59,920 Speaker 1: it's never too soon. 540 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,639 Speaker 6: Have to think about it, because the more time you 541 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,639 Speaker 6: invest in this, yeah, the more invested you are. But 542 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,919 Speaker 6: definition you may have a point on you about the 543 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,840 Speaker 6: internal reasons, and I agree with Becca, you gotta he's 544 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,720 Speaker 6: got to put some effort for it. He's not doing 545 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,440 Speaker 6: much of anything as far as I can tell. 546 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,360 Speaker 2: Before we move into who's willing to move? We got 547 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 2: to get out of the d MS. We got out 548 00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 2: of the DM some people. 549 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,600 Speaker 1: I feel like people don't even give their numbers anymore. 550 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:25,840 Speaker 1: They just say like DM me. 551 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,760 Speaker 2: Well initially sure because they're no. 552 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,160 Speaker 1: And they just only communicate on DMS. 553 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm encouraging her to get out of that. 554 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,919 Speaker 1: I don't know if he is gen Z, but this 555 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,600 Speaker 1: is like a gen Z thing. 556 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,840 Speaker 2: Well, whether you're gen Z or not, Okay, I think 557 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,879 Speaker 2: you deserve to have each other's phone numbers. 558 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,920 Speaker 6: I think pull back. I think pull back and see 559 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,120 Speaker 6: what happens. Yeah, is he gonna put in the effort forth? 560 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,679 Speaker 6: Don't plan another trip, just see how this goes. If 561 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,639 Speaker 6: he puts a little bit of effort, then maybe, But 562 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 6: for now I think. 563 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:54,959 Speaker 2: Hanging back like him being like, what am I going 564 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:55,600 Speaker 2: to see you again? 565 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:55,760 Speaker 3: Well? 566 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,600 Speaker 2: I don't know, buddy. When when he's come in la. 567 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,359 Speaker 1: Yeah that's right. Planes fly up and they flied left 568 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 1: and right. 569 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:10,960 Speaker 2: Yep, all right. 570 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,640 Speaker 6: This person who I don't have a name for, is 571 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 6: in a mental pickle. Dear Banya, I'm going through an 572 00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,600 Speaker 6: incredibly toxic work situation. My boss has made sexist remarks 573 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,480 Speaker 6: to me taking credit for my work, told me I 574 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:26,359 Speaker 6: take up too much space, etc. As a shaker to 575 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 6: no one. And I'm on the job search, which is 576 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,440 Speaker 6: a story for another time. My boyfriend of six years 577 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,560 Speaker 6: and I wanting to get engaged, and my work life 578 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,280 Speaker 6: is so toxic that I said, can we just wait 579 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,080 Speaker 6: to get engaged until I find something new. I explained 580 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 6: that I want to be engaged, but I hate my 581 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,679 Speaker 6: current work life so much. I don't want to hear 582 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,000 Speaker 6: a fake congratulations from my sexist boss or have him 583 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,000 Speaker 6: nitpicked me about being happily engaged. 584 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,040 Speaker 3: To add to it. 585 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,680 Speaker 6: My boyfriend is contracted by our organization a lot since 586 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,880 Speaker 6: he's a musician that works for us, so my boss 587 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,959 Speaker 6: is now starting to target him in his toxic tirade. 588 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:59,200 Speaker 6: My boyfriend is my dream partner, the most supportive, funny, kind, selfless, 589 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,879 Speaker 6: passionate person, and he will do anything to make me happy, 590 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:03,879 Speaker 6: so I know he will support me if we decide 591 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:05,920 Speaker 6: to get engaged, even though I don't really want to wait. 592 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:10,199 Speaker 6: I am a Tanya. My question is what is my 593 00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:12,359 Speaker 6: problem that's making me want to deprive myself of so 594 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,359 Speaker 6: much joy because I'm in this position? How do I 595 00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:17,480 Speaker 6: get myself out of such a funk? How do I 596 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,919 Speaker 6: stay mentally strong and a modern motivated woman as I 597 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 6: look for a new job and enter this exciting new 598 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 6: phase of engagement. I'd appreciate any advice. This podcast has 599 00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,000 Speaker 6: been such a highlight to my week during this stressful, 600 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,320 Speaker 6: transformative time. Thank you for being a safe, supportive, and 601 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,200 Speaker 6: inspiring space for so many listeners. 602 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,640 Speaker 1: I don't want you to wait to get engaged until 603 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,639 Speaker 1: you find a new job, because that sucks, and I 604 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:44,679 Speaker 1: feel like I hate this boss for you, but I 605 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 1: almost wish that you could like disassociate or compartmentalize, which 606 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 1: I think is a very important lesson in life. And 607 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,119 Speaker 1: if you can learn how to do that now, I 608 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 1: think it's just going to benefit you more in the 609 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,920 Speaker 1: future to like compartmentalize. Like, Okay, I'm going to zip 610 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: at my cocoon, I'm going to go to work and 611 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,920 Speaker 1: I'm going to deal with this asshole, but I'm gonna 612 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,400 Speaker 1: come home, I'm gonna guns at my cocoon, and I'm 613 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:09,160 Speaker 1: going to like have my happy life sever it. Yeah, 614 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 1: And I feel like you need to do that because 615 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,320 Speaker 1: I think searching for a job, especially now, it might 616 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,119 Speaker 1: take you some time, and I feel like waiting to 617 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,440 Speaker 1: get engaged so that until you have a new job 618 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 1: just seems like you're putting a pause on such a happy, 619 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 1: exciting time in your life. 620 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:30,200 Speaker 2: So yeah, I feel like, unfortunately it's hard to avoid 621 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:34,320 Speaker 2: because it we're humans. But I think you're giving this 622 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,280 Speaker 2: boss so much energy that I'm like, don't give him 623 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 2: the energy of affecting your happiness about being engaged to 624 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:42,760 Speaker 2: the person that you love. 625 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,760 Speaker 1: And like, when I tell you, I understand, I didn't 626 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 1: deal with the sexist boss, thank god, but I dealt 627 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:50,480 Speaker 1: with a very meet. 628 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:51,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. 629 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 1: Okay, Oh oh no, so I'm sorry. Yes, sexist. There 630 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,720 Speaker 1: was no like, uh actual harassment, oh sure, Like I 631 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:05,080 Speaker 1: didn't deal with that, right, But it was very negative, 632 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 1: It was very toxic. It was very harmful to my 633 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:11,080 Speaker 1: all around being. Like I would take it home with me. 634 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,960 Speaker 1: Everything he said I would take home with me. I'd 635 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:16,000 Speaker 1: be miserable and miserable and miserable. And I actually don't 636 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,000 Speaker 1: even know how I did it, but I was able 637 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:21,560 Speaker 1: to dissociate so much that like literally now it's like, 638 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,240 Speaker 1: I mean, he's not my boss anymore, but you could 639 00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:27,200 Speaker 1: say anything and it would just like fly over my 640 00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:31,320 Speaker 1: I could not care less. So I did it. 641 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 2: It takes practice, I mean, it takes a lot of 642 00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:37,960 Speaker 2: practice and like energy, shifting your energy into what you're 643 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:41,000 Speaker 2: like putting your focus on. But I just think that 644 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 2: if you just wait to let yourself be happy in 645 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,800 Speaker 2: your personal life because of this loser you're just getting, 646 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,600 Speaker 2: you're letting him win. And I really don't like to 647 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,800 Speaker 2: see a loser like that win. 648 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:52,400 Speaker 1: Same. 649 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:56,200 Speaker 6: And also, there are a lot of excuses that you 650 00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:00,719 Speaker 6: can use to postpone major life moments, And why we 651 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:02,800 Speaker 6: do that, I don't know, but I think that. Like, 652 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,680 Speaker 6: for example, when I propose to my wife, she wasn't 653 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,920 Speaker 6: expecting it because she she was going back to school 654 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:09,840 Speaker 6: and she assumed that after the two years she was 655 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,200 Speaker 6: going back to take the program. We probably get engaged 656 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 6: after that, so she didn't even see it coming because 657 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,400 Speaker 6: we were pushing things off. Because I think that's an 658 00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,120 Speaker 6: there's an instinct there, like even though this is the 659 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,320 Speaker 6: perfect guy and you want to be engaged, it's like 660 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 6: closing off a chapter of your life. 661 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 3: It's a major life moment, or. 662 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,680 Speaker 1: You want to have like all your ducks in a row. 663 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,280 Speaker 6: And I even said that as part of my speech 664 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,560 Speaker 6: to my wife on the beach that day when I proposed. 665 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,800 Speaker 6: Is I know we're not ready for this. I know 666 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:34,680 Speaker 6: we don't have everything set up the way we wanted to, 667 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,960 Speaker 6: but I don't care. So I think you kind of 668 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 6: got to. If you wait till everything's perfect, you're never 669 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,600 Speaker 6: it's never going to happen. So I say, go for it, 670 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,840 Speaker 6: get engaged, same, enjoy that part of your life. 671 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:47,240 Speaker 1: Severate. 672 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:48,040 Speaker 3: Severate. 673 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 2: If you all don't know, sever it is from severance. 674 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:59,360 Speaker 1: Touching well, I mean it's basically compartmentalizing right off your work. 675 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,719 Speaker 2: If you're your work life where you go home. Yeah, correct, 676 00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:06,640 Speaker 2: Let yourself be happy with the man that you love. Yeah, 677 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 2: and don't let the man you don't love. 678 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,800 Speaker 1: Dictate any other part of your life. 679 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:12,760 Speaker 3: Don't give them that power. 680 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:13,760 Speaker 2: That's right, that's right. 681 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:15,440 Speaker 1: A lot of power, a lot of power. We give 682 00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:19,680 Speaker 1: people so much power, and it's crazy, preach. No one 683 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:21,680 Speaker 1: should have that amount of power over you. That's right, 684 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:23,480 Speaker 1: only you, that's right, over yourself. 685 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:27,480 Speaker 2: That's right. Well, that's all for now. I saw someone 686 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,480 Speaker 2: wrote on the scrubbing and Facebook group, Hey, I had 687 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:33,239 Speaker 2: a dear bonniu question where do I write in? And 688 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 2: I said, let me announce it one more time. I'll 689 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,400 Speaker 2: do it over and over again. Actually, if you have 690 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,560 Speaker 2: a dear Bonnia that you want us to address, give 691 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:47,520 Speaker 2: advice on acknowledge, et cetera, et cetera. You can DM 692 00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:51,320 Speaker 2: the scrubbing in Instagram, which is scrubbing in pod at 693 00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 2: scrubbing in pod or you can email us at scrubbing 694 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,600 Speaker 2: in at iHeartMedia dot com. We love you so much. 695 00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 3: We love you by