Speaker 1: Kabooms.
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1: In the air everywhere.
Speaker 3: The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Maller and Danny G
Speaker 3: Radio A happy college football kind of a Saturday, and
Speaker 3: we have baseball action today, the divisional round of the
Speaker 3: baseball Playoffs. Great planning by Major League Baseball, Danny G
Speaker 3: to have it on a college football Saturday. Really want
Speaker 3: that full spotlight all to yourself, and boy are.
Speaker 1: They gonna get it. Absolutely yikes. We got action all
Speaker 1: day long.
Speaker 3: Now we obviously here in SoCal in the LA area,
Speaker 3: and I think the first game is at eleven this morning,
Speaker 3: LA time.
Speaker 4: So yeah, yeah, And I heard a promo on the
Speaker 4: network you dog in the Dodgers again saying they have
Speaker 4: no momentum going into this series.
Speaker 1: Well, as you know, there is no such thing as momentum.
Speaker 3: Wrong now I will address that a special emergency emergency
Speaker 3: Mallard monologue, and I will call it Danny the big
Speaker 3: Blue kool Aid.
Speaker 1: Cult is what I'm going to call it.
Speaker 3: But we'll get to that also the drop off and
Speaker 3: the seaweed standoff on this edition of The Fifth Hour. Now,
Speaker 3: I am planning on watching college football quite a bit today,
Speaker 3: but I like baseball obviously, so I'll be flipping around
Speaker 3: to check that out. So my remote control is going
Speaker 3: to be getting quite the workout today. And if you
Speaker 3: look at the gambling market, though, and you see who's
Speaker 3: favorite in these games. The first game today is the
Speaker 3: Brewers and the Cubs. And I was I was actually
Speaker 3: in I was in Kenosha. I drove from Chicago to
Speaker 3: visit my brother a couple of years ago, and we
Speaker 3: stopped at the Cheesecastle in Kenosha, and it just happened
Speaker 3: that the Cubs were playing the Brewers that night, and
Speaker 3: the place was filled with Cub fans.
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's a short.
Speaker 3: Trip from Chicago to Milwaukee, so I can only imagine
Speaker 3: what this is gonna be. Like Freddie Peralta versus Matthew Boyd,
Speaker 3: who's left handed on the Mountain for the Cubs, who'll
Speaker 3: be exactly the Brewers a minus one forty eight favorite
Speaker 3: with Freddie Parolt in that game. Then after that you
Speaker 3: got Toronto hosting the Yankees today Louis Heal and Kevin
Speaker 3: Gossman and the blue Jays minus one twenty.
Speaker 5: I think you just made that name up right now.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, a lot of these pictures are like, how
Speaker 3: are they in the playoffs? Gosman though, is the blue
Speaker 3: Jays favored minus one twenty four although there is more
Speaker 3: money coming in on the Yankees. And then after that
Speaker 3: the game that we're most interested in, the Doyers and
Speaker 3: the Fighting Phills Christopher Sanchez versus show Hey O'tani.
Speaker 1: Show, Hey Otani and the.
Speaker 3: Dodgers and underdog the Phillies are the favorite to win
Speaker 3: that game at minus one fifteen. And then the nightcap
Speaker 3: in prime time at eight thirty eight Eastern five thirty
Speaker 3: eight in the West, when the Tigers and Mariners get together,
Speaker 3: Danny g you throw out the records.
Speaker 1: You know why?
Speaker 5: Why?
Speaker 1: Because if you looked at the record now.
Speaker 3: All right, the Robbie the Mariner fan, the big Dumper
Speaker 3: his Mariners with George Kirby minus two hundred favorites over
Speaker 3: someone named Troy Melton of the Tigers.
Speaker 1: Wow, I don't know who that is.
Speaker 5: I have no idea.
Speaker 1: Well, let's get to this. You mentioned it.
Speaker 3: You brought it up, Danny, the promos that have been
Speaker 3: running NonStop here and this has been going on for
Speaker 3: a couple weeks now ever since. Yours truly just a
Speaker 3: random overnight gas bag. I like to think of truth teller,
Speaker 3: an occasional agitator, like to stir the pot.
Speaker 1: Now. I had the goal, I had the Hootzpa.
Speaker 5: You're like the Manny Machado of radio.
Speaker 3: I had the hoodspur to point out the obvious about
Speaker 3: the twenty twenty five Dodgers, and as I anticipated, the
Speaker 3: fanboys have been spitting nails my direction. So I did
Speaker 3: a couple of hour monologues recently on the Overnight Show,
Speaker 3: speaking the gospel, pointing out the frailties of this team.
Speaker 3: The twenty twenty five bullpen, I call it the Chevron bullpen,
Speaker 3: pumping gas and on fires and going the extra mile
Speaker 3: to burn the thing up. The one that still gets
Speaker 3: the most attention has been the one where I pointed
Speaker 3: out how ridiculous and over the top of the state funeral,
Speaker 3: including a burial for Clayton Kershaw, the bane of our
Speaker 3: existence as Dodger supporters in the playoffs, who cost the
Speaker 3: Dodgers at least three extra World championships with his mouth
Speaker 3: FeAs And so I pointed that out, and we said
Speaker 3: that what we did is we said the quiet part
Speaker 3: out loud about mookie Bets for four months. He was
Speaker 3: a ghost, a high priced ghost, mookie Bets. And so
Speaker 3: the outrage on cue. The outrage started up, the fire breathing.
Speaker 3: And it's not just from random people who listened to
Speaker 3: the radio, but people I were with. Roberto, a bus driver,
Speaker 3: was all upset with me. Manuel from Guardina angry. The
Speaker 3: rest of the Dodger kool aid, the big blue kool
Speaker 3: Aid cult, immediately branded me a hater. Manuel and Guardina
Speaker 3: said I was a Giants fan, which I think, which
Speaker 3: is worse like a trader of the whole thing. And
Speaker 3: why because this is again a reminder in the modern world.
Speaker 3: If you dare criticize the millionaire ballplayers wearing your team's laundry,
Speaker 3: you're a bad fan.
Speaker 1: You're a bad what's wrong with you?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 3: So to me, it's nonsense, it's I've always been the
Speaker 3: same way. It's not like I haven't, It's just the
Speaker 3: way I'm wired. And the truth is, no one at
Speaker 3: Dodger Stadium they don't want to hear it.
Speaker 1: They want guys like Vasay.
Speaker 3: To get on the radio and lick their toes, and
Speaker 3: so nobody wants to hear in between the mariachi bands
Speaker 3: and the drone shows at Dodger Stadium what real fans
Speaker 3: are like, right, and what they should be like holding
Speaker 3: people accountable, not just nodding along because you're a three
Speaker 3: hundred and sixty five million dollars shortstop is batting two
Speaker 3: thirty eight after ninety four games?
Speaker 1: I mean just it blows me away. Is there any
Speaker 1: other job you can be that bad at for that long?
Speaker 1: And people are like, well, that's fine.
Speaker 3: Imagine not showing up to work for four months, and
Speaker 3: you'll see how long your boss lets you before the
Speaker 3: security walks you out with a little cardboard box. I
Speaker 3: know I've been there, I've been there, but this is
Speaker 3: what the modern fan has become. It drives me bonkers, right,
Speaker 3: just mascots, cheerleaders, corporate dupes who think criticism is some
Speaker 3: kind of betrayal, and it drives me nuts. They don't
Speaker 3: they don't want reality, they want fairy tales. And they
Speaker 3: and I love Vin Scully. I knew vent a little bit.
Speaker 3: They want Vin Scully nostalgia wrapped in bobblehead giveaways. Give
Speaker 3: me seventeen Otani bobblehead giveaways. I'm happy, right. And we
Speaker 3: come from the old country when fans were tough, they
Speaker 3: were not soft. And the term is it's two words,
Speaker 3: tough love, higher standards. And some of you call it
Speaker 3: cranky and curmudgeony, you know, negative.
Speaker 1: I call it saint.
Speaker 3: Because what the Dodgers have been this season is not
Speaker 3: dominance right to me, it's deja vu of some years
Speaker 3: gone by here and they were projected to win one
Speaker 3: hundred and five and a half.
Speaker 5: Games this season.
Speaker 3: This is going to be one of the all time
Speaker 3: great teams stack roster and because of Mookie Betts under achieving,
Speaker 3: the bullpen underachieving, this super team won ninety three games.
Speaker 3: Ninety three games is what the Dodgers won, and they
Speaker 3: had to play well the last couple of weeks to
Speaker 3: get to ninety three wins. Now that means on the
Speaker 3: Malord big board, not a list. Terry in England, not
Speaker 3: a list. The Dodgers underachieved, right. They won, if my
Speaker 3: math has scared, about fifteen percent fewer games than they
Speaker 3: were projected to win, and they were outplayed by the
Speaker 3: Milwaukee Brewers and the Toronto Blue Jays, among other won
Speaker 3: more games than this super Dodger team, the greatest team
Speaker 3: ever assembled.
Speaker 1: So yeah, go ahead, I'm the bad guy.
Speaker 3: You can call me a fraud of phone he send
Speaker 3: me your nasty emails and all that stuff. Anything to
Speaker 3: avoid confronting the Komodo dragon in the room, the fire
Speaker 3: breathing dragon the corner of the Dodgers. Listen, they floated
Speaker 3: along during the rest of it. Doesn't mean I don't
Speaker 3: want them to win. I hope they win. I'd love
Speaker 3: for this team to it. But even if they win
Speaker 3: the World Series, it does not change the fact that
Speaker 3: Mookie bets for ninety four games was terrible.
Speaker 1: The bullpen was an embarrassment.
Speaker 3: So go out, eat cheese steaks, enjoy the soft pretzels
Speaker 3: in Philadelphia, and slay the Phillies and have a great weekend.
Speaker 1: And that's wonderful and all that.
Speaker 3: However, again, just to put a ball on this Danny
Speaker 3: that the Dodger myth lives on is blind loyalty mixed
Speaker 3: with corporate spin and bots and all that online on
Speaker 3: social media, and then anyone who points it out like
Speaker 3: the other part of is oh you shouldn't do that.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, kay stop, I.
Speaker 1: Just laugh at I think it's hilarious.
Speaker 5: I look at their record.
Speaker 4: I mean, Tanner Scott alone accounts for could have accounted
Speaker 4: for ten more wins worse.
Speaker 5: I mean to have ten blown saved.
Speaker 3: But that was their big pickup. That was the guy
Speaker 3: that everyone said is gonna put him over the top.
Speaker 4: And the Bullen well looked. He looked good when he
Speaker 4: was a padre. In his case, he went backwards. I'm
Speaker 4: not sure why.
Speaker 5: I know.
Speaker 4: I read an article where he said he was just
Speaker 4: having the worst season of his career. And obviously there
Speaker 4: were injuries. They had to battle like a lot of
Speaker 4: other teams. But now you see Roki come in and close.
Speaker 4: He was hurt all throughout the season, so it looks
Speaker 4: like they have him closer right now. Against the Phillies.
Speaker 4: The Achilles heel is still the setup guys.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the Phillies are much better than the Reds are,
Speaker 3: like a Triple A team. The Phillies are a big
Speaker 3: time team. The games are going to be close. I
Speaker 3: just don't see this bullpen being able to get it done.
Speaker 3: If you're the Phillies, you don't have to have a
Speaker 3: league going to the seventh inning. You can be down
Speaker 3: by two runs going to the seventh inning. Once Dave
Speaker 3: Roberts makes the walk of shame and says I really
Speaker 3: liked him in the spot, and they can know.
Speaker 4: Guys like Vesia have been soon are inconsistent this season,
Speaker 4: Guys where you have no confidence when they walk in
Speaker 4: if you don't have a lead. If you're the Dodgers,
Speaker 4: you need a lead of five runs. That happened against
Speaker 4: the Reds, You're right, that's not going to happen against
Speaker 4: teams like the Phillies. There's going to be, you know,
Speaker 4: games that are three to one, three to two, and
Speaker 4: if you have one of those yakers come in and
Speaker 4: they vomit all over the mound, suddenly you're going to
Speaker 4: be in a hole. Let's see if they use some
Speaker 4: of the starters back to back, that would be the
Speaker 4: way to go. But you know Friedman and his puppet
Speaker 4: Dave Roberts, they probably won't go that route.
Speaker 3: Out of an abundance of caution, Danny, out of an
Speaker 3: abundance of caution, they will not do do that at
Speaker 3: this point. Again, We'll see, we'll watch later today. We'll
Speaker 3: see what the Dodgers do. See if they get to
Speaker 3: jump on the Phillies with Otani. What do you think
Speaker 3: Otani goes four innings today?
Speaker 5: What do you think four?
Speaker 1: Or five? Tops?
Speaker 4: Probably five? But yeah, the Bats need to stay alive.
Speaker 4: They need to get on the board early, and often
Speaker 4: they need to take like a five to one lead
Speaker 4: in the game. If they get behind against a team
Speaker 4: like the Phillies, it's going to be a long night.
Speaker 3: Well, maybe you can do the drop off, Danny and
Speaker 3: give them some relief pitchers. I don't think you're allowed
Speaker 3: to add relief pitchers, but you can possibly contact them
Speaker 3: and I think I know what hotel they're staying at
Speaker 3: in Philadelphia and you can go do your thing.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, Friedman didn't want to spend any more money this season.
Speaker 4: He at the trade deadline, they let the Padres and
Speaker 4: the Mets and other teams get the players that were
Speaker 4: out there available. Hey, remember that headline at the trade
Speaker 4: deadline that Padres and Mets won the trade deadline.
Speaker 3: Oh well yeah, man, well that was the thing. But
Speaker 3: I still and I actually defended Danny. I defended aj Preller,
Speaker 3: the GM of the Padres like it obviously didn't work
Speaker 3: out for the Padres.
Speaker 1: They got to end up losing the Cubs.
Speaker 3: But I love the fact that the Padres threw caution
Speaker 3: to the win they traded. Was it eight of their
Speaker 3: top ten minor league players to get all these relief pitchers.
Speaker 1: And build a super pin.
Speaker 3: And then the great thing about baseball is the reason
Speaker 3: the pod his loss to the Cubs is because the
Speaker 3: guys they already had Fernando to thiast the peacock.
Speaker 1: I think he batted like ninety three or something like that.
Speaker 3: Manny Machado didn't hit and you Darvish you that was
Speaker 3: the you Darvers I saw in the twenty seventeen World
Speaker 3: Series in Game seven against the cheating as holes. We
Speaker 3: don't say that, you know, we can, we don't have
Speaker 3: to pause. But Game seven, well they were cheating, but
Speaker 3: still remember game something. It was over by the second inning.
Speaker 3: The cheaters had such a big lead because Darvers was
Speaker 3: so bad in that game.
Speaker 5: So it was a.
Speaker 4: Mess as far as a drop off, I know I
Speaker 4: talked about this a few weeks back, and there were
Speaker 4: a couple of comments about it in the mail bag. Sense,
Speaker 4: but good news and bad news. We finally found a
Speaker 4: pre school that CoA can attend.
Speaker 5: I love my suit news. You remember we.
Speaker 4: Took the tour of that monassory and everybody got sick
Speaker 4: just from being anywhere near their germs there. Brenda and
Speaker 4: I were almost like celebrating because it was amazing to
Speaker 4: find a place that wasn't two thousand dollars a month. Sure,
Speaker 4: now it's half that and it's part time, so it's
Speaker 4: still a lot of money. And any parent listening right
Speaker 4: now knows what we've been dealing with. We get to
Speaker 4: this school and a great location. It is connected to
Speaker 4: the college that our oldest attended at Kawlu. A lot
Speaker 4: of the faculty members have their kids at this preschool
Speaker 4: one month score, great staff, really nice yard with a
Speaker 4: huge sandbox and a tricycle race track and a treehouse.
Speaker 4: And I mean CoA was in heaven when we took
Speaker 4: him to the orientation. He's running around, you would have
Speaker 4: thought he was at Disneyland.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 4: So the first picture I sent you is CoA a
Speaker 4: week ago day one at pre school.
Speaker 5: Now, remember he's never been off his mom's.
Speaker 4: Boob as far as being in the care of somebody else. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm with him every morning from you know, seven thirty
Speaker 4: am until I leave for Covino and Rich at one pm.
Speaker 5: So this is a new thing.
Speaker 4: And it's weird because, you know, the first day we'd
Speaker 4: take him for day one of school, he's in that
Speaker 4: picture I sent you smiling. We told him, Okay, we're
Speaker 4: going to go now, we'll pick you up after work,
Speaker 4: and he's like, no, no, no, but not because he
Speaker 4: didn't want us to leave. He thought we were trying
Speaker 4: to take him. He wanted to stay and.
Speaker 1: Play good good.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 4: So we're like, oh, perfect, okay, he doesn't even care
Speaker 4: that we're leaving. Reality set in. We try to take
Speaker 4: him on day two, which now is a day later
Speaker 4: because he's Monday, Wednesday, Friday. So we try to take
Speaker 4: him back on Wednesday, and now he knows what's going
Speaker 4: to happen, because somewhere along the way on Monday he
Speaker 4: figured out where are they. Oh shit, I'm stuck here
Speaker 4: nap time for two hours. Look these adults at this place,
Speaker 4: they're crazy. Yeah, and you know, this candy is a
Speaker 4: nap from twelve thirty to two thirty.
Speaker 5: Are you nuts?
Speaker 4: Wednesday, we try to do the drop off and Ben,
Speaker 4: there are other kids there who have just started at
Speaker 4: the preschool, and they're like whimpering, kind of clinging onto
Speaker 4: their mom or dad, a little bit of tears rolling
Speaker 4: down their cheek. They look depressed. That's not how CoA rolls.
Speaker 4: How can I even describe it? I guess he's a thespian.
Speaker 4: He is a future actor who he made the biggest
Speaker 4: scene at any of these schools. And remember, I've had
Speaker 4: my years at a lot of school campuses, so I've
Speaker 4: seen kids get dropped off for the first time. I've
Speaker 4: seen kids melt down. Oh my god, I wish I
Speaker 4: could act it out. I'm not as good of an
Speaker 4: actor as he is. Or if some of these emotions
Speaker 4: were real, then we're in trouble here because I don't
Speaker 4: know how long he's going to.
Speaker 5: Be at this preschool. He was screaming.
Speaker 4: Mama, no, no, no, Mama no, and clinging onto her leg.
Speaker 5: There's a side gate.
Speaker 4: So when we left and I had to pull Brenda away,
Speaker 4: I'm like, come on, we gotta let him just go.
Speaker 5: Through it.
Speaker 4: He's having a meltdown. But they've you know, I'm sure
Speaker 4: that they've had this happen before, even though we didn't
Speaker 4: see any other kids doing this. So we're getting in
Speaker 4: the car and she goes to the side gate. It's
Speaker 4: like a movie.
Speaker 5: Ben.
Speaker 4: It looked like he was a prisoner trying to reach
Speaker 4: his hand through the gate and he is screaming.
Speaker 1: No, Mama, don't leave.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 4: We're driving away from the preschool, and of course Brenda
Speaker 4: is plubbering in the car.
Speaker 5: It has gotten no better.
Speaker 4: Monday Wednesday again, and we held him back this past
Speaker 4: Friday because he was under the weather. Of course, he
Speaker 4: was a week and a half at a daycare or preschool.
Speaker 4: What do you think is going to happen. He's got
Speaker 4: a runny nose and a cold.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a wet market in China.
Speaker 4: It's a lot of oh yeah, you know the college
Speaker 4: kids they have the frat flu.
Speaker 5: Yeah, already he's got the kinder flu.
Speaker 4: The question is, when we get out of this weekend
Speaker 4: and we get back to Monday, is he going to
Speaker 4: keep with the theatrics those meltdowns only intensified.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he'll he'll get over it. It might be a
Speaker 1: month or two before he gets over, but I.
Speaker 4: Guess he settles in after a half hour, calms down
Speaker 4: and he settles in.
Speaker 1: But have you thought about bribing him? Is there a
Speaker 1: way you could bribe him?
Speaker 3: Say if you're you know, you're good today, we'll give
Speaker 3: you something extra after school or something like that.
Speaker 5: They have the mail bag.
Speaker 4: I mentioned that he loves Disney's cars right now and
Speaker 4: he's been collecting all the characters.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so his mom has been trying that.
Speaker 4: He loves those mini cars and she's like, if you're
Speaker 4: good after school, I'll take you to Target to get
Speaker 4: some more minis and he says men. So he's excited
Speaker 4: about that, but it doesn't help at the drop off.
Speaker 4: Like at that drop off, you could tell him Mickey
Speaker 4: Mouse himself is you know there on the playyard, and
Speaker 4: he won't give a shit. He's just when he gets
Speaker 4: focused on something or he's upset about something, that's just it.
Speaker 5: Sure, let's see.
Speaker 4: There's one other picture I'm gonna send you really quick,
Speaker 4: and it's a prison photo. I don't think they intended
Speaker 4: it to be a prison photo. The picture they took
Speaker 4: of him on the playyard to put at his cubby
Speaker 4: and it looks like a mug shot.
Speaker 1: Yes, it does.
Speaker 3: It appears that he has been arrested. He is being processed.
Speaker 3: Did they take his fingerprints? What was his crime, Danny?
Speaker 1: His crime.
Speaker 4: Like you raised hell here for the first hour. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it looked like he did some hard time, like some
Speaker 4: hard labor that day, chain gang.
Speaker 3: It is holding up what a period? Is that an
Speaker 3: orange he's holding up or an orange ball? I can't
Speaker 3: He's holding something up with his right hand. I'm not
Speaker 3: sure what that is, but that that does look like
Speaker 3: a muckshot.
Speaker 5: That's funny. I think it's the gag that they took
Speaker 5: out of his mouth. That's hilarious.
Speaker 1: We've all been there. But yeah, yeah, good luck.
Speaker 3: I drove my parents and I hated, Oh god, I
Speaker 3: couldn't stay my entire education.
Speaker 1: I hated hated it, hated it, hated it.
Speaker 3: Uh. One more thing here, and it's I wanted to
Speaker 3: tell this because the other day I went to costco
Speaker 3: oh oh with a very simple mission, Danny. I had
Speaker 3: shampoo on my mind, body wash, iced coffee for the wife,
Speaker 3: A couple of berry container strawberry raspberry, BlackBerry, in and out.
Speaker 3: That's what a trip to Costco is all about clinical precision.
Speaker 3: Had it all planned out, of course, that is not
Speaker 3: how Costco works. That's not how any of this works
Speaker 3: when you go to Costco. Nobody has ever gone into
Speaker 3: Costco and left with only the thing they wrote on
Speaker 3: their little shopping list or on their phone.
Speaker 1: Right, it's impossible.
Speaker 5: You end up no a fifty planned fifty dollars trip
Speaker 5: usually costs two hundred.
Speaker 1: Dollars minimum two hundred dollars.
Speaker 3: You end up wandering those airplane hangar aisles like Magellan
Speaker 3: and and pretty soon you know you've got olive oil
Speaker 3: the size of a fire ex thing. We're sure you've
Speaker 3: got a palette of eggs. I don't need that many eggs.
Speaker 3: I'm not running a breakfast that place. You've got chicken
Speaker 3: bouyon cubes that could you could make a soup for
Speaker 3: the United States Marines.
Speaker 1: You know, it's just out of control.
Speaker 3: So I'm there the other day, and and then and
Speaker 3: that's even before like you kind of get grazing. Once
Speaker 3: you start get grazing, now that's it because because Costco
Speaker 3: is it's it's it's an American midway, right, the gauntlet
Speaker 3: free samples. Now sometimes it's the little corn dogs. Sometimes
Speaker 3: it's little cheese cubes they have, and sometimes it's something
Speaker 3: you didn't know you needed, like like aros and uh,
Speaker 3: you know, some kind of frozen ice cream sandwich that
Speaker 3: you didn't know about but looks pretty good. And and
Speaker 3: you whatever they have you usually take because it's free,
Speaker 3: right all he's kind of rules say, well, it's Costco free.
Speaker 3: The samples are Costco's trojan horse. You came for the
Speaker 3: shampoo you lead with, you know, a thing of dumplings.
Speaker 3: I didn't even know they had dumplings here. Accepting the
Speaker 3: reason I'm bringing this up not this time, because this
Speaker 3: time I was minding my own business wandering around Costco.
Speaker 3: I was solicited, not by a sales weasel hawking solar panels.
Speaker 3: You know, when you go down Costco, it's like walking
Speaker 3: down the boardwalk in Atlantic City. There's a bunch of
Speaker 3: people that are trying to sell your stuff. When you
Speaker 3: first go to Costco, they've got them all lined up, right,
Speaker 3: They've got the cookingness.
Speaker 5: Oh I hate it, I have I just wave them
Speaker 5: all off. Yeah.
Speaker 1: My thing is I sidestep.
Speaker 3: I go to the middle part of Costco to avoid
Speaker 3: that part I've learned, I just don't want to deal
Speaker 3: with people. So you walk down this aisle and they're
Speaker 3: on the air conditioning, solar panels, the whole thing, and
Speaker 3: you know you need tires, but you need deluxetis. Well, no,
Speaker 3: I have tire rack, but no I need you need
Speaker 3: these here and uh and so I was approached, not
Speaker 3: by one of those people, by a man representing the
Speaker 3: Kirkland brand, which I guess these are not actual Costco
Speaker 3: employees they are they're hired third party, but uh, a
Speaker 3: person working at the sample table. And you know, I
Speaker 3: had the smile of a man convinced he was offering
Speaker 3: you the secret to life itself?
Speaker 1: Would you like to try one of my samples?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 1: He asked, kind of leaning forward, like you know, he's
Speaker 1: letting me in on this little secret.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, this is gonna be good, right,
Speaker 3: and said, I'm in, I'm down, you know, I'm here,
Speaker 3: and uh so I turned and kind of moved my
Speaker 3: card over there, and there it was a little table
Speaker 3: filled a little red tray filled with seaweed, not sushi,
Speaker 3: not not you know, some people like the sushi Krispy
Speaker 3: rice roll seaweed flat green salty sheet.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, you're talking about the stuffed kids take to
Speaker 4: school as a snack.
Speaker 1: Well, I never took it to school, so it's not.
Speaker 5: Well, no, we didn't. I'm talking about kids nowadays.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know who knows.
Speaker 4: It's gross, it's in their teeth, it's yeah, I can
Speaker 4: smell it. I smelled it on the kids I used
Speaker 4: to take care of.
Speaker 1: So nasty.
Speaker 3: So I'm looking, I'm looking at this table, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: you gotta be joking, right, I'm like, you know who
Speaker 3: I am, even of course you don't know who I am.
Speaker 3: But I'm like, I mean, just by my even if
Speaker 3: you don't know who I am, just by looking at me,
Speaker 3: I don't look like a seaweed eater.
Speaker 5: I don't you know.
Speaker 3: I don't like things that are green anyway, flat, green, salty,
Speaker 3: the whole thing.
Speaker 1: I mean, seaweed is.
Speaker 3: Just horrid, you know, It's just I can't. I hate
Speaker 3: it when I'm going walking on the beach.
Speaker 1: Anyway. So I did what any red blooded American would do.
Speaker 1: I declined. I said, no way, I'm good.
Speaker 3: I don't need to I don't need to snack on
Speaker 3: the kelp that was brushed up against my leg the
Speaker 3: last time I swam, you know.
Speaker 1: Over in Newport. But then, of course fate happened.
Speaker 3: Danny.
Speaker 1: I looped around the.
Speaker 3: Store and I passed this gabbroni again and the poor
Speaker 3: guy doubled down. I guess he forgot he had already
Speaker 3: had this conversation with me.
Speaker 1: He gave me the full elevator pitch again.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and now we know why he was seeking
Speaker 4: people out, because who the hell wants seaweed?
Speaker 1: Exactly, That's what I'm saying. So he somehow.
Speaker 3: Believed in this seaweed, or at least he was being
Speaker 3: quite the thespian as you said, your son, you know,
Speaker 3: cause a festment. He wanted me to believe again and
Speaker 3: again I refused. And here's the thing. I was not alone, Danny,
Speaker 3: And you pointed out nobody, and I mean nobody was
Speaker 3: taking the seaweed, not kids, not parents, not even the
Speaker 3: old people that are scavengers who normally hawks. It was
Speaker 3: the costco version of chernobyl. They finally found a sample
Speaker 3: that was abandoned.
Speaker 1: It was radioactive, and that's it.
Speaker 4: And I've seen people take the crappiest samples, like recently
Speaker 4: they had a table where they had like two broken
Speaker 4: tortilla chips in each cup. People were reaching for these
Speaker 4: damn things.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, And so that tells you everything.
Speaker 3: People don't turn down free food, as you know, and
Speaker 3: I know we all know that they don't. They'll eat
Speaker 3: your chicken nuggets that are half cooked on a toothpick.
Speaker 3: They'll they'll eat heated ravioli which is still kind of
Speaker 3: cold in the middle. As you said, the chips that
Speaker 3: they'll eat whatever's on the train. Seaweed, though, that is
Speaker 3: a point of demarcation. That is where the American public
Speaker 3: draws the line. And Costco can sell you a kayak,
Speaker 3: they can sell you a casket, they can sell you
Speaker 3: a protein powder, the fuel a cult of CrossFit lunatics,
Speaker 3: but they cannot make you eat seaweed.
Speaker 1: They can't do it. And I just thought it was hilarious.
Speaker 3: I mean, I've been going to cost for my my
Speaker 3: tire adult life. I love Costco and I've never seen
Speaker 3: that before. And meanwhile, two miles over right there's the
Speaker 3: Little corn Dogs. There's a line that looked like it
Speaker 3: was for Space Mountain at Disneyland.
Speaker 5: Right, freaking talk about competition.
Speaker 3: It's like people were camped out ready for waiting for
Speaker 3: fifteen minutes for a stupid f and litle piece of
Speaker 3: hot dog.
Speaker 1: And they were smiling, you know, freebie and all that.
Speaker 1: But there you go.
Speaker 3: So that's that's my weekly Costco story. You walk in
Speaker 3: with a plan, you leave with a shopping cart of
Speaker 3: you know, the stuff you didn't need and regret that
Speaker 3: you purchased. And somewhere in the middle there your face
Speaker 3: with the great existential question of our time, seaweed or
Speaker 3: no seaweeds? But no, you need this. Let me make
Speaker 3: my pitch. No, I don't need your elevator pitch for me.
Speaker 3: It's a no on seaweed. Every single time. I do
Speaker 3: give the guy credit though, because you know, I'm assuming
Speaker 3: these guys who do the samples.
Speaker 1: And the women don't know what they're going to when
Speaker 1: they show up to work.
Speaker 3: Like this guy was really into the job, and I'm
Speaker 3: sure he's not making a lot of money, that doesn't
Speaker 3: pay a lot, and yet he's still he's pitching that
Speaker 3: thing like he's trying to you know, he's working for
Speaker 3: bm trying to sell you on a BMW or something wild.
Speaker 4: It's the equivalent of you and Rob Parker's selling really
Speaker 4: bad hot takes.
Speaker 1: How dare you listen?
Speaker 3: Rob's the og he's gotten the weekend, He's getting the
Speaker 3: press box named after him.
Speaker 1: I know it's coming up.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's in New York right now as we speak,
Speaker 4: and I guess they're going to have a little little
Speaker 4: get together for him at our studios on Monday evening.
Speaker 5: That's great.
Speaker 3: I was actually going to try to get back to
Speaker 3: I guess it's Connecticut, Central Connecticut or something.
Speaker 1: I forget what school says. School in Connecticut's naming their
Speaker 1: press box after Rob. And I love Rob.
Speaker 3: I don't get to see him much as we worked
Speaker 3: different hours, and actually was gonna he invited us to
Speaker 3: me and my wife to go back to the event,
Speaker 3: but unfortunately we couldn't make the travel.
Speaker 1: The travel happened. But anyway, we'll get out on that, Danny.
Speaker 3: Hopefully the Dodgers do not let us down today and
Speaker 3: win and all that.
Speaker 5: And let's go.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, let's hope that we can string together a
Speaker 4: couple of really good pitchers after Otani.
Speaker 1: They got to have a seven run league going to
Speaker 1: the eighth inning.
Speaker 4: I'll feel pretty good. Seven second book, pretty much. I
Speaker 4: have a Dodger stress ball, and I'm not making that up.
Speaker 1: Well, I will, I will, I'm expecting.
Speaker 5: See.
Speaker 3: The good thing about this is I've already determined they're
Speaker 3: not good enough to win, so if they win, I'll
Speaker 3: be happy. I've created in my own head nanny sports
Speaker 3: fan insurance. I've already gone the arithmetic, I've done the
Speaker 3: Mather math. They're not good enough to win, so if
Speaker 3: they win, I'll be pleasantly surprised. I'll be pleasantly surprised.
Speaker 5: Anyway. All right, as you're hedging your bets.
Speaker 3: I'm not hedging my bets. I'm just calling like it is.
Speaker 3: All right, having a wonderful rest of your Saturday.
Speaker 1: Here, we'll be back.
Speaker 3: We get the mail bag on Sunday. Sunday, Sunday later.
Speaker 3: Skater got a murder.
Speaker 5: I gotta go,