1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:02,640 Speaker 1: Let's go buckle up and hold on tight. We got 2 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:06,080 Speaker 1: it for you here. It is the Strawberry letter, Thank 3 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: you nephew. So subject is there's no way he can 4 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:13,360 Speaker 1: meet my family. Dear Stephen Shirley. I am a twenty 5 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,560 Speaker 1: seven year old woman and I've been dating a twenty 6 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 1: nine year old man for a year. We met in 7 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:21,400 Speaker 1: graduate school and immediately hit it off. He wants to 8 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,239 Speaker 1: start a business and I'm in the medical field, so 9 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: we both have big dreams and aspirations. We have talked 10 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,880 Speaker 1: about a future together and I can see myself with 11 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: him forever. But there's a big part of my life 12 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: that I've been keeping from him. It's my ghetto family. 13 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,000 Speaker 1: I grew up in the hood, and when I went 14 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 1: to college, I promised myself that I was going to 15 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 1: do better for myself and have a different kind of life. 16 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 1: All of my family still lives in the hood and 17 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 1: have no goals or plans to leave. My family prefers 18 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 1: to have our cookouts in the front yard, Junior and 19 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 1: all of our relatives is just pull right up and 20 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,120 Speaker 1: park on our grass. My dad fixes cars in our 21 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,400 Speaker 1: driveway as a side hustle, and you can always hear 22 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: the loud music blasting from the car he's working on. 23 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: My dad is stuck in his soul brother's stage, so 24 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:18,800 Speaker 1: he's always trying to be cool and it's embarrassing. My 25 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 1: mom loves to shop and trendy stories for teenagers, so 26 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:26,160 Speaker 1: she always has on an outfit that is not suitable 27 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 1: for her body type or her age. I've spent my 28 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 1: entire adult life trying to overcome the way I was raised, 29 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: and I've asked my family to do better, but they 30 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,399 Speaker 1: think I'm the one with the issues because I don't 31 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 1: fit in anymore. My boyfriend asked to go home with 32 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 1: me soon to meet my family, and I have run 33 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: out of excuses. I'm afraid he'll be scared away because 34 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,480 Speaker 1: he does not want to marry into a family like mine. 35 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 1: On the other hand, I may need to give him 36 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he can overlook them. 37 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,640 Speaker 1: Should I warn him first? Do you think he'll run 38 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: once he sees them. I have tried to talk to 39 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: my family, but it's pointless. Help me, help, all right? Yeah? 40 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: If one thing you learn on this show, we tell 41 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 1: you all the time, you cannot change other people. You 42 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 1: can only change yourself, and it looks like you're doing that. 43 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 1: You're trying to change yourself, break out of you know, 44 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 1: your lifestyle, your hood, the ghetto, whatever you're you know, 45 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: trying to do. And you say, better yourself. So I 46 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 1: commend you for that, for trying to better yourself. I'm 47 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: proud of you, for all of your accomplishments. You're going 48 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,880 Speaker 1: to grad school, you're in the medical field, and I'm 49 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: really happy that you found love, especially if you want 50 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: to spend the rest of your life with this person. 51 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 1: Now I have to tell you, you know, okay, so 52 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:47,640 Speaker 1: what you came from the hood, you don't have to 53 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,720 Speaker 1: stay in the hood. You don't have to be ghetto 54 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 1: all your life. If you know you don't have to 55 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:55,040 Speaker 1: do that, you can. You can go out and make 56 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: a life for yourself and still love your family and 57 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,920 Speaker 1: be a part of your family. Just race who you are, 58 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 1: all of who you are. Do not be ashamed of 59 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 1: who you are, where you came from. It's okay, And 60 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 1: it's okay to let your boyfriend meet your family. It's 61 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: all right. He's not marrying your family. He's marrying you, 62 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 1: all right. And you guys have to have these kinds 63 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:22,800 Speaker 1: of conversations. But yeah, you know this, just because you 64 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,079 Speaker 1: were raised this way or born this way, just because 65 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 1: your family is like that, you could be different. I 66 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,520 Speaker 1: was different in my family. I mean, you know, we 67 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 1: were all the different ones I'm sure in our family 68 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 1: for one reason or another. Just because you don't approve 69 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 1: of them, it's okay, it's okay. Let them be, Let 70 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: them be who they are, and you just be who 71 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: you are. Don't try to be anything you're not. Just 72 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: you know, it's okay to improve yourself and that's what 73 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: you're trying to do. So yeah, bring him over, let 74 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: him meet the family, and go from there. If he 75 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: really loves you, then it won't matter who your family is. 76 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: Like I said, he's not marrying them, he's marrying you, junior. No, 77 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 1: don't let him meet the fast. I got city experience 78 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,200 Speaker 1: in this. No, you have to. You have to let 79 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 1: him meet the family in a in a confined space, 80 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: like an event. They cannot be in the natural habitat. 81 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 1: It's donna scare this bart. They got to meet him 82 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: at like a funeral or something. You know, don't let 83 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 1: him just be at the yard. If they just in 84 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,719 Speaker 1: the yard doing them, it's gonna be very bad. I 85 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 1: have I have this problem. I have a sister I 86 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,920 Speaker 1: have to tell you about. You know, when you meet me, 87 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,599 Speaker 1: I tell you're gonna meet the family. I have to 88 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,719 Speaker 1: warn you that my sister's gonna be there. I got 89 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,599 Speaker 1: a cousin who don't bathe I got. I got to 90 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: let you know this upfront because you're gonna ask what 91 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 1: is that smell? And he had just walked by, So 92 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 1: I have to tell you about this. I do have 93 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: a cousin that looks at the wall for no reason. 94 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,160 Speaker 1: I don't know why. He'd been doing it all his life. 95 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,680 Speaker 1: Don't ask no question. No, he not crazy. He just 96 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,760 Speaker 1: like looking at the wall. We do have a little 97 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: cousin that's like nine, like the jump at women laught 98 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: and raise up and reach for them. Yes, we call 99 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 1: little babyhood little babyhoo. You can get your ass down. 100 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 1: We have to say this, and yes, get down. You 101 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 1: have to know about the little babyhood because he's gonna 102 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,560 Speaker 1: jump in your lap and reach for your breath. He's 103 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,680 Speaker 1: gonna do that little babyhook. Get down. We have to 104 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:17,159 Speaker 1: say this. Yes, yes, we have a ain't he's gonna 105 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,400 Speaker 1: set our teeth on the table. Yes, I have one, 106 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 1: don't worry about it. These just these people. So yes, 107 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,360 Speaker 1: you have to warn him. You cannot let him go 108 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 1: over there and see the foods in the natural habitat. 109 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,919 Speaker 1: I do have a cousin and like to talk to 110 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 1: you in just dark places. Just it. He don't like 111 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:36,239 Speaker 1: talking it like he liked the whisper. But these people 112 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 1: do exist. You need to know. These people have an interests. 113 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,760 Speaker 1: When you see him, then you'll be like that's the 114 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: one he told me about. So act like I ain't 115 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 1: take You haven't been warned that boy ain't baged about 116 00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: five years. But when he walked by, your nostrils gonna 117 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 1: be so far five swell? What was that? As? Not 118 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 1: the food? It's not? But can I just tell you 119 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: I love little baby hooker? Yeah, get down, hey, run up, 120 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,919 Speaker 1: and every woman left, get that this worker have charges. 121 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,599 Speaker 1: I just want to know. Yes, you got to warn 122 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 1: these people exist. All right, Listen, we're gonna hear from 123 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 1: Jay and Tommy. The subject is called there's no way 124 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,040 Speaker 1: he can meet my family. Twenty seven year old young 125 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 1: lady called she's dating a twenty nine year old man. 126 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:29,239 Speaker 1: They're both upwardly mobile. They're in graduate school there. He's 127 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 1: planning on starting a business. She's in the medical field. 128 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,240 Speaker 1: They both have big dreams and aspirations. They like each 129 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: other a lot and want to have a future together. 130 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:41,160 Speaker 1: He wants to meet her family. She's made every excuse 131 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:44,479 Speaker 1: possible to see that that doesn't happen because she says 132 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,919 Speaker 1: her family is ghetto. They still live in the hood. 133 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 1: They have no goals or plans to leave. Her family 134 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 1: prefers to have cookouts in the front yard. All the 135 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:56,440 Speaker 1: relatives come up, park on the grass. Dad is stuck 136 00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: in soul brother stage, always trying to be cool. It's embarrassed, 137 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 1: sing uh. Mom wears teenage clothes, not age appropriate, she says. 138 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: And she's afraid that if she introduces her um you know, 139 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 1: significant other to her family that he may run. But 140 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 1: I think if he really loves her, even if he 141 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 1: meets the family, he'll stick around. Junior says, absolutely, warn him, absolutely, Jay, 142 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 1: what do you say? I say, just like you were saying, 143 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,520 Speaker 1: Sheldy and Junior, this is a testimonial of your love. 144 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: He needs to meet these people, and then he needs 145 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 1: to meet him without you setting him up of what 146 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: he's going to see. That way, he can ask questions 147 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: as to what he sees like value, get that shock value, 148 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 1: like how come your auntie got a mustass? He has 149 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 1: to ask you, yea question. He has to ask you, 150 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 1: how come the back of the dog don't have no 151 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 1: hell on him? Why he? And then you have to 152 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 1: explain this part of your family. He has to asked you. 153 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 1: How come y'all got to Washington to dry on the 154 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:08,239 Speaker 1: front porch. How y'all got that? How come your aunt 155 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,760 Speaker 1: got earrings a size twenty two on her ear and 156 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: she got glitter on her lips? Who is this woman? See? 157 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 1: She needs she needs to explain all these surprised relatives. 158 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 1: She needs to find out why you have an uncle 159 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,360 Speaker 1: who sits in the living room in the hospital bed, 160 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: who just wakes up and starts yelling out stuff? Right, 161 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:33,680 Speaker 1: She needs to answer all these questions. She needs to 162 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 1: ask him. How come y'all got a TV but there's 163 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 1: no TV in there? Y'all put a little flower arrangement 164 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:47,079 Speaker 1: on the inside of it. I need to know you 165 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 1: got that. He needs to know how come y'all got 166 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 1: a deep freezer in the living room. I need to 167 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 1: know why is sitting right there? And damn living room? 168 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 1: And until she shops this boy and tests her love. 169 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 1: She will never never, never know if he loved. If 170 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,840 Speaker 1: he leaves, he ain't in love. But if he stays 171 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 1: there and and you answer all these questions, that's the one. 172 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: That's it. That's right, all right, Thank you, jay nephew, 173 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 1: you're up. There's no way he can meet my family. 174 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 1: That is. I think you gotta prepare this man before 175 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,320 Speaker 1: he meets the family. But you know, I want you 176 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,200 Speaker 1: to do it in a timmy way. You're gonna have 177 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,120 Speaker 1: to act this thing out, Okay, So you got to 178 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,320 Speaker 1: get up underneath that car. You got to be your 179 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,640 Speaker 1: daddy first, and you got to you know, your daddy 180 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 1: gonna give give me that out, give me out the radio. 181 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 1: Ain't out of that bring it out here. You know what? 182 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 1: I thought it was that dry share. But that ain't 183 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 1: want it. That ain't want that ain't want to you 184 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 1: know what, I put that clutching in. I took that 185 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,320 Speaker 1: clutch out. But I think that that mataphold, that mataphold, 186 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,599 Speaker 1: that might be what that ain't boy? My cigarette And 187 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,720 Speaker 1: when I bring my cigarette back over here, look at him. 188 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: What we gonna do then, what we're gonna do. We're 189 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: gonna take the whole gas cat out to take the 190 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:07,040 Speaker 1: whole gas tank out. All right, I'm a fix it 191 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 1: where you can charge it up. It's gonna be better 192 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 1: than the Tesla when I get to with it. Is 193 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 1: that my baby girl? That's my baby gloak here, baby 194 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,439 Speaker 1: gub baby gun. Look at this, this the young blood. 195 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:26,079 Speaker 1: You tell my what's up? Young blood? Cruel breath? Look 196 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: at you, baby? Yeah? They called me cat daddy. You 197 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,760 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? You know how to do? You know? 198 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: Two different kinds of people in this different people with 199 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 1: guns and people with butter. You feel you know where 200 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:41,040 Speaker 1: I'm coming from. Look, I don't know if you're hungry, 201 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,319 Speaker 1: but we're gonna have a fish fry right here in 202 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: the yard. Man. We got some crapping, we got some 203 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,440 Speaker 1: perching here. We're gonna get it. We're gonna get this enough. 204 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,000 Speaker 1: You don't want to know fit. We're gonna be grilling 205 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 1: some turkyn well, were grilled from turking that ground here. 206 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 1: So let me tell you something that something good. God 207 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 1: abody you my girl, baby boy, I look at you. 208 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 1: What's your name here? Young blood? What's your name? Young blood? 209 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: Embarrassed man? What it is? You know? You? You? You 210 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 1: you you, you you you, you know the rude pretty 211 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:12,839 Speaker 1: tony you know you know. Yeah you alway welcome here, 212 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 1: you away, but you alway well with the front. Y'all. 213 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 1: Don't go in the back yard. Back yard. Ain't got 214 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:18,640 Speaker 1: damn thing with you. Don't be in the backyard because 215 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,640 Speaker 1: we got stuff growing in the backyard. We don't want 216 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,960 Speaker 1: to catch the backyard. Look at look at my baby, 217 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,720 Speaker 1: See my baby, Look at the dressing. That one. I 218 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,600 Speaker 1: got my baby enough for you up pointy one, my baby, 219 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:38,200 Speaker 1: go ahead, my baby got a jump on from good 220 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:42,920 Speaker 1: job that I'm gonna have. You did everything to say. 221 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: Try it now when you are under that night blood. 222 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:53,200 Speaker 1: All right, all right, all right, listen. You can email 223 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 1: us your Instagram us your thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter. 224 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,559 Speaker 1: You've heard ours, go to Steve Harvey f Ammer. You 225 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 1: can check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. You're 226 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 1: listening to the Stave Harvey Morning Show.