Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot m a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Shane dot Elder podcast. Agel Graydon Danceler.
Speaker 1: Your fly is St Claire, I am present and this
Speaker 1: this is your friend. This is Jill Scott from North Philly,
Speaker 1: a k a. Jilly and uh, welcome to Jay dot
Speaker 1: Elga podcast. We've been talking again, of course, and you're
Speaker 1: you're walking in on a conversation that we're having about
Speaker 1: whole pleasure versus versus the pieces. I guess whole versus pieces.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's what it is. We initially started this conversation
Speaker 1: talking about receiving oral sex. And I'm just gonna put
Speaker 1: it out there because this is this is what we
Speaker 1: do on this podcast. I never liked it, friends, I
Speaker 1: just never liked it. For many many years. It just
Speaker 1: was not my thing until recently, thank you, but but
Speaker 1: for many many years. I know, right, it's a whole
Speaker 1: world for me, It's a whole new world. Wanted it.
Speaker 1: I never wanted that. I'm always allowed it. I allowed
Speaker 1: it because I was being gracious, you know, I'm allowing
Speaker 1: it because you you know, the mate or the person
Speaker 1: you get all excited about it. But I was just
Speaker 1: trying to get the penetration and quite frankly, you know,
Speaker 1: let's get Yeah. But but this opened up a really
Speaker 1: interesting conversation because we're just thinking about, well why that is,
Speaker 1: and and and Amber had mentioned that maybe it was
Speaker 1: a control thing. Maybe it's about kind of releasing the
Speaker 1: control over the situation, or being or being deeply vulnerable
Speaker 1: in that moment, or any number of different kind of
Speaker 1: things mentally as to why it might be something you're
Speaker 1: not really into, which I thought was really worth exploring,
Speaker 1: because then it got into another part of the conversation
Speaker 1: where I was like, oh, wait a minute, if we
Speaker 1: look at this a little different from being like why
Speaker 1: do I not like this thing? Into like, well, what
Speaker 1: is it that I'm trying to achieve from an intimate moment?
Speaker 1: Like what am I trying to get at? You know?
Speaker 1: And it's like outside of just kind of I guess,
Speaker 1: the immediate pleasure of what sex brings, but just how
Speaker 1: we can look at our bodies and and experience that
Speaker 1: in a full way. And I thought that's pretty dope. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: it don't seem like it just seems I agree. It
Speaker 1: just seemed like some partners are just here to prove
Speaker 1: a point. You know, I can do this better than
Speaker 1: anybody else could do this, and then I'm gonna show
Speaker 1: you on you you know, you know it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's a point, says I'm every dude. I feel
Speaker 1: like it's some basic fundamentals. Men feel like there are
Speaker 1: certain things that if they master that women will you know,
Speaker 1: fall into their arms. And women are just not all
Speaker 1: the same in that way. No, definitely not me. It's
Speaker 1: not something that turned me out ever. But that's why
Speaker 1: men are just as much victims of, you know, these
Speaker 1: kind of weird practices as much as we are, because
Speaker 1: I think at the end of the day, they enjoy
Speaker 1: a full experience too, because you know, it's interesting, Um
Speaker 1: Jill said this many episodes back when she talked about
Speaker 1: kissing and you know how some couples just stopped kissing,
Speaker 1: and it's like, I don't know, here recently and Fatima
Speaker 1: always kiss but we spent more time kissing, and that
Speaker 1: in and of itself is so sensual and so intense,
Speaker 1: and it's just like, and you've done nothing but kiss
Speaker 1: at that point and spending ten fifteen minutes just doing that,
Speaker 1: I mean, all of those things and we talked about
Speaker 1: things like tantric sex, and I have never done that,
Speaker 1: but then I realized that I have because I just
Speaker 1: call it. I don't have nowhere to go, because it's
Speaker 1: like we don't have anywhere to go, so they don't
Speaker 1: have to rush. We're not rushing through this. We're not
Speaker 1: trying to get to some magical end result, even though
Speaker 1: we are. But you know, the point is that it's
Speaker 1: an understanding. But it's just like we're here, we're us,
Speaker 1: let's test just be us, Let's you know, look at
Speaker 1: each other, let's touch each other, let's love each other.
Speaker 1: And then the tantric part. A lot a lot of
Speaker 1: that is breathing into each other. There's nothing and no
Speaker 1: one else around. Like you said, we got time. We
Speaker 1: ain't gotta go nowhere, So we take moments to to really,
Speaker 1: um connect with your lover spiritually, not just physically. The
Speaker 1: there's an art to not touching. There is romance and
Speaker 1: not touching as well, and um, you know, I just
Speaker 1: I'm feeling kind of away, feeling like, oh no, if
Speaker 1: everybody's just watching porn and thinking that that, you know,
Speaker 1: think about the things they say. You know, I gotta
Speaker 1: beat the pussy up. You know, I killed it. You know, violence,
Speaker 1: it's it's all so violent, violent, you know, and everything
Speaker 1: and that. I'm like, wait a minute, y'all. I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's not all. No, no, not all, not all. But
Speaker 1: if that's the only kind you're watching, you've got a
Speaker 1: very limited view on what sex and sexuality is like
Speaker 1: if you're only listening to guys who say things like
Speaker 1: like yeah, but but terms like beat the pussy up
Speaker 1: are like regular, Yeah, that's hip hop though. See that's
Speaker 1: that's the funny part. I'm like, that'shi, that's hip hop.
Speaker 1: And then and every sometimes you do want your pussy
Speaker 1: beat up? Yeah, that's what that. I don't never want
Speaker 1: my pussy beat up. I made a point to tell
Speaker 1: people I don't please. Whatever you do, don't beat this
Speaker 1: pussy up. I don't want no scars when you finish.
Speaker 1: I don't want no bruises. Don't beat this pussy up.
Speaker 1: That don't even turn me on. That drives me out.
Speaker 1: I don't want the vision, just the thought of beating
Speaker 1: a pussy up. Why why ain't you? I mean, we
Speaker 1: didn't have to give me a while set, but you ain't.
Speaker 1: You never got to beat my pussy up beat it up,
Speaker 1: but he can't live it. Good God. No. Once time
Speaker 1: I heard it described as a good friend of ours
Speaker 1: wrote a song and in the song he says, tonight,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be bullying you. Oh yeah, well that's what
Speaker 1: It's a little softer, but I ain't gonna lie. I
Speaker 1: was like, well, I got in the back of the
Speaker 1: class of my hand up. A little bully. A little
Speaker 1: bully is okay. Yes, you want to tell me what
Speaker 1: to do? Okay, A little bully is okay. You can
Speaker 1: tell me what to do. You can tell me what
Speaker 1: to do. If you can tell me what to do, yes,
Speaker 1: you can tell me what to do. You can't tell
Speaker 1: me what You can't tell me what to do. You
Speaker 1: can't tell me what to do. You just you just can't.
Speaker 1: Can't write it takes a certain kind of authority for
Speaker 1: me anyway, because I look at myself as a lionesst um,
Speaker 1: and I want my lion to to address me as such.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't. I get it, I get it,
Speaker 1: I get it. I get it. I feel like I
Speaker 1: feel like we need to be role specific here in
Speaker 1: the sense of that everybody's gonna have their can't or
Speaker 1: whatever and this is not about you know, that just
Speaker 1: varies from person to person, but the idea that we
Speaker 1: don't separate the vagina or separate the sexual organs or
Speaker 1: the things that society says are sexy breasts or butts
Speaker 1: or whatever, that we don't start we don't separate those
Speaker 1: things from a human being, and that we we learn
Speaker 1: to humanize the sexual experience and the pleasure experience, and
Speaker 1: that that you're in a moment with another person, and
Speaker 1: that they're a full person and they have a whole
Speaker 1: body and a mind and an emotions, and and that
Speaker 1: they're real, you know what I mean, and that they're
Speaker 1: not an object. And I think that happens both ways.
Speaker 1: And honestly, I feel like men free themselves when they
Speaker 1: are treated like that, and just as we do, we
Speaker 1: free ourselves when we're treated like that. These two human beings,
Speaker 1: even when it's same sex, no matter what it is,
Speaker 1: and it's two human beings that respect their humanity and
Speaker 1: they go into that situation and it's all about that,
Speaker 1: honey king, whatever spectrum of the kinks that you want,
Speaker 1: it's fine, But at the end of the day, it's
Speaker 1: a person. And that's that's why I feel like love
Speaker 1: is so important. Love in the sense, in the larger
Speaker 1: sense of love, you know what I mean, but love
Speaker 1: friendship you actually like somebody trust trust. I trust that
Speaker 1: you're going to choke me. I trust that you're not
Speaker 1: going to take me to Thank you exactly exactly. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: to put it there. Thank you friend, thank you so yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you friend. It's just a lot of folks that
Speaker 1: just giving me so many gems tonight, I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: thank you, nice, thank you. I'm like texted right now.
Speaker 1: I like it when it's so good. All you gotta
Speaker 1: do is touch feet and it feels if it's something
Speaker 1: you feel it in your in your in your coach,
Speaker 1: are you yeah, I am really yeah yeah, but not
Speaker 1: like in the mouth right like no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, I'm good on that. Just the touch of
Speaker 1: the touch, like the foot touch. Yeah, but I really
Speaker 1: love a foot. Time you felt that one, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: when you know. That's what I mean for me. That's
Speaker 1: the clue you're you're ready, okay, Yeah, yeah, I got
Speaker 1: a thing. I definitely have a thing for hands and feet,
Speaker 1: you know. But like ages said, everybody's gonna have their
Speaker 1: kinks and their proclivities. What we're really talking about is
Speaker 1: is connecting with your whole self and not just the
Speaker 1: pieces of you. Yeah, somebody's gonna be like, oh I
Speaker 1: like your ass, well I like your bru your tits
Speaker 1: or whatever, or they want to, you know, just connect
Speaker 1: with your vagina, but not with you at all. You
Speaker 1: know that happens a lot. I feel like that happens
Speaker 1: way too much. But you know the difference because you've
Speaker 1: all felt we've all had that well hopefully we've all
Speaker 1: had that feeling where you might be having some great sex,
Speaker 1: but it's the moment when you guys catch each other's eyes.
Speaker 1: It's a moment when it's just like you digging into
Speaker 1: each other soul moment and yeah, this is happening too,
Speaker 1: but oh oh oh yeah, oh m hmmm, it's a
Speaker 1: beautiful thing. More conversation after the break, I will say
Speaker 1: this and and to to bring back one of the
Speaker 1: things that we earned coming into doing these episodes, where
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, so much of the of the
Speaker 1: treating another person in that way comes from first kind
Speaker 1: of knowing and understanding your body. And you know, I
Speaker 1: had no idea that we had come so far in
Speaker 1: this journey to kind of like really get to know
Speaker 1: your body as a woman and how it functions and
Speaker 1: the functions of this body, you know. And just recently
Speaker 1: we were it was brought to my attention that a
Speaker 1: lot of women are using like even apps to kind
Speaker 1: of follow their cycle and all the different things that
Speaker 1: happened from the moment you have your period, in times
Speaker 1: of your off your period to determine everything from what
Speaker 1: you eat to how much you get, how how much
Speaker 1: sleep you get, when you should work out. I mean,
Speaker 1: these are things that honestly, I have never been in
Speaker 1: touch with my body to that level, to where I
Speaker 1: allowed my body to dictate all of the things things
Speaker 1: that I did for myself, even down to my resting.
Speaker 1: And you know, to think that I'm a woman at
Speaker 1: at middle age where I am just now discovering some
Speaker 1: of those things and even in a more emotional way,
Speaker 1: in a more spiritual way, the choosing of the self,
Speaker 1: the listening to the self, the trusting the self, you know,
Speaker 1: And that was really intense for me. And I really
Speaker 1: thought that that that was, you know, just I'm so
Speaker 1: proud of the young girl. He's I called the young girls,
Speaker 1: the girls, whether you know, I'm so proud of them
Speaker 1: because they're bringing that into an actual daily practice much
Speaker 1: younger than I learned, and I'm still learning, so this
Speaker 1: is actually really new to me. And what of this stuff?
Speaker 1: They had a three inch thick cotton pad and a
Speaker 1: belt that you put together with safety pends. Safe depended
Speaker 1: of your panties. Oh I missed him? Yeah, yeah, can
Speaker 1: you imagine it is because of them? No, like we've
Speaker 1: come a mind along way. I just love that, just
Speaker 1: the concept that we are here and beginning finally really
Speaker 1: beginning to understand our bodies. And it's not just for
Speaker 1: which is it's not just for you know, duelus, you know,
Speaker 1: it's for all of us to have a good grasp
Speaker 1: of our bodies. And did y'all know they didn't even
Speaker 1: advertise pads on TV till nineteen seventies. I did nineteen
Speaker 1: sevent and him hit him. I went to all girls school,
Speaker 1: you know, I went to Philadelphia High School for girls
Speaker 1: and folks and just walk out with their tampon in
Speaker 1: their hand or their pad in their hands. You had
Speaker 1: a little bag that you had to put in your
Speaker 1: book back, you know, you carry that to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: Everybody in the school had a day on period, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, pretty much almost all of the
Speaker 1: students had a cycle of some sort, and nonetheless we
Speaker 1: were still hiding it from each other. Right, yeah, here
Speaker 1: we are here. Now, we're out here now many many
Speaker 1: period apps. Now they're making sure they're keeping up with
Speaker 1: everything that's going on with us. That's where we are.
Speaker 1: I love it. Uh well, listen, I mean, you have
Speaker 1: to do what you have to do. And the health
Speaker 1: care aspect of it is so important. And again we're
Speaker 1: talking about things like you know, and we talk about
Speaker 1: her all the time, and we really I'm ashamed of
Speaker 1: us that we haven't had her on yet, the sister
Speaker 1: from the NA ministry, and that even down to us
Speaker 1: really getting into understanding how how much we need to
Speaker 1: rest that, I mean, just all of the ways that
Speaker 1: we are moving this whole conversation forward is amazing to me.
Speaker 1: And I want you. I don't even remember the name
Speaker 1: of that app though, like I know you were talking
Speaker 1: about it. It's called what is it called? Did you
Speaker 1: try it? Like? I have tried it. I have not
Speaker 1: done the higher levels yet, but yes I have tried it.
Speaker 1: I like it. Mind you, I already had a period
Speaker 1: of app But the difference between this one and mine
Speaker 1: is that it's just it's way more intricate into telling
Speaker 1: you the daily of how you should be expecting to
Speaker 1: feel and live and what you should be doing. That's
Speaker 1: why I did it, girl. I'm glad I didn't have
Speaker 1: this because my poor children probably might not have got
Speaker 1: born because that it was not for acts at not
Speaker 1: knowing nothing about cool. No, I'm joking, but still, I mean, well,
Speaker 1: you you know, you guys know that I'm kind of
Speaker 1: a unicorn in that way. That's right. Yeah, I spent
Speaker 1: eighteen years without a cycle, and is it and then
Speaker 1: it went regular, right, yeah, and then it went regular.
Speaker 1: Now it's it's whenever it feels like it. I can't
Speaker 1: count on it. You know, it comes when it once,
Speaker 1: It goes when it when it once. Wow, my mine
Speaker 1: is like clockwork right now. I'm unfortunately it is. Literally
Speaker 1: I could set everybody's timers beautiful. I don't know what's
Speaker 1: after having children, it just reverted back to some sort
Speaker 1: of seventeen year old cycle where it's just like bam,
Speaker 1: every twenty eight days, bow bow bow bow. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: I don't I don't that I'm not used to that,
Speaker 1: but it has it's it's rolling. It's a couple of
Speaker 1: months and I don't even blink like whole you know.
Speaker 1: I love that we are all three so different. I'm
Speaker 1: like even in this moment in this flow story because
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, this five broid cycle right here, child,
Speaker 1: I had my doctor said I'm gonna give you this bill.
Speaker 1: So did your your periods be lighter? Right? The catch? Well,
Speaker 1: she didn't tell me. The catch was she say, you
Speaker 1: was gonna have, um, like, three weeks of a period.
Speaker 1: We can talk after you. They had three weeks of
Speaker 1: a period on a vacation in Jamaica, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's lighter, thank you. Dr. However, I've been on this
Speaker 1: motherfucker for three weeks and so when does it go away? Oh?
Speaker 1: Shout out to the system. You know, it's all good.
Speaker 1: You know we figured out well. You know they're also
Speaker 1: talking about how came out. I saw a tweet, so
Speaker 1: I want to make sure i'd let y'all know I
Speaker 1: didn't read an article or a book. This is a
Speaker 1: tweet that was made about how that that common practice
Speaker 1: of giving teenage girls birth control pills to control things
Speaker 1: like acne and things like that has has has has
Speaker 1: been proven that there's lots of carcinogens and stuff like
Speaker 1: that have been I mean it's bad, like the implications,
Speaker 1: the long term health implications of that for a generation
Speaker 1: of girls, because you know that was commonplace when free samples, yea,
Speaker 1: they used the doctors. They had no problem giving free
Speaker 1: samples of birth control pills. What listen. I didn't listen.
Speaker 1: I wasn't afraid I was gonna get more titties. And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I don't want no
Speaker 1: more titties. Just please, I'll be I don't have a
Speaker 1: period anyway, kindly something three can all agree on. The
Speaker 1: Delicious Crew, I love it. That was. That was the reason.
Speaker 1: To the Delicious Crew, though, you give me birth control
Speaker 1: to get my cycle to regulate, And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm cool. Does not have it? Man, I was like
Speaker 1: a pass forward going to wear white. Oh summer long.
Speaker 1: I'm just so jealous. I'm gonna tell you something. I've
Speaker 1: never been on birth control pills. The first birth control
Speaker 1: I was ever on was something that was actually pretty
Speaker 1: bad for women. Later on down the line, they realized
Speaker 1: was something called depot rivera, which is that I remember
Speaker 1: that the pill in the arm, right, Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: was on that after my first or second one of
Speaker 1: those two. No, it was after my second child, because um,
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, two kids is a lie. So
Speaker 1: I got one. Yeah, I got that, and my hair thinned,
Speaker 1: my eyesight got worse, and it took me no time
Speaker 1: to start to notice it. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm done with this, and let me tell you all
Speaker 1: what was the big gag. The big gag was they
Speaker 1: told me that, oh, it's such a strong medicine that
Speaker 1: you know, you don't have to worry about getting pregnant
Speaker 1: for at least a year. You can be off it
Speaker 1: for like a year. Girl, I got off that damn thing.
Speaker 1: Two months later I was pregnant. Yeah, and that was
Speaker 1: just baby three. I see you. I'm about to say
Speaker 1: any any that's why it Yeah, that's why. That's why
Speaker 1: Dea and Nina are the closest thing to stair step
Speaker 1: babies that I have. Out of the whole six, they're
Speaker 1: the closest. Is that the classy way of saying ghetto twins.
Speaker 1: First of all, I'm about to quit you again, cut her,
Speaker 1: cut her, cut her, Mike off step stairs, step Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I see it's the lack of
Speaker 1: filter for me that is about the proper, the proper,
Speaker 1: politically incorrect term you're looking for. It's Irish twins. Okay.
Speaker 1: So if you're gonna say something, if you're gonna say
Speaker 1: something foul, you're gonna say it about this white folks.
Speaker 1: You're gonna say about the black people who said that
Speaker 1: the ghetto got to do with black folks. It ain't
Speaker 1: start with black folks. You got Irish. Come on, now,
Speaker 1: you got me o that and you're right and you're
Speaker 1: right and I'm wrong. How about that you are right
Speaker 1: and I'm wrong? One time? Ever, I'm gonna take this.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this time, and I'm gonna put my
Speaker 1: head down. Yes, no, no, no, no, because because silence. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's just highly educated people. I don't know if y'all
Speaker 1: know this. I'm just saying so I know it. No. No.
Speaker 1: The reason why I had to acknowledge is because it
Speaker 1: was so dead wrong to equate blackness with ghetto this
Speaker 1: that I just was like, oh, that is so foul. Agent.
Speaker 1: You us have to actually take responsibility for that. That
Speaker 1: is foul. It was almost my point is it was
Speaker 1: almost a trap. But yeah, no, the girls. The girls
Speaker 1: are really close together because like you know, it's just
Speaker 1: like and it's so hard to navigate this stuff like
Speaker 1: for for for like uter in health stuff like and
Speaker 1: and and that girl and having babies and stuff, oh,
Speaker 1: having babies and everything. Oh my god, like you called
Speaker 1: this situation. Don't know even some women have never even
Speaker 1: seen their own servis you got a whole human being
Speaker 1: of this thing, and you've never even seen it. I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to have seen you. Have you seen You've had
Speaker 1: a speculum, right, They've been going in there and open
Speaker 1: the next time they go and look at it. Asked
Speaker 1: them for a mirror and show you what it looked like.
Speaker 1: I'm scared what I'm taking out. Okay, okay, okay, you
Speaker 1: said you you made a little statement about your fist. Yeah,
Speaker 1: your vagina don't look like this, But that's what they
Speaker 1: told me. That's why I did that. Okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try that. Oh my god, you mean a
Speaker 1: picture of while you're getting a pop smear of pelvic?
Speaker 1: Oh lord, y'all did that? Am I the only person
Speaker 1: who's never did that? It wasn't my choice. Mirror, it
Speaker 1: wasn't my choice. And doctor was like my wife, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh yeah, it wasn't something that I
Speaker 1: necessarily wanted to be prepared. It's making me sweat just
Speaker 1: thinking about it. But the fascinating We're gonna take a
Speaker 1: quick break and then we'll be right back. Think about
Speaker 1: all of this time, all of this time that women
Speaker 1: have not been aware of themselves, all of all of
Speaker 1: this time, all of this time not knowing how to
Speaker 1: have an orgasm, not not not understanding that there's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with your pleasure. Um, how many women suffered, you know,
Speaker 1: just because it didn't understand it. It It was supposed to
Speaker 1: be mutually beneficial sex and and and sexuality is supposed
Speaker 1: to mutually beneficial. So here we are in a state
Speaker 1: of being where we get to understand more about ourselves,
Speaker 1: about what we want, about what feels good, and being
Speaker 1: able to say that this, this doesn't give me pleasure.
Speaker 1: How many women suffered in marriages where they hated having
Speaker 1: sex with their husband, you know, just hated it and
Speaker 1: couldn't even find the words to to say why it was.
Speaker 1: So you know, um, I have a girlfriend actually, Um,
Speaker 1: who who really beautiful. Her husband is really beautiful as well.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they're gorgeous. But sex is very painful
Speaker 1: for her, very very painful for her. I don't know
Speaker 1: why it is the way that it is. I don't
Speaker 1: know how they're you're moving forward through it, but um,
Speaker 1: that is, and just know that it's a real thing.
Speaker 1: That's that's a real thing. But that's where oral sex.
Speaker 1: We're knowing each other's bodies were, intimacy and all those
Speaker 1: understanding that comes in handy in a moment like that,
Speaker 1: because and also to eventually all of us get older,
Speaker 1: and let's say, I mean you're I mean in your sixties, seventies, eighties,
Speaker 1: we're saying, I mean, I'm well, sometimes men can't do
Speaker 1: oh you know right, or even you might have vaginal dryness,
Speaker 1: you might have issues with all the menopause. The menopause,
Speaker 1: both men and women experience a lot of changes in
Speaker 1: the body. So if you don't, if all you have
Speaker 1: is your genitalia and then that goes away, then what
Speaker 1: do you have? Hello, This is why we're having this
Speaker 1: conversation because it's not just uh, sex and pleasure is
Speaker 1: not just your genitalia. It's more than that. It's a
Speaker 1: mental game, it's a spiritual game. It's touch and it's
Speaker 1: it's not just touching in the parts that you're thinking.
Speaker 1: It's touch on the foreheads, touched on the head itself, hands,
Speaker 1: the neck, the back, the feet, the thigh, the knee,
Speaker 1: the leg, all of these parts. Is what we're talking
Speaker 1: about when we're saying a whole experience, not just an
Speaker 1: h O L E experience. You feel me like, this
Speaker 1: is what what we're trying to get to you today,
Speaker 1: is that you're more than just the some of your parts,
Speaker 1: your your entire being. Your eyes. Anybody ever licked your eyes?
Speaker 1: My sweet anybody anybody ever, oh my, oh my, what
Speaker 1: a nice time. Anybody ever licked the palm of your hand?
Speaker 1: Any I do you ever suck your fingers? You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, That that part that right before you
Speaker 1: know where you're meets your ass, that that part right
Speaker 1: there with somebody, just hold that real tight, all you
Speaker 1: into them, all of the party on neck right there,
Speaker 1: jail that back, party on neck right right there, that
Speaker 1: all of these things. If you're not experiencing that, maybe
Speaker 1: you might want to slow down and meet somebody like
Speaker 1: I have real conversations with someone, laugh with them, get
Speaker 1: to get to know who they are, because you're missing
Speaker 1: out on something that I personally feel so valuable to
Speaker 1: your humanity, being able to connect with someone on on
Speaker 1: many levels at one time. It's beautiful. M fuck y'all.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, let's let's just let's let's let's
Speaker 1: just be real. What we are ultimately talking about is
Speaker 1: seduction and understanding how that works because it it can
Speaker 1: start in many, many different ways. It's just like I
Speaker 1: was reading this book, UM Jason Reynolds, who was like
Speaker 1: one of my favorite um kid authors, and um he
Speaker 1: wrote many books, but he wrote he's kind of famous
Speaker 1: for having written Miles and Morales UM Black spider Man,
Speaker 1: a story which, by the way, has been banned by
Speaker 1: several school districts recently since they're banning all these black
Speaker 1: books insane. But we'll talk about that on another podcast.
Speaker 1: But the thing is that UM Jason Reynolds UM contributed
Speaker 1: to a book called Anonymous Sex and What the And
Speaker 1: it's a bunch of short stories from a bunch of
Speaker 1: different authors, but none of them are named in the
Speaker 1: story they wrote, so you don't know who wrote what.
Speaker 1: You just know that they were a part of the collection,
Speaker 1: but you don't know who wrote what. But all the
Speaker 1: stories are about sex and honey, this is a very
Speaker 1: very hot experience to read these stories. Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: called Anonymous Sex. Have you read it with the company.
Speaker 1: It's like a nice thing to like maybe read to
Speaker 1: each other. So so wait a minute. I was trying
Speaker 1: to read through the whole book and then pick the
Speaker 1: ones I wanted to read to fteen, and so I've
Speaker 1: only halfway through it. I already want to read the
Speaker 1: first one Anonymous Sex. I don't know, Jill, I'm oh,
Speaker 1: it's all black. Arthur's usaid, no, all kinds of authors.
Speaker 1: They've been calling them smut books and filth books. I've
Speaker 1: been reading them for years, but this one isn't like that.
Speaker 1: Well they're all I mean those are good too. I
Speaker 1: mean those they have their They had one from back
Speaker 1: in the day, from the nineties that that we snuck
Speaker 1: in red. There was and it's still very few like
Speaker 1: this book. It came out of the nighties. It was
Speaker 1: called noir, erotic noir or something like that. I can
Speaker 1: remember that book, Yeah it was, yeah, I know that. Um,
Speaker 1: it's a classic New Airs in there. Yes, it's it's
Speaker 1: somebody's gonna know. Somebody who's listening is gonna know, and
Speaker 1: they're gonna tweet me or something. But I think Williams
Speaker 1: gave me that book. It's it's it came out when
Speaker 1: I was like in junior high school and something like that,
Speaker 1: and I was reading it nasty, I'm over here. It's
Speaker 1: not new, but it's a nice way to connect to
Speaker 1: your mind, you know, um, sexually, you know, to see
Speaker 1: things in your head before you actually, you know, do
Speaker 1: the deeds. You know, reading is fundamental friends, you know,
Speaker 1: trying Yeah, that's a good way to try. This hand
Speaker 1: track to business as well, you know, spending some time
Speaker 1: just breathing into someone you know that you that you
Speaker 1: actually like like, not just because you find them physically attractive,
Speaker 1: but someone that you actually like. I think for a
Speaker 1: long time, um, when I was growing up. Anyway, I
Speaker 1: know I sound like an old person, but I don't care. Um, guys,
Speaker 1: guys from my experience pick girls that they liked for
Speaker 1: different reasons, you know, because she had a gap tube,
Speaker 1: or because she had bow legs, or because she had
Speaker 1: smooth feet, or because her fingers were you know, double
Speaker 1: join it, or because she had freckles was a classic
Speaker 1: you you liked, you liked what you liked. And right
Speaker 1: now it seems to me like most most guys are picking.
Speaker 1: Um it's like copy and paste, you know that, picking
Speaker 1: someone that looks like the last someone that looked like
Speaker 1: the last someone before that, because they want the approval
Speaker 1: of their friends, but they've forgotten or maybe they're just
Speaker 1: ignoring the fact. Maybe they're cheating with those other women
Speaker 1: you know that they have the bow legs and have
Speaker 1: the freckles and have the little you know, muffing around
Speaker 1: the middle that they love to bite. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like something that's happening where unfortunately, Um, it
Speaker 1: seems to me that guys are losing their minds. They're
Speaker 1: not they're not owning themselves. They don't they don't even
Speaker 1: know how to like what they like. And I think
Speaker 1: that's really unfortunate. Well, I want to shout out some
Speaker 1: of the grown grown ass man shout him that. I
Speaker 1: want to shout them out because on on the Good
Speaker 1: People's internets about two weeks ago, um my homeboy Joe
Speaker 1: Claire posted clature of a woman a woman laying on
Speaker 1: her aside, and her little pooch was showing, and he
Speaker 1: was like a real ass man, this is it. I
Speaker 1: saw polished one of those. Yeah, and it was I
Speaker 1: had like a little pooch and I was like, and listen,
Speaker 1: and my husband sent me the Lincoln and my d
Speaker 1: D M de picture to me, I was just like,
Speaker 1: your damn right. I just want to give it up,
Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, it's like you said,
Speaker 1: what ends up being really sexy is knowing each other.
Speaker 1: And that's the truth. That's some sexy ship, even when
Speaker 1: it's even when you're just laughing, because we'll crack up laughing,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's like, at the end of the
Speaker 1: that to me is the it. That's the it. She
Speaker 1: know me, I know her. You know. I can. I
Speaker 1: can fuss about my little stretch marks or whatever. But
Speaker 1: he'd be calling those he'd be like, that's where my
Speaker 1: babies came from. Those be a battle scars, or he'll
Speaker 1: say he used to call him corduroy. I don't want
Speaker 1: to talk about that, but you know, sometimes he'll be like,
Speaker 1: what's up, big brown, or say something to me that
Speaker 1: it's just like he just know me, and to me,
Speaker 1: I wish that for everybody. And it's not really about marriage,
Speaker 1: because I don't want people to get into that bag.
Speaker 1: Oh age A, you're saying that because you're married. That's
Speaker 1: not just about marriage. That's about connection. You either connected
Speaker 1: or you're not. So you can put whatever title you
Speaker 1: want to put on it. You can put you can
Speaker 1: insert whatever people you want, whatever you know, gender, they are,
Speaker 1: whatever connected is connected. You can't fake that ship. And
Speaker 1: it's sexy and it has the same result every time,
Speaker 1: and it takes you to new places. And I'm so
Speaker 1: grateful for that because now I love getting he yes,
Speaker 1: I didn't know. I feel like I gotta give you,
Speaker 1: I gotta gift for I had no idea. I'm so
Speaker 1: happy for you. Listening to p Will talk about it,
Speaker 1: I was like, but you know, the playing field is
Speaker 1: a lot a lot different now. Yeah, now you get
Speaker 1: to figure out which way you like it, not just
Speaker 1: that way. Maybe see this is what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: On the side, girl, on my stomach, on my stomach,
Speaker 1: earl on the skirl girl. There's so many possibilities, baby,
Speaker 1: and we are so proud of you, we really are.
Speaker 1: Somebody should make it. Somebody should make a little card
Speaker 1: or something. Somebody should just send you a little note.
Speaker 1: I'm just so grateful. I didn't know. I wanted to
Speaker 1: want everybody else to know, to not just not just
Speaker 1: about that particularly part, but I mean, damn, it is
Speaker 1: too sweet. I am blessing. Life is just too sweet
Speaker 1: to to only experience little bits and pieces of you.
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for listening to Jay dot podcast.
Speaker 1: It is always our pleasure. Love you see how do
Speaker 1: you eat an elephant? One by? It time? Hi, their listeners.
Speaker 1: It's Amber, the producer of Jay dot l and this
Speaker 1: episode the Ladies talked about tracking your menstrual cycle with
Speaker 1: a method called cycle tracking. Now there are tons of
Speaker 1: resources out there to learn more about the practice. I
Speaker 1: want to recommend a book by Alissa Vitti called Woman Code.
Speaker 1: I'll share a link to it in the show notes.
Speaker 1: In this book, she dives deep into each phase of
Speaker 1: the mentrual cycle, from the best time to be creative,
Speaker 1: the best time to go on dates, and what to
Speaker 1: eat during each phase. I'll also link the flow app
Speaker 1: the Ladies discussed today in the show notes, which is
Speaker 1: an easy way to jump start your cycle tracking journey
Speaker 1: and get to know your body. Ye Hi, if you
Speaker 1: have comments on something we said in this episode called
Speaker 1: eight six six. Hey Jill, if you want to add
Speaker 1: to this conversation, that's eight six six nine five four
Speaker 1: five five. Don't forget to tell us your name and
Speaker 1: the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your
Speaker 1: message on a future episode. Thank you for listening to
Speaker 1: Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Ill. The podcast JA dot
Speaker 1: Ill is a production of I heart Radio. For more
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