WEBVTT - Open Casket (RE-RELEASE) 0:00:01.200 --> 0:00:03.720 Hi, I'm Kate Berlance, I'm Jacqueline Novak, And. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:08.360 This is poog, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive, fresh. 0:00:08.240 --> 0:00:09.960 Two untamable intellects. 0:00:10.000 --> 0:00:11.959 This is our hobby, this is our hell, This is 0:00:12.000 --> 0:00:15.800 our naked desire for free products. This is POOG. Today's 0:00:15.800 --> 0:00:16.840 topics looselie. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:25.400 Speaking retinal two hundred dollars, the Paul Bearer shuffle. Hello, Hey, 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:27.760 it's me. I say anything different about me today? 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:36.000 Well, yeah, so the listener can't see, of course, But Jacqueline, 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:40.360 just before we started recording, showed me that she has 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:43.319 a zip, which for her is unheard of. So it's 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:47.000 a remarkable day for you to actually have a blemish, 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:48.400 a visible blemish. 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:52.280 Only unheard of, you know, in the lore of the podcast. 0:00:52.320 --> 0:00:53.520 I feel right, it's. 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:55.520 It's well, I've been looking at your face for years 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:59.120 and I've never seen a blemish. 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:02.160 Well, I'm covering rose Sha, of course, I think, although 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:06.280 that remains, but I don't. I've never minded my rosie. 0:01:06.360 --> 0:01:07.760 I've never reminded it. 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:10.760 There's a lot of controversy in the Rosetia community. I 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:15.280 feel like people ascribe rosesha like I had. Dermatologists recently 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:15.839 be like. 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:17.600 Oh, whether it's real or not? Right? 0:01:17.640 --> 0:01:19.480 Well, no, no, no, she was like, she was like, 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:22.360 maybe that's rose siha. And I'm like, well would you 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:23.959 know you know? 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:27.880 Well, well, I had a derm say it's acne, and 0:01:28.000 --> 0:01:29.920 I don't mean saying what you have in your skin, 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:32.640 Jaqueline is acne. I'm him going Rose SHA's acne? 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:35.120 Oh wow wow. 0:01:35.160 --> 0:01:39.520 And then yesterday I was reading, well, I was reading that, 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:43.040 so a couple of things. One, well, yesterday I was 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:48.880 googling retinal, purge, retnall, breakout, whatever, because I finally tried 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:49.720 my tretonoen. 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:53.080 Okay, see, I'm so glad we're getting into this because 0:01:53.120 --> 0:01:56.360 I literally fear I don't know about retinal. I don't 0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:58.720 know about it. I feel left out. I remember using 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.000 it a little bit in my like twenties, like my 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:03.840 mother had some and I and I was like, please 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:06.000 give it to me until she gave me some. But 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:08.480 then I stopped and I never returned. And now I'm 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:11.400 feeling the anxiety. Have I destroyed my life by not 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:13.839 using retinal for the last you know, six years? 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:17.240 No, I don't think so, I think. Sorry, I'm just 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:19.680 noticing a little redness. So I'm grabbing what was that 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:24.160 concealed eyeshadow? It's actually eyeshadow primary. You know this old 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:27.320 two faced Uh, it's one of these babies, and it's oh, 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:32.200 what is this two faced shadow insurance or twenty four 0:02:32.280 --> 0:02:37.240 plus hour anti crease? I keep your joy, keeping your 0:02:37.240 --> 0:02:40.800 eyes shadow on. I have to get this lipstick off immediately. 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:42.919 You know why why? 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:46.920 It's it's the exact color that makes my oh so 0:02:47.160 --> 0:02:51.800 pearly white teeth have a hint of another color to them. 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:55.600 Teeth whitening actually something we've never discussed, and I have curiosity. 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:58.880 I did cress white strips as like a thirteen year old, yeah, 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:01.480 for like two days and then gave up. But now, 0:03:01.520 --> 0:03:05.280 did you have pain? I think I did experience some sensitivity, 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:06.120 but I don't recall. 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:09.440 I was like, I was flat on my back screaming. 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:15.000 I was like literally, and you know, I'm not like that, 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:19.399 Like I'm like very like stoic, you know, or or 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:23.880 just yeah, like for beauty. Yeah, like I was. I 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:27.960 was trying this laser thing on my face. This nera 0:03:28.240 --> 0:03:31.880 was and I was trying, and I'm like, and to me, 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:35.200 it feels like you know what what laser feels like, 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:38.840 which is, to me, feels like a burning needle, like 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:44.880 a needle that's lit on fire, piercing. Now, while in 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:48.520 one sense that sounds horrifying, might be better than a 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:52.920 cold needle, you know, that might actually make super sensation. Yeah, 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:57.200 but I I turned to Chris once again, always turning 0:03:57.240 --> 0:04:01.280 to him, and I was like, you could never withstand 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:03.800 what I was stand for beauty or whatever. You know, 0:04:03.880 --> 0:04:05.680 of course, I mean it's like it's the unspoken thing, 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:09.680 like I mean, we all know, like but literally like drag, 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:16.760 you know, an exfoliant across the average you know, heteroman's face. 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:18.920 I'm just I'm just talking, but you know what I mean. 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:24.040 Yeah, of course they don't know what we do. So 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:28.200 the exhausted femme is a favorite archetype of mine and 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:30.000 one that I lean into at every chance. 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:31.799 That's genius, the exhausted femme. 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:35.360 You're damn right, I'm tired, Honey, You're damn right, I'm tired. 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:41.920 You're right, I'm tired. Well, you know what I've I'm 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:44.600 pretty interested in people who and we'll get to the retinal, 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:48.320 but I'm I'm pretty interested and compelled by people who 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:52.680 truly put on a face oh yeah, and that's their 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:55.200 face to the world and the concealer with the and 0:04:55.240 --> 0:04:56.400 I'm actually impressed by it. 0:04:57.160 --> 0:04:59.640 Yeah, well, what's the It's the classic trope, right if 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:01.279 the woman who goes to sleep with the full face 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:03.800 of makeup lest there be an emergency in the night 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:07.200 and the firemen show up and she's, you know, unpresentable. 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:10.919 Meanwhile, I've gone the other route. I'm like this idea 0:05:10.920 --> 0:05:13.440 of stained underwear, which you know and you know, oh, 0:05:13.440 --> 0:05:14.920 you don't want to wear stained underwear. What if you 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:16.760 get in a car accident. It's like, well, first of all, 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:18.880 glad that that's what you'll be thinking about, mother, And 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:21.280 second of all, I mean my mother never said that explicitly, No, 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:21.760 I know. 0:05:21.680 --> 0:05:23.520 Where was I also like, what movie is that in? 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:24.560 That's so familiar? 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:27.560 I know it's I think it's I think it's it's 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:31.360 brilliant fifties concern. 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:34.800 And then it's a it's a brilliant idea. It's it's 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:38.200 a it's a brilliant horror distilled to something that's very 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:40.320 tangible and real. It's of course, you know, and I'm 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:42.320 not going to get into ways of seeing in John Berger. 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:45.280 We all know it, right, Yeah, but a line was 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:47.679 haunted me from that text was you know, a woman, 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:51.159 what is it like even at her father's funeral she 0:05:51.279 --> 0:05:53.279 is aware of being watched or whatever. And it's like, yeah, 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:56.520 you can't even you can't even that image of like 0:05:56.560 --> 0:06:01.640 a woman weeping over her father or whoever's grave and 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:03.960 having to have like a cute dress on is So. 0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:07.080 Do you have a lot of experience weeping at funerals? 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:09.800 And I like, do you have you loved this question? 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:16.000 I don't have a lot, lucky me, but I've I 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:24.120 recall I've had a couple of weeps. Yeah, how about you? 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:32.640 Yeah, I mean there's been some some sort of tragic 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:37.240 deaths in the family that you know, have that quality 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:39.480 at the funeral that is not just. 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:41.719 No, it's not just the morning. 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:45.040 It's the life well lived. You know, you know death 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:48.960 is always said, but and but there, you know, it 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:51.520 can all be very six feet underish to kind of 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:54.560 like to eat after a funeral. The way that feels 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:59.039 to me is so ecstatic, you know what, Like, well, 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:01.360 there's two versions. There's one which is they're like I 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:03.760 want to go get a burger okay? Or is that 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:07.240 which I love? And then like entering a diner or 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:12.480 something and just under the context of of death, then 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:15.280 being in a diner and ordering your favorite stuff whatever. 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:18.720 Mm God, that's good. And then the other is sort 0:07:18.760 --> 0:07:22.920 of this disturbing but oddly comforting like bagels at the 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:27.600 synagogue thing. I've experienced a couple of times, the thing that, yeah, 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:28.760 have you ever been a pallbearer? 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:33.160 No, but my eyes are widening because my I once 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:35.640 watched my father be a pallbearer And then I you know, 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:37.360 kind of the celebrity of that, like, well, my dad 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:39.480 was a pallbear you know, did your dad? Well? 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:45.320 The celebrity at the funerals one of my absolute favorite topics. Okay, 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:48.680 because the closer you are to the death, the bigger 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:49.840 your celebristatus. 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:51.480 Your day is your special day. 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:55.360 Yes, and like fighting, you know, of course, the I 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:57.880 mean I remember, yeah, like elbowing. I remember like elbowing 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:00.400 past people like kind of like, you know, I'm the cousin, 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:05.200 I'm the granddaughter, right, I mean status fucking respect, Yeah, 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:10.800 grief based status is major. And then oh, my god, 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:13.240 I've been in Paul Barr a couple of times, and oh, 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:17.320 it's like it's like one of these things in life 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:22.040 where I'm like, how is this, Like how is this 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:26.280 always happening? Because I felt like we're gonna drop this thing. 0:08:27.560 --> 0:08:30.760 Like I was like, this is not like me and 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:32.959 my cousin's holding the coffin, which is like what it's 0:08:33.000 --> 0:08:33.680 been a couple. 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:37.719 Times, and like we're not strong people who can't give 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:38.720 it to the kids. 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:42.120 Yeah, it's given to the kids. And I remember specifically, 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:44.480 I think it was I think it was my grandfather's funeral. 0:08:45.080 --> 0:08:48.520 But we were like, you know, holding the coffin and 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:51.400 having to bring it right over the hole in the ground, 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:55.600 and like there were these planks, these wooden planks that 0:08:55.640 --> 0:08:58.680 were kind of there along the side of it. To 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:01.440 I don't know, so that that's what you walk on, 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:04.080 these planks so you're not on loose ground or something 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:06.560 like you're gonna fall in. And it was like rattling 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:09.319 planks as we're all carrying something way too heavy for us. 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:13.720 And I always think of it in my mind, like 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:19.160 I have a name for it's a pall bearer shuffle. Okay, 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:20.920 it's very specific. 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:26.040 So like to me, it's like I hold something, I'll 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:42.080 hold something like uncomfortably like too big, Okay, cause it's. 0:09:42.440 --> 0:09:47.320 It's like you have to to be clear. It's like swift, 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:50.760 rapid movements of the feet. So it's not the covers 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:52.440 as much gund as possible. 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:58.880 Yeah, yes, rabbit shuffling and like we've seen in you know, 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:00.920 I always like a movie where a corpse rolls out 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:03.920 of a coffin. That's like like I'm just like yeah, 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:09.000 like I'm in yeah, and it's yeah, it's just it 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:10.640 felt really, It's just I don't think there should be 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:14.360 such high risk, should we really be? 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:18.560 No, no, no that that and by the way, and then 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:21.920 you're potentially putting imagine the weight no pun intended of 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:24.520 that on somebody like I dropped the body. I mean 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:27.160 it's just the horror of that seems like a huge risk. 0:10:29.240 --> 0:10:32.000 Are you aware of you know, so Jews Jewish, there's 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:35.800 an idea that the coffin should be plain simple wood 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:38.439 body cedar. Yeah, it's like. 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:43.360 Maybe it's not cedar and look at cedar cedars so fragrant. 0:10:43.640 --> 0:10:45.400 Yeah, theedar wi almost yeah, like keep them all? 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:54.760 How do you soy? Yeaha hater? Yeah, what's your experience 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:56.679 with open casket? 0:10:57.040 --> 0:11:00.640 Well that's the thing as so as a Jew, same 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:03.720 thing you don't really get the open casket generally. 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:04.160 Thank God. 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:08.800 And so the only time you've experienced open casket are 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:17.240 other people's relatives. And I mean open casket is like 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:20.800 wild a psychedelic. 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:23.800 I mean, I've only seen it once, but I was 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:27.120 a child and I remember going with my parents to 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:29.520 this funeral and then there was the open casket and 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:35.719 there was the person and it was like, yeah, just psychedelic, unimaginable, 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:38.199 and I wanted to run. And of course what I 0:11:38.240 --> 0:11:40.680 wanted to do is just run and stare. I wanted 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:42.400 to stay. I wanted to be alone in a room 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:44.920 with the casket ideally to be able to just freely stare. 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:49.720 But you can't have to not have to perform like. 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:51.640 What, yeah, I know they're dead and that that's them, 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:53.040 Like what could possibly be the problem? 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:56.840 There is no I mean to me, there's no greater 0:11:56.920 --> 0:12:01.640 intimacy because then to see someone's dead body, right. 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:07.280 Oh my god, I'm imagining that you like you, I 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:10.640 would allow you to see my dead body. That is 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:11.720 the ultimate vulnerability. 0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:17.480 My cousin Rachel once said, like, because at one of 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:20.880 our family member's funerals, like you know, we were taking 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:25.120 turns throwing dirt on the grave, but but actually like 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:28.360 actually filling in the hole completely, like shoveling it right, 0:12:28.920 --> 0:12:30.720 because that's like I don't know again, I think that's 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:32.800 part of the Jewish thing, is like cool, there's like 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:35.640 the gesture version, like everyone's supposed to throw some dirt 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:39.000 on actual there's the actual and I like really took 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:43.160 actually no, I think yeah, I like like really took 0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:44.800 to it and found it like like I'm like it 0:12:44.880 --> 0:12:48.760 was six feet under yeah, like influenced, but I was 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:51.920 like like, yeah, like this sectually feels like sort of 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:56.360 sacred and sort of beautiful. I agree completely, And even 0:12:56.400 --> 0:13:00.000 though it's I remember my grandfather, non Jew, talking about 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:04.160 experiencing that at the Jewish funerals and being like god, 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:07.200 you know, like so horrifying, like dirt hitting the casket, 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:10.160 and I'm like, no, I love it. And so I 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:12.679 don't know. I took something and was like really getting 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:13.960 into it, and I was like working. I was like 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:17.440 shoveling intensely, like like like I'm gonna finish it up 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:21.600 with the boys because there is filling crass about like well, 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:24.520 let's walkup, like let's head back to blah blah blah, 0:13:24.559 --> 0:13:26.240 these guys will finish filling it. 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:29.720 In the other women kind of with their umbrellas arms linked, 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:32.439 kind of walk away towards the buffet and the men 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:33.000 are left. 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:41.160 Yeah, umbrellas and arms linked is genius. Yeah, it's like 0:13:41.240 --> 0:13:44.080 to finish the job. Like it's very weird to walk away. 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:48.320 But anyways, and my cousin Rachel was like, like saw 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:50.800 it and was like, I want you to do that 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:52.319 for me one day or is this something you know 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:56.120 what I mean? Oh imagine me Like, well, you know, 0:13:56.160 --> 0:13:58.320 I was listening to Carolyn Mace this morning. Carolyn Mace, 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:02.480 as we all know, mysass, is one of my absolute favorites. 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:06.280 Earlier today jack Can texted me I woke up listening 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:08.360 to Mace and I didn't know what she meant who 0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:11.439 And then you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, please, I'm absolutely 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:13.480 clear because I don't have experience with her. 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:16.400 And she was just talking about, you know, our absolute 0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:19.080 denial of death and and our refusal. 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.040 To well, the West failed us. 0:14:21.160 --> 0:14:24.600 Yeah, I think of you know, acknowledged death and and 0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:27.960 that we're just you know, trying to live longer and longer, 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:30.440 but but trying to look just I forget what she 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:34.640 got it. It's just like the absolute rudeness to our own bodies, 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:36.800 like we asked them to endure, We like do all 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:40.560 this ship to make them endure, and then like absolutely 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:44.880 hate and disgrace the signs of their endurance. It's like, oh, 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:46.000 it's so rude. 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:48.120 It's so rude. 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:55.440 When like you know, and it's it's uh, it's not 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:59.080 like the question of women and aging is not uh, 0:14:59.800 --> 0:15:02.920 is not like if you think you've covered it, you 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:08.640 still have it. It's like endlessly it's not not fresh. No, no, 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.240 like yeah, we know women, Oh, after a certain age, 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:14.200 they're tossed out like trash, like like there's more to 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:20.600 be said. M we just have to develop a space for. 0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:24.640 And she really she I was saying, and I say 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:26.480 her name, but I think she would have no trouble 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:29.880 with me attributing this to her brilliant writer. And I'm 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:33.720 honored in shocked to say a friend, Sheila Hetty, I 0:15:33.760 --> 0:15:35.320 was talking to her recently and she was like, it's 0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:37.720 just true. Women become more powerful with age. She's like, 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:41.560 it's just the truth, like more powerful, more beautiful, more 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:44.680 and it's just it is I believe it. 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:50.280 Yeah, Well I've heard I've also read things about specifically 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:54.520 like like you know, women who fear men of pause 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:58.960 and then like and then I mean I speak. I 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:01.680 can imagine people listening going there's it's nothing like that whatever. 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:03.360 But I'm just saying I've read a couple of things 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:05.560 where like the women being like, you know, I was 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:07.960 so afraid of this this and this noess, but actually 0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:08.680 it freed. 0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:12.240 Me God totally. Yeah. 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:16.360 And I read in one of these period sort of 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:21.440 books that I was reading, the about the cycles and 0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:25.200 stuff like that, kind of talking about like being free 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:28.080 from the monthly cycle, allowing you to kind of like 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:33.240 live this larger like live a larger like m just larger, 0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:36.440 like you're in a different cycle, like the big one. Yeah, yeah, 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:40.400 like you're in the the waning moon of that. 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:45.040 No, it's it's it's truly fascinating to think about. 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:49.520 We need to start visualizing now, so it's not an 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:51.160 after the fact thing. 0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:52.080 Menopause. 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:57.360 Yeah, and deeper like us at ninety eight, oh, dancing 0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:00.880 wildly or not dancing wildly or like barely moving but 0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:04.639 you know, clinking a martini. Whatever it is, doesn't it 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:07.720 doesn't have to be defying. It could be like right, 0:17:08.320 --> 0:17:13.920 but just well, because that's exactly creating images, creating interesting story. 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:18.959 That's enough. My god. Absolutely, yeah, you're right, because it's 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:21.720 always like the aging woman, right, It's like, look at her, 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:24.320 you'd never know she's seventy four. Look at her lifting 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:26.600 his weights, look at that, and it's like, fuck you 0:17:26.840 --> 0:17:31.000 what about just yea, what if she's like having Yeah. 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:34.359 My mom always she's very like she's she's like, you know, 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:36.440 like we're all gonna die. Like she's been saying it 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:37.520 since twelve. 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:41.000 You know. I feel lucky that my parents also have 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:44.280 talked about death. My dad has always been like I 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:47.320 was always kind of like like yeah, And I even 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.520 remember one time him kind of slapping down the will 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:53.199 on the table, like the will like you know, like 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:55.359 power of attorney, like you got, you know obviously like 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:57.719 unplug me, you know, like that kind of stuff. And 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:01.040 I like kind of the the casual nature of that 0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:05.560 is really freeing. And and I totally lost. But oh 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:08.680 my mom, I remember during COVID as I say this, 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:11.320 if it's over, I met like early COVID, pre vaccine, yeah, 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:15.720 pre vaccine, COVID being a very concern for their their 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:20.280 safety obviously, and my mom kind of being like oh God, 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:21.920 and you know, she was very anxious, but she's like, 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:24.240 if we get it, we die, we die, you know. 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:26.480 So it's like it's like if we die. 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:29.760 We die almost like what what has become the sort 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:33.520 of thinking is this kind of idea of like, well 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:35.320 I only want to die on my term. 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:38.400 Right or avoid death at all costs. And it's like, well, 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:42.000 avoid all we can, we can try to not die, 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:47.120 and we do usually through very there's mechanisms. 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:52.000 You're always bargaining, making a bargain, like like you're always 0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:56.720 saying what you're willing to do, like how much you're willing. 0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:59.280 Like some people I don't know don't wear seatbelts and 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:01.359 that's the bargain and they're making with life. They're like 0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:05.000 yeah that always for me, that's not a worthwhile bargain 0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:05.560 to me too. 0:19:05.600 --> 0:19:07.119 I always I'm maddened by that. 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:08.440 What's his name? 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:12.480 I got to protect a career, if not yourself. 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:15.200 Well, and I feel like I've talked about this recently, 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:17.760 but also protect the other people in the car. You 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:20.359 not wearing a seatbelt can kill someone else. Say that's 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:23.080 what you have your their body flies forward, it kills you. 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:25.960 So That's what I say when I get one of 0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:28.840 these seat belt people who tries to act like they're 0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:31.560 only hurting themself, you know, or not hurting themselves. God, 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:33.639 I guess there's just this. I guess like part of 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:36.560 my way of putting off the idea of death is 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:40.520 I imagine like as if like I'll be so old. It's 0:19:40.560 --> 0:19:42.200 like it's like, all right, I'm like, oh, let's just 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:44.120 try to be as old as possible. Right, you start there, 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:45.879 and then you got to look at that and go 0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:48.239 why why is that what I want? And it's like, oh, 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:50.520 because if I'm as old as possible, I won't be 0:19:50.600 --> 0:19:53.600 me anymore. And that's almost like I'm not dying. It's 0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:56.280 like someone else is dying and it's like, nope, bitch, 0:19:57.080 --> 0:20:00.200 that'll be you right there. Continuous consciousness from me, You're 0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:04.480 to there, just the way you know, your your consciousness 0:20:04.520 --> 0:20:08.840 has been continuous since childhood. Like now, yes, childhood feels 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:12.280 far away, but also does it I don't know. I 0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:14.119 guess that's really the horror is that it's going to 0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:17.600 be you and you, It's going to be you even 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:20.960 at twenty. Yeah, I mean that's why it's like maybe 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:22.879 it's superior. For the mind to go before the body 0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:26.760 is what I'm saying. No, no, I mean the desire 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:28.720 to have a clean way out. I don't know. It 0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:30.440 seems like sudden death is the answer. 0:20:32.080 --> 0:20:36.880 I would hope to the mind going first disturbs me more. 0:20:36.880 --> 0:20:39.919 But yes, at sudden death, I think the bust to 0:20:40.000 --> 0:20:42.480 the head, the coconut to the top of the head. 0:20:42.760 --> 0:20:44.600 Imagine both of us die in the next week. 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:49.600 Oh well, well, yeah, I mean, it's. 0:20:49.440 --> 0:20:51.560 Your It's hard for me not to quote your genius 0:20:51.600 --> 0:20:52.080 joke here. 0:20:52.920 --> 0:20:59.040 The big problem for me with death is that I 0:20:59.119 --> 0:21:01.240 and this is why. Well, it's all it's all my 0:21:01.280 --> 0:21:02.920 fucking show. So we'll just leave it. 0:21:04.160 --> 0:21:06.640 I believe it. Okay, Well we should go to break. 0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:08.480 When we come back, we'll talk about that. 0:21:08.960 --> 0:21:11.400 I'm gonna show, folks. Tickets are on sale, Okay, all 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:19.040 months in Los Angeles. Okay, Tuesdays. 0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:33.000 And we're back. Yeah yeah, what no, no, no, I'm just 0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:34.440 just leaving my death. Yeah. 0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:37.720 Oh. I had a major realization the other night. Gummy induced, 0:21:37.840 --> 0:21:41.600 I mean, well not gummy induced. I got news for you, folks. 0:21:41.600 --> 0:21:46.240 There is no notion inside of a weed. Gummy A 0:21:46.280 --> 0:21:48.959 gummy yeah, still has to happen in your head, of course, 0:21:50.200 --> 0:21:52.640 So what was it? Give it to me still fresh insights. 0:21:52.680 --> 0:21:56.480 I had this like moment about and it's you know 0:21:56.520 --> 0:21:58.399 how the things that are the most profound are the 0:21:58.400 --> 0:22:01.000 most obvious, blah blah. Okay, so I'm like, this might, 0:22:01.200 --> 0:22:03.840 this might not, this might sound like nothing, but I 0:22:03.880 --> 0:22:06.240 saw it in a way that felt like something which 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:10.440 was Okay, your life as a substance time that could 0:22:10.520 --> 0:22:13.040 run out the bottle of shower jel that you're afraid 0:22:13.040 --> 0:22:16.760