Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Donald
Speaker 1: John Trump cannot continue as president of the United States.
Speaker 1: He is at this moment having a full scale psychological breakdown. Obviously,
Speaker 1: so we're agreed good. However, lost in this quicksand of
Speaker 1: this latest Trump full length, complete and total seventy two
Speaker 1: hours of delusion of something just this side of a
Speaker 1: fugue state, Trump has let it slip. He has provided
Speaker 1: enough clues to suggest that his next insane scheme may
Speaker 1: be a rollout of an absolutely fabricated, amazingly intricate, high octane,
Speaker 1: full volume cell of the conspiracy theory that the twenty
Speaker 1: twenty presidential election was not only fixed, but that it
Speaker 1: was fixed by Nicholas Maduro of Venezuela. And that's why
Speaker 1: we renditioned him. You heard me, Trump revealed intentionally. I
Speaker 1: think he had a question planted at that putinesque multi
Speaker 1: hour dissociative episode only with reporters present, that they may
Speaker 1: be about to start an attempt to gaslight and sainwash
Speaker 1: at the same time some sort of Maduro confession to
Speaker 1: fixing it for Biden and then pardoning Maduro and prosecuting
Speaker 1: Biden and Who knows if Trump takes it further and
Speaker 1: tries to apply whatever this is supposed to mean to
Speaker 1: the midterms or to this continuing quixtic anti constitutional belief
Speaker 1: that he's entitled to a third term. Who knows if
Speaker 1: his brain will not have oozed out his ears by
Speaker 1: then by next week. But I think the first part
Speaker 1: is true. I think they are really going to try
Speaker 1: the first part. They're going to try to draw all
Speaker 1: the imaginary lunatic threads together and make them into one
Speaker 1: giant imaginary lunatic plot to quote prove quote Trump quote
Speaker 1: one quote the twenty twenty election. Thanks to Maduro. This
Speaker 1: has been the holy grail down at the flat earth
Speaker 1: spontaneous human combustion. There wasn't a moon landing end of
Speaker 1: the Trumpest spectrum. And I don't know why this came
Speaker 1: up this week unless Trump has decided that he has
Speaker 1: no way out of Minnesota except letting Ice slowly just vanish,
Speaker 1: the way he had to let the war on California
Speaker 1: slowly just vanish. And that even Trump knows Greenland is
Speaker 1: petering out. And now it's obvious he has lost all
Speaker 1: interest in Iran, and now his cult is getting really
Speaker 1: bored with the Nobel Peace Prize stuff since he already
Speaker 1: got one, even though it's you know, used, Trump shortly
Speaker 1: will be trying to sell and expecting the congressional and
Speaker 1: senatorial whorees he owns to endorse. One of the favorite,
Speaker 1: albeit dumbest conspiracy theories about the twenty twenty election that
Speaker 1: it was fixed for President Biden by software design created
Speaker 1: financed a shot by Nicholas Maduro of Venezuela. In reality,
Speaker 1: Nicholas Maduro is a man who struggles to successfully zipper
Speaker 1: his own windbreaker. But since long before the twenty twenty election,
Speaker 1: the Trump gang has been pushing this nonsense that somebody
Speaker 1: or some company or some magical force in Venezuela fixed
Speaker 1: all the voting machines, because for six years now it
Speaker 1: has been evident that nothing in Trump's damaged mind is
Speaker 1: capable of processing the reality that he's lost Those around
Speaker 1: him had large he tamped down the Maduro rigged that election,
Speaker 1: you know delusion, But of course in the last year
Speaker 1: those who could tamp him down have lost all influence
Speaker 1: on him. He weeded out those who were good at it,
Speaker 1: and has previously noted Trump's metal incapacity and his utter
Speaker 1: certainty that he is right and the rest of us
Speaker 1: are wrong grows by the hour. And then at that
Speaker 1: news conference, Trump really spilled the beans on this. He
Speaker 1: didn't do a lot, he didn't do it for a
Speaker 1: long time. But if you were listening carefully amid all
Speaker 1: of the truly delusional, nonsensical, no line of thought drek,
Speaker 1: there were two gems on the pile of Trump shaped dung.
Speaker 1: There is an alternative way to interpret this country's extra
Speaker 1: legal kidnapping of the dictator of Venezuela on the pretext
Speaker 1: of leaving his deputy in charge of that country, when
Speaker 1: in fact she was the one our own anti drug
Speaker 1: trafficking agencies were focused on, not him blowing up the
Speaker 1: Venezuelan fishing boats and the Venezuelan fishermen and going in
Speaker 1: and renditioning another leader might have had some vague connection
Speaker 1: to the international drug trade. But this alternate theory, which
Speaker 1: makes just as much lack of sense, it was that
Speaker 1: it was in reality to accomplish this one thing, to
Speaker 1: get Maduro into a US prison, to get him under
Speaker 1: Trump's control, and then get him to confess or confirm
Speaker 1: or invent some story in which no Biden didn't win
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty. Trump really won in twenty twenty, and
Speaker 1: he Nicholas Maduro and his Venezuelan mastermind somehow used in
Speaker 1: space lasers, probably to change Trump votes to Biden votes
Speaker 1: by the billions. If you can still hear me over
Speaker 1: your own laughter or uncontrollable tears, let me remind you
Speaker 1: of Trump's phone call from July twenty fifth, two thousand
Speaker 1: nineth to the then non household name president of Ukraine,
Speaker 1: Voladimir's Zolensky, which was in essence an extortion attempt, whereby
Speaker 1: Trump would supply Ukraine with weapons he was already obligated
Speaker 1: to supply by treaty in exchange for a little favor
Speaker 1: in which Zelensky would provide or producer, simply make up
Speaker 1: evidence that fifteen months ahead of the twenty twenty election,
Speaker 1: Joe Biden was being investigated in Ukraine for corruption. It
Speaker 1: was a simple and itsself corrupt trade. Trump would extort
Speaker 1: fabricated slander against his leading likely opponent in twenty twenty
Speaker 1: in exchange for the weapons with which Zelensky might save,
Speaker 1: you know, the lives of his people. It's a hostage
Speaker 1: situation in any event. You might remember Trump got impeached
Speaker 1: for it. Maybe you read about that the first impeachment
Speaker 1: of the two. Well, already you can see what Trump
Speaker 1: learned from all that. A simple one to one agreement
Speaker 1: with another press that it is insufficient and in fact dangerous.
Speaker 1: A box of phony documents smearing Biden would have been
Speaker 1: insufficient and dangerous in anyways, Zelenski didn't share Trump's gift
Speaker 1: for corruption. What Trump realized at the end of this
Speaker 1: that he needed needs was something more dramatic and seemingly unanswerable,
Speaker 1: like a prison cell confession from Nicholas Maduro, drug kingpin,
Speaker 1: victim of oh US army gallantry, a confession for Maduro
Speaker 1: that he fixed the twenty twenty election for Biden because
Speaker 1: we've never had an explanation on how it was done,
Speaker 1: and this guy would say anything. It's Nicholas effing Maduro.
Speaker 1: And whether or not they pull this off, whether or
Speaker 1: not it gets far enough for them to devote all
Speaker 1: of the resources of the United States of America to
Speaker 1: selling you this bullshit, whether or not they can convince
Speaker 1: people it's real. Trump on Tuesday made two comments that
Speaker 1: confirm he sure as hell is going to try comment
Speaker 1: number one unsolicited so rigged election.
Speaker 2: Everybody knows that now and by the way, numbers are
Speaker 2: coming out that show it even more plainly.
Speaker 3: We caught him, We caught.
Speaker 1: Him, We caught them now. Trump is incapable of not lying,
Speaker 1: so he could have said that at any time. But
Speaker 1: the key to interpreting and understanding Trump's lies is to
Speaker 1: remember that he sells them so well because he has
Speaker 1: convinced himself that they are not lies. It may be
Speaker 1: only temporary, but he believes that's true. Maybe he believes
Speaker 1: it for half an hour, half a day. Who knows,
Speaker 1: and what he needs is and it may be only
Speaker 1: a temporary, fixed, temporary support, but inevitably he needs somebody
Speaker 1: saying something to him about the subject, or he sees
Speaker 1: something on Fox News, or he reads a post or
Speaker 1: more importantly, looks at a meme on truth Social because
Speaker 1: I'm not fully convinced he's literate, and that supplies him
Speaker 1: anew with the bullshit. He needs to turn around and
Speaker 1: try to sell these fantasies to the marks out there,
Speaker 1: his supporters. So what happened here, or more correctly, who
Speaker 1: lied to him and said something had happened with Maduro?
Speaker 1: And that translated in his diseased dissolving cortex into we
Speaker 1: caught them. That was also provided Tuesday by one of
Speaker 1: those propaganda plants who have replaced about one third of
Speaker 1: the journalists who are trotted in to read pre written
Speaker 1: quote questions unquote, which are designed to get Trump to
Speaker 1: remember that it is now time to roll out a
Speaker 1: conspiracy theory slowly in advance, before later detonating the whole
Speaker 1: megaton package of bullshit. This plant, and nobody yet connected
Speaker 1: to the Trump disinformation complex, has ever been better described
Speaker 1: by that word plant in all of its meetings. This
Speaker 1: plant is named Kara Castro Nuova, and she is an
Speaker 1: X boxer, not an IFC fighter, A real old fashioned
Speaker 1: punch you in the face, cross eyed woman boxer whose
Speaker 1: journalistic resume runs the entire gamut. I mean, listen to
Speaker 1: this series of great experiences in news. She's gone from
Speaker 1: NBC's Dieting Show, The Biggest Loser, to voice artistry work
Speaker 1: on the video game Grand Theft Auto to her current
Speaker 1: position White House correspondent for the Mike Lindell News TV
Speaker 1: Network Pillow Talk. Laugh all you want, but this background,
Speaker 1: with this background, Kara Castro Nueva is like, only two
Speaker 1: notches down on the journalistic scoreboard from Barry Weiss and
Speaker 1: only one notch down from Stephen A. Smith. Still, when
Speaker 1: it was time for missus castro Nuova to deliver her
Speaker 1: line about Maduro, to read it off a card in
Speaker 1: front of her face or off of her phone, it
Speaker 1: was hard to tell which. For somebody who could actually
Speaker 1: go into Madison Square Garden and hit somebody else in
Speaker 1: front of people in the face, she sure was terrified.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much, President Trump. Kara Kastronova from Glyndell TV.
Speaker 4: And you spoke earlier about the twenty twenty election. Now
Speaker 4: that Maduro is in US custodying he was criminally charged,
Speaker 4: has any more information emerged that you could share with
Speaker 4: us regarding Venezuelan election software and Venezuelan ties to tampering
Speaker 4: with the twenty twenty election? And would you consider speaking
Speaker 4: to Maduro personally in prison in New York to get
Speaker 4: some answers on Venezuela's involvement with the twenty twenty election.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think I would be doing that.
Speaker 3: I think my lawyership very unhappy.
Speaker 1: If yeah, they've learned, they've learned something, So would Trump
Speaker 1: go and talk to Maduro personally in jail about the
Speaker 1: twenty twenty election, like Jack Ruby wanting to meet with
Speaker 1: the Supreme Court justices after the Kennedy assassination. No, no,
Speaker 1: of course, not. Have Trump's scumbags already gone and talked
Speaker 1: to Maduro personally about the twenty twenty election. Sure, and
Speaker 1: Trump says they've learned some things. And as you heard earlier,
Speaker 1: we caught them. It's not hard to construct the rest
Speaker 1: of this in your own mind. You don't really need
Speaker 1: me for this part. They proceed with the prosecution of Maduro,
Speaker 1: and then Trump produces a few more shots across Joe
Speaker 1: Biden's bow. He hinted at prosecuting Biden last week for
Speaker 1: what he suggested was illegally being president, and he's hinted
Speaker 1: again this week. Quote Biden and the radical left thugs
Speaker 1: that surrounded the resolution desk in the Oval Office, and
Speaker 1: of course the illegal use of the auto pen. They
Speaker 1: should be in jail, as we know, those posts and
Speaker 1: memos to Pam Bondi are interchangeable. And oh, by the way,
Speaker 1: it's the resolute desk, Grandpa.
Speaker 3: We are thousands of miles away, separated by a giant ocean.
Speaker 3: It's a war that should have never started, and it
Speaker 3: wouldn't have started if the twenty twenty US presidential election
Speaker 3: weren't rigged. It was a rigged election. Everybody now knows
Speaker 3: that they found out. People will soon be prosecuted for
Speaker 3: what they did. It's probably breaking news, but it should be.
Speaker 3: It's a rigged election. Can't have rigged elections.
Speaker 1: So first he softens up the field with some more
Speaker 1: not so veiled threats against Biden and his administration. Then
Speaker 1: at some point there is a bombshell leak that Maduro
Speaker 1: is ready to confess that he has information vital to
Speaker 1: and the QAN on about the twenty twenty election, and
Speaker 1: a wave of panic sweeps through magaland that they're gonna
Speaker 1: epstein him in present, and by epstein, I mean suicide him,
Speaker 1: I don't mean Trump breaking the law and covering up
Speaker 1: all the Maduro documents that he was required to release
Speaker 1: a month ago, like all the Epstein documents. And then
Speaker 1: there's some kind of in jail interview. Martha McCallum would
Speaker 1: be okay, Tony de Koppel would be better. Of course,
Speaker 1: he might be working for Mike Lindel TV by then anyway,
Speaker 1: finally there is a congressional hearing. James Comer would be nice,
Speaker 1: Jim Jordan would be better, and then presto chango. Maduro
Speaker 1: either gets pardoned. Remember the joke when they kidnapped him.
Speaker 1: Maduro should just go into court the first minute and
Speaker 1: say what are the charges? Then say I plead guilty,
Speaker 1: then say, in the same breath, Okay, so I'm a
Speaker 1: drug dealer, where's my pardon? Trump? Maduro gets pardoned, or
Speaker 1: his sentence gets reduced to time served, or they give
Speaker 1: him his own island somewhere, or or this is the
Speaker 1: CBS Evening News with Nicholas Maduro. Okay, I maybe getting
Speaker 1: carried away here, but this is the next scam. Whether
Speaker 1: it is of any practical use or not is debatable,
Speaker 1: But no matter the answer, it is essential that Trump
Speaker 1: convinces everybody he really won because of yet another version
Speaker 1: of our old friend Annosagnosia. The thought that somewhere somebody
Speaker 1: believes he lost. Truly, two hundred and fifty two hundred
Speaker 1: and seventy five million Americans believe that at least, but
Speaker 1: he doesn't believe that either. The thought that anybody believes
Speaker 1: he's a loser, that they laugh at him about twenty twenty.
Speaker 1: This is intolerable to Trump still forever it is unfixable.
Speaker 1: He will die and his last thought will be about
Speaker 1: the twenty twenty election. But the point now to our
Speaker 1: purposes right now is that no matter what Trump has
Speaker 1: accomplished in the last year of hell, and as impossible
Speaker 1: as this sounds, there is some comfort to the reality
Speaker 1: that his hell has been worse than ours because he
Speaker 1: is so deeply mentally disturbed, and the thought that people
Speaker 1: repudiated him, that he did not defeat an opponent, that.
Speaker 5: He lost an election is always there, waiting to blank
Speaker 5: out the vision of life in front of him. It's
Speaker 5: always there to ruin even his most evil fun And
Speaker 5: so we had the Zelensky bullshit of twenty nineteen, and
Speaker 5: I think what we learned this week is we are
Speaker 5: probably going to have the Maduro bullshit of twenty twenty six.
Speaker 5: Now I should go back to my original premise here
Speaker 5: that he cannot continue as president once again. No shit, Keith, Well,
Speaker 5: you really stayed up nights thinking about that one. How
Speaker 5: to fix this when there are still only motives for
Speaker 5: his enablers to keep him there and there are as
Speaker 5: yet no real motives for them to get him out
Speaker 5: of there. I still don't know. I saw a member
Speaker 5: of the British House of Lords ask in public when
Speaker 5: Trump's Republican supporters would turn on him. This was a
Speaker 5: conservative British peer, the upper crust of the Conservatives, the
Speaker 5: sons and grandsons of the guys who wanted to make
Speaker 5: a deal with Hitler. And he thinks the Republicans will
Speaker 5: eventually turn on Trump and are about to do it. Well,
Speaker 5: why you turn on him? And if you succeed and
Speaker 5: he's out of power, he can't pardon you. If you
Speaker 5: turn on him, you lose your power, probably immediately. You
Speaker 5: lose your seat in Congress or the Senate or wherever
Speaker 5: else you are. If you turn on him, you lose
Speaker 5: all the money that is being siphoned to you, all
Speaker 5: the stock tips you get in advance, all the access
Speaker 5: to pardons for your friends. If you turn on him,
Speaker 5: the Epstein files are released, possibly before nightfall. So no,
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, I don't have a fix yet. I don't
Speaker 5: know when this became my personal responsibility, but nobody else
Speaker 5: seems to be interested in trying to solve it. But
Speaker 5: I do have an endless supply of analogies, and that
Speaker 5: thing Tuesday, other than the Maduro part, was like watching
Speaker 5: a movie length version of an all time classic Saturday
Speaker 5: Night Live sketch that might be before your time. The
Speaker 5: great Dan Ackroid in full six foot tall giant bosomie attire,
Speaker 5: portraying the French chef the famed Julia Child on PBS.
Speaker 3: Who talked like this save a Liver.
Speaker 1: Only he portrayed her having just sliced up chicken and
Speaker 1: accidentally cutting her wrist and bleeding unbelievably profusely and quickly
Speaker 1: beginning to pass out from loss of blood, all while
Speaker 1: still trying to continue her show and her cooking lesson.
Speaker 1: Ackroyd begins to almost sing save the Liver, Save and
Speaker 1: bounce from topic to topic to topic, and he she
Speaker 1: ends up with, I remember when I was a little.
Speaker 5: Girl and my mother I said to me, we.
Speaker 2: Had a place called Creedmore Creed more than anybody know
Speaker 2: that Creed Moore, who was a big I said, Mom,
Speaker 2: why are those bars on the building? I used to
Speaker 2: play little league baseball there at the place called Cunningham Park.
Speaker 2: Who's quite the baseball player you wouldn't believe, But I
Speaker 2: said to my mother. Mom, she would be there, always
Speaker 2: there for me. She said, son, you could be a
Speaker 2: professional baseball player. I said, thanks, Mom, I said, why
Speaker 2: are those bars on the windows?
Speaker 3: Big building, big powerful.
Speaker 1: Building, everything but save the liver. Thank you, Julia Child. Trump,
Speaker 1: baseball and insane asylums. By the way, exhaustive studies of
Speaker 1: the surviving box scores from Trump's three years as the
Speaker 1: first basement at NIMA, the New York Military Academy. He
Speaker 1: went there instead of to reform school show that this
Speaker 1: future Hall of famer mommy told him so had a
Speaker 1: high school career batting average of one thirty eight. I
Speaker 1: mean that's less than mine. The rest of Trump's brain
Speaker 1: bleeding out, like Acroyd's version of Julia Child, was reflected
Speaker 1: in his overnight social media dump that preceded that press conference,
Speaker 1: leaking the text from Emmanuel Macron and NATO's Secretary General
Speaker 1: Mark Rute and retweeting the guy who said the real
Speaker 1: enemy is NATO and the UN and that Greenland meme
Speaker 1: and the Greenland Canada meme and the threat to tear
Speaker 1: French wines if Trump doesn't get Macron to pony up
Speaker 1: a billion dollars to jump to Trump's new alternate un
Speaker 1: the Legion of Doom or whatever he's calling it, and
Speaker 1: his insistence that he doesn't care about the Nobel but
Speaker 1: Norway does fix the Nobel Prizes And isn't it too
Speaker 1: bad there are too many insane killers around you that
Speaker 1: you can't talk to. Does he own a mirror? And
Speaker 1: then the only one that really mattered? Whereas if we
Speaker 1: needed a reminder that it is not that Trump does
Speaker 1: not feel anything for other people, it is that Trump
Speaker 1: cannot really process the idea that there are other people
Speaker 1: on this planet and that there are things in their
Speaker 1: lives that have nothing to do with Trump. Renee Good's wife,
Speaker 1: per Trump, is a liar who never cared about her.
Speaker 1: Didn't care about her as she watched her being murdered
Speaker 1: by an ice thug. No no, no no, It was
Speaker 1: clear because she sang like an opera singer, like a
Speaker 1: professional opera singer, so loud, a professional agitator who did
Speaker 1: not respond the right way according to Trump, to witnessing
Speaker 1: her wife being murdered, didn't have the right kind of pain,
Speaker 1: according to Donald Trump, when street thugs working for Donald
Speaker 1: Trump killed Renee Good, but Renee Good's father he's important
Speaker 1: here because Renee Good's father is a Trump.
Speaker 2: When she was shot, there was another woman that was screaming, shame, shame, shame, shame. Right,
Speaker 2: he said, so loud, like a professional opera singer. She
Speaker 2: was so loud and so professional.
Speaker 3: She wasn't a.
Speaker 2: Woman that was hurt, like, oh my heart's injured. She
Speaker 2: was a professionals. Shame shame. She's screaming, shame shap I said,
Speaker 2: that's not a normal person. That's that's a professional. These
Speaker 2: are professional agitators and professional people that want to see
Speaker 2: our country do badly. I felt horribly when I was
Speaker 2: told that the young woman who was I had the tragedy.
Speaker 2: It's a tragedy. It's a horrible thing. Everybody would say
Speaker 2: Ice would say the same thing. But when I learned
Speaker 2: her her parents, and her father in particular is like, I.
Speaker 3: Hope he still is, but I don't know.
Speaker 2: Was a tremendous Trump fan, was all for Trump, loved Trump,
Speaker 2: and you know, it's terrible. I was told that by
Speaker 2: a lot of people. They said, oh, he loves you.
Speaker 1: He was hoped.
Speaker 3: I hope he still feels that way. And I sorry,
Speaker 3: hard situation.
Speaker 2: But her father was a tremendous and parents for tremendous
Speaker 2: Trump fans.
Speaker 1: And so there is the true lesson of Trump's invasion
Speaker 1: of Minnesota, his terrorism against that state and its people,
Speaker 1: his white trash racism towards Somali Americans, the evolution of
Speaker 1: his white trash racism towards African Americans when Trump and
Speaker 1: his white trash father were prosecuted for it by the
Speaker 1: Nixon administration in nineteen seventy three. There is the true
Speaker 1: lesson of ICE's refusal to pay medical bills for the
Speaker 1: injuries and illnesses its gestapo has inflicted on our neighbors
Speaker 1: and our friends and our citizens, the true lesson of
Speaker 1: the laws that were supposed to protect those people, and
Speaker 1: usu lesson of the fact that the FBI found cause
Speaker 1: to investigate the murder of Renee Good, but dropped it
Speaker 1: so the Department of Justice could instead keep the focus
Speaker 1: on trying to prosecute Mayor Fry and Governor Walls for
Speaker 1: what they said about Ice. For what you may say
Speaker 1: next about Ice or anything else Trump doesn't like you saying.
Speaker 1: Therein lies the true lesson of all the horrors that
Speaker 1: have played out, thanks holly to the madness of the
Speaker 1: terrorist Donald John Trump, we discover that the true lesson,
Speaker 1: the true tragedy, the true crisis, is something else altogether.
Speaker 1: That the true victim here is Trump, because the woman
Speaker 1: he murdered by proxy was the daughter of one of
Speaker 1: his fans. And the unbelievable, the unbearable may now happen
Speaker 1: to Trump. Her father may for some reason not be
Speaker 1: a Trump fan. More in passing congrats to the Vice
Speaker 1: President and the Second Lady of the United States, JB.
Speaker 1: And Usha Vance. The latter, the second lady, I have
Speaker 1: only now learned. I was this many days old when
Speaker 1: I found out that the Vice President's wife goes by
Speaker 1: the unfortunate acronym of slot us slowtus. How slow is
Speaker 1: she exactly? Slottus? Who you call on a slot? Well, anyway,
Speaker 1: my congratulations because they have a fourth child on the way,
Speaker 1: And my congratulations particularly to missus Vance. Your couch motif
Speaker 1: lingerie has worked yet again. Oh the pillows also of
Speaker 1: interest here. So you'd think if you'd been on TV
Speaker 1: doing the news for an hour or more every night
Speaker 1: for nearly a quarter of a century, and you were
Speaker 1: on a network that was once widely thought to be
Speaker 1: liberal and once widely thought to be anti Trump and
Speaker 1: once widely watched that you would not react with a condescending,
Speaker 1: disbelieving smirk when a sitting United States Senator finally came
Speaker 1: out and said to you, Trump is insane. You might
Speaker 1: think that, then again, you are not Anderson Effing Cooper.
Speaker 1: That idiot is next. This is an all new episode
Speaker 1: of Countdown. This is Countdown with Keith Alberman still ahead
Speaker 1: on this all new edition of Countdown. This time of year,
Speaker 1: just forty nine years ago, and I am at LaGuardia
Speaker 1: Airport in New York about to board a flight along
Speaker 1: with the president of Corneill University. And that's when I
Speaker 1: and I alone look out the window towards where the
Speaker 1: plane is parked, and I notice they are trying to
Speaker 1: repair the undercarriage with paper towels, paper towels that they
Speaker 1: are stuffing up into the underside of the craft. I
Speaker 1: swear next, in Things I promised not to tell first
Speaker 1: of believe it or not, there's still more new idiots
Speaker 1: to talk about. The roundup of the miscrants, morons and
Speaker 1: Dunning Kruger effects specimens who constitute today's other worst persons
Speaker 1: in the world's worse the NFL Buffalo Bills, Chapter one
Speaker 1: hundred and seventeen of the punishment that is being the
Speaker 1: Buffalo Bills. They lose their NFL playoff game thirty three
Speaker 1: to thirty to the Denver Broncos. Then the next morning
Speaker 1: they fired their head coach, and then the screw ups
Speaker 1: began their posted press release begins. The Buffalo Bills announced
Speaker 1: that Sean McDermott has been relieved of his duties as
Speaker 1: head coach, and then they launched into the obligatory oh
Speaker 1: but we still love him from owner Terry Pagoula and
Speaker 1: Terry Bakula's quote is, Sean has done an admiral job
Speaker 1: of leading our football team. Sean has done an admiral
Speaker 1: job of leading our football team. II MATI. If your
Speaker 1: owner thinks the adjective is admiral not admirable, the the
Speaker 1: problem isn't the coach. And if your owner still hasn't
Speaker 1: had the post with the typo deleted like three days later,
Speaker 1: the problem isn't going to be fixed. Admiral I spoke
Speaker 1: straight ahead. The runner up worser labor Secretary Laurie Chavez
Speaker 1: Dureamer going down with her ship or something under investigation
Speaker 1: by the Inspector General in her department, who is a
Speaker 1: former Republican congressman. Now you may remember Chavez Dureamer from
Speaker 1: her proclamation that she was elected Labor secretary. Somebody has
Speaker 1: to explain the elections to her, and her later decision
Speaker 1: to hang a giant Kim Jong unstyle building sized banner
Speaker 1: of Trump from the top of the Labor Department headquarters. Well,
Speaker 1: it turns out she's had time to do other things
Speaker 1: like one of this is in her own office, allegedly
Speaker 1: an affair with somebody who works for her in the
Speaker 1: Department of Labor, and telling her office leaders to fabricate
Speaker 1: quote unofficial or rather official unquote trips to make it
Speaker 1: look like these gallivantings where their bow were actually listening
Speaker 1: tours about labor issues nationally, labor issues in places such
Speaker 1: as the Angels Strip club outside Portland. But that's not
Speaker 1: why she's on the list. I don't judge people here
Speaker 1: more than once a minute. I don't judge people here.
Speaker 1: And remember, every moment that a Trump cabinet family member
Speaker 1: is breaking his or her marital oath is one last
Speaker 1: moment they are spending screwing the country. No, she wins
Speaker 1: the silver because Secretary Lorie chavezder Riemer's attorney is named
Speaker 1: doctor Nick Oberheiden. Her lawyer is doctor Nick like from
Speaker 1: the Simpsons, Hi everybody but doctor Nick as a lawyer,
Speaker 1: So he's half Doctor Nick and half Lionel Huts. What
Speaker 1: could possibly go wrong? But the winner worst a tie
Speaker 1: and it's two people who belong together as two of
Speaker 1: the most overrated journalists of the generation. We start with
Speaker 1: one a Jim Vanda Hih, co founder of Politico, a
Speaker 1: co founder of Axios, and obviously already heading to hell
Speaker 1: for those two accomplishments. But as the nation dissolves around
Speaker 1: him and politics becomes nothing but insanity, bribery, violence, and cowardice,
Speaker 1: Jim Vanda Hih has his finger on the pulse of
Speaker 1: America in crisis. He posts quote Axios quiz. Nearly twenty
Speaker 1: democrats viewed as possible twenty twenty eight contenders on trans
Speaker 1: rights almost all ducked it. We asked, what is your
Speaker 1: response to the question can a man become a woman?
Speaker 1: Ram the rare dim to speak bluntly, there it is
Speaker 1: the pressing question of our time, and I guess it
Speaker 1: was asked simply in order to be able to write
Speaker 1: that seeming throwaway at the end, ROM the rare dem
Speaker 1: to speak bluntly. Rom, since you probably don't know, is
Speaker 1: Rom Immanuel Clinton and Obama B list staffer, the forgotten
Speaker 1: former mayor of Chicago and one of the new crop
Speaker 1: of those like Stephen A. Smith suffering from the disease
Speaker 1: known as sure nobody knows who the fi am, but
Speaker 1: I'm going to be president next time. I swear I
Speaker 1: swear president no of America. And he spoke bluntly about
Speaker 1: the decisive issue of the twenty twenty eight primaries in general,
Speaker 1: which is how you answer possibly the dumbest of all
Speaker 1: the magus smeary talking points. Had to find something they
Speaker 1: could compliment Rob Manuel about, and that's what it was.
Speaker 1: Sharing honors with the guy who made this crap up,
Speaker 1: Jim Vanda High. Somebody from a very rare category journalists.
Speaker 1: Even more overrated than Jim Vanda High CNN's Anderson Cooper.
Speaker 1: Now in year twenty five of the world's longest running
Speaker 1: failed marketing campaign, millions and millions of dollars have been
Speaker 1: spent by owner after owner after owner of CNN to
Speaker 1: make him America's newsman, and he has still never won
Speaker 1: his own time slot in cable. He still never actually
Speaker 1: produced a commentary or even an observation that you can remember.
Speaker 1: I admit he's gone to a lot of crises and
Speaker 1: and done crisis porn, and his eyes have always matched
Speaker 1: his bulletproof vest. But his greatest ac pomplishment to date
Speaker 1: is getting drunk on New Year's even giggling. I mean
Speaker 1: it is, Although the remark that brings him onto this
Speaker 1: list alongside Jim Vanda I is somewhere among his top
Speaker 1: ten failures. Are you ready? Cooper on CNN praises European
Speaker 1: leaders for looking for an off ramp with Trump about Greenland,
Speaker 1: and then asks Senator Reuben Diego if he really thinks
Speaker 1: there is such an off rant and Diego letter rip.
Speaker 1: Diego replies, quote, No, I've been very clear. He is
Speaker 1: a madman. He is insane. He's only thinking about himself. Hey,
Speaker 1: At which point Cooper interrupts. Cooper screws up his face.
Speaker 1: Cooper gives him that I really need to get my
Speaker 1: eyes examined, looked. I can't see anything with these glasses.
Speaker 1: Is that my car on fire in the parking lot?
Speaker 1: You know that? Look? Whereupon Anderson Cooper then says, shocked,
Speaker 1: as if it has never occurred, not just to him,
Speaker 1: but it has never to anybody in the history of
Speaker 1: the world before quote, you really think he's insane? Diego
Speaker 1: interrupts back, Yes, I'm sorry. Where are we at this
Speaker 1: moment that we don't understand what's happening in this country.
Speaker 1: He is not rational right now. None of this is rational.
Speaker 1: Everyone needs to stop pretending this is rational, so Diego,
Speaker 1: even after being interrupted by this idiot, Anderson Cooper gives
Speaker 1: him a perfect chance to redeem himself, to come back
Speaker 1: and be a journalist for once, to be on TV
Speaker 1: with some value more than a trained chimpanzee would have
Speaker 1: reading your script for you. You should not be fungible with
Speaker 1: well educated animals of the jungle. And yet Anderson Cooper
Speaker 1: has afforded the opportunity to come back and respond to
Speaker 1: everyone needs to stop pretending this is rational. Subtext Anderson,
Speaker 1: I'm talking about you. And what does he say? He
Speaker 1: does not say Trump isn't just insane, He's having a breakdown.
Speaker 1: He instead Anderson Cooper. He instead mumbles, Senator rimand Gego,
Speaker 1: I appreciate your time tonight, Thanks very much, Holly crap.
Speaker 1: That was it? When you think sometimes, why are we
Speaker 1: in this mess? How did we get here? How did
Speaker 1: it get worse? Where does Anderson Cooper buy his clothes?
Speaker 1: What boys department at JC penny would sell them to him?
Speaker 1: How did some part of the establishment not push back
Speaker 1: against any of this? Since twenty ft fifteen. Think of
Speaker 1: Anderson Cooper in the earliest days of year twelve, of
Speaker 1: this Whitman's sampler of all the imagined hells. Who's looking
Speaker 1: like he's just eating some prunes so he can dismiss
Speaker 1: a US Senator who is actually willing to tell the truth,
Speaker 1: and interrupt that US senator and say, you really think
Speaker 1: he's insane? Yes, he's insane, Emma Effer, He's insane. Anderson Cooper,
Speaker 1: get on your goddamn TV show and tell people, start
Speaker 1: telling them at the start of the hour, and don't
Speaker 1: stop till it's the end of the hour. Anderson, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I really think he's insane. And you know what, Anderson,
Speaker 1: I think you're still just the host of the mole
Speaker 1: pretending to be a newsman. Cooper, Today's with Jim Vander
Speaker 1: High other worst persons in the world. Things I promised
Speaker 1: not to tell and this one is about Dale Corson.
Speaker 1: Dale Corson was president of Corneill University when I got
Speaker 1: there as an undergraduate in a preceding century. He served
Speaker 1: from nineteen sixty nine to nineteen seventy seven. He had
Speaker 1: been before that in their physics department for twenty three years.
Speaker 1: He helped design the school's synchrotron. He chaired the physics department.
Speaker 1: He was dean of the College of Engineering, and he
Speaker 1: was co discoverer of asteteine, which is element number eighty five.
Speaker 1: And okay, it's time to face this. What have you
Speaker 1: done with your life? Dale Corson co discovered an element.
Speaker 1: I was staring out the waiting room window at the
Speaker 1: Allegheny airplane that we were supposed to have already boarded
Speaker 1: on a frigid New York morning in January of nineteen
Speaker 1: seventy seven. Allegheny, which became US Air, but was colloquially
Speaker 1: known as Agony Airlines. These were the days when the
Speaker 1: bus monopoly in this country meant that the flight from
Speaker 1: New York to Ithaca, New York, cost just a couple
Speaker 1: bucks more and was far easier than the bus did
Speaker 1: if you didn't mind the occasional stop in the rome
Speaker 1: Utica Airport, and the continuous feeling that we were flying
Speaker 1: low enough that you could reach out the window and
Speaker 1: pull fruit off the trees not an issue. In January
Speaker 1: of nineteen seventy seven, there was just snow everywhere. These
Speaker 1: were also the days when you boarded a small flight
Speaker 1: upstate by first sitting in a room twenty yards from
Speaker 1: where the large propeller plane rested, then going out a
Speaker 1: nondescript ordinary door, and then up a staircase with wheels,
Speaker 1: no security, no formality, and judging by the fact that
Speaker 1: we were now twenty minutes late for boarding, no punctuality.
Speaker 1: That's what I noticed, the two Allegheny employees skipping down
Speaker 1: the stairs from the airplane and ducking under the belly
Speaker 1: of the craft and pointing with cartoon like animation at
Speaker 1: the underside. I'm fairly confident my astonishment has added this detail.
Speaker 1: But when I picture the performance, and from where we
Speaker 1: all sat behind soundproofed windows, they were two mimes. You
Speaker 1: couldn't hear anything, but I swear I saw one of
Speaker 1: them slap his own forehead and point upwards suddenly, as
Speaker 1: if trying to act out the word Eureka. The one
Speaker 1: guy bolted up the stairs back into the airplane, and
Speaker 1: as I waited, wondering what he would bring down, he
Speaker 1: trapes back down those stairs with astonishing rapidity, returning with
Speaker 1: what seemed to be a large floppy object waving in
Speaker 1: the cold January wind, an object maybe six eight inches high,
Speaker 1: maybe a foot long. And it was only when he
Speaker 1: peeled the top off of this object and handed it
Speaker 1: to his taller colleague that I realized what I was seeing.
Speaker 1: What he was holding. The man had a stack of
Speaker 1: paper towels in his hands, a stack of paper towels
Speaker 1: that he had brought down from the airplane to where
Speaker 1: they were looking at the underside of the airplane that
Speaker 1: we were supposed to fly in that airplane to Ithaca,
Speaker 1: New York. As the guy's buddy raised one hand over
Speaker 1: his head, and then another hand over his head, and
Speaker 1: then another hand over his head, the horror finally dawned
Speaker 1: on me in full. There was something wrong with the plane,
Speaker 1: something that these guys thought they could fix by stuffing
Speaker 1: paper towels into it. Suddenly I was in a William
Speaker 1: Shatner Twilight Zone episode. The other passengers in the waiting
Speaker 1: room dozed, or were immersed in their newspapers, or were
Speaker 1: simply not looking. I alone could see the gremlins guaranteeing
Speaker 1: our doom by trying to fix a plane with some
Speaker 1: bounty paper towels. Or perhaps George Carlin's observations about doctors
Speaker 1: had been transposed to this scene qualitatively provably. Somewhere on Earth,
Speaker 1: there had to be literally the word the world's worst airplane,
Speaker 1: and we were about to get on it. I was
Speaker 1: still a few weeks shy of my eighteenth birthday, and
Speaker 1: I had no idea what to do. Oddly, it really
Speaker 1: didn't dawn on me that, bottom line, I didn't have
Speaker 1: to get on the airplane. I could let everybody else
Speaker 1: in the room go to their doom. I didn't think
Speaker 1: of that. I felt like I had to do something.
Speaker 1: So I looked around at the disinterested airline staff, my
Speaker 1: soon to be co victims, all inattentive to the mad
Speaker 1: evidence of our impending disaster. And then I heard the
Speaker 1: rustle of a newspaper being folded up and put away,
Speaker 1: and appearing from behind it was a man in a
Speaker 1: hat and old framed glasses, and I recognized him at once.
Speaker 1: He looked a little like Leo G. Carroll from the
Speaker 1: Man from Uncle and north By Northwest. But in fact
Speaker 1: he was Cornell University President Dale Corson. I was never,
Speaker 1: and since then, have never been so happy to see
Speaker 1: an authority figure in my life. I screwed up the
Speaker 1: courage to go over to President Corson. I checked back
Speaker 1: over my shoulder to make certain that Laura and Hardy
Speaker 1: were still forcing the paper towels into the Allegheny disaster Liner,
Speaker 1: and then I spoke, squeakily and hurriedly, President Corson. You
Speaker 1: don't know me, but I'm a Cornell student, Classes seventy nine. Hi,
Speaker 1: I think there's something you need to see about our
Speaker 1: plane out there, even just as a scientist, you need
Speaker 1: to see it. And I gestured behind me a little
Speaker 1: too wildly. I remember the amused but indulgent look on
Speaker 1: that magnificently craggy face of his as he rose wordlessly,
Speaker 1: and I remember just as well how quickly that looked
Speaker 1: changed to astonishment and then anger. He put his hand
Speaker 1: on my shoulder. You might as well have a seat.
Speaker 1: Don't worry you and I are not getting on that plane.
Speaker 1: I lingered just long enough to hear fragments of what
Speaker 1: he said to the Allegheny gate attendant, and how his
Speaker 1: voice got slightly louder in his tone, slightly crisper with
Speaker 1: each sentence. We have students and faculty here, he said,
Speaker 1: And if I remember correctly, your airline does some promotion
Speaker 1: on campus. And finally something about if you'd ever like
Speaker 1: to use our air space again. But to be fair,
Speaker 1: my imagination may be adding that last line regardless. Within
Speaker 1: five minutes there was an announcement that flights such and
Speaker 1: such to Ithaca had been canceled due to equipment problems.
Speaker 1: I chuckled at the word equipment, and I saw President,
Speaker 1: of course in chuckling two. It wasn't equipment problems, it
Speaker 1: was paper towel problems. We would all be transferred, the
Speaker 1: announcement said to an alleghany jet leaving for Elmira, New
Speaker 1: York in about twenty minutes, and then bust to Ithaca
Speaker 1: at no additional charge. In the confusion of changing gates,
Speaker 1: maybe even terminals, for all I know, I lost sight
Speaker 1: of President Corson, But as I got onto our sleek
Speaker 1: not fifty years old towel free jet to Elmira, I
Speaker 1: saw him again seated near the front. He smiled up
Speaker 1: at me. I thanked him for taking care of us,
Speaker 1: and he laughed, that's what I'm here for. And then
Speaker 1: he said, by the way, good work. And then he
Speaker 1: asked me what my school and my major were, and
Speaker 1: I told him communications, really, have you considered engineering? And
Speaker 1: I told him my dad was an architect, and that
Speaker 1: the actual math and the physics and the hard work
Speaker 1: were the vane of his existence and I would never
Speaker 1: do it in a million years, as well as he could.
Speaker 1: And he hated every minute of it and laughed again,
Speaker 1: and he said, yes, I can understand that. Well clearly.
Speaker 1: At least you have the eye of a reporter. I
Speaker 1: guess that's that's some consolation. I've done all the damage
Speaker 1: I can do here. Get the paper towels. Thank you
Speaker 1: for listening. Most of our Countdown music was arranged, produced
Speaker 1: and performed by Brian Ray on guitars, bass and drums,
Speaker 1: and John Phillip Schenel handling orchestration and keyboards, and they,
Speaker 1: of course are our musical directors of Countdown. It was
Speaker 1: produced by Tko Brothers. Our satirical and pithy musical comments
Speaker 1: are by the best Baseball stadium organists ever Nancy Faust.
Speaker 1: The sports music is the Olberman theme from ESPN two,
Speaker 1: written by Mitch Warren Davis, Curtisy VESPN Inc. Other music
Speaker 1: arranged and performed by the group No Horns Allowed. My
Speaker 1: announcer today, my friend Kenny Maine. This program was produced
Speaker 1: by Ted. Everything else was as always my fault and
Speaker 1: that's countdown for today Day three hundred and sixty four,
Speaker 1: sixty five sixty six, three hundred and sixty seven of
Speaker 1: America held hostage again. So, on the other hand, just
Speaker 1: one Thoy ninety four days until the scheduled end of
Speaker 1: his lame duck and lame brained term unless he is
Speaker 1: removed sooner by Maga and Epstein and affordability and marble
Speaker 1: armrests and Venezuela and his ice Gestapo and of course Greenland.
Speaker 1: The next scheduled countdown is Monday. Bulletins is the news
Speaker 1: warrants until the next one. I'm Keith Olbriman. Good morning,
Speaker 1: good afternoon, goodnight, and good luck. Countdown with Keith Olderman
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