Speaker 1: The Nicky Yes, Nicky Yes, Hey guys, Happy Wednesday. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the Wednesday Shows show of the Nicki Glazer podcast
Speaker 1: Keats you didn't know? That's on your Marina my best
Speaker 1: friend singing um my theme song. I love it so much.
Speaker 1: I was listening to one of the podcasts that I
Speaker 1: it's like a series that I've referenced several times called
Speaker 1: every single album. It's like a Taylor Swift. Uh. If
Speaker 1: you're swifty, you gotta go through that. It's on Ringer
Speaker 1: on the Spotify thing. But I realized I've listened to
Speaker 1: only four episodes of it because there's only you know,
Speaker 1: there's I guess nine, or because of how many albums
Speaker 1: she has. But by the fifth episode, I put it
Speaker 1: on yesterday, and actually I'm up to seven. So by
Speaker 1: the seventh episode I was already down with the music
Speaker 1: that they have in it. You know, it takes about
Speaker 1: seven listens, I think, until you're like, oh, I recognize
Speaker 1: this. This This makes me get in the mood for the
Speaker 1: thing I'm listening to. When you first hear theme song,
Speaker 1: you're like and um, and then it just like puts
Speaker 1: you in the mood that you get into when you're listening,
Speaker 1: and I am so touched by how many people I
Speaker 1: say this every episode. I feel like every episode is
Speaker 1: a very special episode. I'm really touched by all the
Speaker 1: people that write to me and say that this puts
Speaker 1: you in a good mood, or it just gets you
Speaker 1: out of your head, or it just feels like we're
Speaker 1: friends and you're talking. You're listening to some friends talking,
Speaker 1: because honestly, that's what it is for me. Like I
Speaker 1: you know that you know this, but and I feel
Speaker 1: like it's just all such like things that you say
Speaker 1: as a host to like get people on board with
Speaker 1: what you're doing. So it's all like usually people say
Speaker 1: this stuff as lies. I just want to tell you,
Speaker 1: like most people are liar liars and they think they're
Speaker 1: not lying, but they're like I love my fans, and
Speaker 1: they say that ship because they want you to buy things.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't like actually, like I have imposter syndrome,
Speaker 1: so I'm always like, only by it if you want to,
Speaker 1: like I feel that way. I never ask you guys
Speaker 1: to do anything. You know, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: I told you yesterday, like your time to me is
Speaker 1: so valuable and the fact that you invest your time
Speaker 1: listening to this even if you put it on like
Speaker 1: in the background when you're cleaning. Like the fact that
Speaker 1: my voice is in your ear at any point in
Speaker 1: the day means a lot to me. And I'm really
Speaker 1: it's on my mind that I try to not waste
Speaker 1: your time with it. Um. But that being said, I
Speaker 1: I will because I'm a flawed person and I will
Speaker 1: make mistakes. But that's what we let our friends do
Speaker 1: is make mistakes and forgive them and listen to their
Speaker 1: podcast the next day and hope for a better one. Um.
Speaker 1: But what was I getting at there? Oh? I just
Speaker 1: really feel like you guys are my friends. It's so weird,
Speaker 1: Like every day I feel like you guys are like
Speaker 1: the types of friends that, uh, you don't ever have
Speaker 1: to ask about their life, you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: I just get you guys are the type of friends
Speaker 1: that I am going through a lot and I just
Speaker 1: need to like let it all out, and you you
Speaker 1: just kind of sit there and go uh huh, Like
Speaker 1: I feel that from you, and I realized this is
Speaker 1: not a two way friendship and I wish that it
Speaker 1: could be more. And that's why we're incorporating more listener stuff. Um,
Speaker 1: and I I love your d M s. I love
Speaker 1: the handwritten letter Bestie handed to me in the airport
Speaker 1: last week. What was her name? Isabella is Abigaila? She um,
Speaker 1: it was so cute. I saw this girl in the airport,
Speaker 1: sitting next to me at l A X. I was
Speaker 1: flying home and I saw her actually at security. I
Speaker 1: know you're listening with Wait hold on, let me just
Speaker 1: go grab the note real quick. It's in my room.
Speaker 1: One second. I don't know what's right here. It's right here, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: I said it here because I wanted to have it, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm thinking like I want maybe eventually
Speaker 1: when we go. Oh no, I had it on her
Speaker 1: phone too because I screenshot or I sent a picture
Speaker 1: of it to Andrew and noh um. I eventually maybe
Speaker 1: want some kind of like fan elf when we are
Speaker 1: doing the show, like we have like chot skeys and
Speaker 1: things that fans gave us that we can put up
Speaker 1: just to like represent you guys, because I really appreciate everything. Um,
Speaker 1: I won't be printing up your d ms, but your
Speaker 1: d ms mean a lot to me as well. Um uh,
Speaker 1: here we go, it says NICKI. So anyway, I saw
Speaker 1: this girl's security let me just set the stage, so cute,
Speaker 1: amazing posture, and I got jealous because she was like
Speaker 1: patiently putting on her belt after T s A. I
Speaker 1: think she was in front of me, but I saw
Speaker 1: her at T S A young girl, really cute, put
Speaker 1: together um, and she had a belt and she was
Speaker 1: you know like after T s A, you like go over.
Speaker 1: There's benches set aside for people who need more time,
Speaker 1: like the elderly. Well, this bitch just heads over this
Speaker 1: bench and she's like just gently like she has time.
Speaker 1: There's no rush, She's just putting on her belt and
Speaker 1: like really like present. And I remember remarking in my head,
Speaker 1: I wish I had that kind of just like I'm
Speaker 1: just this is gonna take as long as it takes,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna put on my belt without haste. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna move to the side so I don't feel like
Speaker 1: because whenever I'm grabbing stuff after the T s A,
Speaker 1: I want to just stay everyone's way, which, by the way, um, Isabella,
Speaker 1: by the way is her name. Isabella was staying out
Speaker 1: of everyone's way. She just moved to the side so
Speaker 1: she could take her time as opposed to me, I
Speaker 1: would be first of all, I wouldn't wear a belt
Speaker 1: to the air part because I'd be like, it's gonna
Speaker 1: annoy people and it's just gonna be too much, and
Speaker 1: I'll forget until the last second and then it's gonna beat,
Speaker 1: and then I'll have to go back and people will
Speaker 1: roll their eyes and get mad, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: stop it. That is so ridiculous behavior when you get
Speaker 1: mad at people that forget to take off a thing.
Speaker 1: Even though I'm talking to myself literally last week because
Speaker 1: I was like, bitch, I know, like I can already
Speaker 1: see that that your sunglasses either on top of your head.
Speaker 1: I don't want to like police you the t s A.
Speaker 1: It's their job to tell you to take this off,
Speaker 1: but I know it's gonna beat. Yep, yep, he told her. Okay,
Speaker 1: now she's gonna go back. Oh wait, she can't throw
Speaker 1: it on her bag. She has to get a special
Speaker 1: bull The bulls are on the other side because they
Speaker 1: haven't replenished. So then you wait and I'm just like
Speaker 1: going and it's like she didn't mean to leave him
Speaker 1: on her head. She's doing your best. This isn't Isabella though,
Speaker 1: Isabella newer ship. She just grab the stuff, she goes
Speaker 1: over the bench, and she takes her goddamn time, Because
Speaker 1: little did I know Isabelle and I were on the
Speaker 1: same flight. She was in no rush. I don't know
Speaker 1: what I'm rushing around for. I've forgotten my guitar at
Speaker 1: T s A. I've forgotten entire suitcases. One time I
Speaker 1: was late for a flight. It was the most harrowing
Speaker 1: moment of my entire life. I'm not joking you. You
Speaker 1: know when you think back in your life and you go,
Speaker 1: when's the most stressed I've ever been. I was trying
Speaker 1: to make a flight. I was super late. I get
Speaker 1: out through T s A and I'm going to make it.
Speaker 1: I hear them calling, like my name, like boarding, like
Speaker 1: it is five minutes before the less than five minutes
Speaker 1: before the door closes. I had begged everyone at T
Speaker 1: s A when I am late for a flight, let
Speaker 1: me do a service annount. This is like last week
Speaker 1: when I said about fat people on planes or someone
Speaker 1: that might take up too much space or like look
Speaker 1: stinky or something. When you make a little like or
Speaker 1: like whisper about someone, you're so fucking obvious. Okay, so
Speaker 1: stop doing that. This is another and by the way,
Speaker 1: this is all stuff I needed to tell myself over
Speaker 1: the years. Here's another one. When you encounter someone at
Speaker 1: in line at the airport where you're going to check
Speaker 1: your bags, or your in line at T s A
Speaker 1: and there is someone that looks harried, you know they're late,
Speaker 1: they're they're making sounds to indicate they're late. Offer them
Speaker 1: to go ahead of you. Just do it. And if
Speaker 1: you're someone who is late, take the initiative and do this. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is this is the exact tone that I do
Speaker 1: when I'm late for the airport. And by the way,
Speaker 1: don't feel bad about it, because no one, I mean
Speaker 1: no one has ever not been late for the airport.
Speaker 1: No one has ever had a clear record of never
Speaker 1: being late for the airport. There. First of all, you
Speaker 1: can oversleep. Oh maybe it's your fault because you got
Speaker 1: home you were hungover. Oh that's my fault. I'm so embarrassed.
Speaker 1: So what you didn't mean to you overslept so you
Speaker 1: could oversleep. Traffic? Uh, poor planning, just bad math um.
Speaker 1: You didn't know how long it would take to check
Speaker 1: a bag. So now you're insecurity and you're not gonna
Speaker 1: make your flight, and your bags are gonna get on
Speaker 1: the flight, But you're not any of these things, no
Speaker 1: matter what reason. You're late. Excuse yourself and realize that
Speaker 1: everyone in that line has also been in your shoes.
Speaker 1: They're not going to remember being in your shoes when
Speaker 1: you approach them, but just no deep down that they have.
Speaker 1: And there's nothing wrong with what you're about to do.
Speaker 1: This is what I've done many times. And don't say
Speaker 1: it's because I'm a cute girl, because I don't look
Speaker 1: like a cute girl in the morning most of the time.
Speaker 1: There's nothing about I wish I did. I wish I
Speaker 1: could like put up my cleavage. So you go to
Speaker 1: the person in the very, You go to the closest
Speaker 1: person you can get to in the front, and you go,
Speaker 1: I am so sorry to ask this. This is exactly
Speaker 1: the thing. I am so sorry to ask this. I
Speaker 1: know how annoying this is. I am wondering if I
Speaker 1: could go in front of you in line. My flight
Speaker 1: is boarding and blah blah blah blah blah minutes I
Speaker 1: my I didn't plan appropriately. I am so sorry. Would
Speaker 1: it be okay? You don't do the person in front
Speaker 1: of you. That's not gonna help you cut all these people. Now,
Speaker 1: that person, if you're that person, By the way, I've
Speaker 1: been that person before where I just noticed someone who's
Speaker 1: panicked and I'm kind of in the front and there's
Speaker 1: a lot of people behind me, but the person whose
Speaker 1: panics in the back. I say to that person, because
Speaker 1: you know the line, do a snaky thing so you
Speaker 1: can kind of I say, that person, do you want
Speaker 1: to get in front of me? And then I go,
Speaker 1: I've been there before. Get in front of me, girl,
Speaker 1: let's do this. And then I go, actually, I go
Speaker 1: to a person in front of me and I go,
Speaker 1: can she get in front of you? She's late for
Speaker 1: her flight. We've all been there. Can you let her in?
Speaker 1: And then I go to the back of the line
Speaker 1: people behind me that she's also cutting. I go, is
Speaker 1: it all right if this girl who's very late cuts,
Speaker 1: is anyone else super late? You can cut two and
Speaker 1: then everyone gets on board, and you know what, if
Speaker 1: they don't get on board, fuck them, dude, you're gonna
Speaker 1: be on the plane. But I hate seeing people scared
Speaker 1: to approach. People don't ask for a favor, because if
Speaker 1: you would give someone that favor in your same situation,
Speaker 1: then you should ask for that favor. So let's all
Speaker 1: be more generous in airport lines and let people in
Speaker 1: front of us if we're not in a hurry and
Speaker 1: it's not going to affect things. Isabelle's putting on her belt,
Speaker 1: I clock it. I go. I want that kind of patience.
Speaker 1: I get to my seat, I pick a seat. I
Speaker 1: have my guitar with me. I'm sitting at my seat
Speaker 1: by my gate. I have tons of time. I could
Speaker 1: have bought a belt and put it on and off
Speaker 1: a million times by a bench, done a real Isabelle,
Speaker 1: you know. But I'm sitting there. I'm sucking down a
Speaker 1: non vegan the only non vegan thing I've partaken because
Speaker 1: I really wanted it, and I'm so sorry to vegans
Speaker 1: out there. I am example of someone who is not perfect,
Speaker 1: but I do my best, and veganism does not have
Speaker 1: to be perfect. I got an ice blended from coffee
Speaker 1: bean and tea leaf because it was the only one
Speaker 1: in the southwest terminal of L A X. It's a
Speaker 1: if you want to get it, it's delicious. I don't.
Speaker 1: I'd rather you get vegan things. But I got it
Speaker 1: with almond milk vanilla. I splendid double blended with almond
Speaker 1: milk sugar free vanilla. Yes, I'm gonna get cancer from it,
Speaker 1: but it tasted so good. And get it double blended
Speaker 1: because there's too many ice chunks. Um. So I'm sucking
Speaker 1: that down and making a mockery of like, you know,
Speaker 1: just and I think I'm by myself. You know, the
Speaker 1: belt girl is kind of I see her in my periphery.
Speaker 1: Belt girls over there literally could not I didn't notice
Speaker 1: that this girl noticed me at all. I was almost like,
Speaker 1: I feel like we would be friends, Like maybe she
Speaker 1: would know who I am. I think I maybe have
Speaker 1: that thought. Then I look over at belt girl. She
Speaker 1: has posture that is of a princess. She has princess
Speaker 1: posture and she's not working for it. It's not like
Speaker 1: one of those postures where it's like she knows she's
Speaker 1: being looked at and she's trying to straighten her back,
Speaker 1: just a naturally good posture. I then straighten my back.
Speaker 1: You know when you see someone good with good posture
Speaker 1: and you replicate it and you go, oh, I could
Speaker 1: do this all the time, and then two seconds later
Speaker 1: you're forgetting you slouch. I'm looking at this girl and
Speaker 1: I'm like, god, belt girl has it all together. She
Speaker 1: has perfect posture. She just looks like just like and
Speaker 1: and then she's like writing. I think I maybe saw
Speaker 1: her writing the note that she gave me, but I
Speaker 1: didn't know what it was. Then, um, do you know.
Speaker 1: Ten minutes later she walks up to me. This is
Speaker 1: still like twenty minutes before our flight boards. I think
Speaker 1: she's getting on the Denver flight which is now boarding.
Speaker 1: She comes up to me and she goes, um, I
Speaker 1: forget how she did, but she just like handed me
Speaker 1: this little, uh you know note that she had folded twice,
Speaker 1: and she goes, um, I just I'm a big thing.
Speaker 1: She was very like cool. She was like, I just
Speaker 1: want you to have this. I almost thought, Isabelle, I
Speaker 1: know you're Isabella. Sorry, I know you're listening, or I
Speaker 1: hope you are. I literally thought you were going to
Speaker 1: be like you're you just seem so put together and
Speaker 1: someone I want to be that I thought you were
Speaker 1: going to write me a note that was like I
Speaker 1: know who you are, and I didn't appreciate your statement
Speaker 1: on this thing, like it's it almost felt very like
Speaker 1: I need you to know that. Like I almost thought
Speaker 1: it was going to be a bad note, like she
Speaker 1: knew who I was, but like she has a problem
Speaker 1: with something I said once, like you need to stop
Speaker 1: talking about this, or like I don't know what in
Speaker 1: my mind, I don't even know what I could have.
Speaker 1: Maybe like I did a rape joke and she heard
Speaker 1: about it on a show or something, and she was like,
Speaker 1: I thought it was one of those because she just
Speaker 1: seemed like someone who was like two together to like me,
Speaker 1: this is my self esteem issues. So she I opened
Speaker 1: the note and she just goes, I'm a big fan.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to bother you. She was like, oh,
Speaker 1: she said, um, thank you so much. She said something
Speaker 1: to the fact of like you mean a lot to me,
Speaker 1: and you like your words, thank you for saying what
Speaker 1: you day, or something like that, And I was it
Speaker 1: was a blur because I was like belt girl, posture,
Speaker 1: belt is talking to me. I was like nervous. She goes,
Speaker 1: NICKI in parentheses, I assume it you because guitar case.
Speaker 1: So I read it as she walked away, Like after
Speaker 1: she walked away and was out of sight, I thought
Speaker 1: she got onto the Denver flight turns out she was
Speaker 1: on my flight. She was, I'm a bestie and don't
Speaker 1: want to make a scene. I'm a bestie and I
Speaker 1: just go, oh, my body relaxed, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to make a scene. But I want you to know
Speaker 1: you're such an inspiration for me, so sweet, You're hilarious,
Speaker 1: talented in a role model to an aspiring screen writer
Speaker 1: like myself. Oh this bitch is a screenwriter. Then I go, what,
Speaker 1: I will send you a d M later with more
Speaker 1: details because I can't believe I'm sitting by you at
Speaker 1: the airport. Keep kicking us, and I'm excited to pitch
Speaker 1: my rom compilot to you one day. XO XO. Bestie
Speaker 1: Isabella tell Andrew and no I said hi, by the way.
Speaker 1: She wrote me later and said I'm so sorry. Was
Speaker 1: name wrong? She put an H at the end of it,
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, I don't ocur, no, it's
Speaker 1: just not going to shout out no. And it was
Speaker 1: so sweet. I love how what you guys love and
Speaker 1: Andrew and Noah. She goes, ps can't wait for f
Speaker 1: boy Island and she goes, hope this note wasn't she
Speaker 1: spelled at C a H. Then c h U then
Speaker 1: c eu or k eu then ce u h. I
Speaker 1: think k you. Any spelling you do of it is
Speaker 1: fine with me. By the way she goes, I turned
Speaker 1: twenty six yesterday and actually twenty six. This girl's a
Speaker 1: screenwriter and she's six yesterday and actually saw you perform
Speaker 1: at the Comedy Store on my twenty four birthday June nineteen. Um,
Speaker 1: I love her so much. Happy belated birthday, Isabella. She
Speaker 1: was on my flight and then I got a d
Speaker 1: M from her as I'm like putting my eyemask on
Speaker 1: and like bundling up. People are still boarding the plane
Speaker 1: because you know, I got bumped up to a fifteen,
Speaker 1: and uh, I got a d M from her as
Speaker 1: I'm like resting, and she was like, I'm so embarrassed.
Speaker 1: I'm actually on your flight and I'm gonna probably see you.
Speaker 1: But I didn't see her again. I looked for her
Speaker 1: when we landed. Um, Isabella, I don't know where you live.
Speaker 1: I would just like to say, for future reference, if
Speaker 1: you see me alone at the airport and you're a bestie,
Speaker 1: come talk to me. I literally will not make you
Speaker 1: feel awkward. We will be like friends. I always like
Speaker 1: to talk to people. I'm very social and if I don't,
Speaker 1: I can just I will politely tell you I have
Speaker 1: to work on this thing, and I'll be honest, you know,
Speaker 1: or like, hey, I'm going through a thing and I
Speaker 1: kind of want to just like talk to myself, like
Speaker 1: I'll be honest with you and it will not feel like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I bugged her. I always want to
Speaker 1: have a conversation with the best tea. I literally want
Speaker 1: to be friends with you, guys. So Isabella, UM, we
Speaker 1: already deemed and you are going to send me your
Speaker 1: rom calm. I am going to star in it someday
Speaker 1: and I'm so excited that you thought of me for it.
Speaker 1: Let's get Andrew in here. Andrew, Andrew, what's going on?
Speaker 1: I know I just said you look stressed. I didn't
Speaker 1: know about anything. She knows. Your phone. No, my phone.
Speaker 1: That's why you have your computer with you, because you're
Speaker 1: using it to text. No, I'm using it to read
Speaker 1: the headlines in a minute here. But my phone the
Speaker 1: LTE or something Verizon and shut my phone off. And
Speaker 1: now I went to my computer to get into the
Speaker 1: Verizon account and I can't. My account is locked. So
Speaker 1: I'm trying to chat with him, and I started cursing
Speaker 1: out the computer, like like you were chatting at the
Speaker 1: computer and cursing them. I was yelling at a computer
Speaker 1: and go fuck itself, the computer or the person on
Speaker 1: the computer. The person. It's just the computer behind a computer,
Speaker 1: like the little robot that goes, hey, can I help
Speaker 1: you with that? Guy? Okay, I'm going fuck you. I
Speaker 1: think it might be a real person. I hope you
Speaker 1: definitely literally wrote you. Yeah, I wrote you. You smell
Speaker 1: like shit. I want to kill your whole family. Whoa, yeah, Okay, well, um,
Speaker 1: what happened? The LTE got shut up? I mean I
Speaker 1: couldn't care less honestly about the details of it, But like,
Speaker 1: what's the solution here? Well, the solution is I got
Speaker 1: to borrow your phone to call the eight hundred number,
Speaker 1: and I think that will work out. Yeah, you definitely can.
Speaker 1: You just got a new phone when we were afentertainment.
Speaker 1: You know what it is. I think probably I didn't
Speaker 1: pay my bill on time and they shut you down.
Speaker 1: But usually they let you call six will. Not paying
Speaker 1: for things you need to pay for, I mean, being
Speaker 1: an adult sucks on its head. It's like when you
Speaker 1: dial an emergency in um, when you're dyslexic. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: when you call six one one and you say, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm having a heart attack, and they go this Verizon
Speaker 1: brow what's six one one? Six one one is to
Speaker 1: pay your Verizon bill. So in the past, I've done
Speaker 1: this obviously many times. I'm a procrastinator. I never pay
Speaker 1: my bills. I fucking suck at it. You don't suck
Speaker 1: it at your human So in the past, when they
Speaker 1: shut my phone down where you have to pay to reconnect,
Speaker 1: they allow you to call six one one because they're
Speaker 1: the fucking devil, because they just want it runny. Now
Speaker 1: it's like you could call nine one one from a
Speaker 1: broken phone and six one one if you could call
Speaker 1: all right, Sometimes when your phone is locked, it does
Speaker 1: allow you to call one. Like if you're just a
Speaker 1: person that found a random phone, you know. Yeah, um,
Speaker 1: but that's funny that they're like, no, sorry, if you're stabbed,
Speaker 1: you're on your own. But if you want to pay
Speaker 1: us fifty dollars, you owe. That's why I get it
Speaker 1: the call and we'll let you bleed out on the
Speaker 1: street while we collect your money. And and also hope
Speaker 1: that the person who does your finances after you die,
Speaker 1: doesn't notice that they should shut off direct deposit on
Speaker 1: this biggest fear is that I die and I pay
Speaker 1: black draw to thirty dollars the rest of my life
Speaker 1: because no one's going to shut it down. No one
Speaker 1: even knows where it came from. My My business manager
Speaker 1: just writes me at eleven pm, you know, eleven pm, Um,
Speaker 1: do you authorize this charge? And it's just some weird name,
Speaker 1: you know, they always have like all these like porn companies.
Speaker 1: Things either are charged to a weird name. It's always
Speaker 1: like Green Sources, Inc. Or like, you know, it sounds
Speaker 1: like you might be donating to something some kind of
Speaker 1: global charity or and then you know, of course all
Speaker 1: dildos and all that stuff shows up in a box
Speaker 1: that looks like you're getting files from like the the
Speaker 1: Nixon campaign like that. It's like like you're they show
Speaker 1: up like confidential files, like it seems like you're involved
Speaker 1: in some sort of legal activity because they're trying to
Speaker 1: be discreet. Just send me a dildo in a dildo case. Oh,
Speaker 1: I don't even know where you were going with this,
Speaker 1: so you're get well, you know, sex with Emily sent
Speaker 1: us a bunch of stuff. She sent us flavored lube. Um.
Speaker 1: She was on our show. Of course, go back and
Speaker 1: listen to that one if you haven't. Um. She sent
Speaker 1: me a vibrator necklace. She sent me a vibrator that
Speaker 1: I haven't opened yet because I'm very pleased in my
Speaker 1: sex life right now and don't really need it. Um.
Speaker 1: And she sent us a bunch of flavored loot and
Speaker 1: and a really nice note and said this is your
Speaker 1: new best friend. And I was like, wow, she she
Speaker 1: thinks I'm lonely. Uh No, she sent a really nice
Speaker 1: note and it arrived though in this like box that
Speaker 1: I thought I was getting, Like you know, I thought
Speaker 1: I was getting paperwork for a new lease or something
Speaker 1: like yeah, or like Ted not Ted Bundy, Ted Chinsky,
Speaker 1: Oh oh yeah, like it might have been. That's what
Speaker 1: we call. By the way, if fans send us anything
Speaker 1: that could harm us, like you know what, fan loves
Speaker 1: you so much that they're like, here's a piece, here's
Speaker 1: a you know, it's I'm trying to think of what
Speaker 1: a fan would send that we would be like, okay,
Speaker 1: that's that would harm like you know what, and fans
Speaker 1: send not that we don't but it hurts us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like not me. I get not me as all the
Speaker 1: time people on Instagram sending me girls that look like me,
Speaker 1: and it's fan trax because it's supposed to be nice,
Speaker 1: but it feels like anthrax that I breathe it in
Speaker 1: because it's like, this is what I see you as,
Speaker 1: and that you know what, I let it. I'm so
Speaker 1: much better about it now because I do, like look
Speaker 1: like these ugly women that they send me. And guess what,
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm ugly and I don't and I will be
Speaker 1: ugly someday, not ugly but an ugly subjective obviously, but
Speaker 1: sometimes it's not. Let's be honest, I am. I'm not
Speaker 1: scared about being ugly. They used to really offend me
Speaker 1: that people could see me that way, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm still people would like me. If I was discussed,
Speaker 1: people would still listen to this podcast. If I wasn't hot.
Speaker 1: I don't really believe that I finally have let it in,
Speaker 1: and I never really let that in before, or if
Speaker 1: I wasn't like pleasing to the eye, not hot per se,
Speaker 1: but like, you know, just someone that people might want.
Speaker 1: You know, I always wanted girls to want to be me,
Speaker 1: because that, to me is the biggest form of flattery,
Speaker 1: because when I want to be someone, that means like
Speaker 1: I like you better than me, you know. And so
Speaker 1: I always want girls to be like, I love your outfit.
Speaker 1: I want to wear that shirt that you have. I
Speaker 1: want to wear the same makeup you have, I want
Speaker 1: the same wooden. Girls are like, what do you do
Speaker 1: for your skincare? I'm always like, what my skin like?
Speaker 1: It makes me feel popular in this really sick way.
Speaker 1: But now I realize I do think I would not
Speaker 1: lose any fans if I became a if I was
Speaker 1: had an acid attack, if some like mean woman threw
Speaker 1: acid on my face, which is kind of a thing
Speaker 1: I'm in fear of, I'd rather deal with that than Verizon.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that, um freaking uh, I've never gotten
Speaker 1: a not meat that was more attractive than me. Everyone
Speaker 1: not leave, but I did that. You do that one?
Speaker 1: I always go, I always get not me, And it's
Speaker 1: like this, like like a bearded gn. I show you
Speaker 1: one that I've been giving myself a bearded bear. It's
Speaker 1: like and they're like, oh my god, and I know
Speaker 1: it's so offensive. I see that for you A lot too.
Speaker 1: I see people send me once and I go, I'm
Speaker 1: not sending that to him. That's abusive, And I really
Speaker 1: want him to fold up some cardboard boxes later. And
Speaker 1: I don't need this to be like permeating art. So
Speaker 1: look at so my explore pages all Jennifer Aniston and
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift like that's all they give me. And recently
Speaker 1: they've been posting a lot of Jennifer Aniston. Um from
Speaker 1: Howard Stern. You gotta see Jennifer Anson, Howard Stern, I
Speaker 1: think I look like her in this, and especially since
Speaker 1: I got the same execution. We were wearing the same
Speaker 1: shirt the other day. Hold On, let me find the
Speaker 1: clip of her. It's not great lighting. Um, probably not actually,
Speaker 1: because part of her appeal to me is her acting
Speaker 1: and like her facial expressions. If she could still make
Speaker 1: the same facial expressions of course and everything, but part
Speaker 1: of that is, um, let me just pull up. I
Speaker 1: gotta show you, and you tell me if this if
Speaker 1: I am right in thinking, this kind of looks like
Speaker 1: not now, but uh so, don't look at me now, Andrew.
Speaker 1: By the way, I used that lube yesterday. Cookies and cream,
Speaker 1: Thank you. Sex with Emily I've never used lube before.
Speaker 1: First Luber that was the first. However, and during sex
Speaker 1: people are opposed to it because women go, oh, that
Speaker 1: must mean that I'm not um enough. And it's guess what.
Speaker 1: Adding more wetness to already wet is so good. It
Speaker 1: makes it slippery and sleek. It's so freaking find it. No,
Speaker 1: it's not that one. No, it's not that one. It's
Speaker 1: her on Zoom. It's so weird because it was everywhere
Speaker 1: esterday and now it's pulled. It's like Howard Stern got
Speaker 1: it pulled. It was her on Zoom and I typed
Speaker 1: John Francs and zoom Howard, and it's like nothing, So
Speaker 1: you look like a pulled Aniston. Yeah. They were like,
Speaker 1: we can't even have this. I bet her company. I
Speaker 1: bet her people were like, this is a bad shot
Speaker 1: of you. You look a lot like Nicki Glazer. We
Speaker 1: need to wipe this on the internet. That's so funny.
Speaker 1: I can't find No, it's not that. No, it's literally
Speaker 1: really is swiped wiped from the internet because I saw
Speaker 1: it everywhere on my Explore page. She's talking to Howard,
Speaker 1: it's on Zoom. She's wearing a green top. If anyone
Speaker 1: can find it, please send it to me. Um. What
Speaker 1: I was gonna say is that wait, so the lube
Speaker 1: you used yesterday was so funny because I really do.
Speaker 1: Brenna is one of my best friends in St. Louis
Speaker 1: now Andrew's girlfriend. I'm really sad she's leaving. Uh. Yesterday,
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk. I've been wanting to talk about
Speaker 1: these hook ups I've been having where I've been getting
Speaker 1: my sexual needs met but not having actual sexual intercourse
Speaker 1: because I'm saving that for marriage. I really am. Um,
Speaker 1: but I'm doing literally everything else with someone and it
Speaker 1: just feels fun and recreational, and there's my heart is
Speaker 1: not getting hurt in the process, at least not yet.
Speaker 1: Feels great. Um, and then I want I've been wanting
Speaker 1: to tell Andrew about it, but it's like so graphic
Speaker 1: that it's like too much to tell a male friend.
Speaker 1: And and I and you didn't really ask, and I
Speaker 1: don't want to like thrust this on you, not to
Speaker 1: use that word. But yesterday Brenna was over and Brenna
Speaker 1: kind of asked about what was going on with me,
Speaker 1: and I was like, dude, I have so much to
Speaker 1: tell you. And I was like interest is okay for
Speaker 1: me to like. And I went into like graphic detail
Speaker 1: of what I've been doing because not because I wanted
Speaker 1: to be like titillating, and like I just like to
Speaker 1: talk about sex graphically and the sex I have is
Speaker 1: so graphic. And I just want to say that any
Speaker 1: man listening that might want to be my partner someday,
Speaker 1: you don't have to live up to the things that
Speaker 1: I've done in my past. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: men are like she loves anal and I don't want
Speaker 1: to do that. I don't need it. It's like s cargo,
Speaker 1: like if I went I don't like or I guess
Speaker 1: that's a bad example. But it's like a flag graw,
Speaker 1: like it's something that's like a delicacy that I've had
Speaker 1: enough of in my life. I could go the rest
Speaker 1: of my life with. That's not true. I will do
Speaker 1: it to myself next to you in bed, and you
Speaker 1: don't have to do it to me like I would
Speaker 1: marry someone who is not kinky. Okay, you don't consider
Speaker 1: that intercourse, Um, I consider oral sex sex. I keep
Speaker 1: saying to this guy that I'm we're doing this with
Speaker 1: I keep going we're having sex even though we're you know,
Speaker 1: it's not vaginal sex. But I'm only protecting my vaginal
Speaker 1: whole for marriage, not because you were like, what's the
Speaker 1: difference if he sticks his penis in the other one?
Speaker 1: What's like the guy? Guys don't see the difference in that.
Speaker 1: But and I know I said to you, I would that.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. I'm doing it for me because
Speaker 1: I want to save something for the man that I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm going to marry. It doesn't mean like
Speaker 1: you have to marry me and then you do it,
Speaker 1: like when I get that feeling of like this man
Speaker 1: is available, this man can love me, this man can
Speaker 1: be in a relationship with me, at least for the
Speaker 1: ex sentiment of time, I could see myself marrying this
Speaker 1: person down the line, come on in my pus. But
Speaker 1: if I don't have that sense, either because I don't
Speaker 1: want it with this person or because that person doesn't
Speaker 1: want it with me. Um uh. Usually I won't even
Speaker 1: engage with someone who doesn't want it with me if
Speaker 1: I want it with them. But the person I'm currently
Speaker 1: fooling around with, I don't want that with them, So
Speaker 1: I'm fine with them doing all the other stuff. First
Speaker 1: of all, they've done all the other stuff to me
Speaker 1: before we we hooked up years ago, and now we're
Speaker 1: redoing that. So it doesn't feel so, I even said
Speaker 1: to Andrew because he's like, what's the difference, And I go,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to tell the person that I and
Speaker 1: feel that way, like I have not had a penis
Speaker 1: in my vagina for now. It's been over two years,
Speaker 1: and and two of those years was because I wasn't
Speaker 1: hooking up at all. But then I started hooking up
Speaker 1: again and I actually saved that part of sex for love.
Speaker 1: I want love to be connected with that. And Andrew
Speaker 1: was like, as a guy, if I found out you
Speaker 1: got fucked in the ascid ton and you were like,
Speaker 1: but I didn't in my vagina, it wouldn't mean anything
Speaker 1: to me. And then I go, then it's not no, No,
Speaker 1: I like your honesty. First of all, I think the
Speaker 1: man that I will love it will mean something to him,
Speaker 1: I hope. But if it doesn't, it doesn't matter because
Speaker 1: it means something to me, and I really am and
Speaker 1: I'm not saving it for Jesus or God even though
Speaker 1: it is virtual for me, like I felt I did
Speaker 1: the sex with Emily Podcast shortly after I had fallen
Speaker 1: in love and I did not have sex with that
Speaker 1: person that I fell in love with because I knew
Speaker 1: that they weren't available, and I knew that I didn't
Speaker 1: want to consummate it in that way, even though I
Speaker 1: wanted to so badly, and I was really going through
Speaker 1: it afterwards like of like I wish I would have it,
Speaker 1: will never happen, you know all these things, And she
Speaker 1: asked me, Um, she does these things at the end
Speaker 1: of her show where she like is like fill in
Speaker 1: the blank and she's like, she goes, uh, this is
Speaker 1: kind of her voice. She's like, sex is best, the
Speaker 1: best sex, and uh, to have the best sex possible
Speaker 1: you need and I just go love and she goes oh,
Speaker 1: and I go, I didn't even expect that, Like, I
Speaker 1: now know that the best sex of my life is
Speaker 1: not going to be me tied up, getting things up
Speaker 1: my butt and like being choked at all the things
Speaker 1: that I actually do enjoy more recreationally. The best sex
Speaker 1: of my life will be really boring, missionary and a
Speaker 1: p this and me like, just it's gonna have love
Speaker 1: in the air, that's gonna be this, like uh, this
Speaker 1: like we both love each other and not anyone else.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm put into that as well, but like
Speaker 1: there's gonna it's love. It's gonna be SI because I
Speaker 1: never had, because to me, we're saving that whole for love.
Speaker 1: I just because I know it's gonna be so special
Speaker 1: that I don't want to waste it. Let let me
Speaker 1: give you an example. I don't want to eat a
Speaker 1: salad without dressing. And to me, a salad all the
Speaker 1: ingredients of a salad could taste good enough without the
Speaker 1: added dressing because they're all like delicious things in a
Speaker 1: chop salad. That's how it's going to be the best
Speaker 1: with dressing, and I need the dressing is love, so
Speaker 1: I could enjoy it. But I'm gonna wait because guess what.
Speaker 1: I can eat everything else on the menu and still
Speaker 1: have a really satisfying meal, but dressing is required for
Speaker 1: the salad. So if someone tellses my salad, please come
Speaker 1: on it first, I don't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: Throw a vinagarette on there. This isn't hard to grasp,
Speaker 1: don't is hard to grass? Really? Yes, I feel Noah
Speaker 1: is like nodding. Her head is almost falling off because
Speaker 1: She's like praising everything I'm saying, and I love. I'm
Speaker 1: so excited because like you are ready for love, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I feel it coming your way. You're like the
Speaker 1: perfect I hope all those things for her, and I
Speaker 1: hope I hope that she gets the vagina sex. And
Speaker 1: I don't need a penis in my vagina because the
Speaker 1: guy I'm hooking up with puts things in my vagina
Speaker 1: and I couldn't tell the difference between his penis and
Speaker 1: a plastic thing. But that's my point. My point is,
Speaker 1: why why do you put all there? When a real
Speaker 1: skin penis with thumping blood through it enters my vagina,
Speaker 1: it will feel different. It will feel different, and it
Speaker 1: will make my body shoot off hormones that I can't control.
Speaker 1: And so to keep those feelings at bay, I have
Speaker 1: to protect myself. So I have to do listen. I
Speaker 1: would love to start dabbing marijuana just to get the
Speaker 1: highest high ever. Dabs are like intense weed, They're concentrated weed.
Speaker 1: But I continue to smoke weed because I don't I
Speaker 1: don't want that much yet. I'm not ready to let
Speaker 1: that in my life because it could ruin my life.
Speaker 1: If I get that, I don't want to know. Having
Speaker 1: a piece of my vagina has ruined my life before.
Speaker 1: It has put me into a state of depression and
Speaker 1: dependence on a man who didn't love me, and I
Speaker 1: don't want to do it again. But you've had that
Speaker 1: without that? What do you mean consequencely don't outweigh the benefits.
Speaker 1: What do you mean I have one night about it?
Speaker 1: What do you mean I've had it without No, you've
Speaker 1: had a heartbreak without having to not not like not
Speaker 1: like the kind with Dick. And everyone has said when
Speaker 1: I fell in love a couple of months ago, everyone
Speaker 1: in my life, I think even you were surprised at
Speaker 1: how little if you've never seen me with Dick heartbreak,
Speaker 1: how little compared to other times I've let a man
Speaker 1: penis in me and when he rejected me, how much
Speaker 1: it hurt I was, I is hungover for months. This time,
Speaker 1: because I didn't let that man put his penis in me,
Speaker 1: I was able to have such a clearer conscious like
Speaker 1: I was sad, but it wasn't out of my control.
Speaker 1: It didn't feel like an addiction having a penis in you.
Speaker 1: For me, my body creates an addictive thing with them,
Speaker 1: and I am just as satisfied. I could never have
Speaker 1: a dick in me again. I swear to God, I
Speaker 1: am just as satisfied having things put in me because
Speaker 1: I'm blindfolded the whole goddamn time anyway, and I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's a dick or not, but my body knows.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying to me. Physically, a penis in a
Speaker 1: an a dildo feel the same, really, like you know
Speaker 1: when there's a lot of stuff going on down there,
Speaker 1: because I like double penetry. I like a bunch of
Speaker 1: stuff going on at the same time. Vibrator on my glid,
Speaker 1: thing up my as like dick in my ass, the
Speaker 1: thing of my so it all feels the same. But
Speaker 1: my body will do things, just like when you eat
Speaker 1: something that tastes good and then your body does against
Speaker 1: your own. Well, you can't control it. That's what happens.
Speaker 1: My point is is that you've done work on yourself,
Speaker 1: You've mature sexually, you don't want it. I know, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm not telling you feel or how okay, how I
Speaker 1: look at I'll say I okay, So when I first
Speaker 1: lost my virginity or how I used to deal with
Speaker 1: Granted I haven't had that many girlfriends, but like sex
Speaker 1: was like this thing like once I have you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, like and like then you kind of
Speaker 1: mature and it's just like something you do in the relationship.
Speaker 1: It's fun. But like to put all this I'm just
Speaker 1: saying putting I would putting all this weight on it,
Speaker 1: but I get it like that that's special to me
Speaker 1: and I think it's something It's a gift I want
Speaker 1: to give and I know you were, Like I wouldn't
Speaker 1: even care about the gift if my husband or the
Speaker 1: person I go. I haven't had sex in two years
Speaker 1: and I've had the opportunity and I've waited for this
Speaker 1: feeling and I'm giving it to you. If that person
Speaker 1: doesn't find that special, then then that's fine. But to me,
Speaker 1: that's the gift I'm going to give. It might be
Speaker 1: like a sweater they want to return, but I thought
Speaker 1: of this person before I even met them, Like I
Speaker 1: love the I think the romance of like I knew
Speaker 1: you were out there. I've been waiting for you. I
Speaker 1: gave my vagina just so many guys before that didn't
Speaker 1: deserve it, and I let them in because they did.
Speaker 1: And now I finally am an adult woman, and I
Speaker 1: know that you deserve this, and this doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: you're locked into never breaking my heart. But I trust you.
Speaker 1: It's trust, Okay, I think that I take that. I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to be like a dick. I'm just saying
Speaker 1: like I I get like, I just get like when
Speaker 1: when you put like these things on it for you, Like,
Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm not addict. So I need
Speaker 1: to put no more drinking. I can't just have one.
Speaker 1: I no more starving myself. I can't just starve myself
Speaker 1: one day to look good to it. Then you get
Speaker 1: addicted to not doing something. That's all I'm saying, like,
Speaker 1: so you put these things. No I don't drinking. I
Speaker 1: plan on never drinking again. I'm not like waiting for
Speaker 1: someone to have the right booze or the right person
Speaker 1: to get drunk with. I really am not might happened
Speaker 1: on the same night, Who does I gave it because
Speaker 1: I had a fireball shot. I'm never gonna I never
Speaker 1: want to starve myself again. I never want to eat
Speaker 1: in bed again. I never want to skip a meal again.
Speaker 1: I never want to um drink again. But I do
Speaker 1: want to have sex in my giant again really possibly never, yes,
Speaker 1: but um, it's it's it's something I actually don't need
Speaker 1: because I'm so sexually satisfied right now. It's wild. It's
Speaker 1: almost like we're talking about the other night about having kids,
Speaker 1: and you were talking about like the benefits of like
Speaker 1: the feeling of loving something so much, and I go,
Speaker 1: I'm not craving loving something that much. I am satisfied
Speaker 1: with how much I love my niece and nephew. There's
Speaker 1: not a part of me that's like I want more
Speaker 1: of this and almost it to be more, like there's
Speaker 1: nothing in me that thinks it could get better than that,
Speaker 1: even though I know it can with a child. I
Speaker 1: don't want it. I don't There's nothing my life does
Speaker 1: not feel deficient. And some people do, they go, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I want The only argument is there's been
Speaker 1: things that maybe you didn't think you wanted as much
Speaker 1: and then you got and then you're like, holy sh it,
Speaker 1: I didn't even Really, I don't want to risk that
Speaker 1: because if you find out you're wrong, that's a ten years.
Speaker 1: Because I do know. I've been watching this show called
Speaker 1: sex Life on Netflix that have been recommended to me,
Speaker 1: and you tell me if you want kids after seeing that,
Speaker 1: if you if you're me, that woman is me. That
Speaker 1: woman has the same sexual desires as me, the same
Speaker 1: kind of and she becomes a mom, and it just
Speaker 1: I know that moms will relate to it. I want
Speaker 1: my sister to watch it, even though this woman is
Speaker 1: like a true nympho and then she's like a mom
Speaker 1: and she's like, I hate she doesn't hate her kids,
Speaker 1: but I would love my kids. But it's just I'm
Speaker 1: not craving it. It's not something I think about. And
Speaker 1: I'm really satisfied with that. Let's get to the news.
Speaker 1: And if you want to write us anonymously and tell
Speaker 1: us that you actually don't want your own kids, I'd
Speaker 1: love to hear. I would love to hear people tell
Speaker 1: me whether I should or shouldn't have kids, and and
Speaker 1: and in the honesty behind it, No, I think people
Speaker 1: wouldn't even admit it to theirselves, that that that they
Speaker 1: wish they wouldn't have, because actually they don't believe that
Speaker 1: even if it sucks, you know that if your child,
Speaker 1: I know that feeling happens where you could say you
Speaker 1: couldn't say. But I've had one woman say it to
Speaker 1: me and go. No one's going to tell you the truth.
Speaker 1: It's not worth it. It is not worth it one woman,
Speaker 1: and that woman was very much like me. Well, look,
Speaker 1: there's plenty of parents that have walked out on their
Speaker 1: kids lives that have showed that they're not worth I
Speaker 1: just don't need to test something that I'm not craving
Speaker 1: at all, is what I'm saying. I feel you. Yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: news you your first. Oh man, I hope you're having
Speaker 1: a great time out there. I hope you're having all
Speaker 1: the holes plugged up except your vagina and you're having
Speaker 1: all the swells. Alright. Let's Ariotta. Grande is giving away
Speaker 1: one million dollars worth of therapy to fans. Quote unquote.
Speaker 1: Healing is not linear or easy, but you are worth
Speaker 1: the effort and time. She said, Wow, I love this. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The singer has partnered with mental health support organization Better
Speaker 1: Help to help match people seeking therapy with a licensed therapist.
Speaker 1: Grande has has been very open about our own mental
Speaker 1: health struggles since the bombing, and also she lost her
Speaker 1: mac Miller. I mean she's been through a lot. Pete
Speaker 1: Davidson like, well, yeah, I mean that the relationship was
Speaker 1: tumultuous for sure. UM, that's great. I love anyone de
Speaker 1: stigmatizing UM, getting help and UM. And I really think
Speaker 1: that I'm so glad that these people who people look
Speaker 1: up to are are putting it out there because it's
Speaker 1: just I wish everyone would be open to it. It's UM,
Speaker 1: but you can't force someone. That's the thing. They kind
Speaker 1: of just got to see that you do it and go, wow,
Speaker 1: that person is you know, like the way that I've
Speaker 1: changed over the past couple of years, Like the people
Speaker 1: that in my life that that weren't around me so
Speaker 1: much before then, Like you know, when I was living
Speaker 1: in New York, I didn't see my mom and dad
Speaker 1: as much. I didn't see, uh, the changes I've I've
Speaker 1: been through over the past year, people have noticed. And
Speaker 1: I've always been trying to get them to do all
Speaker 1: these things that I did, because really I was trying
Speaker 1: to get myself to do them because I wasn't really
Speaker 1: doing them and I was trying. But I just feel
Speaker 1: like now those people that I've been begging to get
Speaker 1: the therapy or the talk about the real things that
Speaker 1: I want to talk about are finally just doing it
Speaker 1: on their own. Because you can't force someone and I've
Speaker 1: been I was told to get therapy for years and
Speaker 1: I just I didn't do it until I was like
Speaker 1: until the other thing too. About you ready to just wondering,
Speaker 1: are you trying to say, I mean, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: say I kind of inspired it. Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: think no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not saying
Speaker 1: I'm the full reason. But you did quit drinking, and
Speaker 1: you did start going to therapy after we became friends. Sure,
Speaker 1: I think I think I think it was a combination
Speaker 1: of things, but yeah, you definitely helped in the idea
Speaker 1: of better, making yourself better. You surround yourself with It's
Speaker 1: not me, but it's like you were hanging out with
Speaker 1: people who drank every night and and you started hanging
Speaker 1: with me, and you're like, oh, I kind of see
Speaker 1: another way to a thousand. Look, before you, I did
Speaker 1: quit drinking, like for like months on end, like I was,
Speaker 1: so I was I was heading towards there. And then
Speaker 1: seeing you being successful, seeing other comics that I really
Speaker 1: respect being successful and being you know, just not drinking,
Speaker 1: it just made me it just like solidofed. That was
Speaker 1: it for me to was knowing that John Mulaney didn't drink,
Speaker 1: and that was what like the turning point for him
Speaker 1: when he was young was like quitting. He quit really young.
Speaker 1: Jim Norton quit really young, like all these people who's
Speaker 1: we're just so prolific, like either didn't have a drinking
Speaker 1: problem or they had and they got it under control.
Speaker 1: And the people that do have a drinking problem their work,
Speaker 1: they're they're lucky, and it doesn't it there's something missing
Speaker 1: from it. And I'm still trying to really hone into
Speaker 1: I think I'm getting closer to just being up myself
Speaker 1: and not having to try to be the successful person
Speaker 1: I want to be. Like it just comes. I just
Speaker 1: go towards what feels good and like, oh that means
Speaker 1: that equal success. Oh, f boy Island. I want to
Speaker 1: do that because that sounds fun. Oh it's actually also
Speaker 1: really good for my career. Wow, that's cool as opposed
Speaker 1: to I mean, I gotta, I wanna um, I gotta
Speaker 1: get on TikTok And I'm like, wait a second, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be on TikTok because I don't
Speaker 1: need another addiction. I literally asked Carlile Forster, who is
Speaker 1: kind of looking for some side work. Right now, I'm like,
Speaker 1: tell me what TikTok trends are going on, because part
Speaker 1: of TikTok is like noticing what's happening on there and
Speaker 1: feeding the engine. But you have to be on it
Speaker 1: to nail it. So and I don't want to be
Speaker 1: on it. It's not something I'm willing to give up.
Speaker 1: Is my happiness at my time. I don't want to
Speaker 1: give it to TikTok. I know that it. It just
Speaker 1: feels too good and it's like a dediction. I don't
Speaker 1: need another. So I asked Carlyle. I was like, will
Speaker 1: you make videos for me? Will you clip up my
Speaker 1: stand up? Um? So that's a little thing that I'm like, Oh,
Speaker 1: before it would be like get on TikTok because you
Speaker 1: need to learn it, and then I would just get
Speaker 1: stuck on TikTok um. But yeah, I mean and and
Speaker 1: getting long and then not even think about it. But
Speaker 1: I still smoke weed constantly, and um, it's to me
Speaker 1: something that I really treat medicinally. It's it makes me
Speaker 1: work harder, it doesn't make me lace, it doesn't have
Speaker 1: those side effects, although it ruins my voice. It is
Speaker 1: dirty and gross I smoke out of a thing that
Speaker 1: looks like a crack pipe, so it's not like a
Speaker 1: good look for a thirty seven year old woman. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I have to like crouch down on a balcony so
Speaker 1: I literally look like a homeless person and crouching down
Speaker 1: so that because I have to crouch down so that, um,
Speaker 1: the wind doesn't pick up. Like the things associated with
Speaker 1: smoking weed are not a good look, And I'm looking
Speaker 1: to figure out what that is that I'm trying to
Speaker 1: fill with that. But right, and so I'm aware that
Speaker 1: I have an addiction now that isn't as harmful as um,
Speaker 1: you know, alcohol, and but I'm also addicted to my
Speaker 1: meds that make me happy and not want to kill myself.
Speaker 1: So and marijuana has the same effects for me. It
Speaker 1: makes me happy. Yeah, And I got really really depressed,
Speaker 1: and I'm scared of depression. I'm just too scared of it.
Speaker 1: And the feeling I feel when I go to get
Speaker 1: a hit of weed. That because that's the what you
Speaker 1: can tap into when you're trying to deal with an
Speaker 1: addiction or something of behavior that you're trying to stop,
Speaker 1: the feeling you have when you go to reach for
Speaker 1: it like that like I need this like what I'm
Speaker 1: trying to be in that feeling more and go what
Speaker 1: is really going on here? Like do you do you
Speaker 1: want to get high? Like do you want smoke in
Speaker 1: your lungs? That's gonna make you like make music sound
Speaker 1: better for a second and then where off and you're
Speaker 1: gonna need it again? Or what? What? And I haven't
Speaker 1: nailed it yet, But that's gonna take journaling before I
Speaker 1: reach for the weed. That's going to take calling a
Speaker 1: friend and saying I want to reach for the weed.
Speaker 1: I'm still going to after this call, but can I
Speaker 1: just talk out some feelings? And I just wanted to
Speaker 1: say that out loud because that's the approach I want
Speaker 1: to give to it today as I kind of reach
Speaker 1: a bottom with it of like I mean, you're sitting
Speaker 1: on a chair by the way that has spray tan
Speaker 1: stains on it. Unintentional, I accidentally sat on this chair
Speaker 1: and on my ankle. My spray tan kind of accumulate
Speaker 1: sometimes and it rubbed on it when I was practicing
Speaker 1: guitar once and I flipped it over and uh for
Speaker 1: so my mom wouldn't see my mom found it. Andrew
Speaker 1: saw my mom find it and I was like, I
Speaker 1: knew it was going to be a whole thing, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's fine, there's the other side is totally clear.
Speaker 1: But then yesterday I was smoking weed on that chair
Speaker 1: and I had the flip side where it wasn't where
Speaker 1: it was the nice side, and I was like, I
Speaker 1: might burn this couch with a spark or something, so
Speaker 1: I flipped it back to the shitty side. That's my
Speaker 1: weed smoking side. So if that chair has flipped, you
Speaker 1: know your girls smoking weed. I just anyone out there
Speaker 1: who also smokes weed and struggles with it and has
Speaker 1: like a come all over one side and then I
Speaker 1: flipped the other. Uh. It's so that's the same for
Speaker 1: my matches with spray tan and or ship um. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just like trying to be honest about my weeds
Speaker 1: smoking more because it's just I'm thirty seven. I shouldn't
Speaker 1: be smoking out of a pipe, and like you, I mean,
Speaker 1: is there a way to make it more stylistic for
Speaker 1: me to be because I'm not embarrassed of it. It
Speaker 1: makes me It doesn't make me a worse worker. It
Speaker 1: does make me lose my short term memory, which is
Speaker 1: not good for stand up but it also makes me
Speaker 1: not want to kill myself, which is also good for
Speaker 1: stand up. So what are you gonna do? Uh, let's
Speaker 1: get to the next one of yourself could be pretty
Speaker 1: cool for your career. I can sell some trinkets after
Speaker 1: you die. You gotta go in my phone and get
Speaker 1: all of the record And you know I gave you
Speaker 1: my phone code. Yeah, Elvis when he died he made
Speaker 1: millions more, way more money after I know, I'm going
Speaker 1: to make a lot of money if I dry tragically,
Speaker 1: not killing myself, but just you know, Carkson or something.
Speaker 1: My mom and dad will be able to live off
Speaker 1: of my recordings on my phone. But you've got to
Speaker 1: give them that code. I've sent it to them. My
Speaker 1: mom will not be able to find it in an email.
Speaker 1: You got to send me to it again. But my
Speaker 1: phone is not working because of horizons, But it's in
Speaker 1: your email. I did send you all my stuff in
Speaker 1: um And what song do I want played at my funeral?
Speaker 1: Wilco which one impossible? Germany? Oh dear, I know it.
Speaker 1: And by the way, Grande given a million dollars. So
Speaker 1: many people real quick don't do therapy because they go
Speaker 1: it's the most expensive thing. I swear to God you
Speaker 1: can find a therapist that, especially if you have health interces.
Speaker 1: And better Help is a sponsor of our show and
Speaker 1: they also better Help and they offer financial aid as well.
Speaker 1: So better Help is a sponsor of our show. You, Um,
Speaker 1: I think it's better help dot com. Slash Nikki is
Speaker 1: where you can go to get I think it's like,
Speaker 1: uh some some bucks off your first month of therapy.
Speaker 1: But just take this. If you're someone out there right now, Hey,
Speaker 1: you listening and you go, I wanted to try therapy,
Speaker 1: but this is your sign. I'm talking to you, do
Speaker 1: the boldest, bravest thing you can do right now and
Speaker 1: go like outload better Help app and just fucking do it.
Speaker 1: That's so it will be you don't have to tell
Speaker 1: any when you do it. You will feel cooler about
Speaker 1: yourself because you are doing something that's hard. Going to
Speaker 1: therapy is not easy. It's not a cop out. It's
Speaker 1: hard AND's brave. Yeah. And the one thing I have
Speaker 1: to say with therapy is that the first like five,
Speaker 1: if you go five times, you're going to get an
Speaker 1: understanding of why you're acting a certain way, what your
Speaker 1: history and it's I I equated to like a whatever,
Speaker 1: back to golf, but like your grip, Like if you
Speaker 1: could just get the foundation, you could apply it forever.
Speaker 1: All you need is like five, just start with five,
Speaker 1: but keep going. Yeah, and let me just be honest
Speaker 1: with you. It takes a while to find a good therapist.
Speaker 1: If you don't find even better help, they are totally
Speaker 1: understanding if you want to switch. It's like dating you guys.
Speaker 1: So many people go I went to the therapist and
Speaker 1: she sucked, and then they never go again. Yes, that
Speaker 1: was a guy's voice. I didn't like it. It's like, well,
Speaker 1: did you marry the first person you went on a
Speaker 1: date with on bumble? No, this is everyone's different and
Speaker 1: you gotta find one that works for you. And it
Speaker 1: takes about I would give it a couple of sessions
Speaker 1: with each one before you decide. Um and slash Nicky
Speaker 1: Glazer slash Nicky Glazer, so better help dot com slash
Speaker 1: Nicky Glazer, and you're gonna get um. You're gonna get
Speaker 1: a discount and it'll be really great for our show
Speaker 1: because it's a great way to support the show. I
Speaker 1: really appreciate you guys listening and helping our advertisers and
Speaker 1: and giving them money gives us the ability to do
Speaker 1: the show, and it means a lot to me when
Speaker 1: you do. Next story, Okay, a self proclaimed flat chested
Speaker 1: med students shows her TikTok followers how she fakes her
Speaker 1: boobs for her Hooters job. WHOA, Okay, Noah, pull it up.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see this. This is my daily
Speaker 1: little dose of tik tak, me making my boobs look
Speaker 1: great every day for work. This girl is talking, She says, she,
Speaker 1: this is this girl that has amazing cleans. Her boobs
Speaker 1: look like three d s. And then she goes me
Speaker 1: having double a's. Okay, her boobs look big anyway with
Speaker 1: with double as? These are these are sneaky tits. I
Speaker 1: have the same boobs you could mine look like double
Speaker 1: as most of the day, and then I can make
Speaker 1: them look like that too. No, but you actually have CS. No,
Speaker 1: she doesn't have d she has double a's. I just
Speaker 1: don't believe it. How did she so she did that
Speaker 1: with makeup? No one did we? How do we learn
Speaker 1: that she? But she did? In the article Andrew, why
Speaker 1: don't you fiel Niki year old Kirsten Songer, who how
Speaker 1: does she spell it k I r ST. I'm guessing
Speaker 1: it's Kirston. Then that she has the chest of a
Speaker 1: teenage boy. She uses a push up bra that adds
Speaker 1: two cup sizes and stuff say with silicone inserts for
Speaker 1: a boost. Finally, she uses makeup to lightly draw lines
Speaker 1: of definition onto her chest. I create the illusion of curvy.
Speaker 1: Now get a girl. I want to go work at Hooters. Oh,
Speaker 1: you would kill it? Do you think I should get aside?
Speaker 1: I'm not even joking you. If I could do it
Speaker 1: and not be um, I would do it. I just
Speaker 1: want to see what that's like. It's like very light
Speaker 1: because I like being sexy and I like a job
Speaker 1: that's like your job is to be sexy, So it
Speaker 1: does you don't get accused of like she's trying to
Speaker 1: be hot. That's what I like about strippers. I couldn't strip,
Speaker 1: or I would be a great porn star. But um,
Speaker 1: what if you stripped? No? No, no, that involves dancing,
Speaker 1: not going to do that. I would be an amazing
Speaker 1: porn star. Though, like legit, I think I should have
Speaker 1: gotten into it. And I honestly friend who stripped the
Speaker 1: one time? Yeah, yes, and you would never expected she
Speaker 1: said it was the most but she was a good dancer.
Speaker 1: You can tell that girl, it's got some moves. I
Speaker 1: think you have moves. You could just slide around the pole. No,
Speaker 1: I have no interest in stripping. I have more interest
Speaker 1: even though it's like us on stage, like stand up,
Speaker 1: I have more interest in um uh. Like when I
Speaker 1: was hooking up the other day, I'm not joking you.
Speaker 1: I was like, I think the way I felt about
Speaker 1: stand up when I first did it, which is like,
Speaker 1: I'm really good at this and I enjoy it so much.
Speaker 1: It makes you feel good like I feel that way
Speaker 1: about I mean, does everyone feel that way about sex?
Speaker 1: Of like this is all I ever want to do.
Speaker 1: I have. I think I'm a sex addict. I really
Speaker 1: when I'm in a relationship, I can get really obsessed
Speaker 1: with it and I gotta watch that. But I really
Speaker 1: felt yesterday I was like, I think I could do
Speaker 1: porn and really really feel like talented. What the addiction
Speaker 1: is it from the connection with the person or no? No, no,
Speaker 1: what's the orgasm? Is? Like? Orgasm is Christmas? You know,
Speaker 1: I don't even care for Christmas. I like Christmas Eve,
Speaker 1: it's all the build up, it's Betting told not to come.
Speaker 1: It's being able to like it's be it's all the
Speaker 1: build up and I just it's just feels. I honestly
Speaker 1: feel like bet Middler something. I'm like, I was born
Speaker 1: to do this. I was born to be horrish. And
Speaker 1: I know that sounds I'm reluctant to put this out
Speaker 1: there because I just there was some I realized something
Speaker 1: about myself this week when I was able to separate
Speaker 1: sex recreationally, Like I really the person I've started hooking
Speaker 1: up with, Like it's like I found a tennis partner,
Speaker 1: is what I've said to them, because I've never related
Speaker 1: to that, like, oh this interest I have. I just
Speaker 1: actually wrote to my friend Bobby jay Cox, he's a
Speaker 1: local comic because he plays guitar and I need a
Speaker 1: guitar partner. It's like I'm tired of listening to myself.
Speaker 1: I'm too bad. And I wrote to him and I go,
Speaker 1: do you want to come over? I think he's coming
Speaker 1: over tonight to practice and um to just hang out
Speaker 1: with me and play. And that's that's what I feel
Speaker 1: like I found with this person I'm hooking up with,
Speaker 1: is like I have someone that I can really practice
Speaker 1: getting good at and I don't know, there's just like
Speaker 1: this sense that like I could literally just I could
Speaker 1: pursue this as a career and like be fine with
Speaker 1: it and feel really like I was, yes, and what
Speaker 1: blocking out your face like a different person, Like if
Speaker 1: I gave up comedy and was just like, I'm Nikias
Speaker 1: a porn star, like putting my face out there and
Speaker 1: being a porn star like I I'm for I'm for
Speaker 1: the first time in my life. I'm like, I think
Speaker 1: I could do it, and I think I would have
Speaker 1: no shame about it, and I think that I could
Speaker 1: do it in a way that would make other women
Speaker 1: feel safe indulging in their things and in their sexual
Speaker 1: and yeah, I could, I could. I'm I'm I'm literally
Speaker 1: open to it. And as I get more into milf
Speaker 1: and probably headed into guilt pretty soon territory, there is
Speaker 1: just people do like the way the what I could
Speaker 1: bring to the table. I see that there's a market
Speaker 1: for it, and I've always just been too embarrassed and
Speaker 1: not been able to separate it because sex, to me
Speaker 1: marginalizes women so much and like makes them like we
Speaker 1: look down upon porn stars. I mean porn stars literally
Speaker 1: can't get work elsewhere. I mean they act like, oh,
Speaker 1: we love porn stars, even though it's the most consumed entertainment.
Speaker 1: I mean insanely consumed. These people are ostracized from the world,
Speaker 1: and when they go to functions in their family know
Speaker 1: they do porn. Oh, I don't know if I feel
Speaker 1: safe having my kid around you because you might start
Speaker 1: a gang bang at our family unit. It's like people
Speaker 1: just have such scorn and is taste for porn stars.
Speaker 1: And I feel like I am finally in a place
Speaker 1: where it's like, oh, I would look at it as
Speaker 1: an art and not something that is making me um
Speaker 1: seek validation from others. It's truly like I can bring
Speaker 1: women pleasure from showing how you can do that, because
Speaker 1: let me tell you a lot of times I watched
Speaker 1: gang bangs and there's like, uh, this is way too
Speaker 1: much information. Please let me know if this is bordering
Speaker 1: on like okay, because I'm not trying to turn anyone on.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be like I'm so sexy, please
Speaker 1: want to fund me. But there are times I'm watching
Speaker 1: porn and these girls who clearly love it, like in
Speaker 1: a gang bang or something which I've never done, but
Speaker 1: I aspire to do someday. Um this girl, like a
Speaker 1: dick will slip out right like it happens, and the
Speaker 1: girl will just not say anything. Me I would be
Speaker 1: like put that backet, like I would beat the man,
Speaker 1: like I like it so much like these girls. So
Speaker 1: I sent sometimes im porn that these girls are just
Speaker 1: doing a job and they're not really having the pleasure
Speaker 1: from it. And I know that you can't always enjoy yourself.
Speaker 1: When I'm on stage, sometimes I'm not having fun at all,
Speaker 1: and sometimes I'm having the best time. So I understand
Speaker 1: different days of like, oh it dick slips out. I'm
Speaker 1: not actually like feeling anything right now because I'm thinking
Speaker 1: about like a thing I have to do later that
Speaker 1: it's like I have to do my taxes later. So
Speaker 1: you're not really worried. But there are a lot of
Speaker 1: times importan where I'm like, I want that girl to
Speaker 1: like beg to put it back in like I would
Speaker 1: if this were happening to me. But that just indicates
Speaker 1: to me she's not really in it and I and
Speaker 1: I know that if I became important, I would have
Speaker 1: days that I wouldn't care. But there's something about it
Speaker 1: to me that I'm so passionate about it that I
Speaker 1: think me doing it would not be me trying to
Speaker 1: get attention from men, which I always felt gross about
Speaker 1: in terms of wanting to be sexy, but really like
Speaker 1: displaying how much I can let myself go and be
Speaker 1: unbridled and be an example to women that they can
Speaker 1: also do that in men. Well, I mean, I guess
Speaker 1: you could do Uh, I wouldn't if I were. If
Speaker 1: I can't do it with comedy, I have to quit
Speaker 1: comedy because you cannot do both. You can't Sasha. Sasha
Speaker 1: Gray is the only one who's like kind of you know,
Speaker 1: straddled those world of Hollywood. And I mean, would you
Speaker 1: have like a like like, you're gonna have a camera guy,
Speaker 1: a boom guy. It's going to be porn is and
Speaker 1: I will be able to much like when there's a
Speaker 1: boom and a thing and I can have real moments
Speaker 1: on shows where people go I just felt like that
Speaker 1: was the first time we've done this show where I
Speaker 1: felt like I was actually having a conversation with someone
Speaker 1: real who is present that you didn't notice all the
Speaker 1: lights and camera. I'm comfortable enough as a performer with
Speaker 1: on a stage to be very vulnerable, to be very
Speaker 1: in the moment and not think about like I hope
Speaker 1: I look hot and just be free. And I think
Speaker 1: I could bring that to porn. Okay, but a lot
Speaker 1: of womenkind of goes against the vagina things. So are
Speaker 1: you just gonna do anal? Okay? Never mind questions? All right, next,
Speaker 1: why do I care? Why do I care? Please don't
Speaker 1: use this against me in anyway. I just got really
Speaker 1: vulnerable there. But I just not telling our besties and
Speaker 1: not that they would, but and I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: be I think sometimes it's kid when girls talk about
Speaker 1: sex because they're like trying to rile men up and
Speaker 1: make make other girls feel insecure around their boyfriend. Like
Speaker 1: sometimes when I talk about sex with you and Brenna,
Speaker 1: like even yesterday, I go, you know, I was telling
Speaker 1: her about a situation that you know, any girl could
Speaker 1: have in her life that wouldn't involve you, right, And
Speaker 1: and I go, oh, I'm doing this thing. And she
Speaker 1: goes like that's gotta be weird though, right, Like how
Speaker 1: is it? I go, it's amazing, And you go, oh,
Speaker 1: it's terrible because you wanted to discourage You made it
Speaker 1: about you when she was really just asking about getting
Speaker 1: a little insecure. I wasn't I was being funny, dude, Okay,
Speaker 1: how do you take me like serious? I'm always joking. Okay,
Speaker 1: I believe you. I mean, obviously I don't want her
Speaker 1: to do that, But me saying like I really enjoyed
Speaker 1: this thing is not going to make her go do it.
Speaker 1: I didn't say it did, but it did make you
Speaker 1: guys go do some stuff. I mean, yesterday, I was
Speaker 1: talking about some stuff and then Andrew goes, you would
Speaker 1: like that, and she was like, yeah, I knew. I
Speaker 1: left them so horned up. I go, I gotta go,
Speaker 1: and they were gonna go play. Yeah, right, they're gonna
Speaker 1: go play. I'm the biggest fluffer for people. If you
Speaker 1: go see my show, I swear to god, you will
Speaker 1: get horned up. And it's not my intention, but you will.
Speaker 1: You and your partner will get more honest with each
Speaker 1: other and have better sex. I mean that loop is
Speaker 1: I mean, I was just slip it. Then it was
Speaker 1: the loop. I think it was about a lot more
Speaker 1: than that. I think I got you got. I think
Speaker 1: I helped your sex life yesterday. I just want to
Speaker 1: say it didn't hurt it. I'll tell you that. Why
Speaker 1: do I care? I don't know. Selma Hi tells Jada
Speaker 1: Pinkett Smith. My breasts keep growing a lot. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: they're natural, and the growth is because life changes like pregnancy, menopause,
Speaker 1: and periods of weight gain. Okay, so her kids are
Speaker 1: only getting bigger. I mean, I'm worried for her if
Speaker 1: these things, Oh my god, they're so big. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean her two thousand twenty boobs were looking at a
Speaker 1: chart of two thousand eleven to two. I mean, those
Speaker 1: are so to any girl out there who as gigantic
Speaker 1: heaving boobs. Talking to you, Robin, I'm talking to you
Speaker 1: my other listeners that I know that have huge tits
Speaker 1: that I go, Wow, that's a lot to walk around with.
Speaker 1: That's a lot like having that much tit on your body.
Speaker 1: Running is hard. When my boobs are a little bit
Speaker 1: fuller from my period or whatever it is, she goes,
Speaker 1: My back has been really suffering from it, she said.
Speaker 1: And not a lot of people talk about this. I mean,
Speaker 1: I can't imagine carrying around those heaving, heavy boobs. Some girls.
Speaker 1: I just know so many girls with just these gigantic
Speaker 1: tits and they and they don't whether or not you
Speaker 1: do anything with them in terms of displaying them, that
Speaker 1: is up to you, and I think you should if
Speaker 1: you like them. There should be no shame around that
Speaker 1: you have big boobs, show them off. A lot of
Speaker 1: girls are so embarrassed because they developed early that they
Speaker 1: got so much attention, unwanted attention before they were ready
Speaker 1: for male attention, that they learned to hide them, and
Speaker 1: they still do even as adult women. And I hope
Speaker 1: that they find peace with that, or maybe get a reduction,
Speaker 1: or you know, there's a lot of things. But I
Speaker 1: really think about you in your back problems, and I
Speaker 1: don't ever go, oh my god, she's such big boobs.
Speaker 1: I hate her. I go, that's great, she has those
Speaker 1: big boobs. What a gift, but also what a curse
Speaker 1: in terms of just finding things that fit, finding bras
Speaker 1: that fit um and do anything like dancing anything they
Speaker 1: I mean, yesterday, I didn't wear sports for underneath this
Speaker 1: kind of I was going for a run and I
Speaker 1: had a tank top on that has a bra built
Speaker 1: in from Lulu. But I my boobs are in a
Speaker 1: situation where it's like, maybe I could have used a
Speaker 1: bra underneath that, but I could still get away with
Speaker 1: just that. And I went for a run and I
Speaker 1: was like, they're they're going a little too much, and
Speaker 1: I feel like people in cars might think that I'm
Speaker 1: trying to be hot, Like it's always I'm so scared
Speaker 1: of people thinking I'm trying to be hot, and maybe
Speaker 1: I am. I don't even know. But why do I
Speaker 1: care about this? I care because, um, she is just uh,
Speaker 1: you know, being honest about her situation, and we're all
Speaker 1: jealous of her boobs. No one wants to hear someone
Speaker 1: like you built a career off your tits, and then
Speaker 1: it's like, no, I fucking hate my own tits. She
Speaker 1: didn't say she hated them. She's just saying they're getting bigger,
Speaker 1: and it's not like she's trying to make them. Even
Speaker 1: if she did try, it wouldn't be a problem. And
Speaker 1: also back issues. We need to we need to consider
Speaker 1: women's back issues when we see big boobs and not
Speaker 1: just go she's so just slut or big boobs, like
Speaker 1: she gets to show those things off because she takes
Speaker 1: a fucking she takes. It's a lot of it's a
Speaker 1: lot harder for her in a spin class, and is
Speaker 1: for you small titted girl who's jealous of the big boobs.
Speaker 1: Not saying you all smell ted the girls are, but
Speaker 1: when you hear that aggression towards big titted girls like
Speaker 1: she's slut or like she thinks she's so hot, she
Speaker 1: also has back issues that she gets to show those
Speaker 1: off whenever she wants. In my opinion, let's get to
Speaker 1: our Wednesday Wild Cards segment today. What do we doing? No, uh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna explain this. This is the segment where me
Speaker 1: and Andrew spend one minute uh going into each other's rooms,
Speaker 1: which we are do not normally do. I've left my
Speaker 1: room completely as it was this morning when I woke up.
Speaker 1: No changes have been made. Andrew did make some changes
Speaker 1: to his room based on this, because he you know,
Speaker 1: he has stuff he wants to hide. I don't want
Speaker 1: to invade his privacy. He was warned, we're gonna go
Speaker 1: and do each other's room spend a minute. I made
Speaker 1: no change. You did, Okay, Well I told you could.
Speaker 1: You just seem to really want to took the cans
Speaker 1: off the side table. Okay, I wouldn't have called you
Speaker 1: on that anyway. We all know that you you put
Speaker 1: those can head. I know. Um, I like that you
Speaker 1: have those cans out when you have a girlfriend over,
Speaker 1: so that shows me you're very comfortable with the can
Speaker 1: cann being a cannon. Your bedside tables like has so
Speaker 1: many cans on it. Joined the club. We're about can
Speaker 1: hands over here. Okay, we love Seltzer, we love Sezevia,
Speaker 1: we love Celsius. So let's go into each other's rooms
Speaker 1: under one minute. We have to look for a scepta picture.
Speaker 1: We bring it back and we asked the person explain
Speaker 1: this please. I literally might have left out a sex toy.
Speaker 1: Please don't take a picture of that, because the crust
Speaker 1: on the sex toy last time gross me out so much.
Speaker 1: The picture you took and it was not representative because
Speaker 1: it was like a white like when I saw it later,
Speaker 1: it was like very like delicate white snow flicky crust.
Speaker 1: And when the picture you took, it had a sound
Speaker 1: like you put a ring light with a golden hue.
Speaker 1: It looked like it looked orange, and it felt like
Speaker 1: I was had a disease pus, which I do not so, Um,
Speaker 1: that's why I was God, That's how I felt about
Speaker 1: the four corners in my room. Okay you can. You
Speaker 1: can't take a picture of a sex wife. You can
Speaker 1: do whatever you want, honestly. Ready and one minute. My
Speaker 1: room's a little farther, so go three seconds. Oh I
Speaker 1: got three seconds? Come on, Andrew, Okay, I got I
Speaker 1: got some good ones and nothing too embarrassing. Okay. I
Speaker 1: love this game because it shows me something about myself too. Um.
Speaker 1: I hope our viewers like this game. I know this
Speaker 1: is very intrusive. I appreciate you, Andrew, for partaking in
Speaker 1: this thing that I made up. Your book all right,
Speaker 1: let's start with yours. I'm dying to know what you've had.
Speaker 1: I mean, I took four photos, so you got to
Speaker 1: choose one. I I know I did do. Let's go
Speaker 1: through them all? Why not? Okay, well how about this
Speaker 1: we'll do. We're on a time clocks. You got the
Speaker 1: sterile disposable scalpel. Let me see right next to your toilet. Okay,
Speaker 1: I bought scalpels from Amazon. Surgical scalpels. Scalp scalpels, I
Speaker 1: hate that word. And I did buy them so I
Speaker 1: could get a ward out of your girlfriend's foot that
Speaker 1: also might be a corn undecided still, um, and I
Speaker 1: also bought them for the wart on my knee that
Speaker 1: I did uh surgically removed last night with a scalpel
Speaker 1: and oh my, with no anesthetic. And it felt amazing
Speaker 1: and I was able to do a really good job
Speaker 1: because I watched so many videos. So let me just
Speaker 1: show you my work. And I'm like worried about how
Speaker 1: deep this cut is going to be. Not at all.
Speaker 1: I just shaved it off, so I think I might
Speaker 1: have actually got all the warty tissue off and I
Speaker 1: might be out of the woods. So I legit removed it.
Speaker 1: No more things to pick out. It's a totally smooth,
Speaker 1: flat surface and um, and I put a band aid
Speaker 1: on it. It It bled like crazy, as works do. Um,
Speaker 1: but it was. I put um antibacterial stuff on it.
Speaker 1: And it's fine and we'll see if it grows back.
Speaker 1: I hope it does because it was so fun today.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is like medieval time. Yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 1: I love you bite on a spoon and then drinking whiskey.
Speaker 1: It did hurt, but I was willing to take it. Okay,
Speaker 1: let me go through your here's mine for you. We'll
Speaker 1: go back and forth. Um, this is behind your TV.
Speaker 1: Get out of there is a belt on your desk,
Speaker 1: is a belt, and then a piece of gum that
Speaker 1: has is not is disposed of. It doesn't have what
Speaker 1: is that it's it's paper. It is that you were
Speaker 1: chewing on. Yeah, okay, so that's explains that he just
Speaker 1: threw a piece of paper that he was chewing on.
Speaker 1: It looks like I thought I'd go into the crease. Okay,
Speaker 1: next up for me, mouth guard invisiligne on your bathroom,
Speaker 1: on your bathtub floor, let me see. Oh wow, okay,
Speaker 1: so that I'd no longer am using any of the
Speaker 1: Vinilente trays I have, So if that ended up there,
Speaker 1: it was probably in Um. I took it out in
Speaker 1: the shower ages ago, like months ago, and it was
Speaker 1: like sitting on top of that thing and it got
Speaker 1: knocked over and just fell and I've I've left it.
Speaker 1: But that could go in the trash easily. Um. Okay.
Speaker 1: This is a saucepan next to your bed where cans
Speaker 1: used to be removed cans, but you left a gigantic
Speaker 1: saucepan on your bedside table, like you can put my
Speaker 1: computer on the record my podcast. Oh I thought that
Speaker 1: was going to be way more interesting. Story. Okay, a
Speaker 1: gigantic saucepan on. Okay, now what's up for you? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's my that's my studio. The things we used to
Speaker 1: prop up a shot like are hilarious. Everyone does it
Speaker 1: in a Nike Boss if anyone wants to know, though,
Speaker 1: this is a good hack to prop up to put
Speaker 1: your phone so that you can shoot yourself. A jim
Speaker 1: shoe has a perfect amount of you can you can
Speaker 1: kind of put a sock in it to get a
Speaker 1: little bit more. Uh, yeah, you're right. Okay, your closet
Speaker 1: kind of a mess. Let me see pure just as
Speaker 1: Uh that is my pile of uh that Yeah, I
Speaker 1: my closet is and I put all that stuff in there.
Speaker 1: That's my Um, that's like my dirty laundry. Dude. That
Speaker 1: that corner, it's kind of going into the other corner
Speaker 1: because it's a small closet. So you're right, a big
Speaker 1: big mess of a king that I hide my I
Speaker 1: hide my ship in my closet. And there's a duvet
Speaker 1: in there that might have had some fluids on it
Speaker 1: from the other night, so I just like took it
Speaker 1: off and threw it there. Um, all right, this is
Speaker 1: your toothbrush in the shower. Uh, next to your shampoo
Speaker 1: bottles on the floor in the shower. Your hold on,
Speaker 1: he's a brush on the shower. I did check and go,
Speaker 1: you know what, maybe one fell. He's left it there
Speaker 1: much like Invisiline. Maybe there's a toothbrush next to his
Speaker 1: sink as well. Took a picture of the sink. No
Speaker 1: toothbrush in site. So I want to know. You only
Speaker 1: brush your teeth in the shower. That means you don't
Speaker 1: brush your teeth at night. At night, I'm a one
Speaker 1: a day brusher, I'll admit it. That is pick. Okay,
Speaker 1: you gotta start brushing your teeth more than once andrew
Speaker 1: wash your daytheth three at least three really definitely when
Speaker 1: I wake up. But I've never had a song writing
Speaker 1: about my mouth. That's true, That is true. Write a
Speaker 1: boem about how my bread smells are all But also
Speaker 1: your tooth brushes on your shower floor, Like I'm a
Speaker 1: gross person and I would probably pick it up and
Speaker 1: use it again and kind of wash off. But that's
Speaker 1: where you keep it. I know it's not smart. I
Speaker 1: almost googled can I put a chair in my shower? Like?
Speaker 1: What's that called a shower chair. I think, so a
Speaker 1: chair in your shower, I mean you know what it is,
Speaker 1: because my shower to get one of those like hang things.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so I need something to take stuff off
Speaker 1: the floor. So yeah, there's the little shelves you can buy.
Speaker 1: I'll give you. I think I have a shelf that
Speaker 1: I can actually give you, all right. And last one
Speaker 1: is just even a coup that has a tooth as
Speaker 1: holder whole on it, you know what I mean, like
Speaker 1: the ones that you're saying you can put on the
Speaker 1: floor into final thought, final thought. I love this about
Speaker 1: your room. This is actually not even uh I got you.
Speaker 1: It's just a poster no frame, which we've talked about before.
Speaker 1: I'm just always amazed that you went no frame like
Speaker 1: a college dorm, and I respect it, thank you. Yes,
Speaker 1: I just didn't I know myself, and I know that
Speaker 1: I went to a lava lamp. By the way, is
Speaker 1: a seventeen year old girls, Yeah, this is University of
Speaker 1: Kansas right here. Yeah, it's it's what I never got
Speaker 1: to do. Is It's just I'm living. I'm just doing
Speaker 1: what I want, you know. I just I'm tired of
Speaker 1: pretending like you know, I'm not questioning myself. I'm not
Speaker 1: being like, oh my god, you love Taylor Swift and
Speaker 1: you love Taylor Swift things then pink things and girly
Speaker 1: things because you're trying to be cute, see and you
Speaker 1: want people to think you're unique and different. It's just
Speaker 1: what I like. Like I judge everything I do, Like,
Speaker 1: what do you really want out of the sere? You
Speaker 1: try to get people to like you more and think
Speaker 1: you're adorable and quirky, and it's like, maybe I just
Speaker 1: am quirky, Like what do I like? And I like
Speaker 1: shaving off my warts myself in like a medieval surgical
Speaker 1: the nick style that sort of show, and I like, um,
Speaker 1: and I don't care about I don't care about having
Speaker 1: an invisil line just wrangling around my tub. And I
Speaker 1: also like, um, I like, I'm gonna get a bulletin
Speaker 1: board so I can put up all my like pictures
Speaker 1: and stuff. I'm just And I like my room to
Speaker 1: look like a teenage girl's and that's my cribs. When
Speaker 1: you're cutting your leg, does it does it hurt? Yea?
Speaker 1: But not no, I do. It feels satisfying to remove
Speaker 1: something that is that I want to get off The
Speaker 1: pain is not when you get down to the skin
Speaker 1: when you gotta rip out that like when it's reaching
Speaker 1: fresh skin, because you've got it. When you're getting a
Speaker 1: ward out. I've watched enough videos, you have to scrape
Speaker 1: the good skin to just because it warty tissue. If
Speaker 1: there's even a cell of warty tissue, it will replicate again.
Speaker 1: So you have to you literally have to like cut
Speaker 1: into your skin and cut a new skin. But I've
Speaker 1: scratched my But you're not worried about infection. Um, you
Speaker 1: know I am. But I am someone who has I
Speaker 1: cut myself all the time accidentally, Like my hands have
Speaker 1: open wounds all the time because I'm just a rough
Speaker 1: person and I gotta deal with a lot of cardboard boxes,
Speaker 1: and I, you know, get paper cuts and I don't.
Speaker 1: I've had a staff infection before, and I know when
Speaker 1: it's I'll get it treated if I get an infection.
Speaker 1: What happened. I had a like a zip by my
Speaker 1: eye and I tried to pop it with a needle
Speaker 1: and I didn't burn the needle. Yeah, this is like
Speaker 1: when I was like twenty two or whatever, and I
Speaker 1: woke up like three hours later and my eye was
Speaker 1: shut swollen and uh and puss everywhere. And I got infected.
Speaker 1: And if you get infected right by your sinus, that's
Speaker 1: right to your brain, like you die, you die. So scary.
Speaker 1: So I went to the hospital and they got me
Speaker 1: on antibiotics, and this is where my brain was at.
Speaker 1: I stopped taking the antibiotic so I could drink meanwhile,
Speaker 1: infection that could kill me. And eventually they dug out
Speaker 1: the pus right he cut it, and then he realized
Speaker 1: I actually had a cyst on This could be This
Speaker 1: could have been your biggest TikTok. Ever, it's just posting
Speaker 1: this because people love popping stuff on TikTok, so you
Speaker 1: would assist that they wouldn't have found took a sist.
Speaker 1: I was wide awake for this surgery. He burned. Worse
Speaker 1: pain of your life. No, it wasn't that bad because
Speaker 1: he numbered it. Mr Okay. I could hear him burning
Speaker 1: my skin. I was, and the scalpel was coming right
Speaker 1: for my eye and cut out the cyst. So this
Speaker 1: all started from a needle. Yeah, think like, how many
Speaker 1: sists do I have in me? My mom scratched her
Speaker 1: eye with a key accidentally. She was like itching her
Speaker 1: face and holding keys and she scratched her eye with
Speaker 1: key and like it's it's a huge issue. And one
Speaker 1: time I met a guy when yeah, just gently, but
Speaker 1: it's turned into a gigantic issue. And one time I
Speaker 1: met a guy though with a key he just wanted
Speaker 1: to get like how to scratch in his ear and
Speaker 1: it turned into a nightmare, a medical nightmare because the
Speaker 1: key had some dirt in it and and you just
Speaker 1: don't know. So these scalpels, I I they were you know,
Speaker 1: they're actually they're sterile. Yeah, there's sterile. And U and
Speaker 1: I opened a new one after one I just kind
Speaker 1: of was like touching it too much with even wiping
Speaker 1: it on clean X to get the blood and skin
Speaker 1: off and morty tissue. I opened up a new one,
Speaker 1: and um, and I'm ready to go for you. I
Speaker 1: just wanted to do surgery on myself to prove I
Speaker 1: can do it. And now I'm ready to dig into
Speaker 1: who can you can talk to him? I want to
Speaker 1: see what he would think about this about my surgery
Speaker 1: that I did not myself. Thanks guys for listening to
Speaker 1: the show today. We gotta go. We have a Thursday
Speaker 1: episode coming for you tomorrow. You know that. Uh, then
Speaker 1: we're gonna be back on the on Monday. I think
Speaker 1: some people are taking off. We're not, even though it's
Speaker 1: not July four. I'm staying in town all weekend. Actually,
Speaker 1: I actually can't wait to talk to you tomorrow because
Speaker 1: I have some news that I've kept from you guys.
Speaker 1: That's kind of sad news, and I didn't want to
Speaker 1: talk about it, um until I knew it was kind
Speaker 1: of out of the woods. But we're not so much
Speaker 1: out of the woods anyway. I have I have something
Speaker 1: to share tomorrow that I'm excited to bring you guys in.
Speaker 1: I'm not excited, but um, no way you don't even
Speaker 1: know about it, because I just didn't want you to
Speaker 1: be so sad. But um, I loved one in my
Speaker 1: life was in a terrible accident and um, and I've
Speaker 1: been dealing with that. But that, uh that everything seems
Speaker 1: like it's going to be okay. And I actually have
Speaker 1: a great story of um an accident turning into a
Speaker 1: really great thing that I'll stare with you tomorrow at
Speaker 1: the top of the show. So tune in then and
Speaker 1: we'll see then. Don't be and all the wells. New
Speaker 1: York July tenth Waterloo, New York, at a casino if
Speaker 1: you guys are anywhere near there. And then obviously July
Speaker 1: my tour really kicks off. But July tenth is gonna
Speaker 1: be fun. I am too, so soon we'll see you there.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, don't be m