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Speaker 1: Chemistry can lead to some healthy, you know, couple good

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Speaker 1: years of marriage. Character is what's going to last you

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Speaker 1: a lifetime in a marriage. And it's so true when

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Speaker 1: you're dating. Chemistry is the first thing that we all

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Speaker 1: cling to. You know, I want to make out with you,

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Speaker 1: I like you know, I'm very physically attracted to you.

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Speaker 1: Chemistry is what takes the dating world, you know, to

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Speaker 1: the next step. But it's the character. You can have

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Speaker 1: chemistry with somebody and that, but that's going to fizzle,

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Speaker 1: it's like a fire, it's going to burn out. But

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Speaker 1: character is what lasts a lifetime. Hey everyone, welcome back

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Speaker 1: to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.

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Speaker 1: Thanks to each and every single one of you that

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Speaker 1: come back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed.

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Speaker 1: And I am so excited to be talking to you today.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe it. My new book Eight Rules of

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Speaker 1: Love is out and I cannot wait to share it

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Speaker 1: with you. I am so excited for you to read

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Speaker 1: this book, for you to listen to this book. I

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Speaker 1: read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make

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Speaker 1: sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com.

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Speaker 1: It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or

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Speaker 1: let go of love. So if you've got friends that

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Speaker 1: are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure

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Speaker 1: you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you

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Speaker 1: to come and see me for my global tour Love Rules.

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Speaker 1: Go to Jay shettytour dot com to learn more information

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Speaker 1: about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: see you this year, and I am so excited for

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Speaker 1: today's quite conversation because not only are my two guests

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Speaker 1: friends of mine, but they have a new book out

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Speaker 1: that I know you're gonna love and I can't wait

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Speaker 1: for you to read. The new book is called The

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Speaker 1: Sunshine Mind One hundred Days to Finding the Hope and

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Speaker 1: Joy You Want by Tanya rad and Raquel Stevens. I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to tell you about these two amazing humans.

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Speaker 1: If you don't already follow them, make sure you go

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Speaker 1: and follow them a cross social media. And today we're

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Speaker 1: going to be diving into the themes inside this book.

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Speaker 1: But to give you a quick overview, Raquel Stephen's most

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Speaker 1: recent work includes hosting and producing Giving Back Generation. RADI

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Speaker 1: and I would guests on the show, so I can't

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Speaker 1: wait to go and watch that episode. Raquel also starred

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Speaker 1: in the Apple documentary Selena Gomez, My Mind and Me

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Speaker 1: and the hit series Selena Plush. Chef Tanya rad co

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Speaker 1: host on air with Ryan Seacrest, hosting I Art Radio's

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Speaker 1: top forty show The Vibe, and creating community on her

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Speaker 1: popular podcast Scrubbing In. Raquel and Tania just released their

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Speaker 1: new book, The Sunshine Mind. I want you to go

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Speaker 1: order it right now. You're gonna love this book, and

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Speaker 1: you're gonna love this conversation, Tanya, Raquel, thank you so

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Speaker 1: much for being here. Jay, thank you for having us.

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Speaker 1: I like bandgirling because I'm a big fan of the podcast,

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Speaker 1: so to be a guest on the podcast feels like

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Speaker 1: a major It's major. Yeah, and Jay, we've been friends

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Speaker 1: for a while too, so it kind of feels like

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Speaker 1: sitting with two close friends, YEA, having a conversation. I

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Speaker 1: was going to say that I feel like, Raquel, I

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Speaker 1: met you very early on when I moved to lay

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Speaker 1: like probably within the first six months. I think. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we met through our friendly and Helena had dinner with

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Speaker 1: you and Roddy and Elena, and I remember her texting

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Speaker 1: me after being like, you're gonna love Jay and Roddy.

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Speaker 1: They're the best and so and we've been hanging out

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Speaker 1: ever since, and you have so many wonderful people. You've

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Speaker 1: been nothing but sunshine in our life. And you're one

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Speaker 1: of those people that I always talk about, is like,

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Speaker 1: there's very few people I meet that I just genuine

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Speaker 1: and want genuine things for everyone in their life and

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Speaker 1: want genuine people to connect. And then Tania we met

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Speaker 1: very recently, actually much more, but we were messaging for

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Speaker 1: many years on like, yeah, all of this, I've been

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Speaker 1: a fan of yours, Like I consume everything Jay Shetty,

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Speaker 1: I just mind you to be very inspirational, aspirational role model,

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Speaker 1: and so I just I love you in general. And

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Speaker 1: then I remember Raquel was like our common thread, and

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Speaker 1: so we met very recently. But about your wife first, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: at a dinner that we had. When was that that

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Speaker 1: was a while ago? Yeah it was two thousand and

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Speaker 1: twenty one. Oh yeah, yeah, a couple of years. But anyway,

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited because you're both finally here, both people

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Speaker 1: that I do believe bring a lot of sunshine into

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Speaker 1: the world. So the book is very apt, but I

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Speaker 1: want to ask you so many different questions today. I

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Speaker 1: want to learn more about your friendship. I want to

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Speaker 1: learn about both of you, and I'm sure this chemistry

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Speaker 1: is like amazing, and you you know which questions you

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Speaker 1: want to answer, but I want to start with both

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Speaker 1: of you and say, what makes a day a great

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Speaker 1: day for both of you? That's a really great question.

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Speaker 1: I try to make every day a great day. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that in a way of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I just wake up happy every single day. I think

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Speaker 1: sometimes it's a choice. And so the things that make

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Speaker 1: me most happy are my friends and my family and

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Speaker 1: the people that I do day to day life with,

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Speaker 1: so naturally every day is a good day when I'm

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Speaker 1: in communication with those people. And and then also, you know,

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Speaker 1: all of the work that I do is committed to

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Speaker 1: making a difference and to helping people, and so I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm living my life on purpose, and to me,

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Speaker 1: that's a great day. It's being in community with people,

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Speaker 1: it's choosing to see the good even when times are

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Speaker 1: a little bit hard, and um having fun as well. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'd say mine's similar in the sense that it's really

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Speaker 1: just being at peace and being happy and for me,

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Speaker 1: a lot that I put in the book to our

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Speaker 1: like these little nuances that I do, you know, like

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Speaker 1: we can get very into the mundane of our you know,

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Speaker 1: the routine of our lives. And I think it's like

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Speaker 1: finding joy and those like little things. So in the morning,

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Speaker 1: you know, I wake up before the sun and when

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Speaker 1: I walk into the studio every morning, I flicker the

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Speaker 1: lights on and off and I say good morning everyone.

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Speaker 1: I'm like literally bringing the sun in. Sometimes it could

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Speaker 1: be a little annoying, but like I think it brings

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Speaker 1: everybody smiles and it just kind of brings like a levity.

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Speaker 1: And so I think, to me, just kind of being

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Speaker 1: happy and yes, every day is you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: I'm not a master at it. I can kind of

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Speaker 1: get overwhelmed, and I think you're maybe a master at it.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to me. I have my moments, and that's

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Speaker 1: when I like turn to Raquel and I'm like I

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Speaker 1: have a lot going on. Help me, And She'll usually

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Speaker 1: send a scripture and I'm like, Okay, thank you, and

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Speaker 1: I love what you've done with this book and I

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Speaker 1: just want to show it to everyone who's listening or

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Speaker 1: watching wherever you are in the world. How this book

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Speaker 1: is structured, because it's rare that two friends to come

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Speaker 1: together to write a book together. Yeah, that doesn't happen

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Speaker 1: very often. I've interviewed so many authors over my years

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Speaker 1: of interviewing, and you don't really see that. But the

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Speaker 1: way this book is structured, I just want to show

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Speaker 1: everyone because I've been reading it this week. You get

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Speaker 1: these beautiful scripture pieces here, which are these favorite verses

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Speaker 1: I imagine of both of yours. But then you also

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Speaker 1: get sections that I get dedicated to whether they're written

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Speaker 1: by Raquel or Tanya, And so you're getting two perspectives

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Speaker 1: on so many phenomenal topics, which I think is actually

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Speaker 1: really rare. When you read a book, you're so used

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Speaker 1: to getting one person's viewpoint or one person's research. When

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Speaker 1: it comes to you too writing this book together. I've

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Speaker 1: already asked you about a good day. What does a

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Speaker 1: bad day look like for both of you and how

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Speaker 1: do you navigate those? Because we're writing a book called

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Speaker 1: The Sunshine Mind. But there's some cloudy days in all

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Speaker 1: of our lives, and you talk about a lot of

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Speaker 1: that in the book. So what does a bad day

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Speaker 1: look like? And how do you navigate those You know,

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Speaker 1: what's interesting is why I say that this book is

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Speaker 1: such a reflection of our friendship because whenever I was

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Speaker 1: having a bad day, or I was going through something

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Speaker 1: heartbreak or you know, you don't get that that career,

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Speaker 1: that job that you were really wanting and working hard for,

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Speaker 1: Raquel is somebody that I would always turn to in

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Speaker 1: those moments. And she's that friend that was She always

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Speaker 1: met me where I was. She had a scripture ready

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Speaker 1: to turn it around for me. And so when in

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Speaker 1: the early phases when I was thinking about this book,

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Speaker 1: because I had written a different book proposal, it was

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Speaker 1: like a dating book and it was, you know went,

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Speaker 1: it was just on the cutting room floor, didn't end

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Speaker 1: up going anywhere. So I wanted to do it devotional.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, Requels the perfect person to do

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Speaker 1: this with, because this is exactly like what she is

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Speaker 1: as a friend to me. I go to her, she

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Speaker 1: shares wisdom, she's there for me, and so it's kind

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Speaker 1: of a really nice yeah, and that's something Tanya is

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Speaker 1: really great at. On a bad day, you do reach out,

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Speaker 1: you do say hey, I'm struggling and can you pray

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Speaker 1: for me? Or can you encourage me. I'm having a

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Speaker 1: hard time, and I think sometimes it's hard to be vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: It's hard to say, hey, I'm having a bad day.

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Speaker 1: We want to pretend like everything's okay, and you really

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Speaker 1: do embody that for me. If I'm having a bad day,

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Speaker 1: I do the same thing. I'll call a trusted friend

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Speaker 1: Tanya or my friend Ashley Cook is really solid and

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Speaker 1: great that way too, you know, Ashley. And then I

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Speaker 1: also on my own, I'll go very grateful to live

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Speaker 1: in La I'll go and I'll drive down to the

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Speaker 1: beach and I'll take a long walk and I'll listen

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Speaker 1: to my music or meditations and just it might sound

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Speaker 1: kind of simple, and you can do this actually wherever

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Speaker 1: you're listening. You don't have to go to the each

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Speaker 1: you can go for a neighborhood walk. But I find

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Speaker 1: being in nature and just taking time to be alone

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Speaker 1: and be still and let the spirit come in and

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Speaker 1: and bring me peace. It works every single time. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not just saying that, it really does. And so

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Speaker 1: I think taking that time to be alone and really

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Speaker 1: asking the spirit, hey, i'm struggling today. Today is a

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Speaker 1: tough one. Please give me peace. You can be that

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Speaker 1: simple and it works every time. I don't shy away

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Speaker 1: from the bad days too. Like I've cried multiple times

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Speaker 1: on the air, I've cried on Instagram, like I don't

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Speaker 1: want people to think, you know that I'm just I'm

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Speaker 1: always happy and that, like you know, like I have

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Speaker 1: moments and I cry, and like, can I see something

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Speaker 1: about Tanya too? Is she early on in her career,

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Speaker 1: she faced a lot with you know, different people saying

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Speaker 1: you're to this, you're too that, you're too positive, you're

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Speaker 1: too night, You're you're never gonna make it in this,

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Speaker 1: in this business. Yeah, And I've herginalities too much. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I have watched her stay so true to who

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Speaker 1: she is. She's never backed down. She's she's stayed positive,

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Speaker 1: she's stayed bubbly, she's you know, chosen to take the

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Speaker 1: high road over and over again. And her career has

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Speaker 1: just grown and grown and grown, and she's never changed.

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Speaker 1: She's grown, but she's never changed. She's always stayed true

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Speaker 1: to her And I think that that is incredible. Thank you,

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Speaker 1: so beautiful. I love seeing a good friendship because I

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Speaker 1: think that in a world that where everyone's looking for

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Speaker 1: a partner and someone to date. It's almost like friendships

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Speaker 1: often get devalued or become less important, or we find

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Speaker 1: that when someone finds the one or the person they

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Speaker 1: want to be with, all of a sudden they don't

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Speaker 1: talk to their friends anymore, only when they're heartbroken to

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Speaker 1: come back to their friends to mend their healing heart.

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Speaker 1: And so I love seeing good friendships. I have a

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Speaker 1: lot of great male friends in my life as well

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Speaker 1: that I turned to that are part of my support structure.

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Speaker 1: What do you think, Tanya, it is about your friendship

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Speaker 1: with Raquel that made you, in those instances reach out

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Speaker 1: to her, Like, what is it? Because I think what

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Speaker 1: you just raised their Raquel is we struggle with reaching out,

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Speaker 1: We struggle with asking for help, We struggle with calling

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Speaker 1: someone up and saying I'm having a bad day like

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Speaker 1: that is a very vulnerable, challenging thing for a lot

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Speaker 1: of us to do, and a lot of us will

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Speaker 1: wait months, maybe even years before we open up to

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Speaker 1: our friend and say this is what I've been going through.

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Speaker 1: So what was it about your friendship that gave you

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Speaker 1: a sense of trust in Raquel? And what can we

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Speaker 1: learn from that? And what can people listening take away

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Speaker 1: from that? When they're struggling to figure out who of

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Speaker 1: my friends should I tell them? What can I tell them? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I do think that trust is built over time. So

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Speaker 1: I think I was able to kind of see over

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Speaker 1: time that she was a very trustworthy person. I know

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Speaker 1: if I whatever I told her, And also like I'm

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Speaker 1: in an industry that I need to keep things to myself.

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Speaker 1: But I always knew that I could tell her and

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Speaker 1: it was like a vault, and that she's just proven

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Speaker 1: time and time again that I can trust her. But

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Speaker 1: something that is very unique to Raquel that I don't

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Speaker 1: think and I'm not as good as it as good

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Speaker 1: as she is, But when you come to her something,

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Speaker 1: she doesn't give you her opinion. She listens to you.

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Speaker 1: She doesn't judge you, she doesn't you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: Like I think a lot of times, if somebody's going

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Speaker 1: through something, you know, somebody comes back and they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he broke my heart again, Like you know he was

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Speaker 1: always awful, he treated you bad. Like it's none of

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Speaker 1: that stuff, do you know what I mean? Like we

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Speaker 1: just want to give our opinion or kind of share

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Speaker 1: and she just listens. She's there for you. She encourages you.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's something that I try to take

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Speaker 1: into my other friendships too, because I can all be

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Speaker 1: the opposite sometimes and I really want to be better

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Speaker 1: about no judgment. Like I know I could tell her

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Speaker 1: anything and she will just take it and like it

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Speaker 1: won't even affect you at times. No, it's it's a really,

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Speaker 1: it's it's a gift. There's there's one word that you

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Speaker 1: said that I wanted to point out to everyone, which

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Speaker 1: I loved because I've never heard a friend describe that way.

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Speaker 1: She's a vault. Yeah, yeah, there's nothing. And there's the

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Speaker 1: idea that like, you know, because we all have a

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Speaker 1: friend that you like, tell a secret. Please don't tell anyone,

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Speaker 1: but you know they're gonna let it lead because it's

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Speaker 1: gonna get out whatever it is. Everyone has a friend

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Speaker 1: like that. And but but when you know your friends

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Speaker 1: are vote like I love that. I love that thought

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Speaker 1: because there's such a safety there. There's such a security there.

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Speaker 1: That's that's such a great visual And and Raquel with

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Speaker 1: with you in Tanya as well, like what is it

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Speaker 1: that I guess allowed you to be a friend who

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Speaker 1: is able to listen and not judge, Like where does

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Speaker 1: that come from for you? Because I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of us feel that if we're not immediately reaffirming what

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Speaker 1: our friends are saying, then our friends are not going

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Speaker 1: to like us, right right, So, like most people think,

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Speaker 1: if my friend came up to me and said, ja,

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Speaker 1: I just broke up, and you know, he was like

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Speaker 1: this whatever, and then if you don't say, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's a jerk and of course yeah, you're the best,

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Speaker 1: Like we feel like we feel like totally on my side, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: And if you're listening and just being patient, a lot

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Speaker 1: of people might just be like, well, Raquel, who doesn't

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Speaker 1: care about me or he doesn't really feel sorry for

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Speaker 1: me or whatever. What's given you that ability to be

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Speaker 1: more patient to say, hey, you know what, I'm actually

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Speaker 1: going to listen and be more honest with people rather

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Speaker 1: than just like tell them what they want to hear. Yeah, Well,

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Speaker 1: I think it comes from trying to fully understand and

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Speaker 1: live out true unconditional love. And when you love someone unconditionally,

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Speaker 1: you're not always telling them what they want to hear.

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Speaker 1: You're saying or listening to what hopefully will lead them

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Speaker 1: to peace. And what I've found is that when you're

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Speaker 1: bashing someone maybe in a moment it feels good, but

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Speaker 1: it doesn't lead to real peace. Even if that person

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Speaker 1: did do something wrong, it's like, okay, you know what

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Speaker 1: they's that sucks that that happened, that's not okay. But

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Speaker 1: we're not going to waste our time dwelling on that

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Speaker 1: or bashing that person. We're gonna, you know, focus on

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Speaker 1: the future. We're going to focus on what leads ultimately

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Speaker 1: to peace. And so I love my friends, I love

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Speaker 1: the people that are close to me, and so I

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Speaker 1: try to give an honest answer. And then sometimes, you know,

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Speaker 1: the person gets back with that person or they stay

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Speaker 1: with them. And so imagine Tanya is one of my

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Speaker 1: close friends. She's broken up with a guy, and I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's this, he's that, whatever, and then they're back together

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Speaker 1: and I've said all these horrible things about the person

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Speaker 1: that really she was just venting to me in a

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Speaker 1: moment of a hard time that they were having. And

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Speaker 1: so that's the angle that I tried to come at

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Speaker 1: it from, is what is the most helpful, what is

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Speaker 1: the most peaceful, is going to be encouraging, encouraging the

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Speaker 1: most to her. Yeah, that's great, I think I think

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Speaker 1: that's the kind of friend that everyone says they want.

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Speaker 1: Then we're always not sure when we actually get that, Well,

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Speaker 1: how do we grow? I mean, I welcome that from

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Speaker 1: my friends. I hope people are telling me the truth.

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Speaker 1: I hope people are being honest with me and not

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Speaker 1: just telling me what I want to hear, because then

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Speaker 1: I can't. I can't grow if people aren't being truthful

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Speaker 1: with me. Absolutely. I feel like even in marriage, like

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Speaker 1: I'm married to someone like yeah, okay. I officiated a

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Speaker 1: wedding last year. I was practicing to my wife before

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Speaker 1: I officiated, and RADI literally told me the day before

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Speaker 1: that it suck and and and every part of my

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Speaker 1: ego was like, no, it doesn't. Like I put it's like,

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Speaker 1: don't you know who I am? And and I listened

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Speaker 1: because it's my wife and I trust her. And after

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Speaker 1: my ego kind of like quiet and down a bit.

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Speaker 1: I was like listening to her, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: she's saying this for my benefit. She wants me to

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Speaker 1: be awesome tomorrow, and she's telling me in advance so

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Speaker 1: that I can be awesome. Wow. I changed the whole thing,

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Speaker 1: wrote it. It went great, Everything was fine, everyone loved it,

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Speaker 1: But it was just it was so interesting because it's

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Speaker 1: so hard to hear that from the people closest to

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Speaker 1: us sometimes because we just want to hear them adore

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Speaker 1: us and validate us. Right. So yeah, and of course,

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Speaker 1: you know, if Tanya is coming to me and she's

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Speaker 1: been really hurt by someone, I'm not immediately going to

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Speaker 1: be like, well you know what. Yeah, No, it's acknowledging it.

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Speaker 1: It's being like wow, that's like that's not okay, that's wrong.

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Speaker 1: But then you know, not feeding it. Yeah, I guess.

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Speaker 1: But you know what's interesting why I've learned in friendships

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Speaker 1: and relationships is like there is no right and wrong there.

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Speaker 1: You know, there's there's two people, there's two different perspectives there.

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Speaker 1: We've all grown up differently, we handle situations differently, and

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Speaker 1: I think that as an individual, we just think our

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Speaker 1: way is the right way and the way we do

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Speaker 1: things is the way that everybody should do things, when

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Speaker 1: in reality, that's not how life is. And so it's

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Speaker 1: kind of just you know, learning how to work in

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Speaker 1: that space of like, Okay, this is how you see it,

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Speaker 1: this is how I see it. Now, how can we

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Speaker 1: work together to like get to the finish line. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. Let's dive into the book. Um,

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Speaker 1: you chose one hundred days, which I'm fascinated by. Why

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Speaker 1: one hundred days? And I'd love for you to tell

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Speaker 1: us because, uh, it's it's a it's a beautiful number.

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Speaker 1: I like, I like a hundred days. I'm like, you

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Speaker 1: can achieve a lot one hundred days. Yeah, but it

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Speaker 1: feels manageable. Why one hundred days? I think for exactly

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Speaker 1: that reason. I think you do three hundred sixty five,

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Speaker 1: it feels like, oh wow, that's really overwhelming. We're going

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Speaker 1: to three sixty five. Yeah. No, I think a hundred

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Speaker 1: is digestible and it's you know, you could have done thirty.

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Speaker 1: People say it takes thirty days to create a new habit,

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Speaker 1: or we could have done ninety. But I thought a

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Speaker 1: hundred was like a good number. You've got the three digits,

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Speaker 1: but it's not like, who three sixty five that long

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Speaker 1: to find, hope, enjoy I want maybe No. Yeah. Also,

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Speaker 1: I think having a something that you can go to

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Speaker 1: daily for an excited period of time is good. But

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Speaker 1: also if you skip a day or two, it's not

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Speaker 1: the end of the world, and you still you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, Like, I think one hundred of spell Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like a good number. I'm going to tell you that

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Speaker 1: I feel the same way because my original book, the

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Speaker 1: one that's coming out now as well, was meant to

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Speaker 1: be fifty two Rules of Love, and my editor was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think that's really overwhelming. Yeah, so it came down

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Speaker 1: to eight and it was. It was a similar sort

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Speaker 1: of feeling of like, how do you make it feel

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Speaker 1: manageable and actionable and powerful? But but it's not always

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Speaker 1: easy to do that with the number. But I think

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Speaker 1: a hundred days is great. Like you said, it takes

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Speaker 1: ready to ninety days to form a habit. A hundred

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Speaker 1: days is a brilliant commitment. It feels like you achieve something.

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Speaker 1: One of the things you talk about in the book

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Speaker 1: is overcoming imposter syndrome, and I love that topic so

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Speaker 1: much because I think that people are and I've only

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Speaker 1: picked my favorite days and things that I think we're

399
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Speaker 1: really powerful from the book. Overcoming imposter syndrome is such

400
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Speaker 1: a big thing today because more people have access to

401
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,679
Speaker 1: more opportunities, more people are seeing more things happening in

402
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 1: the world and knowing what's going on in the world.

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Speaker 1: I know that in my own life I've experienced imposter

404
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Speaker 1: syndrome multiple times because I'm constantly in rooms that I

405
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Speaker 1: never thought i'd be, and I'm constantly surrounded by people

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Speaker 1: that I feel inadequate too in some way or week

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00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,639
Speaker 1: two in some way over time, or rooms that I

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Speaker 1: didn't imagine being or didn't expect to be in, and

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Speaker 1: so imposter syndrome something I experienced time and time and

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Speaker 1: time again. I have my own way of dealing with it.

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Speaker 1: I'd love to know where I have. Both of you

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Speaker 1: felt imposter syndrome in your life, and let's start there,

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Speaker 1: wherever you felt it first, Let's start there. This is

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Speaker 1: a big one for me because, like Raquel said, when

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Speaker 1: I was early on in my career, I was it

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Speaker 1: wasn't like a beautiful welcoming for me. It was very

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Speaker 1: much my personality is too much. People can only handle

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00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:23,720
Speaker 1: me in small doses. I'm a cartoon character, and you know,

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00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 1: in this career it's all your personality. So like that

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Speaker 1: was very damaging at a young age when I was

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Speaker 1: starting out, So in my mind I had I was

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Speaker 1: like twenty one, twenty two. So you hear all that

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Speaker 1: and you believe it because it's coming from people who

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00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:42,120
Speaker 1: are way above you in this corporate world, you know.

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Speaker 1: And this is something that I am so grateful. You know.

426
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,440
Speaker 1: I work with Ryan Seacrest, and he from the very

427
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:52,000
Speaker 1: beginning has been so encouraging to me, and he saw

428
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,720
Speaker 1: something in me. And I would not be where I

429
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 1: am if it wasn't for him believing in me. Because

430
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 1: I did have to deal with a lot of adversity

431
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 1: from other people. It was very damaging and so and

432
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,440
Speaker 1: it was like every step of the way in my career,

433
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 1: like I remember when I got my first TV gig

434
00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:10,640
Speaker 1: at E I had it all over again to bat

435
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 1: like I was like, I'm too much and I need to,

436
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 1: you know, lower myself and be a little bit quieter.

437
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 1: And every step and every milestone that I was making

438
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 1: in my career, I felt really nervous at the start

439
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 1: because I was just like, I'm not supposed to be here.

440
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,720
Speaker 1: I don't this isn't I don't deserve this. And and

441
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: there's also a part of it too where it comes from,

442
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 1: you know. I never dreamed that this was possible, you know,

443
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 1: Like I always envisioned it, but I never thought that

444
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,399
Speaker 1: it was actually going to be a reality, and so

445
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 1: when it's actually becoming a reality, it's just this crazy

446
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,400
Speaker 1: kind of like I don't deserve this type of thing,

447
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 1: And so overcoming it has been a process, like a major,

448
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 1: major process, because I've had to kind of unwind and

449
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 1: like unhear all of these things. And it's so funny

450
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,919
Speaker 1: because it's like the people who see potential in you

451
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 1: and believe in you, that number was far more than

452
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,960
Speaker 1: the ones that didn't believe and that try to put

453
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 1: me down. But yet those ones are like the loudest

454
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 1: voices and they're the hardest that you can't get them

455
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 1: out of your head. I think it took me a

456
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,360
Speaker 1: decade to like get them out of my head. Yeah,

457
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 1: that's really done the work. Yeah, yeah, that's so true.

458
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,640
Speaker 1: I mean the noise of other people's opinions is always

459
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: louder than all these voices of support and encouragement and yeah, Raquel,

460
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 1: how about you? Yes, So for me, I think having

461
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 1: and continuing to remind myself of how big God is

462
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,919
Speaker 1: and whatever whoever is listening you call it God, the universe,

463
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,399
Speaker 1: higher power. I think when we have a revelation of

464
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: just how big that is, it's extremely humbling and so

465
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: for me, maybe similar to you, I found myselves in

466
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,719
Speaker 1: in I found myself in a lot of rooms with

467
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,360
Speaker 1: people where I'm like, Wow, how did I end up here?

468
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 1: And a prayer that I've always prayed as God, I

469
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,959
Speaker 1: don't want to love anything or anyone more than I

470
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 1: love you. And so I think when you go into

471
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 1: a room, you understand that I am worthy to be

472
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 1: here because I am a human being, and we are

473
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 1: all worthy. And when you understand the bigness of God,

474
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 1: the higher power of the universe, you understand that we

475
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:23,399
Speaker 1: all play a small part in this journey of being human.

476
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,400
Speaker 1: And I think that's really allowed me to overcome imposter

477
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,119
Speaker 1: syndrome because I do feel worthy. I feel worthy to

478
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 1: be in the room with people who maybe I admire,

479
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 1: maybe have achieved more than me, but like what an

480
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,440
Speaker 1: honor I get to learn from them, and and I'm

481
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,400
Speaker 1: worthy to be there because I am human. Oh that's

482
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 1: so beautiful. I love that. That That that really hit me.

483
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: I love that. And yeah, and I think for me,

484
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 1: also from a practical sense, I've started to embrace imposter

485
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 1: syndrome as a sign that I'm growing. Yeah, and so

486
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 1: I find that I've started to look at imposter syndrome

487
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 1: as every time I feel it, it means I'm doing

488
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,879
Speaker 1: something that's unconstoun I will say, I make it a

489
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: point to surround myself with better I surround myself with

490
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 1: people who are further along than me, who challenged me,

491
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 1: who helped me to grow. And I have always been

492
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:13,040
Speaker 1: that way because I want to be better and I

493
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 1: don't think we ever arrive. I wrote about it in

494
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,439
Speaker 1: the book, but I said, Maya Angelo, she did an

495
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,879
Speaker 1: interview with Oprah and her later years, and she said,

496
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 1: I'm still learning. Yeah, I don't know what I know enough.

497
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: I'm still I've I've learned, you know a lot where

498
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 1: I try to live what I know, but I still

499
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 1: am not there. And she was considered to be one

500
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 1: of the wisest people in the world. It still is,

501
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 1: and so I try to remember that. Yeah, absolutely, an Tanya,

502
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 1: what was yours when? Because Raquel looked at you and

503
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 1: she was like, you did the work, like what would

504
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,680
Speaker 1: those ten And you said it took ten years, which

505
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 1: I feel is a genuine, real amount of time. I

506
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,640
Speaker 1: think a lot of the time today we're like, oh,

507
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 1: you can get over imposter syndrome like tomorrow and it's like, no,

508
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 1: it takes years to craft your relationship with how you

509
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,040
Speaker 1: feel about feeling like an imposta and I do you

510
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: have to say? I feel like it adds a little

511
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,440
Speaker 1: bit of fuel to the fire, you know what I mean,

512
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,120
Speaker 1: Like I think it made me. I would go into

513
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 1: a carpet and I you wouldn't. The amount of prep

514
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: I did before a carpet was wild, Like I would

515
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 1: be I was doing research. I would watch every single movie,

516
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 1: every single TV show, like do the whole background. I

517
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 1: really would prepare because I had that imposter syndrome like

518
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,679
Speaker 1: you're not good enough, You're not good enough. So it

519
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:30,120
Speaker 1: made me overachieved, which I think ultimately was a good

520
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 1: thing and a blessing. And so I think in a

521
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 1: way I tried to kind of turn the narrative of

522
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome, and it was I tried to realize like,

523
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: oh this is this is helping me, It's like fueling

524
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 1: me a little bit. So I feel like once I

525
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:45,200
Speaker 1: started to change the narrative, and you know, I started

526
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 1: to grow and I was like okay, yeah, like I

527
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 1: just said, of like quiet that voice, Yeah, yeah, I

528
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 1: really appreciate that, and I want you to know that

529
00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 1: I've always appreciated your energy and being around it. So yeah, exactly,

530
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 1: it's always been wonderful. And like I remember years ago,

531
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,880
Speaker 1: that's when I remember connecting with you first was when

532
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:09,879
Speaker 1: like I think you told Ryan about Think like a

533
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,879
Speaker 1: Monk on one of your episodes. Oh yeah, I was

534
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: getting hit up with loads of messages about it saying yeah, yeah,

535
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: and then I think that's I think that was like

536
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 1: how we first like at least connected on Instagram, and

537
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,919
Speaker 1: and to me, it was just I remember watching that

538
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 1: clip back and it was just like you were you

539
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 1: were so like Ryan had no idea what it was.

540
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: You were just so positive about what I was. Very passionate. Yeah,

541
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:37,040
Speaker 1: very passionate. I think we take ourselves so seriously. I

542
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,919
Speaker 1: think that it's okay to be silly and to be

543
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 1: animated and to like, you know, I find there's so

544
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 1: much vulnerability in those moments of life, and yet nobody

545
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 1: wants to talk about these embarrassing things or you know,

546
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:52,879
Speaker 1: like I used to do when I was dating, I

547
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: would like set the dinner table for myself and my

548
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 1: future partner, like he wasn't there, but I would, and

549
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: I would clean out my post so there was space

550
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 1: for him to come like I did. All those weird

551
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 1: manifested her entire life. But I'm like, I don't take

552
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 1: myself too seriously, you know. I'm like, if somebody says

553
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 1: something works for them, I'll try it, you know, try it,

554
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,679
Speaker 1: and if it doesn't work for you, doesn't work. Share

555
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: the embarrassing moments because we're all we all have them. Yeah,

556
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 1: I can relate to that. I don't think I've ever

557
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 1: talked about this. When I came back from being a

558
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 1: monk and I couldn't get a job anywhere, I used

559
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 1: to dress up as if I was going to work,

560
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 1: and I'd go to my local library and sitting there

561
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 1: and read books and apply to jobs. But it was

562
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 1: like me going to work like that feeling of like

563
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 1: I've got to show up as if I already do,

564
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 1: and then I'm able to attract him, able to behave

565
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 1: better able to be more professional. And so I love

566
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: that example that everyone's gonna be doing that now. Videos. Yeah,

567
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 1: I think the setting up at the table was like

568
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 1: a little bit maybe too far, but I do I

569
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 1: encourage the crea create, like give yourself a drawer that's

570
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: just empty in your room and give a big chunk

571
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 1: of your cloth? Is it that's just empty? And I

572
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 1: was like, this is me creating space? Like how am

573
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 1: I supposed to bring a man into my life that

574
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 1: I desire so much if there's no space for him

575
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 1: in here? Like actually no space. There is not an

576
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 1: inch of space in this room for somebody to come in.

577
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 1: So I created. I left an entire drawer, like a

578
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 1: big drawer. I did not know that. Oh yeah, and

579
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 1: now who who takes up more space? I still take up,

580
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: but there's a lot of space for Robbie. And on

581
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 1: the opposite, I have a way bigger wardrobes than Robbie. Bad. Yeah,

582
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah, RADI is so understanding sport. Yeah.

583
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: All right. The next the next one that I picked

584
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,239
Speaker 1: out that I loved, and everyone's listening. There are one

585
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 1: hundred days to finding the hope. Enjoy you one. I'm

586
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 1: just speaking some of my favorite that stood out to

587
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 1: me and talking to these incredible authors, Tanya rad and

588
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 1: Michel Stevens. Authors, yes exactly authors And of course you

589
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 1: can order the book in the comments and caption um.

590
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 1: All right, This second which I loveds be true to you.

591
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 1: I think this is something that is an idea that

592
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 1: we really struggle with because I see this meme and

593
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: I'm sure you both have seen it on like Instagram

594
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 1: and TikTok and everyone, and it's it's probably my favorite thing.

595
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: And so it says, society says, Colon, be yourself. And

596
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 1: then society says, Colon, no, not like that. Right, we

597
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: live in this world where it's that be yourself. And

598
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 1: then when you be yourself, and I was like, no, no no, no,

599
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 1: not like that, but please don't be that version of yourself. Yeah,

600
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: And it's like this really interesting idea that we're constantly

601
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: be told be true to you. But then when you

602
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 1: really see someone in all their authenticity and all their

603
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 1: flaws and all their genuineness, we don't like you. We

604
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: consider it ugly when the truth is we all have

605
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 1: that inside of us, like we all are that. So

606
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: how have you both got comfortable with looking at the

607
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 1: parts of yourself that make you uncomfortable? I don't want

608
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 1: to live my life not accepting those things. So I've

609
00:29:56,480 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 1: had times in my life where my flaws are things

610
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: that I don't maybe love about myself. Have really you know,

611
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 1: they've given me anxiety, or they've made me feel badly

612
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 1: about myself. You know, when I especially during my high

613
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 1: school years, I was like, you know, do I not

614
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 1: look good enough? Am I not this enough? Am I

615
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 1: not that enough? And it's like, I'm either going to

616
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: live like that, live insecure, concerned with you know, maybe

617
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 1: more of the external things, or I'm going to be

618
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 1: so filled up with who God created me to be,

619
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 1: which is loved, valuable, accepted just the way I am.

620
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 1: And through doing that and accepting that and through being myself,

621
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,840
Speaker 1: I feel like I've been able to cultivate a life

622
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 1: that is authentic to me. I have relationships that are

623
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 1: real as a result of being myself, of being true

624
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 1: to me, because if we're not, the other path is

625
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:54,520
Speaker 1: not It's not great. You're going to live constantly anxious.

626
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 1: You're gonna have surface relationships because you're hiding a part

627
00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 1: of who you are. And so I think that it

628
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 1: takes courage to be vulnerable. But what's on the other

629
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: side of that is total freedom and real connection and

630
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 1: all the things that we really want in life. I

631
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 1: think what I have found to be the issue with

632
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,480
Speaker 1: this is social media. And I love social media. I

633
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 1: have a really great relationship with it. I have people

634
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 1: that the people that follow me on Instagram are so

635
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 1: encouraging and so lovely. Yes, there's a couple here and

636
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: there that are negatives, but for the most part, it's

637
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 1: a really beautiful community for me. But I have realized

638
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: that I think it's really damaging in many ways because

639
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 1: we're playing the comparison game. So it's like, yes, I'm

640
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: going to be true to myself, but everybody is holding

641
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: this bag, and so I'm going to spend all my

642
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 1: money to get this bag. So I have it in

643
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 1: my social media because that's what everybody's doing. And I'm

644
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 1: not sitting here to say, you know, spend your money

645
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,960
Speaker 1: how you want. But I think that we've been wired

646
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 1: to kind of chase this unattainable lifestyle that might not

647
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 1: be within our means, and we're, like I wrote about

648
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 1: in the book, being financially fit was really important for

649
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: me because in saving and you kind of have to

650
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: like take that comparison and live your own life because

651
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 1: you're going to go into debt trying to keep up

652
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 1: with the Joneses when that's not in your means. And

653
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: so I think the comparison game in that way. I

654
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: talk a lot about finances because I think it's not

655
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: talked about, especially with younger women. Enough you know the

656
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 1: importance of saving. And also with all these filters. I

657
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 1: remember I wrote a specific chapter about this because I

658
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 1: was very alarming. I'm thirty years old and I was

659
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: using this supermodel filter and I loved the way I

660
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: loved my face. I was like, Wow, she's gorgeous, and

661
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: so I would get I would look in in the

662
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: mirror and I would get kind of like how. I

663
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 1: even went to the point where I took a screenshot

664
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: of my face with the filter and a screenshot of

665
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 1: my face regular sentence to my friend that's a plastic surgeon,

666
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 1: and said what do I need to do to look

667
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 1: like this? And he responded with, like, I don't even

668
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,160
Speaker 1: know it now. There was a nose job, cheek fillers, know,

669
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 1: some sort of taking out the fat in my cheek,

670
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 1: and I was just like, this is so wild. I

671
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 1: am a fully developed woman and I'm having this conversation

672
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 1: right now. Imagine how damaging this is for somebody younger

673
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 1: and insecure and figuring out who they are. And so

674
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: I kind of made a point right then and there,

675
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 1: I stopped using filters on Instagram because I was like,

676
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 1: I don't want anybody to see me in a different way,

677
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 1: and I also don't want to mess with my own

678
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 1: head and like look in the mirror and think, oh,

679
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 1: you know, I want to look in the mirror and

680
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,480
Speaker 1: see myself. And so I made a really big point

681
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 1: to just like stop using the filters, and I put

682
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 1: a challenge in the book for people to do the

683
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 1: same for even just like twenty four hours, just to

684
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 1: like post without a filter. It's okay and kind of

685
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 1: get used to that, because I think the more you

686
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 1: the more you are accepting of yourself in every way

687
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: social media and not on social media, it just gives

688
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: you a different sense of confidence. I think, Yeah, can

689
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: you show me that filter off towards ye, make sure

690
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:05,959
Speaker 1: lips big that that. I love that challenge. By the way,

691
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 1: I think that challenge is awesome. I love the idea

692
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 1: that it's obviously if anyone wants to change the way

693
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:14,239
Speaker 1: they look or anything. You know, I don't think anyone

694
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: here saying that. Yeah, I don't think I'm not against

695
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:22,320
Speaker 1: any of it, but I think that there's a fine

696
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 1: line between you know, uh, looking at yourself and just

697
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 1: being sad on a regular basis and just and almost

698
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:34,160
Speaker 1: that distance that's created between when you start seeing yourself

699
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 1: as someone else on a screen, right, and then when

700
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,760
Speaker 1: you start seeing yourself as someone else in the mirror,

701
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 1: and that distance wider and wider and wider. That's really hard, yeah, right,

702
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,800
Speaker 1: And if I remember when, so when we're in the monastery,

703
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 1: there were no this is really phenomenal. When we're in

704
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 1: the monastery, there's no mirrors, so you lose the idea

705
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 1: of identity and how you look. Now you you shave

706
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:58,839
Speaker 1: your hair and stuff, so you don't even have hair

707
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 1: to look at it. Whatever. But the point is that

708
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 1: I would catch myself looking at my reflection when I

709
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 1: was like if I was on the streets and I

710
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 1: was walking past a store or window, I would catch

711
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:11,399
Speaker 1: myself looking at my reflection because I was so used

712
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: to that from before, and it was so interesting to

713
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:15,759
Speaker 1: me to not look in the mirror for like a

714
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:19,439
Speaker 1: big chunk of my life is such a fascinating thing

715
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 1: of like you lose that sense of like that's important

716
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 1: and you actually have time to go in that's wild

717
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 1: ye yeah. And so so hearing your idea in the

718
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 1: same way of like, hey, don't really use filters, You

719
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 1: actually get more time to get to know yourself. You

720
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 1: get more time to love yourself, appreciate yourself, and deal

721
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: with the reality rather than a false reality that can

722
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 1: really mislead you and mess you up with when you

723
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 1: do look in the mirror and now you're disappointed with

724
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 1: how you look. Face tune is wild. I mean you can,

725
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:52,120
Speaker 1: you can really do some wild things on that. Yeah,

726
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 1: you have to be really skilled to use those things. Yeah,

727
00:35:54,360 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 1: but it does. No, I'm not, I'm terrible. I'm like

728
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,760
Speaker 1: terrible all of that stuff. But but no, I really

729
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 1: love both your answers to that, and I love that challenge.

730
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 1: And the book has more challenges and which I love,

731
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 1: which I love challenges because I think that they're the

732
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 1: simple little habit tricks and hacks that we need in

733
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 1: order to learn these very deep, profound lessons. Yeah. The

734
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:24,800
Speaker 1: other thing I was just saying on an interview that

735
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 1: I was doing was the idea of and I'd love

736
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 1: everyone to think about this, and I'd love you to

737
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: come up with a challenge for this, maybe like the

738
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 1: real time, maybe I just came up with this, So

739
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 1: ignore me if it's really hard, if we'll try, and

740
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 1: if it goes terribly, we'll cut it out. Okay, So

741
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 1: I was talking about So we talked about the mirror

742
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 1: one about me and the monster, and actually what you're

743
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 1: coming up with is like a brilliant challenge for that

744
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:49,640
Speaker 1: same principle. Another thing that I felt I learned while

745
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,600
Speaker 1: living as a monk was we lost the concept of

746
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 1: time because I didn't have to be anything by twenty five,

747
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 1: or if I would have stayed longer as a monk,

748
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: it wasn't like by thirty you have to be married

749
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,879
Speaker 1: in this right, like, So when I lived as a monk,

750
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:07,319
Speaker 1: there was no timeline because once you were a monk,

751
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:08,920
Speaker 1: you're a monk, and there was nothing that you had

752
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 1: to do at thirty forty fifty. And obviously I didn't

753
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 1: I wasn't there for that long. But you could see

754
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 1: the seventy year old monks, we're doing the same thing

755
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 1: that the twenty five year old monks are doing, Like

756
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 1: there was no big discrepancy in there. And so you

757
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,759
Speaker 1: lose the sense of time. How do you think we

758
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 1: can all let go of that sense of like, well,

759
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 1: by thirty, I need to be in a relationship by forty.

760
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,239
Speaker 1: I need to be a millionaire by whatever it may be,

761
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 1: right these timelines that society comes up with, can we

762
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 1: could we all co create a challenge that helps people

763
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 1: lose a sense of time. It's funny that you bring

764
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 1: that up, because I think that's something that I really

765
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 1: struggle with right, like very much. So, you know, I

766
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 1: thought I was going to be married with kids at

767
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,840
Speaker 1: twenty five and so, and that didn't happen. I was like, oh,

768
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 1: you know what, and I have something. I wanted you

769
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 1: to share an example that you have told me before,

770
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 1: because I think it's really good. I think that there's

771
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 1: a scripture that I love, and it says talks about

772
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 1: like content with little, content with much. You know, it

773
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,799
Speaker 1: talks about being content with whatever circumstance you're in. And

774
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 1: I think what's interesting is that we can be like, oh,

775
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: I just really want to be married. I really want

776
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,280
Speaker 1: a partner. And then you talk to your married friends

777
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 1: and they're like, enjoy your single like whatever. You talk

778
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: to people with kids, You're like, I want kids, and

779
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:20,799
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, enjoy having no kids. And you know,

780
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 1: I think that each season of life is so beautiful

781
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: and unique in its own way. And I think when

782
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 1: we make a choice to just be happy and grateful

783
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 1: for right now, and it's like, Okay, I'm single, I

784
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 1: don't have kids. I have my freedom. I can pick

785
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 1: up and do whatever I want at any time, Like

786
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: that is a blessing for right now. But Tanya got

787
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: a direct message. I tell him the story. Okay, see

788
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:44,839
Speaker 1: everybody the story. It's so beautiful that really that's such

789
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:48,439
Speaker 1: a I love that content with little, content with much,

790
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 1: with much. Yeah, that's beautiful. And it is so important

791
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: to appreciate the season that you're in because I think

792
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:56,399
Speaker 1: I was never shy about the fact that I want

793
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: I wanted to be married, I want to have kids,

794
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 1: and that's a desire of my heart. So like I

795
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 1: would pursue that like I pursued my career. When I

796
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,279
Speaker 1: tell you I went on probably two hundred dates in

797
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: seven years. I went on probably more, and I really

798
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:11,360
Speaker 1: gave it my all, like I pursued it just as

799
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 1: hard as I pursued my career. And it's funny because

800
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 1: I think God did this, like he purposefully gave me

801
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 1: a very long single season, because I would not have

802
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 1: pursued my career the way that I did had I

803
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 1: been in a romantic relationship. And I know that about

804
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 1: myself because I go, I'm all in, you know, like

805
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 1: I'm all in on my relationship right now and I

806
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 1: love it. It's the best season ever. But had this

807
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 1: been ten years ago, I wouldn't have been able to

808
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 1: build what I did. And so I know, like God

809
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 1: was like, I see you. I know I'm going to

810
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: fulfill the desire of your heart, maybe not in the

811
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 1: time that you think. And it's interesting because I got

812
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,839
Speaker 1: this DM and I had spent the day. I went

813
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:50,760
Speaker 1: on like a nine mile run, and I was cleaning

814
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:53,279
Speaker 1: out my apartment and I was saging, and I was

815
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:55,360
Speaker 1: you know, I was on Instagram and just saying, you

816
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,239
Speaker 1: know what I was doing for the day. And I

817
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,360
Speaker 1: was going through a breakup. So I was harper. I

818
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: was really sad, and I wasn't shy about it. And

819
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:06,600
Speaker 1: some woman responded to me and she said, I would

820
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 1: give anything to trade lives with you. Right now. I

821
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:14,040
Speaker 1: am currently breastfeeding one baby, potty training another that's peeing

822
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:17,400
Speaker 1: all over the floor while I'm making my husband breakfast.

823
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 1: I would give anything to be in your situation right now.

824
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 1: And here she is with the life that I desire,

825
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,239
Speaker 1: and she's saying she wants to switch places with me,

826
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:30,719
Speaker 1: And so it was such like a direct message from

827
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,280
Speaker 1: God that like, you're where you're supposed to be. Enjoy

828
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 1: this moment, enjoy the season. It's not going to be

829
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 1: like this forever. You know, seasons don't last forever. They

830
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 1: are seasons for a reason, and so it was like

831
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:46,640
Speaker 1: very timely that message. Wow, Yeah, I guess the challenge

832
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:51,040
Speaker 1: could be think about your life today and where you're

833
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 1: at and what you're grateful for. So maybe write it down.

834
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 1: I'm if I'm single, I have my freedom. I can

835
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,320
Speaker 1: go to bed when I want, I can to the

836
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,280
Speaker 1: store if I want to, I can go meet a friend.

837
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 1: If you have kids, think about, you know, things that

838
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 1: you're grateful for with your kids, with your husband, and

839
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 1: so maybe the challenges. You know, I'm grateful for this

840
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 1: right now instead of focusing on future. I want more

841
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:22,239
Speaker 1: of this, I want a better job, I want you know, partner, boyfriend, husband, kid, like,

842
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 1: just think about It's it's gratitude, right, and I think

843
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 1: gratitude eliminates angst about the future. But I also think

844
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 1: I remember reading this in your first book it was

845
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 1: about not attaching your happiness to like things, to the

846
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:41,359
Speaker 1: title or the whatever, you know what I mean, It's

847
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 1: like attaching your happiness to this like state of mind

848
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 1: and like relationships and that stuff. That is what life

849
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,839
Speaker 1: is about. Yeah, No, I love what you're both saying.

850
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:53,920
Speaker 1: I think the Freaky Friday moments really interesting, Like this

851
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 1: idea of like switching lives with someone that you think

852
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 1: has it all. And if you were able to do that,

853
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:05,239
Speaker 1: most of us, you know, maybe with backtrack to some

854
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:08,439
Speaker 1: degree or there'd be some more appreciation for our life

855
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 1: even if And of course that's that's different depending on

856
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: how different those examples are. But I think also it's

857
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:16,800
Speaker 1: different for women because we do have like a biological clock,

858
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: so there is like that little timeline and I've I've

859
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,280
Speaker 1: been kind of dealing with that a little bit lately.

860
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 1: But I think now there's so many resources, there's so

861
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 1: much you can do. I know women that are having

862
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 1: babies on their own, you know, they couldn't find a

863
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:30,439
Speaker 1: partner and so they're just doing it on their own.

864
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 1: And I think it's such a liberating time to be

865
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 1: a woman. And so I think all of these things

866
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 1: are slowly starting to like become less of a timeline. Yeah, yeah, definitely,

867
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 1: And I agree with you. I think that, you know,

868
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:48,280
Speaker 1: I think the pressure to do something because of just time,

869
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 1: and you're right. As a woman, definitely you experience it

870
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 1: far more. And it's I talked to Rady about this

871
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: all the time, and it's it's such a Yeah, it's

872
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,759
Speaker 1: a challenge, but I like that challenge, your quell of

873
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 1: like bigring out what you currently have that you once

874
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:06,400
Speaker 1: dreamed of. Yeah, it's almost like when you currently have

875
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:09,439
Speaker 1: that you really wanted. Yeah, because there was a time,

876
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 1: like you're saying that you will have really pursued the career.

877
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 1: Now you have the career and you're pursuing the next thing.

878
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:15,600
Speaker 1: And it's like, yeah, but what do I have right

879
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 1: now that I once really wished for. It could be

880
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:20,319
Speaker 1: as small as I get a bit of free time.

881
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 1: It could be as big as I have the career

882
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 1: I want. It could be as huge as I have

883
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 1: the partner and the kids, whatever it is, or I

884
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 1: can run a mile today. It can be so small exactly.

885
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 1: And I one more thing too that I want to say,

886
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 1: is what which touches on all of this and helps

887
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:36,280
Speaker 1: with it, and is Actually the reason that we wrote

888
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 1: the book is that the best advice I could give

889
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: to anyone is to prioritize your inner life, because when

890
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:46,400
Speaker 1: your inner life is strong, you can handle anything that

891
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 1: comes your way. So those seasons where you're like really

892
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 1: wishing and hoping for that thing and you don't have

893
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 1: it yet, your inner life is what sustains you when

894
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: you get the job, when you have the partner that

895
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,279
Speaker 1: you've always wanted, it humbles you and it fills you

896
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 1: with gratitude. It as opposed to ego and arrogance and

897
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: everything in between. When your inner life, when your spirit strong,

898
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:08,360
Speaker 1: even in the mundane moments, that's what gives you inspiration,

899
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 1: fills you with awe. And so I think just the

900
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:14,959
Speaker 1: best life advice for anyone at any age is prioritize

901
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 1: your inner life. That will fill you up to be

902
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:21,040
Speaker 1: able to handle anything that comes your way. Absolutely absolutely.

903
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 1: I have something that I often repeat to myself from others,

904
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 1: which is when things are bad, work hard, or when

905
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 1: things are good, work harder. Yeah, and I mean that

906
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:33,399
Speaker 1: on your internal self. When things are good externally, it's

907
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 1: really easy to forget that. Actually you're only able to

908
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:41,439
Speaker 1: have this amazing external experience because of the inner work. Absolutely,

909
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 1: like years ago or months ago, and then when things

910
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 1: are great, you like stop doing the inner work, and

911
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:47,920
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, now you're in a cloudy

912
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:50,839
Speaker 1: season and that because you didn't do the inner work

913
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:53,279
Speaker 1: in the last season, it's not protecting you. And so

914
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,479
Speaker 1: I yeah, I love that. And if that's the heart

915
00:44:55,480 --> 00:45:00,040
Speaker 1: of the book, I think you know it, really I

916
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 1: would love that. I know our community does that. Everyone

917
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 1: who listens to on purpose is such an inner work person,

918
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: and I'm glad that they now have a hundred new

919
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,800
Speaker 1: ways of doing that. One of the other ones, I've

920
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: got a few more if you don't mind it, right,

921
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:15,560
Speaker 1: I want to talk about this one because I think

922
00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 1: it's a big one. Be done with shame, right, This

923
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 1: one was like, this one really stood out to me

924
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 1: because I think shame and guilt are things all of

925
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:28,840
Speaker 1: us carry in so many different ways. They weigh us down,

926
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 1: They let us potentially push someone away that we love,

927
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:37,879
Speaker 1: They block us from receiving love. Shame and guilt are

928
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 1: just this huge what looks like a shield, but actually

929
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:45,719
Speaker 1: it's just a barrier and keeping things out and not

930
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 1: letting us be ourselves and not letting people love us.

931
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 1: Talk to me about what shame and guilt has blocked

932
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:56,279
Speaker 1: in your life and how you've changed your relationship with

933
00:45:56,320 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 1: shame and guilt. Yeah, so Brene Brown about shame as

934
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:04,240
Speaker 1: shame as I am bad, and guilt is I've did

935
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:06,879
Speaker 1: I've done something bad. And guilt can be a good

936
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: thing right makes us not repeat the same mistakes. But

937
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 1: shame is a deep, deep belief of Brine. Brown describes

938
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,280
Speaker 1: two things shame and guilt. Shame as I am bad,

939
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 1: guilt as I've done something bad. Guilt can be good

940
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 1: and healthy because it helps us to not make the

941
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 1: same mistakes again. Shame is extremely difficult and heartbreaking because

942
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:33,920
Speaker 1: it's a deep belief of I am bad, I'm not

943
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,279
Speaker 1: good enough, I'm not this enough, I'm not that enough.

944
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: And when we live our lives from a place of shame,

945
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:43,919
Speaker 1: we miss out on being our true, authentic self. And

946
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:47,320
Speaker 1: so I almost could cry talking about it, because shame

947
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 1: it you know, in friends that I've close, friends that

948
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:52,479
Speaker 1: I have that have experienced shame. It breaks my heart

949
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:57,279
Speaker 1: because you can see, you know, it's stabilitating. And in

950
00:46:57,320 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 1: my own life areas where I've felt some shame, maybe

951
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:04,279
Speaker 1: I'll go back to high school. Maybe you know other

952
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 1: girls getting the boyfriend, or that me not feeling pretty

953
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:10,360
Speaker 1: enough for example. You have to do the inner work

954
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: right because it's like that's not true. It's like, I

955
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 1: am beautiful. God's created me exactly the way that I

956
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 1: am meant to be. And if I go on to

957
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,399
Speaker 1: carry that shame, then that's going to affect me. It's

958
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 1: going to affect me when I'm out on dates, it's

959
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: going to affect you know, how I see myself, and

960
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:32,800
Speaker 1: that is extremely detrimental. And so you get through shame

961
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 1: through first acknowledging it, being able to speak it aloud,

962
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 1: maybe to a trusted friend, and then you pray about

963
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 1: it or you meditate on it, and that's when you

964
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 1: do the inner work of like, okay, God, the universe,

965
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:49,839
Speaker 1: help me to see myself as you see me, beautiful, wonderful,

966
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 1: made exactly the way that I was created to be.

967
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:56,879
Speaker 1: And it takes time and it takes work. Tanya's really

968
00:47:56,880 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 1: big on visual, like seeing things visual. She You've told

969
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:03,200
Speaker 1: me before about your body. You'll right on the mirror,

970
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 1: I am this, I am beautiful, I am this, and

971
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 1: seeing it and speaking that over yourself so when negative

972
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 1: thoughts come, I'm you know, I'm I don't like my

973
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 1: love handles or whatever. It's like, I'm beautiful that my

974
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: love handles are beautiful and speaking truth over yourself and

975
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 1: that is how you come against shame. Well that's a

976
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: great explanation. Thanks. Yeah, No, I mean I could. We

977
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,760
Speaker 1: could do a whole podcast on shame because I literally

978
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 1: I'm like getting emotional thinking about it right now, because no,

979
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 1: you could cry. It breaks my heart. It's like, I

980
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 1: guess people live in that they live in. I can't

981
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 1: believe you start crying on podcasts right now, But I

982
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 1: my friends that I and you can see it on

983
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:50,200
Speaker 1: people and you can feel it off of them and

984
00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 1: it holds them back. And that's why I care a

985
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,080
Speaker 1: lot actually about We want to take this book into

986
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 1: schools and into junior highs and high schools because kids

987
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:00,920
Speaker 1: that are dealing with shame, their brains are developing or is.

988
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:02,879
Speaker 1: It's a lot harder when you're adult. I think about

989
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 1: my friends that are adults and they are experiencing that shame.

990
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 1: It's a lot harder to move forward and change those

991
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,760
Speaker 1: negative self beliefs. But when you're younger, it's it's easier

992
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:17,120
Speaker 1: because your your brains aren't fully developed. So it is

993
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:20,520
Speaker 1: possible everyone can do the work, everyone can heal and change.

994
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 1: But it absolutely breaks my heart. And for anybody who's

995
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:26,759
Speaker 1: listening who feel shame about something in their life, maybe

996
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:29,920
Speaker 1: they haven't ever shared with anybody, It's like, it doesn't

997
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 1: matter what it is, you are, you are enough, nobody

998
00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:34,919
Speaker 1: is ever too far gone. There's a mistake you've made,

999
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:39,839
Speaker 1: there's nothing you've done that can't be healed, and it's

1000
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:43,279
Speaker 1: just Yeah, and the difference that she expressed from Brenda Brown,

1001
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:45,920
Speaker 1: the difference between guilt and shame is so powerful because

1002
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 1: it is it's like we've all we all make mistakes,

1003
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 1: we all trip, we all fall, and being able to

1004
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 1: kind of like speak on that guilt, pray about it.

1005
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:56,359
Speaker 1: I made that mistake and I don't want to live

1006
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 1: in that mistake and moving forward with my life, like

1007
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 1: is so there's so much power or in that. I

1008
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 1: think a lot of people don't know how to get

1009
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:05,319
Speaker 1: to the other side. Yeah, And I think often we

1010
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:08,879
Speaker 1: stop other people moving on with their guilt because we're

1011
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,359
Speaker 1: still stopping ourselves from moving on from our guilt. Yeah,

1012
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,919
Speaker 1: And it's like an insecurity when we see someone say

1013
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:16,280
Speaker 1: I'm going to leave my shame behind guilt help me grow,

1014
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:20,000
Speaker 1: and we can't deal with that because we haven't done

1015
00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: that for ourselves. Yeah, so powerful, And I'm putting out

1016
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:25,360
Speaker 1: there too. I think I think this book would make

1017
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,680
Speaker 1: a great book club book. Yeah. I can see a

1018
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:30,400
Speaker 1: lot of people reading it together are reflecting on a

1019
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,879
Speaker 1: lot of these ideas, doing these challenges together. Like it's

1020
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 1: a very practical book, and I'm a big fan of

1021
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,239
Speaker 1: practical books because I think that it's not just a

1022
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:39,960
Speaker 1: book that you're going to read on your own. Hopefully

1023
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:41,480
Speaker 1: there's a book that you grab for your friends. You're

1024
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 1: going to read it together. You're going to discuss all

1025
00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 1: these even in the way us three are like, this

1026
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,600
Speaker 1: is really I find this really therapeutic, Like you know

1027
00:50:49,719 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 1: right now, even me, but even me, like I feel

1028
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:54,239
Speaker 1: like I'm opening up because you guys are opening up.

1029
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 1: And there's these beautiful themes that you've selected in the

1030
00:50:57,040 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 1: book that everyone can relate to. Like none of them

1031
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:02,760
Speaker 1: everything that everyone, everything we've all said is is stuff

1032
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,720
Speaker 1: that we're all dealing with in very unique different way. Totally,

1033
00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 1: but it's still there. Okay, I've got a couple more

1034
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:10,080
Speaker 1: that I want to pick up. I really like this

1035
00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:12,680
Speaker 1: one because it's obviously linked to my new book Eight

1036
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:15,120
Speaker 1: Rules of Love. Yes, And I love that this comes

1037
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:18,279
Speaker 1: up in your book, so it's prioritize character over chemistry.

1038
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 1: And I love this because you know, I'm a I'm

1039
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 1: a big romantic. I'm a big fan of chemistry, and

1040
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:28,919
Speaker 1: I'm also just a big fan of love, like I'm

1041
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 1: obsessed with it. I'm kind of like you in the

1042
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 1: sense of I always had this obsession with wanting to

1043
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:37,360
Speaker 1: be madly in love, wanting to be married, wanting to

1044
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:40,919
Speaker 1: have like this amazing relationship like that was a big

1045
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 1: part of who I want, what I wanted when I

1046
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 1: was a kid. And then I married someone who doesn't

1047
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 1: like PDA, who doesn't like who isn't a romantic. It's

1048
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:49,920
Speaker 1: been amazing, Like it's it's so much growth and a

1049
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 1: beautiful but I love this idea of character over chemistry.

1050
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 1: And I wanted you to describe and maybe China, you

1051
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:01,120
Speaker 1: can start with this one. It's like, what is the

1052
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:04,319
Speaker 1: what is the difference? And then what did you mean

1053
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:07,280
Speaker 1: by this? So I was at this a friend's wedding

1054
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:12,240
Speaker 1: of um, this was a while ago and the the

1055
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 1: guy that was officiating the wedding, the pastor said it

1056
00:52:15,239 --> 00:52:17,480
Speaker 1: was it was a Bible verse and it was all

1057
00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 1: about prioritizing character over chemistry. And he said, chemistry can

1058
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 1: lead to some healthy, you know, couple good years of marriage.

1059
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 1: Character is what's going to last you a lifetime in

1060
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 1: a marriage. And I started thinking about that, and it's

1061
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: so true. When you're dating. Chemistry is the first thing

1062
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:40,359
Speaker 1: that we all just we all cling to, you know,

1063
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 1: I want to make out with you. I like, you know,

1064
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 1: I'm very physically attracted to you. Chemistry is what takes

1065
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 1: the dating world, you know, to the next step. But

1066
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 1: it's the character. You can have chemistry with somebody and that,

1067
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 1: but that's going to fizzle, it's like a fire, it's

1068
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 1: going to burn out. But character is what lasts a lifetime.

1069
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:59,520
Speaker 1: And so that's what I found to be so interesting

1070
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:02,759
Speaker 1: when I was in my dating world, because it was

1071
00:53:03,239 --> 00:53:05,520
Speaker 1: I was prioritizing the chemistry. It was like, oh, no,

1072
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 1: I don't want to go out with him because like

1073
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:08,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to make out with him, you know,

1074
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:10,279
Speaker 1: Like that was always my go too. It was like,

1075
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:13,120
Speaker 1: what was I physically attracted to? Him, And yes, I

1076
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,759
Speaker 1: think that is important obviously in a relationship, but I

1077
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:17,960
Speaker 1: don't think it is the number one thing. And I

1078
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 1: think if you meet someone or you know, the friends

1079
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:21,920
Speaker 1: are trying to set you up and they're like, this

1080
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 1: is a really quality person, they have a really great character,

1081
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:28,399
Speaker 1: I think it's totally worth going out with because that's

1082
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:30,359
Speaker 1: what's going to last the lifetime, I think. And that's

1083
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 1: something that I always say about my boyfriend right now.

1084
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:39,239
Speaker 1: His character is like, yes, yes he is. Just his

1085
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:42,839
Speaker 1: character is so strong. He's got great energy. He's been

1086
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 1: through so much in his life and you wouldn't even

1087
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 1: know it because he puts it like he just carries

1088
00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 1: himself so well. He doesn't bring past experiences into his

1089
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 1: new relationship. He just has such a strong character. And

1090
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 1: I think that and we obviously have chemistry too, But

1091
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,319
Speaker 1: the character is what trump's everything like. It is just

1092
00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 1: it's so porton. I think when you're dating, remembering that

1093
00:54:02,719 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 1: is like so crucial. So I want to ask you,

1094
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 1: and there's two hundred dates you went on, which which

1095
00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:10,759
Speaker 1: by the way, is inspiring, and I want to talk.

1096
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:12,480
Speaker 1: I want you to talk about that because I have

1097
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:16,279
Speaker 1: so many friends right now who struggle with dating, are

1098
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,280
Speaker 1: scared of dating. I was literally talking to a friend.

1099
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:21,920
Speaker 1: You know who you are if you're listening to this episode.

1100
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 1: I sent a voice note late last night to a

1101
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:31,000
Speaker 1: friend saying, dude, there's a guy I was like you justifying.

1102
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:34,360
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, you literally need to meet this

1103
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 1: person because I don't see what's what you don't like

1104
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 1: about her, like as in and if you don't go

1105
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 1: out on a date, you're not going to know anything.

1106
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:45,840
Speaker 1: You can't decide based on a picture in someone's bio

1107
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:48,320
Speaker 1: of like, so I was just saying, you need to

1108
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 1: get out there. And I think so many people today

1109
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 1: and we have to be honest, like the pandemic set

1110
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 1: us back with social interactions, social anxiety. When people are

1111
00:54:56,880 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 1: scared of meeting people, people are forgotten how to have conversation.

1112
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:03,840
Speaker 1: People may not be as confident with who they are anymore, Like, yeah,

1113
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:07,799
Speaker 1: we can't ignore that. How did you, first of all,

1114
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:10,799
Speaker 1: how did you find the courage inspiration to go out

1115
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:13,399
Speaker 1: on two hundred dates? Like every time? Because I think

1116
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:16,640
Speaker 1: people got on one or five and they're seven and

1117
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 1: they're tired, exhausting, Yeah, and it's very disheartening. Yeah, so

1118
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:21,920
Speaker 1: so let's talk about that first, and then the second

1119
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:24,359
Speaker 1: part I'm going to ask you is and I'll save

1120
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 1: the second question and then Raquel, I'm coming to you

1121
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 1: in a second. Yeah, i'd love to talk to her

1122
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,920
Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think the thing that

1123
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:35,200
Speaker 1: I was like the one hit wonder. I'll go out

1124
00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:37,959
Speaker 1: with anybody once because I'm with you, like, you don't

1125
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:40,040
Speaker 1: know if you're gonna get along with somebody. You can

1126
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:42,840
Speaker 1: only tell so much on a photo and a bio.

1127
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:45,120
Speaker 1: So I would always say yes to a first date.

1128
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:47,560
Speaker 1: But I matter what not, even if you didn't like

1129
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:49,759
Speaker 1: their picture, even if you want attractive. Yeah, I would

1130
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 1: go out. Um, but I was I didn't go on

1131
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:54,839
Speaker 1: very many second dates. Like I'm very quick to know,

1132
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:57,480
Speaker 1: and so I would know like it's not going to happen.

1133
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 1: So when I say two hundred, it was just like, yeah,

1134
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:02,320
Speaker 1: I would just keep it moving, you know, keep it moving.

1135
00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:04,919
Speaker 1: There were a couple in there that I would date,

1136
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:07,279
Speaker 1: you know, a couple months here and there, and I

1137
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:10,440
Speaker 1: think I did the longest I did somebody was six months. Um.

1138
00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:12,960
Speaker 1: So they're like little heartbreaks throughout the whole, and it

1139
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 1: is it's disheartening. It's just like, is he out there?

1140
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:17,880
Speaker 1: Like I thought this was going to be him, and

1141
00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:20,120
Speaker 1: then it turns out, you know this guy like I

1142
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:22,960
Speaker 1: dated when I tell you the stories, and that's why

1143
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:24,960
Speaker 1: I wrote the Dating Book, because I'm like, it's it

1144
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:26,560
Speaker 1: feels like a movie some of these things. I met

1145
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:29,000
Speaker 1: a guy and Wilshire Boulevard rolled down his window, asked

1146
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:30,960
Speaker 1: me on a date, went out with him. He was

1147
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 1: totally yeah, yeah, yeah, she really said yes. Yes, I

1148
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:38,440
Speaker 1: literally said yes. But you know, time after time it

1149
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:41,760
Speaker 1: does get very disheartening. But I always had this journal,

1150
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 1: it's called My Dear Future Husband Journal, and after really

1151
00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:46,279
Speaker 1: bad dates, I would come home and I would just

1152
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:55,920
Speaker 1: write and and that's the book. Yeah yeah, but I

1153
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,239
Speaker 1: would always look at I would write and like I

1154
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:00,279
Speaker 1: would write about hope and the hope that I had

1155
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:02,040
Speaker 1: for this man. I knew it was out there, because

1156
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:05,399
Speaker 1: when God puts a desire in your heart, he fulfills it. Again,

1157
00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:07,759
Speaker 1: it might not be on your timetable, but like, it's

1158
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:09,960
Speaker 1: such a strong desire of my heart to have a partner,

1159
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:11,840
Speaker 1: to share a life, to be married, to have a family,

1160
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 1: and so I knew he was going to fulfill it.

1161
00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 1: So I would write to my future husband, just I

1162
00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:18,600
Speaker 1: would just write to him in this journal after every

1163
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 1: bad date, and it kind of kept me out of

1164
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 1: that mindset of this sucks. There's nobody out there like uh,

1165
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 1: our guys really like you know, I mean, it was

1166
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:30,280
Speaker 1: everything under the sun. So that journal really helped me

1167
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 1: keep hope alive in my life. So that's kind of

1168
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:38,280
Speaker 1: how I navigated the dating. Oh all right, Raquel, I'm

1169
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:39,320
Speaker 1: coming to you, and then I'm coming back to you

1170
00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 1: for the qui quel. All right, So no, well, I

1171
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:44,720
Speaker 1: guess the questions about obviously this character of a chemistry piece.

1172
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 1: And you know you've you know, you've talked about this before,

1173
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 1: just about how like dating in relationships a secret you

1174
00:57:50,440 --> 00:57:52,680
Speaker 1: and it's hard like you, you're not you don't just

1175
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 1: dive in. No, no, no, you know, you're very careful

1176
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:57,920
Speaker 1: and composed and like again, you know, I think you're

1177
00:57:57,920 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 1: such an accomplished person internally and externally and and society

1178
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 1: and I talk a lot about this in my book,

1179
00:58:05,160 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 1: where society has made us believe that we're inadequate if

1180
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:12,640
Speaker 1: we're not with someone. Absolutely, yeah, I completely disagree with that. Obviously,

1181
00:58:13,680 --> 00:58:15,360
Speaker 1: you have another section in this book which is all

1182
00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:18,760
Speaker 1: about the power of finding solitude, which I love, which

1183
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:22,840
Speaker 1: I'm such a big proponent of. And even in Tanya's case,

1184
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 1: she was talking about how like being single was so

1185
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 1: important for her now being together and she was able

1186
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 1: to achieve things. So how do you how have you

1187
00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:33,480
Speaker 1: made peace with that part in your life where that's

1188
00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 1: something you're figuring it out, it's not something that's worked out,

1189
00:58:36,400 --> 00:58:38,840
Speaker 1: But you're not disqualifying yourself because of it. You're not

1190
00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:40,920
Speaker 1: making it reflect on who you are. And obviously, as

1191
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 1: I'm saying, I know who you are and anyone I'm

1192
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:46,400
Speaker 1: just throwing out there would be lucky to be with Raquel,

1193
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,320
Speaker 1: And I mean that, and I've always said that to you,

1194
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:52,320
Speaker 1: like off camera, like you know, yeah and so. But

1195
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,280
Speaker 1: but you're someone who's who's patient and getting it right.

1196
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:56,640
Speaker 1: So like, how do you deal with that as we're

1197
00:58:56,680 --> 00:58:59,600
Speaker 1: dealing with all these other guys as well, because great questions. So,

1198
00:58:59,600 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 1: first of all, character over chemistry every day. I completely

1199
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:04,640
Speaker 1: agree with everything that Tanya said. You can find a

1200
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:06,320
Speaker 1: lot of people that you have chemistry with, but you

1201
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 1: want to be with a person of character. That's what's

1202
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 1: going to lead to a peaceful life. I have not

1203
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,240
Speaker 1: dated seriously in the last ten years, which I think

1204
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:16,200
Speaker 1: can be really surprising to people because they're like, you're

1205
00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:19,480
Speaker 1: in your twenties, it's you know, your prime, and you're

1206
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 1: not dating. And it is something that I take extremely seriously.

1207
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:26,840
Speaker 1: So I do go on dates and I'm open to it.

1208
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:30,840
Speaker 1: But unless something truly feels right and I see the

1209
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:34,240
Speaker 1: person as a person of integrity, a person of character,

1210
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:37,640
Speaker 1: I time is too precious and I will not invest

1211
00:59:37,760 --> 00:59:41,240
Speaker 1: my time in someone that I don't feel is right

1212
00:59:41,520 --> 00:59:45,480
Speaker 1: for me. And through not dating, I've been able to

1213
00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 1: have an amazing time in my twenties with my friends

1214
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 1: and building a career and traveling and living a great,

1215
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:55,920
Speaker 1: very fulfilled life as a single person. And I feel

1216
00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:58,560
Speaker 1: enough and whole on my own. So for me to

1217
00:59:58,640 --> 01:00:00,200
Speaker 1: be with someone, which I would love to to be

1218
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,160
Speaker 1: with someone, I would like to find a partner of character,

1219
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:05,760
Speaker 1: someone that together we are stronger, I love that. Saying

1220
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:09,600
Speaker 1: you know two or stronger than one, I would absolutely

1221
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:12,360
Speaker 1: love that. But I am totally content and at peace

1222
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:15,120
Speaker 1: in the meantime, and I'm open to it, and I

1223
01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:17,120
Speaker 1: think that you know you're right. There is a lot

1224
01:00:17,120 --> 01:00:18,960
Speaker 1: of pressure on people to feel like, oh, I'm not

1225
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 1: enough if I don't have a partner, But of course

1226
01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:24,400
Speaker 1: we are. We're individuals and we are you know the

1227
01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:26,320
Speaker 1: truth that you're born alone and you die alone, and

1228
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:29,360
Speaker 1: so your relationship with you is the most important thing

1229
01:00:29,360 --> 01:00:32,240
Speaker 1: to prioritize. And when you prioritize that, then you're going

1230
01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:35,040
Speaker 1: to be the best version of yourself for when that

1231
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 1: partner does. But I do think it's like so important

1232
01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:40,000
Speaker 1: for people to hear that because I do think that

1233
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 1: there are a lot of people, myself included. If I

1234
01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 1: looked at myself at twenty one, I didn't think I

1235
01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:49,000
Speaker 1: could function without. I was just jumping from a relationship

1236
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:51,560
Speaker 1: to relationship. I didn't want to be alone. And when

1237
01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:54,080
Speaker 1: I was single, I was able, Like I lived alone

1238
01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 1: for the first time, and I you know, I started

1239
01:00:57,160 --> 01:00:59,400
Speaker 1: investing my money and like, you know, things that I

1240
01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:02,760
Speaker 1: just never thought that I would do or what I

1241
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:04,840
Speaker 1: could do on my own, you know, Like I always say,

1242
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:06,760
Speaker 1: like I'm a modern woman, and I really feel like

1243
01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:09,600
Speaker 1: I developed this strong sense of self and now that

1244
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:12,080
Speaker 1: I do have a partner, he it does it just

1245
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:15,520
Speaker 1: it's like, um, it is she just made me stronger

1246
01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:18,080
Speaker 1: as a person and my life better. But I feel

1247
01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:20,560
Speaker 1: like it's so important because if you just attach yourself

1248
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:22,560
Speaker 1: to somebody because you don't want to be single, yeah,

1249
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 1: it can lead you down a bad path. You know,

1250
01:01:25,040 --> 01:01:26,480
Speaker 1: it's not going to lead you to your potential if

1251
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 1: you're just dating somebody because you don't want to be alone.

1252
01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:32,800
Speaker 1: I think you needed to date someone to elevate you. Yeah, yeah,

1253
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:34,680
Speaker 1: And I think I think it's so right. Like I

1254
01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 1: think when you run from relationship to relationship to relationship,

1255
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 1: that's when you fall in love instead of growing in love.

1256
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:43,120
Speaker 1: And I think for anyone, like I've been with rather

1257
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:45,920
Speaker 1: enough for nearly ten years, and it's it's been more

1258
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:49,720
Speaker 1: growth than falling, like like that fallen growth. Yeah, we

1259
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:53,120
Speaker 1: fell in love, sure, like that statement. As always, I've

1260
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:57,200
Speaker 1: always wanted to fall in love. So that's that's that's

1261
01:01:57,240 --> 01:01:59,200
Speaker 1: because of Hollywood, and that's because of movies and music.

1262
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:02,080
Speaker 1: That's not because of me. When now, as someone who

1263
01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 1: believes I'm in love with someone who's in love with me,

1264
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:07,400
Speaker 1: we're growing every day. We don't fall more deeply in

1265
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 1: love together like we grow more deeply in love. There's

1266
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 1: so much more evolution and learning, and it's really interesting.

1267
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:16,200
Speaker 1: I was talking about this the other day that so

1268
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 1: many people feel like enjoyment is the peak of a relationship,

1269
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:23,360
Speaker 1: and I'd actually say, like the amount you've grown together

1270
01:02:23,360 --> 01:02:25,400
Speaker 1: and involved together is like the peak of a relationship

1271
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:28,720
Speaker 1: because it makes life easier, yea, rather than you know,

1272
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:31,080
Speaker 1: just pleasure, not saying there isn't any kind of like

1273
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:33,040
Speaker 1: the chemistry and character point. I want to go back

1274
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:35,280
Speaker 1: to both of you on that because I fully agree

1275
01:02:35,320 --> 01:02:38,040
Speaker 1: with you too. How do you discern character? Like how

1276
01:02:38,120 --> 01:02:39,920
Speaker 1: do you because I think a lot of people say,

1277
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:42,800
Speaker 1: I know if I'm attracted to someone, right, I know,

1278
01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:44,960
Speaker 1: if we have a bit of a spark because we're

1279
01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:48,160
Speaker 1: going back and forth and there's you know, distress and excitement.

1280
01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:51,280
Speaker 1: But character, It's like, how do you know? Because character

1281
01:02:51,360 --> 01:02:54,240
Speaker 1: is such a big word. You know, we always hear

1282
01:02:54,280 --> 01:02:56,760
Speaker 1: these scary stories about I was dating this guy and

1283
01:02:56,800 --> 01:02:59,600
Speaker 1: then he had a whole other family, like in another state. Right,

1284
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:08,080
Speaker 1: I don't know, podcast arts out with like this shady boyfriend,

1285
01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:11,880
Speaker 1: I'm like huh yeah, or like or like you find

1286
01:03:11,920 --> 01:03:14,600
Speaker 1: out that you know, this person isn't everything they said

1287
01:03:14,640 --> 01:03:16,560
Speaker 1: they were. They didn't have that much money or whatever

1288
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:18,760
Speaker 1: it was, or like well they didn't look like whatever,

1289
01:03:18,920 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 1: like there's just so many and yeah, those are all

1290
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:25,880
Speaker 1: extreme scenarios, right, so I don't want to put that

1291
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:28,040
Speaker 1: out there. Yeah yeah, make everyone feel like, oh my god,

1292
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:30,240
Speaker 1: everyone you meet, but you have to be skeptical and

1293
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:32,320
Speaker 1: they have to get a private investigator or something like that.

1294
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:35,600
Speaker 1: But but I guess my point is, how have you

1295
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:38,880
Speaker 1: learned to discern character when you are meeting people and

1296
01:03:38,960 --> 01:03:40,960
Speaker 1: when you were dating? And I would love to hear

1297
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:43,400
Speaker 1: it from someone who's gone through that process, like more

1298
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:46,360
Speaker 1: recently than me. I think, Um, the way that they

1299
01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:49,880
Speaker 1: handle obviously the first meeting, offering to pick you up

1300
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:51,760
Speaker 1: or you know, like offering to pick you up, but

1301
01:03:51,800 --> 01:03:53,720
Speaker 1: also saying if you're more comfortable to meet there, but

1302
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:56,440
Speaker 1: like the gesture seeing if they want to come to you.

1303
01:03:56,680 --> 01:03:59,240
Speaker 1: How do they treat the people at the restaurant? You know,

1304
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:01,520
Speaker 1: how do they treat the waiter? How do they treat

1305
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:07,200
Speaker 1: the hostess? Are they you know, um, when they're speaking

1306
01:04:07,240 --> 01:04:09,160
Speaker 1: about their life and their passions and other people, are

1307
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:11,720
Speaker 1: they talking badly about other people? Do they have a

1308
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:14,320
Speaker 1: sense of spirit or you know what I mean? Like,

1309
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:16,480
Speaker 1: I think it's just being super like lasered in on

1310
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 1: how they're you know, like on a first date, there's

1311
01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:21,600
Speaker 1: only so much you can tell, but I feel like

1312
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,600
Speaker 1: you can also still tell a lot well. And I

1313
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:25,680
Speaker 1: think I'm really big on looking at the fruit of

1314
01:04:25,720 --> 01:04:28,120
Speaker 1: people's life. And I think what I mean by that

1315
01:04:28,400 --> 01:04:31,240
Speaker 1: is who are their friends? Who do they surround themselves with?

1316
01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:35,040
Speaker 1: Are they generous it doesn't have to be with money,

1317
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:37,360
Speaker 1: or they generous with their relationships? Are they generous with

1318
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:42,080
Speaker 1: their time? But I think who people have around them

1319
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:44,560
Speaker 1: says a lot about a person. So if you meet

1320
01:04:44,640 --> 01:04:47,640
Speaker 1: someone and you meet the friends, are they're not really

1321
01:04:47,680 --> 01:04:49,560
Speaker 1: cutting it, you know what I mean, it's or or

1322
01:04:49,680 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 1: there's certain things that feel a little bit off, then

1323
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 1: that's a sign. Yeah, those are great. I love all

1324
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:57,840
Speaker 1: of those. Everyone's listening and watching. Write those down, yeah,

1325
01:04:57,840 --> 01:04:59,840
Speaker 1: because they're so awesome. To take a screenshot of where

1326
01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:02,160
Speaker 1: we are on the episode right now, because all of

1327
01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:05,960
Speaker 1: those are such great ways to know character. Some of

1328
01:05:06,040 --> 01:05:08,560
Speaker 1: mine that I love is I want to see someone

1329
01:05:09,120 --> 01:05:13,320
Speaker 1: when they're tired, stressed, and irritated. Feel like when I

1330
01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:15,480
Speaker 1: see someone and that doesn't make me decide whether they're

1331
01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:17,120
Speaker 1: a good person or bad person, because, by the way,

1332
01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:20,640
Speaker 1: I'm really not nice on I'm irritated. But it's like,

1333
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:24,680
Speaker 1: I want to see someone with those emotions because that's

1334
01:05:24,760 --> 01:05:26,720
Speaker 1: like really seeing their character. When you see people in

1335
01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:30,040
Speaker 1: a date in an interview format, they're really tired, stressed,

1336
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:33,600
Speaker 1: they're fatigued. And when you see someone who's feeling those things,

1337
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:36,320
Speaker 1: like I remember when I first saw Rady in those ways,

1338
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:38,400
Speaker 1: or Rady saw me in those ways, it was healthy

1339
01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:41,040
Speaker 1: for us to actually get to know the kind of

1340
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:44,000
Speaker 1: like the reality of certain emotions you are going to

1341
01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:45,960
Speaker 1: feel if you end up with someone. Yeah, those don't

1342
01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:51,080
Speaker 1: come out for a while. I think the character, it's

1343
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,360
Speaker 1: not tested in our good moments. It is tested in

1344
01:05:53,400 --> 01:05:57,400
Speaker 1: our somebody. But I think you can figure that out

1345
01:05:57,480 --> 01:05:58,680
Speaker 1: on a date, you know what I mean. I think

1346
01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:01,000
Speaker 1: also like learning, when you're learning about somebody, you can

1347
01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:03,680
Speaker 1: really kind of ask questions. And I feel like I

1348
01:06:03,720 --> 01:06:06,120
Speaker 1: remember when I was inating, I was very aware of

1349
01:06:06,560 --> 01:06:10,120
Speaker 1: my mishaps and my patterns that were toxic and dating,

1350
01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:11,320
Speaker 1: and you know what I mean, like being able to

1351
01:06:11,360 --> 01:06:14,000
Speaker 1: share that with somebody and like being vulnerable, like you know,

1352
01:06:14,160 --> 01:06:15,760
Speaker 1: I used to do this a lot, and I would,

1353
01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:17,640
Speaker 1: you know, kind of being vulnerable in that way and

1354
01:06:17,680 --> 01:06:20,520
Speaker 1: then just kind of seeing how they also dealt with,

1355
01:06:20,920 --> 01:06:23,080
Speaker 1: you know, adversity in their life, I think is also

1356
01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:25,760
Speaker 1: a true testament to carry before we get to the

1357
01:06:25,800 --> 01:06:27,560
Speaker 1: final five. Is there a question I haven't asked you

1358
01:06:27,840 --> 01:06:29,800
Speaker 1: or something that's on your heart? Both of you are

1359
01:06:29,800 --> 01:06:33,240
Speaker 1: such hot, centered, deep people that, like, I want to

1360
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:35,880
Speaker 1: make sure that if there's anything intuitively that's within you

1361
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:38,560
Speaker 1: that you really want to share with the on Purpose community.

1362
01:06:38,640 --> 01:06:40,080
Speaker 1: Is there something that's on your mind or heart that

1363
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:41,760
Speaker 1: I haven't asked you or you really want to share

1364
01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:44,600
Speaker 1: that you'd like to share our hope with right It's

1365
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:46,600
Speaker 1: it's hard work to write a book, you know, and

1366
01:06:47,320 --> 01:06:51,640
Speaker 1: so our hope is really that that people would read

1367
01:06:51,720 --> 01:06:53,680
Speaker 1: it and you know, they would feel like they're reading

1368
01:06:53,720 --> 01:06:55,920
Speaker 1: along with two friends, and that they would know that

1369
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:58,880
Speaker 1: they're not alone. And I'm not just saying that as

1370
01:06:58,960 --> 01:07:02,920
Speaker 1: something to say, whatever you're facing in life, you are

1371
01:07:03,040 --> 01:07:08,240
Speaker 1: not alone. And so you know, we welcome people sending us,

1372
01:07:08,400 --> 01:07:10,880
Speaker 1: you know, direct messages or you want to send an

1373
01:07:10,920 --> 01:07:13,400
Speaker 1: email if you know you have questions, or even if

1374
01:07:13,440 --> 01:07:16,400
Speaker 1: you want prayer for something, like you know, I'm here

1375
01:07:16,520 --> 01:07:20,520
Speaker 1: and we're here, and we are all in this journey together,

1376
01:07:20,960 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 1: on this journey together, and I think that it can

1377
01:07:22,960 --> 01:07:25,560
Speaker 1: be easy to turn on the news or to look

1378
01:07:25,600 --> 01:07:28,720
Speaker 1: at our world today and feel very discouraged and think,

1379
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:32,960
Speaker 1: this is not the Sunshine mind. This is a dark world.

1380
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:36,400
Speaker 1: There's a lot of unrest. But the truth is there

1381
01:07:36,560 --> 01:07:38,760
Speaker 1: is way more good in the world than there is bad,

1382
01:07:39,240 --> 01:07:41,360
Speaker 1: and sometimes you have to fight a little bit for it.

1383
01:07:41,960 --> 01:07:44,480
Speaker 1: But it is possible to live life with what we

1384
01:07:44,560 --> 01:07:48,840
Speaker 1: call the Sunshine Mind. And I hope that people through

1385
01:07:48,920 --> 01:07:52,360
Speaker 1: reading this can can feel that from our writing. Yeah,

1386
01:07:52,600 --> 01:07:54,400
Speaker 1: I really I do. I hope that there are tangible

1387
01:07:54,440 --> 01:07:56,480
Speaker 1: things that people can take away, you know. And we

1388
01:07:56,560 --> 01:07:59,120
Speaker 1: wrote in their like live life through Hope colored glasses,

1389
01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:02,080
Speaker 1: because I think oftentimes it's easier to look at the

1390
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:04,120
Speaker 1: negative and go down a dark path. And I think

1391
01:08:04,200 --> 01:08:07,640
Speaker 1: that we choose hope, we choose joy, and it's not

1392
01:08:07,720 --> 01:08:10,680
Speaker 1: to be little people that have, you know, strong feelings

1393
01:08:10,760 --> 01:08:12,480
Speaker 1: and things that are going on their lives. But I

1394
01:08:12,600 --> 01:08:16,200
Speaker 1: think like on the daily you can really you can

1395
01:08:16,479 --> 01:08:19,680
Speaker 1: kind of train your brain to look at life in

1396
01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:23,200
Speaker 1: a different way. And so yeah, we'll find that, yeah,

1397
01:08:23,439 --> 01:08:27,400
Speaker 1: so beautiful. And again the book is called The Sunshine Mind.

1398
01:08:27,800 --> 01:08:30,000
Speaker 1: One hundred Days to Finding the Hope and enjoy you

1399
01:08:30,120 --> 01:08:33,080
Speaker 1: one Tanya rad and Raquel Stevens. Make sure you follow

1400
01:08:33,120 --> 01:08:35,000
Speaker 1: them again. If you don't, go and grab a copy

1401
01:08:35,000 --> 01:08:36,519
Speaker 1: of the book. I have my final five that we

1402
01:08:36,600 --> 01:08:39,360
Speaker 1: ask every guest who's ever been on the show on

1403
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:42,280
Speaker 1: their first time on the show. Right, So this is

1404
01:08:42,280 --> 01:08:45,120
Speaker 1: a rapid, fire fast five, which means the questions can

1405
01:08:45,240 --> 01:08:49,000
Speaker 1: only be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Well, okay,

1406
01:08:49,320 --> 01:08:52,320
Speaker 1: there are people who follow the rules and there's nothing

1407
01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:56,920
Speaker 1: to win apart from my validation that there's some people

1408
01:08:56,960 --> 01:08:58,640
Speaker 1: that do it perfectly and there's some people that go

1409
01:08:58,680 --> 01:09:00,479
Speaker 1: off piece. I would prefer that we keep it tight

1410
01:09:00,520 --> 01:09:03,479
Speaker 1: because it's it's it's part of it. It makes them fun. Okay,

1411
01:09:03,520 --> 01:09:05,639
Speaker 1: and whoever ghos friend doesn't matter. We can do back

1412
01:09:05,640 --> 01:09:08,599
Speaker 1: and forth on each question. All right. The first question is, um,

1413
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:12,519
Speaker 1: what is the best advice you ever you've ever received,

1414
01:09:12,680 --> 01:09:17,160
Speaker 1: heard or given? There's room for everyone. Chelsea Handler told

1415
01:09:17,200 --> 01:09:19,800
Speaker 1: me that, like one of my first days of work.

1416
01:09:19,880 --> 01:09:22,880
Speaker 1: Oh that's too much. Sorry, that's a great answer. No, no, no,

1417
01:09:22,960 --> 01:09:27,439
Speaker 1: If I keep nodding, yeah, there's room for everyone. That's cool.

1418
01:09:28,000 --> 01:09:30,960
Speaker 1: Prioritize the inner life. My mom taught me that I

1419
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:34,360
Speaker 1: love that both great answers, very tight and very precise,

1420
01:09:34,439 --> 01:09:36,640
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense, all right. Second question, what

1421
01:09:36,800 --> 01:09:40,880
Speaker 1: is the worst advice you've ever heard, received, heard, or received?

1422
01:09:41,280 --> 01:09:44,200
Speaker 1: If he loved me, he would, because I'm going to

1423
01:09:44,240 --> 01:09:46,680
Speaker 1: ask you to complete that for me. If he loved me,

1424
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:49,519
Speaker 1: he would. We always say if somebody loves you enough,

1425
01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:52,519
Speaker 1: they will do anything and everything, and I think that

1426
01:09:52,680 --> 01:09:56,160
Speaker 1: that's just not It's such an unrealistic expectation that we've

1427
01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:58,479
Speaker 1: been told for years and years and years, and I

1428
01:09:58,600 --> 01:10:02,559
Speaker 1: think it's it's it's problematic. That's you love that one.

1429
01:10:02,840 --> 01:10:05,960
Speaker 1: Got another episode on that, all right, Riquee. Right before

1430
01:10:05,960 --> 01:10:07,680
Speaker 1: I moved to La twelve years ago, I was living

1431
01:10:07,720 --> 01:10:10,040
Speaker 1: in Chicago and someone said to me, you're meant to

1432
01:10:10,120 --> 01:10:12,439
Speaker 1: stay here. You know, the grass isn't greener on the

1433
01:10:12,479 --> 01:10:14,040
Speaker 1: their side is greener where you water, which I think

1434
01:10:14,040 --> 01:10:16,880
Speaker 1: that statement can be true certain times. But you know,

1435
01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:19,639
Speaker 1: I disagreed with that person, who is a big voice

1436
01:10:19,680 --> 01:10:21,200
Speaker 1: in my life at the time. I wrote about it

1437
01:10:21,240 --> 01:10:23,600
Speaker 1: in the book and I thought, no, my piece is

1438
01:10:23,640 --> 01:10:26,160
Speaker 1: telling me that I'm meant to go to La. And

1439
01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:28,160
Speaker 1: I think a lot of times when people are close

1440
01:10:28,200 --> 01:10:31,679
Speaker 1: to us, we can listen to their advice and actually

1441
01:10:31,760 --> 01:10:34,439
Speaker 1: go with it, but listen to people, but then trust

1442
01:10:34,479 --> 01:10:38,120
Speaker 1: your inner voice. Great, great, Okay, so yeah it's bad

1443
01:10:38,160 --> 01:10:40,400
Speaker 1: advice because they were asking you to stay, telling me

1444
01:10:40,479 --> 01:10:42,240
Speaker 1: to stay, and I thought the first second, I was like,

1445
01:10:42,680 --> 01:10:46,120
Speaker 1: maybe I will stay, but no. Question number three, what's

1446
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:49,080
Speaker 1: the biggest lesson you've learned in the last twelve months.

1447
01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:53,120
Speaker 1: Compromise is a beautiful thing. I think people often hear

1448
01:10:53,160 --> 01:10:55,760
Speaker 1: that word and they think you're selling yourself. Sure, I

1449
01:10:55,840 --> 01:10:58,479
Speaker 1: think it can be a very beautiful thing. All right, riquee.

1450
01:10:59,439 --> 01:11:02,200
Speaker 1: When you're living a life of integrity, you always sleep

1451
01:11:02,240 --> 01:11:05,400
Speaker 1: peacefully at night. Wow. I think I had a lot

1452
01:11:05,439 --> 01:11:08,479
Speaker 1: of moments this past year, like career stuff, different things

1453
01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:10,960
Speaker 1: that happened, or you know, people say that. So they

1454
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:13,639
Speaker 1: said that, and it's like, no, you know who I am.

1455
01:11:13,880 --> 01:11:17,719
Speaker 1: I had to say watching you through that season of life. Yeah,

1456
01:11:18,120 --> 01:11:21,000
Speaker 1: as a friend, it was she was so admirable to

1457
01:11:21,160 --> 01:11:24,800
Speaker 1: just see anybody that was in that situation could have

1458
01:11:24,920 --> 01:11:29,960
Speaker 1: really crumbled and really, you know, been shaken up by

1459
01:11:30,040 --> 01:11:32,919
Speaker 1: everything that was going on, and it did not repelt.

1460
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:35,680
Speaker 1: She knows who she is, she knows the person, she

1461
01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:38,120
Speaker 1: knows her character, and she was not like it was

1462
01:11:38,280 --> 01:11:42,479
Speaker 1: just it was really cool to see because you really do,

1463
01:11:42,680 --> 01:11:44,400
Speaker 1: like I mean and everything that's in the book, like

1464
01:11:44,479 --> 01:11:46,360
Speaker 1: you really these are this is how we live our

1465
01:11:46,439 --> 01:11:49,040
Speaker 1: life and it's in those moments when you're faced with

1466
01:11:49,120 --> 01:11:51,960
Speaker 1: these situations that it comes into play. And like you

1467
01:11:52,080 --> 01:11:57,120
Speaker 1: really strong question Num before, what's your favorite day each

1468
01:11:57,439 --> 01:11:59,880
Speaker 1: in this book that you can't wait when they when

1469
01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:01,560
Speaker 1: people get it for them to read. Is there a

1470
01:12:02,040 --> 01:12:04,720
Speaker 1: specific day that, like, out of the hundred days that

1471
01:12:04,840 --> 01:12:07,040
Speaker 1: you both like feel is one of your favorites that

1472
01:12:07,080 --> 01:12:08,920
Speaker 1: you can't wait for people to get to. I'm a

1473
01:12:08,960 --> 01:12:11,559
Speaker 1: big fan of catch a Vision. I love I make

1474
01:12:11,640 --> 01:12:14,439
Speaker 1: vision boards every single year. Um, so I think catch

1475
01:12:14,479 --> 01:12:17,120
Speaker 1: a Vision is one of my favorites. I can't remember

1476
01:12:17,160 --> 01:12:20,839
Speaker 1: exactly which day it was, but the one on forgiveness

1477
01:12:20,840 --> 01:12:24,720
Speaker 1: I wouldn't expect you remember, catch a Vision is day

1478
01:12:24,760 --> 01:12:27,439
Speaker 1: fifty four? Ye, catch a Vision is day fifty four.

1479
01:12:27,800 --> 01:12:30,840
Speaker 1: And then which one is your one? Forgive? Forgive someone

1480
01:12:30,960 --> 01:12:35,280
Speaker 1: sixty three? Yeah? Yeah, so forgive someone on page sixty three,

1481
01:12:35,400 --> 01:12:39,160
Speaker 1: thank you Jay for reminder or for telling us day

1482
01:12:39,240 --> 01:12:42,920
Speaker 1: sixty three. Um, you can't live a life of freedom

1483
01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:46,000
Speaker 1: without being able to forgive. And so I forgive everybody

1484
01:12:46,120 --> 01:12:49,920
Speaker 1: and everything. Um. Sometimes that's a little more of a process.

1485
01:12:50,040 --> 01:12:54,120
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's easy, um, but it is essential to live

1486
01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:57,400
Speaker 1: a happy life, beautiful all right. Fifteen final question for

1487
01:12:57,520 --> 01:13:00,200
Speaker 1: both of you. We we failed on this. Fin been

1488
01:13:00,280 --> 01:13:06,040
Speaker 1: chatting away, No, No, I've been asking yeah, felt it? Well,

1489
01:13:06,080 --> 01:13:10,200
Speaker 1: it's I always get intrigued by yea and they I

1490
01:13:10,280 --> 01:13:11,920
Speaker 1: asked people to answer them in one word, one sentence,

1491
01:13:11,960 --> 01:13:13,960
Speaker 1: because then people get really thoughtful and then you can

1492
01:13:14,120 --> 01:13:17,200
Speaker 1: really get into it. Okay. Fifth and final question. If

1493
01:13:17,200 --> 01:13:19,679
Speaker 1: you could create one law that everyone in the world

1494
01:13:19,760 --> 01:13:21,960
Speaker 1: had to follow, what would it be? I mean I

1495
01:13:21,960 --> 01:13:24,680
Speaker 1: already thought of mine. Oh all right, but it goes

1496
01:13:24,680 --> 01:13:27,680
Speaker 1: along with the book. But I would want either no

1497
01:13:27,920 --> 01:13:31,680
Speaker 1: filters or anything on social media or people. It has to, um,

1498
01:13:32,520 --> 01:13:35,400
Speaker 1: like say, what was used on this photo? Do you

1499
01:13:35,439 --> 01:13:37,160
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Because I think as a young girl,

1500
01:13:37,240 --> 01:13:39,640
Speaker 1: you're looking at all these photos and they've been photoshopped,

1501
01:13:39,640 --> 01:13:42,080
Speaker 1: and they've been put through so many filters, and you

1502
01:13:42,160 --> 01:13:44,120
Speaker 1: don't you don't see that. So it's like, if these

1503
01:13:45,120 --> 01:13:48,240
Speaker 1: platforms would tell you how much work was in putting

1504
01:13:48,280 --> 01:13:50,920
Speaker 1: this photo, I think it would relieve a lot of

1505
01:13:51,200 --> 01:13:53,439
Speaker 1: these expectations that we put on ourselves. So I think

1506
01:13:53,479 --> 01:13:56,920
Speaker 1: either removing all those or having like to disclose what

1507
01:13:57,120 --> 01:14:01,320
Speaker 1: you used on your photos video, that's great. We've never

1508
01:14:01,360 --> 01:14:04,800
Speaker 1: had that on the show. I love that. That's really

1509
01:14:05,479 --> 01:14:07,000
Speaker 1: I think because I do. I think that there's a

1510
01:14:07,120 --> 01:14:10,599
Speaker 1: lot that goes into our psyche that we from scrolling

1511
01:14:10,680 --> 01:14:12,719
Speaker 1: that you don't even realize is going into your psyche.

1512
01:14:13,160 --> 01:14:15,320
Speaker 1: That's very problematic. So if it's just all out there,

1513
01:14:15,800 --> 01:14:17,680
Speaker 1: you want to use your whatever's, use them, but just

1514
01:14:18,400 --> 01:14:22,599
Speaker 1: tell people. I love that. One mine would be don't judge.

1515
01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:26,160
Speaker 1: And I heard Maya Angelo to quote her again, she

1516
01:14:26,320 --> 01:14:30,280
Speaker 1: said something along the lines of if you are human being,

1517
01:14:30,479 --> 01:14:33,000
Speaker 1: you could never say of another human being. I would

1518
01:14:33,080 --> 01:14:37,520
Speaker 1: never do that because if you were living their life circumstances,

1519
01:14:37,600 --> 01:14:40,240
Speaker 1: if you were in their shoes, you would maybe be

1520
01:14:40,320 --> 01:14:42,760
Speaker 1: capable of the same. And so I think we have

1521
01:14:42,880 --> 01:14:45,200
Speaker 1: to be very slow to judge each other, and we

1522
01:14:45,320 --> 01:14:47,320
Speaker 1: need to give a lot more love, a lot more compassion,

1523
01:14:47,640 --> 01:14:50,639
Speaker 1: beautiful answers. Ever, on the books called The Sunshine Mine

1524
01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:54,400
Speaker 1: Hundred Days to Finding the Hope, Enjoy You Want, Tanya

1525
01:14:54,479 --> 01:14:57,439
Speaker 1: rad and Raquel Stevens, she go and grab a copy

1526
01:14:57,479 --> 01:15:00,160
Speaker 1: of the book. I'm so excited my friends. One of

1527
01:15:00,200 --> 01:15:03,120
Speaker 1: my favorite things is to use my platform and community

1528
01:15:03,160 --> 01:15:04,920
Speaker 1: to support my friends and people that I love, people

1529
01:15:04,920 --> 01:15:07,000
Speaker 1: that I think are bringing amazing energy into the world.

1530
01:15:07,080 --> 01:15:09,720
Speaker 1: And these two wonderful humans are doing just that. So

1531
01:15:09,800 --> 01:15:11,920
Speaker 1: I hope you'll show them all your love, all your support,

1532
01:15:12,640 --> 01:15:14,720
Speaker 1: all your energy and excitement. It would mean the world

1533
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:16,840
Speaker 1: to me. And thank you both for your time and

1534
01:15:16,960 --> 01:15:20,479
Speaker 1: energy on on purpose. Thank you for means so much

1535
01:15:20,560 --> 01:15:23,800
Speaker 1: to us. And this has been incredible. Yeah. I could

1536
01:15:23,840 --> 01:15:27,880
Speaker 1: sit here for all day literally by having too much fun. Yeah,

1537
01:15:28,400 --> 01:15:31,000
Speaker 1: I really really appreciate it, Like honestly, can't say thank

1538
01:15:31,040 --> 01:15:33,800
Speaker 1: you enough. Amazing love, thank you, thank you, Jay, thank you.

1539
01:15:34,280 --> 01:15:38,160
Speaker 1: If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode

1540
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:42,320
Speaker 1: with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how

1541
01:15:42,400 --> 01:15:44,760
Speaker 1: to speak to yourself with more compassion.