1 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:14,440 Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome back to a very very very special 2 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:18,120 Speaker 1: episode of Couch Talks. I am Cat and I am 3 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:22,720 Speaker 1: the host, and catch Talks is usually a bonus short 4 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: episode fifteen and twenty minutes where I answer questions that 5 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:28,760 Speaker 1: y'all send me. If you have any questions side note, 6 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,200 Speaker 1: you can send them to me at Catherine at you 7 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:35,479 Speaker 1: Need Therapy podcast dot com. Now, However, this week I 8 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 1: was thinking to myself, I really want to do something different, 9 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:42,559 Speaker 1: because well, it's my birthday week. My birthday is Friday, 10 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 1: It's December four, and if you know me, you know 11 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 1: I absolutely love my birthday. And I've learned as I 12 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 1: get older and older, my birthday doesn't have the same 13 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 1: like spice and excitement that it did when I was 14 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 1: a kid. So I choose to celebrate my birthday literally 15 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: anyway I can. So I thought, well, this is my podcast. 16 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: I guess I can do whatever I want with it. 17 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,920 Speaker 1: So this week cat Shocks looks very different. You get 18 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 1: a very special episode. I have my best friend Tori 19 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: on today to talk about her life and how she 20 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,480 Speaker 1: got to where she is now, which is very cool place. 21 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: Not only is Toria soul cycle instructor in Boston she 22 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 1: is someone who loves the people she loves. I know 23 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 1: she always literally always always, always will and does have 24 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: my back, and she's someone who will sing my praises unconditionally, 25 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,360 Speaker 1: though she also has seen the shadow sides of me. 26 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,760 Speaker 1: She's one of the most fun people to be around, 27 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 1: and I have been praying that she moves back to Nashville. So, Tori, 28 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 1: if you're out there listening, Nashville wants you back. I 29 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: actually talked about Tori a lot with my clients. I 30 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 1: don't so much use her name, but I talk about 31 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:55,680 Speaker 1: her a lot when we process how setbacks can actually 32 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: be catapults forward. And today you're going to hear the 33 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: story that I tell a lot of my clients straight 34 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,960 Speaker 1: from Tori's mouth, and I'm pumped for you guys to 35 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 1: be able to hear this and really grateful that she 36 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: was open and willing to tell the story. Now, since 37 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 1: we recorded, she has given birth to a beautiful baby boy, 38 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,120 Speaker 1: so feel free to give her a follow if you 39 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,960 Speaker 1: want to stalk the most literally the most beautiful child 40 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: with the best eyebrows in the world. You can find 41 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 1: her at at Tour Underscore Ross so t O R 42 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:28,359 Speaker 1: Underscore r O s s. Side note, you can follow 43 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,920 Speaker 1: me at at cat dot de fata in the podcast 44 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:34,760 Speaker 1: at at You Need Therapy podcast. Anyway you can get 45 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 1: to know Tori for yourself today, I am so glad 46 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,919 Speaker 1: that I get to know her in my life every day. Tori, 47 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,959 Speaker 1: who are one of my favorite people in the world. 48 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,400 Speaker 1: Thank you for being my friend, and thank you for 49 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,919 Speaker 1: being yourself, and thank you for recording this conversation with me. 50 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: And here you go, guys, here is my conversation with 51 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: my best friend Tori. But you know, I like to start, well, 52 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: I used to start with two questions. Well, one wasn't 53 00:02:56,480 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: really a question. One is like, um, first impressions, first 54 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,560 Speaker 1: impression of what when we met each other? Oh, okay sure? 55 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: And then yeah, like a personal okay yeah because I 56 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: remember I was the first professional one. Yeah when I 57 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: when we met you were at Saco bar Um. I 58 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 1: have like such a bad memory. I need to start, like, 59 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: I don't know how I'm going to be a mall. 60 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:26,639 Speaker 1: I'm like, I literally feel like I don't remember anything. 61 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: It's so bad. I don't what is that that's not 62 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: good compartmentalized and like throw sh it away. It's so bad. 63 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:37,839 Speaker 1: I'm like I kind of remember your idea. It could 64 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: be a bit different, That's what I mean. We'll see 65 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 1: what's different. Because but also I feel like a lot 66 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: of people don't have a first impression. I have like 67 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 1: some thoughts, but I don't know if it will be 68 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: I just I can't remember, like exactly, like trying to 69 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 1: think exact, but I have general things I think. I think. 70 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 1: So you have to tell me what you thought of 71 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: me when you met me, the honest truth. UM, okay, 72 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 1: well we first met it cycle bar UM, which is 73 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 1: an indoor cycling studio in this one was actually in Franklin, Tennessee, 74 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 1: outside of Nashville. Um, what in the burbs, in the burbs, Yeah, 75 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: in the burbs, and we both, I guess auditioned and 76 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 1: then got selected to do the instructor training program, which 77 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: was a four day long, you know, full day training UM. 78 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 1: And so you know, you audition and you don't know 79 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 1: who's going to be there. I remember walking in UM 80 00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:39,360 Speaker 1: and like excited for the opportunity. As for me, I 81 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 1: had taught some spinning classes, um like throughout college and 82 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,359 Speaker 1: then before I moved to Nashville to my early twenties. 83 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: But this was kind of the first one that I 84 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:56,720 Speaker 1: felt that was really like more official. Um. It was 85 00:04:56,760 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 1: that rhythm based riding and so kind of falling into 86 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 1: that ground. So I just remember being like, you know, 87 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,159 Speaker 1: nervous going in, not knowing anybody, and so we walk 88 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: in and uh, I just remember they're being like just 89 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 1: such an assortment like all of of instructors, people who 90 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,080 Speaker 1: had like a lot of experience, people who had no experience. 91 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:24,039 Speaker 1: It was just such like a hush push of individuals, 92 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 1: um moms and you know, so there was just like 93 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:31,080 Speaker 1: this clear group of separation of like some older moms 94 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 1: because it was the birds, and then a few of 95 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 1: us younger people, um, younger girls, uh in our twenties. 96 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 1: And I just remember you, um being like just so 97 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,720 Speaker 1: nervous because you really were so excited for the like 98 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: I felt from the beginning, like over obviously not my 99 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,479 Speaker 1: first impression meeting. I don't remember looking at you and 100 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 1: being like this is what I think, but over the 101 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,839 Speaker 1: course of those four days I guess that being my 102 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 1: was impression. I just remember like probably out of everybody, 103 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 1: you cared the most, like you cared the most about it, 104 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 1: Like you would say, you guess everything you'd go up 105 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,520 Speaker 1: and you speak on the mic, and he said, I 106 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,720 Speaker 1: don't know if I would just say that. I just 107 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:16,400 Speaker 1: remember like, Wow, this ship like really is like really 108 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: cares about this. And I thought it was nice because 109 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,040 Speaker 1: like I, you know, I think that anything you do 110 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 1: you should really care about it. But it was like 111 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,680 Speaker 1: really clear that this was like something that you were 112 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: like passionate about exploring and doing. And I thought that 113 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,479 Speaker 1: that was really cool. Um. And then as I got 114 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 1: to know you more, I've said this to you before, 115 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: and I said to Jordans, my husband, all the time, 116 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: like because he's from Nashville as well, and I always 117 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,279 Speaker 1: feel like I can't believe he's from Nashville in a 118 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,880 Speaker 1: way because he doesn't fit into this like stereotype you 119 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,360 Speaker 1: would think of somebody from the South. And I always 120 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: thought that about you, and I told you that. I 121 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,440 Speaker 1: remember when we first became friends and I'm like, where 122 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,239 Speaker 1: are you from? Originally You're like, I'm actually from Franklin, remember, 123 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, you were from California and you 124 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,839 Speaker 1: were like what. And I'm like, I literally like California 125 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 1: or something or somewhere, and you were like why, it's 126 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,720 Speaker 1: the biggest goblement I've ever got in my life, like 127 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: You're like, I'm just literally from Tennessee. Um, And so 128 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: I always thought that about you, like you're just a 129 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 1: little like different than some of the people in Tennessee. 130 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 1: And I always I found that to be like really 131 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: cool and refreshing. UM. And I feel like that's why 132 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 1: I gravitated towards you and wanting to be friends with you, 133 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 1: because I just thought that you you were just different 134 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: than a lot of the other people I would meet. Um. 135 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: I forgot that you said that. Yeah, I truly meant it. 136 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 1: I was literally like, wow, I'm shocked they were actually 137 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: from this town, the cycling studios. And it's just like, 138 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 1: you don't seem like and and you know, I don't. 139 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to generalize what people are like, but 140 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 1: you just to me, my, I had never lived in 141 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,880 Speaker 1: the South before, I had never lived anywhere other than 142 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 1: Massachusetts before, and I was such like a typical we 143 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,960 Speaker 1: call it when you're from Massachusetts a masshole. You just 144 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,840 Speaker 1: are about yourself. You think that if you have to 145 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: be from New England, it's you're the best kind of 146 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 1: be whatever. And so you have this kind of impressions 147 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 1: of like where other people are from and so I 148 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 1: just remember thinking, like she can possibly be from Tennessee, 149 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 1: I mean too cool to be like, no, I'm not, 150 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 1: I'm just I M And so I was. I was 151 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 1: like I remember that being like a first impression. That's 152 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 1: so funny, so funny, And it's funny that you say 153 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: the part about me being so nervous because I would 154 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: talk to I mean some clients, but mainly like people 155 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 1: in training, um got the studio we work at, and 156 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, you need to trust me that Like I 157 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,559 Speaker 1: used to be really bad, Like it was so bad, 158 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 1: like to the point where like the girl that trained us, 159 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,080 Speaker 1: every time she came back she would like just laugh 160 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 1: about it and be like I can't believe, like this 161 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 1: is who you are now because just how it started. 162 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 1: And I tell that story not to like really make 163 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:56,079 Speaker 1: fun of myself, but to remind people that sometimes you 164 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,200 Speaker 1: have to suck at things in the beginning, and that's okay. 165 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: Like I've never done I had never done anything. I 166 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,200 Speaker 1: think I'd probably taken three cycling classes in my life, 167 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 1: let alone teach one. But anyway, now, the question that 168 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,280 Speaker 1: I used to ask at the beginning of every episode 169 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: that I stopped because I think. I don't know why 170 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:17,240 Speaker 1: I stopped, but I did. Is have you been Have 171 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,800 Speaker 1: you ever been to therapy? And when was the first 172 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 1: time you went. Yes, I've been to therapy a million times. 173 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,199 Speaker 1: I think the first time I went to therapy. We 174 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:30,199 Speaker 1: actually just talked about this on the family vacation. UM, 175 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,559 Speaker 1: so I remember because my mom was just telling the 176 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:36,200 Speaker 1: story of a few weeks ago, and this is like 177 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 1: very real. I don't ever tell anybody about this, but 178 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 1: it's not embarrassing, but I just don't bring it up. 179 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 1: I had terrible sleeping issues as a kid, and it 180 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 1: turns out it was all like anxiety written I guess. 181 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 1: But I was a kid and I had my own 182 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 1: room in my own bed, and I could not sleep 183 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,280 Speaker 1: by myself. I had to sleep with my parents, and 184 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:04,080 Speaker 1: I would get this reoccurring nightmare. Um. It's funny to 185 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 1: think about it now, because I'm like, what, what type 186 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 1: of like six year old is that it was? I 187 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,960 Speaker 1: because I had this recurring nightmare and it was a 188 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 1: haunted house. I remember it distinctly, and I couldn't I 189 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,800 Speaker 1: would wake up every night in the middle of the 190 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,360 Speaker 1: night scared, and so I would go into my parents room, 191 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 1: and so after a while it was obviously becoming some 192 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: sort of issue. And my mom has a master's degree 193 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 1: in social work and psychology, and she was like, Okay, 194 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 1: this isn't just like a normal kid like adjusting to whatever. 195 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: She we clearly have something. So the first time I 196 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:40,080 Speaker 1: went to therapy was strictly to go see a psychiatrist 197 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 1: to figure out why I'm having this nightmare and how 198 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,000 Speaker 1: I can just not sleep in my parents bed anymore, 199 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,640 Speaker 1: how I can be self sufficient. Over the years, I've 200 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:52,960 Speaker 1: gone for specific things are gone just because I feel 201 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,680 Speaker 1: like I need to talk to somebody. Um. But we're 202 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,679 Speaker 1: like big on therapy and my family, so we're like 203 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:02,440 Speaker 1: those weird people. My mom every time she's like all 204 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 1: that poor girl, she just clear has never been to therapy. 205 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 1: She she needs to go to or like you know, 206 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,839 Speaker 1: oh so and so he has this like he should 207 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 1: really be going to therapy. Like we're very um pro therapy. 208 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 1: I grew up. So it's like a nice, nice Yeah, 209 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,319 Speaker 1: I love that because my family, Nobody in my family 210 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:26,480 Speaker 1: that I'm aware of has ever besides my sister's husband, 211 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 1: but nobody my immediate family i'm aware of has ever 212 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: been to therapy for an issue that wasn't mine. Um, yeah, 213 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 1: so it's just interesting and here I am a therapist. 214 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: One of my favorite stories about you and therapy and 215 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,439 Speaker 1: I actually use this. I probably talked about you more 216 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 1: than I should in therapy sessions, not my own but 217 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:50,280 Speaker 1: with other people but my class. But well, you you 218 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 1: are living in Nashville. It's like probably in the beginning 219 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 1: of when we became like really good friends, and you 220 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,439 Speaker 1: started going to the therapist at the place I worked at, 221 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 1: and my face thing that you told me was which 222 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 1: that was such a fun time. You would like go 223 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 1: to your session and you'd come hang out in my office, 224 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 1: and I know I remember you were like, I have 225 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,839 Speaker 1: a their piss for you. He's super blunt. But to 226 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 1: sugarcoat you because I think a lot of times in 227 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,200 Speaker 1: my life people will like pump me out full of 228 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,720 Speaker 1: like compliments or all this. And before I went to Nashville, 229 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,240 Speaker 1: I had like a trauma quote unquote, and I went 230 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 1: to a therapist and she was so nice, and I 231 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: remember my mom said that to me. I'm like, she's 232 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 1: so nice. She's telling me that like he's a jerk, 233 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:33,000 Speaker 1: and I'm amazing and she's so right. And she was like, 234 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: you're so good and he's so terrible. And I'm like, 235 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 1: she's so right. And I remember you telling me you 236 00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:39,840 Speaker 1: don't need a therapist like that. You need someone who 237 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 1: can like tell you what is what. You don't need 238 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 1: someone telling you you're so great and perfect, like you're 239 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 1: going with that. You need somebody who's going to be 240 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 1: direct to you. And so you sent me to somebody. 241 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: He was like the most diragged person I have ever 242 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,840 Speaker 1: met in my life. But he was really I was like, 243 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:59,280 Speaker 1: oh my god, they'll say anything. Well, remember I remember 244 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,679 Speaker 1: you telling me you're gonna remember this better than me. 245 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,760 Speaker 1: But I think that you were like, I mean, I 246 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 1: don't hate him. I don't hate anybody, And he goes, 247 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 1: why not? Why can't you hate somebody? You're not God 248 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,200 Speaker 1: or you're not Jesus. Yeah, you said that. I'll never 249 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 1: forget that therapist telling me about like you are allowed 250 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 1: to hate somebody. You're not Jesus Christ, you're not a 251 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 1: perfect savior. You're a human being, and human beings one 252 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,680 Speaker 1: of our emotions something we feel is hatred and it 253 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: helps I I did you know, and not to go 254 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 1: around and hate every person I hate that person, I'm 255 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,439 Speaker 1: gonna have a hatred. I just always remember thinking, like, 256 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 1: if I'm gonna hate somebody, that is taking energy out 257 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: of me that I don't want to like I don't 258 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,960 Speaker 1: want to give to that person. But it's I've learned 259 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 1: to look at the opposite of like, this person has 260 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,880 Speaker 1: wronged me and upset me, and I don't need to 261 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:51,079 Speaker 1: apologize about their behavior. I don't have to justify them. 262 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,199 Speaker 1: I can just let them go. And I think that 263 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,440 Speaker 1: was really he was super eye opening to me about 264 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: that um and that was something that I hadn't ever 265 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 1: thought about. I'm like, I don't want to hate anybody 266 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 1: I want to I don't want to have hatred in 267 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 1: my heart. You know that'll like cliche. He's like, you 268 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 1: get out of hatred in your heart, you can hate 269 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:11,199 Speaker 1: people like that's that's okay, that's being like real. Well, 270 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 1: because the truth is, if you you can't fake forgive somebody. 271 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 1: So if we're just gonna beake, oh, I've forgiven him, 272 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: I've let that part of my life go. It's like, well, 273 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 1: if you haven't, you haven't, and if you just lie 274 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,840 Speaker 1: about it, you still have the hatred in your heart. 275 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: So it's me, You're not fooling yourself. So I just 276 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 1: thought that was um, that was just one of my 277 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: favorite things that I probably one of the only things 278 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,960 Speaker 1: I remember you telling me about that. But anyway, so 279 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 1: today I would like you and you know, some people 280 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 1: are gonna be like, oh, this story sounds familiar. I'm 281 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,920 Speaker 1: so glad that I can have like a voice with 282 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 1: the story that Captains told me in a session, because 283 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 1: I talk about you and your process of getting to 284 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 1: where you are now often with people who are either 285 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:02,040 Speaker 1: under going through like a valley moment where they think 286 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 1: like the world's gonna end, or people who want something 287 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 1: so bad that I think it's not possible and are 288 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:12,520 Speaker 1: afraid of like messing up or whatever it is. And 289 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,080 Speaker 1: so today I want you to take some time and 290 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: walk us through where you were when you we met 291 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: and became friends, and then where you are now, not 292 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: just professionally, but even like feeling wise, because when we met, 293 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 1: you were much more like I don't know if the 294 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,840 Speaker 1: right word is harsh, but you weren't as open like 295 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,720 Speaker 1: you've become much more like. You have a lot more 296 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 1: feelings now. I think that you show and talk about 297 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 1: I think they a little a little bit probably. My 298 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: husband always says that I have no He's like, you 299 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 1: have like almost no emotions. I mean something with me 300 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,520 Speaker 1: and I'll just before I start. It's like a theme 301 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 1: of my life has kind of always been as I 302 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 1: like to keep it light, and I do, and that's 303 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: something I've just had to learn about myself and how 304 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 1: can I, um still be like a deep person and 305 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:10,360 Speaker 1: have deep relationships that are comfortable for me? Um. And 306 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 1: I used to think that being super open I was 307 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,680 Speaker 1: gonna be over vulnerable or being too closed I was 308 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 1: gonna be too closed. And I've tried. I've kind of 309 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,720 Speaker 1: found this like sweet spot for myself. Like there are 310 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,880 Speaker 1: just times where I like to keep things light, um, 311 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 1: and that's just how I like to be. And then 312 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: there's other times where I have to really push myself 313 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:32,840 Speaker 1: to like be open, to reflect, to work on myself, 314 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:37,240 Speaker 1: to have harrish conversations and um, that's that is something. 315 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 1: But it's funny you say that because I have come 316 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,880 Speaker 1: a long way, but I still like sometimes Geordan will 317 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: be talking to me about something so heavy and I'm like, oh, 318 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 1: not tonight, and he's like, why do you always need 319 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 1: to keep it light. I'm like, let's keep it light, 320 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 1: and I'm like, what, let's keep it light? Um, So 321 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: it just depends. But yeah, So I moved to Nashville 322 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 1: in and I just it was like such a mile 323 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 1: stone for me because like I kind of evoluted thus far. 324 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: I grew up in Massachusetts. I had a really very 325 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,639 Speaker 1: like what I like to call just like completely cookie 326 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:15,639 Speaker 1: cutter life, something that I know we're big on the 327 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 1: Angiograham's around here. I'm definitely a classic three, which means 328 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,440 Speaker 1: I'm like this high achiever that feels that they need 329 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:30,120 Speaker 1: to have achievements and accomplishments in order to gain respect, love, um, whatever. 330 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:35,919 Speaker 1: So I'm the most classic three. Um. I graduated college 331 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 1: a semester early so I could start working before everybody 332 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:43,800 Speaker 1: else in my class. I had six internships. Um, I 333 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 1: was a public relation I know, I started talking through 334 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:48,840 Speaker 1: them the other day and like, I had six internships 335 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: and not just like I'm gonna kind of like they 336 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 1: were all strategically planned. Like I studied public relations and 337 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: marketing communications, and I had one job in an agency, 338 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,159 Speaker 1: one job it's a nonprofit, one job here, and I 339 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,800 Speaker 1: just was the classic overachiever. I think I had my 340 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 1: first little mini breakdown when I was a senior that 341 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:12,240 Speaker 1: that's the last semester of college, like October. I think 342 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,439 Speaker 1: it was going into my senior year of college. I 343 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 1: had a little bit of my first breakdown because of 344 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,359 Speaker 1: the way, what way I am of being this like 345 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 1: high achiever, needing to constantly have all these accolades constantly 346 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: kind of create the shell around me that shows that 347 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 1: I'm like this perfect being and nothing can harm me. 348 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,479 Speaker 1: Uh And I remember calling my mom in college and 349 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 1: I was like, um, I think I'm having a heart attack, 350 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 1: and she had to pick me up to bring me 351 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 1: to the hospital, and I was just extreme acid reflect 352 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,879 Speaker 1: so much so because I was so stressed out, but 353 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,120 Speaker 1: it felt like a heart attack anyone's ever had that 354 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:53,200 Speaker 1: it can mimic the symptoms of it. And I had 355 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 1: this really hard whilee sitting in the hospital, like really 356 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,240 Speaker 1: real combo with my mom about like how I need 357 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 1: to calm down or else I'm going to make myself 358 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: physically ill. So after that, I was like twenty one, 359 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,320 Speaker 1: I did kind of calm down. I got a job. 360 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 1: I really liked it. Then I didn't like it, and 361 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,680 Speaker 1: I got a new job liked it, didn't like it, 362 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,639 Speaker 1: got a new job and really settled in my early 363 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: twenties at this company in Massachusetts, working in public relations. 364 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,400 Speaker 1: I had a boyfriend from high school and we got 365 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:27,360 Speaker 1: back together and um, we were living together and at 366 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:31,120 Speaker 1: the age of all of that fell apart, we broke up. 367 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,560 Speaker 1: I was for sure, one percent sure we were going 368 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,960 Speaker 1: to get married. That was not clear. I felt very 369 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 1: lost in my life about Oh my goodness, I just 370 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 1: spent all this time and effort building this perfect reality 371 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,439 Speaker 1: around me, and in one day, it literally was in 372 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:51,520 Speaker 1: a day, it all came crashing down, and I just thought, Wow, 373 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 1: what was really the point of that. It was really 374 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,080 Speaker 1: eye opening to me of like, I worked so hard 375 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 1: for something that I didn't even go the way I 376 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:04,320 Speaker 1: wanted it to go. So that leads to me to Nashville. Um, 377 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 1: and my sister was moving there and I had to 378 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,879 Speaker 1: move back in with my parents after my accident. I 379 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,239 Speaker 1: broke up and I one month and I was like, 380 00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: I've got to get out of here. And so my 381 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,520 Speaker 1: sister was like, you should move to Nashville. And I 382 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:21,639 Speaker 1: got a job at another public relations agency and pretty 383 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,359 Speaker 1: quickly after that, you know, I kind of settled in 384 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 1: to like living in Nashville. I started dating my now 385 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,879 Speaker 1: husband the weekend I moved to Nashville. I literally met 386 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,200 Speaker 1: him a tin roof all. True love story started. True 387 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:38,160 Speaker 1: love story started demembering. You know. I kind of settled 388 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,800 Speaker 1: into this this like life. I started working at this 389 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 1: small PR agency and just started to get my footing. 390 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,240 Speaker 1: And I would say that I was pretty like chill 391 00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:48,359 Speaker 1: in the beginning when I first got to Nashville. You know, 392 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 1: I had had this trauma, and I also had this 393 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,919 Speaker 1: thing years earlier about being too psycho and overachieving, and 394 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,240 Speaker 1: I just was kind of numb, I think, to everything. 395 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 1: So I got this boyfriend, I just kind of like 396 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,159 Speaker 1: did whatever he wanted to do. I felt like in 397 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 1: the beginning, I wasn't even really myself because I was 398 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,960 Speaker 1: still trying to find this balance between like being an 399 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,159 Speaker 1: achiever and meeting all these things and like then not 400 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:15,159 Speaker 1: going crazy. And I ended up and then kind of 401 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,440 Speaker 1: falling back into old routines. I started to like really 402 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,800 Speaker 1: make moves in my job, and I got promoted and 403 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,840 Speaker 1: I became a vice president of this company. I decided 404 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 1: to go to work at Psycho Bar and be an 405 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:33,159 Speaker 1: instructor and get a little bit of like that praise back, 406 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 1: and then you got to be the lead instructor. You 407 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,800 Speaker 1: weren't just the instructor, you are the lead instructor. Became 408 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 1: the lead instructor and had some good success like in 409 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,760 Speaker 1: the fitness scene and Nashville, and so then I kind 410 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,720 Speaker 1: of felt, you know, year two, year three, living in Nashville, 411 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 1: I did start to get back into these kind of 412 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:55,119 Speaker 1: old habits of like, okay, now here comes story again, 413 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: which was classic me since I was five years old, 414 00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:02,359 Speaker 1: probably of the star of this, the expert at this, 415 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:07,120 Speaker 1: the best at this, all these things that from an 416 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 1: exterior standpoint, people look at me and they're like, oh, 417 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:13,320 Speaker 1: she's got it all all these things, and whereas in 418 00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:16,520 Speaker 1: the insides I was starting to like really spiral a 419 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,760 Speaker 1: little bit of uh, you know, I talked your one 420 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 1: a little numb, you're too kind of climbing back up 421 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: in this social ladder type of thing. In the near three, 422 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:29,200 Speaker 1: I just feel it was that like this maximum height building, 423 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,640 Speaker 1: all these things, like it was all coming to like 424 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:35,399 Speaker 1: a breaking point, like a boiling point of like never 425 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 1: having really slowed down, Like I moved to Nashville, abruptly, 426 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,439 Speaker 1: and I never took time to think about it and 427 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 1: never took time to be be like process things. I never 428 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,960 Speaker 1: took time to like think about what do I really want? 429 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 1: Do I even want to work in pr am? I 430 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,280 Speaker 1: just going to work at this job because I know 431 00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:54,240 Speaker 1: I'm good at it and people will think I'm good 432 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:58,280 Speaker 1: at it and I'll just be successful. And should I 433 00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 1: be jumping into this really sation ship or is it 434 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,880 Speaker 1: not serving me at all? Or am I just doing 435 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,639 Speaker 1: it because I want to? I want to date a 436 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 1: cute guy. Like it's just all these things that started 437 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,480 Speaker 1: to come to a head. I would feel. I felt 438 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: fast forward. I guess to my sister left Nashville, and 439 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,240 Speaker 1: again looking back in the moment, I try to again 440 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,800 Speaker 1: keep things light and I mosey along and and I 441 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,240 Speaker 1: didn't really think too much into it, like, oh, she's 442 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,320 Speaker 1: just moving. She's moving, and I'm excited for her, I'm 443 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:34,119 Speaker 1: happy for her. But inside I felt that that in 444 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,440 Speaker 1: in no digs to her because she went to live 445 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 1: her life. It's not anything against her. That's when things 446 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,240 Speaker 1: started to spiral out of control for me. Though, if 447 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 1: I'm to like look and pinpoint at time, I think 448 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: her leaving me in Nashville was was really tough on me, 449 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:57,200 Speaker 1: like emotionally inside, and I felt really lost without her there. Um, 450 00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,639 Speaker 1: did anybody know that that was that big of a 451 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: deal for you? No? And I do look back on that, 452 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,720 Speaker 1: and I remember talking to somebody about it and I said, 453 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 1: I said that, like I started crying about it, and 454 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,000 Speaker 1: they're like, does maren'th even know? And I'm like, I 455 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,760 Speaker 1: don't want to make her feel bad that I missed 456 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:17,440 Speaker 1: her so much or that I feel sad because I'm 457 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,360 Speaker 1: so happy for her in her new journey and her 458 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,560 Speaker 1: new life. I don't want to make have any guilt. 459 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,960 Speaker 1: My sister is like the nicest human, sweetest person. If 460 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,000 Speaker 1: you were to say to her, she probably would have 461 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,919 Speaker 1: literally been like I'll move back and I'll leave my boyfriend. 462 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 1: Like she's too good of a person. And so I 463 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,080 Speaker 1: was like, I'm not going to burden her with that. Um, 464 00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 1: So I just kept it to myself, which again is 465 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 1: like story of my life of like I'll just keep 466 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,760 Speaker 1: these things to myself. I'm gonna aplause to you because 467 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,960 Speaker 1: I feel like that the statement of I don't want 468 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 1: to burden her, I feel like that's a like classic 469 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,400 Speaker 1: Tory statement, like I don't want to burden anyone. Yeah, 470 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 1: where does that come from? Because you weren't born not 471 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,000 Speaker 1: wanting to burden people. I think it all honestly comes 472 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 1: from it. It's something I've been working on the past 473 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,600 Speaker 1: couple of years. But I want to just always seem 474 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 1: so put together. It's a two prong thing. One is 475 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 1: I don't want to seem weak or I want to 476 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,439 Speaker 1: have like a good face, and that goes back to 477 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:19,919 Speaker 1: like this constant sense of me needing to be looked 478 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 1: at a certain way. So that's one prong. And then 479 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,480 Speaker 1: another prong is that I honestly feel like and I 480 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 1: experienced this a lot in my current job, is I 481 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 1: don't like to over talk about myself sometimes because I'm like, 482 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,320 Speaker 1: what do people even care? You know, what do people 483 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 1: really even care? If I'm to like just overshare about 484 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:41,920 Speaker 1: everything I'm feeling constantly, I feel overwhelmed sometimes when people 485 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,959 Speaker 1: are like that to me, So then I don't like 486 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: to feel that way um to others. So that's I 487 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 1: think that's where it comes from. Because the message in 488 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:53,280 Speaker 1: your head is if I tell We'll use Meredith as 489 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:57,200 Speaker 1: an example. I tell my sister that it's been really 490 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,520 Speaker 1: hard for me since you left and I'm really struggling. 491 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:04,880 Speaker 1: That in turn means what how would you finish that sentence? 492 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,360 Speaker 1: That in turns means that like I can't handle things 493 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:12,280 Speaker 1: on my own. I can't take care of myself. I 494 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,719 Speaker 1: can't when I think the part that I would have, 495 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:20,000 Speaker 1: I would challenge you. It's like you aren't supposed to 496 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,040 Speaker 1: take care of things on your own, and that is 497 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 1: I'm glad that you're talking about this part in your life, 498 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:30,359 Speaker 1: because there was a significant shift in you around that time. 499 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,640 Speaker 1: I think that whole like six months, though I mean, 500 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,920 Speaker 1: I guess it's longer than six months. But it went 501 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,040 Speaker 1: from like I was just like confused on how you 502 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,600 Speaker 1: did everything you did. Yeah, I had so much on 503 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,280 Speaker 1: my plate and I was overdoing it. And that's another 504 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,680 Speaker 1: thing that I do a lot. Jordan tells me about 505 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,960 Speaker 1: all the time, and he's like, you do way too much. 506 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:54,679 Speaker 1: You take on way too much. And I was doing that, 507 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,919 Speaker 1: and I do think that that was part. It was 508 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,480 Speaker 1: from pure exhaustion, is why I kind of had this 509 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:04,920 Speaker 1: little bit of like a mental physical like stop um 510 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 1: in the in the middle of and I think it 511 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,480 Speaker 1: was just doing so much. And I think I would say, 512 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,480 Speaker 1: and I know a lot of people feel this way 513 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: a lot of times, like preoccupying yourself and stuff in 514 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,159 Speaker 1: order to not address other things that are going on 515 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,960 Speaker 1: in your life that might be yeah to face. So 516 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,840 Speaker 1: you're just like, I'll just be busy. I'm like a 517 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:30,920 Speaker 1: classic person like that, or I am extremely I've learned 518 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:34,440 Speaker 1: about myself like competitive in a way of like I 519 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:38,479 Speaker 1: want to be the best and do the most, and 520 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,000 Speaker 1: I want to be able to tell people about that. 521 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:42,879 Speaker 1: I want to be like I do this, and I 522 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,200 Speaker 1: do that, and I'm able to do all this and 523 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 1: I so I catch myself doing that now, you know, 524 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,920 Speaker 1: like final, I'll do this, I'm gonna run and I'm 525 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,440 Speaker 1: gonna pick up dinner, and I'm gonna do this and 526 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,760 Speaker 1: and I hired this and I'm going to go here. 527 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: And my husband's I was like, why don't do any 528 00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,320 Speaker 1: of those things? Why do you have to do any 529 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,640 Speaker 1: of those because if I don't do it, who will 530 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,840 Speaker 1: do it? And He's like no one and no one 531 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,919 Speaker 1: will care, like you even notice. And that's my constant 532 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 1: like struggle with myself. And so there I was doing 533 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 1: that a lot that time in my life most probably 534 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:19,720 Speaker 1: I ever have one. It's are you proving something to 535 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,200 Speaker 1: other people? Are you trying to prove on into yourself 536 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:25,080 Speaker 1: at that point? Am I doing this so I feel 537 00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,360 Speaker 1: like I have accomplished something, or I feel like I'm 538 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 1: valued or worthy? Or am I doing this other people 539 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:34,240 Speaker 1: think that? What did that downfall? Really? Yeah, we can 540 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:36,640 Speaker 1: just like pass forward to the end, I guess of it. 541 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:42,680 Speaker 1: There's a lot of cuckoo cuckoo crazy crazy me acting crazy, um, 542 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: being like really reckless. It's funny and I'll just like 543 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 1: sneak this in. It's funny because I was because I 544 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 1: was such like number one. It was My sister was 545 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 1: more like a rebel in her family. She got in 546 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,200 Speaker 1: trouble a lot and caught for drinking all this, And 547 00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 1: I was like this goody two shoes my life. And 548 00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 1: I was always and I think I like prided myself 549 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 1: on that. Um Like of course I did did different things. 550 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,600 Speaker 1: I just wouldn't. I was just like really buttoned up 551 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:12,520 Speaker 1: about it. Um. And so I was perceived like in 552 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,080 Speaker 1: my family is like this toory is such a goody 553 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 1: two shoes and um, I didn't have any like major 554 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 1: kind of crazy. I didn't fight with have those big 555 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:22,760 Speaker 1: fights with my mom. In high school, my mom and 556 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,280 Speaker 1: I were like best friends. I didn't have like any 557 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:28,240 Speaker 1: of those things. And so in my in these twenties, 558 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,880 Speaker 1: mid twenties to late twenties, I call it like my 559 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 1: wild stage, because I mean I was pretty wild and 560 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 1: I looked back and I'm like, oh, my goodness. So 561 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 1: that like year leading up to I mean, Nashville is 562 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:45,840 Speaker 1: attempting place and you can have a lot of fun. Um. 563 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:50,080 Speaker 1: I was having a lot of fun. So during that time, 564 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 1: a lot of fun, a lot of fun, a lot 565 00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:56,080 Speaker 1: of crazy, a lot of partying. That summer, juggling all 566 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:59,320 Speaker 1: these things I was juggling. I end up losing my 567 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 1: job in pr my my, you know, number one job 568 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,600 Speaker 1: president of a company. Yeah, we had a very good 569 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,840 Speaker 1: a very good job. Yes, I did have a very 570 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 1: good job. I checked out of that job months before that, 571 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,960 Speaker 1: and I was just coasting along. And that's never how 572 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 1: I want to be. And it's the only time in 573 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,360 Speaker 1: my life I've ever been like that. And I always 574 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,480 Speaker 1: tell people, like, always a bow out of something gracefully, 575 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 1: always accept defeat, acknowledge that on your own when something 576 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:35,280 Speaker 1: is over, and that's something I regret. I just never 577 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,920 Speaker 1: want to be perceived to somebody who was like they 578 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,680 Speaker 1: let it all kind of go, you know, because that's 579 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,640 Speaker 1: not kind of a character I want to be or 580 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:44,440 Speaker 1: the type of character I want to have. So I 581 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,440 Speaker 1: did do that in that job, and in July, I 582 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,520 Speaker 1: think it was July or June would be the under June. 583 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:52,760 Speaker 1: I don't have that job anymore, and I'm like, Okay, 584 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 1: that's fine, that's fine. I didn't want that job, right. 585 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 1: That's the whole reason why I don't have it anymore 586 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 1: is because I literally people want to do it anymore. 587 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,880 Speaker 1: It was burnt out and I was exhausted and it 588 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,440 Speaker 1: was a little bit toxic, and it didn't work for me. 589 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:07,640 Speaker 1: And what I wanted to do and what I love 590 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:11,600 Speaker 1: doing is I thought, is I love teaching in your 591 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 1: cycling like I love teaching fitness, like I want to 592 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 1: be a fitness professional. I want to explore this side 593 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:22,680 Speaker 1: of me. Um. So I put on my tory, let's 594 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:26,760 Speaker 1: work super hard at something cab and I tried to 595 00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:28,760 Speaker 1: figure out exactly what I could do next. I pretty 596 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 1: quickly trying to pivot, Okay, how can I make fitness 597 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,480 Speaker 1: the full time thing for the first time in my life. 598 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 1: I couldn't put any of the pieces. They didn't all fit. 599 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:37,840 Speaker 1: I kept being like this, I could do this, I 600 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:39,440 Speaker 1: could do this, side from this, and then I would 601 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:41,640 Speaker 1: start to put it together and like it doesn't work well, 602 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,400 Speaker 1: this is this and this, and I'm like it's this 603 00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,800 Speaker 1: isn't working. I don't know what to do, and I 604 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 1: felt really overwhelmed. It wasn't myself. I didn't know what 605 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,800 Speaker 1: was what to do, and I was trying to just 606 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,600 Speaker 1: keep things light and just gonna do. Oh, it's all 607 00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:58,080 Speaker 1: gonna work out. It's all gonna work out. This is 608 00:31:58,080 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 1: gonna work out. This is gonna work out. At the 609 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 1: at the same time, like right around that time, I 610 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,080 Speaker 1: get a car accident in my car cratled, hit and run. 611 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,720 Speaker 1: It was so bad, and I'm like, what is going on? 612 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,400 Speaker 1: So I didn't have a car anymore or that was 613 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,200 Speaker 1: like right near the end before I left Nashville. It 614 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,520 Speaker 1: was just a whole big mess, right, And so I 615 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:25,120 Speaker 1: remember something that you told me and then my sister 616 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,800 Speaker 1: told me too, was both of you sent me or 617 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 1: told me like Soul Cycle has doing auditions again. You 618 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,720 Speaker 1: should look at Sole Cycle and to rewind back to 619 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,280 Speaker 1: when I was really getting into the cycle bar stuff 620 00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,920 Speaker 1: and indoor cycling. I'm like, oh my gosh, my greatest 621 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,680 Speaker 1: dream would be going back to my competitiveness is to 622 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:50,560 Speaker 1: teach it sol cycle because it's the epitome of indoor cycling. 623 00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:54,440 Speaker 1: It's like going to varsity, right like the people who 624 00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,880 Speaker 1: created it. I want to work for them, and I 625 00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:59,600 Speaker 1: want to do that. And I auditioned in seen I 626 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 1: didn't get and I just remember thinking, Okay, you know, 627 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:06,560 Speaker 1: I have a great life in Nashville. Um, there's no 628 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,880 Speaker 1: sole Cycle in Nashville. Would have had to leave, so 629 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,480 Speaker 1: I kind of just had scratched that off. But really, 630 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:13,520 Speaker 1: deep down it was like that I really do want 631 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,200 Speaker 1: to do it. And so both of you were like, 632 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:20,240 Speaker 1: you know, you should audition. I mean they're coming again 633 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,640 Speaker 1: and you should do it and why not? And I thought, yeah, 634 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,240 Speaker 1: I guess so why not why not try again in 635 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:29,280 Speaker 1: audition a second time see if I can do it? 636 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 1: And this I mean, I literally at this point, I 637 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,040 Speaker 1: have nothing else going on in my life, so let's 638 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:39,880 Speaker 1: give this a shot. Um. But it's still like super scary. 639 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,600 Speaker 1: It was scary to do that and scary to think 640 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,800 Speaker 1: that if I knew, you know, that small chance I 641 00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:49,360 Speaker 1: could get it, I would have to completely outroot my 642 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,800 Speaker 1: whole life. I just remember thinking, am I going to 643 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,640 Speaker 1: add something that now is going to make me even 644 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 1: more overwhelmed? Or would I add something that then would 645 00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,440 Speaker 1: make me feel like peace? It was going to go 646 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,000 Speaker 1: one wheregether? And I didn't know which way or what 647 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,320 Speaker 1: If I don't get it, will I even survive that 648 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:08,400 Speaker 1: rejection right now? Will I even be able to handle it? 649 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,359 Speaker 1: Or will it just break me completely? I remember we 650 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:15,959 Speaker 1: were visiting your sister and you got an email. Oh yeah, yeah, 651 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:19,160 Speaker 1: And Charlotte, Yeah, I got the email that you had 652 00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:24,080 Speaker 1: made it to the interviews. Yeah, I went an auditioned 653 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:27,560 Speaker 1: in Atlanta, and the I mean, we could do a 654 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:30,920 Speaker 1: whole episode on Soul Cycle. Um, I'd probably have to 655 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:34,400 Speaker 1: like sign some sort of match getting to sign my 656 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:38,560 Speaker 1: life away or something for for leaking their trade secrets. 657 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:42,880 Speaker 1: But it's a really wild audition process and everything, and 658 00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,640 Speaker 1: so yeah, I went auditioned and I made it to 659 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:49,239 Speaker 1: the second round and that's an interview round. And yeah, 660 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,600 Speaker 1: I did get that there and I remember getting that email. 661 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:55,640 Speaker 1: And it's funny because I am big on like your 662 00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:58,640 Speaker 1: gut and like I feel I'm a very like intuitive, 663 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:02,560 Speaker 1: observant kind of person and cancer as a sign. So 664 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:06,640 Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm really like spiritual and emotionally connected. 665 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:10,719 Speaker 1: And so I remember when I got to email and 666 00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 1: I was like, oh god, I got a second around, 667 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 1: and I remember feeling like this is what I need, 668 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,959 Speaker 1: this is what I'm being called to do. I need 669 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:20,799 Speaker 1: to get this, like this is where I need to go. 670 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,759 Speaker 1: And so yeah, So then I ended up, by the 671 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:27,399 Speaker 1: grace of God, getting into training group and they take 672 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,160 Speaker 1: a small group of people up twice a year. Usually 673 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,960 Speaker 1: I will say I'm gonna stop you there, because even 674 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,399 Speaker 1: if you made it, I remember you being like, am 675 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:37,680 Speaker 1: I going to make a mistake? Am I going to 676 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,520 Speaker 1: regret this? And I remember being like, what the hell 677 00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,400 Speaker 1: do you have to lose? You have no car, you 678 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,280 Speaker 1: have no jobs. My car was total because at first 679 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,239 Speaker 1: we didn't know I have wreckage on my car, and 680 00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, we could fix it. And I remember you 681 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,360 Speaker 1: saying when I called you, and I said, the insurance 682 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,760 Speaker 1: company just called me and they say my car is totaled. 683 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,839 Speaker 1: You're like, okay, Well, now when you get that call 684 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,520 Speaker 1: for soul cycle, which you will you're going because now 685 00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,879 Speaker 1: you don't even have a car tory God telling you 686 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,399 Speaker 1: it's time for you to exit Nashville like we don't 687 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 1: why do you wear anymore? And I'm like, you're actually right. 688 00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:12,040 Speaker 1: And then when they ever said I was getting like 689 00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:14,120 Speaker 1: seven grand from a car, that's when I think you 690 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:17,440 Speaker 1: were like, and you're gonna have seven grand? She's like, 691 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,120 Speaker 1: I don't know what else to tell you, but that's 692 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,279 Speaker 1: like the mind intervention, so you just have to go 693 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 1: with that. And I remember thinking, like, I actually think 694 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,040 Speaker 1: it was spooky kind of I felt like for the 695 00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,560 Speaker 1: first day of my life, it was like something higher 696 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,360 Speaker 1: than me was like, we're telling you exactly what you 697 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,720 Speaker 1: need to because you're not listening to us. You continue 698 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,320 Speaker 1: to do all these dumb things that aren't serving you, 699 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:41,160 Speaker 1: and that now we need to like shift things like 700 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,879 Speaker 1: God like I need to push you because you don't 701 00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,480 Speaker 1: know how to get yourself in the right direction right now. 702 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,759 Speaker 1: When you can look at that so many ways, because 703 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,040 Speaker 1: you can look at that as like God punishing you, 704 00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:53,759 Speaker 1: or you can look at that it's like and that's 705 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,400 Speaker 1: the attitude which p m a uh cause of mental 706 00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,919 Speaker 1: attitude and looking at your life circumstances like maybe this 707 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,839 Speaker 1: bad thing me getting my car total isn't a bad thing. 708 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,319 Speaker 1: This is a gift, but I have to have my 709 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,319 Speaker 1: head in the right direction to be able to see 710 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:12,640 Speaker 1: the gift. Maybe losing my job isn't a bad thing, 711 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,640 Speaker 1: because would you have ever just walked in one day 712 00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,120 Speaker 1: and been like undone? And if you had gotten the 713 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,160 Speaker 1: soul cycle, let's say you've been you've got made it 714 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,880 Speaker 1: to the training, what would have been like if you 715 00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:26,120 Speaker 1: had to sit there and say, this high paying job 716 00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:29,760 Speaker 1: that's comfortable and I do really well, or this risk 717 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:32,000 Speaker 1: where I might not even make it through the training, 718 00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:34,040 Speaker 1: but I have to quit my job to go try 719 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,000 Speaker 1: would you've been able to make that decision? I mean, 720 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,319 Speaker 1: I think so, but also I don't know. And so 721 00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:45,560 Speaker 1: that's I remember after the first SAW time my auditioned, 722 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,320 Speaker 1: it really kind of hurt. It was, I mean the audition, 723 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:52,160 Speaker 1: like I'll just put it bluntly, I was totally out 724 00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,040 Speaker 1: of place. And I remember going thinking I was hot 725 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:58,799 Speaker 1: ship and I'm not. I'm not. I need to work 726 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,600 Speaker 1: a lot harder if I want this or something because 727 00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:05,080 Speaker 1: I'm not hot ship, And so I remember going to 728 00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,520 Speaker 1: it and feeling a lot of rejection. And so I 729 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:11,440 Speaker 1: do remember like getting the email for the audition and 730 00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,440 Speaker 1: it was like for the next one that was maybe 731 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:15,759 Speaker 1: four months later, and they invited me again or they 732 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:19,000 Speaker 1: sent out the communication and I thought, I'm not doing 733 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,480 Speaker 1: that again, Like I was, like, I failed at that. 734 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,799 Speaker 1: I'm not doing that. So I don't even know if 735 00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,200 Speaker 1: I would have wanted to do that, because I was 736 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:28,799 Speaker 1: really said on like, that's a really crazy pipe dream 737 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:31,080 Speaker 1: and it failed miserably when I tried to do it, 738 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,359 Speaker 1: So why would I continue to do it when I 739 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,960 Speaker 1: have a job in a life and stuff like that. Yeah, 740 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:41,480 Speaker 1: so it led me to that, which was quite an experience. 741 00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 1: I would say to this date still I'm about to 742 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:46,960 Speaker 1: have a child, so I'll let you know. But that changes, 743 00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:51,680 Speaker 1: but nine months pregnant, nine months pregnant, so it's probably 744 00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,399 Speaker 1: gonna change in like a week. But to date, it's 745 00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:57,880 Speaker 1: the hardest thing I've ever had to do, hands down, 746 00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:00,880 Speaker 1: in my whole life, was to you moved to New 747 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:05,120 Speaker 1: York City and get a really weird remember my apartment there, 748 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,319 Speaker 1: So I hope I was hoping you were talking about that. 749 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:11,359 Speaker 1: That was one of the scariest if your mom. Did 750 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:16,600 Speaker 1: your mom ever see it, because if she did, it 751 00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:20,200 Speaker 1: was you left with these random people in this creepy 752 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:23,440 Speaker 1: apartment in this it was a kind of a whole apartment, 753 00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,840 Speaker 1: but it was like weird, and it was like all 754 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:30,400 Speaker 1: the way down Lower East Side but like basically Chinatown. 755 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:33,080 Speaker 1: It was like you're you're in Soho chilling, and then 756 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:36,279 Speaker 1: you got to keep walking fifteen more minutes and so 757 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,040 Speaker 1: then you're like, uh, this has now always become weird. 758 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:43,520 Speaker 1: I know, so you have to move to New York. 759 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,759 Speaker 1: You have to find police. It wasn't even wait, we 760 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,759 Speaker 1: didn't even shower at your apartment. We only showered. I 761 00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:53,920 Speaker 1: just showered at so Cycle. I was. It was terrible 762 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,160 Speaker 1: water pressure in the shower. I was. I lived a 763 00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:58,880 Speaker 1: bunch of dudes in this law for two months and 764 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:03,640 Speaker 1: in New York. I'd pack up everything from Nashville, and um, 765 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:08,640 Speaker 1: leave and they're still in storage. Yeah I know, I know. Yeah, 766 00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:10,520 Speaker 1: they give you about two weeks notice, and I just 767 00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:13,840 Speaker 1: left and I moved to New York. Um. But but 768 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:15,920 Speaker 1: kind of how you mentioned it a little bit. But 769 00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,160 Speaker 1: I'll just reiterate. When you when you get into soul 770 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:20,920 Speaker 1: cycle training, you get invited to be in a training 771 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:25,000 Speaker 1: group and you train five days a week, all day 772 00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:28,160 Speaker 1: basically for eight weeks, and at the end of those 773 00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,160 Speaker 1: eight weeks, you might get a job, you might not. 774 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,560 Speaker 1: That's what goes on. And so Jordan and my husband, 775 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:37,000 Speaker 1: who play D one football, he's always like, I'll tell 776 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,279 Speaker 1: him these stories about it, and he goes, oh, so 777 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,080 Speaker 1: you went to training camp. You went to NFL training camp. 778 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:46,200 Speaker 1: He goes where they overwork you, underfeed you, and tell 779 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,359 Speaker 1: you if you mess up, you could lose your job. 780 00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, actually, that that does sound I get and 781 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,719 Speaker 1: he's like, that's that's like what professional athletes do to 782 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:57,279 Speaker 1: get a spot on the squad. And so that's that 783 00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 1: is what it is. And there were several people in 784 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,680 Speaker 1: my whole who didn't make it, and so it's real. 785 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,080 Speaker 1: It's not a threat. Like something I love about Soul 786 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,920 Speaker 1: Cycle Shout Out is just they're so transparent. They're just like, 787 00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:11,520 Speaker 1: this is it is what it is. We're not sugarcoating anything. 788 00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:13,320 Speaker 1: You're gonna come here and you're gonna be a peasant. 789 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:15,400 Speaker 1: And if you do well and work your way up, 790 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:18,120 Speaker 1: you can make some good money and have a cool job. 791 00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,239 Speaker 1: But if you can't then you can't. And they're very 792 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:23,640 Speaker 1: transparent about it, and that's how they work throughout all 793 00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:27,040 Speaker 1: of training. So it's not only physically draining, because you're 794 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:30,880 Speaker 1: just exercising obviously all day long, it's like emotionally draining. 795 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,160 Speaker 1: There are days where we would just sit and you 796 00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:37,160 Speaker 1: would talk. UM. There was one day called soul Day, 797 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:40,040 Speaker 1: which it was my greatest fear. I'll just tell a 798 00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:43,960 Speaker 1: little anecdote about this. UM. So you know, riding the bike, 799 00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:46,920 Speaker 1: I got that, learn kind of each better, got it? 800 00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:50,040 Speaker 1: I can work for that. There's this day that was 801 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,680 Speaker 1: like looming on our schedule as training. It's like week 802 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,000 Speaker 1: four or five. It's like halfway through when you're sharing 803 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,520 Speaker 1: to get comfortable with people, and I just remember me, 804 00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,879 Speaker 1: like what goes on? And we heard murmurs like thank 805 00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:01,360 Speaker 1: you in a room and they put you in a 806 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:03,200 Speaker 1: circle and they make you tell your deepest start the 807 00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,560 Speaker 1: secrets and fears and people crying. There's candles, and I'm like, 808 00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,920 Speaker 1: I don't want to do that, and we had to. 809 00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:12,920 Speaker 1: And it's literally was exactly what I just said. You 810 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:16,359 Speaker 1: sit in a circle and it's led by two instructors 811 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:19,000 Speaker 1: and you literally go around the room and you talk 812 00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,480 Speaker 1: about very vulnerable things and the Catherine's Greatest Dream. It 813 00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:27,600 Speaker 1: was tell me after that you're feelings and you would 814 00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,759 Speaker 1: literally be like, oh my god, that was so uplifting, 815 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,279 Speaker 1: And meanwhile I was I had no color in my 816 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:35,720 Speaker 1: face by the end of it. I was so drained. 817 00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:40,359 Speaker 1: You know, there's stories of people's the losses they've had, 818 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,720 Speaker 1: um the people that you're spending like twenty four hours 819 00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:48,520 Speaker 1: a day with and you know, you're you're trying to 820 00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:51,719 Speaker 1: become in fitness instructors together and it's fun and and 821 00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:55,359 Speaker 1: hard and overwhelming, and it's all these things. And then 822 00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,879 Speaker 1: you do this day where you actually learn something about 823 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,640 Speaker 1: these people and the people thing next to you that 824 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:02,399 Speaker 1: you've been kind of hanging out with, going to lunch 825 00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:06,240 Speaker 1: doing this, that are your friends. You see the type 826 00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,879 Speaker 1: of struggles people have had in their life, the type 827 00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:14,320 Speaker 1: of trauma, and the type of insecurities people have. And 828 00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,520 Speaker 1: in my life, they were like thirty eight of us. 829 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,719 Speaker 1: I have never been in a setting like that where 830 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:23,720 Speaker 1: there were so many people in a space and every 831 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:28,040 Speaker 1: single person had shipped every person and it was the 832 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,840 Speaker 1: most eye opening thing to me looking back now, it 833 00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:35,480 Speaker 1: was I just remember thinking I did not know this 834 00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:38,360 Speaker 1: much trauma existed in people. I remember telling you this 835 00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:42,760 Speaker 1: and you're like, yeah, it's so sad, and but also 836 00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:46,400 Speaker 1: like you feel more of a connection with people because 837 00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:48,439 Speaker 1: you can look at somebody and think that their life 838 00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,200 Speaker 1: is perfect, and it turns out their dad was killed 839 00:43:51,239 --> 00:43:53,200 Speaker 1: in front of them. It turns out, you know, they 840 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,080 Speaker 1: never had love from their mother. They know it was 841 00:43:56,200 --> 00:44:00,840 Speaker 1: like big everything from big traumas too small one parents 842 00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:04,200 Speaker 1: on accepting their son for coming out, for this and that, 843 00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:08,600 Speaker 1: and and it was it was something else. But I 844 00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:13,360 Speaker 1: just remember leaving that setting and feeling almost like a 845 00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:16,520 Speaker 1: total shift in the way I thought about things. I 846 00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:18,520 Speaker 1: just thought, Wow, if we could do more of this 847 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:22,520 Speaker 1: in the world, like I feel that it would make 848 00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:25,120 Speaker 1: us like a stronger community, you know what I mean? 849 00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:28,120 Speaker 1: In a way it was it was it was something 850 00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:33,000 Speaker 1: else I have ever experienced. UM that day, how do 851 00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:38,120 Speaker 1: you think that helped you? One as an instructor, but 852 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,840 Speaker 1: also as a friend and a daughter and a wife 853 00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:45,759 Speaker 1: and a sister and a human. Yeah, I thought, you 854 00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:49,480 Speaker 1: know something that to to go back to UM that 855 00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,560 Speaker 1: therapists we were talking to you about that you used 856 00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:53,640 Speaker 1: to work with. I would say his name, but that 857 00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:56,560 Speaker 1: you used to work with. I remember me telling him, like, 858 00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:58,640 Speaker 1: I have to shoot with my mom, and you know, 859 00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:00,520 Speaker 1: I had a boyfriend break up with me. But it's like, 860 00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:03,360 Speaker 1: I feel even bad talking about that stuff because like, 861 00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:06,640 Speaker 1: who cares? It's not you know, I mostly my life 862 00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:10,320 Speaker 1: has been great. And I remember him telling me everybody 863 00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,960 Speaker 1: has trauma and it's individual to them, and you're allowed 864 00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:17,440 Speaker 1: to feel that. It doesn't matter if your trauma is 865 00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:20,880 Speaker 1: my dad wasn't nice to me, or my parents got divorced, 866 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:25,840 Speaker 1: or my whole family was murdered. Everybody's trauma is okay 867 00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:28,160 Speaker 1: to be felt by them and it's all equal. And 868 00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:31,200 Speaker 1: I remember him telling me that and me thinking, like 869 00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:33,960 Speaker 1: I get that, and I love the thought of it, 870 00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,480 Speaker 1: but I still don't feel that. In that day, I 871 00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:40,319 Speaker 1: felt that, I felt like, wow, you know, we all 872 00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:44,359 Speaker 1: have stuff. Also, not to be like overly judgmental of people, 873 00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:47,560 Speaker 1: like everybody makes mistakes or everybody has this that happens, 874 00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:50,520 Speaker 1: and like these people just being here and trying to 875 00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:53,120 Speaker 1: do something different and work on your life and be open. 876 00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:55,640 Speaker 1: I want to be around people like that, you know, 877 00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:59,000 Speaker 1: even if the trauma is overwhelming and it's a lot, 878 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,959 Speaker 1: and it's awkward is uncomfortable when you rather be people 879 00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:06,080 Speaker 1: like that than people who have no substance and no doubts. 880 00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:09,239 Speaker 1: They don't want to change their circumstances. And you know, 881 00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:12,759 Speaker 1: I think that two things come to mind. One the 882 00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:16,479 Speaker 1: idea that like because in that room you saw again 883 00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:18,360 Speaker 1: you talked about different kinds of traumas, these big T 884 00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:21,520 Speaker 1: traumas and these little T traumas, these these big events 885 00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:24,640 Speaker 1: and then these smaller, more emotional wounds, and and I 886 00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:27,600 Speaker 1: hear a lot of people that come to therapy are like, well, 887 00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,279 Speaker 1: I don't have problems or I don't feel like my 888 00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:34,080 Speaker 1: problems are worthy of me even talking about and all 889 00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,680 Speaker 1: this stuff, and we're doing all this comparative suffering. And 890 00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:39,879 Speaker 1: I don't deserve to feel this way because they had 891 00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:42,880 Speaker 1: this big thing happened to them. The truth is, when 892 00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,200 Speaker 1: it comes down to our pain and our feelings, the 893 00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:48,080 Speaker 1: most important pain, and the biggest pain, and the hardest 894 00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:51,680 Speaker 1: pain for anybody to feel is their own pain. So 895 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,440 Speaker 1: even if you go through something that in my eyes 896 00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:59,399 Speaker 1: is much bigger than what I'm going through, I don't 897 00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,480 Speaker 1: feel or I'm not feeling your feelings. I'm feeling mine. 898 00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:06,240 Speaker 1: So the feelings I had in my little T trauma 899 00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:08,920 Speaker 1: were bigger than the feelings that I'm having for you 900 00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:11,880 Speaker 1: and your big T trauma. And so we have to 901 00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:14,759 Speaker 1: acknowledge that, because if we don't acknowledge them, they're gonna 902 00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,000 Speaker 1: our feelings are gonna do something inside of us. The 903 00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:20,400 Speaker 1: worst pain is your pain, and so we have to 904 00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:23,800 Speaker 1: acknowledge that, and it deserves space to be heard. And 905 00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,279 Speaker 1: the other part is you had this moment of like, 906 00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:28,040 Speaker 1: is this going to change the way I look at them? 907 00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:30,800 Speaker 1: But then it didn't because what's happening is when we 908 00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:34,640 Speaker 1: talk about our stuff, we get desensitized in a good 909 00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:37,920 Speaker 1: way to this stuff. And so it's not this jarring 910 00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:42,399 Speaker 1: of like I can't believe that happened. It's like, oh, 911 00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:44,759 Speaker 1: I can sit here and connect with you and that 912 00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,960 Speaker 1: rather than I can just like bug eyed look at you. 913 00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:50,920 Speaker 1: And it opens up space for the person next to 914 00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:52,840 Speaker 1: them to share their stuff and the person next to 915 00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:55,120 Speaker 1: them to share their stuff. And so I think part 916 00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,239 Speaker 1: of and I don't know if this is because I 917 00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,759 Speaker 1: work in what I work in, so I just am 918 00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:05,160 Speaker 1: somewhat desensitized to the shock value. I have such an 919 00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:10,839 Speaker 1: easier time sitting and empathizing and understanding what the world 920 00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:14,960 Speaker 1: would perceive a shitty behavior because I can see what's 921 00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,479 Speaker 1: behind it because I talk about it all day with people. 922 00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:21,040 Speaker 1: But I mean, we can just use the example of addiction, 923 00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,239 Speaker 1: which I did a whole episode on that. A lot 924 00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:26,239 Speaker 1: of times, the world looks at and somebody who's an 925 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:29,160 Speaker 1: addic quote unquote addict that struggles like let's just say 926 00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:32,719 Speaker 1: drugs and alcohol, and I can't believe they acted that way, 927 00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:35,480 Speaker 1: or they stole that, or they did that. And I 928 00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:38,759 Speaker 1: can sit because I know the story behind addiction of like, yeah, 929 00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,960 Speaker 1: they did that shitty behavior because they experienced this other 930 00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:44,520 Speaker 1: stuff and that they were trying to get this. But 931 00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:46,959 Speaker 1: most people don't know that's part of the story because 932 00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:49,800 Speaker 1: nobody's talking about it. And so you're sitting in this 933 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:53,640 Speaker 1: room and you're talking about this stuff that normal people 934 00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:57,080 Speaker 1: don't talk about, and it's opening your eyes to have 935 00:48:57,200 --> 00:49:01,839 Speaker 1: a different understanding of human behavior. Then you go into 936 00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:05,279 Speaker 1: a job where your literal job is, I mean, to 937 00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:09,799 Speaker 1: help people feel better about themselves, essentially, and I think 938 00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:12,799 Speaker 1: it's so helpful because you never know what people are 939 00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:16,120 Speaker 1: struggling with, and it's so easy to see somebody who 940 00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:19,720 Speaker 1: walks into a sole cycle room and has a shitty 941 00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:22,759 Speaker 1: attitude and doesn't say hi to you, or um, they've 942 00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:25,080 Speaker 1: already been there three times that day or something like that, 943 00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:28,400 Speaker 1: or um they always cancel their classes last minute or 944 00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,160 Speaker 1: something like that. And it gives you a space to 945 00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:33,640 Speaker 1: be like, wait a second, I don't know that that 946 00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:37,800 Speaker 1: whole story. Yeah, I will say that that is actually 947 00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,800 Speaker 1: exactly what I was able to take away from a 948 00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:43,120 Speaker 1: lot of the training, especially that day, is that you 949 00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:46,400 Speaker 1: don't ever know what somebody's going through, and to just 950 00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:50,480 Speaker 1: always have empathy and compassion for people. And I do 951 00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:54,319 Speaker 1: feel I have gotten a lot better about that, um 952 00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:58,239 Speaker 1: through my training, sole cycling and my job and just 953 00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:02,200 Speaker 1: like digging deeper to try to to be a connecting 954 00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:05,840 Speaker 1: source for others. Is yeah, somebody is to be you know, 955 00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:09,600 Speaker 1: always they're always late, or they're always this, instead of 956 00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:11,960 Speaker 1: being like this person is always like why do they 957 00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:14,239 Speaker 1: even show up? I try to flick that narrative, and 958 00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:16,480 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so happy to show up. I'm so 959 00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:18,960 Speaker 1: happy show I have some stories like your classroomer, my god, 960 00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:21,920 Speaker 1: happy you made it. That's all we can ask of ourselves. 961 00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:24,400 Speaker 1: You made it. That's the toughest part is to physically 962 00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:27,320 Speaker 1: get in this room, um And you don't always know 963 00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:30,240 Speaker 1: what people are going through. And that's something really huge 964 00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:33,120 Speaker 1: through being in more of a job where I'm like 965 00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:36,680 Speaker 1: associating with the public mores uh, and that on that 966 00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:39,440 Speaker 1: day and soul cycle training and just that kind of 967 00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:42,719 Speaker 1: kick started that for me. It's like WHOA. I never 968 00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:45,759 Speaker 1: would have thought that she has had this happener. I 969 00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:49,000 Speaker 1: would never thought that he's so gorgeous and perfect looking, 970 00:50:49,719 --> 00:50:52,719 Speaker 1: feels terrible about his body and always has like, uh, 971 00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:55,200 Speaker 1: you know, you don't you don't understand those things, You're 972 00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:58,520 Speaker 1: right until people start opening up and talking about it, 973 00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:02,320 Speaker 1: and I do you know that it does help build 974 00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:04,360 Speaker 1: like these kind of deeper connections and also just to 975 00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:06,680 Speaker 1: be a more empathetic person, which is something I worked 976 00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:08,640 Speaker 1: really hard at, is like to have a lot like 977 00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:12,719 Speaker 1: empathy for people and understanding and to try to being 978 00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:15,640 Speaker 1: like non judgment all of others, um And I think 979 00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:19,160 Speaker 1: that that helps. So can you tell us how that 980 00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:23,239 Speaker 1: because obviously your soul cycle instructor now, so how that 981 00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:26,000 Speaker 1: story kind of ended and what it is like for 982 00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:30,760 Speaker 1: you to look back and at that human in two thousand, 983 00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:33,400 Speaker 1: the beginning of two eighteen, who was having like, you know, 984 00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:37,560 Speaker 1: not a midlife crisis, quarter life crisis maybe. Yeah. So 985 00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:40,439 Speaker 1: how did this all come full circle for you? Well? Yeah, 986 00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:45,080 Speaker 1: I finished training. I ended up moving back to Massachusetts, 987 00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:47,960 Speaker 1: where I was from, to be an instructor in Boston. 988 00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:52,960 Speaker 1: So that's where that sort of ended. I guess, Um, 989 00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:57,560 Speaker 1: when I first got done with sol Cycle training, you know, 990 00:51:57,760 --> 00:51:59,719 Speaker 1: kind of living in this bubble for eight weeks, and 991 00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:02,640 Speaker 1: I m out at that bubble being like, oh wow, 992 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:06,759 Speaker 1: before I left my life in Nashville, it was a 993 00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:09,080 Speaker 1: bit of a ship show. Now I'm out of it 994 00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:12,120 Speaker 1: and I have a job, but I don't have money, 995 00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:15,400 Speaker 1: and I don't have stability, and I don't know what 996 00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:18,440 Speaker 1: to do, and I'm still a little like wounded. I 997 00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:21,280 Speaker 1: guess it's a good word from just like that emotional 998 00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:25,239 Speaker 1: exhaustion of everything that happened. Um. So I started to 999 00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:30,640 Speaker 1: work at soul Cycle. That was a lot in the beginning. Uh. 1000 00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:34,919 Speaker 1: And Boston is really physically draining, emotionally draining. It's a tough, 1001 00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:38,720 Speaker 1: tough job when you're new at it. Um, you really 1002 00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:42,360 Speaker 1: pushed to the limits as far as the not classes 1003 00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:44,520 Speaker 1: you t each all this the pressure you have on 1004 00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,600 Speaker 1: you um to perform and all that stuff. So I 1005 00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:49,080 Speaker 1: was dealing with that. I was living at home with 1006 00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:52,840 Speaker 1: my parents and trying to figure out what to do, 1007 00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:55,240 Speaker 1: where to live, what was going on in my life. 1008 00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:58,759 Speaker 1: And I would say during that first year being a 1009 00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:03,200 Speaker 1: sole cycle in Schructer, I really heads down, um and reflective. 1010 00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:06,759 Speaker 1: So I think the shift that I found coming out 1011 00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:10,120 Speaker 1: of training that made me help me, which was different 1012 00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:12,239 Speaker 1: than what I did in two thousand fifteen when I 1013 00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,920 Speaker 1: went to Nashville kind of numb and like everything's fine, 1014 00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,400 Speaker 1: every think no, no no, and had all these distractions 1015 00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,680 Speaker 1: and numbed myself a bit to some stuff I hadn't 1016 00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:26,400 Speaker 1: worked on. I did kind of the opposite when I 1017 00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:31,120 Speaker 1: moved moved back to Boston. I was really really hyper 1018 00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:34,000 Speaker 1: focused on trying to just like rebuild and figure out 1019 00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:36,279 Speaker 1: what my life is like, what do I actually want 1020 00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:39,400 Speaker 1: to do? Whatever person am I actually? Not who I 1021 00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:42,600 Speaker 1: think I should be or who my family thinks I am, 1022 00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:46,600 Speaker 1: or how that outside perceives me. And you know what 1023 00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:49,919 Speaker 1: can I kind of build for myself that I'm willing 1024 00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,840 Speaker 1: to be proud of? What kind of person can I be? 1025 00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,440 Speaker 1: What do I want? What are things I want? What 1026 00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:56,719 Speaker 1: are things I need. And I was really really like 1027 00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,600 Speaker 1: heads down and focus, Like I didn't do anything, you know, 1028 00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:03,200 Speaker 1: I didn't go out. I was really really like hyper focus. 1029 00:54:03,719 --> 00:54:05,960 Speaker 1: And I think it was really great for me that 1030 00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:09,160 Speaker 1: was had something I highly recommend. I think a lot 1031 00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:12,360 Speaker 1: of people were able to, you know, during this quarantine period. 1032 00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:15,080 Speaker 1: Some people I've I've talked to people who have been like, oh, 1033 00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:16,680 Speaker 1: I spent a lot of time really being able to 1034 00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:19,040 Speaker 1: work on myself, and they used it as a positive time. 1035 00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:21,800 Speaker 1: And I really recommend that to people, like just in 1036 00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:25,600 Speaker 1: your twenties, late twenties and mid twenties, when I think 1037 00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:28,160 Speaker 1: it's inevitable every person, like in their twenties has a 1038 00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:31,360 Speaker 1: moment summer big, summer small, has this moment where you're like, 1039 00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:34,200 Speaker 1: what goes on because you have to think, like your 1040 00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:36,960 Speaker 1: whole life is planned and organized, and you go to 1041 00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:40,160 Speaker 1: school and go to college, things are still really organized, 1042 00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:42,279 Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, you're just out there 1043 00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:45,560 Speaker 1: in the world and things are confusing and you're trying 1044 00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,600 Speaker 1: to be an adult. And I think it's sometimes people 1045 00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:50,799 Speaker 1: when they're twenty three, when they're twenty five, when they're 1046 00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:53,960 Speaker 1: twenty nine. But I look at the version of you 1047 00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:57,120 Speaker 1: in Nashville and the version of you now, and like 1048 00:54:57,200 --> 00:55:00,480 Speaker 1: you talking about the Instagram and the three, there's always 1049 00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:02,560 Speaker 1: going to be parts of you that are focused on 1050 00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:08,040 Speaker 1: what people think about you and looking successful. I think 1051 00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:10,040 Speaker 1: that is an innate part of you, and that's not 1052 00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:13,360 Speaker 1: always That's not always a bad thing. The difference in 1053 00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:16,759 Speaker 1: the success that you looked like you had in Nashville 1054 00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:19,200 Speaker 1: is that you were like literally dying on the inside. 1055 00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:23,520 Speaker 1: Like we didn't tell the story, but we talked about 1056 00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:28,759 Speaker 1: it before. But I remember constantly telling Tori, like you 1057 00:55:28,840 --> 00:55:31,560 Speaker 1: need to create some boundaries with work, Like I don't 1058 00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,320 Speaker 1: know how you do this. I mean the things. We 1059 00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,880 Speaker 1: won't tell all of the stories, but like you were 1060 00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:40,400 Speaker 1: running yourself into the ground. And in the midst of 1061 00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:42,560 Speaker 1: all of this, near the end of I think this 1062 00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:46,080 Speaker 1: is after your car broke down, after you got hit 1063 00:55:46,239 --> 00:55:52,640 Speaker 1: or something. But nobody knows any of the stuff has happened. Nobody, 1064 00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:56,200 Speaker 1: nobody on the outside knew that this stuff was happy 1065 00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:59,840 Speaker 1: in your life. And I, you know, find myself getting 1066 00:55:59,880 --> 00:56:02,479 Speaker 1: the frustrate with Tori in this period of her life. 1067 00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:05,880 Speaker 1: And I remember going to was on my way to 1068 00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:08,080 Speaker 1: go to a kickboxing class, and I was so excited 1069 00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:10,360 Speaker 1: about it hadn't been in a while, and I was 1070 00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:13,239 Speaker 1: meeting my friend Hannah there actually, and I pulled into 1071 00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:15,120 Speaker 1: the parking lot and I'm like, hey, just Scott here him. 1072 00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:17,840 Speaker 1: I'm about to walk up. And you call me and 1073 00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:20,239 Speaker 1: you're like, where are you? And I was like, I'm 1074 00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:24,000 Speaker 1: going to hot box. It's just like not funny, but 1075 00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:29,120 Speaker 1: I can't help but laughing laugh. But you're like, I'm late. 1076 00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:33,040 Speaker 1: I'm running late. It's like probably eight oh, it was 1077 00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:37,319 Speaker 1: eight o'clock class. I was going to an eight o'clock class, 1078 00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:39,920 Speaker 1: so you probably called me like seven fifty. You're like, 1079 00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:43,839 Speaker 1: I'm late, and I can't. I don't And the uber 1080 00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:45,480 Speaker 1: is not working in my app's not working on my 1081 00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:48,520 Speaker 1: phone because Tory's phone is always broken, like it always. 1082 00:56:50,600 --> 00:56:52,799 Speaker 1: I can't get an uber and the uber can't find 1083 00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,279 Speaker 1: me and my classes in like five minutes, and can 1084 00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:58,320 Speaker 1: you come pick me up? And I was pissed, like 1085 00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:01,759 Speaker 1: dead pissed, But of co I go to pick you 1086 00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:04,719 Speaker 1: up In Germantown. You're running on the side of the 1087 00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:08,600 Speaker 1: road with like a duffel bagould have to run. You're like, 1088 00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:10,839 Speaker 1: I think I can get there if I run fast enough, 1089 00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:13,160 Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, I'll come get you. And I 1090 00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:15,600 Speaker 1: remember picking you up, and I think we like were 1091 00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:19,760 Speaker 1: pretty much We've never gotten a fight that I'm aware of, 1092 00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:24,360 Speaker 1: like a big fight at this point. And I remember 1093 00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:27,440 Speaker 1: being so mad and and it was silent, and I 1094 00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:29,560 Speaker 1: just remember being like, you really need to figure your 1095 00:57:29,560 --> 00:57:32,320 Speaker 1: ship out. Like I don't remember what I said, but 1096 00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:35,840 Speaker 1: I was just so mad. No, but I think it's 1097 00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:39,520 Speaker 1: like true, you know, I was just I mean, it 1098 00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:42,440 Speaker 1: was just I was very out of control. I mean, 1099 00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:44,880 Speaker 1: I don't know a better way to say it, but 1100 00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:49,640 Speaker 1: the thing was, yeah, but you still looked successful. And 1101 00:57:49,680 --> 00:57:52,880 Speaker 1: I think now it's like you look successful, but you 1102 00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:56,920 Speaker 1: also aren't dying inside. You're actually living. You're fully living 1103 00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:00,920 Speaker 1: this dream, this pipe dream that the first time you 1104 00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:03,919 Speaker 1: tried to accomplish this it got shut down in your face, 1105 00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:06,400 Speaker 1: and then you had the courage to try it again, 1106 00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:10,919 Speaker 1: and now you're finally doing what you're supposed to be doing. 1107 00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:12,480 Speaker 1: Like I think, I don't know if you'll be a 1108 00:58:12,520 --> 00:58:15,200 Speaker 1: sole cycle instructor forever, but for this period in your life, 1109 00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:18,440 Speaker 1: like this is what's making you feel alive. And I 1110 00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:21,400 Speaker 1: just think it's cool to see that in two years, 1111 00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:24,040 Speaker 1: that shift that can happen in somebody. And I say 1112 00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:26,920 Speaker 1: to people, I actually it was just having a conversation 1113 00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:29,560 Speaker 1: with somebody last night. He was going through something and 1114 00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:32,600 Speaker 1: she was talking to me, and I had said something like, um, 1115 00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,520 Speaker 1: And I don't know if my mom originally said something 1116 00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:37,160 Speaker 1: like this to me or where I kind of got 1117 00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:40,880 Speaker 1: this philosophy, But I think, like, you know, in that time, 1118 00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:43,400 Speaker 1: I can look back now and there's like a lot 1119 00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:45,640 Speaker 1: of things that I regret. There's a lot of things 1120 00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:47,760 Speaker 1: that I am embarrassed about. There's a lot of all 1121 00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:50,760 Speaker 1: these things that I just have to own and accept. 1122 00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:54,800 Speaker 1: And I just think if you can have like has 1123 00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:57,040 Speaker 1: been your terrible year, which for a lot of people 1124 00:58:57,120 --> 00:59:01,800 Speaker 1: it has been this year of like just low holiness, emptiness, fear, 1125 00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:05,640 Speaker 1: all these things, you know, that's one year in your life, 1126 00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:10,520 Speaker 1: maybe you'll live to your eighty, right, and so if 1127 00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,200 Speaker 1: you can work on getting out of that valley point 1128 00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:16,880 Speaker 1: and two twenty one, you started off on a great 1129 00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:19,120 Speaker 1: foot and you have a great year, and then moving forward, 1130 00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:21,800 Speaker 1: you learn about yourself and you have a great life. 1131 00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:26,800 Speaker 1: So you live to your eighty and you know, seventy 1132 00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:30,760 Speaker 1: nine years were amazing one year with Kitty. That's pretty 1133 00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:33,280 Speaker 1: good odds. So I try to think of that when 1134 00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:35,840 Speaker 1: I think of these like pockets in my life, I 1135 00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:38,439 Speaker 1: try not to dwell on them because I think, wow, 1136 00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:40,960 Speaker 1: you know, I always like to use this philosophy. I 1137 00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:42,800 Speaker 1: say this in my class all the time. Life isn't short, 1138 00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:45,480 Speaker 1: it's actually really long. Life is long. You have a 1139 00:59:45,560 --> 00:59:47,480 Speaker 1: long life. There's a lot of things that are gonna 1140 00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:48,840 Speaker 1: happen to you. There's a lot of things you can do. 1141 00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:51,440 Speaker 1: And people are like life is short. It's like no, 1142 00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:55,240 Speaker 1: actually like life right. You know, if you're lucky, you 1143 00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:57,680 Speaker 1: can have a nice long life and there's a lot 1144 00:59:57,760 --> 01:00:00,560 Speaker 1: of things you can do. You know, you've can you 1145 01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:03,960 Speaker 1: can really find ways to make an impact and use 1146 01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:08,040 Speaker 1: your time and not dwell on little biggi valleys in 1147 01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:11,479 Speaker 1: your life and make those being the staple of your life. 1148 01:00:11,600 --> 01:00:13,840 Speaker 1: Just let them be what they were. But also I 1149 01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:17,360 Speaker 1: think too in that the that valley year of your 1150 01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:20,600 Speaker 1: life put you in a place. And here's to say that, like, 1151 01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:22,960 Speaker 1: I don't think my life was altogether that year either. 1152 01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:25,640 Speaker 1: You being in that space put you on a spot 1153 01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:28,080 Speaker 1: where you had to climb out, and when you climbed out, 1154 01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:31,920 Speaker 1: you build all these new muscles, and those new The 1155 01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:35,960 Speaker 1: reason that you are so successful and the reason that 1156 01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:37,840 Speaker 1: you are you are today is because you have those 1157 01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:41,320 Speaker 1: muscles that you had to build because you found yourself 1158 01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:44,360 Speaker 1: in that spot. And so again that goes back to 1159 01:00:44,480 --> 01:00:46,560 Speaker 1: like how you're looking at things and am I going 1160 01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:48,640 Speaker 1: to look at that period of my life and feel 1161 01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:50,200 Speaker 1: all that shame? Or am I going to look at 1162 01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:52,080 Speaker 1: that period of my life and be like, thank God, 1163 01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:55,320 Speaker 1: God made my life look this way so I knew 1164 01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:56,880 Speaker 1: that I needed to get out and do something else. 1165 01:00:57,120 --> 01:00:59,400 Speaker 1: Confidence is such a huge thing when you're in this 1166 01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:01,480 Speaker 1: kind of time in your life where you want to 1167 01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:03,560 Speaker 1: make a shift, you want to do something different, and 1168 01:01:03,640 --> 01:01:07,080 Speaker 1: it's like believe in yourself, give yourself room. Like if 1169 01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:08,920 Speaker 1: you're twenty eight and you're like, I don't know if 1170 01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:12,440 Speaker 1: I want a career change, why not? Why not try something? 1171 01:01:12,600 --> 01:01:15,560 Speaker 1: It could be amazing, Or I'm sick of this relationship 1172 01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:17,960 Speaker 1: I have, but oh well, like I just want to 1173 01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:19,840 Speaker 1: be in a relationship. I don't want to be lonely 1174 01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:23,920 Speaker 1: during COVID. Why my God, Like it's not serving you 1175 01:01:24,040 --> 01:01:26,800 Speaker 1: or you don't like it, change it and just believe 1176 01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:30,240 Speaker 1: that you'll be okay and you can do anything you want. 1177 01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:33,240 Speaker 1: Or you know, how you view and how you how 1178 01:01:33,400 --> 01:01:35,680 Speaker 1: you think and the things you say to yourself have 1179 01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:38,600 Speaker 1: a direct impact on what you actually are capable of. 1180 01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:41,200 Speaker 1: And so if you would have went into that second 1181 01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:42,960 Speaker 1: week or that third week of training and been like 1182 01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:45,520 Speaker 1: I'm not going to make it, you wouldn't have. You 1183 01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:49,040 Speaker 1: how that wouldn't have So I think that's really important. 1184 01:01:49,160 --> 01:01:51,080 Speaker 1: And by the time this comes out, Tory will be 1185 01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:58,120 Speaker 1: a new mom, so crazy crazy, and then you can 1186 01:01:58,200 --> 01:02:01,880 Speaker 1: just have a child and they're out. And how this 1187 01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:05,840 Speaker 1: story ends is you have a tried and how it 1188 01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:12,120 Speaker 1: ends change your life, have a baby. People say, all right, well, 1189 01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:12,400 Speaker 1: thank you,