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Speaker 1: Ten Takes is a production of the NFL in partnership

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Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. Merry Christmas, you guys, Happy Holidays. This is

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Speaker 1: ten takes and we give them in ten minutes. Today.

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Speaker 1: We do it in the twelfth month, the twenty fifth day,

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Speaker 1: wonderful time of year. And guess what I'm gonna do.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to give you ten Christmas takes. You think

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Speaker 1: I can't do it, you think I won't do it.

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Speaker 1: It's dead wrong, my friends. Ten Christmas Takes in ten minutes.

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Speaker 1: Let's start the clock. Take number one. Christmas Eve is

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Speaker 1: better than Christmas. It is. They're both great, they're both wonderful.

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Speaker 1: Christmas Eve is so special. Christmas Eve is when you're

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Speaker 1: going up the roller coaster, you know, when you're going

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Speaker 1: up the giant drop before you go down. You're going

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Speaker 1: up and go, and you got the butterflies in your stomach,

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Speaker 1: and there's magic and you can hire and hire, and

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Speaker 1: you're tapping your friends knee and you're, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be so great. That's Christmas Eve. Christmas Day

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Speaker 1: is fantastic and it's the payoff. But there's almost this

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Speaker 1: melancholy feel that happens Christmas afternoon Christmas evening, when you're like, wow,

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Speaker 1: it's over. Not only is it over, it's three hundred

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Speaker 1: and sixty five days away, three and sixty five days

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Speaker 1: of wait Christmas Eve. Get get a little little candy,

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Speaker 1: little drink, little movie. You're like, this is gonna be

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Speaker 1: the greatest night ever. And when you're a kid, Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, Christmas Eve, there's gonna be an actual set

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Speaker 1: of reindeer on top of my house tonights. It's really

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Speaker 1: gonna happen. He's gonna come down that chimney. It's so great.

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Speaker 1: The presents are awesome on Christmas, the idea that Sanna

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Speaker 1: is actually going to come to your home on Christmas Eve.

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Speaker 1: It's the best best holiday of the year, not Christmas

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Speaker 1: Christmas Eve. Take number two. Agnog is delicious. Eggnog is delicious.

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Speaker 1: Let me say it one more time. Eggnog is delicious.

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Speaker 1: I think we've arrived at this place. I talked about

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Speaker 1: this back on Halloween, where there's a polarizing treats for

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Speaker 1: each of the year ending holidays. For Halloween, you got

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Speaker 1: candy corn. People want to draw swords over candy corn.

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Speaker 1: For Thanksgiving, you got cranberry. Same deal for Christmas, we

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Speaker 1: got eggnog. And here's my take on eggnog. I like it.

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Speaker 1: I drink it once a year on Christmas Eve, Sprinkle

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Speaker 1: little nutmeg on top. Actually take it without booze, which

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Speaker 1: maybe people seen is crazy or lame. I don't need

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Speaker 1: the booze in it. There's plenty of other booze going

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Speaker 1: into my system. I like it without the booze. But

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Speaker 1: here's my take on eggnog. So much of the reason

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Speaker 1: that people aren't into it or are disgusted by it

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Speaker 1: is bad branding. Agnog needs the rebrand. Eggnog is two

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Speaker 1: disgusting words. When it comes to a drink. I don't

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Speaker 1: really want eggs might drink just on principle. I don't

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Speaker 1: even know what hell nog means. I never see that

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Speaker 1: word in any other context. I don't know n og.

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Speaker 1: Where does it come from? Is it short for something? Eggnog?

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Speaker 1: Six letters, three of them are g's, all of them

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Speaker 1: are disgusting together. You gotta rebrand, and I think of

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Speaker 1: something like at another holiday, McDonald's has the Shamrock shake. Now,

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Speaker 1: that's it. That's that old Ray Kroc magic, the Santa

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Speaker 1: Claus of fast food. Shamrock Shake in don't even really

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Speaker 1: know what it is. No, it's green. Think I kind

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Speaker 1: of want it because it's got a great brand. I

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Speaker 1: think Eggnog should rebrand as a Santa Shake. Would you

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Speaker 1: like a Santa Shake with all nug meg Yes? Hell? Yeah, dude,

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Speaker 1: you put a cinnamon stick into Yes, I can. Would

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Speaker 1: you like an eggnog? No, that's disgusting? All right? But

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Speaker 1: what if I told you it was a Santa Shake?

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Speaker 1: You know what, screw it, it's Christmas Eve. I think

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Speaker 1: I would like a Santa Shake, And if you want

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Speaker 1: to put some brandy in there, I wouldn't mind. Then

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Speaker 1: it's a drunken Santa Shake. I like it. That's my

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Speaker 1: idea new branding for Agnow, big eggnch the industry rebrand.

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Speaker 1: Your name is disgusting, your product is delicious. Take number three.

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Speaker 1: I want to hang with Uncle Frank from Home Alone.

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Speaker 1: I know he has looked at as the number one

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Speaker 1: Christmas villain. I know he's looked at his bigger villain

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Speaker 1: in the Home Alone movies than Harry and Marsh. I

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Speaker 1: used to feel that way. I saw that movie Home

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Speaker 1: Alone one when I was ten years old. Sot in

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Speaker 1: the theater. My entire life. I have watched it. Like

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Speaker 1: everybody else thinks, Uncle Frank is a jerk. He's mean,

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Speaker 1: he's cruel. As you get older, you're like, I kinda

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Speaker 1: like Uncle Frank. I kind of feel where Uncle Frank

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Speaker 1: is coming from. I was watching Home Alone two with

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Speaker 1: my kids the other day. There's a part where they're

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Speaker 1: still at the very beginning and mister McAllister says to Kevin, Kevin,

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Speaker 1: go in and take a shower, and kem says, I can't.

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Speaker 1: Uncle Frank is in there. He says, if I see

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Speaker 1: him naked, I'll grow up never feeling like a real man.

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Speaker 1: That is so damn funny. I laughed out loud. Imagine

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Speaker 1: saying that to your nephew. Hilarious. Frank and jerk, but

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Speaker 1: also like what are his greatest sins? Screams at Kevin,

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Speaker 1: look what you did, dear little jerk. Kevin is a

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Speaker 1: little jerk. Do not watch Kevin at the beginning of

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Speaker 1: Homelone want to be like man, I would never let

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Speaker 1: my kid talk to me that way. Frank's right, So

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Speaker 1: he wants to free champagne in first class. Who doesn't,

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Speaker 1: So he wants to steal the glasses whatever that ticket's expensive,

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Speaker 1: he didn't pay for Who cares. I just would like

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Speaker 1: to have a whiskey with Frank. I bet he's got

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Speaker 1: some takes. I bet he's a sports fan. I probably

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Speaker 1: have to pay for the whiskey for him, but I'd

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Speaker 1: be more than willing to. I go opposite as everybody

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Speaker 1: on Uncle Frank. You know what, I like him more

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Speaker 1: than the other adults in that movie. Don't get me

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Speaker 1: started on missus McAllister, who, as we know, should lose

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Speaker 1: their children. But that's been said before. You don't like

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Speaker 1: Uncle Frank. Can you even name any of the other

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Speaker 1: adults in that family? Do you know what their names are?

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Speaker 1: Uncle Frank's wife, no idea, Kevin's dad, no idea. I

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Speaker 1: don't know none of these other adults. The only one

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Speaker 1: that really makes any impression is Uncle Frank. You know

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Speaker 1: his name, you know what he stands for it. He's

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Speaker 1: a card's on the table type of guy. I like

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Speaker 1: Uncle Frank. Take number four A Wonderful Life on watchable,

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Speaker 1: unwatchable movie. Don't like it, don't care about it, didn't

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Speaker 1: watch it growing up? Respect Jimmy Stewart, Great Princeton Man,

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Speaker 1: the American movie star, years and years and years ago.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't watch it growing up. I didn't do it.

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Speaker 1: So by a couple of years ago, my wife are like,

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Speaker 1: you know, we should watch It's a wonderful life. It's

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Speaker 1: the classic American Christmas tale. Let's watch it. Half hour

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Speaker 1: in we're like, this is terrible. It's actually kind of morbid,

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Speaker 1: a little dark. They're a little mean to each other.

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Speaker 1: I don't like it. It's way too slow. I will

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Speaker 1: never watch it again. Unwatchable movie. If he didn't grow

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Speaker 1: up with it, it's just kind of grandfathered in. Unwatchable movie.

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Speaker 1: Take number five. If you're a Christmas tree type of

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Speaker 1: fella or lady, if you've never been able to do

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Speaker 1: the thing where you cut down your own Christmas tree,

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Speaker 1: if you can try it. We did it. We really

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Speaker 1: liked it. There's this little farm you go to. It's

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Speaker 1: like an hour drive away through the majestic majesty of

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Speaker 1: the wintery countryside. And sure you have to pay a

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Speaker 1: little more, but those Christmas tree lots you have to

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Speaker 1: pay so much more anyway, and you just point it

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Speaker 1: one and then a guy brings it to you. You

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Speaker 1: go to these places, you have a little hot chocolate,

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Speaker 1: you bundle up, they give you a saw and the

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Speaker 1: satisfaction you get. And I listen when you get down

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Speaker 1: on your hands and knees in the disgusting, cold, muddy

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Speaker 1: ground and start trying to saw down a tree. It's hard.

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Speaker 1: You are going to injure yourself. You are going to

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Speaker 1: be sore the next day. It sucks. It's very awkward

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Speaker 1: on the back and the shoulders and the knees. However,

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Speaker 1: when you finally get through and you feel that tree

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Speaker 1: go down, and you and your kids or whoever you're

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Speaker 1: with actually gets the yelled timber like you're a lumberjack,

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Speaker 1: very satisfying. That's when Christmas starts for us. If you

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Speaker 1: can do it, do it take number six. I only

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Speaker 1: have three and a half minutes left. I feel for you.

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Speaker 1: Elves on a shelf folks, I've never done that either.

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Speaker 1: We don't do the elves on a shell, But every

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Speaker 1: couple I know who does the elves on a shelves

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Speaker 1: is miserable. No one's like. We love it. We look

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Speaker 1: forward to it every day. It is a really special

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Speaker 1: part of our holiday. We will always do it. There's

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Speaker 1: always these these stories like they've been through numb or

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Speaker 1: something like they just hate it, so don't start it.

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Speaker 1: We have an elves presence in our family. Our elves

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Speaker 1: magically visit while the kids are away, when they're at school,

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Speaker 1: they're in the activity, and they'll come back to their

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Speaker 1: room and their window is wide open and it's all cold,

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Speaker 1: and there's a note and a little sort of a

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Speaker 1: gift from the elf, usually around mid December, and it says,

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Speaker 1: keep up the good work. I've been watching and the

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Speaker 1: ideas that the elf came in through the window and

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Speaker 1: escape and the kids lose their mind. They almost pee

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Speaker 1: their pants, they're so exciting and they never see the elves.

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Speaker 1: But we're not doing that off in the shelf. So

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Speaker 1: I feel it for you, guys. Take number seven Christmas Music.

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Speaker 1: You want some, you want some old fashion, You want

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Speaker 1: something that really hits you in the fields A Neil

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Speaker 1: Diamond Christmas. Neil Diamond Christmas. You know in Sweet Caroline,

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Speaker 1: maybe you know forever in blue Jeans. You haven't lived

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Speaker 1: until you've heard mister Diamond sing the Little Drummer Boy.

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Speaker 1: The way he hits you with the rub a bum

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Speaker 1: bum bum bum, which is known as atomanopia, but he

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Speaker 1: does it so beautifully. I love it so much. I

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Speaker 1: like Michael Boublay. I love Kelly Clarkson. Do you want

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Speaker 1: to turn back to clock a little bit? Neil Diamond Christmas.

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Speaker 1: There are two that he released, and I like the

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Speaker 1: first one. His version of Rudolph the Reindeer is hilarious

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Speaker 1: because Neil Diamond starts like editorializing in the middle of it,

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Speaker 1: just riffing in the studio and he'll be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: well it means so mean to root uph just because

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Speaker 1: he's a little different. It's awesome. You gotta kneel down Christmas.

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Speaker 1: I listen, do it every year. Take number eight. I

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Speaker 1: don't like the Christmas bags. They're just not the same.

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Speaker 1: By the bags, I mean the gift bags. And I know,

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Speaker 1: I think the hot thing now and my wife's usually

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Speaker 1: on this beat that it's the wrapping paper is not

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Speaker 1: good for the environment, and I get it. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to open a bag. I like a wrap gift.

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Speaker 1: I like to tear it open. I like to find

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Speaker 1: the little seam or pull it out. I like to

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Speaker 1: we'll find out where the tape is the bag. You

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Speaker 1: open it up, you pull it out. There's some perfunctory

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Speaker 1: tissue paper and then this chunky thing at the bottom

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Speaker 1: in this it's just not the same match. Plus, if

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Speaker 1: a wood burning fireplace, and I like to take the

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Speaker 1: wrapping paper and put it in the fireplace and make

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Speaker 1: a raging inferno so hot it melts the chocolate and

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Speaker 1: the stockings. That's what I like to do. Take number nine.

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Speaker 1: Gift cards are a huge win. I don't look at

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Speaker 1: the gift cards as the second class citizen of Christmas giving.

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Speaker 1: That's money. Baby. If you're a kid and you get

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Speaker 1: a gift card, so like game Stop or Apple or whatever,

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Speaker 1: great you're telling me instead of picking out what I want,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna take this after donal being presence and

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Speaker 1: go and just buy something that is exactly what I want.

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Speaker 1: Give it to me every single time our back steakhouse.

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Speaker 1: I don't care give me a gift card. Last thirty seconds.

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Speaker 1: Take number ten on Christmas. I am so appreciative of you.

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Speaker 1: This is a very special take for Take number ten.

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Speaker 1: Very appreciative of you. It's surreal to me that there

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Speaker 1: are so many options and so many podcasts, so many

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Speaker 1: podcasts you right now you decided you're gonna click on

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Speaker 1: this one. And not only you're gonna listen to it.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna listen all the way to the end. That

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Speaker 1: is so meaningful to me, so special, so sweet. I

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Speaker 1: thank you so much. Have a very happy holiday and

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Speaker 1: Merry Christmas. We'll do this again in the new year.

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Speaker 1: I love you, guys, Thank you, See you next time.

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Speaker 1: Woo ten Take is a production of the NFL in

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Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. For more iHeartRadio pods, go to the

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Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, go to Apple, go anywhere you like, it'll

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Speaker 1: be there.