WEBVTT - High School Reunion! 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:05.359 Swine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast. 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:12.320 You're so excited right now. I'm really excited. I am excited. 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.280 I got I didn't get drug into this. I got 0:00:15.280 --> 0:00:19.400 asked nicely, like you said, drugged. I woke up and 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:23.599 I was here. Um no, but we're on a zoom 0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:26.759 chat right now with four of your high school girlfriends 0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:30.040 and not just like girlfriends like best friends. Right Originally 0:00:30.080 --> 0:00:32.159 you're like, hey, I just have a zoom date with 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:34.600 my girlfriends. And then you're like, you know what, Actually 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:37.400 I think I wanna record it and put on the podcast, 0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:39.239 And actually I think I want you to be on 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:43.360 there and debate all the wives as the lone man. Well, well, 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:46.400 what happened was is last well what happened was when 0:00:46.400 --> 0:00:49.040 we were zooming because my my girlfriends were supposed to 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:51.680 come into Nashville, but obviously the whole quarantine stuff happened. 0:00:51.720 --> 0:00:54.800 So we decided to have a zoom date and be like, hey, 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:56.440 the quarantine is not going to bring us down. So 0:00:56.480 --> 0:00:58.960 we did a zoom date in the entire time, you 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:00.760 know what I mean, Like my business this mind, I'm like, 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:03.600 this is so good, Like this is what all moms 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:05.800 think and this is you know what, like what the 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:08.000 husbands should hear or that the wife should hear. And 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:10.200 it was just like you guys, save all of this 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:13.000 and can we please to a zoom. And then when 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:15.399 I told you about it, You're like, oh, I want 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:17.720 to be on this. You know, I love the challenge. 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:21.600 I love the challenge. Should welcome that. I think you 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:26.200 should introduce everybody. Okay, please welcome to the Wine Down Podcast. 0:01:26.240 --> 0:01:35.520 We've got Rachel, Lisa, Chelsea, and Andrea. Hello here, gangs, 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:40.759 all here, Hi girls. Oh it just feels like home. 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:46.600 You know. Hey, honestly, I think the only person that 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:52.480 has the really strong accent is Rachel. No, come on, Rachel, 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:58.440 give us your best Michigan line. I don't hear that Migan. Okay. 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:00.640 So we were talking last week and I think what 0:02:00.720 --> 0:02:03.240 I kind of wanted to start with because a similar 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:08.520 situation had happened again last week. Um where it's frustrating 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:13.800 because we're jumping right into it now that I have 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:17.040 me and for my best girlfriends and you're the only 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:21.000 husbandman here. Let's just get right. No, no, no, I'm not. 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.040 This is not to be like a husband basher, like 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:27.000 we just want to all talk about it, right for sure. 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:30.320 So ladies, so I'm gonna take it from you and 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:33.640 four other wives. Great, exactly. No, but I don't know 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:36.000 about you, and I don't know if I'm alone in 0:02:36.040 --> 0:02:37.800 this situation. But I think one of the things that 0:02:37.880 --> 0:02:41.000 has been frustrating during the quarantine is I feel like 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:45.680 I'm constantly picking up stuff and doing the dishes and 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:48.040 doing the kids laundry and folding him and putting him 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:51.880 away like a steep freezing. And then you know, after 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:54.720 a long day, I go up to the playroom where 0:02:54.720 --> 0:03:02.720 you had just left and it's destroyed, and you know, 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:05.600 like for me, when I go in there, I'm cleaning 0:03:05.639 --> 0:03:09.480 as I go. I'm sure the kids love that. Hey 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:11.680 kids when they get older and they can really understand 0:03:11.680 --> 0:03:13.880 what's going on. Hey, kids go to the playroom. No, Mom, 0:03:13.919 --> 0:03:17.960 we don't want to go with you clean. Let us 0:03:18.040 --> 0:03:21.360 play in the playroom. I know, I know, and we 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:25.680 we've talked about that, like the guy the dad is 0:03:25.720 --> 0:03:28.880 like always the fun one, and you know, as moms 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:30.680 were like, gosh, like, why aren't we the fun ones? 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:32.480 Because I think we're like, because we have to clean 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:34.280 up this mess eventually, so we're just gonna clean it 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:37.360 up now, and you know it's so hard, and we 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:39.720 got it and we love that you guys play and 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:42.040 you play, and Ryan, it's like we had dad playtime, 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:45.160 which means like every toy is out and then boom 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:47.920 throughout to the next place, and I'm like, can you 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:50.760 pick up one toy after the next one? And it's 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:55.440 a struggle. Okay, it's not even the clean up for me, 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:58.960 like tonight, Okay, it's the hime management of Sometimes I 0:03:58.960 --> 0:04:02.400 feel like I have three I'm not gonna swear three children, 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:05.080 and it's like, by the way, Rachel has two, so 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:10.760 I believe she's get into the question your children and 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:14.040 a wonderful husband. However, it's like I have to I 0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:16.400 want think it's in bad like on the early side, 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:21.640 because I'm doing this with my girlfriends and Andrew knows that. However, 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:26.280 I still feel like I have to micro manage every 0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:28.839 step of like get their jammis on, get them upstairs. 0:04:28.839 --> 0:04:31.839 It's like can like can't you know what to do? 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:34.480 We do this every night and and the other thing is, 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:36.040 I know you guys are gonna be like, we'll just 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:37.560 sit back and let him do it. If I just 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:41.120 sit there, it's gonna be ten pm. And then I'll 0:04:41.160 --> 0:04:43.279 like push, push, push to try to, you know, speed 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:45.960 things along, and we'll finally get downstairs. He's like, oh, 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:51.000 how is it nine ten? I wonder I think, you know, 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:57.120 maybe if you have hustled a little more. But there's 0:04:57.200 --> 0:05:01.080 no concept of like time when it ca to the kids, 0:05:01.080 --> 0:05:04.320 no concept of time with children. If you have this tonight, 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:08.360 so like we had this tonight, and if you if 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:11.440 the kids were still up and you're like, okay, it's 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:13.919 it's nine o'clock, like, sorry, i gotta go, and the 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:18.280 kids were still like running them mock, what would you do? Oh? 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:20.800 I would just still peace out and they would probably 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:26.320 the kids will be partying really really mad that mom 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:28.880 didn't talk them. Man, okay, let me ask you all 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:31.720 this and I'm I'm having so much fun already just 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:34.520 because my mom's going to questions. Okay, here's the deal, 0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:37.839 and this happens in our house. Jan is very strict 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:40.880 on the schedule as all of you are doing. Time time, time, 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:43.720 time up defensive already, No, no, no, no, no, I'm 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:46.400 not defensive at all. I'm just saying I sleep trained 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:49.760 those babies from three months old. Like the reason our 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:53.360 babies have napped so well was because I take pride 0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:57.400 in the fact and I give credit where credits due. 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:59.720 There's no question. All of my friends that are having kids, 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:02.560 I'm look, have your wife talked to Jane because she's like, 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:05.800 unreal at it? And I've always followed the schedule. I'm 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:07.880 right there with it. I'm on it, Okay. I never 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:10.719 try to bend it or change it or anything like that. Yeah, 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:13.760 I know exactly where you're going, you know. But then 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:17.520 a random day comes and I'm looking at the clock. 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:20.680 I'm like, mmm, it's like, uh, you know, six fifteen, 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:23.720 weren't bats going? Like, what's going on? Why we're waiting? 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:26.600 And Jane's like, they can stay up a little later. 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:30.400 We're hanging out, we're doing this, Jason's cuddling on me. 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:34.360 I don't want to, and that's fine, Janna. If Janna 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:38.800 moves the schedule, it's totally fine. If I moved the schedule. Mike, 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:40.880 it's six fifteen. Why are they not in the bath 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:42.560 right now? You know they have to go down by 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:44.280 six thirty. You should be reading books right now that 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:46.800 he should be bath, diaper on, everything done. Why aren't 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:51.919 you doing that. But if it's okay, because when it 0:06:51.960 --> 0:06:54.360 comes to the sleep, I feel like she put all 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:56.800 the effort in. It's kind of like it's on her 0:06:56.920 --> 0:07:00.320 to be able to mess it up. But Mike, you 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:06.320 just totally justified what I just said, at least like 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:10.240 like waiting for Janna to tell you what he does, 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:21.800 and you did. Kids. I love them. You look at 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:27.280 your watch and you're like, oh, Janna, like they don't 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:33.560 like it's six fifteen, Joey, Jason, let's go. We're getting like, 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:35.640 why do you why does Janna have to be banned? 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:40.000 Oh my god, yes, no, but it's so true. Why 0:07:40.080 --> 0:07:42.560 does the wife have to be the one like, Okay, no, 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:46.680 you don't have it's it's the only time because Janna knows. 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:49.760 I'm very on with everything else. He's an incredible dad. 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:53.000 I don't sway from the schedule. I'm on it. So 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:57.200 if it's six fifteen and we haven't discussed who's getting 0:07:57.200 --> 0:07:58.520 here or whatever, I just take the kids and I 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:01.960 start going okay. And that's how you take the initiative, 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:06.640 the initiative. No, no, no, no, I take the initiative 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:10.080 equally with Jenna. Yeah, I'm just talking about if we're 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:13.440 separate or whatever, and just the schedule happens to to 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:16.160 leak into something because maybe I'm I'm working or doing 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:18.120 something that I have to work on in Janna has 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:20.520 the kids and I come out, it's past the time 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:22.920 that they should be in their bath. And I'm like, 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:24.520 if I were to do this and Janna was doing 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:26.720 some work and she comes out and the kids weren't 0:08:27.120 --> 0:08:28.720 you know in bass yet, that she would be like 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:32.120 and it's it's so interesting because it's true and I 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:36.400 and I don't know why it's why. Maybe it's just 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:39.320 me that I make an exception, like because I like, 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:42.080 how can I bend the rules but he can't? Now 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:44.640 it's I'm more lenient. But when the babies, it was 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:48.000 I was so strict on it. So but then if 0:08:48.240 --> 0:08:50.440 he didn't, But if I been it and you know, 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:51.880 then he would be like, well I don't, and he 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:53.600 would get so upset with me about it. And I 0:08:53.640 --> 0:08:55.320 get it, Like I can look back now and say 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:57.760 you're right, Like, I like, how is it fair for 0:08:57.800 --> 0:08:59.640 me to bend it and you not to bend it? 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:03.559 So I don't know, Like I mean, double standards exist. 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:07.440 I am totally getting this right, now too. I never 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:10.240 realized that I do that too, But it's the same thing. 0:09:10.400 --> 0:09:13.720 And I don't know if it's because we wake up well, 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:15.520 I know you guys have a different schedule, but like 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:18.040 typically the mom's getting up with the kids in the morning, 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:21.439 we're getting like we're thinking so far ahead, and I 0:09:21.480 --> 0:09:23.800 think to that point is what it is is it's 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:27.839 like the husbands aren't thinking okay, like Jen, if you're 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:29.440 sitting there watching TV and you're like, all right, you 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:31.040 know what, the kids can watch three more minutes of 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:33.880 TV whatever. One We don't want to be the bad 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:37.200 guy again to say, hey, guys, wrap it up, let's 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:40.360 go upstairs, like dad, you'll be a bad guy. But also, 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:42.599 since we slept trained them, don't we get to just 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:46.360 kind of make the rolls up so then tomorrow the 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:51.200 kids will think we're fun. Mom and dad. You can 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:54.240 crack the whip on them if we've like I feel like, 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:56.240 if we're with the kids a lot of the day 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:58.679 now now obviously it's different because everybody's schedules are at 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:02.800 home or whatever, like and also kind of read like, okay, 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:04.960 like are the kids overly tired? Are they not? Or 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:07.240 like the next day you know, like if you have 0:10:07.280 --> 0:10:09.640 a lot going on, Like for me, it's more like 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:11.000 if you have a lot going on the next day, 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:13.200 I'm like, okay, get to bed. But if not, then 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:16.040 I'm kind of like, you know, I don't know, like 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:18.560 and I agree though it is such a double standard 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:21.040 in a negative way, kind of like for the moms, 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:24.839 because I agree. I think sometimes we give too much, 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:28.959 like oh, you guys can't do it, when no, you can. 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:30.520 And if we did it, we wouldn't say anything. Even 0:10:30.520 --> 0:10:33.600 if you judge the husband's judged us, then we all 0:10:33.640 --> 0:10:36.040 know we would lose our minds because that's just what 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:38.760 we do, which is not good either. But I kind 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:40.560 of want to ask because I feel like we have 0:10:40.640 --> 0:10:43.880 some interesting dynamics here in different situations within the home 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:45.880 as far as like two working parents or stay at 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:50.280 home mom or whatever. Isn't there just a primary parent though, 0:10:50.520 --> 0:10:52.120 like even if you have, like I guess it's it's 0:10:52.160 --> 0:10:53.880 more of a question, but I feel like the answer 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:56.360 is kind of yes, there's there's one parent. That's just 0:10:56.440 --> 0:10:59.560 more on it just takes more ownership of I disagree 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:04.040 that my situation, even in our situation, who were essentially 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:05.720 like to stay at home parents and do a lot 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:10.640 of things fairly equally. There there are things that I 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:15.080 admittedly Janna just steps up and and does and I 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:19.760 think most of moms are that way right. If it 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:23.480 wasn't for Janna, you know, Jolly wouldn't be enrolled in 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:26.080 the ballet class and this and that and whatever. Now, 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:28.680 if I was a single dad, of God forbid, we're 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:30.760 divorced and I had to do things, I would step 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:33.080 up and do it. But you guys tend to do 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:35.720 that before us, because you do do ten things at once, 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:37.840 and you can do that, where for us we'd have 0:11:37.880 --> 0:11:40.960 to sit down. Okay, I'm going to search for dance 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:44.200 ballet studios. Let's go by that time, you guys would 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:46.520 already have have them scheduled three times a week and 0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:49.839 what time. So, yes, I do believe that there's a 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:53.480 primary parent, but I do think that people have ee 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:56.640 month appointment that came. But it's I think you divvy 0:11:56.720 --> 0:12:00.560 up responsibilities. Now. I kind of give into some crap 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:04.560 around that sometimes because she'll complain, you know, when we're 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:08.640 at in a bad space about doing the kids laundries 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:11.120 or doing this or doing that. I'm like, okay, well 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:12.920 if you do that and you complain about it, And 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:15.839 if I did that, then what would you do? If 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:18.560 you complain about everything that you do, and because I 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:20.559 don't do it, then all of a sudden, I'm doing 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:22.840 all of it and you're not doing anything. So I'm like, 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.280 there there's a balance. There's a balance there. Like I 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:28.280 know Janna takes the reins on the kids laundry. She 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:31.200 just she just owns it. And you know what, I 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:34.280 could probably do more of it. I think maybe it 0:12:34.280 --> 0:12:37.720 comes down to, like, maybe not primary parent, but who's 0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:42.000 like the manager, right, because there can still be a 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:43.920 balance of tasks, but who at the end of the 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.320 day is really like the manager of it. Because so 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:49.400 we have an interesting dynamic in that I had a 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:53.240 career obviously before I had my daughter, before we had 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:55.240 her daughter, and then I stayed at home with her 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:56.839 for two years and then I went back to work 0:12:57.120 --> 0:12:59.480 hard time, like thirty hours a week. So we kind 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:01.719 of went through the transition of like stay at home 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:04.720 mom for two years and working mostly part time mom 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:09.199 and now for a load mom. But I think what 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:12.160 was interesting is like even through all of that, sure 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:16.360 some of the responsibilities shifted slightly, but I would say 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:20.280 I still held the role of manager for like the 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:23.480 family and like our team, right which is fine. It's 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:26.920 like to your point, Mike, like I'm happy doing a 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:28.800 lot of it and my husband appreciates it, and I think, 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:31.240 you know, like we're in a good place there. But 0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:34.240 I just think it defaults to that, and I think 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:36.280 that's kind of what it comes down to in this conversation, 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:38.840 Like you look to the manager and it's like okay 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:40.440 for the manager to say, Hey, we're gonna stay up 0:13:40.440 --> 0:13:42.560 twenty minutes later tonight. And that's not to say that 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:45.400 like that doesn't happen with my husband some nights where 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:47.840 he makes that call, because again, we're kind of more 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:49.880 in a balanced place right now, just because I was 0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:53.360 working now again, So I just I think it's I 0:13:53.360 --> 0:13:56.000 don't mind it as much, and I think every family 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:59.240 is unique, but I do think that you almost need 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:01.120 that role of man manager because you do kind of 0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:03.240 need somebody to to really make sure that things aren't 0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:05.599 falling through the craps. And I love that. Yeah, And 0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:08.560 and honestly I love that because that's almost like if 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:11.240 you had that mindset, you could I could be like, yeah, 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:13.679 Jason's up, you know I've changed it because whatever, and 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:15.520 you can be like okay and not take it as 0:14:15.520 --> 0:14:18.480 well if I did that, it's more like the manager 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:23.320 because mostly managing the situation that you then respect that 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:25.880 and you don't you don't challenge it. I guess right, 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:28.640 So I feel like we don't challenge it. Well, you know, 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:31.280 you get really upset though, if if it's only because 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:35.120 after times of you giving me crap, I'm like, well 0:14:35.120 --> 0:14:37.320 but again, but you're not the manager. So that's that's 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:39.240 where it comes into play. Like because you're not the manager, 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:46.880 I'm like, hey, you have to follow the manager's schedule. Manager. 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:49.360 But no, I mean it's a good point. I love 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:51.840 that point. Rachel, would you got I'm falling. I like 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:54.440 want to put like make myself a sign that's just 0:14:54.560 --> 0:15:00.880 like Rachel house manager. That's like, that is your role, right, 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:04.600 You've always been I have a title that has been 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:11.760 you don't know, and I'm like manager, we can get promotions, right, 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:17.120 I'm gonna tell I get a promotion. I'm going outline 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:24.600 rate you like that though you you've managed, that's like you, 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.960 that's like you've been that friend since forever. You would 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:30.960 be like going out tonight girls where your dresses, like 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:37.960 group manager, that's time you can't come out. Let me 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:41.080 all right, let me take that analogy that you're saying 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:45.800 the manager and use it in another situation. Say someone's 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:49.880 a primary breadwinner. Okay, and what you're talking about with 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:52.120 like the being the house manager. Right, so if the 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:54.200 kids are seeing that twenty minutes later, I'm the house manager. 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:57.200 I kind of managed the schedule. It's more okay. If 0:15:57.200 --> 0:16:01.640 the house manager is doing that now with money and 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:06.080 there's one person that's the primary, you know, breadwinner, is 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:10.600 it their role as the money manager? Then where do 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:15.200 they have more right about how money is spent or 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:18.360 you know, they can go buy something for themselves. But 0:16:18.440 --> 0:16:20.880 if the one who doesn't make the money goes and 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:24.000 buy something, they give him crap for it, like because 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:27.080 that's the area of contention as well, and something that 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:32.640 Jan and I've definitely run into. But Chelsea, you you're 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:36.080 ready for this, Let's do it. It's a good point though, 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:39.760 because it's it's it is a different managing point and 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:43.680 I love that, Mike, that's great, go ahead, Chelsea. Personally, 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:47.360 I think it's what your agreement is ahead of time, 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:51.400 like as a husband and wife or as partners, did 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:53.680 you agree ahead of time that I'm going to be 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:56.240 the housekeeper. I'm going to take care of our children 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:58.320 and raise our children. You're going to be going to 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:01.480 work and be the breadwinner. That makes us equal. I'm 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:05.800 different planes, but you're bringing money home, but I'm raising 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:09.840 our children not getting paid. Right, So I think it's 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:13.560 just the difference of are you talking about it ahead 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:15.280 of time or is it just all of a sudden, 0:17:15.480 --> 0:17:18.359 you know, someone stops working, someone is working, or someone 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:21.520 makes less money than the other person. I think it's 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:24.680 if you're going to talk about it, like, my husband works, 0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:32.320 I'm retired, as I like to say, from a corporate job. Yeah, 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:34.800 you know, it's hard sometimes to be a retiree, and 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:41.719 especially climate at a young age, the retired life. It is. 0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:45.800 So anyway, he is the breadwinner, but we have that 0:17:46.000 --> 0:17:50.040 mutual respect for each other and understanding that just because 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:54.440 he's bringing the money home doesn't mean that it's something 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:56.880 like I can't just go and buy things that I want. Obviously, 0:17:56.880 --> 0:17:58.800 if there's big purchases and stuff like that. You know, 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:01.800 every couple has their own dynamic of when they're going 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:04.240 to be talking about money and things that they're spending. 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:07.879 But in terms of a management role, I don't think 0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:10.800 they shouldn't have any bearing on it. That if you're 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:13.520 if you're the breadwinner, I don't think it should have 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:15.879 any bearing. I mean, look, you're the cook manager and 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:18.440 I never debate what's for dinner. When you say what's 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:21.919 for dinner and I say that's all right, right, okay, 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:24.040 that's such a That is such a good point too, 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:27.560 because if someone's taking that role on and they're saying, hey, 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:29.800 I'm gonna make dinner. What if every single night you 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:33.679 were like, well I don't like my husband. It's like 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:39.200 I'm good, just gonna eat meat every night. You get 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:42.200 the thumbs up here that to Mike because you don't 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:45.560 want to do it and from and that's just it's 0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:48.840 like my mom told me my little Rachel, never learn 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:51.520 how to use the lat more ever, because if you 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:53.560 learn how to do it, then you gotta have to 0:18:53.600 --> 0:18:55.639 do it. So guess what, I don't know how to 0:18:55.720 --> 0:18:59.240 use a lot more turn a lot of that garage stuff. 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:03.520 On'll never I'll never learn how to do it. No 0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:05.800 time out, time out, Rachel. I have to call you 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:09.399 out because last time we talked on the phone. You 0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:12.040 were saying that. Andrew was like, how do you not 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:16.880 know how many sods for yards or whatever? And I'm like, Rachel, 0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:19.760 you don't need to know how many yards of sun 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:22.359 do you need? But yet he was expecting you to 0:19:22.440 --> 0:19:25.439 know how much? But I did. Okay, so and I 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.960 did put a bunch of We were a team. We 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:31.520 were a team. Okay. I just have to say, Rachel 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:34.000 put that mulch down so once she could burn calories 0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:41.520 and she could get steps in. Was it sunny that day? 0:19:41.680 --> 0:19:46.120 If it was, she was getting a tan, got her tan, 0:19:46.720 --> 0:19:48.920 and she's like, look at I worked out. I I 0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:55.280 put out all right? Andrew? Oh um, no, it was funny. 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:57.280 Rol and I actually my husband I actually had that 0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:01.800 exact conversation about like, because he is the primary bread winner. 0:20:02.320 --> 0:20:04.719 And we had that conversation because there was a purchase 0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:07.560 that came up and that we didn't quite agree with 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:11.160 and that he made or that you made that I made. 0:20:11.560 --> 0:20:13.879 I'm sorry that I hadn't made it yet, but he 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:16.680 didn't agree with me making it. And can we ask 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:19.399 what it is? It was just like a gift for somebody. 0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:21.439 It wasn't like a big thing. I think it's just 0:20:21.480 --> 0:20:25.240 we have different philosophies and like gifting, like gifts for 0:20:25.280 --> 0:20:27.560 the family and went to give gifts, and it's because 0:20:28.200 --> 0:20:30.560 he just came from a slightly like his family is 0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:33.600 just a little different in that regard, and so it's 0:20:33.680 --> 0:20:35.720 something that we've always like kind of had a little 0:20:35.720 --> 0:20:39.280 bit of disagreement with, and so we had a disagreement 0:20:39.280 --> 0:20:42.639 on that, and it kind of came down to like 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:44.520 who has the final say and he's like, you know, 0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:46.840 you have the final say when it comes to everything 0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:50.160 with Nola or daughter, and then I have the final 0:20:50.240 --> 0:20:53.040 say kind of on the finances. But it wasn't as 0:20:53.080 --> 0:20:54.760 like black and white as that. I think what it 0:20:54.960 --> 0:20:58.080 really came down to is like, yes, I understand that 0:20:58.119 --> 0:21:02.040 we make these decisions together, and it's really just about 0:21:02.160 --> 0:21:05.359 kind of respecting the other person's role. And I think 0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:06.639 that's kind of what it comes down to, is the 0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:08.960 respect and the communication of it. So it's it's like, sure, 0:21:09.040 --> 0:21:11.560 I can under I can acknowledge that you are the 0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:14.040 manager of the finances or that you're the primary breadwinner, 0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:17.280 and he acknowledges that I'm the manager mostly of like 0:21:18.160 --> 0:21:21.040 Nola's food and schedule and school and everything else, and 0:21:21.040 --> 0:21:23.840 and and even the bigger things related to our family 0:21:23.880 --> 0:21:26.760 and and our lifestyle. But I think it's that we 0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:28.840 still address it as a team, and it's not so 0:21:28.920 --> 0:21:31.320