Speaker 1: Swine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast.
Speaker 1: You're so excited right now. I'm really excited. I am excited.
Speaker 1: I got I didn't get drug into this. I got
Speaker 1: asked nicely, like you said, drugged. I woke up and
Speaker 1: I was here. Um no, but we're on a zoom
Speaker 1: chat right now with four of your high school girlfriends
Speaker 1: and not just like girlfriends like best friends. Right Originally
Speaker 1: you're like, hey, I just have a zoom date with
Speaker 1: my girlfriends. And then you're like, you know what, Actually
Speaker 1: I think I wanna record it and put on the podcast,
Speaker 1: And actually I think I want you to be on
Speaker 1: there and debate all the wives as the lone man. Well, well,
Speaker 1: what happened was is last well what happened was when
Speaker 1: we were zooming because my my girlfriends were supposed to
Speaker 1: come into Nashville, but obviously the whole quarantine stuff happened.
Speaker 1: So we decided to have a zoom date and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: the quarantine is not going to bring us down. So
Speaker 1: we did a zoom date in the entire time, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like my business this mind, I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is so good, Like this is what all moms
Speaker 1: think and this is you know what, like what the
Speaker 1: husbands should hear or that the wife should hear. And
Speaker 1: it was just like you guys, save all of this
Speaker 1: and can we please to a zoom. And then when
Speaker 1: I told you about it, You're like, oh, I want
Speaker 1: to be on this. You know, I love the challenge.
Speaker 1: I love the challenge. Should welcome that. I think you
Speaker 1: should introduce everybody. Okay, please welcome to the Wine Down Podcast.
Speaker 1: We've got Rachel, Lisa, Chelsea, and Andrea. Hello here, gangs,
Speaker 1: all here, Hi girls. Oh it just feels like home.
Speaker 1: You know. Hey, honestly, I think the only person that
Speaker 1: has the really strong accent is Rachel. No, come on, Rachel,
Speaker 1: give us your best Michigan line. I don't hear that Migan. Okay.
Speaker 1: So we were talking last week and I think what
Speaker 1: I kind of wanted to start with because a similar
Speaker 1: situation had happened again last week. Um where it's frustrating
Speaker 1: because we're jumping right into it now that I have
Speaker 1: me and for my best girlfriends and you're the only
Speaker 1: husbandman here. Let's just get right. No, no, no, I'm not.
Speaker 1: This is not to be like a husband basher, like
Speaker 1: we just want to all talk about it, right for sure.
Speaker 1: So ladies, so I'm gonna take it from you and
Speaker 1: four other wives. Great, exactly. No, but I don't know
Speaker 1: about you, and I don't know if I'm alone in
Speaker 1: this situation. But I think one of the things that
Speaker 1: has been frustrating during the quarantine is I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm constantly picking up stuff and doing the dishes and
Speaker 1: doing the kids laundry and folding him and putting him
Speaker 1: away like a steep freezing. And then you know, after
Speaker 1: a long day, I go up to the playroom where
Speaker 1: you had just left and it's destroyed, and you know,
Speaker 1: like for me, when I go in there, I'm cleaning
Speaker 1: as I go. I'm sure the kids love that. Hey
Speaker 1: kids when they get older and they can really understand
Speaker 1: what's going on. Hey, kids go to the playroom. No, Mom,
Speaker 1: we don't want to go with you clean. Let us
Speaker 1: play in the playroom. I know, I know, and we
Speaker 1: we've talked about that, like the guy the dad is
Speaker 1: like always the fun one, and you know, as moms
Speaker 1: were like, gosh, like, why aren't we the fun ones?
Speaker 1: Because I think we're like, because we have to clean
Speaker 1: up this mess eventually, so we're just gonna clean it
Speaker 1: up now, and you know it's so hard, and we
Speaker 1: got it and we love that you guys play and
Speaker 1: you play, and Ryan, it's like we had dad playtime,
Speaker 1: which means like every toy is out and then boom
Speaker 1: throughout to the next place, and I'm like, can you
Speaker 1: pick up one toy after the next one? And it's
Speaker 1: a struggle. Okay, it's not even the clean up for me,
Speaker 1: like tonight, Okay, it's the hime management of Sometimes I
Speaker 1: feel like I have three I'm not gonna swear three children,
Speaker 1: and it's like, by the way, Rachel has two, so
Speaker 1: I believe she's get into the question your children and
Speaker 1: a wonderful husband. However, it's like I have to I
Speaker 1: want think it's in bad like on the early side,
Speaker 1: because I'm doing this with my girlfriends and Andrew knows that. However,
Speaker 1: I still feel like I have to micro manage every
Speaker 1: step of like get their jammis on, get them upstairs.
Speaker 1: It's like can like can't you know what to do?
Speaker 1: We do this every night and and the other thing is,
Speaker 1: I know you guys are gonna be like, we'll just
Speaker 1: sit back and let him do it. If I just
Speaker 1: sit there, it's gonna be ten pm. And then I'll
Speaker 1: like push, push, push to try to, you know, speed
Speaker 1: things along, and we'll finally get downstairs. He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: how is it nine ten? I wonder I think, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe if you have hustled a little more. But there's
Speaker 1: no concept of like time when it ca to the kids,
Speaker 1: no concept of time with children. If you have this tonight,
Speaker 1: so like we had this tonight, and if you if
Speaker 1: the kids were still up and you're like, okay, it's
Speaker 1: it's nine o'clock, like, sorry, i gotta go, and the
Speaker 1: kids were still like running them mock, what would you do? Oh?
Speaker 1: I would just still peace out and they would probably
Speaker 1: the kids will be partying really really mad that mom
Speaker 1: didn't talk them. Man, okay, let me ask you all
Speaker 1: this and I'm I'm having so much fun already just
Speaker 1: because my mom's going to questions. Okay, here's the deal,
Speaker 1: and this happens in our house. Jan is very strict
Speaker 1: on the schedule as all of you are doing. Time time, time,
Speaker 1: time up defensive already, No, no, no, no, no, I'm
Speaker 1: not defensive at all. I'm just saying I sleep trained
Speaker 1: those babies from three months old. Like the reason our
Speaker 1: babies have napped so well was because I take pride
Speaker 1: in the fact and I give credit where credits due.
Speaker 1: There's no question. All of my friends that are having kids,
Speaker 1: I'm look, have your wife talked to Jane because she's like,
Speaker 1: unreal at it? And I've always followed the schedule. I'm
Speaker 1: right there with it. I'm on it, Okay. I never
Speaker 1: try to bend it or change it or anything like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know exactly where you're going, you know. But then
Speaker 1: a random day comes and I'm looking at the clock.
Speaker 1: I'm like, mmm, it's like, uh, you know, six fifteen,
Speaker 1: weren't bats going? Like, what's going on? Why we're waiting?
Speaker 1: And Jane's like, they can stay up a little later.
Speaker 1: We're hanging out, we're doing this, Jason's cuddling on me.
Speaker 1: I don't want to, and that's fine, Janna. If Janna
Speaker 1: moves the schedule, it's totally fine. If I moved the schedule. Mike,
Speaker 1: it's six fifteen. Why are they not in the bath
Speaker 1: right now? You know they have to go down by
Speaker 1: six thirty. You should be reading books right now that
Speaker 1: he should be bath, diaper on, everything done. Why aren't
Speaker 1: you doing that. But if it's okay, because when it
Speaker 1: comes to the sleep, I feel like she put all
Speaker 1: the effort in. It's kind of like it's on her
Speaker 1: to be able to mess it up. But Mike, you
Speaker 1: just totally justified what I just said, at least like
Speaker 1: like waiting for Janna to tell you what he does,
Speaker 1: and you did. Kids. I love them. You look at
Speaker 1: your watch and you're like, oh, Janna, like they don't
Speaker 1: like it's six fifteen, Joey, Jason, let's go. We're getting like,
Speaker 1: why do you why does Janna have to be banned?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, yes, no, but it's so true. Why
Speaker 1: does the wife have to be the one like, Okay, no,
Speaker 1: you don't have it's it's the only time because Janna knows.
Speaker 1: I'm very on with everything else. He's an incredible dad.
Speaker 1: I don't sway from the schedule. I'm on it. So
Speaker 1: if it's six fifteen and we haven't discussed who's getting
Speaker 1: here or whatever, I just take the kids and I
Speaker 1: start going okay. And that's how you take the initiative,
Speaker 1: the initiative. No, no, no, no, I take the initiative
Speaker 1: equally with Jenna. Yeah, I'm just talking about if we're
Speaker 1: separate or whatever, and just the schedule happens to to
Speaker 1: leak into something because maybe I'm I'm working or doing
Speaker 1: something that I have to work on in Janna has
Speaker 1: the kids and I come out, it's past the time
Speaker 1: that they should be in their bath. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: if I were to do this and Janna was doing
Speaker 1: some work and she comes out and the kids weren't
Speaker 1: you know in bass yet, that she would be like
Speaker 1: and it's it's so interesting because it's true and I
Speaker 1: and I don't know why it's why. Maybe it's just
Speaker 1: me that I make an exception, like because I like,
Speaker 1: how can I bend the rules but he can't? Now
Speaker 1: it's I'm more lenient. But when the babies, it was
Speaker 1: I was so strict on it. So but then if
Speaker 1: he didn't, But if I been it and you know,
Speaker 1: then he would be like, well I don't, and he
Speaker 1: would get so upset with me about it. And I
Speaker 1: get it, Like I can look back now and say
Speaker 1: you're right, Like, I like, how is it fair for
Speaker 1: me to bend it and you not to bend it?
Speaker 1: So I don't know, Like I mean, double standards exist.
Speaker 1: I am totally getting this right, now too. I never
Speaker 1: realized that I do that too, But it's the same thing.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if it's because we wake up well,
Speaker 1: I know you guys have a different schedule, but like
Speaker 1: typically the mom's getting up with the kids in the morning,
Speaker 1: we're getting like we're thinking so far ahead, and I
Speaker 1: think to that point is what it is is it's
Speaker 1: like the husbands aren't thinking okay, like Jen, if you're
Speaker 1: sitting there watching TV and you're like, all right, you
Speaker 1: know what, the kids can watch three more minutes of
Speaker 1: TV whatever. One We don't want to be the bad
Speaker 1: guy again to say, hey, guys, wrap it up, let's
Speaker 1: go upstairs, like dad, you'll be a bad guy. But also,
Speaker 1: since we slept trained them, don't we get to just
Speaker 1: kind of make the rolls up so then tomorrow the
Speaker 1: kids will think we're fun. Mom and dad. You can
Speaker 1: crack the whip on them if we've like I feel like,
Speaker 1: if we're with the kids a lot of the day
Speaker 1: now now obviously it's different because everybody's schedules are at
Speaker 1: home or whatever, like and also kind of read like, okay,
Speaker 1: like are the kids overly tired? Are they not? Or
Speaker 1: like the next day you know, like if you have
Speaker 1: a lot going on, Like for me, it's more like
Speaker 1: if you have a lot going on the next day,
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, get to bed. But if not, then
Speaker 1: I'm kind of like, you know, I don't know, like
Speaker 1: and I agree though it is such a double standard
Speaker 1: in a negative way, kind of like for the moms,
Speaker 1: because I agree. I think sometimes we give too much,
Speaker 1: like oh, you guys can't do it, when no, you can.
Speaker 1: And if we did it, we wouldn't say anything. Even
Speaker 1: if you judge the husband's judged us, then we all
Speaker 1: know we would lose our minds because that's just what
Speaker 1: we do, which is not good either. But I kind
Speaker 1: of want to ask because I feel like we have
Speaker 1: some interesting dynamics here in different situations within the home
Speaker 1: as far as like two working parents or stay at
Speaker 1: home mom or whatever. Isn't there just a primary parent though,
Speaker 1: like even if you have, like I guess it's it's
Speaker 1: more of a question, but I feel like the answer
Speaker 1: is kind of yes, there's there's one parent. That's just
Speaker 1: more on it just takes more ownership of I disagree
Speaker 1: that my situation, even in our situation, who were essentially
Speaker 1: like to stay at home parents and do a lot
Speaker 1: of things fairly equally. There there are things that I
Speaker 1: admittedly Janna just steps up and and does and I
Speaker 1: think most of moms are that way right. If it
Speaker 1: wasn't for Janna, you know, Jolly wouldn't be enrolled in
Speaker 1: the ballet class and this and that and whatever. Now,
Speaker 1: if I was a single dad, of God forbid, we're
Speaker 1: divorced and I had to do things, I would step
Speaker 1: up and do it. But you guys tend to do
Speaker 1: that before us, because you do do ten things at once,
Speaker 1: and you can do that, where for us we'd have
Speaker 1: to sit down. Okay, I'm going to search for dance
Speaker 1: ballet studios. Let's go by that time, you guys would
Speaker 1: already have have them scheduled three times a week and
Speaker 1: what time. So, yes, I do believe that there's a
Speaker 1: primary parent, but I do think that people have ee
Speaker 1: month appointment that came. But it's I think you divvy
Speaker 1: up responsibilities. Now. I kind of give into some crap
Speaker 1: around that sometimes because she'll complain, you know, when we're
Speaker 1: at in a bad space about doing the kids laundries
Speaker 1: or doing this or doing that. I'm like, okay, well
Speaker 1: if you do that and you complain about it, And
Speaker 1: if I did that, then what would you do? If
Speaker 1: you complain about everything that you do, and because I
Speaker 1: don't do it, then all of a sudden, I'm doing
Speaker 1: all of it and you're not doing anything. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: there there's a balance. There's a balance there. Like I
Speaker 1: know Janna takes the reins on the kids laundry. She
Speaker 1: just she just owns it. And you know what, I
Speaker 1: could probably do more of it. I think maybe it
Speaker 1: comes down to, like, maybe not primary parent, but who's
Speaker 1: like the manager, right, because there can still be a
Speaker 1: balance of tasks, but who at the end of the
Speaker 1: day is really like the manager of it. Because so
Speaker 1: we have an interesting dynamic in that I had a
Speaker 1: career obviously before I had my daughter, before we had
Speaker 1: her daughter, and then I stayed at home with her
Speaker 1: for two years and then I went back to work
Speaker 1: hard time, like thirty hours a week. So we kind
Speaker 1: of went through the transition of like stay at home
Speaker 1: mom for two years and working mostly part time mom
Speaker 1: and now for a load mom. But I think what
Speaker 1: was interesting is like even through all of that, sure
Speaker 1: some of the responsibilities shifted slightly, but I would say
Speaker 1: I still held the role of manager for like the
Speaker 1: family and like our team, right which is fine. It's
Speaker 1: like to your point, Mike, like I'm happy doing a
Speaker 1: lot of it and my husband appreciates it, and I think,
Speaker 1: you know, like we're in a good place there. But
Speaker 1: I just think it defaults to that, and I think
Speaker 1: that's kind of what it comes down to in this conversation,
Speaker 1: Like you look to the manager and it's like okay
Speaker 1: for the manager to say, Hey, we're gonna stay up
Speaker 1: twenty minutes later tonight. And that's not to say that
Speaker 1: like that doesn't happen with my husband some nights where
Speaker 1: he makes that call, because again, we're kind of more
Speaker 1: in a balanced place right now, just because I was
Speaker 1: working now again, So I just I think it's I
Speaker 1: don't mind it as much, and I think every family
Speaker 1: is unique, but I do think that you almost need
Speaker 1: that role of man manager because you do kind of
Speaker 1: need somebody to to really make sure that things aren't
Speaker 1: falling through the craps. And I love that. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: and honestly I love that because that's almost like if
Speaker 1: you had that mindset, you could I could be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: Jason's up, you know I've changed it because whatever, and
Speaker 1: you can be like okay and not take it as
Speaker 1: well if I did that, it's more like the manager
Speaker 1: because mostly managing the situation that you then respect that
Speaker 1: and you don't you don't challenge it. I guess right,
Speaker 1: So I feel like we don't challenge it. Well, you know,
Speaker 1: you get really upset though, if if it's only because
Speaker 1: after times of you giving me crap, I'm like, well
Speaker 1: but again, but you're not the manager. So that's that's
Speaker 1: where it comes into play. Like because you're not the manager,
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, you have to follow the manager's schedule. Manager.
Speaker 1: But no, I mean it's a good point. I love
Speaker 1: that point. Rachel, would you got I'm falling. I like
Speaker 1: want to put like make myself a sign that's just
Speaker 1: like Rachel house manager. That's like, that is your role, right,
Speaker 1: You've always been I have a title that has been
Speaker 1: you don't know, and I'm like manager, we can get promotions, right,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell I get a promotion. I'm going outline
Speaker 1: rate you like that though you you've managed, that's like you,
Speaker 1: that's like you've been that friend since forever. You would
Speaker 1: be like going out tonight girls where your dresses, like
Speaker 1: group manager, that's time you can't come out. Let me
Speaker 1: all right, let me take that analogy that you're saying
Speaker 1: the manager and use it in another situation. Say someone's
Speaker 1: a primary breadwinner. Okay, and what you're talking about with
Speaker 1: like the being the house manager. Right, so if the
Speaker 1: kids are seeing that twenty minutes later, I'm the house manager.
Speaker 1: I kind of managed the schedule. It's more okay. If
Speaker 1: the house manager is doing that now with money and
Speaker 1: there's one person that's the primary, you know, breadwinner, is
Speaker 1: it their role as the money manager? Then where do
Speaker 1: they have more right about how money is spent or
Speaker 1: you know, they can go buy something for themselves. But
Speaker 1: if the one who doesn't make the money goes and
Speaker 1: buy something, they give him crap for it, like because
Speaker 1: that's the area of contention as well, and something that
Speaker 1: Jan and I've definitely run into. But Chelsea, you you're
Speaker 1: ready for this, Let's do it. It's a good point though,
Speaker 1: because it's it's it is a different managing point and
Speaker 1: I love that, Mike, that's great, go ahead, Chelsea. Personally,
Speaker 1: I think it's what your agreement is ahead of time,
Speaker 1: like as a husband and wife or as partners, did
Speaker 1: you agree ahead of time that I'm going to be
Speaker 1: the housekeeper. I'm going to take care of our children
Speaker 1: and raise our children. You're going to be going to
Speaker 1: work and be the breadwinner. That makes us equal. I'm
Speaker 1: different planes, but you're bringing money home, but I'm raising
Speaker 1: our children not getting paid. Right, So I think it's
Speaker 1: just the difference of are you talking about it ahead
Speaker 1: of time or is it just all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you know, someone stops working, someone is working, or someone
Speaker 1: makes less money than the other person. I think it's
Speaker 1: if you're going to talk about it, like, my husband works,
Speaker 1: I'm retired, as I like to say, from a corporate job. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, it's hard sometimes to be a retiree, and
Speaker 1: especially climate at a young age, the retired life. It is.
Speaker 1: So anyway, he is the breadwinner, but we have that
Speaker 1: mutual respect for each other and understanding that just because
Speaker 1: he's bringing the money home doesn't mean that it's something
Speaker 1: like I can't just go and buy things that I want. Obviously,
Speaker 1: if there's big purchases and stuff like that. You know,
Speaker 1: every couple has their own dynamic of when they're going
Speaker 1: to be talking about money and things that they're spending.
Speaker 1: But in terms of a management role, I don't think
Speaker 1: they shouldn't have any bearing on it. That if you're
Speaker 1: if you're the breadwinner, I don't think it should have
Speaker 1: any bearing. I mean, look, you're the cook manager and
Speaker 1: I never debate what's for dinner. When you say what's
Speaker 1: for dinner and I say that's all right, right, okay,
Speaker 1: that's such a That is such a good point too,
Speaker 1: because if someone's taking that role on and they're saying, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make dinner. What if every single night you
Speaker 1: were like, well I don't like my husband. It's like
Speaker 1: I'm good, just gonna eat meat every night. You get
Speaker 1: the thumbs up here that to Mike because you don't
Speaker 1: want to do it and from and that's just it's
Speaker 1: like my mom told me my little Rachel, never learn
Speaker 1: how to use the lat more ever, because if you
Speaker 1: learn how to do it, then you gotta have to
Speaker 1: do it. So guess what, I don't know how to
Speaker 1: use a lot more turn a lot of that garage stuff.
Speaker 1: On'll never I'll never learn how to do it. No
Speaker 1: time out, time out, Rachel. I have to call you
Speaker 1: out because last time we talked on the phone. You
Speaker 1: were saying that. Andrew was like, how do you not
Speaker 1: know how many sods for yards or whatever? And I'm like, Rachel,
Speaker 1: you don't need to know how many yards of sun
Speaker 1: do you need? But yet he was expecting you to
Speaker 1: know how much? But I did. Okay, so and I
Speaker 1: did put a bunch of We were a team. We
Speaker 1: were a team. Okay. I just have to say, Rachel
Speaker 1: put that mulch down so once she could burn calories
Speaker 1: and she could get steps in. Was it sunny that day?
Speaker 1: If it was, she was getting a tan, got her tan,
Speaker 1: and she's like, look at I worked out. I I
Speaker 1: put out all right? Andrew? Oh um, no, it was funny.
Speaker 1: Rol and I actually my husband I actually had that
Speaker 1: exact conversation about like, because he is the primary bread winner.
Speaker 1: And we had that conversation because there was a purchase
Speaker 1: that came up and that we didn't quite agree with
Speaker 1: and that he made or that you made that I made.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that I hadn't made it yet, but he
Speaker 1: didn't agree with me making it. And can we ask
Speaker 1: what it is? It was just like a gift for somebody.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like a big thing. I think it's just
Speaker 1: we have different philosophies and like gifting, like gifts for
Speaker 1: the family and went to give gifts, and it's because
Speaker 1: he just came from a slightly like his family is
Speaker 1: just a little different in that regard, and so it's
Speaker 1: something that we've always like kind of had a little
Speaker 1: bit of disagreement with, and so we had a disagreement
Speaker 1: on that, and it kind of came down to like
Speaker 1: who has the final say and he's like, you know,
Speaker 1: you have the final say when it comes to everything
Speaker 1: with Nola or daughter, and then I have the final
Speaker 1: say kind of on the finances. But it wasn't as
Speaker 1: like black and white as that. I think what it
Speaker 1: really came down to is like, yes, I understand that
Speaker 1: we make these decisions together, and it's really just about
Speaker 1: kind of respecting the other person's role. And I think
Speaker 1: that's kind of what it comes down to, is the
Speaker 1: respect and the communication of it. So it's it's like, sure,
Speaker 1: I can under I can acknowledge that you are the
Speaker 1: manager of the finances or that you're the primary breadwinner,
Speaker 1: and he acknowledges that I'm the manager mostly of like
Speaker 1: Nola's food and schedule and school and everything else, and
Speaker 1: and and even the bigger things related to our family
Speaker 1: and and our lifestyle. But I think it's that we
Speaker 1: still address it as a team, and it's not so
Speaker 1: much final say. It's just that at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, we respect that that person is kind of
Speaker 1: more the authority on those things, because the final say
Speaker 1: is just such a dead end, and it doesn't feel
Speaker 1: like a very collaborative like word to put to it.
Speaker 1: But I think we that's just kind of how we
Speaker 1: approach it, is that like if there really was a
Speaker 1: big conflict, we would still work it out together. It's
Speaker 1: not like, well, this is what I'm saying, and like
Speaker 1: that's it. Like it's it's my way or the highway
Speaker 1: type thing. So it's not the best phrase to put
Speaker 1: to it. But I just think that we're okay with
Speaker 1: like I'm okay that he's the primary redwinner and and
Speaker 1: but we still make those decisions together and say, well,
Speaker 1: how did that conversation? Is different than like, like that's
Speaker 1: a much bigger thing. Although it's a good analogy, I
Speaker 1: think finances are still a much bigger thing than like
Speaker 1: the schedule for our child or something I would maybe
Speaker 1: equated more to like how we're disciplining our child, because
Speaker 1: I feel like that's maybe on the same level of finances, right,
Speaker 1: like in terms of like importance of the like your
Speaker 1: beliefs on that topic. Did you give the gift like that?
Speaker 1: Andrew was like, you can't send that gift. I don't know.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like that. I think it just more was
Speaker 1: like that conversation that kind of prompted the bigger conversation
Speaker 1: of I think that's really earlier on in our marriage
Speaker 1: when we kind of discovered like whose role is what?
Speaker 1: Because actually at the time, I think that was early
Speaker 1: on when we had when we had Nola. But either way,
Speaker 1: it was it was more just like that specific situation
Speaker 1: that kind of prompted the bigger conversation of kind of
Speaker 1: how we're working through that type of stuff and how
Speaker 1: we're just communicating about it. But I mean, Mike and
Speaker 1: I we had a similar recently conversation about it's just
Speaker 1: about having the conversation, conversation and just respecting the other
Speaker 1: person and saying, hey, so we we had an amount,
Speaker 1: and now if there's anything over that amount, we say, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, I would really like this, you know, because
Speaker 1: it's not asking permission. It's about respect. And I think
Speaker 1: I know that you've had a hard time with that
Speaker 1: because you said, like you feel like you're asking permission,
Speaker 1: and I kept saying, it's not about I don't you
Speaker 1: don't need to ask for my I'm not your mom.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's just I would ask
Speaker 1: you just It's just it's just a respect thing, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I mean I'm more comfortable with it now than
Speaker 1: I had been in the past. Um, but I make
Speaker 1: up that that is, uh, it's a little bit more
Speaker 1: difficult for men um maybe than it is for women.
Speaker 1: And that's maybe generalizing a little bit, but just in
Speaker 1: my person will experience it. It's felt difficult in all honesty,
Speaker 1: even even now with all the work that Jan and
Speaker 1: I've done in general and our couple of ships, and
Speaker 1: and on this topic, even now, if I was making
Speaker 1: if I was say the primary breadwinner, like if I
Speaker 1: was playing football still and I was making that kind
Speaker 1: of money again, I would have more confidence going and
Speaker 1: buying something and coming home with it. Say, I want
Speaker 1: to go buy a you know, a thousand dollar a gun.
Speaker 1: I came home with it and Jan I was like,
Speaker 1: why did you buy that? And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: because I wanted to get it, you know, like I
Speaker 1: would be confident if I do that now, I would
Speaker 1: be like I'm a dead man. No no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, no no no no. I only say that
Speaker 1: because that's irresponsible. Regardless, it shouldn't matter whether I'm making
Speaker 1: the money, you're making the money, that that would be
Speaker 1: irresponsible to do. I'm just saying it's like my psyche
Speaker 1: would would feel more confident. You still don't think you
Speaker 1: asked her for like that amount, And I guess I
Speaker 1: don't know right, Like it's so tough because I agree,
Speaker 1: like if there's like I'm not asking Ryan I every
Speaker 1: time I buy something that Target, because I'll know I'd
Speaker 1: be just like seriously, like Target came again, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I must have just bought a couple of things. But
Speaker 1: I don't know if like I don't know, I don't
Speaker 1: know if I ever would be like if I bought
Speaker 1: like a big item, no matter how much money, I
Speaker 1: feel like I still would ask or he would ask,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think it was a
Speaker 1: big turning point from Mike. He went to a gun
Speaker 1: store actually with your friend Matt. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you want to tell that story or not. But I
Speaker 1: feel like that it clicked for you in that moment
Speaker 1: before you tell the story if you bought one or not,
Speaker 1: But did you at that point? So I guess I'm
Speaker 1: kind of looking Mike in your sense of Gianna. If
Speaker 1: he brought one home, you would have already maybe had
Speaker 1: an idea that that would be something that he would want, right, Like,
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be like an out of the blue whatever
Speaker 1: it is, right you know what I mean? If it's
Speaker 1: like a big purchase item and if somebody I like,
Speaker 1: like I've really been wanting this and you know I have,
Speaker 1: then I'd be like, oh, you know, it wouldn't be
Speaker 1: like a conversation of like boom, I got this like
Speaker 1: Twitter thing. And I think the problem with this is honestly,
Speaker 1: like the word ask. It's like it's so like and
Speaker 1: my husband Andrew were a married word team, like, doesn't
Speaker 1: we need to ask permission? I actually just I hate
Speaker 1: that word. I hate that. I hate that whole thing
Speaker 1: like ask, Like we are a team, right, so if
Speaker 1: we have a budget, if we have like and you know,
Speaker 1: you're communicating about finances and maybe you want to do
Speaker 1: X Y and Z with the kids, and you want
Speaker 1: to take a trip just for you guys, and you're
Speaker 1: planning on doing maybe like some type of renovation or something.
Speaker 1: I don't think it should even be like I need
Speaker 1: to ask your permission. I think it's like, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: thinking about giving this. I know we want to do X,
Speaker 1: Y and Z, like what's collaborate. I hate that whole,
Speaker 1: like ask right, because it's so so good idea and
Speaker 1: I and I hear you, Yeah, we're one unit. I
Speaker 1: just to me, I just hate that. Yeah and we
Speaker 1: and we hear you on that. I think that's where,
Speaker 1: you know, we've gotten stuck in our situation where for
Speaker 1: Mike at least, where he's like I don't want to
Speaker 1: feel like I have to ask you, and it's like
Speaker 1: I never want you to feel like you have to ask.
Speaker 1: It's just I personally just would never even buy a
Speaker 1: pair of shoes that being like, hey, is it okay
Speaker 1: if I get these was I've really wanted them for
Speaker 1: a really long time. And it's just because I just
Speaker 1: would feel bad because hey, it's a it's a chunk
Speaker 1: of money and I don't really do it a lot,
Speaker 1: but you know, I will say at least, if I'm
Speaker 1: being honest, I would have been frustrated if he came
Speaker 1: home with a new gun, because he had just bought
Speaker 1: a bunch of new guns, and so I'd have been like, man,
Speaker 1: like you needed like a six you know, however many
Speaker 1: guns like, so I wouldn't. I would have felt a
Speaker 1: little upset about that. And I think too, it's about
Speaker 1: expectations right where it's almost unspoken expectations where in a
Speaker 1: situation you almost expect your spouse to handle the situation
Speaker 1: the same way you would. So when Janna, like at
Speaker 1: sits there and she does come to me and like, hey,
Speaker 1: would you mind if I bought these parachutes, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I never give Jane crap about anything, like when it
Speaker 1: comes to money or purchasing, I'm just like yeah, like,
Speaker 1: and it's it's ultimately because I default to trusting her,
Speaker 1: like she wouldn't do it if it was irresponsible, She
Speaker 1: wouldn't do it if it wasn't something she really wanted
Speaker 1: or just out of the blue, kind of like to
Speaker 1: your point, Lisa, where you know, if Ryan's been talking
Speaker 1: about golf clubs and he came home with a new set,
Speaker 1: you'd be like Okay, yeah, you've been talking about that
Speaker 1: instead of he comes home with a motorcycle one day
Speaker 1: and you're like, wait, what you know? So so I
Speaker 1: definitely get that. I think that's a really great point
Speaker 1: kind of if it's something that they've been talking about
Speaker 1: so unfairly. I must expect Janna in the past more
Speaker 1: so to almost not give me crap, because I never
Speaker 1: give her crap about things, even when she you know,
Speaker 1: Jane is very free real but when it comes on
Speaker 1: like vacations or she wants to take trips with the
Speaker 1: kids or this or that, you know, I never give
Speaker 1: a crap about money. And that's ten times more than
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about getting. But it's with the family,
Speaker 1: it's with the kids and experience of memory and all
Speaker 1: that stuff. But still money is green in each scenario,
Speaker 1: you know. But she's justifying it probably because she's like,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of the family and I'm thinking of together,
Speaker 1: not like and I just yeah, and I just said
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I think it's something
Speaker 1: where it's again like I'm not saying ask at all.
Speaker 1: It's just like, hey, a thousand dollar you know, um gun,
Speaker 1: you know, this is something I really want just a conversation.
Speaker 1: Like all I want is just like a conversation, just
Speaker 1: like you're in the dark, and you know, like, unfortunately,
Speaker 1: I feel like and I'm not trying to get down,
Speaker 1: but I think I have little trigger issues around money
Speaker 1: just because of issues of our past, and like, yeah,
Speaker 1: where it's just like, oh man, you know where I
Speaker 1: feel not respected in that in that sense, you know,
Speaker 1: but you've you know obviously, like the communication now has
Speaker 1: been incredible, and you know we've been on a on
Speaker 1: a better place together. You know. Well, let's let's take
Speaker 1: a break real quick. We'll wrap this up and move
Speaker 1: on to something. Okay, So, Chelsea, what happened tonight that
Speaker 1: you wanted to talk about? Yeah? Oh yeah, I totally
Speaker 1: forgot about that. Uh. I feel like it's like a
Speaker 1: miscommunication thing or it's just like what the hell are
Speaker 1: you thinking? In terms of the um timing, like of husbands,
Speaker 1: it's like this ring, so I like, we're eating dinner
Speaker 1: and it's our son, who's you know, eighteen months. He
Speaker 1: goes to sleep at like seven fifteen, pretty much like
Speaker 1: before seven thirty. Olivia goes to sleep around eight eat thirty,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, hey, he's like so messy from eating dinner.
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, if I were to take him in
Speaker 1: the shower right now, would you get him out and
Speaker 1: put him to bed, because he like clearly needs a
Speaker 1: shower right now, and so I would just do that.
Speaker 1: But like for me to put him in the shower
Speaker 1: and get him out of the shower and put him
Speaker 1: to bed, it's like I would be talking to you
Speaker 1: guys at ten o'clock, you know what I mean. It's
Speaker 1: just like so much to do along with putting Olivia
Speaker 1: to sleep, like everything would have been pushed back. So
Speaker 1: he's like, yeah for sure, so yeah, yeah, go ahead,
Speaker 1: because I'm like, you know, I want to be on
Speaker 1: time for the eight thirty thing, and like Olivia has
Speaker 1: to go to sleep. So like he and his poker
Speaker 1: was at eight thirties, so like we all had this
Speaker 1: like eight thirty deadline to get everything done. So we're
Speaker 1: I'm like cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, and then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, he disappears, and I'm like where
Speaker 1: is he? And I'm literally looking everywhere for him, and
Speaker 1: he's outside and I was like, where are you? And
Speaker 1: he we just got a swing set, so like they
Speaker 1: left the boxes in the back they like packed all
Speaker 1: the boxes in a one big box, and our garbage
Speaker 1: comes tomorrow. So he's like bringing this garbage box up
Speaker 1: from our backyard. Like I just ask you if you
Speaker 1: could get the baby out of Like I have like
Speaker 1: six minutes to do this. Okay, it's like shower everything
Speaker 1: off the baby. You take him out of the shower.
Speaker 1: I get it, Like this is gonna be like a
Speaker 1: six seven minute situation, like quick quick, Then he goes
Speaker 1: to bed, not like I'm waiting forty five minutes for
Speaker 1: you to get garbage from downstairs outside upstairs, and like
Speaker 1: what if I And I just think, what if I
Speaker 1: would have just gone in the shower, I would have
Speaker 1: been literally waiting for for forty minutes. What time was
Speaker 1: your trash come? Did he feel like he needed to
Speaker 1: do it first? Thing? Like like Just I have no ideas,
Speaker 1: Like look, we're single minded creatures. Okay, we do one
Speaker 1: thing at time. We're like squirrel. So when we see
Speaker 1: that squirrel, we gotta to go take care of it
Speaker 1: right then and there. And I will say this to
Speaker 1: Just and this is just uh, you know again expectations.
Speaker 1: If he didn't get it then and he forgot and
Speaker 1: it did go out tomorrow morning and the trash comes
Speaker 1: and you show the trash, would you, Chelsea say, hey, Tad,
Speaker 1: why didn't you take the boxes to the trash? You know,
Speaker 1: the trash comes today, why didn't you take it out there?
Speaker 1: Because it needed to go. It is really interesting about
Speaker 1: guy timing though, because just the other day, you know,
Speaker 1: we were having a snow cone thing with Jolie and
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, everyone's coming at two thirty, and it's
Speaker 1: like he's just sitting there putting together, like you know,
Speaker 1: and and it's for the family. Like what he's putting
Speaker 1: together is for the family together. The trampoline that we
Speaker 1: got that morning, right, and I get it and it's
Speaker 1: so great, But like there were so many other things
Speaker 1: that you know, I needed help with and I'm just like, hey,
Speaker 1: everyone's coming, and what time do you think he finally
Speaker 1: goes to change and get ready when everybody comes changing changing,
Speaker 1: get ready before This isn't the breakup, but I mean
Speaker 1: when when and anger came over, it was like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's like you're getting like you get
Speaker 1: ready right when the doorbell rings and I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, And I mean get ready. I came out front,
Speaker 1: but it's just I'm sweating, and I'm like, okay, I'll
Speaker 1: get all of it. Like it's it's the ice and
Speaker 1: the called. You gotta get a little, you know, a
Speaker 1: little Okay that quote where it's like, hey, honey, I'm
Speaker 1: totally ready, the kids are up, the cars, floaded, let's go,
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I just kind of get in the shower.
Speaker 1: That's my life. And so now I'm like, Okay, if
Speaker 1: I tell me have to leave it for, then will
Speaker 1: actually be ready at for to help me. So, oh,
Speaker 1: that's a good idea. I should start doing that to
Speaker 1: Jannah then always for the snow cone party. You know
Speaker 1: what you Mike, the snow cone parties at two not
Speaker 1: too thirties. Great, honey, all you gotta do is put
Speaker 1: together this little bench and put a snow cone machine
Speaker 1: on top of it. No, no, no, no, what's what's
Speaker 1: the big deal? What's the big deal? It's not that hard.
Speaker 1: It's not that hard to do any like that's what
Speaker 1: is just like crazy or Ryan's big thing. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go pack the car, Lisa, what are you packing? Like
Speaker 1: what is he packing? But like whatever, And then in
Speaker 1: his defense, then he will say like okay, so and
Speaker 1: this is where as Mom's were wrong, So what can
Speaker 1: I do to help? And I'm like, what what do
Speaker 1: you want me to put the kids in? And it's
Speaker 1: almost easier for me to be like, okay, well I'll
Speaker 1: just do it, you know, like that. So that's where
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, shoot, if I had them more together
Speaker 1: and laid everything out, then he could be doing it,
Speaker 1: but you know, or then like well, and he will
Speaker 1: help me, like so what should I pack the kids
Speaker 1: for dinner? And it's it's almost like easier for me
Speaker 1: to like just do it, but then I'm still stressed out.
Speaker 1: But even so I feel again that comes to expectations
Speaker 1: because we could pack something for dinner, but then we
Speaker 1: pull out what we get brought for dinner? You bought that?
Speaker 1: Why did you bring greats? I told you I wanted
Speaker 1: you bring melon. We need to get rid of that melon. Well,
Speaker 1: who's the manager of who's supposed to be doing so
Speaker 1: whoever is the manager? Like Andrea said, whoever is the
Speaker 1: manager needs to then pack that food because you are
Speaker 1: the manager of what they're eating, right, But the thing
Speaker 1: is if you were like, hey, manager when it's convenient
Speaker 1: for you. A good manager. Manager delegates what you're eating.
Speaker 1: That is such a big thing for me because I
Speaker 1: want the kids to eat mostly organic if they can,
Speaker 1: I try to get them to eat like this is.
Speaker 1: I don't let really let them eat junk food for
Speaker 1: the most part, but Jimmy is a big dunk food eater.
Speaker 1: So people be like, it's so funny. Olivia always raps
Speaker 1: them out and she'll be like, guess what Danny just
Speaker 1: gave me? What did you guys? What was I think
Speaker 1: she called it the one time I remember that video
Speaker 1: I sent you and she was calling Oreo like, oh diarrheo,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I should tell this story on the podcast.
Speaker 1: It is so funny. I mean we are recording. I
Speaker 1: will just say something really fast though. We went to
Speaker 1: the grocery store at the very first time I've ever
Speaker 1: been to the grocery store in a month and a half.
Speaker 1: I mean I went with him. We had them, I
Speaker 1: had the mask on and everything. And again I'm the
Speaker 1: cooking the family. I'm the shopper when it comes to
Speaker 1: grocery store. And I said, by the time we got done,
Speaker 1: I was like, it looked like a twelve year old boy,
Speaker 1: like picked everything out in the shopping cart because every
Speaker 1: I we're walking down, I'm with these, I'm with these.
Speaker 1: It literally felt like I had a third kid, Like
Speaker 1: Gina put that away. We don't need princess fruit snacks, Yes, dude,
Speaker 1: you always love them. We got the Princess goldfish today.
Speaker 1: I meant quarantine. We spent two dollars because Janna came
Speaker 1: with me today. Mike, I hear you. If I ever
Speaker 1: go grocery shopping with my husband, which it's been forever
Speaker 1: since that's happened, but he's literally like the kid that
Speaker 1: is like reaching from there into like the impulse by
Speaker 1: section and getting like the candy. I mean, no joke,
Speaker 1: I will you guys would die if you found out
Speaker 1: how many Mini Cabale eggs shipments we had some. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's how I mean, starting in January. As soon as
Speaker 1: those things become available for the year, he is like,
Speaker 1: they will and apparently my day we live we live
Speaker 1: with my parents right now because our house is being built.
Speaker 1: Apparently my dad is obsessed with these things too, so
Speaker 1: they have like these dueling shipments of mini caver eggs
Speaker 1: coming in My husbands Like I got a six pound
Speaker 1: bag coming in? What about you? John, I'm like, that's
Speaker 1: what I'm doing with Okay, let's take a quick break,
Speaker 1: and then I want to come back because I want
Speaker 1: to bring up something that happened the other day and
Speaker 1: I would love my girl's in pets. So, um, stay tuned. Okay,
Speaker 1: So remember a girl when I talked to you the
Speaker 1: other night and I said that Michael and I got
Speaker 1: into a little bit of a tiff. Okay, So I
Speaker 1: just kind of want to get some input because I
Speaker 1: want to know how to be a better wife in
Speaker 1: this situation. So I would love y'alls input. Why are
Speaker 1: you looking at me like that? Because I don't know
Speaker 1: growing up thing. I want to know how I can
Speaker 1: be yeah, like very impressed. No, I just because I
Speaker 1: I don't know if y'all are like this, but I'm
Speaker 1: assuming we're from the same cough. Um so um. About
Speaker 1: a week and a half ago, Um, I woke up
Speaker 1: with the kids, and most most mornings, Mike has the
Speaker 1: kids because he wakes up at six to do his
Speaker 1: meditation and he reads his books and um, and then
Speaker 1: you know, he gets Jolie wakes up, and then Jason.
Speaker 1: Then I wake up like an hour later and um
Speaker 1: and so. But this morning, I took the kids and
Speaker 1: I'm cleaning and you know, doing the dishes is in
Speaker 1: doing laundry, and in my in my mind, I was
Speaker 1: so excited to see Mike. I was so excited to
Speaker 1: say good morning, like I I I really wanted that
Speaker 1: opportunity to say good morning to him. Um and Julie
Speaker 1: kept saying, Mommy, can we make up daddy? And I
Speaker 1: said no, baby, like let him sleep. And I had started,
Speaker 1: you know, folding the laundry, and then I heard Jolie
Speaker 1: you know, go into the room and I was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: like I wasn't ready to see Mike yet because I
Speaker 1: was in my mode. And I know when I get
Speaker 1: in my frame of mind, I'm very one dimensional and
Speaker 1: I and I just go and I know I talked
Speaker 1: about this last podcast, but you know, it's really been
Speaker 1: sitting with me because I don't know. And then when
Speaker 1: I saw Mike, I was like, hey, um, hey, just
Speaker 1: so you know, can you pick up the clothes because
Speaker 1: you know so and so and this and like it's
Speaker 1: in the corner. And then the maids. I really liked
Speaker 1: the maids to come because they said they with their
Speaker 1: masks and you know, blah blah blah, and we haven't
Speaker 1: had them in two months in the house a little
Speaker 1: and I'm having this conversation and he's just like, I
Speaker 1: just woke up, you know, but I've already been up
Speaker 1: for three hours. So I'm just curious, have you guys
Speaker 1: had that same situation? Because he woke up with sex?
Speaker 1: So turn half actually question, I had the timer on
Speaker 1: the morning, but who are you a morning person? I'm
Speaker 1: a total morning person, but it's my morning person. I
Speaker 1: am now. He is now, but he doesn't like to
Speaker 1: be in his It's a gradual process. Jenna wakes up.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm up, Like I wake up and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: good morning, and he's like like and so I so
Speaker 1: you know when I was doing all those things and
Speaker 1: he wakes up and he's he feels and totally rightfully
Speaker 1: so and I'm so sorry, Like I had every intention
Speaker 1: of being like good morning, day, but I couldn't meet
Speaker 1: him there because I was just already in my work
Speaker 1: mode and I wasn't there and I had already skipped
Speaker 1: that place. So I'm like, have you guys dealt with
Speaker 1: that before? And yes, go yeah, So guilty. I have
Speaker 1: totally done that. And then Ryan will even call me
Speaker 1: out and he'll be like, hi, honey, how are you,
Speaker 1: And I'm like oh, and then I do feel guilty
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my gosh, you're right. I just
Speaker 1: and it wasn't like I was coming at I'm like
Speaker 1: annoyed or anything like that. I was just like, hey,
Speaker 1: like this is what I'm trying to get done today.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, I should take a step back,
Speaker 1: and like that's on me, like you know that I
Speaker 1: should have been like, hey, how are you and then
Speaker 1: taking a breather, but instead it's like the first thing
Speaker 1: is like, well, I need you to fix this. I
Speaker 1: need to do that. And it's not because I, like
Speaker 1: I said, I'm annoyed that I was up doing something first,
Speaker 1: like that's just where my frame of mind is. And
Speaker 1: he's kind of almost like almost like head to like
Speaker 1: be like hey, like check yourself that, like hey, how
Speaker 1: are you? And I'm like, oh, you're right, Like I
Speaker 1: think that's that like slow down, that printer is still
Speaker 1: going to be there in the next ten minutes. After
Speaker 1: I have met cup of coffee and you say good
Speaker 1: morning to me, and in my head. I'm like when
Speaker 1: I'm trying to put this off, and I'm like and
Speaker 1: it's like and it's so and it's on me and
Speaker 1: I know it, and I'm like, oh, and then I
Speaker 1: feel guilty. And then I tried to backtrack for that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, that's the thing. I kept backtracking and
Speaker 1: then I was keeping making it worse. I'm sorry, but
Speaker 1: I totally hiddacted and like that, and then like and
Speaker 1: then we got into a worse argument after that, Rachel
Speaker 1: what he got. I think it goes back to, like
Speaker 1: it's we're in COVID, we're in shelter and place or
Speaker 1: social distancing, right, and like we are trying to keep
Speaker 1: up with our normal routines, right, our normals. And you
Speaker 1: deal with anxiety, Jana, be Lisa, you do too, And
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of us control and manage
Speaker 1: our anxiety by like having a plan and getting things
Speaker 1: done and staying organized. And it's really hard to know
Speaker 1: when to like pull back and soften. And it's like
Speaker 1: in general, like when you look at for myself personally,
Speaker 1: like the transition to being at home and having your
Speaker 1: whole routine just like blow up and and having your
Speaker 1: husband home all the time and like having me kids
Speaker 1: there and then have going to like be like sexy
Speaker 1: and romantic and loving and like all this stuff. When
Speaker 1: everything just blow up, I think it's just really about
Speaker 1: trying to soften. And I would say, like the first
Speaker 1: couple of weeks of going through this, it was hard,
Speaker 1: and then just like being able to pull back and
Speaker 1: let some of the stuff go and let yourself like
Speaker 1: soften and say certain things just don't matter, so you
Speaker 1: have that time to kind of connect more with your spouse.
Speaker 1: Like today, I'm I know, I've like thirty minutes before
Speaker 1: the kids wake up from nap, and Andrew's just got
Speaker 1: a conference call on the beastment and he texts me.
Speaker 1: He's like, hey, baby, like what you're doing? Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: like mess like and I literally have I literally have
Speaker 1: the cleaning supplies out, and I'm like, I have a
Speaker 1: half hour, you know all this stuff. I can get
Speaker 1: this half hour right, Like that's my plan. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get all clean. And he's like, hey, baby, can I
Speaker 1: come up? You want to hang out? And in my head,
Speaker 1: I'm like the first thing I wanted to respond because
Speaker 1: he's in the basement and I'm the second level and
Speaker 1: I and I want to respond like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of the cleaning like now, but
Speaker 1: that was like, hold back, it's really important right now, right,
Speaker 1: And I was like, sure, come on, but it's hard,
Speaker 1: like I feel like that takes time, right. I just
Speaker 1: think it's a couple of things. I think to your
Speaker 1: point rage, we're all looking for some sense of control
Speaker 1: right now, especially like in this world right now that
Speaker 1: the future is a little uncertain right so we don't
Speaker 1: know what it's gonna look like. So I think what
Speaker 1: I've tried to keep in mind is I'm trying to
Speaker 1: empathize with people in in trying to be conscious of
Speaker 1: the ways in which that may come out for them.
Speaker 1: Like my mom who is like obsessing over like oh,
Speaker 1: I have to find geese because I have to make bread,
Speaker 1: and I'm like wanting to freak out on her, like
Speaker 1: like Mom, it's like who cares about bread? But then
Speaker 1: I'm realizing this is her outlet, like that's what she
Speaker 1: needs right now to create some sense of control. And
Speaker 1: I think that's one silly example, but I think it's important,
Speaker 1: I guess not lose sight of that and just be
Speaker 1: a little more forgiving and give people a little more
Speaker 1: leeway during this time. And so I think that's one
Speaker 1: piece of it. But I guess so I think my
Speaker 1: husband's pretty understanding of that because I think I'm looking
Speaker 1: for that control too, because I am a pretty type
Speaker 1: a person. But I think outside of quarantine, it's about
Speaker 1: meeting in the middle. I think to the whole example, Janna,
Speaker 1: like the fight and everything like we do that, I
Speaker 1: am totally like very similar to you, and I think
Speaker 1: the rest of us like go go go, Like I
Speaker 1: have my checklist, I want to get things done. I
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's all about kind of the work
Speaker 1: ahead of me. And my husband has said to me
Speaker 1: a few times like hey, like I'm here, hello, Like
Speaker 1: can you slow down? Can you like pause for a minute,
Speaker 1: Can you give me a kiss? Can you like hold
Speaker 1: my hand? And so I appreciate that he calls that
Speaker 1: out to me, and so I try to be more
Speaker 1: conscious of that, I think day to day. And I
Speaker 1: think I've also tried to let him into like what's
Speaker 1: going on in my brain too, so that he kind
Speaker 1: of understands why I'm maybe not slowing down as much
Speaker 1: and all the things I need to get done, and
Speaker 1: not just what I need to get done, but what
Speaker 1: is actually required to get each thing done, because I
Speaker 1: think sometimes it's a lot more than he thinks. But
Speaker 1: then the other piece of it is, like again, I
Speaker 1: think it's really just meeting in the middle because I'm
Speaker 1: the type of person and he knows me that, like
Speaker 1: when I get on a particular task, this is not
Speaker 1: every task, but when I get on a particular task,
Speaker 1: I get my mindset on it and like nothing else matters,
Speaker 1: I need to finish it. And so I think he
Speaker 1: respects that in certain tasks and maybe not in everything,
Speaker 1: but I think he respects that and and kind of
Speaker 1: gives gives me that moment at times. But then again
Speaker 1: I'm trying to also meet him in the middle and
Speaker 1: remember that it's okay to slow down and not be
Speaker 1: like ships passing in the night all the time, and
Speaker 1: like shows him affection or just like pause and enjoy
Speaker 1: the little moments rather than just like checking and chipping
Speaker 1: away at my to do list because it's still going
Speaker 1: to be there tomorrow. That's good. I like that. Um,
Speaker 1: before we take another break and then go to emails, Mike,
Speaker 1: do you have anything for the ladies? Like you know,
Speaker 1: how to how to deal with your wife for you
Speaker 1: know questions. I mean, that's just really driving you crazy
Speaker 1: that you just want to know. Not really not right now.
Speaker 1: But I will say and this is just and Janna
Speaker 1: can attest to this, just my personality. And I don't
Speaker 1: know if it comes from a place of defensiveness or well,
Speaker 1: where it really comes from is you know, take these
Speaker 1: scenarios that we're talking about right now, you know, and
Speaker 1: if I was that way to Joanna the way she
Speaker 1: was to me that morning, like how would that make
Speaker 1: her feel? So it's and that's where I feel, you
Speaker 1: know again just like the manager of the house and
Speaker 1: this and that where the double standards come into play.
Speaker 1: Where it is that that grey area for a lot
Speaker 1: of these topics that even if you have great communication,
Speaker 1: even if you try to stay ahead of this, those
Speaker 1: are inevitable situations and just to be able to have
Speaker 1: grace with one another that you know, we don't need
Speaker 1: to escalate it. But just understand why that morning I
Speaker 1: would be upset, you know, we're frustrated because it to me,
Speaker 1: it validated my fears of the one morning in the
Speaker 1: last ten days that you got the kids and I
Speaker 1: met with, Hey, hey, we need to do this. You
Speaker 1: need to pick up your clothes. I'm like, now, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, literally, I even said to Gain at
Speaker 1: one point when I felt bombard, I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I should have just gotten up, sorry, I
Speaker 1: shouldn't have slept in And I was like, oh my god, no,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, and like I was like being apologetic.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm sorry. I was like, I just
Speaker 1: like I just was doing dishes and laundry. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: Like I was being for sure apologetic in that moment,
Speaker 1: and I was frustrated that it happened like that, Mike,
Speaker 1: when she apologizes to like that and you see that
Speaker 1: she genuinely wasn't trying to hurt your feelings or like
Speaker 1: just did it unknowingly? Do you guys just like give
Speaker 1: each other hugging, like all right, like let's start over
Speaker 1: or okay, you know when you would just say I
Speaker 1: understand or is it something where you kind of hold
Speaker 1: a grudge on it and then you guys have a
Speaker 1: chip on the rest of the day. By the way,
Speaker 1: I wasn't like hey, I was like, hey, good morning.
Speaker 1: Like I wasn't like super friendly, but I wasn't super
Speaker 1: bitchy either, you know. I was like, I was like
Speaker 1: in the middle. So I was like it made me
Speaker 1: sound really bitchy. And then I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: don't like that. Like you know, I was like I
Speaker 1: would never say hey, Like you know, I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: great question, like the perfect pitch for you, just to
Speaker 1: wonder how mad she kissed me? Right, and yes, exact
Speaker 1: great question. And we both we've done both. We've had
Speaker 1: those moments where we've apologized, Hey, I'm sorry, I was
Speaker 1: just annoyed. All right, love you, We're good. Um that morning,
Speaker 1: I think again, when it's depending on the situation, like
Speaker 1: I said, for me, underneath of it was validated the fear.
Speaker 1: It's like the one morning I chose to sleep in,
Speaker 1: you know, regardless of all the other mornings that I
Speaker 1: get up for or and get the kids, it's already
Speaker 1: held against me. I make up this story that she's
Speaker 1: that way because of me, because she had to get up,
Speaker 1: and and then when she adds on top of it,
Speaker 1: you know, going straight and I this goes back to
Speaker 1: my childhood. I hate being bombarded. Like even when my
Speaker 1: parents give me chores, I'm like, look, give me one
Speaker 1: at a time. Don't tell me, hey, do this after that,
Speaker 1: you need to do this, after that, you need to
Speaker 1: do this, and so on top of that, Jana has
Speaker 1: given me like two three things on top of what's
Speaker 1: going on, and I'm just like shutting down for sure.
Speaker 1: And I totally see that, and I like, I super
Speaker 1: apologize for that because I can see that, and I
Speaker 1: remember being like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. But
Speaker 1: I feel like by that point, it's like the first
Speaker 1: thing I said, it was already out the window. I
Speaker 1: had that I had, and I kept apologizing, and I
Speaker 1: was just like and I almost kept digging because I
Speaker 1: was apologizing more. And I think it made him because
Speaker 1: maybe from Mike's point of view, he's like, well, you
Speaker 1: said it, so there was some truth story. You said
Speaker 1: it in that tone, so you must have had something,
Speaker 1: you know, and there wasn't. I was just like right.
Speaker 1: And the fact that, like she said, even though she
Speaker 1: was apologizing, she was taking deeper because because then she
Speaker 1: was saying things like, well, Jolie hijack the morning. I
Speaker 1: was like, even if Julie came in, okay, be frustrated
Speaker 1: with Jolie, don't take that out on me like I
Speaker 1: wouldn't take that out on you, you know, So it's
Speaker 1: like I felt like it was just defensive excuses that
Speaker 1: I'm like, why can't you just say I'm really sorry?
Speaker 1: I came in that way I was frustrated with Jolie,
Speaker 1: But can we start the day over? And I think
Speaker 1: that's and I think that's where we can do better
Speaker 1: as a couple to where we you know, we both
Speaker 1: can say I can say that, and then also like
Speaker 1: if I if I can't meet me there, then you
Speaker 1: can say, hey, I'm sorry that really frustrated me, and
Speaker 1: like to speak your feelings too, because like I didn't
Speaker 1: know that you were because I ended up saying I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: and you know, you didn't tell me that you were upset,
Speaker 1: so it was just like then you didn't express your feelings.
Speaker 1: So I think it's just about like staying on top
Speaker 1: of your feelings well. And I think it's also of
Speaker 1: the perfect example of you let out your frustrations on
Speaker 1: no matter who it's with, with the person you're closest to,
Speaker 1: right like something's going wrong, Like you know, Ryan will
Speaker 1: come home from work and he's just like, oh hey,
Speaker 1: and I'm thinking, like, oh hey, but it's because he's
Speaker 1: been talking and like all day and it's not right.
Speaker 1: It's not towards me. So then I'm like okay. But
Speaker 1: then I'm like, but that's like when I was working,
Speaker 1: I like I can I can see it, like you
Speaker 1: kind of like put down your wall and your frustration.
Speaker 1: And I just think everybody takes it personally because we
Speaker 1: all want, you know, But I know I've been guilty
Speaker 1: of it the other way. I've been like being like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: well I'm doing X, Y and Z, you know. So
Speaker 1: I think that's a tough thing to we take out,
Speaker 1: you know, how mad we are, or like if the kids,
Speaker 1: like you said, munturely hijacked it, like I know when
Speaker 1: I'm frustrated with the kids, and then Ryan says something,
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, and he kind of like laughs at
Speaker 1: me almost because he's just like wait a minute, Like
Speaker 1: I totally was not the one that was just in
Speaker 1: trouble right now. I'm like, Okay, you're right, you know,
Speaker 1: but I mean I just think that's anything, right, like
Speaker 1: your kids crying in front of you more than anyone
Speaker 1: because it's like safe zone. I just think you nood
Speaker 1: question you wanna take one more break and then get
Speaker 1: to some of these. Okay, alright, so have a good
Speaker 1: DM that just came to the Wine Down podcast Instagram.
Speaker 1: How do you handle when you have different parenting views
Speaker 1: with your spouse? I e. My husband and I disagree
Speaker 1: on what our toildler can and cannot eat in the
Speaker 1: size of the bites. However, my husband never feeds him
Speaker 1: but always puts his two cents in or thinks he's
Speaker 1: choking every time he coughs when eating. Honestly, this sounds
Speaker 1: so dumb as I type it, but it drives me crazy.
Speaker 1: And yes, I've told my husband he can eat certain
Speaker 1: things um or fine, you feed him, but we always
Speaker 1: are in this cycle. So how do you guys deal
Speaker 1: with different parenting views with your spouse. Let me just
Speaker 1: say this in response, I can't defend this guy. He
Speaker 1: needs to shut the hell up if he's not if
Speaker 1: he's not the one being or picking the foods, like,
Speaker 1: shut up. You don't know how manager and that and
Speaker 1: that's just again from from our relationship, from us doing
Speaker 1: a lot of things equally. I just if it's something
Speaker 1: that Janna slowly does, I trust her to do that. Now,
Speaker 1: if it's something I solely do. Jenna is inquisitive and
Speaker 1: still wants to ask questions and challenge at times, but
Speaker 1: that respectfully. If you disagree to it, respectfully, don't do
Speaker 1: it in a way not collaborative or counterproductive, or especially
Speaker 1: in front of the child in a hole. Do you
Speaker 1: guys have any issues with y'all's husbands at all about
Speaker 1: just parenting differently? Well, I know we were talking earlier
Speaker 1: about Yeah, I think I know what she weirds she's
Speaker 1: coming from. It's a little different. I totally agree with
Speaker 1: with Mike and you guys what you're saying if you're
Speaker 1: not going to participate in it, like but out of
Speaker 1: having an opinion on it. But in terms of different parents,
Speaker 1: it's the same thing. Like my husband loves junk food
Speaker 1: and I just didn't grow up with junk food. Like
Speaker 1: we never had um pop in our house. We never
Speaker 1: had junk food in our house. It was just something
Speaker 1: that I like never grew up with. And we never
Speaker 1: really had candy in our house. Like we definitely had
Speaker 1: like pastries and things like that, which is probably why
Speaker 1: I'm addicted to cake. But like it's just something that
Speaker 1: I don't see is valuable for the kids in their lifestyle,
Speaker 1: especially when they're babies, Like they just don't need sugar,
Speaker 1: they don't need inflammatory foods, you know, when they're diet So,
Speaker 1: like I was telling you guys earlier, you know, my
Speaker 1: husband will secretly give our kids oreos or something like that,
Speaker 1: and like, like Mike, you just gave a judging parents.
Speaker 1: It was like, because I mean, I like some junk food,
Speaker 1: but still I'm not like giving it, sneaking it to
Speaker 1: the kids. I just feel if it's going to be
Speaker 1: healthy for them, I mean I'm not I'm not crazy
Speaker 1: about it. Obviously, they eat ice cream, they eat cake,
Speaker 1: they eat other things. But it's just like it can
Speaker 1: be a treat, you know, if she does something great,
Speaker 1: if our kids do something great, it can be like
Speaker 1: that's a great treat to give her an oreo, give
Speaker 1: her Eminem's or something like that. But she doesn't need
Speaker 1: to just at in the morning have an oreo for
Speaker 1: you know. So you guys are laughing, okay. A confession
Speaker 1: of a time when you think you were a bad mom,
Speaker 1: or a funny mistake you did as a parent. A
Speaker 1: confession of a time when you think you are a
Speaker 1: bad mom. What day of the week, honestly, it's like
Speaker 1: I try so hard not to ye like my that's
Speaker 1: just me in my in my house with my children,
Speaker 1: and I know what works for my for my children,
Speaker 1: right is like at least my son who's four and half,
Speaker 1: is that if he sees any inflection if I raised
Speaker 1: my voice, it's over like I just made it worse.
Speaker 1: Like if there's like I blew it up. Right. So
Speaker 1: I remember telling this to the girls a while ago,
Speaker 1: and he was it was he was probably like it
Speaker 1: was probably a year ago, and it was when eight
Speaker 1: my daughters too now, but it was when she was
Speaker 1: a baby and I'm trying to get hurt a nap
Speaker 1: and he's like not napping, coming out of his room
Speaker 1: like and I literally ended up literally like jumping in
Speaker 1: his room like or like screaming, like jumping up. And
Speaker 1: now I'm being like, you test me to go to bed?
Speaker 1: I mean, is four jumping like a crazy person? Like
Speaker 1: that is not the mom I want to be. I
Speaker 1: do a lot of yoga. I do a lot of yoga.
Speaker 1: Yoga is a big part of my wife. Like Mike,
Speaker 1: you Janna said you do meditation or whatever like that.
Speaker 1: I'm trying not to be that person and oh was
Speaker 1: I that person? And I felt so bad about it,
Speaker 1: But part of it was like that release, like you
Speaker 1: try so hard to be so good and then I'm
Speaker 1: a mom like jumping on the floor of my chuck
Speaker 1: my hands and you're like, any thank you, Rachel. That
Speaker 1: was perfect. Maybe he needed it, Maybe he needed that,
Speaker 1: like he needed to know that mommy needed a break.
Speaker 1: And you know, yeah, I can picture doing it. I
Speaker 1: do not make my child wash her hands every time
Speaker 1: she goes through the bathroom because she doesn't even touch anything. Confession.
Speaker 1: I mean same with us. I think for sure. We
Speaker 1: never Jually is like I'm going to the bathroom. We're like, okay,
Speaker 1: she comes out, Oh my god, I'm dying. You know,
Speaker 1: it's tough. It's tough. There's the soap shortest. We told
Speaker 1: our kids couch it's twenty So every time our son
Speaker 1: is like one to three, I walk in, he's just
Speaker 1: standing there comfy. I'm like, you have to actually wash her,
Speaker 1: roll that in and then he's like, I'm doing such
Speaker 1: a good job. What do you have to scrub? You
Speaker 1: have to scrub. We have done a really bad job
Speaker 1: of brushing Jolie's teeth in the morning. Oh same, we don't.
Speaker 1: We just gred to each other, were like, we need
Speaker 1: to start morning because we do really well at night,
Speaker 1: all night, all the time, but the morning. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I brush my teeth in the morning.
Speaker 1: So the best is when we're in bed at night
Speaker 1: and I get have to brush my teeth. And I'm
Speaker 1: so crazy about brushing teeth. I do it multiple times
Speaker 1: a day. Jane, I'll hear gen Si that means I
Speaker 1: have to brush my teeth. Well, why we're growing adults.
Speaker 1: Why are you sign about you don't want to brush
Speaker 1: my teeth with your parents? All right? I have one.
Speaker 1: This was just last week. Oh no, I told I
Speaker 1: think I told you about it. So um Julie. Julie
Speaker 1: was taking or Julie and I were taking a shower,
Speaker 1: which just another topic like what age do you stop
Speaker 1: taking a shower with your anyways? Well, well up, time out,
Speaker 1: time out about showers, Jolie, Um, Jolie has called you
Speaker 1: all threeams. Michael was changing Jason's diaper and he's like,
Speaker 1: j C. Penis penus pani is really small and he goes,
Speaker 1: daddy perdus purus. I was like, and then Julie started
Speaker 1: doing it. Yeah, and then then then Julie starts walking
Speaker 1: around going, daddy, Penis, I was a call. Wait, do
Speaker 1: get that call from pre school? Do you get that
Speaker 1: call from pre school? I guess I got two parent faws. Okay,
Speaker 1: So last week, so Janna is given Jason bath upstairs. Um,
Speaker 1: Julie likes to take a shower in our shower sometimes,
Speaker 1: so I'm like, all right, Daddy, take a shower with you.
Speaker 1: I gotta shower anyway. And she was just having a fit.
Speaker 1: She did not want to wash her hair. She'd not
Speaker 1: want to soaps. You don't want to listen. So Julie
Speaker 1: has this thing right now where when she's upset with us,
Speaker 1: she goes like I want Nana, Papa, Machelle, every person
Speaker 1: in her life, every other person in her life but us,
Speaker 1: And even she says, ain't my angel, which is our
Speaker 1: friends who has a farm and a horse, and she
Speaker 1: just took over a horse. She's like, I want my angel.
Speaker 1: So she's screaming this. So instead of the like Jolie like,
Speaker 1: just take a shower, I start mocking her and seeing
Speaker 1: it back to her, I'm like She's like, i I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: She's just screaming at the top of her lungs, just
Speaker 1: echoing in the shower, killing our ear drums, and I'm
Speaker 1: just giving it right back to her. I mean it
Speaker 1: was hilarious. But afterwards, I was like, man, I probably
Speaker 1: wasn't the right thing to do, but it was fun
Speaker 1: join them. I was like, we're both about to have
Speaker 1: a fit right now, let's do this, guys. Well, this
Speaker 1: has been so much fun, and honestly, there's so much
Speaker 1: more that I want to talk about from you know,
Speaker 1: how Jason is becoming a monster eighteen months and breaking
Speaker 1: my heart and like it's just a real sad day
Speaker 1: in the house. Um, can we part part two this later?
Speaker 1: I would love to part two, that the part three
Speaker 1: and part for it. I really hope that you guys
Speaker 1: loved this. Oh wait, there was one last question. Did
Speaker 1: I just want to ask the person goes, what was
Speaker 1: Janna like in high school? You would leave this to
Speaker 1: the end? Okay? I just got arow whole newspaper, remember, yeah,
Speaker 1: we had the one page. It was like, remember remember
Speaker 1: when Janna cried because Anthew would always break my heart always?
Speaker 1: But then Jane's was remember when I cried and I
Speaker 1: cried linked them. I was an emotional being. It was
Speaker 1: an emotional We've all evolved for the better. But no,
Speaker 1: no I saying bad. I'm just saying, you know, we've
Speaker 1: kept some things, am I emotional? All Right? Well that
Speaker 1: was fun, Um, Rachel, Lisa, Chelsea, Andrea. I would love
Speaker 1: to do this again. Um, I hope you guys love
Speaker 1: this again. D M s at the wind Down Podcast
Speaker 1: Instagram and um, this was a lot of fun. Seriously,
Speaker 1: I've I've written down a few more things in my
Speaker 1: phone that I'd love to talk about, just about parenting
Speaker 1: in general. And yeah, I think this is great. I
Speaker 1: think the listeners will really enjoy this. Alright. Alright, um,
Speaker 1: stay tuned. Bye ladies, than you. Bye,