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Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi. What's going on? Chelsea? Catherine? Chelsea Here,

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Speaker 1: Catherine here, Hi, It's nice to meet you.

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Speaker 2: Well, hello and goodbye because you're off to Spain.

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Speaker 1: Hey, estado, precticondo mi espanol, toto por semana. I am

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Speaker 1: in the thick of it. We be in Chelsea.

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Speaker 2: You have been preparing for this for some time.

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Speaker 1: A few months.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I feel like I've been pregnant or

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Speaker 3: something something like that. Drastic has happened to me. I'm

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Speaker 3: carrying a lot of weight on my shoulders and I'd

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Speaker 3: like to drop it. So that's what I'm going to do.

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Speaker 3: But I'm having a very Some of my niece and

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Speaker 3: nephews have arrived and we've already had some really good laughs.

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Speaker 3: So we're off to a good start. And my brother

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Speaker 3: is really a lot more fun without his wife. So

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Speaker 3: I'd like to make sure I put that out there

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Speaker 3: on record.

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Speaker 1: I'll bet.

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Speaker 4: So.

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Speaker 2: Have you been up the mountain yet on your e bike?

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Speaker 1: You know, I have sister, you know what. That's how

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Speaker 1: I test for COVID. I take a really long bike

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Speaker 1: ride and then if I feel better, it will feel

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Speaker 1: good after I'm like, all right, I must be I

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Speaker 1: must not be.

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Speaker 2: Set exactly a long bike ride and then you come

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Speaker 2: back and have a little apparel.

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Speaker 1: Spring surprise, surprise. We ran out of beer on the

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Speaker 1: very first day with my nephews, so they're clearly going

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Speaker 1: to cost me about ten thousand dollars just with alcohol.

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Speaker 1: I'd rather give that to some charity, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean?

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Speaker 2: Well, and how long is your drug stash going to

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Speaker 2: last this time? I mean you got to corrupt your

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Speaker 2: nieces and nephews somehow.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I have a supply for a long time, and

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Speaker 3: I have a drug dealer in Spain, so it's not

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Speaker 3: a problem. And now my Spanish is so good, I

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Speaker 3: can just get um if I need them.

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Speaker 2: Ooh, that's drug us, Master Goss, Is that what it is? Well,

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Speaker 2: let's talk about our very exciting guests we have today.

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Speaker 3: Well always, it's always an exciting guest, and we always

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Speaker 3: say that because it is exciting, because otherwise they wouldn't

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Speaker 3: be here.

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Speaker 1: We wouldn't be talking to people that didn't excite us.

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Speaker 3: Our guest today stars as the inimitable Susie Green on

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Speaker 3: Curb Your Enthusiasm. Please welcome actress and comedians Susie es

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Speaker 3: Men I'm sitting with Susie s Men, this is a

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Speaker 3: late stage marriage.

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Speaker 1: That you You got married when you were fifty three

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Speaker 1: years old. Yeah, I met him at forty eight. Forty eight, OK,

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Speaker 1: I just want to follow this trajectory. Here's what I'll say. Now,

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Speaker 1: I don't know you well at all, barely, but I

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Speaker 1: just know from what I've read, you've choose people that

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Speaker 1: I would never go out with, like at work, executives,

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Speaker 1: comedian rapper. Here's my theory. There's it's not my theory.

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Speaker 1: It's like a known thing. There's the gardener, and there's

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Speaker 1: the flower. You're a flower. You need a fucking gardener.

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Speaker 1: I do need a gardener. Yeah. And these high powered

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Speaker 1: guys they want to be flowered all the time. Like

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Speaker 1: most men, they want to deflower.

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Speaker 3: They want to deflower, and then they want to be

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Speaker 3: the flower exactly. But some high powered men are very

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Speaker 3: good at gardening because that's why they're in the position

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Speaker 3: in the first place. Like if they're an executive, they're

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Speaker 3: used to dealing with talent and they know how to

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Speaker 3: deal with like personalities a large person.

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Speaker 1: There's still an ego.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, Absolutely every person I've dated was a mistake.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so now we have to find you like a guy. Guy.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I want to know about your guy. I want

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Speaker 3: to know you met him when you're forty eight.

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Speaker 1: Break it down. What happens? Okay, he was the brother

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Speaker 1: of We're good. It was a mosquito? Was it really

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Speaker 1: a mosquito? Because they love me? Man, they just eat?

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Speaker 1: What do you think this is on my forehead? Susie's

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Speaker 1: looking at a boulder. But I've noticed though, there used

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Speaker 1: to be no mosquitoes in La and now this mosquito.

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Speaker 1: That's right, they're all be warming. I met him his

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Speaker 1: gay brother was one of my best friends, so we

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Speaker 1: had references. You need references. I don't sleep with his

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Speaker 1: gay brother ever. No, No, I'm not attracted to gay men.

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Speaker 1: I like a man who, like you know, wants to

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Speaker 1: be with women's Yeah, you know, you can always tell

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Speaker 1: when a man is not into a woman's body. I know,

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Speaker 1: I know it's really disappointing.

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Speaker 3: And I can also tell when you know how men

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Speaker 3: are supposed to be like butt men or boob men.

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Speaker 1: I'm boobs. I don't have a butt.

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Speaker 3: So when a man is a buttman with me, I'm

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Speaker 3: very confused because I think i'm like giving them this

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Speaker 3: great present, Like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well you are looking at the gorge and they're.

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Speaker 3: Real, they're natural, they're up, they're ready to rumble. But

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Speaker 3: what's more interesting is that you are now a stepmother. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I raised the kids for how long did you raise

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Speaker 3: those Well.

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Speaker 1: I mean they were like when I met them, they

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Speaker 1: were ten, twelve, fourteen, fifteen. You know, now they're adults.

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Speaker 1: Now they're thirty thirty three, thirty five, thirty six like that.

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Speaker 1: Now you know I had them for all those good

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Speaker 1: teen years. Oh yeah, I never wanted kids. I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't agree with it. I never wanted kids, and

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Speaker 1: I never you know, I mean I was the thing

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Speaker 1: about a relationship when you're a comedian, is I think

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Speaker 1: that men are intimidated by funny women. Yes, so you

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Speaker 1: need a really secure guy, right, and you need a

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Speaker 1: guy like my husband. He just loves all the attention

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Speaker 1: I get, like annoyingly so that he like brags about

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Speaker 1: me too much. Well, that's adorable. It's very cute. He's

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Speaker 1: very he's also cute. I'm also you know, I'm only

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Speaker 1: attracted to good looking guys.

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Speaker 3: I know, I know I have I have a history

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Speaker 3: of Yeah, my history is all over the shop. But

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Speaker 3: I think that's also a good thing because I'm pretty

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Speaker 3: open minded, like I'll try anything for a.

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Speaker 1: Little bit and then I'm like, oh no. But but also, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: the paper thing, Fuck the paper? What paper?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 1: What are they good on paper? That bullshit?

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Speaker 3: Oh no, I don't have attention to it. Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: have paying attention to my feelings, my instinct. You have

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Speaker 3: to be attracted in the beginning, well, you have to.

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Speaker 3: You can build attraction to someone. I wasn't attracted to

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Speaker 3: my last long term boyfriend in the beginning and over

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Speaker 3: time when you became friends and it just like hit

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Speaker 3: me one day, and that has something that was something

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Speaker 3: that never happened to me. Because I believe that too,

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Speaker 3: that you had to be instantly attacked, and I feel

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Speaker 3: like that can develop when you have a very close

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Speaker 3: friendship with someone, although I prefer to be instantly Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well, but there's got to be attraction when you sleep

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Speaker 1: with them, Well, when you have sex with them, yes.

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Speaker 3: But if you're hanging out with someone as a friend,

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Speaker 3: it can develop into romantic feelings without having had slept together.

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Speaker 1: That's probably true. It's never happened.

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Speaker 3: It never happened to you. Yeah, so when you met

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Speaker 3: your husband, you knew he had kids. Your your friends,

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Speaker 3: I believe, were a little hesitant to even introduce.

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Speaker 1: His brother was hesitant. But his brother's now husband and

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Speaker 1: boyfriend was a casting director, and he said, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: like this guy. And I thought, well, he's in casting,

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Speaker 1: he knows how to do that, right, that's a good point.

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Speaker 1: So I listened to him and I made sure to

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Speaker 1: meet him, and then I thought he was so cute.

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Speaker 1: And then I thought I was just gonna have a

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Speaker 1: fling with him because he had four kids and he

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Speaker 1: lived up state, and it was like, you know, he

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Speaker 1: was totally horrible on paper. But I used to have

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Speaker 1: a bit in my act but I would say, but

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Speaker 1: you know, you can't fuck paper, so you know. But

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Speaker 1: so I just thought I was going to have a

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Speaker 1: fling with him. And then I don't know what happened.

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Speaker 1: I guess I was time. It was I was ready

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Speaker 1: for something different. So I raised kids. I know, that's amazing.

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Speaker 3: I know, teenage where they girls and boys men three

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Speaker 3: girls that have boren But like now, I really like

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Speaker 3: having an adult relationship with them.

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Speaker 1: But the teenage thing. And then we had a house

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Speaker 1: in the suburbs, and I don't know who I was,

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Speaker 1: but then I was. I was still back and forth

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Speaker 1: to LA and doing curb and doing stand up, and

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Speaker 1: they gave me all new material that.

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Speaker 3: Was the beautiors of course. Yeah, kids are really they

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Speaker 3: give you a lot, they do. I mean, they take

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Speaker 3: a lot of energy and stamina, you know, when you're

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Speaker 3: on the road, like I have a lot of friends

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Speaker 3: kids that I hang out with, my ex boyfriend's kids

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Speaker 3: I'm very close with. Yeah, and when I have them

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Speaker 3: with me traveling, you are forced to do way more

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Speaker 3: than you would do.

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Speaker 1: On your own life, and pay more attention and get

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Speaker 1: up out of bed. But I see never sitting on

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Speaker 1: toddlers and little kids. No, Oh, that's just diper No, No,

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Speaker 1: why did you never want to have kids? I have

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Speaker 1: never had the inclination.

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Speaker 3: I just too, I love my life, and I just

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Speaker 3: always saw myself as like this woman who was never

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Speaker 3: going to be.

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Speaker 1: Tethered to a man or to a child.

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Speaker 3: Probably just a direct reaction to my own childhood because

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Speaker 3: there were so many kids in our family, six and

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Speaker 3: I was like, either I'm going to do that or

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Speaker 3: I'm going to do the opposite.

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Speaker 1: Did you have good parents? Well, I mean.

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Speaker 3: They meant well, you know, they weren't terrible, but they

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Speaker 3: weren't ideal.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well ideal, what's ideal? Exactly? There was a lot

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Speaker 1: of love.

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Speaker 3: My dad was Jewish, my mom was Mormon, so there

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Speaker 3: was a lot of nonsense. But we had a pretty

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Speaker 3: happy childhood. There was a lot of happiness, a lot

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Speaker 3: of love in our family were very close. Speaking of families, though,

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Speaker 3: I have to ask you about Bruce Springsteen and your

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Speaker 3: scenes with him, because that was so fucking funny with

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Speaker 3: Bruce on Curb.

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Speaker 1: You know, he was amazing. He is he was amazing.

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Speaker 1: I mean, okay, he does write all his own Bruce

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Speaker 1: Springsteam we're talking about. Yeah, he does write all his

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Speaker 1: own songs, and he did do a one man show

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Speaker 1: on Broadway. But he's never been in any kind of

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Speaker 1: TV or film ever. He told me he's never done

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Speaker 1: something like this before. And he was incredibly relaxing, you know,

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Speaker 1: as you know, we're all improvisedes. No, he couldn't learn dialogue.

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Speaker 1: He just had to sit there and he just picked

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Speaker 1: it up so quickly, and it was you know, you

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Speaker 1: just never know how somebody It was not a comic

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Speaker 1: is going to improve, it's going to improvise. And he

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Speaker 1: was great. And you know he said to me before

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Speaker 1: I before I left, he said to me, can I

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Speaker 1: take a selfie with you? I was like, no, I

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Speaker 1: don't take selfie. He was so humble.

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Speaker 3: I know he's so I mean, have you seen him

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Speaker 3: per formats? And of course he's so fucking awesome to watch.

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Speaker 1: I saw him before for the first time last summer,

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Speaker 1: this past summer in and then again in Hyde Park

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Speaker 1: like in two weeks apart, and I will Hide Park

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Speaker 1: in London, Yes, and I will forever be a Bruce

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Speaker 1: Springstein family. That guy fucking plays for three hours and

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Speaker 1: sometimes four hours. He's seven and four youngster. I know

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Speaker 1: people talking about that who went to the Stones last weekend.

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Speaker 1: They were saying they were like, you know they what

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Speaker 1: are they in the nineties now, No, the eighties, but

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Speaker 1: they said they were like, you know, on stage forever

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Speaker 1: and just energy and I can't do that. Well, what

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Speaker 1: is Mick?

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Speaker 3: Mick Jagger is like a live carcass dancing around on

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Speaker 3: the stage. I mean, have you ever seen a body

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Speaker 3: that looks that frail, that is able to move in

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Speaker 3: such with such volocity, sterity.

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Speaker 1: No, I haven't, and not to mention the abuse of

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Speaker 1: all those years of abuse. I know they say they

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Speaker 1: get dryed.

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Speaker 3: I've heard multiple times that they get some sort of

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Speaker 3: blood transfusion, going, oh yeah, all the meds are like,

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Speaker 3: the medics are there.

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Speaker 1: This is when the Eagles play too. There's always like

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Speaker 1: they're realer doctors just in case something, you know, they

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Speaker 1: get like they pass out or whatever.

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Speaker 3: But stand ups should happen, no kidding, I mean we

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Speaker 3: need something because we're traveling.

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Speaker 1: Just what's the longest show you've ever done? Probably like

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Speaker 1: an hour and forty minutes. That's long, but that's the longest.

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Speaker 1: That's long. The difference is you're up there all by yourself.

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Speaker 1: I mean, they got musicians, and you know, it's very

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Speaker 1: different being a musician than a comic. But I also,

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Speaker 1: we're not dancing. We're not singing, and we're not Some

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Speaker 1: comics are dancing, well, I wish I.

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Speaker 3: Wish they would stop as well, but dancing singing like,

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Speaker 3: it's definitely easier to do stand up.

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Speaker 1: You're just I don't think so, Chelsea, Really, I don't

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Speaker 1: think so. I think you're yees yes, physically you're up

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Speaker 1: there standing with the mic in your hand. You know,

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Speaker 1: I've never been one of these physical, you know, comics.

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Speaker 1: But I just think stand up is so much harder

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Speaker 1: than doing music because you got to get that laugh

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Speaker 1: and you're by yourself. When you go to like a

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Speaker 1: cafe or something, you see a combo, people are talking

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Speaker 1: and they're just singing. They're all playing. They don't care

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Speaker 1: if that was up on stage and they're all talking.

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Speaker 1: We can't handle that. No, No, you're absolutely right, and

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Speaker 1: you got to get that left what every fifteen twenty seconds?

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Speaker 1: I was. I was on stage the other night at

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Speaker 1: a show, and I remember thinking, I can't believe I'm

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Speaker 1: supposed to be I'm the only one here to entertain

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Speaker 1: this exactly, like it's completely on my shoulders. If this

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Speaker 1: doesn't go, well, I don't do it anymore. You don't know,

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Speaker 1: you don't do stand up anymore. I didn't know that. Yeah, Oh,

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Speaker 1: why are you over it? Yeah? Really, it just stopped.

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Speaker 1: You know a lot of things. I think that I

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Speaker 1: was too addicted to the killing, and I got stale,

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Speaker 1: and then I just wasn't that interested. It wasn't that

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Speaker 1: creatively interesting, And it's just you know, I suffer from

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Speaker 1: stage fright, and it was just so hard and if it

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Speaker 1: wasn't creatively interesting. You know, my manager hates it because

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Speaker 1: he's like, you can make a lot of money now,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 3: I once quit stand up and all they did, I

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Speaker 3: mean I took a break for like six years, and

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Speaker 3: all they did was my reps, like you need to

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Speaker 3: go back.

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Speaker 1: You're leaving money on the table.

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Speaker 3: It's so much money to leave on the table, exactly,

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Speaker 3: And I was like, I don't have anything to say.

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Speaker 1: I felt very sad. That's how I were saying right now.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it'll change, but that's how I feel right now.

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Speaker 3: I think creative stuff comes in bursts, you know. I

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Speaker 3: think we all have bursts of creativity when we feel

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Speaker 3: really like passionate about doing stuff, and then there's a retreat.

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Speaker 1: You know a lot of times I'm retreated right now.

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Speaker 1: I get it, and I feel I feel sad about

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Speaker 1: it a little bit because there is something so great

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Speaker 1: about it.

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Speaker 3: Well, you're providing joy, yeah, and the most nicest way

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Speaker 3: to describe it as you are providing a joy and

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Speaker 3: a reprieve for other people. And I feel like for

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Speaker 3: me when I went back to stand up, it was

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Speaker 3: because I felt like I was helping, you know what

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Speaker 3: I mean.

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Speaker 1: I used to think that, you know, all those nights

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Speaker 1: when you don't want to go on and I remember

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Speaker 1: standing backstage and I'm just like, all right, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: go unclog some arteries now, you know. That would like

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Speaker 1: get me going. But the thought of having not done

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Speaker 1: it for like five six years, the thought of getting back,

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Speaker 1: how did you get back? I did a book I

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Speaker 1: did I wrote like my last book, and I did

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Speaker 1: a speaking engagement tour, yeah, where I had different celebrities

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Speaker 1: and all author's interview me on stage. Yeah. And then

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Speaker 1: if you have a podium, it's a thing of yes yes.

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Speaker 3: And while I did that, I just collected the material

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Speaker 3: through the conversation for my stand up, you know what

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Speaker 3: I mean.

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Speaker 1: That's just smart, that's really smart.

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Speaker 3: It was actually really a good way for me to

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Speaker 3: get back in because I also was scared to get

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Speaker 3: back on stage.

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Speaker 1: Of course, if you haven't been on stage for rights,

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Speaker 1: I'll do the evening with thing where somebody's in I

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Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, of course, you know it takes it's

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Speaker 1: the onus is off you exactly. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I want to go back to kurb because it's my

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Speaker 3: one of my favorite shows, and it's so fucking funny

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Speaker 3: and I love I remember auditioning for Larry once when

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Speaker 3: I was like twenty five, and I was so excited

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Speaker 3: because improv is all I want to do.

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Speaker 1: I love improv. I hate scripts.

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Speaker 3: I hate you know, it's so much easier just to

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Speaker 3: fucking like what you do on the show, which is

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Speaker 3: go off on whatever.

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Speaker 1: It is that you don't have to. You don't have

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Speaker 1: to lie in bed the night before and go over

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Speaker 1: your lines and be nervous that you're not going to

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Speaker 1: remember them, because I'm horrible about that. And it's not

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Speaker 1: just that you don't have to learn a line, it's

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Speaker 1: that you get to you get to be part of

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Speaker 1: the creative process. I mean, you get to write your

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Speaker 1: own material, right, which is what we do exactly. And

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Speaker 1: you've called Larry a genius. Yeah, you think he's a genius.

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Speaker 1: I do. I do because when I read, you know,

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Speaker 1: we have an outline, as you know, there's like a

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Speaker 1: very detailed outline. You know, every paragraph correlates to a scene,

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Speaker 1: and so you know what the scene is about. And

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Speaker 1: when I read the outlines, I can't figure out how

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Speaker 1: he did it. It's transcendent. And I have a comic

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Speaker 1: brain and I can't figure out how he did it.

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Speaker 1: And it's just he's a genius at story. He's a genius.

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Speaker 3: It's pretty interesting to talk to anytime I see him

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Speaker 3: in public. He's always just very interesting to listen to,

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Speaker 3: you know, to ask questions too well.

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Speaker 1: His brain works in a different way, and that's what

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Speaker 1: I think is genius. And you've been on the show

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Speaker 1: for twenty plus years? How many? Four years? Twenty four years?

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Speaker 1: Twelve seasons?

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Speaker 3: WHOA, yeah, and you were a day player when you started.

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Speaker 3: So when did you start? When did you get a contract?

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Speaker 1: Season eight?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Godb yeah? But you know what I was. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I was guest star. I was like day scale for

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Speaker 1: like the first three seats. I made no money on

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Speaker 1: that show for like the very beginning. But they made

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Speaker 1: up for it. It's fine. Oh they did it because

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Speaker 1: we can always sue them. No, no, no, it's fine.

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Speaker 1: They love to say they've been very good. HBO is

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Speaker 1: a great place. The HBO treats their talent really well.

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Speaker 1: And they've treated me in the in this last incarnation beautifully.

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Speaker 1: I have no complaints.

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Speaker 3: And so you guys just must sit on set and

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Speaker 3: laugh your fucking at you.

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Speaker 1: You show up on set and there's all the people

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Speaker 1: that I came up with and stand up, you know,

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Speaker 1: I mean Larry and John Hayman and Carol Leafer and

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Speaker 1: you know, everybody's on set. I've been working with these

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Speaker 1: people for twenty four years or whatever, and we just laugh.

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Speaker 1: And Larry loves to laugh, and he just you know,

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Speaker 1: whenever he gets yelled at, he just gets the giggles.

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Speaker 1: We just laugh all day. We laugh and we eat.

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Speaker 1: It's the greatest. And for me, I show up and

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Speaker 1: I tell everybody to go fuck themselves, and then they

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Speaker 1: love me for it, and then they give me money

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Speaker 1: and I go home and you get to yell at, Yes,

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Speaker 1: you get to yell at Jeff Garlic. Yea yell at

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Speaker 1: It would be a pleasure for me as well. I'm

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Speaker 1: very invidious of your situation. Yeah, that's exactly the kind

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Speaker 1: of gig I would respect. You would love it.

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Speaker 3: No script, outline, improvise, yell at people and go home.

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Speaker 1: But also it's like more than just yelling at people.

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Speaker 1: There's there's story. You have to push forward. And what

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Speaker 1: Larry sets up with Jeff Schaeffer who's are the ep

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Speaker 1: who writes all the outlines with Larry and he directs

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Speaker 1: almost all the episodes. It's a true situation comedy in

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Speaker 1: the sense that they set up these situations that like

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Speaker 1: in the beginning of the season, I read the outlines

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Speaker 1: that I'm just like, I can't believe what they have

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Speaker 1: me doing this season. Oh I have I have to

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Speaker 1: have vaginal rejuvenation surgery this season. It's like the ship

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Speaker 1: that they get. They give me the funniest shit to do,

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Speaker 1: and I just it's like, I can't wait to get

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Speaker 1: to set and and act out these scenarios. You know.

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Speaker 1: It's just it's like, whatever it is. You know, I

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Speaker 1: guess I'm gonna have to learn signline, which is you know,

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Speaker 1: I just read the outlanes is like I have a

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Speaker 1: caftan business this season. Whatever it is, it's just they

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Speaker 1: give me the funniest stuff to do.

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Speaker 3: On that note, we're going to take a break and

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Speaker 3: we're going to be right back to meet with some

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Speaker 3: callers so Susie can dish out what she's so famous for.

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Speaker 3: No pressure to be a bitch, though, Susie.

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Speaker 5: This week, we're looking for relationship advice. If you're having

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Speaker 5: a problem in your relationship, want to know how to

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Speaker 5: do better or need Chelsea to weigh in on whether

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Speaker 5: you're right about something. Right into Dear Chelsea podcast at

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Speaker 5: gmail dot com and we're back.

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Speaker 1: With Susie s Men. We are back, Catherine. What do

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Speaker 1: we have going on?

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Speaker 2: Well, we've got some women behaving badly, We've got some

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Speaker 2: men behaving badly.

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Speaker 1: So let's start.

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Speaker 2: With a workplace conundrum. Maria says, Dear Chelsea. I work

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Speaker 2: at a small office with six other women. I'm struggling

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Speaker 2: with this one issue that's come to light in the

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Speaker 2: past few months. One of my colleagues, whose single, late forties,

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Speaker 2: beautiful woman, started dating this guy in his mid fifties

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Speaker 2: who claims to be separated from his wife. The guy

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Speaker 2: lives in a different city and he and my coworker

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Speaker 2: only see each other every once in a while. Neither

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Speaker 2: of them are on social media. At first, I was

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Speaker 2: so happy for her, but as time went by, I

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Speaker 2: started noticing that the only time she would see him

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Speaker 2: was when he went to a conference. He would pay

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Speaker 2: for all of her expenses. She'd have the best time,

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Speaker 2: but a few of us in the office started wondering

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Speaker 2: why she was never invited to his city to hang

435
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,000
Speaker 2: out with him at his place.

436
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,119
Speaker 1: Well, we know why, we know why.

437
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,720
Speaker 2: That's when my other colleague asked her what his last

438
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 2: name was. I'm not proud to say we looked him

439
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 2: up and it didn't take us more than five minutes

440
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,399
Speaker 2: to find his adult daughter's Facebook, where she had posted

441
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 2: photos of the most recent family cruise, where he seemed

442
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,879
Speaker 2: pretty cozy with his wife. We wanted to give him

443
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,960
Speaker 2: the benefit of the doubt and thought, maybe they have

444
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,639
Speaker 2: an amicable relationship and still vacation together post separation, or

445
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,240
Speaker 2: maybe it's an open marriage. But if this is the case,

446
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,560
Speaker 2: then why wouldn't he just disclose this to my colleague?

447
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,919
Speaker 2: My question is do I tell my friend. I'm very

448
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,560
Speaker 2: much struggling to believe that she doesn't know about this

449
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,560
Speaker 2: because it took me so little time to find the

450
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,480
Speaker 2: photos online, so I'm not sure I'm ready to tell

451
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,639
Speaker 2: her and confront the fact that she already knows and

452
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,719
Speaker 2: just agrees to continue to see him. My gut feeling

453
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 2: tells me to leave this alone because it's none of

454
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,960
Speaker 2: my business, But as a feminist, I find it very

455
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 2: hard to ignore the fact that this man's actions are

456
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,399
Speaker 2: hurting his wife and honestly my colleague too, who clearly

457
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,680
Speaker 2: doesn't think she deserves an available partner. I'm a huge

458
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 2: fan and would love to hear your thoughts on this, Maria.

459
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what I think. Well, hold on, Maria's here,

460
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:28,520
Speaker 1: hold you marisus Susie, Maria would I the most beautiful

461
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 1: sound I ever heard? Susie is chomping at the Beria.

462
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,840
Speaker 1: Where are you there?

463
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:36,199
Speaker 2: You are?

464
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:43,040
Speaker 1: I understand your concerns, but kill the messenger. I would

465
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,879
Speaker 1: mind your own business. I would tell her, Yeah, you would.

466
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 3: I would because I just as a woman, this is

467
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:53,160
Speaker 3: my philosophy. I feel like, since women are so fucked

468
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,960
Speaker 3: and men are almost fucking us over, if we don't

469
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,399
Speaker 3: have each other to rely on for the truth. And

470
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,119
Speaker 3: I understand you are gonna it is troubling to be

471
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,439
Speaker 3: the messenger, and she might be pissed at you, but

472
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,080
Speaker 3: I would want someone to tell me.

473
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:10,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, but she doesn't know anything firsthand. She just knows

474
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 1: what she found online, right Maria, that's right?

475
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 4: Yes?

476
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, So this so the girlfriend could find the same

477
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:20,160
Speaker 1: information online. Who goes out with somebody doesn't google them? Well,

478
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,480
Speaker 1: lots of people actually, Well they're dumb. Yeah, I don't

479
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:23,360
Speaker 1: google people ever.

480
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 3: Really, the less I know the better, Otherwise I'll find

481
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 3: some ick to be like, forget it. I don't want

482
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,160
Speaker 3: to meet you, you know, if I see a belt

483
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,159
Speaker 3: or like the rum shoe, you know, or if I

484
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 3: see them walk funny have you because you're.

485
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 1: A superficial Chelsea.

486
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean it took me all of eight minutes

487
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,160
Speaker 6: to find this information she wanted to know.

488
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,240
Speaker 1: If she wanted to know, she could find out. If

489
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,680
Speaker 1: you knew this personally, like you knew the guy and

490
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 1: knew the wife would be different to me. But it's

491
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:52,959
Speaker 1: your friend, it's her friend.

492
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,679
Speaker 3: Like, I think you should tell your friend what you

493
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,240
Speaker 3: found and let her see it, Like, yay, I just

494
00:20:58,280 --> 00:20:58,920
Speaker 3: want you to know.

495
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,760
Speaker 1: This is what's the situation is. She's probably gonna stay

496
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 1: in the situation. I mean, but she might not. She

497
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 1: m might know about it already. Do you think she might?

498
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: That's it?

499
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,960
Speaker 6: That's my like, And then it'd be super awkward for

500
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,919
Speaker 6: me to be like, I don't know. I'm struggling with

501
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 6: telling her and her being like uh huh, And I'm like, oh,

502
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 6: all right, I guess we think differently about this, you know.

503
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,680
Speaker 1: Can you anonymously tell her, oh, there's a thought. I

504
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,200
Speaker 1: mean we're a very small office. I mean, yes, splip

505
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 1: her a note.

506
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 3: You could get a fake email address and send her

507
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,600
Speaker 3: the link to his Facebook account or whatever you found

508
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:37,880
Speaker 3: from someone else, right, like from Susiesamon at gmail dot com.

509
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,040
Speaker 1: Or can you just like dig around and to figure

510
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 1: out if she knows? Yeah, I mean if she doesn't know,

511
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,280
Speaker 1: then she's kind of dumb, you know. I mean from

512
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,040
Speaker 1: what you describe that, the red flags are all there,

513
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: which is why you and your other coworkers are looking

514
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 1: into this. Correct, that's right, That is correct.

515
00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's the thing too.

516
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,600
Speaker 6: It's just the last conference they went to, there was

517
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 6: a dinner and she wasn't invited to the dinner. Of

518
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,200
Speaker 6: course she wasn't because she's not the white you know, like.

519
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, how do you not see this? You know,

520
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:13,240
Speaker 1: how old is she? She's forty nine? I think no,

521
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 1: forty eight. She's not a kid. That's not that's not

522
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,879
Speaker 1: good either. No, and you're right, maybe she does know.

523
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: Like how close to a girlfriend is it? Is it

524
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 1: a really close girlfriend or just like more of a

525
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,200
Speaker 1: work colleague friend. No, she's just my colleague we don't

526
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 1: have to know, So maybe she's happy just to get

527
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 1: laid every now and then and go to different conferences.

528
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 3: I still think you should send her an anonymous link,

529
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,240
Speaker 3: get a fake email address and send it to her.

530
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 1: If she's not a really good friend. I think it's

531
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 1: awkward to say something. I do too. That's why the

532
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,200
Speaker 1: anonymous thing is better.

533
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 3: Because she does deserve to know the truth, but you

534
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 3: don't have to be the one giving it to her.

535
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,639
Speaker 3: That way, you don't have to get to deal with

536
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,200
Speaker 3: any of the reverberations of that true.

537
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:51,360
Speaker 1: And I don't want to make it awkward.

538
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:53,239
Speaker 6: You know, if she goes on and she knows I know,

539
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 6: and it's like yeah, every day walking into the office, it.

540
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 2: Would be I do wonder if there's some digging around

541
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 2: the topic that you can do, like where do you

542
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 2: see your relationship going? Do you think you might marry

543
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 2: him one day or that sort of thing, or is

544
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 2: it just for fun?

545
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 1: At that age, I think it's completely reasonable to say,

546
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,680
Speaker 1: has he been married? Does he have kids? I mean,

547
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,000
Speaker 1: the guys know what in his fifties, Yeah he is,

548
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 1: and she knows he has kids. She knows Okay, he

549
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: had a wife that he just says he separated. Well,

550
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 1: maybe he is. Who knows? I would go ahead with

551
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 1: the anonymous and an anonymous email. I think that's a great idea,

552
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 1: and I'm going to start giving that advice to more people. Actually,

553
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,440
Speaker 1: I think that's a really good idea.

554
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 4: I hadn't thought about that.

555
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean a forty nine year old woman. You're

556
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 3: not dealing with a twenty two year old girl. You're

557
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 3: dealing with a woman that might be fine with her.

558
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:37,959
Speaker 3: It might be okay with her, that might be all

559
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 3: she wants that. You know, it's kind of nice not

560
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 3: to have any full commitment to someone who has another family.

561
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 6: I just think about the wife though, Like, you know,

562
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 6: he's not in my business.

563
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 1: But I know that's the thing I feel like all

564
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,920
Speaker 1: women's businesses, all of our business, I know, we don't

565
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,720
Speaker 1: know the information. Maybe the wife can't stand him. Maybe

566
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,959
Speaker 1: the wife does is fine with having him, living with him,

567
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,679
Speaker 1: but doesn't want to have sex with him. You know,

568
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 1: who knows, who knows? They've been together a long time.

569
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 1: Probably you know. The heat doesn't last. No, the heat

570
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 1: does not last.

571
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 6: And social media lized too right the photos I seen,

572
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,120
Speaker 6: she like, they're like very cozy with each other.

573
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 1: But social media social media, right, so well, I don't know.

574
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 3: I mean, that's not a lie necessarily if you're hugging

575
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 3: someone in a photo, I know, and your other colleagues

576
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 3: like coworkers, are on the same page. Yeah, okay, well,

577
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 3: I think you do the anonymous email and then let

578
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 3: us know what happens, let us know what the fallout is.

579
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,879
Speaker 1: I will for sure use my initials.

580
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 3: Ch Okay, it's a lot of great Maria, thank you

581
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 3: so much. By have a good stop interrupting the caller, Susie, Okay, sorry, Maritt,

582
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 3: Oh my god, the heat doesn't last.

583
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 1: What do you do in your relationship to keep the firebird?

584
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 1: You just you kind of You make sure that you

585
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 1: have sex well. Also, you know i'm posting an old lady.

586
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: Now I'm post metapausal. That changes things too, But you

587
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,400
Speaker 1: make sure that you may have dates, and you make

588
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 1: sure to make it happen. It's still enjoyable. It's just

589
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 1: not like it was, you know, in the beginning. I

590
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,680
Speaker 1: know that's why I'm always reluctant to spend a long

591
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,440
Speaker 1: period of time with a man when I'm sexually attracted

592
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 1: to him, because I know it will wane, and I

593
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: want to keep those juices going. Yeah, so I like

594
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 1: three days on and then like two weeks off and

595
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 1: then a vacation. I think that's good.

596
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 3: It just in general that keeps the fire burning, right,

597
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 3: because once you're living with someone, it's over.

598
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 1: But the important thing is to keep the familiarity with

599
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 1: to keep the intimacy without being overly familiar. You know,

600
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 1: when you're overly familiar and then you're infantilized, you become

601
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: mommy and daddy and you're on the toilet. Yeah, exactly right, no, right,

602
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 1: you know, you have to keep a little mystery. You know.

603
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,120
Speaker 1: It's like if I'm not in the mood, all right,

604
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 1: you know, I'll take a little gummy and I'll make

605
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: I'll get in the mood and I'll enjoy myself. It's

606
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 1: just not the way that it was.

607
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 3: It's like pizza, like you know, I think David Tel

608
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,679
Speaker 3: says that all the time. It's like pizza, pussy Santa, like,

609
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 3: all of those things are going to be good once

610
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 3: you go.

611
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 1: And who would go better than David Tell about relationships.

612
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 1: Take relationship advice from David Tell. Okay, what's next? Cotherine?

613
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 2: All right, Well, Our next question is also a caller,

614
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:22,159
Speaker 2: and this question comes from Jess Dear Chelsea. I just

615
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,679
Speaker 2: moved to Montana from Maryland. I randomly thought of the

616
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,120
Speaker 2: idea after Christmas, when my dad and I got into

617
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 2: a huge argument. I finally decided that I want nothing

618
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,119
Speaker 2: to do with him or my biological sister. They were

619
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 2: some of the last people I cut off from my

620
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,880
Speaker 2: life in twenty twenty three. I'm pretty sure I've cut

621
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,400
Speaker 2: ties with ten to thirteen people in the last year.

622
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,640
Speaker 2: I have trauma from my past, but I'm not sure

623
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 2: if that's the reason I've been cutting people off or

624
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 2: if I'm just done with the fuckery. I feel like

625
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,440
Speaker 2: I hit a breaking point where getting close to people

626
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 2: is more.

627
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 1: Annoying than not.

628
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:54,359
Speaker 2: I've always had a lot of friends since grade school,

629
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 2: but now I'm thirty one and I feel like I

630
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 2: just don't have the space to hold for tediousness. People

631
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 2: just don't like an a a female. I even cut

632
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 2: off my therapist after one month because I felt like

633
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 2: she was just a yes man. The thing is everyone

634
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 2: I've cut off for my closest friends, and it feels

635
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,160
Speaker 2: like I hit a switch and suddenly gave no fucks

636
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 2: about maintaining any friendships with them. My question for you

637
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,920
Speaker 2: is am I the problem because I've cut so many

638
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,159
Speaker 2: people off? Or is this just a part of life.

639
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 2: Is running away quietly across the country the right solution?

640
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 2: Or do I need to find closure with everyone. I've

641
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 2: always been the person in my relationships to step forward

642
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 2: and ask to have the awkward conversations. But I'm kind

643
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 2: of sick of being the bigger person and saying I

644
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 2: understand why you did this after they explain themselves and

645
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 2: say sorry. But having cut so many people off, I

646
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 2: have to ask, am I actually the problem?

647
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:44,360
Speaker 1: Jess? It's an interesting one. Mm hmmm, yeah, Hi Jess, Hi,

648
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: how are you? We're good? Hi, how are you? This

649
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,920
Speaker 1: is our special guest Susie today.

650
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 4: As Hi, Susie. Nice to meet you.

651
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 1: Has Montana.

652
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,479
Speaker 4: Oh, today's like one of the first warm days, so

653
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 4: I can't complain.

654
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: Oh nice. My girlfriends in Montana. She just sent me

655
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:00,159
Speaker 1: a video of a rushing river.

656
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, she's on the set of Yellowstone

657
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh, this looks like Yellowstone.

658
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 1: Oh nice, beautiful minus all the Republicans.

659
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly.

660
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 3: So you move from Maryland to Okay, so what's give

661
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 3: us some idea what happened with your sister and your dad?

662
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 4: Okay, sister and my dad. So my dad is pretty

663
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 4: much a con artist. So like sometimes he'll get his

664
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 4: car stolen quote unquote just to get the insurance money back.

665
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,639
Speaker 4: He's fallen in stores before, so those are like the

666
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 4: bigger deals, and my sister just chooses to ignore it.

667
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,359
Speaker 4: Some other things that my dad has done, like on

668
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 4: a smaller scale, would be me coming home. I'm a

669
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 4: massage therapist, so coming home from school with all my

670
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 4: books and him telling me that I'm not going to

671
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 4: make it through school. And then when I bring it

672
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 4: up in the future, he's like, I didn't say that's

673
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 4: pretty much like gas lighting. He was not encouraging, not

674
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 4: encouraging whatsoever. So I just didn't invite him to my graduation,

675
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 4: you know, things like that. And when I do bring

676
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 4: things up to him, he pretends like he never said it.

677
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 4: Not only that, I got a call from one of

678
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 4: my friends saying that my dad was going around offering

679
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 4: to suck a guy's penis out of work where a

680
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 4: lot of my friends have worked at. Right, So like

681
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,480
Speaker 4: I brought it up to his attention he denies the

682
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 4: whole thing.

683
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 1: Well that I understand him denying. And his daughter, do

684
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 1: you know that he's gay or you?

685
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, he oh he is gay. Yeah, but his

686
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 4: partner passed away after twenty years due to an alcohol addiction,

687
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 4: and he's just kind of gone off the reels.

688
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: So he's emotionally unstable. Yeah, your dad is a hot mess.

689
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. And my sister's excuse is that he's somewhere

690
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 4: on the spectrum so he doesn't know any better.

691
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 1: Well, she might be right about that, but that doesn't

692
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 1: matter if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

693
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 4: Right, And like, I mean, I have fifty years old,

694
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 4: you should know better by now, you know?

695
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 1: Well, I know a lot of fifty year olds who

696
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: or sixty or seventy year old who don't know better.

697
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 1: But you know, I think the cutting off of the

698
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 1: family is a little bit of a different issue than

699
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 1: cutting off of the friends.

700
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, talk to us about that, Like why are you

701
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 3: cutting off so many friendships?

702
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:15,800
Speaker 4: I'm cutting off my friendships and a lot a lot

703
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 4: of them are my long term friendships because I feel

704
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 4: like I'm giving, given, giving, and then when I pull back,

705
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 4: I don't get anything in return. Whether it's like materialistic

706
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 4: or like emotional support or anything like that. Some of them,

707
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 4: I'm just like, you're e fin stupid, you.

708
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: Know, Jess. How old are you?

709
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 4: Thirty one?

710
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,520
Speaker 1: Thirty one? Okay, so yeah, on that kind of And

711
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 1: have you made some friends in Montana?

712
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 4: Now, I've been here for about two months and I've

713
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 4: been mingling. I've gone out with a couple of people.

714
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 4: But I'm kind of having a problem of trying to

715
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 4: figure out what I want to accept as friendships and

716
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 4: how much I want to give of myself to other people,

717
00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 4: you know, you.

718
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: Know, I mean, remember a point in my life where

719
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 1: anybody who made me feel icky, I just cut out.

720
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's where I are.

721
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 1: That wasn't everybody, you know, it wasn't.

722
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 4: You know.

723
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: You get to a certain point your life and as

724
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: you move along and you change, and whether it's success

725
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 1: or whatever, people start treating you a little bit differently.

726
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 1: You know. But if you're cutting off, if it's like

727
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 1: across the board everybody, I think you need to look

728
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 1: within a little bit.

729
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 4: Yeah. And I've kept like a few close friends, but

730
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 4: I have had like a big broad spectrum of friends

731
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 4: as well. Everyone always says Jes knows everyone, and so

732
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 4: I've kind of been like that people pleaser of like

733
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,480
Speaker 4: what do you need? And I think I've kind of

734
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 4: like taken a step back to be like, well what

735
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 4: do I need? You know, and like why are you

736
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 4: guys not giving it to me? And so now I'm

737
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 4: getting pissed off that, like they aren't able to give

738
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 4: me what I need.

739
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 1: I think that's a very valid kind of place to be.

740
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: But maybe you're going a little ex d but maybe

741
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,560
Speaker 1: you need to, maybe she needs to.

742
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 3: I think it's a question of you know, when you're

743
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 3: thirty one years old, you are transitioning into a different

744
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,920
Speaker 3: decade of your life, and you are becoming more mature,

745
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 3: and you're becoming less tolerant, as we all know, as

746
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 3: we age, we become less tolerant of the nonsense. Yeah,

747
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 3: you don't want to surround yourself with people that don't

748
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 3: appreciate you or that are only taking from you.

749
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 1: But do you like speak with a therapist. Do you

750
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 1: have a therapist that you talk to about this?

751
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was another thing. I try to talk to

752
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 4: two therapists.

753
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you fired her too, right, Yeah, Well, finding

754
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: the right therapist is very difficult. It's very difficult to

755
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,160
Speaker 1: find the right is that's true, they might not have

756
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: been the right people. So that's that's you know, not

757
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 1: necessarily on you.

758
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, but then that's where I am like, how do

759
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 4: you start the therapy session without like spilling everything out?

760
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 4: You know, like I've already done with you guys, Like,

761
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 4: where do I hold back? Where do I give?

762
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 3: Well, that's what therapy is for, is to vomit out

763
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:54,960
Speaker 3: all of your That's what the person is sitting there

764
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 3: to listen to you tell them everything, and then hopefully

765
00:32:57,760 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 3: they can help you digest it and figure out a

766
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 3: way forward. I understand what you're saying. There's been a

767
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:04,640
Speaker 3: lot of people that I've nixed out of my life.

768
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 3: There's a lot of people who've nixed me out of

769
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 3: their lives, you know what I mean. Over the course

770
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 3: of forty years, fifty years almost you know, that's happened

771
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 3: a lot. I think you have to have a degree

772
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 3: of self awareness, and it sounds like you do because.

773
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: You're aware that you're cutting, you're asking the questionships. Yeah, exactly,

774
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 1: And so from two Jewish women who've spent a lot

775
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: of time in therapy, a lot of these are all

776
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 1: good signs.

777
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 3: These are signs of life. Okay, but I think it's

778
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 3: good that you're questioning yourself. I wouldn't beat yourself up,

779
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 3: but I would show grace to yourself while also showing

780
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 3: it to the new people that you meet in your life.

781
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 3: When you're meeting someone or you're forming a friendship with someone,

782
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 3: it's it's not a competition about who's giving more. You know,

783
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 3: you're getting a sense of who a person is, and

784
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 3: over a period of time is when you really get

785
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 3: to know somebody. So I would be graceful in your

786
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 3: new relationships, knowing that you had a pattern of ending

787
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 3: a lot of relationships or picking the wrong people to

788
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 3: be close to you. Right, like moving into this new

789
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 3: you have a whole new like life now right you're

790
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:06,959
Speaker 3: in Montana. You just got there. This is exciting and

791
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 3: it's a whole new chance to paint like a great

792
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 3: picture for yourself or a life. And I think you

793
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 3: should show yourself grace, and you should show everyone you

794
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 3: meet grace and just be a little bit less, you know,

795
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,319
Speaker 3: like expectant of what you're getting in return, what.

796
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 1: Your expectations are. You know what your expectations are in

797
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:27,880
Speaker 1: a relationship and maybe you're expecting too much from people.

798
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 1: And I also think that there's a big difference between

799
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 1: friends and family. You know, family you're stuck that you

800
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 1: don't choose them. Your friends you choose, so you know,

801
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 1: if the family feels toxic to you in some way.

802
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 1: I think it's okay to take a break from family too,

803
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 1: I really do. It's not easy.

804
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 4: See, I was nervous because Chelsea normally says, like, your

805
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,880
Speaker 4: family is your family, and like you have to work

806
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 4: towards it.

807
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,319
Speaker 3: Well, not when your dad's offering has suck dick at

808
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 3: a party, Like, no, that's not acceptable behavior.

809
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,600
Speaker 1: That's so awful to hear as a child that your

810
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,160
Speaker 1: father's it's really inappropriate.

811
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 4: But to my friends, okay, So not only not only that,

812
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 4: but then what do I do about my sister because

813
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 4: now I feel like she kind of holds her children

814
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,760
Speaker 4: as currency and our friends or like in our relationships,

815
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 4: so like she doesn't reach out to me whatsoever. She

816
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,880
Speaker 4: waits until I reach out to her. She'll pay attention

817
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 4: to like my Instagram or my Snapchat stories, but other

818
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 4: than that, like she doesn't like anything, She doesn't ask

819
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 4: me how anything is.

820
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,239
Speaker 1: Sometimes you just need time, though, just sometimes you just

821
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: need time. You left two months ago, it's not a

822
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:42,360
Speaker 1: lot of time. And sometimes these relationships, I mean, I've

823
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 1: taken breaks with different members of my family because I

824
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 1: just had to. And sometimes you just need that.

825
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 4: How long is a break for you?

826
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 1: You don't have to put a time frame on it.

827
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 3: I think the most important thing to recognize is what

828
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 3: Zusie said is totally right.

829
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 1: First of all, you're very good. You can tell that

830
00:35:58,600 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 1: your mother.

831
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 3: Susie, you're very good at You drew a boundary, you

832
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 3: moved to Montana, you got away from your family. Your

833
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:08,320
Speaker 3: sister and your nieces and nephews aren't necessarily the problem

834
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,399
Speaker 3: that you're expressing that you have with your father.

835
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:11,360
Speaker 1: That's a different, you know.

836
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 3: I mean, they're there, but I think you give that

837
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 3: time and you just stay in communication for the sake

838
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,880
Speaker 3: of the children obviously, and your relationship with your sister.

839
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 3: And when she comes around, she comes around, but don't

840
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 3: punish her, you know what I mean. Like, it's nice

841
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 3: to just keep any line of communication open. If she's

842
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,800
Speaker 3: checking your stories and she's checking your snapchat, she cares

843
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:32,720
Speaker 3: what you're doing.

844
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 4: Right, Okay, yeah, I think So what do you.

845
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: Think she's checking it for I think she's spiteful.

846
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 4: I think she doesn't agree with my lifestyle and she

847
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,239
Speaker 4: thinks that I'm very judgmental towards her lifestyle.

848
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 1: What's her lifestyle?

849
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,319
Speaker 4: You know, feeding the babies candy right when they wake

850
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 4: up in the morning and Gerber's pack.

851
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 3: That's not your problem though, that's not your business. Yeah,

852
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 3: you can't be judgmental of that because you're not their parent.

853
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: I also think that you should be careful about being

854
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 1: too hard on yourself because what you've done is very brave.

855
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,720
Speaker 1: You've moved across the country on your own, You've cut

856
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 1: ties with people that are hurtful to you, and it's

857
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:12,799
Speaker 1: not an easy thing. And I think the fact that

858
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 1: you're asking the question is it me or them? Shows

859
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,240
Speaker 1: that you're evolved enough to ask that question.

860
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 4: Thank you.

861
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 1: I agree like an narcissist.

862
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,759
Speaker 3: I was told this in therapy when I asked my

863
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 3: therapist if I was a narcissist that he said, typically

864
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 3: narcissists aren't looking for Feedback's right, that's right, right.

865
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 4: That's like my question sometimes, like do I have like

866
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:40,319
Speaker 4: these narcissistic tendencies that make me push people away or.

867
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 1: Well, you might you know that that this is something

868
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:46,439
Speaker 1: that needs to be explored with a good therapist. I think, yeah,

869
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: you got to keep trying to find your new therapist.

870
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 3: But I think asking all these questions is a very

871
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 3: strong identifying factory that you are on the right track,

872
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:56,919
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. You're not just blowing through

873
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,319
Speaker 3: people and you're thinking twice about it. You're going, Wow,

874
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:00,799
Speaker 3: I just lost a lot of friends, or I cut

875
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 3: off a lot of friends. Maybe I'm the problem, you know,

876
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 3: And maybe maybe you are part of the problem. I'm

877
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 3: sure you're an element of the problem. But who's to

878
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 3: say that it is a problem. Maybe you're just getting

879
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:12,800
Speaker 3: rid of the fat in your life and at thirty,

880
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:14,919
Speaker 3: you're coming of age in a different way, and you're

881
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 3: more discerning about who you're going to spend your time

882
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 3: with and what you're looking for in friendships.

883
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 1: And I think that's good, that's not a bad thing.

884
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: And but one thing I would be careful of, because

885
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,239
Speaker 1: I agree with everything that Chelsea just said, But one

886
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 1: thing I would be careful of is expecting too much

887
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,840
Speaker 1: from people. And it sounds as though I don't know

888
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 1: about your mother, but it sounds as though your father

889
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 1: was damaged in a way that could not give you

890
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 1: what you need. And maybe you're looking for that in

891
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:42,760
Speaker 1: other people and that's not their job.

892
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree with you one hundred percent.

893
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 1: That's not the job of a friend. So you have

894
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 1: to be careful of what you expect from other people. Also, Okay,

895
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 1: that's good advice.

896
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you for that. Yeah, it's true, because you know,

897
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 4: I've always been mad at my dad for like not

898
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 4: being the quote unquote dad that he should be. But

899
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 4: I mean, if you guys haven't called on he is

900
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,240
Speaker 4: gay and he had to be a gay.

901
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:11,400
Speaker 1: Paar quote on when he when you mentioned the dicksie.

902
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, who knows?

903
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: Where's your where's your mom? Is she in the picture?

904
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 4: She actually ran away from my father when we were toddlers.

905
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, So you you have stuff there of abandonment and

906
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 1: and all this stuff, and you might, I don't know,

907
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,239
Speaker 1: but you might be expecting too much from your friends. Yeah,

908
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 1: because there's there's the hole to fill, you know, and

909
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 1: the only person who could feel that is you. The

910
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: only person who can fill your hole is you.

911
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,919
Speaker 4: That this is very true.

912
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:48,919
Speaker 1: It's an inside job.

913
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 3: And then when you are full, you don't you're not

914
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,399
Speaker 3: looking for people to show up in ways that you

915
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 3: have been abandoned in the past or let down in

916
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 3: the past, because that's not anyone's responsibilit but your own

917
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,320
Speaker 3: to kind of fix that. So I think you really

918
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 3: have to be consistent or determined to find a good therapist.

919
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,200
Speaker 3: And now that everything's on zoom anyway, it's not like

920
00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 3: you have to find someone in my tentat you know

921
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 3: what I mean. You could find someone anywhere in the

922
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 3: world or in the country. At the very least that

923
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 3: you can do. You know that you try and get

924
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:21,440
Speaker 3: a connection going with and someone you feel safe with

925
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 3: and unpack all of this because it's a lot.

926
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, that's good advice too, and just keep it.

927
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 4: Is like shopping.

928
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 3: Yes, it's like shopping. Just stay at it. Once you

929
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,800
Speaker 3: find someone, it'll be worth it. It's like finding your soulmate.

930
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,400
Speaker 3: Look at Susie. She waited until she was forty eight

931
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 3: years old and then she got married to or she

932
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 3: got married at fifty three.

933
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 1: You met him at forty and you got married at

934
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:42,799
Speaker 1: fifty to three, efty three for the first time. But

935
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 1: you know, with therapists also, I had several therapists that

936
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: were not the right one till I found the right one,

937
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 1: and then she saved my life really because she was

938
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 1: you know, she was the right person. So it's important

939
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 1: to find the right person.

940
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 3: And how many sessions do you go with someone before

941
00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 3: you realize it's not working?

942
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I mean it depends on how in

943
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 1: which way it's not working. Like there was one who

944
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 1: was she was lovely, but she was just you know,

945
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 1: And there was another who was hostile who I ended

946
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 1: very quickly, So it depends on how it's not working.

947
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,799
Speaker 1: And then I found, you know, a great woman who

948
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: saved my life.

949
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what I'm waiting for. I think I just

950
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,440
Speaker 4: get a little anxious, like tell it.

951
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 1: But just Chelsea, here in your background, you need to

952
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: be in therapy because there is early damage there that

953
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: needs to be looked at. Yeah, and a very common thing.

954
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 3: I mean, not only is your dad a disappointment and

955
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,360
Speaker 3: your mother abandoned you, so there's a lot of abandonment

956
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:38,840
Speaker 3: going on there. So the lot of the things that

957
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:40,880
Speaker 3: you might be expecting from your friends is a combo

958
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,279
Speaker 3: of the abandonment and the you know, and the I

959
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 3: mean your poor father had to raise you alone, you know,

960
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,279
Speaker 3: which many women have to do.

961
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:50,320
Speaker 1: But that's hard too, So he's sure struggling.

962
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 3: It doesn't mean you have to hang out with him,

963
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 3: and you know, but you have to understand that he

964
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:56,480
Speaker 3: has his own life too, and he had to deal

965
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,799
Speaker 3: with something that wasn't planned and he's gay and he

966
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 3: had to deal with that being married.

967
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,320
Speaker 1: You know, it's at what age should he come out?

968
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 4: Uh? He came out before I was born, and his

969
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 4: father forced him to be with my mother, who had

970
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:14,319
Speaker 4: had my sister. Yeah, and it gets even messier from there,

971
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,359
Speaker 4: but like, we don't need to go into that.

972
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, so he's got his own stuff. He's got his

973
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 1: own stuff for sure. One of the things you start

974
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 1: to realize as you get older is you start to

975
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 1: see your parents as human beings and not just your parents.

976
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,840
Speaker 1: And everybody comes by their own shit, honestly, you know.

977
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, Yeah, and I know this is his I always

978
00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 4: joke around and say, if we've lived many lifetimes, this

979
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 4: is his first. But as far as like my sister

980
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 4: and I go, she thinks therapy is a joke. And

981
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 4: if I've brought up therapy to her for a couple

982
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:50,399
Speaker 4: of different reasons, and she gets really offended by it.

983
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:52,320
Speaker 1: I've dealt with that with a sibling.

984
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, So how are you to go about like your

985
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 4: relationship if they don't think that they could be helped.

986
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 1: It's a problem. You're living in two different worlds, really,

987
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 1: and you could either just accept it. You're not going

988
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:08,800
Speaker 1: to change her, that is one thing I've learned. Also,

989
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 1: you're not going to change anybody. So you could either

990
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:14,840
Speaker 1: just accept who she is and her belief system or

991
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:15,760
Speaker 1: stay away.

992
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 4: Okay.

993
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 1: The other thing is I mean she had the same

994
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 1: mother and father, so she needs therapy also, so you.

995
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 4: Know, right, but she chooses to ignore it.

996
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:27,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, but that's a lot of people. That's

997
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 3: also not your issue. Your issue you're focusing. I think

998
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,440
Speaker 3: one of the problems here, which is very common for

999
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 3: all of us, is you're outward focusing on other people

1000
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 3: and what their shortcomings and their issues are, and really

1001
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 3: the main issue is you and how you're going to

1002
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 3: be healthy and how you're going to heal from all

1003
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 3: of this childhood stuff, because it's a healing process and

1004
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 3: until you get with the right person that speeds up

1005
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 3: and expedites everything that you're talking about. I think you

1006
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 3: should work on your judgment because you seem like you're

1007
00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 3: judging a lot of people.

1008
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 1: So you got to stop that. And that's another thing

1009
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:01,720
Speaker 1: you're going to learn in therapy.

1010
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 3: That's what I learned. I'm super fucking judgmental. I am

1011
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 3: so judgmental if someone doesn't do so you know, people

1012
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:08,920
Speaker 3: are sloppy drunk. I love alcohol.

1013
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:09,799
Speaker 1: I mean all I do.

1014
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 3: Is drink and smoke pot. But when somebody is sloppy,

1015
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 3: I have no tolerance right that. I'm like, no, no,

1016
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:15,799
Speaker 3: no no.

1017
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:17,759
Speaker 1: And people are like, what are you talking about. You're

1018
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:18,759
Speaker 1: a miss party on them all.

1019
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:20,720
Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, but I keep my fucking shit together

1020
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 3: and I need you to keep your shit together.

1021
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 1: So I understand the judgment and that is a work

1022
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 1: in progress. You really have to work on that with

1023
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:31,280
Speaker 1: your therapist. But yeah, keep going. Thank you for calling.

1024
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 1: I think you're adorable and.

1025
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 3: You're brave, like Susie said, for moving to Montana. And

1026
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:38,600
Speaker 3: this is a new beginning, which is just I want

1027
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:41,720
Speaker 3: you to think of everything moving forward as a new, fresh,

1028
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 3: positive beginning.

1029
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:43,960
Speaker 4: Okay, I appreciate that.

1030
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:48,240
Speaker 1: And when you catch yourself judging someone, just catch yourself.

1031
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:51,480
Speaker 4: And take a step back. Yeah yeah, all right, Well,

1032
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 4: thank you ladies. I appreciate all of you.

1033
00:44:54,280 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 3: Thank you, honey, take care, good luck, bye bye. Okay,

1034
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 3: Susie just expired six I know we got to get

1035
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:08,880
Speaker 3: her out because I was late to this episode. So

1036
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 3: it's all my faults, listeners.

1037
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:11,719
Speaker 1: But we had such a good time. I know we

1038
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 1: had a great time. We'll do it again. It's really

1039
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: upsetting that you have to go, but you have to

1040
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 1: go to the airport. I do you live here in

1041
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:20,480
Speaker 1: New York? Yes, but I do have a thing called zoom. Okay,

1042
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 1: well no, I'm gonna come in.

1043
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 3: We're gonna do it in person. We're gonna do it

1044
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,279
Speaker 3: again because you You were great by the way.

1045
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 1: I love giving it. I love it.

1046
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 3: And have a safe flight, all right, try not to

1047
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 3: get monkey pocks. Oh god, it's back.

1048
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 1: I'm wearing a mask. Okay. So upcoming shows that I

1049
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:41,879
Speaker 1: have you guys, Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia,

1050
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:45,320
Speaker 1: Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia. We've added second shows to

1051
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:47,239
Speaker 1: places that have sold out the first and then I'm

1052
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 1: gonna be in Hawaii on Maui, Ka Hulue and Honolulu.

1053
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:52,760
Speaker 1: I will be there in July.

1054
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 3: Also in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July

1055
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 3: twenty seventh. I'm coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only

1056
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 3: show in Florida on twenty eighth. I'll be in Auburn,

1057
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 3: Washington on August first, and then Santa Rosa, California for

1058
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:08,800
Speaker 3: my second show August second. August seventeenth is the Santa

1059
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 3: Barbara Bull You do not want to miss that. And

1060
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 3: then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston,

1061
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 3: South Carolina.

1062
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:19,640
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and

1063
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 1: Kansas City.

1064
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:23,319
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater

1065
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:28,240
Speaker 3: on November eighth, and I have tickets on sale throughout

1066
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:31,479
Speaker 3: the end of the year in December, So if you're

1067
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 3: in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego

1068
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:39,760
Speaker 3: or New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.

1069
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 1: Okay, if you'd.

1070
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:43,839
Speaker 2: Like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear

1071
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 2: Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to

1072
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 2: include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered

1073
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 2: by Brad Dickert.

1074
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,839
Speaker 5: Executive producer Catherine Law, and be sure to check out

1075
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 5: our merch at Chelseahandler dot com