Speaker 1: I am a yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher
Speaker 1: for salm, and a soft place to fall for others.
Speaker 1: And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until
Speaker 1: I love myself enough to be able to share my
Speaker 1: love with other people. Welcome to the r Spot, a
Speaker 1: production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Blessings and greetings.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Art Spot. My guest today is Reginald
Speaker 1: Lewis the Soul Matter, and he says that his life's
Speaker 1: mission is to inspire, educate, empower and elevate humanity, helping
Speaker 1: souls to heal and evolve through the infinite love and
Speaker 1: wisdom of spirit so that they are way into their
Speaker 1: full potential love. That's a big, big, big, tall order
Speaker 1: if you just want to have a relationship. But Reginald
Speaker 1: and I are talking about what makes that happen. He
Speaker 1: works on the heart and I'm working on the mind.
Speaker 1: So together we make a perfect match. I wonder if
Speaker 1: he wants to marry me. No, just kidding, but I
Speaker 1: do see an opening for a common question, and that
Speaker 1: is what stands in the way of people really connecting
Speaker 1: and finding the love they so desperately desire, Reginald, what
Speaker 1: do you think.
Speaker 2: It takes time to meditate, to contemplate, to internalize. So
Speaker 2: I call soul searching. I'm very big on soul searching.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I always tell people, I said, I always ask people,
Speaker 2: I said, have you done any soul searching in your life?
Speaker 2: And what does that mean to you? Because you will
Speaker 2: see that a lot of people they realize that they've
Speaker 2: never really taken the time for themselves with themselves, you know,
Speaker 2: they go by people are people are living on automatic
Speaker 2: mold rather than manual mole. You know, they're living life
Speaker 2: like machines, like WANs, you know, and letting everything else
Speaker 2: influence them rather than them being in control, aware of
Speaker 2: themselves and influing them influencing themselves, you know, and being aware.
Speaker 2: Awareness is key. Awareness is everything. I'm big on that,
Speaker 2: and that's how I approach my work through personal awareness.
Speaker 2: How aware are you of yourself? Because I truly believe
Speaker 2: that there is power and knowledge and self knowledge and
Speaker 2: self awareness. So many people walk around with so much baggage,
Speaker 2: so much drama, so much pain and hurt, not realizing
Speaker 2: that they're walking around with this and that they are
Speaker 2: living their life, acting upon their pain and their dramas, and.
Speaker 1: Won't they attract somebody that can match that frequency, that
Speaker 1: will match their pain, meaning that that person either has
Speaker 1: the same pain or that person will intensify the pain
Speaker 1: that they have.
Speaker 2: Oh, most definitely. Yeah, because we're we're all energetic beings.
Speaker 2: We're energetic beings. This is proven scientifically. You know that
Speaker 2: we all have an electromagnetic field. You know, we emit
Speaker 2: waves frequencies from our brain, from our heart, the strongest
Speaker 2: being our heart. And if you are someone who's aware
Speaker 2: of the law of attraction and how energy works, what
Speaker 2: you put out you receive back.
Speaker 1: So wait a minute, right there, what you put out
Speaker 1: you put back. A woman who believes she's self aware
Speaker 1: or man an somebody who believes they're self aware, and
Speaker 1: they meditate and they run eight crystals on their big
Speaker 1: toe and their eyebrow, and they you know, they good person,
Speaker 1: and they feed the pigeons and they love they mama.
Speaker 1: But they keep attracting a partner that cheats. What's going
Speaker 1: on with that person?
Speaker 2: Well, I always say this, I say you can do
Speaker 2: all these things. You can say all the affirmations you
Speaker 2: want to say, You can do all the visualization that
Speaker 2: you know, and all the praying, But the thing is
Speaker 2: do you believe? What is it that you believe? Believe
Speaker 2: is everything? Your mindset is everything because it begins with
Speaker 2: the thought. That's the seed that influences everything. So you
Speaker 2: can be doing all these external things trying to manifest
Speaker 2: your partner, attract your partner, but the key is your
Speaker 2: belief and in alignment with what it is that you're
Speaker 2: seeking and desiring. Because if you are a person that
Speaker 2: you have a drama or pain from your past, whether
Speaker 2: it's the relationships through your family, and you have not
Speaker 2: healed that, you have not dealt with that, there's a
Speaker 2: part of you that is out of alignment and that
Speaker 2: it's not agreement with your actions. You and your heart
Speaker 2: is not in alignment with your actions, then nothing's going
Speaker 2: to manifest the way that you wanted to manifest.
Speaker 1: You're not going to a person. You know, I've been
Speaker 1: saying for the last couple of weeks months as I
Speaker 1: work with people that women are over it. We're just
Speaker 1: we're just over it. Women are over it with the
Speaker 1: men and the craziness and the cheating and the whatever whatever.
Speaker 1: So let's say you have a person, men or women,
Speaker 1: because there's some men out there too that have been
Speaker 1: run through the mouth and they're tired, they're hopeless, they're
Speaker 1: just kind of fed up and they're just, you know,
Speaker 1: forget it. I'll just be by myself. Thereby theirself because
Speaker 1: they just don't want to give the relationship, the relationship
Speaker 1: another try. They're just they're done with it. What does
Speaker 1: that person do to open themselves up again to find
Speaker 1: love again? What do they do when they're responding to
Speaker 1: their experiences external to internal but that's that's how they feel.
Speaker 1: What do they have to do?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So what you just described is resistance when they say,
Speaker 2: you know what, enough is enough? I'm going to resist
Speaker 2: in fact, because the truth is they want to be loved.
Speaker 2: There's no doubt about that. Everyone wants to be loved,
Speaker 2: you know. But they put up a wall because of
Speaker 2: the love that they have experienced has led to hurt
Speaker 2: and has led to pain, and so they're they're protecting themselves.
Speaker 2: It's a protective mechanism, a defense mechanism. So to that
Speaker 2: person that's gotten to that point, I first say, stop
Speaker 2: blaming and focusing on the other person. I think a
Speaker 2: lot of times it's so easy to put the blame
Speaker 2: on other people you know, and say, oh, they did
Speaker 2: this and that and blah blah blah, et cetera. But
Speaker 2: I say, what have you done? What are you doing?
Speaker 2: What accountability are you taking? Because that's the key part
Speaker 2: that's missing. It's accountability. No want to take accountability. Everybody
Speaker 2: wants to point fingers that that person he said, she said,
Speaker 2: they did that.
Speaker 1: So to that person that's tired, hopeless, in resistance, set
Speaker 1: up a wall to avoid being heard. Again, I hear
Speaker 1: you saying that the first step is to look at
Speaker 1: what they're doing. Okay, so you want to put this
Speaker 1: to practice.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm ready.
Speaker 1: Greeting's been loving and welcome to the R Spot. My
Speaker 1: guest today is Reginald Lewis, and he is the sole matcher.
Speaker 1: So he's going to help you find a match for
Speaker 1: your soul.
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you for your time today.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So what is it that you want Reginald to
Speaker 1: help you with today?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: So I'm calling because one of the biggest areas of
Speaker 3: my life that I feel stuck in is my love life.
Speaker 3: I'm looking for partnership, but I feel like I'm constantly
Speaker 3: accepting less than what I desire. I feel very much stuck.
Speaker 3: So my question is, how can I get completely completely
Speaker 3: unstuck from past trauma beliefs so that I can attract
Speaker 3: all that I desire in romantic relationships?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, did you write that question down? I
Speaker 1: can get complete?
Speaker 3: Yes, I had to on talking to mommy, Yamla. I
Speaker 3: had to get it to get all right.
Speaker 1: Well, you gotta talk to Reginald Lewis, go ahead, soul matchup.
Speaker 1: You got that.
Speaker 2: So it's like you've been through past relationships, past traumas,
Speaker 2: relationships that didn't quite work out, but you expected them
Speaker 2: to work out. Correct.
Speaker 3: Yes, I mean I've been through everything from abusive relationship
Speaker 3: to just simply I make a list and none of
Speaker 3: the boxes are checked, but I'm still entertaining. I'm still there,
Speaker 3: and I know that a lot of it has to
Speaker 3: do with past traumas, but I feel like I'm doing
Speaker 3: some work to move past that. But I just still
Speaker 3: feel like I still have the cooties emotionally.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I feel like, like any
Speaker 2: dramatic situation, you're going to carry it and it's going
Speaker 2: to be very much so instilled in you, and it
Speaker 2: takes a like dislodging, you know, it takes it takes work.
Speaker 2: You're going to have to dig deep to those roots,
Speaker 2: dig up those things, you know. And it sounds like
Speaker 2: you said you started, so you're doing the work. So
Speaker 2: when you say, hey, you're doing the work, what what
Speaker 2: does that mean at this point for you? Doing the work?
Speaker 2: Where where's the healing for you? The process of healing
Speaker 2: for you right now?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 3: The process of healing is that I've gone through some
Speaker 3: years of counseling. I identify with being like daddy wass daughter,
Speaker 3: emotionally detached mother and so I so I struggle with
Speaker 3: worthiness and value. So the work is centered around just
Speaker 3: you know, developing like that I'm worthy for good because
Speaker 3: I feel like good is like removed for me inherently.
Speaker 2: So are you currently as you're doing your work on yourself?
Speaker 2: Are you talking to other people? Are you dating?
Speaker 3: Not anything to write home about. I feel like I
Speaker 3: talk to people, but I don't. It's not anything like
Speaker 3: I don't really go out. I don't really let it
Speaker 3: go past like verbal stuff or maybe even flirting sometimes
Speaker 3: because I'm literally scared of my ability to make a
Speaker 3: good Joine, What do.
Speaker 2: You feel that you lack, that you do not trust
Speaker 2: yourself and your own decision making.
Speaker 3: I don't want to be stuck on a story, but
Speaker 3: I what comes up for me when you ask that
Speaker 3: is that I haven't been affirmed throughout my life.
Speaker 2: With the big people.
Speaker 3: So I don't I don't inherently feel like I don't
Speaker 3: have that developed muscle that like, yeah, I'm going out
Speaker 3: in the world and I'm trusting my choices and I'm
Speaker 3: walking around without you know, like even considering that you know,
Speaker 3: my value is a thing. I feel like that part
Speaker 3: of me is underdeveloped, and when I'm doing the work
Speaker 3: as an adult, it just feels like there's a tather
Speaker 3: going on in there. So I just feel like that's underdeveloped,
Speaker 3: and that's that's lacking.
Speaker 1: Let me talk to Reginald for a minute, so a
Speaker 1: couple of things and she can just be a fly
Speaker 1: on the wall. List does talk about it, okay, But
Speaker 1: can she finds someone who acknowledges her worth and her
Speaker 1: value before she does that for herself?
Speaker 2: I say no, If you don't come to the fulalization yourself,
Speaker 2: how can you expect someone else to come and to
Speaker 2: see that fualization themselves. Because relationships are all that I
Speaker 2: can mirrors their reflections. They're mirrors. Okay, So if you
Speaker 2: don't trust yourself and you keep people at a distance,
Speaker 2: guess what, They're not going to trust you and they're
Speaker 2: going to remain at a distance.
Speaker 1: We'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back
Speaker 1: to the R spot. Let's pick up where we left off.
Speaker 1: I heard her say that because she was never affirmed,
Speaker 1: that her sense of value and sense of worth is underdeveloped.
Speaker 1: So are there some concrete things she can do to
Speaker 1: begin building that value and building that worth that can
Speaker 1: then be recognized and acknowledged by somebody else. What are
Speaker 1: some concrete things that she can do?
Speaker 2: Begin to do things for yourself that make you feel good.
Speaker 2: Things not because it's for someone else, you know, but
Speaker 2: because it's for you. Meaning go out, get out, but
Speaker 2: get out for you. Don't get out because it's like
Speaker 2: I want to meet somebody for someone else. Get out
Speaker 2: and do things for your personal enjoyment, for your personal satisfaction.
Speaker 2: Because what I heard is that there was a lack
Speaker 2: of confidence. That's I was going to say earlier. There's
Speaker 2: a lack of confidence. You don't have the confidence enough
Speaker 2: to say I trust myself. I trust my decisions, and
Speaker 2: I trust the people that I allow to come into
Speaker 2: my life or come into my space. And so you
Speaker 2: have to allow yourself to become more acclimated with making practical,
Speaker 2: small decisions and choices that you're confident in for yourself
Speaker 2: to build your confidence.
Speaker 1: But you know what, Reginald, she raises a very common
Speaker 1: theme that I hear from people. I've made so many
Speaker 1: mistakes in the past. How can I trust that I
Speaker 1: won't do it again? Does that sound familiar to you, beloved?
Speaker 1: I cannot trust that I won't do it again? So
Speaker 1: how does she get through that?
Speaker 2: You know, they're just saying do the same thing get
Speaker 2: the same result, do something different get a different result.
Speaker 2: Maybe looking at the patterns of those choices, those decisions
Speaker 2: you know that you feel that work out the best
Speaker 2: for you, and say, what were the decisions or choices
Speaker 2: that I made then that kind of led to those
Speaker 2: circumstances and situations, And what can I do now differently?
Speaker 3: So I definitely am trying to do more of that
Speaker 3: where I'm reflecting so that I don't continue to make
Speaker 3: the same voices.
Speaker 1: Let me offer you this ancient Buddhist principle that says
Speaker 1: nothing is permanent, nothing is personal, and nothing is perfect.
Speaker 1: So when you look at your past relationships, know that
Speaker 1: no relationship, not with the best in the world, it's
Speaker 1: not permanent because eventually the person's gonna die or you're
Speaker 1: gonna die. So nothing is permanent. So don't think that
Speaker 1: any of your past relationships had to be permanent. They
Speaker 1: were learning tools, they were proving grounds. So nothing is permanent,
Speaker 1: nothing is personal, nothing is personal. People do what they
Speaker 1: do based on who they are and the information that
Speaker 1: they had. So you had some information back then that
Speaker 1: you have updated so you can now function with current events.
Speaker 3: Okay, you don't.
Speaker 1: Have to worry about what was and it wasn't personal.
Speaker 1: They didn't beat you up or betray you or deny
Speaker 1: you because they were coming for you personally. That's just
Speaker 1: what they do. And you didn't make the choices and
Speaker 1: decisions that you made because you were personally trying to
Speaker 1: be their doormat or personally trying to be their victim.
Speaker 1: It won't personal. It was based on the information that
Speaker 1: you had. And nothing is perfect, nothing, nothing and no one.
Speaker 1: So you're never going to get it perfectly right. You're
Speaker 1: never going to do it perfectly right. You do based
Speaker 1: on who you are. Now. You're a woman who's acknowledged
Speaker 1: your mistakes. You've gone, you've gotten some help, you're growing,
Speaker 1: you're healing. I remember when I did a show with
Speaker 1: a young man ace metaphor, and I said to him,
Speaker 1: what would you tell women who are really wanting to
Speaker 1: to date or find somebody? You know what? He said,
Speaker 1: Get out of the house, he said, go out, just
Speaker 1: as Richanoda's saying to you, go out, you know, and
Speaker 1: go to places that men frequent, like the home depot. Okay,
Speaker 1: get dressed up, put on your finest heels and your
Speaker 1: fishnet stockings, and just walk the aisles of the home
Speaker 1: or go to the mechanic shop say I need some help,
Speaker 1: and then they'll say, well what do you need? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I just don't know. Can you listen and
Speaker 1: see if this sounds all right?
Speaker 3: You know, just be seen. I remember you saying that before.
Speaker 3: You said something about like if you feel a little
Speaker 3: uncomfortable around male energy energy, to just get around it.
Speaker 3: Where even if you're not like trying to be straightforward
Speaker 3: and like date someone that you could just get comfortable
Speaker 3: around being around male energy.
Speaker 4: So I love that.
Speaker 3: I love those ideas.
Speaker 1: One of the things that you know, I tell women
Speaker 1: all the time is speak to every man you see
Speaker 1: with no attachment to his response. If you're in the
Speaker 1: superman high, how are you be? Couldn't morning? How you
Speaker 1: look at you?
Speaker 3: Just one?
Speaker 1: Just speak to every man you see, white, black, old, young, stake, gay,
Speaker 1: It don't matter if it's a man. Just speak to him,
Speaker 1: just you know, Sasha by and just say hi. That's
Speaker 1: how you're going to build the confidence that Reginald is
Speaker 1: talking about. And one of them will bite, you know,
Speaker 1: one of them will or one of them won't, and
Speaker 1: you just keep saying hi. Just high, no attachment. You know,
Speaker 1: you're not trying to marry everything in the supermarket.
Speaker 3: Or everything at the lose, you know. But I love that.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I want to say this as well, is that it's
Speaker 2: okay to make mistakes.
Speaker 1: Just don't marry them.
Speaker 2: But make a mistake, but learn from it, Learn that
Speaker 2: from because that's what life is about, you know. And
Speaker 2: another thing, too, which I feel is a conscious thing,
Speaker 2: is the fear of rejection.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about that. What is that? What is the
Speaker 1: fear of being rejected? What? What? What is that, Reginald.
Speaker 1: What do we tell ourselves about somebody rejecting us?
Speaker 2: Most people have the fear of rejections, the fear of
Speaker 2: being denied, being turned down, not being received. For most
Speaker 2: people that means that they feel denied, They feel that
Speaker 2: something is wrong with them. You know, they take it personal.
Speaker 1: Nothing's personal nothing you know when people reject me, you
Speaker 1: know what I say, Well, hell, that ain't the one
Speaker 1: for me, because what I want is wanting me to
Speaker 1: so buye, get out the way next, keep it moving. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's huge, the fear of rejection. And I think
Speaker 1: it's sometime because we want it or them, we think
Speaker 1: they should want us. And then if it ain't for you,
Speaker 1: it ain't for you. And if you force it, then
Speaker 1: you really will be rejected or turned down or denied.
Speaker 1: So we love it. Tell me something you know now
Speaker 1: that you didn't know when you called, That.
Speaker 3: I need to go out to the whole depot of
Speaker 3: the shit, that I that it's okay to make mistakes,
Speaker 3: and that nothing is personal, perfect or permanent, and that
Speaker 3: I should be willing to do something different because I
Speaker 3: can't keep doing the same thing expecting a different result.
Speaker 3: So thank you for.
Speaker 1: That, and and that your past missteps were really a
Speaker 1: setup for what's possible. Now you know what you did before,
Speaker 1: do something different, don't do that. If you didn't speak
Speaker 1: up back, then speak up now. If you let little
Speaker 1: things slide back, then don't let them slide now. If
Speaker 1: you didn't ask for what you wanted back, then ask
Speaker 1: for what you would. Just do it different, because life
Speaker 1: gives you an endless supply of do overs. There is
Speaker 1: an endless supply of do overts. You can do it
Speaker 1: over and over and over until you get it. Listen,
Speaker 1: you stay in touch and let me know how you're
Speaker 1: making out. And thank you for writing your question. Now,
Speaker 1: it was so precise and nice. All right, Okay, bye bye, Yeah, Reginald.
Speaker 1: That thing, that rejection, then that really keeps people stuff.
Speaker 2: And so I feel that's a big thing with people,
Speaker 2: is that fear of rejection and ego? Is that ego? Well,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to say anything to that person. I'm
Speaker 2: not going to put myself out there, you know. I'm
Speaker 2: going to try to play the tough person, you know,
Speaker 2: and I don't need anybody or all of that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: We got one more call of Reginald. I want to
Speaker 1: try to get him in because I want everybody to
Speaker 1: have a little piece of you. Welcome, beloved, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for your patience. I want to
Speaker 1: get you on with mister Reginald Lewis, the soul matcher,
Speaker 1: so he can support you and moving forward in your
Speaker 1: love life. Do you have a question, a concern, I issue,
Speaker 1: a challenge you want to present to him today?
Speaker 4: Sure, So a little bit about myself. I'm twenty seven
Speaker 4: years old. I live in the DC area, and I
Speaker 4: have never been in any successful long term relationship. I've
Speaker 4: always gotten into like.
Speaker 1: Long term twenty seven.
Speaker 4: I know long year, long term, like over over a year.
Speaker 4: I would say over a year.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, you could have a long relationship in
Speaker 1: twenty seven. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry, yeah.
Speaker 4: No, no, it's okay. So yeah, So I'm just I'm
Speaker 4: wondering my last relationship that ended at about a year,
Speaker 4: that it didn't even quite make it to a year.
Speaker 4: But that was four years ago, and I've been constantly,
Speaker 4: like going to therapy, working on myself, getting my life together,
Speaker 4: making sure that I'm able to do what I need
Speaker 4: to do to take care of myself. Before I involve
Speaker 4: myself to anybody else. So I'm basically wondering, is there
Speaker 4: anything else that I need to do to prepare to
Speaker 4: re enter the dating pool?
Speaker 1: Oh Lord, miss the matchmaker, go ahead.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well I would say this, you're doing the first
Speaker 2: and most important thing, which is you're prioritizing yourself. Do
Speaker 2: you want to get married? Are you? Are you looking
Speaker 2: or are you just looking just to Okay, so that's
Speaker 2: something that you desire. You would like to find someone
Speaker 2: that is a potential marriage partner. Okay. Another question is
Speaker 2: are you on any dating sites?
Speaker 4: I'm on all the dating apps.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm glad to ask that question. Okay, ye on
Speaker 2: your dating are you clear? Are you intentional that I
Speaker 2: seek marriage a marriage partner? I'm seeking a marriage partner.
Speaker 4: No, so I don't. I don't have it explicitly as.
Speaker 2: That you're still wasting time and you're wasting energy, right
Speaker 2: because whoever is that you know you're you're dating or
Speaker 2: you're talking to, they can't read your mind. And so
Speaker 2: if you begin to date someone and you find out that,
Speaker 2: oh they don't want to get married, you know, they
Speaker 2: just want to just have fun whatever, you know they're
Speaker 2: focusing on self, just want to, you know, have a
Speaker 2: good time. It's because you wasn't clear and your intentions
Speaker 2: and you did not express that, you didn't make that known.
Speaker 2: Women particularly, they say I want to get married or
Speaker 2: I want a lifelong partner and hits, but they never
Speaker 2: write that and their profile.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not asking for what they want.
Speaker 1: They're not asking.
Speaker 2: They're not asking, they're not being clear about what they want.
Speaker 2: And they're wondering, well, how come I'm not meeting the
Speaker 2: right person, the right individual because you haven't made it
Speaker 2: clear exactly what you want and what you desire. Okay,
Speaker 2: but if you're clear about what you want to desire,
Speaker 2: then that person that reads your profile, if it's there
Speaker 2: in straight bull print and they can read, they're either
Speaker 2: going to say that's what I want as well, and
Speaker 2: this is someone that I want to interact with because
Speaker 2: we have a mutual interest and common purpose, or they're not.
Speaker 1: We'll talk about that when we come. Welcome back. I
Speaker 1: am y, I'm learing this is the R spot. Here's
Speaker 1: what my mother told me long time ago. How many
Speaker 1: frogs must you kiss before you meet a prince? Because
Speaker 1: if you ain't willing to kiss some frogs you may
Speaker 1: never meet your prince. Are you willing to kiss a
Speaker 1: few frogs on the day inside, Yeah, it's a frog,
Speaker 1: you throw it back. You don't take that home right exactly?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm willing to kiss a few frogs. I have
Speaker 4: a question about putting out my I know my personal
Speaker 4: intentions is to get a marriage partner and be set
Speaker 4: up with a lifelong partner. But I was told that
Speaker 4: sometimes if you lead with your intentions, you might meet
Speaker 4: somebody that is untruthful and just tell you that that's
Speaker 4: their intentions as well, just to continue to play around
Speaker 4: with you.
Speaker 2: I'm glad you brought that up.
Speaker 4: That's why I don't have that necessarily on my dating
Speaker 4: profile and I don't lead with it on a date.
Speaker 2: Well, this is the thing is if you don't want
Speaker 2: to waste time and energy, like you said, you have
Speaker 2: to be clear and you have to be direct about
Speaker 2: what you want. You have to write that out and
Speaker 2: either they're going to read it or not going to
Speaker 2: read it. Now as far as you saying that that
Speaker 2: person may be able to deceive you, this is where
Speaker 2: you have to use your discernment. And this is another
Speaker 2: key aspect that I feel a lot of people miss
Speaker 2: ask questions to see where this person is or where
Speaker 2: they're at, because there's no way that they're going to
Speaker 2: be able to prolong something and deceive you. If you're
Speaker 2: asking questions, if you're communicating, if you're getting to know
Speaker 2: who this person is. And discernment comes from your soul,
Speaker 2: True discernment comes from your soul, your ability to make
Speaker 2: right judgment for yourself. What's right for you, what's beneficial
Speaker 2: for you, what's good for you, what's good for your soul?
Speaker 2: So people need to begin to ask themselves, is this
Speaker 2: right for me? Is this in my highest and best
Speaker 2: benefit for me? Does this feel right to me? Does
Speaker 2: this feel good to me? Does this add to peace
Speaker 2: in my life? Because I truly believe a relationship never
Speaker 2: feel like a prison. That's if a relationship feels like
Speaker 2: a prison, then that means there's all types of stuff
Speaker 2: going on there that's not supposed to be going on.
Speaker 2: There's control and raby a whole bunch of other things.
Speaker 2: And relationships aren't about of control, they're about but.
Speaker 4: How how do you?
Speaker 3: How do you?
Speaker 1: What about the little hiccups? Because when you're learning somebody,
Speaker 1: when you're growing into somebody. They will be missteps. So
Speaker 1: how do you know it's a misstep and or or
Speaker 1: this is not feeling good and I'm gonna throw this
Speaker 1: relationship away. How do you make that? Is that what
Speaker 1: discerned means exactly?
Speaker 2: There's a difference, for sure between a misstep. Like the
Speaker 2: young lader said, it's okay to make mistakes. People make mistakes, Okay.
Speaker 2: Now the question is if you make a mistake in
Speaker 2: the relationship you're you're with someone, does that person forgive?
Speaker 2: Are you forgiving of each other? Are you willing to
Speaker 2: work and progress beyond that, learn from that and to
Speaker 2: move on. It's different now someone is consistent and persistent
Speaker 2: in the mistake and your discernment to say, oh that's
Speaker 2: a red flag.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, And I would write that down
Speaker 1: too and put that on my little piece of paper.
Speaker 1: Pay attention to the red flags or the blue flags
Speaker 1: or the green flags if it's a flag, pay pay
Speaker 1: attention to the flags. That means the repetitive abuses, violations, missteps, stories,
Speaker 1: pay attention to the flags. I put that down on
Speaker 1: my thing, and not moving too fast and giving up
Speaker 1: the huhah before they deserve that. See the hoohah, don't
Speaker 1: give up the hoo hold on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 4: So that's another question. How long do you hold on
Speaker 4: to the who has.
Speaker 1: Well? You know, I follow the ninety day rule, and
Speaker 1: if I see anything between day one and ninety that
Speaker 1: makes me a little suspicious, I'll move it up to
Speaker 1: one twenty because they ain't gonna hang around for one
Speaker 1: hundred and twenty days without the hu haa. You know,
Speaker 1: they if they don't have good intentions. So hold on
Speaker 1: to the hoho hah.
Speaker 2: Okay, And if you're looking for a husband and a husband,
Speaker 2: someone who's husband potential is looking for a wife someone
Speaker 2: whose wife potential, they're going to get to know you.
Speaker 2: You know, they're going to show interest in who you are. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 2: there's gonna be physical attraction there, of course. You know,
Speaker 2: we're human beings. We have physical attraction and there's nothing
Speaker 2: wrong with that. But like you said, do not move
Speaker 2: forward too fast. Take your time. Take your time to
Speaker 2: get to know this person. Get to know their background,
Speaker 2: get to know their relationships with their family, with themselves,
Speaker 2: what they desire, what their goals are, what their purpose is,
Speaker 2: so that you can see whether the Remember earlier I
Speaker 2: said core values. What are your core values? Do their
Speaker 2: values align with your values?
Speaker 1: And you know you're a young woman. So one of
Speaker 1: the things that I would say to you is, above all,
Speaker 1: know what his relationship is like with his mother, because
Speaker 1: that's going to tell you a lot. He's got to
Speaker 1: be in either neutral relationship or good relationship with his mother.
Speaker 1: And you don't want him to think you're lunchable. You
Speaker 1: want him to think you're a full course meal. And
Speaker 1: that takes time. You know, they have appetizer, and they
Speaker 1: have the dreams, and they set the table and they
Speaker 1: change the plate. You know that means take your time
Speaker 1: and don't convince yourself that you know that you're lunchable.
Speaker 1: Don't be desperate. You're twenty seven. You got to at
Speaker 1: least another six years, so take your time and really
Speaker 1: get clear as rich as a reginal as saying yes,
Speaker 1: twenty seven, Yeah, that's good, that's good. Well thank you.
Speaker 1: Tell me something you know now that you didn't know
Speaker 1: when you called another.
Speaker 4: Okay, it's not that I didn't know it before, but
Speaker 4: I think you all kind of dusted it off and
Speaker 4: brought it to the forefront. For me, is using discernments, right,
Speaker 4: So being a little bit, not judgmental, but being using
Speaker 4: judgment as a form to really get to interrogate and
Speaker 4: get to know somebody for who they truly are, versus
Speaker 4: just taking what they say on the surface and rolling
Speaker 4: with it, but actually getting down to the deeper levels
Speaker 4: and understanding what their intentions are and seeing if their
Speaker 4: answers align with what they told you before maybe thirty
Speaker 4: days later, like are you saying the same thing or
Speaker 4: are you always switching up your answers consistency.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you
Speaker 1: can have what you want?
Speaker 4: I believe that everything success. I believe that success is
Speaker 4: written for me absolutely.
Speaker 1: And what is it that you want when it comes
Speaker 1: to a relationship. Let me hear you articulate what it
Speaker 1: is that you want. What do you want?
Speaker 4: I want a caring partner, somebody that's loyal, and somebody
Speaker 4: that value family. Those are the top three things that
Speaker 4: I want.
Speaker 1: Okay, Oh really, do you want him to have hand tea?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Do you want his parts to be working?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: All?
Speaker 4: I want all. I want it to look like a
Speaker 4: good package too, But yes, I do I do value that.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well you know what you have.
Speaker 2: Don't leave any don't leave.
Speaker 1: Anything the chance, you know, put it all out there,
Speaker 1: hold all of that in your mind so that you
Speaker 1: you know, because if you want six two mocha with
Speaker 1: a bald head and a beard, you won't even entertain
Speaker 1: five to seven latte with no teeth. You got to
Speaker 1: be clear, You got to be clear. I'm real clear.
Speaker 1: You know certain things are just a necessity for me. Well,
Speaker 1: good luck to you. Twenty seven year old has never
Speaker 1: had a serious relationship that lasted longer than a year.
Speaker 1: You don't know how lucky you are, because there's some
Speaker 1: twenty seven years old who could write a series of
Speaker 1: horror stories based on their relationship. So good luck to you.
Speaker 1: Hear what Reginald said and let me know and send
Speaker 1: me an invitation to.
Speaker 4: The wed awesome. Yes, we'll do. Thanks to the both
Speaker 4: of you.
Speaker 1: Okay, bye, bye, fine Reginald. It has been just a joy.
Speaker 1: It has been a joy. I want to tell you
Speaker 1: what I got down from all of the people you
Speaker 1: spoke to and all of the stuff that we did.
Speaker 1: Get clear about who you are. Step number one, Be
Speaker 1: clear about who you are from the inside out. Be
Speaker 1: clear and intentional about what you want, and that includes
Speaker 1: knowing your core values and what matters to you, be
Speaker 1: willing to ask for what you want, you know, put
Speaker 1: it out there. What else do our spots need to
Speaker 1: know when it comes to really dating and looking for relationships?
Speaker 1: What else?
Speaker 2: I think people go to relationship they feel a relationship
Speaker 2: is supposed to fulfill all my needs. No, okay, a
Speaker 2: relationship is not meant to fulfill all of your needs. Okay,
Speaker 2: a relationship. From my experience, what I've learned personally as
Speaker 2: well as through working with others, is that relationships are
Speaker 2: about growth. Okay. Yeah, And you can fulfil yourself or
Speaker 2: one can fulfill. You can only complete yourself. No one
Speaker 2: can complete you. People can compliment you, people can support you,
Speaker 2: but you only fulfill yourself.
Speaker 1: But but can I ask you a question? I want
Speaker 1: to ask you a personal question. You don't have to
Speaker 1: answer it if you don't want to, but I'm gonna
Speaker 1: ask the question. Anyhow, you you who can see things
Speaker 1: and angels into people's soul and stuff, you can have
Speaker 1: a personal relationship with somebody.
Speaker 2: That's a great question. A lot of people ask me
Speaker 2: that it is. I know anyone who I believe is
Speaker 2: a very discerning person, very self aware individual. It's difficult
Speaker 2: because unfortunately, it's not that there aren't other people's, other
Speaker 2: self aware, conscious people in the world, but it's they're
Speaker 2: not freely flowing in the world like everybody else.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like it's it's you have to you have to
Speaker 2: have faith and kind of know, Okay, I'm not alone,
Speaker 2: and that I will meet and connect with those people
Speaker 2: at the right place at the right time. It takes
Speaker 2: a certain faith and trust and higher power. And that's
Speaker 2: how my life has always worked. I've never been one
Speaker 2: to seek or to search for those relationships. I've always
Speaker 2: been the type of person. You know, I'm going to
Speaker 2: live my life and live my life to the best
Speaker 2: capability of being the best version of myself being who
Speaker 2: I am, and with being who I am, I am
Speaker 2: going to attract those who are in alignment with who
Speaker 2: I am, who see who I am and want to
Speaker 2: connect with me.
Speaker 1: You know. But what happens when they come and they
Speaker 1: connect and then you see they lit their wonderfulness, their
Speaker 1: human wonderfulness. What do you do then?
Speaker 2: Well, you know the things We're all human, you know,
Speaker 2: you know, no one's perfect, No one's perfect. I'm not perfect.
Speaker 2: We're all human beings. We're all in this body for
Speaker 2: we all have our flaws, we all have our things
Speaker 2: that we need to work on, we need to grow on.
Speaker 2: And the thing is, that's the thing is that you
Speaker 2: have to be willing to set that person for who
Speaker 2: they are and every aspect of who they are. And
Speaker 2: that's how I approach my life. That's how I approach
Speaker 2: my relationships in every aspect of my life, is that
Speaker 2: I acknowledge the human aspect of them. But that's just
Speaker 2: not you know, I'm on a mission right now, and
Speaker 2: when I feel like that right person may come along,
Speaker 2: they have to be a part of the mission or
Speaker 2: not a boord.
Speaker 1: Reginald, Where can people find you if they want to
Speaker 1: come and get their soul matched up?
Speaker 2: People can find me at my website at my sole
Speaker 2: matchmaker dot com or Reginald Lawis dot com.
Speaker 1: And you also do intuitive readings, right if somebody just
Speaker 1: wants to come in and you do coaching.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I do consulting. I do intu the readings, consulting,
Speaker 2: life coaching, spiritual life coaching and counseling work as well as.
Speaker 1: The okay, okay, Reginald Lewis my maatchmaker dot com. Thank you, beloved,
Speaker 1: it has been a joy. I hope that all of
Speaker 1: you are spotors out there have gotten something that they
Speaker 1: can use today, that they can use in their life.
Speaker 1: Make those notes, get clear about who you are, be
Speaker 1: intentional about what you want, know your values and what
Speaker 1: matters to you. Ask for what you want, use the sermon,
Speaker 1: and pay attention to the flags. Thank you, rich, Thank you,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you.
Speaker 2: Pleasure in the.
Speaker 1: Meantime, stay in peace, not in pieces, and I will
Speaker 1: see you next time. Bye. The R Spot is a
Speaker 1: production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.