1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:06,120 Speaker 1: I am a yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: for salm, and a soft place to fall for others. 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:14,400 Speaker 1: And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until 4 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:17,959 Speaker 1: I love myself enough to be able to share my 5 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,400 Speaker 1: love with other people. Welcome to the r Spot, a 6 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:39,560 Speaker 1: production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Blessings and greetings. 7 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Art Spot. My guest today is Reginald 8 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 1: Lewis the Soul Matter, and he says that his life's 9 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 1: mission is to inspire, educate, empower and elevate humanity, helping 10 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:57,279 Speaker 1: souls to heal and evolve through the infinite love and 11 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,560 Speaker 1: wisdom of spirit so that they are way into their 12 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: full potential love. That's a big, big, big, tall order 13 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 1: if you just want to have a relationship. But Reginald 14 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: and I are talking about what makes that happen. He 15 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,400 Speaker 1: works on the heart and I'm working on the mind. 16 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: So together we make a perfect match. I wonder if 17 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:22,320 Speaker 1: he wants to marry me. No, just kidding, but I 18 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:26,760 Speaker 1: do see an opening for a common question, and that 19 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: is what stands in the way of people really connecting 20 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: and finding the love they so desperately desire, Reginald, what 21 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 1: do you think. 22 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 2: It takes time to meditate, to contemplate, to internalize. So 23 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 2: I call soul searching. I'm very big on soul searching. 24 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 1: You know. 25 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 2: I always tell people, I said, I always ask people, 26 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 2: I said, have you done any soul searching in your life? 27 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 2: And what does that mean to you? Because you will 28 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 2: see that a lot of people they realize that they've 29 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 2: never really taken the time for themselves with themselves, you know, 30 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 2: they go by people are people are living on automatic 31 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 2: mold rather than manual mole. You know, they're living life 32 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 2: like machines, like WANs, you know, and letting everything else 33 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 2: influence them rather than them being in control, aware of 34 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:25,920 Speaker 2: themselves and influing them influencing themselves, you know, and being aware. 35 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 2: Awareness is key. Awareness is everything. I'm big on that, 36 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 2: and that's how I approach my work through personal awareness. 37 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 2: How aware are you of yourself? Because I truly believe 38 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:42,079 Speaker 2: that there is power and knowledge and self knowledge and 39 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 2: self awareness. So many people walk around with so much baggage, 40 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 2: so much drama, so much pain and hurt, not realizing 41 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,519 Speaker 2: that they're walking around with this and that they are 42 00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 2: living their life, acting upon their pain and their dramas, and. 43 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: Won't they attract somebody that can match that frequency, that 44 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,079 Speaker 1: will match their pain, meaning that that person either has 45 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 1: the same pain or that person will intensify the pain 46 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:14,200 Speaker 1: that they have. 47 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:19,080 Speaker 2: Oh, most definitely. Yeah, because we're we're all energetic beings. 48 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:24,079 Speaker 2: We're energetic beings. This is proven scientifically. You know that 49 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 2: we all have an electromagnetic field. You know, we emit 50 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 2: waves frequencies from our brain, from our heart, the strongest 51 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,600 Speaker 2: being our heart. And if you are someone who's aware 52 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 2: of the law of attraction and how energy works, what 53 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,000 Speaker 2: you put out you receive back. 54 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 1: So wait a minute, right there, what you put out 55 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 1: you put back. A woman who believes she's self aware 56 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: or man an somebody who believes they're self aware, and 57 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: they meditate and they run eight crystals on their big 58 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: toe and their eyebrow, and they you know, they good person, 59 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 1: and they feed the pigeons and they love they mama. 60 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:04,720 Speaker 1: But they keep attracting a partner that cheats. What's going 61 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: on with that person? 62 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,800 Speaker 2: Well, I always say this, I say you can do 63 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 2: all these things. You can say all the affirmations you 64 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 2: want to say, You can do all the visualization that 65 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 2: you know, and all the praying, But the thing is 66 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,919 Speaker 2: do you believe? What is it that you believe? Believe 67 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 2: is everything? Your mindset is everything because it begins with 68 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:30,599 Speaker 2: the thought. That's the seed that influences everything. So you 69 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 2: can be doing all these external things trying to manifest 70 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 2: your partner, attract your partner, but the key is your 71 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 2: belief and in alignment with what it is that you're 72 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 2: seeking and desiring. Because if you are a person that 73 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 2: you have a drama or pain from your past, whether 74 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:50,039 Speaker 2: it's the relationships through your family, and you have not 75 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 2: healed that, you have not dealt with that, there's a 76 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 2: part of you that is out of alignment and that 77 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 2: it's not agreement with your actions. You and your heart 78 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 2: is not in alignment with your actions, then nothing's going 79 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,040 Speaker 2: to manifest the way that you wanted to manifest. 80 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: You're not going to a person. You know, I've been 81 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: saying for the last couple of weeks months as I 82 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 1: work with people that women are over it. We're just 83 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,200 Speaker 1: we're just over it. Women are over it with the 84 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: men and the craziness and the cheating and the whatever whatever. 85 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 1: So let's say you have a person, men or women, 86 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 1: because there's some men out there too that have been 87 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 1: run through the mouth and they're tired, they're hopeless, they're 88 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: just kind of fed up and they're just, you know, 89 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 1: forget it. I'll just be by myself. Thereby theirself because 90 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 1: they just don't want to give the relationship, the relationship 91 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: another try. They're just they're done with it. What does 92 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 1: that person do to open themselves up again to find 93 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 1: love again? What do they do when they're responding to 94 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:01,239 Speaker 1: their experiences external to internal but that's that's how they feel. 95 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 1: What do they have to do? 96 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:10,039 Speaker 2: Yeah, So what you just described is resistance when they say, 97 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 2: you know what, enough is enough? I'm going to resist 98 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 2: in fact, because the truth is they want to be loved. 99 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 2: There's no doubt about that. Everyone wants to be loved, 100 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 2: you know. But they put up a wall because of 101 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 2: the love that they have experienced has led to hurt 102 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 2: and has led to pain, and so they're they're protecting themselves. 103 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:37,840 Speaker 2: It's a protective mechanism, a defense mechanism. So to that 104 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:43,840 Speaker 2: person that's gotten to that point, I first say, stop 105 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,680 Speaker 2: blaming and focusing on the other person. I think a 106 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,479 Speaker 2: lot of times it's so easy to put the blame 107 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,480 Speaker 2: on other people you know, and say, oh, they did 108 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 2: this and that and blah blah blah, et cetera. But 109 00:06:56,320 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 2: I say, what have you done? What are you doing? 110 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:07,440 Speaker 2: What accountability are you taking? Because that's the key part 111 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 2: that's missing. It's accountability. No want to take accountability. Everybody 112 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 2: wants to point fingers that that person he said, she said, 113 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 2: they did that. 114 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 1: So to that person that's tired, hopeless, in resistance, set 115 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 1: up a wall to avoid being heard. Again, I hear 116 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 1: you saying that the first step is to look at 117 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:36,040 Speaker 1: what they're doing. Okay, so you want to put this 118 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: to practice. 119 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm ready. 120 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 1: Greeting's been loving and welcome to the R Spot. My 121 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 1: guest today is Reginald Lewis, and he is the sole matcher. 122 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: So he's going to help you find a match for 123 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 1: your soul. 124 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you for your time today. 125 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. So what is it that you want Reginald to 126 00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:58,840 Speaker 1: help you with today? 127 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:00,440 Speaker 2: Okay? 128 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:03,960 Speaker 3: So I'm calling because one of the biggest areas of 129 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 3: my life that I feel stuck in is my love life. 130 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:10,480 Speaker 3: I'm looking for partnership, but I feel like I'm constantly 131 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,559 Speaker 3: accepting less than what I desire. I feel very much stuck. 132 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 3: So my question is, how can I get completely completely 133 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 3: unstuck from past trauma beliefs so that I can attract 134 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 3: all that I desire in romantic relationships? 135 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 1: Oh my god, did you write that question down? I 136 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 1: can get complete? 137 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 3: Yes, I had to on talking to mommy, Yamla. I 138 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,959 Speaker 3: had to get it to get all right. 139 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 1: Well, you gotta talk to Reginald Lewis, go ahead, soul matchup. 140 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 1: You got that. 141 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 2: So it's like you've been through past relationships, past traumas, 142 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,559 Speaker 2: relationships that didn't quite work out, but you expected them 143 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:47,559 Speaker 2: to work out. Correct. 144 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:52,120 Speaker 3: Yes, I mean I've been through everything from abusive relationship 145 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 3: to just simply I make a list and none of 146 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 3: the boxes are checked, but I'm still entertaining. I'm still there, 147 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 3: and I know that a lot of it has to 148 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 3: do with past traumas, but I feel like I'm doing 149 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 3: some work to move past that. But I just still 150 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 3: feel like I still have the cooties emotionally. 151 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I feel like, like any 152 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 2: dramatic situation, you're going to carry it and it's going 153 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 2: to be very much so instilled in you, and it 154 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,720 Speaker 2: takes a like dislodging, you know, it takes it takes work. 155 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,559 Speaker 2: You're going to have to dig deep to those roots, 156 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:31,680 Speaker 2: dig up those things, you know. And it sounds like 157 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 2: you said you started, so you're doing the work. So 158 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,719 Speaker 2: when you say, hey, you're doing the work, what what 159 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 2: does that mean at this point for you? Doing the work? 160 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,959 Speaker 2: Where where's the healing for you? The process of healing 161 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 2: for you right now? 162 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 4: Uh? 163 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 3: The process of healing is that I've gone through some 164 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 3: years of counseling. I identify with being like daddy wass daughter, 165 00:09:55,360 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 3: emotionally detached mother and so I so I struggle with 166 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 3: worthiness and value. So the work is centered around just 167 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 3: you know, developing like that I'm worthy for good because 168 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 3: I feel like good is like removed for me inherently. 169 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 2: So are you currently as you're doing your work on yourself? 170 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:20,160 Speaker 2: Are you talking to other people? Are you dating? 171 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 3: Not anything to write home about. I feel like I 172 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 3: talk to people, but I don't. It's not anything like 173 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,679 Speaker 3: I don't really go out. I don't really let it 174 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:37,600 Speaker 3: go past like verbal stuff or maybe even flirting sometimes 175 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:42,760 Speaker 3: because I'm literally scared of my ability to make a 176 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 3: good Joine, What do. 177 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,839 Speaker 2: You feel that you lack, that you do not trust 178 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 2: yourself and your own decision making. 179 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,960 Speaker 3: I don't want to be stuck on a story, but 180 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 3: I what comes up for me when you ask that 181 00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:01,199 Speaker 3: is that I haven't been affirmed throughout my life. 182 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 2: With the big people. 183 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 3: So I don't I don't inherently feel like I don't 184 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,960 Speaker 3: have that developed muscle that like, yeah, I'm going out 185 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 3: in the world and I'm trusting my choices and I'm 186 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:16,000 Speaker 3: walking around without you know, like even considering that you know, 187 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 3: my value is a thing. I feel like that part 188 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 3: of me is underdeveloped, and when I'm doing the work 189 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 3: as an adult, it just feels like there's a tather 190 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:28,679 Speaker 3: going on in there. So I just feel like that's underdeveloped, 191 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 3: and that's that's lacking. 192 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 1: Let me talk to Reginald for a minute, so a 193 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 1: couple of things and she can just be a fly 194 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: on the wall. List does talk about it, okay, But 195 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 1: can she finds someone who acknowledges her worth and her 196 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: value before she does that for herself? 197 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:51,359 Speaker 2: I say no, If you don't come to the fulalization yourself, 198 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,840 Speaker 2: how can you expect someone else to come and to 199 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:59,680 Speaker 2: see that fualization themselves. Because relationships are all that I 200 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:05,840 Speaker 2: can mirrors their reflections. They're mirrors. Okay, So if you 201 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:10,199 Speaker 2: don't trust yourself and you keep people at a distance, 202 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 2: guess what, They're not going to trust you and they're 203 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 2: going to remain at a distance. 204 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: We'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back 205 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 1: to the R spot. Let's pick up where we left off. 206 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:38,839 Speaker 1: I heard her say that because she was never affirmed, 207 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:44,439 Speaker 1: that her sense of value and sense of worth is underdeveloped. 208 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 1: So are there some concrete things she can do to 209 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 1: begin building that value and building that worth that can 210 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: then be recognized and acknowledged by somebody else. What are 211 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 1: some concrete things that she can do? 212 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 2: Begin to do things for yourself that make you feel good. 213 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 2: Things not because it's for someone else, you know, but 214 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 2: because it's for you. Meaning go out, get out, but 215 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 2: get out for you. Don't get out because it's like 216 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,719 Speaker 2: I want to meet somebody for someone else. Get out 217 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:24,840 Speaker 2: and do things for your personal enjoyment, for your personal satisfaction. 218 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,400 Speaker 2: Because what I heard is that there was a lack 219 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 2: of confidence. That's I was going to say earlier. There's 220 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 2: a lack of confidence. You don't have the confidence enough 221 00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 2: to say I trust myself. I trust my decisions, and 222 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,720 Speaker 2: I trust the people that I allow to come into 223 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,560 Speaker 2: my life or come into my space. And so you 224 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 2: have to allow yourself to become more acclimated with making practical, 225 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:52,079 Speaker 2: small decisions and choices that you're confident in for yourself 226 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:53,680 Speaker 2: to build your confidence. 227 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 1: But you know what, Reginald, she raises a very common 228 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 1: theme that I hear from people. I've made so many 229 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: mistakes in the past. How can I trust that I 230 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,080 Speaker 1: won't do it again? Does that sound familiar to you, beloved? 231 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:11,200 Speaker 1: I cannot trust that I won't do it again? So 232 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,680 Speaker 1: how does she get through that? 233 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 2: You know, they're just saying do the same thing get 234 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,920 Speaker 2: the same result, do something different get a different result. 235 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 2: Maybe looking at the patterns of those choices, those decisions 236 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 2: you know that you feel that work out the best 237 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 2: for you, and say, what were the decisions or choices 238 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:32,280 Speaker 2: that I made then that kind of led to those 239 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:36,760 Speaker 2: circumstances and situations, And what can I do now differently? 240 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,400 Speaker 3: So I definitely am trying to do more of that 241 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,440 Speaker 3: where I'm reflecting so that I don't continue to make 242 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 3: the same voices. 243 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 1: Let me offer you this ancient Buddhist principle that says 244 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:56,000 Speaker 1: nothing is permanent, nothing is personal, and nothing is perfect. 245 00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: So when you look at your past relationships, know that 246 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 1: no relationship, not with the best in the world, it's 247 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 1: not permanent because eventually the person's gonna die or you're 248 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 1: gonna die. So nothing is permanent. So don't think that 249 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 1: any of your past relationships had to be permanent. They 250 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: were learning tools, they were proving grounds. So nothing is permanent, 251 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: nothing is personal, nothing is personal. People do what they 252 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,240 Speaker 1: do based on who they are and the information that 253 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:30,800 Speaker 1: they had. So you had some information back then that 254 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: you have updated so you can now function with current events. 255 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 3: Okay, you don't. 256 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 1: Have to worry about what was and it wasn't personal. 257 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:43,080 Speaker 1: They didn't beat you up or betray you or deny 258 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 1: you because they were coming for you personally. That's just 259 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 1: what they do. And you didn't make the choices and 260 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 1: decisions that you made because you were personally trying to 261 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 1: be their doormat or personally trying to be their victim. 262 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 1: It won't personal. It was based on the information that 263 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:03,560 Speaker 1: you had. And nothing is perfect, nothing, nothing and no one. 264 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: So you're never going to get it perfectly right. You're 265 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,360 Speaker 1: never going to do it perfectly right. You do based 266 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: on who you are. Now. You're a woman who's acknowledged 267 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,360 Speaker 1: your mistakes. You've gone, you've gotten some help, you're growing, 268 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,000 Speaker 1: you're healing. I remember when I did a show with 269 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 1: a young man ace metaphor, and I said to him, 270 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 1: what would you tell women who are really wanting to 271 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 1: to date or find somebody? You know what? He said, 272 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 1: Get out of the house, he said, go out, just 273 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 1: as Richanoda's saying to you, go out, you know, and 274 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:46,960 Speaker 1: go to places that men frequent, like the home depot. Okay, 275 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 1: get dressed up, put on your finest heels and your 276 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 1: fishnet stockings, and just walk the aisles of the home 277 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:01,520 Speaker 1: or go to the mechanic shop say I need some help, 278 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 1: and then they'll say, well what do you need? I 279 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: don't know. I just don't know. Can you listen and 280 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 1: see if this sounds all right? 281 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:14,040 Speaker 3: You know, just be seen. I remember you saying that before. 282 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,640 Speaker 3: You said something about like if you feel a little 283 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:20,359 Speaker 3: uncomfortable around male energy energy, to just get around it. 284 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 3: Where even if you're not like trying to be straightforward 285 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 3: and like date someone that you could just get comfortable 286 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,240 Speaker 3: around being around male energy. 287 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:30,439 Speaker 4: So I love that. 288 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:31,840 Speaker 3: I love those ideas. 289 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: One of the things that you know, I tell women 290 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 1: all the time is speak to every man you see 291 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: with no attachment to his response. If you're in the 292 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 1: superman high, how are you be? Couldn't morning? How you 293 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:44,119 Speaker 1: look at you? 294 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:44,520 Speaker 3: Just one? 295 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 1: Just speak to every man you see, white, black, old, young, stake, gay, 296 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,440 Speaker 1: It don't matter if it's a man. Just speak to him, 297 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:55,440 Speaker 1: just you know, Sasha by and just say hi. That's 298 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 1: how you're going to build the confidence that Reginald is 299 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,439 Speaker 1: talking about. And one of them will bite, you know, 300 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,919 Speaker 1: one of them will or one of them won't, and 301 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:06,679 Speaker 1: you just keep saying hi. Just high, no attachment. You know, 302 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: you're not trying to marry everything in the supermarket. 303 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:13,480 Speaker 3: Or everything at the lose, you know. But I love that. 304 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:13,880 Speaker 1: You know. 305 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:17,400 Speaker 2: I want to say this as well, is that it's 306 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 2: okay to make mistakes. 307 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:20,440 Speaker 1: Just don't marry them. 308 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:27,879 Speaker 2: But make a mistake, but learn from it, Learn that 309 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,359 Speaker 2: from because that's what life is about, you know. And 310 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,200 Speaker 2: another thing, too, which I feel is a conscious thing, 311 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 2: is the fear of rejection. 312 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: Let's talk about that. What is that? What is the 313 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 1: fear of being rejected? What? What? What is that, Reginald. 314 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 1: What do we tell ourselves about somebody rejecting us? 315 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,119 Speaker 2: Most people have the fear of rejections, the fear of 316 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:53,480 Speaker 2: being denied, being turned down, not being received. For most 317 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 2: people that means that they feel denied, They feel that 318 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:03,360 Speaker 2: something is wrong with them. You know, they take it personal. 319 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:10,760 Speaker 1: Nothing's personal nothing you know when people reject me, you 320 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 1: know what I say, Well, hell, that ain't the one 321 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,879 Speaker 1: for me, because what I want is wanting me to 322 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 1: so buye, get out the way next, keep it moving. Yeah, 323 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,720 Speaker 1: but that's huge, the fear of rejection. And I think 324 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:30,000 Speaker 1: it's sometime because we want it or them, we think 325 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:33,280 Speaker 1: they should want us. And then if it ain't for you, 326 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,440 Speaker 1: it ain't for you. And if you force it, then 327 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,680 Speaker 1: you really will be rejected or turned down or denied. 328 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,040 Speaker 1: So we love it. Tell me something you know now 329 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 1: that you didn't know when you called, That. 330 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,200 Speaker 3: I need to go out to the whole depot of 331 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:53,639 Speaker 3: the shit, that I that it's okay to make mistakes, 332 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:57,480 Speaker 3: and that nothing is personal, perfect or permanent, and that 333 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 3: I should be willing to do something different because I 334 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,360 Speaker 3: can't keep doing the same thing expecting a different result. 335 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 3: So thank you for. 336 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:11,119 Speaker 1: That, and and that your past missteps were really a 337 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 1: setup for what's possible. Now you know what you did before, 338 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 1: do something different, don't do that. If you didn't speak 339 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,200 Speaker 1: up back, then speak up now. If you let little 340 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 1: things slide back, then don't let them slide now. If 341 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 1: you didn't ask for what you wanted back, then ask 342 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,200 Speaker 1: for what you would. Just do it different, because life 343 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,760 Speaker 1: gives you an endless supply of do overs. There is 344 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:35,000 Speaker 1: an endless supply of do overts. You can do it 345 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,879 Speaker 1: over and over and over until you get it. Listen, 346 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: you stay in touch and let me know how you're 347 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,320 Speaker 1: making out. And thank you for writing your question. Now, 348 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 1: it was so precise and nice. All right, Okay, bye bye, Yeah, Reginald. 349 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: That thing, that rejection, then that really keeps people stuff. 350 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 2: And so I feel that's a big thing with people, 351 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 2: is that fear of rejection and ego? Is that ego? Well, 352 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 2: I'm not going to say anything to that person. I'm 353 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 2: not going to put myself out there, you know. I'm 354 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,159 Speaker 2: going to try to play the tough person, you know, 355 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 2: and I don't need anybody or all of that. Yeah, yeah, 356 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:20,000 Speaker 2: you know. 357 00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,480 Speaker 1: We got one more call of Reginald. I want to 358 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 1: try to get him in because I want everybody to 359 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:30,359 Speaker 1: have a little piece of you. Welcome, beloved, thank you, 360 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for your patience. I want to 361 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:36,320 Speaker 1: get you on with mister Reginald Lewis, the soul matcher, 362 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,760 Speaker 1: so he can support you and moving forward in your 363 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:43,320 Speaker 1: love life. Do you have a question, a concern, I issue, 364 00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,880 Speaker 1: a challenge you want to present to him today? 365 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 4: Sure, So a little bit about myself. I'm twenty seven 366 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:55,119 Speaker 4: years old. I live in the DC area, and I 367 00:21:55,200 --> 00:22:01,000 Speaker 4: have never been in any successful long term relationship. I've 368 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,640 Speaker 4: always gotten into like. 369 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,160 Speaker 1: Long term twenty seven. 370 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:11,400 Speaker 4: I know long year, long term, like over over a year. 371 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 4: I would say over a year. 372 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, you could have a long relationship in 373 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,639 Speaker 1: twenty seven. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry, yeah. 374 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 4: No, no, it's okay. So yeah, So I'm just I'm 375 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 4: wondering my last relationship that ended at about a year, 376 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 4: that it didn't even quite make it to a year. 377 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 4: But that was four years ago, and I've been constantly, 378 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:38,919 Speaker 4: like going to therapy, working on myself, getting my life together, 379 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,679 Speaker 4: making sure that I'm able to do what I need 380 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 4: to do to take care of myself. Before I involve 381 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 4: myself to anybody else. So I'm basically wondering, is there 382 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,320 Speaker 4: anything else that I need to do to prepare to 383 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,200 Speaker 4: re enter the dating pool? 384 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,520 Speaker 1: Oh Lord, miss the matchmaker, go ahead. 385 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 2: Okay, Well I would say this, you're doing the first 386 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 2: and most important thing, which is you're prioritizing yourself. Do 387 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,160 Speaker 2: you want to get married? Are you? Are you looking 388 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 2: or are you just looking just to Okay, so that's 389 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,080 Speaker 2: something that you desire. You would like to find someone 390 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:18,439 Speaker 2: that is a potential marriage partner. Okay. Another question is 391 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,800 Speaker 2: are you on any dating sites? 392 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:22,399 Speaker 4: I'm on all the dating apps. 393 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm glad to ask that question. Okay, ye on 394 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:32,040 Speaker 2: your dating are you clear? Are you intentional that I 395 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:37,280 Speaker 2: seek marriage a marriage partner? I'm seeking a marriage partner. 396 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,640 Speaker 4: No, so I don't. I don't have it explicitly as. 397 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:45,080 Speaker 2: That you're still wasting time and you're wasting energy, right 398 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,920 Speaker 2: because whoever is that you know you're you're dating or 399 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,560 Speaker 2: you're talking to, they can't read your mind. And so 400 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:55,359 Speaker 2: if you begin to date someone and you find out that, 401 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,760 Speaker 2: oh they don't want to get married, you know, they 402 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 2: just want to just have fun whatever, you know they're 403 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,439 Speaker 2: focusing on self, just want to, you know, have a 404 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,960 Speaker 2: good time. It's because you wasn't clear and your intentions 405 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 2: and you did not express that, you didn't make that known. 406 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:14,400 Speaker 2: Women particularly, they say I want to get married or 407 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:18,120 Speaker 2: I want a lifelong partner and hits, but they never 408 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 2: write that and their profile. 409 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,359 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not asking for what they want. 410 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 1: They're not asking. 411 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,920 Speaker 2: They're not asking, they're not being clear about what they want. 412 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,720 Speaker 2: And they're wondering, well, how come I'm not meeting the 413 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,960 Speaker 2: right person, the right individual because you haven't made it 414 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,760 Speaker 2: clear exactly what you want and what you desire. Okay, 415 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 2: but if you're clear about what you want to desire, 416 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 2: then that person that reads your profile, if it's there 417 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:49,359 Speaker 2: in straight bull print and they can read, they're either 418 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 2: going to say that's what I want as well, and 419 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,000 Speaker 2: this is someone that I want to interact with because 420 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,480 Speaker 2: we have a mutual interest and common purpose, or they're not. 421 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:05,679 Speaker 1: We'll talk about that when we come. Welcome back. I 422 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:09,040 Speaker 1: am y, I'm learing this is the R spot. Here's 423 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:12,280 Speaker 1: what my mother told me long time ago. How many 424 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 1: frogs must you kiss before you meet a prince? Because 425 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,360 Speaker 1: if you ain't willing to kiss some frogs you may 426 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,320 Speaker 1: never meet your prince. Are you willing to kiss a 427 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:28,560 Speaker 1: few frogs on the day inside, Yeah, it's a frog, 428 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,400 Speaker 1: you throw it back. You don't take that home right exactly? 429 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,679 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm willing to kiss a few frogs. I have 430 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:39,360 Speaker 4: a question about putting out my I know my personal 431 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:44,440 Speaker 4: intentions is to get a marriage partner and be set 432 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:49,240 Speaker 4: up with a lifelong partner. But I was told that 433 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:53,360 Speaker 4: sometimes if you lead with your intentions, you might meet 434 00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:57,440 Speaker 4: somebody that is untruthful and just tell you that that's 435 00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:00,800 Speaker 4: their intentions as well, just to continue to play around 436 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:01,080 Speaker 4: with you. 437 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 2: I'm glad you brought that up. 438 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,879 Speaker 4: That's why I don't have that necessarily on my dating 439 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,760 Speaker 4: profile and I don't lead with it on a date. 440 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 2: Well, this is the thing is if you don't want 441 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,040 Speaker 2: to waste time and energy, like you said, you have 442 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,240 Speaker 2: to be clear and you have to be direct about 443 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:23,960 Speaker 2: what you want. You have to write that out and 444 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:25,520 Speaker 2: either they're going to read it or not going to 445 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 2: read it. Now as far as you saying that that 446 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,440 Speaker 2: person may be able to deceive you, this is where 447 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:35,119 Speaker 2: you have to use your discernment. And this is another 448 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,399 Speaker 2: key aspect that I feel a lot of people miss 449 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:43,000 Speaker 2: ask questions to see where this person is or where 450 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,240 Speaker 2: they're at, because there's no way that they're going to 451 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,920 Speaker 2: be able to prolong something and deceive you. If you're 452 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 2: asking questions, if you're communicating, if you're getting to know 453 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,960 Speaker 2: who this person is. And discernment comes from your soul, 454 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 2: True discernment comes from your soul, your ability to make 455 00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:07,879 Speaker 2: right judgment for yourself. What's right for you, what's beneficial 456 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:09,800 Speaker 2: for you, what's good for you, what's good for your soul? 457 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:14,520 Speaker 2: So people need to begin to ask themselves, is this 458 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,800 Speaker 2: right for me? Is this in my highest and best 459 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,160 Speaker 2: benefit for me? Does this feel right to me? Does 460 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:25,879 Speaker 2: this feel good to me? Does this add to peace 461 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:29,640 Speaker 2: in my life? Because I truly believe a relationship never 462 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,760 Speaker 2: feel like a prison. That's if a relationship feels like 463 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,760 Speaker 2: a prison, then that means there's all types of stuff 464 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:37,359 Speaker 2: going on there that's not supposed to be going on. 465 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,960 Speaker 2: There's control and raby a whole bunch of other things. 466 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:44,360 Speaker 2: And relationships aren't about of control, they're about but. 467 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:45,359 Speaker 4: How how do you? 468 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:45,919 Speaker 3: How do you? 469 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 1: What about the little hiccups? Because when you're learning somebody, 470 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:53,919 Speaker 1: when you're growing into somebody. They will be missteps. So 471 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,320 Speaker 1: how do you know it's a misstep and or or 472 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 1: this is not feeling good and I'm gonna throw this 473 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:02,000 Speaker 1: relationship away. How do you make that? Is that what 474 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,000 Speaker 1: discerned means exactly? 475 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,600 Speaker 2: There's a difference, for sure between a misstep. Like the 476 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,480 Speaker 2: young lader said, it's okay to make mistakes. People make mistakes, Okay. 477 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:13,720 Speaker 2: Now the question is if you make a mistake in 478 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:17,160 Speaker 2: the relationship you're you're with someone, does that person forgive? 479 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,320 Speaker 2: Are you forgiving of each other? Are you willing to 480 00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:24,439 Speaker 2: work and progress beyond that, learn from that and to 481 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:28,040 Speaker 2: move on. It's different now someone is consistent and persistent 482 00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:31,360 Speaker 2: in the mistake and your discernment to say, oh that's 483 00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:32,119 Speaker 2: a red flag. 484 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,320 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, And I would write that down 485 00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:38,080 Speaker 1: too and put that on my little piece of paper. 486 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:42,240 Speaker 1: Pay attention to the red flags or the blue flags 487 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,880 Speaker 1: or the green flags if it's a flag, pay pay 488 00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 1: attention to the flags. That means the repetitive abuses, violations, missteps, stories, 489 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,440 Speaker 1: pay attention to the flags. I put that down on 490 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:57,959 Speaker 1: my thing, and not moving too fast and giving up 491 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,680 Speaker 1: the huhah before they deserve that. See the hoohah, don't 492 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,160 Speaker 1: give up the hoo hold on. 493 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:04,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. 494 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,160 Speaker 4: So that's another question. How long do you hold on 495 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 4: to the who has. 496 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,680 Speaker 1: Well? You know, I follow the ninety day rule, and 497 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 1: if I see anything between day one and ninety that 498 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:19,760 Speaker 1: makes me a little suspicious, I'll move it up to 499 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,239 Speaker 1: one twenty because they ain't gonna hang around for one 500 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 1: hundred and twenty days without the hu haa. You know, 501 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: they if they don't have good intentions. So hold on 502 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:30,000 Speaker 1: to the hoho hah. 503 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:35,720 Speaker 2: Okay, And if you're looking for a husband and a husband, 504 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,960 Speaker 2: someone who's husband potential is looking for a wife someone 505 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:43,880 Speaker 2: whose wife potential, they're going to get to know you. 506 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 2: You know, they're going to show interest in who you are. Okay, Yeah, 507 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 2: there's gonna be physical attraction there, of course. You know, 508 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,720 Speaker 2: we're human beings. We have physical attraction and there's nothing 509 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:57,320 Speaker 2: wrong with that. But like you said, do not move 510 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,840 Speaker 2: forward too fast. Take your time. Take your time to 511 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 2: get to know this person. Get to know their background, 512 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 2: get to know their relationships with their family, with themselves, 513 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,479 Speaker 2: what they desire, what their goals are, what their purpose is, 514 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 2: so that you can see whether the Remember earlier I 515 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:16,280 Speaker 2: said core values. What are your core values? Do their 516 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,280 Speaker 2: values align with your values? 517 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,360 Speaker 1: And you know you're a young woman. So one of 518 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,600 Speaker 1: the things that I would say to you is, above all, 519 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:28,360 Speaker 1: know what his relationship is like with his mother, because 520 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,360 Speaker 1: that's going to tell you a lot. He's got to 521 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:35,680 Speaker 1: be in either neutral relationship or good relationship with his mother. 522 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,600 Speaker 1: And you don't want him to think you're lunchable. You 523 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:41,680 Speaker 1: want him to think you're a full course meal. And 524 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,480 Speaker 1: that takes time. You know, they have appetizer, and they 525 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 1: have the dreams, and they set the table and they 526 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,560 Speaker 1: change the plate. You know that means take your time 527 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:57,200 Speaker 1: and don't convince yourself that you know that you're lunchable. 528 00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:00,080 Speaker 1: Don't be desperate. You're twenty seven. You got to at 529 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,080 Speaker 1: least another six years, so take your time and really 530 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 1: get clear as rich as a reginal as saying yes, 531 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:11,000 Speaker 1: twenty seven, Yeah, that's good, that's good. Well thank you. 532 00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 1: Tell me something you know now that you didn't know 533 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: when you called another. 534 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,560 Speaker 4: Okay, it's not that I didn't know it before, but 535 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,040 Speaker 4: I think you all kind of dusted it off and 536 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:23,680 Speaker 4: brought it to the forefront. For me, is using discernments, right, 537 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:29,400 Speaker 4: So being a little bit, not judgmental, but being using 538 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:35,200 Speaker 4: judgment as a form to really get to interrogate and 539 00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,880 Speaker 4: get to know somebody for who they truly are, versus 540 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:44,320 Speaker 4: just taking what they say on the surface and rolling 541 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,880 Speaker 4: with it, but actually getting down to the deeper levels 542 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:52,240 Speaker 4: and understanding what their intentions are and seeing if their 543 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 4: answers align with what they told you before maybe thirty 544 00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,840 Speaker 4: days later, like are you saying the same thing or 545 00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 4: are you always switching up your answers consistency. 546 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you 547 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:07,680 Speaker 1: can have what you want? 548 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,800 Speaker 4: I believe that everything success. I believe that success is 549 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,360 Speaker 4: written for me absolutely. 550 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:14,360 Speaker 1: And what is it that you want when it comes 551 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 1: to a relationship. Let me hear you articulate what it 552 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:21,480 Speaker 1: is that you want. What do you want? 553 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:26,160 Speaker 4: I want a caring partner, somebody that's loyal, and somebody 554 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 4: that value family. Those are the top three things that 555 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:30,200 Speaker 4: I want. 556 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:34,360 Speaker 1: Okay, Oh really, do you want him to have hand tea? 557 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:34,680 Speaker 2: Yeah? 558 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,000 Speaker 1: Do you want his parts to be working? 559 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:37,320 Speaker 2: Oh? 560 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:37,760 Speaker 1: All? 561 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,320 Speaker 4: I want all. I want it to look like a 562 00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:47,120 Speaker 4: good package too, But yes, I do I do value that. 563 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:49,400 Speaker 1: Okay, Well you know what you have. 564 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,320 Speaker 2: Don't leave any don't leave. 565 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:54,320 Speaker 1: Anything the chance, you know, put it all out there, 566 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,200 Speaker 1: hold all of that in your mind so that you 567 00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:01,240 Speaker 1: you know, because if you want six two mocha with 568 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:04,480 Speaker 1: a bald head and a beard, you won't even entertain 569 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:12,320 Speaker 1: five to seven latte with no teeth. You got to 570 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 1: be clear, You got to be clear. I'm real clear. 571 00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:20,360 Speaker 1: You know certain things are just a necessity for me. Well, 572 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 1: good luck to you. Twenty seven year old has never 573 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,360 Speaker 1: had a serious relationship that lasted longer than a year. 574 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,560 Speaker 1: You don't know how lucky you are, because there's some 575 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,600 Speaker 1: twenty seven years old who could write a series of 576 00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:37,200 Speaker 1: horror stories based on their relationship. So good luck to you. 577 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:41,320 Speaker 1: Hear what Reginald said and let me know and send 578 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:42,320 Speaker 1: me an invitation to. 579 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,840 Speaker 4: The wed awesome. Yes, we'll do. Thanks to the both 580 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:45,040 Speaker 4: of you. 581 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 1: Okay, bye, bye, fine Reginald. It has been just a joy. 582 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,440 Speaker 1: It has been a joy. I want to tell you 583 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,640 Speaker 1: what I got down from all of the people you 584 00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,960 Speaker 1: spoke to and all of the stuff that we did. 585 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 1: Get clear about who you are. Step number one, Be 586 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:08,840 Speaker 1: clear about who you are from the inside out. Be 587 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:14,200 Speaker 1: clear and intentional about what you want, and that includes 588 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:18,319 Speaker 1: knowing your core values and what matters to you, be 589 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 1: willing to ask for what you want, you know, put 590 00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:25,640 Speaker 1: it out there. What else do our spots need to 591 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:30,920 Speaker 1: know when it comes to really dating and looking for relationships? 592 00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:31,560 Speaker 1: What else? 593 00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:34,000 Speaker 2: I think people go to relationship they feel a relationship 594 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:37,719 Speaker 2: is supposed to fulfill all my needs. No, okay, a 595 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 2: relationship is not meant to fulfill all of your needs. Okay, 596 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:47,440 Speaker 2: a relationship. From my experience, what I've learned personally as 597 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:51,000 Speaker 2: well as through working with others, is that relationships are 598 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:58,000 Speaker 2: about growth. Okay. Yeah, And you can fulfil yourself or 599 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:02,359 Speaker 2: one can fulfill. You can only complete yourself. No one 600 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:07,759 Speaker 2: can complete you. People can compliment you, people can support you, 601 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,800 Speaker 2: but you only fulfill yourself. 602 00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:12,279 Speaker 1: But but can I ask you a question? I want 603 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:13,840 Speaker 1: to ask you a personal question. You don't have to 604 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,319 Speaker 1: answer it if you don't want to, but I'm gonna 605 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,760 Speaker 1: ask the question. Anyhow, you you who can see things 606 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,480 Speaker 1: and angels into people's soul and stuff, you can have 607 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,279 Speaker 1: a personal relationship with somebody. 608 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:26,960 Speaker 2: That's a great question. A lot of people ask me 609 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:33,440 Speaker 2: that it is. I know anyone who I believe is 610 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 2: a very discerning person, very self aware individual. It's difficult 611 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,319 Speaker 2: because unfortunately, it's not that there aren't other people's, other 612 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:48,640 Speaker 2: self aware, conscious people in the world, but it's they're 613 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,600 Speaker 2: not freely flowing in the world like everybody else. 614 00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:51,920 Speaker 1: You know. 615 00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:56,719 Speaker 2: It's like it's it's you have to you have to 616 00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,560 Speaker 2: have faith and kind of know, Okay, I'm not alone, 617 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:02,240 Speaker 2: and that I will meet and connect with those people 618 00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,120 Speaker 2: at the right place at the right time. It takes 619 00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,160 Speaker 2: a certain faith and trust and higher power. And that's 620 00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,879 Speaker 2: how my life has always worked. I've never been one 621 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:16,040 Speaker 2: to seek or to search for those relationships. I've always 622 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:17,719 Speaker 2: been the type of person. You know, I'm going to 623 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,479 Speaker 2: live my life and live my life to the best 624 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,319 Speaker 2: capability of being the best version of myself being who 625 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 2: I am, and with being who I am, I am 626 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,680 Speaker 2: going to attract those who are in alignment with who 627 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,920 Speaker 2: I am, who see who I am and want to 628 00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,799 Speaker 2: connect with me. 629 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:35,440 Speaker 1: You know. But what happens when they come and they 630 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:40,400 Speaker 1: connect and then you see they lit their wonderfulness, their 631 00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,560 Speaker 1: human wonderfulness. What do you do then? 632 00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:45,239 Speaker 2: Well, you know the things We're all human, you know, 633 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,760 Speaker 2: you know, no one's perfect, No one's perfect. I'm not perfect. 634 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,560 Speaker 2: We're all human beings. We're all in this body for 635 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:53,640 Speaker 2: we all have our flaws, we all have our things 636 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:55,319 Speaker 2: that we need to work on, we need to grow on. 637 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,239 Speaker 2: And the thing is, that's the thing is that you 638 00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:01,080 Speaker 2: have to be willing to set that person for who 639 00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:04,839 Speaker 2: they are and every aspect of who they are. And 640 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,360 Speaker 2: that's how I approach my life. That's how I approach 641 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:10,520 Speaker 2: my relationships in every aspect of my life, is that 642 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,600 Speaker 2: I acknowledge the human aspect of them. But that's just 643 00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:16,480 Speaker 2: not you know, I'm on a mission right now, and 644 00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:18,480 Speaker 2: when I feel like that right person may come along, 645 00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:20,520 Speaker 2: they have to be a part of the mission or 646 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:21,400 Speaker 2: not a boord. 647 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,319 Speaker 1: Reginald, Where can people find you if they want to 648 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,000 Speaker 1: come and get their soul matched up? 649 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,879 Speaker 2: People can find me at my website at my sole 650 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,640 Speaker 2: matchmaker dot com or Reginald Lawis dot com. 651 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,799 Speaker 1: And you also do intuitive readings, right if somebody just 652 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 1: wants to come in and you do coaching. 653 00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:44,839 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I do consulting. I do intu the readings, consulting, 654 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:49,239 Speaker 2: life coaching, spiritual life coaching and counseling work as well as. 655 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:56,880 Speaker 1: The okay, okay, Reginald Lewis my maatchmaker dot com. Thank you, beloved, 656 00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,640 Speaker 1: it has been a joy. I hope that all of 657 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,719 Speaker 1: you are spotors out there have gotten something that they 658 00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:06,680 Speaker 1: can use today, that they can use in their life. 659 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:10,520 Speaker 1: Make those notes, get clear about who you are, be 660 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,840 Speaker 1: intentional about what you want, know your values and what 661 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,120 Speaker 1: matters to you. Ask for what you want, use the sermon, 662 00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:22,960 Speaker 1: and pay attention to the flags. Thank you, rich, Thank you, 663 00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:24,239 Speaker 1: I appreciate you. 664 00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,200 Speaker 2: Pleasure in the. 665 00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:30,040 Speaker 1: Meantime, stay in peace, not in pieces, and I will 666 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:39,960 Speaker 1: see you next time. Bye. The R Spot is a 667 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:45,520 Speaker 1: production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more 668 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:51,200 Speaker 1: podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 669 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:55,080 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.