Speaker 1: Nicky Glazery. Here's Nikki here. I am hello, Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Nick Glazer Podcast. You had a little bit of
Speaker 1: a break back with one episode this week, and then
Speaker 1: another break and then another break, but then we're going
Speaker 1: to be back again four episodes a week. We'll be
Speaker 1: back to normal. Today's very special episode for right before
Speaker 1: break before we start season two. Um, we have not
Speaker 1: only Andrew and Noah here as usual, but today we
Speaker 1: have a special guest, my sister, Laurence. Your sister. Yeah
Speaker 1: you didn't know that, did you see it? Now? I'm like,
Speaker 1: very serious, realize you are so similar. You guys are
Speaker 1: born with like you what I would do for y'all's
Speaker 1: teeth and mouth this is from braces. Hers are naturally
Speaker 1: that straight. They just came in that way. But it's
Speaker 1: like bottoms. Wait let me, Oh, yeah, you got dad's
Speaker 1: but I got dad bottoms. Yeah, I got Dad's bottom.
Speaker 1: Body got a dad bob. Everyone knows. Yeah. Um, Lauren,
Speaker 1: I have to say, right before the podcast started, Lauren
Speaker 1: just got a little cozy in the chair and like
Speaker 1: put her arm like on my leg kind of like
Speaker 1: you just said it there and it was touching my
Speaker 1: leg and it was so soothing, Like I feel like
Speaker 1: we just didn't touch a lot in our like we
Speaker 1: didn't get that. I mean I used to make you
Speaker 1: like sit on me and things like that. Do you
Speaker 1: remember I used to do that? Yeah, this casting couch?
Speaker 1: What is going on? What's about? You just lay on
Speaker 1: the floor and I was just like, oh what, yeah,
Speaker 1: put pressure on you. I'm so artistic talking about you
Speaker 1: were put pressure just like, well, you just lay on me.
Speaker 1: I always wanted my mom and my sister to lay
Speaker 1: on me like bank, just like lay on top of me.
Speaker 1: It feels so now. I mean we're basically on each
Speaker 1: other because we can't sit on this chair. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: chair is Honestly, I fucking love this. Can I get
Speaker 1: a lot of weights so much? No, no, no, it
Speaker 1: would be too much. This is perfect. Oh yeah, baby,
Speaker 1: that's good. Baby tired. Yeah, Lauren and I are sitting
Speaker 1: in this chair and usually, like all our guests sit here.
Speaker 1: Carlisle and Anya have said. Here was so probably and
Speaker 1: this chair cannot contain two Blazer hips. Yeah, girls, picking
Speaker 1: back to the store the chairs hurting Andrew said, to
Speaker 1: be fair, one of you with three kids, no nine kids,
Speaker 1: you said, doesn't do you believe you three kids? No,
Speaker 1: isn't that so crazy? Yeah, you've been bringing is your stomach? Like,
Speaker 1: has it come back to normal? He has it back?
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask. I mean, I'm not even four
Speaker 1: months postpartum, so I know you gotta give it like
Speaker 1: a good year back, Like it shrinks up in a year,
Speaker 1: it will come back to I don't have any stretch marks,
Speaker 1: actually what I just kind of have like a little
Speaker 1: bit of loose skin. That's but it does tighten up.
Speaker 1: It's amazing how it does. Like if you win skydiving
Speaker 1: in your face would rebound. I know I won't go
Speaker 1: skyd but if you go skydiving too much, then it
Speaker 1: won't come back. Like your face is just gonna be
Speaker 1: if you have a kid skydiving, So you have a
Speaker 1: little bit of extra skin like you were like, I
Speaker 1: still have like a weight to lose. I know. But
Speaker 1: like let's say down the road, like because you've been
Speaker 1: nine months or a year out of pregnancy without the
Speaker 1: right as you waited that long yet, Yes, my kids
Speaker 1: have at least two years between them because girls turned
Speaker 1: into a dugger. Um okay, so you've waited and it
Speaker 1: does snap back. Yeah, it actually does so when you
Speaker 1: see people like remember before you got pregnant and you
Speaker 1: would see like baby bodies bouncing back, j Lo did
Speaker 1: you go? I used to go, that's definitely surgery, which
Speaker 1: I think it is because a lot of times moms
Speaker 1: I think it has to do a C section and
Speaker 1: then do a tummy tuck with it that they're just like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know what. Or if you go down there and
Speaker 1: you're getting stitched up because you had a pcotomy or
Speaker 1: whatever it is, Um, they'll just do like a badge
Speaker 1: tightening while they're down there. Wow, you passed the girl
Speaker 1: that cares so much even makes a surrogate get tell me,
Speaker 1: no one's going to be fat with my baby. And
Speaker 1: then they're like, you could have a natural person. She's like,
Speaker 1: I just really, um, I'd like to get a C section?
Speaker 1: Why don't you at it? Can you give me a
Speaker 1: nose job? And it was a good joke. Let's talk
Speaker 1: about your face. You've had some face work done. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had two babies out of my cheeks and back.
Speaker 1: I want to know what what what made you go
Speaker 1: completely clean shaven, tight man down to the bone. The
Speaker 1: first time I've gone this tight since I did one
Speaker 1: video for like Vimeo for a friend where I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll never do again. Uh no. Brenda was like I
Speaker 1: was like I had a beard and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: try Truman. She's like, you know what I want. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, all the way and I think she
Speaker 1: meant the clippers and I was like, I'll show you
Speaker 1: and the boy did I show her, like all the
Speaker 1: face hair off, and I was worried my whatever between
Speaker 1: shaving and all, Okay, so clippers, if you go bear
Speaker 1: or bald, they'll get there. But it's not like smooth smooth,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like and when you don't
Speaker 1: shave your face for it's been almost ten years, his
Speaker 1: face reminds you of a fresh baby's bottom that you
Speaker 1: pass through to make you want to mama a little bit.
Speaker 1: But there, I mean, you can see like the dark,
Speaker 1: yes that you can see the hair, you can see
Speaker 1: it coming through. Well it's been two days now because
Speaker 1: you're and you're just trying to get it out down
Speaker 1: and I just keep shipping my pants ship coming out
Speaker 1: of your face, I know. So I'm just worried that
Speaker 1: I just I think it's in my mind, but it's
Speaker 1: like it's like anything like if you didn't shave your legs,
Speaker 1: or maybe not your legs, but wherever, I'm always worried
Speaker 1: they have too much skin, too much face, skin on
Speaker 1: my legs. Came up last night to grab a cord
Speaker 1: or something, and you're always grabbing cords. Did you come
Speaker 1: up to grab cord? I'm like, Nikki, your door open,
Speaker 1: I gotta grab a chord in a tire arm come
Speaker 1: up to grab like a noose, and I'm like, that's
Speaker 1: right there. You came up yesterday, and whenever you have
Speaker 1: freshly shaved your face, you kind of creep in like
Speaker 1: a girl with a new haircut, like like bangs. Look
Speaker 1: at what I vous And um, yeah, you looked like
Speaker 1: a fresh face. Did you do it yesterday or two days?
Speaker 1: Two days ago? And I like with a razor and
Speaker 1: I put shaving cream. That whole process is fun for
Speaker 1: a man. I get it, like, oh, I'm going to
Speaker 1: my job, I'm gonna put my shaven cream. Yeah, oh
Speaker 1: my wear my parents. Didn't you think that after shaved
Speaker 1: was maybe the most painful thing that could ever be
Speaker 1: inflicted on someone, based on home alone, worse than even
Speaker 1: like a fucking iron hitting you in the head, like
Speaker 1: why didn't he just like with those bandits, just put
Speaker 1: after shave jumped. I thought it was literally like acid attacks.
Speaker 1: Just oh again. And for some reason that was like
Speaker 1: so relatable to adults. It's like, oh they after shave
Speaker 1: maybe back in the day when razors were more goal
Speaker 1: and shittier. Dude, you want to know a really funny story.
Speaker 1: My friend got married and they hired like this old
Speaker 1: man to shave the faces, like old school, like you know,
Speaker 1: sharp with their shoes, and and I was like last
Speaker 1: or like I got no, I wasn't in the wedding party.
Speaker 1: I was like extended wedding party with wait, that's not
Speaker 1: that's a funeral. Yeah you were. The ring was the
Speaker 1: flower man with a fresh, fat face. So I I
Speaker 1: um I. So they go and one guy he starts
Speaker 1: cutting the face and he uses the same blade, doesn't
Speaker 1: clean it, and for like six guys he shaves their
Speaker 1: face and they come out and they all have like
Speaker 1: forty five tissues. They're like, yeah, we gotta got a
Speaker 1: real shave. Were like, dude, he fucking You're like this
Speaker 1: is like the watching The Nick Remember that Showan Knicks
Speaker 1: a lot of nicks. It was just so it's such
Speaker 1: a big moment. That's another thing adults always do. It's
Speaker 1: like so much like that. You always thought what you
Speaker 1: would see more of, you know, John Lanney is a
Speaker 1: joke of like as a kid, you thought there would
Speaker 1: be a lot more like sand traps or quicksand you know,
Speaker 1: like it's just the thing you see as a kid
Speaker 1: in cartoons and you grow up and you're like, what's
Speaker 1: the Quicksand my grandpould always have toilet paper on it.
Speaker 1: I never do. I mean, I guess I've done that
Speaker 1: on my leg before a little bit and reasons were
Speaker 1: really and now were taking breaks. Have you tried to
Speaker 1: take it off? Like, yeah, dude, it's an ongoing you
Speaker 1: need to just use some fliers and just like no,
Speaker 1: because it's probably like a thousand dollar ring. Oh I
Speaker 1: know it doesn't want but if you can never take
Speaker 1: it off, you can't give it back to them anyways.
Speaker 1: They haven't asked for it back yet, thank god. But
Speaker 1: I'm not going to damage it. It just I haven't
Speaker 1: tried to get it off, you know. I mean I've
Speaker 1: done that before, but ever since I tried one night
Speaker 1: and it was very traumatic, I haven't tried since you're
Speaker 1: supposed to use windex. I tried lube. I'm not even kidding.
Speaker 1: I have tried Loube because the other night I was
Speaker 1: using lube in my daily practice, and um, you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: and it was injuring myself myself and and and there
Speaker 1: was already lube involved, and so I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: and now in it it gets stuck in my hair too,
Speaker 1: Like whenever you like this, it'll get like because it's
Speaker 1: just a dumb kind of ring that has a bunch
Speaker 1: of little crevices in it, and it will it'll get
Speaker 1: caught to my hair and I go when I'm like shampooing.
Speaker 1: So now I've just gotten used to like doing my
Speaker 1: hair like this, Like it's just a part of me
Speaker 1: that I have to deal with where I don't use
Speaker 1: this finger, I'll give you hand jobs like that. Like
Speaker 1: have you ever done anything this dumb? Being the same
Speaker 1: blood and genetics? Have you? What have you done that? Like?
Speaker 1: Mentally was because you seem pretty like her son the
Speaker 1: other day that his mom put a peanut eminem up
Speaker 1: or nose one time. Oh it was a peanut butter eminem.
Speaker 1: Because it's like the same, you know what peanut butter
Speaker 1: eminems are smaller than peanut eminem's. But then that would
Speaker 1: like melt and it would have been better. It could
Speaker 1: have gotten out. Yeah, it did get out. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: skittle upper nose. But that was you know, it was
Speaker 1: on a road trip. I was probably a year ago. Yeah,
Speaker 1: rather put a bird seat up his nose this and
Speaker 1: he's more well adjusted to me, so like a bird's
Speaker 1: was the almost sunflower seed. Yeah, he was like we
Speaker 1: were at a bird like a zoo kind of thing,
Speaker 1: and so we were feeding the birds and he fed
Speaker 1: his own nose, I guess, and put it up his
Speaker 1: nose and had to go to the emergency room and
Speaker 1: take it out. It's hard. Did you have to go
Speaker 1: to emergency room? No, it came out. Started freaking out
Speaker 1: in the back seat, and I remember laughing at her,
Speaker 1: and it just push it down things though, because you're
Speaker 1: a mom now of three or nine, and do you
Speaker 1: ever do things that you're just like that was so stupid,
Speaker 1: Like mom, brain of like if I just did that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I like left the water on yesterday and the faucet
Speaker 1: when I was taking a bath, and I was like,
Speaker 1: where is this water sound coming from? And then I
Speaker 1: look up and the faucets and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I love okay, yesterday. No, that was during the bath
Speaker 1: that I was like, the toilet running, yeah, and then
Speaker 1: I just looked and I didn't even remember turning the
Speaker 1: water on. So it was a ghost. So it wasn't
Speaker 1: my fault. Have you ever driven to the e R
Speaker 1: thinking you're dying or anything like? Uh? No, I had to.
Speaker 1: I had to drive my husband to the emergency room.
Speaker 1: In college, someone sliced his hand with a knife getting
Speaker 1: a shave before your wedding. This good guy, this guy
Speaker 1: like pulled out a knife and threatened Matt and then
Speaker 1: he slashed his hand and he's like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: And I mean this was before we were just friends
Speaker 1: at this point. But he was like, I need someone
Speaker 1: to drive me to the emergency room. So he got
Speaker 1: in the backseat and then we drove him and we
Speaker 1: were following directions because we've never been to the emergency
Speaker 1: room in Lawrence, Kansas, and um, someone was like following
Speaker 1: the front. They're like, okay, turn right, and I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, He's like turn right, turn right, turn right
Speaker 1: to right, like he kept repeating the restaurants in the backseat,
Speaker 1: like he was the backseat driver on the right, the
Speaker 1: hospital hospital NiFe fight, like like I don't know yet.
Speaker 1: Someone slash. Was it a homeless man or something? No,
Speaker 1: it was a guy at the party. And then the
Speaker 1: cops came and Matt was like, I just got sliced
Speaker 1: with a knife. And the cop did not care at all,
Speaker 1: and he's like, I need to go to the emergency room.
Speaker 1: And he's like, well, you better find a friend to
Speaker 1: drive you. And he found his future wife. That's a
Speaker 1: great story. That's like out of like Superman didn't even know.
Speaker 1: I knew. I knew that. Lord. When I met Matt,
Speaker 1: they were just friends and I said, Lauren, that guy,
Speaker 1: that guy something, he's gonna be something. You guys like
Speaker 1: each other. And Laurence said, no, we're just friends. And
Speaker 1: then I was right. I knew it. I set him up.
Speaker 1: It's just like when someone takes it was me. It
Speaker 1: was my little speech there, Well, what was the moment
Speaker 1: you knew Matt was the one? Was there a moment
Speaker 1: or is there a moment when he's bleeding on your
Speaker 1: freaking selica? We got drunk. I got drunk for five
Speaker 1: years and it's like damn we got a kid. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't know. We were friend like I first met
Speaker 1: him freshman year of college, and then we started dating
Speaker 1: junior year and we had a class together junior ys
Speaker 1: and I think it was when I don't know, I
Speaker 1: just like saw him a different light and I know,
Speaker 1: but what was the light? Um? It was a really
Speaker 1: dark joke of like, O, there's this guy that I'm
Speaker 1: not tracked to do and he likes me and he's
Speaker 1: a nice guy, but I just I'm just not attracted
Speaker 1: to him. And my friends like maybe you just need
Speaker 1: to see him in a different like and I go,
Speaker 1: you leave me in the dark. But seriously, like, what
Speaker 1: did he do? Did roll up his sleeve to like
Speaker 1: I think it was just his palm scar probably No,
Speaker 1: he was just I don't know. We just talked a
Speaker 1: lot another guy break your heart to go, oh wait,
Speaker 1: this guy's always been there kind of thing, you know.
Speaker 1: It was actually I was kind of dating someone else
Speaker 1: and but then Matt and I were having this secret
Speaker 1: relationship where we were kind of like hooking up on
Speaker 1: the side but not really telling anyone, keeping it a sea.
Speaker 1: But we weren't exclusive like this, no, And so it was.
Speaker 1: It was like Valentine's Day, and the guy that I
Speaker 1: guess was I was kind of dating, put like a
Speaker 1: rose on my car, like on my windshield, and and
Speaker 1: then and he had told Matt that he was going
Speaker 1: to do this, but he didn't know that Matt and
Speaker 1: I were seeing each other on the side, and so
Speaker 1: when he saw that, he was just like, he was like,
Speaker 1: so piste off when he found out. But I was like,
Speaker 1: we weren't I mean, we weren't really dating. We were
Speaker 1: like talking and you and Matt were no, no, no,
Speaker 1: this guy, and so Matt was piste and that was
Speaker 1: like the final straw to be like I wanna The
Speaker 1: other guy was pissed. But then we were just like
Speaker 1: we should just make this. No this guy did, but
Speaker 1: he was pissed about what. No, the guy was pissed
Speaker 1: once he found out that Matt and I were like,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't like official with this other guy. So right,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to feel bad about Yeah, I did it.
Speaker 1: I think you're being serious. Think really, I will say
Speaker 1: that when I was watching Arlow the other day, I
Speaker 1: had no things to offer him, as like someone that
Speaker 1: has no toys. So I found this and I was like,
Speaker 1: guess who's inside this button was? And I was like
Speaker 1: he was just like so confused by he's that best bomb?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, Bomb's in here. We don't
Speaker 1: know why, but Arlow has called my parents, my my parents,
Speaker 1: his grandparents bombaki, So my mom, my grandmother, my mom
Speaker 1: is bomb and my dad is backy. And also his
Speaker 1: other grandparents are bombaki? Are they? But they Nora his
Speaker 1: friend's grandparents will say Nora's grandpa, so he knows how
Speaker 1: to say grandma and grandma. But I think when he
Speaker 1: first used that term didn't really know how it was
Speaker 1: a suicide bomber in a prior life, like it's never
Speaker 1: like something like in my prior life. Everyone never td
Speaker 1: what does baki mean? How did he even know that word?
Speaker 1: We don't know, we don't know, we don't know what
Speaker 1: it was. I mean, bomb kind of sounds like the
Speaker 1: ending of grandma. Yeah, well, who knows. Let's take a
Speaker 1: quick break and come back with alright, we're back, Yes, No,
Speaker 1: we really are. I know. Um, I just wanna quickly
Speaker 1: tell you about some tour dates I have coming up. Noah,
Speaker 1: will you tell people where I'm going to be? And uh,
Speaker 1: Andrew will be as well with me on the road
Speaker 1: coming up. Sure. April eight, you're going to be in Winnipeg, Canada,
Speaker 1: which we learned has a very uh or maybe not
Speaker 1: so interesting stuff to do. April ninth, April ninth, Vancouver, Yeah.
Speaker 1: April fourteen, you're at the Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas. Yes,
Speaker 1: two shows that night, so we got a second show added.
Speaker 1: That is part of the Moontower Comedy Festival. We're gonna
Speaker 1: be fun, so fun. And then April fifteen, you'll be
Speaker 1: in Irving, Texas, which is Dallas. Yes, yeah, interesting. Then
Speaker 1: Houston the following night, right right, which is not Dallas. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Houston is not Dallas. And we have not been to
Speaker 1: Houston or Dallas since right before the pandemic. That was
Speaker 1: like the first kind of theater tour towards shows we did.
Speaker 1: It was right when like things were getting squirrely, you know,
Speaker 1: and uh, and we did meet and greets, but we
Speaker 1: were like should we? So I'm really excited to go
Speaker 1: back to those places. And I remember that like distinctly,
Speaker 1: like being on stage and like are we still what
Speaker 1: are we afraid of getting a colt like cod and
Speaker 1: when Matt were wearing masks and we were just like,
Speaker 1: we're not doing it. They were a head of game.
Speaker 1: They were doing a mask before. I mean they were
Speaker 1: doing it back in two thousand. Yeah it was cool man. Yeah, Um,
Speaker 1: I have not worn a mask in so long, Aaron St.
Speaker 1: Louis feels so good. It feels so good. Are you
Speaker 1: wearing masks anywhere? Have you put one on? Um? I
Speaker 1: was wearing them, but it was kind of like looking
Speaker 1: at my classes and seeing if the majority of students
Speaker 1: were wearing a mask, and I put one one to
Speaker 1: make them feel safe. Yeah, but if, um, a lot
Speaker 1: of them weren't, I was just do they get bully
Speaker 1: each other for wearing masks? Are kids like? They're very
Speaker 1: sister in kids? You don't know my sister is eighteen
Speaker 1: months younger than me. Um, you can spare all the
Speaker 1: comments of they look so much alike, they don't look alike. Like.
Speaker 1: The only type thing I want to hear is, yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't have to rate us and be like you're
Speaker 1: more prettier than your sister. Because I talked a lot
Speaker 1: about how my sister is pretty, so people always go like,
Speaker 1: I think you're Like, it's like we don't need any
Speaker 1: of it, even though those comments mean a lot to me,
Speaker 1: and you can send them directly to me at my
Speaker 1: email address. UM, no, you, we don't need any of that.
Speaker 1: But you know what I do like is when people
Speaker 1: say we look like I do, like, yeah, that makes you.
Speaker 1: But when they say you don't look anything like I
Speaker 1: take umbradge with that. It makes me feel sad because
Speaker 1: I want to look like her. Um. But also thanks girl.
Speaker 1: My sister is a Spanish teacher. He's kind of good
Speaker 1: at Spanish in Mexico. Noiendo requero musculs and kwando hoven uh,
Speaker 1: i'll you talk better than most of my students when
Speaker 1: they're like five fired. I love all my students, we
Speaker 1: know you do, and we're going to take it very
Speaker 1: easy on this podcast. I'm very aware that my sister
Speaker 1: is a teacher. She would like to keep her job.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be associated with any kind of
Speaker 1: lu talk. I want your kids to be able to
Speaker 1: your students if they find this episode, I want them
Speaker 1: to be able to listen to it and not hear
Speaker 1: anything bad. Already incriminate myself. No, you haven't said anything.
Speaker 1: You're very good if do you want to know. I
Speaker 1: want to take a little bit more of a spring
Speaker 1: break here. He moved to day I was there. I
Speaker 1: made a joke last week, but I kind of liked
Speaker 1: that I might as well share that. Um My dad
Speaker 1: was saying that, you know, um he was describing how
Speaker 1: they Oh my god, let me just tell the story
Speaker 1: real quick. So mom and dad have Maryann right, and
Speaker 1: they had Arlow their baby seeing Arlow the other day
Speaker 1: because he was on spring break. And I made the
Speaker 1: joke that, um they were they were telling someone the story,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh he uh he instead of
Speaker 1: going to senior frogs, seeing hung out with two seniors
Speaker 1: that looked like frogs. Did you say that really? But
Speaker 1: that would have been good. I didn't want to be
Speaker 1: mean because they were right there. I was thinking it,
Speaker 1: but your dad and yeah, no, my dad looks like
Speaker 1: a turtle anything in the reptile world. Okay, um no,
Speaker 1: death looks great. Yeah he's handsome for man that's falling apart,
Speaker 1: but he doesn't have a lot of skin down here.
Speaker 1: Dad has a tight tight he's never had a baby
Speaker 1: out of his mouth. It wasn't talking about your dad
Speaker 1: got a loose back. They forgot Marian at the river
Speaker 1: because they were like they were like, you know, they
Speaker 1: were so trying to get Carlow and his car seat
Speaker 1: and making sure that's okay. They pulled off and they're
Speaker 1: on Highway forty four, which is like fifteen minutes twenty
Speaker 1: minutes away from their cabin, and they're like, where's Marian
Speaker 1: And they're like, oh my god, we forgot her until
Speaker 1: they oh god, yeah, yeah. Marian was putting it on
Speaker 1: the after saying back at home, and but I was
Speaker 1: asking what Harlow was saying, and my my mom said
Speaker 1: that he was like, it's okay, Grandma, or he said
Speaker 1: it's okay, Mom, it's okay. Everything's gonna be okay, everything's
Speaker 1: gonna be okay. So sweet and so sweet. And so
Speaker 1: they got back and Marian was just sitting in the
Speaker 1: middle of the country road right in front of their cabin,
Speaker 1: just like they left him outside, just like waiting. And
Speaker 1: and I said, did she start running when she saw
Speaker 1: your car, because she knows what they said, No, she
Speaker 1: waited until they came all the way back, like pulled
Speaker 1: up and was just like and just got in the car.
Speaker 1: It's like that's the kind of stuff. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you forget it, you forget Like they were telling the
Speaker 1: story to the woman who gave me the rescue dogs,
Speaker 1: who you know there and rescue people are very meticulous
Speaker 1: about who they placed their dogs when she took them back,
Speaker 1: and she was making jokes about it. But I was like,
Speaker 1: it's okay, Like mistakes happen. Not everyone's perfect. You can
Speaker 1: you know, but um, they don't like beat her. They
Speaker 1: didn't do it on purpose. Speaking up, so I wanted
Speaker 1: to talk about a couple of things. My sister is
Speaker 1: a Spanish teacher. She loves her students. You're on spring break, Um,
Speaker 1: you were so good at Spanish, and we're gonna see
Speaker 1: how good you are a little bit later. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: give you a little tests. And I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: Andrew got a cat before we get some news, tell
Speaker 1: us about your cat and how this came about? Um
Speaker 1: where did it start? I don't know. We when we
Speaker 1: were going to look for either dog or a cat
Speaker 1: we went Initially we were just thinking, Oh, we're gonna
Speaker 1: get a breeder. We're gonna get like a mini docks
Speaker 1: in or something like that. You were going to go
Speaker 1: to a breeder something like that, like some Honestly, we're
Speaker 1: really going to go to a breeder. I'm not against breeding.
Speaker 1: Why because I think these dogs need a home to
Speaker 1: to find love. No, they need to. Breeders need to
Speaker 1: stop making those dogs, and you need to put You
Speaker 1: need to you need to stop buying them, and those
Speaker 1: dogs will be placed. You helping breeding isn't gonna put.
Speaker 1: They're not gonna leave that poor docs in on the street.
Speaker 1: Breeders need to lose again. We will be made because
Speaker 1: they will end up in rescues. But you should not
Speaker 1: be to be breeding dogs and buying You should not
Speaker 1: support breeders. You shouldn't. It's wrong. I don't think all
Speaker 1: breeders are bad. They aren't all bad. They're not like abusing,
Speaker 1: but they're contributing. When you buy a dog that's pure bread,
Speaker 1: you're letting a dog in a shelter die. You are
Speaker 1: pretty much doing just that. But if you're not buying it,
Speaker 1: you think that dog, that dog will get placed by
Speaker 1: by someone else who's not listening to my podcast right
Speaker 1: now and hearing this message anyway. So that was in
Speaker 1: the back of my mind, I guess because they didn't
Speaker 1: do that, and I'm sorry. I just met with my rescue,
Speaker 1: this rescue lady this week, and I was like, how
Speaker 1: do we do? What do I do when my friend
Speaker 1: get pure bred dogs? And like, the dog is cute,
Speaker 1: I don't want that dog to die or not like.
Speaker 1: But she's like, no, you need to shame them, you
Speaker 1: need to like I don't know. I don't feel that
Speaker 1: way because we've had I've had rescue dogs, we've had
Speaker 1: pure bred dogs. I think if a dog's getting love
Speaker 1: and giving love to their family, that's a beautiful the dog.
Speaker 1: It's about the practice. It's about overbreeding people. All the pigs,
Speaker 1: just what are what all the pigs that are just
Speaker 1: right now? So everyone goes vegan? What are those? What
Speaker 1: happens with those pigs? It's like, that's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1: What we need to do is send a message that
Speaker 1: this isn't working anymore and those people need to do
Speaker 1: other things than create. I get that, but I get
Speaker 1: puppy meals. I get all that ship like horrible conditions.
Speaker 1: But if these dogs that are being breeded are very loved,
Speaker 1: and of course it's not about it's not about it
Speaker 1: is about animal welfare. It's not about those dogs are
Speaker 1: being mistreat of course the breeders love dogs. But also,
Speaker 1: and this is gonna sound really sucked up, but then
Speaker 1: go all right, let's just not adopt dogs anymore. Let
Speaker 1: all those dogs stop. Sort adoption stops, and then we
Speaker 1: just only buy breed of dogs. Whatever happen, because there's
Speaker 1: stray dogs and people, it's never gonna happen that way.
Speaker 1: You just educate yourself. You know you're not making sense
Speaker 1: and you're you're on the wrong side of things. You
Speaker 1: really are. I'm just saying I'm I'm for it all.
Speaker 1: I'm saying that you're gonna get a tough messages from
Speaker 1: people if you have a pure dog. I don't judge.
Speaker 1: I really know, I'm going to get more ship than
Speaker 1: you would know. People get nuts if you say shopped on.
Speaker 1: I think, do whatever the funk you want, just be
Speaker 1: happy with it that I don't think. That's that's well,
Speaker 1: that's okay, then murder people because that's what you want
Speaker 1: to do. I'll start here, okay. Anyway, So I'm looking
Speaker 1: for a cat and dog. We go to Maine Society.
Speaker 1: We can't. We don't find anything that really like sticks
Speaker 1: out to us. Um. We then go to stray Dogs,
Speaker 1: which God bless these people because these dogs are like,
Speaker 1: like it feels like I got really sad leaving there,
Speaker 1: Like it's fucking that. It's that's what happens when people
Speaker 1: buy pure bad dogs. Well, I'm telling you these dogs
Speaker 1: were very mistreated and like I can't and it sounds
Speaker 1: sucked up, but like whoever would take them in would
Speaker 1: have to have the most insane patients and like literally
Speaker 1: like you couldn't have a family around these dogs, like
Speaker 1: you absolutely well that's not you know, Luigi and Mary
Speaker 1: and or rescues. I'm not talking about everyone has to
Speaker 1: go get a pit bull in lieu of a golden Google.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that either. I'm just saying what we saw.
Speaker 1: So then we saw that, and we didn't obviously there
Speaker 1: was nothing there that really fit our needs. Way, can
Speaker 1: I ask you a question, So when you were going
Speaker 1: in this, you were first looking at dogs or were
Speaker 1: you both looking at dogs and cats both? Um? And
Speaker 1: then we went was it raining cats and dogs? A
Speaker 1: A A s p C A spscs. So because we're
Speaker 1: like a A whatever I got an I P A
Speaker 1: I had to get to make these dogs look attractive.
Speaker 1: So I'm blowing this dog. Sorry, Lauren and your and
Speaker 1: your teenagers. Uh, okay, no, but I didn't blow it up.
Speaker 1: Um no. And then we looked and there was actually
Speaker 1: a puppy there that we almost got. His puppy name Toad.
Speaker 1: That's a cute name. It was like a mix, like
Speaker 1: like like I don't know what he was. They were
Speaker 1: the cutest puppy. But it was eleven pounds already at
Speaker 1: like eight weeks. So that's gonna be a six pound dog.
Speaker 1: So that these things are tough, like when you're trying
Speaker 1: to adopt, you can't find. It's hard to find a
Speaker 1: dog that you should get a cat. I cauldn't believe
Speaker 1: that you found how small your dogs are and like
Speaker 1: how I don't know, Like so anyways, so finder, it's
Speaker 1: like Tinder for dogs. Oh that's a good one. No,
Speaker 1: but yeah, all right. Point So anyway, so then we're like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I don't know if a dog is
Speaker 1: the right thing to more. I think a cat would
Speaker 1: maybe be more the play. And then we were like,
Speaker 1: you know what, let's not get any animal. Then I
Speaker 1: get a text from Brennan and there's an orange male cat,
Speaker 1: which very rarely is like an orange cat available, especially
Speaker 1: for adoption, and I was like, do whatever, Like why
Speaker 1: do people only like certain color cats? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Black cats are so beautiful? Oh nothing gets again, you
Speaker 1: didn't have bad luck? Yeah that was an orange cat.
Speaker 1: I got a black cat I painted orange. Oh great, Yeah,
Speaker 1: mango named Mango plays fetch. Dude, this cat we've got
Speaker 1: a couple got one minute. It's like a dog that
Speaker 1: plays fetch, but on fast forward. Like so you throw
Speaker 1: the thing and it's already there back and it's like
Speaker 1: for my a d d It's like like it's just
Speaker 1: like it's dude. This thing was sleeping on so when
Speaker 1: it first got there, it got ran behind the fridge.
Speaker 1: And then one was because the last home. You know,
Speaker 1: they tell you these stories. But dog, so I had
Speaker 1: my beard. Then I look like a dog shaped it.
Speaker 1: Now the cats relaxed. You look like your face was
Speaker 1: like like a dog that got shaved. It feels comfortable
Speaker 1: around you. So anyway, so now this fucking cat is
Speaker 1: like sleeping on my neck and like playing fetch. And
Speaker 1: I fucking loved this thing so much. It's wild, Like
Speaker 1: I did not think I connect to a cat. I
Speaker 1: know that, and it's like I feel like Luigi would
Speaker 1: get along with a cat. Yeah, he's kind of like
Speaker 1: a cat. You seed it one today, it's already a smell.
Speaker 1: I'm okay, oh the cat. Yeah, I'm more a little
Speaker 1: worried about the smell. But I'm so glad you got
Speaker 1: a cat. You named it Mango because and I asked
Speaker 1: you what the name was from and you said, it's
Speaker 1: just the hundred top names for cats. Yeah, like a
Speaker 1: not popular name. It was like, yeah, it gets the
Speaker 1: wheels turning, you know. And I don't know. I just
Speaker 1: like we almost named it Avid after the David brothers. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how people get reacting, and I never know if
Speaker 1: it's Avid or even like that's terribly bad, bad bad. Okay,
Speaker 1: we gotta get to the news. Let's get to the news. Yes,
Speaker 1: So anyways, man goes shout out, baby, I want, I
Speaker 1: can't want to me. Oh, it's Tuesday, folks, you know
Speaker 1: what that means. It is Tuesday. I hope you're having
Speaker 1: all the swells. Sorry about that argument about Chop for
Speaker 1: its adopt adopt, don't chop. I hope you're having a
Speaker 1: good time. Even though after that, I'm sorry. I just
Speaker 1: gotta sometimes I get on my little toadstool. Get up there.
Speaker 1: I gotta get up there. I don't, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't know much, but I just know that it's a
Speaker 1: good thing to not do. But if you do, But
Speaker 1: if you do have a pure bred dog and you're
Speaker 1: listening to the show and you're mad at me, don't
Speaker 1: be mad at me. I still love you. You only
Speaker 1: wanted a good dog, like, don't judge, I don't care
Speaker 1: an ugly ass dog that smells like, don't be mad
Speaker 1: at me. I love that dog too. Yeah, we love
Speaker 1: that dog too. Sides. And you're a hero if you rescued,
Speaker 1: and you're not if you did it, but you but
Speaker 1: still your dog is cool and I love you, which
Speaker 1: I don't know how that's but whatever, it goes back
Speaker 1: to the animals in the end. All right, So you
Speaker 1: did actually adopt it was a pure bread No, what's
Speaker 1: the news today? Someone wrote that? Actually someone did write that.
Speaker 1: That looks like a pure breed to me, Like they're
Speaker 1: even mad when you do the right thing, I can't win,
Speaker 1: all right. A woman who had brain surgery says she
Speaker 1: kept taking nudes in her hospital bed for her only fans.
Speaker 1: She said, I connect because of her, She said, I
Speaker 1: caused her to do it. No, I can never bring
Speaker 1: myself to stop working, And I took nudes in the
Speaker 1: bed in my hospital gown the day after surgery. Get it, girl,
Speaker 1: I'm a little worried about only fans. And I want
Speaker 1: to just say to any of my sister's students listening
Speaker 1: who found Senora Green on this, if you're thinking about
Speaker 1: when you turn eighteen of doing it only fans, like, oh,
Speaker 1: suddenly there's this thing where I can go have income,
Speaker 1: Please do not do that. Please wait fivesually after watching
Speaker 1: I feel like high schoolers watch you for you and
Speaker 1: they're like, I can make that much money. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you girls, please don't respect for yourself. No,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's not even about respect. Please just wait
Speaker 1: for like five years until you know yourself a little
Speaker 1: bit more, because you're going to make decisions at eighteen
Speaker 1: that are going to especially only fans, will haunt you
Speaker 1: the rest of your life when you have kids down
Speaker 1: the road, there are moms who like find your pictures
Speaker 1: and then what your kids kicked out of school, like
Speaker 1: the ramifications of you making this choice about your body
Speaker 1: and all this stuff you don't know who you're going
Speaker 1: to be down the road. Just just wait a little bit.
Speaker 1: And your frontal lobes not fully developed, so until you're
Speaker 1: like twenty eight, people pay for that. Yeah, oh my god,
Speaker 1: barely barely developed frontal frontal lobe. Yeah, that's barely barely developed, dude.
Speaker 1: So wait, so only is did not Like a lot
Speaker 1: of people do make money, But then it's like probably
Speaker 1: and people make like, I don't know, maybe a thousand
Speaker 1: bucks a month, you know what I mean, Like everyone
Speaker 1: thinks it would be hard not to do if you
Speaker 1: were someone who didn't have a problem expressing yourself sexually
Speaker 1: and with your body and being naked like some girls
Speaker 1: just like that's not it's like the way that I
Speaker 1: talk about sex openly, Like I just don't have a
Speaker 1: problem with it, and I don't see how other people would.
Speaker 1: Whereas I look at a stripper and I'm like, how
Speaker 1: could you ever do that? Like I could never do that,
Speaker 1: and I kind of admire them, So it would be
Speaker 1: hard to not do this thing that you're like, I
Speaker 1: don't really care, you know, but it's not about whether
Speaker 1: you care, it's about other people care. And unfortunately, people
Speaker 1: can be really cruel about that and so you just
Speaker 1: don't don't read. Craig adds about, you know, being moved
Speaker 1: down to watch Hot Girls Wanted on Netflix, and it
Speaker 1: will really educate you about the sex business and selfie's
Speaker 1: in general. Though at the hospital, like when you're when
Speaker 1: you're like dying or whatever. I think that is very
Speaker 1: sexy too, just like own own wherever you are and
Speaker 1: like make whatever you are sexy. And if this girl
Speaker 1: I do, I do believe, you know. Kim Kardashian got
Speaker 1: a lot of ship talked about her about be like
Speaker 1: like you need to work, get off your fucking ass
Speaker 1: toxic workplaces. That was I hated more than anything in
Speaker 1: that little branch she did. No one talked about the
Speaker 1: fact that she was like I do not stand for like,
Speaker 1: do not have toxic work environments. Surround yourself with people
Speaker 1: who want to work. It's like, who get to choose
Speaker 1: their work environment? Bitch? That to me was the most
Speaker 1: out of touch thing of the whole thing. Like I
Speaker 1: believe people should work, and like you know, whether it's working, um,
Speaker 1: something creative while you're unemployed, like always be like hustling.
Speaker 1: So I didn't hate that, but being like acting like
Speaker 1: people can choose whether or not to be in a
Speaker 1: toxic work environment. Any time about got so defensive from
Speaker 1: her saying they're like, I fucking work. Like their first
Speaker 1: reaction is I'm poor, I work. You don't work. And
Speaker 1: it's like she could also work hard. It does work hard,
Speaker 1: but and I want to video and people. She always
Speaker 1: gets said that, like she doesn't work hard. And these influencers,
Speaker 1: you know, they look people just scoff at them, and
Speaker 1: they don't work hard. You know, only fans we know,
Speaker 1: just as comedians trying to promote ourselves put up fucking
Speaker 1: infographics about tour dates, and it is so fucking hard
Speaker 1: to like put out content and not so hard. It's
Speaker 1: not backbreaking work. But I'm telling you, like putting out
Speaker 1: content is there, even if it's just pictures of you
Speaker 1: in the new Skims collection, it's it's it's a lot
Speaker 1: of work. Editing the photos like a lot of work.
Speaker 1: She's not doing that editing. I will say that she's
Speaker 1: doing the photo shoots. As someone who does them, they
Speaker 1: are exhausting, they are uncomfortable. They they really drain you.
Speaker 1: And this is not me being like I poor me.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying they I have to remember sometimes that
Speaker 1: my life can be described as exhausting. When I used
Speaker 1: to always think all I do is get on stage
Speaker 1: and talk into a microphone. How could that be exhausting.
Speaker 1: I'm not doing like dancing, I'm not singing um meet
Speaker 1: and greeds like that's fun for me. But all of
Speaker 1: it is exhausting. All of it is work, it's being
Speaker 1: on I don't know how you do being a mom.
Speaker 1: I described watching Arlow as being three hours on stage
Speaker 1: because I could not go to the bathroom. I could
Speaker 1: not take a bite of food to go to the bathroom. Well, well,
Speaker 1: he paused the TV and was like, well you can
Speaker 1: watch it. Come back and watch this tonight. To watch
Speaker 1: an artistic man drawing. You know, it's just so excited.
Speaker 1: But that was different like being a mom, you can
Speaker 1: kind of let them do their own thing when they're
Speaker 1: And we talked about this, but like I did, compare
Speaker 1: being a babysitter for Arlow wanting to do a good
Speaker 1: job and be as present as possible. It was exactly
Speaker 1: like being on stage. You are like perky, your response,
Speaker 1: you're constantly talking or listening. You on stage, you're constantly talking,
Speaker 1: but even active listening is exhausting, and um, but you're
Speaker 1: doing it. Shout out to all the moms out UNDERDS.
Speaker 1: I think people are I think, well, I just think
Speaker 1: like people get angry because they they equate work with
Speaker 1: being successful and rich, Like, if you just work hard,
Speaker 1: you'll be rich. And like a lot of times people
Speaker 1: that have two or three jobs are even poor, you know,
Speaker 1: get even poured somehow working harder. So I think that's
Speaker 1: when people people take a lot of Yeah, they get
Speaker 1: very angry because they go, oh, I don't work hard.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm poor because I don't work hard. And
Speaker 1: then that's like that hard is not equal money. So
Speaker 1: much of the time, it's unfortunate. It's the class that
Speaker 1: you'll probably stay in. What'd you say? I said, the
Speaker 1: class that you're born into is the class that you'll
Speaker 1: stay in. Yeah, that's unfortunate. Um, and people being like
Speaker 1: I pulled myself up. There are a few exceptions, but
Speaker 1: but you also had a lot of luck on your side. Okay, no, um,
Speaker 1: what's the next story. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna need
Speaker 1: you to complete the sentence. Beauty experts worn. Never let
Speaker 1: your manicurists do this cut your cuticles on your thumb.
Speaker 1: It's cut your cuticles and uh, the cuticle is a
Speaker 1: natural feature of the nail and serves a critical function.
Speaker 1: It connects the skin to the nail to protect the
Speaker 1: nail and skin from different kinds of infection. If the
Speaker 1: cuticle is cut excessively and there's a separation between the
Speaker 1: nail and skin, a fungal infection can get in under
Speaker 1: the nail or into the skin. Yeah, a lot of
Speaker 1: um warts happen from you know, like that's that's where
Speaker 1: your skin. It's yeah, stuff can get underneath, and that's
Speaker 1: where infections you can start. Yeah, there's something about if
Speaker 1: you're a man listening and you don't know what like
Speaker 1: manicures are, like what they entail. They put this kind
Speaker 1: of like liquid on your um on your cuticles, and
Speaker 1: then they use this little pusher thing after they soften
Speaker 1: and they push them down and then they hut them
Speaker 1: with this cuticle cutter and they just cut them off.
Speaker 1: You know, clean lane. Your nails aren't bleeding if they're
Speaker 1: doing it right. And and they actually aren't allowed to
Speaker 1: do that, I think in New York City because it's
Speaker 1: they can cut your skin and like cause infection and
Speaker 1: you know the classified. What do you do? Just keep
Speaker 1: pushing it back. Your cutical will not take over your nail.
Speaker 1: It will stay where it is. It's just it doesn't
Speaker 1: look as pretty. You know, grow up a little bit
Speaker 1: if you tell a manicure to this though, like, don't
Speaker 1: cut my well, look at you weird. I'm just saying, like,
Speaker 1: so go, you know what. Sorry, it's usually any Asian
Speaker 1: person that, yeah, it usually is where I'm just usually
Speaker 1: Asian people to say, why you old lady hands to me?
Speaker 1: Why you really? I've had that a lot, Why you
Speaker 1: old lady hands? Because my hands would be shredded in
Speaker 1: blood because I would pick up my skin and cuticles
Speaker 1: back when I had more anxiety, and um, yeah, I
Speaker 1: would get why you old lady hands a lot and
Speaker 1: it would be and I would just go, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know why you blood. Lauren going to have
Speaker 1: old lady hands too, Yeah, we have like the same
Speaker 1: kind of hands. Oh my god, lady hand. I love this.
Speaker 1: People push up farther. I'm not trying to know, I know,
Speaker 1: but it's just like, did you know that a lesbian
Speaker 1: if you're most lesbians have a longer if you put
Speaker 1: up your palm a longer ring finger than your pointer finger,
Speaker 1: and most men have Most men have that because they're men.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, look at mine. I know mine's the
Speaker 1: same way. Look at mine. How Yeah, I saw another
Speaker 1: thing that means you have a big penis. And I'm like, um,
Speaker 1: we'll take a break and then we'll come back with
Speaker 1: why do I care? Why do I care? No? Why
Speaker 1: do I care? Actually I care. I want to know
Speaker 1: if Lauren cares about this? Okay, okay, Lee Jenner and
Speaker 1: Travis Scott change baby Wolf's name. We didn't feel like
Speaker 1: it was him, That's what they said. And the baby
Speaker 1: was born in February of this year. That baby needs
Speaker 1: to get to work and get up it's fatass and
Speaker 1: do some fucking work and stop being in a toxic
Speaker 1: womb environment and get out. And um, I think changed
Speaker 1: the name. I think that's fairly. They didn't say they
Speaker 1: so basically, Kylie on her Instagram, she like posted an
Speaker 1: f y I for everyone because she keeps seeing the
Speaker 1: name Wolf and she's like, by the way we were,
Speaker 1: we changed the name. But she didn't say what they changed,
Speaker 1: and she didn't and she didn't say whether or not.
Speaker 1: They're getting rid of his middle name, which is Jacques.
Speaker 1: I like Jacques Cousto. Um Wolf though, I want to say,
Speaker 1: is Sabrina Jelize's baby's name? Um, what do you do
Speaker 1: you think? I think that's I think that's fair because
Speaker 1: he just didn't look at it. Yeah, I think that's
Speaker 1: better than just keeping that name for the rest of
Speaker 1: their life and always having you just had a baby
Speaker 1: November twenty No, no, no, really, I did my special
Speaker 1: and it was on it was a day for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: You had you had your baby, and I stopped my
Speaker 1: special the day before Thanksgiving novembery No, I did it
Speaker 1: on the Saturday. Never mind. Okay, you checked out about
Speaker 1: the date of your baby. That makes more sense. I
Speaker 1: was just like, okay, so November you had Forest. What's
Speaker 1: his middle name? Lawrence? I did Forest, Lawrence screen Um
Speaker 1: and Forest. I mean, is uh is a name that
Speaker 1: people have reactions to. They either think Forrest Gump or
Speaker 1: a forest. His name is Forrest Green. That is that's
Speaker 1: you guys being cheeky and funny. I am obsessed with
Speaker 1: it now. I really weren't. At first. I was just like,
Speaker 1: it's Forrest Gump and Forcecump. Is slow. He's a slow
Speaker 1: like you're just going to associated Forrest Gump. I mean
Speaker 1: everyone probably initially does if they know the movie, but
Speaker 1: I think if you're younger than a millennial, they don't.
Speaker 1: They don't know even a meal Joachim, who is twenty four. Now,
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't think a Forrest Gump when I
Speaker 1: first hear Forest, and so he will not. He'll just
Speaker 1: get that from people my age the rest of his life.
Speaker 1: His teachers will be like always like have you seen
Speaker 1: Forrest Gump? And he'll be like, yes, how did you
Speaker 1: pick it? But I don't think I don't think it's
Speaker 1: I don't think it's top either, But no, we I
Speaker 1: thought I was having a girl for sure. I was like,
Speaker 1: there's no way, does it. Well, they had a better
Speaker 1: name for for a girl than it was gonna be olive.
Speaker 1: It was if it was a girl, a better name
Speaker 1: for a girl. Forest for a girl is not as
Speaker 1: good as olive would be for a girl. So it's
Speaker 1: gonna be olive green. But I love that you stuck
Speaker 1: with the color thing because I always knew that you
Speaker 1: were gonna do olive green. It was my favorite little
Speaker 1: secret I had. And then when he was born. I
Speaker 1: was just like, oh no, And then I was thinking, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe they can come up with something else, and then
Speaker 1: they came up with fourth Screen. I love four screens
Speaker 1: so much now because first of all, I like that
Speaker 1: you guys took a risk and being like kind of
Speaker 1: funny and like having a little fun with it. And
Speaker 1: I also love I was filming Perfect Strangers to which
Speaker 1: is what we call the other thing okay, and there
Speaker 1: was a part of it where we were asking the people,
Speaker 1: like what their favorite color. It wasn't even we were
Speaker 1: just asking the questions. One of the questions was what
Speaker 1: your what's your favorite color? We were asking to this
Speaker 1: UM cast member because he like didn't share a lot
Speaker 1: about himself. He's a very simple person, and so I
Speaker 1: was like, here's a hard hitting question. Are you ready
Speaker 1: this might like really like are you ready to be
Speaker 1: really be emotional now and like really reveal yourself? And
Speaker 1: he was like I'm running And I was like, what's
Speaker 1: your favorite color? And he was just like he didn't
Speaker 1: get the joke, you know, and he kind of just
Speaker 1: like thought and he was like four screen. And I
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, that's my nephew's name, and everyone was
Speaker 1: just like okay, and I was like, I go no.
Speaker 1: Like my nephew, my sister's last name is green and
Speaker 1: she just named her baby Forest. His name is four screen.
Speaker 1: I've never even heard anyone say four at screen and color.
Speaker 1: And everyone was just like, can we move on? And
Speaker 1: it was just like, but that's cool, right, And it
Speaker 1: was just like, um, yeah, Nikki, um can we cut?
Speaker 1: We need to have a talk with you that you're
Speaker 1: like and Poppy and and Arla and like, you know,
Speaker 1: that's not what it's about. It's not you were not
Speaker 1: worried that you're not naming everyone? At what age can you?
Speaker 1: At what point do you have to go? No, your wolf?
Speaker 1: We've been calling you wolf now for seven years. I
Speaker 1: think six months, Like when the baby starts to understand
Speaker 1: maybe park up and understand its name, I would say
Speaker 1: three months. You got three months, alright, three months? But
Speaker 1: people changed. They go from you know, from Andrew to
Speaker 1: Andy when you're use his middle name, and people sunk
Speaker 1: around with everything. He could go by Larry, you know,
Speaker 1: he could go by four or four four. No wait wait,
Speaker 1: I have something to say. You guys are gonna really
Speaker 1: judge me on this one. For his birthday is actually
Speaker 1: the s of November. Shots fired, Oh I do this
Speaker 1: thing you've ever done? Said a different date though, too said,
Speaker 1: but I knew it when I said it. It just
Speaker 1: didn't feel right, and because it's if I would have
Speaker 1: done that, because I was just like, I can't call
Speaker 1: my sister a liar right now about like a photo
Speaker 1: of me and her pregnant. But yeah, anyway, he was amazing.
Speaker 1: I already posted it on our account. It was so good.
Speaker 1: It was the night before Andrew was Yeah, Andrew too
Speaker 1: much Thanksgiving food and it literally had the same sized
Speaker 1: stomach as my sister that was about to be in
Speaker 1: labor that night. And you. I went to the Funny
Speaker 1: Bone to run my set the night before I went
Speaker 1: to hospital. And Andrew went to the bathroom at the
Speaker 1: Funny Bone and puked because he was so sick from
Speaker 1: eating too much. Came out different ends though, we gotta
Speaker 1: do Reddit dumb, it's so it's too good today it's
Speaker 1: red it dump. That's when my mouth stretched and Turkey boy, alright,
Speaker 1: redd it dump. This is your redit dump. M M
Speaker 1: yes dump okay, um, I just I'm going to read
Speaker 1: a couple of these like tweets that show up on Reddit.
Speaker 1: This one is from the supreddit me I r L.
Speaker 1: It's like it's just people being like, this is so me.
Speaker 1: And this is a tweet from Kathleen Barber. Barber and
Speaker 1: says you've probably seen it before, but it says every
Speaker 1: email I ever send, Hello, exclamation mark, I'm extremely excited
Speaker 1: to be corresponding with you. Exclamation mark. You can tell
Speaker 1: by the number of exclamation points I use exclamation point.
Speaker 1: Here's one sentence with a period, so that I don't
Speaker 1: come across as manic period. Thanks, exclamation mark. I do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have used the exclamation just so. There's sometimes that
Speaker 1: these tweets where you just go, god, that's such a
Speaker 1: good comedy bit. Like, there's so many stand up jokes
Speaker 1: that would be like the lynchpin of entire special that
Speaker 1: could get you like on the map. That are just
Speaker 1: these little tweets that people put out, like yours your
Speaker 1: viral tweet. Oh yeah, the one about the wrapping the
Speaker 1: exclamation marks? Do you but isn't that part of your
Speaker 1: voice denotation and not the word I don't know already
Speaker 1: come up for you know, it doesn't do that. Yeah, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: when I dictate, I say exclamation point. Yeah. So my
Speaker 1: friend Bill Dixon, he showed up. He's a he is
Speaker 1: a you know, executive producer and writer on uh Perfect Readers,
Speaker 1: Too and one and he. The other day, I was
Speaker 1: on white people Twitter, which is a subreddit where like
Speaker 1: people have funny tweets from white people. I don't know
Speaker 1: why I also on black people Twitter. It doesn't make
Speaker 1: any sense, but so it said, Um, his tweet is
Speaker 1: about five years ago. I worked and I just read
Speaker 1: the tweet. I've seen this tweet before and I've never
Speaker 1: looked at who it's from, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I was like Bill Dixon. So it says about five
Speaker 1: years ago, I worked in a restaurant and ludicrous came in,
Speaker 1: ordered spring rolls and sent them back. When I apologize,
Speaker 1: he said, don't apologize. Spring rolls are unpredictable. I think
Speaker 1: about this at least once a week. Remind me of
Speaker 1: like a like a I could see Mitch Hedberg saying
Speaker 1: something in that vein. That's how it's so funny. I
Speaker 1: wrote to him. I go, oh my god, I read
Speaker 1: this before I saw it was you. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is so fucking funny. He said, Um, I'm a
Speaker 1: fucking star. He said, happened like eight years ago. I
Speaker 1: tried desperately to make it a bit for like three
Speaker 1: years because it was such a remarkable moment, but gave
Speaker 1: up and just tweeted it like five years ago, and
Speaker 1: like once a year revirals and pops up on moist
Speaker 1: Buddha or whatevs um I said. He said, it's a
Speaker 1: good one. Luda retweeted it and is occasionally asked about
Speaker 1: it in interviews. Though, yeah, I've very rarely ever had
Speaker 1: a bad spring roll like out of out of food,
Speaker 1: Like I feel like and I'm not shot fired here.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like they're down, unpredictable. I always feel
Speaker 1: like they were within the same five. I can't understand
Speaker 1: I would ever be a problem. Fry like shoelaces and
Speaker 1: they'll be good. Maybe that was shoelace fries. Um, okay,
Speaker 1: style of fry. Here's another me, I r l being
Speaker 1: new at a job is so embarrassing for no reason.
Speaker 1: And someone responded to it said, someone said, it feels
Speaker 1: like your new character on season five of the show
Speaker 1: is so embarrassing. Um, this is insane. Okay, this is
Speaker 1: from technically the truth the subreddit technically the truth. Um.
Speaker 1: The caption the you know title is I know, I
Speaker 1: know y'all are feeling about this. I know how you
Speaker 1: all are feeling about this, and I am very sorry.
Speaker 1: And it's someone googling high five emoji and the emoji
Speaker 1: that shows up is the one we all use as
Speaker 1: the prayer hands. It is, in fact, a high five,
Speaker 1: not prayer hands. Isn't that crazy. It's not the same
Speaker 1: pair of hands. It's two different hands. Uh yes, hands. Yeah,
Speaker 1: should be just two different like skin tones to make
Speaker 1: it look like it's. Oh, that would be good, but
Speaker 1: this was before we embraced that. Maybe so they should
Speaker 1: have a prayer hands for every one. The other hand,
Speaker 1: I guess it'll probably only lets you high five people
Speaker 1: of your own race, or maybe more of the arm
Speaker 1: to make it look you know, it's it's a bad look.
Speaker 1: Um No, I want to play, um, I want to
Speaker 1: play the My man just gave up um that that clip.
Speaker 1: This is a girl that is on a podcast and
Speaker 1: she's she's like a playboy bunny. She has like bunny
Speaker 1: ears in she looks like an influencer. She has a
Speaker 1: lot of filler in her face, and she is not
Speaker 1: a smart person because that we don't actually need gravity.
Speaker 1: But that's a different things. We're watching something or someone
Speaker 1: like we don't actually need gravity. We're watching to me
Speaker 1: like we actually don't need it? What do you mean
Speaker 1: that we don't need gravity? What if it was never invented?
Speaker 1: Who ever created gravity? If someone dead? But we don't
Speaker 1: actually need it? There was a time on Earth before
Speaker 1: gravity existed. Yes, you should know what why? I just
Speaker 1: feel like it's important to understand the world you live
Speaker 1: in that you have to know what gravity. Okay, well
Speaker 1: you should know that in Foster and you don't know
Speaker 1: her thought? What Oh I hate when people do that. Okay,
Speaker 1: so probably at some point in that podcast also she
Speaker 1: had mentioned someone and the person didn't know who they were,
Speaker 1: and um, have you ever met someone who didn't know
Speaker 1: something like that? Like, you know, she has a good
Speaker 1: point her knowing what gravity is is probably not going
Speaker 1: to serve her in life. Well yeah, I mean, at
Speaker 1: what point, like me knowing what gravity is and that
Speaker 1: it wasn't something that was invented or but could you
Speaker 1: describe you describe gravity? Why? Why does gravity the moon?
Speaker 1: I know? But like I say, I know it's a
Speaker 1: natural phenomenon. I know that no one invented it. That's
Speaker 1: the thing that I think when some people think that
Speaker 1: something is that, Like, I'm like, but I would have
Speaker 1: asked her, what do you think it is that? Like
Speaker 1: there are like towers that create it? Like I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe she does, I mean, does gravity a TikTok? Was
Speaker 1: she thinking like God created gravity? Is that where she
Speaker 1: was doing? I think she thinks it's like I bet
Speaker 1: she thinks, you know, Edison or whatever created electricity, when
Speaker 1: really was you know, like she probably thinks like it
Speaker 1: was whoever discovered it. I think of Sir Isaac Newton, right,
Speaker 1: gravity with like an apple or whatever. Um okay, this
Speaker 1: is a really sad one. Noah play the guy who
Speaker 1: uses and this is from cringe Topia subreddit, guy who
Speaker 1: uses an MP three file to pretend he's at a
Speaker 1: college party. So this guy is pretending to be drunk,
Speaker 1: and he's filming like a selfie video, and in the
Speaker 1: background you hear a lot of party chatter and it
Speaker 1: sounds real until you realize it's a track of a
Speaker 1: party and he's acting like he's at a party. So
Speaker 1: listen in are you people think I'm drunk? Drunk. No,
Speaker 1: I sold the dog. Trust me, if I was drunk,
Speaker 1: I would know about it. But I'm just having a
Speaker 1: good time. You know, really college what college is about.
Speaker 1: So but I do appreciate big you guys to support
Speaker 1: him a channel. Okay, it's just sad it looks like this.
Speaker 1: How did they find out that it was a lot
Speaker 1: of a track? I mean because you I think someone
Speaker 1: found the track or someone just once you start listening
Speaker 1: to it, you go like really paying attention. It's not
Speaker 1: it's not a good look. Um, have you ever done
Speaker 1: I mean, we've all done things to seem cool. I
Speaker 1: want to say that that's kid, but it's so sad
Speaker 1: that I don't even think it's. Yeah, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: it's bad. Um. I mean I think I've done things
Speaker 1: to seem like more popular. Maybe back for the day. Um,
Speaker 1: it's just or caught someone like pretending like they went
Speaker 1: to a party that weekend, or but there used to
Speaker 1: be this thing in high school we're like pretending like
Speaker 1: you got drunk was like the coolest thing to be,
Speaker 1: like I'm so drunk, and like people would act like
Speaker 1: they're drunk and they'd be like, that's not an alcoholic.
Speaker 1: I've heard stories of that or like I remember one
Speaker 1: girl they did that at my at my um prom
Speaker 1: A kid put oduls in the first keg to like
Speaker 1: as a prank. Wow, like and we're like great, and
Speaker 1: then we've all found out and we're like cool. I've
Speaker 1: gotten drunk off of Tenno Duels. When I first quit drinking,
Speaker 1: I drank like Tenno Duels and I felt something. It
Speaker 1: was like having a couple of kombucha's and not the
Speaker 1: alcoholic kombucha is like people always go, no, you can't
Speaker 1: feel anything from kombucha, and then why do you drink it?
Speaker 1: Why do you? Why do sober people love kombucha so much.
Speaker 1: It's because it gives you something, just like caffeine gives
Speaker 1: you something it doesn't give you. And I'm not talking
Speaker 1: about black label that it actually has alcohol in it.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about regular kombucha. It's got a little bit
Speaker 1: of something. Otherwise you wouldn't drink it. It's not delicious.
Speaker 1: There's other things that have sugar and them that are
Speaker 1: way better. But yeah, people do. With the Rega Remember
Speaker 1: regun I was like, well you smoke, dude, you high bro.
Speaker 1: That was Reguano, Like man, I'm still still I swear
Speaker 1: to God though so much of like getting high or
Speaker 1: drunk is based, Like I'll be around drunk people and
Speaker 1: I'll start acting drunk, like I absorbed so much of
Speaker 1: how they will act, or like you know, accents, like
Speaker 1: we just kind of absorb your environment. Um, okay, so
Speaker 1: this is the one I wanted to test Lauren on.
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask her. Um, wait, okay, wait, your
Speaker 1: anti spending so much of your time? You have so
Speaker 1: many horse flies in the tent espera to tilla passau
Speaker 1: tiennis tantas mosto in uh to carpa, damn girl in
Speaker 1: la carpa, not your well. In French, this is how
Speaker 1: it is in the turn. There's something like that in
Speaker 1: Spanish with como because como can mean how, and como
Speaker 1: can mean I eat, and then tom can also mean
Speaker 1: like so you ever do like the mayor como. They're
Speaker 1: called like trouble linguas like tongue twisters in Spanish. I
Speaker 1: like it. Um, that's okay, let's go into final thought.
Speaker 1: I just want to give you. I used to do
Speaker 1: this thing. Taylor mcgram one of my best friends, and
Speaker 1: I used to always go into we'd spend our contact period,
Speaker 1: which was like a twenty minute period between second and
Speaker 1: third hour. We're supposed to like go visit teachers to
Speaker 1: like learn things or just like people would just socialize.
Speaker 1: But we would go into hair Um Anderson, who used
Speaker 1: to work with right, he's this is his last year.
Speaker 1: We used to go to hair Anderson him classroom. Hair.
Speaker 1: You know, it's it's so har Anderson's room. And he
Speaker 1: does have nice hair though, really good hair, a strong
Speaker 1: a strong uh he does, yeah, blind a strong hairline.
Speaker 1: And um. We would go into his classroom and we
Speaker 1: would quiz him on like really weird words to be
Speaker 1: like how good are you? And so we would just
Speaker 1: throw weird words at him to like stump him. So
Speaker 1: can I try to stump you? You're probably going to
Speaker 1: be able to stump I know, because there's lots of
Speaker 1: words that you wouldn't But okay, um uh quirkscrew, Oh okay,
Speaker 1: I know that one um bunk bed um No same
Speaker 1: sumpter you got anyone's um bunk bed dolphin tail? Ohine, delphine.
Speaker 1: You don't even know English? Yeah, it's stumped English. The game.
Speaker 1: I just thought I was thinking of any words u
Speaker 1: uh bronze uh bronze oatmeal bowl. Well that's easy because
Speaker 1: it's just gonna be they los cerealis uh bronzeado. What
Speaker 1: about avenna avenna avennas? Yeah oats okay because in Mexico zesus,
Speaker 1: I think it's you're giving me a lot of Latin
Speaker 1: rooted words. Kind of got it. Um uh the charging
Speaker 1: cable for my old transistor radio uh cablet day cargo
Speaker 1: part of me viejo or me antiguo radio. Okay, this
Speaker 1: is a boring segment one. Okay, yeah, okay, I got
Speaker 1: a hot dog at the library, yo, conci Wait what
Speaker 1: was something hot? Oh? A dog to say, a dog
Speaker 1: that's hot, a little hot dog. But like what if
Speaker 1: people think that, Like what if you're saying my dog
Speaker 1: is hot and you can take me to the that No,
Speaker 1: then you would say me pero. Okay, so what about
Speaker 1: my dog ate a hot dog and now he's hot, pero,
Speaker 1: come and where by bottom my sexy dog ate a
Speaker 1: hot dog and now he's sexy. Now he's a dog
Speaker 1: that's hot, and he's more sexy about a hot dog
Speaker 1: than because Calliente isn't that hot. Yeah, but they just
Speaker 1: say sexy too sexy. When you say that a dog
Speaker 1: is hot, why are you saying a different word? Because
Speaker 1: I was thinking that like he's like overheating. No, no,
Speaker 1: he's sexy. So my sexy dog ate a hot dog
Speaker 1: and now he's more sexy. Say it me, pero sexy
Speaker 1: cameo CALLI Okay, well, okay fine. I feel like I'm like, hell, um, Lauren,
Speaker 1: is there anything We have a lot of parents listening
Speaker 1: in that have small children who are obviously going to
Speaker 1: be going to school or are in school. Is there
Speaker 1: anything you could say as a parent to a student
Speaker 1: that you would like to say? Um, as a teacher,
Speaker 1: as a teacher, as a as a teacher, Oh or
Speaker 1: the kids that are so respectful and nice and sweet
Speaker 1: make all the difference in the class. So please thank you. Yes,
Speaker 1: so many kids don't say please and thank you. I
Speaker 1: realize that following candidates, they don't have like the reverie
Speaker 1: or respect for adults, Like they just look at us
Speaker 1: like you don't like they just don't they look at
Speaker 1: you like you're like, they treat you like your your peer.
Speaker 1: What happened to being scared of adults? I was scared
Speaker 1: off literally every adult and I would have done anything
Speaker 1: that any of them told me to. I was in
Speaker 1: the middle. Probably, Yeah, you challenge kids, I think that.
Speaker 1: I mean, if they're being disrespect it, yeah, I can
Speaker 1: see that. But I wasn't a skunk because he had
Speaker 1: white hair in between. But he was being rude to me,
Speaker 1: so I just shot back, Oh, okay, skunk, and then
Speaker 1: he threw me Oh my god. Did anyone I know
Speaker 1: that he was a skunk? Like? Was that a thing?
Speaker 1: You guys whispered to each other? I think if they
Speaker 1: didn't know, they were just such a good Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he looked exactly like can I ask a question when
Speaker 1: you have kids like that though, that are like, well
Speaker 1: I'm too cool for and you're teaching and you're giving
Speaker 1: a lesson, do you ever like look? I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't want to put this in your brain, but I
Speaker 1: know as the lights are on, if I was a teacher,
Speaker 1: I would look at Johnny in the third row being
Speaker 1: like like all right, like funck? Like does that ever
Speaker 1: funk with you? Them not paying attention? Or like them
Speaker 1: like you like doing stand up and pay? It makes
Speaker 1: you It makes you like murder to what do you
Speaker 1: do when someone not paying attention or they're like you
Speaker 1: can see them like not you know them out. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm like, put away your phone, let's pay attention. Are
Speaker 1: they're allowed to have their phone? M it's a losing battle.
Speaker 1: You just you just have to accept it. And they
Speaker 1: all just stare into their laps a lot. They're very
Speaker 1: interested in their laps there. Yeah, and inside their desks.
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's a lot going on. Oh, they just
Speaker 1: have it out. They're just yeah, my god. Right before
Speaker 1: we go, tell listeners one thing about me that they
Speaker 1: wouldn't know that, you know, because we grew up together. Oh, um,
Speaker 1: you're very sensitive? What really? Yeah, you you have like this,
Speaker 1: you know, you portray this kind of harder exterior, but
Speaker 1: deep down you're just a little squishy marshmallow. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: thing so sweet. That's all I want is to be.
Speaker 1: We talked about favorite um compliments, and my my favorite
Speaker 1: one is you're adorable, So that kind of goes into
Speaker 1: that being like a little a little sweet sweet. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you're elegant. Oh you're actually that would be hilarious
Speaker 1: if Lord and was like she's really tidy. Al Right, guys,
Speaker 1: we gotta go. Thank you Lauren for being here, my sister.
Speaker 1: I love to have you back. Uh. Season two is
Speaker 1: coming up next week. Get your friends involved. This is
Speaker 1: a great We're gonna start fresh. All the things that
Speaker 1: you know and love about the show will be back.
Speaker 1: A little couple of changes will happen, but nothing that
Speaker 1: is going to throw you. Will be here four days
Speaker 1: a week. We love you so much. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening to the show this past year, no
Speaker 1: matter when you joined in. UM, come see us on
Speaker 1: the road. We're doing meet and greets everywhere. We can't
Speaker 1: wait to meet you guys. We have merched available at
Speaker 1: the pod uh pod shop, dot Nikki Glaser dot com
Speaker 1: and um, yeah, we really appreciate you guys. Thank you, busties.
Speaker 1: We love you. Yeah. Great season one. Even know what
Speaker 1: you were doing seasons until I guess we're doing seasons.
Speaker 1: It's kind of cool. I love it feels like the
Speaker 1: ode so well I thought, I thought, alright, yeah I
Speaker 1: have all the swells. Don't be a y good one. Okay,
Speaker 1: do you know he is no gravity