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Speaker 1: Pushkin, what's your life purpose? That is a very big

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Speaker 1: sounding question, which honestly is why most of us shy

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Speaker 1: away from talking about it. Your life's purpose feels like

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Speaker 1: it needs to be important, Curing a disease, saving an

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Speaker 1: endangered species, or founding a billion dollar company. It's supposed

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Speaker 1: to be something big, right wrong, Because, as we'll hear

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Speaker 1: in this episode, purpose can be found in something as

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Speaker 1: simple as collecting baseball cards and hanging out with others

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Speaker 1: who share your passion. That's an example taken directly from

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Speaker 1: the life of my guest for this episode.

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Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Jordan Grummitt. I am a hospice physician, personal

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Speaker 2: finance podcaster, an author of the book With the Purpose Code.

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Speaker 1: Jordan's career has taken many detours. At times, he's found

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Speaker 1: himself facing some big dead ends and his lifelong quest

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Speaker 1: for purpose, But today he's pretty happy where things ended up,

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Speaker 1: which makes him an excellent guide for this concluding episode

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Speaker 1: of our how To season, where we'll discuss how to

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Speaker 1: find your purpose. Jordan began yearning for purpose at a

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Speaker 1: particularly young age, but set off to find it in

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Speaker 1: a direction that he later realized was a mistake. It

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Speaker 1: all began with an unexpected bereavement.

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Speaker 2: It pretty much affected everything. I was seven years old

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Speaker 2: and my father was this prominent oncologist, this cancer doctor

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Speaker 2: that everyone looked up to, and he had a brain aneurysm,

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Speaker 2: which meant he was literally rounding at the hospital, got

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Speaker 2: a severe headache, collapsed, went into a coma, and died

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Speaker 2: within a day or two. Back then, you know, there

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Speaker 2: was no talk of these extraordinary measures. The neurosurgeon came

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Speaker 2: in and said, look, he's pretty much brain dead, and

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Speaker 2: they removed life support. And I was seven years old,

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Speaker 2: and as most seven year olds are, I looked at

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Speaker 2: the world through a very self centered lens. I told

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Speaker 2: myself that there was something wrong with me. I wasn't enough,

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Speaker 2: I wasn't good enough. I didn't do things well enough,

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Speaker 2: I wasn't lovable and and so at some point I

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Speaker 2: developed the narrative in my own head that I could

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Speaker 2: cosmically fix the world if I became a doctor like him,

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Speaker 2: if I just stepped into his footsteps, if I walked

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Speaker 2: his path, everything would be okay. And that narrative served

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Speaker 2: me for quite a long time. In fact, I had

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Speaker 2: a learning disability I got over that made my way

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Speaker 2: through college and medical school. This was a joyful version

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Speaker 2: of purpose and identity. At the time. I wasn't interested

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Speaker 2: in money or career or any of those things. I

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Speaker 2: just wanted to be like my dad, and it served

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Speaker 2: me until it didn't.

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Speaker 1: So let's talk about the part where it didn't. What

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Speaker 1: happened in your medical career that, you know, what started

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Speaker 1: out as kind of this important purpose kind of wound

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Speaker 1: up becoming something else.

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Speaker 2: Well, what pretty much happened is burnout. And what I

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Speaker 2: eventually realized is this version of purpose, this audacious version

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Speaker 2: of purpose, like I can cosmically save this fact that

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Speaker 2: my father died by just becoming a doctor like him,

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Speaker 2: wasn't actually reachable. And so I became a doctor and

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Speaker 2: it didn't solve any of the problems. I still didn't

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Speaker 2: feel good about this sentinel thing that happened in my life.

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Speaker 2: And yet I was spending my days doing things that

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Speaker 2: I didn't love and I didn't enjoy, and that weren't

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Speaker 2: filling me up. And so I wasn't reaching that big

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Speaker 2: audacious goal I had. But I also wasn't enjoying the

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Speaker 2: process either, and that is the perfect setup to burn out.

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Speaker 1: So what were some of your symptoms when you were

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Speaker 1: going through burnout as a doctor, Like, how did it manifest?

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Speaker 2: It's the Sunday scaries. Right Sunday night, You're like, I

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Speaker 2: don't want to go to work. It's the waking up

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Speaker 2: in the morning and instead of being energized, being stressed.

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Speaker 2: I contrast that to my life today, where I spend

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Speaker 2: a lot more time doing things that I enjoy the

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Speaker 2: process of doing, regardless of the goal. And I kind

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Speaker 2: of jump out of bed at four thirty five in

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Speaker 2: the morning every morning because I'm so excited to jump in,

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Speaker 2: whereas I might have still gotten up at four thirty

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Speaker 2: or five in the morn, but it was more I

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Speaker 2: was so anxious that there were all these things on

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Speaker 2: the table that seemed impossible that I had to get through.

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Speaker 2: And so it really manifests itself very differently. There's a

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Speaker 2: certain amount of optimism and a joy in which I

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Speaker 2: leap into activities now that I just didn't have them.

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Speaker 1: So how did you break out of this? It must

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Speaker 1: be really hard to kind of train your whole career

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Speaker 1: to become a doctor. You're feeling burned out. What was

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Speaker 1: the next time? It was kind of a happy accident.

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Speaker 1: And I think this happens to a lot of people.

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Speaker 1: When they take on big, audacious purpose that doesn't suit them,

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Speaker 1: they actually often try to fit these things in that

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Speaker 1: are more joyful, that suit them better around the sides,

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Speaker 1: like when they're not busy doing other things. So I

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Speaker 1: love writing, I love communicating, I love public speaking, and

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Speaker 1: so I was trying to integrate that into my life.

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Speaker 1: And I told myself, well, you can't really do that

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Speaker 1: for a living, Like writing is a hobby, it's something

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Speaker 1: you do for fun. So I was fitting it in

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Speaker 1: during my lunch hour or at night when my wife

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Speaker 1: and kids were sleeping, and so fortuitously, in two thousand

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Speaker 1: and fourteen, I was writing a blog about medicine, what

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Speaker 1: it felt like to be a doctor, and this guy

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Speaker 1: named Jim Dolly, the White Coat Investor, sent me his book.

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Speaker 1: And he had written a book about physician personal finance,

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Speaker 1: and he wanted me to review it from my blog.

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Speaker 1: And I had always had modeled for me beautiful, wonderful

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Speaker 1: financial behavior, but I never had the words to understand

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Speaker 1: what that meant. And so he sent me his book

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Speaker 1: and had described this concept of financial independence, this idea

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Speaker 1: of having enough money so that you didn't have to

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Speaker 1: spend your days doing things you didn't want to do.

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Speaker 1: And within a few hours of reading this, I realized

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Speaker 1: I was doing fine financially, like I didn't have to

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Speaker 1: continue doing this thing that wasn't filling me up just

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Speaker 1: because I needed a paycheck, which was amazing and exhilarating

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Speaker 1: for all of about a minute.

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Speaker 2: And then I had a major panic attack because I

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Speaker 2: realized this only thing that I had ever identified myself as,

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Speaker 2: this only version of purpose I really knew outside of,

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Speaker 2: you know, the basic pedestrian stuff of having a family

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Speaker 2: and kids and that kind of stuff, but my only

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Speaker 2: real sense of purpose was tied to something I realized

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Speaker 2: didn't suit me anymore. And not only that, but it

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Speaker 2: was that singular connection I still had to my father,

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Speaker 2: and I was talking about walking away, and I knew

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Speaker 2: I had to walk away at least on some level,

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Speaker 2: because of the burnout and the anxiety and the stress.

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Speaker 2: On the other hand, if I was going to walk

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Speaker 2: away from this only thing that had ever defined me,

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Speaker 2: who would I be? And so that started a process

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Speaker 2: which took years of trying to figure out how to

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Speaker 2: develop and pursue a life of purpose. And I wasn't

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Speaker 2: ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater. So

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Speaker 2: I couldn't just walk away from medicine, because I probably

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Speaker 2: could have at that moment said I'm done, I quit,

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Speaker 2: I'm out, but I didn't have the emotional fortitude. So

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Speaker 2: actually I started with something much more simpler. I use

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Speaker 2: what I call the artist's attraction. I started getting rid

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Speaker 2: of what I didn't like in my job. I didn't

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Speaker 2: love owning my own practice. I got rid of that.

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Speaker 2: I eventually got rid of the working in the nursing

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Speaker 2: home and the nights and the weekends. What I was

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Speaker 2: left with was doing hospice work, taking care of the

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Speaker 2: terminally ill, and strangely enough, I realized I would do

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Speaker 2: that even if I wasn't being paid for it. That

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Speaker 2: was an anchor for me. I'm like, Okay, this job

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Speaker 2: no longer feels purposeful. I don't identify by it, but

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Speaker 2: there's this little piece being a hospice doctor, which was

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Speaker 2: an anchor of joy and purpose for me. So I

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Speaker 2: could stick with that. But that of course opened up

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Speaker 2: a huge amount of space because I was doing that

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Speaker 2: about ten or fifteen hours a week. So the question

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Speaker 2: was what type of life did I want? To lead

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Speaker 2: in all that open space, and that's where I came

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Speaker 2: back to those joys that i'd always submerged, things like

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Speaker 2: writing in public speaking and expressing myself. And since I

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Speaker 2: got there through learning about personal finance, it was a

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Speaker 2: natural place for me to start writing and podcasting about it.

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Speaker 1: Also, seems like your switched to spending more time with

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Speaker 1: those in pallity of care sort of tell you something

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Speaker 1: else about purpose?

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Speaker 2: What was that? Well, interestingly enough, my life had taken

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Speaker 2: two tracks right. One track was becoming a personal finance expert,

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Speaker 2: doing a blog on that and eventually a podcast. But

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Speaker 2: the other track was I was still taking care of

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Speaker 2: the terminally ill. And after doing this for ten fifteen

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Speaker 2: years and sitting at people's bedside, I realized that when

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Speaker 2: I was talking to financial people, they're really good at

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Speaker 2: telling me how to make money or how to invest,

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Speaker 2: but often if I ask them questions like well, what

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Speaker 2: does enough look like in your life or what is

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Speaker 2: this serving? I got a lot of blank stairs. On

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Speaker 2: the other hand, then I go see my hospice patients

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Speaker 2: who would know that the end was coming, and all

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Speaker 2: they wanted to do was talk about what was important

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Speaker 2: in their life and specifically about regrets. What did they

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Speaker 2: regret never having the energy, courage, or time to do?

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Speaker 2: And I started thinking about what if all my financial

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Speaker 2: people had this knowledge, What if they could put themselves

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Speaker 2: in the shoes of someone who is dying and just

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Speaker 2: for a brief period of time, think about those really

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Speaker 2: important things that they hadn't accomplished, and what if we

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Speaker 2: could then flip those around and turn them into anchors

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Speaker 2: of purpose, Like, Okay, this is a beckoning, this is

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Speaker 2: an inkling, This is this big important thing to me.

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Speaker 2: If I do nothing for the rest of my life,

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Speaker 2: if I keep on saying I don't have enough time,

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Speaker 2: I don't have enough money, I don't have enough energy,

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Speaker 2: or I'm afraid I'm gonna fail, one day a doctor

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Speaker 2: like me will walk into your room and you'll realize

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Speaker 2: it's too late. And so what I wanted to do

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Speaker 2: was take that feeling, that knowledge and give it to

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Speaker 2: all these younger people who trying to figure out their life.

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Speaker 2: How do we win the game? How do we die

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Speaker 2: without regrets? So regrets became purpose anchors, something we have

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Speaker 2: to build a life of purpose around. And I always

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Speaker 2: say this, you don't find purpose. Everyone's like I'm waiting

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Speaker 2: for it. It's either going to fall on my head.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be successful and happy and in the

195
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Speaker 2: world's going to be great, or I'm going to miss

196
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Speaker 2: it and everything's going to be horrible. The truth of

197
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Speaker 2: the matter is we have these whisperings, but then we

198
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Speaker 2: have to do the hard work, which is building a

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Speaker 2: life of purpose around it. And I think the dying

200
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Speaker 2: they have that message to give us, don't wait until

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Speaker 2: it's too late.

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Speaker 1: So it seems like to find purpose we have to

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Speaker 1: start by knowing what it is. What is purpose? And

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Speaker 1: as we think about finding it, what are some of

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Speaker 1: the benefits that can come from it psychologically?

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Speaker 2: So this is my favorite question because I think colloquially

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Speaker 2: we talk about purpose as being our why, and I

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Speaker 2: think that's problematic. I think the better way to look

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Speaker 2: at it is purpose are the actions we take in

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Speaker 2: the present and future that light us up. That's it, simple, straightforward.

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Speaker 2: Why don't like looking at it as our why is

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Speaker 2: because then it becomes high stakes and we're back to this.

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Speaker 2: I either don't figure it out in all this loss,

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Speaker 2: or I figure it out and I live blissfully happy.

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Speaker 2: And we all know that's not how it works, and

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Speaker 2: so I think it's a much simpler definition. Why is

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Speaker 2: it important, Well, the studies are clear. I mean, there

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Speaker 2: are a million studies out there that look at having

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Speaker 2: a purpose in life and what that means. And we

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Speaker 2: know from various studies that it leads to increased health, longevity,

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Speaker 2: and happiness, and so it's really important. If we had

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Speaker 2: a pill, if the doctor could give you this pill

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Speaker 2: and say you're going to live ten or twenty percent longer,

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Speaker 2: you're going to be happier and healthier, of course we

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Speaker 2: would take it. And yet people get so confused about

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Speaker 2: purpose because it seems ephemeral and hard to reach, that

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Speaker 2: they give up on it. And in fact, other studies

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Speaker 2: which seem to contradict those first studies, show that up

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Speaker 2: to ninety one percent of people at some point in

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Speaker 2: their life have what's called purpose anxiety. This idea of

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Speaker 2: finding their purpose actually frustrates them, cause them depression anxiety.

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Speaker 2: And so the question is how can it be both

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Speaker 2: how can purpose be like the most important thing but

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Speaker 2: also so anxiety written? And I think part of the

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Speaker 2: reason is because we get this idea of purpose wrong,

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Speaker 2: We've been stuck in that purpose is our why for

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Speaker 2: so long that we make these big audacious dreams, often

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Speaker 2: ones we don't have the agency to achieve, and it

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Speaker 2: leaves us frustrated as opposed to focusing on action in

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Speaker 2: the present and future and doing these little things that

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Speaker 2: just light us up, which I think is much more

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Speaker 2: associated with all those good things we see the study show.

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Speaker 1: And so you've made this distinction that I find really

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Speaker 1: important between you know, what you seem to be calling

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Speaker 1: is that of this big P purpose, the kind of big,

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Speaker 1: high falutine, kind of scary, anxiety inducing purpose, and what

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Speaker 1: you've termed little P purpose. What's the little pea purpose?

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Speaker 1: What are we missing?

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Speaker 2: So little P purpose is process oriented instead of goal oriented,

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Speaker 2: and so the idea is doing things that light you up.

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Speaker 2: And why this is good is it's impossible to fail.

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Speaker 2: I say, big P purposes all or nothing. You either

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Speaker 2: success even this really big audacious thing or you don't.

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Speaker 2: Little P purposes all or all, and so it tends

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Speaker 2: to be very very abundant. Think about this, What are

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Speaker 2: the million different things we could do that we would enjoy? Conversely,

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Speaker 2: big purpose is much more goal oriented, and usually we

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Speaker 2: don't love the process of doing the things we do

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Speaker 2: just to get to this goal. And that's problematic for

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Speaker 2: a few reasons. One is we often say things in

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Speaker 2: America like if you can think it, you can build it,

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Speaker 2: and so we don't just think of purpose. But it's

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Speaker 2: always like this big outsize I'm gonna be a billionaire,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to run for president, I'm gonna have an

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Speaker 2: eight figure business, And a lot of times we're sold

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Speaker 2: this by social media and society, and so a lot

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Speaker 2: of people like, I don't know what my purpose is.

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Speaker 2: I can't find it, and so what do they do.

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Speaker 2: They go right to their phones and they look at

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Speaker 2: Instagram and TikTok and what are they seeing. They're seeing

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Speaker 2: six pack abs and eight figure businesses and wearing the

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Speaker 2: nicest clothes and traveling to every country in the world.

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Speaker 2: And the problem is a lot of the people putting

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Speaker 2: out those images, whether it's in social media or in

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Speaker 2: marketing or trying to sell you something. But we co

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Speaker 2: opt this version of purpose because we don't know what

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Speaker 2: feels purposeful and we've been told that it's supposed to

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Speaker 2: be big and impactful and important, but a lot of

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Speaker 2: us don't have agency to actually have six pack ads

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Speaker 2: or run the figure business. We're not the right person

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Speaker 2: at the right time, saying the right things, with the

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Speaker 2: right genetics and a whole lot of luck, and so

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Speaker 2: a lot of the times we fail, which makes us

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Speaker 2: feel just lost and anxious, or God forbid, we succeed

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Speaker 2: and we realize that we don't still feel filled up,

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Speaker 2: and so we have to double down and then pick

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Speaker 2: the biggest, better thing. So now I've an any figure business,

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Speaker 2: but I want to be a multiple billionaire. I want

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Speaker 2: to be in the list of top fifty billionaires or

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Speaker 2: what have you. We know that we tend to habituate

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Speaker 2: back down to a baseline, especially with this goal oriented

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Speaker 2: purpose fu good.

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Speaker 1: We need to look at other examples, not the kind

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Speaker 1: of folks on social media or the billionaires. Like when

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Speaker 1: we're looking for people who achieve little py purpose, it's

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Speaker 1: not necessarily the people we expect. You shared the story

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Speaker 1: of someone that you grew up with, this kind of

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Speaker 1: baseball card guy that worked in your neighborhood. He share

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Speaker 1: his story, and why was it so powerful for gaining

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Speaker 1: little pe purpose?

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Speaker 2: So Roman changed my life and he never ever meant to,

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Speaker 2: but he did anyway. And this is I think the

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Speaker 2: importance of little pea purpose because not only is it

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Speaker 2: reachable in something we all can do, but it actually

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Speaker 2: can lead to really big impact and legacy. And so

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Speaker 2: Roman was a baseball player in high school. He blew

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Speaker 2: out his knee, kind of gave up on that dream,

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Speaker 2: decided not to go to college and took over his

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Speaker 2: father's antique shop because he was good at redoing furniture. Right,

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Speaker 2: they would bring him armoires and things and he would

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Speaker 2: fix them up, restain them, and sell them. And so

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Speaker 2: he was busy in this life running the antique store,

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Speaker 2: and a gentleman dropped off an armoir, and he saw

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Speaker 2: that he could make an easy profit, so he bought it.

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Speaker 2: He was in the back starting to fix it up

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Speaker 2: at his antique store and noticed a box at baseball

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Speaker 2: cards in one of the drawers. So he called the

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Speaker 2: guy up and said, Hey, I got your baseball cards.

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Speaker 2: You want to come pick them up? The guy said, nat,

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Speaker 2: don't worry about it. So Roman knew nothing about baseball cards,

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Speaker 2: so we took him, put him on the counter, didn't

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Speaker 2: even think about them. A few days later, a woman

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Speaker 2: came in with her snarky teenager, looking bored as can

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Speaker 2: be at being brought into this antique store, and then

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Speaker 2: he noticed the box of baseball cards and starts flipping

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Speaker 2: through them, and he looks up at Roman says, hey,

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Speaker 2: how much for the baseball cards? Now Roman had no idea,

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Speaker 2: this was just something extra, so he's like, huh, ten bucks,

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Speaker 2: that'll be fine. So the kid plops down ten dollars,

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Speaker 2: and as snarky teenagers do, he spread them out on

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Speaker 2: the table and said this one, this one, and this one.

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Speaker 2: Three of the hundred of cards. He said, these together

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Speaker 2: worth one hundred dollars on their own. Now, Roman could

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Speaker 2: have been angry, but he wasn't. But instead he found

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Speaker 2: himself in thrall. The part of his brain lit up

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Speaker 2: that he wasn't expecting, and I don't know why. I

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Speaker 2: don't think he knew why. Maybe it was that he

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Speaker 2: used to remember putting baseball cards in the spokes of

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Speaker 2: his bike, or that he remembered going to Wrigleyfield with

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Speaker 2: his dad and sitting in the bleachers when he was

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Speaker 2: a little kid. I'm not sure what it was, and

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Speaker 2: I don't think Roman could have told you, but he

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Speaker 2: felt a spark and that became a purpose anchor for him.

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Speaker 2: Now this again is the big distinction. It's not that

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Speaker 2: he found purpose, although this one day something lit up

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Speaker 2: in his brain. He actually had to build a life

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Speaker 2: of purpose around that. So he decided, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: sell baseball cards in my antique store. He wasn't trying

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Speaker 2: to make millions of dollars. He already had a successful

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Speaker 2: antique store. He just said, boy, this sounds fun and interesting.

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Speaker 2: So he hired the snarky teenager right away. He started

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Speaker 2: studying the baseball card market. He started buying inventory, and

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Speaker 2: a few years later I walked into that antique store.

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Speaker 2: You see, I was a eight, nine, ten year old.

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Speaker 2: My father had died, I had had a learning disability.

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Speaker 2: I had almost no friends. I was the typical geek

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Speaker 2: or nerd. I had no community. But I loved baseball cards,

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Speaker 2: and so I go to that antique shop and Roman

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Speaker 2: became a mentor. When I had a bad day, he

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Speaker 2: would counsel me. He'd give me a free pack of

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Speaker 2: baseball cards. We'd open it up and eat the god

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Speaker 2: awful gum that came in the middle. And it wasn't

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Speaker 2: just me, but it was dozens and dozens of other

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Speaker 2: kids who found community and connections and a sense of

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Speaker 2: confidence all from Roman's little pea purpose. Sadly, Roman eventually

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Speaker 2: got cancer, he had to close the antique shop, and

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Speaker 2: he died. That was like thirty or forty years ago.

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Speaker 2: But think about all those kids who left that little

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Speaker 2: community that he built, who became doctors and lawyers, and

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Speaker 2: maybe they bought and sold things like Roman, but walked

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Speaker 2: in the world with a huge amount of confidence and

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Speaker 2: a feeling like they belonged. Thirty years later, those kids

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Speaker 2: are still changing the world and having their own kids

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Speaker 2: and passing down maybe even the love of baseball cards.

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Speaker 2: And I like to contrast that to Mickey Mantle, because

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Speaker 2: when I was a little kid collecting baseball cards, all

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Speaker 2: we wanted was Mickey Mantle cards. Now, if I, or

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Speaker 2: even Roman for that matter, had decided to look at

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Speaker 2: Mickey Mantle and develop a sense of purpose around him,

380
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Speaker 2: like maybe we want to be major League baseball players

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Speaker 2: and break all sorts of records like him, that's kind

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Speaker 2: of big audacious purpose. Well, Roman, couldn't he blew out

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Speaker 2: his knee and me, I just didn't have the talent,

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Speaker 2: the skills, the mentors. I didn't have anything in place

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Speaker 2: to do that. So if that had been our version

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Speaker 2: of purpose, we probably both would have ended up miserable

387
00:18:09,876 --> 00:18:13,836
Speaker 2: when we failed. But instead the guy remembers Roman, this

388
00:18:13,956 --> 00:18:16,516
Speaker 2: guy who did something that lit him up, and a

389
00:18:16,556 --> 00:18:19,916
Speaker 2: happy accident of that was that he changed the world

390
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Speaker 2: and he still exists. His effect, his impact are still

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Speaker 2: there all these decades later.

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Speaker 1: So how can we follow Roman's example and find our

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Speaker 1: own little pea purpose? We'll hear Jordan's tips right after

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Speaker 1: the break. People who get hopelessly lost in the blazing

395
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Speaker 1: desert sometimes reports seeing what looks like life giving water

396
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Speaker 1: just over the horizon, but no matter how far they

397
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Speaker 1: walk towards that shimmering lake, they never reach it. Doctor

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00:18:51,996 --> 00:18:55,076
Speaker 1: and podcaster Jordan Grammit says those of us thirsting for

399
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Speaker 1: purpose often fall for the same thing we chase after

400
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Speaker 1: visions that turn out to be what he calls purpose mirages.

401
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Speaker 2: Purpose mirages are basically big pea purpose that masquerades as

402
00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:12,356
Speaker 2: being good for us. And so, whether this is some

403
00:19:12,556 --> 00:19:14,356
Speaker 2: net worth, like I want to get to that million

404
00:19:14,436 --> 00:19:17,316
Speaker 2: dollars or billion dollars or whatever it is, whether it's

405
00:19:17,396 --> 00:19:22,476
Speaker 2: some career achievement, whatever it is, it's something that you

406
00:19:22,636 --> 00:19:25,996
Speaker 2: convince yourself that you will be happy and everything will

407
00:19:25,996 --> 00:19:29,236
Speaker 2: be perfect once you reach it, even if you don't

408
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Speaker 2: basically feel yourself lit up by the process of doing

409
00:19:32,556 --> 00:19:34,396
Speaker 2: these things you have to do to get there. And

410
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Speaker 2: so I'll give you a perfect example. I see this

411
00:19:36,996 --> 00:19:40,316
Speaker 2: all the time in podcasting, because I love podcasting, and

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00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:42,916
Speaker 2: for me, podcasting is little p purpose, something I deeply

413
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Speaker 2: enjoy the process of doing. Once I get in front

414
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Speaker 2: of that microphone to interview someone, it doesn't matter what

415
00:19:47,476 --> 00:19:49,636
Speaker 2: comes of it other than I have a really joyful

416
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:53,796
Speaker 2: hour of conversation. I could turn that into a mirage.

417
00:19:53,836 --> 00:19:56,076
Speaker 2: I could kind of say, well, that's fine, but I

418
00:19:56,076 --> 00:19:58,436
Speaker 2: also want to get a million downloads a month. And

419
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Speaker 2: so all of a sudden, this changes from something I

420
00:20:00,756 --> 00:20:03,676
Speaker 2: enjoy the process of doing to more of a goal oriented,

421
00:20:03,716 --> 00:20:07,796
Speaker 2: goal centered process, and maybe I realized to get there,

422
00:20:07,796 --> 00:20:09,156
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to do some things I really we

423
00:20:09,236 --> 00:20:11,356
Speaker 2: don't want to do. Like I don't love social media,

424
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Speaker 2: I don't love making TikTok videos. Those are things I

425
00:20:14,396 --> 00:20:18,156
Speaker 2: agonize over and find that I when I do them,

426
00:20:18,316 --> 00:20:20,156
Speaker 2: I'm generally not happy at the end of the day.

427
00:20:20,156 --> 00:20:22,116
Speaker 2: But if I really want to get to that million downloads,

428
00:20:22,156 --> 00:20:25,036
Speaker 2: maybe that's something I need to do, and so what

429
00:20:25,196 --> 00:20:29,356
Speaker 2: happens is we set ourselves up to not enjoy what

430
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Speaker 2: we're doing for most of the time, whether we get

431
00:20:31,796 --> 00:20:32,916
Speaker 2: to that goal or not.

432
00:20:33,396 --> 00:20:35,356
Speaker 1: And I think this is so important because I've seen

433
00:20:35,476 --> 00:20:37,196
Speaker 1: not just in my own life, but especially with my

434
00:20:37,276 --> 00:20:40,116
Speaker 1: Yale students right where this idea of kind of going

435
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:43,036
Speaker 1: after these mirages, whether it's money or accomplishments or grades

436
00:20:43,116 --> 00:20:45,916
Speaker 1: or whatever, it winds up crowding out the little p

437
00:20:46,156 --> 00:20:48,956
Speaker 1: purpose that they could have had. You love your sport

438
00:20:48,996 --> 00:20:50,796
Speaker 1: and you're sort of maybe you're a track athlete because

439
00:20:50,796 --> 00:20:52,636
Speaker 1: of that, but then it's then it's the wins and

440
00:20:52,676 --> 00:20:54,716
Speaker 1: the monies, and then you start hating it because now

441
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,676
Speaker 1: you're sort of chasing after these other things. So we

442
00:20:56,676 --> 00:20:59,316
Speaker 1: can get in these situations where like the part that

443
00:20:59,356 --> 00:21:02,676
Speaker 1: we hate going after the wrong thing can like literally

444
00:21:02,716 --> 00:21:04,396
Speaker 1: get rid of the joy that we were getting from

445
00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:05,356
Speaker 1: something else before.

446
00:21:05,476 --> 00:21:10,036
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I think happiness contentment is really a marathon,

447
00:21:10,116 --> 00:21:13,716
Speaker 2: not a sprint. Again, we set ourselves up for burnout

448
00:21:13,836 --> 00:21:17,716
Speaker 2: because we are doing things we innately don't love to

449
00:21:17,796 --> 00:21:20,356
Speaker 2: get to this thing we think we will love. But

450
00:21:20,396 --> 00:21:24,796
Speaker 2: the problem is you spend so much time in the process,

451
00:21:24,836 --> 00:21:27,556
Speaker 2: and so little time in actually achieving the goal. And again,

452
00:21:27,676 --> 00:21:30,556
Speaker 2: we're really good as human beings at habituating back down

453
00:21:30,556 --> 00:21:32,796
Speaker 2: to a certain level of happiness. So even if you

454
00:21:32,956 --> 00:21:34,556
Speaker 2: think that goal is going to really light you up

455
00:21:34,596 --> 00:21:35,996
Speaker 2: and you're going to be happy the rest of your

456
00:21:36,036 --> 00:21:38,756
Speaker 2: life because of it, we all know that it's fleeting,

457
00:21:39,116 --> 00:21:42,796
Speaker 2: it's transitory. So it makes much more sense to invest

458
00:21:42,836 --> 00:21:45,156
Speaker 2: in those things we enjoy the process of doing, because

459
00:21:45,196 --> 00:21:47,716
Speaker 2: that's going to actually take up most of our time.

460
00:21:47,956 --> 00:21:51,396
Speaker 2: And you know the secret is, time passes no matter

461
00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:53,996
Speaker 2: what you do. It can't be commoditized. You can't buy,

462
00:21:54,036 --> 00:21:55,556
Speaker 2: you can't sell it, you can't trade it. The only

463
00:21:55,596 --> 00:21:58,836
Speaker 2: thing you can do is control what activities you're involved

464
00:21:58,876 --> 00:22:02,036
Speaker 2: with as time passes. And so winning the game, in

465
00:22:02,116 --> 00:22:05,236
Speaker 2: my opinion, is filling up that time with as much

466
00:22:05,316 --> 00:22:07,956
Speaker 2: purposeful activity you love the process of doing and getting

467
00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,596
Speaker 2: rid of as many things that you loathe as possible.

468
00:22:10,636 --> 00:22:12,996
Speaker 2: And especially with young people, I love to say it

469
00:22:13,076 --> 00:22:16,396
Speaker 2: behooves you to start looking at your calendar today and

470
00:22:16,476 --> 00:22:20,996
Speaker 2: start working towards improving that calendar every week, every month,

471
00:22:21,516 --> 00:22:24,876
Speaker 2: because time is finite and we have no idea how

472
00:22:24,956 --> 00:22:27,436
Speaker 2: much we have, and so I want you all to

473
00:22:27,436 --> 00:22:29,676
Speaker 2: win the game. So I really want you to continuously

474
00:22:29,676 --> 00:22:31,796
Speaker 2: look at the calendar and build in things you love

475
00:22:31,876 --> 00:22:34,236
Speaker 2: little P purpose and get rid of things you loathe

476
00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:37,316
Speaker 2: and just wash, rinse, and repeat over and over again.

477
00:22:38,036 --> 00:22:40,196
Speaker 1: And that gets to your second tip for kind of

478
00:22:40,196 --> 00:22:42,556
Speaker 1: finding better little P Purpose right, which is that when

479
00:22:42,556 --> 00:22:44,596
Speaker 1: we kind of look through our calendar, we have to

480
00:22:44,596 --> 00:22:47,396
Speaker 1: pay attention to what's going on internally. Tip number two

481
00:22:47,436 --> 00:22:49,916
Speaker 1: is that you can't look for your purpose externally. You

482
00:22:49,956 --> 00:22:52,236
Speaker 1: need to find it yourself. This is one that I

483
00:22:52,236 --> 00:22:54,676
Speaker 1: really love because, especially when thinking about my students, I

484
00:22:54,676 --> 00:22:56,876
Speaker 1: think it's so easy for them and for all of

485
00:22:56,956 --> 00:22:59,516
Speaker 1: us to just get caught up in other people's ideas

486
00:22:59,556 --> 00:23:01,916
Speaker 1: of what you know our purpose should be. We can

487
00:23:01,996 --> 00:23:04,156
Speaker 1: kind of co opt what other people seem to like

488
00:23:04,196 --> 00:23:06,396
Speaker 1: in ways they sort of really run us astray. How

489
00:23:06,396 --> 00:23:09,116
Speaker 1: do we fix this? How do we find our purpose internally?

490
00:23:09,756 --> 00:23:13,476
Speaker 2: There are some great ways to really connect with your

491
00:23:13,516 --> 00:23:15,596
Speaker 2: sense of purpose, but it is true the first thing

492
00:23:15,636 --> 00:23:20,236
Speaker 2: you have to realize is society marketing social media. Everyone

493
00:23:20,276 --> 00:23:23,556
Speaker 2: has a version of purpose for you that probably fulfills

494
00:23:23,596 --> 00:23:25,836
Speaker 2: their needs. So when we think of society marketing, it's

495
00:23:25,876 --> 00:23:27,836
Speaker 2: obvious they want to make money on you, but also

496
00:23:27,956 --> 00:23:29,916
Speaker 2: your parents and your family. They have a version of

497
00:23:29,956 --> 00:23:32,676
Speaker 2: purpose for you, and often if fulfills their needs, maybe

498
00:23:32,796 --> 00:23:34,756
Speaker 2: you can make up for the thing they could do,

499
00:23:35,076 --> 00:23:37,476
Speaker 2: or maybe they're worried about your stability, and so they

500
00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:39,596
Speaker 2: create this version of purpose for you too, which might

501
00:23:39,636 --> 00:23:42,276
Speaker 2: not align with who you actually are. And so the

502
00:23:42,356 --> 00:23:46,076
Speaker 2: idea is to let go of other people's version of

503
00:23:46,116 --> 00:23:48,196
Speaker 2: purpose and get more in touch with yours. And so

504
00:23:48,276 --> 00:23:50,636
Speaker 2: I often say we don't find our purpose, we create

505
00:23:50,716 --> 00:23:52,196
Speaker 2: or build it. But it is true that we need

506
00:23:52,196 --> 00:23:55,876
Speaker 2: these purpose anchors, which are inklings or beckonings of things

507
00:23:55,916 --> 00:23:57,956
Speaker 2: that light us up, which we can then build a

508
00:23:58,036 --> 00:24:00,996
Speaker 2: life of purpose around. And so the best way is

509
00:24:01,276 --> 00:24:04,596
Speaker 2: to think about a number of exercises we actually can

510
00:24:04,676 --> 00:24:06,996
Speaker 2: do that help us get way more in touch with

511
00:24:07,036 --> 00:24:09,076
Speaker 2: what these purpose anchors are you and I talked about

512
00:24:09,276 --> 00:24:11,396
Speaker 2: one of them in the beginning, which is the regrets

513
00:24:11,396 --> 00:24:14,556
Speaker 2: of the Dying. I think regret is a wonderful way

514
00:24:14,596 --> 00:24:17,716
Speaker 2: to start thinking about purpose. Again. People are dying, only

515
00:24:17,756 --> 00:24:19,436
Speaker 2: have a short period of time left, they don't have

516
00:24:19,476 --> 00:24:23,916
Speaker 2: a lot of energy, and so unfortunately regret is really

517
00:24:23,956 --> 00:24:26,796
Speaker 2: really disappointing because they don't have agency to do anything

518
00:24:26,796 --> 00:24:28,636
Speaker 2: about that. But if we can put you in that

519
00:24:28,836 --> 00:24:31,236
Speaker 2: mindset of what would you regret at the end of

520
00:24:31,276 --> 00:24:33,916
Speaker 2: your life if that was to be in the next

521
00:24:33,956 --> 00:24:36,476
Speaker 2: week or month, and so thinking what if I never

522
00:24:36,516 --> 00:24:39,276
Speaker 2: had the energy, courage, or time to do we can

523
00:24:39,316 --> 00:24:41,316
Speaker 2: then turn that into a purpose anchor. That's the easy

524
00:24:41,356 --> 00:24:44,036
Speaker 2: part is realizing what's important to us. The hard part

525
00:24:44,076 --> 00:24:45,676
Speaker 2: is then you've got to do the work. You've got

526
00:24:45,716 --> 00:24:48,316
Speaker 2: to actually build a life of purpose around it. So

527
00:24:48,356 --> 00:24:50,756
Speaker 2: I think regrets are a great way. Another one is

528
00:24:50,836 --> 00:24:53,436
Speaker 2: joys of childhood. So I always tell people kids are

529
00:24:53,476 --> 00:24:56,396
Speaker 2: extremely purposeful, right They haven't co opted to anyone else's

530
00:24:56,476 --> 00:24:58,836
Speaker 2: version of purpose yet, especially when they're very young. So

531
00:24:58,876 --> 00:25:01,076
Speaker 2: they go out and they play, they do whatever they

532
00:25:01,076 --> 00:25:03,076
Speaker 2: want to do. They lose track of time. They enter

533
00:25:03,116 --> 00:25:05,236
Speaker 2: what we call right this flow state where they're so

534
00:25:05,476 --> 00:25:08,076
Speaker 2: lost they forget to come home for dinner and they're

535
00:25:08,116 --> 00:25:10,516
Speaker 2: just enjoying the moment. Kids don't worry about some big,

536
00:25:10,556 --> 00:25:12,756
Speaker 2: audacious goal. Most of the time, they just want to

537
00:25:12,756 --> 00:25:14,516
Speaker 2: do what they want to do. They love the process

538
00:25:14,516 --> 00:25:17,116
Speaker 2: of doing it. We let go of those versions of

539
00:25:17,156 --> 00:25:19,756
Speaker 2: purposes we get older when we start thinking about career

540
00:25:19,836 --> 00:25:21,556
Speaker 2: and school and all those other things. So I often

541
00:25:21,596 --> 00:25:24,196
Speaker 2: tell people, you know, look around to your bedroom, think

542
00:25:24,276 --> 00:25:26,956
Speaker 2: back to what decorated your bedroom. What were the posters,

543
00:25:27,036 --> 00:25:30,716
Speaker 2: what were the trophies, what were the drawings. Often those

544
00:25:30,836 --> 00:25:33,636
Speaker 2: can be those beckonings that we can then build a

545
00:25:33,636 --> 00:25:35,676
Speaker 2: life purpose around. Hey, for me, I'm busy, right, I

546
00:25:35,676 --> 00:25:37,036
Speaker 2: have a lot of things going on. I have a

547
00:25:37,076 --> 00:25:38,756
Speaker 2: lot of purpose anchors. But if I ever run out

548
00:25:38,756 --> 00:25:41,036
Speaker 2: of them. I loved baseball cards when I was little,

549
00:25:41,036 --> 00:25:42,916
Speaker 2: and so every time a scrolling through Facebook or looking

550
00:25:42,956 --> 00:25:44,716
Speaker 2: in the newspaper and I see something about baseball or

551
00:25:44,756 --> 00:25:47,476
Speaker 2: baseball cards, especially like with the old time photos, my

552
00:25:47,596 --> 00:25:49,396
Speaker 2: brain lights up. I feel it. I feel it in

553
00:25:49,436 --> 00:25:50,956
Speaker 2: my chest, I feel it in my brain. I'm like,

554
00:25:51,276 --> 00:25:54,156
Speaker 2: I get really excited. So I know that's a joy

555
00:25:54,196 --> 00:25:56,276
Speaker 2: of childhood. It could be a purpose anchor. And if

556
00:25:56,276 --> 00:25:58,396
Speaker 2: I find that I really am like boy, life doesn't

557
00:25:58,396 --> 00:26:00,716
Speaker 2: feel very purposeful and I have free time, I can

558
00:26:00,716 --> 00:26:01,516
Speaker 2: start pursuing that.

559
00:26:02,356 --> 00:26:03,876
Speaker 1: It seems like what you're doing there is for of

560
00:26:03,916 --> 00:26:06,596
Speaker 1: getting to what your tip number three is right, which

561
00:26:06,596 --> 00:26:09,076
Speaker 1: is that we need to notice the process, not the goal.

562
00:26:09,236 --> 00:26:10,996
Speaker 1: We need to kind of pay attention to these so

563
00:26:11,076 --> 00:26:13,596
Speaker 1: called purpose anchors, the stuff that lights us up. You've

564
00:26:13,596 --> 00:26:15,796
Speaker 1: mentioned purpose anchors before, but I wanted you to kind

565
00:26:15,836 --> 00:26:17,876
Speaker 1: of give me a quick definition. You know, what are

566
00:26:17,916 --> 00:26:18,756
Speaker 1: these sorts of things?

567
00:26:19,316 --> 00:26:22,716
Speaker 2: So purpose anchors are just the inklings. They are the

568
00:26:22,716 --> 00:26:27,116
Speaker 2: beckonings of things that you could find joy in. And

569
00:26:27,196 --> 00:26:32,796
Speaker 2: so the question is what seems joyful out of the box.

570
00:26:32,836 --> 00:26:34,276
Speaker 2: And again a lot of people are like, well, I

571
00:26:34,316 --> 00:26:36,116
Speaker 2: don't know what that is, but a lot of us

572
00:26:36,196 --> 00:26:38,876
Speaker 2: do know that they're whisperings in our life. Like I

573
00:26:38,996 --> 00:26:40,836
Speaker 2: knew when I was training to be a doctor that

574
00:26:40,916 --> 00:26:42,796
Speaker 2: I also wanted to be a writer. There was just

575
00:26:42,916 --> 00:26:45,436
Speaker 2: something about it, and that's why I was trying to

576
00:26:45,516 --> 00:26:47,676
Speaker 2: fit it into these little bits of time when I

577
00:26:47,716 --> 00:26:51,236
Speaker 2: wasn't busy with other things. We all know that many

578
00:26:51,316 --> 00:26:53,196
Speaker 2: of us are trying to fall asleep at night, and

579
00:26:53,236 --> 00:26:56,636
Speaker 2: sometimes we have these crazy ideas and we get so

580
00:26:56,716 --> 00:26:58,796
Speaker 2: excited we stay up all night, we can't fall asleep,

581
00:26:58,836 --> 00:27:01,916
Speaker 2: and then the next day you are so exhausted you

582
00:27:01,996 --> 00:27:04,196
Speaker 2: figure it was crazy. You move on, you go to work,

583
00:27:04,236 --> 00:27:06,596
Speaker 2: and never think about it again. But sometimes those are

584
00:27:06,636 --> 00:27:09,276
Speaker 2: the whisperings, like what keeps you up and night? What

585
00:27:09,316 --> 00:27:11,316
Speaker 2: excites you. What do your friends and family tell you

586
00:27:11,916 --> 00:27:14,116
Speaker 2: when you do this thing you are most lit up?

587
00:27:14,556 --> 00:27:17,636
Speaker 2: Those are those anchors. They're just things that cause you

588
00:27:17,676 --> 00:27:20,756
Speaker 2: immediate joy. There doesn't need to be an explanation, but

589
00:27:20,836 --> 00:27:24,236
Speaker 2: it's a great place to start that active process of

590
00:27:24,316 --> 00:27:27,276
Speaker 2: creating action in the present in future building what I

591
00:27:27,356 --> 00:27:31,716
Speaker 2: call these climbs, these purposeful activities. It's just a great

592
00:27:31,836 --> 00:27:35,596
Speaker 2: starting place and they should be abundant. Most people, when

593
00:27:35,636 --> 00:27:38,156
Speaker 2: they do the work, realize that there are actually lots

594
00:27:38,196 --> 00:27:40,516
Speaker 2: of little things out there that excite them. And when

595
00:27:40,636 --> 00:27:42,316
Speaker 2: they let go of this idea that has to be

596
00:27:42,356 --> 00:27:46,276
Speaker 2: this big important thing or something other people want to do,

597
00:27:46,436 --> 00:27:48,516
Speaker 2: or it has to lead to some kind of wealth

598
00:27:48,596 --> 00:27:51,436
Speaker 2: or fame. When they drop all that and just say, well,

599
00:27:52,276 --> 00:27:55,196
Speaker 2: what are the things I love to do? It becomes

600
00:27:55,316 --> 00:27:58,396
Speaker 2: much easier and much more abundant, which is something that

601
00:27:58,436 --> 00:28:01,116
Speaker 2: people never They never use that term abundant when they

602
00:28:01,116 --> 00:28:04,436
Speaker 2: talk about purpose. It always seems like it's something totally scarce.

603
00:28:04,476 --> 00:28:05,756
Speaker 2: And so that's why I want to kind of flip

604
00:28:05,796 --> 00:28:06,276
Speaker 2: that switch.

605
00:28:06,956 --> 00:28:09,276
Speaker 1: It's time for a quick break. But when we return,

606
00:28:09,356 --> 00:28:11,756
Speaker 1: Jordan will share a lesson he learned from patients in

607
00:28:11,796 --> 00:28:14,836
Speaker 1: their final days of life. The Happiness Lab will be

608
00:28:14,916 --> 00:28:23,596
Speaker 1: right back. Doctor Jordan Gramit says he was wrong to

609
00:28:23,596 --> 00:28:26,516
Speaker 1: think that practicing medicine would give his life purpose, but

610
00:28:26,596 --> 00:28:28,916
Speaker 1: he did find one part of his profession that was

611
00:28:28,956 --> 00:28:32,076
Speaker 1: deeply fulfilling, his work with people at the end of

612
00:28:32,116 --> 00:28:35,396
Speaker 1: their lives. Working in palliative care taught him another great

613
00:28:35,436 --> 00:28:38,996
Speaker 1: way to identify that little p purpose by conducting what's

614
00:28:39,036 --> 00:28:40,156
Speaker 1: called a life review.

615
00:28:40,756 --> 00:28:43,276
Speaker 2: So I first heard of a life review as a

616
00:28:43,316 --> 00:28:47,316
Speaker 2: hospice medical director. And so I started hospice work because

617
00:28:47,356 --> 00:28:49,556
Speaker 2: I was working with a lot of elderly and I

618
00:28:49,596 --> 00:28:51,036
Speaker 2: was taking care of them at the end of life.

619
00:28:51,076 --> 00:28:53,516
Speaker 2: And a hospicner said, hey, you're really good at this,

620
00:28:53,596 --> 00:28:55,356
Speaker 2: maybe you should work with us. There's not a huge

621
00:28:55,396 --> 00:28:58,076
Speaker 2: number of hospice doctors. I started working with them, and

622
00:28:58,156 --> 00:29:00,356
Speaker 2: a lot of times you learn on your feet, especially

623
00:29:00,516 --> 00:29:02,596
Speaker 2: doing things like this. And I would go to our

624
00:29:02,636 --> 00:29:06,116
Speaker 2: weekly meetings and the social workers would keep on talking about, Okay,

625
00:29:06,156 --> 00:29:08,436
Speaker 2: we performed a life review, etc. You know, the first

626
00:29:08,556 --> 00:29:10,276
Speaker 2: time or two I've heard it, I didn't think much

627
00:29:10,316 --> 00:29:12,716
Speaker 2: about it. But then I started asking questions, what is

628
00:29:12,756 --> 00:29:15,036
Speaker 2: this life review and why do we do it? And

629
00:29:15,076 --> 00:29:17,396
Speaker 2: so in hospice, we have a few main goals. It's

630
00:29:17,436 --> 00:29:19,916
Speaker 2: not to prolong life. What it is is to make

631
00:29:19,956 --> 00:29:23,076
Speaker 2: people comfortable, cover their pain, their nausea, make sure they're

632
00:29:23,116 --> 00:29:25,116
Speaker 2: dying where they want to die, whether that's home, in

633
00:29:25,156 --> 00:29:27,596
Speaker 2: a nursing home or justs of living. But another piece

634
00:29:27,596 --> 00:29:29,796
Speaker 2: of that is helping them come to terms and their

635
00:29:29,796 --> 00:29:32,236
Speaker 2: family for that matter, come to terms with this idea

636
00:29:32,276 --> 00:29:36,276
Speaker 2: that their life is ending. And one thing that social workers, chaplains, doctors,

637
00:29:36,396 --> 00:29:38,636
Speaker 2: nurses can do with a patient of their family is

638
00:29:38,676 --> 00:29:41,596
Speaker 2: called a life review. It's a series of structured questions

639
00:29:41,716 --> 00:29:44,836
Speaker 2: that ask people to really review the important moments in

640
00:29:44,876 --> 00:29:47,956
Speaker 2: their lives. What were their most important moments, what were

641
00:29:47,956 --> 00:29:51,556
Speaker 2: their biggest triumphs, what were their biggest failures, Which relationships

642
00:29:51,676 --> 00:29:53,756
Speaker 2: meant the most to them? And a big part of

643
00:29:53,796 --> 00:29:56,276
Speaker 2: that too, we often ask is what are their regrets?

644
00:29:56,756 --> 00:30:01,316
Speaker 2: And so this life review I found so beneficial in

645
00:30:01,356 --> 00:30:04,116
Speaker 2: the dying and it helps people find this sense of peace.

646
00:30:04,196 --> 00:30:07,156
Speaker 2: But I also realized when working with hospice, you know

647
00:30:07,156 --> 00:30:08,636
Speaker 2: a lot of people ask me how do you have

648
00:30:08,636 --> 00:30:11,036
Speaker 2: a good deaby, And so I often say, well, the

649
00:30:11,036 --> 00:30:12,756
Speaker 2: best way to have a good death is to have

650
00:30:12,796 --> 00:30:15,756
Speaker 2: a good life because we tend to die the way

651
00:30:15,796 --> 00:30:18,276
Speaker 2: we lived, and so then the question becomes how to

652
00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:19,796
Speaker 2: have a good life. And I was seeing so much

653
00:30:19,876 --> 00:30:23,716
Speaker 2: benefit with this life review while people were dying. Why

654
00:30:23,756 --> 00:30:25,636
Speaker 2: not start doing that earlier? Why aren't we doing this

655
00:30:25,676 --> 00:30:27,676
Speaker 2: on a yearly basis? Why aren't we doing these life

656
00:30:27,676 --> 00:30:30,876
Speaker 2: reviews and asking ourselves those big questions? And again, I

657
00:30:30,996 --> 00:30:33,516
Speaker 2: especially like the regret question because I think it's a

658
00:30:33,516 --> 00:30:37,156
Speaker 2: great place to start working on those purpose anchors.

659
00:30:37,636 --> 00:30:39,796
Speaker 1: And so that's sort of tip number four. This idea

660
00:30:39,796 --> 00:30:41,956
Speaker 1: of a life review. Tip number five is something we

661
00:30:42,036 --> 00:30:43,796
Speaker 1: mentioned a little bit before, but I want to dig

662
00:30:43,796 --> 00:30:45,996
Speaker 1: into a bit now, which is this idea of going

663
00:30:46,036 --> 00:30:49,796
Speaker 1: back to childhood, like literally going back to your childhood room.

664
00:30:50,236 --> 00:30:51,996
Speaker 1: When you go back to your childhood room, what do

665
00:30:52,036 --> 00:30:53,716
Speaker 1: you see and what did it tell you about your

666
00:30:53,756 --> 00:30:54,596
Speaker 1: little pea purpose?

667
00:30:54,836 --> 00:30:58,916
Speaker 2: Oh my god. There was a mess of baseball cards

668
00:30:58,956 --> 00:31:03,156
Speaker 2: in every way, shape or form. There were sports posters,

669
00:31:03,676 --> 00:31:07,556
Speaker 2: There were trophies from Little League. There is probably a

670
00:31:07,556 --> 00:31:10,436
Speaker 2: few notebooks of papers and pens because I started writing

671
00:31:10,476 --> 00:31:13,476
Speaker 2: poetry when I was little. There were school books everywhere.

672
00:31:14,076 --> 00:31:19,116
Speaker 2: Funny enough, there were the hints of what I would

673
00:31:19,156 --> 00:31:22,356
Speaker 2: eventually become as an adult. I just didn't know it

674
00:31:22,396 --> 00:31:25,836
Speaker 2: at the time. What there wasn't There wasn't pictures of

675
00:31:25,876 --> 00:31:30,916
Speaker 2: famous doctors. There wasn't toy stethoscopes, Gray's Anatomy, that famous

676
00:31:30,916 --> 00:31:34,236
Speaker 2: book was not on my bookshelf. Interestingly enough, there was

677
00:31:34,316 --> 00:31:38,636
Speaker 2: almost nothing that reflected an interest in medicine, and so

678
00:31:38,796 --> 00:31:42,596
Speaker 2: many things that suggested an interest in certain types of sports,

679
00:31:42,636 --> 00:31:46,276
Speaker 2: in collecting and writing and communicating all of that. Was

680
00:31:46,316 --> 00:31:48,036
Speaker 2: there just nothing about being a doctor.

681
00:31:48,116 --> 00:31:50,836
Speaker 1: So you had baseball cards, piles of stuff, evidence of

682
00:31:50,876 --> 00:31:54,196
Speaker 1: your writing, Noah's deethoscopes. What kind of hint is that

683
00:31:54,236 --> 00:31:55,316
Speaker 1: giving you about your purpose?

684
00:31:55,476 --> 00:31:58,676
Speaker 2: I was trying to co opt someone else's version of purpose,

685
00:31:58,756 --> 00:32:02,876
Speaker 2: my father's, and because I had gone through this really

686
00:32:03,036 --> 00:32:06,996
Speaker 2: traumatic thing and I needed as a kid to grasp

687
00:32:07,036 --> 00:32:09,756
Speaker 2: on to something that made sense so I couldn't move forward.

688
00:32:10,116 --> 00:32:12,116
Speaker 2: And so it really made sense that if I became

689
00:32:12,156 --> 00:32:14,876
Speaker 2: a doctor like him, I would fix everything. But co

690
00:32:14,956 --> 00:32:18,076
Speaker 2: opting his version of purpose didn't fit with who I was,

691
00:32:18,316 --> 00:32:19,916
Speaker 2: And so all you had to do was look around

692
00:32:19,916 --> 00:32:22,556
Speaker 2: that room to see who I was. But I really

693
00:32:22,556 --> 00:32:25,396
Speaker 2: built a life around this purpose that wasn't mine, and

694
00:32:25,596 --> 00:32:28,116
Speaker 2: I would submit that most of us do exactly that.

695
00:32:28,836 --> 00:32:31,836
Speaker 2: Most of us grab onto some version of purpose that

696
00:32:31,996 --> 00:32:34,956
Speaker 2: is suggested to us. There are a few really lucky

697
00:32:34,996 --> 00:32:38,716
Speaker 2: people who don't, who realize what lights them up and

698
00:32:38,756 --> 00:32:43,396
Speaker 2: pursue that path, but most of us pivot to becoming adults.

699
00:32:43,396 --> 00:32:46,436
Speaker 2: We're told, okay, playtime is over. You were a kid then,

700
00:32:46,796 --> 00:32:49,116
Speaker 2: but now you're becoming a young adult and it's time

701
00:32:49,156 --> 00:32:51,436
Speaker 2: to get serious about school. It's time to pick one

702
00:32:51,476 --> 00:32:54,556
Speaker 2: of those main careers that suggest success, that's going to

703
00:32:54,596 --> 00:32:57,476
Speaker 2: provide for you economically. And I think all of us

704
00:32:57,516 --> 00:32:57,836
Speaker 2: do that.

705
00:32:57,956 --> 00:33:00,036
Speaker 1: We just jump in and just forget all the stuff

706
00:33:00,036 --> 00:33:01,716
Speaker 1: that was on our floor. And you've argued that if

707
00:33:01,716 --> 00:33:03,396
Speaker 1: you look at your childhood room and there's lots of

708
00:33:03,396 --> 00:33:05,876
Speaker 1: stuff all over the floor, then that's okay too. That

709
00:33:05,916 --> 00:33:07,916
Speaker 1: gets us to tip number six, which is what you've

710
00:33:07,916 --> 00:33:10,996
Speaker 1: called the spaghetti meth. What's the spaghetti method and why

711
00:33:11,076 --> 00:33:12,956
Speaker 1: is it okay if lots of stuff comes up when

712
00:33:12,956 --> 00:33:14,916
Speaker 1: you start looking for these small purposes.

713
00:33:15,196 --> 00:33:17,596
Speaker 2: Well, here's the thing. When discussing a little peep purpose,

714
00:33:17,636 --> 00:33:20,316
Speaker 2: I still get people resilient. They'll say, look, I've thought

715
00:33:20,316 --> 00:33:22,276
Speaker 2: about regrets in the life review. That's not helping me.

716
00:33:22,436 --> 00:33:24,916
Speaker 2: I've thought about the joys of childhood that's not helping me.

717
00:33:25,076 --> 00:33:27,076
Speaker 2: I've looked at my job and there's nothing there that

718
00:33:27,116 --> 00:33:28,796
Speaker 2: I love that's not helping me. And so if you

719
00:33:28,836 --> 00:33:30,716
Speaker 2: are one of those people, if you were kind of

720
00:33:31,196 --> 00:33:34,796
Speaker 2: resilient to finding these anchors, I think it behooves you

721
00:33:34,836 --> 00:33:36,876
Speaker 2: to find the spaghetti method, which is you throw a

722
00:33:36,876 --> 00:33:39,116
Speaker 2: bunch of things against the wall and see what sticks.

723
00:33:39,756 --> 00:33:42,156
Speaker 2: You say yes to things you normally don't say yes to,

724
00:33:42,276 --> 00:33:44,516
Speaker 2: You talk to people you normally don't talk to. You

725
00:33:44,596 --> 00:33:47,396
Speaker 2: do things that maybe make you feel a little anxious

726
00:33:47,516 --> 00:33:49,436
Speaker 2: or uncomfortable, and at the end of the day, you

727
00:33:49,476 --> 00:33:52,196
Speaker 2: evaluate and say did that light me up? Yes or no?

728
00:33:52,276 --> 00:33:54,156
Speaker 2: And if the answer is hey, I did find some

729
00:33:54,276 --> 00:33:55,836
Speaker 2: joy in that, that might be the beginning of a

730
00:33:55,836 --> 00:33:56,476
Speaker 2: purpose anchor.

731
00:33:56,516 --> 00:33:58,636
Speaker 1: And so you kind of do use the spaghetti method

732
00:33:58,676 --> 00:34:01,196
Speaker 1: and find all these possible purpose anchors by trying these

733
00:34:01,196 --> 00:34:04,036
Speaker 1: new things. But you've also argued the flip side, which

734
00:34:04,076 --> 00:34:07,276
Speaker 1: is like, we can't have little pea purpose in everything,

735
00:34:07,476 --> 00:34:09,636
Speaker 1: especially if we are busy with all this stuff that's

736
00:34:09,716 --> 00:34:12,036
Speaker 1: not giving us purpose. And that's what gets us to

737
00:34:12,076 --> 00:34:14,276
Speaker 1: your final tip tip number seven, which might be a

738
00:34:14,276 --> 00:34:15,916
Speaker 1: hard one for a lot of us. We need to

739
00:34:15,956 --> 00:34:18,236
Speaker 1: embrace the art of subtraction. What's that?

740
00:34:18,876 --> 00:34:21,276
Speaker 2: So I often talk about the workplace because this is

741
00:34:21,276 --> 00:34:22,956
Speaker 2: a question I get all the time. They're like, look,

742
00:34:23,316 --> 00:34:25,276
Speaker 2: I've got to do my nine to five. I don't

743
00:34:25,316 --> 00:34:27,196
Speaker 2: love it, but I need to make money. You're saying,

744
00:34:27,196 --> 00:34:30,036
Speaker 2: find your purpose. I feel stuck, like this is something

745
00:34:30,036 --> 00:34:32,356
Speaker 2: that's not purposeful for me, but I've got to do it,

746
00:34:32,396 --> 00:34:34,236
Speaker 2: and it is what it is. And so what I

747
00:34:34,236 --> 00:34:36,556
Speaker 2: always tell people is do exactly what I did with

748
00:34:36,596 --> 00:34:38,676
Speaker 2: being a doctor. I want you to list out the

749
00:34:38,796 --> 00:34:42,676
Speaker 2: twenty things that are roles and responsibilities of your job,

750
00:34:42,716 --> 00:34:44,076
Speaker 2: and I want you to take a sharp pencil and

751
00:34:44,116 --> 00:34:46,836
Speaker 2: start scratching out everyone you don't like, everything you loathe,

752
00:34:46,956 --> 00:34:50,596
Speaker 2: everything that's boring, et cetera. Most people when they do

753
00:34:50,676 --> 00:34:53,596
Speaker 2: that will have one or two things left over. For me,

754
00:34:53,636 --> 00:34:56,556
Speaker 2: it was hospice, medicine. And so the goal then is

755
00:34:56,596 --> 00:34:58,996
Speaker 2: remember we said winning the game right is doing as

756
00:34:59,036 --> 00:35:01,116
Speaker 2: much little peopleurpose possible and getting rid of as many

757
00:35:01,116 --> 00:35:04,116
Speaker 2: things you loath as possible, washroots, repeat. So the goal

758
00:35:04,156 --> 00:35:05,796
Speaker 2: then is I'm not going to get out of this job,

759
00:35:06,156 --> 00:35:08,996
Speaker 2: but what levers are available to maybe do more than

760
00:35:09,196 --> 00:35:10,876
Speaker 2: stuff I love in the job and do less of

761
00:35:10,876 --> 00:35:12,516
Speaker 2: stuff I don't love. And so let me give you

762
00:35:12,556 --> 00:35:14,636
Speaker 2: another example. I think about it this way. Let's say

763
00:35:14,636 --> 00:35:17,076
Speaker 2: you work at a restaurant and you don't like working

764
00:35:17,116 --> 00:35:19,116
Speaker 2: up front at the counter, and you spend ninety percent

765
00:35:19,156 --> 00:35:20,876
Speaker 2: of your time doing that, But the one thing you

766
00:35:20,916 --> 00:35:23,636
Speaker 2: do love is every Thursday morning you get to stock

767
00:35:23,676 --> 00:35:25,596
Speaker 2: the stock room. It takes about two hours. You love

768
00:35:25,636 --> 00:35:30,156
Speaker 2: writing things down, you love organizing, you love ordering. That's it. Well,

769
00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:35,236
Speaker 2: maybe the person owns your restaurant owns four restaurants, and

770
00:35:35,276 --> 00:35:37,556
Speaker 2: there's an employee who has to stock for each of

771
00:35:37,596 --> 00:35:39,596
Speaker 2: those restaurants. And maybe so you go to your boss

772
00:35:39,596 --> 00:35:41,636
Speaker 2: and say, you know what, I don't really love my

773
00:35:41,836 --> 00:35:46,076
Speaker 2: time at the counter helping customers. Maybe you allow me

774
00:35:46,116 --> 00:35:48,396
Speaker 2: to go to all of our different restaurants every day

775
00:35:48,436 --> 00:35:51,076
Speaker 2: and I'll stock and do the stock room in each

776
00:35:51,116 --> 00:35:53,276
Speaker 2: one of them. And therefore, what I've done is I've

777
00:35:53,276 --> 00:35:56,156
Speaker 2: increased the time I'm doing something I like and decreased

778
00:35:56,196 --> 00:35:58,636
Speaker 2: the time of doing something I don't like. And so

779
00:35:58,756 --> 00:36:02,196
Speaker 2: you're starting to improve things. You're starting to improve that calendar,

780
00:36:02,236 --> 00:36:04,156
Speaker 2: you're starting to win the game just a little bit.

781
00:36:04,276 --> 00:36:06,076
Speaker 2: So if we can think about that month to month,

782
00:36:06,156 --> 00:36:09,116
Speaker 2: year to year, how much change can we bring in

783
00:36:09,156 --> 00:36:11,956
Speaker 2: and how many things can we subtract? How many joyful

784
00:36:11,996 --> 00:36:14,916
Speaker 2: things can we add, and how can we improve those numbers?

785
00:36:14,916 --> 00:36:16,996
Speaker 2: So ultimately, as we get older and older, we're doing

786
00:36:16,996 --> 00:36:18,716
Speaker 2: more and more things that we love and less and

787
00:36:18,756 --> 00:36:19,836
Speaker 2: less things that we loathe.

788
00:36:19,996 --> 00:36:23,116
Speaker 1: So how's following these tips really helped your life? I mean,

789
00:36:23,156 --> 00:36:25,316
Speaker 1: we started this story with you being a very burned

790
00:36:25,356 --> 00:36:28,156
Speaker 1: out doctor and you tried some new things. Where's your

791
00:36:28,276 --> 00:36:29,236
Speaker 1: sense of purpose now?

792
00:36:29,516 --> 00:36:32,836
Speaker 2: I mean I learned that I could walk away from

793
00:36:32,876 --> 00:36:36,396
Speaker 2: medicine twenty fourteen. It took me twenty eighteen to subtract

794
00:36:36,476 --> 00:36:39,636
Speaker 2: out enough to be left with only hospice work and

795
00:36:39,756 --> 00:36:43,196
Speaker 2: jump into other things. And I find myself a lot happier.

796
00:36:43,236 --> 00:36:45,116
Speaker 2: And I'll tell you why. I mean, it really comes

797
00:36:45,156 --> 00:36:47,556
Speaker 2: down to this. When I open the calendar app on

798
00:36:47,596 --> 00:36:51,596
Speaker 2: my phone, almost everything on that app, everything in that

799
00:36:51,636 --> 00:36:54,836
Speaker 2: calendar is something that I put there and I can

800
00:36:54,876 --> 00:36:56,956
Speaker 2: get rid of at the drop of a dime. I

801
00:36:56,956 --> 00:36:59,116
Speaker 2: spend a lot of time podcasting, and sometimes I edit

802
00:36:59,156 --> 00:37:02,156
Speaker 2: my own podcast. Okay, that can be painful, But if

803
00:37:02,156 --> 00:37:03,796
Speaker 2: I decided I didn't want to do it, I could

804
00:37:03,796 --> 00:37:05,996
Speaker 2: get rid of it and just not put an episode out.

805
00:37:06,196 --> 00:37:10,956
Speaker 2: I have complete control and the agency autonomy. These things

806
00:37:11,076 --> 00:37:15,476
Speaker 2: allow me to feel in control, and that increases my

807
00:37:15,556 --> 00:37:18,276
Speaker 2: happiness quite a bit. I've found that I've been able

808
00:37:18,276 --> 00:37:20,796
Speaker 2: to improve that calculus of my schedule over the years,

809
00:37:20,796 --> 00:37:22,916
Speaker 2: over and over again, and so most of the things

810
00:37:22,956 --> 00:37:25,076
Speaker 2: I do are things I want to do and that

811
00:37:25,316 --> 00:37:29,876
Speaker 2: feels deeply fulfilling. And what's really beautiful about that is

812
00:37:29,916 --> 00:37:31,836
Speaker 2: not only do I really like doing these things, I

813
00:37:32,076 --> 00:37:34,436
Speaker 2: found that I connect to other people more. Because when

814
00:37:34,476 --> 00:37:37,076
Speaker 2: I was a doctor, I didn't love being a doctor,

815
00:37:37,116 --> 00:37:39,396
Speaker 2: so I kind of didn't like hanging out with doctor people.

816
00:37:39,396 --> 00:37:41,156
Speaker 2: I didn't tell people I was a doctor. When I'd

817
00:37:41,156 --> 00:37:42,716
Speaker 2: go to a party, I wouldn't tell anyone what I

818
00:37:42,756 --> 00:37:44,836
Speaker 2: did for a living because I was embarrassed. And so

819
00:37:44,956 --> 00:37:47,396
Speaker 2: I knew doctors for decades, but never connected with them

820
00:37:47,396 --> 00:37:49,196
Speaker 2: on a deeper level. When I started doing things that

821
00:37:49,236 --> 00:37:51,276
Speaker 2: lit me up that I loved, not only did I

822
00:37:51,276 --> 00:37:54,996
Speaker 2: connect with people within minutes, but I also started collaborating

823
00:37:55,076 --> 00:37:57,516
Speaker 2: with them, having them on my podcast, and then they

824
00:37:57,556 --> 00:37:59,276
Speaker 2: would have me on their podcast, and then I was

825
00:37:59,316 --> 00:38:01,436
Speaker 2: writing a book and they'd say, hey, I've got this agent.

826
00:38:01,476 --> 00:38:03,356
Speaker 2: They helped me. Why don't you meet my agent? And

827
00:38:03,396 --> 00:38:05,756
Speaker 2: so what happened is I ended up building communities around

828
00:38:05,756 --> 00:38:09,556
Speaker 2: these activities and that has really led to happy not

829
00:38:09,636 --> 00:38:13,196
Speaker 2: just doing what I want to do, but connecting with people, collaborating,

830
00:38:13,316 --> 00:38:16,756
Speaker 2: building and being part of communities of people who I

831
00:38:16,796 --> 00:38:19,116
Speaker 2: love doing things that I find deeply interesting.

832
00:38:19,316 --> 00:38:21,516
Speaker 1: And it seems like you are in a very lucky place,

833
00:38:21,596 --> 00:38:23,356
Speaker 1: right you'd had this time as a doctor. You are

834
00:38:23,396 --> 00:38:26,076
Speaker 1: sort of financially successful enough that you can move certain

835
00:38:26,116 --> 00:38:28,516
Speaker 1: things around in a way that not everybody could. But

836
00:38:28,556 --> 00:38:30,756
Speaker 1: it sounds like your message is that this isn't just

837
00:38:30,836 --> 00:38:33,156
Speaker 1: something for privileged folks who are starting out with the

838
00:38:33,276 --> 00:38:36,036
Speaker 1: right finances to switch things around. This is something that

839
00:38:36,076 --> 00:38:36,996
Speaker 1: everybody can do.

840
00:38:37,436 --> 00:38:40,396
Speaker 2: It is and so what I often remind people, and

841
00:38:40,436 --> 00:38:42,556
Speaker 2: this is really the privileged conversation. People look at me

842
00:38:42,556 --> 00:38:44,076
Speaker 2: and say, well, you were a doctor and you found

843
00:38:44,116 --> 00:38:46,556
Speaker 2: out that you understood your finances and everything was great. Well,

844
00:38:46,596 --> 00:38:49,116
Speaker 2: lucky for you, but that's not me. Like, I'm twenty two,

845
00:38:49,356 --> 00:38:52,236
Speaker 2: I'm working fifty sixty hours a week. I don't have

846
00:38:52,396 --> 00:38:55,236
Speaker 2: time to do the things I love and I don't

847
00:38:55,276 --> 00:38:57,476
Speaker 2: love my job either. Well, there are a few things. Really.

848
00:38:57,516 --> 00:39:00,516
Speaker 2: Time and money are always the biggest reasons why people

849
00:39:00,516 --> 00:39:03,396
Speaker 2: say they can't do this. So time, let's talk about

850
00:39:03,396 --> 00:39:05,916
Speaker 2: that really quickly. First, the Bureau Labor Statistics does the

851
00:39:05,916 --> 00:39:08,916
Speaker 2: American Time Survey on a regular basis. They've generally found

852
00:39:08,956 --> 00:39:11,076
Speaker 2: that most Americans have about five hours of free time

853
00:39:11,076 --> 00:39:13,956
Speaker 2: at day, and actually those in lower socioeconomic classes probably

854
00:39:13,996 --> 00:39:16,756
Speaker 2: have a little bit more. And so it's probably not time.

855
00:39:16,996 --> 00:39:19,316
Speaker 2: So then it's money. And I like to say money

856
00:39:19,356 --> 00:39:22,156
Speaker 2: is a really important tool to living a life of purpose,

857
00:39:22,196 --> 00:39:24,756
Speaker 2: but it's only one of many tools, and so often

858
00:39:24,756 --> 00:39:28,276
Speaker 2: we forget to use our passions, our youth, our energy,

859
00:39:28,276 --> 00:39:31,516
Speaker 2: our connections, our skills, our communities. All of these things

860
00:39:31,556 --> 00:39:33,756
Speaker 2: are tools also, And so I like to say, Hey,

861
00:39:33,796 --> 00:39:35,956
Speaker 2: you're twenty two and you're working fifty hours a week

862
00:39:35,956 --> 00:39:37,596
Speaker 2: and you don't like your job. Can you use the

863
00:39:37,676 --> 00:39:39,796
Speaker 2: artist's attraction to do more of what you do like

864
00:39:39,956 --> 00:39:42,796
Speaker 2: within the job, or can you use the joy of addition?

865
00:39:43,036 --> 00:39:45,596
Speaker 2: Maybe you have a lot of energy and you have

866
00:39:45,596 --> 00:39:47,156
Speaker 2: more free time on the weekends because you don't have

867
00:39:47,156 --> 00:39:48,796
Speaker 2: a family and you don't have a mortgage. You don't

868
00:39:48,796 --> 00:39:51,436
Speaker 2: have kids yet, and so you can start doing a purposeful,

869
00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:53,836
Speaker 2: joyful activity. Maybe you turn it into a side hustle

870
00:39:53,916 --> 00:39:56,716
Speaker 2: that eventually leads to some economic margin. But even if

871
00:39:56,716 --> 00:39:59,036
Speaker 2: it doesn't, you've used the joy of addition to add

872
00:39:59,036 --> 00:40:00,756
Speaker 2: in some purpose into your life, even if you haven't

873
00:40:00,756 --> 00:40:02,876
Speaker 2: gotten rid of something you don't love. We have all

874
00:40:02,876 --> 00:40:05,476
Speaker 2: these other levers that people generally don't think of. If

875
00:40:05,476 --> 00:40:07,156
Speaker 2: I'm twenty two and I live in the same city

876
00:40:07,196 --> 00:40:09,076
Speaker 2: as my parents, maybe I go live in their base

877
00:40:09,596 --> 00:40:11,796
Speaker 2: and don't have to pay rent. Maybe that gives me

878
00:40:11,836 --> 00:40:13,836
Speaker 2: a little economic margin, so I can work four days

879
00:40:13,876 --> 00:40:15,716
Speaker 2: a week at this job I don't like instead of

880
00:40:15,716 --> 00:40:17,516
Speaker 2: five days a week. Maybe I can fill that other

881
00:40:17,596 --> 00:40:20,716
Speaker 2: day with purpose or some money making activity and start

882
00:40:20,956 --> 00:40:24,796
Speaker 2: controlling things, start improving that schedule. I think it's easy

883
00:40:24,836 --> 00:40:28,036
Speaker 2: to say this is an argument of privilege, but we

884
00:40:28,236 --> 00:40:30,716
Speaker 2: know that there are some tools and some levers that

885
00:40:30,756 --> 00:40:34,276
Speaker 2: we can use to start bringing purpose into our life. Now,

886
00:40:34,436 --> 00:40:38,076
Speaker 2: even if that's fifteen minutes of me scrolling through Facebook

887
00:40:38,196 --> 00:40:43,956
Speaker 2: and joining baseball card or baseball fan pages, those fifteen

888
00:40:43,996 --> 00:40:47,036
Speaker 2: minutes are still adding in something joyful, and that's that

889
00:40:47,236 --> 00:40:50,196
Speaker 2: little beginning that we start building off of.

890
00:40:50,476 --> 00:40:51,836
Speaker 1: And I think one of the things we know from

891
00:40:51,876 --> 00:40:54,476
Speaker 1: the purpose research is that once you open up to

892
00:40:54,516 --> 00:40:56,956
Speaker 1: that little beginning, once you try a little bit, you

893
00:40:56,996 --> 00:40:59,876
Speaker 1: wind up feeling more energized, You wind up getting more community,

894
00:40:59,916 --> 00:41:02,036
Speaker 1: you wind up getting more opportunities to do this. So

895
00:41:02,076 --> 00:41:04,676
Speaker 1: in some says, you grow your purpose PI over time

896
00:41:04,756 --> 00:41:06,316
Speaker 1: just by trying this out in little ways.

897
00:41:06,836 --> 00:41:10,116
Speaker 2: It's momentum. The hardest thing is the hardest thing, and

898
00:41:10,156 --> 00:41:12,396
Speaker 2: again we get back to purpose is action and present

899
00:41:12,436 --> 00:41:15,476
Speaker 2: in the future. The hardest thing is building the momentum

900
00:41:15,476 --> 00:41:19,836
Speaker 2: for that first action. But once you start taking these actions,

901
00:41:19,876 --> 00:41:24,996
Speaker 2: the momentum builds, and so again autonomy agency this idea

902
00:41:25,036 --> 00:41:28,396
Speaker 2: that I can actually control what's happening in my life.

903
00:41:28,636 --> 00:41:31,196
Speaker 2: Once you start feeling that, it almost becomes addictive. You

904
00:41:31,196 --> 00:41:31,836
Speaker 2: don't want to stop.

905
00:41:33,396 --> 00:41:35,796
Speaker 1: You might not want to stop adding purpose to your life.

906
00:41:35,996 --> 00:41:38,196
Speaker 1: But some good things have to come to an end,

907
00:41:38,636 --> 00:41:41,836
Speaker 1: like this episode. But let's quickly recap Jordan's tips for

908
00:41:41,916 --> 00:41:45,436
Speaker 1: finding purpose. Tip number one is to avoid those purpose

909
00:41:45,516 --> 00:41:49,676
Speaker 1: mirages getting rich, becoming famous, winning a Grammy. These aren't

910
00:41:49,716 --> 00:41:53,276
Speaker 1: realistic goals that are really going to transform your life. Instead,

911
00:41:53,476 --> 00:41:55,716
Speaker 1: look for little p purpose and things you can do

912
00:41:55,956 --> 00:41:58,956
Speaker 1: right away. Tip number two, your purpose has to be

913
00:41:58,996 --> 00:42:01,956
Speaker 1: yours and yours alone. Don't do things just to impress

914
00:42:01,956 --> 00:42:05,276
Speaker 1: your parents, friends, or peers. The third tip is to

915
00:42:05,276 --> 00:42:07,716
Speaker 1: stop thinking of purpose as a goal you've got to reach,

916
00:42:08,236 --> 00:42:12,436
Speaker 1: instead as a process and engage in joyful activities whenever

917
00:42:12,476 --> 00:42:16,116
Speaker 1: they present themselves. Tip four is to conduct a life review.

918
00:42:16,396 --> 00:42:19,076
Speaker 1: Ask yourself about your regrets and if there's anything you

919
00:42:19,116 --> 00:42:21,996
Speaker 1: can do about them before it's too late. Children are

920
00:42:21,996 --> 00:42:24,556
Speaker 1: great at finding purpose, so tip number five is to

921
00:42:24,636 --> 00:42:27,436
Speaker 1: look back at your childhood passions. Are there any clues

922
00:42:27,476 --> 00:42:29,556
Speaker 1: to the things that might bring you joy as an adult?

923
00:42:29,836 --> 00:42:32,356
Speaker 1: And if you draw a blank, Tip number six recommends

924
00:42:32,396 --> 00:42:35,796
Speaker 1: the spaghetti method. Just experiment and try out lots of

925
00:42:35,796 --> 00:42:38,996
Speaker 1: stuff that might give you more purpose. And the final tip,

926
00:42:39,076 --> 00:42:43,276
Speaker 1: Tip seven isn't about adding more, it's about subtraction. Remove

927
00:42:43,356 --> 00:42:45,316
Speaker 1: as many of the bad and boring parts of your

928
00:42:45,356 --> 00:42:48,996
Speaker 1: life as possible. We've reached the end of Jordan's tips,

929
00:42:49,076 --> 00:42:50,996
Speaker 1: the end of this episode and the end of our

930
00:42:51,036 --> 00:42:53,356
Speaker 1: how To season. But not to worry is we'll have

931
00:42:53,436 --> 00:42:55,676
Speaker 1: lots more in store for you over the coming weeks,

932
00:42:55,876 --> 00:42:58,356
Speaker 1: so be sure to return soon for the next episode

933
00:42:58,396 --> 00:43:01,116
Speaker 1: of The Happiness Lab with me doctor Laurie Santo's