WEBVTT - “I’M 50 AND FEEL AMAZING”

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Hello, Lyele.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, what's your name?

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<v Speaker 1>Hi? I'm Anna, Anna.

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<v Speaker 2>What's up. How's life?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Life is good. Life is weirdly good. That I'm

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<v Speaker 1>probably a bit older than a lot of your listeners.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to be fifty this year, and this year

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<v Speaker 1>has just been amazing. So that's what I wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>get on and tell people to say things that get

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<v Speaker 1>suddenly get amazing. I had quite a shit time of

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<v Speaker 1>it before then, and now everything is just falling into place.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh dear God, that's you know what is I've been.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been fucking just wrapped in existential dread. I can't

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<v Speaker 2>fucking beat it. And I thought I beat it. I

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<v Speaker 2>thought I beat it for like a month, and now

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<v Speaker 2>it's coming back, and I'm like scared. And so to

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<v Speaker 2>hear that you're fifty and you're living your best life,

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<v Speaker 2>I want to know. I'm intrigued, so please tell me.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. So the first thing, big one for everyone at

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<v Speaker 1>the moment is ADHD diagnosis, because it presents differently in women,

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<v Speaker 1>and nobody knew what the fuck they were looking at

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<v Speaker 1>at me, you know, in the eighties. So that's really helped,

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<v Speaker 1>not for any reason other than I don't have to

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<v Speaker 1>feel so ashamed of the things that I couldn't control.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I can't keep my room tidy. I'm maybe

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<v Speaker 1>fifty years old. My room is a mess. My room

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<v Speaker 1>is ankle deep in shit all the time, even though

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<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm I'm tidy. I feel like I'm tidy all

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<v Speaker 1>the time. But now I know that this is just

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<v Speaker 1>hard of the beautiful mystery of my brain. I just

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<v Speaker 1>keep into it. I'm getting rid of my furniture. I've

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<v Speaker 1>started sleeping on the floor the way I like to.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just putting boxes everywhere I can throw shit in,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's just making my life better, just that kind

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<v Speaker 1>of Oh, I don't need to try, and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>need to try and beat myself up that I'm a

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<v Speaker 1>bad person. I'm a terrible person because I can't keep

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<v Speaker 1>my space tidy or like arranged to get nails done

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<v Speaker 1>or like whatever of the stuff I used to confuse me.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's one that's been a huge thing. The second

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<v Speaker 1>one is I think it's just medical stuff. So I

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<v Speaker 1>started taking that Mount Jarrow injection about uh actually about

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<v Speaker 1>two months ago, and that's just been fantastic. I've never

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<v Speaker 1>heard this phrase before. Food food noise. Have you heard this?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry what you started taking a what injection?

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<v Speaker 1>So in the UK it's called Mount Jarro, but it's

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<v Speaker 1>the weight loss injection.

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<v Speaker 2>It's okay, So you're taking the UK version of ozepic.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, I think it might be a slightly different one

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<v Speaker 1>to that, but yeah, that's that's sure. The thing it

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<v Speaker 1>is because I've never heard this expression before, food noise.

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<v Speaker 1>I've never heard anybody talk about food noise before, about this,

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<v Speaker 1>this this psychology of food seeking, that there's a part

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<v Speaker 1>of your brain that is that in certain people is

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<v Speaker 1>always tracking, always tracking, you know, where is everything. I

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<v Speaker 1>can get quite stressed when I've been around food or

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<v Speaker 1>I'm always very aware of what people are eating or

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<v Speaker 1>aware of what I'm eating, and other people thinking about

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<v Speaker 1>what I'm eating, and that food no is just switched off.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't even weigh myself. I just have a good breakfast.

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<v Speaker 1>I eat what I like, what I really want to eat,

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<v Speaker 1>where I've always wanted to eat, you know, vegetables and fruit,

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<v Speaker 1>but I always enjoyed those. But it's just taking the

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<v Speaker 1>stress out of it. If anyone is struggling with your

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<v Speaker 1>weight and you think I just don't understand why because

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<v Speaker 1>I'm eating this stuff and I don't really want it.

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<v Speaker 1>Have a go on this injection. It's mad.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, this is interesting because you know, I relate

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<v Speaker 2>a lot to lifelong adhd. I relate a lot to

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<v Speaker 2>having a messy room, or relate a lot to a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of these things. Yeah, the food awareness is a

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<v Speaker 2>big one for me. Do you know about a fat

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<v Speaker 2>guy pizza math where you're like looking around to see

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<v Speaker 2>slices of pizza everyone else has eaten so that you

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<v Speaker 2>can see if it's okay for you to get a

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<v Speaker 2>third slice of pizza. Yea, And dude, this was there

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<v Speaker 2>was so I used to I've talked about this on

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<v Speaker 2>my podcast before, but I used to record out of

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<v Speaker 2>an office in Los Angeles. And at this office they

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<v Speaker 2>had like like this office was like I had tons

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<v Speaker 2>of snacks, like it had a very fortified breakroom, and

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<v Speaker 2>I was obsessed with this fucking breakroom, especially like you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it was in the days. It was you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>was very stressed out about a bunch of you know,

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<v Speaker 2>gecko stuff and and and touring and and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I was on my computer stressed out all the time,

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<v Speaker 2>and so I would just like after my after recording

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<v Speaker 2>and and while like editing and stuff, I would just

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<v Speaker 2>be like fucking pounding down this bowl of candy and

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<v Speaker 2>then like some. And then sometimes I would see, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I was in this office with all these like you know,

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<v Speaker 2>healthy los angele less people, and I would see someone

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<v Speaker 2>like go up to the bowl and just eat one,

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<v Speaker 2>just take one mini like one not even like the ministry,

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<v Speaker 2>like the the real miniature skin, like the the ones

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<v Speaker 2>that are like fully like a nice square mini Snickers.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'd be like, how do you do that? How

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<v Speaker 2>do normal people just like fucking not go on a

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<v Speaker 2>crazy binge or like I like sharing food. Sharing food

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<v Speaker 2>was always so crazy thing for me. I hated share.

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<v Speaker 2>I like when you go to a restaurant and it's like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>let's split this, and it's like, no, if we split this,

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<v Speaker 2>now I have to do extra math, you know, And

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to be the guy that fucking takes

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<v Speaker 2>fucking everything. But sometimes it's just it's a whole thing,

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<v Speaker 2>you know. That's why I love. That's why I love.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been the first date and I was just trying

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<v Speaker 1>to like date people. I've given up all that now,

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<v Speaker 1>but I've been a minion to date. So I've explained

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<v Speaker 1>to people that I don't share food because you have

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<v Speaker 1>to do the mask, and then I also have to

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<v Speaker 1>be polite, so I will always have less than my

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<v Speaker 1>allotted share, and I just don't want to do it anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>I want my own so I can eat it. But

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<v Speaker 1>you know that kind of that kind of behavior her,

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<v Speaker 1>I think that is that injection has switched it off.

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<v Speaker 1>It just switched it off. I could be that person

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<v Speaker 1>in the boat room now. It's astonishing. It's just it's

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<v Speaker 1>so mad, the amount of stress that food and thinking

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<v Speaker 1>about food has put me under. I mean, I did

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<v Speaker 1>a PhD and I did practice based PhD. And I

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<v Speaker 1>was doing this big like art performance, you know whatever

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<v Speaker 1>it was, blah blah blah. But I had to get feedback,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, with a research project, and so I laid

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<v Speaker 1>on like this fancy vegan cakes. It was all very

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<v Speaker 1>nice and it was a lovely spread. But a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of people came and they didn't eat they didn't eat

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<v Speaker 1>the cakes, and I was trying to give a presentation

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<v Speaker 1>and all I could think about was those fucking cakes

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<v Speaker 1>at the back of the until one of my friends,

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<v Speaker 1>I was spiraling in and she and she just ca

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<v Speaker 1>and she said, you want me to get rid of them?

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<v Speaker 1>So I just took them away and she put them

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<v Speaker 1>in a car and I drove them away, and then

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<v Speaker 1>I was fine. And I think that I just accepted

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<v Speaker 1>that as me being like, I don't know, greedy, I don't.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think that is what it is, because it's

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<v Speaker 1>an anxiety about it. It wasn't like, oh yeah I

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<v Speaker 1>get to I don't know what I'm going.

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<v Speaker 3>To do, you know, Oh my god, all these people.

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<v Speaker 1>Are looking at me, and I wanted to eat the cake.

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<v Speaker 1>So yeah, I fully advise anybody who is thinking about me.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh.

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<v Speaker 1>Also, my other thing is that I started taking sirtually.

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<v Speaker 1>I took a hundred millig grands to certually and day.

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<v Speaker 2>That's the craline is the uh generic for.

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<v Speaker 3>Solar, So lost, that's it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, they're lost. And because I was I wasting every

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<v Speaker 1>time I was falling asleep, I was ending up with

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<v Speaker 1>a sort process that ended up me dying in a

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<v Speaker 1>cart crash. It was very weird, and I recognize it

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<v Speaker 1>is not my own thought. I was like, this isn't

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<v Speaker 1>this isn't me. I don't know what's going on here?

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<v Speaker 1>And that was it's like a depression thing. And so

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<v Speaker 1>I took seventy five milligrams of Searchuren and it didn't stop,

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<v Speaker 1>but it was less. And then I went on one

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<v Speaker 1>hundred and it just stopped. And I just want to

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<v Speaker 1>say to people who are listening, because I never heard

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<v Speaker 1>anything about this the toy. I've never heard of the

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<v Speaker 1>phrase food noise. I'd never really I've never really considered

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<v Speaker 1>about this injection, which is, you know, paying for it myself.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's okay, it's like one hundred and thirty pounds

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<v Speaker 1>a month, and I would pay that to be healthy.

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<v Speaker 1>I would pay that to have my cholesterol down without

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<v Speaker 1>having to take a bloody statin you know whatever. But

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<v Speaker 1>so yeah, just you know, take the things that people

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<v Speaker 1>are offering. You keep your eye on stuff. Take the stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>It does get better.

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<v Speaker 2>So I want to know. I want to know more

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<v Speaker 2>about your life. Okay, So so think So, I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>you're fifty years old, and you do you is do

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<v Speaker 2>you feel like do you feel the best you've ever

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<v Speaker 2>felt in your life? Is that what you're getting at.

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<v Speaker 1>I am considering going to see a therapist because I

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<v Speaker 1>need to mourn the person that I could have been

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<v Speaker 1>if all of this ship had been caught earlier. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>I have to do that. You know, I'm single, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to be single forever. I don't have to. I

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<v Speaker 1>remember saying to a therapist years ago, I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>I can have something because I'm SCAREDO and feed them properly,

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<v Speaker 1>and he kind of looked at me like and I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, no, but that's how I feel, because could

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<v Speaker 1>I have sweets in the house. Children have to have sweets.

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<v Speaker 1>I can't have sweets in the house. I eat all

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<v Speaker 1>the sweets. You know, this is this is this is

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<v Speaker 1>what this worries me in such a deep bone level

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<v Speaker 1>that I would pass on some sort of inherited weirdness

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<v Speaker 1>or I don't know. So yeah, I think I have

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<v Speaker 1>to do that. But also I think part of the

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<v Speaker 1>ADHD thing often is about we experienced time differently. To

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<v Speaker 1>know atypical people in my dife and I'm super time blized,

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<v Speaker 1>but also so looking back on our past issues is

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<v Speaker 1>kind of different. I was reading about how madh people

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<v Speaker 1>grieved differently because we.

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<v Speaker 3>It was about people.

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<v Speaker 1>You think about people in the time in the space

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<v Speaker 1>we don't talk to them all the time. I'm really

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<v Speaker 1>bad at messaging, but I love everyone. I just don't

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<v Speaker 1>message it. So, yeah, that is a that is a

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<v Speaker 1>that's looking back and going, oh, there's a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>a dark cloud over all the things that I could

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<v Speaker 1>have done. But then I look at the things I

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<v Speaker 1>have done. Be like, no, I just I was striving.

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<v Speaker 1>I worked hard. I did as much as I could.

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<v Speaker 1>I went for working in a factory to go to

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<v Speaker 1>Cambridge University to being doing a PhD. You know, I

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<v Speaker 1>I worked hard and I did the things I could do.

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<v Speaker 1>But God, I imagine if I had the ADHD medication,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd be fucking eon motk what makes me? I would

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<v Speaker 1>be you know, my powers. It's a really good things

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<v Speaker 1>at the universe that this wasn't found out beforehand.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, I am I really, you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know if I caught your name? What's your name?

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<v Speaker 1>Anna?

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<v Speaker 2>Anna? You know Anna, I I relate to you on

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of this stuff. I relate to you about

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<v Speaker 2>the kids. Thing I get a little worried about, like oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I have like anxiety and depression of all this crazy crap,

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, oh, if I have a kid, are

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<v Speaker 2>they gonna have it? Which is weird because my my mom,

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<v Speaker 2>I think, has a little bit of anxiety, my dad

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<v Speaker 2>has my dad is like crazy ADHD. But neither of

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<v Speaker 2>my parents are like depressed or that. And maybe my

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<v Speaker 2>mom's a little anxious. But it's like, you know, it's

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<v Speaker 2>it's weird. I'm like, where did I where did all

0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:43.920
<v Speaker 2>this stuff come from? I mean a lot of this

0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:45.560
<v Speaker 2>stuff with me, I know where it comes from. But

0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:47.680
<v Speaker 2>I relate to you, well, yeah, I really.

0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:53.160
<v Speaker 1>Also, they don't forget they grew up without without the internet,

0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.480
<v Speaker 1>and they grew up without social media, and I just

0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:58.760
<v Speaker 1>I feel sorry for you.

0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:01.400
<v Speaker 2>You know what. That is another thing. That is another

0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:06.640
<v Speaker 2>thing where yes, I we our brains are. Our brains

0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:14.560
<v Speaker 2>are unquestionably quite different than than our parents' brain grew

0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:21.840
<v Speaker 2>up with. There's something else you said that I that

0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:26.400
<v Speaker 2>I related to. Yeah, I relately. I you know, I

0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:31.000
<v Speaker 2>relate a little bit to like wishing I had found

0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:35.760
<v Speaker 2>medication a bit earlier. I think I'm still on a

0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:38.080
<v Speaker 2>medication journey. I think I thought I was done and

0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:42.560
<v Speaker 2>then I realized You're never done. But yeah, related to

0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:43.760
<v Speaker 2>you on a lot of on a lot of that stuff.

0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:46.600
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, the food, the food, noise, thing is is huge,

0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:50.000
<v Speaker 2>and there's there's a lot of different things that I

0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:53.880
<v Speaker 2>think are all related to, Yeah, are all related to

0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:57.120
<v Speaker 2>like anxiety, HD and depression. And I don't I don't

0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:00.280
<v Speaker 2>like those those three things, anxiety, ADHD and DEPRESSI I

0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:01.959
<v Speaker 2>don't think there's that You don't want to like use

0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:06.240
<v Speaker 2>them as like excuses for not living your life. But

0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:07.920
<v Speaker 2>it's good you want to, but you want to identify

0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:11.480
<v Speaker 2>them and fucking work through them so that you can

0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:13.840
<v Speaker 2>live better life.

0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:18.960
<v Speaker 1>You know, it's just a shame which diagnosed will not diagnosed.

0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:21.440
<v Speaker 1>My room would still be messy. But now I laugh

0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:24.760
<v Speaker 1>at it. I go, I've shown people on the video.

0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.199
<v Speaker 1>I've shown people, you know, I've got a video chating

0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:28.400
<v Speaker 1>going oh my god, you want to see my room?

0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:30.440
<v Speaker 1>And they go, oh, oh my god, and they laugh,

0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:32.720
<v Speaker 1>where before I was always convinced that they would be.

0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:35.800
<v Speaker 1>You have that you're evil, you know, you're disgusting your

0:13:36.640 --> 0:13:39.040
<v Speaker 1>and I'm just I'm not just got idea. Seeing I

0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:43.920
<v Speaker 1>struggle keeping my rooms tidy, big deal. I genuinely feel

0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:46.719
<v Speaker 1>that I gen't feel that, and that's been it's been

0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:49.040
<v Speaker 1>such an eye opener. I've got the other thing as well,

0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:52.240
<v Speaker 1>I like the skin picking, so I pick the skin

0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:56.839
<v Speaker 1>picking is a or picking your face. I've always picked

0:13:56.880 --> 0:14:00.840
<v Speaker 1>my toes and hide them and god, you know, wearing

0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:05.280
<v Speaker 1>full shoes in summer and and wearing tights and stuff

0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:08.800
<v Speaker 1>and just covering up and and now I'm I'm just

0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:11.120
<v Speaker 1>waddling around with my monkey feet out. You know, if

0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:15.640
<v Speaker 1>they like them, don't look at them.

0:14:15.679 --> 0:14:18.760
<v Speaker 2>So what do you do all day? Anna? What's your

0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:19.240
<v Speaker 2>life like?

0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:26.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm struggling artists, Let's put it that way. I work

0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:28.440
<v Speaker 1>on my own practice every day. I kind of arrange

0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:31.920
<v Speaker 1>my life, so I do a lot of teaching around

0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:34.880
<v Speaker 1>the outside of school hours. I do a lot of

0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:41.040
<v Speaker 1>exam help and and I'm yeah, and I'm just struggling,

0:14:41.040 --> 0:14:45.040
<v Speaker 1>struggling and struggling, still trying to Oh, I'll just tell you.

0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:47.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm a right, I'm a writer. I don't know, I

0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:51.240
<v Speaker 1>don't know where I am. And I am trying to work

0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:54.800
<v Speaker 1>on I'm writing my like fifth novel now because I

0:14:54.880 --> 0:14:56.640
<v Speaker 1>just can't get it right. But I do a lot

0:14:56.640 --> 0:15:01.720
<v Speaker 1>of writing, teaching and some stuff published and blah blah

0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:04.600
<v Speaker 1>blah shoot fiction. But I'm trying to move into long

0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:07.680
<v Speaker 1>So that's what I do. I sit around, and I

0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:10.400
<v Speaker 1>struggle in the day time. I dropped all social media,

0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:13.320
<v Speaker 1>I block off the Internet, and I wander around. I

0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:16.640
<v Speaker 1>feel very stressed, and I produce and then I hate it,

0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:18.520
<v Speaker 1>and then I look at it again about a year

0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:20.040
<v Speaker 1>later and go, oh my god, that's great. Why did

0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:24.200
<v Speaker 1>I start doing it? The typical artistic cycle I have.

0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:26.160
<v Speaker 2>I have a lot of questions for you based on

0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:28.280
<v Speaker 2>what you said, but I just one thing real quick

0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:30.640
<v Speaker 2>that I have to address. If you're not on social media,

0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:32.360
<v Speaker 2>how did you discover that I exist?

0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:34.800
<v Speaker 1>Whatify?

0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:35.920
<v Speaker 3>Oh?

0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:39.200
<v Speaker 1>Okay, because I'm very I'm very nosy, very nosy, but

0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:40.640
<v Speaker 1>I spend a lot of time on my own. So

0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:43.000
<v Speaker 1>I listen to a lot of podcasts where people bring

0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:44.480
<v Speaker 1>up and tell the truth about their life.

0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:46.720
<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, this is a good podcast for.

0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:50.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:53.920
<v Speaker 2>So you so you teach writing class or you do?

0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:55.800
<v Speaker 2>You do you teach? Do you teach at a school

0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:57.080
<v Speaker 2>or do you teach individually?

0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:57.240
<v Speaker 1>Like?

0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:58.680
<v Speaker 2>What does the setting on what you teach?

0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:05.040
<v Speaker 1>I teach like adult evening classes. I've taught at universities,

0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:07.800
<v Speaker 1>I've I do a lot of I do a lot

0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:13.160
<v Speaker 1>of like grammar schools, like children who are going for

0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:17.920
<v Speaker 1>what would you say public school, no private school. They

0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:20.480
<v Speaker 1>have a specific exam for the eleven plus and so

0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:22.200
<v Speaker 1>I do a lot of training because that's because they're

0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:24.960
<v Speaker 1>creative writing aspect of it. But you know, teaching the

0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:29.040
<v Speaker 1>children is great, I like, uh, you know, they're enthusiathers.

0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:32.280
<v Speaker 1>But it's teaching adults that I really like. Mm hmmm,

0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:36.400
<v Speaker 1>I finished, fabulous.

0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:38.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, you just cut out. What did you just finish?

0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:42.760
<v Speaker 1>I just finished one of the courses that I teach

0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:45.800
<v Speaker 1>for adults, and I just said goodbye to them, and

0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:48.920
<v Speaker 1>they're They're all brilliant, and they all improved hugely and

0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm excited for them in the future.

0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:55.480
<v Speaker 2>That's really awesome. That's really great. I am, yeah, I'm

0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:57.960
<v Speaker 2>kind of what. You know. One thing I wonder about,

0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:01.960
<v Speaker 2>like my life as I get older is that I

0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:05.840
<v Speaker 2>feel like, as you get older, it becomes like, you know,

0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:08.119
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, I'm tracking a bunch of things. I

0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:09.840
<v Speaker 2>don't I don't know if this is an ADHD thing,

0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:14.000
<v Speaker 2>But I consider myself, at least in my optimal circumstances,

0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:16.880
<v Speaker 2>to be a strong extrovert, like I always I want

0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:19.400
<v Speaker 2>to be around people. I want to feel socially connected

0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:21.919
<v Speaker 2>at all times. I want to, you know, always be

0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:24.720
<v Speaker 2>meeting new people. I want to always be having novel experiences.

0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:27.520
<v Speaker 2>I want to feel surrounded by a community, and I

0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:29.080
<v Speaker 2>want to be doing things that get me out of

0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:31.320
<v Speaker 2>the house and around people and interacting with folks. It's

0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:34.320
<v Speaker 2>it's part of the reason why I do this podcast

0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:37.280
<v Speaker 2>and and tour and all these you know, make videos

0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:40.040
<v Speaker 2>and do all these things. And it seems to me

0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:44.320
<v Speaker 2>there's there's like that as you get older, it becomes

0:17:44.480 --> 0:17:50.200
<v Speaker 2>harder and harder and harder to be in those situations.

0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:53.440
<v Speaker 2>And yet I have to assume as yeah, go ahead,

0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:54.359
<v Speaker 2>go ahead, I'll let you speak.

0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:59.159
<v Speaker 1>So, do you know rejections.

0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:01.640
<v Speaker 2>Rejections sensitivity dysphoria.

0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:06.960
<v Speaker 1>It's a massive co or cove, like I know occurrence

0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:10.160
<v Speaker 1>with ADHD. I have a huge.

0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:17.160
<v Speaker 2>Oh Anna when we're there, way, sorry you cut out.

0:18:16.960 --> 0:18:20.840
<v Speaker 1>Just now, Oh I walked towards the door. I'm going

0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:24.880
<v Speaker 1>to say where I am. So people have r SD.

0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:28.520
<v Speaker 1>That means that a neurotypical person, they experience a rejection

0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:31.640
<v Speaker 1>and they process it normally at the kind of surface

0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:35.760
<v Speaker 1>level of emotional processing like actual brain stuff neurosis. You

0:18:35.760 --> 0:18:39.600
<v Speaker 1>can see this happening on an MRI is bullshit. And

0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:42.639
<v Speaker 1>then someone with RSD they process it longer, and they

0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:44.640
<v Speaker 1>process it in a sort of more in the sort

0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:48.280
<v Speaker 1>of deeper networks. And what happens is those rejections they

0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:50.159
<v Speaker 1>build up. Because I was like you, I was a

0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:52.600
<v Speaker 1>gregarious when I was younger. I had loads of friends,

0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:56.160
<v Speaker 1>I was embedded in huge social groups, went to the festivals,

0:18:56.960 --> 0:19:00.000
<v Speaker 1>I did acting. You know, I used to do amateur dramatics.

0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:03.520
<v Speaker 1>Can imagine do that there? And I went traveling for

0:19:03.560 --> 0:19:05.800
<v Speaker 1>a year on my own. I was that confident in

0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:07.879
<v Speaker 1>my social skills that I was like, yeah, I'm going

0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:10.240
<v Speaker 1>to go away for a year just on my own,

0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:13.160
<v Speaker 1>no internet, my view. I went away with a guide book.

0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:20.080
<v Speaker 1>But because that's got I can pretty much remember every

0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:22.479
<v Speaker 1>horrible thing anyone ever said to me, or any situation

0:19:22.560 --> 0:19:24.200
<v Speaker 1>where I felt like someone's trying to put me down,

0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:26.800
<v Speaker 1>or any time I've made a mistake, and you know,

0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:30.040
<v Speaker 1>it keeps you off at night, and they would return

0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:32.640
<v Speaker 1>and I would worry about them. And so that's why

0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:36.560
<v Speaker 1>as I've got older, I've become I've moved into an

0:19:36.640 --> 0:19:39.800
<v Speaker 1>introvert because I just I just don't have the emotional

0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:43.840
<v Speaker 1>energy to go out It's like every time you interact

0:19:43.880 --> 0:19:47.000
<v Speaker 1>with someone, they give you a paper cut. Okay, they

0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:48.840
<v Speaker 1>just give you a paper cup somewhere on your body,

0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:52.040
<v Speaker 1>and and you're a typical person, it just heals. But

0:19:52.200 --> 0:19:55.040
<v Speaker 1>someone with our sc it bleeds, and you can only

0:19:55.040 --> 0:19:56.320
<v Speaker 1>bleed so much before you die.

0:19:56.680 --> 0:19:59.359
<v Speaker 2>By But Anna, I'm curious. So you said when you

0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:03.840
<v Speaker 2>were my age, were social and running around and travel

0:20:03.840 --> 0:20:05.680
<v Speaker 2>in the world and talk to people, do it all

0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:08.239
<v Speaker 2>without the fucking internet. I mean that's also like, uh

0:20:09.320 --> 0:20:12.480
<v Speaker 2>uh uh make it more compressive. So but I I

0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:16.080
<v Speaker 2>and I have to know, like I mean, at that time,

0:20:17.119 --> 0:20:19.760
<v Speaker 2>did you feel did you feel as though you had

0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:21.320
<v Speaker 2>that rejection sensitivity?

0:20:23.560 --> 0:20:23.639
<v Speaker 3>No?

0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:27.359
<v Speaker 1>I just felt that people I just, how can I

0:20:27.400 --> 0:20:32.680
<v Speaker 1>put it? I felt that I was I couldn't understand

0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:36.200
<v Speaker 1>the mismatch between the good person that I consider myself

0:20:36.240 --> 0:20:39.360
<v Speaker 1>to be and I strive to be in my actions

0:20:39.359 --> 0:20:41.120
<v Speaker 1>and my thoughts and then you know what I'm trying

0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:42.520
<v Speaker 1>to do in the world and all of that stuff.

0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:44.600
<v Speaker 1>In the way I help people. I do help people,

0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:47.680
<v Speaker 1>help random people all the time, and there's a mismatch

0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:51.640
<v Speaker 1>that and sometimes the impression that people are feeding back

0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:55.119
<v Speaker 1>to me m that they would react to me in

0:20:55.160 --> 0:20:56.800
<v Speaker 1>a way that I was like, oh my god, I've

0:20:56.880 --> 0:20:58.920
<v Speaker 1>just said something wrong, or I've just done something wrong,

0:20:59.080 --> 0:21:01.680
<v Speaker 1>or I shouldn't eaten you know whatever that wasn't a joke,

0:21:01.760 --> 0:21:06.159
<v Speaker 1>or they don't like me for reism, and that is

0:21:06.200 --> 0:21:08.119
<v Speaker 1>what happens. And I realized now that there is an

0:21:08.119 --> 0:21:11.480
<v Speaker 1>impulsivity in speech as well. So this is all the

0:21:12.280 --> 0:21:14.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, oh my god, I can forgive myself or

0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:17.720
<v Speaker 1>my weird trajectory because I'm impulsive in my speech. I

0:21:17.720 --> 0:21:19.880
<v Speaker 1>can be great friends with someone and then I'll say

0:21:19.920 --> 0:21:22.240
<v Speaker 1>something at the moment that comes out. I know it's wrong,

0:21:24.520 --> 0:21:27.160
<v Speaker 1>and it's up to them. It's the depth of your

0:21:27.160 --> 0:21:29.280
<v Speaker 1>relationship whether they can get past it and just be

0:21:29.560 --> 0:21:31.520
<v Speaker 1>I feel, you know, sorry, forgive me, I didn't mean that.

0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:34.640
<v Speaker 1>Or if you just met someone, then that's it. Isn't

0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:35.160
<v Speaker 1>it game over?

0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:39.280
<v Speaker 2>Well? I you know, I get yeah, I know exactly

0:21:39.280 --> 0:21:43.040
<v Speaker 2>what you're saying. And I think I have a little

0:21:43.080 --> 0:21:46.679
<v Speaker 2>bit of that impulsivity of speech myself at times, and

0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:51.520
<v Speaker 2>I think there's something to be said about accepting yourself

0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:54.520
<v Speaker 2>and your flaws and you know, being like, yeah, it's

0:21:54.520 --> 0:21:58.000
<v Speaker 2>okay that I'm not going to be perfect one hundred

0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:00.880
<v Speaker 2>percent of the time, you know, Yeah.

0:22:00.680 --> 0:22:03.280
<v Speaker 1>But it's about about other people. So that's a rejection

0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:07.720
<v Speaker 1>because you've got then that wound will stay with you

0:22:07.880 --> 0:22:10.480
<v Speaker 1>and I just myself from that situation. I have thought

0:22:10.520 --> 0:22:12.919
<v Speaker 1>about you and your ADHD and thought about you know,

0:22:12.960 --> 0:22:16.000
<v Speaker 1>how you how you can trust yourself to speak to people.

0:22:16.080 --> 0:22:17.639
<v Speaker 1>But then I realized that I do a hell of

0:22:17.640 --> 0:22:19.480
<v Speaker 1>a lot of teaching online and one to one and

0:22:19.560 --> 0:22:21.680
<v Speaker 1>I love it because you're in the moment. You don't

0:22:21.720 --> 0:22:24.040
<v Speaker 1>need to plan anything. You can rely on yourself. But

0:22:24.080 --> 0:22:26.760
<v Speaker 1>also you've got these barriers up. You know, you've got

0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:28.600
<v Speaker 1>barriers up because you have you know, you don't want

0:22:28.600 --> 0:22:32.680
<v Speaker 1>to upset anyone, and you're you're thinking carefully about what's having.

0:22:32.680 --> 0:22:34.359
<v Speaker 1>You're enjoying yourself, but you're not going to go on

0:22:34.440 --> 0:22:36.360
<v Speaker 1>some weird rants, you know. I'm sure you've got things

0:22:36.359 --> 0:22:39.040
<v Speaker 1>that you could rant about. And I'm like that because

0:22:39.040 --> 0:22:42.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking to students. So the impulse when it tries

0:22:42.480 --> 0:22:45.639
<v Speaker 1>to get out of that frame is just shut down immediately.

0:22:46.240 --> 0:22:47.840
<v Speaker 1>So really, I should just be one to one teaching

0:22:47.880 --> 0:22:49.240
<v Speaker 1>all the time, and I'll be happy at ship because

0:22:49.359 --> 0:22:50.400
<v Speaker 1>it really is my close stake.

0:22:51.720 --> 0:22:55.520
<v Speaker 2>Yes, the flows. I mean, that's I think there is

0:22:55.520 --> 0:22:58.800
<v Speaker 2>a lot of parallel to the experience that I'm having

0:22:58.800 --> 0:23:01.000
<v Speaker 2>when i'm you know, like having this conversation with you

0:23:01.320 --> 0:23:03.600
<v Speaker 2>or talking to people on the street or whatever, and

0:23:03.640 --> 0:23:06.320
<v Speaker 2>the flow state that you probably feel when you're teaching

0:23:06.359 --> 0:23:09.679
<v Speaker 2>people and when you're presenting and when you're doing your

0:23:09.720 --> 0:23:12.040
<v Speaker 2>one ones. You know, you get into the flow state, right.

0:23:12.080 --> 0:23:13.840
<v Speaker 2>You don't have to you don't have to plan things.

0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:16.119
<v Speaker 2>You can just be in the moment. You can just

0:23:16.280 --> 0:23:19.000
<v Speaker 2>fucking flow and get into the conversation.

0:23:19.640 --> 0:23:19.840
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:23:20.200 --> 0:23:22.440
<v Speaker 2>That's how I feel. That's how I feel when when

0:23:22.440 --> 0:23:24.199
<v Speaker 2>it works, you know, when I'm when I'm at the

0:23:24.240 --> 0:23:27.440
<v Speaker 2>best and things are going good. I have a question

0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:29.199
<v Speaker 2>for you. I want to know this. You're a novelist.

0:23:29.240 --> 0:23:31.360
<v Speaker 2>You've published five novels.

0:23:34.400 --> 0:23:40.080
<v Speaker 1>Sorry, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm trying to

0:23:40.160 --> 0:23:42.840
<v Speaker 1>write novels. I've published a little bits here and there,

0:23:43.080 --> 0:23:45.480
<v Speaker 1>published short fiction, and now I'm trying to move into

0:23:45.520 --> 0:23:48.600
<v Speaker 1>long form in a way that's satisfying to me. And

0:23:48.840 --> 0:23:50.280
<v Speaker 1>so no, I am unpublished.

0:23:51.520 --> 0:23:54.800
<v Speaker 2>But you've but you've, but you've you've You've written a

0:23:54.840 --> 0:23:55.240
<v Speaker 2>lot of.

0:23:55.119 --> 0:23:58.760
<v Speaker 1>Work, yeah, millions and millions, and.

0:24:00.160 --> 0:24:05.199
<v Speaker 2>So how do you, as someone who I assume as

0:24:05.240 --> 0:24:08.359
<v Speaker 2>a hard time sitting still, do a thing that is

0:24:08.359 --> 0:24:11.560
<v Speaker 2>the most like I must sit still and attack a

0:24:11.640 --> 0:24:15.240
<v Speaker 2>keyboard thing. What is your process of being a writer

0:24:15.320 --> 0:24:18.879
<v Speaker 2>as somebody who I assume as a hard time sitting still.

0:24:20.760 --> 0:24:23.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's really hard. It's much harder now because I'm

0:24:23.359 --> 0:24:27.399
<v Speaker 1>in the perimenopause, like this hormone of stateful menopause, and

0:24:27.440 --> 0:24:30.400
<v Speaker 1>that makes your ADHD symptoms go crazy, and that's why

0:24:30.400 --> 0:24:33.159
<v Speaker 1>I got diagnosed in the end. So I'm finding it

0:24:33.240 --> 0:24:35.280
<v Speaker 1>much harder now than I used to do. And the

0:24:35.320 --> 0:24:38.840
<v Speaker 1>thing is ADHD and women often present. It's like your

0:24:38.880 --> 0:24:43.880
<v Speaker 1>hyperactivity isn't body, it's mind. So when I can sit

0:24:43.960 --> 0:24:48.760
<v Speaker 1>down and write and think and think about what I'm

0:24:48.800 --> 0:24:50.960
<v Speaker 1>writing and reflect and all of the stuff I'm trying

0:24:50.960 --> 0:24:55.639
<v Speaker 1>to do, then that's satisfying the sort of racing thoughts

0:24:55.640 --> 0:24:58.800
<v Speaker 1>for rushing minds. But a lot. I do have to

0:24:58.840 --> 0:25:02.320
<v Speaker 1>say that I do procrastinate horribly, of course, and so

0:25:02.520 --> 0:25:05.840
<v Speaker 1>targeted procrastination has always worked for me. When I was

0:25:06.040 --> 0:25:07.639
<v Speaker 1>supposed to be writing with the PhD, I write a

0:25:07.640 --> 0:25:09.720
<v Speaker 1>collection of short stories, you know. When I was supposed

0:25:09.760 --> 0:25:13.000
<v Speaker 1>to be writing my dissertation, and I was writing fault

0:25:13.040 --> 0:25:16.160
<v Speaker 1>fiction for money. You know, I'm always doing what I'm

0:25:16.200 --> 0:25:17.639
<v Speaker 1>not supposed to be doing. I'm sure you will have

0:25:17.680 --> 0:25:20.639
<v Speaker 1>that experience, right. I think that's why I'm struggling at

0:25:20.680 --> 0:25:23.840
<v Speaker 1>the moment. I've got a clear path. I'm not. I

0:25:23.840 --> 0:25:26.880
<v Speaker 1>don't I shouldn't be doing anything else. And now I'm

0:25:26.920 --> 0:25:27.760
<v Speaker 1>finding it really hard.

0:25:29.000 --> 0:25:31.440
<v Speaker 2>And what is your clear path?

0:25:33.680 --> 0:25:33.760
<v Speaker 3>Now?

0:25:33.800 --> 0:25:37.360
<v Speaker 1>I've got all this time to write, I've got Yeah,

0:25:37.920 --> 0:25:39.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm not supposed to be doing anything else.

0:25:39.960 --> 0:25:42.159
<v Speaker 1>If I had to, if I had to do something

0:25:42.160 --> 0:25:45.760
<v Speaker 1>else in that time, I would probably be the writing.

0:25:46.760 --> 0:25:49.199
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I know you mean yeah, procrastinating on one thing

0:25:49.280 --> 0:25:53.840
<v Speaker 2>by doing another thing. It's a classic yeah.

0:25:54.200 --> 0:25:56.440
<v Speaker 1>When you can, when you can target.

0:25:59.080 --> 0:26:02.679
<v Speaker 2>So well, I have to say, I mean, you started

0:26:02.680 --> 0:26:07.840
<v Speaker 2>this phone call by talking about how things get better.

0:26:08.040 --> 0:26:09.960
<v Speaker 2>You're feeling good about life. Tell me more about the

0:26:09.960 --> 0:26:13.520
<v Speaker 2>things tell me more about the things you're loving about

0:26:13.560 --> 0:26:14.240
<v Speaker 2>life lately.

0:26:17.000 --> 0:26:19.480
<v Speaker 1>So you've been to London, haven't you? Did you make

0:26:19.520 --> 0:26:20.480
<v Speaker 1>it onto Hamstead Heath?

0:26:21.320 --> 0:26:25.280
<v Speaker 2>Say, I've been to London a few times with Hamster.

0:26:25.560 --> 0:26:29.879
<v Speaker 1>Place, Hamstead, hamstiad Heath. It's like a big park in

0:26:29.960 --> 0:26:32.720
<v Speaker 1>North London. It's all the film though, you know, if

0:26:32.760 --> 0:26:36.840
<v Speaker 1>you see Hampsteady, it's it's just the whole of the fields.

0:26:36.880 --> 0:26:38.920
<v Speaker 1>But they have a lady's ponds there. They have a

0:26:38.960 --> 0:26:41.959
<v Speaker 1>swimming pond and they have sorry, they have mixed ladies

0:26:42.000 --> 0:26:44.800
<v Speaker 1>and men's and then the ladies one is all just

0:26:44.880 --> 0:26:46.840
<v Speaker 1>trees all around it. You go swimming, and I was

0:26:46.880 --> 0:26:51.119
<v Speaker 1>swimming with ducklings, little baby ducklings about I don't know,

0:26:51.440 --> 0:26:53.760
<v Speaker 1>not too far away from me. But then once you

0:26:53.760 --> 0:26:55.680
<v Speaker 1>get at the pool, you go to this place called

0:26:55.680 --> 0:26:58.880
<v Speaker 1>the meadow, and I think it's like a feel colony.

0:26:58.880 --> 0:27:00.480
<v Speaker 1>I just imagine all these women and they just like

0:27:00.560 --> 0:27:02.920
<v Speaker 1>seal if everyone's just lying down. No one's really talking

0:27:02.960 --> 0:27:05.600
<v Speaker 1>to anyone. Everyone's reading because there's no signal, which is

0:27:05.640 --> 0:27:09.800
<v Speaker 1>delightful for me to see, and everyone just takes their

0:27:09.800 --> 0:27:12.280
<v Speaker 1>clothes off and goes to sleep. And I have the

0:27:12.359 --> 0:27:17.639
<v Speaker 1>most amazing sweet just you know, topless in the sun

0:27:17.880 --> 0:27:19.480
<v Speaker 1>in the middle of a park in London. And I

0:27:19.480 --> 0:27:22.160
<v Speaker 1>would never have done that before, you know, body issues

0:27:22.200 --> 0:27:24.639
<v Speaker 1>and just being like, oh, I can't go and I

0:27:24.680 --> 0:27:26.639
<v Speaker 1>don't want to. I don't want to go swimming on

0:27:26.680 --> 0:27:29.359
<v Speaker 1>my own in a pond it'll be weird, and I'm like, next,

0:27:29.560 --> 0:27:31.560
<v Speaker 1>do it. It's pretty much your advice, doesn't it. Just

0:27:31.600 --> 0:27:33.960
<v Speaker 1>go out and do things. And I loved it. It

0:27:34.040 --> 0:27:37.600
<v Speaker 1>was it was a real highlight, a real highlights. I

0:27:37.600 --> 0:27:38.400
<v Speaker 1>thought it was brilliant.

0:27:38.920 --> 0:27:40.920
<v Speaker 2>That's great. What do you what do you have that?

0:27:42.000 --> 0:27:43.520
<v Speaker 2>What do you have in your life lately that you're

0:27:43.560 --> 0:27:44.159
<v Speaker 2>looking forward to?

0:27:46.440 --> 0:27:52.240
<v Speaker 1>I go to a writing festival Thursday to Sunday this weekend,

0:27:53.600 --> 0:27:55.399
<v Speaker 1>and I'm going to see some fronts too. I always

0:27:56.280 --> 0:27:58.480
<v Speaker 1>this would be my third one. And the friends I

0:27:58.520 --> 0:28:00.119
<v Speaker 1>met there and we go and hang out and to

0:28:00.680 --> 0:28:04.320
<v Speaker 1>do writing and get very drunk and in karayote.

0:28:09.680 --> 0:28:11.680
<v Speaker 2>Well, tell me what happens at a writing festival.

0:28:13.600 --> 0:28:16.720
<v Speaker 1>So it is a flash fiction festival. So flash is

0:28:16.840 --> 0:28:22.159
<v Speaker 1>a thousand words or fewer, and it's its own specific form.

0:28:22.400 --> 0:28:24.360
<v Speaker 1>You know, you have to, you have to. It's got

0:28:24.400 --> 0:28:26.080
<v Speaker 1>a lot, it's got a lot of his own considerations

0:28:26.240 --> 0:28:28.520
<v Speaker 1>to get this whole thing, and that has its own conventions.

0:28:29.160 --> 0:28:32.960
<v Speaker 1>So people run flash workshops. There are sort of flash readings.

0:28:34.440 --> 0:28:37.280
<v Speaker 1>There's all there's a whole different set of panels or

0:28:37.320 --> 0:28:40.960
<v Speaker 1>set of workshops you can go to and simple similar

0:28:41.040 --> 0:28:44.520
<v Speaker 1>great And I haven't been to too many of them

0:28:44.520 --> 0:28:46.800
<v Speaker 1>because I do. Because of the ADHD, I find it

0:28:46.880 --> 0:28:50.880
<v Speaker 1>quite difficult to fit inside, especially if they're talking about

0:28:50.880 --> 0:28:53.000
<v Speaker 1>something that I already know about. You know, it's an intention,

0:28:53.360 --> 0:28:55.680
<v Speaker 1>it's an interest based nervous system, right, that's what they

0:28:55.680 --> 0:28:57.680
<v Speaker 1>call it. And so it just switches off, and I

0:28:57.680 --> 0:28:59.720
<v Speaker 1>find it difficult for fidget or you know, want to

0:28:59.760 --> 0:29:03.600
<v Speaker 1>do something up. But everyone needs to love them, and

0:29:03.640 --> 0:29:07.520
<v Speaker 1>then there's just a lot of talking and networking and

0:29:07.520 --> 0:29:09.840
<v Speaker 1>and then just a whole bunch of karaoke leaving, which

0:29:09.880 --> 0:29:11.880
<v Speaker 1>is amazing for a bunch of writers, you know, who

0:29:11.920 --> 0:29:15.040
<v Speaker 1>tend to be quite introverted anyway, because when you're doing karaoke,

0:29:15.240 --> 0:29:17.280
<v Speaker 1>I just for you know, you can't really talk to anyone.

0:29:17.480 --> 0:29:20.440
<v Speaker 1>You can just go yeah, great song at them, you know,

0:29:20.520 --> 0:29:24.200
<v Speaker 1>and mighty sick smiles. Right, everyone's singing along. But you

0:29:24.240 --> 0:29:26.880
<v Speaker 1>can't get into those kind of tricky discussions where you're like,

0:29:26.920 --> 0:29:28.800
<v Speaker 1>oh shit, I've had a few beers and now I've

0:29:28.840 --> 0:29:32.560
<v Speaker 1>set something right, I'm going to say something. I'm going

0:29:32.640 --> 0:29:37.760
<v Speaker 1>to wake up tomorrow morning and be like, oh.

0:29:36.680 --> 0:29:38.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I have active I have activities like that that

0:29:38.920 --> 0:29:43.200
<v Speaker 2>I love, Like a lot of my hobbies. My hobbies

0:29:43.240 --> 0:29:47.480
<v Speaker 2>are like things where you are around other people, but

0:29:48.040 --> 0:29:50.680
<v Speaker 2>I meant whole I actually think, actually, I guess those

0:29:50.720 --> 0:29:52.360
<v Speaker 2>are most hobbies. I was gonna say a lot of

0:29:52.360 --> 0:29:55.440
<v Speaker 2>my hobbies are like things where you're around other You're

0:29:55.440 --> 0:29:59.520
<v Speaker 2>around other people, but there's some activity to like kind

0:29:59.520 --> 0:30:01.600
<v Speaker 2>of keep you engage so you don't have to talk

0:30:01.640 --> 0:30:04.000
<v Speaker 2>if you don't want to. Although I guess that is

0:30:04.120 --> 0:30:07.160
<v Speaker 2>genuine the most hobbies. Yeah, like you know, playing uh,

0:30:07.440 --> 0:30:10.880
<v Speaker 2>Smash bros on Land or playing poker just ship where

0:30:10.920 --> 0:30:12.680
<v Speaker 2>it's like you can you can just play the game,

0:30:12.680 --> 0:30:14.120
<v Speaker 2>but if you want to talk, you can talk.

0:30:16.520 --> 0:30:19.880
<v Speaker 1>You talked about Smash before, and I watched the documentary

0:30:19.920 --> 0:30:22.800
<v Speaker 1>about it. You want hold on?

0:30:22.920 --> 0:30:29.520
<v Speaker 2>Shut up? You watched the documentary. You watched the before

0:30:29.880 --> 0:30:31.520
<v Speaker 2>you you watched you.

0:30:31.480 --> 0:30:34.360
<v Speaker 1>Don't know when you talk about it. You talk about

0:30:34.360 --> 0:30:37.120
<v Speaker 1>a lot that I need to know. I must one

0:30:37.160 --> 0:30:39.360
<v Speaker 1>of the one are the kids doing today? I thought,

0:30:40.320 --> 0:30:41.680
<v Speaker 1>so I really enjoyed it.

0:30:41.760 --> 0:30:45.080
<v Speaker 2>Yes, that's the four hours you like with like with

0:30:45.200 --> 0:30:52.320
<v Speaker 2>Ken and as In and you two king? Yeah, wow, you.

0:30:52.400 --> 0:30:56.280
<v Speaker 1>Have a documentary nosy person, right, We've established person. So

0:30:56.320 --> 0:31:00.240
<v Speaker 1>I like to watch documentaries, uh and find out about

0:31:00.240 --> 0:31:04.280
<v Speaker 1>stuff you know about what is he talks about.

0:31:04.680 --> 0:31:06.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm so happy that you want I'm so happy that

0:31:06.880 --> 0:31:10.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm so happy that I got you to watch the

0:31:11.040 --> 0:31:13.880
<v Speaker 2>four hour Smash Pros documentary on YouTube. By the way,

0:31:13.880 --> 0:31:18.160
<v Speaker 2>those listening, please go watch. Go on go on YouTube.

0:31:18.160 --> 0:31:21.440
<v Speaker 2>Go on YouTube. Go on YouTube and search the Smash

0:31:21.520 --> 0:31:25.280
<v Speaker 2>Brothers documentary. And yeah, that's a it's a good way

0:31:25.320 --> 0:31:26.480
<v Speaker 2>to spend four hours.

0:31:26.240 --> 0:31:30.360
<v Speaker 3>Of your life, really enjoyable.

0:31:30.720 --> 0:31:35.200
<v Speaker 2>And I want to know what was it like traveling

0:31:35.280 --> 0:31:40.040
<v Speaker 2>around at twenty seven with no guidebook? I mean no,

0:31:40.160 --> 0:31:42.440
<v Speaker 2>with no internet, with just a guide what was that.

0:31:42.440 --> 0:31:51.520
<v Speaker 1>Experience we had that were internet? There were internet cafes

0:31:51.640 --> 0:31:54.080
<v Speaker 1>were very expensive. So I send this one email to

0:31:54.120 --> 0:32:00.560
<v Speaker 1>my mom. It was actually fine because you didn't know

0:32:00.560 --> 0:32:03.800
<v Speaker 1>any different. Oh, this is this is just what you do.

0:32:03.920 --> 0:32:05.560
<v Speaker 1>You know, you go on a proper adventure and actually

0:32:05.560 --> 0:32:08.160
<v Speaker 1>are quite promoanient for you guys, because I went to

0:32:08.200 --> 0:32:10.200
<v Speaker 1>see things that I've never I've never seen before. I'd

0:32:10.200 --> 0:32:11.960
<v Speaker 1>read about them and had pictures in my mind of

0:32:12.000 --> 0:32:14.320
<v Speaker 1>seeing you know, temples, and I've seen pictures and things,

0:32:14.680 --> 0:32:17.800
<v Speaker 1>but you know, when they children, jimps and that. But

0:32:18.440 --> 0:32:23.480
<v Speaker 1>but because you're so glassed with the images for just anything.

0:32:24.120 --> 0:32:27.640
<v Speaker 1>It must be hard to be so thrilled about experiencing

0:32:27.680 --> 0:32:30.960
<v Speaker 1>in real life. It's all being commodified by influencer culture

0:32:31.000 --> 0:32:32.959
<v Speaker 1>and things like that. You know, I'm sure you couldn't

0:32:33.000 --> 0:32:35.720
<v Speaker 1>go to when I go, I really enjoyed Ankle what

0:32:36.040 --> 0:32:39.360
<v Speaker 1>you know, Ankle what in lous It's like you know,

0:32:39.440 --> 0:32:41.920
<v Speaker 1>if you saw it, It's the weird broken temples. There's

0:32:41.920 --> 0:32:46.040
<v Speaker 1>all huge tree routes coming out of it, very magical,

0:32:47.240 --> 0:32:49.360
<v Speaker 1>and I had a great time there, just hanging around

0:32:49.440 --> 0:32:51.880
<v Speaker 1>from the taking from the sun is up and everyone

0:32:52.040 --> 0:32:55.920
<v Speaker 1>is just chilling. And I imagine now it's just millions

0:32:55.960 --> 0:32:59.080
<v Speaker 1>and millions of people with tripods and other people taking

0:32:59.120 --> 0:33:03.800
<v Speaker 1>photos of them and just yeah, being very kind of

0:33:03.920 --> 0:33:06.240
<v Speaker 1>ruined for everyone. Yeah, but it was fine. I tended

0:33:06.320 --> 0:33:09.080
<v Speaker 1>up in Thailand because I've been working. I didn't really

0:33:09.200 --> 0:33:11.280
<v Speaker 1>know what to do with myself. I felt like, well,

0:33:11.320 --> 0:33:12.480
<v Speaker 1>what do I do? It can't just sit on a

0:33:12.520 --> 0:33:15.280
<v Speaker 1>beach all day. Don't worry that's being changed. So I

0:33:15.320 --> 0:33:18.240
<v Speaker 1>went to work in a school. I volunteered to work

0:33:18.280 --> 0:33:20.560
<v Speaker 1>in a school, bearing in mind at the time I

0:33:20.640 --> 0:33:23.720
<v Speaker 1>didn't have any teaching qualifications. I didn't have a degree

0:33:24.400 --> 0:33:26.960
<v Speaker 1>I was working in a factory in Gid fixing robots

0:33:27.720 --> 0:33:34.640
<v Speaker 1>and I I but because I was British and because

0:33:34.640 --> 0:33:36.480
<v Speaker 1>I was female, they were just like, yeah, you go

0:33:36.600 --> 0:33:41.480
<v Speaker 1>in because like no, no, we need we need people

0:33:41.520 --> 0:33:44.120
<v Speaker 1>who speak for their British accent because I think that

0:33:44.200 --> 0:33:47.440
<v Speaker 1>all the volunteers they got worse I know, German or

0:33:47.520 --> 0:33:49.600
<v Speaker 1>Dutch or something, which is which is fine because I

0:33:49.680 --> 0:33:52.640
<v Speaker 1>can obviously understand that, but their Thai children were struggling

0:33:52.680 --> 0:33:54.880
<v Speaker 1>a bit the kind I mean.

0:33:55.880 --> 0:33:59.560
<v Speaker 2>The British accent is so I I uh, no offense

0:33:59.640 --> 0:34:02.840
<v Speaker 2>to the woman listeners, but the British accent is easily

0:34:03.000 --> 0:34:05.959
<v Speaker 2>much more listened to able than the German accent.

0:34:08.480 --> 0:34:11.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Well, also the accent of the language that they

0:34:11.640 --> 0:34:15.560
<v Speaker 1>are learning to speak, so they especially for people with

0:34:15.640 --> 0:34:19.960
<v Speaker 1>a tonal language, which I struggled with. So yeah, I

0:34:20.000 --> 0:34:24.759
<v Speaker 1>turned up. I did some work and stayed in a

0:34:24.840 --> 0:34:28.520
<v Speaker 1>house with the Thai teacher and had all these kids

0:34:28.600 --> 0:34:31.239
<v Speaker 1>following me around because it was so weird because I

0:34:31.440 --> 0:34:33.640
<v Speaker 1>had more than one coffee a day, they alwaysed to

0:34:33.680 --> 0:34:35.239
<v Speaker 1>follow me around. The women as well, would be like

0:34:35.280 --> 0:34:38.359
<v Speaker 1>how many coffees have you had? How many coffees you had?

0:34:38.960 --> 0:34:41.719
<v Speaker 1>I've had I've had two and I go, oh, two

0:34:41.800 --> 0:34:44.960
<v Speaker 1>coffees and I had to smoke because I'm a smoker.

0:34:45.040 --> 0:34:47.600
<v Speaker 1>I had to go right into the brush, well away

0:34:47.600 --> 0:34:50.080
<v Speaker 1>from everyone because if people saw me smoking, it would

0:34:50.640 --> 0:34:52.319
<v Speaker 1>you know, it would be it would be like being

0:34:52.560 --> 0:34:54.040
<v Speaker 1>found out to be a prostitute of women.

0:34:56.160 --> 0:34:58.439
<v Speaker 2>Do you still are you still a smoker.

0:35:00.239 --> 0:35:03.000
<v Speaker 1>With a smoker and I'm recently a bit of a

0:35:05.040 --> 0:35:07.600
<v Speaker 1>your friend, she said, I think owner.

0:35:08.280 --> 0:35:11.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I was going to ask, well, yeah, how

0:35:11.120 --> 0:35:14.239
<v Speaker 2>is how is the weed in London? It's it's super

0:35:14.280 --> 0:35:15.080
<v Speaker 2>illegal in London?

0:35:15.160 --> 0:35:23.160
<v Speaker 1>Still right, Well it isn't it isn't because I don't

0:35:23.160 --> 0:35:25.640
<v Speaker 1>know how much I should do, so I just I

0:35:25.800 --> 0:35:26.799
<v Speaker 1>just get it through the post.

0:35:28.480 --> 0:35:29.200
<v Speaker 2>I see.

0:35:30.480 --> 0:35:33.080
<v Speaker 1>The days has gone long gone, in the days when

0:35:33.080 --> 0:35:37.480
<v Speaker 1>I would get into random cars with you know, Russian gangsters,

0:35:37.520 --> 0:35:40.080
<v Speaker 1>which I have done in the past by all sorts

0:35:40.120 --> 0:35:41.560
<v Speaker 1>of you know, had a bit of a pill edge

0:35:41.560 --> 0:35:43.960
<v Speaker 1>in the nineties. So all of that stuff went on,

0:35:44.280 --> 0:35:46.880
<v Speaker 1>but I couldn't do it now, you know, I'm in

0:35:46.960 --> 0:35:49.840
<v Speaker 1>an age lady. Now I'm too aware of things that

0:35:49.920 --> 0:35:53.200
<v Speaker 1>can go wrong. So yeah, just comes to the post

0:35:53.960 --> 0:35:56.920
<v Speaker 1>order on the internet. Not with that work with that

0:35:57.040 --> 0:35:59.799
<v Speaker 1>work on the clear web was my credit card.

0:36:01.640 --> 0:36:02.960
<v Speaker 2>Do you do you like to do you do you

0:36:03.120 --> 0:36:05.160
<v Speaker 2>write when you're stoned or do you typically like to

0:36:05.280 --> 0:36:05.879
<v Speaker 2>just chill out?

0:36:08.239 --> 0:36:13.959
<v Speaker 1>I like to watch television because I can actually watch

0:36:14.040 --> 0:36:17.120
<v Speaker 1>it rather than the little squirrel of my attention suddenly

0:36:17.280 --> 0:36:20.440
<v Speaker 1>going oh is that at or I need to go

0:36:20.480 --> 0:36:23.600
<v Speaker 1>and do something very quickly. Yeah, it slows down. It

0:36:23.719 --> 0:36:26.759
<v Speaker 1>definitely slows down. The sort of the part of my

0:36:26.880 --> 0:36:31.600
<v Speaker 1>mind is always scanning the environments, scan and so I

0:36:31.640 --> 0:36:34.160
<v Speaker 1>can enjoy stories a bit more instead of always trying

0:36:34.160 --> 0:36:35.879
<v Speaker 1>to figure out what's going to happen next, or Okay,

0:36:35.960 --> 0:36:38.480
<v Speaker 1>this has happened, so this is going to happen I

0:36:38.520 --> 0:36:39.960
<v Speaker 1>can just appreciate the art of it more.

0:36:40.120 --> 0:36:42.520
<v Speaker 2>It's interesting. I feel like, Yeah, when I smoke weed,

0:36:42.560 --> 0:36:46.160
<v Speaker 2>I get to I'm like weed. I think increases my ADHD.

0:36:46.280 --> 0:36:50.600
<v Speaker 2>It makes me more scanny and HyperWare and anxious, depending

0:36:50.719 --> 0:36:52.759
<v Speaker 2>on it's a roll of the dice. It's more of a.

0:36:55.960 --> 0:36:58.759
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I've got some on the strain because I have

0:36:59.040 --> 0:37:03.080
<v Speaker 1>liked uh heavy one that is really good. Spread time

0:37:03.400 --> 0:37:05.399
<v Speaker 1>just makes you go to sleep. And then I thought

0:37:05.440 --> 0:37:07.200
<v Speaker 1>I'd give the other side of the spectrum a go

0:37:07.400 --> 0:37:08.680
<v Speaker 1>to what I mean. I don't know if it's joy,

0:37:08.680 --> 0:37:13.759
<v Speaker 1>I don't know nothing. So the other one, who what's

0:37:13.760 --> 0:37:16.080
<v Speaker 1>the other one? Indica? Someone told me, you remember Indico

0:37:16.320 --> 0:37:18.520
<v Speaker 1>in the couch, That's how you remember the difference. So

0:37:18.600 --> 0:37:21.560
<v Speaker 1>the other one is sativa. So I got a high

0:37:21.600 --> 0:37:23.640
<v Speaker 1>sativa one and yeah, that one, that one, you know.

0:37:23.680 --> 0:37:24.479
<v Speaker 1>I went out for a walk.

0:37:24.680 --> 0:37:31.680
<v Speaker 2>It was great, so Anna, mhmm hmmm. I'm trying to think.

0:37:31.719 --> 0:37:33.880
<v Speaker 2>I there's anything else I wanna I want to ask you.

0:37:34.040 --> 0:37:36.320
<v Speaker 2>It's been really nice. Uh, it's been really nice talking

0:37:36.360 --> 0:37:40.680
<v Speaker 2>to you. Uh, this was this was this was great.

0:37:41.680 --> 0:37:44.880
<v Speaker 2>Very I'm very inspired by your life story. I'm very

0:37:44.880 --> 0:37:47.960
<v Speaker 2>inspired to hear that you're continuing to enjoy yourself and

0:37:49.040 --> 0:37:53.720
<v Speaker 2>living life and going to do cool ship and bathing

0:37:53.760 --> 0:37:57.479
<v Speaker 2>with ducks. Uh, it's cool again. Yeah, like I said,

0:37:57.560 --> 0:37:59.000
<v Speaker 2>like I said at the beginning of this, I'm I'm

0:37:59.239 --> 0:38:02.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm anxious all the time, and then sometimes I see

0:38:02.560 --> 0:38:04.759
<v Speaker 2>someone who is like a little bit older than me

0:38:04.840 --> 0:38:08.200
<v Speaker 2>and they actually seem to be pretty calm and enjoying life,

0:38:08.280 --> 0:38:11.920
<v Speaker 2>and it's it's inspiring and good. And I think that

0:38:12.040 --> 0:38:15.560
<v Speaker 2>you're probably inspiring to other people listening to the show.

0:38:16.960 --> 0:38:23.279
<v Speaker 1>You know it gets wonderful. Yeah, I should just say that.

0:38:23.640 --> 0:38:25.600
<v Speaker 1>If I could say anything to myself when I was younger,

0:38:25.719 --> 0:38:27.640
<v Speaker 1>it would be try and think of yourself like you

0:38:27.680 --> 0:38:31.760
<v Speaker 1>haven't got me skin like all your nurser exposed, because

0:38:32.440 --> 0:38:34.600
<v Speaker 1>that's how the difference it feels like, Well now it

0:38:34.640 --> 0:38:37.040
<v Speaker 1>feels like I'm wearing a wetsuit. You know, nothing can

0:38:37.120 --> 0:38:42.240
<v Speaker 1>really hurt me or Asian accepted. But yeah, it's horrible

0:38:42.239 --> 0:38:44.560
<v Speaker 1>when you're younger, but you know, keep on trucking. You'll

0:38:44.600 --> 0:38:44.920
<v Speaker 1>get there.

0:38:45.640 --> 0:38:49.080
<v Speaker 2>Hey, thank you. Anna, have a good rest of your day.

0:38:49.400 --> 0:38:52.040
<v Speaker 2>And if I come to London, if I come to

0:38:52.160 --> 0:38:54.960
<v Speaker 2>London to do a show, I'll let you know.

0:38:56.880 --> 0:39:00.880
<v Speaker 1>Oh I'm definitely going to come. Well sally happen, but

0:39:01.320 --> 0:39:03.480
<v Speaker 1>it's not there, so yeah, I'll be there.

0:39:06.160 --> 0:39:12.600
<v Speaker 2>Take care. Anna think of a call. That was a

0:39:12.640 --> 0:39:16.279
<v Speaker 2>great call. I really liked that, trying to think if

0:39:16.320 --> 0:39:21.600
<v Speaker 2>I have post call thoughts. Do I have any post

0:39:21.680 --> 0:39:25.839
<v Speaker 2>call thoughts? Yeah, like I said, you know, like I said,

0:39:25.840 --> 0:39:27.200
<v Speaker 2>I I know I talk on here a lot about

0:39:27.200 --> 0:39:30.359
<v Speaker 2>having existential crisises. And I had a good month where

0:39:30.400 --> 0:39:31.839
<v Speaker 2>I thought it was all gone and then it kind

0:39:31.880 --> 0:39:35.279
<v Speaker 2>of seeped back in a little bit. And you know,

0:39:35.360 --> 0:39:37.200
<v Speaker 2>every once in a while, I meet someone or talk

0:39:37.280 --> 0:39:39.440
<v Speaker 2>to someone, or I have some experience that makes me

0:39:39.560 --> 0:39:44.719
<v Speaker 2>feel like, you know, there there is more life to

0:39:44.840 --> 0:39:50.759
<v Speaker 2>be lived in the future. Should should one be brave

0:39:50.920 --> 0:39:55.279
<v Speaker 2>enough or cognizant enough to take it? And I felt

0:39:55.320 --> 0:39:59.360
<v Speaker 2>like that conversation with Anna was another one of those experiences.

0:39:59.480 --> 0:40:01.600
<v Speaker 2>So thank you for calling.

0:40:03.719 --> 0:40:08.440
<v Speaker 3>Hello, Marcus. What's going on, man, I'm hanging out. I

0:40:08.600 --> 0:40:10.839
<v Speaker 3>wasn't expecting to get a call back.

0:40:12.120 --> 0:40:13.520
<v Speaker 2>What did you want to talk about today, sir?

0:40:15.000 --> 0:40:17.560
<v Speaker 3>Uh? I wanted to talk about dodgeball.

0:40:18.480 --> 0:40:20.160
<v Speaker 2>Oh, tell me more.

0:40:21.680 --> 0:40:24.680
<v Speaker 3>Uh, what do you know about dodgeball?

0:40:25.640 --> 0:40:27.600
<v Speaker 2>What do I know about dodgeball? I used to play

0:40:27.640 --> 0:40:34.000
<v Speaker 2>dodgeball at summer camp. I Uh, let's do I fucking

0:40:34.080 --> 0:40:34.960
<v Speaker 2>know about dodgeball?

0:40:35.920 --> 0:40:36.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:40:36.120 --> 0:40:40.520
<v Speaker 2>I used to play a summer camp. I know there's

0:40:40.560 --> 0:40:43.320
<v Speaker 2>a movie about it. Those are the main things I

0:40:43.360 --> 0:40:44.240
<v Speaker 2>know about dodgeball.

0:40:45.520 --> 0:40:47.600
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I see. I feel like that that is the

0:40:47.719 --> 0:40:51.759
<v Speaker 3>main thing. Like whenever people bring up or whenever I

0:40:51.880 --> 0:40:54.680
<v Speaker 3>bring up dodgeball and conversations, people are always like, oh, yeah,

0:40:54.800 --> 0:40:58.600
<v Speaker 3>I remember playing that, you know, in middle school or whatever.

0:41:00.680 --> 0:41:07.479
<v Speaker 3>I picked up dodgeball about three years ago. Well, first,

0:41:07.680 --> 0:41:12.200
<v Speaker 3>I'll say that like in the movie Dodgeball, they act

0:41:12.560 --> 0:41:17.799
<v Speaker 3>as if there's like this international like you know, uh

0:41:18.280 --> 0:41:23.080
<v Speaker 3>circuit of tournaments that you know, people gather around and

0:41:23.560 --> 0:41:25.759
<v Speaker 3>and and that that people play in and so like

0:41:25.880 --> 0:41:30.800
<v Speaker 3>that sounds really cartoonish and crazy, and I recently learned

0:41:31.239 --> 0:41:37.600
<v Speaker 3>that's not terribly far from the truth. Uh So I

0:41:37.760 --> 0:41:44.200
<v Speaker 3>play competitive dodgeball currently. Me and some friends got together

0:41:44.239 --> 0:41:47.239
<v Speaker 3>a couple of years ago and we were just looking

0:41:47.280 --> 0:41:49.120
<v Speaker 3>for something to do, like get out there and like

0:41:49.360 --> 0:41:53.520
<v Speaker 3>meet people, like pick an activity, and uh, the city

0:41:53.560 --> 0:41:56.560
<v Speaker 3>I live in, they have like a one of those

0:41:56.680 --> 0:42:01.399
<v Speaker 3>like you know, adult sports like organizations, so you sign

0:42:01.520 --> 0:42:05.320
<v Speaker 3>up whatever, played go ball, play flag football, do whatever.

0:42:07.000 --> 0:42:10.280
<v Speaker 3>And we wanted to get together and like pick a sport,

0:42:10.400 --> 0:42:12.040
<v Speaker 3>but we didn't want to pick anything that you know

0:42:12.520 --> 0:42:14.400
<v Speaker 3>that you know, we're going to be playing against fucking

0:42:14.520 --> 0:42:18.040
<v Speaker 3>d one athletes and stuff. So we picked dodgeball kind

0:42:18.080 --> 0:42:21.279
<v Speaker 3>of as a as a joke. And that was like

0:42:21.400 --> 0:42:24.600
<v Speaker 3>three years ago, and in the time since then, we've

0:42:24.760 --> 0:42:27.239
<v Speaker 3>just met a bunch of people and traveled a bunch

0:42:27.280 --> 0:42:31.239
<v Speaker 3>of places and learned like there is a team USA dodgeball,

0:42:31.400 --> 0:42:33.840
<v Speaker 3>and there is like a world tournament and there is

0:42:33.960 --> 0:42:37.640
<v Speaker 3>all this stuff and yeah, it's kind of my favorite

0:42:37.680 --> 0:42:38.920
<v Speaker 3>thing that I do right now.

0:42:39.840 --> 0:42:42.560
<v Speaker 2>Ooh, so how did how did one? How do you

0:42:42.760 --> 0:42:48.120
<v Speaker 2>discover the dodgeball scene? Like what did you what did

0:42:48.160 --> 0:42:48.640
<v Speaker 2>you google?

0:42:48.719 --> 0:42:49.160
<v Speaker 3>What did you do?

0:42:50.280 --> 0:42:50.440
<v Speaker 1>Well?

0:42:50.560 --> 0:42:55.000
<v Speaker 3>So like that there's this adult like sports organization you

0:42:55.080 --> 0:42:57.520
<v Speaker 3>can sign up, you know, pay some money for you know,

0:42:57.560 --> 0:42:59.480
<v Speaker 3>and they run like six week leagues and they have

0:42:59.600 --> 0:43:06.560
<v Speaker 3>everything like pickleball, fucking cornhole, chess, bowling, whatever. And so

0:43:06.800 --> 0:43:10.000
<v Speaker 3>we looked and we saw something that was like dodgeball

0:43:10.400 --> 0:43:14.840
<v Speaker 3>inside of a brewery and we were like that sounds

0:43:15.040 --> 0:43:18.680
<v Speaker 3>hilarious and fun, like fuck it, Yeah, well I'll have

0:43:18.960 --> 0:43:21.400
<v Speaker 3>balls thrown at me and drink beer. Like, let's do that,

0:43:22.200 --> 0:43:24.360
<v Speaker 3>and so we started doing that. It was a riot.

0:43:24.600 --> 0:43:26.920
<v Speaker 3>So we signed up for another like two or three seasons,

0:43:27.480 --> 0:43:30.879
<v Speaker 3>and we started meeting some of the like I guess

0:43:30.920 --> 0:43:32.600
<v Speaker 3>some of the hard oh's that have been doing it

0:43:32.719 --> 0:43:35.400
<v Speaker 3>for like years, and they were like, oh, yeah, this

0:43:35.560 --> 0:43:37.480
<v Speaker 3>is just where we go to like blow off steam

0:43:37.680 --> 0:43:41.560
<v Speaker 3>like regularly in normal circumstances. We play like way more

0:43:41.600 --> 0:43:45.480
<v Speaker 3>competitive dodgeball, and we're like, what do you mean competitive dodgeball?

0:43:45.640 --> 0:43:48.960
<v Speaker 3>So we catch some invites to you know, a kind

0:43:48.960 --> 0:43:52.160
<v Speaker 3>of a more competitive league, still in the same group,

0:43:52.200 --> 0:43:54.319
<v Speaker 3>but just like a different Oh, show up on Wednesdays,

0:43:54.440 --> 0:43:57.360
<v Speaker 3>and it's way more competitive, and people are like more athletic,

0:43:57.560 --> 0:44:02.279
<v Speaker 3>and we start meeting up doing like, you know, pick

0:44:02.400 --> 0:44:05.840
<v Speaker 3>up dodgeball on the weekends and stuff, which is way cheaper.

0:44:06.600 --> 0:44:12.120
<v Speaker 3>And yeah, like those orgs, those people end up like

0:44:12.320 --> 0:44:18.600
<v Speaker 3>creating organizations to host dodgeball tournaments dodgeball leagues, and there

0:44:18.719 --> 0:44:23.080
<v Speaker 3>are like a bunch of regional tournaments all over the country.

0:44:23.640 --> 0:44:29.640
<v Speaker 3>It's really popular in most major cities apparently. So I

0:44:29.800 --> 0:44:32.800
<v Speaker 3>was just in uh, there was just two huge tournaments.

0:44:32.960 --> 0:44:35.239
<v Speaker 3>I live in Boston. There's the two huge tournaments here

0:44:35.280 --> 0:44:38.160
<v Speaker 3>in Boston this past weekend. I was in Philly a

0:44:38.200 --> 0:44:40.799
<v Speaker 3>couple of weeks ago for like a big East Coast

0:44:40.840 --> 0:44:46.920
<v Speaker 3>tournament called the Beast Coast Tournament. And yeah, man, some

0:44:47.000 --> 0:44:50.520
<v Speaker 3>of these people they go crazy, Like I feel like

0:44:50.560 --> 0:44:53.640
<v Speaker 3>I'm a pretty normal guy, Like I don't play a

0:44:53.719 --> 0:44:56.040
<v Speaker 3>lot of I never played a lot of throwing sports

0:44:56.160 --> 0:44:58.520
<v Speaker 3>growing up. I guess I've played some soccer like everybody

0:44:58.560 --> 0:45:02.240
<v Speaker 3>else did, you know, And so now I'm meeting people

0:45:02.440 --> 0:45:05.200
<v Speaker 3>like the whole point that we chose dodgeball to play

0:45:05.719 --> 0:45:07.560
<v Speaker 3>in the first place, is because like, there wouldn't be

0:45:08.120 --> 0:45:11.280
<v Speaker 3>any hardcore athletes there. And now all of a sudden,

0:45:11.280 --> 0:45:13.400
<v Speaker 3>I've met all the hardcore athletes, and people just go

0:45:13.560 --> 0:45:16.600
<v Speaker 3>fucking nuts like it's it's crazy. There are some animals.

0:45:16.800 --> 0:45:17.960
<v Speaker 3>It's a lot of fun.

0:45:18.040 --> 0:45:18.200
<v Speaker 1>Man.

0:45:18.560 --> 0:45:20.080
<v Speaker 3>Honestly, I highly recommend it.

0:45:20.480 --> 0:45:23.160
<v Speaker 2>It's really funny to me that you picked dodgeball because

0:45:23.200 --> 0:45:25.120
<v Speaker 2>you were like, oh, we want to do the least

0:45:25.160 --> 0:45:29.880
<v Speaker 2>intense one, whereas feel like dodgeball is lends itself to

0:45:30.120 --> 0:45:33.640
<v Speaker 2>the most try hards typically, Like I remember that in

0:45:34.480 --> 0:45:37.120
<v Speaker 2>summer camp even there would be dodgeball tryhards.

0:45:39.239 --> 0:45:41.880
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you know, I mean, you've got a point.

0:45:42.719 --> 0:45:46.480
<v Speaker 4>I mean, I guess it was just one of those

0:45:46.480 --> 0:45:49.120
<v Speaker 4>things that I didn't expect, you know, yet, all the

0:45:49.200 --> 0:45:51.680
<v Speaker 4>dodgeball try hards when you're in summer camp, they're like

0:45:52.239 --> 0:45:54.520
<v Speaker 4>the kids that play baseball, you know what I mean,

0:45:54.600 --> 0:45:56.640
<v Speaker 4>They're the kids that play football.

0:45:57.600 --> 0:46:00.960
<v Speaker 3>Those aren't those kids don't continue to play dodgeball, you

0:46:01.040 --> 0:46:04.640
<v Speaker 3>know what I mean. So I guess we just figured

0:46:04.640 --> 0:46:06.719
<v Speaker 3>it would be like fun and stupid, and we'd be

0:46:06.840 --> 0:46:11.239
<v Speaker 3>like frolicking around and drinking beer and that is not

0:46:11.360 --> 0:46:12.400
<v Speaker 3>what it turned out to be.

0:46:12.719 --> 0:46:17.040
<v Speaker 2>I guess, so have you, over the course of time

0:46:18.080 --> 0:46:19.960
<v Speaker 2>become the try hard.

0:46:22.400 --> 0:46:26.879
<v Speaker 3>I regrettably Maybe not regrettably, but yeah, if I'm honest, Yeah,

0:46:27.040 --> 0:46:29.000
<v Speaker 3>I mean like I played two three times a week

0:46:29.280 --> 0:46:33.399
<v Speaker 3>on a good week. I started like putting in work

0:46:33.680 --> 0:46:37.080
<v Speaker 3>and like getting in better shape, like my cardio's way up.

0:46:37.640 --> 0:46:41.560
<v Speaker 3>I can actually throw a ball now. The only thing

0:46:41.600 --> 0:46:43.840
<v Speaker 3>I was ever good at when I started dodgeball was

0:46:43.920 --> 0:46:46.760
<v Speaker 3>the dodging part. I couldn't throw for shit, I couldn't

0:46:46.800 --> 0:46:50.839
<v Speaker 3>catch for shit. And now it's like I've been playing

0:46:50.880 --> 0:46:56.239
<v Speaker 3>for three years, like weekly at least. And yeah, I

0:46:56.360 --> 0:46:58.600
<v Speaker 3>mean like I'm kind of I mean, I'm not even

0:46:58.680 --> 0:47:02.160
<v Speaker 3>close to some of the best dues in my community,

0:47:03.320 --> 0:47:05.520
<v Speaker 3>but I hold my own, which is nice, and I

0:47:05.600 --> 0:47:08.520
<v Speaker 3>have a fucking blast doing it. It's the best, man, Honestly,

0:47:08.600 --> 0:47:10.160
<v Speaker 3>we have a fucking blast.

0:47:11.400 --> 0:47:13.800
<v Speaker 2>That's awesome. I'm how old are you?

0:47:15.280 --> 0:47:16.080
<v Speaker 3>I'm twenty eight.

0:47:16.800 --> 0:47:21.240
<v Speaker 2>What's the age demographic generally of the dodgeball league.

0:47:22.560 --> 0:47:27.120
<v Speaker 3>I would say, like entry, I think the leagues start

0:47:27.160 --> 0:47:29.359
<v Speaker 3>at twenty one plus, but like, I don't think I've

0:47:29.400 --> 0:47:32.399
<v Speaker 3>met anybody under twenty five, Like I want to say,

0:47:32.800 --> 0:47:36.520
<v Speaker 3>maybe there's like some twenty three year olds. I think

0:47:36.560 --> 0:47:38.880
<v Speaker 3>there's one kid who's nasty and he's like twenty three

0:47:39.000 --> 0:47:42.640
<v Speaker 3>or twenty four in my league, But everybody's actually surprisingly

0:47:42.800 --> 0:47:45.040
<v Speaker 3>like over twenty five, and a fair amount of people

0:47:45.040 --> 0:47:49.840
<v Speaker 3>are actually over thirty, which I think is pretty interesting.

0:47:50.040 --> 0:47:51.759
<v Speaker 3>Like a lot of these people that I play with

0:47:51.880 --> 0:47:54.560
<v Speaker 3>are like the old heads. So like we were going

0:47:54.600 --> 0:47:57.359
<v Speaker 3>to like really big tournaments now and I'm standing there

0:47:57.400 --> 0:47:59.719
<v Speaker 3>next to this dude who's like forty, and he's like, man,

0:47:59.760 --> 0:48:01.520
<v Speaker 3>I remember when this used to be in a sky

0:48:01.719 --> 0:48:06.240
<v Speaker 3>zone and we're loly sick. Man. That's that's great. Hasn't

0:48:06.280 --> 0:48:06.960
<v Speaker 3>the sport grown?

0:48:07.080 --> 0:48:07.239
<v Speaker 1>You know?

0:48:10.200 --> 0:48:13.440
<v Speaker 2>Have you gotten any serious injuries from playing dodgeball at all?

0:48:15.880 --> 0:48:19.359
<v Speaker 3>I haven't, actually, you know, I took a pretty bad

0:48:19.440 --> 0:48:23.160
<v Speaker 3>tumble recently, so like, for the most part, no, I

0:48:23.320 --> 0:48:26.759
<v Speaker 3>know guys who I know. One dude, I just saw

0:48:26.840 --> 0:48:29.240
<v Speaker 3>him this weekend at a tournament. He's not playing anymore.

0:48:29.320 --> 0:48:31.720
<v Speaker 3>He's like in his forties, I think, because he basically,

0:48:31.800 --> 0:48:34.120
<v Speaker 3>over the course of ten years of playing dodgeball just

0:48:34.280 --> 0:48:38.360
<v Speaker 3>like ripped his rotator cuff to shreds, just absolutely just

0:48:38.440 --> 0:48:40.640
<v Speaker 3>blew it apart and kept playing on it and like

0:48:41.200 --> 0:48:43.640
<v Speaker 3>can't really play anymore. So he shows up to the

0:48:43.680 --> 0:48:48.279
<v Speaker 3>events just to I guess to support hang out, but yeah,

0:48:48.320 --> 0:48:54.160
<v Speaker 3>we don't see him fucking anywhere anymore. I was like

0:48:54.400 --> 0:48:58.800
<v Speaker 3>dealing with some knee issues for a little while, mostly

0:48:58.880 --> 0:49:02.080
<v Speaker 3>because like other playing dodgeball, which is a lot of

0:49:02.239 --> 0:49:06.160
<v Speaker 3>like sprinting and like jumping and diving. I don't do

0:49:06.320 --> 0:49:08.799
<v Speaker 3>a lot of other exercise, so it was a lot

0:49:08.840 --> 0:49:11.759
<v Speaker 3>of like I wasn't doing a lot of strengthening. I

0:49:11.960 --> 0:49:15.319
<v Speaker 3>was just fucking beating my body down. So a couple

0:49:15.360 --> 0:49:19.160
<v Speaker 3>of weeks ago, I kind of like jumped in the

0:49:19.239 --> 0:49:23.719
<v Speaker 3>air to like jump over a ball and then like

0:49:23.920 --> 0:49:27.480
<v Speaker 3>didn't get my feet back under me with enough time,

0:49:27.600 --> 0:49:30.000
<v Speaker 3>so I just like fucking slammed on the ground really

0:49:30.080 --> 0:49:33.279
<v Speaker 3>hard on my knees, like from four or five feet

0:49:33.280 --> 0:49:36.560
<v Speaker 3>in the air, and that shit hurt. That hurt like

0:49:36.600 --> 0:49:40.320
<v Speaker 3>a motherfucker, I like so much so that like, I like,

0:49:40.360 --> 0:49:41.880
<v Speaker 3>I don't think, I don't know if I tore anything.

0:49:41.920 --> 0:49:44.560
<v Speaker 3>I've got an appointment in a month to like get

0:49:44.600 --> 0:49:46.839
<v Speaker 3>it looked at. I guess I'm good now. I can

0:49:46.920 --> 0:49:50.240
<v Speaker 3>walk around like I'm fine. But it was so bruised

0:49:50.239 --> 0:49:53.319
<v Speaker 3>that like crawling into bed. I couldn't crawl into bed

0:49:53.840 --> 0:49:57.920
<v Speaker 3>like just putting my weight on the cushy like you know,

0:49:58.400 --> 0:50:03.600
<v Speaker 3>mattress topper like a lot. So that was really scary.

0:50:03.640 --> 0:50:05.160
<v Speaker 3>I thought that I thought that I had done it.

0:50:05.280 --> 0:50:07.560
<v Speaker 3>I thought that I had like done the I had

0:50:07.840 --> 0:50:11.040
<v Speaker 3>I had done the event. That like fucked me up forever.

0:50:13.120 --> 0:50:15.879
<v Speaker 3>But we're good. Now, we're good. I got I got

0:50:15.960 --> 0:50:19.400
<v Speaker 3>another tournament next weekend and we're we're just running it.

0:50:20.200 --> 0:50:22.160
<v Speaker 2>What is your life like outside of Dodgeball?

0:50:24.400 --> 0:50:29.640
<v Speaker 3>I am uh, I'm an engineer. I designed stuff, and

0:50:31.160 --> 0:50:32.919
<v Speaker 3>I mean that's you know, I sit at a desk

0:50:32.960 --> 0:50:37.239
<v Speaker 3>a lot. But aside from that, I also I make

0:50:37.400 --> 0:50:43.879
<v Speaker 3>need and I uh play Dungeons and Dragons. I feel

0:50:43.920 --> 0:50:46.960
<v Speaker 3>like any one of those. I feel like it's a

0:50:47.040 --> 0:50:49.080
<v Speaker 3>lot of the ship that just got really popular on

0:50:49.160 --> 0:50:52.320
<v Speaker 3>the internet recently. I have given it a try, and

0:50:52.440 --> 0:50:54.399
<v Speaker 3>so I got really into D and D. I still

0:50:54.440 --> 0:50:57.160
<v Speaker 3>I've got like a three year long running tournament campaign

0:50:57.640 --> 0:51:02.240
<v Speaker 3>which has been great. And I homebrew and that's a blast.

0:51:02.520 --> 0:51:05.239
<v Speaker 3>I'm I'm making needs right now. I got some needs

0:51:05.280 --> 0:51:09.560
<v Speaker 3>in my basement that are brewing. I'm going to Maine

0:51:09.640 --> 0:51:13.200
<v Speaker 3>this weekend to go pick some berries and so that

0:51:13.320 --> 0:51:14.200
<v Speaker 3>I can do some brewing.

0:51:16.760 --> 0:51:19.560
<v Speaker 2>I think you got a nice life, man, You've got

0:51:19.640 --> 0:51:22.399
<v Speaker 2>a nice life. You're very You're one of the more

0:51:22.600 --> 0:51:25.279
<v Speaker 2>quaint twenty seven year old men that I know.

0:51:26.520 --> 0:51:30.800
<v Speaker 3>I mean, yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, you gotta

0:51:31.000 --> 0:51:34.719
<v Speaker 3>you gotta do something. I spent most of my I

0:51:34.800 --> 0:51:38.680
<v Speaker 3>spent the first like three years out of college just

0:51:38.880 --> 0:51:44.320
<v Speaker 3>like surviving, you know, just just doing just trying to

0:51:44.440 --> 0:51:50.520
<v Speaker 3>be And that was I don't know, like I was alive,

0:51:50.600 --> 0:51:53.400
<v Speaker 3>but I didn't. I wasn't feeling good, you know. I was,

0:51:53.640 --> 0:51:56.840
<v Speaker 3>you know, depressed and and tired all the time. And

0:51:58.400 --> 0:52:00.719
<v Speaker 3>you just gotta you gotta start somewhere, I guess. And

0:52:00.880 --> 0:52:03.520
<v Speaker 3>so I don't remember. I think I started doing D

0:52:03.640 --> 0:52:07.399
<v Speaker 3>and D first, and that just kind of like got

0:52:07.480 --> 0:52:09.280
<v Speaker 3>me connected with friends again.

0:52:09.680 --> 0:52:10.160
<v Speaker 1>And then.

0:52:12.239 --> 0:52:15.239
<v Speaker 3>I moved in with some buddies from college, and one

0:52:15.280 --> 0:52:18.880
<v Speaker 3>of my buddies like, he's not somebody who can sit still,

0:52:20.160 --> 0:52:23.239
<v Speaker 3>and so he was just like trying to do as

0:52:23.320 --> 0:52:27.680
<v Speaker 3>many things as possible, and so we started signing up

0:52:27.680 --> 0:52:29.880
<v Speaker 3>for shit together. So I kind of credit him with

0:52:30.040 --> 0:52:32.440
<v Speaker 3>a lot with you know, getting me out of the house.

0:52:34.120 --> 0:52:36.880
<v Speaker 3>And now here I am three four years later, and

0:52:36.960 --> 0:52:39.239
<v Speaker 3>I have like a lot of hobbies and a lot

0:52:39.280 --> 0:52:44.200
<v Speaker 3>of shit to do, and I'm traveling a bunch. It's nice.

0:52:44.680 --> 0:52:47.640
<v Speaker 3>I'm pretty I'm pretty pleased. I can't lie to you.

0:52:47.800 --> 0:52:47.920
<v Speaker 1>Man.

0:52:49.880 --> 0:52:53.160
<v Speaker 2>I love it. I love it, I love I love

0:52:53.320 --> 0:52:58.040
<v Speaker 2>doing things. I think doing things is good. I think that. Yeah,

0:52:58.080 --> 0:52:59.840
<v Speaker 2>I mean, these days, it's like you need to have

0:53:00.160 --> 0:53:03.920
<v Speaker 2>something that gets you out of the house and around people.

0:53:04.600 --> 0:53:07.000
<v Speaker 2>So I'm glad to hear that this, that dodgeball has

0:53:07.000 --> 0:53:08.759
<v Speaker 2>been the thing that works out for you. I'm glad

0:53:08.760 --> 0:53:12.360
<v Speaker 2>that you haven't broken your fucking nose or anything like that.

0:53:13.920 --> 0:53:14.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:53:14.239 --> 0:53:19.840
<v Speaker 2>No, what's your name again? Man, My name is Marcos Marcus.

0:53:20.000 --> 0:53:21.320
<v Speaker 2>Is there anything else you want to say to the

0:53:21.400 --> 0:53:22.640
<v Speaker 2>people of the computer before we go?

0:53:24.520 --> 0:53:28.080
<v Speaker 3>Uh no, Just just fucking get out there. Do anything,

0:53:28.239 --> 0:53:31.120
<v Speaker 3>do something, Just do something. Don't sit at home. Yeah,

0:53:31.200 --> 0:53:33.960
<v Speaker 3>I like, don't sit at home and stare at your reflection.

0:53:36.640 --> 0:53:37.279
<v Speaker 2>Take care of Marcus.

0:53:37.320 --> 0:53:38.960
<v Speaker 3>Thank yeah you too.

0:53:42.239 --> 0:53:46.080
<v Speaker 2>Hey, folks, it's Lyle. I've decided I'm going to end

0:53:46.840 --> 0:53:53.080
<v Speaker 2>this episode by doing some viewer male emails. So so

0:53:53.280 --> 0:53:57.680
<v Speaker 2>this is going to be the gek male portion of

0:53:58.040 --> 0:54:01.800
<v Speaker 2>this podcast. I'm gonna read a few viewer mails and

0:54:01.880 --> 0:54:04.239
<v Speaker 2>then I'm gonna leave, and then the podcast will be over,

0:54:04.960 --> 0:54:08.080
<v Speaker 2>and then you can either listen to another one or

0:54:08.160 --> 0:54:11.160
<v Speaker 2>go do something else with your life. Although I think

0:54:11.200 --> 0:54:13.680
<v Speaker 2>people who listen to podcasts are usually doing something while

0:54:13.680 --> 0:54:16.600
<v Speaker 2>they're listening to the podcast, so you can, I guess,

0:54:16.760 --> 0:54:21.120
<v Speaker 2>keep doing what you are doing, or do something else. Okay,

0:54:21.120 --> 0:54:23.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna read these emails. Let's do all right. This

0:54:23.280 --> 0:54:27.759
<v Speaker 2>is the GEK male section of this episode. I might

0:54:27.800 --> 0:54:33.320
<v Speaker 2>start doing this more often, combining phone calls and GEK males,

0:54:34.239 --> 0:54:39.359
<v Speaker 2>so let's start with this one. This is from mx rat,

0:54:40.440 --> 0:54:45.640
<v Speaker 2>subject line Saudi Dating and American. Hi, Lyle, I hope

0:54:45.640 --> 0:54:48.000
<v Speaker 2>you're having a good day and that this email makes

0:54:48.080 --> 0:54:50.840
<v Speaker 2>it on one of your GEK Male episodes. I am

0:54:50.960 --> 0:54:55.000
<v Speaker 2>twenty seven female from Saudi Arabia and dating a twenty

0:54:55.120 --> 0:54:59.160
<v Speaker 2>seven female from the United States. She introduced me to

0:54:59.239 --> 0:55:01.880
<v Speaker 2>your show and actually attended one of your live shows

0:55:01.920 --> 0:55:02.760
<v Speaker 2>in Los Angeles.

0:55:02.920 --> 0:55:03.239
<v Speaker 3>Fuck you.

0:55:04.480 --> 0:55:07.439
<v Speaker 2>As you can tell from the info above, we are gay.

0:55:08.040 --> 0:55:11.600
<v Speaker 2>The community in Saudi is not accepting of queerness, so

0:55:11.680 --> 0:55:14.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm pretty closeted. Only a handful of people from my

0:55:14.960 --> 0:55:18.440
<v Speaker 2>country know that I'm gay, which explains the long distance

0:55:18.560 --> 0:55:22.400
<v Speaker 2>relationship interesting. I'm seeing a surge in the number of

0:55:22.520 --> 0:55:24.959
<v Speaker 2>gay couples that are starting to emerge with the younger

0:55:25.080 --> 0:55:28.520
<v Speaker 2>generations in Saudi, and it secretly makes me happy because

0:55:28.520 --> 0:55:32.200
<v Speaker 2>I never got to explore relationships or my sexuality before

0:55:32.239 --> 0:55:35.439
<v Speaker 2>the age of twenty two to twenty three. I feel

0:55:35.480 --> 0:55:39.120
<v Speaker 2>like I'm missing out on life and many experiences, not

0:55:39.360 --> 0:55:42.520
<v Speaker 2>just being closeted, but also having really strict parents that

0:55:42.640 --> 0:55:45.239
<v Speaker 2>still treat me like a teenager. I don't really know

0:55:45.320 --> 0:55:47.440
<v Speaker 2>what the point of this email is. I guess I'm

0:55:47.520 --> 0:55:49.960
<v Speaker 2>just venting. Thank you for everything that you do. I

0:55:50.040 --> 0:55:52.600
<v Speaker 2>play your podcast while I'm cleaning or doing anything. Really,

0:55:53.080 --> 0:55:56.640
<v Speaker 2>your perspective on things always comes off as mature and thoughtful.

0:55:57.040 --> 0:56:04.200
<v Speaker 2>Thanks MX. That makes hap that that that it comes

0:56:04.239 --> 0:56:07.680
<v Speaker 2>off that that is good. Thank you do I have

0:56:07.800 --> 0:56:14.280
<v Speaker 2>thoughts on this, man, you know, I was talking about

0:56:14.280 --> 0:56:15.960
<v Speaker 2>this a little I was thinking about this a little bit.

0:56:16.400 --> 0:56:19.319
<v Speaker 2>We talk a lot of shit about America, and one

0:56:19.400 --> 0:56:22.400
<v Speaker 2>hundred percent of the ship we talk about America is warranted.

0:56:23.160 --> 0:56:25.880
<v Speaker 2>But sometimes you do go to other places and you're like,

0:56:26.000 --> 0:56:28.880
<v Speaker 2>damn ship. We do have a lot of things in

0:56:29.000 --> 0:56:33.880
<v Speaker 2>America that we kind of take for granted America. I'm perfect.

0:56:33.960 --> 0:56:39.080
<v Speaker 2>America's got a lot of fucking problems, undeniably so, but

0:56:41.200 --> 0:56:44.279
<v Speaker 2>it is nice that we I think, I think. I

0:56:44.400 --> 0:56:48.719
<v Speaker 2>I've only really traveled around the English speaking countries and like,

0:56:48.840 --> 0:56:53.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, I've been to Thailand in Japan, but you know,

0:56:53.320 --> 0:56:55.080
<v Speaker 2>places in Europe and stuff. But it does feel like

0:56:57.680 --> 0:57:03.960
<v Speaker 2>individuality and like self exp Russian is you know, an

0:57:04.000 --> 0:57:09.239
<v Speaker 2>American thing, and that always that gets reinforced to me

0:57:09.800 --> 0:57:13.680
<v Speaker 2>when I read emails like this, I'm bummed out for

0:57:13.760 --> 0:57:15.440
<v Speaker 2>this person. I don't really know. I don't know if

0:57:15.480 --> 0:57:20.360
<v Speaker 2>I have any Well, I can ponder, I can ponder

0:57:20.440 --> 0:57:27.560
<v Speaker 2>with her. I mean, it's hard, right, It's well, okay,

0:57:27.640 --> 0:57:29.440
<v Speaker 2>she said, I'm seeing a surge in the number of

0:57:29.520 --> 0:57:31.560
<v Speaker 2>gay couples that are starting to emerge within the younger

0:57:31.640 --> 0:57:34.360
<v Speaker 2>generation in Saudi So what's up with that?

0:57:34.720 --> 0:57:34.760
<v Speaker 1>Like?

0:57:34.920 --> 0:57:39.760
<v Speaker 2>Are there like are are people in Saudi Arabia? Like

0:57:39.920 --> 0:57:43.640
<v Speaker 2>are there gay couples that are like walking down the

0:57:43.680 --> 0:57:47.080
<v Speaker 2>street holding hands and stuff? Like when you say you're

0:57:47.160 --> 0:57:51.760
<v Speaker 2>seeing a surge in the number of gay couples, like,

0:57:52.240 --> 0:57:56.120
<v Speaker 2>where are you seeing it? Is there a community somewhere

0:57:57.120 --> 0:58:00.280
<v Speaker 2>in Saudi Arabia that you could be a part of

0:58:01.080 --> 0:58:03.000
<v Speaker 2>that is that dangerous. I don't know. I don't really

0:58:03.040 --> 0:58:04.960
<v Speaker 2>know anything about Saudi Arabia. I'd like to go there

0:58:05.200 --> 0:58:09.040
<v Speaker 2>someday so I can know things about it, but I

0:58:09.120 --> 0:58:12.960
<v Speaker 2>don't know. I think, I mean, it sucks having parents

0:58:13.040 --> 0:58:14.760
<v Speaker 2>that don't accept you for who you are. That's just

0:58:14.800 --> 0:58:18.120
<v Speaker 2>a bummer that it's it's it's hard because you can't

0:58:18.120 --> 0:58:23.080
<v Speaker 2>really fucking change your parents and you can't really like, uh,

0:58:25.160 --> 0:58:28.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, I was gonna say, I was gonna say,

0:58:28.240 --> 0:58:30.680
<v Speaker 2>you can't really change society, but you kind of can,

0:58:31.720 --> 0:58:39.520
<v Speaker 2>but it's hard. You could move, you could come to America,

0:58:39.600 --> 0:58:40.600
<v Speaker 2>but I know that that's hard.

0:58:41.480 --> 0:58:41.640
<v Speaker 1>Two.

0:58:43.560 --> 0:58:49.320
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, I don't know. Try to, I guess, try

0:58:49.400 --> 0:58:53.680
<v Speaker 2>to find the community in Saudi Like if you're seeing

0:58:53.840 --> 0:58:56.720
<v Speaker 2>other gay couples, are there other people you can make

0:58:56.800 --> 0:59:03.600
<v Speaker 2>friends with that at least you can commiserate with? Okay?

0:59:03.720 --> 0:59:04.520
<v Speaker 1>This is uh.

0:59:06.920 --> 0:59:11.240
<v Speaker 2>From oh, this is from Terry subject line I feel

0:59:11.360 --> 0:59:15.960
<v Speaker 2>shame after masturbating. Hey, Lyle, if you're somehow seeing this,

0:59:16.160 --> 0:59:17.400
<v Speaker 2>I just want to say I love your show and

0:59:17.440 --> 0:59:19.640
<v Speaker 2>appreciate what you do. Thank you. I feel a little

0:59:19.640 --> 0:59:21.240
<v Speaker 2>weird writing this, but I'm not sure who else to

0:59:21.320 --> 0:59:23.480
<v Speaker 2>talk to. So I am here. I am a man,

0:59:23.840 --> 0:59:27.800
<v Speaker 2>and I masturbate, usually once a week, sometimes more. The

0:59:27.920 --> 0:59:30.560
<v Speaker 2>issue is I often feel a lot of shame afterwards.

0:59:30.920 --> 0:59:37.800
<v Speaker 2>What once a week, once a week, Terry, once a week,

0:59:39.160 --> 0:59:44.360
<v Speaker 2>once a week, Dear Lord Terry. I don't watch porn.

0:59:45.000 --> 0:59:48.240
<v Speaker 2>I sometimes listen to audio porn. I'm not religious right now,

0:59:48.400 --> 0:59:51.160
<v Speaker 2>and I'm currently single, So I think the guilt comes

0:59:51.200 --> 0:59:53.880
<v Speaker 2>from feeling like I'm failing as a man, like I'm

0:59:53.920 --> 0:59:57.760
<v Speaker 2>giving into temptation and losing control. In other words, it's

0:59:57.800 --> 1:00:01.520
<v Speaker 2>a weak thing to do. I often myself by avoiding

1:00:01.600 --> 1:00:04.440
<v Speaker 2>things I enjoy for a couple of days. After that

1:00:04.560 --> 1:00:06.760
<v Speaker 2>being said, I do enjoy it while I'm doing it.

1:00:08.200 --> 1:00:10.480
<v Speaker 2>I want to be the best version of myself, and

1:00:10.520 --> 1:00:13.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm worried that choking the sausage may stop me from

1:00:13.560 --> 1:00:17.000
<v Speaker 2>doing that or be hurting my energy. Slash vibe, do

1:00:17.080 --> 1:00:19.080
<v Speaker 2>you have any advice for dealing with this kind of

1:00:19.240 --> 1:00:21.800
<v Speaker 2>shame or do you think it is limiting me as

1:00:21.840 --> 1:00:23.800
<v Speaker 2>a person? Is it a weak thing to do? And

1:00:23.840 --> 1:00:26.520
<v Speaker 2>should I stop? Thanks for reading, Ghek, and I hope

1:00:26.560 --> 1:00:29.880
<v Speaker 2>this isn't super weird. Terry. The only weird thing about

1:00:29.880 --> 1:00:33.280
<v Speaker 2>this is that you miss read once a week, you

1:00:33.480 --> 1:00:38.480
<v Speaker 2>masturbate once a week, and you feel shameful about it.

1:00:42.520 --> 1:00:44.680
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, man, I don't even know how many

1:00:44.720 --> 1:00:48.880
<v Speaker 2>times a day I'm masturbate. I don't know why I'm

1:00:48.920 --> 1:00:52.640
<v Speaker 2>publicly saying that on the internet, but whatever, it's This

1:00:52.720 --> 1:00:54.440
<v Speaker 2>is what happens when you have a podcast. You just

1:00:54.520 --> 1:00:59.840
<v Speaker 2>say stuff. Um No, you don't have to feel shame, Terry.

1:01:00.200 --> 1:01:06.720
<v Speaker 2>You're you're here's the thing. You have biological imperatives. You

1:01:06.760 --> 1:01:14.720
<v Speaker 2>have a biological drive for sexual gratification, and achieving that

1:01:14.960 --> 1:01:20.640
<v Speaker 2>through masturbation once a week is completely fine. And you

1:01:20.720 --> 1:01:22.040
<v Speaker 2>know what, it would be fine if you did it

1:01:24.760 --> 1:01:26.880
<v Speaker 2>twice a day. More than twice a day, you're getting

1:01:26.880 --> 1:01:29.560
<v Speaker 2>a little it's getting a little crazy. More than twice

1:01:29.600 --> 1:01:37.040
<v Speaker 2>a day, you might have a problem. But no, I

1:01:37.080 --> 1:01:39.720
<v Speaker 2>don't think you should be punishing yourself or living with shame.

1:01:39.920 --> 1:01:41.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean, because here's the well, here's the thing, Terry,

1:01:41.720 --> 1:01:44.240
<v Speaker 2>here's actually the most Let me let me actually wrangle

1:01:44.320 --> 1:01:46.480
<v Speaker 2>my thoughts around this. My actual thoughts around this are, like,

1:01:46.720 --> 1:01:48.480
<v Speaker 2>what do you want to do with your life? Terry?

1:01:49.400 --> 1:01:50.600
<v Speaker 2>Like who do you want to be what do you

1:01:50.640 --> 1:01:54.600
<v Speaker 2>want to do, and like, is masturbating actually getting in

1:01:55.600 --> 1:01:58.840
<v Speaker 2>like preventing you from doing it? For example, like whatever

1:01:58.920 --> 1:02:01.080
<v Speaker 2>if you want to like go to the gym more often.

1:02:02.120 --> 1:02:05.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't think that masturbating once a week is going

1:02:05.440 --> 1:02:07.760
<v Speaker 2>is preventing you from doing that. I mean, if you're

1:02:07.800 --> 1:02:11.360
<v Speaker 2>masturbating ten times a day and because of that you're

1:02:11.440 --> 1:02:15.120
<v Speaker 2>not like going out and talking to people or working

1:02:15.200 --> 1:02:17.800
<v Speaker 2>on the things you want to work on, or hitting

1:02:17.840 --> 1:02:22.160
<v Speaker 2>your goals anyway, then then then I would say that

1:02:22.360 --> 1:02:25.320
<v Speaker 2>would be when it is a problem. But once a

1:02:25.400 --> 1:02:30.960
<v Speaker 2>week is not enough for it to tangentially affect. I

1:02:31.040 --> 1:02:38.680
<v Speaker 2>don't believe any of your your goals. So you know,

1:02:39.600 --> 1:02:41.400
<v Speaker 2>you got at least you can do this. You have

1:02:41.520 --> 1:02:45.200
<v Speaker 2>You've got at least thirteen more sessions a week that

1:02:45.320 --> 1:02:57.200
<v Speaker 2>you can do before you you start to descend. Terry. Okay,

1:02:57.320 --> 1:03:06.480
<v Speaker 2>let's see here. This is from Uri subject line thank

1:03:06.520 --> 1:03:10.560
<v Speaker 2>you gek, hello Geko man, my name is Yuri. And

1:03:10.560 --> 1:03:13.400
<v Speaker 2>they gave their last name and then they said, yeah,

1:03:13.400 --> 1:03:16.120
<v Speaker 2>I like the call of duty guy. Okay, that probably

1:03:16.160 --> 1:03:20.240
<v Speaker 2>gave it away. But uh, I've always struggled with socializing,

1:03:20.320 --> 1:03:22.520
<v Speaker 2>and I've always been super awkward when trying to meet

1:03:22.560 --> 1:03:25.680
<v Speaker 2>people and keep a conversation going. But after listening to

1:03:25.720 --> 1:03:27.440
<v Speaker 2>you for a few years, I've learned how to ask

1:03:27.520 --> 1:03:30.520
<v Speaker 2>follow up questions, even if it's over extremely mundane shit.

1:03:30.880 --> 1:03:33.480
<v Speaker 2>Hell Ya, you've had a lot of awkward phone calls,

1:03:33.520 --> 1:03:35.800
<v Speaker 2>and I honestly have no idea how you've managed to

1:03:35.840 --> 1:03:38.440
<v Speaker 2>breeze through them like nothing. You know what, Uri, I'm

1:03:38.680 --> 1:03:42.760
<v Speaker 2>thank you so much for saying that, because I have

1:03:42.960 --> 1:03:45.800
<v Speaker 2>had a lot of not just awkward phone calls on

1:03:45.880 --> 1:03:49.600
<v Speaker 2>this podcast, but imagine this, lots of awkward interactions and

1:03:49.680 --> 1:03:53.160
<v Speaker 2>conversations in my real life over the course of twenty

1:03:53.240 --> 1:03:58.960
<v Speaker 2>seven years. How do I breeze through them? It's gotten easier. Honestly.

1:03:59.040 --> 1:04:03.680
<v Speaker 2>This morning I had an awkward conversation with someone and

1:04:03.800 --> 1:04:07.520
<v Speaker 2>I felt bad about it for at least an hour afterwards.

1:04:08.520 --> 1:04:13.320
<v Speaker 2>But that was about two hours ago, and now I'm fine.

1:04:14.480 --> 1:04:14.880
<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

1:04:15.000 --> 1:04:16.840
<v Speaker 2>I think it's something about living in the present. I

1:04:16.920 --> 1:04:20.400
<v Speaker 2>don't really I don't really live in the past. I

1:04:20.520 --> 1:04:23.240
<v Speaker 2>try not to live in the past as much as

1:04:23.280 --> 1:04:27.640
<v Speaker 2>I can, and I don't know a weird or awkward

1:04:27.640 --> 1:04:34.200
<v Speaker 2>interaction I've learned how to easily discard it. You let yourself.

1:04:34.520 --> 1:04:37.600
<v Speaker 2>You here's what I think this happened. This doesn't. This

1:04:37.760 --> 1:04:41.240
<v Speaker 2>is something that you cultivate where you have an experience

1:04:41.320 --> 1:04:46.640
<v Speaker 2>that you feel awkward or shameful about, and then you

1:04:47.440 --> 1:04:53.000
<v Speaker 2>you bask in the awkwardness and the shame and the

1:04:53.600 --> 1:04:57.880
<v Speaker 2>anxiety of it for because you got to do that.

1:04:57.920 --> 1:05:01.160
<v Speaker 2>You got to bask. You got to bass and the

1:05:01.240 --> 1:05:04.040
<v Speaker 2>shame and the anxiety and the awkwardness because it's it's

1:05:04.200 --> 1:05:08.080
<v Speaker 2>just inherent to the experience. But once you finish basking,

1:05:08.200 --> 1:05:13.600
<v Speaker 2>you move on. Don't bask for too long. Limit your basking.

1:05:13.920 --> 1:05:16.080
<v Speaker 2>Bask for like, if you need to bask for twenty

1:05:16.160 --> 1:05:18.920
<v Speaker 2>four hours, bask for twenty four hours, but have a limit.

1:05:19.760 --> 1:05:23.720
<v Speaker 2>Don't bask over don't bask over everything all the time.

1:05:25.360 --> 1:05:28.960
<v Speaker 2>Pick the things, bask over them for a set period

1:05:29.000 --> 1:05:29.880
<v Speaker 2>of time, and then move on.

1:05:31.040 --> 1:05:31.200
<v Speaker 1>You know.

1:05:31.640 --> 1:05:35.480
<v Speaker 2>Otherwise it's like otherwise, I mean, otherwise basking becomes masturbatory.

1:05:35.520 --> 1:05:41.200
<v Speaker 2>You like the last the last emailer, and then you know,

1:05:41.960 --> 1:05:46.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean, like like if you have an awkward conversation

1:05:46.800 --> 1:05:49.360
<v Speaker 2>in the morning and then you spend the entire rest

1:05:49.400 --> 1:05:53.120
<v Speaker 2>of the day agonizing over how awkward or bad or

1:05:53.520 --> 1:05:57.000
<v Speaker 2>you handle that situation. You know, if you if you

1:05:57.600 --> 1:06:00.240
<v Speaker 2>kind of bask in that, it's basically like you spent

1:06:00.280 --> 1:06:04.080
<v Speaker 2>the whole day masturbating. There's really no difference between doing

1:06:04.120 --> 1:06:07.800
<v Speaker 2>those two things. So this is a similar thing from

1:06:07.840 --> 1:06:12.120
<v Speaker 2>the previous caller, previous previous emailer. See if the previous

1:06:12.160 --> 1:06:15.040
<v Speaker 2>emailer just had an awkward conversation once a week and

1:06:15.640 --> 1:06:19.720
<v Speaker 2>got upset at themselves about it once a week, that's

1:06:19.760 --> 1:06:23.560
<v Speaker 2>a great that's a great basking ratio. Okay, I gotta

1:06:23.560 --> 1:06:26.360
<v Speaker 2>finish reading this email. I just wanted to say thanks,

1:06:26.400 --> 1:06:28.320
<v Speaker 2>because not only is your show extremely helpful to listen

1:06:28.320 --> 1:06:30.720
<v Speaker 2>to people's crazy experiences, but also just listening to you

1:06:30.840 --> 1:06:33.160
<v Speaker 2>talk to people has helped me go from the weird

1:06:33.280 --> 1:06:36.080
<v Speaker 2>dude at the bar panicking because he wants to meet

1:06:36.120 --> 1:06:39.240
<v Speaker 2>people but is too scared all the way to the loud,

1:06:39.440 --> 1:06:42.880
<v Speaker 2>funny dude in the middle of seven conversations. Look at

1:06:42.920 --> 1:06:48.640
<v Speaker 2>this guy, Look at uri. You rock here, I fuck

1:06:48.680 --> 1:06:50.600
<v Speaker 2>with you super hard. That rocks. That's awesome.

1:06:51.520 --> 1:06:54.920
<v Speaker 1>I am. You know.

1:06:55.040 --> 1:07:00.400
<v Speaker 2>In my personal life, I have a strong range of

1:07:03.480 --> 1:07:06.680
<v Speaker 2>social energy. There are some nights I have had I

1:07:06.760 --> 1:07:11.040
<v Speaker 2>have been to parties or social events. Some nights where

1:07:11.080 --> 1:07:12.919
<v Speaker 2>I walk in and I'm just like, I will talk

1:07:12.960 --> 1:07:17.480
<v Speaker 2>to anyone. I'm amazing. I'm like everything I say like

1:07:17.760 --> 1:07:23.800
<v Speaker 2>is perfectly makes sense and it's funny. I gracefully enter

1:07:23.920 --> 1:07:28.880
<v Speaker 2>and exit conversations. I know what to say to make

1:07:28.920 --> 1:07:33.720
<v Speaker 2>people like, you know, uh, instantly, like we're instantly connecting

1:07:34.080 --> 1:07:36.120
<v Speaker 2>and whatnot. Okay, you know I have nights like that,

1:07:36.600 --> 1:07:39.000
<v Speaker 2>and then I have nights where I'm just like, oh,

1:07:39.160 --> 1:07:45.200
<v Speaker 2>I can't I can't do it. I can't talk to anyone.

1:07:45.480 --> 1:07:48.440
<v Speaker 2>I have no energy. I hate myself. I don't know

1:07:48.480 --> 1:07:51.040
<v Speaker 2>why anyone would ever want to be around me or

1:07:51.240 --> 1:07:55.440
<v Speaker 2>talk to me or you know, oh my god, how

1:07:55.440 --> 1:08:00.480
<v Speaker 2>am I supposed to you know, have have form new

1:08:00.600 --> 1:08:05.240
<v Speaker 2>relationships if I'm this guy, you know, just so much shame,

1:08:05.440 --> 1:08:12.000
<v Speaker 2>so much self hate, and it's like, I really it's

1:08:12.040 --> 1:08:13.600
<v Speaker 2>a I don't know what it is. I always try

1:08:13.640 --> 1:08:16.400
<v Speaker 2>to solve for X on that. Sometimes I have such

1:08:16.520 --> 1:08:18.800
<v Speaker 2>great energy and sometimes I have no energy, but it's

1:08:18.840 --> 1:08:23.920
<v Speaker 2>a strong range. So I feel you on that. I've

1:08:23.960 --> 1:08:25.439
<v Speaker 2>made tons of friends because of it, and I just

1:08:25.479 --> 1:08:27.040
<v Speaker 2>want to say I appreciate your existence. Thank you.

1:08:27.160 --> 1:08:27.280
<v Speaker 1>Uri.

1:08:27.439 --> 1:08:29.639
<v Speaker 2>I'm also on art teacher, and I'm going to attach

1:08:29.760 --> 1:08:32.439
<v Speaker 2>some of my paintings because I know you're also into art.

1:08:33.439 --> 1:08:36.120
<v Speaker 2>Have a fantastic day. When did I say I was

1:08:36.160 --> 1:08:36.599
<v Speaker 2>into art?

1:08:36.600 --> 1:08:37.479
<v Speaker 3>I mean I do like art.

1:08:37.520 --> 1:08:40.320
<v Speaker 2>I think everyone likes art. Oh, I like these paintings

1:08:40.320 --> 1:08:41.800
<v Speaker 2>a lot. Look at this is This is a cool

1:08:41.880 --> 1:08:46.760
<v Speaker 2>jealous guy painted a jellyfish and a pirate ship. Shout

1:08:46.760 --> 1:08:50.679
<v Speaker 2>out to Uri. He painted a jellyfish and a pirate ship.

1:08:51.800 --> 1:08:59.640
<v Speaker 2>Good luck, good luck, good luck Uri. This is from Demetrius.

1:09:01.360 --> 1:09:04.720
<v Speaker 2>Demetrius says, hey, Lyle, I'm Demetrius, and the last time

1:09:04.760 --> 1:09:06.680
<v Speaker 2>I tried to email you, I overthought about it and

1:09:06.760 --> 1:09:08.320
<v Speaker 2>it took me three months to send it to you.

1:09:08.520 --> 1:09:11.120
<v Speaker 2>Then you stopped doing gek mail. I'm kind of always

1:09:11.320 --> 1:09:15.040
<v Speaker 2>gek mail is on a rolling basis. I'm not sure

1:09:15.080 --> 1:09:17.120
<v Speaker 2>if you'll get the chance to read the old email.

1:09:17.200 --> 1:09:19.600
<v Speaker 2>But we met at your last London show and we

1:09:19.760 --> 1:09:23.720
<v Speaker 2>hung out after it your podcast. I'm trying to remember, Yeah,

1:09:23.720 --> 1:09:25.240
<v Speaker 2>I went out to a spoons with a bunch of

1:09:25.280 --> 1:09:29.160
<v Speaker 2>people after London. I think your podcast has been a

1:09:29.240 --> 1:09:31.320
<v Speaker 2>comforting thing for me, and it helps me to think

1:09:31.320 --> 1:09:32.920
<v Speaker 2>about a lot of things that I struggle with and

1:09:33.000 --> 1:09:35.600
<v Speaker 2>my overall thinking. I'm planning to try and call in

1:09:35.680 --> 1:09:37.360
<v Speaker 2>at some point to have a proper chat with you.

1:09:38.000 --> 1:09:39.240
<v Speaker 2>In this email, I just want to say how the

1:09:39.280 --> 1:09:41.920
<v Speaker 2>past few months have been very eventful. I've now been

1:09:42.000 --> 1:09:45.519
<v Speaker 2>taking seventy milligrams of Vivants holy shit for a few

1:09:45.600 --> 1:09:47.719
<v Speaker 2>months and has helped me in quite a few aspects

1:09:47.760 --> 1:09:49.880
<v Speaker 2>of my life. I made lots of new friends, I

1:09:49.960 --> 1:09:51.680
<v Speaker 2>got a small promotion at my job, and I have

1:09:51.720 --> 1:09:53.439
<v Speaker 2>been trying to travel and go to events as much

1:09:53.439 --> 1:09:56.600
<v Speaker 2>as I can. Wait that rocks, Yes, seventy milligrams of

1:09:56.640 --> 1:09:59.920
<v Speaker 2>Vivants will. We'll make you some friends, get you a promotion,

1:10:00.240 --> 1:10:03.559
<v Speaker 2>and get you traveling for sure. I feel like I've

1:10:03.560 --> 1:10:05.200
<v Speaker 2>made so much progress, but at the same time, I

1:10:05.240 --> 1:10:07.400
<v Speaker 2>feel like I'm behind, and then I need to work

1:10:07.479 --> 1:10:09.840
<v Speaker 2>harder on myself. It feels like this will be a

1:10:09.960 --> 1:10:13.280
<v Speaker 2>never ending battle. Do you think there's any way to

1:10:13.320 --> 1:10:14.320
<v Speaker 2>get out of this mindset?

1:10:17.360 --> 1:10:17.559
<v Speaker 1>Yes?

1:10:18.520 --> 1:10:18.800
<v Speaker 3>I do.

1:10:19.640 --> 1:10:21.080
<v Speaker 2>This is something I think about.

1:10:21.000 --> 1:10:21.559
<v Speaker 3>A lot.

1:10:23.840 --> 1:10:26.160
<v Speaker 2>Because i've.

1:10:27.720 --> 1:10:27.920
<v Speaker 1>Yes.

1:10:29.280 --> 1:10:32.519
<v Speaker 2>Yes, Here are my thoughts about this, at least in

1:10:32.600 --> 1:10:37.720
<v Speaker 2>this very moment. On July fifteenth, twenty twenty five, at

1:10:37.720 --> 1:10:41.360
<v Speaker 2>two o four pm. These are what my thoughts are

1:10:41.560 --> 1:10:44.800
<v Speaker 2>in this exact moment. My thoughts in this exact moment

1:10:45.360 --> 1:10:51.680
<v Speaker 2>are that you will have milestones that you want to hit,

1:10:51.760 --> 1:10:53.960
<v Speaker 2>and you will have goals and you'll hit them, and

1:10:54.080 --> 1:10:58.839
<v Speaker 2>you'll keep moving the goalposts, and you keep moving the goalposts,

1:10:58.920 --> 1:11:02.519
<v Speaker 2>You'll keep working on things, and you'll be like, oh,

1:11:02.600 --> 1:11:04.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, I really wanted to make new friends. I

1:11:04.080 --> 1:11:05.800
<v Speaker 2>wanted to get a promotion. I wanted to travel, And

1:11:05.840 --> 1:11:07.880
<v Speaker 2>then you do all those things and then you're like,

1:11:07.960 --> 1:11:11.680
<v Speaker 2>why the fuck do I still feel behind? Why do

1:11:11.800 --> 1:11:18.080
<v Speaker 2>I still feel like I'm not enough? And I think

1:11:18.200 --> 1:11:23.439
<v Speaker 2>that if you've been doing those things as a way

1:11:23.640 --> 1:11:29.360
<v Speaker 2>to feel enough, the external validation that those things give

1:11:29.439 --> 1:11:32.360
<v Speaker 2>you is not going to really fill your internal hole.

1:11:33.920 --> 1:11:37.920
<v Speaker 2>And also, at a certain point, I mean, I'm twenty seven.

1:11:37.960 --> 1:11:42.240
<v Speaker 2>I've been relatively goal oriented my whole life, and this

1:11:42.560 --> 1:11:44.479
<v Speaker 2>year specifically, I've gotten to a point where I'm like,

1:11:44.560 --> 1:11:47.040
<v Speaker 2>you know what, it's never going to end, dude. I

1:11:47.120 --> 1:11:48.920
<v Speaker 2>was hanging out with my dad. My dad is sixty

1:11:49.000 --> 1:11:52.720
<v Speaker 2>six years old, and he has a giant list of

1:11:53.400 --> 1:11:56.240
<v Speaker 2>projects that he wants to do and ideas that he has,

1:11:56.920 --> 1:11:59.880
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, damn, my dad is sixty six

1:12:00.880 --> 1:12:03.840
<v Speaker 2>and I when i'm his When i'm his age, if

1:12:03.840 --> 1:12:06.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm lucky enough to make it to his age, I'm

1:12:06.160 --> 1:12:07.120
<v Speaker 2>probably still.

1:12:06.960 --> 1:12:07.320
<v Speaker 1>Going to be.

1:12:08.920 --> 1:12:12.160
<v Speaker 2>Having ideas and wanting to do things and wanting to

1:12:12.280 --> 1:12:17.960
<v Speaker 2>work on myself. And you realize that that there is

1:12:18.280 --> 1:12:26.920
<v Speaker 2>no there. You never get there, and that's good. I

1:12:27.000 --> 1:12:29.280
<v Speaker 2>think you get out of this mindset by realizing that

1:12:29.439 --> 1:12:33.360
<v Speaker 2>that's good that you're never going to get there, because

1:12:33.400 --> 1:12:38.320
<v Speaker 2>it's part of life, you know, struggling a little bit

1:12:39.520 --> 1:12:43.840
<v Speaker 2>to improve, well, ideally ideally, not struggling. Ideally it's out

1:12:43.840 --> 1:12:46.960
<v Speaker 2>of love. You know, ideally, it's not a struggle. Ideally,

1:12:47.160 --> 1:12:49.200
<v Speaker 2>you're propelled by love.

1:12:49.840 --> 1:12:50.040
<v Speaker 1>You know.

1:12:50.880 --> 1:12:53.680
<v Speaker 2>Ideally, you're making friends, and you're getting a promotion, and

1:12:53.760 --> 1:12:55.720
<v Speaker 2>you're traveling and going to events as much as you

1:12:55.800 --> 1:12:58.840
<v Speaker 2>can because you love life, and because you always want

1:12:58.880 --> 1:13:00.640
<v Speaker 2>to get more out of life. You always want to

1:13:00.640 --> 1:13:02.760
<v Speaker 2>push yourself, and you care about yourself and you care

1:13:02.800 --> 1:13:06.120
<v Speaker 2>about your life. And so you get out of that

1:13:06.200 --> 1:13:08.519
<v Speaker 2>mindset by realizing that you're doing the things you do

1:13:08.720 --> 1:13:13.640
<v Speaker 2>because you love yourself, not because you hate yourself. You know,

1:13:14.880 --> 1:13:16.840
<v Speaker 2>That's what I'm trying to get at in my own

1:13:17.680 --> 1:13:20.720
<v Speaker 2>in my own life, you know, So that's what I

1:13:20.760 --> 1:13:22.439
<v Speaker 2>would say. I would say that you're on a fucking

1:13:22.560 --> 1:13:26.439
<v Speaker 2>roller coaster. You're the never ending battle with yourself. It's

1:13:26.479 --> 1:13:31.360
<v Speaker 2>not you're not battling yourself. You're cooperating with yourself to

1:13:31.680 --> 1:13:34.200
<v Speaker 2>get the most out of life because you care about

1:13:34.200 --> 1:13:36.960
<v Speaker 2>yourself and you care about the world, and you want

1:13:37.000 --> 1:13:40.639
<v Speaker 2>to participate. It's good. It's a really, really good thing.

1:13:40.720 --> 1:13:44.439
<v Speaker 2>It's the opposite of like fucking existential nihilism, where you're like,

1:13:44.520 --> 1:13:47.519
<v Speaker 2>what's the point. You know, Demetrius, You're you're participating, so

1:13:50.200 --> 1:13:54.519
<v Speaker 2>keep participating. I'm on thirty milligrams of I advance myself

1:13:54.600 --> 1:13:59.880
<v Speaker 2>right now. Participate and enjoy the journey. You have to

1:14:00.320 --> 1:14:08.719
<v Speaker 2>switch the mindset to enjoying the quote unquote never ending battle.

1:14:08.760 --> 1:14:10.479
<v Speaker 2>It's not a never ending battle. It's a never ending

1:14:10.560 --> 1:14:15.040
<v Speaker 2>cooperation and uplifting of yourself. God that sounds douchey, but

1:14:15.840 --> 1:14:19.960
<v Speaker 2>it's what's in my heart. At a two eight pm

1:14:20.920 --> 1:14:28.280
<v Speaker 2>on July fifteenth, twenty twenty five, all right, let's do

1:14:30.040 --> 1:14:34.960
<v Speaker 2>one more email. This is from Linus. Subject line question

1:14:35.200 --> 1:14:37.920
<v Speaker 2>for you. Oh God, Hi, l On. My name is

1:14:37.960 --> 1:14:40.080
<v Speaker 2>Lionis and I am from Denmark. Hope you come back

1:14:40.120 --> 1:14:42.200
<v Speaker 2>for a show someday. I did a show in Denmark

1:14:43.000 --> 1:14:45.920
<v Speaker 2>two years ago. That's fun. I love Denmark man Copenhagen's

1:14:45.920 --> 1:14:48.639
<v Speaker 2>one of my favorite fucking places on the earth. Maybe

1:14:48.680 --> 1:14:50.720
<v Speaker 2>I'll go back soon. I love your show and I

1:14:50.800 --> 1:14:52.720
<v Speaker 2>listen to it every day at work. It's a very

1:14:52.800 --> 1:14:55.040
<v Speaker 2>nice way for me to kind of disassociate from what

1:14:55.120 --> 1:14:57.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm doing and makes the time go by faster. I

1:14:58.080 --> 1:15:00.600
<v Speaker 2>know you are a weed guy. I am also a

1:15:00.680 --> 1:15:03.120
<v Speaker 2>weed guy. I was wondering if you could tell us

1:15:03.160 --> 1:15:05.840
<v Speaker 2>about the first time you smoked. I would also love

1:15:05.920 --> 1:15:08.680
<v Speaker 2>to hear what your family thinks about your use and

1:15:08.800 --> 1:15:12.040
<v Speaker 2>maybe win slash how they found out about it. Uh,

1:15:12.400 --> 1:15:17.400
<v Speaker 2>thank you for the podcast. I really appreciate you. Um fuck,

1:15:17.520 --> 1:15:21.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm not my memory is shit because I smoke weed.

1:15:21.920 --> 1:15:27.000
<v Speaker 2>But my dad and my mom have always known that

1:15:27.040 --> 1:15:29.280
<v Speaker 2>I smoked weed. I mean I started smoking weed when

1:15:29.320 --> 1:15:35.920
<v Speaker 2>I was fourteen or fifteen, and my parents always knew

1:15:35.960 --> 1:15:38.439
<v Speaker 2>and they never got upset about it. I think that they.

1:15:38.600 --> 1:15:41.120
<v Speaker 2>I mean, we kept it hidden, but my parents, my

1:15:41.280 --> 1:15:42.479
<v Speaker 2>parents are a big.

1:15:45.000 --> 1:15:45.160
<v Speaker 3>Wait.

1:15:45.240 --> 1:15:46.599
<v Speaker 2>We never got no. We no, I'm sorry, we did

1:15:46.680 --> 1:15:51.200
<v Speaker 2>keep it hidden. My parents were always big like I'd

1:15:51.320 --> 1:15:55.360
<v Speaker 2>rather them do it at my house than like drive

1:15:55.720 --> 1:15:57.559
<v Speaker 2>and do it that was my mom's big thing, where

1:15:57.600 --> 1:15:58.960
<v Speaker 2>she was like, look, I know that you get high.

1:15:58.960 --> 1:16:00.639
<v Speaker 2>I know that you and your friends are as getting high,

1:16:00.680 --> 1:16:05.240
<v Speaker 2>but like, don't fucking drive and get high. That was

1:16:05.280 --> 1:16:13.639
<v Speaker 2>my mom's thing. I think my parents, Yeah, my parents

1:16:13.640 --> 1:16:16.120
<v Speaker 2>always knew that I was smoking weed and they were

1:16:16.960 --> 1:16:22.080
<v Speaker 2>fine about it. We never really talked about it, but yeah,

1:16:22.120 --> 1:16:24.040
<v Speaker 2>I think that that was their philosophy. It is like

1:16:24.120 --> 1:16:27.560
<v Speaker 2>we know that they're going to do it, but just

1:16:27.720 --> 1:16:32.800
<v Speaker 2>don't drive while you do it. The first time I

1:16:32.920 --> 1:16:38.960
<v Speaker 2>smoked weed was with We had a neighborhood dealer. His

1:16:39.160 --> 1:16:42.400
<v Speaker 2>name was Noah. I don't know why, I'm I shouldn't

1:16:42.439 --> 1:16:47.840
<v Speaker 2>give his name. Whatever, there is a billion Noah's. Shout

1:16:47.880 --> 1:16:50.120
<v Speaker 2>out Noah, Noah, if you're listening to this, if you

1:16:50.240 --> 1:16:56.519
<v Speaker 2>somehow get this sent to you, Noah Noah's Noah. Noah

1:16:56.560 --> 1:17:01.720
<v Speaker 2>was the neighborhood dealer and I went with him my

1:17:01.800 --> 1:17:07.200
<v Speaker 2>buddy Chase to the woods. We smoked a blunt and

1:17:07.320 --> 1:17:09.519
<v Speaker 2>Noah said to me, you know that you can tell

1:17:09.600 --> 1:17:15.960
<v Speaker 2>that you're high if your spit is white. And so

1:17:16.080 --> 1:17:18.320
<v Speaker 2>I was spitting on the ground a lot, and I

1:17:18.479 --> 1:17:20.280
<v Speaker 2>was I would think I was pretty high, and so

1:17:20.400 --> 1:17:22.800
<v Speaker 2>I started. I was I was pretty high, and I

1:17:22.880 --> 1:17:27.360
<v Speaker 2>was sal salivating, salivating a lot, and so I just

1:17:27.400 --> 1:17:30.519
<v Speaker 2>started spitting on my hands and like rubbing them together.

1:17:32.280 --> 1:17:35.960
<v Speaker 2>And so I was just walking with my friends, just

1:17:36.120 --> 1:17:39.280
<v Speaker 2>spitting on my hands and rubbing in together. My hands

1:17:39.320 --> 1:17:41.760
<v Speaker 2>were all sticky and covered in spit. My friends looked

1:17:41.800 --> 1:17:43.400
<v Speaker 2>at me and they were like, what the fuck are

1:17:43.439 --> 1:17:46.240
<v Speaker 2>you doing? And I was like, I don't even I

1:17:46.280 --> 1:17:49.560
<v Speaker 2>don't know. I thought they I heard that if you

1:17:49.720 --> 1:17:52.800
<v Speaker 2>spit and it's white, you're high. And they were like,

1:17:52.840 --> 1:17:54.360
<v Speaker 2>we don't want to hang out with you anymore. You're

1:17:54.360 --> 1:18:01.280
<v Speaker 2>a little weird. We don't like this. This was thirteen

1:18:01.360 --> 1:18:04.000
<v Speaker 2>years ago. They still bring it up sometimes, me spitting

1:18:04.040 --> 1:18:07.240
<v Speaker 2>on my hands. I try not to live in the

1:18:07.280 --> 1:18:13.640
<v Speaker 2>past though. Thank you for your question. Linus. Folks, this

1:18:13.760 --> 1:18:18.519
<v Speaker 2>has been gek mail. Send an email, Send an email

1:18:18.560 --> 1:18:22.200
<v Speaker 2>to me therapy geckomail at gmail dot com. I might

1:18:22.280 --> 1:18:28.600
<v Speaker 2>do more of these half phone call, half gek mail episodes.

1:18:29.479 --> 1:18:32.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna keep trying to do one IRL episode a week.

1:18:34.520 --> 1:18:38.839
<v Speaker 2>I'm working really hard on my Tijuana documentary and hopefully

1:18:38.960 --> 1:18:43.280
<v Speaker 2>more documentaries after that. I'm going to be uploading that

1:18:43.400 --> 1:18:49.479
<v Speaker 2>actually here on Spotify and on YouTube, so be on

1:18:49.560 --> 1:18:52.400
<v Speaker 2>the lookout. Thank you guys for listening to this podcast.

1:18:53.360 --> 1:18:57.599
<v Speaker 2>Thank you guys for being here. Send an email Therapy

1:18:57.680 --> 1:19:02.160
<v Speaker 2>geckomail at gmail dot com and uh, I might answer

1:19:02.200 --> 1:19:04.840
<v Speaker 2>your email like seven months after you send it, so

1:19:05.960 --> 1:19:08.880
<v Speaker 2>so just keep keep sending emails Therapy Gecko mail at

1:19:08.920 --> 1:19:11.720
<v Speaker 2>gmail dot com. I might try to do more of

1:19:11.760 --> 1:19:17.640
<v Speaker 2>these hybrid episodes and okay, well that's it. That's all.

1:19:17.760 --> 1:19:19.920
<v Speaker 2>That's all the rest I have to say. I'll be

1:19:20.040 --> 1:19:27.200
<v Speaker 2>back on Sunday with an I R L episode and

1:19:28.000 --> 1:19:32.400
<v Speaker 2>I will see you guys. Then get bless and good luck.

1:19:33.920 --> 1:19:38.679
<v Speaker 2>Bye again. Goes on the line taking your phone calls

1:19:38.760 --> 1:19:43.840
<v Speaker 2>every nine. Goes to stagings loud in the of your line.

1:19:45.640 --> 1:19:46.400
<v Speaker 2>An expert