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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Lyele.

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Speaker 2: Hi, what's your name?

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Speaker 1: Hi? I'm Anna, Anna.

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Speaker 2: What's up. How's life?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Life is good. Life is weirdly good. That I'm

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Speaker 1: probably a bit older than a lot of your listeners.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be fifty this year, and this year

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Speaker 1: has just been amazing. So that's what I wanted to

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Speaker 1: get on and tell people to say things that get

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Speaker 1: suddenly get amazing. I had quite a shit time of

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Speaker 1: it before then, and now everything is just falling into place.

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Speaker 2: Oh dear God, that's you know what is I've been.

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Speaker 2: I've been fucking just wrapped in existential dread. I can't

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Speaker 2: fucking beat it. And I thought I beat it. I

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Speaker 2: thought I beat it for like a month, and now

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Speaker 2: it's coming back, and I'm like scared. And so to

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Speaker 2: hear that you're fifty and you're living your best life,

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Speaker 2: I want to know. I'm intrigued, so please tell me.

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Speaker 1: Okay. So the first thing, big one for everyone at

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Speaker 1: the moment is ADHD diagnosis, because it presents differently in women,

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Speaker 1: and nobody knew what the fuck they were looking at

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Speaker 1: at me, you know, in the eighties. So that's really helped,

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Speaker 1: not for any reason other than I don't have to

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Speaker 1: feel so ashamed of the things that I couldn't control.

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Speaker 1: You know, I can't keep my room tidy. I'm maybe

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Speaker 1: fifty years old. My room is a mess. My room

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Speaker 1: is ankle deep in shit all the time, even though

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm tidy. I feel like I'm tidy all

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Speaker 1: the time. But now I know that this is just

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Speaker 1: hard of the beautiful mystery of my brain. I just

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Speaker 1: keep into it. I'm getting rid of my furniture. I've

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Speaker 1: started sleeping on the floor the way I like to.

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Speaker 1: I'm just putting boxes everywhere I can throw shit in,

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Speaker 1: and it's just making my life better, just that kind

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Speaker 1: of Oh, I don't need to try, and I don't

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Speaker 1: need to try and beat myself up that I'm a

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Speaker 1: bad person. I'm a terrible person because I can't keep

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Speaker 1: my space tidy or like arranged to get nails done

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Speaker 1: or like whatever of the stuff I used to confuse me.

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Speaker 1: So that's one that's been a huge thing. The second

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Speaker 1: one is I think it's just medical stuff. So I

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Speaker 1: started taking that Mount Jarrow injection about uh actually about

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Speaker 1: two months ago, and that's just been fantastic. I've never

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Speaker 1: heard this phrase before. Food food noise. Have you heard this?

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry what you started taking a what injection?

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Speaker 1: So in the UK it's called Mount Jarro, but it's

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Speaker 1: the weight loss injection.

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Speaker 2: It's okay, So you're taking the UK version of ozepic.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I think it might be a slightly different one

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Speaker 1: to that, but yeah, that's that's sure. The thing it

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Speaker 1: is because I've never heard this expression before, food noise.

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Speaker 1: I've never heard anybody talk about food noise before, about this,

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Speaker 1: this this psychology of food seeking, that there's a part

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Speaker 1: of your brain that is that in certain people is

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Speaker 1: always tracking, always tracking, you know, where is everything. I

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Speaker 1: can get quite stressed when I've been around food or

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Speaker 1: I'm always very aware of what people are eating or

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Speaker 1: aware of what I'm eating, and other people thinking about

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Speaker 1: what I'm eating, and that food no is just switched off.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even weigh myself. I just have a good breakfast.

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Speaker 1: I eat what I like, what I really want to eat,

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Speaker 1: where I've always wanted to eat, you know, vegetables and fruit,

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Speaker 1: but I always enjoyed those. But it's just taking the

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Speaker 1: stress out of it. If anyone is struggling with your

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Speaker 1: weight and you think I just don't understand why because

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Speaker 1: I'm eating this stuff and I don't really want it.

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Speaker 1: Have a go on this injection. It's mad.

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Speaker 2: You know, this is interesting because you know, I relate

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Speaker 2: a lot to lifelong adhd. I relate a lot to

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Speaker 2: having a messy room, or relate a lot to a

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Speaker 2: lot of these things. Yeah, the food awareness is a

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Speaker 2: big one for me. Do you know about a fat

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Speaker 2: guy pizza math where you're like looking around to see

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Speaker 2: slices of pizza everyone else has eaten so that you

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Speaker 2: can see if it's okay for you to get a

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Speaker 2: third slice of pizza. Yea, And dude, this was there

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Speaker 2: was so I used to I've talked about this on

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Speaker 2: my podcast before, but I used to record out of

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Speaker 2: an office in Los Angeles. And at this office they

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Speaker 2: had like like this office was like I had tons

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Speaker 2: of snacks, like it had a very fortified breakroom, and

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Speaker 2: I was obsessed with this fucking breakroom, especially like you know,

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Speaker 2: it was in the days. It was you know, I

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Speaker 2: was very stressed out about a bunch of you know,

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Speaker 2: gecko stuff and and and touring and and you know,

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Speaker 2: I was on my computer stressed out all the time,

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Speaker 2: and so I would just like after my after recording

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Speaker 2: and and while like editing and stuff, I would just

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Speaker 2: be like fucking pounding down this bowl of candy and

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Speaker 2: then like some. And then sometimes I would see, you know,

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Speaker 2: I was in this office with all these like you know,

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Speaker 2: healthy los angele less people, and I would see someone

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Speaker 2: like go up to the bowl and just eat one,

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Speaker 2: just take one mini like one not even like the ministry,

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Speaker 2: like the the real miniature skin, like the the ones

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Speaker 2: that are like fully like a nice square mini Snickers.

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Speaker 2: And I'd be like, how do you do that? How

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Speaker 2: do normal people just like fucking not go on a

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Speaker 2: crazy binge or like I like sharing food. Sharing food

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Speaker 2: was always so crazy thing for me. I hated share.

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Speaker 2: I like when you go to a restaurant and it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: let's split this, and it's like, no, if we split this,

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Speaker 2: now I have to do extra math, you know, And

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be the guy that fucking takes

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Speaker 2: fucking everything. But sometimes it's just it's a whole thing,

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Speaker 2: you know. That's why I love. That's why I love.

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Speaker 1: I've been the first date and I was just trying

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Speaker 1: to like date people. I've given up all that now,

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Speaker 1: but I've been a minion to date. So I've explained

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Speaker 1: to people that I don't share food because you have

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Speaker 1: to do the mask, and then I also have to

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Speaker 1: be polite, so I will always have less than my

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Speaker 1: allotted share, and I just don't want to do it anymore.

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Speaker 1: I want my own so I can eat it. But

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Speaker 1: you know that kind of that kind of behavior her,

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Speaker 1: I think that is that injection has switched it off.

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Speaker 1: It just switched it off. I could be that person

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Speaker 1: in the boat room now. It's astonishing. It's just it's

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Speaker 1: so mad, the amount of stress that food and thinking

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Speaker 1: about food has put me under. I mean, I did

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Speaker 1: a PhD and I did practice based PhD. And I

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Speaker 1: was doing this big like art performance, you know whatever

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Speaker 1: it was, blah blah blah. But I had to get feedback,

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Speaker 1: you know, with a research project, and so I laid

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Speaker 1: on like this fancy vegan cakes. It was all very

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Speaker 1: nice and it was a lovely spread. But a lot

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Speaker 1: of people came and they didn't eat they didn't eat

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Speaker 1: the cakes, and I was trying to give a presentation

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Speaker 1: and all I could think about was those fucking cakes

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Speaker 1: at the back of the until one of my friends,

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Speaker 1: I was spiraling in and she and she just ca

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Speaker 1: and she said, you want me to get rid of them?

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Speaker 1: So I just took them away and she put them

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Speaker 1: in a car and I drove them away, and then

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Speaker 1: I was fine. And I think that I just accepted

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Speaker 1: that as me being like, I don't know, greedy, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that is what it is, because it's

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Speaker 1: an anxiety about it. It wasn't like, oh yeah I

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Speaker 1: get to I don't know what I'm going.

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Speaker 3: To do, you know, Oh my god, all these people.

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Speaker 1: Are looking at me, and I wanted to eat the cake.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I fully advise anybody who is thinking about me.

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Speaker 4: Oh.

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Speaker 1: Also, my other thing is that I started taking sirtually.

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Speaker 1: I took a hundred millig grands to certually and day.

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Speaker 2: That's the craline is the uh generic for.

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Speaker 3: Solar, So lost, that's it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're lost. And because I was I wasting every

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Speaker 1: time I was falling asleep, I was ending up with

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Speaker 1: a sort process that ended up me dying in a

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Speaker 1: cart crash. It was very weird, and I recognize it

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Speaker 1: is not my own thought. I was like, this isn't

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Speaker 1: this isn't me. I don't know what's going on here?

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Speaker 1: And that was it's like a depression thing. And so

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Speaker 1: I took seventy five milligrams of Searchuren and it didn't stop,

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Speaker 1: but it was less. And then I went on one

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Speaker 1: hundred and it just stopped. And I just want to

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Speaker 1: say to people who are listening, because I never heard

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Speaker 1: anything about this the toy. I've never heard of the

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Speaker 1: phrase food noise. I'd never really I've never really considered

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Speaker 1: about this injection, which is, you know, paying for it myself.

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Speaker 1: But it's okay, it's like one hundred and thirty pounds

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Speaker 1: a month, and I would pay that to be healthy.

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Speaker 1: I would pay that to have my cholesterol down without

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Speaker 1: having to take a bloody statin you know whatever. But

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Speaker 1: so yeah, just you know, take the things that people

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Speaker 1: are offering. You keep your eye on stuff. Take the stuff.

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Speaker 1: It does get better.

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Speaker 2: So I want to know. I want to know more

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Speaker 2: about your life. Okay, So so think So, I mean,

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Speaker 2: you're fifty years old, and you do you is do

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Speaker 2: you feel like do you feel the best you've ever

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Speaker 2: felt in your life? Is that what you're getting at.

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Speaker 1: I am considering going to see a therapist because I

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Speaker 1: need to mourn the person that I could have been

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Speaker 1: if all of this ship had been caught earlier. You know,

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Speaker 1: I have to do that. You know, I'm single, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be single forever. I don't have to. I

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Speaker 1: remember saying to a therapist years ago, I don't think

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Speaker 1: I can have something because I'm SCAREDO and feed them properly,

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Speaker 1: and he kind of looked at me like and I

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Speaker 1: was like, no, but that's how I feel, because could

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Speaker 1: I have sweets in the house. Children have to have sweets.

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Speaker 1: I can't have sweets in the house. I eat all

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Speaker 1: the sweets. You know, this is this is this is

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Speaker 1: what this worries me in such a deep bone level

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Speaker 1: that I would pass on some sort of inherited weirdness

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Speaker 1: or I don't know. So yeah, I think I have

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Speaker 1: to do that. But also I think part of the

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Speaker 1: ADHD thing often is about we experienced time differently. To

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Speaker 1: know atypical people in my dife and I'm super time blized,

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Speaker 1: but also so looking back on our past issues is

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Speaker 1: kind of different. I was reading about how madh people

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Speaker 1: grieved differently because we.

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Speaker 3: It was about people.

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Speaker 1: You think about people in the time in the space

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Speaker 1: we don't talk to them all the time. I'm really

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Speaker 1: bad at messaging, but I love everyone. I just don't

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Speaker 1: message it. So, yeah, that is a that is a

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Speaker 1: that's looking back and going, oh, there's a bit of

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Speaker 1: a dark cloud over all the things that I could

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Speaker 1: have done. But then I look at the things I

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Speaker 1: have done. Be like, no, I just I was striving.

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Speaker 1: I worked hard. I did as much as I could.

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Speaker 1: I went for working in a factory to go to

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Speaker 1: Cambridge University to being doing a PhD. You know, I

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Speaker 1: I worked hard and I did the things I could do.

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Speaker 1: But God, I imagine if I had the ADHD medication,

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Speaker 1: I'd be fucking eon motk what makes me? I would

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Speaker 1: be you know, my powers. It's a really good things

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Speaker 1: at the universe that this wasn't found out beforehand.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I am I really, you know, I

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Speaker 2: don't know if I caught your name? What's your name?

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Speaker 1: Anna?

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Speaker 2: Anna? You know Anna, I I relate to you on

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Speaker 2: a lot of this stuff. I relate to you about

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Speaker 2: the kids. Thing I get a little worried about, like oh,

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Speaker 2: I have like anxiety and depression of all this crazy crap,

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, if I have a kid, are

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Speaker 2: they gonna have it? Which is weird because my my mom,

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Speaker 2: I think, has a little bit of anxiety, my dad

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Speaker 2: has my dad is like crazy ADHD. But neither of

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Speaker 2: my parents are like depressed or that. And maybe my

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Speaker 2: mom's a little anxious. But it's like, you know, it's

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Speaker 2: it's weird. I'm like, where did I where did all

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Speaker 2: this stuff come from? I mean a lot of this

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Speaker 2: stuff with me, I know where it comes from. But

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Speaker 2: I relate to you, well, yeah, I really.

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Speaker 1: Also, they don't forget they grew up without without the internet,

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Speaker 1: and they grew up without social media, and I just

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Speaker 1: I feel sorry for you.

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Speaker 2: You know what. That is another thing. That is another

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Speaker 2: thing where yes, I we our brains are. Our brains

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Speaker 2: are unquestionably quite different than than our parents' brain grew

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Speaker 2: up with. There's something else you said that I that

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Speaker 2: I related to. Yeah, I relately. I you know, I

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Speaker 2: relate a little bit to like wishing I had found

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Speaker 2: medication a bit earlier. I think I'm still on a

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Speaker 2: medication journey. I think I thought I was done and

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Speaker 2: then I realized You're never done. But yeah, related to

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Speaker 2: you on a lot of on a lot of that stuff.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, the food, the food, noise, thing is is huge,

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Speaker 2: and there's there's a lot of different things that I

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Speaker 2: think are all related to, Yeah, are all related to

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Speaker 2: like anxiety, HD and depression. And I don't I don't

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Speaker 2: like those those three things, anxiety, ADHD and DEPRESSI I

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Speaker 2: don't think there's that You don't want to like use

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Speaker 2: them as like excuses for not living your life. But

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Speaker 2: it's good you want to, but you want to identify

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Speaker 2: them and fucking work through them so that you can

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Speaker 2: live better life.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's just a shame which diagnosed will not diagnosed.

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Speaker 1: My room would still be messy. But now I laugh

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Speaker 1: at it. I go, I've shown people on the video.

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Speaker 1: I've shown people, you know, I've got a video chating

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Speaker 1: going oh my god, you want to see my room?

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Speaker 1: And they go, oh, oh my god, and they laugh,

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Speaker 1: where before I was always convinced that they would be.

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Speaker 1: You have that you're evil, you know, you're disgusting your

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Speaker 1: and I'm just I'm not just got idea. Seeing I

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Speaker 1: struggle keeping my rooms tidy, big deal. I genuinely feel

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Speaker 1: that I gen't feel that, and that's been it's been

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Speaker 1: such an eye opener. I've got the other thing as well,

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Speaker 1: I like the skin picking, so I pick the skin

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Speaker 1: picking is a or picking your face. I've always picked

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Speaker 1: my toes and hide them and god, you know, wearing

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Speaker 1: full shoes in summer and and wearing tights and stuff

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Speaker 1: and just covering up and and now I'm I'm just

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Speaker 1: waddling around with my monkey feet out. You know, if

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Speaker 1: they like them, don't look at them.

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Speaker 2: So what do you do all day? Anna? What's your

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Speaker 2: life like?

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Speaker 1: I'm struggling artists, Let's put it that way. I work

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Speaker 1: on my own practice every day. I kind of arrange

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Speaker 1: my life, so I do a lot of teaching around

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Speaker 1: the outside of school hours. I do a lot of

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Speaker 1: exam help and and I'm yeah, and I'm just struggling,

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Speaker 1: struggling and struggling, still trying to Oh, I'll just tell you.

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Speaker 1: I'm a right, I'm a writer. I don't know, I

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Speaker 1: don't know where I am. And I am trying to work

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Speaker 1: on I'm writing my like fifth novel now because I

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Speaker 1: just can't get it right. But I do a lot

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Speaker 1: of writing, teaching and some stuff published and blah blah

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Speaker 1: blah shoot fiction. But I'm trying to move into long

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Speaker 1: So that's what I do. I sit around, and I

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Speaker 1: struggle in the day time. I dropped all social media,

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Speaker 1: I block off the Internet, and I wander around. I

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Speaker 1: feel very stressed, and I produce and then I hate it,

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Speaker 1: and then I look at it again about a year

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Speaker 1: later and go, oh my god, that's great. Why did

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Speaker 1: I start doing it? The typical artistic cycle I have.

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Speaker 2: I have a lot of questions for you based on

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Speaker 2: what you said, but I just one thing real quick

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Speaker 2: that I have to address. If you're not on social media,

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Speaker 2: how did you discover that I exist?

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Speaker 1: Whatify?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Okay, because I'm very I'm very nosy, very nosy, but

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Speaker 1: I spend a lot of time on my own. So

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Speaker 1: I listen to a lot of podcasts where people bring

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Speaker 1: up and tell the truth about their life.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, this is a good podcast for.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So you so you teach writing class or you do?

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Speaker 2: You do you teach? Do you teach at a school

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Speaker 2: or do you teach individually?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: What does the setting on what you teach?

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Speaker 1: I teach like adult evening classes. I've taught at universities,

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Speaker 1: I've I do a lot of I do a lot

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Speaker 1: of like grammar schools, like children who are going for

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Speaker 1: what would you say public school, no private school. They

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Speaker 1: have a specific exam for the eleven plus and so

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Speaker 1: I do a lot of training because that's because they're

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Speaker 1: creative writing aspect of it. But you know, teaching the

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Speaker 1: children is great, I like, uh, you know, they're enthusiathers.

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Speaker 1: But it's teaching adults that I really like. Mm hmmm,

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Speaker 1: I finished, fabulous.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, you just cut out. What did you just finish?

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Speaker 1: I just finished one of the courses that I teach

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Speaker 1: for adults, and I just said goodbye to them, and

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Speaker 1: they're They're all brilliant, and they all improved hugely and

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Speaker 1: I'm excited for them in the future.

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Speaker 2: That's really awesome. That's really great. I am, yeah, I'm

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Speaker 2: kind of what. You know. One thing I wonder about,

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Speaker 2: like my life as I get older is that I

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Speaker 2: feel like, as you get older, it becomes like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm tracking a bunch of things. I

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Speaker 2: don't I don't know if this is an ADHD thing,

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Speaker 2: But I consider myself, at least in my optimal circumstances,

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Speaker 2: to be a strong extrovert, like I always I want

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Speaker 2: to be around people. I want to feel socially connected

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Speaker 2: at all times. I want to, you know, always be

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Speaker 2: meeting new people. I want to always be having novel experiences.

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Speaker 2: I want to feel surrounded by a community, and I

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Speaker 2: want to be doing things that get me out of

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Speaker 2: the house and around people and interacting with folks. It's

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Speaker 2: it's part of the reason why I do this podcast

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Speaker 2: and and tour and all these you know, make videos

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Speaker 2: and do all these things. And it seems to me

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Speaker 2: there's there's like that as you get older, it becomes

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Speaker 2: harder and harder and harder to be in those situations.

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Speaker 2: And yet I have to assume as yeah, go ahead,

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Speaker 2: go ahead, I'll let you speak.

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Speaker 1: So, do you know rejections.

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Speaker 2: Rejections sensitivity dysphoria.

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Speaker 1: It's a massive co or cove, like I know occurrence

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Speaker 1: with ADHD. I have a huge.

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Speaker 2: Oh Anna when we're there, way, sorry you cut out.

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Speaker 1: Just now, Oh I walked towards the door. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to say where I am. So people have r SD.

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Speaker 1: That means that a neurotypical person, they experience a rejection

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Speaker 1: and they process it normally at the kind of surface

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Speaker 1: level of emotional processing like actual brain stuff neurosis. You

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Speaker 1: can see this happening on an MRI is bullshit. And

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Speaker 1: then someone with RSD they process it longer, and they

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Speaker 1: process it in a sort of more in the sort

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Speaker 1: of deeper networks. And what happens is those rejections they

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Speaker 1: build up. Because I was like you, I was a

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Speaker 1: gregarious when I was younger. I had loads of friends,

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Speaker 1: I was embedded in huge social groups, went to the festivals,

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Speaker 1: I did acting. You know, I used to do amateur dramatics.

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Speaker 1: Can imagine do that there? And I went traveling for

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Speaker 1: a year on my own. I was that confident in

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Speaker 1: my social skills that I was like, yeah, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to go away for a year just on my own,

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Speaker 1: no internet, my view. I went away with a guide book.

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Speaker 1: But because that's got I can pretty much remember every

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Speaker 1: horrible thing anyone ever said to me, or any situation

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Speaker 1: where I felt like someone's trying to put me down,

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Speaker 1: or any time I've made a mistake, and you know,

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Speaker 1: it keeps you off at night, and they would return

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Speaker 1: and I would worry about them. And so that's why

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Speaker 1: as I've got older, I've become I've moved into an

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Speaker 1: introvert because I just I just don't have the emotional

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Speaker 1: energy to go out It's like every time you interact

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Speaker 1: with someone, they give you a paper cut. Okay, they

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Speaker 1: just give you a paper cup somewhere on your body,

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Speaker 1: and and you're a typical person, it just heals. But

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Speaker 1: someone with our sc it bleeds, and you can only

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Speaker 1: bleed so much before you die.

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Speaker 2: By But Anna, I'm curious. So you said when you

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Speaker 2: were my age, were social and running around and travel

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Speaker 2: in the world and talk to people, do it all

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Speaker 2: without the fucking internet. I mean that's also like, uh

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Speaker 2: uh uh make it more compressive. So but I I

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Speaker 2: and I have to know, like I mean, at that time,

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Speaker 2: did you feel did you feel as though you had

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Speaker 2: that rejection sensitivity?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: I just felt that people I just, how can I

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Speaker 1: put it? I felt that I was I couldn't understand

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Speaker 1: the mismatch between the good person that I consider myself

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Speaker 1: to be and I strive to be in my actions

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Speaker 1: and my thoughts and then you know what I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to do in the world and all of that stuff.

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Speaker 1: In the way I help people. I do help people,

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Speaker 1: help random people all the time, and there's a mismatch

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Speaker 1: that and sometimes the impression that people are feeding back

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Speaker 1: to me m that they would react to me in

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Speaker 1: a way that I was like, oh my god, I've

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Speaker 1: just said something wrong, or I've just done something wrong,

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Speaker 1: or I shouldn't eaten you know whatever that wasn't a joke,

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Speaker 1: or they don't like me for reism, and that is

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Speaker 1: what happens. And I realized now that there is an

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Speaker 1: impulsivity in speech as well. So this is all the

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I can forgive myself or

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Speaker 1: my weird trajectory because I'm impulsive in my speech. I

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Speaker 1: can be great friends with someone and then I'll say

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Speaker 1: something at the moment that comes out. I know it's wrong,

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Speaker 1: and it's up to them. It's the depth of your

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Speaker 1: relationship whether they can get past it and just be

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Speaker 1: I feel, you know, sorry, forgive me, I didn't mean that.

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Speaker 1: Or if you just met someone, then that's it. Isn't

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Speaker 1: it game over?

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Speaker 2: Well? I you know, I get yeah, I know exactly

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Speaker 2: what you're saying. And I think I have a little

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Speaker 2: bit of that impulsivity of speech myself at times, and

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Speaker 2: I think there's something to be said about accepting yourself

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Speaker 2: and your flaws and you know, being like, yeah, it's

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Speaker 2: okay that I'm not going to be perfect one hundred

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Speaker 2: percent of the time, you know, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But it's about about other people. So that's a rejection

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Speaker 1: because you've got then that wound will stay with you

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Speaker 1: and I just myself from that situation. I have thought

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Speaker 1: about you and your ADHD and thought about you know,

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Speaker 1: how you how you can trust yourself to speak to people.

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Speaker 1: But then I realized that I do a hell of

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Speaker 1: a lot of teaching online and one to one and

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Speaker 1: I love it because you're in the moment. You don't

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Speaker 1: need to plan anything. You can rely on yourself. But

432
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 1: also you've got these barriers up. You know, you've got

433
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 1: barriers up because you have you know, you don't want

434
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 1: to upset anyone, and you're you're thinking carefully about what's having.

435
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 1: You're enjoying yourself, but you're not going to go on

436
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,360
Speaker 1: some weird rants, you know. I'm sure you've got things

437
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 1: that you could rant about. And I'm like that because

438
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,440
Speaker 1: I'm talking to students. So the impulse when it tries

439
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,639
Speaker 1: to get out of that frame is just shut down immediately.

440
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 1: So really, I should just be one to one teaching

441
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 1: all the time, and I'll be happy at ship because

442
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 1: it really is my close stake.

443
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 2: Yes, the flows. I mean, that's I think there is

444
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 2: a lot of parallel to the experience that I'm having

445
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 2: when i'm you know, like having this conversation with you

446
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 2: or talking to people on the street or whatever, and

447
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 2: the flow state that you probably feel when you're teaching

448
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,679
Speaker 2: people and when you're presenting and when you're doing your

449
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 2: one ones. You know, you get into the flow state, right.

450
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 2: You don't have to you don't have to plan things.

451
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 2: You can just be in the moment. You can just

452
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 2: fucking flow and get into the conversation.

453
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 1: You know.

454
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,440
Speaker 2: That's how I feel. That's how I feel when when

455
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:24,199
Speaker 2: it works, you know, when I'm when I'm at the

456
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,440
Speaker 2: best and things are going good. I have a question

457
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,199
Speaker 2: for you. I want to know this. You're a novelist.

458
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 2: You've published five novels.

459
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 1: Sorry, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm trying to

460
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 1: write novels. I've published a little bits here and there,

461
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 1: published short fiction, and now I'm trying to move into

462
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 1: long form in a way that's satisfying to me. And

463
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: so no, I am unpublished.

464
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 2: But you've but you've, but you've you've You've written a

465
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 2: lot of.

466
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 1: Work, yeah, millions and millions, and.

467
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:05,199
Speaker 2: So how do you, as someone who I assume as

468
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,359
Speaker 2: a hard time sitting still, do a thing that is

469
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 2: the most like I must sit still and attack a

470
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 2: keyboard thing. What is your process of being a writer

471
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,879
Speaker 2: as somebody who I assume as a hard time sitting still.

472
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really hard. It's much harder now because I'm

473
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:27,399
Speaker 1: in the perimenopause, like this hormone of stateful menopause, and

474
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 1: that makes your ADHD symptoms go crazy, and that's why

475
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,159
Speaker 1: I got diagnosed in the end. So I'm finding it

476
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: much harder now than I used to do. And the

477
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 1: thing is ADHD and women often present. It's like your

478
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 1: hyperactivity isn't body, it's mind. So when I can sit

479
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 1: down and write and think and think about what I'm

480
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 1: writing and reflect and all of the stuff I'm trying

481
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 1: to do, then that's satisfying the sort of racing thoughts

482
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 1: for rushing minds. But a lot. I do have to

483
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 1: say that I do procrastinate horribly, of course, and so

484
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 1: targeted procrastination has always worked for me. When I was

485
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 1: supposed to be writing with the PhD, I write a

486
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 1: collection of short stories, you know. When I was supposed

487
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: to be writing my dissertation, and I was writing fault

488
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,160
Speaker 1: fiction for money. You know, I'm always doing what I'm

489
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,639
Speaker 1: not supposed to be doing. I'm sure you will have

490
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,639
Speaker 1: that experience, right. I think that's why I'm struggling at

491
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: the moment. I've got a clear path. I'm not. I

492
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,880
Speaker 1: don't I shouldn't be doing anything else. And now I'm

493
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: finding it really hard.

494
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,440
Speaker 2: And what is your clear path?

495
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 3: Now?

496
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,360
Speaker 1: I've got all this time to write, I've got Yeah,

497
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not supposed to be doing anything else.

498
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 1: If I had to, if I had to do something

499
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 1: else in that time, I would probably be the writing.

500
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,199
Speaker 2: Yes, I know you mean yeah, procrastinating on one thing

501
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 2: by doing another thing. It's a classic yeah.

502
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,440
Speaker 1: When you can, when you can target.

503
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 2: So well, I have to say, I mean, you started

504
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 2: this phone call by talking about how things get better.

505
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 2: You're feeling good about life. Tell me more about the

506
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 2: things tell me more about the things you're loving about

507
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 2: life lately.

508
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 1: So you've been to London, haven't you? Did you make

509
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 1: it onto Hamstead Heath?

510
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:25,280
Speaker 2: Say, I've been to London a few times with Hamster.

511
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:29,879
Speaker 1: Place, Hamstead, hamstiad Heath. It's like a big park in

512
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 1: North London. It's all the film though, you know, if

513
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: you see Hampsteady, it's it's just the whole of the fields.

514
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 1: But they have a lady's ponds there. They have a

515
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,959
Speaker 1: swimming pond and they have sorry, they have mixed ladies

516
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 1: and men's and then the ladies one is all just

517
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 1: trees all around it. You go swimming, and I was

518
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 1: swimming with ducklings, little baby ducklings about I don't know,

519
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 1: not too far away from me. But then once you

520
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:55,680
Speaker 1: get at the pool, you go to this place called

521
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,880
Speaker 1: the meadow, and I think it's like a feel colony.

522
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 1: I just imagine all these women and they just like

523
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,920
Speaker 1: seal if everyone's just lying down. No one's really talking

524
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: to anyone. Everyone's reading because there's no signal, which is

525
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: delightful for me to see, and everyone just takes their

526
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 1: clothes off and goes to sleep. And I have the

527
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 1: most amazing sweet just you know, topless in the sun

528
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 1: in the middle of a park in London. And I

529
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 1: would never have done that before, you know, body issues

530
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 1: and just being like, oh, I can't go and I

531
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 1: don't want to. I don't want to go swimming on

532
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 1: my own in a pond it'll be weird, and I'm like, next,

533
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 1: do it. It's pretty much your advice, doesn't it. Just

534
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,960
Speaker 1: go out and do things. And I loved it. It

535
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 1: was it was a real highlight, a real highlights. I

536
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:38,400
Speaker 1: thought it was brilliant.

537
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 2: That's great. What do you what do you have that?

538
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 2: What do you have in your life lately that you're

539
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 2: looking forward to?

540
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 1: I go to a writing festival Thursday to Sunday this weekend,

541
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 1: and I'm going to see some fronts too. I always

542
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 1: this would be my third one. And the friends I

543
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 1: met there and we go and hang out and to

544
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:04,320
Speaker 1: do writing and get very drunk and in karayote.

545
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 2: Well, tell me what happens at a writing festival.

546
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 1: So it is a flash fiction festival. So flash is

547
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:22,159
Speaker 1: a thousand words or fewer, and it's its own specific form.

548
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,360
Speaker 1: You know, you have to, you have to. It's got

549
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 1: a lot, it's got a lot of his own considerations

550
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: to get this whole thing, and that has its own conventions.

551
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 1: So people run flash workshops. There are sort of flash readings.

552
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 1: There's all there's a whole different set of panels or

553
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 1: set of workshops you can go to and simple similar

554
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 1: great And I haven't been to too many of them

555
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: because I do. Because of the ADHD, I find it

556
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 1: quite difficult to fit inside, especially if they're talking about

557
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 1: something that I already know about. You know, it's an intention,

558
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 1: it's an interest based nervous system, right, that's what they

559
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 1: call it. And so it just switches off, and I

560
00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 1: find it difficult for fidget or you know, want to

561
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 1: do something up. But everyone needs to love them, and

562
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 1: then there's just a lot of talking and networking and

563
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 1: and then just a whole bunch of karaoke leaving, which

564
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 1: is amazing for a bunch of writers, you know, who

565
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 1: tend to be quite introverted anyway, because when you're doing karaoke,

566
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 1: I just for you know, you can't really talk to anyone.

567
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 1: You can just go yeah, great song at them, you know,

568
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 1: and mighty sick smiles. Right, everyone's singing along. But you

569
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 1: can't get into those kind of tricky discussions where you're like,

570
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 1: oh shit, I've had a few beers and now I've

571
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 1: set something right, I'm going to say something. I'm going

572
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 1: to wake up tomorrow morning and be like, oh.

573
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have active I have activities like that that

574
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 2: I love, Like a lot of my hobbies. My hobbies

575
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 2: are like things where you are around other people, but

576
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 2: I meant whole I actually think, actually, I guess those

577
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 2: are most hobbies. I was gonna say a lot of

578
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 2: my hobbies are like things where you're around other You're

579
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 2: around other people, but there's some activity to like kind

580
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 2: of keep you engage so you don't have to talk

581
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 2: if you don't want to. Although I guess that is

582
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 2: genuine the most hobbies. Yeah, like you know, playing uh,

583
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 2: Smash bros on Land or playing poker just ship where

584
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 2: it's like you can you can just play the game,

585
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 2: but if you want to talk, you can talk.

586
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 1: You talked about Smash before, and I watched the documentary

587
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 1: about it. You want hold on?

588
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 2: Shut up? You watched the documentary. You watched the before

589
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 2: you you watched you.

590
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:34,360
Speaker 1: Don't know when you talk about it. You talk about

591
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: a lot that I need to know. I must one

592
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 1: of the one are the kids doing today? I thought,

593
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 1: so I really enjoyed it.

594
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 2: Yes, that's the four hours you like with like with

595
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 2: Ken and as In and you two king? Yeah, wow, you.

596
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 1: Have a documentary nosy person, right, We've established person. So

597
00:30:56,320 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 1: I like to watch documentaries, uh and find out about

598
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 1: stuff you know about what is he talks about.

599
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 2: I'm so happy that you want I'm so happy that

600
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 2: I'm so happy that I got you to watch the

601
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 2: four hour Smash Pros documentary on YouTube. By the way,

602
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 2: those listening, please go watch. Go on go on YouTube.

603
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 2: Go on YouTube. Go on YouTube and search the Smash

604
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,280
Speaker 2: Brothers documentary. And yeah, that's a it's a good way

605
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 2: to spend four hours.

606
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 3: Of your life, really enjoyable.

607
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 2: And I want to know what was it like traveling

608
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 2: around at twenty seven with no guidebook? I mean no,

609
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 2: with no internet, with just a guide what was that.

610
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 1: Experience we had that were internet? There were internet cafes

611
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 1: were very expensive. So I send this one email to

612
00:31:54,120 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 1: my mom. It was actually fine because you didn't know

613
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 1: any different. Oh, this is this is just what you do.

614
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 1: You know, you go on a proper adventure and actually

615
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 1: are quite promoanient for you guys, because I went to

616
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 1: see things that I've never I've never seen before. I'd

617
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 1: read about them and had pictures in my mind of

618
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 1: seeing you know, temples, and I've seen pictures and things,

619
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 1: but you know, when they children, jimps and that. But

620
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 1: but because you're so glassed with the images for just anything.

621
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: It must be hard to be so thrilled about experiencing

622
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 1: in real life. It's all being commodified by influencer culture

623
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,959
Speaker 1: and things like that. You know, I'm sure you couldn't

624
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 1: go to when I go, I really enjoyed Ankle what

625
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 1: you know, Ankle what in lous It's like you know,

626
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: if you saw it, It's the weird broken temples. There's

627
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 1: all huge tree routes coming out of it, very magical,

628
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 1: and I had a great time there, just hanging around

629
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 1: from the taking from the sun is up and everyone

630
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 1: is just chilling. And I imagine now it's just millions

631
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 1: and millions of people with tripods and other people taking

632
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 1: photos of them and just yeah, being very kind of

633
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 1: ruined for everyone. Yeah, but it was fine. I tended

634
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 1: up in Thailand because I've been working. I didn't really

635
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 1: know what to do with myself. I felt like, well,

636
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 1: what do I do? It can't just sit on a

637
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 1: beach all day. Don't worry that's being changed. So I

638
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 1: went to work in a school. I volunteered to work

639
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 1: in a school, bearing in mind at the time I

640
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 1: didn't have any teaching qualifications. I didn't have a degree

641
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 1: I was working in a factory in Gid fixing robots

642
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 1: and I I but because I was British and because

643
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 1: I was female, they were just like, yeah, you go

644
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 1: in because like no, no, we need we need people

645
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 1: who speak for their British accent because I think that

646
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: all the volunteers they got worse I know, German or

647
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 1: Dutch or something, which is which is fine because I

648
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 1: can obviously understand that, but their Thai children were struggling

649
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 1: a bit the kind I mean.

650
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 2: The British accent is so I I uh, no offense

651
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 2: to the woman listeners, but the British accent is easily

652
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,959
Speaker 2: much more listened to able than the German accent.

653
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, also the accent of the language that they

654
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 1: are learning to speak, so they especially for people with

655
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 1: a tonal language, which I struggled with. So yeah, I

656
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 1: turned up. I did some work and stayed in a

657
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 1: house with the Thai teacher and had all these kids

658
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 1: following me around because it was so weird because I

659
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 1: had more than one coffee a day, they alwaysed to

660
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 1: follow me around. The women as well, would be like

661
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,359
Speaker 1: how many coffees have you had? How many coffees you had?

662
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: I've had I've had two and I go, oh, two

663
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 1: coffees and I had to smoke because I'm a smoker.

664
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 1: I had to go right into the brush, well away

665
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 1: from everyone because if people saw me smoking, it would

666
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,319
Speaker 1: you know, it would be it would be like being

667
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 1: found out to be a prostitute of women.

668
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,439
Speaker 2: Do you still are you still a smoker.

669
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 1: With a smoker and I'm recently a bit of a

670
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 1: your friend, she said, I think owner.

671
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I was going to ask, well, yeah, how

672
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 2: is how is the weed in London? It's it's super

673
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 2: illegal in London?

674
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 1: Still right, Well it isn't it isn't because I don't

675
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 1: know how much I should do, so I just I

676
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 1: just get it through the post.

677
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 2: I see.

678
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 1: The days has gone long gone, in the days when

679
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 1: I would get into random cars with you know, Russian gangsters,

680
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: which I have done in the past by all sorts

681
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 1: of you know, had a bit of a pill edge

682
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 1: in the nineties. So all of that stuff went on,

683
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 1: but I couldn't do it now, you know, I'm in

684
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 1: an age lady. Now I'm too aware of things that

685
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 1: can go wrong. So yeah, just comes to the post

686
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 1: order on the internet. Not with that work with that

687
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,799
Speaker 1: work on the clear web was my credit card.

688
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:02,960
Speaker 2: Do you do you like to do you do you

689
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 2: write when you're stoned or do you typically like to

690
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:05,879
Speaker 2: just chill out?

691
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:13,959
Speaker 1: I like to watch television because I can actually watch

692
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: it rather than the little squirrel of my attention suddenly

693
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 1: going oh is that at or I need to go

694
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 1: and do something very quickly. Yeah, it slows down. It

695
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 1: definitely slows down. The sort of the part of my

696
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: mind is always scanning the environments, scan and so I

697
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 1: can enjoy stories a bit more instead of always trying

698
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:35,879
Speaker 1: to figure out what's going to happen next, or Okay,

699
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 1: this has happened, so this is going to happen I

700
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 1: can just appreciate the art of it more.

701
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:42,520
Speaker 2: It's interesting. I feel like, Yeah, when I smoke weed,

702
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 2: I get to I'm like weed. I think increases my ADHD.

703
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 2: It makes me more scanny and HyperWare and anxious, depending

704
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:52,759
Speaker 2: on it's a roll of the dice. It's more of a.

705
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got some on the strain because I have

706
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 1: liked uh heavy one that is really good. Spread time

707
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,399
Speaker 1: just makes you go to sleep. And then I thought

708
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 1: I'd give the other side of the spectrum a go

709
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 1: to what I mean. I don't know if it's joy,

710
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:13,759
Speaker 1: I don't know nothing. So the other one, who what's

711
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 1: the other one? Indica? Someone told me, you remember Indico

712
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 1: in the couch, That's how you remember the difference. So

713
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 1: the other one is sativa. So I got a high

714
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: sativa one and yeah, that one, that one, you know.

715
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:24,479
Speaker 1: I went out for a walk.

716
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 2: It was great, so Anna, mhmm hmmm. I'm trying to think.

717
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 2: I there's anything else I wanna I want to ask you.

718
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,320
Speaker 2: It's been really nice. Uh, it's been really nice talking

719
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:40,680
Speaker 2: to you. Uh, this was this was this was great.

720
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 2: Very I'm very inspired by your life story. I'm very

721
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 2: inspired to hear that you're continuing to enjoy yourself and

722
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:53,720
Speaker 2: living life and going to do cool ship and bathing

723
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:57,479
Speaker 2: with ducks. Uh, it's cool again. Yeah, like I said,

724
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 2: like I said at the beginning of this, I'm I'm

725
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 2: I'm anxious all the time, and then sometimes I see

726
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 2: someone who is like a little bit older than me

727
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 2: and they actually seem to be pretty calm and enjoying life,

728
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 2: and it's it's inspiring and good. And I think that

729
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 2: you're probably inspiring to other people listening to the show.

730
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:23,279
Speaker 1: You know it gets wonderful. Yeah, I should just say that.

731
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 1: If I could say anything to myself when I was younger,

732
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 1: it would be try and think of yourself like you

733
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:31,760
Speaker 1: haven't got me skin like all your nurser exposed, because

734
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 1: that's how the difference it feels like, Well now it

735
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,040
Speaker 1: feels like I'm wearing a wetsuit. You know, nothing can

736
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:42,240
Speaker 1: really hurt me or Asian accepted. But yeah, it's horrible

737
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 1: when you're younger, but you know, keep on trucking. You'll

738
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 1: get there.

739
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 2: Hey, thank you. Anna, have a good rest of your day.

740
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 2: And if I come to London, if I come to

741
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 2: London to do a show, I'll let you know.

742
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 1: Oh I'm definitely going to come. Well sally happen, but

743
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 1: it's not there, so yeah, I'll be there.

744
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 2: Take care. Anna think of a call. That was a

745
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 2: great call. I really liked that, trying to think if

746
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 2: I have post call thoughts. Do I have any post

747
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:25,839
Speaker 2: call thoughts? Yeah, like I said, you know, like I said,

748
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 2: I I know I talk on here a lot about

749
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 2: having existential crisises. And I had a good month where

750
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:31,839
Speaker 2: I thought it was all gone and then it kind

751
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 2: of seeped back in a little bit. And you know,

752
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 2: every once in a while, I meet someone or talk

753
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 2: to someone, or I have some experience that makes me

754
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 2: feel like, you know, there there is more life to

755
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:50,759
Speaker 2: be lived in the future. Should should one be brave

756
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:55,279
Speaker 2: enough or cognizant enough to take it? And I felt

757
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:59,360
Speaker 2: like that conversation with Anna was another one of those experiences.

758
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 2: So thank you for calling.

759
00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:08,440
Speaker 3: Hello, Marcus. What's going on, man, I'm hanging out. I

760
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:10,839
Speaker 3: wasn't expecting to get a call back.

761
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 2: What did you want to talk about today, sir?

762
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 3: Uh? I wanted to talk about dodgeball.

763
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 2: Oh, tell me more.

764
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 3: Uh, what do you know about dodgeball?

765
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 2: What do I know about dodgeball? I used to play

766
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 2: dodgeball at summer camp. I Uh, let's do I fucking

767
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 2: know about dodgeball?

768
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 1: Yeah?

769
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:40,520
Speaker 2: I used to play a summer camp. I know there's

770
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,320
Speaker 2: a movie about it. Those are the main things I

771
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:44,240
Speaker 2: know about dodgeball.

772
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I see. I feel like that that is the

773
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:51,759
Speaker 3: main thing. Like whenever people bring up or whenever I

774
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 3: bring up dodgeball and conversations, people are always like, oh, yeah,

775
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 3: I remember playing that, you know, in middle school or whatever.

776
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:07,479
Speaker 3: I picked up dodgeball about three years ago. Well, first,

777
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 3: I'll say that like in the movie Dodgeball, they act

778
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:17,799
Speaker 3: as if there's like this international like you know, uh

779
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 3: circuit of tournaments that you know, people gather around and

780
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 3: and and that that people play in and so like

781
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:30,800
Speaker 3: that sounds really cartoonish and crazy, and I recently learned

782
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 3: that's not terribly far from the truth. Uh So I

783
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 3: play competitive dodgeball currently. Me and some friends got together

784
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 3: a couple of years ago and we were just looking

785
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 3: for something to do, like get out there and like

786
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 3: meet people, like pick an activity, and uh, the city

787
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 3: I live in, they have like a one of those

788
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:01,399
Speaker 3: like you know, adult sports like organizations, so you sign

789
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:05,320
Speaker 3: up whatever, played go ball, play flag football, do whatever.

790
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 3: And we wanted to get together and like pick a sport,

791
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 3: but we didn't want to pick anything that you know

792
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 3: that you know, we're going to be playing against fucking

793
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 3: d one athletes and stuff. So we picked dodgeball kind

794
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:21,279
Speaker 3: of as a as a joke. And that was like

795
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 3: three years ago, and in the time since then, we've

796
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 3: just met a bunch of people and traveled a bunch

797
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 3: of places and learned like there is a team USA dodgeball,

798
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 3: and there is like a world tournament and there is

799
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 3: all this stuff and yeah, it's kind of my favorite

800
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:38,920
Speaker 3: thing that I do right now.

801
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 2: Ooh, so how did how did one? How do you

802
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 2: discover the dodgeball scene? Like what did you what did

803
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 2: you google?

804
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 3: What did you do?

805
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:50,440
Speaker 1: Well?

806
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 3: So like that there's this adult like sports organization you

807
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 3: can sign up, you know, pay some money for you know,

808
00:42:57,560 --> 00:42:59,480
Speaker 3: and they run like six week leagues and they have

809
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 3: everything like pickleball, fucking cornhole, chess, bowling, whatever. And so

810
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 3: we looked and we saw something that was like dodgeball

811
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:14,840
Speaker 3: inside of a brewery and we were like that sounds

812
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 3: hilarious and fun, like fuck it, Yeah, well I'll have

813
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,400
Speaker 3: balls thrown at me and drink beer. Like, let's do that,

814
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,360
Speaker 3: and so we started doing that. It was a riot.

815
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 3: So we signed up for another like two or three seasons,

816
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:30,879
Speaker 3: and we started meeting some of the like I guess

817
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 3: some of the hard oh's that have been doing it

818
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 3: for like years, and they were like, oh, yeah, this

819
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 3: is just where we go to like blow off steam

820
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 3: like regularly in normal circumstances. We play like way more

821
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 3: competitive dodgeball, and we're like, what do you mean competitive dodgeball?

822
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 3: So we catch some invites to you know, a kind

823
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 3: of a more competitive league, still in the same group,

824
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 3: but just like a different Oh, show up on Wednesdays,

825
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:57,360
Speaker 3: and it's way more competitive, and people are like more athletic,

826
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 3: and we start meeting up doing like, you know, pick

827
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 3: up dodgeball on the weekends and stuff, which is way cheaper.

828
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 3: And yeah, like those orgs, those people end up like

829
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 3: creating organizations to host dodgeball tournaments dodgeball leagues, and there

830
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 3: are like a bunch of regional tournaments all over the country.

831
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 3: It's really popular in most major cities apparently. So I

832
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,800
Speaker 3: was just in uh, there was just two huge tournaments.

833
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:35,239
Speaker 3: I live in Boston. There's the two huge tournaments here

834
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 3: in Boston this past weekend. I was in Philly a

835
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,799
Speaker 3: couple of weeks ago for like a big East Coast

836
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:46,920
Speaker 3: tournament called the Beast Coast Tournament. And yeah, man, some

837
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 3: of these people they go crazy, Like I feel like

838
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 3: I'm a pretty normal guy, Like I don't play a

839
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 3: lot of I never played a lot of throwing sports

840
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 3: growing up. I guess I've played some soccer like everybody

841
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:02,240
Speaker 3: else did, you know, And so now I'm meeting people

842
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 3: like the whole point that we chose dodgeball to play

843
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 3: in the first place, is because like, there wouldn't be

844
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:11,280
Speaker 3: any hardcore athletes there. And now all of a sudden,

845
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 3: I've met all the hardcore athletes, and people just go

846
00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 3: fucking nuts like it's it's crazy. There are some animals.

847
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 3: It's a lot of fun.

848
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 1: Man.

849
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 3: Honestly, I highly recommend it.

850
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 2: It's really funny to me that you picked dodgeball because

851
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,120
Speaker 2: you were like, oh, we want to do the least

852
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:29,880
Speaker 2: intense one, whereas feel like dodgeball is lends itself to

853
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:33,640
Speaker 2: the most try hards typically, Like I remember that in

854
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 2: summer camp even there would be dodgeball tryhards.

855
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:41,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I mean, you've got a point.

856
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 4: I mean, I guess it was just one of those

857
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 4: things that I didn't expect, you know, yet, all the

858
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 4: dodgeball try hards when you're in summer camp, they're like

859
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 4: the kids that play baseball, you know what I mean,

860
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 4: They're the kids that play football.

861
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 3: Those aren't those kids don't continue to play dodgeball, you

862
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 3: know what I mean. So I guess we just figured

863
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:06,719
Speaker 3: it would be like fun and stupid, and we'd be

864
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 3: like frolicking around and drinking beer and that is not

865
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 3: what it turned out to be.

866
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 2: I guess, so have you, over the course of time

867
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:19,960
Speaker 2: become the try hard.

868
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:26,879
Speaker 3: I regrettably Maybe not regrettably, but yeah, if I'm honest, Yeah,

869
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 3: I mean like I played two three times a week

870
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:33,399
Speaker 3: on a good week. I started like putting in work

871
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 3: and like getting in better shape, like my cardio's way up.

872
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 3: I can actually throw a ball now. The only thing

873
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 3: I was ever good at when I started dodgeball was

874
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:46,760
Speaker 3: the dodging part. I couldn't throw for shit, I couldn't

875
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:50,839
Speaker 3: catch for shit. And now it's like I've been playing

876
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:56,239
Speaker 3: for three years, like weekly at least. And yeah, I

877
00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 3: mean like I'm kind of I mean, I'm not even

878
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 3: close to some of the best dues in my community,

879
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 3: but I hold my own, which is nice, and I

880
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:08,520
Speaker 3: have a fucking blast doing it. It's the best, man, Honestly,

881
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 3: we have a fucking blast.

882
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:13,800
Speaker 2: That's awesome. I'm how old are you?

883
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 3: I'm twenty eight.

884
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:21,240
Speaker 2: What's the age demographic generally of the dodgeball league.

885
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 3: I would say, like entry, I think the leagues start

886
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,359
Speaker 3: at twenty one plus, but like, I don't think I've

887
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:32,399
Speaker 3: met anybody under twenty five, Like I want to say,

888
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 3: maybe there's like some twenty three year olds. I think

889
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:38,880
Speaker 3: there's one kid who's nasty and he's like twenty three

890
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 3: or twenty four in my league, But everybody's actually surprisingly

891
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 3: like over twenty five, and a fair amount of people

892
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:49,840
Speaker 3: are actually over thirty, which I think is pretty interesting.

893
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 3: Like a lot of these people that I play with

894
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 3: are like the old heads. So like we were going

895
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:57,359
Speaker 3: to like really big tournaments now and I'm standing there

896
00:47:57,400 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 3: next to this dude who's like forty, and he's like, man,

897
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 3: I remember when this used to be in a sky

898
00:48:01,719 --> 00:48:06,240
Speaker 3: zone and we're loly sick. Man. That's that's great. Hasn't

899
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 3: the sport grown?

900
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 1: You know?

901
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,440
Speaker 2: Have you gotten any serious injuries from playing dodgeball at all?

902
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:19,359
Speaker 3: I haven't, actually, you know, I took a pretty bad

903
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 3: tumble recently, so like, for the most part, no, I

904
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:26,759
Speaker 3: know guys who I know. One dude, I just saw

905
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:29,240
Speaker 3: him this weekend at a tournament. He's not playing anymore.

906
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,720
Speaker 3: He's like in his forties, I think, because he basically,

907
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 3: over the course of ten years of playing dodgeball just

908
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:38,360
Speaker 3: like ripped his rotator cuff to shreds, just absolutely just

909
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 3: blew it apart and kept playing on it and like

910
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 3: can't really play anymore. So he shows up to the

911
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:48,279
Speaker 3: events just to I guess to support hang out, but yeah,

912
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 3: we don't see him fucking anywhere anymore. I was like

913
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:58,800
Speaker 3: dealing with some knee issues for a little while, mostly

914
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:02,080
Speaker 3: because like other playing dodgeball, which is a lot of

915
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 3: like sprinting and like jumping and diving. I don't do

916
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 3: a lot of other exercise, so it was a lot

917
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:11,759
Speaker 3: of like I wasn't doing a lot of strengthening. I

918
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:15,319
Speaker 3: was just fucking beating my body down. So a couple

919
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 3: of weeks ago, I kind of like jumped in the

920
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:23,719
Speaker 3: air to like jump over a ball and then like

921
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:27,480
Speaker 3: didn't get my feet back under me with enough time,

922
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 3: so I just like fucking slammed on the ground really

923
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 3: hard on my knees, like from four or five feet

924
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 3: in the air, and that shit hurt. That hurt like

925
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:40,320
Speaker 3: a motherfucker, I like so much so that like, I like,

926
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:41,880
Speaker 3: I don't think, I don't know if I tore anything.

927
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,560
Speaker 3: I've got an appointment in a month to like get

928
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:46,839
Speaker 3: it looked at. I guess I'm good now. I can

929
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:50,240
Speaker 3: walk around like I'm fine. But it was so bruised

930
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 3: that like crawling into bed. I couldn't crawl into bed

931
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 3: like just putting my weight on the cushy like you know,

932
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:03,600
Speaker 3: mattress topper like a lot. So that was really scary.

933
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 3: I thought that I thought that I had done it.

934
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 3: I thought that I had like done the I had

935
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 3: I had done the event. That like fucked me up forever.

936
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:15,879
Speaker 3: But we're good. Now, we're good. I got I got

937
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:19,400
Speaker 3: another tournament next weekend and we're we're just running it.

938
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:22,160
Speaker 2: What is your life like outside of Dodgeball?

939
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:29,640
Speaker 3: I am uh, I'm an engineer. I designed stuff, and

940
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:32,919
Speaker 3: I mean that's you know, I sit at a desk

941
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:37,239
Speaker 3: a lot. But aside from that, I also I make

942
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:43,879
Speaker 3: need and I uh play Dungeons and Dragons. I feel

943
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:46,960
Speaker 3: like any one of those. I feel like it's a

944
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:49,080
Speaker 3: lot of the ship that just got really popular on

945
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:52,320
Speaker 3: the internet recently. I have given it a try, and

946
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,399
Speaker 3: so I got really into D and D. I still

947
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 3: I've got like a three year long running tournament campaign

948
00:50:57,640 --> 00:51:02,240
Speaker 3: which has been great. And I homebrew and that's a blast.

949
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:05,239
Speaker 3: I'm I'm making needs right now. I got some needs

950
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:09,560
Speaker 3: in my basement that are brewing. I'm going to Maine

951
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 3: this weekend to go pick some berries and so that

952
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 3: I can do some brewing.

953
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 2: I think you got a nice life, man, You've got

954
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:22,399
Speaker 2: a nice life. You're very You're one of the more

955
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:25,279
Speaker 2: quaint twenty seven year old men that I know.

956
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:30,800
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, you gotta

957
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 3: you gotta do something. I spent most of my I

958
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 3: spent the first like three years out of college just

959
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:44,320
Speaker 3: like surviving, you know, just just doing just trying to

960
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 3: be And that was I don't know, like I was alive,

961
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:53,400
Speaker 3: but I didn't. I wasn't feeling good, you know. I was,

962
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:56,840
Speaker 3: you know, depressed and and tired all the time. And

963
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:00,719
Speaker 3: you just gotta you gotta start somewhere, I guess. And

964
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 3: so I don't remember. I think I started doing D

965
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:07,399
Speaker 3: and D first, and that just kind of like got

966
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:09,280
Speaker 3: me connected with friends again.

967
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:10,160
Speaker 1: And then.

968
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:15,239
Speaker 3: I moved in with some buddies from college, and one

969
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:18,880
Speaker 3: of my buddies like, he's not somebody who can sit still,

970
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:23,239
Speaker 3: and so he was just like trying to do as

971
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:27,680
Speaker 3: many things as possible, and so we started signing up

972
00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 3: for shit together. So I kind of credit him with

973
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:32,440
Speaker 3: a lot with you know, getting me out of the house.

974
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:36,880
Speaker 3: And now here I am three four years later, and

975
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 3: I have like a lot of hobbies and a lot

976
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:44,200
Speaker 3: of shit to do, and I'm traveling a bunch. It's nice.

977
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 3: I'm pretty I'm pretty pleased. I can't lie to you.

978
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 1: Man.

979
00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 2: I love it. I love it, I love I love

980
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 2: doing things. I think doing things is good. I think that. Yeah,

981
00:52:58,080 --> 00:52:59,840
Speaker 2: I mean, these days, it's like you need to have

982
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:03,920
Speaker 2: something that gets you out of the house and around people.

983
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 2: So I'm glad to hear that this, that dodgeball has

984
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:08,759
Speaker 2: been the thing that works out for you. I'm glad

985
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:12,360
Speaker 2: that you haven't broken your fucking nose or anything like that.

986
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:14,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

987
00:53:14,239 --> 00:53:19,840
Speaker 2: No, what's your name again? Man, My name is Marcos Marcus.

988
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:21,320
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say to the

989
00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 2: people of the computer before we go?

990
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 3: Uh no, Just just fucking get out there. Do anything,

991
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 3: do something, Just do something. Don't sit at home. Yeah,

992
00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 3: I like, don't sit at home and stare at your reflection.

993
00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:37,279
Speaker 2: Take care of Marcus.

994
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 3: Thank yeah you too.

995
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 2: Hey, folks, it's Lyle. I've decided I'm going to end

996
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 2: this episode by doing some viewer male emails. So so

997
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 2: this is going to be the gek male portion of

998
00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:01,800
Speaker 2: this podcast. I'm gonna read a few viewer mails and

999
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:04,239
Speaker 2: then I'm gonna leave, and then the podcast will be over,

1000
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 2: and then you can either listen to another one or

1001
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 2: go do something else with your life. Although I think

1002
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:13,680
Speaker 2: people who listen to podcasts are usually doing something while

1003
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:16,600
Speaker 2: they're listening to the podcast, so you can, I guess,

1004
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 2: keep doing what you are doing, or do something else. Okay,

1005
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 2: I'm gonna read these emails. Let's do all right. This

1006
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:27,759
Speaker 2: is the GEK male section of this episode. I might

1007
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:33,320
Speaker 2: start doing this more often, combining phone calls and GEK males,

1008
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:39,359
Speaker 2: so let's start with this one. This is from mx rat,

1009
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:45,640
Speaker 2: subject line Saudi Dating and American. Hi, Lyle, I hope

1010
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 2: you're having a good day and that this email makes

1011
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:50,840
Speaker 2: it on one of your GEK Male episodes. I am

1012
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:55,000
Speaker 2: twenty seven female from Saudi Arabia and dating a twenty

1013
00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 2: seven female from the United States. She introduced me to

1014
00:54:59,239 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 2: your show and actually attended one of your live shows

1015
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:02,760
Speaker 2: in Los Angeles.

1016
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:03,239
Speaker 3: Fuck you.

1017
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:07,439
Speaker 2: As you can tell from the info above, we are gay.

1018
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 2: The community in Saudi is not accepting of queerness, so

1019
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:14,840
Speaker 2: I'm pretty closeted. Only a handful of people from my

1020
00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 2: country know that I'm gay, which explains the long distance

1021
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 2: relationship interesting. I'm seeing a surge in the number of

1022
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:24,959
Speaker 2: gay couples that are starting to emerge with the younger

1023
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 2: generations in Saudi, and it secretly makes me happy because

1024
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 2: I never got to explore relationships or my sexuality before

1025
00:55:32,239 --> 00:55:35,439
Speaker 2: the age of twenty two to twenty three. I feel

1026
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:39,120
Speaker 2: like I'm missing out on life and many experiences, not

1027
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:42,520
Speaker 2: just being closeted, but also having really strict parents that

1028
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:45,239
Speaker 2: still treat me like a teenager. I don't really know

1029
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 2: what the point of this email is. I guess I'm

1030
00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:49,960
Speaker 2: just venting. Thank you for everything that you do. I

1031
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 2: play your podcast while I'm cleaning or doing anything. Really,

1032
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:56,640
Speaker 2: your perspective on things always comes off as mature and thoughtful.

1033
00:55:57,040 --> 00:56:04,200
Speaker 2: Thanks MX. That makes hap that that that it comes

1034
00:56:04,239 --> 00:56:07,680
Speaker 2: off that that is good. Thank you do I have

1035
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:14,280
Speaker 2: thoughts on this, man, you know, I was talking about

1036
00:56:14,280 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 2: this a little I was thinking about this a little bit.

1037
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:19,319
Speaker 2: We talk a lot of shit about America, and one

1038
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:22,400
Speaker 2: hundred percent of the ship we talk about America is warranted.

1039
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,880
Speaker 2: But sometimes you do go to other places and you're like,

1040
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:28,880
Speaker 2: damn ship. We do have a lot of things in

1041
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:33,880
Speaker 2: America that we kind of take for granted America. I'm perfect.

1042
00:56:33,960 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 2: America's got a lot of fucking problems, undeniably so, but

1043
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:44,279
Speaker 2: it is nice that we I think, I think. I

1044
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:48,719
Speaker 2: I've only really traveled around the English speaking countries and like,

1045
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 2: you know, I've been to Thailand in Japan, but you know,

1046
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:55,080
Speaker 2: places in Europe and stuff. But it does feel like

1047
00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 2: individuality and like self exp Russian is you know, an

1048
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:09,239
Speaker 2: American thing, and that always that gets reinforced to me

1049
00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 2: when I read emails like this, I'm bummed out for

1050
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:15,440
Speaker 2: this person. I don't really know. I don't know if

1051
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:20,360
Speaker 2: I have any Well, I can ponder, I can ponder

1052
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 2: with her. I mean, it's hard, right, It's well, okay,

1053
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:29,440
Speaker 2: she said, I'm seeing a surge in the number of

1054
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:31,560
Speaker 2: gay couples that are starting to emerge within the younger

1055
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 2: generation in Saudi So what's up with that?

1056
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 1: Like?

1057
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 2: Are there like are are people in Saudi Arabia? Like

1058
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:43,640
Speaker 2: are there gay couples that are like walking down the

1059
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 2: street holding hands and stuff? Like when you say you're

1060
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:51,760
Speaker 2: seeing a surge in the number of gay couples, like,

1061
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 2: where are you seeing it? Is there a community somewhere

1062
00:57:57,120 --> 00:58:00,280
Speaker 2: in Saudi Arabia that you could be a part of

1063
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 2: that is that dangerous. I don't know. I don't really

1064
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:04,960
Speaker 2: know anything about Saudi Arabia. I'd like to go there

1065
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:09,040
Speaker 2: someday so I can know things about it, but I

1066
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:12,960
Speaker 2: don't know. I think, I mean, it sucks having parents

1067
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:14,760
Speaker 2: that don't accept you for who you are. That's just

1068
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 2: a bummer that it's it's it's hard because you can't

1069
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:23,080
Speaker 2: really fucking change your parents and you can't really like, uh,

1070
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:28,200
Speaker 2: you know, I was gonna say, I was gonna say,

1071
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:30,680
Speaker 2: you can't really change society, but you kind of can,

1072
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:39,520
Speaker 2: but it's hard. You could move, you could come to America,

1073
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:40,600
Speaker 2: but I know that that's hard.

1074
00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 1: Two.

1075
00:58:43,560 --> 00:58:49,320
Speaker 2: So yeah, I don't know. Try to, I guess, try

1076
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 2: to find the community in Saudi Like if you're seeing

1077
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 2: other gay couples, are there other people you can make

1078
00:58:56,800 --> 00:59:03,600
Speaker 2: friends with that at least you can commiserate with? Okay?

1079
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:04,520
Speaker 1: This is uh.

1080
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 2: From oh, this is from Terry subject line I feel

1081
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:15,960
Speaker 2: shame after masturbating. Hey, Lyle, if you're somehow seeing this,

1082
00:59:16,160 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 2: I just want to say I love your show and

1083
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:19,640
Speaker 2: appreciate what you do. Thank you. I feel a little

1084
00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 2: weird writing this, but I'm not sure who else to

1085
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:23,480
Speaker 2: talk to. So I am here. I am a man,

1086
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:27,800
Speaker 2: and I masturbate, usually once a week, sometimes more. The

1087
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:30,560
Speaker 2: issue is I often feel a lot of shame afterwards.

1088
00:59:30,920 --> 00:59:37,800
Speaker 2: What once a week, once a week, Terry, once a week,

1089
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 2: once a week, Dear Lord Terry. I don't watch porn.

1090
00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:48,240
Speaker 2: I sometimes listen to audio porn. I'm not religious right now,

1091
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:51,160
Speaker 2: and I'm currently single, So I think the guilt comes

1092
00:59:51,200 --> 00:59:53,880
Speaker 2: from feeling like I'm failing as a man, like I'm

1093
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:57,760
Speaker 2: giving into temptation and losing control. In other words, it's

1094
00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:01,520
Speaker 2: a weak thing to do. I often myself by avoiding

1095
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:04,440
Speaker 2: things I enjoy for a couple of days. After that

1096
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:06,760
Speaker 2: being said, I do enjoy it while I'm doing it.

1097
01:00:08,200 --> 01:00:10,480
Speaker 2: I want to be the best version of myself, and

1098
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:13,480
Speaker 2: I'm worried that choking the sausage may stop me from

1099
01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:17,000
Speaker 2: doing that or be hurting my energy. Slash vibe, do

1100
01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:19,080
Speaker 2: you have any advice for dealing with this kind of

1101
01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:21,800
Speaker 2: shame or do you think it is limiting me as

1102
01:00:21,840 --> 01:00:23,800
Speaker 2: a person? Is it a weak thing to do? And

1103
01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 2: should I stop? Thanks for reading, Ghek, and I hope

1104
01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:29,880
Speaker 2: this isn't super weird. Terry. The only weird thing about

1105
01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:33,280
Speaker 2: this is that you miss read once a week, you

1106
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:38,480
Speaker 2: masturbate once a week, and you feel shameful about it.

1107
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 2: Oh my god, man, I don't even know how many

1108
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:48,880
Speaker 2: times a day I'm masturbate. I don't know why I'm

1109
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:52,640
Speaker 2: publicly saying that on the internet, but whatever, it's This

1110
01:00:52,720 --> 01:00:54,440
Speaker 2: is what happens when you have a podcast. You just

1111
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:59,840
Speaker 2: say stuff. Um No, you don't have to feel shame, Terry.

1112
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 2: You're you're here's the thing. You have biological imperatives. You

1113
01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:14,720
Speaker 2: have a biological drive for sexual gratification, and achieving that

1114
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:20,640
Speaker 2: through masturbation once a week is completely fine. And you

1115
01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:22,040
Speaker 2: know what, it would be fine if you did it

1116
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:26,880
Speaker 2: twice a day. More than twice a day, you're getting

1117
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:29,560
Speaker 2: a little it's getting a little crazy. More than twice

1118
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:37,040
Speaker 2: a day, you might have a problem. But no, I

1119
01:01:37,080 --> 01:01:39,720
Speaker 2: don't think you should be punishing yourself or living with shame.

1120
01:01:39,920 --> 01:01:41,680
Speaker 2: I mean, because here's the well, here's the thing, Terry,

1121
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:44,240
Speaker 2: here's actually the most Let me let me actually wrangle

1122
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:46,480
Speaker 2: my thoughts around this. My actual thoughts around this are, like,

1123
01:01:46,720 --> 01:01:48,480
Speaker 2: what do you want to do with your life? Terry?

1124
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:50,600
Speaker 2: Like who do you want to be what do you

1125
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:54,600
Speaker 2: want to do, and like, is masturbating actually getting in

1126
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 2: like preventing you from doing it? For example, like whatever

1127
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:01,080
Speaker 2: if you want to like go to the gym more often.

1128
01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:05,240
Speaker 2: I don't think that masturbating once a week is going

1129
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:07,760
Speaker 2: is preventing you from doing that. I mean, if you're

1130
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:11,360
Speaker 2: masturbating ten times a day and because of that you're

1131
01:02:11,440 --> 01:02:15,120
Speaker 2: not like going out and talking to people or working

1132
01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:17,800
Speaker 2: on the things you want to work on, or hitting

1133
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:22,160
Speaker 2: your goals anyway, then then then I would say that

1134
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:25,320
Speaker 2: would be when it is a problem. But once a

1135
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:30,960
Speaker 2: week is not enough for it to tangentially affect. I

1136
01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:38,680
Speaker 2: don't believe any of your your goals. So you know,

1137
01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:41,400
Speaker 2: you got at least you can do this. You have

1138
01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:45,200
Speaker 2: You've got at least thirteen more sessions a week that

1139
01:02:45,320 --> 01:02:57,200
Speaker 2: you can do before you you start to descend. Terry. Okay,

1140
01:02:57,320 --> 01:03:06,480
Speaker 2: let's see here. This is from Uri subject line thank

1141
01:03:06,520 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 2: you gek, hello Geko man, my name is Yuri. And

1142
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:13,400
Speaker 2: they gave their last name and then they said, yeah,

1143
01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:16,120
Speaker 2: I like the call of duty guy. Okay, that probably

1144
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:20,240
Speaker 2: gave it away. But uh, I've always struggled with socializing,

1145
01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:22,520
Speaker 2: and I've always been super awkward when trying to meet

1146
01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:25,680
Speaker 2: people and keep a conversation going. But after listening to

1147
01:03:25,720 --> 01:03:27,440
Speaker 2: you for a few years, I've learned how to ask

1148
01:03:27,520 --> 01:03:30,520
Speaker 2: follow up questions, even if it's over extremely mundane shit.

1149
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:33,480
Speaker 2: Hell Ya, you've had a lot of awkward phone calls,

1150
01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:35,800
Speaker 2: and I honestly have no idea how you've managed to

1151
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:38,440
Speaker 2: breeze through them like nothing. You know what, Uri, I'm

1152
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:42,760
Speaker 2: thank you so much for saying that, because I have

1153
01:03:42,960 --> 01:03:45,800
Speaker 2: had a lot of not just awkward phone calls on

1154
01:03:45,880 --> 01:03:49,600
Speaker 2: this podcast, but imagine this, lots of awkward interactions and

1155
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:53,160
Speaker 2: conversations in my real life over the course of twenty

1156
01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:58,960
Speaker 2: seven years. How do I breeze through them? It's gotten easier. Honestly.

1157
01:03:59,040 --> 01:04:03,680
Speaker 2: This morning I had an awkward conversation with someone and

1158
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:07,520
Speaker 2: I felt bad about it for at least an hour afterwards.

1159
01:04:08,520 --> 01:04:13,320
Speaker 2: But that was about two hours ago, and now I'm fine.

1160
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:14,880
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1161
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 2: I think it's something about living in the present. I

1162
01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:20,400
Speaker 2: don't really I don't really live in the past. I

1163
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:23,240
Speaker 2: try not to live in the past as much as

1164
01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:27,640
Speaker 2: I can, and I don't know a weird or awkward

1165
01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:34,200
Speaker 2: interaction I've learned how to easily discard it. You let yourself.

1166
01:04:34,520 --> 01:04:37,600
Speaker 2: You here's what I think this happened. This doesn't. This

1167
01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:41,240
Speaker 2: is something that you cultivate where you have an experience

1168
01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:46,640
Speaker 2: that you feel awkward or shameful about, and then you

1169
01:04:47,440 --> 01:04:53,000
Speaker 2: you bask in the awkwardness and the shame and the

1170
01:04:53,600 --> 01:04:57,880
Speaker 2: anxiety of it for because you got to do that.

1171
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:01,160
Speaker 2: You got to bask. You got to bass and the

1172
01:05:01,240 --> 01:05:04,040
Speaker 2: shame and the anxiety and the awkwardness because it's it's

1173
01:05:04,200 --> 01:05:08,080
Speaker 2: just inherent to the experience. But once you finish basking,

1174
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:13,600
Speaker 2: you move on. Don't bask for too long. Limit your basking.

1175
01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:16,080
Speaker 2: Bask for like, if you need to bask for twenty

1176
01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:18,920
Speaker 2: four hours, bask for twenty four hours, but have a limit.

1177
01:05:19,760 --> 01:05:23,720
Speaker 2: Don't bask over don't bask over everything all the time.

1178
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:28,960
Speaker 2: Pick the things, bask over them for a set period

1179
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:29,880
Speaker 2: of time, and then move on.

1180
01:05:31,040 --> 01:05:31,200
Speaker 1: You know.

1181
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:35,480
Speaker 2: Otherwise it's like otherwise, I mean, otherwise basking becomes masturbatory.

1182
01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:41,200
Speaker 2: You like the last the last emailer, and then you know,

1183
01:05:41,960 --> 01:05:46,680
Speaker 2: I mean, like like if you have an awkward conversation

1184
01:05:46,800 --> 01:05:49,360
Speaker 2: in the morning and then you spend the entire rest

1185
01:05:49,400 --> 01:05:53,120
Speaker 2: of the day agonizing over how awkward or bad or

1186
01:05:53,520 --> 01:05:57,000
Speaker 2: you handle that situation. You know, if you if you

1187
01:05:57,600 --> 01:06:00,240
Speaker 2: kind of bask in that, it's basically like you spent

1188
01:06:00,280 --> 01:06:04,080
Speaker 2: the whole day masturbating. There's really no difference between doing

1189
01:06:04,120 --> 01:06:07,800
Speaker 2: those two things. So this is a similar thing from

1190
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:12,120
Speaker 2: the previous caller, previous previous emailer. See if the previous

1191
01:06:12,160 --> 01:06:15,040
Speaker 2: emailer just had an awkward conversation once a week and

1192
01:06:15,640 --> 01:06:19,720
Speaker 2: got upset at themselves about it once a week, that's

1193
01:06:19,760 --> 01:06:23,560
Speaker 2: a great that's a great basking ratio. Okay, I gotta

1194
01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:26,360
Speaker 2: finish reading this email. I just wanted to say thanks,

1195
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:28,320
Speaker 2: because not only is your show extremely helpful to listen

1196
01:06:28,320 --> 01:06:30,720
Speaker 2: to people's crazy experiences, but also just listening to you

1197
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:33,160
Speaker 2: talk to people has helped me go from the weird

1198
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:36,080
Speaker 2: dude at the bar panicking because he wants to meet

1199
01:06:36,120 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 2: people but is too scared all the way to the loud,

1200
01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:42,880
Speaker 2: funny dude in the middle of seven conversations. Look at

1201
01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:48,640
Speaker 2: this guy, Look at uri. You rock here, I fuck

1202
01:06:48,680 --> 01:06:50,600
Speaker 2: with you super hard. That rocks. That's awesome.

1203
01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:54,920
Speaker 1: I am. You know.

1204
01:06:55,040 --> 01:07:00,400
Speaker 2: In my personal life, I have a strong range of

1205
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:06,680
Speaker 2: social energy. There are some nights I have had I

1206
01:07:06,760 --> 01:07:11,040
Speaker 2: have been to parties or social events. Some nights where

1207
01:07:11,080 --> 01:07:12,919
Speaker 2: I walk in and I'm just like, I will talk

1208
01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:17,480
Speaker 2: to anyone. I'm amazing. I'm like everything I say like

1209
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:23,800
Speaker 2: is perfectly makes sense and it's funny. I gracefully enter

1210
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:28,880
Speaker 2: and exit conversations. I know what to say to make

1211
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:33,720
Speaker 2: people like, you know, uh, instantly, like we're instantly connecting

1212
01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:36,120
Speaker 2: and whatnot. Okay, you know I have nights like that,

1213
01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:39,000
Speaker 2: and then I have nights where I'm just like, oh,

1214
01:07:39,160 --> 01:07:45,200
Speaker 2: I can't I can't do it. I can't talk to anyone.

1215
01:07:45,480 --> 01:07:48,440
Speaker 2: I have no energy. I hate myself. I don't know

1216
01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:51,040
Speaker 2: why anyone would ever want to be around me or

1217
01:07:51,240 --> 01:07:55,440
Speaker 2: talk to me or you know, oh my god, how

1218
01:07:55,440 --> 01:08:00,480
Speaker 2: am I supposed to you know, have have form new

1219
01:08:00,600 --> 01:08:05,240
Speaker 2: relationships if I'm this guy, you know, just so much shame,

1220
01:08:05,440 --> 01:08:12,000
Speaker 2: so much self hate, and it's like, I really it's

1221
01:08:12,040 --> 01:08:13,600
Speaker 2: a I don't know what it is. I always try

1222
01:08:13,640 --> 01:08:16,400
Speaker 2: to solve for X on that. Sometimes I have such

1223
01:08:16,520 --> 01:08:18,800
Speaker 2: great energy and sometimes I have no energy, but it's

1224
01:08:18,840 --> 01:08:23,920
Speaker 2: a strong range. So I feel you on that. I've

1225
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:25,439
Speaker 2: made tons of friends because of it, and I just

1226
01:08:25,479 --> 01:08:27,040
Speaker 2: want to say I appreciate your existence. Thank you.

1227
01:08:27,160 --> 01:08:27,280
Speaker 1: Uri.

1228
01:08:27,439 --> 01:08:29,639
Speaker 2: I'm also on art teacher, and I'm going to attach

1229
01:08:29,760 --> 01:08:32,439
Speaker 2: some of my paintings because I know you're also into art.

1230
01:08:33,439 --> 01:08:36,120
Speaker 2: Have a fantastic day. When did I say I was

1231
01:08:36,160 --> 01:08:36,599
Speaker 2: into art?

1232
01:08:36,600 --> 01:08:37,479
Speaker 3: I mean I do like art.

1233
01:08:37,520 --> 01:08:40,320
Speaker 2: I think everyone likes art. Oh, I like these paintings

1234
01:08:40,320 --> 01:08:41,800
Speaker 2: a lot. Look at this is This is a cool

1235
01:08:41,880 --> 01:08:46,760
Speaker 2: jealous guy painted a jellyfish and a pirate ship. Shout

1236
01:08:46,760 --> 01:08:50,679
Speaker 2: out to Uri. He painted a jellyfish and a pirate ship.

1237
01:08:51,800 --> 01:08:59,640
Speaker 2: Good luck, good luck, good luck Uri. This is from Demetrius.

1238
01:09:01,360 --> 01:09:04,720
Speaker 2: Demetrius says, hey, Lyle, I'm Demetrius, and the last time

1239
01:09:04,760 --> 01:09:06,680
Speaker 2: I tried to email you, I overthought about it and

1240
01:09:06,760 --> 01:09:08,320
Speaker 2: it took me three months to send it to you.

1241
01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:11,120
Speaker 2: Then you stopped doing gek mail. I'm kind of always

1242
01:09:11,320 --> 01:09:15,040
Speaker 2: gek mail is on a rolling basis. I'm not sure

1243
01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:17,120
Speaker 2: if you'll get the chance to read the old email.

1244
01:09:17,200 --> 01:09:19,600
Speaker 2: But we met at your last London show and we

1245
01:09:19,760 --> 01:09:23,720
Speaker 2: hung out after it your podcast. I'm trying to remember, Yeah,

1246
01:09:23,720 --> 01:09:25,240
Speaker 2: I went out to a spoons with a bunch of

1247
01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:29,160
Speaker 2: people after London. I think your podcast has been a

1248
01:09:29,240 --> 01:09:31,320
Speaker 2: comforting thing for me, and it helps me to think

1249
01:09:31,320 --> 01:09:32,920
Speaker 2: about a lot of things that I struggle with and

1250
01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:35,600
Speaker 2: my overall thinking. I'm planning to try and call in

1251
01:09:35,680 --> 01:09:37,360
Speaker 2: at some point to have a proper chat with you.

1252
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:39,240
Speaker 2: In this email, I just want to say how the

1253
01:09:39,280 --> 01:09:41,920
Speaker 2: past few months have been very eventful. I've now been

1254
01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:45,519
Speaker 2: taking seventy milligrams of Vivants holy shit for a few

1255
01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:47,719
Speaker 2: months and has helped me in quite a few aspects

1256
01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:49,880
Speaker 2: of my life. I made lots of new friends, I

1257
01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:51,680
Speaker 2: got a small promotion at my job, and I have

1258
01:09:51,720 --> 01:09:53,439
Speaker 2: been trying to travel and go to events as much

1259
01:09:53,439 --> 01:09:56,600
Speaker 2: as I can. Wait that rocks, Yes, seventy milligrams of

1260
01:09:56,640 --> 01:09:59,920
Speaker 2: Vivants will. We'll make you some friends, get you a promotion,

1261
01:10:00,240 --> 01:10:03,559
Speaker 2: and get you traveling for sure. I feel like I've

1262
01:10:03,560 --> 01:10:05,200
Speaker 2: made so much progress, but at the same time, I

1263
01:10:05,240 --> 01:10:07,400
Speaker 2: feel like I'm behind, and then I need to work

1264
01:10:07,479 --> 01:10:09,840
Speaker 2: harder on myself. It feels like this will be a

1265
01:10:09,960 --> 01:10:13,280
Speaker 2: never ending battle. Do you think there's any way to

1266
01:10:13,320 --> 01:10:14,320
Speaker 2: get out of this mindset?

1267
01:10:17,360 --> 01:10:17,559
Speaker 1: Yes?

1268
01:10:18,520 --> 01:10:18,800
Speaker 3: I do.

1269
01:10:19,640 --> 01:10:21,080
Speaker 2: This is something I think about.

1270
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:21,559
Speaker 3: A lot.

1271
01:10:23,840 --> 01:10:26,160
Speaker 2: Because i've.

1272
01:10:27,720 --> 01:10:27,920
Speaker 1: Yes.

1273
01:10:29,280 --> 01:10:32,519
Speaker 2: Yes, Here are my thoughts about this, at least in

1274
01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:37,720
Speaker 2: this very moment. On July fifteenth, twenty twenty five, at

1275
01:10:37,720 --> 01:10:41,360
Speaker 2: two o four pm. These are what my thoughts are

1276
01:10:41,560 --> 01:10:44,800
Speaker 2: in this exact moment. My thoughts in this exact moment

1277
01:10:45,360 --> 01:10:51,680
Speaker 2: are that you will have milestones that you want to hit,

1278
01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:53,960
Speaker 2: and you will have goals and you'll hit them, and

1279
01:10:54,080 --> 01:10:58,839
Speaker 2: you'll keep moving the goalposts, and you keep moving the goalposts,

1280
01:10:58,920 --> 01:11:02,519
Speaker 2: You'll keep working on things, and you'll be like, oh,

1281
01:11:02,600 --> 01:11:04,080
Speaker 2: you know, I really wanted to make new friends. I

1282
01:11:04,080 --> 01:11:05,800
Speaker 2: wanted to get a promotion. I wanted to travel, And

1283
01:11:05,840 --> 01:11:07,880
Speaker 2: then you do all those things and then you're like,

1284
01:11:07,960 --> 01:11:11,680
Speaker 2: why the fuck do I still feel behind? Why do

1285
01:11:11,800 --> 01:11:18,080
Speaker 2: I still feel like I'm not enough? And I think

1286
01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:23,439
Speaker 2: that if you've been doing those things as a way

1287
01:11:23,640 --> 01:11:29,360
Speaker 2: to feel enough, the external validation that those things give

1288
01:11:29,439 --> 01:11:32,360
Speaker 2: you is not going to really fill your internal hole.

1289
01:11:33,920 --> 01:11:37,920
Speaker 2: And also, at a certain point, I mean, I'm twenty seven.

1290
01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:42,240
Speaker 2: I've been relatively goal oriented my whole life, and this

1291
01:11:42,560 --> 01:11:44,479
Speaker 2: year specifically, I've gotten to a point where I'm like,

1292
01:11:44,560 --> 01:11:47,040
Speaker 2: you know what, it's never going to end, dude. I

1293
01:11:47,120 --> 01:11:48,920
Speaker 2: was hanging out with my dad. My dad is sixty

1294
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:52,720
Speaker 2: six years old, and he has a giant list of

1295
01:11:53,400 --> 01:11:56,240
Speaker 2: projects that he wants to do and ideas that he has,

1296
01:11:56,920 --> 01:11:59,880
Speaker 2: and I was like, damn, my dad is sixty six

1297
01:12:00,880 --> 01:12:03,840
Speaker 2: and I when i'm his When i'm his age, if

1298
01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:06,120
Speaker 2: I'm lucky enough to make it to his age, I'm

1299
01:12:06,160 --> 01:12:07,120
Speaker 2: probably still.

1300
01:12:06,960 --> 01:12:07,320
Speaker 1: Going to be.

1301
01:12:08,920 --> 01:12:12,160
Speaker 2: Having ideas and wanting to do things and wanting to

1302
01:12:12,280 --> 01:12:17,960
Speaker 2: work on myself. And you realize that that there is

1303
01:12:18,280 --> 01:12:26,920
Speaker 2: no there. You never get there, and that's good. I

1304
01:12:27,000 --> 01:12:29,280
Speaker 2: think you get out of this mindset by realizing that

1305
01:12:29,439 --> 01:12:33,360
Speaker 2: that's good that you're never going to get there, because

1306
01:12:33,400 --> 01:12:38,320
Speaker 2: it's part of life, you know, struggling a little bit

1307
01:12:39,520 --> 01:12:43,840
Speaker 2: to improve, well, ideally ideally, not struggling. Ideally it's out

1308
01:12:43,840 --> 01:12:46,960
Speaker 2: of love. You know, ideally, it's not a struggle. Ideally,

1309
01:12:47,160 --> 01:12:49,200
Speaker 2: you're propelled by love.

1310
01:12:49,840 --> 01:12:50,040
Speaker 1: You know.

1311
01:12:50,880 --> 01:12:53,680
Speaker 2: Ideally, you're making friends, and you're getting a promotion, and

1312
01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:55,720
Speaker 2: you're traveling and going to events as much as you

1313
01:12:55,800 --> 01:12:58,840
Speaker 2: can because you love life, and because you always want

1314
01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:00,640
Speaker 2: to get more out of life. You always want to

1315
01:13:00,640 --> 01:13:02,760
Speaker 2: push yourself, and you care about yourself and you care

1316
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:06,120
Speaker 2: about your life. And so you get out of that

1317
01:13:06,200 --> 01:13:08,519
Speaker 2: mindset by realizing that you're doing the things you do

1318
01:13:08,720 --> 01:13:13,640
Speaker 2: because you love yourself, not because you hate yourself. You know,

1319
01:13:14,880 --> 01:13:16,840
Speaker 2: That's what I'm trying to get at in my own

1320
01:13:17,680 --> 01:13:20,720
Speaker 2: in my own life, you know, So that's what I

1321
01:13:20,760 --> 01:13:22,439
Speaker 2: would say. I would say that you're on a fucking

1322
01:13:22,560 --> 01:13:26,439
Speaker 2: roller coaster. You're the never ending battle with yourself. It's

1323
01:13:26,479 --> 01:13:31,360
Speaker 2: not you're not battling yourself. You're cooperating with yourself to

1324
01:13:31,680 --> 01:13:34,200
Speaker 2: get the most out of life because you care about

1325
01:13:34,200 --> 01:13:36,960
Speaker 2: yourself and you care about the world, and you want

1326
01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:40,639
Speaker 2: to participate. It's good. It's a really, really good thing.

1327
01:13:40,720 --> 01:13:44,439
Speaker 2: It's the opposite of like fucking existential nihilism, where you're like,

1328
01:13:44,520 --> 01:13:47,519
Speaker 2: what's the point. You know, Demetrius, You're you're participating, so

1329
01:13:50,200 --> 01:13:54,519
Speaker 2: keep participating. I'm on thirty milligrams of I advance myself

1330
01:13:54,600 --> 01:13:59,880
Speaker 2: right now. Participate and enjoy the journey. You have to

1331
01:14:00,320 --> 01:14:08,719
Speaker 2: switch the mindset to enjoying the quote unquote never ending battle.

1332
01:14:08,760 --> 01:14:10,479
Speaker 2: It's not a never ending battle. It's a never ending

1333
01:14:10,560 --> 01:14:15,040
Speaker 2: cooperation and uplifting of yourself. God that sounds douchey, but

1334
01:14:15,840 --> 01:14:19,960
Speaker 2: it's what's in my heart. At a two eight pm

1335
01:14:20,920 --> 01:14:28,280
Speaker 2: on July fifteenth, twenty twenty five, all right, let's do

1336
01:14:30,040 --> 01:14:34,960
Speaker 2: one more email. This is from Linus. Subject line question

1337
01:14:35,200 --> 01:14:37,920
Speaker 2: for you. Oh God, Hi, l On. My name is

1338
01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:40,080
Speaker 2: Lionis and I am from Denmark. Hope you come back

1339
01:14:40,120 --> 01:14:42,200
Speaker 2: for a show someday. I did a show in Denmark

1340
01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:45,920
Speaker 2: two years ago. That's fun. I love Denmark man Copenhagen's

1341
01:14:45,920 --> 01:14:48,639
Speaker 2: one of my favorite fucking places on the earth. Maybe

1342
01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:50,720
Speaker 2: I'll go back soon. I love your show and I

1343
01:14:50,800 --> 01:14:52,720
Speaker 2: listen to it every day at work. It's a very

1344
01:14:52,800 --> 01:14:55,040
Speaker 2: nice way for me to kind of disassociate from what

1345
01:14:55,120 --> 01:14:57,960
Speaker 2: I'm doing and makes the time go by faster. I

1346
01:14:58,080 --> 01:15:00,600
Speaker 2: know you are a weed guy. I am also a

1347
01:15:00,680 --> 01:15:03,120
Speaker 2: weed guy. I was wondering if you could tell us

1348
01:15:03,160 --> 01:15:05,840
Speaker 2: about the first time you smoked. I would also love

1349
01:15:05,920 --> 01:15:08,680
Speaker 2: to hear what your family thinks about your use and

1350
01:15:08,800 --> 01:15:12,040
Speaker 2: maybe win slash how they found out about it. Uh,

1351
01:15:12,400 --> 01:15:17,400
Speaker 2: thank you for the podcast. I really appreciate you. Um fuck,

1352
01:15:17,520 --> 01:15:21,759
Speaker 2: I'm not my memory is shit because I smoke weed.

1353
01:15:21,920 --> 01:15:27,000
Speaker 2: But my dad and my mom have always known that

1354
01:15:27,040 --> 01:15:29,280
Speaker 2: I smoked weed. I mean I started smoking weed when

1355
01:15:29,320 --> 01:15:35,920
Speaker 2: I was fourteen or fifteen, and my parents always knew

1356
01:15:35,960 --> 01:15:38,439
Speaker 2: and they never got upset about it. I think that they.

1357
01:15:38,600 --> 01:15:41,120
Speaker 2: I mean, we kept it hidden, but my parents, my

1358
01:15:41,280 --> 01:15:42,479
Speaker 2: parents are a big.

1359
01:15:45,000 --> 01:15:45,160
Speaker 3: Wait.

1360
01:15:45,240 --> 01:15:46,599
Speaker 2: We never got no. We no, I'm sorry, we did

1361
01:15:46,680 --> 01:15:51,200
Speaker 2: keep it hidden. My parents were always big like I'd

1362
01:15:51,320 --> 01:15:55,360
Speaker 2: rather them do it at my house than like drive

1363
01:15:55,720 --> 01:15:57,559
Speaker 2: and do it that was my mom's big thing, where

1364
01:15:57,600 --> 01:15:58,960
Speaker 2: she was like, look, I know that you get high.

1365
01:15:58,960 --> 01:16:00,639
Speaker 2: I know that you and your friends are as getting high,

1366
01:16:00,680 --> 01:16:05,240
Speaker 2: but like, don't fucking drive and get high. That was

1367
01:16:05,280 --> 01:16:13,639
Speaker 2: my mom's thing. I think my parents, Yeah, my parents

1368
01:16:13,640 --> 01:16:16,120
Speaker 2: always knew that I was smoking weed and they were

1369
01:16:16,960 --> 01:16:22,080
Speaker 2: fine about it. We never really talked about it, but yeah,

1370
01:16:22,120 --> 01:16:24,040
Speaker 2: I think that that was their philosophy. It is like

1371
01:16:24,120 --> 01:16:27,560
Speaker 2: we know that they're going to do it, but just

1372
01:16:27,720 --> 01:16:32,800
Speaker 2: don't drive while you do it. The first time I

1373
01:16:32,920 --> 01:16:38,960
Speaker 2: smoked weed was with We had a neighborhood dealer. His

1374
01:16:39,160 --> 01:16:42,400
Speaker 2: name was Noah. I don't know why, I'm I shouldn't

1375
01:16:42,439 --> 01:16:47,840
Speaker 2: give his name. Whatever, there is a billion Noah's. Shout

1376
01:16:47,880 --> 01:16:50,120
Speaker 2: out Noah, Noah, if you're listening to this, if you

1377
01:16:50,240 --> 01:16:56,519
Speaker 2: somehow get this sent to you, Noah Noah's Noah. Noah

1378
01:16:56,560 --> 01:17:01,720
Speaker 2: was the neighborhood dealer and I went with him my

1379
01:17:01,800 --> 01:17:07,200
Speaker 2: buddy Chase to the woods. We smoked a blunt and

1380
01:17:07,320 --> 01:17:09,519
Speaker 2: Noah said to me, you know that you can tell

1381
01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:15,960
Speaker 2: that you're high if your spit is white. And so

1382
01:17:16,080 --> 01:17:18,320
Speaker 2: I was spitting on the ground a lot, and I

1383
01:17:18,479 --> 01:17:20,280
Speaker 2: was I would think I was pretty high, and so

1384
01:17:20,400 --> 01:17:22,800
Speaker 2: I started. I was I was pretty high, and I

1385
01:17:22,880 --> 01:17:27,360
Speaker 2: was sal salivating, salivating a lot, and so I just

1386
01:17:27,400 --> 01:17:30,519
Speaker 2: started spitting on my hands and like rubbing them together.

1387
01:17:32,280 --> 01:17:35,960
Speaker 2: And so I was just walking with my friends, just

1388
01:17:36,120 --> 01:17:39,280
Speaker 2: spitting on my hands and rubbing in together. My hands

1389
01:17:39,320 --> 01:17:41,760
Speaker 2: were all sticky and covered in spit. My friends looked

1390
01:17:41,800 --> 01:17:43,400
Speaker 2: at me and they were like, what the fuck are

1391
01:17:43,439 --> 01:17:46,240
Speaker 2: you doing? And I was like, I don't even I

1392
01:17:46,280 --> 01:17:49,560
Speaker 2: don't know. I thought they I heard that if you

1393
01:17:49,720 --> 01:17:52,800
Speaker 2: spit and it's white, you're high. And they were like,

1394
01:17:52,840 --> 01:17:54,360
Speaker 2: we don't want to hang out with you anymore. You're

1395
01:17:54,360 --> 01:18:01,280
Speaker 2: a little weird. We don't like this. This was thirteen

1396
01:18:01,360 --> 01:18:04,000
Speaker 2: years ago. They still bring it up sometimes, me spitting

1397
01:18:04,040 --> 01:18:07,240
Speaker 2: on my hands. I try not to live in the

1398
01:18:07,280 --> 01:18:13,640
Speaker 2: past though. Thank you for your question. Linus. Folks, this

1399
01:18:13,760 --> 01:18:18,519
Speaker 2: has been gek mail. Send an email, Send an email

1400
01:18:18,560 --> 01:18:22,200
Speaker 2: to me therapy geckomail at gmail dot com. I might

1401
01:18:22,280 --> 01:18:28,600
Speaker 2: do more of these half phone call, half gek mail episodes.

1402
01:18:29,479 --> 01:18:32,760
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep trying to do one IRL episode a week.

1403
01:18:34,520 --> 01:18:38,839
Speaker 2: I'm working really hard on my Tijuana documentary and hopefully

1404
01:18:38,960 --> 01:18:43,280
Speaker 2: more documentaries after that. I'm going to be uploading that

1405
01:18:43,400 --> 01:18:49,479
Speaker 2: actually here on Spotify and on YouTube, so be on

1406
01:18:49,560 --> 01:18:52,400
Speaker 2: the lookout. Thank you guys for listening to this podcast.

1407
01:18:53,360 --> 01:18:57,599
Speaker 2: Thank you guys for being here. Send an email Therapy

1408
01:18:57,680 --> 01:19:02,160
Speaker 2: geckomail at gmail dot com and uh, I might answer

1409
01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:04,840
Speaker 2: your email like seven months after you send it, so

1410
01:19:05,960 --> 01:19:08,880
Speaker 2: so just keep keep sending emails Therapy Gecko mail at

1411
01:19:08,920 --> 01:19:11,720
Speaker 2: gmail dot com. I might try to do more of

1412
01:19:11,760 --> 01:19:17,640
Speaker 2: these hybrid episodes and okay, well that's it. That's all.

1413
01:19:17,760 --> 01:19:19,920
Speaker 2: That's all the rest I have to say. I'll be

1414
01:19:20,040 --> 01:19:27,200
Speaker 2: back on Sunday with an I R L episode and

1415
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:32,400
Speaker 2: I will see you guys. Then get bless and good luck.

1416
01:19:33,920 --> 01:19:38,679
Speaker 2: Bye again. Goes on the line taking your phone calls

1417
01:19:38,760 --> 01:19:43,840
Speaker 2: every nine. Goes to stagings loud in the of your line.

1418
01:19:45,640 --> 01:19:46,400
Speaker 2: An expert