1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:04,120 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:08,319 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,680 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:17,760 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,240 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is our second bonus episode as 11 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 1: part of the COVID nineteen series. All our lives are changing. 12 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,839 Speaker 1: Because of that, we continue to release regular episodes every Tuesday, 13 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 1: but many of those were recorded in advance and so 14 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,239 Speaker 1: sounds a little different and are dealing with different issues 15 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:55,279 Speaker 1: than we've all found ourselves dealing with these days. So 16 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 1: one of the topics that has come up a lot 17 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: as people are navigating working from home, dealing with childcare changes, 18 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: or not having available school or childcare is how this 19 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:13,160 Speaker 1: winds up splitting and what sort of division of labor 20 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: issues that maybe didn't come to the surface when school 21 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: was there suddenly boil up when it is not. We 22 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,680 Speaker 1: got an interesting question from a listener that Sarah is 23 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,280 Speaker 1: going to read from us for us. Yeah, okay, here 24 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 1: we go. This comes from listeners slash reader Stephanie. She says, 25 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 1: I'm in a two income family with a three and 26 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 1: a half year old, and I'm in my third trimester 27 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 1: of pregnancy, and I earned more than my husband, but 28 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 1: we both have time intensive careers that typically require lots 29 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:47,440 Speaker 1: of interactive work. We're only one weekendto our official quarantine, 30 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 1: though we did only work in daycare the prior week, 31 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 1: and she said she already has lots of thoughts on 32 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: the division of labor. She linked to the recent Atlantic 33 00:01:55,840 --> 00:02:00,080 Speaker 1: article called something like feminism is coronavirus, the death of 34 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: feminism or something like that, and then she wrote, it 35 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 1: is one thing to divide tasks more evenly under regular circumstances, 36 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,240 Speaker 1: but I am definitely picking up more of the childcare 37 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 1: and household responsibilities in the new world order. Our daycare 38 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: is closed and we are both working from home, and 39 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 1: a lot of the previous advice, like higher help doesn't 40 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: really apply right now. We are taking social distancing and 41 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 1: isolation recommendations and government orders very seriously, both because it 42 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: is the right thing to do and add of an 43 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 1: abundance of caution given my pregnancy. Any advice or thoughts 44 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: other than just talk to your spouse and work it out, well, 45 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:39,639 Speaker 1: that is part of the advice. I mean, that's never 46 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,040 Speaker 1: a bad thing to do, because I assume that some 47 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 1: of the ways people fall back on old stereotypes, for instance, 48 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:54,400 Speaker 1: is because there are unspoken assumptions, and so rather than 49 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: leave them unspoken, you can talk about them and say, well, okay, 50 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:03,840 Speaker 1: what happens if we both have video calls at the 51 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,920 Speaker 1: same time. You know, what happens if the kid is 52 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 1: yelling for help on an assignment, a school assignment in 53 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: the middle of a conference call, who goes and deals 54 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,640 Speaker 1: with it? If we both, you know, would like to 55 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:22,000 Speaker 1: have time for deep work and thinking, like who deals 56 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,399 Speaker 1: with the kids? Like do we assume that if one 57 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 1: party is in charge during that time, that doesn't just 58 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,519 Speaker 1: mean generally wandering around the house. It actually means keeping 59 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: them away from the other person, like the These are 60 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 1: various assumptions that people are not used to because they're 61 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: not necessarily working from home. So you know, those are 62 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 1: good conversations to have. Yeah, I think there's never been 63 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 1: a better time to like sit there. And I actually 64 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,120 Speaker 1: the other day just there's been all this focus on 65 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: kids schedules and was like, I need to figure out 66 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: what my schedule is going to look like. And mine 67 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,520 Speaker 1: didn't really involve my husband all that much because we 68 00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 1: are currently in the situation where we still can have 69 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: our child provider come. But if we weren't, then that's 70 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 1: exactly what we would probably be doing is each week 71 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 1: looking ahead and drawing out these are my work hours, 72 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 1: these are your work hours. You know. It's funny because 73 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: we can't really plan events and fun stuff and travel 74 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: and all those things I like to do right now, 75 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: but we probably still do need to put some effort 76 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 1: into really thinking about how we can use the blocks 77 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 1: of time that we do have, especially when they're multiple 78 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,359 Speaker 1: kids of different ages running around and you're trying to 79 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: help to some agree with their instruction if if that's happening, 80 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,719 Speaker 1: so I know, I feel like that's this reader's asking 81 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 1: for something else. But for me, the biggest armistice has 82 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,799 Speaker 1: been like, okay, like objectively, look who can do this hours? 83 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 1: Who can do this hours? And there is something calming 84 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: to knowing like, Okay, if I know I'm going to 85 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 1: be able to work from ten to two or whatever, 86 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 1: then I might as well sort of turn my brain 87 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 1: off the rest of the time because I have a 88 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,360 Speaker 1: chunk that I can count on. Yeah. I think frustrations 89 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: often come from a mismatch between expectations and reality. And 90 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,839 Speaker 1: if your expectation is that you'll be able to work 91 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,280 Speaker 1: with no noise or distract action from eight to six, 92 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 1: well that is probably not going to happen in this 93 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: current environment. But if you to agree on say, you know, 94 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 1: I get eight to two and you get one to 95 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,479 Speaker 1: six or whatever, you know, to overlap with quiet time 96 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,719 Speaker 1: that everyone can have, then you feel better about the 97 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 1: hours you are not working because you weren't planning on 98 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 1: working those hours, so you're not feeling guilty about them. 99 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,520 Speaker 1: And then you could also truly focus during the hours 100 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: you're supposed to be working because you know that there 101 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,280 Speaker 1: will be time you're not and so it's not like, oh, well, 102 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 1: you know, my children's schooling going to fall apart and 103 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,039 Speaker 1: I have no idea what's going on with them. Well, 104 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 1: you're going to figure that out in the hours that 105 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:43,240 Speaker 1: are yours. And again, also having that conversation about when 106 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,600 Speaker 1: a parent is covering certain number of hours, what that 107 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,360 Speaker 1: means when everyone's working from home, because this is something 108 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,600 Speaker 1: people don't necessarily know. It means keeping them out of 109 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 1: your office. It might mean keeping them quiet. That may 110 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 1: not be possible, but if it is, what does that mean. 111 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,520 Speaker 1: So yeah, having those discussions, it's been interesting. We're all, 112 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,279 Speaker 1: you know, working from home right right now, and I 113 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 1: would say I definitely pop out a lot more often 114 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:10,719 Speaker 1: than Michael does, but that's it's also because my office 115 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: is closer to where everything else is. He's holed up 116 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 1: in the guest room, which is up on the second 117 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,359 Speaker 1: floor and off toward the corner, whereas I have my 118 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 1: office that I always use, which is the standard home office, 119 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,279 Speaker 1: which is usually on the first floor of a house, 120 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 1: and so it's slightly more central. But what we've been 121 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: dealing with lately is we still have childcare too. You know, 122 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:38,520 Speaker 1: it's great, she's actually been you know, staying here for 123 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 1: a little bit, but it's never quiet. I'm feeding Henry 124 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: right now, I can hear the kids in the background. 125 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,480 Speaker 1: So that's been an issue for say, recording, because one 126 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,720 Speaker 1: of the projects I'm doing right now is a lot 127 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 1: of recording and having to record new episodes of various 128 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 1: things because of what's going on in the news. So yeah, 129 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 1: it's it's a bit of a challenge. I think now 130 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,000 Speaker 1: might be a good time to also implement a little 131 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: bit of tag teaming bedtime. I had a lovely zoom 132 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: chat with my college girlfriends last night, and our kids 133 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,120 Speaker 1: actually ended up staying super late, so it was kind 134 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 1: of a moot point. But when I thought back on it, 135 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that should have been a night that 136 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 1: I said Josh, like, you're doing bedtime and I'll do 137 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:19,960 Speaker 1: bedtime the next night and kind of give him a 138 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: night to just play guitar and relax, because compared to 139 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 1: how it was before, we don't have date nights, we 140 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: don't have the ability to like just disappear by ourselves 141 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: as often, especially when we're both currently doing things mostly remotely. 142 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: We'll be in the hospital a little bit more soon, 143 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: but that hasn't happened yet, mostly because we were both 144 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: supposed to be on spring break, so we didn't have 145 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 1: a bunch of impatience time scheduled. But I think I 146 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: think now is probably a good time to start working 147 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 1: on that. I've seen a couple of my friends whose 148 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 1: marriages maybe didn't have a lot of discussion about this, 149 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 1: or where there was a lot of assumed inequity, or 150 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 1: maybe the male had the much bigger career. I've seen 151 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: people really struggle and I don't know. I mean, I 152 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: don't like an answer. I just I hope that they 153 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: can sit down together and really talk about, like, hey, 154 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 1: our balance really worked when I had somebody helping me 155 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 1: and I could get a break sometimes, but now it 156 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: doesn't work because I'm twenty four to seven with the 157 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: kids and trying to work from home. So your mode 158 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: of like coming home and expecting to relax is no 159 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: longer going to fly. So that's not my personal story, 160 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 1: thank god. Yeah, but I've been hearing it from some 161 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 1: others and it sounds tough. Yeah. I mean there's been 162 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: some definitely upsides too. I mean, we had family breakfast 163 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 1: this morning. You know, we have family lunches on occasion. 164 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: I mean, this is stuff that never would have happened 165 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 1: on a Tuesday, and now here we are well. And 166 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,960 Speaker 1: the funny thing, I know everybody's kids have different reactions 167 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,199 Speaker 1: to this, and I would anticipate probably the teens are 168 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,920 Speaker 1: taking really really hard. I have like a cousin, second 169 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,880 Speaker 1: cousin who's a senior in college, and she was just 170 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: super sad all the time because this is supposed to 171 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:01,560 Speaker 1: be her moment, right, But man, my kids, I'd love 172 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,719 Speaker 1: it well because they're not having to get up early. 173 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: I mean, I know that was a source of major 174 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 1: frustration for you guys. We record the whole episode on 175 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,720 Speaker 1: morning issues and things like that. You don't have to 176 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 1: get them out the door at seven to twenty anymore. 177 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: I'm sure that's like a major plus for general. Yeah, 178 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 1: and I think just having us around, especially my husband 179 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 1: around more, which is like an exciting novelty. And they've 180 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:27,079 Speaker 1: been doing stuff like skateboarding and working on computer programming 181 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,560 Speaker 1: and like all kinds of stuff that we normally wouldn't 182 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 1: you know, have time for. And Josh joked, he was like, 183 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,680 Speaker 1: you know, this was supposed to be our family vacation 184 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,959 Speaker 1: this week in North Carolina, but this is pretty much 185 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:40,520 Speaker 1: what I wanted to do. He's like very He's like 186 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 1: very much less. I don't know, Like he's like, oh, 187 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,959 Speaker 1: I don't miss anyone, this is good. This is actually 188 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 1: like the life I want. I'm like, oh, okay, introvert 189 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:50,559 Speaker 1: like this, this is what I did anyway, So it 190 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,440 Speaker 1: was just a call it quarantine or something else, but 191 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: it was perfectly fine. I never left the house anyway. 192 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 1: It turns out so not that big a difference. Yeah, 193 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 1: Now we've been doing a lot of backyard time. The 194 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 1: hope schooling continues to go decently. We've been in the 195 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 1: rhythm of trying to get up by nine o'clock in 196 00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:19,720 Speaker 1: dress by nine, which I know sounds ridiculous, but there's 197 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,000 Speaker 1: no point in getting up any earlier. For some of 198 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:26,000 Speaker 1: the kids, they do school in the morning, and I 199 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 1: still write down each kid with a checklist of what 200 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:35,679 Speaker 1: they're going to do. But for Jasper and Sam, one 201 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,719 Speaker 1: of those checklist things is your school assignments, and so 202 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:44,600 Speaker 1: their teachers are sending stuff fairly regularly. Roots teacher is 203 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: sending stuff, but sort of the more open ended that 204 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 1: we would have been doing any like read for thirty minutes, 205 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 1: do thirty minutes of math practice on one of your 206 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 1: online programs right from a prompt, which is kind of 207 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,439 Speaker 1: the same things we were doing before we got official assignments. 208 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,839 Speaker 1: So we just kind of continued with what we've been doing. 209 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 1: But it's been fun to see her create. She creates 210 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 1: little books every day from the writing props and illustrates them, 211 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 1: and then she and Annabel like they're the same thing. 212 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: That's so funny. It is so cute. All day. She 213 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,840 Speaker 1: actually asked me, She's like, well, so what's my writing 214 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,640 Speaker 1: prop for tomorrow? She asked me on Friday, and I said, oh, 215 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 1: it's Saturday, so you don't have to do one tomorrow. 216 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 1: And she said, well, we could just write a book 217 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 1: for fun. I'm like, well, there we go. I love it. 218 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 1: Annabel has been reading we got from the library right 219 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 1: before this happened, a bunch of choose your own adventure 220 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:35,080 Speaker 1: books Tomember. Those from the eighties, yes, yes, did she 221 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 1: like them? She did the girlier ones, Yes, And then 222 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 1: she was trying to write her own, which was pretty fun. Fun, 223 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,960 Speaker 1: it's fun. And then Alex has actually had sort of 224 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: the most formal distance instruction of anyone because his preschool 225 00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: set up virtual circle Time and then Virtual story Time. 226 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,680 Speaker 1: So every morning at around nine to twenty, we sign 227 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 1: on for virtual circle Time, and through zoom he sees 228 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 1: all his friends and they discuss the day, what day 229 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,359 Speaker 1: of the week it is, and what the weather is outside. 230 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 1: And sing the songs that they would through circle time 231 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,319 Speaker 1: in preschool and then at eleven twenty they have storytime. 232 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:14,200 Speaker 1: So he's been checking in with his teachers and his 233 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:18,199 Speaker 1: classmates twice a day. So that's that's actually been probably 234 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:22,320 Speaker 1: the most formal time bound of any of them. That 235 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 1: is so cool. I think annabel and Carameron are going 236 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:28,199 Speaker 1: to have like live stuff, but I'm hoping not tons 237 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,760 Speaker 1: of it. Well, yeah, you do have to then manage 238 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 1: the time, which is I know because they haven't released 239 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,720 Speaker 1: it because again, this coming week is our spring break, 240 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: so like the teachers were supposed to be off, and 241 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 1: I think some of them are taking the time to 242 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 1: obviously figure out what they're going to do coming up, 243 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: but we Annabelle's anxious about like, well, what's the schedule 244 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: going to be, and I'm like, I actually don't know yet. 245 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 1: We were gonna have to figure that out. Genevieve's school 246 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: has promised to be doing something, but I don't know 247 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:57,080 Speaker 1: that that's gonna that would be so funny but kind 248 00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 1: of ridiculously we've sort of figured out that because so 249 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:04,199 Speaker 1: it's on Zoom and he sits on my lap and 250 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 1: watches the story or watches this circle, and I figured 251 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 1: out today that I was best off having him have 252 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 1: a pen and paper while it was going on, so 253 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,079 Speaker 1: then he has something to do with his hands, as 254 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 1: opposed to hit my computer and knock stuff off my desk, 255 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,080 Speaker 1: which is the other option that you could do with 256 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,040 Speaker 1: your hands if you're a little boy who likes to 257 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 1: move around and do stuff with his hands. So now 258 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 1: he's coloring while listening to the story, and that's actually 259 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,640 Speaker 1: worked quite well. Listens learned. I've discovered that. So I 260 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,400 Speaker 1: know you've talked about how like your toddlers wouldn't sit 261 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,800 Speaker 1: down and watch screens, Genevieve will watch like a feature 262 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 1: length movie. Really, well, lucky you, that's fun. No, but 263 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: it's just so funny. It's like such a temperament thing. 264 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 1: And I and I'm sure there you know it's not 265 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:53,679 Speaker 1: gender specific obviously, but they're probably averages. And she's just like, well, 266 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:56,960 Speaker 1: she's just more sort of socially emotionally advanced, so she 267 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,560 Speaker 1: can actually follow the plot right that that's well, And 268 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 1: she's just lazy, like I don't think she's driven to 269 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: like get up and run around and move like some 270 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,400 Speaker 1: kids are. And she's just like, oh, the big kids 271 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 1: are sitting there. I'm going to sit there, and she'll 272 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 1: like sit like three inches from the screen and it's 273 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: just like she'll just sit there like yeah, So it's 274 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: it's really funny. Well, and how are you holding up? 275 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:23,520 Speaker 1: Are you okay? My job has just become very stressful 276 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,760 Speaker 1: and I can't like talk about details really because at 277 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: this point, I think, you know, everyone gets judged for 278 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,280 Speaker 1: whatevery program is doing. And I don't even want to 279 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,800 Speaker 1: open the door to to that basically, but I'll just 280 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:43,040 Speaker 1: say that I liked my job better before before you 281 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 1: suddenly had to do it all or learn. Before I 282 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: couldn't talk to anybody in person, and before our entire 283 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:53,440 Speaker 1: curriculum got ripped a shred by like what residents can 284 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: do and can't do. And then you know, the clinical 285 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 1: part of my job we still haven't officially, like we 286 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 1: keep saying we're going to do, tell it what we're 287 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 1: going to do. Tell my practice, Like I didn't have 288 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: a lot of patient schedule because last week was match 289 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,240 Speaker 1: week and again this week was spring breakcess to be off. 290 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,120 Speaker 1: So it's actually nice because we have that ramp up 291 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 1: time for them to hopefully figure out all the details 292 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 1: because my hope is that when the patients do start 293 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 1: up in earnest, which is like around the thirty first, 294 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 1: I think is my first clinical day, that I'm going 295 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: to be able to just see them all through a 296 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 1: digital format. But there's like a little bit of a 297 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 1: chasm that has to just technical difficulties that have to 298 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: be worked out. Yeah, I'll probably feel better once we're 299 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:34,360 Speaker 1: in the rhythm. I'm also feeling like, God, I already 300 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 1: wish we had an end date, like the planners. Planners 301 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,400 Speaker 1: like to know the end day. Well, it's just even 302 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: just from like cause if I knew the end date, 303 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,680 Speaker 1: then I could know, oh, well, these patients can wait 304 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,200 Speaker 1: because I can see them in person in a month 305 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 1: and it's fine, and I don't need to spend like 306 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,640 Speaker 1: half an hour doing a phone call with a growth 307 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 1: visit for a kid that I can't measure. But if 308 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 1: I knew it's going to be four months, and I'd 309 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: be like, no, I have to do the visit, do 310 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like it just makes even 311 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: like the everyday decisions about like what to do now 312 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 1: and what to put off very difficult when you just 313 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 1: don't know the scale of what we're getting into But 314 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: I guess there's just not really a way to know. Yeah, well, 315 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,640 Speaker 1: I mean you could guess on probabilities, right to mean life, 316 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,960 Speaker 1: I guess you want to save it for possibly sure, 317 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,280 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, a month, there may still be 318 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,120 Speaker 1: a reasonable number of restrictions. I think four months. No, 319 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 1: So I hope not. Oh my no, I got I 320 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:35,800 Speaker 1: hope not. There's these things can't last forever. They can't 321 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 1: last forever. They better not last forever. Yeah. Well, I 322 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 1: guess we'll see. We'll see how many COVID nineteen bonus 323 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: episodes we end up putting out. I'm laughing because Henry 324 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: is making very rude noises right now, trying to mute 325 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 1: mute the own Oh my goodness. Yeah, that's how he 326 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 1: feels about all of this. That's how he feels about 327 00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,720 Speaker 1: all this. But he did sleep through the night, so 328 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 1: that was that. And I feel like we take a 329 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:07,879 Speaker 1: moment of like clapping or something. Hey, Henry, you like 330 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,040 Speaker 1: when you woke up and you saw that it was morning, 331 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 1: where you're just like, oh, oh my god, Like that's exciting. 332 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 1: It's very exciting. And he's he's getting bigger, he's growing, 333 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,119 Speaker 1: he's you know, learning how to do all kinds of 334 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,919 Speaker 1: new things. Are very excited about that. And hey, you 335 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: know the fact that I'm never leaving the house means 336 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:30,280 Speaker 1: that breastfeeding has been pretty easy. Like you never don't 337 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,800 Speaker 1: have to time it, you don't have to pump, much 338 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:38,400 Speaker 1: easier to do anything. It just feed the baby. It's 339 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,440 Speaker 1: much more efficient than pumping in my opinion anyway. I 340 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,639 Speaker 1: mean I pump a few extra hour, extra ounces just 341 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,520 Speaker 1: to keep the supply of stash. Yeah, stat although again, 342 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 1: since I'm not going anywhere, I don't know what we're 343 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 1: going to do with this stash. Muse it when he's 344 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,399 Speaker 1: eleven months old and months old, yeah, eating out of 345 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 1: the stash for a while, because no, I mean my 346 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,080 Speaker 1: line of work, I mean, all my conferences that I 347 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 1: was going to speak at are gone, so for a 348 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,120 Speaker 1: while for a while. It may come back at some point, 349 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,119 Speaker 1: but that's that's another one that people are uncertain about. 350 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: And the problem is you have to have a definite 351 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 1: go point for any huge conference that I mean, what 352 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 1: six to eight weeks or something that you can't be 353 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:25,200 Speaker 1: uncertain that far out. So most people are just canceling 354 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,600 Speaker 1: if that six to eight week window happens. In the 355 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:31,879 Speaker 1: next month, because then, because there's no end dated, they 356 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,600 Speaker 1: could book. If they had an end date, they could 357 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,800 Speaker 1: book it. They could keep going with it the one 358 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: they've already planned. But because they don't know that, they 359 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,680 Speaker 1: are just you know, rather than having a conference, they 360 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:46,920 Speaker 1: can't do that. They've ramped up for. Oh well, it's 361 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,920 Speaker 1: not the worst time to have it. I meant, given 362 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,959 Speaker 1: that I was on maternity late for part of this, 363 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 1: and then you know, thought i'd be sort of starting 364 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,879 Speaker 1: up with late April May June. Now it's just longer, 365 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: so it's nice to get more baby time and less pumping, 366 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 1: which is wonderful. Yeah, in general, I don't mind that. 367 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:11,920 Speaker 1: Figure out the economics of it later. Well we'll be okay, 368 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 1: We'll be okay. Everyone here is going to be okay. Yes, 369 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,879 Speaker 1: we're worth everyone is going to be okay. And again, 370 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,199 Speaker 1: if you're struggling, our thoughts are with you, and we 371 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,359 Speaker 1: hope that it doesn't last and that you're able to 372 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,400 Speaker 1: find some good pivots and get some stuff done during 373 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 1: this time so you can come back strong and you 374 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,399 Speaker 1: know all that, or even use this time as a 375 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 1: way to advance in your career. I mean, this is 376 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 1: obviously crazy time down time is there there that we 377 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,679 Speaker 1: might not have had otherwise. And so if you are 378 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 1: able to say trade off with your partner, still get 379 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,840 Speaker 1: the time to, like go out for a walk, unless 380 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:52,600 Speaker 1: that's been forbidden by the time this hairs. But you know, 381 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 1: just use this time to sort of think forward, like 382 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,600 Speaker 1: what would I like I've had a forced pause here, 383 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,359 Speaker 1: and again there's people who are really struggling or have 384 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:04,200 Speaker 1: their jobs eliminated or hours cut. That's you know, total 385 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,120 Speaker 1: sympathy here. But if you're not in that situation, it's 386 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,919 Speaker 1: just you know, for sort of pause and everything for 387 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,679 Speaker 1: a while. Take the time to think about what you 388 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 1: want life to look like and if there are big 389 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 1: projects you'd like to tackle when life gets back to normal, 390 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:24,200 Speaker 1: or schedule changes you'd like to make. I mean, boy, 391 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 1: now would be a great time to get a two 392 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,080 Speaker 1: day work from home arrangement, given that you've gotten a 393 00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:32,359 Speaker 1: five day work from home arrangement. There's just all sorts 394 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,480 Speaker 1: of things that are going to change, and so crises 395 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:40,080 Speaker 1: are terrible, they can also be moments to reevaluate a 396 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 1: lot of things, and if we want to, we can 397 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: see those as opportunities. So I hope that for many 398 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,400 Speaker 1: of the listeners of this that this is an opportunity 399 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 1: for rethinking a lot of things. Well, do you have 400 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:56,359 Speaker 1: a love of the week? Oh boy, I mean zoom 401 00:20:56,680 --> 00:21:00,520 Speaker 1: is incredible, although it's really funny to do zoom sometimes 402 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 1: with people who just don't know how to use zoom. 403 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: There's a learning curve. There's a learning curve, But most 404 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,360 Speaker 1: people are now farther up that learning curve than they 405 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,240 Speaker 1: were a week ago, which is wonderful. I'm glad that 406 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,359 Speaker 1: that people are learning about how to do a video conference. 407 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,240 Speaker 1: For instance. You know, if you're gonna have social time 408 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,760 Speaker 1: at the beginning of your meeting, which you always should, 409 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 1: that's a good idea, have like five minutes of social 410 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,239 Speaker 1: chit chat at the beginning. You need someone to direct it. 411 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,640 Speaker 1: So the person who is running the meeting also then 412 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:33,520 Speaker 1: needs to direct the social chit chat, like calling on you, Sarah, 413 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 1: tell us about your weekend, great, John, tell us about 414 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 1: your weekend, as opposed to having it be this free 415 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,399 Speaker 1: for all whiplash of the camera going back and forth, 416 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 1: which is what happens if it's not directed. My love 417 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:52,800 Speaker 1: of the week would probably be I don't know. Rose 418 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 1: Wyn is good. Whine is good, you know, it's it's 419 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,399 Speaker 1: nice thing to look forward to at the end of 420 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: a long trying to think about what made me happy 421 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,679 Speaker 1: in the last two day, last pretty much all I 422 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,040 Speaker 1: could come up with that, and like, not reading the news, 423 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,160 Speaker 1: I think that's those are those are my happy things. 424 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,879 Speaker 1: I would be doing great. And then I'll get on 425 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,880 Speaker 1: Twitter and be like, why on earth did I do that? 426 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,639 Speaker 1: Like I know better, So I'm just not know me 427 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:21,040 Speaker 1: at CNN. I just the less times I go to 428 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,919 Speaker 1: that website, the better life is, better life is. I'm 429 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:28,400 Speaker 1: enjoying Instagram just because I like to see people's smiling faces. 430 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,800 Speaker 1: There's a way of staying in touch. But yeah, Twitter, 431 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,160 Speaker 1: that's the social media that's got to be gone now. Yeah, 432 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:35,879 Speaker 1: it's going to be all news and not good news. 433 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,800 Speaker 1: All right, Well, this has been a best of both worlds. 434 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 1: Bonus COVID nineteen edition. We'll be back next week, probably 435 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,160 Speaker 1: with another one of these, but also with our regular 436 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 1: episodes on making work and life fit together. Thanks for listening. 437 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,919 Speaker 1: You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com 438 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:57,840 Speaker 1: or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can 439 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:02,120 Speaker 1: find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has 440 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,399 Speaker 1: been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us 441 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,840 Speaker 1: next time for more on making work and life work together.