1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 1: Guys, we had a massive breakthrough with our sex life 2 00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:22,920 Speaker 1: dead ass and with that des getting moss. Hey, I'm 3 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 1: Cadine and we're the Ellises. You may know us from 4 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 1: posting funny videos without boys and reading each other publicly 5 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,520 Speaker 1: as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need 6 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:38,600 Speaker 1: derby most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention, 7 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:42,600 Speaker 1: we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open 8 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most 9 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about through the lens of 10 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: a millennium married couple. Dead ass is the term that 11 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: we say every day. So when we say dead ass, 12 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and 13 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. Were about to think feel off 14 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. 15 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: Story time, storytime, Baby. Let the people know how we 16 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:18,679 Speaker 1: got to this point. All right, So listen, y'all have 17 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: heard in previous episodes and seasons um us talk about 18 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,400 Speaker 1: some of our issues that we had so so much 19 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 1: about why we've had certain things stifling our sex life, 20 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 1: or actually trying to figure out what was stifling our life. Right. 21 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: So it was funny because I was thinking to myself, 22 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 1: Oh my god, season five, we're talking about sex again, 23 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 1: and it almost felt very monotonous and mundane, like we're 24 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 1: talking about the same things over and over again. But 25 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,760 Speaker 1: I am happy to say that I feel like we 26 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 1: have figured something out. Well before you even say that. 27 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 1: It may be mundane to us because we talk about it, 28 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: but all we get is sex questions because that seems 29 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: to be an issue in relationship and people are looking 30 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 1: for an answer. And I think that we've kind of 31 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 1: figured something out here. Can I get back to my story? 32 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 1: So I go to my doctor for my annual you know, 33 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:13,440 Speaker 1: check up pap all that good stuff, pap smear if 34 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 1: people don't know what a PAP is um And at 35 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 1: that time I expressed to her that, you know, I 36 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: felt like I was having some issues with my sex 37 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: life that was lasting a lot longer than I anticipated. 38 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:25,640 Speaker 1: At first, I thought it was the children. I thought 39 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 1: it was maybe fatigue. You know, you're trying to figure 40 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: out things trial and error, do you know, troubleshooting um. 41 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: And then it kind of hit me like, I wonder 42 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 1: if my method of contraception was you know, causing some 43 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:38,799 Speaker 1: kind of issue. So I had the I U D 44 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:42,240 Speaker 1: in place, and I had that in after Caz at 45 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,919 Speaker 1: my six week check up, I was like, young about 46 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:47,639 Speaker 1: to catch me slipping. I got this this I U 47 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,480 Speaker 1: D in place, and we're good to go. Then she 48 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,120 Speaker 1: recommended to me, did you think of maybe trying something 49 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 1: else and taking the IU D out? And I was like, 50 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:01,080 Speaker 1: that actually might work because I know at some points 51 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: did all and I have felt on either ends a 52 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,920 Speaker 1: little bit of discomfort just knowing that that was in 53 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:12,080 Speaker 1: my body so and physically feeling the discomfort, like there 54 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 1: was times even with Jackson where I was like I 55 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 1: could feel it, yeah, exactly, and then you were just like, 56 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,359 Speaker 1: and it feels uncomfortable. So after trying to figure out, 57 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 1: like what other method of contraception I should get in 58 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,320 Speaker 1: trying to figure out what to do, I was like, 59 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 1: you know what, let me give my body a little 60 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: break and take the I U DAL and we'll figure 61 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: out another method of method contraception. Then once that was done, 62 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: it also spiraled into us being in New York, living 63 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: at home with my family in my parents house with 64 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: the boys. This was around the holiday times when we 65 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: were trying to decide if we're going to go back 66 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:54,200 Speaker 1: to California. Or not for the holidays. But of course 67 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,080 Speaker 1: California went back into lockdown and we were forced to 68 00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 1: stay in New York. So then again the io D 69 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 1: was not in place, but it was back to having 70 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: quiet sex in my parents house because why the house 71 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 1: is a lot smaller. There's about ten to eleven of 72 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 1: us in the house. We're just trying to get in 73 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 1: where we fit in. And it wasn't until de Val 74 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 1: and I had a little rendezvous kind of like you know, 75 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 1: young college kids. I won't tell you where in her 76 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 1: parents room. It was like a moment that just hit us, 77 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: like yo, the spontaneity by ourselves actually recording an ad 78 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:42,040 Speaker 1: for the podcast in my mom's closet because that had 79 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,719 Speaker 1: the best acoustics, and I was just like, you know what. 80 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:48,359 Speaker 1: Vats kind of gave me a look. It was on 81 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:51,040 Speaker 1: and popping. Nobody else was in the house at that time. 82 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: It was just us and that particular moment, that session 83 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,720 Speaker 1: of a light bulb, we figured out what the issue was. 84 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: This song It's Karaoke means so much. This is another 85 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 1: song at the top of that repeat playlist, absolutely because 86 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 1: it means so much in its lyrics. It's real, it's 87 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:28,040 Speaker 1: real fact. Let me start this. All you ready, I'm ready? 88 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:38,040 Speaker 1: Will we hey, will we will we mm hmm when 89 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:46,159 Speaker 1: we will we. I like it when you lose, Hey, 90 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 1: I like it when you go there. I like the 91 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 1: way you use it. I like that you don't play 92 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:04,440 Speaker 1: hey recipe for the disaster when I'm just trying to 93 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 1: take my time. Stroke is getting deep and faster. You're 94 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 1: screaming like I'm on a line. Who came to mix week, 95 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:21,560 Speaker 1: Not me who came to get in. Oh, not me 96 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: who came to beating Rocky m We don't use them 97 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,720 Speaker 1: as to put up that game to stop me up 98 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:40,320 Speaker 1: when we fun when we Yo take My Man one 99 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 1: of my favorite songs of all times. That is a 100 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: whole fact. But the words in those songs reigned supreme 101 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,560 Speaker 1: with codeine and h listen. I'm just gonna put it 102 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 1: out there right in the event that we were to 103 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:59,159 Speaker 1: happen at the child I literally text zena thank his wife, 104 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: and I was like us, let tank know that anyhow 105 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: another baby comes out of this relationship. He is the godfather. Yes, 106 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 1: you gotta be gott to be It's probably gonna be 107 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:13,239 Speaker 1: made to that song, because um, sex is good making 108 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: love is good, but there was nothing like when we fucked. 109 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,720 Speaker 1: There was nothing like it. And we have we have learned, 110 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,000 Speaker 1: like there's ten years in this marriage. We've learned now 111 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,960 Speaker 1: that like we have different levels of love making, but 112 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 1: when we fuck, we'd be like, that's that's how, that's how. 113 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 1: That's going back to the story time, going back to 114 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 1: story time's right exactly. There was a perfect storm of events. 115 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 1: It happened there right because she got the I U 116 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 1: D taken out and then at the same time for 117 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: the first time, and I would say seven eight months, 118 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 1: we had a long time because the pandemic force us 119 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 1: to be in the house. We couldn't travel, and we 120 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: kind of wonderment, like what was going on with our 121 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: sex life, and if it wasn't us at home with 122 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,000 Speaker 1: the kids, it was with my parents who were also 123 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,200 Speaker 1: locked down with us for four months. You know. It 124 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:11,360 Speaker 1: was some combinations. But that was the first time in years, 125 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 1: because of the contraceptive that we had no kids, no mom, 126 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,679 Speaker 1: and no I U D. And that was the first 127 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:22,240 Speaker 1: time that we had had that like that raw animalistic 128 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 1: sex like college. And I heard you make sounds that 129 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,960 Speaker 1: you haven't made in a long time, and I was like, yeah, okay, 130 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 1: I think I figured it out, and she was like, what, 131 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 1: I think that I U D might have been messing 132 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 1: with your sex drive and then we discussed it. I 133 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: was just like when when you put the I U 134 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:43,319 Speaker 1: D in the beginning, you felt tender. So we had sex, 135 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,560 Speaker 1: you know, slightly, lightly, but it never really went back 136 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:49,239 Speaker 1: to how we typically had sex. No, it never subsided 137 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,679 Speaker 1: that feeling of tenderness. Or maybe it was also mental 138 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,840 Speaker 1: for me knowing that there was something there, a foreign object, 139 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 1: so you always putting the gate right, yeah, you know, 140 00:08:57,559 --> 00:08:58,959 Speaker 1: and for people don't know what the gate is, that's 141 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,440 Speaker 1: when the hands go to the to the pelvis. When 142 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 1: I'm trying to, you know what I'm saying, do my thing. 143 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: I would feel the gate come up and I'd like, 144 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,079 Speaker 1: you are right, and she'd be like right there, right there, 145 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: just don't don't go too much further. So it was 146 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,840 Speaker 1: like restricting. And then there were times when we even 147 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 1: try to go all the way and I would be like, 148 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,079 Speaker 1: y'all think I feel it, And it made both of 149 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: us nervous because I'm with Jackson. What people don't know 150 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:23,000 Speaker 1: is that I was feeling her I U D. And 151 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: then she went to the doctor and she said I 152 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,440 Speaker 1: was starting to come out. It was literally like it 153 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,080 Speaker 1: was like, go on this way out, which is not 154 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,720 Speaker 1: good for her or good for me. So we've always 155 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 1: had that thing in the back of our minds, but 156 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: I felt like that was putting a mental block for 157 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 1: both of us, that there was something in you that 158 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: was foreign, and then you feeling it and me feeling 159 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 1: it made us adjust the way we were having sex, 160 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 1: and then sex wasn't as pleasure for for you or 161 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 1: for me. On top of that, we always had to 162 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,079 Speaker 1: worry about a kid busting in the door or your 163 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,520 Speaker 1: mom hearing us. And then with the pandemic, your mom 164 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 1: and your dad was in the house. So this was 165 00:09:57,559 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: the first time in like months years well the i 166 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,480 Speaker 1: U D and then I'm talking about the kids, that 167 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:06,560 Speaker 1: we were able to have the type of sex that 168 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 1: we have to. But you know what also helped after 169 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 1: the fact too, which we've noticed the pattern which made 170 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 1: us come to this conclusion now, was when you took 171 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,600 Speaker 1: me to the city for my birthday, my birthday weekend, 172 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,560 Speaker 1: which was shortly after we got to New York, and 173 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: we had that moment in my my mom my parents 174 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: room and then we get to a hotel and was 175 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,240 Speaker 1: just like, Yo, is it that I have to take 176 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: you somewhere for us to have you know? Yeah, the 177 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 1: argument used to be like, is it that I have 178 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: to take you somewhere and spend money for us to 179 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,320 Speaker 1: just have a good time and it be like the 180 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 1: old days? And to me it was just like no, 181 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:44,880 Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, there is a little bit like a 182 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 1: fun when you're like on vacation or you're like in 183 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,079 Speaker 1: a hotel, or you're doing something that's not the norm 184 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 1: or it's not like the day to day. Of course, 185 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:53,839 Speaker 1: creating that kind of environment does make you kind of, 186 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 1: you know, be a little bit more adventurous. But um, 187 00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,959 Speaker 1: we did notice after that particular um birthday weekend, the 188 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 1: little stay cation that we did it in New York. 189 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,400 Speaker 1: I was like, wait, this might be like a thing now, 190 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,200 Speaker 1: and it was. It was a thing because remember we 191 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 1: had had another stay cation right after that with the 192 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:13,959 Speaker 1: kids in the hotel room and you and I were 193 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 1: trying to get it in because we were in a 194 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,320 Speaker 1: different environment. So we think the environment is different. So 195 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 1: we're staying at the one hotel by Brooklyn Bridge is 196 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,600 Speaker 1: a nice view and everything we way up late at night, 197 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,080 Speaker 1: wait for the kids to go to sleep, and me 198 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 1: and K trying to do it and it's not because 199 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: and and that's when we were like, yo, it's the kid. 200 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: It was just too many things cramping our style. At 201 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,880 Speaker 1: that point, between that and then people being in our space, 202 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: we just realized we needed our space. So that being said, Um, 203 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 1: things have been I think way better too. Also because 204 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,480 Speaker 1: we have the space now where we're in the new homes, 205 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 1: everybody kind of has their domains that they can be in. Um, 206 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 1: we just have to learn to put the lock on 207 00:11:55,640 --> 00:12:00,040 Speaker 1: the door. His kids were still walking, still walking and 208 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,560 Speaker 1: logan um. But yeah, it was kind of refreshing for 209 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 1: us to kind of reach this point where we felt like, wow, 210 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 1: we're in a way better place. And I think also 211 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: mentally I had a block up because I always felt 212 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 1: like sex came with this negativity and it was the 213 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 1: built up negativity that we'd had in prior seasons on 214 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,200 Speaker 1: the podcast that we spoke about, or there's prior years 215 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,199 Speaker 1: for us where it was just was always like a 216 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 1: daunting thing. Um. I think also to in addition to 217 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:28,840 Speaker 1: the I U D. Making time for ourselves solely without 218 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 1: anyone around and also to changing the negative mindset I 219 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 1: had around it, where it's just like, oh damn, it's 220 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,000 Speaker 1: rolling on day day two, you know, since we've had sex, 221 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,600 Speaker 1: no I want to have to do it again soon, 222 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:42,840 Speaker 1: And that in itself just made it a very you know, 223 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 1: put a bad taste in my mouth when it came 224 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:47,200 Speaker 1: to it and it became like a chore. But but 225 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: do you physically feel like you've enjoyed sex more? Absolutely, absolutely, 226 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: because there's less restraints. I feel like there's less of 227 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,559 Speaker 1: a mental block for me to thinking like, oh my god, 228 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: my iu D is going to get this and it's 229 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 1: going to end up in my esophagus. But I think 230 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,480 Speaker 1: that that's the key though, because if you enjoy sex more, 231 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,679 Speaker 1: you want to want to have it more exactly, you 232 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And I think that was a 233 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: big part of it. First of all enjoying it more 234 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 1: because we don't have to deal with the contrastructive but 235 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,560 Speaker 1: then also wanting to have it more, and then putting 236 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 1: you in the place and putting me in a place 237 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 1: where we could have it the way we want to 238 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,880 Speaker 1: have it. Because there's one thing about sex is everyone 239 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:29,120 Speaker 1: enjoys that animalistic you know attraction where it's it's not planned. 240 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,959 Speaker 1: It just like that that time and your your mother 241 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,000 Speaker 1: and your father's room. We were in the closet and 242 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,320 Speaker 1: you have nothing sexy about the situation as far as 243 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,480 Speaker 1: I can remember in terms of the how, I don't know. 244 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:41,960 Speaker 1: It wasn't say, you know what I mean. I think 245 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 1: it was the house closed, and we were just like quick. 246 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 1: You had on tights that you always have on. But 247 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 1: I remember coming out of the closet and it was 248 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,240 Speaker 1: just quiet for the first time in months because there 249 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,600 Speaker 1: was nobody there with us, so it was just quiet, 250 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: and you had on tights and you put the remember 251 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 1: you put the laptop on the bed and you had 252 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 1: leaned over the bed just to finish sending it to 253 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,559 Speaker 1: the noora. And then I remember I just pressed myself 254 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: up against you and then you kind of look back 255 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: at me, and I was just like yeah. And then 256 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:16,720 Speaker 1: from there it was just like college, like bang bang bang, 257 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,000 Speaker 1: and I heard you say things and it felt like 258 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 1: how sex had not felt for us in a long time. 259 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,840 Speaker 1: And I knew at knowing that at the time, like 260 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 1: you didn't have the I U D. I wasn't holding 261 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 1: back and you wasn't putting the fence up. So at 262 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 1: the same time I'm not holding back and you're not 263 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 1: putting the fence up. It felt like this is the moment. 264 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 1: These are the moments that you, you know, you get 265 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,720 Speaker 1: inspired to have, like those quick moments where it's just like, bam, 266 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 1: I want to do this to my wife, even after 267 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 1: eighteen years years of not having that can definitely change 268 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 1: your perspective of starting to have sex. You know what 269 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:54,800 Speaker 1: I'm saying, because even for me as a man, when 270 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: you start to have sex with your wife and when 271 00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 1: you're getting ready to get into your moon moment and 272 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,480 Speaker 1: she's us putting her hands to slow you down and 273 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 1: push you off, then you're starting to feel like, you know, 274 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,600 Speaker 1: how doing Am I doing something wrong? Do you not 275 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,120 Speaker 1: have sex? And then it starts to mess with your 276 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: mind right, So, and that you had moments like that 277 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 1: where you were just like mentally like I'm thinking too 278 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 1: much about what's happening here, and you're always the considerate 279 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 1: lever to like considering how I feel, yeah, exactly, and 280 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,360 Speaker 1: making sure I'm taking care of um. So that part two, 281 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,000 Speaker 1: I know for you it was like a really big 282 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: mental thing that you're just like, I don't know what's 283 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: going on here, but I mean, it's commonly believed that 284 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: hormonal birth control it lowers sex drive by lowering levels 285 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 1: of testosterone in the woman's body, which is funny because 286 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 1: when it's about to be that time of the month 287 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 1: for women, that's actually when test asterone spikes, And it's 288 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,480 Speaker 1: always funny because you're just like, wow, you normally want 289 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 1: to do it when we can't do it, you know. Um. 290 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 1: But as a result, according to research, UM, it doesn't 291 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,280 Speaker 1: necessarily reflect the same I guess everyone's body is different. Yes, so, 292 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 1: according to several studies, on average, women reported having no 293 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,400 Speaker 1: change in sex drive while using birth control. But since 294 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 1: there's not that much scientific information about you know, the 295 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: female sexual pleasure and the sexual anatomy available to us, 296 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 1: and every woman's physiology, everyone's psychology, their experience being different, 297 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:17,360 Speaker 1: the average experience isn't everyone's experience. UM. And I think 298 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,320 Speaker 1: one thing that we both were invested in was really 299 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,920 Speaker 1: trying to figure out why this wasn't working, because it 300 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 1: wasn't for lack of attraction. I think sometimes people wonder 301 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 1: over the years, if you're married to somebody for a 302 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: certain amount of time, is it that we lose attraction physically? 303 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 1: You know? Um? And one thing you always said to 304 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: me was like, Babe, I'm always trying to stay in 305 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,160 Speaker 1: shape for you. You know, I want you to stay 306 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 1: in shape for me. I want us to be able 307 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 1: to be healthy but also look good for each other. Um. 308 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 1: And that was an aim for me as well after 309 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: you know, even just having children, like, wanted to get 310 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 1: my body back in shape, not just for myself but 311 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,360 Speaker 1: for you as well. So you kind of throw those 312 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,840 Speaker 1: things there, and then the egos tend to also take 313 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 1: a hit as well, because you're wondering if I don't 314 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,880 Speaker 1: look good enough. You know, men to having, like you've said, 315 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 1: their own, um questions in their mind, like you know, 316 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 1: am I do it right? And as a as a man, 317 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:05,000 Speaker 1: as a man, you when you start to have sex, 318 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 1: your thought processes is she attracted to me? Is it 319 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,159 Speaker 1: big enough? Do I last long enough? And am I 320 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 1: doing it right? Like? Those are the things that you 321 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,760 Speaker 1: think about when you get into having sex with any woman. 322 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 1: And then if it's your wife, you're wondering, like can 323 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,560 Speaker 1: I sustain this throughout life to make sure that she 324 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,240 Speaker 1: still wants to have sex? As we get older. You 325 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,320 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So when your wife's body starts 326 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,159 Speaker 1: to change, or she goes through a deficit and her 327 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,920 Speaker 1: sexual drive, the first thing for me was to say, 328 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 1: what am I not doing properly? You know what I'm saying? 329 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,240 Speaker 1: What's wrong with me? You know what I'm saying, Because 330 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:42,199 Speaker 1: it's like I'm the same person I was when we 331 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,360 Speaker 1: got together. I'm saying I gained a little bit of weight. 332 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,119 Speaker 1: I'm a little bit bigger now. You know what I'm saying, 333 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 1: am I hearing? Here? Ain't as it was? It was 334 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 1: a whole as bubble head When I met you, I 335 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,600 Speaker 1: was skinny like a lollipop, like a pot spoon. So 336 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 1: that's how But that's how I feel like I was. 337 00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,880 Speaker 1: I'm more of a man now than I was when 338 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: you first started. There should have been more attractive, super attractive, no, 339 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,879 Speaker 1: for sure. So that's why I, in turn felt like 340 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,000 Speaker 1: it was something internal for me, which is why I 341 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 1: felt like I was almost at my wits in like, 342 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,520 Speaker 1: what is it about my body? What is it about? 343 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 1: Is it my body chemistry? Is it something psychological with 344 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 1: me that was causing this gate up? In a different sense, 345 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,440 Speaker 1: which also led me to my doctor, and it's just like, girl, like, 346 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 1: this is what's happening? Can you suggest something to me? 347 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,200 Speaker 1: Because I felt like it had to be something internal. 348 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,280 Speaker 1: Um and then of course, like you know, there's day 349 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,360 Speaker 1: to day things like you know, the children and being 350 00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:37,359 Speaker 1: tired and work and stuff like that. But I also 351 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,280 Speaker 1: felt like it was something deeper than that. So for me, 352 00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,639 Speaker 1: it was just like, you know, frequency is not going 353 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 1: to be good or does it make sense if it's 354 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:50,479 Speaker 1: not good? Because frequency was not our problem. Frequency. You know, 355 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:54,040 Speaker 1: we we have sex routinely and consistently, uh, two to 356 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 1: three times a week, just on average, and there's some 357 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,640 Speaker 1: weeks where we're just like I wanted more. I wanted 358 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: four times a week. Sometimes don't want to find something. So, uh, 359 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 1: consistency wasn't the problem. The problem was the act of 360 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: having sex and then feeling like a chore. Because listen 361 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,199 Speaker 1: to two thousand seventeen study appeared in the Archives of 362 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,840 Speaker 1: Sexual Behavior that I found that the average adult currently 363 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,639 Speaker 1: enjoys sex fifty four times a year. That equates to 364 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,720 Speaker 1: about once a week. You're far from average, So I've 365 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,800 Speaker 1: never done anything average in my life. So that's that's 366 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna start with sex. Now, I'm not gonna 367 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,959 Speaker 1: be like I've exceeded everything else in the sex average. 368 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,560 Speaker 1: I'm not doing that, So I don't even want to 369 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,719 Speaker 1: even think about that being a possibility. But what I 370 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:42,880 Speaker 1: what I have noticed is that UM psychologically with you 371 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 1: particularly like you have to have an escape from the kids, 372 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 1: Like you have to have an escape because even you know, 373 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 1: even when we're away on vacation, if the kids are 374 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:58,840 Speaker 1: in the room with us, or the kids or somewhere else, 375 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 1: you're always thinking of out them. So the only time 376 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,360 Speaker 1: I can really get you the focus on just being 377 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,399 Speaker 1: in this moment is if the kids are nowhere in 378 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,440 Speaker 1: your vicinity to where you can you're paying attention to them, 379 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,239 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So I remember we used 380 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 1: to have this argument all the time. I used to 381 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,040 Speaker 1: be like, why do I got to spend thousands of 382 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:17,080 Speaker 1: dollars to go on vacation to get my wife back? 383 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 1: And I felt like that was unfair. It's like, at 384 00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:21,879 Speaker 1: any time I'm looking to get something, I have to 385 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,400 Speaker 1: spend money, right, But I do, I do realize that 386 00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 1: you can't escape, like you can't escape from something that 387 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,160 Speaker 1: you like no one's there, even if you're saying, don't 388 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 1: think about it. For me, I can think that I 389 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,560 Speaker 1: could really be like the kids coming like I don't, 390 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,280 Speaker 1: I don't care, Like they could be at the door 391 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 1: knocking and I'll be like, yo, they'll be fine. It'll 392 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 1: be fine for the next twelve fifteen minutes. I'm gonna say. 393 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:49,359 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say that recent story, this situation for a 394 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:53,480 Speaker 1: story time. We got another funny story. Times it's hilarious, 395 00:20:53,880 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 1: but we'll but it feels good though. Feel It feels 396 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,240 Speaker 1: good to reach a breakthrough because it comes points where 397 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,960 Speaker 1: you're like, I don't know what to do. I don't 398 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,800 Speaker 1: know what the problem is. Let me tell you I 399 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,480 Speaker 1: was to the point where check it out. Sometimes a 400 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,680 Speaker 1: low sex drive can be the result of issues such 401 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:17,399 Speaker 1: as hyperactive sexual desire disorder. I thought I had a 402 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 1: whole last disorder. They put labels on everything I did, 403 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,880 Speaker 1: A disorder that reduces your level of interest and enjoyment 404 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,680 Speaker 1: from sex. Let me d D is treatable by using 405 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:32,119 Speaker 1: medications that they'd be trying to medicate everybody. And I 406 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 1: was just like, man, I don't know if I was 407 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,359 Speaker 1: at that point either. I was trying all sorts of 408 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 1: old natural stuff. I was like, let me boil this 409 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,520 Speaker 1: route and have somebody to send me up some stuff 410 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,040 Speaker 1: from Jamaica just to see if it'll work. This is 411 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,399 Speaker 1: what I will say, right, this is this is what 412 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,919 Speaker 1: I know for a fact, Codeine. I don't know if 413 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,359 Speaker 1: you want, I don't want to put your business out there, 414 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:53,040 Speaker 1: but there's certain positions, there's certain positions that Codeine loves 415 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 1: to do. And is it fair to say that. I 416 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:57,960 Speaker 1: think a lot of people have their favorite, right, So 417 00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,920 Speaker 1: you said, don't put your beIN something not going to 418 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 1: the positions out there, right, But while you were on 419 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,560 Speaker 1: the I U D those positions were uncomfortable for you, 420 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,879 Speaker 1: and I think that you couldn't do those positions and 421 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 1: sex became boring for you because those positions that you 422 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 1: like to do, we weren't able to do because you 423 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,560 Speaker 1: were just kind of like you used, I'm trying not 424 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 1: to put your business on the street. But then we 425 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,399 Speaker 1: would go to do those and you would put the 426 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 1: wall up, or you will, you would put that, you 427 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,399 Speaker 1: put that, and you put them in down and be 428 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 1: like no, no no, no, no no no. So then it's 429 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,080 Speaker 1: like I can't do it a second. You used to 430 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,359 Speaker 1: like that, I used to be like, what's going on? 431 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,639 Speaker 1: You used to love that. In terms of traffic light, 432 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,919 Speaker 1: the green light is not like a yellowish slow yellow. 433 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 1: But I think because we've made it more enjoyable now 434 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,440 Speaker 1: you want to do it more because more recently you've 435 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,199 Speaker 1: been like and it can be without like a develop 436 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,119 Speaker 1: vacation me like a fly me out, Like it doesn't 437 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:50,879 Speaker 1: have to be that. That's still cute. So don't stop 438 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,680 Speaker 1: that now. Don't stop that now, just because the space 439 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,239 Speaker 1: where we could do it, and at least we're on 440 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,040 Speaker 1: one side of the house. My mom is like downstairs 441 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,520 Speaker 1: on the other side of the house. She always gonna 442 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,359 Speaker 1: find of vacation guys. So what I'm want to do 443 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 1: if he's just un necessary to regroup and to just 444 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,360 Speaker 1: like have a change of the atmosphere. That's what That's 445 00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,440 Speaker 1: what I wanted to touch on too. When it comes 446 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:11,919 Speaker 1: to sex life, vacations are important because people tend to 447 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 1: bond over new experiences, right, and even if you watch 448 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:20,480 Speaker 1: the movies and stuff, those are erotic experiences or those 449 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:24,960 Speaker 1: exciting experiences that happened typically happen under stress, where something 450 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,240 Speaker 1: new has happened. When you get excited, right, how do 451 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:33,200 Speaker 1: you excite those erogenous zones without touching someone typically happens 452 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,119 Speaker 1: when you see things that make you excited. So I 453 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,000 Speaker 1: do honestly feel like traveling and seeing new things and 454 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,920 Speaker 1: experiencing new things, whether it be hiking or bungee jumping 455 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,960 Speaker 1: or zip lining like we did, UM really does get 456 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,439 Speaker 1: you excited. Like we'll do things like that, and then 457 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: when we go back to the room, you'll be horny 458 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,359 Speaker 1: because it's almost like if you feel like a kid again. 459 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,119 Speaker 1: You know, like there's certain kids that you kind of 460 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,760 Speaker 1: just like put away whenever you are on vacation, and 461 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 1: it's just like who won't like to drop it like 462 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,760 Speaker 1: it's hot, you know, after coming out coming in from 463 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,200 Speaker 1: the beach or you know, from a trip, from an 464 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: excursion or whatever. Like things like that I think definitely 465 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 1: will help UM too. And then also to being in 466 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,639 Speaker 1: a mental space that's better. I feel like we've been 467 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,320 Speaker 1: in a better mental space together as a couple. We've 468 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,560 Speaker 1: talked about being more of service to each other. We 469 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,240 Speaker 1: talked about levels of intimacy as well that we're looking 470 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,720 Speaker 1: forward to over the next ten years. So I think 471 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 1: before the actual act of that raw like you say, 472 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:32,679 Speaker 1: animalistic sex, that's great, But the way we get to 473 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 1: it now, I feel like it's way more organic. Um, 474 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:39,560 Speaker 1: it's way more authentic to to us because we're really 475 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,720 Speaker 1: tuned into each other and we spend days where we're 476 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,240 Speaker 1: just like walking past each other and it's like i'll 477 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:47,679 Speaker 1: give you a look, you give me a look, or 478 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,360 Speaker 1: grab my butt or you know, I'll grab your chest 479 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 1: or whatever it may be. Um, and it's almost just 480 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:55,159 Speaker 1: to let you know, like I see you. And and 481 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 1: those moments of intimacy that we have, though they'd be 482 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,959 Speaker 1: quick during the day, kind of calming, eat up at 483 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,359 Speaker 1: night or morning or whenever we can. And I think 484 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,360 Speaker 1: that we've both been more deliberate with that, Like I've 485 00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:07,200 Speaker 1: always grabbed you, but like that's just you. You can't 486 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:08,560 Speaker 1: work by me in my hand. Don't just go like that. 487 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 1: It's almost like a knee joke reaction at this point. 488 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:15,080 Speaker 1: But what it just We talked about this on another 489 00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,680 Speaker 1: podcast where we talked about being delivered, about being of service, right, 490 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,159 Speaker 1: and not just being of service in the moment to 491 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,960 Speaker 1: get something in return, but constantly being of service to somebody. 492 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,639 Speaker 1: So if you're constantly of service to your spouse, of 493 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:32,520 Speaker 1: course they're going to want to reciprocate, and I think 494 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,359 Speaker 1: that both of us have been more deliberate about being 495 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,919 Speaker 1: of service. So the reciprocation is just coming naturally and 496 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:42,440 Speaker 1: it's working its way to the bedroom. On top of 497 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,800 Speaker 1: the fact that you don't have the I U D 498 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:46,399 Speaker 1: no more so, just when people know they're asking, well, 499 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,240 Speaker 1: what if you don't use I D, We're using um palm, 500 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,959 Speaker 1: which is POM. It's called the pullout method, all right. 501 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:56,000 Speaker 1: It's also called prayer prayer over medicine, all right. So 502 00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 1: I don't know how long that's gonna last. We've been 503 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:02,560 Speaker 1: pretty pretty pretty successful, we have been past years. It 504 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:06,680 Speaker 1: takes trust, you know what I'm saying about getting pregnant 505 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 1: and all those fails too. I kind of feel like, 506 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 1: if that doesn't work out or we're not relying on that, 507 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,639 Speaker 1: because I don't rely on that as full proof, we 508 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,800 Speaker 1: can always go with something that's a little bit more shortshot. 509 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 1: There's the s D M let me sorry, the SDB method. 510 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,920 Speaker 1: I don't know if you've heard of it. S dB 511 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,840 Speaker 1: you make yourself? Is that a pill? But it's it's 512 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:34,640 Speaker 1: it's the snip them balls, snip them, meaning like, okay, 513 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,879 Speaker 1: I've had three children and then we are done, and 514 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:39,280 Speaker 1: you can why you got to be so vogar? Why 515 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:41,280 Speaker 1: you got to be so vogar? Don't use the V word. 516 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:45,240 Speaker 1: Do not use the V word on this podcast. Do not, Hey, 517 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,680 Speaker 1: do not. You know what I mean. I'm just saying 518 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,840 Speaker 1: it might just be your turn. I'll say this, I'll 519 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 1: say this, right if if we have another baby after that, 520 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 1: snip snip, but snip snippy snip snips a s dB. So, 521 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:07,800 Speaker 1: but if we don't, what if we decide or you know, 522 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:11,880 Speaker 1: we I we decide that we're not gonna have a fourth, 523 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,919 Speaker 1: then we're going to have to decide whether or not 524 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:20,680 Speaker 1: I'm gonna stb. That's fair, fair rights, and I'm willing 525 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,159 Speaker 1: to do it because you've put your body through a 526 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 1: lot of trauma over years having children, being on birth control. Right, 527 00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:32,359 Speaker 1: so I'm saying here, gain weight. So I'm willing to 528 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,120 Speaker 1: do that. And I know it'll make our sex life 529 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 1: better because if we don't have to focus on no 530 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,320 Speaker 1: contraceptive at all, right, because if we're trying to combat 531 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,120 Speaker 1: pregnancy and it's just me you, then hey, then we're good. 532 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,320 Speaker 1: You could swing from the shandel from the and if 533 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 1: you're not worried about you know, you'll be good. Swing 534 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:55,600 Speaker 1: like that. Dang langs see you nasty. See guys, ever 535 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:57,040 Speaker 1: since you got off the I U D. She been 536 00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 1: nasty like something too. For like your your psyche, like 537 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,680 Speaker 1: the way you feel like your mood mood is also 538 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,639 Speaker 1: very much affected by even with them. Yeah, I mean 539 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,520 Speaker 1: I had the non hormonal one, but I feel like, man, 540 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,520 Speaker 1: that should be giving off something too. You just never know. 541 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,199 Speaker 1: I mean, you know better than I know because it 542 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,440 Speaker 1: was inside. But but I will say that there was 543 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,320 Speaker 1: a like a stark difference once you took that I 544 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: U D out. It went from it was like night 545 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 1: and day, like there was I U D and there 546 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,800 Speaker 1: we were struggling the minute she took it out, and 547 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:29,000 Speaker 1: I was just like, babe, I think that's what it was, 548 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,040 Speaker 1: and then you know it's And then the good thing 549 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:35,320 Speaker 1: is we're reaching a point now because and when you 550 00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 1: think about married couples, if you're both very sexually active 551 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,440 Speaker 1: with each other, you do choose a contraceptive that will 552 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,320 Speaker 1: prevent you from having kids so that you don't have 553 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:47,680 Speaker 1: to continue to reproduce, But you don't realize how that's 554 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,960 Speaker 1: gonna affect your sex drive, Like a lot of people 555 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,720 Speaker 1: don't realize that. You think, oh, you know, even condoms, 556 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,719 Speaker 1: condoms affect people's sex drive. Like some dudes hate condoms. 557 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:59,840 Speaker 1: Some women's bodies respond terribly too condoms. So I think 558 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,719 Speaker 1: as married couples, we have to start to continue to 559 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:06,800 Speaker 1: discuss how these contraceptives are affecting our sex lives, our 560 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:10,720 Speaker 1: sex drives, and what other options we have, you know 561 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:13,600 Speaker 1: what I'm saying to to counteract that so that we 562 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,520 Speaker 1: can you know, have fun being married. So it doesn't 563 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:19,120 Speaker 1: seem so daunting to exactly And it's just like, you know, 564 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,760 Speaker 1: I don't want to have to say place blame for 565 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,760 Speaker 1: example anymore. I feel like at that point, I was 566 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:25,200 Speaker 1: really trying to figure out, well, if it's not me, 567 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,480 Speaker 1: maybe it's the kids, maybe it's just it was a 568 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,320 Speaker 1: culmination of things, yes, but I think it required a 569 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 1: little bit of research, and it's something that mattered to 570 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 1: me to be able to figure out, because I didn't 571 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 1: want to just continue to live in the space that 572 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:37,239 Speaker 1: we were in where you felt as if you were 573 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 1: unwanted or that you were neglected, um, that your needs 574 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,800 Speaker 1: were not met in that department UM too. So I'm 575 00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:47,040 Speaker 1: feeling pretty good about where we're at. But think about this, though, 576 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,160 Speaker 1: contraceptives have always been an issue for us throughout our 577 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:53,040 Speaker 1: relationship before eighteen years, because when we first met we 578 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:56,960 Speaker 1: were responsible. We wore condoms right then in all honesty, 579 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: we got comfortable with each other. I didn't like wearing condoms. 580 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:04,360 Speaker 1: Ain't like the condoms, so we stopped wearing condoms when 581 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 1: we used to pull out method. But we got nervous 582 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:09,480 Speaker 1: about having babies. So that time when we weren't using condoms, 583 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:12,920 Speaker 1: our sex life was jumping. We was It was like 584 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,680 Speaker 1: in college. It was on and popping, but then you 585 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,960 Speaker 1: had got on the pill at one point and it 586 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 1: messed with you. Um, I think you tried to patrol. 587 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:23,240 Speaker 1: It was the ring. I tried to ring for a 588 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:26,680 Speaker 1: little bit. That didn't work out. But I feel like 589 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,720 Speaker 1: all of those different things have because naturally, you're not 590 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 1: supposed to stop what's supposed to be so normal, you know, 591 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:38,320 Speaker 1: saying what's supposed to be so animalistic and esoteric at 592 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 1: the same time, because your spirits and your your souls 593 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,120 Speaker 1: get involved with having sex. So when you're stopping it 594 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,440 Speaker 1: by using something, it seems like there's a break in 595 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,080 Speaker 1: between so yeah, and even so I feel like even 596 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 1: now we've had a lot more like emotionally charged sex 597 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,959 Speaker 1: too since that, you know what I mean. We used 598 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,280 Speaker 1: to have sex in college, right, And there was a 599 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:01,760 Speaker 1: time in colleus having sex and Kadina just started crying 600 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:06,240 Speaker 1: and I'm like and I used to be like, I'm like, 601 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,360 Speaker 1: what's what's the matter And she'd be like, I don't know, 602 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,960 Speaker 1: I'd just been called up to me. We cry, but 603 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:13,800 Speaker 1: it was a cute little like, oh my god, I 604 00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:18,000 Speaker 1: love you so much. Cry. We were listening to what song? 605 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:21,800 Speaker 1: Do you remember what song it was? Yes? I do remember. 606 00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 1: It was two times it happened one Do you remember 607 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:29,640 Speaker 1: both of them soundtrack? Yeah? The first one was Beauty 608 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:33,720 Speaker 1: by Drew Hill the second one and the second one 609 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 1: was Speechless by beyont my girl. That's listening, that's that's on? Ye. Yes, okay, 610 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:55,160 Speaker 1: don't do karaoke time. Karaoke time is past. Yes, but 611 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,160 Speaker 1: it's good. I'm feeling good. Where we at. Pound me up, 612 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,440 Speaker 1: dap me up. I always pound you up, at me now, 613 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 1: pound you up, pound you out. That's the fact. Well, 614 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,560 Speaker 1: let's go pay some bills real quickly. Back, Okay, before 615 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 1: this takes a sharp turn. Okay, we're gonna take a 616 00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,360 Speaker 1: real quick break, y'all, and I get back into some 617 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:38,520 Speaker 1: listening letters. All right, and we're back. Yes, listen to letters. 618 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:42,200 Speaker 1: We're listening to y'all. What you got to say? You've 619 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 1: got the right one up. Oh here we go. All right. Hello, 620 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,240 Speaker 1: First and foremost, my wife and I enjoy your podcast 621 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: very much, Thank you so much. When guys right in, Yes, 622 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 1: and we listened to it as a couple, which as 623 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,240 Speaker 1: you should. We have two young sons, ages one and four, 624 00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:58,920 Speaker 1: who love to sleep in the bed with us. We 625 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:00,920 Speaker 1: remember the days when we just when it was just 626 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 1: us and sex came as easy as breathing. Now, with 627 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:04,960 Speaker 1: the kids in the bed, it seems as if we've 628 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:10,479 Speaker 1: developed sexual asthma. Sexual feels like do you guys, do 629 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,239 Speaker 1: you guys have this issue? How do we once and 630 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:18,360 Speaker 1: for all kick the kids out? Okay, well, I mean 631 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 1: we kind of implemented. I want to say, after jack 632 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:23,680 Speaker 1: I kicked my kids out the bed, y'all, I kicked 633 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:25,760 Speaker 1: them out. I said, guys, I said, kay, kay, this 634 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,000 Speaker 1: this can't be. Yeah. Jackson was in the there with 635 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:29,440 Speaker 1: us for a long time, and that tends to happen 636 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,640 Speaker 1: when you have your first child sometimes unless you're very deliberate, 637 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 1: and he was kind of he was in and out 638 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:37,360 Speaker 1: of our bed, i should say for a long time. Um. 639 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,400 Speaker 1: And it was a convenience that came with with Nur 640 00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:42,760 Speaker 1: saying restating overnight things like that. Um, that made it 641 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,600 Speaker 1: really easy, you know, because sometimes it's just like is 642 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,600 Speaker 1: it sleep or is it the kid being in the room, 643 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,800 Speaker 1: Like you just some things you're gonna have to sacrifice. 644 00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,520 Speaker 1: But then then comes a point when you just have 645 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,040 Speaker 1: to kind of get him out of bed. So not 646 00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,080 Speaker 1: even just for sex, started just to sleep because they 647 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,800 Speaker 1: get told sleep crazy. We used to call Jacks and 648 00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:03,720 Speaker 1: come kung Fu Panda in the good because he just 649 00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,480 Speaker 1: used to be all over the place. But then yeah, 650 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,560 Speaker 1: early on with Cairo, we kind of implemented the sleeping 651 00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 1: in the basternet to try and to even if he 652 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,440 Speaker 1: was in the room with us, taking him out of 653 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:15,000 Speaker 1: the bed, putting him in the basse neet. And then 654 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,920 Speaker 1: when he became too big for the bast neet he 655 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,320 Speaker 1: was about three months and then we were just like, okay, 656 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 1: we're going to have to do the Ferber method. We 657 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,480 Speaker 1: kind of loosely did the Ferber method. Um. Cairo was 658 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:26,640 Speaker 1: great in that he maybe cried the first night for 659 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,040 Speaker 1: two minutes, and then he was fine after that and 660 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:32,080 Speaker 1: then he became accustomed to his bed. Um. Same thing 661 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,120 Speaker 1: with Kazeh. So it's yeah, you're just gonna have to 662 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:39,000 Speaker 1: do it. Bro want it up. Yeah, I mean just 663 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:40,759 Speaker 1: kick them out. No, just kick them out. But I'm 664 00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:42,799 Speaker 1: saying there four and one, kick them out, take them 665 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,880 Speaker 1: out the bed, kick them outther Maybe most of the 666 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,319 Speaker 1: time parents have issues taking them out of bed, and 667 00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,799 Speaker 1: it don't be the kids and be the parents. One 668 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:54,120 Speaker 1: parent wants to keep the child. It's realistically, these kids 669 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,719 Speaker 1: have to learn how to self suite, right, and who 670 00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,960 Speaker 1: teaches them how to self suit us? As parents? Typically 671 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,520 Speaker 1: the problem is not that the child. The problem is 672 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,359 Speaker 1: one of the parents or both of the parents. They 673 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,120 Speaker 1: feel more comfortable with the child there. If y'all want 674 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:10,520 Speaker 1: the kids out the bed, they put them out the bed. 675 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 1: But I was making a suggestion and that if they're 676 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,360 Speaker 1: one and four, there's they're young enough where maybe you 677 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,319 Speaker 1: can put them together, if they're used to having like 678 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:20,520 Speaker 1: a codependency or a sleep partner, put them together in 679 00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 1: the bed. Because my brother and I when were younger, 680 00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:24,560 Speaker 1: slept together in the same bed, you know, while we 681 00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:27,960 Speaker 1: were younger, and then eventually I grew that. But I 682 00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,480 Speaker 1: don't think the problem is Seriously, I don't think the 683 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,239 Speaker 1: problem And this is what I think sometimes we do 684 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,800 Speaker 1: is we try to spoon feed to other people without 685 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 1: dealing with what the issue is. When we make these suggestions, 686 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,600 Speaker 1: its just like, well, I can't get them out the 687 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:42,759 Speaker 1: bed because this one won't sleep this way or that one. 688 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,879 Speaker 1: I don't know, know. Those are all excuses that you've 689 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,920 Speaker 1: created in your mind and sometimes parents as a reason 690 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,000 Speaker 1: as to why the child needs to continue to sleep 691 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:53,120 Speaker 1: in the bed when realistically get them out of the bed. 692 00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:55,399 Speaker 1: And I've seen that with a lot of couples, and 693 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:57,080 Speaker 1: we did that as well, you know what I'm saying. 694 00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,719 Speaker 1: Even with Jackson, he's by himself and he needs to 695 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,879 Speaker 1: do this us. And even with Kaz and Cairo, there 696 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,360 Speaker 1: were times when we made excuses for them because we 697 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:07,799 Speaker 1: felt better with them being in the bed. But then 698 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 1: when we got tired of it, I'd be like, yo, 699 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,279 Speaker 1: go sleeping in bedroom, Do not leave this bed? And 700 00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,719 Speaker 1: what would they do that to this day, because what 701 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,680 Speaker 1: do they do will be the one and they go 702 00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:19,680 Speaker 1: to sleep in the bed. And ultimately, that's my point. 703 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:23,160 Speaker 1: Let's let's not give the child an excuse and say, oh, 704 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,400 Speaker 1: there's a reason why, because we don't know how. Parents 705 00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:27,799 Speaker 1: know how you just feel better as a parent. And 706 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,160 Speaker 1: I'm guilty of it too, Like there's some nights still 707 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,200 Speaker 1: where I'm just like, they're just so cute in their bed, 708 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:36,360 Speaker 1: Let's bring them in our bed. Agree with Jason's big agree, 709 00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,200 Speaker 1: it's five ft self. I agree. You know what I mean, 710 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 1: And you've got to break that mentality, and that's that's 711 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,520 Speaker 1: my thing. And not to make it seem like you 712 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,160 Speaker 1: weren't making a valid point, because you were, but I 713 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,520 Speaker 1: was just saying, it's the mentality of getting them out 714 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:53,719 Speaker 1: the bed as opposed to the systematic approach. You know, 715 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,080 Speaker 1: the systematic approach. They know what to do with their kids, 716 00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:00,640 Speaker 1: get them out the bed. That's it, all right, Hey, 717 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,880 Speaker 1: Codeine and Devol. First off, I want to say I 718 00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:05,279 Speaker 1: love you guys and love listening to y'all's podcast. Thank 719 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,920 Speaker 1: you so much. I love how y'all start your listening totters. 720 00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,520 Speaker 1: A little shout out love because we love y'all back. 721 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:16,759 Speaker 1: I'm thirty two from Brooklyn book book, but it was like, 722 00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,880 Speaker 1: that's very flat bush of you. Um, and I often 723 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,279 Speaker 1: use a lot of your topics to have discussions with 724 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,600 Speaker 1: my booth than He and I have been together for 725 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,800 Speaker 1: eight years and married for three, and we have two kids, 726 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:34,920 Speaker 1: five years old and two months old. I love his 727 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:39,520 Speaker 1: annoying as dearly, which is why I'm even writing this. Okay, 728 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:42,359 Speaker 1: So moving in together five years ago, we realized that 729 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,520 Speaker 1: sex has always been an area of discussion for us, 730 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,440 Speaker 1: mainly because I'm one of those women who has a 731 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,560 Speaker 1: higher sex driver than her man. I always wanted and 732 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,640 Speaker 1: he's more of a two to three times a week 733 00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:57,880 Speaker 1: is all right for me. UM also usually the initiator, 734 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:01,719 Speaker 1: which can be annoying at times. We get into the 735 00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,520 Speaker 1: riffs about the consistency of sex and I always end 736 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,839 Speaker 1: up upset, which leads him to trying to be more 737 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,520 Speaker 1: consistent for about a week or two, and then we 738 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,000 Speaker 1: end up in the same ass boat That sounds familiar. 739 00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:17,760 Speaker 1: Before we get back into the process of having sex 740 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,239 Speaker 1: after having our second child, I want to make sure 741 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,840 Speaker 1: that we're on the same page and sex becomes bomb again. 742 00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:25,560 Speaker 1: At this point, should we consider some type of sex 743 00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:30,360 Speaker 1: therapy or just a counselor Yeah, that's literally the reverse 744 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,640 Speaker 1: of what we were dealing with, which there are people 745 00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,439 Speaker 1: who deal with that too, exactly. There are women who 746 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:40,000 Speaker 1: deal with who have higher sex drives. I mean that's 747 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,759 Speaker 1: interesting because I don't know what it's like to have 748 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:43,560 Speaker 1: a higher sex drive than a man. But you know, 749 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,440 Speaker 1: the frustration with having somebody who is not meeting your 750 00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:48,600 Speaker 1: knees because to me, when I hear two or three times, 751 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:52,520 Speaker 1: become like, oh, we Gucci. Meanwhile, she's like that's not enough. 752 00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:56,319 Speaker 1: Even after the children too, She's she's still, she's still 753 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:59,640 Speaker 1: there and I envy this, and he's probably making her 754 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:02,320 Speaker 1: feel like a sexual deviant from wanting to have sex 755 00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,680 Speaker 1: more often. He's probably like, he's probably like, how could 756 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,239 Speaker 1: you still want to have sex? Because that's how I 757 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:10,880 Speaker 1: felt sometimes. You know, as the initiator. It does get 758 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:13,400 Speaker 1: annoying at times to always be the initiator, or you 759 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,759 Speaker 1: start to feel like they is that person not into me. 760 00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,000 Speaker 1: You want to be wanted, Yeah, you want to be wanted. 761 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:21,120 Speaker 1: Everyone wants that, that feeling of wanting to be wanted. Um, 762 00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,040 Speaker 1: I think you can revert back to what we've spoken 763 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,560 Speaker 1: about today, honestly, Sis, I mean, I'm looking at what 764 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,960 Speaker 1: you talked about. Y'all have two kids five and two months, Um, 765 00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:33,080 Speaker 1: so those are distractions. Sometimes those distractions. What is the 766 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,400 Speaker 1: environment looking like? Um? You know, is he taking the 767 00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,200 Speaker 1: initiative to then trying to meet you have way there 768 00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,560 Speaker 1: by trying to reciprocate the instigation every now and again, 769 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:45,080 Speaker 1: and it's like, why are you guys falling into that rut? Well, 770 00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:46,840 Speaker 1: she said that he tries and then falls and the 771 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:50,040 Speaker 1: falls off and then it comes rut. Because it comes 772 00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,240 Speaker 1: back to what we've had to deal with was if 773 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:55,280 Speaker 1: this is not something natural that you want to do, 774 00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,520 Speaker 1: you do it for your mate. But then if it's 775 00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:59,560 Speaker 1: not something you naturally want to do, you naturally go 776 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,520 Speaker 1: back to what's comfortable for you. So it's not like 777 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,319 Speaker 1: you're dismissing your mate. And you never were dismissing me, 778 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:07,680 Speaker 1: even though I felt at times I was being dismissed. 779 00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,960 Speaker 1: But it's like I was trying to do that and 780 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,399 Speaker 1: keep up, but I, you know, naturally I go back 781 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,640 Speaker 1: to what is comfortable for me, and he's doing the 782 00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,960 Speaker 1: same thing. Right, Yeah, Because that's for sure. After we'd 783 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,320 Speaker 1: have our discussions, I'd be like, all right, good, this 784 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:20,800 Speaker 1: is what I'm gonna do, and I would like focus 785 00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:23,399 Speaker 1: on it, and then life we're kicking in. I kick 786 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:25,360 Speaker 1: in again, and then before I knew it, I was 787 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,319 Speaker 1: back into the same pattern of things. But like you said, 788 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:29,560 Speaker 1: there's like a comfort zone, like a level of comfort 789 00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:31,920 Speaker 1: that you kind of convert back to whenever you're it's 790 00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,319 Speaker 1: doesn't come to you naturally. UM, I think you guys, 791 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:37,840 Speaker 1: it's worth maybe talking to somebody about it. UM, speaking 792 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,480 Speaker 1: out loud where the feelings are, where there may be 793 00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:43,840 Speaker 1: some some disconnects. Um. You know the fact that you 794 00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:46,360 Speaker 1: guys are already having kind of discussions about it, it's helpful. 795 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:51,000 Speaker 1: Don't stop talking about it. Doesn't matter how monotonous it seems. 796 00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:55,680 Speaker 1: There's always breakthroughs when you have conversations. We've talked about 797 00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:58,719 Speaker 1: sex where we talked about it so much that I 798 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:02,080 Speaker 1: would just like, that's the minute I heard the word mentally, 799 00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:03,919 Speaker 1: it just took me to a very negative place because 800 00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,960 Speaker 1: that was just like, but where we go again. But 801 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,319 Speaker 1: here's the thing. It matters to me. But it also 802 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:13,040 Speaker 1: is when someone is I think at the deficit. A 803 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,919 Speaker 1: lot of people, not just women, men and women don't 804 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,600 Speaker 1: want to be accountable for being at the deficit of something. 805 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,839 Speaker 1: So when you're discussing something that there may be at 806 00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:23,360 Speaker 1: a deficit at they don't want to keep talking about 807 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,960 Speaker 1: it because they have to look in the mirror and 808 00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,359 Speaker 1: be like, maybe I'm the problem. You know what I'm saying. 809 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,120 Speaker 1: It's hard for someone to realize that and keep realizing 810 00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:33,600 Speaker 1: that over and over again. So the fact that they're 811 00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:36,520 Speaker 1: having the conversations are good. What I'll say is is 812 00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:38,680 Speaker 1: that since she's the one with the higher sex drive, 813 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:40,399 Speaker 1: just like I'm the one with the higher sex drive 814 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:43,360 Speaker 1: in our relationship, what she should try to do is 815 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:47,520 Speaker 1: try to find ways to increase his liking for sex 816 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,560 Speaker 1: like I have done with you, really like taking taking 817 00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:53,440 Speaker 1: pride and understanding how your body was, just sex language 818 00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,920 Speaker 1: like his sex language or intimacy language, like what what 819 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,680 Speaker 1: turns him on? Find because I had to do my 820 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:03,720 Speaker 1: research and finding out what terms my wife on what 821 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,680 Speaker 1: is going on? Why is she keep putting up the 822 00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:07,600 Speaker 1: gate like what am I not doing? Or what am 823 00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:11,520 Speaker 1: I doing? And asking those questions constantly never gets old 824 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,880 Speaker 1: because to do that as couple of years in and 825 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,840 Speaker 1: married for three, like this is the decision you made. 826 00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:19,960 Speaker 1: We don't have that newness factor where it's like you 827 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,319 Speaker 1: meet somebody for the first time and it's like, you know, 828 00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:26,200 Speaker 1: we don't have that as married people. However, I was 829 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,600 Speaker 1: gonna say, however, you can try to create those instances 830 00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:35,320 Speaker 1: by knowing what your partner likes by all going on vacation. 831 00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:38,839 Speaker 1: I'll say this, I'm going to if this is gonna 832 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,360 Speaker 1: be a moment of truth, part of the moment of 833 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:44,239 Speaker 1: truth is changing your environment and experiencing different things with 834 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:48,480 Speaker 1: that same purpose purpose intrigues their sexual drive. I've I've 835 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,799 Speaker 1: learned that with Codeine. You know what. Another episode that 836 00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:52,799 Speaker 1: we did, I'm not sure how it's going to play out, 837 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:56,520 Speaker 1: but we talked about the list of twenty things from 838 00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:00,200 Speaker 1: the married couple over twenty years, right, and one thing 839 00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:01,759 Speaker 1: that I think they both had on their list was 840 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:05,440 Speaker 1: like go on vacations or plan vacations or something like that. 841 00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:07,279 Speaker 1: And I think each of them said it in their 842 00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:10,120 Speaker 1: own way, but they both after twenty years of marriage, 843 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:13,160 Speaker 1: in their top twenty things that they felt like was 844 00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,880 Speaker 1: necessary in making their marriage thrive, it was taking a 845 00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:19,279 Speaker 1: break and going on vacation. But but not but not 846 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:22,719 Speaker 1: just a typical vacation where you you know, say, say 847 00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:25,759 Speaker 1: your vacation idea is to go to Virginia Beach. Y'all 848 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:27,760 Speaker 1: go to Virginia Beach and go to the same hotel 849 00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,799 Speaker 1: and do the same thing. Because even that, even though 850 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,920 Speaker 1: it's a vacation, becomes monotonous. No, go on a vacation 851 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:36,480 Speaker 1: where you experience a different part of the world, experience 852 00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:42,239 Speaker 1: a different challenge, collectively, experience a different adventure. Because I've 853 00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:45,840 Speaker 1: noticed that when we do things that are different that 854 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,719 Speaker 1: you've never done before, you get aroused, like you you know, 855 00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:51,600 Speaker 1: like this is an exciting babe, Like you'll you'll touch me, 856 00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,360 Speaker 1: you'll rub me, and and it's exciting for me to 857 00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:55,839 Speaker 1: see you do things. Um. I remember when we went 858 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:58,840 Speaker 1: when we went to Jay Mountain and we ran up 859 00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,240 Speaker 1: the mountain as a as opposed to taking the bus. 860 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,719 Speaker 1: You don't like working out, but at the top of 861 00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:05,360 Speaker 1: the mountain you were just like that was that was 862 00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,480 Speaker 1: kind of good and you were all sweaty. I was sweaty. 863 00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:09,920 Speaker 1: And then we got a second workout and when we 864 00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:12,960 Speaker 1: got to the law. But I think that's important, and 865 00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:17,280 Speaker 1: I don't think people really think about that. Like Jade Mountain, 866 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:21,080 Speaker 1: her all these things cause money. So young lady, I 867 00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,000 Speaker 1: don't you know, make sure you put money away to 868 00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:26,399 Speaker 1: Jade Mountain, your uh, your husband bay or I mean 869 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,560 Speaker 1: any resort or wherever you're trying to go to or whatever. 870 00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:30,200 Speaker 1: We were just speaking from experience, because we had a 871 00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:32,200 Speaker 1: bomb time there. We did have a bomb time day. 872 00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:34,920 Speaker 1: We had some great sex there. I'm trying to think 873 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:36,560 Speaker 1: of some other places. We went to d R and 874 00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:39,400 Speaker 1: we did the zip lining. I remember the night we 875 00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:41,680 Speaker 1: came back from zip minding. We had some bomb sex 876 00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:45,000 Speaker 1: after that. Then I was swinging from the chandeliers at 877 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,880 Speaker 1: the hotel and even even places in Brooklyn. Where did 878 00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:50,279 Speaker 1: we go to Brooken? We went somewhere in Brooklyn and 879 00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,880 Speaker 1: we did something different. But I remember that night it 880 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:56,720 Speaker 1: was just like, oh, when we went for your birthday, 881 00:44:57,480 --> 00:44:59,760 Speaker 1: I went got you, I surprised you, took your shopping, 882 00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:01,799 Speaker 1: May did all of these things for you, and we 883 00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,799 Speaker 1: have that night. You're in the city that night and 884 00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,520 Speaker 1: we have bomb sex. But it was something different that 885 00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,359 Speaker 1: made that experience seem like this is the first time 886 00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:11,719 Speaker 1: I'm having sex with that person. If you could and 887 00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:13,680 Speaker 1: you know what, I think that may be a key 888 00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:15,680 Speaker 1: that we could start to save it for your moment 889 00:45:15,719 --> 00:45:18,200 Speaker 1: of truth. I'm gonna do that, all right. If you 890 00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:20,640 Speaker 1: would like to be featured as one of our listener letters, 891 00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:23,840 Speaker 1: make sure you'll email us dead as Advice at gmail 892 00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:27,440 Speaker 1: dot com. That's D D A S S A D 893 00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,000 Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com. You want 894 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,560 Speaker 1: to see the emails overflowing, you know what I mean, 895 00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:34,160 Speaker 1: and tell us some more stuff about what you want 896 00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:35,640 Speaker 1: to hear, what I want to talk about. We're always 897 00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:38,319 Speaker 1: open to that too. Okay, all right, moment of truth, 898 00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,480 Speaker 1: tim you're about to spill the beans on your moment 899 00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:41,840 Speaker 1: of truth, go ahead and say, well, so this is 900 00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:44,319 Speaker 1: my moment of truth for men and women who are 901 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:47,759 Speaker 1: looking to and invigorate your love life. Right, Two things 902 00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:49,480 Speaker 1: I want you to focus on. Number one, make sure 903 00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:52,680 Speaker 1: that the contraceptive that you're using is conducive to your 904 00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:57,719 Speaker 1: love life. We didn't like condoms, we didn't like the pill, 905 00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,319 Speaker 1: we didn't like the I U D. Ultimately don't like 906 00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,840 Speaker 1: any form of contraceptive. So that may mean that I 907 00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:07,200 Speaker 1: have to U S A S dB snip them balls 908 00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:10,040 Speaker 1: I get my daughter. We may have to do that, 909 00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:13,200 Speaker 1: but of course, pay attention to the contraceptive. And number two, 910 00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:17,279 Speaker 1: if you really want to invigorate and keep that flame going, 911 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:20,640 Speaker 1: find different things to do with your spouse other than 912 00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:22,800 Speaker 1: the norm. When I mean different, I don't mean just travel. 913 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:27,440 Speaker 1: Do different physical activities that get that to stop some 914 00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:29,960 Speaker 1: from that estrogen. Move into that you can, you know, 915 00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,959 Speaker 1: get into that mode, let off those pheromones, be around 916 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:36,759 Speaker 1: each other, be active together, and that will definitely invigorate 917 00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:40,919 Speaker 1: your bed whom I honestly wholeheartedly believe that. I like that. Um, 918 00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:44,799 Speaker 1: my moment of truth is uh to be relentless in 919 00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:49,920 Speaker 1: your pursuit of what is the root of your problem. 920 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,600 Speaker 1: And that can be in life, but because we're talking 921 00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:56,080 Speaker 1: about sex, um, particularly with your sex life, be willing 922 00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:59,560 Speaker 1: to go the extra mile to put your ego aside 923 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,520 Speaker 1: to except that you may have a deficit, and then 924 00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:05,400 Speaker 1: be relentless in the pursuit of finding out what is 925 00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,400 Speaker 1: the root of that issue. Because with me, I really 926 00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:12,319 Speaker 1: had to think, um no, but I really had to 927 00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:15,200 Speaker 1: like dive deep and just say I felt like I 928 00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:18,520 Speaker 1: was the inadequate one. I felt like there was you 929 00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:24,360 Speaker 1: know this inferior. You know, um, what's what's inferior? Superior? 930 00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:29,040 Speaker 1: The word there's like the superior, inferior thing that was happening, 931 00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:31,160 Speaker 1: and I was always the one with the deficit. And 932 00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:33,560 Speaker 1: that was heartbreaking for me because I felt like my 933 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:38,040 Speaker 1: husband deserved more based on everything that he was putting 934 00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,560 Speaker 1: out UM and and in the efforts that you were 935 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:42,600 Speaker 1: making to make sure that I was having a good 936 00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,560 Speaker 1: experience sexually, you just weren't getting the best out of me. 937 00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:49,120 Speaker 1: So whatever it is, UM, male or female, whoever has 938 00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:52,080 Speaker 1: the deficit, don't feel ashamed to get some help, to 939 00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:55,080 Speaker 1: reach out, to explore, to figure out what maybe missing, 940 00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:58,600 Speaker 1: because that one little thing, that one little change in 941 00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:02,879 Speaker 1: our routine that will change in my overall physical health. 942 00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:06,080 Speaker 1: I would say it was like the key to It 943 00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,440 Speaker 1: was a key unlocking that door for us. And just 944 00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,000 Speaker 1: a piggyback of what you just said, Like you said, 945 00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:13,680 Speaker 1: be relentless, keep having a conversation as as monotonous as 946 00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:15,680 Speaker 1: you think. The conversation is. When you stop having a 947 00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:19,120 Speaker 1: conversation and you stop trying, that's when is over. That's 948 00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:22,279 Speaker 1: when is over. As long as you're continuously having a conversation. 949 00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:24,759 Speaker 1: That's true. That's true because you just say to me, 950 00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:26,680 Speaker 1: at one point, when I stopped talking about it. Then 951 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,880 Speaker 1: we should be worried, absolutely, because then I don't candlem it. 952 00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:32,040 Speaker 1: I felt that to the core. I was like, why 953 00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:34,680 Speaker 1: I want you to always be worried talking about it 954 00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:36,719 Speaker 1: as annoying as it was, and here we are. I 955 00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:39,000 Speaker 1: want to keep having this conversation because that means that 956 00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:41,960 Speaker 1: sex is still being had or we're still invested in 957 00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:45,440 Speaker 1: each other. Exactly, sure, exactly, All right, y'all. Hope that 958 00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,600 Speaker 1: helped you all out there, especially our married couples who 959 00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:51,000 Speaker 1: have been in situations. Yes, there is a breakthrough coming 960 00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:52,959 Speaker 1: if you keep working towards it. We are a proof 961 00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:54,800 Speaker 1: of it. We are a proof of it. That's a fact. 962 00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,200 Speaker 1: Be sure to follow us on social media. All I 963 00:48:57,280 --> 00:48:59,239 Speaker 1: did ask the podcast, and of course you can find 964 00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:01,520 Speaker 1: me convene I am and I am devouting. If you're 965 00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:06,480 Speaker 1: listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe. 966 00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:12,920 Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast 967 00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:16,560 Speaker 1: Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the 968 00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:19,400 Speaker 1: podcast on social media at dead as to podcasts and 969 00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:20,239 Speaker 1: never miss a Thing