WEBVTT - Value, Babies & Double Standards: Let’s Really Talk About It 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:04.720 I'm a homegirl that knows a little bit about everything 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:05.640 and everybody. 0:00:05.640 --> 0:00:07.840 You don't know if you don't lie about that, right. 0:00:07.920 --> 0:00:08.640 Laurie came in. 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:12.000 Hey, y'all, what's up. It's Lauren L. Rosa and this 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:13.680 is the latest with Lauren L. 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:14.200 Rosa. 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:18.000 This is your daily dig on all things pop culture, entertainment, news, 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:19.560 and all of the conversations that. 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:20.680 Shake the room. Baby. 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:24.919 All right, so we're gonna start how we always start, 0:00:24.920 --> 0:00:28.400 low Riders. We gotta check in behind the scenes of 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:34.040 the grind. I am actually recording right now from one 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:35.880 O three point five to beat in Miami. 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:38.680 I'm in Miami, y'all because we're going on. 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:42.239 A cruise today. So today I will disembark. I think 0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:44.280 that's the word you use for cruise, right, Okay, Yeah, 0:00:44.320 --> 0:00:47.760 today I will disembark on a cruise with fim It Forward. 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:51.440 Film It Forward is a program, an organization, a movement 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:55.160 created by Heather Lowry. Heather Lowry if you don't know her, 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:57.600 because she's very much behind the scenes, but she is 0:00:57.640 --> 0:01:02.400 that girl. She's from Delaware for so yeah. And then secondly, 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:04.800 you know she's done a lot in the entertainment space 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:07.280 for a long time. Have the lowry was at the 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:11.000 hymn of some of your biggest tours and artist performances 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:14.679 as she led, uh, you know the charges at Live Nation, 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:17.240 you know, and Live Nation puts on a lot of 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:22.000 those in person performances. But you know, as of recent 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:26.440 I feel like her brand, Femit Forward, has grown hugely 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:27.679 and it becomes. 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:28.360 Such a huge success. 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:33.240 Femet Forward does the Give Her Her Flowers event every year. 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:35.120 I believe it's during It's either during the b T 0:01:35.240 --> 0:01:38.360 weekend or the Grammy weekend, and normally that event goes 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:42.959 viral because she's honored amazing people, you know, Tianna, Taylor, 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:47.520 Chloe and Holly Bailey, big names, big names, Heather has. 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:50.480 She's always been, like I was gonna say, like a 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:52.279 girl's girl, but I feel like that's such a general 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:55.560 term that's just like so easily used. She's always been 0:01:55.680 --> 0:01:58.680 a person that is, first of all, just her soundation 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:00.760 is really for her foundation is really solid. 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:03.600 But she's always been a person that. 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:08.280 Is She's like a hug in real life, Like everything 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:11.480 about her feels like a hug. She's super encouraging her 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:14.960 temperament until she has to get with you. Is also 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:20.040 very like positive and you know, soft, but it's very strong, 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:22.480 and I say it's like a hug, and then I 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:24.480 say it's strong, y'all. Probably like girl, what how we're 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:26.560 running two the same Because when you think about like 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:28.639 a really good hug when you need it right, it's soft, 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:33.400 it's reaffirming, it's you know, it's everything that you need 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:36.120 at the time, but also it can strongly change the 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:40.200 trajectory of you're feeling in that moment, you're feeling after 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:42.320 that moment, and even just how your day was going. 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:45.320 One good hug changes everything. And that's what meeting Heather 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:47.640 Lowry was like for me. I always said that I 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:50.920 want to host an artist tour, like it's always been 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:52.440 a dream of mine to like team up with like 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:55.760 a fire female artist. I really would love for it 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:59.160 to be a rap girl, but I'm open and go 0:02:59.200 --> 0:03:01.200 on tour like how do you CALLI went on tour Beyonce, 0:03:01.280 --> 0:03:04.320 and I know I'm not a DJ, but I would. 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:06.160 I just think it would be so far me rocking 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:07.880 out with the DJ as the host of the tour 0:03:08.240 --> 0:03:10.080 and being able to, you know, just go stop to stop. 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:11.440 I don't know why I've always wanted to do that, 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:14.600 But when I met Haga Lowry, she had actually booked 0:03:14.639 --> 0:03:17.760 me to host my first live concert ever for real, 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:20.640 for real. I was fresh out of Delaware State University 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:24.000 and HBCU Week, which we've talked about here on the 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:27.520 podcast before. Another organization that feels like a hug by 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:32.600 Ashley Christopher, another Delaware girl. They host these live concerts 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:35.320 every year in October and Women's in Delaware where they 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:38.119 bring artists to the city and it raises money for 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:41.200 students that are going to HBCUs and are getting through 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:44.440 their four year undergrad and even some graduate programs. 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:45.800 At HBCU schools. 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:48.920 But I hosted a concert for La in Queen Naija 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:51.520 some years ago, and then I did another one for 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:54.240 like Rick Rass and you know all these people in 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:57.840 Heather was at the helm of that. Like literally, I 0:03:58.640 --> 0:04:01.000 just I really appreciate women who are like that, women 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:03.600 who are like they stirn with you when they need 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:05.080 to be, They're honest with you when they need to be, 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:07.240 they're strong with you when they need to be, but 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:11.400 also like they're real, Like they're real people who are 0:04:11.400 --> 0:04:15.200 giving real advice, who just really care about your well being. 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:17.640 People talk a lot about how this industry is so 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:20.960 fake and phony, but you really can run across good 0:04:21.000 --> 0:04:23.440 people in the process of being a good person as 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:25.240 well too, and Heather is one of those people. So 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:27.000 shout out to her and shout out to Famit Forward 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:28.960 and the Femland Cruise. So I'll be there this weekend, 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:31.279 and my plan is to bring you guys as much 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:34.440 sound bites as I can. The first day, like today 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:37.279 we toast to you know, all the girls and the 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:40.360 black girls being on board and you know, kicking off 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:44.520 the cruise. But we got Monica SWV and Keishako performing 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:47.280 today and that's just day one. So y'all know, I'm 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:50.400 gonna bring you the latest from the cruise boats. So 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:52.880 I'm excited. If you cannot tell, I'm really excited. I'm 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:56.360 in great spirits and I'm just ready to get on 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:57.359 into the things. 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:01.760 So now let's get on to the latest. 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:06.919 All right, y'all. So Kim Newton is back at it again. 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:09.760 You should be very familiar with Kim Newton. I mean, 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:14.039 he has this funky Friday podcast. But Kim Newton, you know, 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:19.960 huge football player, super Bowl ring winner. You know, Kim 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:23.360 Newton has done the things in all aspects of his career. 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:24.600 But for some. 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:28.719 Reason, he just can't seem to talk about women in 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:32.440 a way that I think it's fair. If I'm being 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:34.280 and I have no issue with Kim Newton, but I 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:38.800 just think his takes of women, although sometimes realistic, it's 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:41.800 a bit unfair the way he's positioned. And I feel 0:05:41.839 --> 0:05:43.240 like he knows what he's doing when he's doing it, 0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:45.800 and it always works. We always get all rouled up. 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:47.400 So I'm not gonna let him get me riled up 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:48.640 the day. Were gonna take a listen to the comment 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:49.280 and we'll be right back. 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:52.800 Let's say women's value get lower the more children that 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:56.200 they have. Break that down because and I was having 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:58.320 this conversation, you know, with one of the mother of 0:05:58.360 --> 0:06:02.400 my children, and he's still fine, you know what I'm saying, 0:06:03.200 --> 0:06:05.120 But like I was telling her, I was like, Yo, 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:10.240 the god that you're dating or will date, if he 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:13.400 ain't willing to love on these five children that you have, 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:18.000 that ain't the guy for you. Because when I came 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:21.320 into your life, I was willing to accept you and 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:26.280 whatever you had. And there's guys that's out there that's 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:30.000 just going to say my kids, I want you well, 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:33.440 that ain't how at work. But that's not to say 0:06:33.440 --> 0:06:37.080 that she can't find nobody. I'm pretty sure she has somebody. 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:39.640 Right, But do you feel like it's as the best 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:41.839 that she could possibly do is she didn't have children. 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:44.000 Well, you're talking to a dude that was once in 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:46.000 her life. I don't feel like she's gonna get better 0:06:46.080 --> 0:06:47.839 than me. That's just my confidence. 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:50.279 I don't even think it's confidence I have said, and 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:52.880 I might get eaten alive. I don't think most women 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:55.920 do better than the father of their children. I really 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:56.400 don't think that. 0:06:57.000 --> 0:06:58.480 It's really that's the barometer. 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:03.440 So here's my thing with this conversation, women and their 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:07.839 value and decreasing of it because the kids. It's like, yes, 0:07:08.400 --> 0:07:11.440 let's just talk about the heart truths first. As a woman, 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:14.680 it is a heart truth knowing that when you have 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:18.640 kids with someone and then you decide to no longer 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:21.920 be with that person, your experience in the world, your 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:25.280 experience dating, your experience moving forward in your career, and 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:27.760 just in your day to day life is very different 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:31.000 than a man with kids, and even that man that 0:07:31.040 --> 0:07:33.600 had the kids with you, It is very different. Number 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:36.600 one being because normally what happens. And this isn't all 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:38.280 the time. Shout out to the you know, single full 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:42.240 time dads out there, but normally what happens is, you know, 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:45.080 even if the man that you had kids with is 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:49.120 superhands on and is a great dad as them, the 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:51.840 babies came out of your body like as a mom, 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:55.240 you know, the load is just heavier on your side. 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:58.640 And it's not that the man that you had kids 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:00.400 with is not helping. Let me be very when I 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:04.160 say that, it's just it's just different. And I don't 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:06.400 have kids, so you know, y'all like who she talk 0:08:06.800 --> 0:08:09.560 got no kids? Yeah, I don't have kids, but I 0:08:09.920 --> 0:08:12.240 have friends with kids who you know, are working through 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:14.280 situations where it didn't work out with the with the 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:17.080 father their children. I have family members you know that 0:08:17.120 --> 0:08:20.040 I'm very close to who you know I have that 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:23.160 have gone through these things and being there and seeing 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:25.400 what they're going through and seeing how they like rebuild 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:28.080 their lives after it is very different. 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:28.280 Now. 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:30.040 I do know men who have been in the same 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.880 position where not that they're single full time dads, but 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:38.200 these are men who have decided that you know, they're 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:40.280 no longer going to be in a situation where they're 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:42.880 in a family unit, right, and then they go out 0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:44.240 and they want to date and they want to rebuild 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:46.600 their lives, and it's difficult on both sides. 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:51.520 But if we're being honest, y'all, y'all. 0:08:51.240 --> 0:08:53.719 Look at single women with kids way differently than y'all 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:56.000 look at a single man with kids, as long as 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:58.640 he got that baby mama under control and he can 0:08:58.720 --> 0:09:00.960 afford you and whatever he got to do over there 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:03.520 on the other side, for most women, it's. 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:04.360 Not an issue at all. 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:08.760 However, I wish I had one of my homegirls here 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:14.440 right now, however, and maybe we'll have this conversation when 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:15.920 we get on the cruise as well too. I think 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:18.960 this might be a great conversation to bring amongst the 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:20.160 group of women. I'll be Bill Monks, and I just 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:22.199 gotta figure out how I'm gonna do it sound wise 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:22.560 and all that. 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:24.000 So stay tuned for that. 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:26.560 Because one of my friends that's with me right now, 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:28.600 she was actually we ride dinner last night and she 0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:32.760 was having a conversation, you know, and her child is 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:34.920 older and she has a great co parent, like an 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:38.120 amazing co parent, But she was saying, how like, you know, 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:41.960 because the families were still so intertwined because of her son. 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:45.760 It made things very difficult for her and when in 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:49.120 trying to move forward because men were not comfortable with 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:53.400 the fact that families were still intertwined. But I mean, 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:56.960 y'all have kids together, and their son is to an 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:00.160 age where they have no choice but to be very 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:02.520 intertwined because he's older. So he wants to be with 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:04.080 his cousins on both sides, he wants to be with 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:06.640 grandma's on both sides. He wants mom and dad as 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:10.360 certain things. And she she said, you know, that was 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:13.240 an issue for her and still can be an issue 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:17.040 for her today sometimes just because not even the relationship 0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:18.360 that her and her child's father have and they have 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:21.160 a good one, but there's you know, there's boundaries there, 0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:23.520 but just because of the family aspects. And I was 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:25.400 thinking about my own self, like you know, in dating 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:27.600 men with kids, one of the things that you have 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:29.160 to just suck up and get used to. 0:10:30.160 --> 0:10:32.240 And it's like you want it right, like you want 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:32.719 a man that. 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:35.480 Has a good relationship with his mother, with the mother 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:38.840 of his kids, and with the family of his kids 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:40.760 on the mother's side, because you want the best for 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:42.480 the child want you love the man. You love the child, 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:45.200 but also too, you want peace for that man. If 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:46.760 you really with him and you love him, you want 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:48.400 to be with him, you want peace for him, and 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:51.600 that's normally what brings peace. However, it can be uncomfortable. 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:55.120 It can be very uncomfortable because you have to trust 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:59.160 blindly like you already trust him blindly, and being vulnerable 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:01.880 because your heart isn't it And y'all know how that go. 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:05.640 But when there's another woman who emotionally this man is 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:09.000 tied to, even if they're not together because they share children, 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:13.160 it's just different, especially because those emotions are things if 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:15.240 you guys don't have kids, those emotions are things that 0:11:16.320 --> 0:11:19.160 you really like. That's something that they have together, and 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:21.640 that causes fear for a lot of people. I've been 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:26.280 there tooo, I've been there, but I think as women 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:29.800 were like, he'll handle it and it's okay and we'll 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:33.080 figure it out. I've never thought about any man that 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:38.120 I've met with kids. My natural conversation has never went 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:40.200 to the value of that man. 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:43.679 Ever. It never but with women it does. 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:47.240 And it's because number one, the relationships that men are 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:49.520 just not okay with the relationships that you have to 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:52.439 upkeep because you have children with someone the same way 0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:56.040 that women are. Number Two, if we being honest, men 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:58.240 just don't want to take care of nobody kids. And 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:01.240 I think people left that part out of what Kim 0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:04.200 Newton was saying because the way he got into this, 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:08.400 he was actually talking about a conversation he was having 0:12:08.440 --> 0:12:10.719 with one of the mothers of his children. So and 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:13.680 all these audios are on the It's Giving podcast with 0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:17.360 Sarah uh Fintanote or Fintonitt. I probably am saying her 0:12:17.400 --> 0:12:19.240 last thing wrong. I apologize Sarah, but her podcast is 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:21.800 really good. I feel like her conversations really they get 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:27.120 the people going. But yeah, listen, I don't Yeah, I 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:29.320 told you on the opening of this this Kim and 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:31.640 some of his statements are not my favorite. But if 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:35.480 we're being honest, I understand where he's coming from because 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:38.200 men don't be wanting to take care of them babies 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:40.120 if them babies not theirs at all. 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:42.319 And also too, I don't know, there's just this. 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:46.760 Like double standard sexually about a man being able to 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:49.400 go out and conquer the world and create children and 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:52.040 create all these homes even if he doesn't stay in them, 0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:56.120 and that's a man. That's what men do versus a woman. 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:59.040 Like men look at you if you're a woman with like, 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:02.200 you know, children and your relationship didn't work, even if 0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:05.880 it's just one you share children with one man, not 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.880 even multiple men, because that's a whole other conversation too. 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:12.800 They love to you know, that's the whole thing. It's 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:15.760 always like, well, what happened? What didn't work? Kim is 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:18.080 not saying nothing that people haven't said before. It just 0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:21.040 is annoying to hear. But the reason why I was 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.200 saying that it's unfair in the beginning of this podcast 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:28.000 is because I think men never take into account all 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:30.440 the things that women have to do for us to 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:33.160 even be valued in the first place, especially Black women. 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.920 And I know Cam talks in this same podcast episode 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:41.239 about men and you know, men not being loved unconditionally 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:43.240 Black men and only being looked at as providers. Will 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:47.880 get to that, but I think for a lot of men, 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:52.600 it's like women have to do. So it's like, okay, 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:57.440 if I am if i am working a career and 0:13:57.480 --> 0:13:59.360 I'm good at what i do and I'm making good 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:02.040 money and I'm riting for myself and I am self sufficient, 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:04.640 and I have standards, and I want you to come 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:08.080 to the table with something I might be. You know, 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:12.360 those girls are out it or outlisted, right, Like most 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:14.080 of the time, those women are looked at as like 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:20.040 difficult or uh, we understand why you're single, or too 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:23.480 much attitude, or your standards are too high. Right, So 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:25.960 you have that pocket, and then you have the pocket 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:28.840 of Okay. I'm a woman who decided that I wanted 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:32.240 to be a career wife and mother, and I've dedicated 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:34.080 my life to this man, and I've built this family 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:36.720 with this man, and then one day it just doesn't 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:39.040 work and he decides to leave or I decide to leave, 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:42.840 and now I'm starting from scratch. So I'm, you know, 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:45.520 starting from scratch of like figuring out career and who 0:14:45.560 --> 0:14:47.800 I am and what I have going on. And then 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:50.360 those women are put in a box of okay because 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:55.560 you aren't sometimes financially stable. The way that a man 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:57.680 that you may meet is because those women, you know, 0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:00.000 may look for a man to take care of them, 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:02.520 which I'm not knocking, you know, but I'm just making 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:06.000 a difference in lifestyle. So those women might be like, Okay, look, 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:08.280 I'm gonna get myself together. I won't be self sufficient, 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:10.880 but I'm used to being a wife and a mother 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:13.840 to a man that takes care of everything and brings 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:17.840 everything home. It is very hard nowadays to find a 0:15:17.880 --> 0:15:19.960 man that will do all of that and will still 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:22.120 treat you as if you are as equal of a 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:25.400 human being as he. Is, very very hard to find 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:27.640 that those type of men. Child that is I was 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:29.680 gonna say, that's so old school, but even old school, 0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:33.040 I feel like, you know, the whole like gender. 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:37.040 Equality, like that whole thing was always a thing. 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:40.440 But I think nowadays men it's so scared the way 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:42.960 that men try to control you with money. So it's 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:45.000 like it's hard, like you can't be this, like you 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.280 can't be too much of the I got it all 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:50.000 figured out. I need you, but I got to learn 0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:52.880 how to need you, and you can't be too much 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:54.520 of the I need you because now you've got to 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:56.400 be scared of like how much will you be controlled? 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:56.960 Because of that? 0:15:57.040 --> 0:15:59.280 And then you got kids too as well, so you're 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:02.080 making decisions based off of your children and trying to 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:05.560 make sure they're good, not even about yourself. And in 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:09.560 all these situations, I've never once talked about value, because 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:12.440 I've only talked about things that devalue us, like I 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:15.120 can only speak from my experience and saying that, like 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:17.160 I feel like it's always a fight for us to 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:22.320 have valued conversation. Then there's like the whole like fertility 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:24.720 conversation and the time clock and your time clock and 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:26.680 your age devalues you. 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:27.160 As a woman. 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:30.880 The older men get it's like, oh my god, he 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:34.080 got hisself together, he seasoned, he's ready to we just 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:36.200 he's ready to settle down. We just heard Clifton Power 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:37.800 say he just learned how to love somebody at seventy 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:41.880 years old, somebody you know, younger than him, who was 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:45.720 looking just for stability, not even just financially and like physically, 0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:47.720 but like looking for stability and love and being able 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:51.240 to be vulnerable Clift and power. Hey, I mean he's 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:53.600 providing well for himself. You know, he's not a bad 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:56.240 looking older man, but he's telling you, I'm finally at 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:58.520 the age where I want to be fully about somebody 0:16:58.560 --> 0:17:00.360 and about a family and about all the things. 0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:04.360 That's what a woman wants. But he's seventy. A woman at. 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:07.280 Sixty five fifty years old that is single and still 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:09.520 trying to figure it out. It's like, m what was 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:11.840 wrong with her that she never got herself together. We 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:15.640 always hear from men and women. I've always been told 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:18.600 because you don't want to end up sixty five, seventy 0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:24.920 and alone. No one tells men that. Nobody's like nobody. 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:27.040 I've never heard my brother or any of my male 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:29.280 friends be like, you don't want to end up seventy 0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:31.440 and alone. I think we just assume that men will 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:34.240 always conquer and will always figure it out. And even 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:36.240 when we do speak to men about getting it together 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:38.720 and not wanting to be alone, it's never from a 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:39.720 devalued place. 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:40.200 For women. 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:43.080 It's like once you get you know your age clock 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:47.680 going to run out, no more babies, menopause. It's always 0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:50.760 these like detractor things. So I for me, I've had 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:53.520 to change the conversation. And that's what I mean by fairness, 0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:55.400 Like I think when people have these conversations, you can 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:58.920 be honest, but like less have a full conversation about 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.400 like how we even ended up toot where like devaluing 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:05.159 women because of babies that they have a gift to 0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:08.600 the world, Like literally women are birth in human beings, 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:10.520 you know, how many women don't make Black women don't 0:18:10.520 --> 0:18:14.000 make it through childbirth. And we tell we out here, 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:15.920 we out here at the top of our lung sand. 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:17.720 Because you met it through childbirth and you brought this 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:22.400 beautiful baby into the world, your value has now decreased. 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:25.840 That is insane to me. 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:27.840 When a man welcomes to his child into the world, 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:30.600 especially if it's a boy and a junior. Oh my god. 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:34.280 The kingdom continues. It's like lion King when they hold 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:39.240 up you know, uh, what's the lion King's son Simba 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:41.000 when they hit look y'all, it's been a minute. 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:41.840 Okay, I'm thirty four. 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:45.159 When they hold up Simba over you know, the whole 0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:47.720 like the rock, it's like. 0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:52.560 Yes, the kingdom continues. The last name continues. We don't 0:18:52.600 --> 0:18:53.840 even get talked about like that. 0:18:53.880 --> 0:18:58.280 We get devalue because we had a baby. So let's 0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:00.639 be fair. My whole thing is like, look, go ahead, 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:01.520 have the conversation. 0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:02.480 Do what you do, boo. 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:04.320 Kim is really good at Kim Doton is really good 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:06.480 at what he does. Though, like I have any time 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:08.080 I ever talk about him in the moments that he 0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:10.080 has like this, I always say that man knows what 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:10.639 he's doing. 0:19:11.080 --> 0:19:12.600