Speaker 1: Getting money, homes, who's selling clothes?
Speaker 2: Nor my gadwo bitches in the projects coming like booses,
Speaker 2: no being sober, no veh It Welcome back to good
Speaker 2: mom and bad choices. I'm Erica and I am Nila
Speaker 2: formerly known as Jamila the Artist, formerly known as I Now.
Speaker 1: I'm having a really hard time deciding.
Speaker 2: Jamila's having identity crisis.
Speaker 3: Vote on our Instagram today Should I go by Jamila
Speaker 3: or Mila?
Speaker 1: It's the same fucking ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, sorry about last week, guys. We were in
Speaker 2: different cities. I mean, we're on the East Coast together,
Speaker 2: we were in different place and then I left, and
Speaker 2: I also just it just wasn't gonna happen, So.
Speaker 3: We miscalculated our coordinates and timing.
Speaker 2: And honestly, we haven't taken a break in one year.
Speaker 2: Literally it's been a year. Every weekend, every Wednesday for
Speaker 2: a year.
Speaker 1: We took a break.
Speaker 2: So everybody needs a Christmas and what everyone needs a mom.
Speaker 2: Everybody needs a break.
Speaker 1: Everyone has a mom, Everyone needs a break leading us.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I was. We have a lot to recap.
Speaker 1: I know, I don't even know where to begin.
Speaker 2: How was New York for you? And the Jersey and
Speaker 2: Pennsylvania or Philly, the same thing and all those things.
Speaker 1: It was really good. I went that kind of last minute.
Speaker 1: It took Luna boy.
Speaker 3: I had just had a quite an interesting trip. Well,
Speaker 3: we met, we worked, We spent the night in Bethlehem.
Speaker 1: Really strange.
Speaker 2: It's not strange.
Speaker 1: It actually kicked me out for.
Speaker 3: Some d She made me come to Bethlehem because she
Speaker 3: was scared and then woke me up at seven in
Speaker 3: the morning like.
Speaker 1: Oh, so my dick is coming in, get your shit together.
Speaker 1: I'm ropping you. At the bus stop.
Speaker 3: Me and Erico walked creepily through a cemetery in Bethlehem.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's right, because we're strange.
Speaker 2: I was thinking about that. Actually had to meet up.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, because we had the cemetery. Yeah.
Speaker 2: We were driving through Bethlehem and we were just it
Speaker 2: was dark. We were heading to a bar and we
Speaker 2: noticed a really creepy, dark cemetery and I was like,
Speaker 2: let's just fuck it, let's go in there. So we
Speaker 2: pulled over, which was a whole thing and really difficult
Speaker 2: for some reason. And then we walked through the cemetery
Speaker 2: and it was old as fuck.
Speaker 1: It was that was an old ass something.
Speaker 3: It was like people from the eighteen seventeen, eighteen twenties
Speaker 3: or some shit.
Speaker 1: It was like old ass corpses there, yeah, or bummed.
Speaker 2: Jamila was scared, which makes me question all of her witchery.
Speaker 2: She didn't want to go deeper. I was like, come on,
Speaker 2: let's keep going, and she was like, I'm scared. I
Speaker 2: think I'm getting bent.
Speaker 1: I don't know there's mosquitos why. This was just like
Speaker 1: my childhood memories of that movie. What movie was it?
Speaker 3: Of the little girls in the cemetery. I've talked about
Speaker 3: it while we were there, but we couldn't think of
Speaker 3: the name. It's like an old movie that like All
Speaker 3: the Girls. I was living dead, no whatever.
Speaker 1: I just got like Texas Chainsaw massacre mix.
Speaker 3: No, that wasn't it another one? And I was like,
Speaker 3: let's get the fuck out of here. It seemed like
Speaker 3: a good idea, but now I'm scared. There's no lights.
Speaker 3: Things can happen, and no one will find us in
Speaker 3: both lands.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 3: We did a podcast. I drank way too much tequila.
Speaker 3: I like broke up. I was never in a relationship.
Speaker 1: Let's be clear. Let me not illusionize myself. I went
Speaker 1: to see Young Bay.
Speaker 3: I did one of those things that one Ten Ways
Speaker 3: Not to be Psycho.
Speaker 1: You know that episode called ten Ways Not to Be Psycho. Well,
Speaker 1: i'd be psycho.
Speaker 3: And I'd like to see his messages on his laptop
Speaker 3: while he was at work. So I guess I was
Speaker 3: like self inflicted pain. It's like, oh my god, I
Speaker 3: call it Erica.
Speaker 1: Like there's so many bitches. I there's so many bitches.
Speaker 1: There's like twelve of them. I can't even keep up.
Speaker 3: And so it was mad and I went back over
Speaker 3: there and then I was just it was just a
Speaker 3: bunch of stupid shit, boyshit. And I'm happy to say
Speaker 3: that is over.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna pretend people are my boyfriend when they're not.
Speaker 2: And is it really over?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: It is really, really.
Speaker 2: Really really Like if he called you today and was like,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I want to try this again. Let's you're
Speaker 2: so fucking nice. I don't believe you. No, you're so nice.
Speaker 1: Do you want to believe you want.
Speaker 2: To see the good in people's like, you're so you're
Speaker 2: such a nice person.
Speaker 3: Honestly, I have to accept that neither of us are in.
Speaker 1: A place to heal each other.
Speaker 3: And I just think it's just like not ready, and
Speaker 3: I probably knew that a long time ago, but here
Speaker 3: I am two years later dumping the same young bay.
Speaker 3: I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship in
Speaker 3: any capacity except the moment with myself. I think I
Speaker 3: need to work on not dating and not having sex.
Speaker 3: Can you believe it's one and the same. I think
Speaker 3: that I got caught up in the motions of like
Speaker 3: girlfriend shit and just like a relationship talking to someone
Speaker 3: every day, that when I went through his shit without
Speaker 3: asking and totally violated his privacy, I was somehow hurt
Speaker 3: by what I saw, even though like I don't own
Speaker 3: this person, we have no like strict monogamy. But there
Speaker 3: were some like obviously lies, but I just had to
Speaker 3: check myself, like what am I mad about? This is
Speaker 3: not your man, and uh, you know this is a
Speaker 3: shit Niggas do talk to twelve bitches. I don't know
Speaker 3: how you can talk to twelve who can have time
Speaker 3: to manage twelve bitches?
Speaker 1: But apparently the men do. But the men, the men do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I allowed myself to cry and feel
Speaker 3: like you hurt my feelings, but also I hurt my
Speaker 3: own feelings by looking and by pretending, well, maybe.
Speaker 1: You needed to sometimes.
Speaker 2: Okay, look, you shouldn't look through people's shit, but sometimes
Speaker 2: you have to in order to move on, Like sometimes
Speaker 2: you have to inflict that pain on yourself because there's
Speaker 2: really nothing else that would force you to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was a lot of that. You know.
Speaker 1: I was like, you need to stop doing this.
Speaker 2: Oh, I know when you were going to go look
Speaker 2: through his phone, did you think you weren't going to
Speaker 2: find anything or did you.
Speaker 1: Know you were going to find it? I knew I
Speaker 1: was going to find some shit.
Speaker 3: I mean, because we're not in a relationship, but I
Speaker 3: literally I don't think. I don't think I was prepared
Speaker 3: to find as much shit. And it was just like
Speaker 3: too close, like times I was visiting on my birthday.
Speaker 3: It was just like then the whack you know, it
Speaker 3: always pisses me off, the whack lines that guys use.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, did was he?
Speaker 2: Did he use those lines on YouTube?
Speaker 1: And know who?
Speaker 3: They were just corny And I was just like, you're corny.
Speaker 3: This is corny. Say I love you to any of them? No,
Speaker 3: there's no loves.
Speaker 1: But it was like pictures of him and other chicks.
Speaker 1: None of the chicks look remotely like me, meaning they
Speaker 1: weren't black. Yeah, they're like blonde.
Speaker 2: How does that make you feel?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 3: I kind of felt like I told him, like I
Speaker 3: don't think I'm typically the type of girl you date,
Speaker 3: Like I don't think that I'm your type. And it's
Speaker 3: like no, no, no, no no, But I had seen some excess.
Speaker 3: But I don't know how it makes me feel. It
Speaker 3: just makes me think, like, am I your type?
Speaker 1: You know? Are you attracted to me? Was this? Like
Speaker 1: was this a game?
Speaker 2: Is this a game?
Speaker 1: But just maybe it brought me all the way back
Speaker 1: to like the ninth grade for sure, like I'm acting crazy,
Speaker 1: I'm crying, I love you, Why are you doing this?
Speaker 1: You know? And then I had to like come back
Speaker 1: to my thirty one year old self and be like, bitch,
Speaker 1: there's other things to worry about. And then there's other
Speaker 1: shit that he did.
Speaker 3: There was like a little off indications that you know,
Speaker 3: probably this is not the one some disrespect just like
Speaker 3: snappy bullshit I don't have time for.
Speaker 1: I'm too old for.
Speaker 3: And you know, with this retrograde that just passed and happened,
Speaker 3: I had all these feelings and had to examine myself,
Speaker 3: and I just realized it is easy to cling to comfortability.
Speaker 3: It's easy to clean to someone who like wants who
Speaker 3: you think wants a relationship and wants you because it
Speaker 3: feels good. It's about being validated, it's about attention, and
Speaker 3: it's about this weird, strange feeling of being safe and
Speaker 3: having comfort in someone else.
Speaker 1: But it's kind of sick because, like I said, I
Speaker 1: knew this person probably wasn't the person for me, but
Speaker 1: I intentionally ignored all of the signs and went against
Speaker 1: it because.
Speaker 2: It was temporary. It was temporary satisfact, satisfaction, affection, and attention.
Speaker 2: Everyone's guilty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know he's fine, so that helps. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm over that. I'm over doing that.
Speaker 3: I'm overpretending, like you know, when there's signs I want
Speaker 3: to pay attention to him. I don't want to give
Speaker 3: too much in a relationship that's not even really a
Speaker 3: relationship and then get disappointed by.
Speaker 1: A relationship that's not really a relationship because well.
Speaker 2: I think it's kind of like when we talked about
Speaker 2: daddy issues and like saying that we need to stop
Speaker 2: treating dudes like our boyfriends when they're not our boyfriends.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah.
Speaker 2: We had this talk.
Speaker 3: Just made me do a lot of questioning of myself,
Speaker 3: like why do the fuck did you do that?
Speaker 1: And what were you expecting?
Speaker 3: And is this the unhealthy ownership part that comes in
Speaker 3: like this is my ego? And also I just think
Speaker 3: he's a whore, and then my sled Yes I am uh,
Speaker 3: but yeah, I think I'm going on a dating detox now.
Speaker 2: And then what else did you do out there? I
Speaker 2: just did you have a family did you go to the.
Speaker 3: Family I made to the family union, which is like
Speaker 3: essentially a barbecue, but it was just hot. It was
Speaker 3: super hot and sticky. Luna hung out with her best friend,
Speaker 3: her best friend in New Jersey, Charlie. She had a
Speaker 3: good time. It's like all she wanted to do was
Speaker 3: see her girlfriend. She went to the driving with my
Speaker 3: uncle and her cousin. She spent time with them. She
Speaker 3: went swimming without floaties. So that's that's when.
Speaker 1: Oh and we took We took a tour bus.
Speaker 3: We drove from New Jersey to Los Angeles, which sounds
Speaker 3: kind of crazy, but it wasn't that bad because it
Speaker 3: was the tour bus. With cable and like unlimited snacks
Speaker 3: and two drivers, so they alternated.
Speaker 1: So that was kind of interesting. Went through like.
Speaker 3: Iowa, uh, Ohio, Denver house stops. No, we didn't stop.
Speaker 3: We're not fucking around. Okay, I just ate on the thing.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's pretty much it. How was your trip?
Speaker 2: It was good. I was there for work. And then,
Speaker 2: like you said, my mom has a house in Buthlehem,
Speaker 2: So yes, I did make Samia come hang out with me,
Speaker 2: not really makes she wanted to come anyway. And then
Speaker 2: but I did have a dick appointment set up for
Speaker 2: my R and B boot.
Speaker 1: If you didn't listen to.
Speaker 2: Our previous episode. What is it called R and B
Speaker 2: kind of lingus?
Speaker 1: No, it's called his tongue.
Speaker 2: His mouth was a.
Speaker 1: Vibran mouth was a vibrator.
Speaker 2: So you know I rekindled things with His mouth was
Speaker 2: a vibrator. His mouth is still a vibrator. I'm happy
Speaker 2: to confirm. But what I did, so I don't know
Speaker 2: what I had have, like what my expectations were when
Speaker 2: we were hanging out, like I knew, like like when
Speaker 2: Jamila was leaving, I was kind of like, oh my god, wait,
Speaker 2: I'm spending like two and a half days in isolation
Speaker 2: with this person.
Speaker 1: There's literally nothing really around. There's nothing.
Speaker 2: So I was like, wait, what am I doing? Like
Speaker 2: I've known him for a really long time, but like
Speaker 2: we haven't really hung.
Speaker 1: Out like that that ever. So I kind of started
Speaker 1: to freak out. He came, Oh my gosh, it's saying
Speaker 1: my disc is almost full.
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know. Anyway, we hung out. We're just
Speaker 2: gonna keep recording until it stops.
Speaker 1: We hung out, and you know, we had a good time.
Speaker 2: What I realized though, in our hangout is that it
Speaker 2: purely is sexual.
Speaker 1: I don't I wasn't really know. I didn't know what
Speaker 1: I was expecting.
Speaker 2: Like I maybe was open to, like maybe having more
Speaker 2: of an emotional connection with him, probably because you know,
Speaker 2: I've known him for so long. He's a really nice guy.
Speaker 2: But I think also it's somewhat unfortunately in my ego.
Speaker 2: It's the appeal of who he is and the fact
Speaker 2: that bitches love.
Speaker 1: Him and his mouth vibrates.
Speaker 2: It is not vibrates, but bitches love him. And but
Speaker 2: and then I'm like, do I really want to go
Speaker 2: down that road again? I don't really want to go
Speaker 2: down that road again. I've done the artist thing, and
Speaker 2: this is like a whole other level. Like R and
Speaker 2: B bitches are way more aggressive than I think WRAP bitches.
Speaker 2: So R and B bitches are more ar and B
Speaker 2: groupies are aggressive, I would say, so, yeah, they're they're
Speaker 2: more music is the music is labor. Yeah, it's deeper,
Speaker 2: more emotional, whereas rappers they just want to like live
Speaker 2: that like lifestyle or something. But yeah, it was like
Speaker 2: anytime we were just hanging out, like in the house,
Speaker 2: there was he was not affectionate at all, Like it
Speaker 2: was just purely platonic. Like I could be sitting on
Speaker 2: one end of the couch like five feet away from him,
Speaker 2: and he'd be totally chill on the other side, not
Speaker 2: like trying to get me to come over. Like I
Speaker 2: was trying to be affectionate, and it wasn't like he
Speaker 2: was not receptive, but it wasn't like he wasn't like
Speaker 2: pushing it forward. Only when we were intimate was he affectionate.
Speaker 2: So I wasn't gonna say anything to him. But I'm
Speaker 2: kind of like in this place now where like let's
Speaker 2: just talk about it.
Speaker 1: I say what I want.
Speaker 2: Let me just say what I want. So I just
Speaker 2: asked him. I was like, what's up, you know, are
Speaker 2: you in love with someone or are you dating somebody
Speaker 2: or are you just not that into this or what?
Speaker 2: And he said, no, I'm not in love with anyone.
Speaker 2: I'm not dating anyone. I just can't help what my
Speaker 2: body does. And I was like, oh, your body doesn't
Speaker 2: want to fuck with me, okay, So basically he's not
Speaker 2: that into me.
Speaker 1: Basically me and Eric have both discovered that psycho crazy
Speaker 1: thing you never know.
Speaker 2: But the thing is like he and he took a
Speaker 2: bus from New York City at seven in the morning
Speaker 2: to come hang out with me for a weekend.
Speaker 1: So that's why I am.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's why I.
Speaker 1: Was like, is he not that into me?
Speaker 2: Because that's kind of like like going above and beyond,
Speaker 2: you know, like he could have waited to the afternoon
Speaker 2: to hop on that bus.
Speaker 1: He sure should have.
Speaker 2: Jamila would have been able to sleep in. I was pissed,
Speaker 2: but yeah, so that happened, and me and Jamila went
Speaker 2: to the city. We recorded with another fellow podcast which
Speaker 2: you know you'll hear about that later soon, and I
Speaker 2: was I got I got really really sick. And when
Speaker 2: I was in New York. I joined Hinge also. I
Speaker 2: decided because you know, like my tindering days, I feel
Speaker 2: like are kind of done. But I've always been an
Speaker 2: advocate for Tinder, especially when you're traveling. So Jamila and
Speaker 2: a bunch of other people have told me about Hinge
Speaker 2: or whatever, so I was like, fuck it, I'll try it.
Speaker 2: So I joined Hinge while I was in the city
Speaker 2: because I was like, you know whatever, I'm bored. Then
Speaker 2: I got really sick. But then I matched with this
Speaker 2: guy who was really cute.
Speaker 1: He's kind of fine. He's followed us day. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: is this is this tinder bet? I mean hingebig is
Speaker 1: he is fine? Yeah, he's cute.
Speaker 2: He's also talented, which you know, I love a talented nigga.
Speaker 2: Who doesn't I know? But it's like I always date
Speaker 2: an artist, like creative, Like why can't he be a
Speaker 2: talented brain surgeon?
Speaker 3: Oh, so so you're creative, you don'tt you don't want
Speaker 3: someone to be creative too.
Speaker 2: No, it's not that, it's just I justn't have good luck. Wait,
Speaker 2: hold on's gonna die.
Speaker 1: So you went on a uh oh.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she was super sick, but must have enough energy
Speaker 3: to go on a date because that's what we do.
Speaker 3: We could be out cold on Friday Saturday night, there's
Speaker 3: there's some fun man in town and you're well.
Speaker 2: I was like, so I took a bunch of cold medicine,
Speaker 2: so I started feeling better. So I was like, fuck it,
Speaker 2: I'm good. I can go have a drink. I'll be fine,
Speaker 2: or maybe I won't even drink all right. So he's like, Okay,
Speaker 2: can meet me at this bar in Brooklyn. So I
Speaker 2: go to Brooklyn. Oh and by the way, me and
Speaker 2: Jamila like had this big master plan that she had
Speaker 2: matched with someone on hinge and we were gonna go
Speaker 2: to the same bar but walk in separately, and if
Speaker 2: we needed to be saved, we were gonna save each other.
Speaker 2: But if we weren't, maybe we like joined forces and
Speaker 2: be like.
Speaker 1: Oh girl, I didn't know here.
Speaker 2: Hey, let's all hang. That didn't happen. But I went
Speaker 2: to this bar and the moment I walk in, he
Speaker 2: says to me.
Speaker 1: I look at him and.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, he's so cute. It's great. And he
Speaker 2: says to me, he goes, oh, have you been here before?
Speaker 2: I said, I was like, no, I haven't been here
Speaker 2: I'm taking mine, Like my hine is very basic. I
Speaker 2: don't have my Instagram, I don't have my last name, nothing,
Speaker 2: can't find me whatever. He's like, oh, you know, mad
Speaker 2: Lib had his album release party here with Freddy Gibbs
Speaker 2: and if you don't know who Freddy Gibbs is, my
Speaker 2: baby daddy. And I was like, oh cool. He's like,
Speaker 2: have you heard of mad Lib before? I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I have, I've heard of them, and he was like, okay, cool.
Speaker 2: So I'm like, all right, that was weird. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: ignore that act like whatever, that didn't happen. So we
Speaker 2: sit down at the bar and we're like continuing to talk.
Speaker 2: I'm feeling him him order our drinks, and then we
Speaker 2: start talking about music and he's like, man, I've just
Speaker 2: been like having these teated debates with people about like
Speaker 2: this mad liveing Freddy gives album. It's the best album
Speaker 2: of the year. It's just so amazing. I'm so impressed
Speaker 2: that you know who they are.
Speaker 3: She's really texting me like, oh my god, I want
Speaker 3: a date and he won't stop talking about.
Speaker 2: Baby Oh oh god. And I'm like he's like, how
Speaker 2: do you know who they are? Like how do you
Speaker 2: know them? Like, where did you ever hear them?
Speaker 1: Before the studio?
Speaker 2: Actually he made the first album in my living room.
Speaker 1: I was like, uh, yeah, I know, I know I
Speaker 1: know them.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I'm just gonna tell him because
Speaker 2: this is gets overweight, because I think you're cute and
Speaker 2: maybe if I want a second day, you're gonna follow
Speaker 2: me on Instagram and you're gonna find out.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I told him. It was fine.
Speaker 2: He was shocked or whatever, but we got past that.
Speaker 2: It was just very awkward. I wasn't sure whether I
Speaker 2: had to like end it, end the date, but he
Speaker 2: was fine, so I said, fuck.
Speaker 1: It was fine.
Speaker 2: He was fine.
Speaker 1: You know that's always that should be. That should be
Speaker 1: the ending for most sentences.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It was a bad idea, but he was fine. So
Speaker 1: we did it. No, we didn't do it, but anyway,
Speaker 1: so the date was well, it went well.
Speaker 2: I went back to his house. We like, we like,
Speaker 2: we continue to drink a different bars. They ended all clothes,
Speaker 2: went to his house. I smoked a little bit and
Speaker 2: that was probably what fucking really killed me. And we
Speaker 2: didn't have sex or anything. We just made out, but
Speaker 2: we know we're still chatting but he doesn't even live here.
Speaker 2: He lives in New York. And I've realized too, like
Speaker 2: through these last two experience, I mean, through him whatever
Speaker 2: and through my R and b BOO and just in general,
Speaker 2: like the theme of that's been happening is just like
Speaker 2: I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not even ready
Speaker 2: to really even be open to one, like I thought
Speaker 2: I was ready to even be open to one. But
Speaker 2: I don't know how to establish boundaries. I'm not good
Speaker 2: at boundaries like I did I flexed my boundaries like one.
Speaker 1: Time with happiness. I'm curious and I'm like, I'm cured.
Speaker 2: I'm cured. I've I've I've solved the puzzle. I know
Speaker 2: how to established boundaries, and I just I don't, like
Speaker 2: I'm not good at I'm all in and or all out,
Speaker 2: and that's like that's how I try to like define
Speaker 2: who I am sometimes, but it doesn't have to be
Speaker 2: that way, and I don't want it to be that
Speaker 2: way because it doesn't serve me well, like being all in.
Speaker 1: Or all out.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah no, no, you know, in the same way,
Speaker 3: like and when I love you once, I like you,
Speaker 3: we're making love, like I'm making dinner, it goes it
Speaker 3: goes deep immediately.
Speaker 1: But yeah, we probably have to practice, like.
Speaker 2: I really have to establish boundaries. Even the patterns said
Speaker 2: that hadn't told me that I really have to work
Speaker 2: hard at boundaries. And it's like listening. They're listening to
Speaker 2: my conversations.
Speaker 3: Pattern tells me every day, every day, I'm not going
Speaker 3: to have a traditional monogamous relationship.
Speaker 1: So maybe I should just fucking start listening to pattern
Speaker 1: and just get that one out of my head. Literally
Speaker 1: every other dance.
Speaker 3: With my Pattern tells me, you might think that you
Speaker 3: want this type of regular, traditional monogmalus relationship, but that's
Speaker 3: not for you, and clearly I'm fighting it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then so me and Jamila were like chatting
Speaker 2: on the phone We're gone and stuff and talking our shit,
Speaker 2: and I was realizing that I say, like, fuck these
Speaker 2: niggas a lot, like we have Fuck these nigga ain't shit.
Speaker 2: Niggas ain't shit.
Speaker 1: Fuck them, fuck this, fuck that, and.
Speaker 2: You're stupid, And it's like, actually, I want to be
Speaker 2: more like them. I'm more mad at myself that I
Speaker 2: can't be more like them. Because men know how to
Speaker 2: establish boundaries.
Speaker 1: Men juggle twelve bitches at the times.
Speaker 2: And not all men, but a lot of men know
Speaker 2: how to establish boundaries, and we get mad by their
Speaker 2: boundaries and then we say fuck them like that, fuck
Speaker 2: you for prioritizing your shit over me, like fuck you
Speaker 2: for canceling we have this plan, I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1: You don't want to see me, you know.
Speaker 2: And it's like I think I'm done with the fuck
Speaker 2: these niggas line, and because I feel like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: there definitely are like terrible men out there, but a
Speaker 2: lot of times I'm mad because they didn't do what
Speaker 2: I wanted them to do, you know, like like my
Speaker 2: R and b Boo didn't give me the affection I
Speaker 2: wanted him to give me, like I felt like he
Speaker 2: was supposed to, Like why is he supposed to you know,
Speaker 2: like he's not my man, Like our connection was purely
Speaker 2: based in sex.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: And so I just I feel like I want to
Speaker 2: be more like them.
Speaker 3: I just I want to stop making unrealistic expectations. I mean,
Speaker 3: being honest is not an unrealistic expectation.
Speaker 1: But I just don't want to be so gung ho
Speaker 1: on having someone that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like you'll accept anything, yes, because that's what I
Speaker 3: was seeing like MI macking my my realationship with my
Speaker 3: baby daddy, like making excuses like, oh, that was just
Speaker 3: one time, that was.
Speaker 1: Just this, that was just that, that was just this,
Speaker 1: that was just you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: But in reality, it was just that this person is
Speaker 3: right right, and I need to accept that and I
Speaker 3: need to fucking walk away instead of clinging. And I'm
Speaker 3: not a clingy person or anything like that word, but
Speaker 3: it's but it is, it's sick. It's just because I
Speaker 3: want to have someone to feel like I have someone
Speaker 3: I can call, even if that person's not even living
Speaker 3: in this city. There's some type of it provided some
Speaker 3: type of comfort for me.
Speaker 2: Someone who's calling you and you look forward to it
Speaker 2: like oh, hey, oh I'm loved, Oh I'm needed, Oh
Speaker 2: I'm wanted, you know.
Speaker 1: And then like what are these fake ass boundaries I've
Speaker 1: put on his dick, like I have was there two
Speaker 1: days ago.
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna have sex with that forty eight hour gap,
Speaker 3: Like I know we're not together, but at least give
Speaker 3: it seventy two hours and when I leave town, you know,
Speaker 3: like what kind of weird dumb shit is that?
Speaker 1: Like why did I think that that was realistic.
Speaker 2: It's not.
Speaker 1: I mean, I just it doesn't matter. Whatever the fuck
Speaker 1: you do with your body is your body.
Speaker 3: If I share to share, if I share my body
Speaker 3: with you, and then I feel some type.
Speaker 1: Of way about how you know you're handling yourself.
Speaker 3: I need, I need to really reevaluate who I'm giving
Speaker 3: my body to.
Speaker 1: Then if I feel.
Speaker 2: Sorry, well, also are you are you upholding those rules
Speaker 2: to yourself too?
Speaker 1: Right? You know what I mean? I mean, like you
Speaker 1: are you doing that for him? Right? So you can't
Speaker 1: be that bad. All I also want to say is
Speaker 1: I just want everyone to know.
Speaker 3: Everybody listen, listen those six months wore I didn't have sex.
Speaker 3: Yeah great, I started having sex and all downhill everything
Speaker 3: I had slightly tried to like change just gradually I
Speaker 3: got really far away from that because I feel like,
Speaker 3: for me, I have sex in hopes that I don't.
Speaker 2: Know I'll find value in you. No, not, I don't
Speaker 2: even I don't know, because I mean I do that all.
Speaker 3: Like to for so many reasons. I have sex, like
Speaker 3: to get one up on you. Oh you hang out
Speaker 3: with somebody else, I can hang out with somebody else too, Oh,
Speaker 3: I like, yeah, I want to consummate like these feelings.
Speaker 3: I want to ignore the feelings that I know you're
Speaker 3: probably not the naked for me, but have sex with
Speaker 3: me because I'll forget, you know, like there's all these
Speaker 3: reasons I'm having sex, and shit, sometimes I'm not even
Speaker 3: like coming, Like am I even satisfied from these interactions?
Speaker 3: Or what am I trying to get out of this
Speaker 3: this sexual exchange? And I tell my friend the other day,
Speaker 3: I tell my friend Shannie, it's like being fake sad,
Speaker 3: like my.
Speaker 1: Heart is broken, and she was.
Speaker 3: Like, your heart's been broken for a long time and
Speaker 3: I've ignored her.
Speaker 1: And then later she's like, do you know what I
Speaker 1: meant by that?
Speaker 3: Like somebody broke your heart early, like as a child.
Speaker 1: She's like, think about it. She's like, maybe it was
Speaker 1: your parents.
Speaker 3: You know your parents had a really how do you
Speaker 3: say to emotional relationship and someone broke your heart then
Speaker 3: and now you're trying to repair it in other relationships.
Speaker 3: She's like, even your relationships with women, how do you
Speaker 3: think your relationship with other women reflect you and your
Speaker 3: mom's relationship? And she's like, I think you're impatient with
Speaker 3: your and your friendships because you're impatient with your mom,
Speaker 3: and I was just like, oh fuck, not this, these
Speaker 3: these childhood issues again creeping back into my adulthood. But
Speaker 3: I'm realizing that is so real, you know, like first
Speaker 3: healing those first relationships. How the fuck am I gonna
Speaker 3: try and get somebody else to love me if I
Speaker 3: haven't even taken the time to really examine what was
Speaker 3: What were my first heartaches, my heartbreaks and how I
Speaker 3: have I how has that bled into my how I
Speaker 3: receive love now? I attract to shit? All my relationships
Speaker 3: can be hectic, even though this is only like really
Speaker 3: my second one.
Speaker 1: But I've accepted it. It's okay.
Speaker 3: I feel like that's normal and I can keep doing
Speaker 3: it and have sex and it's fine. But that's not
Speaker 3: normal and I need to really examine.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe like you're you did the six months thing,
Speaker 2: but you were you were consistently dating throughout that time, right,
Speaker 2: so you weren't really healing the actual thing that needs
Speaker 2: to be healed. Yeah, the sex is a thing, but
Speaker 2: what really needs to be healed is why, what is
Speaker 2: this desire for attention? What is this desire for feeling
Speaker 2: needed or desired or you know, because you could you
Speaker 2: still got some sort of play. You're not having sex,
Speaker 2: you were still getting the pleasure that you wanted and
Speaker 2: needed and or like that was feeding into whatever it
Speaker 2: is that you need to heal. So you were like
Speaker 2: only halfway doing the work maybe, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I realized that now, and I realized like
Speaker 3: probably not dating and not drink to not have sex,
Speaker 3: Like there's all these things.
Speaker 2: Well, because alcohol definitely makes everyone like say fuck it,
Speaker 2: fuck it. Yeah, it's a lot easier to say fuck it.
Speaker 2: I'll deal with it tomorrow. I'm having fun. This is fun.
Speaker 2: I want to be fun. I'm having like you know, fuck,
Speaker 2: we only lived once, you know, it's like our favorite thing,
Speaker 2: you know. And it's like you've end up feeling fucked
Speaker 2: up and you know you're crying on a bus.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like me.
Speaker 3: And that's also that was another thing, like what with
Speaker 3: me feeling bad about it? And I what am I
Speaker 3: feeling bad about? I'm feeling bad that he was intimate
Speaker 3: with somebody else, But like I was like I was
Speaker 3: kind of feeling bad about myself. But I'm like, but why,
Speaker 3: you know, like how he his actions shouldn't place like
Speaker 3: take away or add value to me in any way
Speaker 3: shape form or fashion, And why am I giving him
Speaker 3: the power like over my my self worth, you know,
Speaker 3: like you know how pictures do looking through the pictures
Speaker 3: zooming in.
Speaker 2: Oh her boots are bigger than mine. Yeah, Oh I'm cuter,
Speaker 2: my face is cuter. Oh she's shut.
Speaker 1: Oh she's trying.
Speaker 3: And then like literally like obsessing over like a fucking psychopath,
Speaker 3: and like thinking about them having sex.
Speaker 1: Is it better than my sex? No? No way, there's
Speaker 1: no way for real.
Speaker 3: But it's just like it's just like self inflicting bullshit
Speaker 3: that I could have avoided because it has nothing to do.
Speaker 1: With me, you know, Like I'm worthy. I know I'm
Speaker 1: the shit.
Speaker 3: Like, and when someone recognizes that, it will happen and
Speaker 3: we're compatible and it works, it will just happen that way,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I won't have to like
Speaker 3: fight my way to the top. I'm no winner.
Speaker 2: Look well that and also like make excuses for his actions,
Speaker 2: you know, because I feel like Happy Babe showed you things.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Young Bay showed you did things that your
Speaker 2: baby daddy did, But you've normalized, you normalize that for
Speaker 2: so long that it was easy for you to normalize
Speaker 2: it in this relationship because.
Speaker 1: It because it was a little better, right, maybe a
Speaker 1: lot better but still not right, still still similar.
Speaker 2: Like he was better than him and that was.
Speaker 1: Enough, right right, Oh you're not that person.
Speaker 2: Great?
Speaker 1: You know it's like I get it.
Speaker 2: I was actually speaking of happy Babe. He put up
Speaker 2: this quote on his Instagram. I think you said it
Speaker 2: saw it too, and it was like it struck. First
Speaker 2: of all, I saw it, I was like annoyed. But
Speaker 2: then I was like, what am I annoyed by? This
Speaker 2: is so true, like this is yeah. It said stop
Speaker 2: trying to find the one and be the one. And
Speaker 2: I was like, so what are you trying to say?
Speaker 2: I'm not the one? And I was like, okay, this
Speaker 2: is not about me, psychopath. And then I was like, damn,
Speaker 2: that quote is so powerful, like it's so true, like
Speaker 2: stop trying to find the one and be the one.
Speaker 2: Fill yourself up like be that. Like you can be
Speaker 2: lonely about you can be lonely. You can like you
Speaker 2: won't want partnership, but not like not try to force
Speaker 2: it because you need someone, right, you know you need
Speaker 2: Do you feel like you need to take care of
Speaker 2: somebody because you're not really taking care of yourself.
Speaker 1: This is what we do.
Speaker 3: We like project our our once, like the potential that
Speaker 3: we see in people, and then we blur it as
Speaker 3: a reality and in fact it ain't like you are.
Speaker 3: Maybe you could be my husband, maybe you could be
Speaker 3: Prince Charming, but we could just work on these little
Speaker 3: things and then we can be.
Speaker 1: Together forever, which is psycho well.
Speaker 2: I think we always start thinking about what our future
Speaker 2: looks like with someone we have one good night.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're like, oh, what would our futures look like?
Speaker 1: What our kids look like? Do you want kids? Don't
Speaker 1: let the guy want kids? And maybe he says he's
Speaker 1: in the marriage.
Speaker 3: I think that was a lot with the young Bay too,
Speaker 3: But obviously he was lying, but obviously he's not ready
Speaker 3: for shit.
Speaker 1: But I think that was.
Speaker 3: An appeal too, Like he wanted, he wanted family, he
Speaker 3: wanted to settle down.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, look a good guy wanted to
Speaker 1: do the right thing. You and your goddamn picket fence,
Speaker 1: and I do like, but then I want to do
Speaker 1: crazy ship.
Speaker 2: You can have a crazy life and a picket fence,
Speaker 2: not crazy life, but like you know, some spots you
Speaker 2: can have what you want and the picket fence.
Speaker 3: You know, it's just you go, Yeah, you have someone
Speaker 3: who can do the ship with get be with the ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean I feel you. I'm just like
Speaker 2: I think like the I also think like going back
Speaker 2: to like not saying fuck these niggas, well, that's not
Speaker 2: good terrible energy. Why how why would I ever attract
Speaker 2: an amazing man if I'm constantly saying how whack all men?
Speaker 1: And you know, even saying it from Alona sometimes we're
Speaker 1: just talking.
Speaker 3: I'm like, she's gonna subconsciously she'll hear that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, It's like, how am I ever going to attract
Speaker 2: a good man if I'm generalizing all men and saying
Speaker 2: all men are whack? All men are done.
Speaker 3: Instead of being like if I chose the wrong person
Speaker 3: and that person didn't value me, yeah, or mean like
Speaker 3: we're in different growth places. We're different places in our
Speaker 3: growth and so it doesn't we're not compatible.
Speaker 1: But what I will say, in this relationship.
Speaker 3: I've only had like three, I am proud that I
Speaker 3: was able to just like be expressive, like I think
Speaker 3: a lot of times in other relationships, I just try
Speaker 3: to be hardcore because I am, but like I won't cry.
Speaker 3: I just like I am pretty good for that. Even
Speaker 3: when I looked through his shit, I was like, it's
Speaker 3: all good, dog, Like, that's a lot of bitches. Like
Speaker 3: usually I can remember like two names. These are a thousand.
Speaker 3: I'm like, but it's all good. Like I can rationalize
Speaker 3: things in my head, but sometimes I think that's like
Speaker 3: me sweeping them under the carpet. So for the first time,
Speaker 3: I just was expressive, like, my feelings are hurt, I'll
Speaker 3: have tears of.
Speaker 1: Her, and then I can move past it.
Speaker 3: So I'm trying to be more aware of giving myself
Speaker 3: the space to feel and to care and then to
Speaker 3: examine why.
Speaker 1: I feel this way.
Speaker 3: But and then sometimes there is no why. I just
Speaker 3: my feelings are fucking hurt. But I mean, I guess
Speaker 3: that was learning. It's just all learning.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I'm realizing I've wasted time just when I'm not ready.
Speaker 2: Well, you didn't give yourself enough time. I think in
Speaker 2: between you know, baby Daddy and him, you know you
Speaker 2: wanted something to replace him.
Speaker 1: I did. It was like a year or two.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're still dabbling in the baby Daddy pot
Speaker 2: and me, you know, feeding into all the negativity. You
Speaker 2: guys were talking going back and forth, like you're in
Speaker 2: a toxic relationship, you know, like and and you you
Speaker 2: guys have you know, that's probably gonna go on for
Speaker 2: a while because that's just who he is, you know.
Speaker 1: But like we need you need, you need me need.
Speaker 2: We need space to heal, and it's hard to do
Speaker 2: that with someone else. Yes, you can heal with someone too,
Speaker 2: because I find a lot of people are like, I
Speaker 2: have to be single in order to grow, and it's like, no,
Speaker 2: you don't. But there's certain things though that like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I do to be alone to do this. I really
Speaker 2: can't fully address what's happening here if you're in my
Speaker 2: space and in my energy.
Speaker 3: Well, I think the first thing is I'm realizing is
Speaker 3: like we don't ever want to admit it because we
Speaker 3: want to say, oh, I love myself. I think I'm great,
Speaker 3: and I do, but I've had to re examine like
Speaker 3: finding value in myself, like really really valuing myself, my time,
Speaker 3: my energy, because when you value yourself when someone else
Speaker 3: doesn't value you, like when young Bay what for a reason,
Speaker 3: I felt betrayal, I felt like threatened. But if I
Speaker 3: valued myself, I'd be like, oh, it's not a big deal.
Speaker 3: Because I am aware of my self worth and whatever
Speaker 3: you do outside of me is not doesn't threaten that,
Speaker 3: and it doesn't bother me, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So like I had to examine that too.
Speaker 3: Like why do I feel subconsciously like I deserve certain
Speaker 3: behaviors and keep attracting people like that?
Speaker 2: No? For sure, for sure.
Speaker 3: I'm thinking I want to, like maybe take myself on
Speaker 3: a date sometimes we should, you know, like take care
Speaker 3: of myself more so that the next person who says
Speaker 3: they like me, I'm not just like by like, you know.
Speaker 2: Maybe you need to get off hinge. Okay, because why
Speaker 2: are you on there if you're not if you're going
Speaker 2: on dating detalks.
Speaker 1: Because it's kind of fun. But I'm gonna get.
Speaker 2: It's ego and it's based in validation.
Speaker 1: But that's another thing. Like I am so I'm addicted
Speaker 1: to people.
Speaker 3: I love to meet new people, I love to hang
Speaker 3: out over drinks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that but that's a line that gets blurred
Speaker 2: between liking people and needing them to validate you.
Speaker 3: I know, I'm just needing to be distracted by other
Speaker 3: people's that are doing because it's new, it's refreshing.
Speaker 2: Because you're on Hinge. People are not looking to just
Speaker 2: be your friend, Jamula, They're looking to fuck or to date.
Speaker 2: Like like, if you want to be people, then go
Speaker 2: out and meet people, don't seek them out on dating apps.
Speaker 2: You know you can meet new people. You like to
Speaker 2: go out anyway. We go out and me meet people
Speaker 2: all the time. But going on a hinge app 're
Speaker 2: going on there for a purpose. The purpose is validation
Speaker 2: most literally, it is those apps are based in validation.
Speaker 1: Because all you see is how great you are.
Speaker 2: All you see our pictures, you know, like for sure,
Speaker 2: I mean even me, Like I'm not Fay saying I'm
Speaker 2: going on a dating detox, but I know I'm not.
Speaker 2: I'm open to just hanging out with people. But because
Speaker 2: but I'm not, I don't. I can't even I think
Speaker 2: because I was in love or I don't even know
Speaker 2: if it was in love. Now I think I was
Speaker 2: beginning to really be in love with Happy Bay, Like
Speaker 2: at least now I know it's possible, because at first
Speaker 2: I didn't even think I could, Like I just felt
Speaker 2: like I can't, I'll never be able to love someone
Speaker 2: to the capacity that I loved my baby daddy. Yet
Speaker 2: now I'm into place now that happy Bay and I
Speaker 2: are done and we're cool or whatever. Like I don't
Speaker 2: have I don't even have a desire even the guy
Speaker 2: that I'm d like, not dating, not dating, talking to
Speaker 2: from hinge or whatever in New York, like I did
Speaker 2: all that I did, like the crazy what would her
Speaker 2: future look like? Oh shit, in my head already aren't they?
Speaker 2: But I'm kind of just like whatever. I mean, I'm
Speaker 2: I'm chatting people on Hinge. Yeah, do I have any
Speaker 2: dates lined up?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: I just I feel like I do. I kind of
Speaker 2: really do need to just be alone and like figure
Speaker 2: that out. But we're not deleting Hinge.
Speaker 1: So you told me I should do it. Well, I
Speaker 1: think that you you're therapizing me. Yeah, I think you're
Speaker 1: saying you're I.
Speaker 2: Mean, you're to think I'm judging you. But I think
Speaker 2: that you need to delete Hinge more than.
Speaker 1: I need to delete Hinge.
Speaker 2: To be honest. If I'm being honest and I'm not
Speaker 2: telling I don't want to tell you that, and you
Speaker 2: feel like you can't tell me shit, because that's not
Speaker 2: the point of me telling you.
Speaker 1: I'm only telling you this as your friend.
Speaker 2: I just feel like you need to just really like
Speaker 2: because you like people more than I do. I don't
Speaker 2: like people that much. I don't need to, like go
Speaker 2: have a drink with someone just because, like me, it
Speaker 2: looks nice.
Speaker 1: On their profile.
Speaker 2: Like, I'm like, I'm cool.
Speaker 1: Bye, I'm like, he studies a feminist, I'm going out
Speaker 1: for a drink.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like that doesn't I'm like, I'm cool. Like I'm
Speaker 2: so judgmental. I'm like, yeah, you and everybody else are
Speaker 2: intersectional feminists. Bye.
Speaker 1: Bye.
Speaker 2: It's really especially you're white and you're saying you're intersectional feminist.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, all the black pussy's flocking to you. You're like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, he's white and he understands gender sex and.
Speaker 1: He's a nice guy. Yeah. I need to chill. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know I need to chill.
Speaker 3: I mean, this has been an ongoing thing in my life.
Speaker 3: This is a theme, like my adult life. It has
Speaker 3: somewhat an addiction, my strange addiction, tinge dating. I I
Speaker 3: deal with in people because I'm avoiding dealing with my
Speaker 3: fucking self. And it's fun to interact with people, and
Speaker 3: it's fun to get the validation and it's fun to
Speaker 3: get attention.
Speaker 1: And I don't mind people. So that's my that's my
Speaker 1: escapism in a weird way because it's it just.
Speaker 3: Takes so much energy. But one time, when I first
Speaker 3: moved back here, did I tell you? I went to
Speaker 3: s l A s l A A meeting?
Speaker 2: What is what is that?
Speaker 1: Sexual Sex and Love Addicts anonymous meeting because I thought
Speaker 1: that I had a problem. Not funny, Wait what do
Speaker 1: people do?
Speaker 2: People like, yeah, it's a standard and they're like, Hi,
Speaker 2: my name is Tomila and I'm a sex and love addict.
Speaker 3: Yeah okay, And then I realized, oh shit, I don't
Speaker 3: want to be in here forever.
Speaker 1: So that was my first and last meeting.
Speaker 3: But the fact that I thought I needed to go
Speaker 3: says a lot. And it's in some capacity, you know,
Speaker 3: like there's truth to it. And I've I have realized
Speaker 3: I really need to go back to my childhood and
Speaker 3: figure out where's there?
Speaker 1: Where's their void? And why do I feel that?
Speaker 3: Why does why do you like trying to fake cultivate
Speaker 3: these relationships make me, give me, bring me comfort in
Speaker 3: some weird way, but don't you know? And then I saw,
Speaker 3: like hurd a lot of infidelity growing up, Like my dad,
Speaker 3: I was always like, there's always some shit about some
Speaker 3: other bitches or something, and I feel like even that,
Speaker 3: I think, but this situation with young Bay, it triggered
Speaker 3: those feelings in me, like the abandonment and like the
Speaker 3: thought of.
Speaker 1: Just someone being able to just get up and leave you.
Speaker 3: And that's not really it's weird because those are not
Speaker 3: really my fears as so much. I think they're my
Speaker 3: moms and that's what I heard a lot. So I
Speaker 3: feel like I adopted a lot of that.
Speaker 2: Well, isn't it weird? How Like that's like we we do.
Speaker 2: We do adopt those some of the fears that our
Speaker 2: parents have, even th when we think we haven't or
Speaker 2: we think like, oh no, that's not me, I'm nothing
Speaker 2: like you, and then they things pop up and you're like,
Speaker 2: oh shit. It's like they show up in different forms.
Speaker 2: I mean even with me and my like my mom too,
Speaker 2: Like I remember being a teenager and being like I
Speaker 2: will never ever be like you, like be like do
Speaker 2: that or do this or treat me like this if
Speaker 2: that happens. And then I see it come up in
Speaker 2: my relationships with men. It's not necessarily with my child yet,
Speaker 2: but I see me doing it to men, like making
Speaker 2: them feel like they need to like, can you are
Speaker 2: you up to par with what I want and need?
Speaker 2: Because I find a lot of times, I think a
Speaker 2: lot of men for me, they feel like they're not
Speaker 2: good enough. And I had to ask myself, why is
Speaker 2: it just that they're insecure or what am I doing
Speaker 2: to make them feel that way? You know, I think
Speaker 2: I do date insecure men and and then but that
Speaker 2: are like disguised as alpha male because that's usually where
Speaker 2: what it looks like. But I also know that I
Speaker 2: probably play a part in that as well, you know,
Speaker 2: And I've had to I'm still evaluating that and figuring.
Speaker 1: Out why that is.
Speaker 3: You know, the evaluation is real. Okay, it's sicking me
Speaker 3: like a long time. M hm.
Speaker 2: You know, it takes us a lifetime. This should ain't
Speaker 2: gonna be this shit is not gonna be solved in
Speaker 2: six months. It's not, you know.
Speaker 3: And then like the more I really really evaluate it,
Speaker 3: I can see that it's so annoying because I'm just like,
Speaker 3: it's so clear that until I really take the time to.
Speaker 1: Do it, you'll never be in a happy, healthy relationship.
Speaker 3: So the longer you drag your feet, bitch, the longer
Speaker 3: you keep avoiding it and pretending. The longer you keep
Speaker 3: adding people to the mix that you can't provide for
Speaker 3: and they can't like you, I'm going to continue to
Speaker 3: get the same results and it's not gonna be what
Speaker 3: I want.
Speaker 1: It's not good. Like, first of all, what the fuck
Speaker 1: is it that I do want?
Speaker 3: You know, Like, what kind of long term relationship am
Speaker 3: I trying to cultivate? And first, let's work on this
Speaker 3: relationship with your fucking self before you start recruiting other
Speaker 3: people to your bullshit.
Speaker 2: No, absolutely, yeah, I mean yeah, so that's where we're at.
Speaker 3: You lose.
Speaker 2: I need to work on boundaries. You need to work
Speaker 2: on not dating boundaries, boundaries or just not a lot.
Speaker 2: I feel like you allow people to disrespect you, and
Speaker 2: as your friend, I get annoyed. I get upset for you,
Speaker 2: Like you don't even get upset, And I'm like, how
Speaker 2: the fuck is that? That's not okay? Like I get
Speaker 2: upset for you because you're so fucking nice.
Speaker 1: I give a lot of chances.
Speaker 2: And like I get that too, and like that's probably
Speaker 2: one of my shortcomings, is that I don't really give
Speaker 2: a lot of chances, whereas I feel like maybe sometimes
Speaker 2: there's been people in my life that deserves them, right,
Speaker 2: you know, but like there's also things that are just
Speaker 2: straight disrespectful and straight. Yeah, and it's just like shows
Speaker 2: people like how they value you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: And it's like if they can do that and then
Speaker 2: you'll forgive them, they're absolutely.
Speaker 1: Gonna do it again.
Speaker 2: Like and that's and and I that became clear in
Speaker 2: my last relationship, constantly forgiving, forgiving, and me knowing like
Speaker 2: I would say, I'm forgiving him, knowing I know this
Speaker 2: isn't right, but this is a conscious choice. I've accepted it,
Speaker 2: and I'm going to forgive him. And this is my business.
Speaker 2: And that's it. So when when the shit kept popping up,
Speaker 2: it was no one's fault but mine because I kept
Speaker 2: I kept giving him the okay to do it. You know,
Speaker 2: there's no consequences.
Speaker 3: Yeah, God, I talking about signs and not following him
Speaker 3: and like going against your gut. Even so I wrote
Speaker 3: this whole post because on my way to New York
Speaker 3: or to Philly, I got into my baby daddy and
Speaker 3: he said some really fucked up shits meet in the
Speaker 3: car next to Luna, and it upset the fuck out
Speaker 3: of me. He's just super disrespectful he did in front
Speaker 3: of Luna. I was fucking livid. But this is like
Speaker 3: our relationship, like him disrespecting me.
Speaker 1: This is just who he is. This is like a
Speaker 1: part of it is because I've accepted that this is
Speaker 1: what this is what he's gonna do, and he's gonna
Speaker 1: be like, I love you tomorrow. You know I didn't
Speaker 1: mean it.
Speaker 3: So upon getting to Philly, Young Bay was there. We
Speaker 3: were fine, we were good, and then I was supposed
Speaker 3: to go back.
Speaker 1: He went back.
Speaker 3: I was supposed to meet him, but I was debating
Speaker 3: if I was gonna go to Bethlehem with Erica, if
Speaker 3: we're gonna take the train, whatever. I didn't respond in
Speaker 3: a timely fashion. I guess, And this, I guess, says
Speaker 3: to me in a text message.
Speaker 1: I guess he flipped out. I don't know what he
Speaker 1: was going through. He says, I could see why your
Speaker 1: baby daddy talks to you the way he did. When
Speaker 1: I say, trigger, trigger, trigger triggered the fuck out of me.
Speaker 1: It was like, within three days of the first situation
Speaker 1: that already pissed me the fuck off. And after that
Speaker 1: I was like, and did he know that you had?
Speaker 2: Did you express to him what he had said.
Speaker 3: Yes, And sometimes I'm really like careful about expressing stuff
Speaker 3: because I feel people like don't want to hear about it,
Speaker 3: or like you know, like I'm sure you've heard me
Speaker 3: discuss it four hundred thousand times and it's just like
Speaker 3: who wants to keep carrying the show? But I did
Speaker 3: express that, and then of course he apologized, and.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you don't understand, Like, first of all, no,
Speaker 1: I you do understand what that meant. And I think
Speaker 1: that's a red flag for me when people take what
Speaker 1: I've told them in confidence and in vulnerability and then
Speaker 1: like try to shoot it at me in a place
Speaker 1: to hurt me. I don't fuck with that at all.
Speaker 2: Well, he's basically saying you deserve it, yeah, and it.
Speaker 3: Was such a trigger for me, and also like you
Speaker 3: did it with intentions to try and hurt my feelings.
Speaker 3: I don't believe in loving that way, Like you could
Speaker 3: tell me anything, and I'm not gonna bring it up
Speaker 3: in an argument the next day because I know that's weak.
Speaker 1: So that had already happened.
Speaker 3: And then I continue to brush shit under the carpet
Speaker 3: because I'm crazy, but it's true because I'm so used
Speaker 3: to that type of pattern and that cycle with my
Speaker 3: baby's daddy, that like, I'm kind of used to doing that,
Speaker 3: and I want to see the good in him. I'm like,
Speaker 3: well he's not as bad as this person. And he's like, oh,
Speaker 3: you think I'm like him? You think I would hit you?
Speaker 3: And I was like, I don't know. This is how
Speaker 3: it starts.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm getting triggered, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: because that's true, and it took you know, well, your.
Speaker 2: Baby dad didn't hit you off the jump. It's like
Speaker 2: pushing and pushing. Oh yeah, pushing. Oh I get a
Speaker 2: win that. Oh I that, Oh I get win that.
Speaker 1: Oh let me put it?
Speaker 2: Let me like sure real quick, Oh let me shake her.
Speaker 1: It was like a four year It was like a lot, like.
Speaker 2: It never shows up at first like that. It's a progression.
Speaker 3: It's a verbal It's like I'm gonna I'm gonna hurt
Speaker 3: I'm gonna hurt you physically in a way it doesn't
Speaker 3: leave marks, and then it just gradually gets worse and
Speaker 3: worse and worse until you wake up you're like, Okay,
Speaker 3: who the fuck am I what's happening? And that's literally
Speaker 3: what happened to me. So when I SAWT like even
Speaker 3: knowing that and knowing, okay, like this, I told her
Speaker 3: like I'm done. Of course I lied, But then I
Speaker 3: should have known not even then last year there was
Speaker 3: some disrespect and I should have known, like, oh, this
Speaker 3: motherfucker has the potential to switch it up real quick
Speaker 3: and be disrespectful.
Speaker 1: I don't argue that way. I can get loud, I
Speaker 1: can get crazy, but I don't know. I don't fight.
Speaker 3: I don't really fight dirty that way, and I don't
Speaker 3: really want to fuck with anyone who does. I've been there,
Speaker 3: I've done that, and so you know, there's all these
Speaker 3: these uh indications and these red flags that have been there,
Speaker 3: and I've just ignored and ignored and ignored because I'd
Speaker 3: rather feel validated and loved on the weekend instead of
Speaker 3: really dealing with the person that you really are.
Speaker 2: Well, that's that holds more weight for you than your
Speaker 2: self love right now, right and it needs to like
Speaker 2: come back to the balance. Me too in a lot
Speaker 2: of ways too. I mean, I abuse showed up for
Speaker 2: me in a different way, you know, and also like
Speaker 2: accepting things that I know are unacceptable showed up for me.
Speaker 1: In different ways.
Speaker 2: I'm no by and no means fucking perfect at all.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: Like I told Youmila the other day, I was like,
Speaker 2: that's why I mute people that I don't want to
Speaker 2: fuck with. And she's like, oh, that's really funny because
Speaker 2: I just saw you comment on his last picture, bitch,
Speaker 2: and I was like, whatever, he liked my photo and
Speaker 2: I went into his page and that's why I commented.
Speaker 2: So no, I ain't got this shit all figured out,
Speaker 2: and I want you to know, like, I don't want
Speaker 2: you feeling like you can't express things to me because
Speaker 2: I'm judging you. I just care about you, and I
Speaker 2: know that some of your other friends might feel uncomfortable
Speaker 2: telling you shit because you're very reactive.
Speaker 1: Apparently all my friends are afraid of me, and so
Speaker 1: am I.
Speaker 2: So I think I know. I know how that is.
Speaker 2: And most most people don't tell me about myself because
Speaker 2: I'm so opinionated. I think they're scared so like, and
Speaker 2: I wish they did more. I really do. Friends, if
Speaker 2: you're listening, tell me about myself, please, But like, I
Speaker 2: love you and I want the best for you. And
Speaker 2: that's why I like when I see people disrespecting you
Speaker 2: and you tolerating it. It pisses me off. I'm like,
Speaker 2: why the fuck is she friends with this person? This
Speaker 2: person does not value her. And I'm sure there's people
Speaker 2: in my life maybe I think mostly it follows under
Speaker 2: the man category for me that don't value me as well,
Speaker 2: and that I need that someone needs to tell me
Speaker 2: too and remind me also, because you know, I think
Speaker 2: we're both pretty self aware people and will acknowledge it,
Speaker 2: you know. So I just, I just I just want
Speaker 2: you to know.
Speaker 3: That I love you and I and I recognize it,
Speaker 3: and I recognize that I give a lot of chances
Speaker 3: and that and.
Speaker 2: That's not necessarily a bad thing. But there's certain people
Speaker 2: that just don't deserve chances, right, Like give a few
Speaker 2: and then it's like, Okay, this is who you are.
Speaker 2: Let me believe you. Let me believe you, right, because
Speaker 2: we're actions are to speak way louder than words. Every
Speaker 2: single time people can say shit, mother fucking day, you know,
Speaker 2: it's the actions, it's like, and like, you know, I'm
Speaker 2: fucking so bad at that when it comes to men too,
Speaker 2: Like I really want to be with you, really want
Speaker 2: to be with you, but I'm never coming to see you.
Speaker 2: But but he still but he told me he loves me,
Speaker 2: so we're good, right, No, right, that's like, no, we're
Speaker 2: not good.
Speaker 1: After I like there was funny.
Speaker 3: He's like, but I love you, like I don't care
Speaker 3: about any with other women, like I I'm in love
Speaker 3: with you though, I'm like, tell me anything.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say something. Oh one more thing that
Speaker 1: triggered me. I mean, I've never it's real trigger if
Speaker 1: I was just trying to like search for some shit.
Speaker 1: I brought Luna with me on my trip. It's not recording,
Speaker 1: it's dead. Fuck we're supposed to be recording our episode
Speaker 1: in the fun time. Anyway, I brought lu on the trip,
Speaker 1: and you know, he was hanging out with us and
Speaker 1: being so affectionate with Luda, and it's like, of course,
Speaker 1: it warms.
Speaker 3: My heart to see her remotely like care about someone
Speaker 3: I care about. Granted it's the only person she's ever
Speaker 3: seen me or like be kind of cuddly with or whatever.
Speaker 3: But the next day, when I found out he had
Speaker 3: like slept of somebody like the night before being around us,
Speaker 3: I was like, how dare you be all to my
Speaker 3: my kid's face and all in my face knowing you
Speaker 3: were all up on somebody else last night.
Speaker 1: And he was like, that's so low to bring Luna
Speaker 1: into this, and I was like, is it? Is it?
Speaker 1: We're the same, we're connected, cheat on how you cheated
Speaker 1: on me? But it wasn't cheating, but it was.
Speaker 2: Man, that's why you have to be careful. Who's so
Speaker 2: you bring around.
Speaker 3: Luna and that and I had I had to read,
Speaker 3: I had to think about that, and I'm like, and
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't have regrets about it. I don't
Speaker 3: feel bad about it. But I'm like, Okay, that's why.
Speaker 3: How necessary if I'm just casually dating some one and
Speaker 3: you're fucking other people? And it's not even about the
Speaker 3: fucking of other people, it's just like, do you need
Speaker 3: to be around my kid?
Speaker 1: Probably not like you.
Speaker 3: Does my kid need to be having any attachments to
Speaker 3: the guys I date?
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Probably not, And I'm not I'm sure she's not gonna
Speaker 3: be crying. She don't care a fuck, you know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying, Like, oh me, I care, but like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean, this was a learning experience because
Speaker 2: had it not happened, you maybe would have done it
Speaker 2: again and again and like kids do develop attachments, whether
Speaker 2: or not you realize it or not. Like my mom
Speaker 2: had a boyfriend that she didn't even realize how attached
Speaker 2: I was to him when it was over, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, those type of things that aren't big
Speaker 2: deals to me and you, but are bigger deals to them.
Speaker 1: And I noticed when I was over there.
Speaker 3: When we got over there, I had a weird vibe.
Speaker 3: I already knew or could already feel.
Speaker 1: Something was that, like you know you can feel if
Speaker 1: your nick has been with somebody else, like the energy's off.
Speaker 3: And Lena was looking at me and she's like, she's like,
Speaker 3: you look sad. And I was like, no, I'm tired.
Speaker 3: And she's like, oh, well, you look sad.
Speaker 1: And I was like, god, damn, I'm this like a
Speaker 1: little baby for real.
Speaker 3: And then I noticed that she would tell other people like, oh,
Speaker 3: my mom's boyfriend, my mom's boyfriend, and I'm like, so
Speaker 3: she is in some way like, well he was he
Speaker 3: was my boyfriend. So you know, right right, Lena, I
Speaker 3: need to talk to you. We've broken up again, you know,
Speaker 3: I gotta talk to you.
Speaker 1: We're back off.
Speaker 3: Okay, don't tell anybody that information, but it you know,
Speaker 3: it just it just it just made me see how
Speaker 3: like it's really not to be played with. How I
Speaker 3: can't just be calling people my boyfriend if I have
Speaker 3: a boyfriend and that like I can't do boyfriend things
Speaker 3: if you're not my boyfriend, because it's not just me.
Speaker 1: There is another person.
Speaker 3: Involved here, you know, and she thinks you're my boyfriend,
Speaker 3: and now I gotta tell her you're not.
Speaker 1: Mommy got dumped. Anyway, you have other delusions.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm a lighter note, switch it up real real quick.
Speaker 1: Because that's just depressing.
Speaker 2: That was a little heavy, and you know, but you know,
Speaker 2: it's this is where we're at. We have a good
Speaker 2: horror story.
Speaker 1: We do.
Speaker 3: We're gonna but are gonna talk about cinespia?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Speaker 1: Okay. We went to go and see Boys in the
Speaker 1: Heads on Saturday. It was really fun. We had we
Speaker 1: were popping.
Speaker 3: Like nineteen people came, Black Roun Fravado came, all of
Speaker 3: her homemies came, basically Jessica ros Uh, Shay Shay Near
Speaker 3: alyn Nisha Ashley.
Speaker 2: Some new some new listeners, some new listeners. I also
Speaker 2: ran into some listeners at Beauty Con yesterday, which was
Speaker 2: really cool.
Speaker 1: It was fun.
Speaker 2: We had Mela ate so much food. We first of all,
Speaker 2: we are the ones that like made everyone bring the
Speaker 2: food and then we ate it all. Jamala made these
Speaker 2: jerk sandwiches that were bombed. She plate popping. I literally like,
Speaker 2: haven't really been eating cheese and I waited for this moment.
Speaker 1: Cheese yo. I had like five donuts.
Speaker 2: I had like five donuts. I had a cupcake, I
Speaker 2: had cookies. I had it was fucking.
Speaker 1: Crazy, like four tequilas. I don't I think I threw
Speaker 1: all my keys.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: So we had this brilliant idea, so so a lot
Speaker 1: A couple of weeks ago when we went to a
Speaker 1: Hollywood cemetery, I alone because no me and one other
Speaker 1: persons did a little molly at the end at the
Speaker 1: Exorcist because you know, whoa why not? I don't have
Speaker 1: the kids do a little molly. So that was fine.
Speaker 3: So this week, Erica had some extra molleys from a
Speaker 3: party and I said, oh, yeah, bring those mollies to
Speaker 3: the cemetery because that's what moms do. So you know,
Speaker 3: in my head, I deliberately was like, I'm not gonna
Speaker 3: take this Molly before Ricky dies, because that's gonna be
Speaker 3: too much.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be too much if I start to roll
Speaker 1: when Rickey dies. So I was like, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: a chill. I'm a chill until.
Speaker 3: After the movie. I cried when Ricky died. It was
Speaker 3: real sad.
Speaker 1: We try to go out.
Speaker 2: So we were trying to go to this party called
Speaker 2: Shaba in La that used to be cool, but now
Speaker 2: it's over the fucking top.
Speaker 1: Hollywood is fun.
Speaker 2: So we left there and then we decided to go
Speaker 2: to party in two thousands party they started off.
Speaker 3: It was people from it was music with two thousands
Speaker 3: and children from nineteen ninety seven.
Speaker 2: Very strange situation, but I was like, I don't want
Speaker 2: to take this Molly until we're in a secure place
Speaker 2: where like we can.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be for a while because we've learned our
Speaker 1: lesson in mom. Sheilla, yeah, okay. We didn't want to
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 2: So we're like, okay, we're here. We made it. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: you can take it. She's like yep, and then we
Speaker 2: like passed it out over other friend. You want one
Speaker 2: to oh, I got four, so we're all popping them.
Speaker 1: We were just like the jugular city over here. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So we take them and we're like, okay, dancing dancing,
Speaker 2: like do you feel it?
Speaker 1: And I'm like no, we're getting tired. And I'm like
Speaker 1: and I'm like, so full, bitch.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: We had drank like a food coma, and we drank
Speaker 1: so much, and you know, I saw that book so much.
Speaker 1: So we get in the car and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm going home. I'm tired. I was like, let's just
Speaker 1: go home.
Speaker 2: I was draw like the Molly didn't work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, this Molly is fake. We're all like
Speaker 1: she didn't Like I'm tired.
Speaker 2: I was like, this shit is fake because I got
Speaker 2: it at a party where there were a lot of
Speaker 2: fake drugs, was like the theme of the party, and
Speaker 2: then they started handing out real Molly's.
Speaker 1: It said there was fake drugs. What is a fake drug?
Speaker 1: It was like a setup.
Speaker 2: It was also looked like mounds of cocaine, big pounds
Speaker 2: of mushrooms everywhere.
Speaker 1: Ship okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I was like it must be for insurance liability purposes.
Speaker 1: And I was like maybe it was a vitamin okay, right,
Speaker 1: it would be. So I go home. She drops me
Speaker 1: off I another problem. I drink. I start looking at
Speaker 1: my phone for victims, okay, and so my phone died
Speaker 1: so i'd pluget it and I'm just I fell asleep
Speaker 1: like trying to look at my phone.
Speaker 2: I wake up.
Speaker 3: All the lights are on and I look at my phone.
Speaker 3: It's like five thirty in the morning.
Speaker 1: I go to pee. I'm just sitting there paying and
Speaker 1: I started like looking around, kind of biting my jaw.
Speaker 1: I'm like, uh uh no, fucking way.
Speaker 3: The mother fucking Molly hit Five hours later and I'm
Speaker 3: alone and it's five thirty in the morning.
Speaker 1: I was pissed. I like woke up at the peak, like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, am I rolling in the morning? Why
Speaker 1: God why? I said?
Speaker 2: Just so I wake up like throughout the night, Like
Speaker 2: around like five am. I woke up and I was like,
Speaker 2: why am I so fucking hot?
Speaker 1: So I've hurt?
Speaker 2: I blast the air conditioning se fashion sleeping on my couch.
Speaker 2: I'm like, this thing isn't about to be cold because
Speaker 2: I'm hot. I don't give a fuck. Go wake up
Speaker 2: at six again, I'm like, is the air not working?
Speaker 2: I look at seventy degrees in my house, so I'm like,
Speaker 2: it's still I'm hot. I go back to sleep. Finally
Speaker 2: I wake up at seven, I'm like, where's my phone?
Speaker 2: And I couldn't find my phone anywhere. I was looking
Speaker 2: for like a psychopath. I look at my phone and
Speaker 2: Jamila had text me like, bitch, I just woke up
Speaker 2: and I'm high as fuck. And then I'm like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, am I high? Is that why I'm so
Speaker 2: fucking hot?
Speaker 1: Ready?
Speaker 2: And then I realized I am high, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, and I felt like I just felt
Speaker 2: like energized.
Speaker 1: Yes, I was just up.
Speaker 3: I text I text my homegirl. If we started texting,
Speaker 3: She's like, want me to come over seven am. I'm like,
Speaker 3: please come over.
Speaker 2: I'm rolling.
Speaker 1: She pulls up at seven in the morning to tell
Speaker 1: me a story.
Speaker 2: I'm like and then and then another one of our
Speaker 2: listeners took one too, and she.
Speaker 1: I text her. I'm like, yo, I woke up high
Speaker 1: as fuck. She's like, bitch, I'm cleaning my house like
Speaker 1: a goddamn crackhead. We all went to sleep and woke
Speaker 1: up rolling like.
Speaker 2: I woke up, I like, cleaned my car, made a
Speaker 2: makeup tutorial, fucking like, and.
Speaker 1: Then Texas did the make up to tourial that I
Speaker 1: look sucked up, like what I was tripping?
Speaker 2: And then I had to go to like a fucking
Speaker 2: beauty convention. I was like, oh my god, how am
Speaker 2: I going to do this? But actually I at first
Speaker 2: I was really upset that I was rolling. I was
Speaker 2: like why. I was like, highly upset, and then at
Speaker 2: some point I was like, I gotta just let go
Speaker 2: with it, and I had a great day. I had
Speaker 2: a really good day. It's great, but I just was expecting.
Speaker 1: A time release five hours later. Roll. Yeah why what
Speaker 1: three reasons not to do drugs at the movies?
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, just or just don't take drugs from strangers.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that eot.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 2: I don't know what our next meetup is, but we're
Speaker 2: planning one soon. You definitely should come. Not guaranteeing that
Speaker 2: Molly will be there.
Speaker 1: This isn't like a thing. It's like good mom's meet up, Molly, right,
Speaker 1: bring your drugs. I was thinking about should we do
Speaker 1: one with the kids, and no, we should. We should
Speaker 1: know where we could talk more because we talk a lot.
Speaker 1: We're all in the movies. They like run kay Run.
Speaker 1: I was like, why would we bring our ghetto assids
Speaker 1: to the movie yelling at the screen. We was clapping
Speaker 1: and shit, whatever black people watching boys? Mother right?
Speaker 2: Fuck these white people and their movie watching etiquette.
Speaker 1: Don't you know who you went?
Speaker 2: We have a horror story submitted by an anonymous person.
Speaker 3: Who stories I wanted a girl and a guy into me. Anyway,
Speaker 3: I found a couple where they both were hot, which
Speaker 3: ps is super hard to find.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. I interviewed them, thought they were cool,
Speaker 1: and interviewed them. Yeah, this is the Yeah.
Speaker 3: I interviewed them, thought they were cool and regardless, we
Speaker 3: would have fun. And I thought at the time that
Speaker 3: they were both into it. So night of, so night
Speaker 3: of we made at a bar. She says she isn't drinking,
Speaker 3: which is fine in itself. I don't mean people to
Speaker 3: be wasted, but it seemed off. She seemed different this night,
Speaker 3: not as into it. She said she didn't feel well.
Speaker 3: Who went a three way with a sick girl?
Speaker 1: For real? I've done that and.
Speaker 3: It wasn't good. I said, hey, we can hang. We
Speaker 3: can hang and do this another night if you're not
Speaker 3: feeling well. She said no, she wanted.
Speaker 1: To do it tonight.
Speaker 3: Okay, me and her man drink, we talk, then we
Speaker 3: go back to their house. Apartment had tons of She
Speaker 3: goes one apartment, I had tons of hipster Taxidermy. Turns
Speaker 3: out he has daddy money. I start having an asthma
Speaker 3: attack because I'm allergic to fur and they're a goddamn
Speaker 3: dead animals everywhere. Then I am waiting for them to
Speaker 3: make the move because they are the couple and I
Speaker 3: don't want to step on anyone's toes. They don't, so
Speaker 3: I finally start taking off my clothes and basically I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: let's get to the fucking. We all start making out.
Speaker 3: She seems bored with the whole thing. I go down
Speaker 3: on her while her man watches. Then he starts fucking
Speaker 3: me from behind while I'm all up on her.
Speaker 1: He is not great at sex. Oh good. I try
Speaker 1: to change positions with him, and frankly, he just isn't
Speaker 1: good at sex. So then I concentrate on her.
Speaker 3: I want her to be on me while her man,
Speaker 3: who is bad at sex, fox her.
Speaker 1: Let's reiterate, he's not getting sad.
Speaker 3: She starts making weird, whimpering baby noises, and I am like,
Speaker 3: fuck no, So I just sit there for a second
Speaker 3: while they have really medium sex like boring sex. I
Speaker 3: am so over this, so finally I just start like
Speaker 3: coaching them to have better sex. I'm like, yeah, slap
Speaker 3: her ass, grab her titty harder, and play with her
Speaker 3: clip while you fuck her girl, tell him what you want,
Speaker 3: bite him, et cetera. They end up having slightly better
Speaker 3: sex with my coaching while I masturbate just so I
Speaker 3: can fucking get off. Finally, I'm like, hey, I gotta go.
Speaker 3: It was like ten pm, which is which is early.
Speaker 3: I was hoping would be fucking and switching and I
Speaker 3: would need electrolytes because I would be so dehydrated. But damn,
Speaker 3: I barely got off and there was so they were
Speaker 3: boring as hell. As I got up to leave, they
Speaker 3: gave me an expensive ass bottle of wine as my
Speaker 3: parting gift.
Speaker 1: Laugh out loud.
Speaker 3: At least I got that writing this is making me
Speaker 3: hot for an actual good three way U.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: Also, I said, well, where'd you meet them? And she
Speaker 3: told me she met them on trender.
Speaker 1: Wait, what is it.
Speaker 2: Called tinder.
Speaker 1: Tender? Which I never Oh, yeah, trender And they actually
Speaker 1: shut down because I got sued by tender.
Speaker 3: This name was too close. I thought it was a typo.
Speaker 3: I was like, rights, but trender is great. That was great,
Speaker 3: that was funny as that so sad.
Speaker 2: Mediocre sex and a threesome. Goddamn. You never really know
Speaker 2: what you're walking into when you do those things, really don't.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't even highly suggested if you're not
Speaker 1: a good one for to like roll with the punches.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if we haven't had the three some you need
Speaker 3: some advice, refer to our old episode five ways to
Speaker 3: have a positive three some experience because we're experts.
Speaker 2: Well, anyway, guys, that's it.
Speaker 1: If you have any horries, please submit DM them, email us,
Speaker 1: follow us on Instagram, Good Mom's Underscore by Choices. Make
Speaker 1: sure you follow us or subscribe to our Patreon.
Speaker 2: You can search us Good Mom's Bad Choices. This episode
Speaker 2: is going to be up there, but we've definitely had
Speaker 2: camera issues, so I'm really sure we're gonna do about
Speaker 2: that part.
Speaker 3: But yeah, we oh, I know we're gonna do. We
Speaker 3: start vlogging, you know, hello, it's an announcement. Good Moms
Speaker 3: has started vlogging. When we were in New York, I
Speaker 3: was like, Okay, I really think we should flog we
Speaker 3: should really vlog this, and she like, stop saying it.
Speaker 1: But I like it all the All the influencers are
Speaker 1: vlogging these days. Okay, well we're fill in the gap
Speaker 1: with a vlog. I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2: Away, have a great week, have a beautiful week, make
Speaker 2: good decisions, set your boundaries.
Speaker 3: If you make bad decisions, grow front of them and
Speaker 3: acknowledge them, and don't come.
Speaker 1: Under the rug like you have a wonderful day.
Speaker 2: Bye bye.
Speaker 3: Why your niggas ain't ship?
Speaker 2: And if I was a Julie, I'd tell you, bitch, niggas.
Speaker 1: Fuck you bitch. Why you acting like a rich car
Speaker 1: Niggas ain't ship? And no, no, no, or don't want
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: Is get my pussy something count a million bucks in
Speaker 2: the back of her on the truck when I get
Speaker 2: you fucked up off
Speaker 1: The Teo and Baxter Prime chron