WEBVTT - If I'm Being Honest

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<v Speaker 1>Getting money, homes, who's selling clothes?

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<v Speaker 2>Nor my gadwo bitches in the projects coming like booses,

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<v Speaker 2>no being sober, no veh It Welcome back to good

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<v Speaker 2>mom and bad choices. I'm Erica and I am Nila

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<v Speaker 2>formerly known as Jamila the Artist, formerly known as I Now.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm having a really hard time deciding.

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<v Speaker 2>Jamila's having identity crisis.

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<v Speaker 3>Vote on our Instagram today Should I go by Jamila

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<v Speaker 3>or Mila?

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<v Speaker 1>It's the same fucking ship.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, okay, sorry about last week, guys. We were in

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<v Speaker 2>different cities. I mean, we're on the East Coast together,

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<v Speaker 2>we were in different place and then I left, and

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<v Speaker 2>I also just it just wasn't gonna happen, So.

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<v Speaker 3>We miscalculated our coordinates and timing.

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<v Speaker 2>And honestly, we haven't taken a break in one year.

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<v Speaker 2>Literally it's been a year. Every weekend, every Wednesday for

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<v Speaker 2>a year.

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<v Speaker 1>We took a break.

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<v Speaker 2>So everybody needs a Christmas and what everyone needs a mom.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody needs a break.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone has a mom, Everyone needs a break leading us.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I was. We have a lot to recap.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, I don't even know where to begin.

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<v Speaker 2>How was New York for you? And the Jersey and

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<v Speaker 2>Pennsylvania or Philly, the same thing and all those things.

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<v Speaker 1>It was really good. I went that kind of last minute.

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<v Speaker 1>It took Luna boy.

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<v Speaker 3>I had just had a quite an interesting trip. Well,

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<v Speaker 3>we met, we worked, We spent the night in Bethlehem.

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<v Speaker 1>Really strange.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not strange.

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<v Speaker 1>It actually kicked me out for.

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<v Speaker 3>Some d She made me come to Bethlehem because she

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<v Speaker 3>was scared and then woke me up at seven in

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<v Speaker 3>the morning like.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, so my dick is coming in, get your shit together.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm ropping you. At the bus stop.

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<v Speaker 3>Me and Erico walked creepily through a cemetery in Bethlehem.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, that's right, because we're strange.

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<v Speaker 2>I was thinking about that. Actually had to meet up.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, because we had the cemetery. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>We were driving through Bethlehem and we were just it

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<v Speaker 2>was dark. We were heading to a bar and we

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<v Speaker 2>noticed a really creepy, dark cemetery and I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>let's just fuck it, let's go in there. So we

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<v Speaker 2>pulled over, which was a whole thing and really difficult

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<v Speaker 2>for some reason. And then we walked through the cemetery

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<v Speaker 2>and it was old as fuck.

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<v Speaker 1>It was that was an old ass something.

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<v Speaker 3>It was like people from the eighteen seventeen, eighteen twenties

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<v Speaker 3>or some shit.

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<v Speaker 1>It was like old ass corpses there, yeah, or bummed.

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<v Speaker 2>Jamila was scared, which makes me question all of her witchery.

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<v Speaker 2>She didn't want to go deeper. I was like, come on,

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<v Speaker 2>let's keep going, and she was like, I'm scared. I

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<v Speaker 2>think I'm getting bent.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know there's mosquitos why. This was just like

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<v Speaker 1>my childhood memories of that movie. What movie was it?

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<v Speaker 3>Of the little girls in the cemetery. I've talked about

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<v Speaker 3>it while we were there, but we couldn't think of

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<v Speaker 3>the name. It's like an old movie that like All

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<v Speaker 3>the Girls. I was living dead, no whatever.

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<v Speaker 1>I just got like Texas Chainsaw massacre mix.

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<v Speaker 3>No, that wasn't it another one? And I was like,

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<v Speaker 3>let's get the fuck out of here. It seemed like

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<v Speaker 3>a good idea, but now I'm scared. There's no lights.

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<v Speaker 3>Things can happen, and no one will find us in

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<v Speaker 3>both lands.

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<v Speaker 2>That's true.

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<v Speaker 3>We did a podcast. I drank way too much tequila.

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<v Speaker 3>I like broke up. I was never in a relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's be clear. Let me not illusionize myself. I went

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<v Speaker 1>to see Young Bay.

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<v Speaker 3>I did one of those things that one Ten Ways

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<v Speaker 3>Not to be Psycho.

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<v Speaker 1>You know that episode called ten Ways Not to Be Psycho. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>i'd be psycho.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'd like to see his messages on his laptop

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<v Speaker 3>while he was at work. So I guess I was

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<v Speaker 3>like self inflicted pain. It's like, oh my god, I

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<v Speaker 3>call it Erica.

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<v Speaker 1>Like there's so many bitches. I there's so many bitches.

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<v Speaker 1>There's like twelve of them. I can't even keep up.

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<v Speaker 3>And so it was mad and I went back over

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<v Speaker 3>there and then I was just it was just a

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<v Speaker 3>bunch of stupid shit, boyshit. And I'm happy to say

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<v Speaker 3>that is over.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna pretend people are my boyfriend when they're not.

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<v Speaker 2>And is it really over?

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<v Speaker 3>No?

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<v Speaker 1>It is really, really.

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<v Speaker 2>Really really Like if he called you today and was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, I want to try this again. Let's you're

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<v Speaker 2>so fucking nice. I don't believe you. No, you're so nice.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you want to believe you want.

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<v Speaker 2>To see the good in people's like, you're so you're

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<v Speaker 2>such a nice person.

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<v Speaker 3>Honestly, I have to accept that neither of us are in.

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<v Speaker 1>A place to heal each other.

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<v Speaker 3>And I just think it's just like not ready, and

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<v Speaker 3>I probably knew that a long time ago, but here

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<v Speaker 3>I am two years later dumping the same young bay.

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<v Speaker 3>I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship in

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<v Speaker 3>any capacity except the moment with myself. I think I

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<v Speaker 3>need to work on not dating and not having sex.

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<v Speaker 3>Can you believe it's one and the same. I think

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<v Speaker 3>that I got caught up in the motions of like

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<v Speaker 3>girlfriend shit and just like a relationship talking to someone

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<v Speaker 3>every day, that when I went through his shit without

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<v Speaker 3>asking and totally violated his privacy, I was somehow hurt

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<v Speaker 3>by what I saw, even though like I don't own

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<v Speaker 3>this person, we have no like strict monogamy. But there

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<v Speaker 3>were some like obviously lies, but I just had to

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<v Speaker 3>check myself, like what am I mad about? This is

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<v Speaker 3>not your man, and uh, you know this is a

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<v Speaker 3>shit Niggas do talk to twelve bitches. I don't know

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<v Speaker 3>how you can talk to twelve who can have time

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<v Speaker 3>to manage twelve bitches?

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<v Speaker 1>But apparently the men do. But the men, the men do.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you know, I allowed myself to cry and feel

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<v Speaker 3>like you hurt my feelings, but also I hurt my

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<v Speaker 3>own feelings by looking and by pretending, well, maybe.

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<v Speaker 1>You needed to sometimes.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, look, you shouldn't look through people's shit, but sometimes

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<v Speaker 2>you have to in order to move on, Like sometimes

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<v Speaker 2>you have to inflict that pain on yourself because there's

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<v Speaker 2>really nothing else that would force you to.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think it was a lot of that. You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, you need to stop doing this.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I know when you were going to go look

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<v Speaker 2>through his phone, did you think you weren't going to

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<v Speaker 2>find anything or did you.

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<v Speaker 1>Know you were going to find it? I knew I

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<v Speaker 1>was going to find some shit.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, because we're not in a relationship, but I

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<v Speaker 3>literally I don't think. I don't think I was prepared

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<v Speaker 3>to find as much shit. And it was just like

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<v Speaker 3>too close, like times I was visiting on my birthday.

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<v Speaker 3>It was just like then the whack you know, it

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<v Speaker 3>always pisses me off, the whack lines that guys use.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, oh, did was he?

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<v Speaker 2>Did he use those lines on YouTube?

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<v Speaker 1>And know who?

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<v Speaker 3>They were just corny And I was just like, you're corny.

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<v Speaker 3>This is corny. Say I love you to any of them? No,

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<v Speaker 3>there's no loves.

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<v Speaker 1>But it was like pictures of him and other chicks.

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<v Speaker 1>None of the chicks look remotely like me, meaning they

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<v Speaker 1>weren't black. Yeah, they're like blonde.

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<v Speaker 2>How does that make you feel?

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<v Speaker 1>Well?

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<v Speaker 3>I kind of felt like I told him, like I

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<v Speaker 3>don't think I'm typically the type of girl you date,

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<v Speaker 3>Like I don't think that I'm your type. And it's

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<v Speaker 3>like no, no, no, no no, But I had seen some excess.

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<v Speaker 3>But I don't know how it makes me feel. It

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<v Speaker 3>just makes me think, like, am I your type?

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<v Speaker 1>You know? Are you attracted to me? Was this? Like

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<v Speaker 1>was this a game?

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<v Speaker 2>Is this a game?

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<v Speaker 1>But just maybe it brought me all the way back

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<v Speaker 1>to like the ninth grade for sure, like I'm acting crazy,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm crying, I love you, Why are you doing this?

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<v Speaker 1>You know? And then I had to like come back

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<v Speaker 1>to my thirty one year old self and be like, bitch,

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<v Speaker 1>there's other things to worry about. And then there's other

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<v Speaker 1>shit that he did.

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<v Speaker 3>There was like a little off indications that you know,

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<v Speaker 3>probably this is not the one some disrespect just like

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<v Speaker 3>snappy bullshit I don't have time for.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm too old for.

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<v Speaker 3>And you know, with this retrograde that just passed and happened,

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<v Speaker 3>I had all these feelings and had to examine myself,

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<v Speaker 3>and I just realized it is easy to cling to comfortability.

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<v Speaker 3>It's easy to clean to someone who like wants who

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<v Speaker 3>you think wants a relationship and wants you because it

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<v Speaker 3>feels good. It's about being validated, it's about attention, and

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<v Speaker 3>it's about this weird, strange feeling of being safe and

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<v Speaker 3>having comfort in someone else.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's kind of sick because, like I said, I

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<v Speaker 1>knew this person probably wasn't the person for me, but

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<v Speaker 1>I intentionally ignored all of the signs and went against

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<v Speaker 1>it because.

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<v Speaker 2>It was temporary. It was temporary satisfact, satisfaction, affection, and attention.

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<v Speaker 2>Everyone's guilty.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know he's fine, so that helps. But yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm over that. I'm over doing that.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm overpretending, like you know, when there's signs I want

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<v Speaker 3>to pay attention to him. I don't want to give

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<v Speaker 3>too much in a relationship that's not even really a

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<v Speaker 3>relationship and then get disappointed by.

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<v Speaker 1>A relationship that's not really a relationship because well.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's kind of like when we talked about

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<v Speaker 2>daddy issues and like saying that we need to stop

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<v Speaker 2>treating dudes like our boyfriends when they're not our boyfriends.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah right, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>oh yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>We had this talk.

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<v Speaker 3>Just made me do a lot of questioning of myself,

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<v Speaker 3>like why do the fuck did you do that?

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<v Speaker 1>And what were you expecting?

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<v Speaker 3>And is this the unhealthy ownership part that comes in

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<v Speaker 3>like this is my ego? And also I just think

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<v Speaker 3>he's a whore, and then my sled Yes I am uh,

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<v Speaker 3>but yeah, I think I'm going on a dating detox now.

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<v Speaker 2>And then what else did you do out there? I

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<v Speaker 2>just did you have a family did you go to the.

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<v Speaker 3>Family I made to the family union, which is like

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<v Speaker 3>essentially a barbecue, but it was just hot. It was

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<v Speaker 3>super hot and sticky. Luna hung out with her best friend,

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<v Speaker 3>her best friend in New Jersey, Charlie. She had a

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<v Speaker 3>good time. It's like all she wanted to do was

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<v Speaker 3>see her girlfriend. She went to the driving with my

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<v Speaker 3>uncle and her cousin. She spent time with them. She

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<v Speaker 3>went swimming without floaties. So that's that's when.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh and we took We took a tour bus.

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<v Speaker 3>We drove from New Jersey to Los Angeles, which sounds

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<v Speaker 3>kind of crazy, but it wasn't that bad because it

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<v Speaker 3>was the tour bus. With cable and like unlimited snacks

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<v Speaker 3>and two drivers, so they alternated.

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<v Speaker 1>So that was kind of interesting. Went through like.

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<v Speaker 3>Iowa, uh, Ohio, Denver house stops. No, we didn't stop.

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<v Speaker 3>We're not fucking around. Okay, I just ate on the thing.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, that's pretty much it. How was your trip?

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<v Speaker 2>It was good. I was there for work. And then,

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<v Speaker 2>like you said, my mom has a house in Buthlehem,

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<v Speaker 2>So yes, I did make Samia come hang out with me,

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<v Speaker 2>not really makes she wanted to come anyway. And then

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<v Speaker 2>but I did have a dick appointment set up for

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<v Speaker 2>my R and B boot.

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<v Speaker 1>If you didn't listen to.

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<v Speaker 2>Our previous episode. What is it called R and B

0:11:38.920 --> 0:11:39.520
<v Speaker 2>kind of lingus?

0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:41.480
<v Speaker 1>No, it's called his tongue.

0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:42.800
<v Speaker 2>His mouth was a.

0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:44.600
<v Speaker 1>Vibran mouth was a vibrator.

0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:46.920
<v Speaker 2>So you know I rekindled things with His mouth was

0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:50.080
<v Speaker 2>a vibrator. His mouth is still a vibrator. I'm happy

0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:54.120
<v Speaker 2>to confirm. But what I did, so I don't know

0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:56.800
<v Speaker 2>what I had have, like what my expectations were when

0:11:56.840 --> 0:12:00.200
<v Speaker 2>we were hanging out, like I knew, like like when

0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:02.760
<v Speaker 2>Jamila was leaving, I was kind of like, oh my god, wait,

0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm spending like two and a half days in isolation

0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:06.440
<v Speaker 2>with this person.

0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:08.839
<v Speaker 1>There's literally nothing really around. There's nothing.

0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:11.480
<v Speaker 2>So I was like, wait, what am I doing? Like

0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:13.720
<v Speaker 2>I've known him for a really long time, but like

0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:15.000
<v Speaker 2>we haven't really hung.

0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:17.800
<v Speaker 1>Out like that that ever. So I kind of started

0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:22.240
<v Speaker 1>to freak out. He came, Oh my gosh, it's saying

0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:23.320
<v Speaker 1>my disc is almost full.

0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:28.640
<v Speaker 2>Oh, I don't know. Anyway, we hung out. We're just

0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:30.640
<v Speaker 2>gonna keep recording until it stops.

0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:35.319
<v Speaker 1>We hung out, and you know, we had a good time.

0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:38.440
<v Speaker 2>What I realized though, in our hangout is that it

0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:39.760
<v Speaker 2>purely is sexual.

0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:42.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't I wasn't really know. I didn't know what

0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:42.880
<v Speaker 1>I was expecting.

0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:45.120
<v Speaker 2>Like I maybe was open to, like maybe having more

0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:48.440
<v Speaker 2>of an emotional connection with him, probably because you know,

0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:52.440
<v Speaker 2>I've known him for so long. He's a really nice guy.

0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:57.880
<v Speaker 2>But I think also it's somewhat unfortunately in my ego.

0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:01.120
<v Speaker 2>It's the appeal of who he is and the fact

0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:02.319
<v Speaker 2>that bitches love.

0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:03.280
<v Speaker 1>Him and his mouth vibrates.

0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:07.760
<v Speaker 2>It is not vibrates, but bitches love him. And but

0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:09.360
<v Speaker 2>and then I'm like, do I really want to go

0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:10.920
<v Speaker 2>down that road again? I don't really want to go

0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:12.840
<v Speaker 2>down that road again. I've done the artist thing, and

0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:14.480
<v Speaker 2>this is like a whole other level. Like R and

0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:17.680
<v Speaker 2>B bitches are way more aggressive than I think WRAP bitches.

0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:20.920
<v Speaker 2>So R and B bitches are more ar and B

0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:24.880
<v Speaker 2>groupies are aggressive, I would say, so, yeah, they're they're

0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:28.440
<v Speaker 2>more music is the music is labor. Yeah, it's deeper,

0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:30.520
<v Speaker 2>more emotional, whereas rappers they just want to like live

0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:37.200
<v Speaker 2>that like lifestyle or something. But yeah, it was like

0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:39.960
<v Speaker 2>anytime we were just hanging out, like in the house,

0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:42.960
<v Speaker 2>there was he was not affectionate at all, Like it

0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:45.400
<v Speaker 2>was just purely platonic. Like I could be sitting on

0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:48.000
<v Speaker 2>one end of the couch like five feet away from him,

0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:50.000
<v Speaker 2>and he'd be totally chill on the other side, not

0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:52.400
<v Speaker 2>like trying to get me to come over. Like I

0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:54.000
<v Speaker 2>was trying to be affectionate, and it wasn't like he

0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.199
<v Speaker 2>was not receptive, but it wasn't like he wasn't like

0:13:56.240 --> 0:13:59.640
<v Speaker 2>pushing it forward. Only when we were intimate was he affectionate.

0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:04.120
<v Speaker 2>So I wasn't gonna say anything to him. But I'm

0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:06.320
<v Speaker 2>kind of like in this place now where like let's

0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:06.920
<v Speaker 2>just talk about it.

0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:07.920
<v Speaker 1>I say what I want.

0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:10.000
<v Speaker 2>Let me just say what I want. So I just

0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:12.360
<v Speaker 2>asked him. I was like, what's up, you know, are

0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:15.960
<v Speaker 2>you in love with someone or are you dating somebody

0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:18.880
<v Speaker 2>or are you just not that into this or what?

0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:21.800
<v Speaker 2>And he said, no, I'm not in love with anyone.

0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:24.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm not dating anyone. I just can't help what my

0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:28.440
<v Speaker 2>body does. And I was like, oh, your body doesn't

0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:33.280
<v Speaker 2>want to fuck with me, okay, So basically he's not

0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:33.880
<v Speaker 2>that into me.

0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:40.040
<v Speaker 1>Basically me and Eric have both discovered that psycho crazy

0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:40.680
<v Speaker 1>thing you never know.

0:14:40.760 --> 0:14:42.920
<v Speaker 2>But the thing is like he and he took a

0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:45.880
<v Speaker 2>bus from New York City at seven in the morning

0:14:46.000 --> 0:14:47.800
<v Speaker 2>to come hang out with me for a weekend.

0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:49.120
<v Speaker 1>So that's why I am.

0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:50.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so that's why I.

0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:51.360
<v Speaker 1>Was like, is he not that into me?

0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:54.160
<v Speaker 2>Because that's kind of like like going above and beyond,

0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:55.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, like he could have waited to the afternoon

0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:56.520
<v Speaker 2>to hop on that bus.

0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:57.280
<v Speaker 1>He sure should have.

0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.320
<v Speaker 2>Jamila would have been able to sleep in. I was pissed,

0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:06.440
<v Speaker 2>but yeah, so that happened, and me and Jamila went

0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:09.400
<v Speaker 2>to the city. We recorded with another fellow podcast which

0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:14.720
<v Speaker 2>you know you'll hear about that later soon, and I

0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:18.280
<v Speaker 2>was I got I got really really sick. And when

0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:21.240
<v Speaker 2>I was in New York. I joined Hinge also. I

0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:23.920
<v Speaker 2>decided because you know, like my tindering days, I feel

0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:25.800
<v Speaker 2>like are kind of done. But I've always been an

0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:29.280
<v Speaker 2>advocate for Tinder, especially when you're traveling. So Jamila and

0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:31.000
<v Speaker 2>a bunch of other people have told me about Hinge

0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:32.720
<v Speaker 2>or whatever, so I was like, fuck it, I'll try it.

0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:34.440
<v Speaker 2>So I joined Hinge while I was in the city

0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:37.800
<v Speaker 2>because I was like, you know whatever, I'm bored. Then

0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:40.800
<v Speaker 2>I got really sick. But then I matched with this

0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:43.360
<v Speaker 2>guy who was really cute.

0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:45.600
<v Speaker 1>He's kind of fine. He's followed us day. I was like, oh,

0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:48.040
<v Speaker 1>is this is this tinder bet? I mean hingebig is

0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:49.720
<v Speaker 1>he is fine? Yeah, he's cute.

0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:53.920
<v Speaker 2>He's also talented, which you know, I love a talented nigga.

0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:58.400
<v Speaker 2>Who doesn't I know? But it's like I always date

0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:01.960
<v Speaker 2>an artist, like creative, Like why can't he be a

0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:03.400
<v Speaker 2>talented brain surgeon?

0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:06.360
<v Speaker 3>Oh, so so you're creative, you don'tt you don't want

0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:07.360
<v Speaker 3>someone to be creative too.

0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:12.560
<v Speaker 2>No, it's not that, it's just I justn't have good luck. Wait,

0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:22.000
<v Speaker 2>hold on's gonna die.

0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:26.200
<v Speaker 1>So you went on a uh oh.

0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:28.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, she was super sick, but must have enough energy

0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:30.800
<v Speaker 3>to go on a date because that's what we do.

0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:36.600
<v Speaker 3>We could be out cold on Friday Saturday night, there's

0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:39.000
<v Speaker 3>there's some fun man in town and you're well.

0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:40.880
<v Speaker 2>I was like, so I took a bunch of cold medicine,

0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:42.760
<v Speaker 2>so I started feeling better. So I was like, fuck it,

0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:45.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm good. I can go have a drink. I'll be fine,

0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:49.960
<v Speaker 2>or maybe I won't even drink all right. So he's like, Okay,

0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:52.080
<v Speaker 2>can meet me at this bar in Brooklyn. So I

0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:53.560
<v Speaker 2>go to Brooklyn. Oh and by the way, me and

0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:56.600
<v Speaker 2>Jamila like had this big master plan that she had

0:16:56.600 --> 0:16:58.240
<v Speaker 2>matched with someone on hinge and we were gonna go

0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:00.880
<v Speaker 2>to the same bar but walk in separately, and if

0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:03.200
<v Speaker 2>we needed to be saved, we were gonna save each other.

0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:05.200
<v Speaker 2>But if we weren't, maybe we like joined forces and

0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:05.480
<v Speaker 2>be like.

0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:06.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh girl, I didn't know here.

0:17:06.680 --> 0:17:10.920
<v Speaker 2>Hey, let's all hang. That didn't happen. But I went

0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:15.920
<v Speaker 2>to this bar and the moment I walk in, he

0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:16.560
<v Speaker 2>says to me.

0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:18.560
<v Speaker 1>I look at him and.

0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:20.639
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, oh, he's so cute. It's great. And he

0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:23.520
<v Speaker 2>says to me, he goes, oh, have you been here before?

0:17:23.640 --> 0:17:25.159
<v Speaker 2>I said, I was like, no, I haven't been here

0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:27.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm taking mine, Like my hine is very basic. I

0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:29.200
<v Speaker 2>don't have my Instagram, I don't have my last name, nothing,

0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:34.280
<v Speaker 2>can't find me whatever. He's like, oh, you know, mad

0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:37.800
<v Speaker 2>Lib had his album release party here with Freddy Gibbs

0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:41.119
<v Speaker 2>and if you don't know who Freddy Gibbs is, my

0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:45.320
<v Speaker 2>baby daddy. And I was like, oh cool. He's like,

0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:47.440
<v Speaker 2>have you heard of mad Lib before? I was like, yeah,

0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:50.040
<v Speaker 2>I have, I've heard of them, and he was like, okay, cool.

0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:52.400
<v Speaker 2>So I'm like, all right, that was weird. I'm gonna

0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:56.280
<v Speaker 2>ignore that act like whatever, that didn't happen. So we

0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:59.119
<v Speaker 2>sit down at the bar and we're like continuing to talk.

0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:03.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm feeling him him order our drinks, and then we

0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:07.280
<v Speaker 2>start talking about music and he's like, man, I've just

0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:10.840
<v Speaker 2>been like having these teated debates with people about like

0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:13.919
<v Speaker 2>this mad liveing Freddy gives album. It's the best album

0:18:13.920 --> 0:18:16.520
<v Speaker 2>of the year. It's just so amazing. I'm so impressed

0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:17.560
<v Speaker 2>that you know who they are.

0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:20.679
<v Speaker 3>She's really texting me like, oh my god, I want

0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:23.240
<v Speaker 3>a date and he won't stop talking about.

0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:26.480
<v Speaker 2>Baby Oh oh god. And I'm like he's like, how

0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:28.000
<v Speaker 2>do you know who they are? Like how do you

0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:29.720
<v Speaker 2>know them? Like, where did you ever hear them?

0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:32.560
<v Speaker 1>Before the studio?

0:18:33.080 --> 0:18:36.280
<v Speaker 2>Actually he made the first album in my living room.

0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:39.239
<v Speaker 1>I was like, uh, yeah, I know, I know I

0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:39.760
<v Speaker 1>know them.

0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:41.800
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, I'm just gonna tell him because

0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:44.199
<v Speaker 2>this is gets overweight, because I think you're cute and

0:18:44.200 --> 0:18:45.760
<v Speaker 2>maybe if I want a second day, you're gonna follow

0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:47.240
<v Speaker 2>me on Instagram and you're gonna find out.

0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:49.879
<v Speaker 1>So anyway, I told him. It was fine.

0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:52.919
<v Speaker 2>He was shocked or whatever, but we got past that.

0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:54.840
<v Speaker 2>It was just very awkward. I wasn't sure whether I

0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:56.840
<v Speaker 2>had to like end it, end the date, but he

0:18:56.960 --> 0:18:58.400
<v Speaker 2>was fine, so I said, fuck.

0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:00.560
<v Speaker 1>It was fine.

0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:01.200
<v Speaker 2>He was fine.

0:19:01.240 --> 0:19:03.560
<v Speaker 1>You know that's always that should be. That should be

0:19:03.600 --> 0:19:05.159
<v Speaker 1>the ending for most sentences.

0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:05.679
<v Speaker 2>You know.

0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:08.480
<v Speaker 1>It was a bad idea, but he was fine. So

0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:11.320
<v Speaker 1>we did it. No, we didn't do it, but anyway,

0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:12.840
<v Speaker 1>so the date was well, it went well.

0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:17.280
<v Speaker 2>I went back to his house. We like, we like,

0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:19.840
<v Speaker 2>we continue to drink a different bars. They ended all clothes,

0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:22.119
<v Speaker 2>went to his house. I smoked a little bit and

0:19:22.160 --> 0:19:25.520
<v Speaker 2>that was probably what fucking really killed me. And we

0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:27.879
<v Speaker 2>didn't have sex or anything. We just made out, but

0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:30.000
<v Speaker 2>we know we're still chatting but he doesn't even live here.

0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:32.359
<v Speaker 2>He lives in New York. And I've realized too, like

0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:34.320
<v Speaker 2>through these last two experience, I mean, through him whatever

0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:38.080
<v Speaker 2>and through my R and b BOO and just in general,

0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:40.439
<v Speaker 2>like the theme of that's been happening is just like

0:19:41.800 --> 0:19:44.359
<v Speaker 2>I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not even ready

0:19:44.359 --> 0:19:46.280
<v Speaker 2>to really even be open to one, like I thought

0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:48.159
<v Speaker 2>I was ready to even be open to one. But

0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:50.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't know how to establish boundaries. I'm not good

0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:54.120
<v Speaker 2>at boundaries like I did I flexed my boundaries like one.

0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:56.520
<v Speaker 1>Time with happiness. I'm curious and I'm like, I'm cured.

0:19:56.560 --> 0:19:59.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm cured. I've I've I've solved the puzzle. I know

0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:02.520
<v Speaker 2>how to established boundaries, and I just I don't, like

0:20:03.200 --> 0:20:07.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm not good at I'm all in and or all out,

0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:12.520
<v Speaker 2>and that's like that's how I try to like define

0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:14.600
<v Speaker 2>who I am sometimes, but it doesn't have to be

0:20:14.680 --> 0:20:15.960
<v Speaker 2>that way, and I don't want it to be that

0:20:16.000 --> 0:20:21.440
<v Speaker 2>way because it doesn't serve me well, like being all in.

0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:21.800
<v Speaker 1>Or all out.

0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:24.480
<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah no, no, you know, in the same way,

0:20:24.560 --> 0:20:26.200
<v Speaker 3>like and when I love you once, I like you,

0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:29.840
<v Speaker 3>we're making love, like I'm making dinner, it goes it

0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:30.919
<v Speaker 3>goes deep immediately.

0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:33.120
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, we probably have to practice, like.

0:20:33.080 --> 0:20:35.600
<v Speaker 2>I really have to establish boundaries. Even the patterns said

0:20:35.640 --> 0:20:38.240
<v Speaker 2>that hadn't told me that I really have to work

0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:43.119
<v Speaker 2>hard at boundaries. And it's like listening. They're listening to

0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:43.960
<v Speaker 2>my conversations.

0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:47.439
<v Speaker 3>Pattern tells me every day, every day, I'm not going

0:20:47.520 --> 0:20:50.119
<v Speaker 3>to have a traditional monogamous relationship.

0:20:50.359 --> 0:20:52.160
<v Speaker 1>So maybe I should just fucking start listening to pattern

0:20:52.240 --> 0:20:54.520
<v Speaker 1>and just get that one out of my head. Literally

0:20:54.600 --> 0:20:55.400
<v Speaker 1>every other dance.

0:20:55.240 --> 0:20:57.399
<v Speaker 3>With my Pattern tells me, you might think that you

0:20:57.440 --> 0:20:59.960
<v Speaker 3>want this type of regular, traditional monogmalus relationship, but that's

0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:03.440
<v Speaker 3>not for you, and clearly I'm fighting it.

0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:06.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. And then so me and Jamila were like chatting

0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:10.880
<v Speaker 2>on the phone We're gone and stuff and talking our shit,

0:21:11.520 --> 0:21:15.919
<v Speaker 2>and I was realizing that I say, like, fuck these

0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:19.159
<v Speaker 2>niggas a lot, like we have Fuck these nigga ain't shit.

0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:19.880
<v Speaker 2>Niggas ain't shit.

0:21:20.000 --> 0:21:22.280
<v Speaker 1>Fuck them, fuck this, fuck that, and.

0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:27.239
<v Speaker 2>You're stupid, And it's like, actually, I want to be

0:21:27.240 --> 0:21:30.920
<v Speaker 2>more like them. I'm more mad at myself that I

0:21:30.960 --> 0:21:34.280
<v Speaker 2>can't be more like them. Because men know how to

0:21:34.400 --> 0:21:35.359
<v Speaker 2>establish boundaries.

0:21:35.520 --> 0:21:37.160
<v Speaker 1>Men juggle twelve bitches at the times.

0:21:37.880 --> 0:21:40.080
<v Speaker 2>And not all men, but a lot of men know

0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:43.720
<v Speaker 2>how to establish boundaries, and we get mad by their

0:21:43.760 --> 0:21:46.720
<v Speaker 2>boundaries and then we say fuck them like that, fuck

0:21:46.760 --> 0:21:49.840
<v Speaker 2>you for prioritizing your shit over me, like fuck you

0:21:49.880 --> 0:21:51.880
<v Speaker 2>for canceling we have this plan, I don't give a fuck.

0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:53.719
<v Speaker 1>You don't want to see me, you know.

0:21:53.880 --> 0:21:55.840
<v Speaker 2>And it's like I think I'm done with the fuck

0:21:55.880 --> 0:21:58.800
<v Speaker 2>these niggas line, and because I feel like, yeah, yeah,

0:21:58.840 --> 0:22:01.159
<v Speaker 2>there definitely are like terrible men out there, but a

0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:03.320
<v Speaker 2>lot of times I'm mad because they didn't do what

0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:06.000
<v Speaker 2>I wanted them to do, you know, like like my

0:22:06.160 --> 0:22:08.440
<v Speaker 2>R and b Boo didn't give me the affection I

0:22:08.520 --> 0:22:10.359
<v Speaker 2>wanted him to give me, like I felt like he

0:22:10.440 --> 0:22:13.479
<v Speaker 2>was supposed to, Like why is he supposed to you know,

0:22:13.560 --> 0:22:16.480
<v Speaker 2>like he's not my man, Like our connection was purely

0:22:16.920 --> 0:22:18.000
<v Speaker 2>based in sex.

0:22:18.720 --> 0:22:18.959
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:22:19.080 --> 0:22:23.760
<v Speaker 2>And so I just I feel like I want to

0:22:23.800 --> 0:22:24.600
<v Speaker 2>be more like them.

0:22:24.920 --> 0:22:28.480
<v Speaker 3>I just I want to stop making unrealistic expectations. I mean,

0:22:28.640 --> 0:22:31.240
<v Speaker 3>being honest is not an unrealistic expectation.

0:22:31.320 --> 0:22:36.760
<v Speaker 1>But I just don't want to be so gung ho

0:22:37.000 --> 0:22:39.160
<v Speaker 1>on having someone that.

0:22:39.359 --> 0:22:41.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, like you'll accept anything, yes, because that's what I

0:22:41.760 --> 0:22:43.480
<v Speaker 3>was seeing like MI macking my my realationship with my

0:22:43.480 --> 0:22:46.080
<v Speaker 3>baby daddy, like making excuses like, oh, that was just

0:22:46.080 --> 0:22:46.920
<v Speaker 3>one time, that was.

0:22:46.880 --> 0:22:48.440
<v Speaker 1>Just this, that was just that, that was just this,

0:22:48.560 --> 0:22:49.640
<v Speaker 1>that was just you know what I mean.

0:22:49.640 --> 0:22:52.199
<v Speaker 3>But in reality, it was just that this person is

0:22:52.680 --> 0:22:54.639
<v Speaker 3>right right, and I need to accept that and I

0:22:54.640 --> 0:23:00.359
<v Speaker 3>need to fucking walk away instead of clinging. And I'm

0:23:00.400 --> 0:23:02.240
<v Speaker 3>not a clingy person or anything like that word, but

0:23:02.280 --> 0:23:04.480
<v Speaker 3>it's but it is, it's sick. It's just because I

0:23:04.560 --> 0:23:07.800
<v Speaker 3>want to have someone to feel like I have someone

0:23:08.200 --> 0:23:10.280
<v Speaker 3>I can call, even if that person's not even living

0:23:10.280 --> 0:23:13.119
<v Speaker 3>in this city. There's some type of it provided some

0:23:13.160 --> 0:23:14.160
<v Speaker 3>type of comfort for me.

0:23:14.200 --> 0:23:15.959
<v Speaker 2>Someone who's calling you and you look forward to it

0:23:15.960 --> 0:23:18.040
<v Speaker 2>like oh, hey, oh I'm loved, Oh I'm needed, Oh

0:23:18.040 --> 0:23:19.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm wanted, you know.

0:23:19.600 --> 0:23:21.680
<v Speaker 1>And then like what are these fake ass boundaries I've

0:23:21.680 --> 0:23:24.200
<v Speaker 1>put on his dick, like I have was there two

0:23:24.240 --> 0:23:24.600
<v Speaker 1>days ago.

0:23:24.680 --> 0:23:27.639
<v Speaker 3>I'm just gonna have sex with that forty eight hour gap,

0:23:27.720 --> 0:23:29.959
<v Speaker 3>Like I know we're not together, but at least give

0:23:29.960 --> 0:23:32.439
<v Speaker 3>it seventy two hours and when I leave town, you know,

0:23:32.480 --> 0:23:34.040
<v Speaker 3>like what kind of weird dumb shit is that?

0:23:34.320 --> 0:23:37.840
<v Speaker 1>Like why did I think that that was realistic.

0:23:38.880 --> 0:23:39.199
<v Speaker 2>It's not.

0:23:39.280 --> 0:23:41.160
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I just it doesn't matter. Whatever the fuck

0:23:41.240 --> 0:23:42.520
<v Speaker 1>you do with your body is your body.

0:23:42.560 --> 0:23:45.119
<v Speaker 3>If I share to share, if I share my body

0:23:45.160 --> 0:23:47.200
<v Speaker 3>with you, and then I feel some type.

0:23:47.040 --> 0:23:49.920
<v Speaker 1>Of way about how you know you're handling yourself.

0:23:50.160 --> 0:23:53.119
<v Speaker 3>I need, I need to really reevaluate who I'm giving

0:23:53.160 --> 0:23:53.720
<v Speaker 3>my body to.

0:23:53.880 --> 0:23:55.399
<v Speaker 1>Then if I feel.

0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:58.200
<v Speaker 2>Sorry, well, also are you are you upholding those rules

0:23:58.240 --> 0:23:59.080
<v Speaker 2>to yourself too?

0:23:59.320 --> 0:24:00.479
<v Speaker 1>Right? You know what I mean? I mean, like you

0:24:00.560 --> 0:24:05.600
<v Speaker 1>are you doing that for him? Right? So you can't

0:24:05.640 --> 0:24:07.919
<v Speaker 1>be that bad. All I also want to say is

0:24:07.960 --> 0:24:09.000
<v Speaker 1>I just want everyone to know.

0:24:10.359 --> 0:24:14.560
<v Speaker 3>Everybody listen, listen those six months wore I didn't have sex.

0:24:15.480 --> 0:24:20.480
<v Speaker 3>Yeah great, I started having sex and all downhill everything

0:24:20.520 --> 0:24:25.320
<v Speaker 3>I had slightly tried to like change just gradually I

0:24:25.359 --> 0:24:27.560
<v Speaker 3>got really far away from that because I feel like,

0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:33.320
<v Speaker 3>for me, I have sex in hopes that I don't.

0:24:33.160 --> 0:24:36.600
<v Speaker 2>Know I'll find value in you. No, not, I don't

0:24:36.600 --> 0:24:38.920
<v Speaker 2>even I don't know, because I mean I do that all.

0:24:39.320 --> 0:24:41.840
<v Speaker 3>Like to for so many reasons. I have sex, like

0:24:42.000 --> 0:24:44.639
<v Speaker 3>to get one up on you. Oh you hang out

0:24:44.640 --> 0:24:48.240
<v Speaker 3>with somebody else, I can hang out with somebody else too, Oh,

0:24:48.280 --> 0:24:51.800
<v Speaker 3>I like, yeah, I want to consummate like these feelings.

0:24:51.800 --> 0:24:53.920
<v Speaker 3>I want to ignore the feelings that I know you're

0:24:53.920 --> 0:24:56.040
<v Speaker 3>probably not the naked for me, but have sex with

0:24:56.080 --> 0:24:58.640
<v Speaker 3>me because I'll forget, you know, like there's all these

0:24:58.680 --> 0:25:01.320
<v Speaker 3>reasons I'm having sex, and shit, sometimes I'm not even

0:25:01.400 --> 0:25:05.000
<v Speaker 3>like coming, Like am I even satisfied from these interactions?

0:25:05.119 --> 0:25:07.639
<v Speaker 3>Or what am I trying to get out of this

0:25:07.640 --> 0:25:10.440
<v Speaker 3>this sexual exchange? And I tell my friend the other day,

0:25:10.440 --> 0:25:13.320
<v Speaker 3>I tell my friend Shannie, it's like being fake sad,

0:25:13.400 --> 0:25:14.360
<v Speaker 3>like my.

0:25:14.440 --> 0:25:17.040
<v Speaker 1>Heart is broken, and she was.

0:25:17.000 --> 0:25:19.080
<v Speaker 3>Like, your heart's been broken for a long time and

0:25:19.119 --> 0:25:20.080
<v Speaker 3>I've ignored her.

0:25:20.119 --> 0:25:22.359
<v Speaker 1>And then later she's like, do you know what I

0:25:22.400 --> 0:25:23.000
<v Speaker 1>meant by that?

0:25:23.160 --> 0:25:26.760
<v Speaker 3>Like somebody broke your heart early, like as a child.

0:25:26.840 --> 0:25:29.040
<v Speaker 1>She's like, think about it. She's like, maybe it was

0:25:29.119 --> 0:25:29.600
<v Speaker 1>your parents.

0:25:29.640 --> 0:25:31.440
<v Speaker 3>You know your parents had a really how do you

0:25:31.480 --> 0:25:37.000
<v Speaker 3>say to emotional relationship and someone broke your heart then

0:25:37.600 --> 0:25:40.480
<v Speaker 3>and now you're trying to repair it in other relationships.

0:25:40.520 --> 0:25:42.800
<v Speaker 3>She's like, even your relationships with women, how do you

0:25:42.800 --> 0:25:45.239
<v Speaker 3>think your relationship with other women reflect you and your

0:25:45.240 --> 0:25:47.479
<v Speaker 3>mom's relationship? And she's like, I think you're impatient with

0:25:47.520 --> 0:25:50.160
<v Speaker 3>your and your friendships because you're impatient with your mom,

0:25:50.880 --> 0:25:53.840
<v Speaker 3>and I was just like, oh fuck, not this, these

0:25:54.119 --> 0:25:57.760
<v Speaker 3>these childhood issues again creeping back into my adulthood. But

0:25:57.880 --> 0:26:02.280
<v Speaker 3>I'm realizing that is so real, you know, like first

0:26:02.320 --> 0:26:05.919
<v Speaker 3>healing those first relationships. How the fuck am I gonna

0:26:06.160 --> 0:26:08.399
<v Speaker 3>try and get somebody else to love me if I

0:26:08.440 --> 0:26:11.720
<v Speaker 3>haven't even taken the time to really examine what was

0:26:11.840 --> 0:26:15.240
<v Speaker 3>What were my first heartaches, my heartbreaks and how I

0:26:15.280 --> 0:26:18.280
<v Speaker 3>have I how has that bled into my how I

0:26:18.320 --> 0:26:23.160
<v Speaker 3>receive love now? I attract to shit? All my relationships

0:26:23.520 --> 0:26:25.560
<v Speaker 3>can be hectic, even though this is only like really

0:26:25.560 --> 0:26:26.160
<v Speaker 3>my second one.

0:26:26.200 --> 0:26:28.560
<v Speaker 1>But I've accepted it. It's okay.

0:26:28.600 --> 0:26:30.240
<v Speaker 3>I feel like that's normal and I can keep doing

0:26:30.240 --> 0:26:31.960
<v Speaker 3>it and have sex and it's fine. But that's not

0:26:32.080 --> 0:26:34.240
<v Speaker 3>normal and I need to really examine.

0:26:34.720 --> 0:26:37.160
<v Speaker 2>Well, maybe like you're you did the six months thing,

0:26:37.560 --> 0:26:41.479
<v Speaker 2>but you were you were consistently dating throughout that time, right,

0:26:41.800 --> 0:26:44.400
<v Speaker 2>so you weren't really healing the actual thing that needs

0:26:44.400 --> 0:26:46.399
<v Speaker 2>to be healed. Yeah, the sex is a thing, but

0:26:46.440 --> 0:26:49.159
<v Speaker 2>what really needs to be healed is why, what is

0:26:49.200 --> 0:26:53.639
<v Speaker 2>this desire for attention? What is this desire for feeling

0:26:53.720 --> 0:26:58.080
<v Speaker 2>needed or desired or you know, because you could you

0:26:58.200 --> 0:27:02.399
<v Speaker 2>still got some sort of play. You're not having sex,

0:27:02.600 --> 0:27:04.719
<v Speaker 2>you were still getting the pleasure that you wanted and

0:27:04.760 --> 0:27:07.159
<v Speaker 2>needed and or like that was feeding into whatever it

0:27:07.240 --> 0:27:10.080
<v Speaker 2>is that you need to heal. So you were like

0:27:10.400 --> 0:27:12.560
<v Speaker 2>only halfway doing the work maybe, you know.

0:27:12.800 --> 0:27:15.800
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I realized that now, and I realized like

0:27:16.800 --> 0:27:20.119
<v Speaker 3>probably not dating and not drink to not have sex,

0:27:20.160 --> 0:27:20.920
<v Speaker 3>Like there's all these things.

0:27:20.920 --> 0:27:25.399
<v Speaker 2>Well, because alcohol definitely makes everyone like say fuck it,

0:27:25.600 --> 0:27:27.760
<v Speaker 2>fuck it. Yeah, it's a lot easier to say fuck it.

0:27:27.800 --> 0:27:30.000
<v Speaker 2>I'll deal with it tomorrow. I'm having fun. This is fun.

0:27:30.000 --> 0:27:32.320
<v Speaker 2>I want to be fun. I'm having like you know, fuck,

0:27:32.359 --> 0:27:34.720
<v Speaker 2>we only lived once, you know, it's like our favorite thing,

0:27:34.800 --> 0:27:37.760
<v Speaker 2>you know. And it's like you've end up feeling fucked

0:27:37.840 --> 0:27:39.560
<v Speaker 2>up and you know you're crying on a bus.

0:27:39.880 --> 0:27:40.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, like me.

0:27:41.880 --> 0:27:45.680
<v Speaker 3>And that's also that was another thing, like what with

0:27:45.720 --> 0:27:48.240
<v Speaker 3>me feeling bad about it? And I what am I

0:27:48.280 --> 0:27:50.600
<v Speaker 3>feeling bad about? I'm feeling bad that he was intimate

0:27:50.640 --> 0:27:52.920
<v Speaker 3>with somebody else, But like I was like I was

0:27:53.000 --> 0:27:55.920
<v Speaker 3>kind of feeling bad about myself. But I'm like, but why,

0:27:56.160 --> 0:28:00.760
<v Speaker 3>you know, like how he his actions shouldn't place like

0:28:00.840 --> 0:28:02.960
<v Speaker 3>take away or add value to me in any way

0:28:03.000 --> 0:28:05.160
<v Speaker 3>shape form or fashion, And why am I giving him

0:28:05.200 --> 0:28:09.000
<v Speaker 3>the power like over my my self worth, you know,

0:28:09.200 --> 0:28:12.400
<v Speaker 3>like you know how pictures do looking through the pictures

0:28:13.000 --> 0:28:13.720
<v Speaker 3>zooming in.

0:28:14.440 --> 0:28:16.440
<v Speaker 2>Oh her boots are bigger than mine. Yeah, Oh I'm cuter,

0:28:16.560 --> 0:28:18.200
<v Speaker 2>my face is cuter. Oh she's shut.

0:28:18.400 --> 0:28:19.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh she's trying.

0:28:20.160 --> 0:28:25.120
<v Speaker 3>And then like literally like obsessing over like a fucking psychopath,

0:28:26.480 --> 0:28:28.320
<v Speaker 3>and like thinking about them having sex.

0:28:28.400 --> 0:28:29.920
<v Speaker 1>Is it better than my sex? No? No way, there's

0:28:29.920 --> 0:28:32.720
<v Speaker 1>no way for real.

0:28:33.240 --> 0:28:35.960
<v Speaker 3>But it's just like it's just like self inflicting bullshit

0:28:36.040 --> 0:28:38.840
<v Speaker 3>that I could have avoided because it has nothing to do.

0:28:38.800 --> 0:28:41.479
<v Speaker 1>With me, you know, Like I'm worthy. I know I'm

0:28:41.520 --> 0:28:41.880
<v Speaker 1>the shit.

0:28:42.080 --> 0:28:45.920
<v Speaker 3>Like, and when someone recognizes that, it will happen and

0:28:45.960 --> 0:28:48.280
<v Speaker 3>we're compatible and it works, it will just happen that way,

0:28:48.280 --> 0:28:49.560
<v Speaker 3>you know what I mean. I won't have to like

0:28:50.480 --> 0:28:52.600
<v Speaker 3>fight my way to the top. I'm no winner.

0:28:52.800 --> 0:28:57.120
<v Speaker 2>Look well that and also like make excuses for his actions,

0:28:57.520 --> 0:29:01.160
<v Speaker 2>you know, because I feel like Happy Babe showed you things.

0:29:02.520 --> 0:29:05.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, Young Bay showed you did things that your

0:29:05.880 --> 0:29:09.160
<v Speaker 2>baby daddy did, But you've normalized, you normalize that for

0:29:09.240 --> 0:29:11.920
<v Speaker 2>so long that it was easy for you to normalize

0:29:11.920 --> 0:29:13.440
<v Speaker 2>it in this relationship because.

0:29:13.240 --> 0:29:15.560
<v Speaker 1>It because it was a little better, right, maybe a

0:29:15.560 --> 0:29:19.360
<v Speaker 1>lot better but still not right, still still similar.

0:29:19.040 --> 0:29:21.880
<v Speaker 2>Like he was better than him and that was.

0:29:21.960 --> 0:29:24.040
<v Speaker 1>Enough, right right, Oh you're not that person.

0:29:24.120 --> 0:29:24.320
<v Speaker 2>Great?

0:29:24.520 --> 0:29:27.320
<v Speaker 1>You know it's like I get it.

0:29:27.560 --> 0:29:32.000
<v Speaker 2>I was actually speaking of happy Babe. He put up

0:29:32.000 --> 0:29:34.200
<v Speaker 2>this quote on his Instagram. I think you said it

0:29:34.240 --> 0:29:36.480
<v Speaker 2>saw it too, and it was like it struck. First

0:29:36.480 --> 0:29:38.400
<v Speaker 2>of all, I saw it, I was like annoyed. But

0:29:38.440 --> 0:29:40.000
<v Speaker 2>then I was like, what am I annoyed by? This

0:29:40.080 --> 0:29:43.760
<v Speaker 2>is so true, like this is yeah. It said stop

0:29:43.840 --> 0:29:46.200
<v Speaker 2>trying to find the one and be the one. And

0:29:46.240 --> 0:29:48.200
<v Speaker 2>I was like, so what are you trying to say?

0:29:48.920 --> 0:29:50.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm not the one? And I was like, okay, this

0:29:50.440 --> 0:29:55.000
<v Speaker 2>is not about me, psychopath. And then I was like, damn,

0:29:55.040 --> 0:29:58.040
<v Speaker 2>that quote is so powerful, like it's so true, like

0:29:58.120 --> 0:30:00.640
<v Speaker 2>stop trying to find the one and be the one.

0:30:00.760 --> 0:30:03.920
<v Speaker 2>Fill yourself up like be that. Like you can be

0:30:04.040 --> 0:30:06.920
<v Speaker 2>lonely about you can be lonely. You can like you

0:30:06.960 --> 0:30:10.560
<v Speaker 2>won't want partnership, but not like not try to force

0:30:10.640 --> 0:30:14.520
<v Speaker 2>it because you need someone, right, you know you need

0:30:14.720 --> 0:30:16.320
<v Speaker 2>Do you feel like you need to take care of

0:30:16.320 --> 0:30:18.200
<v Speaker 2>somebody because you're not really taking care of yourself.

0:30:18.320 --> 0:30:19.160
<v Speaker 1>This is what we do.

0:30:19.280 --> 0:30:24.200
<v Speaker 3>We like project our our once, like the potential that

0:30:24.240 --> 0:30:26.640
<v Speaker 3>we see in people, and then we blur it as

0:30:26.640 --> 0:30:29.800
<v Speaker 3>a reality and in fact it ain't like you are.

0:30:29.880 --> 0:30:31.560
<v Speaker 3>Maybe you could be my husband, maybe you could be

0:30:31.600 --> 0:30:33.760
<v Speaker 3>Prince Charming, but we could just work on these little

0:30:33.760 --> 0:30:34.520
<v Speaker 3>things and then we can be.

0:30:34.520 --> 0:30:37.960
<v Speaker 1>Together forever, which is psycho well.

0:30:38.000 --> 0:30:40.640
<v Speaker 2>I think we always start thinking about what our future

0:30:40.680 --> 0:30:42.920
<v Speaker 2>looks like with someone we have one good night.

0:30:43.120 --> 0:30:44.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we're like, oh, what would our futures look like?

0:30:45.040 --> 0:30:47.440
<v Speaker 1>What our kids look like? Do you want kids? Don't

0:30:47.520 --> 0:30:49.480
<v Speaker 1>let the guy want kids? And maybe he says he's

0:30:49.480 --> 0:30:50.360
<v Speaker 1>in the marriage.

0:30:50.520 --> 0:30:51.920
<v Speaker 3>I think that was a lot with the young Bay too,

0:30:51.960 --> 0:30:54.800
<v Speaker 3>But obviously he was lying, but obviously he's not ready

0:30:54.840 --> 0:30:55.240
<v Speaker 3>for shit.

0:30:55.800 --> 0:30:57.680
<v Speaker 1>But I think that was.

0:30:57.680 --> 0:31:00.600
<v Speaker 3>An appeal too, Like he wanted, he wanted family, he

0:31:00.680 --> 0:31:01.960
<v Speaker 3>wanted to settle down.

0:31:02.040 --> 0:31:04.440
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, look a good guy wanted to

0:31:04.440 --> 0:31:06.480
<v Speaker 1>do the right thing. You and your goddamn picket fence,

0:31:06.560 --> 0:31:08.840
<v Speaker 1>and I do like, but then I want to do

0:31:08.920 --> 0:31:09.440
<v Speaker 1>crazy ship.

0:31:10.560 --> 0:31:13.040
<v Speaker 2>You can have a crazy life and a picket fence,

0:31:13.160 --> 0:31:16.560
<v Speaker 2>not crazy life, but like you know, some spots you

0:31:16.560 --> 0:31:18.520
<v Speaker 2>can have what you want and the picket fence.

0:31:18.560 --> 0:31:20.480
<v Speaker 3>You know, it's just you go, Yeah, you have someone

0:31:20.520 --> 0:31:23.240
<v Speaker 3>who can do the ship with get be with the ship.

0:31:23.440 --> 0:31:27.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I mean I feel you. I'm just like

0:31:28.040 --> 0:31:30.840
<v Speaker 2>I think like the I also think like going back

0:31:30.880 --> 0:31:34.640
<v Speaker 2>to like not saying fuck these niggas, well, that's not

0:31:34.680 --> 0:31:39.480
<v Speaker 2>good terrible energy. Why how why would I ever attract

0:31:39.520 --> 0:31:43.680
<v Speaker 2>an amazing man if I'm constantly saying how whack all men?

0:31:44.280 --> 0:31:46.640
<v Speaker 1>And you know, even saying it from Alona sometimes we're

0:31:46.680 --> 0:31:46.920
<v Speaker 1>just talking.

0:31:46.960 --> 0:31:49.840
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, she's gonna subconsciously she'll hear that.

0:31:50.080 --> 0:31:52.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, It's like, how am I ever going to attract

0:31:53.040 --> 0:31:56.360
<v Speaker 2>a good man if I'm generalizing all men and saying

0:31:56.480 --> 0:31:58.120
<v Speaker 2>all men are whack? All men are done.

0:31:58.000 --> 0:31:59.840
<v Speaker 3>Instead of being like if I chose the wrong person

0:31:59.880 --> 0:32:02.920
<v Speaker 3>and that person didn't value me, yeah, or mean like

0:32:03.000 --> 0:32:05.360
<v Speaker 3>we're in different growth places. We're different places in our

0:32:05.400 --> 0:32:08.000
<v Speaker 3>growth and so it doesn't we're not compatible.

0:32:09.720 --> 0:32:12.160
<v Speaker 1>But what I will say, in this relationship.

0:32:12.400 --> 0:32:16.160
<v Speaker 3>I've only had like three, I am proud that I

0:32:16.200 --> 0:32:18.680
<v Speaker 3>was able to just like be expressive, like I think

0:32:18.680 --> 0:32:20.840
<v Speaker 3>a lot of times in other relationships, I just try

0:32:20.880 --> 0:32:25.240
<v Speaker 3>to be hardcore because I am, but like I won't cry.

0:32:25.360 --> 0:32:26.960
<v Speaker 3>I just like I am pretty good for that. Even

0:32:26.960 --> 0:32:28.520
<v Speaker 3>when I looked through his shit, I was like, it's

0:32:28.560 --> 0:32:30.920
<v Speaker 3>all good, dog, Like, that's a lot of bitches. Like

0:32:31.040 --> 0:32:34.080
<v Speaker 3>usually I can remember like two names. These are a thousand.

0:32:34.800 --> 0:32:37.320
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, but it's all good. Like I can rationalize

0:32:37.320 --> 0:32:38.880
<v Speaker 3>things in my head, but sometimes I think that's like

0:32:38.920 --> 0:32:41.800
<v Speaker 3>me sweeping them under the carpet. So for the first time,

0:32:41.880 --> 0:32:45.080
<v Speaker 3>I just was expressive, like, my feelings are hurt, I'll

0:32:45.080 --> 0:32:46.040
<v Speaker 3>have tears of.

0:32:46.000 --> 0:32:47.800
<v Speaker 1>Her, and then I can move past it.

0:32:47.840 --> 0:32:50.080
<v Speaker 3>So I'm trying to be more aware of giving myself

0:32:50.080 --> 0:32:52.960
<v Speaker 3>the space to feel and to care and then to

0:32:53.160 --> 0:32:54.160
<v Speaker 3>examine why.

0:32:53.960 --> 0:32:55.160
<v Speaker 1>I feel this way.

0:32:56.480 --> 0:32:58.400
<v Speaker 3>But and then sometimes there is no why. I just

0:32:58.440 --> 0:33:02.680
<v Speaker 3>my feelings are fucking hurt. But I mean, I guess

0:33:02.680 --> 0:33:04.479
<v Speaker 3>that was learning. It's just all learning.

0:33:04.680 --> 0:33:04.880
<v Speaker 2>You know.

0:33:04.920 --> 0:33:10.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm realizing I've wasted time just when I'm not ready.

0:33:11.880 --> 0:33:13.760
<v Speaker 2>Well, you didn't give yourself enough time. I think in

0:33:13.800 --> 0:33:17.080
<v Speaker 2>between you know, baby Daddy and him, you know you

0:33:17.440 --> 0:33:19.360
<v Speaker 2>wanted something to replace him.

0:33:20.120 --> 0:33:21.960
<v Speaker 1>I did. It was like a year or two.

0:33:22.360 --> 0:33:24.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but you're still dabbling in the baby Daddy pot

0:33:24.760 --> 0:33:27.400
<v Speaker 2>and me, you know, feeding into all the negativity. You

0:33:27.440 --> 0:33:29.880
<v Speaker 2>guys were talking going back and forth, like you're in

0:33:29.920 --> 0:33:34.160
<v Speaker 2>a toxic relationship, you know, like and and you you

0:33:34.160 --> 0:33:36.840
<v Speaker 2>guys have you know, that's probably gonna go on for

0:33:36.840 --> 0:33:38.680
<v Speaker 2>a while because that's just who he is, you know.

0:33:39.320 --> 0:33:44.640
<v Speaker 1>But like we need you need, you need me need.

0:33:44.680 --> 0:33:47.440
<v Speaker 2>We need space to heal, and it's hard to do

0:33:47.520 --> 0:33:51.800
<v Speaker 2>that with someone else. Yes, you can heal with someone too,

0:33:51.880 --> 0:33:53.400
<v Speaker 2>because I find a lot of people are like, I

0:33:53.440 --> 0:33:55.440
<v Speaker 2>have to be single in order to grow, and it's like, no,

0:33:55.480 --> 0:33:59.560
<v Speaker 2>you don't. But there's certain things though that like, yeah,

0:33:59.600 --> 0:34:02.080
<v Speaker 2>I do to be alone to do this. I really

0:34:02.120 --> 0:34:07.680
<v Speaker 2>can't fully address what's happening here if you're in my

0:34:07.760 --> 0:34:09.440
<v Speaker 2>space and in my energy.

0:34:09.600 --> 0:34:11.640
<v Speaker 3>Well, I think the first thing is I'm realizing is

0:34:11.719 --> 0:34:13.600
<v Speaker 3>like we don't ever want to admit it because we

0:34:13.840 --> 0:34:16.400
<v Speaker 3>want to say, oh, I love myself. I think I'm great,

0:34:16.400 --> 0:34:18.839
<v Speaker 3>and I do, but I've had to re examine like

0:34:18.960 --> 0:34:24.880
<v Speaker 3>finding value in myself, like really really valuing myself, my time,

0:34:25.000 --> 0:34:28.359
<v Speaker 3>my energy, because when you value yourself when someone else

0:34:28.400 --> 0:34:32.120
<v Speaker 3>doesn't value you, like when young Bay what for a reason,

0:34:32.120 --> 0:34:35.960
<v Speaker 3>I felt betrayal, I felt like threatened. But if I

0:34:36.160 --> 0:34:38.560
<v Speaker 3>valued myself, I'd be like, oh, it's not a big deal.

0:34:38.800 --> 0:34:42.160
<v Speaker 3>Because I am aware of my self worth and whatever

0:34:42.200 --> 0:34:44.799
<v Speaker 3>you do outside of me is not doesn't threaten that,

0:34:44.840 --> 0:34:46.439
<v Speaker 3>and it doesn't bother me, you know what I mean.

0:34:46.520 --> 0:34:48.520
<v Speaker 1>So like I had to examine that too.

0:34:48.400 --> 0:34:51.520
<v Speaker 3>Like why do I feel subconsciously like I deserve certain

0:34:52.400 --> 0:34:54.600
<v Speaker 3>behaviors and keep attracting people like that?

0:34:56.160 --> 0:34:59.960
<v Speaker 2>No? For sure, for sure.

0:35:00.080 --> 0:35:01.920
<v Speaker 3>I'm thinking I want to, like maybe take myself on

0:35:01.960 --> 0:35:05.759
<v Speaker 3>a date sometimes we should, you know, like take care

0:35:05.840 --> 0:35:09.560
<v Speaker 3>of myself more so that the next person who says

0:35:09.560 --> 0:35:13.200
<v Speaker 3>they like me, I'm not just like by like, you know.

0:35:13.160 --> 0:35:16.239
<v Speaker 2>Maybe you need to get off hinge. Okay, because why

0:35:16.239 --> 0:35:17.520
<v Speaker 2>are you on there if you're not if you're going

0:35:17.520 --> 0:35:19.400
<v Speaker 2>on dating detalks.

0:35:19.280 --> 0:35:21.560
<v Speaker 1>Because it's kind of fun. But I'm gonna get.

0:35:21.480 --> 0:35:23.880
<v Speaker 2>It's ego and it's based in validation.

0:35:24.040 --> 0:35:27.799
<v Speaker 1>But that's another thing. Like I am so I'm addicted

0:35:27.880 --> 0:35:28.400
<v Speaker 1>to people.

0:35:29.600 --> 0:35:31.799
<v Speaker 3>I love to meet new people, I love to hang

0:35:31.840 --> 0:35:32.760
<v Speaker 3>out over drinks.

0:35:32.840 --> 0:35:35.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but that but that's a line that gets blurred

0:35:35.680 --> 0:35:38.640
<v Speaker 2>between liking people and needing them to validate you.

0:35:38.800 --> 0:35:41.359
<v Speaker 3>I know, I'm just needing to be distracted by other

0:35:41.360 --> 0:35:43.560
<v Speaker 3>people's that are doing because it's new, it's refreshing.

0:35:43.160 --> 0:35:45.359
<v Speaker 2>Because you're on Hinge. People are not looking to just

0:35:45.440 --> 0:35:49.160
<v Speaker 2>be your friend, Jamula, They're looking to fuck or to date.

0:35:50.239 --> 0:35:52.319
<v Speaker 2>Like like, if you want to be people, then go

0:35:52.360 --> 0:35:55.360
<v Speaker 2>out and meet people, don't seek them out on dating apps.

0:35:55.480 --> 0:35:57.480
<v Speaker 2>You know you can meet new people. You like to

0:35:57.480 --> 0:35:59.400
<v Speaker 2>go out anyway. We go out and me meet people

0:35:59.440 --> 0:36:02.560
<v Speaker 2>all the time. But going on a hinge app 're

0:36:02.600 --> 0:36:05.560
<v Speaker 2>going on there for a purpose. The purpose is validation

0:36:05.719 --> 0:36:09.640
<v Speaker 2>most literally, it is those apps are based in validation.

0:36:09.239 --> 0:36:10.880
<v Speaker 1>Because all you see is how great you are.

0:36:10.920 --> 0:36:13.840
<v Speaker 2>All you see our pictures, you know, like for sure,

0:36:13.960 --> 0:36:15.719
<v Speaker 2>I mean even me, Like I'm not Fay saying I'm

0:36:15.760 --> 0:36:19.480
<v Speaker 2>going on a dating detox, but I know I'm not.

0:36:19.800 --> 0:36:22.839
<v Speaker 2>I'm open to just hanging out with people. But because

0:36:22.960 --> 0:36:29.479
<v Speaker 2>but I'm not, I don't. I can't even I think

0:36:29.520 --> 0:36:32.680
<v Speaker 2>because I was in love or I don't even know

0:36:32.719 --> 0:36:35.040
<v Speaker 2>if it was in love. Now I think I was

0:36:35.400 --> 0:36:39.120
<v Speaker 2>beginning to really be in love with Happy Bay, Like

0:36:40.640 --> 0:36:43.040
<v Speaker 2>at least now I know it's possible, because at first

0:36:43.080 --> 0:36:45.200
<v Speaker 2>I didn't even think I could, Like I just felt

0:36:45.280 --> 0:36:47.719
<v Speaker 2>like I can't, I'll never be able to love someone

0:36:47.760 --> 0:36:50.319
<v Speaker 2>to the capacity that I loved my baby daddy. Yet

0:36:51.840 --> 0:36:53.680
<v Speaker 2>now I'm into place now that happy Bay and I

0:36:53.719 --> 0:36:56.919
<v Speaker 2>are done and we're cool or whatever. Like I don't

0:36:56.960 --> 0:36:59.239
<v Speaker 2>have I don't even have a desire even the guy

0:36:59.280 --> 0:37:01.480
<v Speaker 2>that I'm d like, not dating, not dating, talking to

0:37:01.680 --> 0:37:05.000
<v Speaker 2>from hinge or whatever in New York, like I did

0:37:05.000 --> 0:37:07.160
<v Speaker 2>all that I did, like the crazy what would her

0:37:07.160 --> 0:37:10.759
<v Speaker 2>future look like? Oh shit, in my head already aren't they?

0:37:11.280 --> 0:37:13.879
<v Speaker 2>But I'm kind of just like whatever. I mean, I'm

0:37:14.000 --> 0:37:16.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm chatting people on Hinge. Yeah, do I have any

0:37:16.560 --> 0:37:17.200
<v Speaker 2>dates lined up?

0:37:17.320 --> 0:37:17.520
<v Speaker 3>No?

0:37:17.640 --> 0:37:20.520
<v Speaker 2>I just I feel like I do. I kind of

0:37:20.560 --> 0:37:25.040
<v Speaker 2>really do need to just be alone and like figure

0:37:25.080 --> 0:37:29.240
<v Speaker 2>that out. But we're not deleting Hinge.

0:37:30.120 --> 0:37:32.400
<v Speaker 1>So you told me I should do it. Well, I

0:37:32.440 --> 0:37:36.640
<v Speaker 1>think that you you're therapizing me. Yeah, I think you're

0:37:37.000 --> 0:37:38.000
<v Speaker 1>saying you're I.

0:37:37.920 --> 0:37:40.440
<v Speaker 2>Mean, you're to think I'm judging you. But I think

0:37:40.560 --> 0:37:42.959
<v Speaker 2>that you need to delete Hinge more than.

0:37:42.880 --> 0:37:43.960
<v Speaker 1>I need to delete Hinge.

0:37:44.280 --> 0:37:47.560
<v Speaker 2>To be honest. If I'm being honest and I'm not

0:37:47.600 --> 0:37:49.000
<v Speaker 2>telling I don't want to tell you that, and you

0:37:49.000 --> 0:37:51.200
<v Speaker 2>feel like you can't tell me shit, because that's not

0:37:51.320 --> 0:37:52.200
<v Speaker 2>the point of me telling you.

0:37:52.200 --> 0:37:53.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm only telling you this as your friend.

0:37:54.120 --> 0:37:57.040
<v Speaker 2>I just feel like you need to just really like

0:37:57.080 --> 0:37:59.040
<v Speaker 2>because you like people more than I do. I don't

0:37:59.080 --> 0:38:01.560
<v Speaker 2>like people that much. I don't need to, like go

0:38:01.840 --> 0:38:03.520
<v Speaker 2>have a drink with someone just because, like me, it

0:38:03.600 --> 0:38:04.400
<v Speaker 2>looks nice.

0:38:04.160 --> 0:38:04.920
<v Speaker 1>On their profile.

0:38:05.280 --> 0:38:06.320
<v Speaker 2>Like, I'm like, I'm cool.

0:38:06.440 --> 0:38:08.359
<v Speaker 1>Bye, I'm like, he studies a feminist, I'm going out

0:38:08.360 --> 0:38:08.759
<v Speaker 1>for a drink.

0:38:08.840 --> 0:38:11.239
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Like that doesn't I'm like, I'm cool. Like I'm

0:38:11.280 --> 0:38:14.560
<v Speaker 2>so judgmental. I'm like, yeah, you and everybody else are

0:38:14.560 --> 0:38:16.040
<v Speaker 2>intersectional feminists. Bye.

0:38:16.040 --> 0:38:18.239
<v Speaker 1>Bye.

0:38:18.320 --> 0:38:21.120
<v Speaker 2>It's really especially you're white and you're saying you're intersectional feminist.

0:38:21.280 --> 0:38:24.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, all the black pussy's flocking to you. You're like,

0:38:24.080 --> 0:38:29.040
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, he's white and he understands gender sex and.

0:38:28.040 --> 0:38:35.000
<v Speaker 1>He's a nice guy. Yeah. I need to chill. I mean,

0:38:35.040 --> 0:38:35.919
<v Speaker 1>I know I need to chill.

0:38:36.239 --> 0:38:39.760
<v Speaker 3>I mean, this has been an ongoing thing in my life.

0:38:39.800 --> 0:38:42.799
<v Speaker 3>This is a theme, like my adult life. It has

0:38:42.880 --> 0:38:51.480
<v Speaker 3>somewhat an addiction, my strange addiction, tinge dating. I I

0:38:51.560 --> 0:38:54.600
<v Speaker 3>deal with in people because I'm avoiding dealing with my

0:38:54.680 --> 0:38:57.360
<v Speaker 3>fucking self. And it's fun to interact with people, and

0:38:57.400 --> 0:38:59.080
<v Speaker 3>it's fun to get the validation and it's fun to

0:38:59.080 --> 0:38:59.600
<v Speaker 3>get attention.

0:38:59.719 --> 0:39:03.600
<v Speaker 1>And I don't mind people. So that's my that's my

0:39:03.920 --> 0:39:06.359
<v Speaker 1>escapism in a weird way because it's it just.

0:39:06.400 --> 0:39:10.279
<v Speaker 3>Takes so much energy. But one time, when I first

0:39:10.320 --> 0:39:11.600
<v Speaker 3>moved back here, did I tell you? I went to

0:39:11.840 --> 0:39:13.640
<v Speaker 3>s l A s l A A meeting?

0:39:14.000 --> 0:39:14.759
<v Speaker 2>What is what is that?

0:39:14.920 --> 0:39:19.160
<v Speaker 1>Sexual Sex and Love Addicts anonymous meeting because I thought

0:39:19.200 --> 0:39:23.319
<v Speaker 1>that I had a problem. Not funny, Wait what do

0:39:23.360 --> 0:39:23.880
<v Speaker 1>people do?

0:39:23.920 --> 0:39:26.480
<v Speaker 2>People like, yeah, it's a standard and they're like, Hi,

0:39:26.600 --> 0:39:29.640
<v Speaker 2>my name is Tomila and I'm a sex and love addict.

0:39:29.920 --> 0:39:32.719
<v Speaker 3>Yeah okay, And then I realized, oh shit, I don't

0:39:32.719 --> 0:39:33.800
<v Speaker 3>want to be in here forever.

0:39:33.960 --> 0:39:35.560
<v Speaker 1>So that was my first and last meeting.

0:39:35.640 --> 0:39:37.879
<v Speaker 3>But the fact that I thought I needed to go

0:39:38.719 --> 0:39:43.600
<v Speaker 3>says a lot. And it's in some capacity, you know,

0:39:43.800 --> 0:39:46.480
<v Speaker 3>like there's truth to it. And I've I have realized

0:39:46.560 --> 0:39:50.040
<v Speaker 3>I really need to go back to my childhood and

0:39:50.160 --> 0:39:51.239
<v Speaker 3>figure out where's there?

0:39:51.320 --> 0:39:54.480
<v Speaker 1>Where's their void? And why do I feel that?

0:39:54.640 --> 0:39:58.520
<v Speaker 3>Why does why do you like trying to fake cultivate

0:39:58.560 --> 0:40:02.239
<v Speaker 3>these relationships make me, give me, bring me comfort in

0:40:02.280 --> 0:40:07.680
<v Speaker 3>some weird way, but don't you know? And then I saw,

0:40:07.800 --> 0:40:10.319
<v Speaker 3>like hurd a lot of infidelity growing up, Like my dad,

0:40:10.400 --> 0:40:12.200
<v Speaker 3>I was always like, there's always some shit about some

0:40:12.239 --> 0:40:14.840
<v Speaker 3>other bitches or something, and I feel like even that,

0:40:15.040 --> 0:40:18.840
<v Speaker 3>I think, but this situation with young Bay, it triggered

0:40:18.880 --> 0:40:21.880
<v Speaker 3>those feelings in me, like the abandonment and like the

0:40:21.960 --> 0:40:22.600
<v Speaker 3>thought of.

0:40:24.560 --> 0:40:26.920
<v Speaker 1>Just someone being able to just get up and leave you.

0:40:27.480 --> 0:40:29.319
<v Speaker 3>And that's not really it's weird because those are not

0:40:29.520 --> 0:40:31.600
<v Speaker 3>really my fears as so much. I think they're my

0:40:31.760 --> 0:40:34.239
<v Speaker 3>moms and that's what I heard a lot. So I

0:40:34.760 --> 0:40:36.200
<v Speaker 3>feel like I adopted a lot of that.

0:40:36.520 --> 0:40:39.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, isn't it weird? How Like that's like we we do.

0:40:39.560 --> 0:40:42.080
<v Speaker 2>We do adopt those some of the fears that our

0:40:42.120 --> 0:40:44.279
<v Speaker 2>parents have, even th when we think we haven't or

0:40:44.360 --> 0:40:46.920
<v Speaker 2>we think like, oh no, that's not me, I'm nothing

0:40:47.040 --> 0:40:49.520
<v Speaker 2>like you, and then they things pop up and you're like,

0:40:49.520 --> 0:40:52.440
<v Speaker 2>oh shit. It's like they show up in different forms.

0:40:52.480 --> 0:40:54.399
<v Speaker 2>I mean even with me and my like my mom too,

0:40:54.440 --> 0:40:56.880
<v Speaker 2>Like I remember being a teenager and being like I

0:40:56.920 --> 0:41:01.279
<v Speaker 2>will never ever be like you, like be like do

0:41:01.480 --> 0:41:04.239
<v Speaker 2>that or do this or treat me like this if

0:41:04.239 --> 0:41:07.600
<v Speaker 2>that happens. And then I see it come up in

0:41:08.080 --> 0:41:11.680
<v Speaker 2>my relationships with men. It's not necessarily with my child yet,

0:41:12.320 --> 0:41:14.920
<v Speaker 2>but I see me doing it to men, like making

0:41:14.960 --> 0:41:18.000
<v Speaker 2>them feel like they need to like, can you are

0:41:18.040 --> 0:41:20.360
<v Speaker 2>you up to par with what I want and need?

0:41:20.640 --> 0:41:22.040
<v Speaker 2>Because I find a lot of times, I think a

0:41:22.040 --> 0:41:24.640
<v Speaker 2>lot of men for me, they feel like they're not

0:41:24.680 --> 0:41:27.560
<v Speaker 2>good enough. And I had to ask myself, why is

0:41:27.560 --> 0:41:29.439
<v Speaker 2>it just that they're insecure or what am I doing

0:41:29.480 --> 0:41:32.600
<v Speaker 2>to make them feel that way? You know, I think

0:41:32.680 --> 0:41:36.719
<v Speaker 2>I do date insecure men and and then but that

0:41:36.800 --> 0:41:40.439
<v Speaker 2>are like disguised as alpha male because that's usually where

0:41:40.520 --> 0:41:44.239
<v Speaker 2>what it looks like. But I also know that I

0:41:44.320 --> 0:41:46.719
<v Speaker 2>probably play a part in that as well, you know,

0:41:46.760 --> 0:41:50.959
<v Speaker 2>And I've had to I'm still evaluating that and figuring.

0:41:50.640 --> 0:41:51.520
<v Speaker 1>Out why that is.

0:41:52.000 --> 0:41:54.759
<v Speaker 3>You know, the evaluation is real. Okay, it's sicking me

0:41:54.880 --> 0:41:56.600
<v Speaker 3>like a long time. M hm.

0:41:56.760 --> 0:41:59.640
<v Speaker 2>You know, it takes us a lifetime. This should ain't

0:41:59.680 --> 0:42:01.600
<v Speaker 2>gonna be this shit is not gonna be solved in

0:42:01.640 --> 0:42:05.239
<v Speaker 2>six months. It's not, you know.

0:42:05.480 --> 0:42:09.200
<v Speaker 3>And then like the more I really really evaluate it,

0:42:10.320 --> 0:42:13.600
<v Speaker 3>I can see that it's so annoying because I'm just like,

0:42:13.640 --> 0:42:17.640
<v Speaker 3>it's so clear that until I really take the time to.

0:42:18.280 --> 0:42:22.080
<v Speaker 1>Do it, you'll never be in a happy, healthy relationship.

0:42:22.120 --> 0:42:24.160
<v Speaker 3>So the longer you drag your feet, bitch, the longer

0:42:24.160 --> 0:42:26.480
<v Speaker 3>you keep avoiding it and pretending. The longer you keep

0:42:26.520 --> 0:42:29.360
<v Speaker 3>adding people to the mix that you can't provide for

0:42:29.480 --> 0:42:32.600
<v Speaker 3>and they can't like you, I'm going to continue to

0:42:32.600 --> 0:42:34.840
<v Speaker 3>get the same results and it's not gonna be what

0:42:34.880 --> 0:42:35.200
<v Speaker 3>I want.

0:42:35.239 --> 0:42:37.799
<v Speaker 1>It's not good. Like, first of all, what the fuck

0:42:37.840 --> 0:42:38.719
<v Speaker 1>is it that I do want?

0:42:38.840 --> 0:42:40.719
<v Speaker 3>You know, Like, what kind of long term relationship am

0:42:40.719 --> 0:42:43.640
<v Speaker 3>I trying to cultivate? And first, let's work on this

0:42:43.680 --> 0:42:46.200
<v Speaker 3>relationship with your fucking self before you start recruiting other

0:42:46.239 --> 0:42:47.240
<v Speaker 3>people to your bullshit.

0:42:47.440 --> 0:43:00.839
<v Speaker 2>No, absolutely, yeah, I mean yeah, so that's where we're at.

0:43:03.280 --> 0:43:03.680
<v Speaker 3>You lose.

0:43:04.040 --> 0:43:06.879
<v Speaker 2>I need to work on boundaries. You need to work

0:43:06.920 --> 0:43:15.040
<v Speaker 2>on not dating boundaries, boundaries or just not a lot.

0:43:15.120 --> 0:43:17.799
<v Speaker 2>I feel like you allow people to disrespect you, and

0:43:17.840 --> 0:43:22.040
<v Speaker 2>as your friend, I get annoyed. I get upset for you,

0:43:22.640 --> 0:43:24.520
<v Speaker 2>Like you don't even get upset, And I'm like, how

0:43:24.560 --> 0:43:28.400
<v Speaker 2>the fuck is that? That's not okay? Like I get

0:43:28.480 --> 0:43:30.479
<v Speaker 2>upset for you because you're so fucking nice.

0:43:30.600 --> 0:43:32.280
<v Speaker 1>I give a lot of chances.

0:43:31.960 --> 0:43:34.160
<v Speaker 2>And like I get that too, and like that's probably

0:43:34.160 --> 0:43:35.960
<v Speaker 2>one of my shortcomings, is that I don't really give

0:43:36.000 --> 0:43:38.240
<v Speaker 2>a lot of chances, whereas I feel like maybe sometimes

0:43:38.280 --> 0:43:40.400
<v Speaker 2>there's been people in my life that deserves them, right,

0:43:40.480 --> 0:43:42.680
<v Speaker 2>you know, but like there's also things that are just

0:43:42.719 --> 0:43:47.160
<v Speaker 2>straight disrespectful and straight. Yeah, and it's just like shows

0:43:47.200 --> 0:43:50.040
<v Speaker 2>people like how they value you, you know what I mean.

0:43:50.040 --> 0:43:51.560
<v Speaker 2>And it's like if they can do that and then

0:43:51.600 --> 0:43:54.320
<v Speaker 2>you'll forgive them, they're absolutely.

0:43:53.520 --> 0:43:54.360
<v Speaker 1>Gonna do it again.

0:43:54.760 --> 0:43:57.560
<v Speaker 2>Like and that's and and I that became clear in

0:43:57.560 --> 0:44:02.040
<v Speaker 2>my last relationship, constantly forgiving, forgiving, and me knowing like

0:44:02.080 --> 0:44:05.120
<v Speaker 2>I would say, I'm forgiving him, knowing I know this

0:44:05.160 --> 0:44:08.759
<v Speaker 2>isn't right, but this is a conscious choice. I've accepted it,

0:44:08.800 --> 0:44:11.040
<v Speaker 2>and I'm going to forgive him. And this is my business.

0:44:11.200 --> 0:44:14.520
<v Speaker 2>And that's it. So when when the shit kept popping up,

0:44:14.560 --> 0:44:17.120
<v Speaker 2>it was no one's fault but mine because I kept

0:44:17.520 --> 0:44:20.120
<v Speaker 2>I kept giving him the okay to do it. You know,

0:44:20.160 --> 0:44:21.360
<v Speaker 2>there's no consequences.

0:44:22.400 --> 0:44:27.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, God, I talking about signs and not following him

0:44:27.239 --> 0:44:30.600
<v Speaker 3>and like going against your gut. Even so I wrote

0:44:30.600 --> 0:44:33.120
<v Speaker 3>this whole post because on my way to New York

0:44:33.360 --> 0:44:36.080
<v Speaker 3>or to Philly, I got into my baby daddy and

0:44:36.120 --> 0:44:38.000
<v Speaker 3>he said some really fucked up shits meet in the

0:44:38.040 --> 0:44:40.680
<v Speaker 3>car next to Luna, and it upset the fuck out

0:44:40.719 --> 0:44:42.879
<v Speaker 3>of me. He's just super disrespectful he did in front

0:44:42.880 --> 0:44:44.880
<v Speaker 3>of Luna. I was fucking livid. But this is like

0:44:45.280 --> 0:44:47.359
<v Speaker 3>our relationship, like him disrespecting me.

0:44:48.480 --> 0:44:50.120
<v Speaker 1>This is just who he is. This is like a

0:44:50.160 --> 0:44:52.120
<v Speaker 1>part of it is because I've accepted that this is

0:44:52.120 --> 0:44:53.600
<v Speaker 1>what this is what he's gonna do, and he's gonna

0:44:53.600 --> 0:44:55.000
<v Speaker 1>be like, I love you tomorrow. You know I didn't

0:44:55.040 --> 0:44:55.239
<v Speaker 1>mean it.

0:44:56.160 --> 0:45:00.200
<v Speaker 3>So upon getting to Philly, Young Bay was there. We

0:45:00.200 --> 0:45:02.360
<v Speaker 3>were fine, we were good, and then I was supposed

0:45:02.400 --> 0:45:03.520
<v Speaker 3>to go back.

0:45:03.840 --> 0:45:04.239
<v Speaker 1>He went back.

0:45:04.280 --> 0:45:06.320
<v Speaker 3>I was supposed to meet him, but I was debating

0:45:06.360 --> 0:45:07.799
<v Speaker 3>if I was gonna go to Bethlehem with Erica, if

0:45:07.800 --> 0:45:09.960
<v Speaker 3>we're gonna take the train, whatever. I didn't respond in

0:45:09.960 --> 0:45:12.839
<v Speaker 3>a timely fashion. I guess, And this, I guess, says

0:45:12.880 --> 0:45:14.120
<v Speaker 3>to me in a text message.

0:45:15.320 --> 0:45:17.000
<v Speaker 1>I guess he flipped out. I don't know what he

0:45:17.080 --> 0:45:19.960
<v Speaker 1>was going through. He says, I could see why your

0:45:19.960 --> 0:45:23.480
<v Speaker 1>baby daddy talks to you the way he did. When

0:45:23.520 --> 0:45:27.799
<v Speaker 1>I say, trigger, trigger, trigger triggered the fuck out of me.

0:45:28.239 --> 0:45:30.560
<v Speaker 1>It was like, within three days of the first situation

0:45:31.000 --> 0:45:34.200
<v Speaker 1>that already pissed me the fuck off. And after that

0:45:34.239 --> 0:45:35.839
<v Speaker 1>I was like, and did he know that you had?

0:45:35.880 --> 0:45:37.359
<v Speaker 2>Did you express to him what he had said.

0:45:37.440 --> 0:45:40.520
<v Speaker 3>Yes, And sometimes I'm really like careful about expressing stuff

0:45:40.600 --> 0:45:42.680
<v Speaker 3>because I feel people like don't want to hear about it,

0:45:42.840 --> 0:45:44.960
<v Speaker 3>or like you know, like I'm sure you've heard me

0:45:45.120 --> 0:45:47.960
<v Speaker 3>discuss it four hundred thousand times and it's just like

0:45:48.040 --> 0:45:50.319
<v Speaker 3>who wants to keep carrying the show? But I did

0:45:50.360 --> 0:45:52.799
<v Speaker 3>express that, and then of course he apologized, and.

0:45:52.760 --> 0:45:55.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, you don't understand, Like, first of all, no,

0:45:55.600 --> 0:45:58.040
<v Speaker 1>I you do understand what that meant. And I think

0:45:59.040 --> 0:46:00.840
<v Speaker 1>that's a red flag for me when people take what

0:46:00.880 --> 0:46:03.799
<v Speaker 1>I've told them in confidence and in vulnerability and then

0:46:04.360 --> 0:46:06.359
<v Speaker 1>like try to shoot it at me in a place

0:46:06.400 --> 0:46:08.400
<v Speaker 1>to hurt me. I don't fuck with that at all.

0:46:08.520 --> 0:46:11.759
<v Speaker 2>Well, he's basically saying you deserve it, yeah, and it.

0:46:11.760 --> 0:46:13.520
<v Speaker 3>Was such a trigger for me, and also like you

0:46:13.600 --> 0:46:16.280
<v Speaker 3>did it with intentions to try and hurt my feelings.

0:46:16.640 --> 0:46:18.640
<v Speaker 3>I don't believe in loving that way, Like you could

0:46:18.640 --> 0:46:20.120
<v Speaker 3>tell me anything, and I'm not gonna bring it up

0:46:20.120 --> 0:46:22.520
<v Speaker 3>in an argument the next day because I know that's weak.

0:46:23.320 --> 0:46:24.800
<v Speaker 1>So that had already happened.

0:46:24.880 --> 0:46:26.920
<v Speaker 3>And then I continue to brush shit under the carpet

0:46:26.920 --> 0:46:30.000
<v Speaker 3>because I'm crazy, but it's true because I'm so used

0:46:30.040 --> 0:46:32.560
<v Speaker 3>to that type of pattern and that cycle with my

0:46:32.760 --> 0:46:35.319
<v Speaker 3>baby's daddy, that like, I'm kind of used to doing that,

0:46:35.520 --> 0:46:36.840
<v Speaker 3>and I want to see the good in him. I'm like,

0:46:36.840 --> 0:46:39.919
<v Speaker 3>well he's not as bad as this person. And he's like, oh,

0:46:40.719 --> 0:46:42.440
<v Speaker 3>you think I'm like him? You think I would hit you?

0:46:42.480 --> 0:46:45.200
<v Speaker 3>And I was like, I don't know. This is how

0:46:45.200 --> 0:46:45.800
<v Speaker 3>it starts.

0:46:46.000 --> 0:46:48.319
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I'm getting triggered, you know what I mean,

0:46:48.360 --> 0:46:50.759
<v Speaker 1>because that's true, and it took you know, well, your.

0:46:50.719 --> 0:46:53.160
<v Speaker 2>Baby dad didn't hit you off the jump. It's like

0:46:54.400 --> 0:46:56.600
<v Speaker 2>pushing and pushing. Oh yeah, pushing. Oh I get a

0:46:56.600 --> 0:46:58.600
<v Speaker 2>win that. Oh I that, Oh I get win that.

0:46:58.640 --> 0:46:59.279
<v Speaker 1>Oh let me put it?

0:46:59.400 --> 0:47:01.319
<v Speaker 2>Let me like sure real quick, Oh let me shake her.

0:47:01.360 --> 0:47:03.560
<v Speaker 1>It was like a four year It was like a lot, like.

0:47:03.520 --> 0:47:06.160
<v Speaker 2>It never shows up at first like that. It's a progression.

0:47:06.239 --> 0:47:09.160
<v Speaker 3>It's a verbal It's like I'm gonna I'm gonna hurt

0:47:09.160 --> 0:47:11.200
<v Speaker 3>I'm gonna hurt you physically in a way it doesn't

0:47:11.280 --> 0:47:15.560
<v Speaker 3>leave marks, and then it just gradually gets worse and

0:47:15.560 --> 0:47:17.120
<v Speaker 3>worse and worse until you wake up you're like, Okay,

0:47:17.239 --> 0:47:19.680
<v Speaker 3>who the fuck am I what's happening? And that's literally

0:47:19.760 --> 0:47:21.760
<v Speaker 3>what happened to me. So when I SAWT like even

0:47:21.960 --> 0:47:23.920
<v Speaker 3>knowing that and knowing, okay, like this, I told her

0:47:23.960 --> 0:47:27.120
<v Speaker 3>like I'm done. Of course I lied, But then I

0:47:27.160 --> 0:47:29.400
<v Speaker 3>should have known not even then last year there was

0:47:29.440 --> 0:47:31.160
<v Speaker 3>some disrespect and I should have known, like, oh, this

0:47:31.400 --> 0:47:34.040
<v Speaker 3>motherfucker has the potential to switch it up real quick

0:47:34.080 --> 0:47:34.920
<v Speaker 3>and be disrespectful.

0:47:35.000 --> 0:47:36.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't argue that way. I can get loud, I

0:47:36.960 --> 0:47:39.520
<v Speaker 1>can get crazy, but I don't know. I don't fight.

0:47:39.560 --> 0:47:41.359
<v Speaker 3>I don't really fight dirty that way, and I don't

0:47:41.400 --> 0:47:43.200
<v Speaker 3>really want to fuck with anyone who does. I've been there,

0:47:43.239 --> 0:47:45.360
<v Speaker 3>I've done that, and so you know, there's all these

0:47:45.920 --> 0:47:50.919
<v Speaker 3>these uh indications and these red flags that have been there,

0:47:51.040 --> 0:47:54.160
<v Speaker 3>and I've just ignored and ignored and ignored because I'd

0:47:54.239 --> 0:47:56.719
<v Speaker 3>rather feel validated and loved on the weekend instead of

0:47:56.760 --> 0:47:58.560
<v Speaker 3>really dealing with the person that you really are.

0:47:59.160 --> 0:48:02.640
<v Speaker 2>Well, that's that holds more weight for you than your

0:48:02.640 --> 0:48:04.759
<v Speaker 2>self love right now, right and it needs to like

0:48:04.840 --> 0:48:07.600
<v Speaker 2>come back to the balance. Me too in a lot

0:48:07.600 --> 0:48:10.840
<v Speaker 2>of ways too. I mean, I abuse showed up for

0:48:10.880 --> 0:48:13.400
<v Speaker 2>me in a different way, you know, and also like

0:48:13.480 --> 0:48:17.400
<v Speaker 2>accepting things that I know are unacceptable showed up for me.

0:48:17.440 --> 0:48:18.120
<v Speaker 1>In different ways.

0:48:18.239 --> 0:48:21.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm no by and no means fucking perfect at all.

0:48:21.800 --> 0:48:22.000
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:48:22.160 --> 0:48:23.839
<v Speaker 2>Like I told Youmila the other day, I was like,

0:48:24.120 --> 0:48:26.480
<v Speaker 2>that's why I mute people that I don't want to

0:48:26.520 --> 0:48:28.319
<v Speaker 2>fuck with. And she's like, oh, that's really funny because

0:48:28.320 --> 0:48:30.640
<v Speaker 2>I just saw you comment on his last picture, bitch,

0:48:31.120 --> 0:48:34.640
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, whatever, he liked my photo and

0:48:34.719 --> 0:48:37.359
<v Speaker 2>I went into his page and that's why I commented.

0:48:37.800 --> 0:48:39.640
<v Speaker 2>So no, I ain't got this shit all figured out,

0:48:39.640 --> 0:48:41.560
<v Speaker 2>and I want you to know, like, I don't want

0:48:41.560 --> 0:48:43.640
<v Speaker 2>you feeling like you can't express things to me because

0:48:43.680 --> 0:48:46.239
<v Speaker 2>I'm judging you. I just care about you, and I

0:48:46.320 --> 0:48:49.320
<v Speaker 2>know that some of your other friends might feel uncomfortable

0:48:49.400 --> 0:48:51.880
<v Speaker 2>telling you shit because you're very reactive.

0:48:52.200 --> 0:48:54.160
<v Speaker 1>Apparently all my friends are afraid of me, and so

0:48:54.239 --> 0:48:54.520
<v Speaker 1>am I.

0:48:54.840 --> 0:48:56.520
<v Speaker 2>So I think I know. I know how that is.

0:48:56.640 --> 0:48:59.080
<v Speaker 2>And most most people don't tell me about myself because

0:48:59.120 --> 0:49:02.319
<v Speaker 2>I'm so opinionated. I think they're scared so like, and

0:49:02.360 --> 0:49:04.719
<v Speaker 2>I wish they did more. I really do. Friends, if

0:49:04.719 --> 0:49:08.799
<v Speaker 2>you're listening, tell me about myself, please, But like, I

0:49:08.840 --> 0:49:10.520
<v Speaker 2>love you and I want the best for you. And

0:49:10.560 --> 0:49:12.799
<v Speaker 2>that's why I like when I see people disrespecting you

0:49:12.840 --> 0:49:15.080
<v Speaker 2>and you tolerating it. It pisses me off. I'm like,

0:49:15.280 --> 0:49:17.120
<v Speaker 2>why the fuck is she friends with this person? This

0:49:17.160 --> 0:49:20.200
<v Speaker 2>person does not value her. And I'm sure there's people

0:49:20.239 --> 0:49:22.359
<v Speaker 2>in my life maybe I think mostly it follows under

0:49:22.360 --> 0:49:25.000
<v Speaker 2>the man category for me that don't value me as well,

0:49:25.080 --> 0:49:26.680
<v Speaker 2>and that I need that someone needs to tell me

0:49:26.719 --> 0:49:28.799
<v Speaker 2>too and remind me also, because you know, I think

0:49:28.840 --> 0:49:31.120
<v Speaker 2>we're both pretty self aware people and will acknowledge it,

0:49:31.640 --> 0:49:34.919
<v Speaker 2>you know. So I just, I just I just want

0:49:34.920 --> 0:49:35.319
<v Speaker 2>you to know.

0:49:35.280 --> 0:49:37.839
<v Speaker 3>That I love you and I and I recognize it,

0:49:37.880 --> 0:49:39.840
<v Speaker 3>and I recognize that I give a lot of chances

0:49:40.080 --> 0:49:41.080
<v Speaker 3>and that and.

0:49:41.040 --> 0:49:43.719
<v Speaker 2>That's not necessarily a bad thing. But there's certain people

0:49:43.719 --> 0:49:46.880
<v Speaker 2>that just don't deserve chances, right, Like give a few

0:49:47.280 --> 0:49:49.439
<v Speaker 2>and then it's like, Okay, this is who you are.

0:49:49.560 --> 0:49:55.000
<v Speaker 2>Let me believe you. Let me believe you, right, because

0:49:55.560 --> 0:49:57.759
<v Speaker 2>we're actions are to speak way louder than words. Every

0:49:57.800 --> 0:50:02.080
<v Speaker 2>single time people can say shit, mother fucking day, you know,

0:50:03.520 --> 0:50:07.359
<v Speaker 2>it's the actions, it's like, and like, you know, I'm

0:50:07.560 --> 0:50:10.160
<v Speaker 2>fucking so bad at that when it comes to men too,

0:50:10.320 --> 0:50:11.799
<v Speaker 2>Like I really want to be with you, really want

0:50:11.800 --> 0:50:14.160
<v Speaker 2>to be with you, but I'm never coming to see you.

0:50:14.800 --> 0:50:16.799
<v Speaker 2>But but he still but he told me he loves me,

0:50:17.239 --> 0:50:20.879
<v Speaker 2>so we're good, right, No, right, that's like, no, we're

0:50:20.920 --> 0:50:21.359
<v Speaker 2>not good.

0:50:22.280 --> 0:50:23.279
<v Speaker 1>After I like there was funny.

0:50:23.280 --> 0:50:24.759
<v Speaker 3>He's like, but I love you, like I don't care

0:50:24.760 --> 0:50:26.960
<v Speaker 3>about any with other women, like I I'm in love

0:50:27.000 --> 0:50:29.680
<v Speaker 3>with you though, I'm like, tell me anything.

0:50:32.440 --> 0:50:37.480
<v Speaker 1>I was gonna say something. Oh one more thing that

0:50:37.560 --> 0:50:39.279
<v Speaker 1>triggered me. I mean, I've never it's real trigger if

0:50:39.320 --> 0:50:41.160
<v Speaker 1>I was just trying to like search for some shit.

0:50:43.560 --> 0:50:49.560
<v Speaker 1>I brought Luna with me on my trip. It's not recording,

0:50:50.120 --> 0:50:54.360
<v Speaker 1>it's dead. Fuck we're supposed to be recording our episode

0:50:54.440 --> 0:51:01.480
<v Speaker 1>in the fun time. Anyway, I brought lu on the trip,

0:51:01.560 --> 0:51:05.359
<v Speaker 1>and you know, he was hanging out with us and

0:51:05.400 --> 0:51:07.480
<v Speaker 1>being so affectionate with Luda, and it's like, of course,

0:51:07.520 --> 0:51:08.840
<v Speaker 1>it warms.

0:51:08.440 --> 0:51:12.080
<v Speaker 3>My heart to see her remotely like care about someone

0:51:12.160 --> 0:51:14.719
<v Speaker 3>I care about. Granted it's the only person she's ever

0:51:14.719 --> 0:51:19.080
<v Speaker 3>seen me or like be kind of cuddly with or whatever.

0:51:19.719 --> 0:51:21.759
<v Speaker 3>But the next day, when I found out he had

0:51:21.800 --> 0:51:25.719
<v Speaker 3>like slept of somebody like the night before being around us,

0:51:26.160 --> 0:51:29.000
<v Speaker 3>I was like, how dare you be all to my

0:51:29.000 --> 0:51:31.160
<v Speaker 3>my kid's face and all in my face knowing you

0:51:31.200 --> 0:51:33.080
<v Speaker 3>were all up on somebody else last night.

0:51:33.480 --> 0:51:35.960
<v Speaker 1>And he was like, that's so low to bring Luna

0:51:36.000 --> 0:51:38.440
<v Speaker 1>into this, and I was like, is it? Is it?

0:51:38.480 --> 0:51:41.200
<v Speaker 1>We're the same, we're connected, cheat on how you cheated

0:51:41.280 --> 0:51:43.360
<v Speaker 1>on me? But it wasn't cheating, but it was.

0:51:44.440 --> 0:51:47.120
<v Speaker 2>Man, that's why you have to be careful. Who's so

0:51:47.280 --> 0:51:48.080
<v Speaker 2>you bring around.

0:51:47.880 --> 0:51:49.600
<v Speaker 3>Luna and that and I had I had to read,

0:51:49.640 --> 0:51:51.840
<v Speaker 3>I had to think about that, and I'm like, and

0:51:51.920 --> 0:51:53.520
<v Speaker 3>I don't. I don't have regrets about it. I don't

0:51:53.520 --> 0:51:56.279
<v Speaker 3>feel bad about it. But I'm like, Okay, that's why.

0:51:57.560 --> 0:52:00.239
<v Speaker 3>How necessary if I'm just casually dating some one and

0:52:00.239 --> 0:52:01.960
<v Speaker 3>you're fucking other people? And it's not even about the

0:52:01.960 --> 0:52:04.520
<v Speaker 3>fucking of other people, it's just like, do you need

0:52:04.560 --> 0:52:05.359
<v Speaker 3>to be around my kid?

0:52:06.120 --> 0:52:06.920
<v Speaker 1>Probably not like you.

0:52:07.040 --> 0:52:09.239
<v Speaker 3>Does my kid need to be having any attachments to

0:52:09.520 --> 0:52:10.359
<v Speaker 3>the guys I date?

0:52:10.960 --> 0:52:11.520
<v Speaker 2>You know what I mean?

0:52:12.000 --> 0:52:14.239
<v Speaker 3>Probably not, And I'm not I'm sure she's not gonna

0:52:14.239 --> 0:52:15.560
<v Speaker 3>be crying. She don't care a fuck, you know what

0:52:15.600 --> 0:52:17.880
<v Speaker 3>I'm saying, Like, oh me, I care, but like.

0:52:18.480 --> 0:52:21.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I mean, this was a learning experience because

0:52:21.760 --> 0:52:23.560
<v Speaker 2>had it not happened, you maybe would have done it

0:52:23.560 --> 0:52:27.160
<v Speaker 2>again and again and like kids do develop attachments, whether

0:52:27.239 --> 0:52:29.600
<v Speaker 2>or not you realize it or not. Like my mom

0:52:29.640 --> 0:52:31.440
<v Speaker 2>had a boyfriend that she didn't even realize how attached

0:52:31.480 --> 0:52:33.040
<v Speaker 2>I was to him when it was over, you know

0:52:33.040 --> 0:52:35.680
<v Speaker 2>what I mean, those type of things that aren't big

0:52:35.719 --> 0:52:39.960
<v Speaker 2>deals to me and you, but are bigger deals to them.

0:52:40.280 --> 0:52:41.879
<v Speaker 1>And I noticed when I was over there.

0:52:42.280 --> 0:52:44.920
<v Speaker 3>When we got over there, I had a weird vibe.

0:52:44.960 --> 0:52:46.479
<v Speaker 3>I already knew or could already feel.

0:52:46.520 --> 0:52:47.960
<v Speaker 1>Something was that, like you know you can feel if

0:52:47.960 --> 0:52:49.960
<v Speaker 1>your nick has been with somebody else, like the energy's off.

0:52:50.960 --> 0:52:54.600
<v Speaker 3>And Lena was looking at me and she's like, she's like,

0:52:54.760 --> 0:52:57.520
<v Speaker 3>you look sad. And I was like, no, I'm tired.

0:52:57.640 --> 0:52:59.320
<v Speaker 3>And she's like, oh, well, you look sad.

0:53:00.880 --> 0:53:03.160
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, god, damn, I'm this like a

0:53:03.320 --> 0:53:07.279
<v Speaker 1>little baby for real.

0:53:07.480 --> 0:53:09.440
<v Speaker 3>And then I noticed that she would tell other people like, oh,

0:53:09.440 --> 0:53:12.879
<v Speaker 3>my mom's boyfriend, my mom's boyfriend, and I'm like, so

0:53:12.920 --> 0:53:16.279
<v Speaker 3>she is in some way like, well he was he

0:53:16.360 --> 0:53:19.440
<v Speaker 3>was my boyfriend. So you know, right right, Lena, I

0:53:19.440 --> 0:53:21.759
<v Speaker 3>need to talk to you. We've broken up again, you know,

0:53:22.400 --> 0:53:23.120
<v Speaker 3>I gotta talk to you.

0:53:23.320 --> 0:53:23.920
<v Speaker 1>We're back off.

0:53:23.960 --> 0:53:28.040
<v Speaker 3>Okay, don't tell anybody that information, but it you know,

0:53:28.120 --> 0:53:30.040
<v Speaker 3>it just it just it just made me see how

0:53:30.120 --> 0:53:32.000
<v Speaker 3>like it's really not to be played with. How I

0:53:32.000 --> 0:53:33.560
<v Speaker 3>can't just be calling people my boyfriend if I have

0:53:33.600 --> 0:53:36.560
<v Speaker 3>a boyfriend and that like I can't do boyfriend things

0:53:36.960 --> 0:53:38.920
<v Speaker 3>if you're not my boyfriend, because it's not just me.

0:53:39.040 --> 0:53:40.400
<v Speaker 1>There is another person.

0:53:40.160 --> 0:53:42.600
<v Speaker 3>Involved here, you know, and she thinks you're my boyfriend,

0:53:42.640 --> 0:53:43.560
<v Speaker 3>and now I gotta tell her you're not.

0:53:44.480 --> 0:53:51.600
<v Speaker 1>Mommy got dumped. Anyway, you have other delusions.

0:53:54.560 --> 0:53:59.080
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm a lighter note, switch it up real real quick.

0:53:58.920 --> 0:54:00.760
<v Speaker 1>Because that's just depressing.

0:54:00.800 --> 0:54:04.200
<v Speaker 2>That was a little heavy, and you know, but you know,

0:54:04.280 --> 0:54:08.759
<v Speaker 2>it's this is where we're at. We have a good

0:54:08.800 --> 0:54:09.400
<v Speaker 2>horror story.

0:54:10.239 --> 0:54:10.440
<v Speaker 1>We do.

0:54:10.520 --> 0:54:14.319
<v Speaker 3>We're gonna but are gonna talk about cinespia?

0:54:14.600 --> 0:54:15.840
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

0:54:15.920 --> 0:54:17.200
<v Speaker 1>Okay. We went to go and see Boys in the

0:54:17.280 --> 0:54:20.799
<v Speaker 1>Heads on Saturday. It was really fun. We had we

0:54:20.800 --> 0:54:21.400
<v Speaker 1>were popping.

0:54:21.520 --> 0:54:26.560
<v Speaker 3>Like nineteen people came, Black Roun Fravado came, all of

0:54:26.600 --> 0:54:32.960
<v Speaker 3>her homemies came, basically Jessica ros Uh, Shay Shay Near

0:54:33.000 --> 0:54:35.520
<v Speaker 3>alyn Nisha Ashley.

0:54:35.440 --> 0:54:38.480
<v Speaker 2>Some new some new listeners, some new listeners. I also

0:54:38.560 --> 0:54:42.279
<v Speaker 2>ran into some listeners at Beauty Con yesterday, which was

0:54:42.320 --> 0:54:42.840
<v Speaker 2>really cool.

0:54:45.360 --> 0:54:45.960
<v Speaker 1>It was fun.

0:54:46.200 --> 0:54:51.120
<v Speaker 2>We had Mela ate so much food. We first of all,

0:54:52.120 --> 0:54:54.080
<v Speaker 2>we are the ones that like made everyone bring the

0:54:54.080 --> 0:54:57.120
<v Speaker 2>food and then we ate it all. Jamala made these

0:54:57.200 --> 0:55:01.680
<v Speaker 2>jerk sandwiches that were bombed. She plate popping. I literally like,

0:55:01.880 --> 0:55:04.680
<v Speaker 2>haven't really been eating cheese and I waited for this moment.

0:55:04.800 --> 0:55:07.200
<v Speaker 1>Cheese yo. I had like five donuts.

0:55:07.280 --> 0:55:09.799
<v Speaker 2>I had like five donuts. I had a cupcake, I

0:55:09.840 --> 0:55:12.040
<v Speaker 2>had cookies. I had it was fucking.

0:55:11.760 --> 0:55:15.000
<v Speaker 1>Crazy, like four tequilas. I don't I think I threw

0:55:15.040 --> 0:55:15.600
<v Speaker 1>all my keys.

0:55:15.680 --> 0:55:16.040
<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

0:55:18.040 --> 0:55:20.359
<v Speaker 1>So we had this brilliant idea, so so a lot

0:55:20.560 --> 0:55:22.239
<v Speaker 1>A couple of weeks ago when we went to a

0:55:22.280 --> 0:55:25.960
<v Speaker 1>Hollywood cemetery, I alone because no me and one other

0:55:26.000 --> 0:55:28.480
<v Speaker 1>persons did a little molly at the end at the

0:55:28.520 --> 0:55:30.480
<v Speaker 1>Exorcist because you know, whoa why not? I don't have

0:55:30.520 --> 0:55:33.480
<v Speaker 1>the kids do a little molly. So that was fine.

0:55:33.719 --> 0:55:36.360
<v Speaker 3>So this week, Erica had some extra molleys from a

0:55:36.360 --> 0:55:38.960
<v Speaker 3>party and I said, oh, yeah, bring those mollies to

0:55:39.040 --> 0:55:44.440
<v Speaker 3>the cemetery because that's what moms do. So you know,

0:55:44.560 --> 0:55:47.799
<v Speaker 3>in my head, I deliberately was like, I'm not gonna

0:55:47.800 --> 0:55:51.080
<v Speaker 3>take this Molly before Ricky dies, because that's gonna be

0:55:51.120 --> 0:55:51.520
<v Speaker 3>too much.

0:55:51.600 --> 0:55:53.480
<v Speaker 1>It's gonna be too much if I start to roll

0:55:53.520 --> 0:55:55.440
<v Speaker 1>when Rickey dies. So I was like, you know, I'm

0:55:55.480 --> 0:55:56.719
<v Speaker 1>a chill. I'm a chill until.

0:55:56.520 --> 0:55:59.759
<v Speaker 3>After the movie. I cried when Ricky died. It was

0:56:00.040 --> 0:56:00.800
<v Speaker 3>real sad.

0:56:03.080 --> 0:56:04.120
<v Speaker 1>We try to go out.

0:56:04.680 --> 0:56:06.000
<v Speaker 2>So we were trying to go to this party called

0:56:06.000 --> 0:56:08.000
<v Speaker 2>Shaba in La that used to be cool, but now

0:56:08.000 --> 0:56:09.120
<v Speaker 2>it's over the fucking top.

0:56:09.320 --> 0:56:10.120
<v Speaker 1>Hollywood is fun.

0:56:10.680 --> 0:56:13.840
<v Speaker 2>So we left there and then we decided to go

0:56:14.040 --> 0:56:19.200
<v Speaker 2>to party in two thousands party they started off.

0:56:19.200 --> 0:56:21.240
<v Speaker 3>It was people from it was music with two thousands

0:56:21.239 --> 0:56:22.919
<v Speaker 3>and children from nineteen ninety seven.

0:56:23.920 --> 0:56:27.440
<v Speaker 2>Very strange situation, but I was like, I don't want

0:56:27.480 --> 0:56:29.479
<v Speaker 2>to take this Molly until we're in a secure place

0:56:29.520 --> 0:56:30.120
<v Speaker 2>where like we can.

0:56:30.160 --> 0:56:32.000
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna be for a while because we've learned our

0:56:32.080 --> 0:56:34.319
<v Speaker 1>lesson in mom. Sheilla, yeah, okay. We didn't want to

0:56:34.320 --> 0:56:34.560
<v Speaker 1>do that.

0:56:35.040 --> 0:56:38.520
<v Speaker 2>So we're like, okay, we're here. We made it. I'm like, okay,

0:56:38.520 --> 0:56:40.160
<v Speaker 2>you can take it. She's like yep, and then we

0:56:40.280 --> 0:56:41.920
<v Speaker 2>like passed it out over other friend. You want one

0:56:41.920 --> 0:56:44.319
<v Speaker 2>to oh, I got four, so we're all popping them.

0:56:44.320 --> 0:56:46.640
<v Speaker 1>We were just like the jugular city over here. Yeah.

0:56:46.680 --> 0:56:49.440
<v Speaker 2>So we take them and we're like, okay, dancing dancing,

0:56:49.600 --> 0:56:50.120
<v Speaker 2>like do you feel it?

0:56:50.120 --> 0:56:52.000
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like no, we're getting tired. And I'm like

0:56:52.040 --> 0:56:54.200
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, so full, bitch.

0:56:54.239 --> 0:56:54.479
<v Speaker 3>Okay.

0:56:54.600 --> 0:56:57.120
<v Speaker 1>We had drank like a food coma, and we drank

0:56:57.280 --> 0:57:00.560
<v Speaker 1>so much, and you know, I saw that book so much.

0:57:01.840 --> 0:57:03.120
<v Speaker 1>So we get in the car and I was like,

0:57:03.200 --> 0:57:05.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm going home. I'm tired. I was like, let's just

0:57:05.480 --> 0:57:05.839
<v Speaker 1>go home.

0:57:06.000 --> 0:57:07.719
<v Speaker 2>I was draw like the Molly didn't work.

0:57:08.000 --> 0:57:09.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'm like, this Molly is fake. We're all like

0:57:09.760 --> 0:57:11.000
<v Speaker 1>she didn't Like I'm tired.

0:57:11.160 --> 0:57:12.520
<v Speaker 2>I was like, this shit is fake because I got

0:57:12.520 --> 0:57:13.719
<v Speaker 2>it at a party where there were a lot of

0:57:13.719 --> 0:57:15.680
<v Speaker 2>fake drugs, was like the theme of the party, and

0:57:15.719 --> 0:57:17.480
<v Speaker 2>then they started handing out real Molly's.

0:57:17.720 --> 0:57:20.880
<v Speaker 1>It said there was fake drugs. What is a fake drug?

0:57:21.280 --> 0:57:21.960
<v Speaker 1>It was like a setup.

0:57:22.000 --> 0:57:25.240
<v Speaker 2>It was also looked like mounds of cocaine, big pounds

0:57:25.280 --> 0:57:26.360
<v Speaker 2>of mushrooms everywhere.

0:57:26.600 --> 0:57:27.200
<v Speaker 1>Ship okay.

0:57:27.320 --> 0:57:27.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:57:28.080 --> 0:57:31.400
<v Speaker 1>So I was like it must be for insurance liability purposes.

0:57:31.400 --> 0:57:34.000
<v Speaker 1>And I was like maybe it was a vitamin okay, right,

0:57:34.040 --> 0:57:36.320
<v Speaker 1>it would be. So I go home. She drops me

0:57:36.360 --> 0:57:40.480
<v Speaker 1>off I another problem. I drink. I start looking at

0:57:40.560 --> 0:57:43.000
<v Speaker 1>my phone for victims, okay, and so my phone died

0:57:43.000 --> 0:57:44.760
<v Speaker 1>so i'd pluget it and I'm just I fell asleep

0:57:44.800 --> 0:57:46.080
<v Speaker 1>like trying to look at my phone.

0:57:46.840 --> 0:57:47.360
<v Speaker 2>I wake up.

0:57:47.400 --> 0:57:49.400
<v Speaker 3>All the lights are on and I look at my phone.

0:57:49.400 --> 0:57:50.880
<v Speaker 3>It's like five thirty in the morning.

0:57:51.320 --> 0:57:53.520
<v Speaker 1>I go to pee. I'm just sitting there paying and

0:57:53.560 --> 0:57:56.600
<v Speaker 1>I started like looking around, kind of biting my jaw.

0:57:56.680 --> 0:58:00.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, uh uh no, fucking way.

0:58:00.560 --> 0:58:04.920
<v Speaker 3>The mother fucking Molly hit Five hours later and I'm

0:58:04.960 --> 0:58:07.240
<v Speaker 3>alone and it's five thirty in the morning.

0:58:07.880 --> 0:58:11.840
<v Speaker 1>I was pissed. I like woke up at the peak, like,

0:58:12.280 --> 0:58:16.480
<v Speaker 1>oh my god, am I rolling in the morning? Why

0:58:16.520 --> 0:58:18.560
<v Speaker 1>God why? I said?

0:58:18.920 --> 0:58:21.800
<v Speaker 2>Just so I wake up like throughout the night, Like

0:58:21.840 --> 0:58:23.680
<v Speaker 2>around like five am. I woke up and I was like,

0:58:23.680 --> 0:58:24.720
<v Speaker 2>why am I so fucking hot?

0:58:24.720 --> 0:58:25.240
<v Speaker 1>So I've hurt?

0:58:25.280 --> 0:58:28.680
<v Speaker 2>I blast the air conditioning se fashion sleeping on my couch.

0:58:28.840 --> 0:58:30.439
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, this thing isn't about to be cold because

0:58:30.440 --> 0:58:32.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm hot. I don't give a fuck. Go wake up

0:58:32.440 --> 0:58:34.360
<v Speaker 2>at six again, I'm like, is the air not working?

0:58:34.440 --> 0:58:36.320
<v Speaker 2>I look at seventy degrees in my house, so I'm like,

0:58:36.360 --> 0:58:39.640
<v Speaker 2>it's still I'm hot. I go back to sleep. Finally

0:58:39.640 --> 0:58:42.080
<v Speaker 2>I wake up at seven, I'm like, where's my phone?

0:58:42.200 --> 0:58:43.880
<v Speaker 2>And I couldn't find my phone anywhere. I was looking

0:58:43.880 --> 0:58:46.240
<v Speaker 2>for like a psychopath. I look at my phone and

0:58:46.320 --> 0:58:49.040
<v Speaker 2>Jamila had text me like, bitch, I just woke up

0:58:49.040 --> 0:58:51.560
<v Speaker 2>and I'm high as fuck. And then I'm like, oh

0:58:51.600 --> 0:58:54.200
<v Speaker 2>my god, am I high? Is that why I'm so

0:58:54.360 --> 0:58:55.080
<v Speaker 2>fucking hot?

0:58:55.160 --> 0:58:55.440
<v Speaker 1>Ready?

0:58:55.680 --> 0:58:57.680
<v Speaker 2>And then I realized I am high, and I'm like,

0:58:57.720 --> 0:58:59.960
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, and I felt like I just felt

0:59:00.080 --> 0:59:01.040
<v Speaker 2>like energized.

0:59:01.240 --> 0:59:02.360
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I was just up.

0:59:02.760 --> 0:59:05.040
<v Speaker 3>I text I text my homegirl. If we started texting,

0:59:05.040 --> 0:59:06.680
<v Speaker 3>She's like, want me to come over seven am. I'm like,

0:59:06.720 --> 0:59:07.520
<v Speaker 3>please come over.

0:59:07.640 --> 0:59:08.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm rolling.

0:59:08.680 --> 0:59:10.960
<v Speaker 1>She pulls up at seven in the morning to tell

0:59:11.000 --> 0:59:11.600
<v Speaker 1>me a story.

0:59:12.520 --> 0:59:15.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm like and then and then another one of our

0:59:15.280 --> 0:59:17.000
<v Speaker 2>listeners took one too, and she.

0:59:17.280 --> 0:59:19.200
<v Speaker 1>I text her. I'm like, yo, I woke up high

0:59:19.200 --> 0:59:21.920
<v Speaker 1>as fuck. She's like, bitch, I'm cleaning my house like

0:59:21.960 --> 0:59:25.840
<v Speaker 1>a goddamn crackhead. We all went to sleep and woke

0:59:25.960 --> 0:59:27.680
<v Speaker 1>up rolling like.

0:59:27.760 --> 0:59:30.160
<v Speaker 2>I woke up, I like, cleaned my car, made a

0:59:30.240 --> 0:59:32.640
<v Speaker 2>makeup tutorial, fucking like, and.

0:59:32.600 --> 0:59:34.320
<v Speaker 1>Then Texas did the make up to tourial that I

0:59:34.320 --> 0:59:38.520
<v Speaker 1>look sucked up, like what I was tripping?

0:59:38.600 --> 0:59:40.320
<v Speaker 2>And then I had to go to like a fucking

0:59:40.360 --> 0:59:42.560
<v Speaker 2>beauty convention. I was like, oh my god, how am

0:59:42.560 --> 0:59:44.840
<v Speaker 2>I going to do this? But actually I at first

0:59:44.920 --> 0:59:47.040
<v Speaker 2>I was really upset that I was rolling. I was

0:59:47.080 --> 0:59:50.720
<v Speaker 2>like why. I was like, highly upset, and then at

0:59:50.720 --> 0:59:52.600
<v Speaker 2>some point I was like, I gotta just let go

0:59:52.640 --> 0:59:57.200
<v Speaker 2>with it, and I had a great day. I had

0:59:57.200 --> 1:00:01.120
<v Speaker 2>a really good day. It's great, but I just was expecting.

1:00:01.000 --> 1:00:05.960
<v Speaker 1>A time release five hours later. Roll. Yeah why what

1:00:06.280 --> 1:00:08.560
<v Speaker 1>three reasons not to do drugs at the movies?

1:00:09.400 --> 1:00:13.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah yeah, just or just don't take drugs from strangers.

1:00:14.400 --> 1:00:16.880
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, that eot.

1:00:18.760 --> 1:00:18.880
<v Speaker 3>So.

1:00:19.000 --> 1:00:20.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what our next meetup is, but we're

1:00:20.520 --> 1:00:23.200
<v Speaker 2>planning one soon. You definitely should come. Not guaranteeing that

1:00:23.240 --> 1:00:24.080
<v Speaker 2>Molly will be there.

1:00:24.880 --> 1:00:29.200
<v Speaker 1>This isn't like a thing. It's like good mom's meet up, Molly, right,

1:00:29.280 --> 1:00:32.320
<v Speaker 1>bring your drugs. I was thinking about should we do

1:00:32.360 --> 1:00:34.280
<v Speaker 1>one with the kids, and no, we should. We should

1:00:34.280 --> 1:00:36.200
<v Speaker 1>know where we could talk more because we talk a lot.

1:00:36.440 --> 1:00:38.800
<v Speaker 1>We're all in the movies. They like run kay Run.

1:00:39.000 --> 1:00:40.880
<v Speaker 1>I was like, why would we bring our ghetto assids

1:00:40.920 --> 1:00:43.320
<v Speaker 1>to the movie yelling at the screen. We was clapping

1:00:43.400 --> 1:00:46.560
<v Speaker 1>and shit, whatever black people watching boys? Mother right?

1:00:46.960 --> 1:00:50.520
<v Speaker 2>Fuck these white people and their movie watching etiquette.

1:00:51.480 --> 1:00:52.520
<v Speaker 1>Don't you know who you went?

1:00:55.280 --> 1:01:01.320
<v Speaker 2>We have a horror story submitted by an anonymous person.

1:01:05.320 --> 1:01:09.760
<v Speaker 3>Who stories I wanted a girl and a guy into me. Anyway,

1:01:09.800 --> 1:01:11.919
<v Speaker 3>I found a couple where they both were hot, which

1:01:11.960 --> 1:01:13.400
<v Speaker 3>ps is super hard to find.

1:01:13.520 --> 1:01:16.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I know. I interviewed them, thought they were cool,

1:01:16.200 --> 1:01:18.400
<v Speaker 1>and interviewed them. Yeah, this is the Yeah.

1:01:18.480 --> 1:01:20.480
<v Speaker 3>I interviewed them, thought they were cool and regardless, we

1:01:20.520 --> 1:01:23.120
<v Speaker 3>would have fun. And I thought at the time that

1:01:23.160 --> 1:01:27.280
<v Speaker 3>they were both into it. So night of, so night

1:01:27.280 --> 1:01:29.920
<v Speaker 3>of we made at a bar. She says she isn't drinking,

1:01:30.040 --> 1:01:32.080
<v Speaker 3>which is fine in itself. I don't mean people to

1:01:32.120 --> 1:01:34.800
<v Speaker 3>be wasted, but it seemed off. She seemed different this night,

1:01:34.880 --> 1:01:37.439
<v Speaker 3>not as into it. She said she didn't feel well.

1:01:37.560 --> 1:01:39.120
<v Speaker 3>Who went a three way with a sick girl?

1:01:39.600 --> 1:01:43.760
<v Speaker 1>For real? I've done that and.

1:01:43.640 --> 1:01:46.640
<v Speaker 3>It wasn't good. I said, hey, we can hang. We

1:01:46.680 --> 1:01:48.360
<v Speaker 3>can hang and do this another night if you're not

1:01:48.360 --> 1:01:50.520
<v Speaker 3>feeling well. She said no, she wanted.

1:01:50.280 --> 1:01:50.920
<v Speaker 1>To do it tonight.

1:01:51.640 --> 1:01:55.080
<v Speaker 3>Okay, me and her man drink, we talk, then we

1:01:55.120 --> 1:01:58.720
<v Speaker 3>go back to their house. Apartment had tons of She

1:01:58.760 --> 1:02:02.720
<v Speaker 3>goes one apartment, I had tons of hipster Taxidermy. Turns

1:02:02.720 --> 1:02:05.480
<v Speaker 3>out he has daddy money. I start having an asthma

1:02:05.520 --> 1:02:08.640
<v Speaker 3>attack because I'm allergic to fur and they're a goddamn

1:02:08.720 --> 1:02:11.600
<v Speaker 3>dead animals everywhere. Then I am waiting for them to

1:02:11.640 --> 1:02:13.280
<v Speaker 3>make the move because they are the couple and I

1:02:13.280 --> 1:02:16.640
<v Speaker 3>don't want to step on anyone's toes. They don't, so

1:02:16.720 --> 1:02:19.120
<v Speaker 3>I finally start taking off my clothes and basically I'm like, okay,

1:02:19.200 --> 1:02:22.640
<v Speaker 3>let's get to the fucking. We all start making out.

1:02:23.000 --> 1:02:26.000
<v Speaker 3>She seems bored with the whole thing. I go down

1:02:26.000 --> 1:02:28.600
<v Speaker 3>on her while her man watches. Then he starts fucking

1:02:28.640 --> 1:02:30.560
<v Speaker 3>me from behind while I'm all up on her.

1:02:31.000 --> 1:02:37.960
<v Speaker 1>He is not great at sex. Oh good. I try

1:02:38.000 --> 1:02:40.280
<v Speaker 1>to change positions with him, and frankly, he just isn't

1:02:40.320 --> 1:02:44.280
<v Speaker 1>good at sex. So then I concentrate on her.

1:02:44.600 --> 1:02:46.480
<v Speaker 3>I want her to be on me while her man,

1:02:46.520 --> 1:02:49.520
<v Speaker 3>who is bad at sex, fox her.

1:02:49.840 --> 1:02:51.880
<v Speaker 1>Let's reiterate, he's not getting sad.

1:02:52.320 --> 1:02:55.480
<v Speaker 3>She starts making weird, whimpering baby noises, and I am like,

1:02:55.640 --> 1:02:58.560
<v Speaker 3>fuck no, So I just sit there for a second

1:02:58.640 --> 1:03:03.080
<v Speaker 3>while they have really medium sex like boring sex. I

1:03:03.120 --> 1:03:05.760
<v Speaker 3>am so over this, so finally I just start like

1:03:05.800 --> 1:03:09.600
<v Speaker 3>coaching them to have better sex. I'm like, yeah, slap

1:03:09.600 --> 1:03:11.920
<v Speaker 3>her ass, grab her titty harder, and play with her

1:03:11.960 --> 1:03:15.840
<v Speaker 3>clip while you fuck her girl, tell him what you want,

1:03:16.080 --> 1:03:18.640
<v Speaker 3>bite him, et cetera. They end up having slightly better

1:03:18.680 --> 1:03:21.400
<v Speaker 3>sex with my coaching while I masturbate just so I

1:03:21.400 --> 1:03:24.400
<v Speaker 3>can fucking get off. Finally, I'm like, hey, I gotta go.

1:03:24.520 --> 1:03:26.720
<v Speaker 3>It was like ten pm, which is which is early.

1:03:26.800 --> 1:03:28.640
<v Speaker 3>I was hoping would be fucking and switching and I

1:03:28.680 --> 1:03:31.880
<v Speaker 3>would need electrolytes because I would be so dehydrated. But damn,

1:03:31.920 --> 1:03:33.840
<v Speaker 3>I barely got off and there was so they were

1:03:33.840 --> 1:03:37.720
<v Speaker 3>boring as hell. As I got up to leave, they

1:03:37.720 --> 1:03:39.840
<v Speaker 3>gave me an expensive ass bottle of wine as my

1:03:39.920 --> 1:03:40.520
<v Speaker 3>parting gift.

1:03:40.960 --> 1:03:41.600
<v Speaker 1>Laugh out loud.

1:03:41.640 --> 1:03:43.920
<v Speaker 3>At least I got that writing this is making me

1:03:43.960 --> 1:03:50.200
<v Speaker 3>hot for an actual good three way U.

1:03:50.280 --> 1:03:50.640
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

1:03:50.800 --> 1:03:52.640
<v Speaker 3>Also, I said, well, where'd you meet them? And she

1:03:52.800 --> 1:03:56.120
<v Speaker 3>told me she met them on trender.

1:03:56.120 --> 1:03:56.760
<v Speaker 1>Wait, what is it.

1:03:56.720 --> 1:03:59.400
<v Speaker 2>Called tinder.

1:04:01.320 --> 1:04:04.000
<v Speaker 1>Tender? Which I never Oh, yeah, trender And they actually

1:04:04.040 --> 1:04:05.600
<v Speaker 1>shut down because I got sued by tender.

1:04:05.640 --> 1:04:08.280
<v Speaker 3>This name was too close. I thought it was a typo.

1:04:08.400 --> 1:04:15.600
<v Speaker 3>I was like, rights, but trender is great. That was great,

1:04:16.960 --> 1:04:18.439
<v Speaker 3>that was funny as that so sad.

1:04:18.520 --> 1:04:21.440
<v Speaker 2>Mediocre sex and a threesome. Goddamn. You never really know

1:04:21.480 --> 1:04:23.840
<v Speaker 2>what you're walking into when you do those things, really don't.

1:04:23.960 --> 1:04:26.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I don't even highly suggested if you're not

1:04:26.000 --> 1:04:28.000
<v Speaker 1>a good one for to like roll with the punches.

1:04:29.080 --> 1:04:32.520
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, if we haven't had the three some you need

1:04:32.520 --> 1:04:35.680
<v Speaker 3>some advice, refer to our old episode five ways to

1:04:35.720 --> 1:04:38.880
<v Speaker 3>have a positive three some experience because we're experts.

1:04:43.040 --> 1:04:47.120
<v Speaker 2>Well, anyway, guys, that's it.

1:04:47.560 --> 1:04:51.360
<v Speaker 1>If you have any horries, please submit DM them, email us,

1:04:51.480 --> 1:04:54.800
<v Speaker 1>follow us on Instagram, Good Mom's Underscore by Choices. Make

1:04:54.840 --> 1:04:57.320
<v Speaker 1>sure you follow us or subscribe to our Patreon.

1:04:57.480 --> 1:05:00.800
<v Speaker 2>You can search us Good Mom's Bad Choices. This episode

1:05:00.920 --> 1:05:02.720
<v Speaker 2>is going to be up there, but we've definitely had

1:05:02.760 --> 1:05:06.800
<v Speaker 2>camera issues, so I'm really sure we're gonna do about

1:05:06.800 --> 1:05:07.280
<v Speaker 2>that part.

1:05:07.520 --> 1:05:12.320
<v Speaker 3>But yeah, we oh, I know we're gonna do. We

1:05:12.360 --> 1:05:21.040
<v Speaker 3>start vlogging, you know, hello, it's an announcement. Good Moms

1:05:21.080 --> 1:05:24.280
<v Speaker 3>has started vlogging. When we were in New York, I

1:05:24.320 --> 1:05:26.280
<v Speaker 3>was like, Okay, I really think we should flog we

1:05:26.280 --> 1:05:28.360
<v Speaker 3>should really vlog this, and she like, stop saying it.

1:05:29.000 --> 1:05:31.680
<v Speaker 1>But I like it all the All the influencers are

1:05:31.720 --> 1:05:34.600
<v Speaker 1>vlogging these days. Okay, well we're fill in the gap

1:05:34.640 --> 1:05:36.360
<v Speaker 1>with a vlog. I guess I don't know.

1:05:37.200 --> 1:05:39.960
<v Speaker 2>Away, have a great week, have a beautiful week, make

1:05:40.000 --> 1:05:42.480
<v Speaker 2>good decisions, set your boundaries.

1:05:42.560 --> 1:05:46.480
<v Speaker 3>If you make bad decisions, grow front of them and

1:05:46.560 --> 1:05:48.920
<v Speaker 3>acknowledge them, and don't come.

1:05:48.800 --> 1:05:53.560
<v Speaker 1>Under the rug like you have a wonderful day.

1:05:53.600 --> 1:05:57.400
<v Speaker 2>Bye bye.

1:05:58.760 --> 1:06:01.600
<v Speaker 3>Why your niggas ain't ship?

1:06:02.000 --> 1:06:07.160
<v Speaker 2>And if I was a Julie, I'd tell you, bitch, niggas.

1:06:06.720 --> 1:06:11.800
<v Speaker 1>Fuck you bitch. Why you acting like a rich car

1:06:12.120 --> 1:06:17.600
<v Speaker 1>Niggas ain't ship? And no, no, no, or don't want

1:06:17.680 --> 1:06:17.920
<v Speaker 1>to do.

1:06:18.160 --> 1:06:21.040
<v Speaker 2>Is get my pussy something count a million bucks in

1:06:21.080 --> 1:06:22.960
<v Speaker 2>the back of her on the truck when I get

1:06:23.040 --> 1:06:24.080
<v Speaker 2>you fucked up off

1:06:24.120 --> 1:06:26.760
<v Speaker 1>The Teo and Baxter Prime chron