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Speaker 1: Getting money, homes, who's selling clothes?

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Speaker 2: Nor my gadwo bitches in the projects coming like booses,

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Speaker 2: no being sober, no veh It Welcome back to good

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Speaker 2: mom and bad choices. I'm Erica and I am Nila

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Speaker 2: formerly known as Jamila the Artist, formerly known as I Now.

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Speaker 1: I'm having a really hard time deciding.

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Speaker 2: Jamila's having identity crisis.

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Speaker 3: Vote on our Instagram today Should I go by Jamila

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Speaker 3: or Mila?

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Speaker 1: It's the same fucking ship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, sorry about last week, guys. We were in

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Speaker 2: different cities. I mean, we're on the East Coast together,

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Speaker 2: we were in different place and then I left, and

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Speaker 2: I also just it just wasn't gonna happen, So.

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Speaker 3: We miscalculated our coordinates and timing.

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Speaker 2: And honestly, we haven't taken a break in one year.

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Speaker 2: Literally it's been a year. Every weekend, every Wednesday for

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Speaker 2: a year.

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Speaker 1: We took a break.

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Speaker 2: So everybody needs a Christmas and what everyone needs a mom.

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Speaker 2: Everybody needs a break.

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Speaker 1: Everyone has a mom, Everyone needs a break leading us.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I was. We have a lot to recap.

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Speaker 1: I know, I don't even know where to begin.

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Speaker 2: How was New York for you? And the Jersey and

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Speaker 2: Pennsylvania or Philly, the same thing and all those things.

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Speaker 1: It was really good. I went that kind of last minute.

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Speaker 1: It took Luna boy.

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Speaker 3: I had just had a quite an interesting trip. Well,

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Speaker 3: we met, we worked, We spent the night in Bethlehem.

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Speaker 1: Really strange.

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Speaker 2: It's not strange.

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Speaker 1: It actually kicked me out for.

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Speaker 3: Some d She made me come to Bethlehem because she

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Speaker 3: was scared and then woke me up at seven in

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Speaker 3: the morning like.

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Speaker 1: Oh, so my dick is coming in, get your shit together.

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Speaker 1: I'm ropping you. At the bus stop.

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Speaker 3: Me and Erico walked creepily through a cemetery in Bethlehem.

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Speaker 1: Oh, that's right, because we're strange.

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Speaker 2: I was thinking about that. Actually had to meet up.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, because we had the cemetery. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: We were driving through Bethlehem and we were just it

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Speaker 2: was dark. We were heading to a bar and we

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Speaker 2: noticed a really creepy, dark cemetery and I was like,

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Speaker 2: let's just fuck it, let's go in there. So we

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Speaker 2: pulled over, which was a whole thing and really difficult

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Speaker 2: for some reason. And then we walked through the cemetery

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Speaker 2: and it was old as fuck.

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Speaker 1: It was that was an old ass something.

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Speaker 3: It was like people from the eighteen seventeen, eighteen twenties

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Speaker 3: or some shit.

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Speaker 1: It was like old ass corpses there, yeah, or bummed.

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Speaker 2: Jamila was scared, which makes me question all of her witchery.

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Speaker 2: She didn't want to go deeper. I was like, come on,

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Speaker 2: let's keep going, and she was like, I'm scared. I

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Speaker 2: think I'm getting bent.

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Speaker 1: I don't know there's mosquitos why. This was just like

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Speaker 1: my childhood memories of that movie. What movie was it?

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Speaker 3: Of the little girls in the cemetery. I've talked about

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Speaker 3: it while we were there, but we couldn't think of

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Speaker 3: the name. It's like an old movie that like All

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Speaker 3: the Girls. I was living dead, no whatever.

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Speaker 1: I just got like Texas Chainsaw massacre mix.

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Speaker 3: No, that wasn't it another one? And I was like,

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Speaker 3: let's get the fuck out of here. It seemed like

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Speaker 3: a good idea, but now I'm scared. There's no lights.

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Speaker 3: Things can happen, and no one will find us in

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Speaker 3: both lands.

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Speaker 2: That's true.

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Speaker 3: We did a podcast. I drank way too much tequila.

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Speaker 3: I like broke up. I was never in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: Let's be clear. Let me not illusionize myself. I went

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Speaker 1: to see Young Bay.

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Speaker 3: I did one of those things that one Ten Ways

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Speaker 3: Not to be Psycho.

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Speaker 1: You know that episode called ten Ways Not to Be Psycho. Well,

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Speaker 1: i'd be psycho.

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Speaker 3: And I'd like to see his messages on his laptop

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Speaker 3: while he was at work. So I guess I was

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Speaker 3: like self inflicted pain. It's like, oh my god, I

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Speaker 3: call it Erica.

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Speaker 1: Like there's so many bitches. I there's so many bitches.

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Speaker 1: There's like twelve of them. I can't even keep up.

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Speaker 3: And so it was mad and I went back over

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Speaker 3: there and then I was just it was just a

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Speaker 3: bunch of stupid shit, boyshit. And I'm happy to say

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Speaker 3: that is over.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna pretend people are my boyfriend when they're not.

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Speaker 2: And is it really over?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: It is really, really.

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Speaker 2: Really really Like if he called you today and was like,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I want to try this again. Let's you're

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Speaker 2: so fucking nice. I don't believe you. No, you're so nice.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to believe you want.

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Speaker 2: To see the good in people's like, you're so you're

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Speaker 2: such a nice person.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, I have to accept that neither of us are in.

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Speaker 1: A place to heal each other.

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Speaker 3: And I just think it's just like not ready, and

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Speaker 3: I probably knew that a long time ago, but here

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Speaker 3: I am two years later dumping the same young bay.

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Speaker 3: I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship in

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Speaker 3: any capacity except the moment with myself. I think I

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Speaker 3: need to work on not dating and not having sex.

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Speaker 3: Can you believe it's one and the same. I think

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Speaker 3: that I got caught up in the motions of like

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Speaker 3: girlfriend shit and just like a relationship talking to someone

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Speaker 3: every day, that when I went through his shit without

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Speaker 3: asking and totally violated his privacy, I was somehow hurt

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Speaker 3: by what I saw, even though like I don't own

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Speaker 3: this person, we have no like strict monogamy. But there

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Speaker 3: were some like obviously lies, but I just had to

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Speaker 3: check myself, like what am I mad about? This is

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Speaker 3: not your man, and uh, you know this is a

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Speaker 3: shit Niggas do talk to twelve bitches. I don't know

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Speaker 3: how you can talk to twelve who can have time

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Speaker 3: to manage twelve bitches?

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Speaker 1: But apparently the men do. But the men, the men do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I allowed myself to cry and feel

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Speaker 3: like you hurt my feelings, but also I hurt my

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Speaker 3: own feelings by looking and by pretending, well, maybe.

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Speaker 1: You needed to sometimes.

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Speaker 2: Okay, look, you shouldn't look through people's shit, but sometimes

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Speaker 2: you have to in order to move on, Like sometimes

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Speaker 2: you have to inflict that pain on yourself because there's

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Speaker 2: really nothing else that would force you to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was a lot of that. You know.

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Speaker 1: I was like, you need to stop doing this.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I know when you were going to go look

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Speaker 2: through his phone, did you think you weren't going to

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Speaker 2: find anything or did you.

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Speaker 1: Know you were going to find it? I knew I

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Speaker 1: was going to find some shit.

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Speaker 3: I mean, because we're not in a relationship, but I

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Speaker 3: literally I don't think. I don't think I was prepared

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Speaker 3: to find as much shit. And it was just like

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Speaker 3: too close, like times I was visiting on my birthday.

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Speaker 3: It was just like then the whack you know, it

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Speaker 3: always pisses me off, the whack lines that guys use.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, did was he?

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Speaker 2: Did he use those lines on YouTube?

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Speaker 1: And know who?

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Speaker 3: They were just corny And I was just like, you're corny.

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Speaker 3: This is corny. Say I love you to any of them? No,

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Speaker 3: there's no loves.

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Speaker 1: But it was like pictures of him and other chicks.

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Speaker 1: None of the chicks look remotely like me, meaning they

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Speaker 1: weren't black. Yeah, they're like blonde.

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Speaker 2: How does that make you feel?

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Speaker 1: Well?

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Speaker 3: I kind of felt like I told him, like I

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Speaker 3: don't think I'm typically the type of girl you date,

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Speaker 3: Like I don't think that I'm your type. And it's

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Speaker 3: like no, no, no, no no, But I had seen some excess.

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Speaker 3: But I don't know how it makes me feel. It

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Speaker 3: just makes me think, like, am I your type?

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Speaker 1: You know? Are you attracted to me? Was this? Like

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Speaker 1: was this a game?

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Speaker 2: Is this a game?

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Speaker 1: But just maybe it brought me all the way back

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Speaker 1: to like the ninth grade for sure, like I'm acting crazy,

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Speaker 1: I'm crying, I love you, Why are you doing this?

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Speaker 1: You know? And then I had to like come back

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Speaker 1: to my thirty one year old self and be like, bitch,

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Speaker 1: there's other things to worry about. And then there's other

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Speaker 1: shit that he did.

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Speaker 3: There was like a little off indications that you know,

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Speaker 3: probably this is not the one some disrespect just like

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Speaker 3: snappy bullshit I don't have time for.

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Speaker 1: I'm too old for.

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Speaker 3: And you know, with this retrograde that just passed and happened,

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Speaker 3: I had all these feelings and had to examine myself,

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Speaker 3: and I just realized it is easy to cling to comfortability.

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Speaker 3: It's easy to clean to someone who like wants who

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Speaker 3: you think wants a relationship and wants you because it

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Speaker 3: feels good. It's about being validated, it's about attention, and

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Speaker 3: it's about this weird, strange feeling of being safe and

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Speaker 3: having comfort in someone else.

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Speaker 1: But it's kind of sick because, like I said, I

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Speaker 1: knew this person probably wasn't the person for me, but

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Speaker 1: I intentionally ignored all of the signs and went against

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Speaker 1: it because.

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Speaker 2: It was temporary. It was temporary satisfact, satisfaction, affection, and attention.

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Speaker 2: Everyone's guilty.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know he's fine, so that helps. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm over that. I'm over doing that.

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Speaker 3: I'm overpretending, like you know, when there's signs I want

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Speaker 3: to pay attention to him. I don't want to give

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Speaker 3: too much in a relationship that's not even really a

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Speaker 3: relationship and then get disappointed by.

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Speaker 1: A relationship that's not really a relationship because well.

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Speaker 2: I think it's kind of like when we talked about

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Speaker 2: daddy issues and like saying that we need to stop

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Speaker 2: treating dudes like our boyfriends when they're not our boyfriends.

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Speaker 1: Yeah right, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah.

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Speaker 2: We had this talk.

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Speaker 3: Just made me do a lot of questioning of myself,

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Speaker 3: like why do the fuck did you do that?

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Speaker 1: And what were you expecting?

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Speaker 3: And is this the unhealthy ownership part that comes in

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Speaker 3: like this is my ego? And also I just think

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Speaker 3: he's a whore, and then my sled Yes I am uh,

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Speaker 3: but yeah, I think I'm going on a dating detox now.

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Speaker 2: And then what else did you do out there? I

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Speaker 2: just did you have a family did you go to the.

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Speaker 3: Family I made to the family union, which is like

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Speaker 3: essentially a barbecue, but it was just hot. It was

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Speaker 3: super hot and sticky. Luna hung out with her best friend,

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Speaker 3: her best friend in New Jersey, Charlie. She had a

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Speaker 3: good time. It's like all she wanted to do was

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Speaker 3: see her girlfriend. She went to the driving with my

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Speaker 3: uncle and her cousin. She spent time with them. She

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Speaker 3: went swimming without floaties. So that's that's when.

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Speaker 1: Oh and we took We took a tour bus.

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Speaker 3: We drove from New Jersey to Los Angeles, which sounds

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Speaker 3: kind of crazy, but it wasn't that bad because it

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Speaker 3: was the tour bus. With cable and like unlimited snacks

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Speaker 3: and two drivers, so they alternated.

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Speaker 1: So that was kind of interesting. Went through like.

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Speaker 3: Iowa, uh, Ohio, Denver house stops. No, we didn't stop.

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Speaker 3: We're not fucking around. Okay, I just ate on the thing.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, that's pretty much it. How was your trip?

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Speaker 2: It was good. I was there for work. And then,

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Speaker 2: like you said, my mom has a house in Buthlehem,

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Speaker 2: So yes, I did make Samia come hang out with me,

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Speaker 2: not really makes she wanted to come anyway. And then

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Speaker 2: but I did have a dick appointment set up for

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Speaker 2: my R and B boot.

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Speaker 1: If you didn't listen to.

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Speaker 2: Our previous episode. What is it called R and B

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Speaker 2: kind of lingus?

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Speaker 1: No, it's called his tongue.

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Speaker 2: His mouth was a.

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Speaker 1: Vibran mouth was a vibrator.

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Speaker 2: So you know I rekindled things with His mouth was

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Speaker 2: a vibrator. His mouth is still a vibrator. I'm happy

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Speaker 2: to confirm. But what I did, so I don't know

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Speaker 2: what I had have, like what my expectations were when

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Speaker 2: we were hanging out, like I knew, like like when

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Speaker 2: Jamila was leaving, I was kind of like, oh my god, wait,

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Speaker 2: I'm spending like two and a half days in isolation

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Speaker 2: with this person.

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Speaker 1: There's literally nothing really around. There's nothing.

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Speaker 2: So I was like, wait, what am I doing? Like

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Speaker 2: I've known him for a really long time, but like

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Speaker 2: we haven't really hung.

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Speaker 1: Out like that that ever. So I kind of started

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Speaker 1: to freak out. He came, Oh my gosh, it's saying

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Speaker 1: my disc is almost full.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know. Anyway, we hung out. We're just

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Speaker 2: gonna keep recording until it stops.

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Speaker 1: We hung out, and you know, we had a good time.

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Speaker 2: What I realized though, in our hangout is that it

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Speaker 2: purely is sexual.

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Speaker 1: I don't I wasn't really know. I didn't know what

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Speaker 1: I was expecting.

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Speaker 2: Like I maybe was open to, like maybe having more

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Speaker 2: of an emotional connection with him, probably because you know,

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Speaker 2: I've known him for so long. He's a really nice guy.

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Speaker 2: But I think also it's somewhat unfortunately in my ego.

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Speaker 2: It's the appeal of who he is and the fact

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Speaker 2: that bitches love.

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Speaker 1: Him and his mouth vibrates.

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Speaker 2: It is not vibrates, but bitches love him. And but

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Speaker 2: and then I'm like, do I really want to go

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Speaker 2: down that road again? I don't really want to go

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Speaker 2: down that road again. I've done the artist thing, and

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Speaker 2: this is like a whole other level. Like R and

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Speaker 2: B bitches are way more aggressive than I think WRAP bitches.

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Speaker 2: So R and B bitches are more ar and B

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Speaker 2: groupies are aggressive, I would say, so, yeah, they're they're

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Speaker 2: more music is the music is labor. Yeah, it's deeper,

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Speaker 2: more emotional, whereas rappers they just want to like live

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Speaker 2: that like lifestyle or something. But yeah, it was like

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Speaker 2: anytime we were just hanging out, like in the house,

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Speaker 2: there was he was not affectionate at all, Like it

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Speaker 2: was just purely platonic. Like I could be sitting on

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Speaker 2: one end of the couch like five feet away from him,

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Speaker 2: and he'd be totally chill on the other side, not

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Speaker 2: like trying to get me to come over. Like I

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Speaker 2: was trying to be affectionate, and it wasn't like he

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Speaker 2: was not receptive, but it wasn't like he wasn't like

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Speaker 2: pushing it forward. Only when we were intimate was he affectionate.

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Speaker 2: So I wasn't gonna say anything to him. But I'm

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Speaker 2: kind of like in this place now where like let's

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Speaker 2: just talk about it.

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Speaker 1: I say what I want.

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Speaker 2: Let me just say what I want. So I just

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Speaker 2: asked him. I was like, what's up, you know, are

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Speaker 2: you in love with someone or are you dating somebody

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Speaker 2: or are you just not that into this or what?

295
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Speaker 2: And he said, no, I'm not in love with anyone.

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Speaker 2: I'm not dating anyone. I just can't help what my

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Speaker 2: body does. And I was like, oh, your body doesn't

298
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Speaker 2: want to fuck with me, okay, So basically he's not

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Speaker 2: that into me.

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Speaker 1: Basically me and Eric have both discovered that psycho crazy

301
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Speaker 1: thing you never know.

302
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Speaker 2: But the thing is like he and he took a

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Speaker 2: bus from New York City at seven in the morning

304
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Speaker 2: to come hang out with me for a weekend.

305
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Speaker 1: So that's why I am.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's why I.

307
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Speaker 1: Was like, is he not that into me?

308
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Speaker 2: Because that's kind of like like going above and beyond,

309
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Speaker 2: you know, like he could have waited to the afternoon

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Speaker 2: to hop on that bus.

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Speaker 1: He sure should have.

312
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Speaker 2: Jamila would have been able to sleep in. I was pissed,

313
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Speaker 2: but yeah, so that happened, and me and Jamila went

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Speaker 2: to the city. We recorded with another fellow podcast which

315
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Speaker 2: you know you'll hear about that later soon, and I

316
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Speaker 2: was I got I got really really sick. And when

317
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Speaker 2: I was in New York. I joined Hinge also. I

318
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Speaker 2: decided because you know, like my tindering days, I feel

319
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Speaker 2: like are kind of done. But I've always been an

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Speaker 2: advocate for Tinder, especially when you're traveling. So Jamila and

321
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Speaker 2: a bunch of other people have told me about Hinge

322
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Speaker 2: or whatever, so I was like, fuck it, I'll try it.

323
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Speaker 2: So I joined Hinge while I was in the city

324
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Speaker 2: because I was like, you know whatever, I'm bored. Then

325
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Speaker 2: I got really sick. But then I matched with this

326
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Speaker 2: guy who was really cute.

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Speaker 1: He's kind of fine. He's followed us day. I was like, oh,

328
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Speaker 1: is this is this tinder bet? I mean hingebig is

329
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Speaker 1: he is fine? Yeah, he's cute.

330
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Speaker 2: He's also talented, which you know, I love a talented nigga.

331
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Speaker 2: Who doesn't I know? But it's like I always date

332
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Speaker 2: an artist, like creative, Like why can't he be a

333
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,400
Speaker 2: talented brain surgeon?

334
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,360
Speaker 3: Oh, so so you're creative, you don'tt you don't want

335
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:07,360
Speaker 3: someone to be creative too.

336
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:12,560
Speaker 2: No, it's not that, it's just I justn't have good luck. Wait,

337
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:22,000
Speaker 2: hold on's gonna die.

338
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Speaker 1: So you went on a uh oh.

339
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Speaker 3: Yeah, she was super sick, but must have enough energy

340
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,800
Speaker 3: to go on a date because that's what we do.

341
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:36,600
Speaker 3: We could be out cold on Friday Saturday night, there's

342
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,000
Speaker 3: there's some fun man in town and you're well.

343
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,880
Speaker 2: I was like, so I took a bunch of cold medicine,

344
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,760
Speaker 2: so I started feeling better. So I was like, fuck it,

345
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,120
Speaker 2: I'm good. I can go have a drink. I'll be fine,

346
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:49,960
Speaker 2: or maybe I won't even drink all right. So he's like, Okay,

347
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,080
Speaker 2: can meet me at this bar in Brooklyn. So I

348
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,560
Speaker 2: go to Brooklyn. Oh and by the way, me and

349
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,600
Speaker 2: Jamila like had this big master plan that she had

350
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Speaker 2: matched with someone on hinge and we were gonna go

351
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,880
Speaker 2: to the same bar but walk in separately, and if

352
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 2: we needed to be saved, we were gonna save each other.

353
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,200
Speaker 2: But if we weren't, maybe we like joined forces and

354
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:05,480
Speaker 2: be like.

355
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 1: Oh girl, I didn't know here.

356
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:10,920
Speaker 2: Hey, let's all hang. That didn't happen. But I went

357
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:15,920
Speaker 2: to this bar and the moment I walk in, he

358
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:16,560
Speaker 2: says to me.

359
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:18,560
Speaker 1: I look at him and.

360
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,639
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, he's so cute. It's great. And he

361
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,520
Speaker 2: says to me, he goes, oh, have you been here before?

362
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,159
Speaker 2: I said, I was like, no, I haven't been here

363
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 2: I'm taking mine, Like my hine is very basic. I

364
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,200
Speaker 2: don't have my Instagram, I don't have my last name, nothing,

365
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:34,280
Speaker 2: can't find me whatever. He's like, oh, you know, mad

366
00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:37,800
Speaker 2: Lib had his album release party here with Freddy Gibbs

367
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,119
Speaker 2: and if you don't know who Freddy Gibbs is, my

368
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:45,320
Speaker 2: baby daddy. And I was like, oh cool. He's like,

369
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,440
Speaker 2: have you heard of mad Lib before? I was like, yeah,

370
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:50,040
Speaker 2: I have, I've heard of them, and he was like, okay, cool.

371
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,400
Speaker 2: So I'm like, all right, that was weird. I'm gonna

372
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:56,280
Speaker 2: ignore that act like whatever, that didn't happen. So we

373
00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:59,119
Speaker 2: sit down at the bar and we're like continuing to talk.

374
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:03,000
Speaker 2: I'm feeling him him order our drinks, and then we

375
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 2: start talking about music and he's like, man, I've just

376
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,840
Speaker 2: been like having these teated debates with people about like

377
00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:13,919
Speaker 2: this mad liveing Freddy gives album. It's the best album

378
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 2: of the year. It's just so amazing. I'm so impressed

379
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:17,560
Speaker 2: that you know who they are.

380
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,679
Speaker 3: She's really texting me like, oh my god, I want

381
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 3: a date and he won't stop talking about.

382
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,480
Speaker 2: Baby Oh oh god. And I'm like he's like, how

383
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,000
Speaker 2: do you know who they are? Like how do you

384
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,720
Speaker 2: know them? Like, where did you ever hear them?

385
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,560
Speaker 1: Before the studio?

386
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,280
Speaker 2: Actually he made the first album in my living room.

387
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,239
Speaker 1: I was like, uh, yeah, I know, I know I

388
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:39,760
Speaker 1: know them.

389
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,800
Speaker 2: And I was like, I'm just gonna tell him because

390
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,199
Speaker 2: this is gets overweight, because I think you're cute and

391
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,760
Speaker 2: maybe if I want a second day, you're gonna follow

392
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,240
Speaker 2: me on Instagram and you're gonna find out.

393
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,879
Speaker 1: So anyway, I told him. It was fine.

394
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,919
Speaker 2: He was shocked or whatever, but we got past that.

395
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,840
Speaker 2: It was just very awkward. I wasn't sure whether I

396
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,840
Speaker 2: had to like end it, end the date, but he

397
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,400
Speaker 2: was fine, so I said, fuck.

398
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 1: It was fine.

399
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,200
Speaker 2: He was fine.

400
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,560
Speaker 1: You know that's always that should be. That should be

401
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,159
Speaker 1: the ending for most sentences.

402
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:05,679
Speaker 2: You know.

403
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,480
Speaker 1: It was a bad idea, but he was fine. So

404
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 1: we did it. No, we didn't do it, but anyway,

405
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 1: so the date was well, it went well.

406
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 2: I went back to his house. We like, we like,

407
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,840
Speaker 2: we continue to drink a different bars. They ended all clothes,

408
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,119
Speaker 2: went to his house. I smoked a little bit and

409
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 2: that was probably what fucking really killed me. And we

410
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,879
Speaker 2: didn't have sex or anything. We just made out, but

411
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,000
Speaker 2: we know we're still chatting but he doesn't even live here.

412
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,359
Speaker 2: He lives in New York. And I've realized too, like

413
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 2: through these last two experience, I mean, through him whatever

414
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,080
Speaker 2: and through my R and b BOO and just in general,

415
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,439
Speaker 2: like the theme of that's been happening is just like

416
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,359
Speaker 2: I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not even ready

417
00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:46,280
Speaker 2: to really even be open to one, like I thought

418
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,159
Speaker 2: I was ready to even be open to one. But

419
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,640
Speaker 2: I don't know how to establish boundaries. I'm not good

420
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:54,120
Speaker 2: at boundaries like I did I flexed my boundaries like one.

421
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 1: Time with happiness. I'm curious and I'm like, I'm cured.

422
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 2: I'm cured. I've I've I've solved the puzzle. I know

423
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 2: how to established boundaries, and I just I don't, like

424
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:07,720
Speaker 2: I'm not good at I'm all in and or all out,

425
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 2: and that's like that's how I try to like define

426
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,600
Speaker 2: who I am sometimes, but it doesn't have to be

427
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:15,960
Speaker 2: that way, and I don't want it to be that

428
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 2: way because it doesn't serve me well, like being all in.

429
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 1: Or all out.

430
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,480
Speaker 3: Oh yeah no, no, you know, in the same way,

431
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,200
Speaker 3: like and when I love you once, I like you,

432
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 3: we're making love, like I'm making dinner, it goes it

433
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:30,919
Speaker 3: goes deep immediately.

434
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,120
Speaker 1: But yeah, we probably have to practice, like.

435
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 2: I really have to establish boundaries. Even the patterns said

436
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 2: that hadn't told me that I really have to work

437
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:43,119
Speaker 2: hard at boundaries. And it's like listening. They're listening to

438
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 2: my conversations.

439
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,439
Speaker 3: Pattern tells me every day, every day, I'm not going

440
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,119
Speaker 3: to have a traditional monogamous relationship.

441
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,160
Speaker 1: So maybe I should just fucking start listening to pattern

442
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 1: and just get that one out of my head. Literally

443
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:55,400
Speaker 1: every other dance.

444
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,399
Speaker 3: With my Pattern tells me, you might think that you

445
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 3: want this type of regular, traditional monogmalus relationship, but that's

446
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:03,440
Speaker 3: not for you, and clearly I'm fighting it.

447
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then so me and Jamila were like chatting

448
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,880
Speaker 2: on the phone We're gone and stuff and talking our shit,

449
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,919
Speaker 2: and I was realizing that I say, like, fuck these

450
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 2: niggas a lot, like we have Fuck these nigga ain't shit.

451
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:19,880
Speaker 2: Niggas ain't shit.

452
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 1: Fuck them, fuck this, fuck that, and.

453
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:27,239
Speaker 2: You're stupid, And it's like, actually, I want to be

454
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 2: more like them. I'm more mad at myself that I

455
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 2: can't be more like them. Because men know how to

456
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,359
Speaker 2: establish boundaries.

457
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,160
Speaker 1: Men juggle twelve bitches at the times.

458
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 2: And not all men, but a lot of men know

459
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 2: how to establish boundaries, and we get mad by their

460
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 2: boundaries and then we say fuck them like that, fuck

461
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 2: you for prioritizing your shit over me, like fuck you

462
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,880
Speaker 2: for canceling we have this plan, I don't give a fuck.

463
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,719
Speaker 1: You don't want to see me, you know.

464
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 2: And it's like I think I'm done with the fuck

465
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 2: these niggas line, and because I feel like, yeah, yeah,

466
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,159
Speaker 2: there definitely are like terrible men out there, but a

467
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 2: lot of times I'm mad because they didn't do what

468
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 2: I wanted them to do, you know, like like my

469
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,440
Speaker 2: R and b Boo didn't give me the affection I

470
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 2: wanted him to give me, like I felt like he

471
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,479
Speaker 2: was supposed to, Like why is he supposed to you know,

472
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,480
Speaker 2: like he's not my man, Like our connection was purely

473
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 2: based in sex.

474
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:18,959
Speaker 1: You know.

475
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 2: And so I just I feel like I want to

476
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 2: be more like them.

477
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 3: I just I want to stop making unrealistic expectations. I mean,

478
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 3: being honest is not an unrealistic expectation.

479
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 1: But I just don't want to be so gung ho

480
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,160
Speaker 1: on having someone that.

481
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, like you'll accept anything, yes, because that's what I

482
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 3: was seeing like MI macking my my realationship with my

483
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 3: baby daddy, like making excuses like, oh, that was just

484
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:46,920
Speaker 3: one time, that was.

485
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,440
Speaker 1: Just this, that was just that, that was just this,

486
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:49,640
Speaker 1: that was just you know what I mean.

487
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,199
Speaker 3: But in reality, it was just that this person is

488
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 3: right right, and I need to accept that and I

489
00:22:54,640 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 3: need to fucking walk away instead of clinging. And I'm

490
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 3: not a clingy person or anything like that word, but

491
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 3: it's but it is, it's sick. It's just because I

492
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 3: want to have someone to feel like I have someone

493
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 3: I can call, even if that person's not even living

494
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,119
Speaker 3: in this city. There's some type of it provided some

495
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,160
Speaker 3: type of comfort for me.

496
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,959
Speaker 2: Someone who's calling you and you look forward to it

497
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 2: like oh, hey, oh I'm loved, Oh I'm needed, Oh

498
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,360
Speaker 2: I'm wanted, you know.

499
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 1: And then like what are these fake ass boundaries I've

500
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 1: put on his dick, like I have was there two

501
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 1: days ago.

502
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,639
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna have sex with that forty eight hour gap,

503
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,959
Speaker 3: Like I know we're not together, but at least give

504
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,439
Speaker 3: it seventy two hours and when I leave town, you know,

505
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 3: like what kind of weird dumb shit is that?

506
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 1: Like why did I think that that was realistic.

507
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:39,199
Speaker 2: It's not.

508
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I just it doesn't matter. Whatever the fuck

509
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: you do with your body is your body.

510
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 3: If I share to share, if I share my body

511
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 3: with you, and then I feel some type.

512
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 1: Of way about how you know you're handling yourself.

513
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 3: I need, I need to really reevaluate who I'm giving

514
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 3: my body to.

515
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 1: Then if I feel.

516
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,200
Speaker 2: Sorry, well, also are you are you upholding those rules

517
00:23:58,240 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 2: to yourself too?

518
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,479
Speaker 1: Right? You know what I mean? I mean, like you

519
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 1: are you doing that for him? Right? So you can't

520
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 1: be that bad. All I also want to say is

521
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,000
Speaker 1: I just want everyone to know.

522
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 3: Everybody listen, listen those six months wore I didn't have sex.

523
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 3: Yeah great, I started having sex and all downhill everything

524
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 3: I had slightly tried to like change just gradually I

525
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 3: got really far away from that because I feel like,

526
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 3: for me, I have sex in hopes that I don't.

527
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 2: Know I'll find value in you. No, not, I don't

528
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 2: even I don't know, because I mean I do that all.

529
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 3: Like to for so many reasons. I have sex, like

530
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,639
Speaker 3: to get one up on you. Oh you hang out

531
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:48,240
Speaker 3: with somebody else, I can hang out with somebody else too, Oh,

532
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 3: I like, yeah, I want to consummate like these feelings.

533
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 3: I want to ignore the feelings that I know you're

534
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 3: probably not the naked for me, but have sex with

535
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,640
Speaker 3: me because I'll forget, you know, like there's all these

536
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 3: reasons I'm having sex, and shit, sometimes I'm not even

537
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 3: like coming, Like am I even satisfied from these interactions?

538
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 3: Or what am I trying to get out of this

539
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 3: this sexual exchange? And I tell my friend the other day,

540
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 3: I tell my friend Shannie, it's like being fake sad,

541
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:14,360
Speaker 3: like my.

542
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: Heart is broken, and she was.

543
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 3: Like, your heart's been broken for a long time and

544
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 3: I've ignored her.

545
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 1: And then later she's like, do you know what I

546
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 1: meant by that?

547
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 3: Like somebody broke your heart early, like as a child.

548
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 1: She's like, think about it. She's like, maybe it was

549
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: your parents.

550
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,440
Speaker 3: You know your parents had a really how do you

551
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 3: say to emotional relationship and someone broke your heart then

552
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 3: and now you're trying to repair it in other relationships.

553
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 3: She's like, even your relationships with women, how do you

554
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,239
Speaker 3: think your relationship with other women reflect you and your

555
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:47,479
Speaker 3: mom's relationship? And she's like, I think you're impatient with

556
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,160
Speaker 3: your and your friendships because you're impatient with your mom,

557
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 3: and I was just like, oh fuck, not this, these

558
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 3: these childhood issues again creeping back into my adulthood. But

559
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 3: I'm realizing that is so real, you know, like first

560
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,919
Speaker 3: healing those first relationships. How the fuck am I gonna

561
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 3: try and get somebody else to love me if I

562
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 3: haven't even taken the time to really examine what was

563
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 3: What were my first heartaches, my heartbreaks and how I

564
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 3: have I how has that bled into my how I

565
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 3: receive love now? I attract to shit? All my relationships

566
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 3: can be hectic, even though this is only like really

567
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 3: my second one.

568
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 1: But I've accepted it. It's okay.

569
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 3: I feel like that's normal and I can keep doing

570
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 3: it and have sex and it's fine. But that's not

571
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 3: normal and I need to really examine.

572
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,160
Speaker 2: Well, maybe like you're you did the six months thing,

573
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:41,479
Speaker 2: but you were you were consistently dating throughout that time, right,

574
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,400
Speaker 2: so you weren't really healing the actual thing that needs

575
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 2: to be healed. Yeah, the sex is a thing, but

576
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,159
Speaker 2: what really needs to be healed is why, what is

577
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:53,639
Speaker 2: this desire for attention? What is this desire for feeling

578
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 2: needed or desired or you know, because you could you

579
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:02,399
Speaker 2: still got some sort of play. You're not having sex,

580
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,719
Speaker 2: you were still getting the pleasure that you wanted and

581
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,159
Speaker 2: needed and or like that was feeding into whatever it

582
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 2: is that you need to heal. So you were like

583
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 2: only halfway doing the work maybe, you know.

584
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I realized that now, and I realized like

585
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,119
Speaker 3: probably not dating and not drink to not have sex,

586
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:20,920
Speaker 3: Like there's all these things.

587
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:25,399
Speaker 2: Well, because alcohol definitely makes everyone like say fuck it,

588
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 2: fuck it. Yeah, it's a lot easier to say fuck it.

589
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 2: I'll deal with it tomorrow. I'm having fun. This is fun.

590
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,320
Speaker 2: I want to be fun. I'm having like you know, fuck,

591
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 2: we only lived once, you know, it's like our favorite thing,

592
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 2: you know. And it's like you've end up feeling fucked

593
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 2: up and you know you're crying on a bus.

594
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:40,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, like me.

595
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,680
Speaker 3: And that's also that was another thing, like what with

596
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 3: me feeling bad about it? And I what am I

597
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 3: feeling bad about? I'm feeling bad that he was intimate

598
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,920
Speaker 3: with somebody else, But like I was like I was

599
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,920
Speaker 3: kind of feeling bad about myself. But I'm like, but why,

600
00:27:56,160 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 3: you know, like how he his actions shouldn't place like

601
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 3: take away or add value to me in any way

602
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,160
Speaker 3: shape form or fashion, And why am I giving him

603
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 3: the power like over my my self worth, you know,

604
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,400
Speaker 3: like you know how pictures do looking through the pictures

605
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 3: zooming in.

606
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 2: Oh her boots are bigger than mine. Yeah, Oh I'm cuter,

607
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 2: my face is cuter. Oh she's shut.

608
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:19,240
Speaker 1: Oh she's trying.

609
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:25,120
Speaker 3: And then like literally like obsessing over like a fucking psychopath,

610
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 3: and like thinking about them having sex.

611
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 1: Is it better than my sex? No? No way, there's

612
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 1: no way for real.

613
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 3: But it's just like it's just like self inflicting bullshit

614
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,840
Speaker 3: that I could have avoided because it has nothing to do.

615
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,479
Speaker 1: With me, you know, Like I'm worthy. I know I'm

616
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: the shit.

617
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 3: Like, and when someone recognizes that, it will happen and

618
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 3: we're compatible and it works, it will just happen that way,

619
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I won't have to like

620
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 3: fight my way to the top. I'm no winner.

621
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 2: Look well that and also like make excuses for his actions,

622
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 2: you know, because I feel like Happy Babe showed you things.

623
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Young Bay showed you did things that your

624
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 2: baby daddy did, But you've normalized, you normalize that for

625
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 2: so long that it was easy for you to normalize

626
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 2: it in this relationship because.

627
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 1: It because it was a little better, right, maybe a

628
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 1: lot better but still not right, still still similar.

629
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 2: Like he was better than him and that was.

630
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: Enough, right right, Oh you're not that person.

631
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 2: Great?

632
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 1: You know it's like I get it.

633
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 2: I was actually speaking of happy Babe. He put up

634
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 2: this quote on his Instagram. I think you said it

635
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 2: saw it too, and it was like it struck. First

636
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 2: of all, I saw it, I was like annoyed. But

637
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 2: then I was like, what am I annoyed by? This

638
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 2: is so true, like this is yeah. It said stop

639
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 2: trying to find the one and be the one. And

640
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 2: I was like, so what are you trying to say?

641
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 2: I'm not the one? And I was like, okay, this

642
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 2: is not about me, psychopath. And then I was like, damn,

643
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 2: that quote is so powerful, like it's so true, like

644
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 2: stop trying to find the one and be the one.

645
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 2: Fill yourself up like be that. Like you can be

646
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 2: lonely about you can be lonely. You can like you

647
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 2: won't want partnership, but not like not try to force

648
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 2: it because you need someone, right, you know you need

649
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 2: Do you feel like you need to take care of

650
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 2: somebody because you're not really taking care of yourself.

651
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: This is what we do.

652
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 3: We like project our our once, like the potential that

653
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 3: we see in people, and then we blur it as

654
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 3: a reality and in fact it ain't like you are.

655
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 3: Maybe you could be my husband, maybe you could be

656
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 3: Prince Charming, but we could just work on these little

657
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:34,520
Speaker 3: things and then we can be.

658
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 1: Together forever, which is psycho well.

659
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 2: I think we always start thinking about what our future

660
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,920
Speaker 2: looks like with someone we have one good night.

661
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're like, oh, what would our futures look like?

662
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 1: What our kids look like? Do you want kids? Don't

663
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 1: let the guy want kids? And maybe he says he's

664
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 1: in the marriage.

665
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 3: I think that was a lot with the young Bay too,

666
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 3: But obviously he was lying, but obviously he's not ready

667
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 3: for shit.

668
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 1: But I think that was.

669
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 3: An appeal too, Like he wanted, he wanted family, he

670
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 3: wanted to settle down.

671
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, look a good guy wanted to

672
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 1: do the right thing. You and your goddamn picket fence,

673
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 1: and I do like, but then I want to do

674
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 1: crazy ship.

675
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 2: You can have a crazy life and a picket fence,

676
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 2: not crazy life, but like you know, some spots you

677
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 2: can have what you want and the picket fence.

678
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 3: You know, it's just you go, Yeah, you have someone

679
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 3: who can do the ship with get be with the ship.

680
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean I feel you. I'm just like

681
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 2: I think like the I also think like going back

682
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 2: to like not saying fuck these niggas, well, that's not

683
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 2: good terrible energy. Why how why would I ever attract

684
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 2: an amazing man if I'm constantly saying how whack all men?

685
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: And you know, even saying it from Alona sometimes we're

686
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 1: just talking.

687
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 3: I'm like, she's gonna subconsciously she'll hear that.

688
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, It's like, how am I ever going to attract

689
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 2: a good man if I'm generalizing all men and saying

690
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 2: all men are whack? All men are done.

691
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 3: Instead of being like if I chose the wrong person

692
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 3: and that person didn't value me, yeah, or mean like

693
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 3: we're in different growth places. We're different places in our

694
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 3: growth and so it doesn't we're not compatible.

695
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 1: But what I will say, in this relationship.

696
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 3: I've only had like three, I am proud that I

697
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 3: was able to just like be expressive, like I think

698
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 3: a lot of times in other relationships, I just try

699
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 3: to be hardcore because I am, but like I won't cry.

700
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 3: I just like I am pretty good for that. Even

701
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 3: when I looked through his shit, I was like, it's

702
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 3: all good, dog, Like, that's a lot of bitches. Like

703
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 3: usually I can remember like two names. These are a thousand.

704
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 3: I'm like, but it's all good. Like I can rationalize

705
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 3: things in my head, but sometimes I think that's like

706
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 3: me sweeping them under the carpet. So for the first time,

707
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 3: I just was expressive, like, my feelings are hurt, I'll

708
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 3: have tears of.

709
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 1: Her, and then I can move past it.

710
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 3: So I'm trying to be more aware of giving myself

711
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 3: the space to feel and to care and then to

712
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 3: examine why.

713
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 1: I feel this way.

714
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 3: But and then sometimes there is no why. I just

715
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 3: my feelings are fucking hurt. But I mean, I guess

716
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:04,479
Speaker 3: that was learning. It's just all learning.

717
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 2: You know.

718
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 1: I'm realizing I've wasted time just when I'm not ready.

719
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 2: Well, you didn't give yourself enough time. I think in

720
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 2: between you know, baby Daddy and him, you know you

721
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 2: wanted something to replace him.

722
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 1: I did. It was like a year or two.

723
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're still dabbling in the baby Daddy pot

724
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 2: and me, you know, feeding into all the negativity. You

725
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 2: guys were talking going back and forth, like you're in

726
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 2: a toxic relationship, you know, like and and you you

727
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 2: guys have you know, that's probably gonna go on for

728
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 2: a while because that's just who he is, you know.

729
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 1: But like we need you need, you need me need.

730
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 2: We need space to heal, and it's hard to do

731
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 2: that with someone else. Yes, you can heal with someone too,

732
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 2: because I find a lot of people are like, I

733
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 2: have to be single in order to grow, and it's like, no,

734
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 2: you don't. But there's certain things though that like, yeah,

735
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 2: I do to be alone to do this. I really

736
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 2: can't fully address what's happening here if you're in my

737
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,440
Speaker 2: space and in my energy.

738
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 3: Well, I think the first thing is I'm realizing is

739
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 3: like we don't ever want to admit it because we

740
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 3: want to say, oh, I love myself. I think I'm great,

741
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 3: and I do, but I've had to re examine like

742
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:24,880
Speaker 3: finding value in myself, like really really valuing myself, my time,

743
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,359
Speaker 3: my energy, because when you value yourself when someone else

744
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 3: doesn't value you, like when young Bay what for a reason,

745
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 3: I felt betrayal, I felt like threatened. But if I

746
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 3: valued myself, I'd be like, oh, it's not a big deal.

747
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 3: Because I am aware of my self worth and whatever

748
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 3: you do outside of me is not doesn't threaten that,

749
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,439
Speaker 3: and it doesn't bother me, you know what I mean.

750
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: So like I had to examine that too.

751
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 3: Like why do I feel subconsciously like I deserve certain

752
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 3: behaviors and keep attracting people like that?

753
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 2: No? For sure, for sure.

754
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 3: I'm thinking I want to, like maybe take myself on

755
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:05,759
Speaker 3: a date sometimes we should, you know, like take care

756
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 3: of myself more so that the next person who says

757
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 3: they like me, I'm not just like by like, you know.

758
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 2: Maybe you need to get off hinge. Okay, because why

759
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 2: are you on there if you're not if you're going

760
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,400
Speaker 2: on dating detalks.

761
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 1: Because it's kind of fun. But I'm gonna get.

762
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:23,880
Speaker 2: It's ego and it's based in validation.

763
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,799
Speaker 1: But that's another thing. Like I am so I'm addicted

764
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 1: to people.

765
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:31,799
Speaker 3: I love to meet new people, I love to hang

766
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:32,760
Speaker 3: out over drinks.

767
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that but that's a line that gets blurred

768
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 2: between liking people and needing them to validate you.

769
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 3: I know, I'm just needing to be distracted by other

770
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 3: people's that are doing because it's new, it's refreshing.

771
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,359
Speaker 2: Because you're on Hinge. People are not looking to just

772
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 2: be your friend, Jamula, They're looking to fuck or to date.

773
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:52,319
Speaker 2: Like like, if you want to be people, then go

774
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 2: out and meet people, don't seek them out on dating apps.

775
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 2: You know you can meet new people. You like to

776
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,400
Speaker 2: go out anyway. We go out and me meet people

777
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 2: all the time. But going on a hinge app 're

778
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 2: going on there for a purpose. The purpose is validation

779
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 2: most literally, it is those apps are based in validation.

780
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 1: Because all you see is how great you are.

781
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,840
Speaker 2: All you see our pictures, you know, like for sure,

782
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 2: I mean even me, Like I'm not Fay saying I'm

783
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 2: going on a dating detox, but I know I'm not.

784
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 2: I'm open to just hanging out with people. But because

785
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:29,479
Speaker 2: but I'm not, I don't. I can't even I think

786
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 2: because I was in love or I don't even know

787
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 2: if it was in love. Now I think I was

788
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 2: beginning to really be in love with Happy Bay, Like

789
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 2: at least now I know it's possible, because at first

790
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 2: I didn't even think I could, Like I just felt

791
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 2: like I can't, I'll never be able to love someone

792
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 2: to the capacity that I loved my baby daddy. Yet

793
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 2: now I'm into place now that happy Bay and I

794
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,919
Speaker 2: are done and we're cool or whatever. Like I don't

795
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 2: have I don't even have a desire even the guy

796
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 2: that I'm d like, not dating, not dating, talking to

797
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 2: from hinge or whatever in New York, like I did

798
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 2: all that I did, like the crazy what would her

799
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 2: future look like? Oh shit, in my head already aren't they?

800
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 2: But I'm kind of just like whatever. I mean, I'm

801
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 2: I'm chatting people on Hinge. Yeah, do I have any

802
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 2: dates lined up?

803
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 3: No?

804
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 2: I just I feel like I do. I kind of

805
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 2: really do need to just be alone and like figure

806
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:29,240
Speaker 2: that out. But we're not deleting Hinge.

807
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 1: So you told me I should do it. Well, I

808
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 1: think that you you're therapizing me. Yeah, I think you're

809
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 1: saying you're I.

810
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 2: Mean, you're to think I'm judging you. But I think

811
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:42,959
Speaker 2: that you need to delete Hinge more than.

812
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: I need to delete Hinge.

813
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 2: To be honest. If I'm being honest and I'm not

814
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 2: telling I don't want to tell you that, and you

815
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 2: feel like you can't tell me shit, because that's not

816
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 2: the point of me telling you.

817
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:53,720
Speaker 1: I'm only telling you this as your friend.

818
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:57,040
Speaker 2: I just feel like you need to just really like

819
00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 2: because you like people more than I do. I don't

820
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 2: like people that much. I don't need to, like go

821
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 2: have a drink with someone just because, like me, it

822
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:04,400
Speaker 2: looks nice.

823
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 1: On their profile.

824
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:06,320
Speaker 2: Like, I'm like, I'm cool.

825
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,359
Speaker 1: Bye, I'm like, he studies a feminist, I'm going out

826
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 1: for a drink.

827
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like that doesn't I'm like, I'm cool. Like I'm

828
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 2: so judgmental. I'm like, yeah, you and everybody else are

829
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 2: intersectional feminists. Bye.

830
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 1: Bye.

831
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 2: It's really especially you're white and you're saying you're intersectional feminist.

832
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, all the black pussy's flocking to you. You're like,

833
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 2: oh my god, he's white and he understands gender sex and.

834
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 1: He's a nice guy. Yeah. I need to chill. I mean,

835
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:35,919
Speaker 1: I know I need to chill.

836
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:39,760
Speaker 3: I mean, this has been an ongoing thing in my life.

837
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 3: This is a theme, like my adult life. It has

838
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 3: somewhat an addiction, my strange addiction, tinge dating. I I

839
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:54,600
Speaker 3: deal with in people because I'm avoiding dealing with my

840
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,360
Speaker 3: fucking self. And it's fun to interact with people, and

841
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 3: it's fun to get the validation and it's fun to

842
00:38:59,080 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 3: get attention.

843
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 1: And I don't mind people. So that's my that's my

844
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,359
Speaker 1: escapism in a weird way because it's it just.

845
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 3: Takes so much energy. But one time, when I first

846
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 3: moved back here, did I tell you? I went to

847
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 3: s l A s l A A meeting?

848
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 2: What is what is that?

849
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 1: Sexual Sex and Love Addicts anonymous meeting because I thought

850
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 1: that I had a problem. Not funny, Wait what do

851
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 1: people do?

852
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 2: People like, yeah, it's a standard and they're like, Hi,

853
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 2: my name is Tomila and I'm a sex and love addict.

854
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 3: Yeah okay, And then I realized, oh shit, I don't

855
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:33,800
Speaker 3: want to be in here forever.

856
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 1: So that was my first and last meeting.

857
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,879
Speaker 3: But the fact that I thought I needed to go

858
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 3: says a lot. And it's in some capacity, you know,

859
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 3: like there's truth to it. And I've I have realized

860
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 3: I really need to go back to my childhood and

861
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 3: figure out where's there?

862
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 1: Where's their void? And why do I feel that?

863
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 3: Why does why do you like trying to fake cultivate

864
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 3: these relationships make me, give me, bring me comfort in

865
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 3: some weird way, but don't you know? And then I saw,

866
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 3: like hurd a lot of infidelity growing up, Like my dad,

867
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 3: I was always like, there's always some shit about some

868
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:14,840
Speaker 3: other bitches or something, and I feel like even that,

869
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:18,840
Speaker 3: I think, but this situation with young Bay, it triggered

870
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 3: those feelings in me, like the abandonment and like the

871
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 3: thought of.

872
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 1: Just someone being able to just get up and leave you.

873
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 3: And that's not really it's weird because those are not

874
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 3: really my fears as so much. I think they're my

875
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,239
Speaker 3: moms and that's what I heard a lot. So I

876
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 3: feel like I adopted a lot of that.

877
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 2: Well, isn't it weird? How Like that's like we we do.

878
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 2: We do adopt those some of the fears that our

879
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 2: parents have, even th when we think we haven't or

880
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:46,920
Speaker 2: we think like, oh no, that's not me, I'm nothing

881
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 2: like you, and then they things pop up and you're like,

882
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 2: oh shit. It's like they show up in different forms.

883
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,399
Speaker 2: I mean even with me and my like my mom too,

884
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:56,880
Speaker 2: Like I remember being a teenager and being like I

885
00:40:56,920 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 2: will never ever be like you, like be like do

886
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 2: that or do this or treat me like this if

887
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 2: that happens. And then I see it come up in

888
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 2: my relationships with men. It's not necessarily with my child yet,

889
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 2: but I see me doing it to men, like making

890
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 2: them feel like they need to like, can you are

891
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 2: you up to par with what I want and need?

892
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 2: Because I find a lot of times, I think a

893
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 2: lot of men for me, they feel like they're not

894
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:27,560
Speaker 2: good enough. And I had to ask myself, why is

895
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:29,439
Speaker 2: it just that they're insecure or what am I doing

896
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 2: to make them feel that way? You know, I think

897
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,719
Speaker 2: I do date insecure men and and then but that

898
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:40,439
Speaker 2: are like disguised as alpha male because that's usually where

899
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 2: what it looks like. But I also know that I

900
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,719
Speaker 2: probably play a part in that as well, you know,

901
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:50,959
Speaker 2: And I've had to I'm still evaluating that and figuring.

902
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: Out why that is.

903
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 3: You know, the evaluation is real. Okay, it's sicking me

904
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 3: like a long time. M hm.

905
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 2: You know, it takes us a lifetime. This should ain't

906
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 2: gonna be this shit is not gonna be solved in

907
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:05,239
Speaker 2: six months. It's not, you know.

908
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 3: And then like the more I really really evaluate it,

909
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:13,600
Speaker 3: I can see that it's so annoying because I'm just like,

910
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 3: it's so clear that until I really take the time to.

911
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 1: Do it, you'll never be in a happy, healthy relationship.

912
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 3: So the longer you drag your feet, bitch, the longer

913
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 3: you keep avoiding it and pretending. The longer you keep

914
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:29,360
Speaker 3: adding people to the mix that you can't provide for

915
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 3: and they can't like you, I'm going to continue to

916
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:34,840
Speaker 3: get the same results and it's not gonna be what

917
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 3: I want.

918
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:37,799
Speaker 1: It's not good. Like, first of all, what the fuck

919
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:38,719
Speaker 1: is it that I do want?

920
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 3: You know, Like, what kind of long term relationship am

921
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 3: I trying to cultivate? And first, let's work on this

922
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 3: relationship with your fucking self before you start recruiting other

923
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:47,240
Speaker 3: people to your bullshit.

924
00:42:47,440 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 2: No, absolutely, yeah, I mean yeah, so that's where we're at.

925
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 3: You lose.

926
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,879
Speaker 2: I need to work on boundaries. You need to work

927
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 2: on not dating boundaries, boundaries or just not a lot.

928
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:17,799
Speaker 2: I feel like you allow people to disrespect you, and

929
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 2: as your friend, I get annoyed. I get upset for you,

930
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 2: Like you don't even get upset, And I'm like, how

931
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 2: the fuck is that? That's not okay? Like I get

932
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:30,479
Speaker 2: upset for you because you're so fucking nice.

933
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,280
Speaker 1: I give a lot of chances.

934
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 2: And like I get that too, and like that's probably

935
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaker 2: one of my shortcomings, is that I don't really give

936
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,240
Speaker 2: a lot of chances, whereas I feel like maybe sometimes

937
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 2: there's been people in my life that deserves them, right,

938
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 2: you know, but like there's also things that are just

939
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 2: straight disrespectful and straight. Yeah, and it's just like shows

940
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 2: people like how they value you, you know what I mean.

941
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 2: And it's like if they can do that and then

942
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:54,320
Speaker 2: you'll forgive them, they're absolutely.

943
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:54,360
Speaker 1: Gonna do it again.

944
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 2: Like and that's and and I that became clear in

945
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 2: my last relationship, constantly forgiving, forgiving, and me knowing like

946
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 2: I would say, I'm forgiving him, knowing I know this

947
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 2: isn't right, but this is a conscious choice. I've accepted it,

948
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 2: and I'm going to forgive him. And this is my business.

949
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 2: And that's it. So when when the shit kept popping up,

950
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 2: it was no one's fault but mine because I kept

951
00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 2: I kept giving him the okay to do it. You know,

952
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:21,360
Speaker 2: there's no consequences.

953
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, God, I talking about signs and not following him

954
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 3: and like going against your gut. Even so I wrote

955
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 3: this whole post because on my way to New York

956
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 3: or to Philly, I got into my baby daddy and

957
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 3: he said some really fucked up shits meet in the

958
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 3: car next to Luna, and it upset the fuck out

959
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:42,879
Speaker 3: of me. He's just super disrespectful he did in front

960
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 3: of Luna. I was fucking livid. But this is like

961
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:47,359
Speaker 3: our relationship, like him disrespecting me.

962
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 1: This is just who he is. This is like a

963
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 1: part of it is because I've accepted that this is

964
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 1: what this is what he's gonna do, and he's gonna

965
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 1: be like, I love you tomorrow. You know I didn't

966
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:55,239
Speaker 1: mean it.

967
00:44:56,160 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 3: So upon getting to Philly, Young Bay was there. We

968
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:02,360
Speaker 3: were fine, we were good, and then I was supposed

969
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 3: to go back.

970
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 1: He went back.

971
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,320
Speaker 3: I was supposed to meet him, but I was debating

972
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:07,799
Speaker 3: if I was gonna go to Bethlehem with Erica, if

973
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 3: we're gonna take the train, whatever. I didn't respond in

974
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:12,839
Speaker 3: a timely fashion. I guess, And this, I guess, says

975
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 3: to me in a text message.

976
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 1: I guess he flipped out. I don't know what he

977
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 1: was going through. He says, I could see why your

978
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 1: baby daddy talks to you the way he did. When

979
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 1: I say, trigger, trigger, trigger triggered the fuck out of me.

980
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 1: It was like, within three days of the first situation

981
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 1: that already pissed me the fuck off. And after that

982
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 1: I was like, and did he know that you had?

983
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:37,359
Speaker 2: Did you express to him what he had said.

984
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 3: Yes, And sometimes I'm really like careful about expressing stuff

985
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 3: because I feel people like don't want to hear about it,

986
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 3: or like you know, like I'm sure you've heard me

987
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 3: discuss it four hundred thousand times and it's just like

988
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 3: who wants to keep carrying the show? But I did

989
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 3: express that, and then of course he apologized, and.

990
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:55,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, you don't understand, Like, first of all, no,

991
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 1: I you do understand what that meant. And I think

992
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 1: that's a red flag for me when people take what

993
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 1: I've told them in confidence and in vulnerability and then

994
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,359
Speaker 1: like try to shoot it at me in a place

995
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,400
Speaker 1: to hurt me. I don't fuck with that at all.

996
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 2: Well, he's basically saying you deserve it, yeah, and it.

997
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 3: Was such a trigger for me, and also like you

998
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,280
Speaker 3: did it with intentions to try and hurt my feelings.

999
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 3: I don't believe in loving that way, Like you could

1000
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 3: tell me anything, and I'm not gonna bring it up

1001
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 3: in an argument the next day because I know that's weak.

1002
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:24,800
Speaker 1: So that had already happened.

1003
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 3: And then I continue to brush shit under the carpet

1004
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 3: because I'm crazy, but it's true because I'm so used

1005
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 3: to that type of pattern and that cycle with my

1006
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,319
Speaker 3: baby's daddy, that like, I'm kind of used to doing that,

1007
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 3: and I want to see the good in him. I'm like,

1008
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,919
Speaker 3: well he's not as bad as this person. And he's like, oh,

1009
00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 3: you think I'm like him? You think I would hit you?

1010
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:45,200
Speaker 3: And I was like, I don't know. This is how

1011
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:45,800
Speaker 3: it starts.

1012
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,319
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm getting triggered, you know what I mean,

1013
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,759
Speaker 1: because that's true, and it took you know, well, your.

1014
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 2: Baby dad didn't hit you off the jump. It's like

1015
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 2: pushing and pushing. Oh yeah, pushing. Oh I get a

1016
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 2: win that. Oh I that, Oh I get win that.

1017
00:46:58,640 --> 00:46:59,279
Speaker 1: Oh let me put it?

1018
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 2: Let me like sure real quick, Oh let me shake her.

1019
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 1: It was like a four year It was like a lot, like.

1020
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 2: It never shows up at first like that. It's a progression.

1021
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 3: It's a verbal It's like I'm gonna I'm gonna hurt

1022
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 3: I'm gonna hurt you physically in a way it doesn't

1023
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 3: leave marks, and then it just gradually gets worse and

1024
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 3: worse and worse until you wake up you're like, Okay,

1025
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 3: who the fuck am I what's happening? And that's literally

1026
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:21,760
Speaker 3: what happened to me. So when I SAWT like even

1027
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 3: knowing that and knowing, okay, like this, I told her

1028
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 3: like I'm done. Of course I lied, But then I

1029
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 3: should have known not even then last year there was

1030
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 3: some disrespect and I should have known, like, oh, this

1031
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 3: motherfucker has the potential to switch it up real quick

1032
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 3: and be disrespectful.

1033
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:36,960
Speaker 1: I don't argue that way. I can get loud, I

1034
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 1: can get crazy, but I don't know. I don't fight.

1035
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:41,359
Speaker 3: I don't really fight dirty that way, and I don't

1036
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 3: really want to fuck with anyone who does. I've been there,

1037
00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:45,360
Speaker 3: I've done that, and so you know, there's all these

1038
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:50,919
Speaker 3: these uh indications and these red flags that have been there,

1039
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:54,160
Speaker 3: and I've just ignored and ignored and ignored because I'd

1040
00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 3: rather feel validated and loved on the weekend instead of

1041
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:58,560
Speaker 3: really dealing with the person that you really are.

1042
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 2: Well, that's that holds more weight for you than your

1043
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:04,759
Speaker 2: self love right now, right and it needs to like

1044
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 2: come back to the balance. Me too in a lot

1045
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 2: of ways too. I mean, I abuse showed up for

1046
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 2: me in a different way, you know, and also like

1047
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 2: accepting things that I know are unacceptable showed up for me.

1048
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 1: In different ways.

1049
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 2: I'm no by and no means fucking perfect at all.

1050
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:22,000
Speaker 1: You know.

1051
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:23,839
Speaker 2: Like I told Youmila the other day, I was like,

1052
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 2: that's why I mute people that I don't want to

1053
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:28,319
Speaker 2: fuck with. And she's like, oh, that's really funny because

1054
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 2: I just saw you comment on his last picture, bitch,

1055
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 2: and I was like, whatever, he liked my photo and

1056
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:37,359
Speaker 2: I went into his page and that's why I commented.

1057
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 2: So no, I ain't got this shit all figured out,

1058
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 2: and I want you to know, like, I don't want

1059
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 2: you feeling like you can't express things to me because

1060
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,239
Speaker 2: I'm judging you. I just care about you, and I

1061
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:49,320
Speaker 2: know that some of your other friends might feel uncomfortable

1062
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:51,880
Speaker 2: telling you shit because you're very reactive.

1063
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 1: Apparently all my friends are afraid of me, and so

1064
00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 1: am I.

1065
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 2: So I think I know. I know how that is.

1066
00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 2: And most most people don't tell me about myself because

1067
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 2: I'm so opinionated. I think they're scared so like, and

1068
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 2: I wish they did more. I really do. Friends, if

1069
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 2: you're listening, tell me about myself, please, But like, I

1070
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 2: love you and I want the best for you. And

1071
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:12,799
Speaker 2: that's why I like when I see people disrespecting you

1072
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:15,080
Speaker 2: and you tolerating it. It pisses me off. I'm like,

1073
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,120
Speaker 2: why the fuck is she friends with this person? This

1074
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 2: person does not value her. And I'm sure there's people

1075
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:22,359
Speaker 2: in my life maybe I think mostly it follows under

1076
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 2: the man category for me that don't value me as well,

1077
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 2: and that I need that someone needs to tell me

1078
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 2: too and remind me also, because you know, I think

1079
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,120
Speaker 2: we're both pretty self aware people and will acknowledge it,

1080
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:34,919
Speaker 2: you know. So I just, I just I just want

1081
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:35,319
Speaker 2: you to know.

1082
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:37,839
Speaker 3: That I love you and I and I recognize it,

1083
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:39,840
Speaker 3: and I recognize that I give a lot of chances

1084
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 3: and that and.

1085
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,719
Speaker 2: That's not necessarily a bad thing. But there's certain people

1086
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:46,880
Speaker 2: that just don't deserve chances, right, Like give a few

1087
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:49,439
Speaker 2: and then it's like, Okay, this is who you are.

1088
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 2: Let me believe you. Let me believe you, right, because

1089
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:57,759
Speaker 2: we're actions are to speak way louder than words. Every

1090
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 2: single time people can say shit, mother fucking day, you know,

1091
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:07,359
Speaker 2: it's the actions, it's like, and like, you know, I'm

1092
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 2: fucking so bad at that when it comes to men too,

1093
00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:11,799
Speaker 2: Like I really want to be with you, really want

1094
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 2: to be with you, but I'm never coming to see you.

1095
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:16,799
Speaker 2: But but he still but he told me he loves me,

1096
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:20,879
Speaker 2: so we're good, right, No, right, that's like, no, we're

1097
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 2: not good.

1098
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 1: After I like there was funny.

1099
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:24,759
Speaker 3: He's like, but I love you, like I don't care

1100
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:26,960
Speaker 3: about any with other women, like I I'm in love

1101
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 3: with you though, I'm like, tell me anything.

1102
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 1: I was gonna say something. Oh one more thing that

1103
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 1: triggered me. I mean, I've never it's real trigger if

1104
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 1: I was just trying to like search for some shit.

1105
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:49,560
Speaker 1: I brought Luna with me on my trip. It's not recording,

1106
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:54,360
Speaker 1: it's dead. Fuck we're supposed to be recording our episode

1107
00:50:54,440 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 1: in the fun time. Anyway, I brought lu on the trip,

1108
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:05,359
Speaker 1: and you know, he was hanging out with us and

1109
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 1: being so affectionate with Luda, and it's like, of course,

1110
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:08,840
Speaker 1: it warms.

1111
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 3: My heart to see her remotely like care about someone

1112
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:14,719
Speaker 3: I care about. Granted it's the only person she's ever

1113
00:51:14,719 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 3: seen me or like be kind of cuddly with or whatever.

1114
00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 3: But the next day, when I found out he had

1115
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:25,719
Speaker 3: like slept of somebody like the night before being around us,

1116
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 3: I was like, how dare you be all to my

1117
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 3: my kid's face and all in my face knowing you

1118
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,080
Speaker 3: were all up on somebody else last night.

1119
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 1: And he was like, that's so low to bring Luna

1120
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 1: into this, and I was like, is it? Is it?

1121
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 1: We're the same, we're connected, cheat on how you cheated

1122
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:43,360
Speaker 1: on me? But it wasn't cheating, but it was.

1123
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 2: Man, that's why you have to be careful. Who's so

1124
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 2: you bring around.

1125
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:49,600
Speaker 3: Luna and that and I had I had to read,

1126
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,840
Speaker 3: I had to think about that, and I'm like, and

1127
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't have regrets about it. I don't

1128
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:56,279
Speaker 3: feel bad about it. But I'm like, Okay, that's why.

1129
00:51:57,560 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 3: How necessary if I'm just casually dating some one and

1130
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 3: you're fucking other people? And it's not even about the

1131
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 3: fucking of other people, it's just like, do you need

1132
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:05,359
Speaker 3: to be around my kid?

1133
00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:06,920
Speaker 1: Probably not like you.

1134
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:09,239
Speaker 3: Does my kid need to be having any attachments to

1135
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:10,359
Speaker 3: the guys I date?

1136
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

1137
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,239
Speaker 3: Probably not, And I'm not I'm sure she's not gonna

1138
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:15,560
Speaker 3: be crying. She don't care a fuck, you know what

1139
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:17,880
Speaker 3: I'm saying, Like, oh me, I care, but like.

1140
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean, this was a learning experience because

1141
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 2: had it not happened, you maybe would have done it

1142
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 2: again and again and like kids do develop attachments, whether

1143
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:29,600
Speaker 2: or not you realize it or not. Like my mom

1144
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:31,440
Speaker 2: had a boyfriend that she didn't even realize how attached

1145
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:33,040
Speaker 2: I was to him when it was over, you know

1146
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 2: what I mean, those type of things that aren't big

1147
00:52:35,719 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 2: deals to me and you, but are bigger deals to them.

1148
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:41,879
Speaker 1: And I noticed when I was over there.

1149
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 3: When we got over there, I had a weird vibe.

1150
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:46,479
Speaker 3: I already knew or could already feel.

1151
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 1: Something was that, like you know you can feel if

1152
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:49,960
Speaker 1: your nick has been with somebody else, like the energy's off.

1153
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 3: And Lena was looking at me and she's like, she's like,

1154
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,520
Speaker 3: you look sad. And I was like, no, I'm tired.

1155
00:52:57,640 --> 00:52:59,320
Speaker 3: And she's like, oh, well, you look sad.

1156
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,160
Speaker 1: And I was like, god, damn, I'm this like a

1157
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:07,279
Speaker 1: little baby for real.

1158
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 3: And then I noticed that she would tell other people like, oh,

1159
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:12,879
Speaker 3: my mom's boyfriend, my mom's boyfriend, and I'm like, so

1160
00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 3: she is in some way like, well he was he

1161
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:19,440
Speaker 3: was my boyfriend. So you know, right right, Lena, I

1162
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 3: need to talk to you. We've broken up again, you know,

1163
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 3: I gotta talk to you.

1164
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 1: We're back off.

1165
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 3: Okay, don't tell anybody that information, but it you know,

1166
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 3: it just it just it just made me see how

1167
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,000
Speaker 3: like it's really not to be played with. How I

1168
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 3: can't just be calling people my boyfriend if I have

1169
00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:36,560
Speaker 3: a boyfriend and that like I can't do boyfriend things

1170
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 3: if you're not my boyfriend, because it's not just me.

1171
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:40,400
Speaker 1: There is another person.

1172
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 3: Involved here, you know, and she thinks you're my boyfriend,

1173
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:43,560
Speaker 3: and now I gotta tell her you're not.

1174
00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:51,600
Speaker 1: Mommy got dumped. Anyway, you have other delusions.

1175
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:59,080
Speaker 2: Well, I'm a lighter note, switch it up real real quick.

1176
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:00,760
Speaker 1: Because that's just depressing.

1177
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 2: That was a little heavy, and you know, but you know,

1178
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 2: it's this is where we're at. We have a good

1179
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:09,400
Speaker 2: horror story.

1180
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:10,440
Speaker 1: We do.

1181
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:14,319
Speaker 3: We're gonna but are gonna talk about cinespia?

1182
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:15,840
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

1183
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 1: Okay. We went to go and see Boys in the

1184
00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:20,799
Speaker 1: Heads on Saturday. It was really fun. We had we

1185
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:21,400
Speaker 1: were popping.

1186
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:26,560
Speaker 3: Like nineteen people came, Black Roun Fravado came, all of

1187
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:32,960
Speaker 3: her homemies came, basically Jessica ros Uh, Shay Shay Near

1188
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 3: alyn Nisha Ashley.

1189
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 2: Some new some new listeners, some new listeners. I also

1190
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:42,279
Speaker 2: ran into some listeners at Beauty Con yesterday, which was

1191
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:42,840
Speaker 2: really cool.

1192
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:45,960
Speaker 1: It was fun.

1193
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:51,120
Speaker 2: We had Mela ate so much food. We first of all,

1194
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 2: we are the ones that like made everyone bring the

1195
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 2: food and then we ate it all. Jamala made these

1196
00:54:57,200 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 2: jerk sandwiches that were bombed. She plate popping. I literally like,

1197
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:04,680
Speaker 2: haven't really been eating cheese and I waited for this moment.

1198
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 1: Cheese yo. I had like five donuts.

1199
00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:09,799
Speaker 2: I had like five donuts. I had a cupcake, I

1200
00:55:09,840 --> 00:55:12,040
Speaker 2: had cookies. I had it was fucking.

1201
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 1: Crazy, like four tequilas. I don't I think I threw

1202
00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:15,600
Speaker 1: all my keys.

1203
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1204
00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:20,359
Speaker 1: So we had this brilliant idea, so so a lot

1205
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:22,239
Speaker 1: A couple of weeks ago when we went to a

1206
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 1: Hollywood cemetery, I alone because no me and one other

1207
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:28,480
Speaker 1: persons did a little molly at the end at the

1208
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 1: Exorcist because you know, whoa why not? I don't have

1209
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:33,480
Speaker 1: the kids do a little molly. So that was fine.

1210
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:36,360
Speaker 3: So this week, Erica had some extra molleys from a

1211
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 3: party and I said, oh, yeah, bring those mollies to

1212
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:44,440
Speaker 3: the cemetery because that's what moms do. So you know,

1213
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:47,799
Speaker 3: in my head, I deliberately was like, I'm not gonna

1214
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:51,080
Speaker 3: take this Molly before Ricky dies, because that's gonna be

1215
00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:51,520
Speaker 3: too much.

1216
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:53,480
Speaker 1: It's gonna be too much if I start to roll

1217
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 1: when Rickey dies. So I was like, you know, I'm

1218
00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:56,719
Speaker 1: a chill. I'm a chill until.

1219
00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:59,759
Speaker 3: After the movie. I cried when Ricky died. It was

1220
00:56:00,040 --> 00:56:00,800
Speaker 3: real sad.

1221
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 1: We try to go out.

1222
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:06,000
Speaker 2: So we were trying to go to this party called

1223
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 2: Shaba in La that used to be cool, but now

1224
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 2: it's over the fucking top.

1225
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 1: Hollywood is fun.

1226
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:13,840
Speaker 2: So we left there and then we decided to go

1227
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 2: to party in two thousands party they started off.

1228
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:21,240
Speaker 3: It was people from it was music with two thousands

1229
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:22,919
Speaker 3: and children from nineteen ninety seven.

1230
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 2: Very strange situation, but I was like, I don't want

1231
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:29,479
Speaker 2: to take this Molly until we're in a secure place

1232
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 2: where like we can.

1233
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 1: We're gonna be for a while because we've learned our

1234
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:34,319
Speaker 1: lesson in mom. Sheilla, yeah, okay. We didn't want to

1235
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:34,560
Speaker 1: do that.

1236
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:38,520
Speaker 2: So we're like, okay, we're here. We made it. I'm like, okay,

1237
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:40,160
Speaker 2: you can take it. She's like yep, and then we

1238
00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:41,920
Speaker 2: like passed it out over other friend. You want one

1239
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:44,319
Speaker 2: to oh, I got four, so we're all popping them.

1240
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 1: We were just like the jugular city over here. Yeah.

1241
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:49,440
Speaker 2: So we take them and we're like, okay, dancing dancing,

1242
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 2: like do you feel it?

1243
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:52,000
Speaker 1: And I'm like no, we're getting tired. And I'm like

1244
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 1: and I'm like, so full, bitch.

1245
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:54,479
Speaker 3: Okay.

1246
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 1: We had drank like a food coma, and we drank

1247
00:56:57,280 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 1: so much, and you know, I saw that book so much.

1248
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:03,120
Speaker 1: So we get in the car and I was like,

1249
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:05,440
Speaker 1: I'm going home. I'm tired. I was like, let's just

1250
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:05,839
Speaker 1: go home.

1251
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:07,719
Speaker 2: I was draw like the Molly didn't work.

1252
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, this Molly is fake. We're all like

1253
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 1: she didn't Like I'm tired.

1254
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:12,520
Speaker 2: I was like, this shit is fake because I got

1255
00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:13,719
Speaker 2: it at a party where there were a lot of

1256
00:57:13,719 --> 00:57:15,680
Speaker 2: fake drugs, was like the theme of the party, and

1257
00:57:15,719 --> 00:57:17,480
Speaker 2: then they started handing out real Molly's.

1258
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:20,880
Speaker 1: It said there was fake drugs. What is a fake drug?

1259
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 1: It was like a setup.

1260
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:25,240
Speaker 2: It was also looked like mounds of cocaine, big pounds

1261
00:57:25,280 --> 00:57:26,360
Speaker 2: of mushrooms everywhere.

1262
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 1: Ship okay.

1263
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:27,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1264
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:31,400
Speaker 1: So I was like it must be for insurance liability purposes.

1265
00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:34,000
Speaker 1: And I was like maybe it was a vitamin okay, right,

1266
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:36,320
Speaker 1: it would be. So I go home. She drops me

1267
00:57:36,360 --> 00:57:40,480
Speaker 1: off I another problem. I drink. I start looking at

1268
00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 1: my phone for victims, okay, and so my phone died

1269
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 1: so i'd pluget it and I'm just I fell asleep

1270
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 1: like trying to look at my phone.

1271
00:57:46,840 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 2: I wake up.

1272
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 3: All the lights are on and I look at my phone.

1273
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:50,880
Speaker 3: It's like five thirty in the morning.

1274
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:53,520
Speaker 1: I go to pee. I'm just sitting there paying and

1275
00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:56,600
Speaker 1: I started like looking around, kind of biting my jaw.

1276
00:57:56,680 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, uh uh no, fucking way.

1277
00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:04,920
Speaker 3: The mother fucking Molly hit Five hours later and I'm

1278
00:58:04,960 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 3: alone and it's five thirty in the morning.

1279
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:11,840
Speaker 1: I was pissed. I like woke up at the peak, like,

1280
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:16,480
Speaker 1: oh my god, am I rolling in the morning? Why

1281
00:58:16,520 --> 00:58:18,560
Speaker 1: God why? I said?

1282
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:21,800
Speaker 2: Just so I wake up like throughout the night, Like

1283
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:23,680
Speaker 2: around like five am. I woke up and I was like,

1284
00:58:23,680 --> 00:58:24,720
Speaker 2: why am I so fucking hot?

1285
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:25,240
Speaker 1: So I've hurt?

1286
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 2: I blast the air conditioning se fashion sleeping on my couch.

1287
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:30,439
Speaker 2: I'm like, this thing isn't about to be cold because

1288
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 2: I'm hot. I don't give a fuck. Go wake up

1289
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:34,360
Speaker 2: at six again, I'm like, is the air not working?

1290
00:58:34,440 --> 00:58:36,320
Speaker 2: I look at seventy degrees in my house, so I'm like,

1291
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:39,640
Speaker 2: it's still I'm hot. I go back to sleep. Finally

1292
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:42,080
Speaker 2: I wake up at seven, I'm like, where's my phone?

1293
00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 2: And I couldn't find my phone anywhere. I was looking

1294
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:46,240
Speaker 2: for like a psychopath. I look at my phone and

1295
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:49,040
Speaker 2: Jamila had text me like, bitch, I just woke up

1296
00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:51,560
Speaker 2: and I'm high as fuck. And then I'm like, oh

1297
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:54,200
Speaker 2: my god, am I high? Is that why I'm so

1298
00:58:54,360 --> 00:58:55,080
Speaker 2: fucking hot?

1299
00:58:55,160 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 1: Ready?

1300
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:57,680
Speaker 2: And then I realized I am high, and I'm like,

1301
00:58:57,720 --> 00:58:59,960
Speaker 2: oh my god, and I felt like I just felt

1302
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:01,040
Speaker 2: like energized.

1303
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:02,360
Speaker 1: Yes, I was just up.

1304
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:05,040
Speaker 3: I text I text my homegirl. If we started texting,

1305
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:06,680
Speaker 3: She's like, want me to come over seven am. I'm like,

1306
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:07,520
Speaker 3: please come over.

1307
00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 2: I'm rolling.

1308
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 1: She pulls up at seven in the morning to tell

1309
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 1: me a story.

1310
00:59:12,520 --> 00:59:15,240
Speaker 2: I'm like and then and then another one of our

1311
00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:17,000
Speaker 2: listeners took one too, and she.

1312
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 1: I text her. I'm like, yo, I woke up high

1313
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 1: as fuck. She's like, bitch, I'm cleaning my house like

1314
00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:25,840
Speaker 1: a goddamn crackhead. We all went to sleep and woke

1315
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 1: up rolling like.

1316
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:30,160
Speaker 2: I woke up, I like, cleaned my car, made a

1317
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:32,640
Speaker 2: makeup tutorial, fucking like, and.

1318
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:34,320
Speaker 1: Then Texas did the make up to tourial that I

1319
00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 1: look sucked up, like what I was tripping?

1320
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 2: And then I had to go to like a fucking

1321
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,560
Speaker 2: beauty convention. I was like, oh my god, how am

1322
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 2: I going to do this? But actually I at first

1323
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:47,040
Speaker 2: I was really upset that I was rolling. I was

1324
00:59:47,080 --> 00:59:50,720
Speaker 2: like why. I was like, highly upset, and then at

1325
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:52,600
Speaker 2: some point I was like, I gotta just let go

1326
00:59:52,640 --> 00:59:57,200
Speaker 2: with it, and I had a great day. I had

1327
00:59:57,200 --> 01:00:01,120
Speaker 2: a really good day. It's great, but I just was expecting.

1328
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:05,960
Speaker 1: A time release five hours later. Roll. Yeah why what

1329
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:08,560
Speaker 1: three reasons not to do drugs at the movies?

1330
01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:13,800
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, just or just don't take drugs from strangers.

1331
01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:16,880
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that eot.

1332
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:18,880
Speaker 3: So.

1333
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:20,520
Speaker 2: I don't know what our next meetup is, but we're

1334
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 2: planning one soon. You definitely should come. Not guaranteeing that

1335
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:24,080
Speaker 2: Molly will be there.

1336
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:29,200
Speaker 1: This isn't like a thing. It's like good mom's meet up, Molly, right,

1337
01:00:29,280 --> 01:00:32,320
Speaker 1: bring your drugs. I was thinking about should we do

1338
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 1: one with the kids, and no, we should. We should

1339
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 1: know where we could talk more because we talk a lot.

1340
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:38,800
Speaker 1: We're all in the movies. They like run kay Run.

1341
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:40,880
Speaker 1: I was like, why would we bring our ghetto assids

1342
01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 1: to the movie yelling at the screen. We was clapping

1343
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 1: and shit, whatever black people watching boys? Mother right?

1344
01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:50,520
Speaker 2: Fuck these white people and their movie watching etiquette.

1345
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:52,520
Speaker 1: Don't you know who you went?

1346
01:00:55,280 --> 01:01:01,320
Speaker 2: We have a horror story submitted by an anonymous person.

1347
01:01:05,320 --> 01:01:09,760
Speaker 3: Who stories I wanted a girl and a guy into me. Anyway,

1348
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,919
Speaker 3: I found a couple where they both were hot, which

1349
01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 3: ps is super hard to find.

1350
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:16,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. I interviewed them, thought they were cool,

1351
01:01:16,200 --> 01:01:18,400
Speaker 1: and interviewed them. Yeah, this is the Yeah.

1352
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 3: I interviewed them, thought they were cool and regardless, we

1353
01:01:20,520 --> 01:01:23,120
Speaker 3: would have fun. And I thought at the time that

1354
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:27,280
Speaker 3: they were both into it. So night of, so night

1355
01:01:27,280 --> 01:01:29,920
Speaker 3: of we made at a bar. She says she isn't drinking,

1356
01:01:30,040 --> 01:01:32,080
Speaker 3: which is fine in itself. I don't mean people to

1357
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:34,800
Speaker 3: be wasted, but it seemed off. She seemed different this night,

1358
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:37,439
Speaker 3: not as into it. She said she didn't feel well.

1359
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:39,120
Speaker 3: Who went a three way with a sick girl?

1360
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 1: For real? I've done that and.

1361
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:46,640
Speaker 3: It wasn't good. I said, hey, we can hang. We

1362
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 3: can hang and do this another night if you're not

1363
01:01:48,360 --> 01:01:50,520
Speaker 3: feeling well. She said no, she wanted.

1364
01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:50,920
Speaker 1: To do it tonight.

1365
01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:55,080
Speaker 3: Okay, me and her man drink, we talk, then we

1366
01:01:55,120 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 3: go back to their house. Apartment had tons of She

1367
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:02,720
Speaker 3: goes one apartment, I had tons of hipster Taxidermy. Turns

1368
01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:05,480
Speaker 3: out he has daddy money. I start having an asthma

1369
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:08,640
Speaker 3: attack because I'm allergic to fur and they're a goddamn

1370
01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:11,600
Speaker 3: dead animals everywhere. Then I am waiting for them to

1371
01:02:11,640 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 3: make the move because they are the couple and I

1372
01:02:13,280 --> 01:02:16,640
Speaker 3: don't want to step on anyone's toes. They don't, so

1373
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:19,120
Speaker 3: I finally start taking off my clothes and basically I'm like, okay,

1374
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 3: let's get to the fucking. We all start making out.

1375
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:26,000
Speaker 3: She seems bored with the whole thing. I go down

1376
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 3: on her while her man watches. Then he starts fucking

1377
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 3: me from behind while I'm all up on her.

1378
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:37,960
Speaker 1: He is not great at sex. Oh good. I try

1379
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:40,280
Speaker 1: to change positions with him, and frankly, he just isn't

1380
01:02:40,320 --> 01:02:44,280
Speaker 1: good at sex. So then I concentrate on her.

1381
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:46,480
Speaker 3: I want her to be on me while her man,

1382
01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:49,520
Speaker 3: who is bad at sex, fox her.

1383
01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:51,880
Speaker 1: Let's reiterate, he's not getting sad.

1384
01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:55,480
Speaker 3: She starts making weird, whimpering baby noises, and I am like,

1385
01:02:55,640 --> 01:02:58,560
Speaker 3: fuck no, So I just sit there for a second

1386
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:03,080
Speaker 3: while they have really medium sex like boring sex. I

1387
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:05,760
Speaker 3: am so over this, so finally I just start like

1388
01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:09,600
Speaker 3: coaching them to have better sex. I'm like, yeah, slap

1389
01:03:09,600 --> 01:03:11,920
Speaker 3: her ass, grab her titty harder, and play with her

1390
01:03:11,960 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 3: clip while you fuck her girl, tell him what you want,

1391
01:03:16,080 --> 01:03:18,640
Speaker 3: bite him, et cetera. They end up having slightly better

1392
01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:21,400
Speaker 3: sex with my coaching while I masturbate just so I

1393
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:24,400
Speaker 3: can fucking get off. Finally, I'm like, hey, I gotta go.

1394
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:26,720
Speaker 3: It was like ten pm, which is which is early.

1395
01:03:26,800 --> 01:03:28,640
Speaker 3: I was hoping would be fucking and switching and I

1396
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:31,880
Speaker 3: would need electrolytes because I would be so dehydrated. But damn,

1397
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:33,840
Speaker 3: I barely got off and there was so they were

1398
01:03:33,840 --> 01:03:37,720
Speaker 3: boring as hell. As I got up to leave, they

1399
01:03:37,720 --> 01:03:39,840
Speaker 3: gave me an expensive ass bottle of wine as my

1400
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:40,520
Speaker 3: parting gift.

1401
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:41,600
Speaker 1: Laugh out loud.

1402
01:03:41,640 --> 01:03:43,920
Speaker 3: At least I got that writing this is making me

1403
01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:50,200
Speaker 3: hot for an actual good three way U.

1404
01:03:50,280 --> 01:03:50,640
Speaker 1: Okay.

1405
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 3: Also, I said, well, where'd you meet them? And she

1406
01:03:52,800 --> 01:03:56,120
Speaker 3: told me she met them on trender.

1407
01:03:56,120 --> 01:03:56,760
Speaker 1: Wait, what is it.

1408
01:03:56,720 --> 01:03:59,400
Speaker 2: Called tinder.

1409
01:04:01,320 --> 01:04:04,000
Speaker 1: Tender? Which I never Oh, yeah, trender And they actually

1410
01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:05,600
Speaker 1: shut down because I got sued by tender.

1411
01:04:05,640 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 3: This name was too close. I thought it was a typo.

1412
01:04:08,400 --> 01:04:15,600
Speaker 3: I was like, rights, but trender is great. That was great,

1413
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:18,439
Speaker 3: that was funny as that so sad.

1414
01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:21,440
Speaker 2: Mediocre sex and a threesome. Goddamn. You never really know

1415
01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:23,840
Speaker 2: what you're walking into when you do those things, really don't.

1416
01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:26,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't even highly suggested if you're not

1417
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,000
Speaker 1: a good one for to like roll with the punches.

1418
01:04:29,080 --> 01:04:32,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, if we haven't had the three some you need

1419
01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:35,680
Speaker 3: some advice, refer to our old episode five ways to

1420
01:04:35,720 --> 01:04:38,880
Speaker 3: have a positive three some experience because we're experts.

1421
01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:47,120
Speaker 2: Well, anyway, guys, that's it.

1422
01:04:47,560 --> 01:04:51,360
Speaker 1: If you have any horries, please submit DM them, email us,

1423
01:04:51,480 --> 01:04:54,800
Speaker 1: follow us on Instagram, Good Mom's Underscore by Choices. Make

1424
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:57,320
Speaker 1: sure you follow us or subscribe to our Patreon.

1425
01:04:57,480 --> 01:05:00,800
Speaker 2: You can search us Good Mom's Bad Choices. This episode

1426
01:05:00,920 --> 01:05:02,720
Speaker 2: is going to be up there, but we've definitely had

1427
01:05:02,760 --> 01:05:06,800
Speaker 2: camera issues, so I'm really sure we're gonna do about

1428
01:05:06,800 --> 01:05:07,280
Speaker 2: that part.

1429
01:05:07,520 --> 01:05:12,320
Speaker 3: But yeah, we oh, I know we're gonna do. We

1430
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:21,040
Speaker 3: start vlogging, you know, hello, it's an announcement. Good Moms

1431
01:05:21,080 --> 01:05:24,280
Speaker 3: has started vlogging. When we were in New York, I

1432
01:05:24,320 --> 01:05:26,280
Speaker 3: was like, Okay, I really think we should flog we

1433
01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:28,360
Speaker 3: should really vlog this, and she like, stop saying it.

1434
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:31,680
Speaker 1: But I like it all the All the influencers are

1435
01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:34,600
Speaker 1: vlogging these days. Okay, well we're fill in the gap

1436
01:05:34,640 --> 01:05:36,360
Speaker 1: with a vlog. I guess I don't know.

1437
01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:39,960
Speaker 2: Away, have a great week, have a beautiful week, make

1438
01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:42,480
Speaker 2: good decisions, set your boundaries.

1439
01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:46,480
Speaker 3: If you make bad decisions, grow front of them and

1440
01:05:46,560 --> 01:05:48,920
Speaker 3: acknowledge them, and don't come.

1441
01:05:48,800 --> 01:05:53,560
Speaker 1: Under the rug like you have a wonderful day.

1442
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:57,400
Speaker 2: Bye bye.

1443
01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:01,600
Speaker 3: Why your niggas ain't ship?

1444
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:07,160
Speaker 2: And if I was a Julie, I'd tell you, bitch, niggas.

1445
01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:11,800
Speaker 1: Fuck you bitch. Why you acting like a rich car

1446
01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:17,600
Speaker 1: Niggas ain't ship? And no, no, no, or don't want

1447
01:06:17,680 --> 01:06:17,920
Speaker 1: to do.

1448
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:21,040
Speaker 2: Is get my pussy something count a million bucks in

1449
01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:22,960
Speaker 2: the back of her on the truck when I get

1450
01:06:23,040 --> 01:06:24,080
Speaker 2: you fucked up off

1451
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:26,760
Speaker 1: The Teo and Baxter Prime chron