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Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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Speaker 1: Today's tip is to determine the full scope of what's

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Speaker 1: necessary to manage your family and household before you figure

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Speaker 1: out who does what. In other words, agree on the

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Speaker 1: whole before divvying up the parts. As any parent will

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Speaker 1: tell you, the amount of work required to manage a

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Speaker 1: family is astonishing. With kids still around seven in some places,

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Speaker 1: many couples are feeling the pressure. Interestingly, some research finds

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Speaker 1: that a lot of parents feel that they are doing

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Speaker 1: more than their partners are. A survey for The New

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Speaker 1: York Times, for example, found that forty percent of fathers

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Speaker 1: thought that they were bearing most of the homeschooling responsibilities,

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Speaker 1: but only three percent of mothers thought that their partner

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Speaker 1: was doing most of the homeschooling. Among couples both working

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Speaker 1: full time, six of mothers thought that they were most

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Speaker 1: responsible for housework and sixty thought that they were most

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Speaker 1: responsible for childcare. But only sixteen percent of men thought

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Speaker 1: that their spouse was most responsible for housework and just

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Speaker 1: twelve percent thought that their spouse was most responsible for childcare.

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Speaker 1: Something doesn't add up my hunch. Couples who disagree over

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Speaker 1: who's doing the most may not know the true denominator.

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Speaker 1: They know what they're doing, but they don't know what

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Speaker 1: is getting done without them. One of the best examples

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Speaker 1: of this comes from Tiffany Doofoo's book Dropped the Ball,

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Speaker 1: which is about letting go of unrealistic expectations for yourself

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Speaker 1: so that you can live a full life and reach

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Speaker 1: your goals. Do Food talks about a moment of insight

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Speaker 1: in her household. She had made a list of all

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Speaker 1: the things she did to make her family and household

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Speaker 1: runs smoothly. As she understood it, she was doing a

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Speaker 1: lot and her husband was doing less. Then her husband

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Speaker 1: made his own list my to do fu surprise, his

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Speaker 1: list included things she didn't know he did. One example,

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Speaker 1: baby night Nurse. Tiffany thought this was ridiculous because their

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Speaker 1: son slept through the night. As it turned out, though

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Speaker 1: only she slept through the night. Her husband got up

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Speaker 1: with the baby routinely, but she hadn't known about it.

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Speaker 1: So what do we do if both partners believe they're

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Speaker 1: doing more than the other and both partners would like

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Speaker 1: to be doing less. First of all, sit down with

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Speaker 1: your partner and figure out what you're each doing. Open

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Speaker 1: up notebooks or spreadsheets and make your lists. It might

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Speaker 1: be helpful to decide to do this today and then

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Speaker 1: work independently on your lists for a few days. You'll

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Speaker 1: notice more responsibilities over time. Then, using your individual lists,

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Speaker 1: work together to make a joint list of what you

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Speaker 1: both believe needs to happen. You may need to rethink

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Speaker 1: what done means for some tasks. Avoid setting standards that

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Speaker 1: are too high to be sustainable. Once you know the

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Speaker 1: hole for your household, you'll be better able to divvy

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Speaker 1: up the parts. Who should do what? What? Will you outsource?

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Speaker 1: As do Fou and her husband agreed on what she

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Speaker 1: would do and what he would do. They also assigned

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Speaker 1: some tasks to no one. I think this is brilliant.

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Speaker 1: Does your car really need to be washed regularly? Do

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Speaker 1: you actually want flower pots beside your front door that

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Speaker 1: have to be watered? Different people will drop the ball

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Speaker 1: on different things, but if a task is consuming your

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Speaker 1: time and it's not making life better, consider letting it go.

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Speaker 1: When you and your partner have agreed on the whole

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Speaker 1: and perhaps pared down the hole, then you can each

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Speaker 1: have a more manageable set of responsibilities. You also know

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Speaker 1: for sure what your partner does and so you won't

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Speaker 1: take it for granted. How do you and your partner

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Speaker 1: decide who does what to keep your household running? You

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Speaker 1: can let me know at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia

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Speaker 1: dot com. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for

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Speaker 1: listening and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

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Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

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Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.

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Speaker 1: That's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.

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Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast

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Speaker 1: podcast at i heeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast

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Speaker 1: is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,

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Speaker 1: I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is

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Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from

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Speaker 1: my heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

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Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Do