1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:01,480 Speaker 1: Kubbooms. 2 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:05,360 Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 3 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He 5 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,520 Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the 6 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:19,599 Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of 7 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,479 Speaker 2: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour 8 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:30,640 Speaker 2: with Ben Maller starts right now. 9 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:34,000 Speaker 1: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben 10 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: Mahler and Danny g Radio. A Happy Saturday to you. 11 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:40,199 Speaker 1: It is the twentieth day of December. We have NFL 12 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:44,160 Speaker 1: football today, two games. As you can tell, it's getting 13 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,960 Speaker 1: late in the year when they roll out the Saturday 14 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,479 Speaker 1: NFL games, and we have you covered on Benny versus 15 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: the Penny. I know you have watched the Saturday special 16 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: Green Bay and Chicago. That is the big game of 17 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:01,279 Speaker 1: the day, well week in a nod to the Eagles 18 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:05,000 Speaker 1: and the Washington Commanders. Clearly not that big a game 19 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 1: because the Commanders are not only an NFL team they 20 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: blow but the Bears Packers game. That's gonna be a 21 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:15,200 Speaker 1: good game. Looking forward to watching that later today, have 22 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 1: the Big Malard party thing of a jig which will 23 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,960 Speaker 1: be taking place at some point today in an undisclosed location. 24 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:26,040 Speaker 1: So we have that to look forward to as we 25 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 1: wind down twenty twenty five. And on this podcast we 26 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 1: have the Great Equalizer and Game of Thrones, well, the 27 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,760 Speaker 1: Malord spin on the Game of Thrones. We have that 28 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:44,480 Speaker 1: for you to look forward to as we celebrate today. 29 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 1: Not just your normal random Saturday. It's the dot your 30 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: Eyes Day. That's right. What the hell is dot your 31 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: eyes Day? Well, it's one of those fugazy holidays every 32 00:01:56,280 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 1: December twentieth every year, and you know the saying dot 33 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 1: your eyes and cross your t's. Well, today is when 34 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,640 Speaker 1: you're supposed to dot your eyes. It's a very special day. 35 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:14,080 Speaker 1: And the history of the day, well, it goes back sometimes, 36 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,760 Speaker 1: I guess. I think it was eighteen forty nine there 37 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:22,360 Speaker 1: was an article written and that was the first time 38 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:27,080 Speaker 1: that expression dot your eyes and you know, cross your t's. 39 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: That eighteen forty nine, how about that the earliest known 40 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 1: evidence of that saying. And here we are all these 41 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:38,640 Speaker 1: years later, and there we are. I guess technically it 42 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,240 Speaker 1: goes back probably to like the three hundreds or something 43 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 1: like that. In eighteen forty nine, the idiom became official, 44 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 1: became kosher, and it was used as an expression in 45 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,639 Speaker 1: an article. And all these years later, here we are. 46 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,639 Speaker 1: We still do it to this day. So make sure 47 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,639 Speaker 1: to dot your eyes. Let's get right into it. More 48 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 1: tail from the Naked City in the Malad Militia. It 49 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: was that magical day yet again. I told you on 50 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 1: the Friday Podcast that I was planning on talking about 51 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:14,680 Speaker 1: my experience as Santa Benny on the Friday podcast, but 52 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:20,960 Speaker 1: that injustice, that crime that took place in Seattle, I 53 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: had to do an emergency bonus Mallard monologue on the 54 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:29,240 Speaker 1: Seahawks Rams game. So that aside, today's the day rights. 55 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 1: It was the magical day, the one that sneaks up 56 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: on the calendar, you know, it's like a mischievous elf, 57 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 1: if you will. And it was circled. It was on 58 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 1: my phone, on my iPhone, I had the date. It's 59 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 1: a yearly tradition, unlike any other That's what Jim Nantz 60 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: would say. Unlike any other Hello, friends or patrons or whatever. Anyway, 61 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 1: I much like the swallows returning the Mission San Juan 62 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 1: Capistrano or the Turkey vultures better known locally as the Buzzards, 63 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 1: because hey, this is America, and flapping back from their 64 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: southern migration to roost and Hinckley Ridge, Ohio. Much like that, 65 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:14,960 Speaker 1: this was the day, the day that the guy you're 66 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 1: listening to became someone else. I transitioned, if you will. 67 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: We headed to the undisclosed city where my wife works, 68 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 1: a place I will not name because mysteries deserve to 69 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:34,919 Speaker 1: be preserved, and I will preserve the mystery I will. 70 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,520 Speaker 1: And there I arrived, I got out of the malamobile, 71 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: and I went into the metaphorical phone booth as just 72 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: a normal man named Ben Mahler, overnight sports radio guy, 73 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 1: dispenser of hot takes, cold pizza, metaphors, malarisms, all that, 74 00:04:52,640 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 1: and then abra cadabra, woila presto poof Ta da lo, 75 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:07,480 Speaker 1: and behold, I merged as Santa BENI from head to 76 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:11,080 Speaker 1: toe right now. Of course, it wasn't actually a phone booth, 77 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,840 Speaker 1: was a men's bathroom at the city yard, but nevertheless, 78 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:18,279 Speaker 1: in my head it was like a phone booth, and 79 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:22,359 Speaker 1: I was completely decked out head to toe in the 80 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 1: iconic red Santa Claus outfit, the very same outfit that 81 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,920 Speaker 1: was popularized by Coca Cola, and is now that you're 82 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:35,719 Speaker 1: talking about the power of advertising, how big Coca Cola 83 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: was back in the day they came up with the 84 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 1: red Santa Claus and now it is universally accepted as 85 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: historical fact. And this, I should note, is one of 86 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 1: my favorite events of the year, every December for many 87 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: many years. I don't even know how many years it's been. 88 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: This is my routine. It is sacred in its own 89 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: goofy way. And I'll explain this to you. I'm gonna 90 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:05,560 Speaker 1: cross boundaries here. I'm gonna explain this to Passover, you know, 91 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: growing up celebrating Passover. Why was this night different from 92 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,120 Speaker 1: all other nights? And the four questions for Santa Beni. 93 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,560 Speaker 1: On all other nights, we do not dress in costume. 94 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 1: On this night, we dress from head to toe. On 95 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: all other nights, we do not climb on the back 96 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: of a fire truck. On this night, we sit on 97 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 1: the back of a fire truck, right on the roof, 98 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 1: but on the back. On all other nights, we are introverted. 99 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:36,120 Speaker 1: We try to avoid awkward conversations with strangers, and we 100 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:39,720 Speaker 1: try to avoid putting ourselves out in front of everyone. 101 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: On this night we are extroverts. On all other nights 102 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,800 Speaker 1: we keep a relatively low profile. On this night, we 103 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:51,040 Speaker 1: are very much in the spotlight. Now. We got lucky. 104 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,680 Speaker 1: We did, and luck does matter in these things. The 105 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: weather was cool, it was not frozen. We didn't get 106 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,760 Speaker 1: any rain. The fire truck did not break down, the 107 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 1: engine work the entire night, All of these things. All 108 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 1: of these things have happened in the past, usually when 109 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 1: optimism was running high and we didn't really have any 110 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:17,840 Speaker 1: contingency plans. Those were running low. And what was the experience, 111 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 1: Like I'm glad you asked, It was like being Mickey 112 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: Mouse in the Main Street USA Electrical Parade. You are 113 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 1: not just a person anymore. You are a symbol. Kids 114 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 1: waved and ran towards the truck like it was powered 115 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 1: by pure magic. Parents smiled, old people smiled. Middle aged 116 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: people who rarely smile without irony they smiled too. And 117 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 1: we have people waving from cars bringing their dogs to 118 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 1: see the show, from sidewalks, from the back of a 119 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 1: taco shop. There were some boys in the back waving. 120 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: There were people working in a drive through weed dispensary, 121 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 1: the smoke shop, and they seem pretty happy, and yes, 122 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: that's the modern American tapestry right there. You got tacos, 123 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 1: you got cannabis. You got a guy on the back 124 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: of a fire truck in a Santa costume riding around 125 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:21,480 Speaker 1: town waving. Everyone smiles when they see old Saint maler 126 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: It is involuntary. It's a it's a reflex. You don't 127 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:30,640 Speaker 1: fight it, you cannot fight it. You surrender. That's it. 128 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: And we covered a lot of real estate. I was 129 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,520 Speaker 1: up there for four hours on the back of the 130 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: fire truck. We went from the middle class neighborhoods of 131 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 1: this town, where the cars had two hundred and seventy 132 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: eight thousand miles. The dashboard looked like its own Christmas 133 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 1: tree with all the warning lights, and then we went 134 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: up to the foothills, and then we went further up 135 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: where the people had Bentley's and Maybox. It's kind of 136 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: lounging in the driveway like pampered house cats, and everything 137 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:05,080 Speaker 1: was perfect. It's quite the juxtaposition when you go from 138 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 1: the working class neighborhood to the really, really wealthy. However, 139 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 1: I did notice the same smiles, the same waves, the 140 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 1: same wonder and that's the thing. You're that red costume. 141 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:23,679 Speaker 1: The Santa costume the great equalizer, it really is. And 142 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,599 Speaker 1: as I have been doing it again, I don't know 143 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 1: how long it's been, It's been many, many years. As 144 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: a season Santa, let's call it like that. As a 145 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 1: season Santa, I have the routine down like the back 146 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 1: of my hand. Rule number one now, rule number one, 147 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 1: no eating or drinking before Santa Taurus. Cannot do it. 148 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: Cannot do it. Why is that? I'll tell you why. 149 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 1: Because the bathroom becomes a major endeavor, it becomes a quest. 150 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 1: It's a saga. It's a thing that the great philosophers 151 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:02,960 Speaker 1: would have written three books about. The Santa outfit is 152 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:08,040 Speaker 1: not designed for convenience, it's not. These costumes are designed 153 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 1: for the spectacle in mind. There's a lot of layers 154 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 1: to it. And the hardest part of the job, however, 155 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:19,080 Speaker 1: is climbing down from the fire truck. And this is 156 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:23,079 Speaker 1: where the job turns into something that goes from a 157 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 1: festive fun thing to evil canievil daredevil status. It's kind 158 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,199 Speaker 1: of like that old song Hotel California. When you put 159 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 1: on the Santa suit and you get to the top 160 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: of the fire truck, you can check out any time 161 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: you like, but you can never leave once you're up there. 162 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: I'm a pretty tall guy, right, pretty tall guy, still 163 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 1: got a little weight to me. So I get up there, 164 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 1: and you're wrapped in layer after layer after layer. You 165 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 1: got the boots on the size of small kayaks. I've 166 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,400 Speaker 1: already got big feet to start, and you realize that 167 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 1: you're fighting the g as in gravity if you will, 168 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:07,199 Speaker 1: and gravity has the greatest winning percentage of all time, 169 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:13,839 Speaker 1: it's undefeated. One little misstep and you are right into 170 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:17,080 Speaker 1: an ambulance and then to the emergency room if you're lucky, 171 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:22,320 Speaker 1: if you're lucky, or go. Getting down is an act 172 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:26,960 Speaker 1: of faith, blind faith. Now, thankfully, on this night, when 173 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,840 Speaker 1: the night ended, we did not have an incident, largely 174 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:34,319 Speaker 1: because the group of firefighters that were driving the truck around. 175 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: They're the real heroes here in more ways than one. 176 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,680 Speaker 1: They and the police officers, but the firemen. They helped 177 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 1: my fat ass off the fire truck, and I had 178 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 1: dignity mostly intact. There's a trust fall element to it. 179 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:58,439 Speaker 1: You expect the ground obviously unforgiving, right, and your insurance 180 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: deductible is pretty high. It's pretty high, So you got 181 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 1: that going on and then all the fair like all 182 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 1: fairy tales, all fairy tales, and pretty much the same 183 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 1: way the taking off the clothes, you know, the Iron 184 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:17,160 Speaker 1: Man suit, Santa's black boots turned back into a crappy 185 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,320 Speaker 1: shoe at midnight, just like the fairy tale, and I 186 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,160 Speaker 1: changed into my street clothes. I felt like Anthony Davis, 187 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,719 Speaker 1: and I went over to raising canes to celebrate my 188 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 1: community service. Because nothing says goodwill towards fellow man like 189 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 1: chicken fingers, French fries and Texas toast. That's the way 190 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,080 Speaker 1: to do it. That is the way to do it. 191 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 1: And just like that, it was ov R. Just like that, 192 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 1: it was over another chapter in The Naked City, another 193 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:54,079 Speaker 1: reminder that for just one night a year, one night 194 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: a year, I don't know what it's going to be 195 00:12:55,679 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: until the last minute, but one night a year, under 196 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:03,320 Speaker 1: the cover of darkness and fueled by moonlight, the overnight 197 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 1: gas bag gets to be something else. Entirely felt a 198 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: little bit like alf the Illin Opiner or ferg Dog 199 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:19,080 Speaker 1: with their avatars, and so till December twenty twenty six. 200 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,559 Speaker 1: Sometime in December of twenty twenty six, when the magic 201 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:25,440 Speaker 1: night happens yet again, and I will be back in 202 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: the Santa costume to do it all over again, back 203 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 1: in the Santa costume again, to spend on the back 204 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 1: in the saddle, back in the saddle. All right, turn 205 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,720 Speaker 1: the page on that. I wanted to mention something that 206 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 1: happened somewhat recently to me here. So I have learned 207 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 1: many things. I try to learn something new every day. 208 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: Normally it's a word or a phrase that I really 209 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,840 Speaker 1: wasn't familiar with and tried to add a little something 210 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,920 Speaker 1: to my lexicon. Work like the devil, I get that 211 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: in there, and so I do that. And one of 212 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,679 Speaker 1: the things that I've learned over the years that does 213 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: not relate to words, but is a word. It's the 214 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 1: vibe you get from a word, say what yeah, let 215 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 1: me let me explain this better. So of all the 216 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: things that I've learned, the power of a phrase, which 217 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 1: is the word but that is a body blow, body blow, 218 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 1: body blow, body blow. It's an amazing word, the word butt. 219 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,720 Speaker 1: And we've discussed it a little bit on the radio show. 220 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:37,080 Speaker 1: It is a verbal landmine. It is a silk pillowcase 221 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 1: covering a brick. It's a hug that ends with a 222 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 1: knee to your testicles. It's the polite cough before the 223 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: doctor tells you, Hey, I think we've found something interesting here. 224 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,360 Speaker 1: We got we gotta take a look at. Now. Recently, 225 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 1: I attended a family function with what I lovingly call 226 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 1: the Old Old Guard. The Old Guard. Now, this was 227 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 1: not a gathering. This was a museum exhibit, a seventy 228 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 1: and over event. And I'm getting older, and yet I 229 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 1: was still the spring chicken. Okay, I'm I'm getting older, 230 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,000 Speaker 1: and yet these people were all much older than I was. 231 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: I was the young buck. I was the reckless youth. 232 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,760 Speaker 1: I was sitting at the kiddie table because I actually 233 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 1: had cartilage still left in my knee, at least a 234 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:32,560 Speaker 1: little bit. And so we had some local family. I 235 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: don't have a lot of family, and I'm not really 236 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: close with this group of people, but we did have 237 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,360 Speaker 1: some family fly in from Arizona, which I love to 238 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: see some more of the Older Guard, and I know, 239 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 1: maybe maybe ten people, And there were a lot of people. 240 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,440 Speaker 1: I mean maybe ten people I was familiar with at 241 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 1: this thing. The rest of the people were just strangers 242 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 1: drifting through the room, like background characters in a doors song. 243 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:02,360 Speaker 1: People are strange people are strange when you're a stranger. 244 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: Jim Morrison would have enjoyed the setup, and so okay. 245 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 1: There I was gas bag man without a cape a jag, 246 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 1: just a guy by day and then an audio folk 247 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:23,200 Speaker 1: hero by night, at least in my own head, circulating 248 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,560 Speaker 1: around the room politely. I had my good manners. I 249 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 1: was shaking hands, I was smiling, I was nodding. I 250 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 1: was handing out metaphorical conversation candy canes to people that 251 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,200 Speaker 1: I Some I hadn't seen a long time. Some I 252 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,640 Speaker 1: hadn't seen a really long time. And then there were 253 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 1: people I hadn't seen ever. And this is what you 254 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,880 Speaker 1: do at these events. I don't normally go to these events, 255 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,640 Speaker 1: but as it felt like a big deal, I needed 256 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 1: to be there, So I went to this particular event. 257 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 1: You keep it light, You avoid the big three, politics, religion, 258 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 1: and anything involving who do you think is gonna win 259 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 1: the Super Bowl? I don't need that. If I knew 260 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be here, I'd be in Vegas. I'd be rich. 261 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,080 Speaker 1: If I knew that I'd be somewhere else. Also, the 262 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: advice the former boss Don Martin gave us as we 263 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,399 Speaker 1: must stay away from the third rail. Momiam, that's the 264 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,399 Speaker 1: third rail. Stay away, Okay, I'll stay away. Don no 265 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,199 Speaker 1: third Rael. So then I ran into one of my 266 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:29,160 Speaker 1: dear cousins, an older woman, very sharp, kind, warm hearted woman, 267 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 1: and we were catching up. I don't see this woman 268 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,520 Speaker 1: very often, and so when we see each other at 269 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:40,000 Speaker 1: the rare and appropriate family event, we exchange life updates, 270 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:45,919 Speaker 1: the greatest hits. Now, eventually she asked the inevitable question, 271 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,760 Speaker 1: the question that you knew was coming. You knew the 272 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: question was coming, the question, so how's the radio show? Okay, 273 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 1: can you ask me again? Yes, how's the radio show? 274 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,080 Speaker 1: Let me meditate over that for a few minutes. No, 275 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 1: so she asked me that, Now this is the moment. 276 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,920 Speaker 1: This is where we get the plot twist. This is 277 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,080 Speaker 1: where you originally you hear somebody to say that when 278 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 1: they say how's the radio show, You're like, Okay, I'm 279 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,119 Speaker 1: gonna take it. Lean back, I'm gonna wait for the compliment, 280 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 1: and my ego is gonna take a little small, harmless 281 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,119 Speaker 1: sip of the good times and all that stuff. And 282 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 1: so she said, this is the next part. She said, 283 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 1: I tried to listen to your show. You sounded good, 284 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 1: and then she dropped the guillotine. But yes, so she 285 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,560 Speaker 1: started out by saying, I tried to listen to your show. 286 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 1: You sounded good, and then but was sent out the 287 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 1: most dangerous syllable in the English language. But she said, 288 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 1: I had to turn it off because you rip women's 289 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,879 Speaker 1: soccer and I love women's soccer, and you took a 290 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,760 Speaker 1: shot at women's soccer and I didn't appreciate that. That 291 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,920 Speaker 1: was a dagger to the heart. She might as well 292 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 1: have just call me blubber guts right there. What was 293 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 1: wrong with your blubberduts? Shame on you, You know, as 294 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 1: John Snow once famously said on Game of Thrones, a 295 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: man who learned this lesson the hard way. Everything a 296 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 1: person says before the word but is a lie. It 297 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,200 Speaker 1: just is, which means mathematically, I did the Matler math 298 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:32,360 Speaker 1: in my head. And not only mathematically, but spiritually and emotionally. 299 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 1: My radio show did not sound good to this woman. 300 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: My cousin was offended. She was offended. The hot take 301 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:48,040 Speaker 1: struck a nerve. The fire breathing dragon had burned down 302 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,880 Speaker 1: the village. Well that's not ideal, that's not what you're 303 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,879 Speaker 1: looking for. And so she was damaged, and she was triggered. 304 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,199 Speaker 1: She was emotionally confused by everything that she heard. She 305 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:01,680 Speaker 1: needed a safe space, preferably one with a padded room. 306 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:06,480 Speaker 1: No microphones, no speakers, nothing like that. And now here's 307 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:10,520 Speaker 1: the part that sticks to your ribs like a thick 308 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,440 Speaker 1: brisket left on the smoker a little bit too long. 309 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 1: That monologue that she was upset about, the one where 310 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,879 Speaker 1: she said, I tried to listen to your show and 311 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:25,640 Speaker 1: then she delivered the butt. Yeah, that's a universal thing 312 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,520 Speaker 1: for a lie. But at that moment, I know's there 313 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:32,640 Speaker 1: all right? Fine, The monologue aired in twenty twenty three, 314 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 1: almost three years ago. It's almost twenty twenty six, and 315 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: so the moment is still with me. Like sticking to 316 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 1: your ribs like a brisket, as I said, that was 317 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 1: in the smoker too long, and it's like a sleeper 318 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,760 Speaker 1: cell that was activated all these years later, like a 319 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 1: bad actor or bad tattoo missed extra point. The actual event, 320 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,879 Speaker 1: The actual event happened in twenty seventeen, so it was 321 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 1: even before that. Now, the monologue she referenced was in 322 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,400 Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, and that's when the US women's national 323 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:14,440 Speaker 1: team preparing for friendlies against Russia, scrimmaged the FC Dallas 324 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:19,919 Speaker 1: under fifteen boys academy team, bunch of teenagers, and the 325 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,639 Speaker 1: US women's national team lost five to two to a 326 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,119 Speaker 1: bunch of teenage boys. Now that, for a while was 327 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:31,800 Speaker 1: dismissed as internet legend. I remember hearing that's not true. 328 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:37,320 Speaker 1: You fell for a conspiracy theory. Remember our conversation yesterday 329 00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:41,359 Speaker 1: about conspiracy theories. So anyway, okay, Well it was confirmed 330 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,720 Speaker 1: by Carly Lloyd. She said, Yep, it absolutely happened. This 331 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:48,480 Speaker 1: was real. It wasn't Internet folklore. It wasn't somebody posting 332 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:53,240 Speaker 1: on Reddit. It wasn't some bot account on x. This 333 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:57,520 Speaker 1: was a tune up game that went completely off the tracks, 334 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 1: completely upjets. This is the sports equivalent of the Lakers 335 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:09,119 Speaker 1: losing to like University high School. Not because anyone hates 336 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:13,000 Speaker 1: the Lakers but we do, not because anyone hates education, 337 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:16,720 Speaker 1: although some of us do, but because reality sometimes crashes 338 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:21,280 Speaker 1: the party uninvited and double parks in the driveway, which 339 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: we all love unless we don't. And here's the thing, now, 340 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 1: I smiled, I nodded, I traded niceties with my cousin, 341 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 1: as I said, and then I did what professionals do 342 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,359 Speaker 1: when they know they are outnumbered, when they know they've 343 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 1: crossed into uncomfortable territory. I got up, I took a 344 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,040 Speaker 1: deep breath. I looked around the room. I did inventory 345 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:48,480 Speaker 1: of everything, what everyone was wearing. People I don't even 346 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,679 Speaker 1: care about this stuff, but I was doing it. That 347 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:55,600 Speaker 1: was going around, and so that was that. And you know, 348 00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 1: I did play along, as I said, with my cousin 349 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:04,439 Speaker 1: and played knics. I walked away. But the moment, at 350 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:08,680 Speaker 1: that particular moment, I was reminded, well, it was uncomfortable. 351 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:14,640 Speaker 1: It was a kind of a gently painful reminder of 352 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,439 Speaker 1: the nuclear torpedo. My fingers on the button, and I 353 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 1: control this on a nightly basis. A microphone is not 354 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:28,160 Speaker 1: a toy. It is not a toy. It's the iron throne. 355 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:34,159 Speaker 1: It custs both ways. It amplifies the truth and a 356 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,920 Speaker 1: fence at the same time and in the same volume. 357 00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:39,440 Speaker 1: And so you're not supposed to say the quiet part 358 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 1: out about everyone knows it, everyone thinks it, but you're 359 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 1: not supposed to say it. And sometimes on overnight radio, 360 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:56,320 Speaker 1: fueled by caffeine supplements, conviction and the delusion that honesty 361 00:23:56,560 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 1: is always a heroic you say it anyway. You sit 362 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:06,440 Speaker 1: on the iron throne and you convince your yourself and 363 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:10,560 Speaker 1: that you're dispensing wisdom and when really you're just reminding 364 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:15,320 Speaker 1: everyone that power comes with splash, damage and all that stuff. 365 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,240 Speaker 1: And that's the burden, you know. I don't want to 366 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,040 Speaker 1: say it's too big a burden. It's not the biggest 367 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:22,520 Speaker 1: burden in the world, but it's one of the burdens 368 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,440 Speaker 1: of this job, the blessing and the curse, the double 369 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:29,679 Speaker 1: edged sword. That it's not like the written word. The 370 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,280 Speaker 1: written word, I do believe is much worse. People spaz 371 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:34,639 Speaker 1: out over the written word more than they do the 372 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,520 Speaker 1: audio world that we live in. Uh, it's still a 373 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:43,119 Speaker 1: problem in radio, but it's much worse in the newspapers. 374 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 1: The newspapers are the newspapers left. But in that particular 375 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,439 Speaker 1: world it's much it's much worse, but still the power 376 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 1: of the spoken word. And you're out, you're doing your thing, 377 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 1: you're living your life right, and you know that thing 378 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,240 Speaker 1: bounces all over the place, the thing of a jig, 379 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 1: and you whisper it into a microphone in la and 380 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 1: it doesn't stay whispering. E goes, It ricochets, It finds 381 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:10,479 Speaker 1: its way into bedrooms and factories and family gatherings and 382 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:15,160 Speaker 1: folding chairs and polite conversations with people you love and 383 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:19,080 Speaker 1: some people you hate. And then the microphone is it's 384 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:24,560 Speaker 1: like a megaphone, right, It just bouncing all over the place. 385 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 1: And every night I sit there thinking at the iron throne, 386 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 1: the bully pulpit, I'm thinking, man, I am ruling the 387 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,920 Speaker 1: kingdom of the mall militia, when really I am lighting 388 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:40,280 Speaker 1: a flare and hoping it doesn't land in someone else's backyard. 389 00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:45,600 Speaker 1: And sometimes it does. Sometimes it lands at Thanksgiving. Sometimes 390 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 1: it lands, you know, years later, like the conversation we're 391 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,560 Speaker 1: having right now, introduced by a smile and a follow 392 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 1: up with a bot bod. But that is the cost 393 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 1: of saying the quiet part out loud. That is the 394 00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:05,879 Speaker 1: part you said, you said the quiet part out loud. 395 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,399 Speaker 1: You don't get to choose, You don't you got You 396 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,280 Speaker 1: don't get to jews who hear's it. You only get 397 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,480 Speaker 1: to choose whether you say it or not. And once 398 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:18,720 Speaker 1: you do, once you say it, you don't own the 399 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:22,280 Speaker 1: words anymore. They own you, and they can come back 400 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:26,159 Speaker 1: and be used against you at any time, not in 401 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:30,240 Speaker 1: the court of not in the court of the mal 402 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:34,479 Speaker 1: Ard militia, I mean just in general, just in general. 403 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 1: So there it is. We'll put the the baby to bed. 404 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,520 Speaker 1: I hope you guys have a great rest of your Saturday. 405 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,080 Speaker 1: Enjoy the football today. Danny g should be joining us 406 00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:49,959 Speaker 1: for the mail bag. Hooray for Hollywood, Hooray for Hollywood. 407 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:56,439 Speaker 1: That should be tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day, so we 408 00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:00,719 Speaker 1: look forward to that and until next time. Osta pasta 409 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 1: lader skater Cela VI is that no, I can't say that. No, 410 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:11,720 Speaker 1: huh okay, there you go, Bye bye bye, Felicia.