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Speaker 1: She is a young person. Do you know how disgusting

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Speaker 1: that is?

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Speaker 2: And that you cornball nigga who loves to make himself

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Speaker 2: look like he's the white people savior.

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Speaker 3: Who's to that it? Man?

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Speaker 1: You will I goo come talk to me white people.

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Speaker 2: I'm the black guy that that's nice?

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Speaker 3: Man? I know these people. Man, I'm gonna have to help.

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Speaker 2: Well you not saying it.

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Speaker 3: I am all my life, grinding all my life, sacrifice hustle.

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Speaker 2: P Price, want a slice? Got the brow?

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Speaker 3: All my life, grinding all my life, all my life, drowning,

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Speaker 3: all my.

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Speaker 2: Life, sacrific hustle, P Price, want a slice? Got the broa?

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Speaker 3: All my life be grinding all my life. Come on,

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Speaker 3: Welcome to another episode of Club Shahe. I am your host,

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Speaker 3: Shannon Sharp. I'm also the propriet of Club Shohe. The

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Speaker 3: lady that's stopping by for conversation on the drink today

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Speaker 3: is a multi tality prolific comedian, actress, writer, producer, director,

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Speaker 3: TV host, syndicated radio host, author, podcaster, DJ rapper, singer, poet,

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Speaker 3: media personality, performer, cultural commentator, content creator, an industry veteran,

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Speaker 3: social media star, NAACP Image Award nominee hip hop, scholar, entrepreneurs,

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Speaker 3: CEO of philanthropist, and activist. A renaissance woman, she calls

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Speaker 3: herself a common sense specialist, the people's favorite true tailler

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Speaker 3: or truth translator, as she preferred to call herself. She

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Speaker 3: says what folks are actually thinking. Welcome to the show.

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Speaker 3: Miss Amanda seals you ran it down? How was that?

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Speaker 3: I mean, so, how was the intro? Did I leave

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Speaker 3: out anything.

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Speaker 2: Had in my life?

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Speaker 3: You like that? That's that because you was a little worried.

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Speaker 3: I mean when you came in, you was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: that wasn't worried. You was like, uh, You're like you're so,

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Speaker 3: you're so, you're so formal, Why you're busy worried?

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Speaker 2: That's me trying to welcome you. That's That's not me saying.

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Speaker 3: That's not how you welcome you in my own house.

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Speaker 2: No, because I know that I have a lot of

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Speaker 2: energy when I come into a space and people will

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Speaker 2: be like, oh, you know, it's a lot of So

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Speaker 2: I have been trained over the years to try to

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Speaker 2: make people feel comfortable.

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Speaker 1: So that's what i'd be trying to do.

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Speaker 3: Well, Well, I'm trying to make you feel comfortable. Are

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Speaker 3: you comfortable?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 3: You know, normally when we when people when gas come

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Speaker 3: on the show, we'd like to have a toast. So

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Speaker 3: it's bad luck to toast of spirit and water. Okay,

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Speaker 3: so a test, all the best, Thanks for stoping by,

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Speaker 3: but I have to jump on this right quick, show

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Speaker 3: on hand with it. Real good folks, gohead and get

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Speaker 3: your money, get your boding this shape by the portier.

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Speaker 3: So how are you?

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Speaker 2: How am I I am? That's a loaded question. How

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Speaker 2: I'm evolving? That's how I am. I'm evolving. I've had

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Speaker 2: a lot of information and a lot of slander at

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Speaker 2: the same time.

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Speaker 3: Okay, And.

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Speaker 2: In the past months, it's just been a very difficult time,

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Speaker 2: but there's been really beautiful things that have come out

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Speaker 2: of it that I will speak to you know in

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Speaker 2: this conversation.

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Speaker 3: Well, since we started there, we'll start there and we

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Speaker 3: can pick up go to another another direction a little later.

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Speaker 3: What started this evolution? What caused Amanda to all the

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Speaker 3: sudden sea things, or not see things differently, but maybe

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Speaker 3: see things as they actually are?

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Speaker 2: Because so many people were seeing what I was experiencing,

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Speaker 2: and they shared with me that they had had similar experiences.

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Speaker 1: And so I recently was diagnosed.

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Speaker 2: As someone who has autism spectrum disorder, which is very

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Speaker 2: difficult to identify in black women because of racism.

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Speaker 3: So what exactly is autism spectrum mat because I hear

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Speaker 3: people say you it used to.

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Speaker 2: Be called Asperger's so that is no longer what it's

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Speaker 2: called because to my knowledge, Asperger was a Nazi. But

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Speaker 2: what it is typically, what it simply means is that

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Speaker 2: your brain functions in a different way, so you're neurodivergent,

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Speaker 2: and you also have certain tendencies that are considered outside

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Speaker 2: of what the neurotypical way of things is. Ok and

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Speaker 2: a lot of times that can have you present in

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Speaker 2: a manner that people misrepresents. Okay, okay, which is the

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Speaker 2: story of my okay. And so when all of this

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Speaker 2: started ballooning out of nowhere and people were saying, you know,

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Speaker 2: you're unlikable and you're a bully. No not you're a bully,

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Speaker 2: but you're being bullied and these were things. These are

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Speaker 2: tropes that have been associated with me before, but I'm

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Speaker 2: in a new level of visibility at this junction, and

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Speaker 2: you get people saying things like you are difficult, you

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Speaker 2: are mean, you are nasty, and you know the you

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Speaker 2: are none of these things, but they're attributing it to

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Speaker 2: things that are not actually action based, Like I don't

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Speaker 2: cheat people, I don't lie to people. I don't stab

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Speaker 2: people in the back, don't I don't operate in mendacity.

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Speaker 2: I am not duplicitous. I don't do none of this shit.

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Speaker 2: But I have a certain tone about how I speak

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Speaker 2: and that makes people feel like, oh, I mean because

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Speaker 2: something about the tone that I speak in doesn't make

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Speaker 2: them feel a certain way.

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Speaker 3: And so can I ask you this not to cut

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Speaker 3: you off, but were they people that you had a

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Speaker 3: relationships with? Were this in the workplace that you became

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Speaker 3: difficult or this people that you just have general interactions with.

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Speaker 1: These are people I've met, so people.

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Speaker 2: The people who are saying these things.

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Speaker 3: About me have never met me, and that's impacting you. Yes, why.

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Speaker 2: For a number of reasons. One, I am not a sociopath. Two,

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Speaker 2: it is actually a part of being autistic that you

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Speaker 2: are very, very very sensitive to what people think about

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Speaker 2: you because you are always keenly aware that you are

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Speaker 2: an alien. You are keenly aware that you are different,

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Speaker 2: you are keenly aware that something is very odd about you,

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Speaker 2: and you're always, always trying to make the room feel good.

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Speaker 2: We literally just talked about it because it's my habit, right,

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Speaker 2: It's my habit to try.

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Speaker 1: I'm a cry already.

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Speaker 2: I've only been here for like five damn minutes. It

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Speaker 2: is my habit because I've always been labeled as this

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Speaker 2: you think you know everything. It's not that I think

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Speaker 2: I know everything, but I really did know the answer,

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Speaker 2: and I'm thinking I'm helping the room out by having

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Speaker 2: the answer. But they like it all.

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Speaker 1: You're a lot, you're a show off, you're extra.

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Speaker 2: In my fresh my sophomore year at college, I was

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Speaker 2: put in a suite with seven other women, and the

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Speaker 2: day I got there, my name had been ripped off

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Speaker 2: the door and thrown on the ground. I didn't even

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Speaker 2: know these women, and two weeks in of them not

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Speaker 2: talking to me, I said, listen, I'd like to have

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Speaker 2: a Friday night where I buy it by La Tequila

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Speaker 2: and we all just sit around and y'all could take

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Speaker 2: shots and tell me why you don't like me. And

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Speaker 2: everybody's reason was, I don't like you because you think

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Speaker 2: you all that. I don't like you because you extra.

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Speaker 2: I don't like you because you would show off. None

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Speaker 2: of that shit is anything having Like I'm not harming them,

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Speaker 2: Like I'm literally just trying to meet, Like I'm just

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Speaker 2: trying to exist. I'm literally just existing in the world.

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Speaker 2: And it's a fucking problem. And so when you are

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Speaker 2: also I'm also an only child, you know, Like also,

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Speaker 2: so I didn't have like built in support systems outside

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Speaker 2: of my mom, you know, I didn't have like that

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Speaker 2: that brother sister support system. And so I've all always

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Speaker 2: spelt like the outsider. I've always been an outlier.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: It's always interesting when people call me the meaner. I say,

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Speaker 2: I must have turned into a bad bitch because I

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Speaker 2: was flat tested and loud for a really long time.

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Speaker 2: Like I was always the bullied one. I've been bullied

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Speaker 2: for all type of shit. But when you ask, like

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Speaker 2: why does that bother you, it's because no one wants

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Speaker 2: to be invalidated. I don't think anyone is really okay

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Speaker 2: with that. And I think that also as a black woman,

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Speaker 2: we are always kind of put in this position of appeasement,

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Speaker 2: and how do you not disrupt the space?

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Speaker 1: How do you not disrupt the space?

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Speaker 2: And if you're gonna not like me, I would at

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Speaker 2: least like it to be for a legit reason, and

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Speaker 2: I'm so happy to be in this space with you because,

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Speaker 2: to be honest, like I've spent so much time trying

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Speaker 2: to convince people, Shannon, trying to convince people of like no, no,

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Speaker 2: that's not what it is.

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Speaker 1: That's not what it is. And it's like I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: off it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm off it.

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Speaker 2: There is the truth, there is my truth, and a

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Speaker 2: lot of times baby is the same. And one of

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Speaker 2: the reasons why you can see that is because when

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Speaker 2: I recount a story, I want you to notice this.

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Speaker 2: When I recount stories, I don't. I very rarely include

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Speaker 2: my feelings. It's never I felt that this person did this.

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Speaker 2: I thought that this person did this. It's like reading

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Speaker 2: Game of Thrones.

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Speaker 3: Gave him this.

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Speaker 1: He's just giving you the sequence of events.

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Speaker 2: You don't see the feelings of Catlan Stark at the

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Speaker 2: fucking Red wedding until you watch the show, because in

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Speaker 2: the writing, it is just a series of events. That

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Speaker 2: is part of my autism. I speak in directs, I

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Speaker 2: speak in linear spaces, I speak in literals. That's part

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Speaker 2: of the reason why people don't like me neither, because

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Speaker 2: I'm literal and I take things literally. So if you

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Speaker 2: say to me I'm gonna be there at five, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: why you ain't here at five?

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Speaker 1: They're like, well, I'm at five ish.

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Speaker 2: Well you should have said five is because I was

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Speaker 2: waiting for you at five.

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Speaker 3: So let me ask you this. How old were you

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Speaker 3: when you got diagnosed? And did you always feel that

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Speaker 3: you was different and you felt something was wrong? Well,

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Speaker 3: what's today today is Thursday the eighteenth, so.

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Speaker 2: Forty two, and however many days until I was just

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Speaker 2: recently diagnosed. And this came out of this situation because

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Speaker 2: so many black women who are autistic said to me,

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Speaker 2: I see you you need to And I've always thought that.

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Speaker 2: I've always thought you can look at other interviews I

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Speaker 2: have mentioned before, like I think I'm on the spectrum

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Speaker 2: because I'm an eighties baby. This was not really a

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Speaker 2: part of the narrative. And as we started seeing more

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Speaker 2: about autism, and you start seeing shows about different characters,

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Speaker 2: and I start learning more, like from people like Holly

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Speaker 2: Robinson Pete, I'm like, this feels really like me. But

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Speaker 2: then you know, I think sometimes we're afraid to learn

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Speaker 2: certain things.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So sixties and seventies baby just got who up

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Speaker 3: and put in the bed, and to.

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Speaker 2: Be honest, it's true. And to be honest, I just

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Speaker 2: want to say, like, Mom, so in this revelation, my

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Speaker 2: mother started looking up like symptoms of artistic children and

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Speaker 2: was like, oh, you exhibited all of this. But I

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Speaker 2: didn't know what to do with this. She's a single parent,

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Speaker 2: she's trying to figure it out. But I really just

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Speaker 2: thank my mom because what my mom couldn't show up

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Speaker 2: for me emotionally, I realized that she was able to,

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Speaker 2: at the very least that's not even fair to say,

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Speaker 2: she was able to still let me be who I

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Speaker 2: am instead of beating it out of me, right, which

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Speaker 2: happens to so many kids who are misunderstood, you know,

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Speaker 2: like and she's West Indian Elijah Paul Grada at myself

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Speaker 2: and so like I'm over here being this precocious, you know,

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Speaker 2: little quacious child that's almost talking, telling her like, why

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Speaker 2: are you letting up just do all this talking and

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Speaker 2: all of that?

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Speaker 1: Why she's she's do fresh?

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Speaker 2: She do fresh? Why are you doing all? Why are

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Speaker 2: you letting her just run? She motes, And my mom

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Speaker 2: is like, that's Amanda, Like let her live and most

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Speaker 2: let's be real, most pair of what happened. No, shut

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Speaker 2: it up. If my father had lived with me, I

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Speaker 2: would never have been the person I am now because

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Speaker 2: he wouldn't have He wouldn't have been able to handle it.

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Speaker 1: And I believe that he is autistic too.

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Speaker 2: He's a brilliant No, because he's brilliant, He's just he

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Speaker 2: was never seen the way he needed to be seen,

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Speaker 2: and so it turned into narcissism.

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Speaker 3: But you can be brilliant without being autistic though, right.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, absolutely, but just because I'm both. But he

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Speaker 2: gifted and autistic.

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Speaker 3: Yes, But Amanda, sometimes you know, just because you have

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Speaker 3: a special gift, that doesn't mean that you know you

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Speaker 3: have a spectrum or you have a uh. Just because

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Speaker 3: you see things differently, it doesn't mean that you're on

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Speaker 3: the spectrum or you.

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Speaker 2: This isn't related to simply how I see things. This

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Speaker 2: is related how my brain functions.

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Speaker 3: Yes, but just because your brain, just because your brain

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Speaker 3: functions differently from say mind, Yes, so you feel just

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Speaker 3: because your brain functions differently, that that's what caused it.

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Speaker 3: Or there's a clinical diagnosis.

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Speaker 2: There are clinical diagnoses or you yes, there are clinical

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Speaker 2: diagnoses for autism. Yet you when you take the test.

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Speaker 2: I see when you take the test, you're like, holda

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Speaker 2: Like this is I've been thinking my whole life that

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Speaker 2: this was a problem. Like the fact that when I

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Speaker 2: the fact that I have to I have to doodle,

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Speaker 2: I have to draw all the time. I have to

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Speaker 2: be doing things all the time to be stimulated. It's

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Speaker 2: literally called stimming. Like the fact that when I'm a baby,

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Speaker 2: I'm not I have to rock like in a child pose,

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Speaker 2: like literally rock, and my mom would be like, what

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Speaker 2: why is she doing that? We find out later this

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Speaker 2: is stimming. This is her literally dealing with her anxiety

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Speaker 2: in a self soothing way.

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Speaker 1: The fact that even little things like if there.

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Speaker 2: Was a bowl of penis right here, I would be

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Speaker 2: lining them up in a row. I'd be lining them

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Speaker 2: up in a row like this. These are these are

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Speaker 2: small things that are indicative of like your brain functions

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Speaker 2: in a very particular way, and that functionality also displays

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Speaker 2: itself in your behavior, right, so it and it's also

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Speaker 2: atypical to the way that our society functions. So for instance,

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Speaker 2: like this society is very keen on people performing. There's

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Speaker 2: all this phoniness all the time, right, Yes, and when

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Speaker 2: you are autistic you literally are unable to even catch

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Speaker 2: these certain social cues. There have been twice in my

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Speaker 2: life where I was in a fight and I didn't

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Speaker 2: know I was about to be in a fight because

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Speaker 2: because I just didn't understand the social cues. I literally

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Speaker 2: didn't understand what was happening. You know, I'm thinking, like

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Speaker 2: they said, come outside, and I'm like, what's up? And

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Speaker 2: then I get punched in the fucking face. For the record,

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Speaker 2: I won the fight.

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Speaker 3: You let her get out, she got on first, and

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Speaker 3: you still won. Yes, sir, damn got squabble skills like that.

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Speaker 1: I have rage.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I have rage.

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Speaker 1: I'm very strong, like freakishly.

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Speaker 3: You're single.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you want to talk about.

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Speaker 3: It, We're gonna talk about We're gonna talk about it later.

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Speaker 3: So I'm Lenna ask you this. So there are a

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Speaker 3: lot of parent teacher conferences with you.

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Speaker 2: Huh, yes, but not for what? Well, what do you

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Speaker 2: think they were about?

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Speaker 3: Uh, you're excessive talking? Maybe the doodling, funnily enough.

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Speaker 2: No, you know what the parent teacher conferences are about.

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Speaker 2: What Amanda is sticking up for other kids in the class.

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Speaker 2: Amanda is correcting me like I had a teacher, miss

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Speaker 2: Schwank who had who called a conference because she was

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Speaker 2: talking about Aboriginal art and she said that the She's

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Speaker 2: stood in front the class and said, you know that

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Speaker 2: the Aborigines are astone age people. And I was like, ma'am,

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Speaker 2: there are Aboriginals alive right now, like they are a

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Speaker 2: part of civilization, Like what are you talking about? And

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Speaker 2: she's like, well, no, you know what I mean is

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Speaker 2: that they've never advanced. And we're in a classroom in Orlando, Florida,

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Speaker 2: so like if we don't check this type of stuff,

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Speaker 2: it's gonna just continue. So I was that student, like

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Speaker 2: I was the kid who was always raising my hand

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Speaker 2: and just wasn't easily appeased by simply just someone being

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Speaker 2: an authority, right, And my was I always I love

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Speaker 2: this because when she called my mom and said, you know,

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Speaker 2: I'd like to set a conference up because I have

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Speaker 2: some complaints about Amanda, my mom said, well, you know

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Speaker 2: that's interesting because Amanda has some complaints about you. And

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Speaker 2: so they came to the meeting and it was my

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Speaker 2: mom and mister Wright and miss Circe's all black people

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Speaker 2: at Doctor Phillis High School in Orlando, Florida. And this

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Speaker 2: lady sat there and she and actually you and mister

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Speaker 2: Wright had the same bill. And mister Wright was like,

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Speaker 2: all right, so you know, we're here to discuss Amanda

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Speaker 2: disrupting the class with her talking.

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Speaker 1: And she was like, no, Amanda.

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Speaker 2: Doesn't disrupt the class. They're talking. She actually helps the

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Speaker 2: other students out. He's like, oh, okay, so is it

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Speaker 2: about her grades? And she's like, actually no, one of

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Speaker 2: her art pieces is featured in our exhibit at the library.

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Speaker 2: He's like, so what are we here for. She's like, well,

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Speaker 2: you know, she corrects me in front of the class,

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Speaker 2: and these three black people are like, here we go

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Speaker 2: with this racist bullshit, you know, because that's really what

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Speaker 2: it is.

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Speaker 1: We're in Florida in the eighties and the nineties.

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Speaker 3: But let me ask you do this. Let me ask

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Speaker 3: you this. Okay, if you do you think she would

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Speaker 3: have felt equally of offended if a white kid, cause

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Speaker 3: I'm assuming this teacher was white, right, if a would

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Speaker 3: have a white child would have corrected her. I think

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Speaker 3: most teachers would feel some type of way if a

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Speaker 3: child corrects them.

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Speaker 2: That's not for me to surmise. I'm just saying that

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Speaker 2: my experience was this lady giving wrong information.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm allowed to correct her.

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Speaker 2: Now. This is the same lady who tried to accuse

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Speaker 2: me of stealing and when a white girl said, no,

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Speaker 2: Amanda didn't steal it. I did, she was like, well,

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Speaker 2: I think both of you need to go the principle.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: I'm in Orlando, Florida, which is a notoriously racist state,

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Speaker 2: Florida in the nineties, and I'm talking to you about

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Speaker 2: a white woman who is speaking about black people, indigenous

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Speaker 2: people in a country where those same indigenous people have

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Speaker 2: had all of their land taken from them by former

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Speaker 2: criminals that were sent there from England. And she is

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Speaker 2: calling them stone age people. And I, as a black girl,

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Speaker 2: the only black girl in her class, am correcting her.

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Speaker 3: But my thing is, you're right, she possibly misspoke or

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Speaker 3: she didn't know's.

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Speaker 2: My question to you is, why do you even feel

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Speaker 2: compelled at this juncture in this interview? Why would you

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Speaker 2: even feel compelled to try.

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Speaker 3: To because I don't want I'm not defending, But my

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Speaker 3: thing is is that what I'm trying to say, most adults,

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Speaker 3: when kids correct them or speak feel some type of way.

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Speaker 3: This is not unique to a black, white, or white black.

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Speaker 3: That's all I'm saying. I'm sorry that you took it

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Speaker 3: that way. But I remember when I was growing up,

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Speaker 3: my grandparents and parents says, hey, kids, stay in your place.

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Speaker 3: Adults are speaking. That's all I don't Maybe that didn't

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Speaker 3: happen where you were forming in Orlando, Florida, but where

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Speaker 3: I grew up and when I grew up, kids did

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Speaker 3: not correct adults. So I apologized. If you think I

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Speaker 3: thought it came up as combative, no, Grama, let's get

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Speaker 3: into your acting. You've been at this game for a

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Speaker 3: long time. You started in nineteen ninety three as a

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Speaker 3: child actor. Was that something that you always wanted to do?

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Speaker 2: Nothing that I always wanted to do. I mean I

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Speaker 2: started dance very very young. In nineteen eighty nine. I

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Speaker 2: was on Disney.

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Speaker 1: Well, no, I was sorry.

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Speaker 2: In nineteen ninety went to an audition for Disney because

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Speaker 2: they had something called the Sparkling Christian Spectacular at Disney

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Speaker 2: World in Orlando, and my mom was like, I think

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Speaker 2: you should go on auditions. So I went in auditions

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Speaker 2: and I made it, which I was not expecting to do.

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Speaker 2: It was like fifteen hundred kids dancing and I made it,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, okay, and even though you're gonna probably

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Speaker 2: have an issue with this, they were racist. So when

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Speaker 2: I was at Disney, yes, and I was in the

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Speaker 2: situation at Disney, I was there as the only black

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Speaker 2: girl and there was a whole crew. It's like twelve

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Speaker 2: of us, twelve of us, And so I was called

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Speaker 2: an N word right there while I was there.

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Speaker 1: And I was.

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Speaker 2: Also bullied while I was there because I was told

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Speaker 2: that you're only here because you're black. You can't really dance,

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Speaker 2: You're just here because you're black, So don't get any ideas.

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Speaker 2: So that's why I'm being told by the other children.

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Speaker 2: Does that suffice as racist to you or would you

400
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Speaker 2: want to call it something else? Is that just kids

401
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Speaker 2: being mean?

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Speaker 3: That's yeah, the kids. So let me ask you a question.

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Speaker 3: As a child, do you never said anything derogatory? You

404
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 3: was just this model citizen as a child. I mean children. Now,

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Speaker 3: we taught in children, not function and adults. Now, if

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Speaker 3: you told me the adults parents were telling you this,

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Speaker 3: or the execs or people that in charge of Disney

408
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Speaker 3: are telling you this, I could agree with it. But

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Speaker 3: at eighty nine, you're probably eight nine years of age.

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Speaker 3: Maybe younger.

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Speaker 2: So you have no problem with the children that were

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Speaker 2: cursing out Ruby Bridges and the Little Rock nine you

413
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Speaker 2: think that do you think that was just them being kids?

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Speaker 3: Kids can two things can be true. Kids can be

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Speaker 3: kids and not function as an adult, and things can

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Speaker 3: be wrong. And sometimes when kids say things, they're repeating

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Speaker 3: what they heard their parents say. They don't know it's wrong.

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Speaker 2: So what about the children who are receiving it that

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Speaker 2: know it's wrong.

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Speaker 1: That does that not much?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

422
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Speaker 2: Yes, I'm so if I'm if I'm ten and I'm

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Speaker 2: receiving that treatment and i know it's wrong, does it

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Speaker 2: make my experience of it.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't make it.

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Speaker 2: So that's what we're here to talk about. My experience. Yes,

427
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Speaker 2: from my experience is that I experienced that and it

428
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Speaker 2: was difficult.

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Speaker 1: So that's the valid part of this.

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Speaker 2: I'm not here to protect those people because it's irrelevant conversation.

431
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Speaker 2: So when I'm talking about me being on this dance show,

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Speaker 2: I was there and it was there was other kids

433
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Speaker 2: there who were actually really kind and they had been

434
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Speaker 2: in like the business. And so for instance, I shout

435
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 2: out to Melissa Salimony, her grandmother. They were well, they

436
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 2: were not rich, and a lot of other kids were

437
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 2: really rich, and so they got they got pushed to

438
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,119
Speaker 2: decide because they wasn't rich. So her mom and her

439
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 2: grandma and my mom like really like they kind of

440
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 2: found each other. And that's where I learned about headshots

441
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:48,880
Speaker 2: and resumes and agents, et cetera. And I was able

442
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 2: to get an agent from that. So then I start

443
00:22:52,119 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 2: auditioning and I'm like booking stuff and it's like, oh,

444
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 2: all this precociousness is actually being put to good use.

445
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:08,640
Speaker 2: And then I booked, Like my first big job was

446
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:17,239
Speaker 2: cop and a half. Okay, I was Katie. And I

447
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 2: remember being at my fifth grade trip to a Kaiva

448
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 2: riverwalk and my mom pulling up and was like, we

449
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 2: got to go to this audition. I'm like, come on,

450
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 2: we're about to go on to nature hike and she's

451
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 2: just like, no, we have to go.

452
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 1: I really think we should go. So I'm just like, h.

453
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 2: So I was never like the child actor, like the

454
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 2: typical child actor like, and my mom was never like

455
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,640
Speaker 2: she was never a mamager. She was more so just

456
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 2: like you know, it's like if you don't want to

457
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 2: practice piano, but your parents know that practicing piano is

458
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 2: good for you.

459
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 1: Like that's really what it was.

460
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 2: It was like, you don't want to go, but I

461
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 2: know this is good for you, and I'm the parent,

462
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 2: so we gonna go.

463
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,920
Speaker 3: So you so you said you were like a normal

464
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,199
Speaker 3: So you did normal things like a normal child. You

465
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,639
Speaker 3: didn't have like you didn't get home school because you

466
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 3: was on this show and you did this. You were

467
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 3: shooting three or four times, you know, four or five

468
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 3: times a week. You had a normal life as a child.

469
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, And my mom was very about that.

470
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:13,919
Speaker 2: So like my brother and me when I was on

471
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 2: My Brother and Me on Nickelodeon, I was only supposed

472
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 2: to be on two episodes, but they really liked my

473
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 2: work and so they said, Okay, we're going to write

474
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 2: her into the whole show. So my mom was like,

475
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 2: well what does that mean? And they were like, well,

476
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,479
Speaker 2: that means we're going to do fifteen episodes. No, it

477
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 2: was twelve episodes, but I'm only in ten because my

478
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 2: mom was like, well, she has a trip with her aunt.

479
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:36,640
Speaker 3: So how did you feel about that?

480
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 2: Fine? Because I was never about like this. This was

481
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,200
Speaker 2: a hobby. It was a hobby for me at that age.

482
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 2: I was a gymnast that was what I was more

483
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,600
Speaker 2: interested in. I'm like, I got to miss well Bella Caarola.

484
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,400
Speaker 3: Wasn't coming to your school to get you to sign

485
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,159
Speaker 3: you out of school, Amanda.

486
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 2: No, but my coach was picking me up from school

487
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 2: to take me to the gym. I went to Orlando Metro.

488
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 2: Shout out to Jeff and Christy. Yeah, I mean I

489
00:24:58,640 --> 00:24:59,919
Speaker 2: was a gymnast for real, for real.

490
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,359
Speaker 3: So but I'm not sure I know what I'm saying.

491
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 3: I'm saying, like Nickelodeon, this this was a paying job.

492
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:06,960
Speaker 3: I'm assuming it doesn't matter.

493
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 2: I'm a child. Remember how children have you know different things? Yes,

494
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,199
Speaker 2: how we understand things, So it didn't matter to me.

495
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 2: I cared about gymnastics.

496
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:13,919
Speaker 3: Okay.

497
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 2: So literally, like when I was going into the audition

498
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 2: for for Nickelodeon. You you had to do this long

499
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 2: walk from the parking lot to the audition, and I

500
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 2: just remember crying that whole walk because I was mad

501
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 2: because the coach had said that day that I could

502
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 2: work out with the level eights, and my mom said, no,

503
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 2: we got to go to this audition, and I was

504
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 2: just like, you want to work out with the level ads?

505
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 1: But I booked the show.

506
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 3: So at the time the Nickelodeon was going on, I said,

507
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 3: Britney Spirit of Amandabines and Rockers. Did you did you

508
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 3: meet any of these?

509
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 2: No?

510
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 3: Did you? Did you know any did you know anything

511
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 3: about it? Did you know any other child actors?

512
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 2: Well, the ones that were on the show with me,

513
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 2: But I wasn't. I mean I was very insolent. Remember

514
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 2: I wasn't out here either. This was in Orlando, okay,

515
00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 2: So like we shot on the same soundstage at as

516
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 2: all that for a little bit, but we never met

517
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:03,960
Speaker 2: any of them. Like literally, it was just like in passing.

518
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:07,360
Speaker 2: Then they left and Galla Gala Island took over. But

519
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 2: you're very insulated, I mean you're not really like I

520
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 2: mean also like it's not like I'm the star of

521
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 2: the show, you know, so I'm not going to I

522
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 2: don't even think they had like Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards

523
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,920
Speaker 2: or things at that time. But we only did one season.

524
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 2: I mean they played the season for seven years, right,

525
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 2: you know, But it wasn't like.

526
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 1: And again, like I didn't have a mamajer.

527
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 2: I didn't have like a publicist, and you know, there's

528
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 2: like a lot of kids in those situations, their parents

529
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 2: are seeing them as you know you yes, you the

530
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 2: meal ticket work. Your mom never viewed you is then

531
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,399
Speaker 2: my mom is dropping me off at work so she

532
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 2: can go to work, you know, so I'd be on set,

533
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 2: you know, by myself. But I was just super duper

534
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 2: dupa duper fortunate that you know, we were taking care

535
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:51,720
Speaker 2: of we were protected. You know, when you see this

536
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,199
Speaker 2: documentary quite on the set, you just feel so so

537
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,440
Speaker 2: you feel so sad. Is such a generous it is

538
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 2: such a not accurate work, but you just feel so

539
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 2: bad that these children were not protected and they should

540
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 2: have been protected by the adults that were around them.

541
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:06,919
Speaker 2: And I was.

542
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 1: I was protected.

543
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,439
Speaker 2: And the creators of the show, Calvin Brown Junior and

544
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 2: a Lunga Adele, like they were really not playing around

545
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 2: with the blackness, like everybody was black on this damn show.

546
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:21,159
Speaker 2: And that was essentially why the show actually did not

547
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 2: go forward because they wanted them to coon it up.

548
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: And you know, there was this kind of trend remember

549
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:26,880
Speaker 1: with JJ and.

550
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 2: That don't like they wanted them to go that route

551
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 2: and they was like, nah, we're not doing that, Like

552
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,199
Speaker 2: this is about a black family, Like let them just

553
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 2: be a black family and so for me, it was

554
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:40,400
Speaker 2: very uh, it was a dope experience. But I'm very

555
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 2: proud though that at one point they had called parent

556
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 2: conferences with the with the director.

557
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:48,640
Speaker 3: What did you do?

558
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,679
Speaker 2: And so no, with everybody they had they were like,

559
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 2: the kids is acting up, so we're gonna have parent conferences,

560
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 2: and so everybody's looking at their moms like you know,

561
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,679
Speaker 2: what's going to happen? And I just, you know, I

562
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 2: was like, I don't know what this is about. And

563
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:05,119
Speaker 2: I'm very proud that I was sitting outside and my

564
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 2: mom was in and out and I was like, why

565
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,479
Speaker 2: was it so short? She said, because when I went

566
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:15,200
Speaker 2: in there that mine said A mine does great. So

567
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 2: this whole Amanda's difficult to work with narrative.

568
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 1: Is fascinating to me. It's fascinating truly.

569
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 3: So as you said, you only did this for a year.

570
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 3: You were big into gymnastics. You really like gymnastics, and

571
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,919
Speaker 3: like child acting was kind of like a hobby. But

572
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 3: do you look back on it or if you ever have,

573
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 3: did you like ever want your own show when you

574
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 3: were a child, or did you look back on and said, damn,

575
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:43,680
Speaker 3: maybe I could have never.

576
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 2: Never, I never wanted my own show I had a

577
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 2: really fulfilling life. Yeah, you know, like I'm in gymnastics,

578
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 2: I'm doing the child acting. I'm also you know, I'm

579
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 2: thriving in academics. You know, my mom's got me in

580
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 2: like extracurricular programs. I get to travel with my aunt,

581
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 2: you know, just do others. She married a white man,

582
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 2: so we started doing white people activities. So now I'm

583
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 2: doing scuba diving and skiing and shit, a I'm in Colorado.

584
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 2: You know, I'm just getting a whole other experience, and

585
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 2: you know, for all intents and purposes. And I just

586
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 2: want to also just bring this to light for you,

587
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 2: because this is going to be a theme throughout this interview.

588
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 2: I am a scholar of race. I'm not just someone

589
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 2: who experiences it. I'm a scholar.

590
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: I'm an academic of race.

591
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 2: So I see the world through a particular lens because

592
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 2: I am skilled at doing so, and because I'm an

593
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 2: expert at doing so.

594
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: Like my master's isn't just in African American studies.

595
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 2: It's the fact that I was taught by some of

596
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,479
Speaker 2: the greatest thought leaders of our time. So when you

597
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 2: hear me say these things, I would just like to

598
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,959
Speaker 2: ask that because you have someone who is an expert

599
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 2: sitting in front of you to just consider versus be combative,

600
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 2: because there may be an opportunity here to see something differently,

601
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 2: because you have someone with you who is not just

602
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 2: experiencing race, is also examining and there's a different there's

603
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 2: a different intellectualism about that, you know what I mean,

604
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 2: different eduditionalism about that. And I say that also because

605
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 2: that's why I went and got my masters. I went

606
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 2: and got my master's because I know that we live

607
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 2: in a world that loves to try and find ways

608
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 2: to undermine Black people's minds. They love to find ways

609
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 2: to undermine black people's intellect. Look at this DEI bullshit.

610
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 2: This DEI bullshit is trying is trying to state that

611
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 2: in order to include black people, we have to lower

612
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 2: the standard, which is unconscionable. Because if black people with

613
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 2: no schooling were able to build the White House, if

614
00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:38,160
Speaker 2: black people with no schooling were able to create all

615
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:42,320
Speaker 2: of these beautiful spirituals that we still sing to this day,

616
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 2: if black people with no schooling were able to till

617
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 2: these fields and know the ways of agriculture enough to

618
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 2: create the actual, the actual bread basket of this nation.

619
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 2: Then you're telling me that their their descendants are not

620
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 2: smart enough to get into Harvard without you lowering a standard.

621
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 2: That's because DEI and affirmative action is not about lowering

622
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 2: the standards, about expanding the opportunity. So I went and

623
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 2: got my master's so that when I am in spaces

624
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,240
Speaker 2: and I do bring up race and I talk about

625
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 2: these things, it's not just based on experience, it's based

626
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:17,479
Speaker 2: on actual study.

627
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 3: Okay, I'll also ask that because if I don't see

628
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 3: things exactly as you see them, I don't expect you to.

629
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 3: Don't take it as being combative combative. You see things

630
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 3: one way, I might see it a different way. That

631
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 3: doesn't mean I'm being combative.

632
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 2: I would say it's combative when there's an undermining of

633
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 2: how someone sees something.

634
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 3: But why are you trying to undermine how I see it?

635
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 1: Because it's my experience.

636
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 3: Okay, Well I'm telling you I have but I'm saying, see,

637
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 3: you take it as if I don't agree with you,

638
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 3: I'm being combative.

639
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:47,360
Speaker 1: No, I don't.

640
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 2: I take it as if I have an experience and

641
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 2: you're telling me that my experience isn't what it is

642
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 2: you're telling me that my thinking somebody is racist who

643
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 2: I was in a classroom with for a year that

644
00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 2: you have never met.

645
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 1: You are you are?

646
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 2: You are emitting doubt upon that because you because of

647
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 2: your own experiences.

648
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 3: No, I said, I was talking about the teacher and you,

649
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 3: And I said, I could have believed. I believe based

650
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 3: on my experience. Experience and a lot of people is

651
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 3: that kids correct. An adult, no matter what society it is,

652
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 3: is frowned the plum. That's what I was saying. You

653
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,959
Speaker 3: took it too that I'm trying to minimize your experience

654
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 3: and say, well, I'm defending her when I wasn't.

655
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 2: I think there's something worth saying that that could come

656
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 2: off that way and it should be something to consider.

657
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 3: Well, well, say again, you're gonna consider it your way

658
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 3: because you see things, like you said, you see things

659
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:43,719
Speaker 3: through your prism.

660
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 2: Okay, Uh, I think it's fascinating to watch you accuse

661
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 2: me of doing the thing that you're doing. No, I

662
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 2: think it's it's fascinating.

663
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 3: This is you, this is your interview. So I won't

664
00:32:55,800 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 3: interject what I thought. But anyway, your mom is white.

665
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 2: Mother is not white. People keep saying my mother is.

666
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 3: She's West Indian. Soul is a.

667
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 2: Black woman from Grenada, which is a black island.

668
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 3: She married a white man.

669
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 2: No, she did not.

670
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 3: You say you started doing white things.

671
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 1: My aunt married a white man.

672
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 2: That's what I said.

673
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 1: I said, my aunt married a white man. No, mother is.

674
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 2: A black woman.

675
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 3: Misunderstood.

676
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 2: Well, listen, I get attacked for this, and people try

677
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 2: to undermine the validity of my voice and my my

678
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 2: even my access to blackness on a regular basis by

679
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 2: trying to make up this thing that my mother is

680
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 2: a white woman. Okay, my mother is a black woman

681
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 2: from Grenada. Grenada is so black that Maurice Bishop said

682
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 2: in a speech that the FBI was worried about Grenada

683
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 2: more than they were about Cuba, because if Grenada really

684
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 2: did become communists, they could influence Black Americans because we

685
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 2: are black and speak English. That's how black Grenada is.

686
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 3: Well that that's on me.

687
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 2: If your father is black from Roxbury, Boston.

688
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 3: That's on me. Because when I heard marriage, I didn't.

689
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 3: I didn't hear the part that you said. It was

690
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 3: it was your aunt that marriage. So okay, good, we're good.

691
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 3: That that we're good. So so what made you after

692
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 3: you did you received it from the spotlight after you

693
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 3: did my brother and me?

694
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 2: Well, I didn't receive it. I just was a kid

695
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 2: that just was other things that you didn think I

696
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 2: was in the spotlight when I did my brother and me.

697
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,279
Speaker 2: I mean, you have to understand it was really Like

698
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,320
Speaker 2: first of all, it was five minutes from my house. Yeah,

699
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 2: It's literally the universe was five minutes from my house.

700
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 2: I literally would just drive over it. It was across the.

701
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 1: Street from my high school.

702
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:40,959
Speaker 2: So you really could have walked, Yeah, like I could.

703
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,799
Speaker 2: I mean it was so it wasn't as I mean

704
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 2: the other kids on there that were from LA I mean,

705
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,400
Speaker 2: they had to travel from La, like, so there's a

706
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 2: much bigger experience attached to it for them, whereas I'm

707
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 2: just like going down the block to do a TV

708
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 2: show for a few months, but have a.

709
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 3: Pretty big deal. Amanda. I mean, did kids treat you

710
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 3: differently knowing that you were like like, Okay, that's a

711
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 3: pretty big deal, look at Amanda.

712
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:06,439
Speaker 2: Yes, but I think I didn't make it a big deal.

713
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 2: So you know, that's kind of how I've always operated, Like,

714
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:14,359
Speaker 2: I like, it's like I don't think like even when

715
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 2: people tell me I'm a celebrity. I'm just like, I

716
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 2: don't consider myself a celebrity, Like I don't move that

717
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 2: way like people will people see me by myself and

718
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:22,800
Speaker 2: be like you by yourself, and it's like that's just

719
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 2: kind of like I just don't do the hullabaloo, right,

720
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,879
Speaker 2: But no, So I just I mean I did the show.

721
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 2: I went back to eight and I went to eighth grade,

722
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,920
Speaker 2: and you know, there wasn't like it's not like Orlando

723
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 2: was like a big industry, right. So after that, I

724
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 2: went to eighth grade and then I really got into gymnastics,

725
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 2: and I just really that was my passion. I mean,

726
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 2: to this day, I'm obsessed with gymnastics. I mean, people

727
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 2: know that I love me some gymnastics. We just saw

728
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:55,879
Speaker 2: our first gymnast from an HBCU win the Nationals, which

729
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 2: I just think is incredible and shout out to Fisk,

730
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 2: and so I just went It wasn't that I received

731
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 2: from the spotlight. It was more so that I just

732
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:08,360
Speaker 2: went on with. Yeah, I just went all my life,

733
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,959
Speaker 2: you know, And then I went to Performing Arts High School. Okay,

734
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,320
Speaker 2: Doctor Phillips is one of the greatest high schools of

735
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:18,320
Speaker 2: all time. So we were clear. I mean, our alumni

736
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 2: are like Wayne Brady and Joey Fatone and Louis Fonce

737
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 2: and Eddie Wong. I mean we've got you know, my

738
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 2: homeboy Michael Scott, who is the genie in a Laddin

739
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 2: on Broadway.

740
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 1: Like, we just have a really beautiful legacy.

741
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 4: Uh.

742
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 2: And so that's where I went to high school, and

743
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 2: so I was really shaped I would say, by my

744
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 2: gymnastics coach, my teacher, and like the head of the

745
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,840
Speaker 2: director of the theater program in high school, Can Rigerio,

746
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 2: and my mother, Like these three people really shaped me.

747
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 2: And these were people that yelled a lot, like you

748
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 2: were being yelled at. You are being you are expected

749
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:55,359
Speaker 2: to be perfect. I had to exhibit a high level

750
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 2: of professionalism from like a very young age, which is

751
00:36:58,120 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 2: also why when people say a man is difficult to

752
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 2: work with, I just laugh, because like I've always been.

753
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 2: I mean I've been paying taxes since I was eight.

754
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 2: I've been in this business for so long. And then

755
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 2: even when I was in spaces that weren't professional spaces,

756
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 2: you were expected to carry yourself. I mean, you've played

757
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 2: high level sports, so you're expected to be obedient. You know,

758
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 2: you're expected to show up ready to work. You know,

759
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 2: you're expected to be self motivated. You know it's not

760
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 2: enough for your coaches, chare you want you better be

761
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 2: able to do it whether they're there or is motivated. Yes,

762
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,800
Speaker 2: So that is gymnastics, and that was theater, and theater

763
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 2: at my school was like football at FSU. I mean

764
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 2: it's top notch at UF and so like, that's what

765
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 2: I come from. I come from people expecting you to

766
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:48,439
Speaker 2: be at your best when they're not looking. That's where

767
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:52,800
Speaker 2: I come from, and that's how I have always operated.

768
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 2: But you know, you go through life and you realize

769
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:56,320
Speaker 2: that's not how everybody operate.

770
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:59,439
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think that's the biggest mistake that we make

771
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 3: because we we want to see in others as we

772
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,560
Speaker 3: say ourselves, I show up on time. Why can't you

773
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 3: show up on time? I did this? Signmon, why can't

774
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 3: you do this? Simon? I did this? Why can't you

775
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 3: do that?

776
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 2: It takes time to get grace. It takes time to

777
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 2: learn grace. It takes time to understand the beauty and

778
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 2: difference versus the frustration. We also don't live in a

779
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 2: tolerant society. No, we're very taught, we're very much taught

780
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 2: individualism and this idea that what I say goes what

781
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 2: you keep accusing me of, which.

782
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:33,320
Speaker 1: Is not true.

783
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,280
Speaker 2: But there's really something so great that you learn in maturity,

784
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 2: which is how to identify people who have like differences

785
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 2: from you and people who are harmful to you, right,

786
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 2: And like that's the dance I think for a lot

787
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 2: of us. But I really just thank those people because

788
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 2: they gave me discipline, and they gave me my own discipline.

789
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,320
Speaker 2: Like I didn't have to be disciplined by them, you

790
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. Like they taught me regimen. They

791
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 2: taught me discipline. And when you are somebody who is

792
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 2: an independent thinker, when you're somebody who's an outlier who

793
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 2: goes against the grain, you better have mo fucking discipline

794
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 2: because you're gonna be by yourself a lot.

795
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 3: But you said, and you know say, you say, this

796
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 3: society teaches you individualism. But I thought it. I thought

797
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 3: you were supposed to be an individual standout while being

798
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:27,240
Speaker 3: able to blend in. Am I wrong?

799
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 2: So you know, colonial society teaches individualism over community. It's

800
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 2: basically when I say individualism in this context, I'm referring

801
00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:39,759
Speaker 2: to like the quest for self, Like, as long as

802
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 2: I'm winning, it don't matter about anybody else, right that idea.

803
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:44,439
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, now okay.

804
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,720
Speaker 2: It's like people who will say, like racism doesn't exist

805
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 2: because I succeeded, and like there's so many factors that

806
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 2: had to come into play for me to succeed. Right.

807
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 2: So there's I come from a middle class home. I

808
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,880
Speaker 2: was very fortunate to be very smart. I'm light skinned,

809
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 2: I behaved, I was well behaved. I had really, really

810
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 2: really good educators that cared about me. Right, I could

811
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 2: have been born ten miles away and had educators that

812
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,759
Speaker 2: saw me as a nuisance. Right, and then they put

813
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 2: me in fucking disciplinary classes, et cetera, et cetera. Right,

814
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,640
Speaker 2: I with somebody who was very able to very quickly

815
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:28,320
Speaker 2: pick up on like, oh, I can't get in trouble,

816
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 2: I can't have a low credit score, Like I have

817
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 2: to be perfect, perfect, perfect perfect, So like in order

818
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 2: for me to succeed, I had to be and we

819
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 2: all noticed, I mean, we listened to Popapope on scandal Scandal,

820
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 2: you have to be ten you have to be ten

821
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,320
Speaker 2: steps perfect then everybody else.

822
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: So you know, irregardless of.

823
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 2: The racism, you, it's indicative of the fact that you

824
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 2: know you've had to be so flawless to get there right,

825
00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 2: and it shouldn't be that way. So the individual is

826
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 2: more so this idea that if one person makes it,

827
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:08,520
Speaker 2: then it's an indicator that the system or the institution

828
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:09,280
Speaker 2: doesn't exist.

829
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 3: But if you know, I tell people this, you can

830
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:15,840
Speaker 3: be good at any game if you understand the rules,

831
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 3: if you know that you have to be ten steps better.

832
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 3: Isn't it easier because you know this going in without

833
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,839
Speaker 3: having to find it out expost factor, like after the fact.

834
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:30,320
Speaker 3: So you knew that Amanda has to be ten times

835
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:35,360
Speaker 3: better than her counterpart, so you prepared yourself to be

836
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:39,160
Speaker 3: ten times better, to be more prepared, to be more disciplined,

837
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,560
Speaker 3: to be more dedicated, to be more informed.

838
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 2: I don't know if I would say it's easier, though,

839
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 2: I mean I think easier. I don't know that that's

840
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,120
Speaker 2: the word I would use. I mean I think it's

841
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess there's something to be said for

842
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 2: like when you have a guide, right, there's you know,

843
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,439
Speaker 2: you're given a bit more to the game.

844
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 3: But I think it's easier to take a test if

845
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 3: it's an open book testing the thousand percent.

846
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,840
Speaker 2: But if you still don't know where to find it

847
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 2: in the book, you still ask out because you never

848
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 2: read the book in the first place. So I think

849
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:10,439
Speaker 2: the other thing was having people around me that knew

850
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 2: how to find.

851
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 1: It in the Book of Mew.

852
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:13,920
Speaker 2: Like, if it says that I got to be that

853
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,840
Speaker 2: much smarter, I still have to learn how to access

854
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:16,400
Speaker 2: my intellect.

855
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 3: Right.

856
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:19,399
Speaker 2: If it says I need to be more regimented, more

857
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 2: regiment more disciplined, I still have to know the tools

858
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 2: on how to do that. It's like when you have

859
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 2: to learn, like, you know, like when you'd have to

860
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:27,839
Speaker 2: take like notes taking you Like, I got to take

861
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 2: a class on how to take notes. Yeah, yeah, because

862
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:33,759
Speaker 2: if you don't know how to take notes exactly, then

863
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 2: you wasting your time.

864
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,720
Speaker 3: Right, The eighty two game pre season is in the books,

865
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 3: and it's finally time for the real season. Don't miss

866
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:43,360
Speaker 3: out on any NBA playoff action at Draft Kings Sportsbook

867
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:46,319
Speaker 3: and official sports betting partner of the NBA. From the

868
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:49,439
Speaker 3: play in tournament through the finals, Draft Kings Sportsbook has

869
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:53,040
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870
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Speaker 3: You go to college, Why do you go so far away?

888
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:59,759
Speaker 2: I was always a New Yorker. I just feel like

889
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 2: that was my tribe. Like, I feel like I was

890
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 2: born in a different place than I felt comfortable when

891
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:11,840
Speaker 2: I got to New York. When I went to New

892
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:13,319
Speaker 2: York for the first time when I was twelve, I

893
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 2: was like.

894
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:15,879
Speaker 3: Huh, I've been here my whole life.

895
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 2: Yes, my people. And also there was a cultural difference

896
00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:23,800
Speaker 2: in New York. So my directness that I had always

897
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:25,960
Speaker 2: been vilified for that people would tell me from a

898
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 2: young age, like, You're You're rude, You're mean, just because

899
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 2: I'm direct. In New York, that was the culture. So

900
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 2: I just felt also a certain level of acceptance immediately

901
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 2: because I'm hearing people talk how I talk and they're

902
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 2: not being vilified for it, They're not being put in

903
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 2: a corner for it.

904
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:44,839
Speaker 3: You fed in?

905
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 2: Huh, you fit in? But you fit in, you know

906
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,760
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. I fit in because I felt normal

907
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,479
Speaker 2: and I had not felt normal, and as a child,

908
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 2: not feeling normal feels terrible, right, And even with hip hop,

909
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:03,880
Speaker 2: my fascination I feel like with hip hop was that

910
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 2: I'm hearing people spit and talk in a way that

911
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 2: I exist. Like when you hear interviews with MC light

912
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 2: and Queen Latifa, they talking like this, you know, I'm saying,

913
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 2: this is how New York is talk, and I'm like,

914
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 2: that's how I talk. I talk just like that. But

915
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 2: I'm from a place in Orlando where they want me

916
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:22,239
Speaker 2: to talk like this. And if I don't talk like this,

917
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 2: then I'm not feminine. If I don't talk like this,

918
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 2: I'm not sweet, I'm not kind.

919
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:28,879
Speaker 1: And it's like.

920
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,439
Speaker 2: The amount of effort it takes for me to talk

921
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:35,480
Speaker 2: like this. It also is just not who It's just

922
00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 2: not who I am. Right, So I really loved New

923
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 2: York and also so at the time, the top three

924
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 2: schools for theater were NYU, well in order, Juilliard, Sunny Purchase,

925
00:45:54,840 --> 00:46:00,839
Speaker 2: and NYU. And I was again, I was at Doctor

926
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 2: Phillips and we were a theater school, and it was

927
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 2: this legacy that people, you know, it was a big

928
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 2: deal and where's everybody going to school? Where's everybody going

929
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:11,879
Speaker 2: to school? And so I got into Purchase. I got

930
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 2: a call back to Julliard, but I got into Purchase,

931
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:18,399
Speaker 2: I got into NYU, I got into like the other

932
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:21,800
Speaker 2: schools that I auditioned forward to Paul and SMU, and

933
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:24,680
Speaker 2: going to Purchase was my dream. I mean that was

934
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 2: really like where I really really really wanted to go.

935
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 2: And I talked about this in my new book Body

936
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 2: Waving through the Bullshit, which is coming out in twenty

937
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 2: twenty five, but I talk about just how like going

938
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 2: to Purchase was like this culmination of like all the

939
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 2: work that I'd been doing getting in here was it.

940
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:49,480
Speaker 2: And then I got there and I was like, ooh,

941
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:54,960
Speaker 2: I don't know about these I don't know, because ultimately

942
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 2: what we were doing in high school was actually low key,

943
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:02,760
Speaker 2: more advanced wow, then what we were doing at Purchase.

944
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 2: I mean at Doctor Phellis were doing five shows a year.

945
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:08,360
Speaker 2: We're not just doing the music man and calling it

946
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 2: a rap. So we were in a conservatory in high school.

947
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 2: So when I got to Purchase, it was a wild

948
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 2: time because one also, like I went through my growth

949
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 2: spurt the summer before I went to Purchase. So I

950
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 2: had been like this little, loud, little person, like a

951
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 2: well small person, I should say, for a long time.

952
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:33,759
Speaker 2: And then it was like all of a sudden, like

953
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 2: I had, you know, some height and some woman. This's

954
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:39,560
Speaker 2: about me, you know, And now I'm going to this

955
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:41,040
Speaker 2: school and I'm like these are men, these are like

956
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:43,840
Speaker 2: full grown men, Like these are not boys, there are men,

957
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:48,480
Speaker 2: and again social cues and awkwardness, and I'm trying to

958
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,920
Speaker 2: figure it out, and I'm you know, I'm in this city.

959
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 2: But the first night that I was at Purchase, everybody

960
00:47:55,840 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 2: would like gather on the mall and ciphers would start

961
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 2: the first night every year, and I just remember watching

962
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 2: people just stand in cipher's and rap and I was like,

963
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 2: oh my god, I am in the right place.

964
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:12,399
Speaker 1: Now. What it turned out to be was that.

965
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,840
Speaker 2: I ended up getting kicked out of the conservatory.

966
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 3: Tell me why.

967
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 2: So part of the I guess, the way that these

968
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:28,840
Speaker 2: schools retain their like their status is by who they

969
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:32,400
Speaker 2: by how many people they cut every year. And so

970
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:35,239
Speaker 2: because of that, like, there's certain people that would do

971
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:38,799
Speaker 2: things to try to avoid from getting cut. And so

972
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 2: one of the guys in my class felt like he

973
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:44,399
Speaker 2: was going to get cut, so he decided to try

974
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:47,399
Speaker 2: to sacrifice me so.

975
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 1: That he wouldn't get cut.

976
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:52,240
Speaker 2: So he created a story and he told the teacher

977
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,319
Speaker 2: a lie. He told her that I was listening to

978
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:57,880
Speaker 2: my headphones in class, which I was not. But she

979
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:01,840
Speaker 2: was already a batty lady anyway. And again, I'm the

980
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:03,600
Speaker 2: only black girl in my class, So like, you're just

981
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 2: a very easy target. And I've been writing about this,

982
00:49:07,160 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 2: so I've been talking to my classmates and just we're

983
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:11,759
Speaker 2: just thinking back on like the type of shit that

984
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 2: used to get said.

985
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:16,359
Speaker 1: And she just lost it. I mean she lost it.

986
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 2: She was like, I can't believe this.

987
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,480
Speaker 4: I can't believe you would be here listening to your headphones.

988
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 1: You are the attention span.

989
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:27,000
Speaker 2: Of a three year old. You are never gonna make it. Mind,

990
00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:28,320
Speaker 2: you have already been on shows.

991
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 3: But but can she see you in the class, like,

992
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:34,359
Speaker 3: I mean, if you should just look, I mean, would

993
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:36,239
Speaker 3: you have one hundred students in your class? She could

994
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:38,960
Speaker 3: have just looked out there like, well I had twenty?

995
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:40,960
Speaker 3: What damn it? It ain't that hard to see who has

996
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:44,719
Speaker 3: old headphones or who? I mean, they were big back then.

997
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:47,839
Speaker 3: They don't have the little the little pause that you.

998
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 2: And I Hell, now, what would you deduce? Why would

999
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 2: she just flip out?

1000
00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 3: That would lead me to expect elation, conjecture in u

1001
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 3: in though, So you were there, I mean, had you

1002
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:07,440
Speaker 3: had any run ins with this teacher prior to this?

1003
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 3: So you were a model student in class.

1004
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:14,080
Speaker 1: Straight a's straight a's, every class straight as and.

1005
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 3: That one incident possibly led to you.

1006
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:22,440
Speaker 2: So then she goes on a mission to get me

1007
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 2: kicked out of the conservatory. And you can, I mean,

1008
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 2: you can look at the transcript and it's just like

1009
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 2: so all of her reviews up until this point stellar, stellar, amazing, amazing, amazing,

1010
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,760
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, there's no excuse.

1011
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:37,840
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know.

1012
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 2: That's why I'm asking you. I don't know. But she

1013
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 2: definitely went the distance and she got me kicked out,

1014
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 2: and I appealed. The two heads of the conservatory at

1015
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:50,680
Speaker 2: the time were two brothers, Dean Herbie and the late

1016
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:51,440
Speaker 2: Israel Hicks.

1017
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: And I appealed.

1018
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 2: And I had I asked everyone in my class that

1019
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:59,040
Speaker 2: they would be willing to write a letter in my defense.

1020
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 2: Even the fucking who lied wrote a letter in my

1021
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:09,960
Speaker 2: defense because now he felt bad. And the head of

1022
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,759
Speaker 2: the appeals process said, we can't take the word of

1023
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 2: twenty five students over a tenured professor. So what we're

1024
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 2: going to do is we will reduce your sentence from

1025
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 2: an expulsion to a suspension, so you can take a

1026
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:32,160
Speaker 2: year off and then come back. What so, because this

1027
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:34,799
Speaker 2: is a conservatory within a liberal arts school, you have

1028
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 2: like what's called your core classes that you got to take,

1029
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:40,879
Speaker 2: you know, R. So basically I was allowed to go

1030
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:43,759
Speaker 2: take my core classes and then come back to the

1031
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 2: Conservatory the next year. But during that year where I

1032
00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:51,440
Speaker 2: was taking my core classes, I realized I didn't want

1033
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:57,360
Speaker 2: to go back to the Dustys Conservatory. They could keep that,

1034
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,319
Speaker 2: and so then I was like, I'm gonna drop out

1035
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 2: of school.

1036
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 1: I'm gon quit school.

1037
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 2: I don't want to be here. I'm gonna drop out

1038
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,399
Speaker 2: of school because like everyone was just majoring and shit

1039
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 2: that I just had no interest in people majoring in like,

1040
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:13,719
Speaker 2: you know, psychology or sociology. And I worked at the

1041
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:16,280
Speaker 2: gap and all of my bosses had all these degrees,

1042
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,920
Speaker 2: and I'm like, well, you telling me about how to

1043
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 2: fold jeans, but you got a sociology degree. Clearly that

1044
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 2: shit ain't working for you, right, So I'm like, and also,

1045
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,160
Speaker 2: this is gonna cost me a bunch of money. So

1046
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 2: I'm like, I just can't see myself spending all this

1047
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:34,440
Speaker 2: damn money to get a degree just to say I

1048
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:37,319
Speaker 2: got a degree. Right now, my mom is losing it,

1049
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:40,439
Speaker 2: you know, everybody's just like, oh my god, what's gonna

1050
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 2: happen to Amanda.

1051
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 3: So you call your mom and told her that you

1052
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:44,799
Speaker 3: had what transpire? Or did you?

1053
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:45,799
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, no, no.

1054
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:46,080
Speaker 3: No, don't.

1055
00:52:46,120 --> 00:52:50,319
Speaker 2: I can't hold water. Yeah, I can't hold water. Yeah

1056
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:54,319
Speaker 2: I can't. I can hold other people's secrets, not my own. Yeah.

1057
00:52:54,360 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 2: I told her everything.

1058
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 3: How does she take it?

1059
00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 2: I mean she was livid because she knows it's not back.

1060
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:02,560
Speaker 2: Like one thing by Amanda is she gonna give you

1061
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 2: a red lip, a wingliner and straight A's okay. One

1062
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 2: thing I'm good at is school. Baby, I do school.

1063
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:16,200
Speaker 2: So for me to get kicked out of school, fuck

1064
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:19,439
Speaker 2: out of here. Also, I'm a brilliant actress. So there's

1065
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 2: also like no version of this that's related to my skills,

1066
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 2: Like I didn't get here by accident.

1067
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 1: This is the number two conservatory in the nation.

1068
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,879
Speaker 2: I am one of only twenty students, and I won

1069
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:34,120
Speaker 2: like national scholarships. I won the Arts Scholarship, the NFA

1070
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:36,760
Speaker 2: Art Scholarship, I won the Johnna Reid Scholarship. They're picking

1071
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:41,640
Speaker 2: two students out of fifteen hundred auditionees. Like so proof,

1072
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:45,880
Speaker 2: I'm proof positive here, So there's nothing legitimate and you know,

1073
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:49,160
Speaker 2: for all, for all, it's worth y'all, like I'm saying

1074
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 2: y'all to the people, but like I am very self

1075
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,560
Speaker 2: aware about like Okay, I could have done that better,

1076
00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:57,279
Speaker 2: you know, but in this situation, it's like, no, I

1077
00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:58,040
Speaker 2: really showed up.

1078
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 1: So nonetheless, my my mom.

1079
00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:05,480
Speaker 2: Was panicking because you know, that meant like I'm coming

1080
00:54:05,520 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 2: into the real world, Like, so what is this gonna be?

1081
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:09,680
Speaker 2: Like I'm a quit school and be a waitress and

1082
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:11,879
Speaker 2: try and make it in New York City like her

1083
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,400
Speaker 2: just trying to imagine that was just like oh my god.

1084
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:19,840
Speaker 2: And then I had a professor who was like, you know,

1085
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 2: you're too smart to quit school. We're gonna figure this out.

1086
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:26,560
Speaker 2: And I told her, like, I'm not gonna stay here

1087
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:29,359
Speaker 2: on some bullshit. And she found out that I could

1088
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 2: create my own major. And so in order to create

1089
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,840
Speaker 2: your major, you had to connect two schools of studies.

1090
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:37,239
Speaker 1: So there's like the School of Natural.

1091
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:39,360
Speaker 2: Sciences, the School of Social Sciences, the School of Theater,

1092
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 2: Arts and Film. And so I had already had thirty

1093
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:47,399
Speaker 2: two credits for my freshman year in acting, but all

1094
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:49,719
Speaker 2: I cared about was learning about black history because I

1095
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:53,239
Speaker 2: had never been taught it, Like you know, I mean,

1096
00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 2: you hear you learned about yeah, yeah, yeah. But within

1097
00:54:56,760 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 2: my core classes, I got to take Harlem Renaissance, I

1098
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:04,759
Speaker 2: got to take you know, African American women writers, I

1099
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:07,480
Speaker 2: got to take you know, African American history one oh one.

1100
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:12,080
Speaker 2: And you're just like, you feel like you have yeah,

1101
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 2: but you feel like you've been betrayed.

1102
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:14,960
Speaker 3: Yes. Yes.

1103
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:18,719
Speaker 2: So at that point I was like, this is all

1104
00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:21,279
Speaker 2: I care about, this is all I'm interested in. And

1105
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:24,359
Speaker 2: so I was able to create my own major because

1106
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 2: they didn't have Black studies at my school. So I

1107
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 2: made up the major Black studies with the concentration the

1108
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:30,800
Speaker 2: visual and performing arts. So I combined the School of

1109
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 2: Social Sciences with the School of Theater, Arts and Film.

1110
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:36,360
Speaker 2: That meant I had to go back to Dean Irby

1111
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:41,040
Speaker 2: and have him sign off in order for me to

1112
00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:44,719
Speaker 2: get this major. And he was my advisor, so he's

1113
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 2: the one who watched me go from straight a'. So

1114
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 2: then some random shit and I'm looking at Dean like.

1115
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:51,080
Speaker 3: What you gonna do about this?

1116
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:52,800
Speaker 1: He's like you, no, I don't really know what to

1117
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:53,160
Speaker 1: tell you.

1118
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:56,440
Speaker 2: I'm like, god, damn it, brother. But I came back

1119
00:55:56,440 --> 00:55:57,799
Speaker 2: to him with that piece of paper, and I remember

1120
00:55:57,880 --> 00:56:00,719
Speaker 2: him looking at it and pausing, and I said, I

1121
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:02,480
Speaker 2: need you to sign this because you tried.

1122
00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 1: To ruin my life.

1123
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 2: He told a man that I need you to sign this. Yeah,

1124
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:07,759
Speaker 2: when people tell you that you have to take a

1125
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:10,239
Speaker 2: year off of school for no reason because they want

1126
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 2: to keep a quota for their little college. Yes, you

1127
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:16,200
Speaker 2: tried to ruin my life. I need you to sign this.

1128
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:17,319
Speaker 3: So what did he say?

1129
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 2: He signed that, and then I ended up graduating on time,

1130
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:26,080
Speaker 2: and I was a commencement speaker and I got to

1131
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:27,560
Speaker 2: say what I needed to say, and you can watch

1132
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 2: the speech on YouTube.

1133
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 3: You got a master's degree in African American Studies with

1134
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 3: a concentration on hip hop from Columbia. Yeap. What made you?

1135
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:42,840
Speaker 3: What made you need in this band's degree?

1136
00:56:43,239 --> 00:56:44,880
Speaker 2: Well, that's what I mentioned earlier. It was that I

1137
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 2: felt like I want to I want to be a

1138
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:53,279
Speaker 2: voice of liberation and I want to use my art

1139
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 2: to do it. And I know that in this nation

1140
00:56:56,400 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 2: they need you to have certain you know, for whatever reason,

1141
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 2: they need you to have certain credentials to legitimize you.

1142
00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 2: And I also knew that they would need it from

1143
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:12,160
Speaker 2: a predominantly white institution. So at ivy League, even better,

1144
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 2: even better. The other reason though, was again like I

1145
00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 2: knew that I'm an artist, but I also and I

1146
00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:25,560
Speaker 2: also knew that I had a purpose here. I've always

1147
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:27,240
Speaker 2: known that. I've always known that I have a purpose,

1148
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 2: even if I don't know what the purpose is.

1149
00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:30,280
Speaker 1: I've always known that I have a purpose.

1150
00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 2: And the hardest times of it, the hardest times in

1151
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:34,800
Speaker 2: my life have been when I wasn't sure of what

1152
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:40,960
Speaker 2: that purpose is and at that point in time, and

1153
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:44,000
Speaker 2: I still have the essay. Like I said, I.

1154
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 1: Need to come to Columbia.

1155
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 2: I need to go to I need to get this

1156
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 2: advanced degree because I want to speak for my people.

1157
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 2: I want to speak with my people. I want to

1158
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 2: speak like in the in the efforts of my people,

1159
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:59,160
Speaker 2: and I'm going to need as much information as possible

1160
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:00,800
Speaker 2: to do so to the better to my abilities.

1161
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 3: You have a concentration in hip hop? Yeah, what with

1162
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 3: it being in New York and seeing all this and

1163
00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 3: the battles and the going on, You're like, yeah, okay,

1164
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:17,720
Speaker 3: so what made you do the concentration in hip hop?

1165
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:28,080
Speaker 2: So in order for black culture to continue to thrive

1166
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:30,560
Speaker 2: and grow, it has to also be protected. One of

1167
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:35,440
Speaker 2: the ways that culture gets protected, is it becomes academized.

1168
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:38,640
Speaker 2: And you know, we saw that happen with jazz. We

1169
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 2: saw jazz go from this like music of sex to

1170
00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:49,320
Speaker 2: an actual part of academia. Right, hip hop as well

1171
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:51,600
Speaker 2: was happening at that time, like you see like Ninth

1172
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 2: Wonder teaching classes and Chuck d and kras One and Bumbe,

1173
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:58,400
Speaker 2: and so you started to see the academizing of hip

1174
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:00,520
Speaker 2: hop as not just an art form, but as a

1175
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:03,440
Speaker 2: culture that has more to it than just music. Right,

1176
00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:06,240
Speaker 2: you got breaking, you got graffiti, you got DJing, you

1177
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:09,600
Speaker 2: got style. You know, it becomes something that is now

1178
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:12,400
Speaker 2: a part of black history versus just like a thing

1179
00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 2: that's being done. And so at the time, I was

1180
00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:17,200
Speaker 2: also working at Serious Satellite Radio, and I would be

1181
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:20,600
Speaker 2: in my studio and over there is Dana Dane. Behind

1182
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:22,920
Speaker 2: me is Grand massa flash to the right of me

1183
00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:27,000
Speaker 2: is EMC Light. Over there is Red Alert. I'm surrounded

1184
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:30,960
Speaker 2: by the history. So I'm like, well, this is an

1185
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 2: opportunity for me to put this on record and have

1186
00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 2: archival study that is growing, you know with these people.

1187
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:42,040
Speaker 2: So what I would do is all of my papers,

1188
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 2: one third of them would include some interview with somebody

1189
00:59:45,080 --> 00:59:47,760
Speaker 2: within hip hop. So no matter what class I was in,

1190
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 2: whether it was within the African American Studies, whether it's

1191
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:54,280
Speaker 2: in the African American Studies department or not, I would

1192
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:58,040
Speaker 2: find a way to tie whatever the thesis was of

1193
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:01,280
Speaker 2: that paper for the final paper, tie that thesis to

1194
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 2: hip hop in some way, and I would involve in

1195
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:07,240
Speaker 2: our interview with you know anybody.

1196
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:10,479
Speaker 1: That made sense. So, like my graduate thesis is.

1197
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 2: About how the hip hop album is a continuation of

1198
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:19,800
Speaker 2: the African American narrative. And so in that paper, I

1199
01:00:19,920 --> 01:00:22,200
Speaker 2: do that first part where I just explained my thesis.

1200
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:26,080
Speaker 2: The second part was a comparative analysis between Richard Wright's

1201
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:30,280
Speaker 2: Native Son and Biggie's Ready to Die and showing with

1202
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:33,800
Speaker 2: the album when the and the lyrics are ready to die, how.

1203
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:35,440
Speaker 1: This is a novel on wax.

1204
01:00:36,120 --> 01:00:39,080
Speaker 2: And then the third section was interview about the importance

1205
01:00:39,120 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 2: of storytelling to hip hop. And in that interview, it

1206
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:45,040
Speaker 2: was like everybody kept saying NAS, kept saying NAS, kept

1207
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:47,240
Speaker 2: saying nod. And then finally I was able to interview NAS.

1208
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:49,800
Speaker 2: And so the third part of it is interview with

1209
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 2: you know a lot of people and finally NAS about

1210
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:57,360
Speaker 2: the necessity for storytelling in hip hop, and that proved

1211
01:00:57,360 --> 01:00:57,960
Speaker 2: my thesis.

1212
01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:02,000
Speaker 3: You know, it was since you're a hip hop scholar,

1213
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:05,680
Speaker 3: you see all the beef's going on. Are they good

1214
01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 3: for hip hop?

1215
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:12,560
Speaker 2: Are they good for hip hop? I mean it's a

1216
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:14,240
Speaker 2: different kind of beefs than the one that I grew

1217
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 2: up with. Yeah, yeah, I mean I think anything is

1218
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:23,160
Speaker 2: good for hip hop that elevates skill. I think anything

1219
01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:27,919
Speaker 2: is good for hip hop that brings attention to hip

1220
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:32,520
Speaker 2: hop as an art form versus as a gossip thing.

1221
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:33,920
Speaker 2: You know. I feel like so much of what we

1222
01:01:33,920 --> 01:01:36,600
Speaker 2: hear about hip hop and even about the music, you know,

1223
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:40,640
Speaker 2: it's like this nigga his baby mama, you know, and

1224
01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:44,280
Speaker 2: this nigga arrested for this bullshit. You know. So when

1225
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:46,680
Speaker 2: it's something that's really more focused on the music, I

1226
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:48,480
Speaker 2: think that is good for hip hop. I think it's

1227
01:01:48,520 --> 01:01:51,280
Speaker 2: also interesting how it went because I think what's also

1228
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:55,000
Speaker 2: good for hip hop is just the maturation of hip hop.

1229
01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:58,440
Speaker 2: You know. And it is very mature for J Cole

1230
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:00,600
Speaker 2: to say, you know, I did is, but then it

1231
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:01,320
Speaker 2: didn't feel right.

1232
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:05,200
Speaker 3: It is. Yeah, but here's the thing. I grew up

1233
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:09,200
Speaker 3: the first b flack B for this was a coulmo

1234
01:02:09,320 --> 01:02:11,720
Speaker 3: d n l ll okay. And then you know, obviously

1235
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 3: you came on and you had ice Cube with n

1236
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 3: w A no baseline. You had big in Tupac. I

1237
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:20,240
Speaker 3: mean you know big into uh Tupac hit I hit

1238
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:22,160
Speaker 3: him up. And then you have jay Z And now

1239
01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:24,680
Speaker 3: that that's still the hardest one, right, hit him up

1240
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:31,440
Speaker 3: is the hardest one, right, have to edit this out. This,

1241
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 3: that's the hard one.

1242
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:39,760
Speaker 1: You to.

1243
01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 2: Whoa whoa whoa? For life?

1244
01:02:44,800 --> 01:02:49,280
Speaker 3: What whoa whoa? But so it's normally a one on one.

1245
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:53,160
Speaker 3: What we see now with the okay, we see Ross's

1246
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:56,200
Speaker 3: coming at Drake, we see Kendri Lamar, we see this,

1247
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:59,160
Speaker 3: we see future in Metro. It seemed like they're allays

1248
01:02:59,280 --> 01:03:03,040
Speaker 3: like break your Thanos and everybody coming at it.

1249
01:03:03,640 --> 01:03:06,560
Speaker 2: Did I miss something that's a different I hadn't. I

1250
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:10,640
Speaker 2: hadn't seen it like that. But that's not too far off.

1251
01:03:12,920 --> 01:03:17,480
Speaker 2: But you know why not? You know, things things to changes.

1252
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:22,600
Speaker 2: We need we need different ship. So okay, I mean

1253
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:27,320
Speaker 2: when Hole came, remember Hole didn't just come it nats.

1254
01:03:28,480 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 2: He came in mob deep as well. Rest in peace

1255
01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:30,480
Speaker 2: to Pe.

1256
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:33,800
Speaker 1: He put a lot of he was on that.

1257
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:37,360
Speaker 2: That screen that that that's summer jam screen came in

1258
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:41,080
Speaker 2: Moby also, I know, I know, I know.

1259
01:03:42,960 --> 01:03:44,240
Speaker 1: Being here being in.

1260
01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:48,360
Speaker 3: So was it with the women beef? You okay? With

1261
01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:48,960
Speaker 3: the women beef?

1262
01:03:50,680 --> 01:03:53,120
Speaker 2: Beef is a part of hip hop. I just wanted

1263
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:56,040
Speaker 2: to stay on the wax. You know, that's that's really

1264
01:03:56,120 --> 01:03:57,960
Speaker 2: the goal is that for it to stay on wax.

1265
01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:01,560
Speaker 2: But it challenges you, it forces you to get your

1266
01:04:01,640 --> 01:04:03,920
Speaker 2: lyrics up, and that's what as long. I just want

1267
01:04:03,960 --> 01:04:06,840
Speaker 2: to see people rap. I want to see people like rap.

1268
01:04:06,960 --> 01:04:09,800
Speaker 2: Well that's really it like to me. And I know

1269
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:11,840
Speaker 2: people are gonna fight me for this, but y'all already

1270
01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:14,040
Speaker 2: want to fight me anyway. I feel like nah's one

1271
01:04:14,080 --> 01:04:18,720
Speaker 2: the jay Z beef because jay Z skill, in my opinion,

1272
01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:22,840
Speaker 2: like diminished on that last rap when he's talking about

1273
01:04:22,880 --> 01:04:25,400
Speaker 2: I left a condom on your Yeah, I was like, no,

1274
01:04:25,560 --> 01:04:26,320
Speaker 2: see that that's not.

1275
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:29,800
Speaker 3: Got h. No, I got to hit you low. You

1276
01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:34,000
Speaker 3: don't talk to you if it get me, I'm going low.

1277
01:04:34,560 --> 01:04:35,360
Speaker 2: But he started it.

1278
01:04:35,440 --> 01:04:37,160
Speaker 3: I can't tell you you'll get the best of me.

1279
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:38,720
Speaker 3: When they go high, I go low.

1280
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that you can't go low, but I

1281
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:45,040
Speaker 2: just felt like his rhyme quality, Like normally Hope would

1282
01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:47,640
Speaker 2: have done that in a very metaphorical clever way.

1283
01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:49,280
Speaker 3: But that's the old hard I mean Now, I don't

1284
01:04:49,680 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 3: Hope is above that. Now, he wouldn't even he wouldn't

1285
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:55,920
Speaker 3: even dignify any response somebody. Yeah, but but you got

1286
01:04:56,040 --> 01:04:57,080
Speaker 3: I got to get you.

1287
01:04:57,080 --> 01:04:58,200
Speaker 2: You think, will that beef?

1288
01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:02,200
Speaker 3: That's what? No, No, no, That's what.

1289
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:02,680
Speaker 2: I'm talking about.

1290
01:05:02,720 --> 01:05:05,400
Speaker 3: But it's just like just like when Pak said, he said,

1291
01:05:05,520 --> 01:05:06,520
Speaker 3: I hit your wife.

1292
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:12,360
Speaker 2: I'm not my wife, Shannon. I'm not talking about what

1293
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:15,240
Speaker 2: they said. I'm talking about how they said it. Like

1294
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:18,160
Speaker 2: Pac delivered that shit in the way POC delivers shit.

1295
01:05:18,720 --> 01:05:22,280
Speaker 2: He didn't change up the whole I know, the hole

1296
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:24,640
Speaker 2: who says things like can't stop I from drinking my

1297
01:05:24,680 --> 01:05:28,520
Speaker 2: ties with t tie down in word life. Yeah, that

1298
01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:30,640
Speaker 2: seemed like a diminishment of his skill set.

1299
01:05:31,280 --> 01:05:32,160
Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying.

1300
01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,400
Speaker 3: You shouldn't have to worry when you buy tickets to

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Speaker 3: price guaranteed. You're a poet and this You were in

1319
01:06:29,000 --> 01:06:32,480
Speaker 3: a group called Floyd You right, and you replaced one

1320
01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:35,160
Speaker 3: of the I guess one of the founding members. Now, yeah,

1321
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:46,680
Speaker 3: natlie and read a lot that you weren't well received.

1322
01:06:47,360 --> 01:06:51,400
Speaker 3: Do you know, I mean, if they're turning it back,

1323
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:53,320
Speaker 3: they're bullying. I mean, I guess the people that you're

1324
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:57,680
Speaker 3: trying to read the poetry too incorrect? Okay? Correct me?

1325
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:05,640
Speaker 2: I will write about this extensively. I was asked to

1326
01:07:05,840 --> 01:07:10,240
Speaker 2: join flow a Tree after Natalie. I was told that

1327
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:13,360
Speaker 2: Natalie left. Apparently that was not the case, but that's

1328
01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:16,880
Speaker 2: what I was told. And then we prepared to go

1329
01:07:16,960 --> 01:07:20,400
Speaker 2: on tour, and they did not tell the fans that

1330
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:24,720
Speaker 2: Natalie would not be joining Marsha on the tour. So

1331
01:07:25,040 --> 01:07:28,520
Speaker 2: when I come on stage, I do not resemble Natalie

1332
01:07:28,560 --> 01:07:32,920
Speaker 2: in any shapeway or form, right, So immediately our first

1333
01:07:32,920 --> 01:07:34,960
Speaker 2: show in Boston, people are like, well, who the fuck

1334
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:38,160
Speaker 2: is this bitch? But I can sing and I know

1335
01:07:38,280 --> 01:07:42,200
Speaker 2: the songs. So the first show, great time, good job.

1336
01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:46,400
Speaker 2: But now the word is out Natalie ain't on the tour, right,

1337
01:07:46,800 --> 01:07:49,240
Speaker 2: It's Amanda whoever it is broad Is it's Amanda Seals. Well,

1338
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:50,600
Speaker 2: actually no, I had a name by then because I

1339
01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:55,080
Speaker 2: had done MTV. So we now.

1340
01:07:56,280 --> 01:07:58,280
Speaker 1: Went from Boston. The next show that we were doing

1341
01:07:58,520 --> 01:08:00,760
Speaker 1: was somewhere else.

1342
01:08:00,760 --> 01:08:06,120
Speaker 2: I can't remember, but maybe Philly, and so I guess

1343
01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:07,320
Speaker 2: to just correct the scenario.

1344
01:08:07,440 --> 01:08:09,040
Speaker 1: It's not that people were.

1345
01:08:08,880 --> 01:08:12,880
Speaker 2: Mad at me because of how I was delivering the work.

1346
01:08:13,280 --> 01:08:18,240
Speaker 2: It was that they felt duped by the ticket sales

1347
01:08:18,920 --> 01:08:21,360
Speaker 2: because they had bought tickets to see the Flowa tree

1348
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:25,120
Speaker 2: they knew, and they were protesting that this was not

1349
01:08:25,120 --> 01:08:29,479
Speaker 2: the Flowa tree they knew. Nonetheless, every time I won

1350
01:08:29,560 --> 01:08:32,800
Speaker 2: them over because I am talented, So every time I

1351
01:08:32,840 --> 01:08:36,000
Speaker 2: won them over. And I remember, you know, being at

1352
01:08:36,040 --> 01:08:39,000
Speaker 2: Club Love in DC and they had their backs turned

1353
01:08:39,040 --> 01:08:40,960
Speaker 2: to the stage and it was like I had to

1354
01:08:41,400 --> 01:08:43,200
Speaker 2: It was like I was on the voice, you know,

1355
01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:44,639
Speaker 2: I had to get them to turn them, to spin

1356
01:08:44,720 --> 01:08:48,080
Speaker 2: them chairs around. But I sang my I sang my son.

1357
01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:51,679
Speaker 2: That really happened, my nigga. Yes, what are you talking about? Yes?

1358
01:08:52,000 --> 01:08:54,880
Speaker 1: Do you mind if I call you my nigga?

1359
01:08:55,080 --> 01:08:56,439
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, I mean.

1360
01:08:57,800 --> 01:09:00,840
Speaker 2: Speaking about literally like and then I'm here. Oh you

1361
01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:07,080
Speaker 2: gotta do is say yes? And they like to not

1362
01:09:07,360 --> 01:09:08,080
Speaker 2: what you feel.

1363
01:09:08,240 --> 01:09:12,000
Speaker 1: Let me undress your baby. Maybe maybe this little skinny

1364
01:09:12,040 --> 01:09:12,759
Speaker 1: like skin bite.

1365
01:09:12,600 --> 01:09:13,240
Speaker 2: Got some widder.

1366
01:09:13,920 --> 01:09:16,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, that really happened. But I wasn't doing poetry.

1367
01:09:16,760 --> 01:09:20,040
Speaker 3: I was singing, Okay, so okay, you winning the ball?

1368
01:09:20,120 --> 01:09:21,240
Speaker 3: Like okay. They like that.

1369
01:09:21,439 --> 01:09:28,120
Speaker 2: They ain't like a man. But Marcia never made it

1370
01:09:28,160 --> 01:09:28,920
Speaker 2: any easier.

1371
01:09:30,320 --> 01:09:39,439
Speaker 3: Why why, yes, why why did Okay?

1372
01:09:39,840 --> 01:09:43,880
Speaker 4: Natalie, don't I think I think I think this is now.

1373
01:09:44,040 --> 01:09:46,040
Speaker 2: See what I'm saying I think, okay, I don't know.

1374
01:09:46,160 --> 01:09:48,000
Speaker 3: Okay, this is your point of view, this is.

1375
01:09:48,080 --> 01:09:51,080
Speaker 1: Your pob I think that they wanted me to quit.

1376
01:09:52,040 --> 01:09:55,240
Speaker 2: Why because then she could proceed on the tour by herself,

1377
01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:57,040
Speaker 2: and she was in the process of going into her

1378
01:09:57,080 --> 01:09:59,880
Speaker 2: solo career. And the way that I was treated was

1379
01:10:00,160 --> 01:10:03,519
Speaker 2: so just shitty that I think they were really trying

1380
01:10:03,560 --> 01:10:06,280
Speaker 2: to force me to quit, and they all most did.

1381
01:10:06,960 --> 01:10:09,280
Speaker 2: They almost got me out of that back there, you

1382
01:10:09,320 --> 01:10:12,040
Speaker 2: see it. Honestly, it wasn't even me who said it. It

1383
01:10:12,080 --> 01:10:13,880
Speaker 2: was our drummer at the time, Darryl, and me and

1384
01:10:13,960 --> 01:10:16,439
Speaker 2: Daryl didn't even rock with each other, but he spoke

1385
01:10:16,479 --> 01:10:18,000
Speaker 2: into me and he was like, because I was really

1386
01:10:18,040 --> 01:10:23,519
Speaker 2: like out of here, out of here because every show

1387
01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:25,400
Speaker 2: we would come on the stage and she would not

1388
01:10:25,439 --> 01:10:28,920
Speaker 2: even say my name, and every night she would say

1389
01:10:28,960 --> 01:10:30,760
Speaker 2: to me, okay, so this is how we're gonna start

1390
01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:31,320
Speaker 2: the show tonight.

1391
01:10:31,520 --> 01:10:32,719
Speaker 1: So I never got a rhythm.

1392
01:10:32,800 --> 01:10:35,360
Speaker 2: Can you imagine you on the football field and every

1393
01:10:35,560 --> 01:10:37,639
Speaker 2: night the quarterback come in with a play you ain't

1394
01:10:37,680 --> 01:10:40,240
Speaker 2: never ran before, you ain't never seen this shit, and

1395
01:10:40,280 --> 01:10:41,559
Speaker 2: he like, all right, we want to do We're gonna

1396
01:10:41,600 --> 01:10:43,559
Speaker 2: do a fifty two banana split with a cherry on top.

1397
01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:45,479
Speaker 1: You're like, Nigga, we ain't never done that before.

1398
01:10:45,840 --> 01:10:48,960
Speaker 2: I thought we were doing the banana parfet right, So

1399
01:10:49,120 --> 01:10:52,120
Speaker 2: that's what every single night, and it would get more

1400
01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:53,200
Speaker 2: and more egregious.

1401
01:10:53,400 --> 01:10:55,880
Speaker 1: I just never forget. We were in North Carolina and.

1402
01:10:55,760 --> 01:10:58,080
Speaker 2: She was like, all right, so how we're gonna do

1403
01:10:58,080 --> 01:10:59,760
Speaker 2: this is I'm gonna come on stage, I'm gonna start

1404
01:10:59,760 --> 01:11:04,080
Speaker 2: singing butterflies, and then you're gonna come on stage, but

1405
01:11:04,080 --> 01:11:07,760
Speaker 2: you're gonna like dap up the other the musicians. But

1406
01:11:07,800 --> 01:11:09,400
Speaker 2: I'm already gonna be sing I'm already gonna be sing

1407
01:11:09,479 --> 01:11:12,200
Speaker 2: You're gonna dap up the musicians, and you're gonna come

1408
01:11:12,200 --> 01:11:14,240
Speaker 2: on stage. After you dap up the musicians, you'll just

1409
01:11:14,240 --> 01:11:15,800
Speaker 2: like start singing and then we'll just do the show.

1410
01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:17,240
Speaker 2: And I was like, so at no point you're gonna

1411
01:11:17,280 --> 01:11:19,080
Speaker 2: say like, this is Amanda Sales. And she was like,

1412
01:11:19,160 --> 01:11:20,160
Speaker 2: I just don't want to. I just don't want to

1413
01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:23,280
Speaker 2: disrupt the audience. Now, if I'm being generous, maybe she

1414
01:11:23,479 --> 01:11:28,639
Speaker 2: was just trying to mitigate the I don't know, maybe

1415
01:11:28,680 --> 01:11:31,679
Speaker 2: she was just trying to mitigate the nastiness from the audience,

1416
01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:34,160
Speaker 2: but like, if that was the case, she wasn't communicating

1417
01:11:34,160 --> 01:11:35,960
Speaker 2: that to me. So I felt very very very very

1418
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:39,280
Speaker 2: isolated in the situation and like nobody was communicating this

1419
01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:39,519
Speaker 2: to me.

1420
01:11:39,720 --> 01:11:42,439
Speaker 3: So at no point in time after Natalie and left

1421
01:11:42,479 --> 01:11:44,400
Speaker 3: the group, Okay, you do the first show in Boston

1422
01:11:44,439 --> 01:11:46,439
Speaker 3: and then you go to Philee or you go to Baltimore.

1423
01:11:46,479 --> 01:11:50,400
Speaker 3: Whatever did she say? Natalie is no longer in the group.

1424
01:11:50,560 --> 01:11:55,680
Speaker 3: We have a lovely other lady named Amanda, and she's unbelievable.

1425
01:11:56,000 --> 01:11:59,240
Speaker 2: No, no, and we didn't do press and I remember

1426
01:11:59,240 --> 01:12:02,080
Speaker 2: Wendy Williams. So we get to Atlanta.

1427
01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:02,639
Speaker 3: Okay.

1428
01:12:03,320 --> 01:12:06,920
Speaker 1: Now, what people didn't know.

1429
01:12:07,280 --> 01:12:09,880
Speaker 2: Was that even before any of this had started, I

1430
01:12:09,920 --> 01:12:15,520
Speaker 2: was music director. So oh god, comeo, you eight months before.

1431
01:12:15,400 --> 01:12:16,559
Speaker 3: You ain't supposed to do that.

1432
01:12:17,240 --> 01:12:18,960
Speaker 2: I didn't even know he was the music director. I

1433
01:12:19,000 --> 01:12:20,160
Speaker 2: was already nigga before.

1434
01:12:20,479 --> 01:12:22,240
Speaker 3: But then once you find out, you like, I can't

1435
01:12:22,280 --> 01:12:22,559
Speaker 3: do this.

1436
01:12:23,360 --> 01:12:25,160
Speaker 1: Well, no, My point is that I had an insider.

1437
01:12:25,400 --> 01:12:28,680
Speaker 3: Oh oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, So you had you

1438
01:12:28,720 --> 01:12:29,479
Speaker 3: had some good intel.

1439
01:12:29,520 --> 01:12:30,599
Speaker 2: Okay, that's all I'm saying.

1440
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:33,360
Speaker 3: Yes, so he gonna tell you everything.

1441
01:12:35,120 --> 01:12:39,840
Speaker 1: You gotta do is say yeah, can't not what you feel.

1442
01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:41,679
Speaker 2: Let me undress your baby.

1443
01:12:41,880 --> 01:12:42,840
Speaker 3: So he's telling you.

1444
01:12:43,240 --> 01:12:45,760
Speaker 2: So we're in Atlanta and I had a solo song

1445
01:12:45,800 --> 01:12:47,719
Speaker 2: that I would sing. It was one of my songs.

1446
01:12:47,960 --> 01:12:53,080
Speaker 2: So we're in Atlanta and after rehearsal, he tolls my coat.

1447
01:12:53,320 --> 01:12:56,720
Speaker 2: He's like, hey, she trying to She trying to cut

1448
01:12:56,760 --> 01:13:00,040
Speaker 2: your song. But she didn't tell me this. He's like, like,

1449
01:13:00,200 --> 01:13:03,599
Speaker 2: she literally cuts your song from the set list, which

1450
01:13:03,600 --> 01:13:05,040
Speaker 2: would mean that we would be in the middle of

1451
01:13:05,120 --> 01:13:07,479
Speaker 2: the show and I would realize that my song is

1452
01:13:07,520 --> 01:13:10,600
Speaker 2: not happening, and.

1453
01:13:10,720 --> 01:13:12,559
Speaker 3: You gonna be out there like, Dad, what's my song?

1454
01:13:13,880 --> 01:13:19,759
Speaker 1: So I said, I said, for show for show for show, Okay.

1455
01:13:19,920 --> 01:13:21,320
Speaker 2: But now we got to get in the car together,

1456
01:13:21,640 --> 01:13:23,160
Speaker 2: me and Marsha, We got to get in the car

1457
01:13:23,200 --> 01:13:27,439
Speaker 2: together to go back to the hotel. On the way

1458
01:13:27,520 --> 01:13:31,040
Speaker 2: to the car, my boy, Dwight Willisy texts me and says, hey,

1459
01:13:31,040 --> 01:13:32,720
Speaker 2: you listen to Wendy Williams. Also like, why am I

1460
01:13:32,760 --> 01:13:34,840
Speaker 2: just casually listening to William Williams. But he's like, turn

1461
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:39,160
Speaker 2: on Wendy Williams. Not Lee's on Wendy Williams. Not Lee's

1462
01:13:39,160 --> 01:13:42,960
Speaker 2: on Wendy Williams. Talking about the real flower Tree. I

1463
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:46,040
Speaker 2: don't know who, if Samanda is, I'm not sure how

1464
01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:47,000
Speaker 2: she got involved.

1465
01:13:47,040 --> 01:13:48,680
Speaker 1: But I am the real flow A Tree or.

1466
01:13:48,720 --> 01:13:49,639
Speaker 2: I am the real flow Tree.

1467
01:13:49,640 --> 01:13:51,920
Speaker 1: I'm working on my accent. I'm the real flow A Tree.

1468
01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:53,680
Speaker 2: And so if you'll go into these shows, just no,

1469
01:13:53,680 --> 01:13:55,880
Speaker 2: you'ren't support in the real flow A Tree. We're sitting

1470
01:13:55,960 --> 01:13:59,160
Speaker 2: in the car and I just found out you're trying

1471
01:13:59,160 --> 01:13:59,719
Speaker 2: to cut my song.

1472
01:13:59,800 --> 01:14:01,240
Speaker 1: And I said, did you try to cut my song

1473
01:14:01,280 --> 01:14:01,760
Speaker 1: from the show?

1474
01:14:02,000 --> 01:14:04,360
Speaker 2: I don't know what you show came about. I said,

1475
01:14:04,400 --> 01:14:05,680
Speaker 2: I was told that you're trying to cut my song

1476
01:14:05,680 --> 01:14:06,120
Speaker 2: from the show.

1477
01:14:06,560 --> 01:14:07,840
Speaker 3: She's like, who told you that?

1478
01:14:08,680 --> 01:14:12,599
Speaker 2: She actually didn't ask sid she didn't ask to my recollection,

1479
01:14:12,720 --> 01:14:13,240
Speaker 2: she didn't ask.

1480
01:14:13,320 --> 01:14:16,160
Speaker 1: But nonetheless it was just like I want my song

1481
01:14:16,200 --> 01:14:16,599
Speaker 1: on the show.

1482
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:17,599
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

1483
01:14:17,760 --> 01:14:21,880
Speaker 2: And so she's like, alright, whatever. But now I'm texting.

1484
01:14:21,880 --> 01:14:24,280
Speaker 2: I'm seeing from Dwight that like Natalie is on Wendy

1485
01:14:24,280 --> 01:14:26,240
Speaker 2: Williams talking crazy. So I run up to the room

1486
01:14:26,240 --> 01:14:28,280
Speaker 2: and so now I'm like, yo, apparently mah Lee's on

1487
01:14:28,280 --> 01:14:30,240
Speaker 2: Wendy Williams. So now we turn this shit on the car.

1488
01:14:30,479 --> 01:14:33,479
Speaker 2: We're sitting in the car, listen to this. She ain't

1489
01:14:33,560 --> 01:14:36,840
Speaker 2: saying nothing. We get to the hotel, I go to

1490
01:14:36,880 --> 01:14:39,640
Speaker 2: the room. I'm still listening. Natalie is burning me up.

1491
01:14:40,000 --> 01:14:43,559
Speaker 4: She's like, I'm in the Seals. Is not real, She's fake.

1492
01:14:43,680 --> 01:14:49,160
Speaker 4: This is all fake faith faith fake. So now Marsha

1493
01:14:49,240 --> 01:14:51,200
Speaker 4: calls me like, did you listen?

1494
01:14:51,320 --> 01:14:51,840
Speaker 3: I said, yeah.

1495
01:14:51,840 --> 01:14:58,320
Speaker 2: What you gonna do about it? Nothing? I said, Oh, okay.

1496
01:14:58,080 --> 01:15:00,600
Speaker 1: And this is this is a true of me not

1497
01:15:00,640 --> 01:15:01,320
Speaker 1: being protected.

1498
01:15:01,479 --> 01:15:04,719
Speaker 2: Right, Okay, did.

1499
01:15:04,600 --> 01:15:06,880
Speaker 3: You actually think she was going to protect you considering

1500
01:15:07,160 --> 01:15:10,320
Speaker 3: that she had never given you the proper recognition, the

1501
01:15:10,360 --> 01:15:13,240
Speaker 3: proper identification, she'd never given you the prop.

1502
01:15:13,080 --> 01:15:16,240
Speaker 2: Shouldn't have but I did. Okay, I shouldn't have, but

1503
01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:17,960
Speaker 2: I did because I always expect.

1504
01:15:18,240 --> 01:15:19,599
Speaker 1: And this is also a flaw.

1505
01:15:19,760 --> 01:15:26,160
Speaker 2: But I always hope for the best in people, because Shannon, you.

1506
01:15:26,280 --> 01:15:31,960
Speaker 3: Hoping people what you do yourself. We talked about this earlier.

1507
01:15:32,040 --> 01:15:32,840
Speaker 3: We got to stop that.

1508
01:15:33,120 --> 01:15:37,120
Speaker 2: I know, but it feels so defeated to do it.

1509
01:15:37,360 --> 01:15:43,559
Speaker 2: But it's true. But it feels like you're giving into it.

1510
01:15:43,640 --> 01:15:45,840
Speaker 2: Just feels like you're giving into the worst parts of

1511
01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:48,479
Speaker 2: existence to do it. That's what it feels like. It

1512
01:15:48,520 --> 01:15:54,040
Speaker 2: feels very realistic to just really give in, but it

1513
01:15:54,080 --> 01:15:55,920
Speaker 2: is the only way that you can really protect yourself.

1514
01:15:57,040 --> 01:16:00,919
Speaker 2: And my co host Supreme on my radio show always

1515
01:16:00,960 --> 01:16:06,360
Speaker 2: he'd be like, Amanda, most people are full of shit.

1516
01:16:07,080 --> 01:16:10,840
Speaker 2: If you would just accept this, you would have such

1517
01:16:10,920 --> 01:16:14,479
Speaker 2: less heartache. And I'm like, I know, but so you

1518
01:16:14,640 --> 01:16:16,559
Speaker 2: just want them to not be so now okay, So

1519
01:16:16,680 --> 01:16:17,559
Speaker 2: now she didn't do nothing.

1520
01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:20,680
Speaker 3: You didn't do anything. You're feeling some type of way too.

1521
01:16:20,720 --> 01:16:23,040
Speaker 3: Now I can see it. I see it right now.

1522
01:16:23,439 --> 01:16:26,000
Speaker 2: Well, I'm what most people think is feeling some type

1523
01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:27,639
Speaker 2: of way for me is actually just me being hurt.

1524
01:16:28,840 --> 01:16:31,840
Speaker 2: It's really it just reads because of the type of

1525
01:16:32,320 --> 01:16:35,200
Speaker 2: human I am and the way that my self is

1526
01:16:35,240 --> 01:16:37,760
Speaker 2: set up, it reads as anger, but it really is

1527
01:16:38,400 --> 01:16:39,440
Speaker 2: deep hurt.

1528
01:16:40,240 --> 01:16:41,200
Speaker 1: That's what you're reading.

1529
01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:48,120
Speaker 2: And I and betrayal and I'm giving so much of

1530
01:16:48,160 --> 01:16:50,720
Speaker 2: myself to this and to your point, ain't shit been

1531
01:16:50,840 --> 01:16:53,320
Speaker 2: right up to this point? So it is a straw

1532
01:16:53,439 --> 01:16:59,880
Speaker 2: on a camel ah, you know. So I'm like, okay, man,

1533
01:17:01,479 --> 01:17:05,639
Speaker 2: I'm out. Now. I call the music director like, yo,

1534
01:17:05,760 --> 01:17:07,680
Speaker 2: this shit just got ridiculous. He's like, Ye're about to

1535
01:17:07,680 --> 01:17:09,840
Speaker 2: come to your room, let's talk. I'm like, okay, nigga

1536
01:17:09,840 --> 01:17:11,519
Speaker 2: never comes to the room. I come downstairs. He's talking

1537
01:17:11,560 --> 01:17:14,200
Speaker 2: to a white chick at the bar. I'm like, God, they're.

1538
01:17:14,040 --> 01:17:17,040
Speaker 3: The one that you used to I thought he came

1539
01:17:17,120 --> 01:17:18,599
Speaker 3: up in here from one last floor.

1540
01:17:18,760 --> 01:17:20,400
Speaker 2: Rate I would I would think it, because that would

1541
01:17:20,400 --> 01:17:23,800
Speaker 2: have made sense. Yeah, for sure, the pain away, you know.

1542
01:17:24,120 --> 01:17:26,920
Speaker 2: But no. So I then called my homegirl to take

1543
01:17:26,960 --> 01:17:29,040
Speaker 2: me to the airport. Okay, so I called my mom

1544
01:17:29,080 --> 01:17:30,920
Speaker 2: and I'm like, buck me a ticket. I'm out of here.

1545
01:17:31,160 --> 01:17:33,200
Speaker 2: I'm out of here because I've reached my wits end.

1546
01:17:33,400 --> 01:17:36,000
Speaker 2: And again I have no allies here. I had. I

1547
01:17:36,040 --> 01:17:40,360
Speaker 2: had a manager who was none of the of us. Okay,

1548
01:17:40,479 --> 01:17:42,400
Speaker 2: this nigga sent me in on the road with no contract,

1549
01:17:44,400 --> 01:17:46,679
Speaker 2: talking about well, you should just be happy.

1550
01:17:46,720 --> 01:17:50,599
Speaker 1: They asked you what So, I want you to follow the.

1551
01:17:50,439 --> 01:17:54,360
Speaker 2: Themes in this interview. I want you to follow two themes,

1552
01:17:54,960 --> 01:18:00,120
Speaker 2: misunderstood and not protected. I want you to follow those themes. Okay,

1553
01:18:00,240 --> 01:18:02,879
Speaker 2: because you've noticed its themes. You follow the theme of racism.

1554
01:18:02,880 --> 01:18:05,040
Speaker 2: But I want you to follow those other themes because

1555
01:18:05,040 --> 01:18:05,840
Speaker 2: they're important.

1556
01:18:06,080 --> 01:18:08,080
Speaker 1: They're important to understanding someone like me.

1557
01:18:08,720 --> 01:18:12,680
Speaker 2: And when you have not been protected and you are misunderstood,

1558
01:18:12,720 --> 01:18:16,479
Speaker 2: what are you going to naturally develop defense mechanism? For sure,

1559
01:18:16,080 --> 01:18:19,559
Speaker 2: you have to protect yourself. Yes, there's no other way.

1560
01:18:20,080 --> 01:18:22,439
Speaker 2: They will tear you up, they will eat you a lot.

1561
01:18:23,479 --> 01:18:26,679
Speaker 2: And if you're if you're creating these things also within

1562
01:18:26,800 --> 01:18:30,920
Speaker 2: the context of autism, within the context of already speaking

1563
01:18:30,920 --> 01:18:34,439
Speaker 2: a certain way, thinking a certain way, you are setting

1564
01:18:34,479 --> 01:18:39,000
Speaker 2: yourself up for a very hard road. But you're not

1565
01:18:39,080 --> 01:18:40,080
Speaker 2: even the one setting yourself up.

1566
01:18:40,080 --> 01:18:42,000
Speaker 1: I take that back. You are set up for a

1567
01:18:42,040 --> 01:18:43,479
Speaker 1: hard road in the midst of.

1568
01:18:43,520 --> 01:18:47,080
Speaker 2: All of this though you are brilliant, you have talent,

1569
01:18:47,479 --> 01:18:50,800
Speaker 2: and you are in a field that that's the only

1570
01:18:50,840 --> 01:18:53,160
Speaker 2: way that those things really work in. You know, It's

1571
01:18:53,160 --> 01:18:56,400
Speaker 2: not like I can go be the theatrical seals like

1572
01:18:56,479 --> 01:19:01,559
Speaker 2: at the hospital. You feel me like, this is where

1573
01:19:01,560 --> 01:19:04,439
Speaker 2: I have to be. So so I was about to leave.

1574
01:19:05,600 --> 01:19:11,080
Speaker 2: I was about to leave, and the drummer, who we

1575
01:19:11,240 --> 01:19:13,400
Speaker 2: used to clash because we both had these like really

1576
01:19:13,400 --> 01:19:17,000
Speaker 2: big personalities that we hadn't matured into yet, you know,

1577
01:19:19,400 --> 01:19:21,559
Speaker 2: he hit me and he said, you can't leave. You

1578
01:19:21,600 --> 01:19:25,519
Speaker 2: cannot leave because if you leave, they'll win, and they

1579
01:19:25,640 --> 01:19:28,680
Speaker 2: want you to leave, and you cannot let them win.

1580
01:19:28,800 --> 01:19:31,080
Speaker 2: And he said because later in life, you will look

1581
01:19:31,120 --> 01:19:33,600
Speaker 2: back on this and you will say I stayed and

1582
01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:37,800
Speaker 2: I was strong, and it's gonna matter. It's gonna matter,

1583
01:19:38,120 --> 01:19:40,960
Speaker 2: and he was right. And so that night.

1584
01:19:43,520 --> 01:19:45,519
Speaker 1: I ended up saying I came back and we had

1585
01:19:45,520 --> 01:19:46,519
Speaker 1: a show that night.

1586
01:19:47,680 --> 01:19:50,600
Speaker 2: And we had a conversation before the show, and you know,

1587
01:19:50,640 --> 01:19:52,880
Speaker 2: the forty eight laws of power. It can be used

1588
01:19:52,920 --> 01:19:56,240
Speaker 2: in a very duplicitous fashion, but sometimes it is useful

1589
01:19:56,600 --> 01:19:58,400
Speaker 2: when you're dealing with folks.

1590
01:19:59,720 --> 01:20:01,439
Speaker 1: That I just can't see you because of their own

1591
01:20:01,439 --> 01:20:02,080
Speaker 1: blind spots.

1592
01:20:03,200 --> 01:20:06,080
Speaker 2: And I'm a very, very emotionally intelligent person, and so

1593
01:20:06,120 --> 01:20:08,280
Speaker 2: a lot of times I end up having to do

1594
01:20:08,400 --> 01:20:11,880
Speaker 2: the emotional labor for other people to get us through. Right,

1595
01:20:12,479 --> 01:20:16,080
Speaker 2: It's exhausting. It's exhausting.

1596
01:20:19,520 --> 01:20:27,000
Speaker 3: In your life. How many people do you feel that

1597
01:20:27,000 --> 01:20:29,519
Speaker 3: have protected you and understood you?

1598
01:20:31,760 --> 01:20:32,559
Speaker 1: Like you want a number?

1599
01:20:32,880 --> 01:20:35,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you say it.

1600
01:20:35,280 --> 01:20:38,680
Speaker 2: On one hand, I mean at this point, I've I've

1601
01:20:39,120 --> 01:20:42,400
Speaker 2: amassed an incredible amount and it's been a beautiful evolution.

1602
01:20:45,240 --> 01:20:47,639
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1603
01:20:47,760 --> 01:20:49,280
Speaker 1: In my youth, I mean, my mom.

1604
01:20:50,200 --> 01:20:50,840
Speaker 3: That was your rock.

1605
01:20:52,640 --> 01:20:57,840
Speaker 2: And you know it's like it's just there's different processes, right,

1606
01:20:57,960 --> 01:21:01,559
Speaker 2: Like I will say, like my gymnastic coach you.

1607
01:21:01,520 --> 01:21:03,840
Speaker 3: Speak verily high you know what, you speak very highly

1608
01:21:03,880 --> 01:21:05,640
Speaker 3: of the gymnastics coach. And there are a couple of

1609
01:21:05,640 --> 01:21:08,839
Speaker 3: teachers that John Phillips High School, doctor tul Doctor Phillips

1610
01:21:08,880 --> 01:21:12,040
Speaker 3: High School, that you speak in glowing terms about, and

1611
01:21:12,080 --> 01:21:16,679
Speaker 3: then when you speak of them, you radiate. You don't speak,

1612
01:21:17,680 --> 01:21:21,000
Speaker 3: You don't radiate when you mentioned anybody else's name, But

1613
01:21:21,080 --> 01:21:25,599
Speaker 3: when you mention those people's names, your mother, your gymnastics coach,

1614
01:21:26,040 --> 01:21:29,720
Speaker 3: the people at the instructor that doctor Phillips High School,

1615
01:21:30,040 --> 01:21:34,599
Speaker 3: you radiate. What was it about them that caused them

1616
01:21:34,600 --> 01:21:39,880
Speaker 3: to not only understand Amanda, but was willing to protect Amanda?

1617
01:21:41,000 --> 01:21:44,600
Speaker 3: Your mom? I get that's your mom. She's supposed to because.

1618
01:21:44,320 --> 01:21:49,439
Speaker 2: They because they they saw what some people consider as flaws,

1619
01:21:49,439 --> 01:21:52,640
Speaker 2: they saw a strengths. You know, I remember when I

1620
01:21:52,640 --> 01:21:54,639
Speaker 2: started going to therapy. I started going to therapy because

1621
01:21:54,680 --> 01:21:55,960
Speaker 2: I was like, you know, people keep telling me that

1622
01:21:56,040 --> 01:21:58,599
Speaker 2: no one likes me, and I do not understand.

1623
01:21:58,760 --> 01:22:00,680
Speaker 3: Did you believe it that no one likes me?

1624
01:22:02,000 --> 01:22:05,879
Speaker 2: Yeah? Because I have low self esteem.

1625
01:22:05,080 --> 01:22:06,479
Speaker 3: OK So.

1626
01:22:09,320 --> 01:22:12,040
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I don't I don't but I don't understand.

1627
01:22:13,320 --> 01:22:17,080
Speaker 2: And she I remember her asking me, well, what are

1628
01:22:17,080 --> 01:22:20,720
Speaker 2: the reasons why people say they don't like you, and

1629
01:22:20,800 --> 01:22:25,400
Speaker 2: I told her, I said my tone, I'm they feel

1630
01:22:25,400 --> 01:22:32,720
Speaker 2: that I'm like too detail oriented, like it's annoying, you know.

1631
01:22:32,800 --> 01:22:35,679
Speaker 2: They tell me like like they like me being detail oriented.

1632
01:22:35,720 --> 01:22:41,320
Speaker 2: They take it as nitpicky, right, that I am too demanding,

1633
01:22:42,040 --> 01:22:44,360
Speaker 2: whereas like for me, it's like, well no, it's like

1634
01:22:44,640 --> 01:22:49,400
Speaker 2: it's more so just me holding you accountable. They say

1635
01:22:49,439 --> 01:22:54,519
Speaker 2: that I am mean, but in my version of it,

1636
01:22:54,520 --> 01:22:57,120
Speaker 2: it's like, well, no, I'm just being honest. And so

1637
01:22:57,720 --> 01:23:02,400
Speaker 2: we started working on me being better at understanding like

1638
01:23:02,439 --> 01:23:05,040
Speaker 2: the neurotypical like the normal way that things are read,

1639
01:23:05,200 --> 01:23:08,479
Speaker 2: so that I could better protect myself. Like that may

1640
01:23:08,479 --> 01:23:10,360
Speaker 2: be the truth, but you don't got to tell it

1641
01:23:10,439 --> 01:23:15,800
Speaker 2: right now. You know it, and good for you, lad,

1642
01:23:16,560 --> 01:23:21,320
Speaker 2: Hold lad, you don't got a tailler right now. It

1643
01:23:21,320 --> 01:23:24,200
Speaker 2: may have been a yes or no question, but people

1644
01:23:24,240 --> 01:23:28,960
Speaker 2: need extra words. I lost the job because I was

1645
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:30,280
Speaker 2: answering and yes or no questions.

1646
01:23:30,800 --> 01:23:32,680
Speaker 3: How you lose a job if you answer yes or

1647
01:23:32,720 --> 01:23:34,080
Speaker 3: no because you added.

1648
01:23:34,439 --> 01:23:37,439
Speaker 2: Because they were emailing me asking me yes or no

1649
01:23:37,520 --> 01:23:42,200
Speaker 2: questions and my responses were yes, yes, and no. And

1650
01:23:42,240 --> 01:23:43,920
Speaker 2: then finally I got an email that said, you know what,

1651
01:23:43,960 --> 01:23:47,760
Speaker 2: we decided to go with somebody else because by your responses,

1652
01:23:47,760 --> 01:23:49,440
Speaker 2: it seems like you're not interested.

1653
01:23:50,280 --> 01:23:51,800
Speaker 3: What you say to answer yes or no.

1654
01:23:56,000 --> 01:23:58,519
Speaker 1: So now you understand me. It took us a little bit,

1655
01:23:58,560 --> 01:23:59,160
Speaker 1: but you hear.

1656
01:23:59,439 --> 01:24:01,080
Speaker 3: So I'm so they won't you just say yes? I

1657
01:24:01,080 --> 01:24:02,760
Speaker 3: would love to have the job because I think this

1658
01:24:02,800 --> 01:24:05,799
Speaker 3: is an amazing opportunity for me and I just love this company.

1659
01:24:05,840 --> 01:24:13,559
Speaker 3: I thank you, but.

1660
01:24:13,840 --> 01:24:15,720
Speaker 2: Get out there and dance, nigga.

1661
01:24:16,120 --> 01:24:18,840
Speaker 1: But Amanda and black people do it to each other.

1662
01:24:19,520 --> 01:24:23,760
Speaker 3: Amanda, we had the conversation up earlier, and what did

1663
01:24:23,760 --> 01:24:26,720
Speaker 3: we say, if you understand the rules, No, but.

1664
01:24:26,720 --> 01:24:28,160
Speaker 2: I didn't understand the rules. I'm just talking.

1665
01:24:28,160 --> 01:24:30,439
Speaker 1: Then I didn't understand the rules. I didn't understand the.

1666
01:24:30,439 --> 01:24:31,040
Speaker 3: Rules, so we'll learned.

1667
01:24:31,120 --> 01:24:34,040
Speaker 2: So I was saying that the therapy help you. Yes,

1668
01:24:34,680 --> 01:24:36,920
Speaker 2: but even still it's like understanding the rules and like

1669
01:24:37,280 --> 01:24:38,599
Speaker 2: you know, then you are who you are.

1670
01:24:38,640 --> 01:24:40,599
Speaker 1: Like that ends up being in conflict with each other

1671
01:24:40,720 --> 01:24:41,160
Speaker 1: so often.

1672
01:24:41,240 --> 01:24:42,800
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, Like you understand the rules,

1673
01:24:42,800 --> 01:24:44,880
Speaker 2: but you're like in order for me to to like

1674
01:24:44,960 --> 01:24:48,040
Speaker 2: play this game, I gotta like do a whole renovation

1675
01:24:48,120 --> 01:24:50,280
Speaker 2: of self. That's not going to be an upgrade. It's

1676
01:24:50,360 --> 01:24:55,960
Speaker 2: just me really, just trying to mask to become palatable

1677
01:24:56,000 --> 01:24:56,320
Speaker 2: to you.

1678
01:24:57,240 --> 01:25:00,639
Speaker 3: But don't you think realistically, they're a lot more people

1679
01:25:01,439 --> 01:25:05,160
Speaker 3: that dress and Halloween costumes year round as opposed to

1680
01:25:05,320 --> 01:25:06,040
Speaker 3: just on that day.

1681
01:25:07,240 --> 01:25:08,880
Speaker 2: I do not want to be those people, and those

1682
01:25:08,880 --> 01:25:10,720
Speaker 2: are not the people that change the world. And that's

1683
01:25:10,720 --> 01:25:13,680
Speaker 2: what I'm here to do. And I literally went and

1684
01:25:13,680 --> 01:25:16,320
Speaker 2: got my master's because rich Bova on the campus of

1685
01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:19,080
Speaker 2: Purchase College stopped me and held my hand because he

1686
01:25:19,120 --> 01:25:19,559
Speaker 2: was a psychic.

1687
01:25:19,560 --> 01:25:20,760
Speaker 1: You would always do readings for people.

1688
01:25:20,760 --> 01:25:22,800
Speaker 2: And he just held my hand and was like, well,

1689
01:25:22,840 --> 01:25:24,000
Speaker 2: you gotta go get your master's now.

1690
01:25:24,000 --> 01:25:27,000
Speaker 1: I was like, God, I thought I was done with this.

1691
01:25:27,160 --> 01:25:29,000
Speaker 2: And he was like, no, you got to go get

1692
01:25:29,040 --> 01:25:31,000
Speaker 2: your master's because you're going to change the world and

1693
01:25:31,000 --> 01:25:31,960
Speaker 2: you're going to need it to do it.

1694
01:25:32,920 --> 01:25:34,000
Speaker 3: Do you believe in psychics?

1695
01:25:34,960 --> 01:25:35,880
Speaker 1: I believe in a lot.

1696
01:25:36,360 --> 01:25:37,360
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.

1697
01:25:38,080 --> 01:25:40,439
Speaker 2: How can you not believe in psychics and believe in God?

1698
01:25:40,720 --> 01:25:42,000
Speaker 3: No? No, no, psychic?

1699
01:25:42,200 --> 01:25:46,000
Speaker 2: What do you wait? No? No, come, let's take a moment.

1700
01:25:46,080 --> 01:25:46,840
Speaker 2: Let's take a moment.

1701
01:25:47,120 --> 01:25:50,519
Speaker 3: Yes, if you believe in.

1702
01:25:50,479 --> 01:25:53,280
Speaker 2: God, then you believe in a spiritual power that is

1703
01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:56,320
Speaker 2: greater than all of us. You also believe that there

1704
01:25:56,360 --> 01:25:59,720
Speaker 2: are people who are able to access that in a

1705
01:25:59,760 --> 01:26:02,120
Speaker 2: way that others cannot do you not, That's what our

1706
01:26:02,160 --> 01:26:04,519
Speaker 2: pastors do, That's what people who are Catholics believe priests

1707
01:26:04,560 --> 01:26:05,040
Speaker 2: are doing.

1708
01:26:05,520 --> 01:26:06,519
Speaker 1: And for all intents and.

1709
01:26:06,439 --> 01:26:10,880
Speaker 2: Purposes, when we pray, we are attempting to contact that power.

1710
01:26:11,040 --> 01:26:12,599
Speaker 1: We are attempting to just let me finish.

1711
01:26:12,920 --> 01:26:15,800
Speaker 2: We are attempting to tap in to that power, to

1712
01:26:15,880 --> 01:26:18,599
Speaker 2: tap into that energy and bring it to us as

1713
01:26:18,680 --> 01:26:22,280
Speaker 2: we are continuing to bring it to them. Now, when

1714
01:26:22,280 --> 01:26:26,160
Speaker 2: we vilify the idea of psychics or whiches, etc. A

1715
01:26:26,160 --> 01:26:28,400
Speaker 2: lot of times what's mixed into that is shit that

1716
01:26:28,400 --> 01:26:31,240
Speaker 2: ain't got nothing to do with actual connection to spirit.

1717
01:26:31,880 --> 01:26:34,960
Speaker 2: There are people who are operating in dark spaces and

1718
01:26:35,040 --> 01:26:37,400
Speaker 2: dark places, but there are people who are tapped in

1719
01:26:37,439 --> 01:26:39,800
Speaker 2: that just have different names. And so the idea of

1720
01:26:39,840 --> 01:26:42,720
Speaker 2: a psychic, like I'm not calling him a psyche, a

1721
01:26:42,800 --> 01:26:46,760
Speaker 2: medium or somebody who is literally just more connected I

1722
01:26:46,800 --> 01:26:50,840
Speaker 2: am very connected to Like I'm empathic, I can feel

1723
01:26:50,920 --> 01:26:55,519
Speaker 2: I'm very connected to just nature, to the vibration of things,

1724
01:26:55,600 --> 01:26:58,599
Speaker 2: because I want to be, but also because I'm an artist,

1725
01:26:58,720 --> 01:27:01,840
Speaker 2: right like I can meet something from nothing, like there's

1726
01:27:01,880 --> 01:27:05,400
Speaker 2: something that is really unique in that ability to do so.

1727
01:27:05,400 --> 01:27:08,160
Speaker 2: So when I'm talking about someone who is able to

1728
01:27:08,600 --> 01:27:11,200
Speaker 2: read you, it's not like there are It's not that

1729
01:27:11,240 --> 01:27:13,719
Speaker 2: they're dealing with dark magic. It's that they are able

1730
01:27:13,800 --> 01:27:20,000
Speaker 2: to see their profits. So it's just language. But as

1731
01:27:20,080 --> 01:27:22,920
Speaker 2: long as it's done in love, it's all coming from

1732
01:27:22,960 --> 01:27:23,559
Speaker 2: the same place.

1733
01:27:24,720 --> 01:27:27,320
Speaker 3: Pastors seems to have been accessing people's bank accounts a

1734
01:27:27,360 --> 01:27:27,760
Speaker 3: lot later.

1735
01:27:27,840 --> 01:27:29,880
Speaker 2: That is very true, and that is why we have

1736
01:27:29,960 --> 01:27:32,679
Speaker 2: to always be careful about who is at the Paul Pits.

1737
01:27:33,520 --> 01:27:37,560
Speaker 3: So what are your first jobs in New York? Was

1738
01:27:37,640 --> 01:27:40,280
Speaker 3: a radio host? How'd you get in? You know what?

1739
01:27:40,439 --> 01:27:42,160
Speaker 2: I feel like I didn't finish that previous story.

1740
01:27:42,200 --> 01:27:43,439
Speaker 3: Go ahead and tell it for you tell.

1741
01:27:43,320 --> 01:27:45,880
Speaker 2: It, Oh, flow a tree, Yes, let me finish it.

1742
01:27:45,920 --> 01:27:48,920
Speaker 3: Okay, tail it because I thought you were done with well.

1743
01:27:48,960 --> 01:27:50,800
Speaker 2: No, Well, I just feel like it's important to note

1744
01:27:50,840 --> 01:27:54,200
Speaker 2: that with the forty laws of power, I realize in

1745
01:27:54,200 --> 01:27:57,640
Speaker 2: that moment, Oh, I have to win the I have

1746
01:27:57,680 --> 01:27:59,719
Speaker 2: to let her win the battle to win the war, Okay,

1747
01:28:00,240 --> 01:28:01,920
Speaker 2: and my ego has to be removed in order to

1748
01:28:01,960 --> 01:28:04,720
Speaker 2: do that. And that's something I had to learn in

1749
01:28:04,760 --> 01:28:07,640
Speaker 2: that moment, like ego is not serving you here, and

1750
01:28:07,680 --> 01:28:09,599
Speaker 2: I really don't have an ego in that way, like

1751
01:28:09,760 --> 01:28:13,760
Speaker 2: I can really often see like there's a bigger picture here.

1752
01:28:14,000 --> 01:28:15,720
Speaker 2: And so I had to let her know that I

1753
01:28:15,800 --> 01:28:17,439
Speaker 2: was not a threat to her. And I realized that

1754
01:28:17,479 --> 01:28:20,479
Speaker 2: for some reason she was like sinks treating me that way.

1755
01:28:20,920 --> 01:28:21,880
Speaker 2: I don't know if that was her.

1756
01:28:22,240 --> 01:28:24,959
Speaker 3: So you actually had a conversation right before.

1757
01:28:24,760 --> 01:28:27,160
Speaker 2: The show, and I had to tell her like, I

1758
01:28:27,200 --> 01:28:29,120
Speaker 2: just want you to like me. I just want you

1759
01:28:29,200 --> 01:28:31,840
Speaker 2: to feel safe with me here. I just want you

1760
01:28:31,920 --> 01:28:34,040
Speaker 2: to see me as someone who is not trying to

1761
01:28:34,080 --> 01:28:36,720
Speaker 2: step on your toes, because that's what it feels like.

1762
01:28:37,160 --> 01:28:38,840
Speaker 2: And if that's not what it is, so be it.

1763
01:28:38,880 --> 01:28:40,280
Speaker 2: But if that's what it is, I just want you

1764
01:28:40,360 --> 01:28:41,800
Speaker 2: to know that that's not what I'm trying to do.

1765
01:28:42,040 --> 01:28:45,240
Speaker 2: So I had to make myself small so that she

1766
01:28:45,280 --> 01:28:49,000
Speaker 2: could not feel like I was trying to take her place.

1767
01:28:49,760 --> 01:28:50,720
Speaker 2: And after that it.

1768
01:28:50,760 --> 01:28:51,720
Speaker 1: Had no problems.

1769
01:28:52,040 --> 01:28:53,160
Speaker 3: I don't know that, Amanda.

1770
01:28:53,240 --> 01:28:54,440
Speaker 1: You don't know much, Amanda.

1771
01:28:54,800 --> 01:28:57,680
Speaker 3: I mean I'm the Manada made herself shrink down. I

1772
01:28:57,760 --> 01:29:00,240
Speaker 3: mean it went down to honey, I shrunk.

1773
01:29:00,160 --> 01:29:01,559
Speaker 1: Kid, baby, I know what to do.

1774
01:29:02,880 --> 01:29:06,400
Speaker 2: That's the part that people don't understand is that it's

1775
01:29:06,400 --> 01:29:12,080
Speaker 2: not even that you necessarily are shrinking, it's that you understand.

1776
01:29:12,720 --> 01:29:15,519
Speaker 2: It's like if you're on a field and you know

1777
01:29:16,040 --> 01:29:19,519
Speaker 2: that in this play, I'm not the star. Yes, in

1778
01:29:19,560 --> 01:29:22,479
Speaker 2: this play, all I need to do is block this

1779
01:29:23,479 --> 01:29:26,479
Speaker 2: so that this ball can get to this point. Yes,

1780
01:29:26,640 --> 01:29:29,680
Speaker 2: that's the point, and I am that person. I know

1781
01:29:30,360 --> 01:29:32,120
Speaker 2: what role I'm playing on the fields.

1782
01:29:32,439 --> 01:29:36,560
Speaker 3: Yes, you can be good at any game you understand

1783
01:29:36,640 --> 01:29:37,280
Speaker 3: the rules.

1784
01:29:37,400 --> 01:29:40,400
Speaker 2: There you go from an hour ago and you don't

1785
01:29:40,400 --> 01:29:41,160
Speaker 2: talk to me like that.

1786
01:29:41,600 --> 01:29:44,519
Speaker 3: Dab it up? Can I call you my solster out?

1787
01:29:46,720 --> 01:29:48,240
Speaker 3: Can I call you by soter? Dab it up?

1788
01:29:48,280 --> 01:29:48,439
Speaker 1: Now?

1789
01:29:49,240 --> 01:29:53,960
Speaker 2: You because what you're saying is not accurate to the situation.

1790
01:29:54,160 --> 01:29:56,840
Speaker 2: Yes it is, No, because the game we're talking about

1791
01:29:56,840 --> 01:29:57,519
Speaker 2: two different games.

1792
01:29:57,640 --> 01:30:02,040
Speaker 3: No, In that moment, you realize I'm.

1793
01:30:01,880 --> 01:30:03,960
Speaker 1: Not arguing that point. I'm not arguing that point.

1794
01:30:04,000 --> 01:30:06,559
Speaker 2: You were saying that it's easier if you understand the game,

1795
01:30:06,560 --> 01:30:07,960
Speaker 2: And all I was saying was that I don't know

1796
01:30:07,960 --> 01:30:12,920
Speaker 2: that it's easier, but it definitely is important because it

1797
01:30:12,960 --> 01:30:15,479
Speaker 2: wasn't necessarily easy, let me tell you, but it was

1798
01:30:15,560 --> 01:30:18,200
Speaker 2: necessary and I didn't and if I if I'm being honest,

1799
01:30:18,240 --> 01:30:19,920
Speaker 2: I don't know that I will call it the game

1800
01:30:20,040 --> 01:30:21,320
Speaker 2: as much as I would call it. I mean, I

1801
01:30:21,400 --> 01:30:23,840
Speaker 2: use that as a metaphor, but it's like you could

1802
01:30:23,920 --> 01:30:26,760
Speaker 2: use that example in an operating room, like if you're

1803
01:30:26,840 --> 01:30:29,760
Speaker 2: the nurse, you not with the scalpel, but you are

1804
01:30:29,800 --> 01:30:33,519
Speaker 2: important and you know your role in this situation and

1805
01:30:33,560 --> 01:30:37,160
Speaker 2: that is fine. It's the lieutenant and the captain, right,

1806
01:30:37,280 --> 01:30:40,000
Speaker 2: Like you just have to understand that, and when you do,

1807
01:30:40,360 --> 01:30:44,040
Speaker 2: your ego doesn't matter because you your ego is not

1808
01:30:44,080 --> 01:30:45,960
Speaker 2: based on being at the top. Your ego is based

1809
01:30:46,000 --> 01:30:49,559
Speaker 2: on Your ego is based on being useful. Yes, And

1810
01:30:49,600 --> 01:30:51,640
Speaker 2: that that really is what I feel like a lot

1811
01:30:51,680 --> 01:30:54,000
Speaker 2: of people in this society are not realizing we have

1812
01:30:54,080 --> 01:30:56,639
Speaker 2: this main character energy that a lot of people are

1813
01:30:56,680 --> 01:30:59,680
Speaker 2: just really built into. And it's like everybody needs to

1814
01:30:59,680 --> 01:31:01,840
Speaker 2: feel like they're the star, they're at the top, their

1815
01:31:01,960 --> 01:31:04,400
Speaker 2: name is on the et cetera, and there's so many

1816
01:31:04,439 --> 01:31:06,680
Speaker 2: other ways to be of value, and a lot of

1817
01:31:06,680 --> 01:31:10,320
Speaker 2: people are not cut for being the leader. They not

1818
01:31:10,520 --> 01:31:14,040
Speaker 2: cut for being the star, and they in these positions

1819
01:31:14,080 --> 01:31:17,160
Speaker 2: and they don't know how to motherfucking act and they're

1820
01:31:17,200 --> 01:31:19,920
Speaker 2: actually really being you.

1821
01:31:20,000 --> 01:31:26,040
Speaker 3: Stay on the tour, you work at you and uh marsha,

1822
01:31:26,680 --> 01:31:28,680
Speaker 3: y'all hash out your different you hash them out or

1823
01:31:28,720 --> 01:31:31,719
Speaker 3: you just y'all make peace to get through the tour.

1824
01:31:33,360 --> 01:31:35,240
Speaker 2: No, after that, it was fine because I had I

1825
01:31:35,320 --> 01:31:36,920
Speaker 2: let her know that I wasn't a threat to her,

1826
01:31:36,960 --> 01:31:38,080
Speaker 2: So then it's not a problem.

1827
01:31:38,680 --> 01:31:40,880
Speaker 3: How were you? It was her? It was her show, right,

1828
01:31:41,880 --> 01:31:42,320
Speaker 3: so hi.

1829
01:31:43,760 --> 01:31:47,160
Speaker 1: H, I can't you know. All I can do is

1830
01:31:47,160 --> 01:31:47,639
Speaker 1: my best.

1831
01:31:49,640 --> 01:31:52,760
Speaker 3: So you did end up leaving the show? No, I

1832
01:31:52,800 --> 01:31:54,280
Speaker 3: did the whole tour, did the whole tour.

1833
01:31:54,280 --> 01:31:55,559
Speaker 2: Did the whole tour, and then after we were going

1834
01:31:55,600 --> 01:31:58,960
Speaker 2: to be a group called Fluor Tree Remixed, and so

1835
01:32:01,120 --> 01:32:03,720
Speaker 2: her manager kept playing around with my manager around it,

1836
01:32:03,800 --> 01:32:06,080
Speaker 2: and then she had me make a MySpace page for us,

1837
01:32:06,400 --> 01:32:11,880
Speaker 2: and then she didn't accept the friend request.

1838
01:32:11,400 --> 01:32:12,360
Speaker 1: And that was the end of it.

1839
01:32:13,680 --> 01:32:15,880
Speaker 2: And then I just did my own music and I

1840
01:32:15,920 --> 01:32:17,960
Speaker 2: put out my album Life Experience.

1841
01:32:20,840 --> 01:32:22,439
Speaker 3: Have you talked to her since?

1842
01:32:24,400 --> 01:32:27,920
Speaker 2: I actually saw her at usher show recently and she

1843
01:32:28,000 --> 01:32:29,519
Speaker 2: went to hug me and I was like, no, I'm good.

1844
01:32:29,880 --> 01:32:32,200
Speaker 3: Come on, you didn't do that. Come mat como now,

1845
01:32:32,240 --> 01:32:34,519
Speaker 3: don't be, don't be, don't be petty label?

1846
01:32:34,920 --> 01:32:36,200
Speaker 2: How was that petty? God?

1847
01:32:36,400 --> 01:32:39,200
Speaker 3: She was she? Really? After all them years?

1848
01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:43,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, after all the years, What am I hugging her for?

1849
01:32:43,360 --> 01:32:44,160
Speaker 1: That's not my peopils?

1850
01:32:44,320 --> 01:32:44,559
Speaker 3: I don't.

1851
01:32:44,600 --> 01:32:46,519
Speaker 2: First of all, I'm not a hugger in general. But

1852
01:32:46,720 --> 01:32:49,400
Speaker 2: that's not Yeah. See, I'm not petty, I'm not phony.

1853
01:32:49,840 --> 01:32:51,960
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna hug people that are not my people.

1854
01:32:53,000 --> 01:32:55,000
Speaker 2: If you treat me like shit in real life, don't

1855
01:32:55,040 --> 01:32:57,479
Speaker 2: try to hug me at a party because I won't

1856
01:32:57,560 --> 01:32:59,519
Speaker 2: hug you back. It's a song. If you treat me

1857
01:32:59,600 --> 01:33:02,200
Speaker 2: like she in real life, don't try to hug me

1858
01:33:02,320 --> 01:33:06,320
Speaker 2: at a party because I won't hug you back.

1859
01:33:07,240 --> 01:33:09,400
Speaker 3: That's not a smong you made it. But here's the thing,

1860
01:33:10,080 --> 01:33:12,680
Speaker 3: I can't believe you. I can't believe you would do that.

1861
01:33:12,240 --> 01:33:12,519
Speaker 3: That was.

1862
01:33:14,600 --> 01:33:15,360
Speaker 1: I am who I am.

1863
01:33:15,479 --> 01:33:17,720
Speaker 2: People know who I am, and that's a beautiful thing.

1864
01:33:17,840 --> 01:33:19,639
Speaker 2: The person I am is beautiful because you don't never

1865
01:33:19,680 --> 01:33:22,479
Speaker 2: have to guess. People like me are a blessing. You

1866
01:33:22,520 --> 01:33:25,040
Speaker 2: don't ever have to guess. And so much of this

1867
01:33:25,200 --> 01:33:27,120
Speaker 2: life is people not wanting to deal with the real

1868
01:33:27,840 --> 01:33:31,400
Speaker 2: and just hiding in the shadows and instead.

1869
01:33:31,080 --> 01:33:33,559
Speaker 1: Of honoring honor is a strong word.

1870
01:33:33,600 --> 01:33:36,120
Speaker 2: But instead of you know, regarding and respecting people who

1871
01:33:36,160 --> 01:33:39,040
Speaker 2: are straight ahead, we treat them like they are a nuisance.

1872
01:33:39,080 --> 01:33:42,759
Speaker 2: We treat them like they are a disruption, when really

1873
01:33:42,840 --> 01:33:46,400
Speaker 2: they are a gift, because it really removes the guesswork

1874
01:33:46,800 --> 01:33:51,920
Speaker 2: of subtext, It removes the guesswork of alterior motives. I

1875
01:33:51,960 --> 01:33:54,240
Speaker 2: am what I am. What you see is what you get.

1876
01:33:54,240 --> 01:33:57,519
Speaker 2: Whatever you hear me saying is what I'm saying. And

1877
01:33:57,840 --> 01:34:02,400
Speaker 2: to me, that is such an easier route, you know,

1878
01:34:02,479 --> 01:34:05,720
Speaker 2: And I've found people in my life over time that

1879
01:34:05,920 --> 01:34:09,599
Speaker 2: really see that that is such a a dope way

1880
01:34:09,600 --> 01:34:12,080
Speaker 2: to exist and it's been a blessing. So when you

1881
01:34:12,080 --> 01:34:13,920
Speaker 2: asked me earlier about like people who have protected me

1882
01:34:14,320 --> 01:34:17,240
Speaker 2: and like people who understand me like, it's those people

1883
01:34:17,320 --> 01:34:20,639
Speaker 2: people who see that as a gift, not as an attack.

1884
01:34:21,760 --> 01:34:24,519
Speaker 3: Have you ever hugged anybody that you didn't like or

1885
01:34:24,520 --> 01:34:26,120
Speaker 3: shake shook their hands?

1886
01:34:27,640 --> 01:34:29,719
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sure I did when I was less

1887
01:34:30,600 --> 01:34:32,639
Speaker 2: sure of myself and when I felt like I needed

1888
01:34:32,680 --> 01:34:35,479
Speaker 2: to play the game. You know, I've had an I

1889
01:34:35,520 --> 01:34:37,439
Speaker 2: had you know, I've had self esteem and inferior to

1890
01:34:37,479 --> 01:34:40,240
Speaker 2: complex issues for a long time, and I've had to

1891
01:34:40,800 --> 01:34:42,880
Speaker 2: learn how to love myself as who I am and

1892
01:34:42,920 --> 01:34:45,720
Speaker 2: be okay with that, and also understand the repercussions of that.

1893
01:34:49,520 --> 01:34:52,719
Speaker 3: It's okay, we move on. Now we go with Marsha.

1894
01:34:53,479 --> 01:34:56,439
Speaker 3: This concludes the first half of my conversation. Part two

1895
01:34:56,479 --> 01:34:58,719
Speaker 3: is also posted and you can access it to whichever

1896
01:34:59,040 --> 01:35:02,200
Speaker 3: podcast platform you just listened to part one on. Just

1897
01:35:02,280 --> 01:35:06,040
Speaker 3: simply go back to club profile and I'll see you there.