Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating and I Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to episode seven of Help I Suck
Speaker 1: At Dating. I'm Dean Anglert, and thank you so much
Speaker 1: for tuning in to listen. So last week we talked
Speaker 1: a little bit about ghosting for our Halloween episode, and
Speaker 1: this week we're going to cover it a little bit
Speaker 1: more because the listener reaction is pretty uh inquisitive, there
Speaker 1: were some questions that were be left unanswered. So circling
Speaker 1: back to episode number one, we had Rachel de Alto
Speaker 1: from Married at First Sight and she's going to jump
Speaker 1: on the phone and kind of help diagnose what ghosting
Speaker 1: really stems from and kind of why it's around. So, Rachel,
Speaker 1: are you there. I'm here. Hey, Rachel, good to hear
Speaker 1: from you again. How are you. I'm doing well. How
Speaker 1: have things been since the last time we spoke? All
Speaker 1: as well as well? How are you doing? I'm doing well.
Speaker 1: I'm doing well. Thanks so much for taking the time
Speaker 1: to call in, um as you're as you know, we're
Speaker 1: talking a little bit more about ghosting today and I
Speaker 1: think that you have some um good information about it.
Speaker 1: So why do you think someone ghosts? It's just easier.
Speaker 1: I think people don't like to have confrontation, and you know,
Speaker 1: especially in a situation where you're not in a relationship
Speaker 1: and you kind of don't owe anyone that kind of
Speaker 1: super sit down, serious conversation. Um, it's just easier to
Speaker 1: kind of let it fade away. And so it's just
Speaker 1: it's a non confrontational way to let things go, whether
Speaker 1: it's the nicest thing, you know, that remains to be seen.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of a way to avoid conflicts. Yes,
Speaker 1: I think most people that goes are kind of like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't really like this person enough to continue, but
Speaker 1: I don't have enough relationship with them to say, let's
Speaker 1: sit down and I'm going to tell you why I
Speaker 1: don't want to date you anymore. Why do you think it?
Speaker 1: Typically men are more often to ghost than women. Uh.
Speaker 1: You know, it's funny because I feel a lot more
Speaker 1: women ghosting of recent Uh so it's you know, we're
Speaker 1: evening that out. But I think typically guys kind of
Speaker 1: are are just very cut right, like, Okay, this is over,
Speaker 1: I don't need closure. I'm just going to move on.
Speaker 1: And I don't even know that a lot of guys
Speaker 1: understand kind of depending on the woman kind of what
Speaker 1: they're left with, um, you know, that emotional empty, you know,
Speaker 1: empty answer of like why did he leave? Um? So
Speaker 1: I just think guys were just you know, they're like,
Speaker 1: oh wait, that's over that. You know, it's the cut
Speaker 1: and dry approach. They're not really as interested in getting
Speaker 1: into the motions of things, whereas women are like I
Speaker 1: want to answer, like I want to understand. I think too.
Speaker 1: I think with ghosting, if you were to go someone,
Speaker 1: it's a lot less binary than ending things just outright right,
Speaker 1: Like if you're to say, if you're kind of to
Speaker 1: go silent um, it kind of leaves the door open
Speaker 1: for a future relationship if both parties so wish to
Speaker 1: kin get into that. Right. So, so, if if someone
Speaker 1: ghosts you and then tries to come back, do you
Speaker 1: think you should ever give them another chance or do
Speaker 1: you think that's not something you should even consider. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's fully depends on the situation. I think, if you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of times people goes because they meet someone
Speaker 1: different or better or someone more interesting than they want
Speaker 1: to kind of pursue, and then if that falls apart,
Speaker 1: you know, there's always kind of the circle back. So listen.
Speaker 1: If it's not a big deal to you, then why
Speaker 1: not give them another chance? If you were in this
Speaker 1: kind of more intensively developing relationships and someone ghosted, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, wait a second, let's talk about you know,
Speaker 1: do they respect you enough to actually consider your feelings
Speaker 1: this time around? So why are you giving them another shot?
Speaker 1: So I think it really depends on a case by case,
Speaker 1: but I've definitely seen people get ghosted. The person comes
Speaker 1: back three months later, and then all of a sudden
Speaker 1: they're dating again. So it's a lot of times timing
Speaker 1: and it's just situational. We would you say, once a ghost,
Speaker 1: always a ghost. I'm pretty sure you can recover from that. Okay,
Speaker 1: so it is something that you can work on and
Speaker 1: improve that. Yeah, But you know what the problem is
Speaker 1: is that a lot of times, and this is kind
Speaker 1: of like a p s A is people and ghosting
Speaker 1: because the conversations ending situation ships, which is not like
Speaker 1: a relationship that sich you're dating, you end up kind
Speaker 1: of falling into something. They get uncomfortable because then they're like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm understand, you know what's wrong with me? And it
Speaker 1: becomes like a conversation that this person didn't want to have,
Speaker 1: so it becomes easier to go. So we all have
Speaker 1: to make it easier for people to end a relationship peacefully, um,
Speaker 1: to get rid of ghost thing. And how do we
Speaker 1: do that? Well, I think if someone tells you like
Speaker 1: I don't think we're a match or I don't think
Speaker 1: that this is going to work out, you don't get
Speaker 1: defensive and kind of ask for more information. I get
Speaker 1: that from the women alive, you know, if they tell
Speaker 1: a guy, hey, listen, I just don't think you're right
Speaker 1: for me. The guy comes back and is like, well,
Speaker 1: why and what's wrong with me? You're you know, what's
Speaker 1: what's the problem, what's your problem? Um? And vice versa.
Speaker 1: So I think we just have to be okay with like,
Speaker 1: not every lid is going to fit every pot, and
Speaker 1: it's okay to get you know, kind of passed on
Speaker 1: so that you're opened up to someone who is your fit.
Speaker 1: I will say, as a bit of a retort for
Speaker 1: that is, if I were to be broken up with,
Speaker 1: I would definitely want to know why I was broken
Speaker 1: up with. I think that's well, I think it's okay
Speaker 1: for why, but it's I've not personally think God but
Speaker 1: in in a lot of clients experiences, friends experiences, it's
Speaker 1: been almost angry, like they get there's a little angry
Speaker 1: else that comes out. Um So I think that kind
Speaker 1: of this fear is like, Okay, this is just pafer
Speaker 1: to not have that conversation. I think if you're gonna get,
Speaker 1: if you're gonna break up, like you're going to have
Speaker 1: to break up without the ghosting, um you know. So
Speaker 1: I think it's it's more so the people like you
Speaker 1: go on one day and the persons like I know
Speaker 1: that this isn't my person and I'd rather not have
Speaker 1: a conversation around that because they could end up getting
Speaker 1: defensive and kind of like pussy. I think. I think
Speaker 1: that's one of the biggest appeals of ghosting. And again
Speaker 1: I'm not condoning by any means, but when when you
Speaker 1: break up with someone, if you are to break up
Speaker 1: with them and be you know, obviously mature enough about
Speaker 1: it to to tell them that you want to break up,
Speaker 1: there's so many uncertain avenues that that could kind of progress,
Speaker 1: whether it's a conversation talking about why they're not the
Speaker 1: person for you while you're not the person for them,
Speaker 1: what they did wrong, what you did wrong, etcetera, etcetera.
Speaker 1: If you were to go someone, the only real outcome
Speaker 1: of it is you're just not to be talking to
Speaker 1: them anymore. So it's a lot more it's a lot
Speaker 1: more predictable, I guess than if you were to break
Speaker 1: up to that with them. Um normally, I guess exactly.
Speaker 1: Although it's sometimes when ghosting you end up getting the
Speaker 1: people coming back saying, you know, where did you go?
Speaker 1: Why did you go? And then it becomes really awkward
Speaker 1: because you've left and now you're you're explaining yourself like
Speaker 1: a month later. Um, So listen, if you've been dating
Speaker 1: someone for like a couple of months, don't go with them.
Speaker 1: But it's like a date or two. It's really not
Speaker 1: that big of a deal. I don't think everybody owes,
Speaker 1: you know, we don't owe everyone a huge explanation of
Speaker 1: why this isn't working. Not again, I like, I like
Speaker 1: maturity and things like that too, But you know, I
Speaker 1: think we put so much pressure on it. So like
Speaker 1: if you went out for coffee with someone or grab
Speaker 1: a drink with someone, it's not feeling you know, and
Speaker 1: you're not feeling them. I don't think you have to
Speaker 1: say hey, this isn't working. Great point, and I think
Speaker 1: it's definitely very circumstantial depending on the number of dates
Speaker 1: you've gone on or you know, the the amount of
Speaker 1: time you've been dating quote unquote that person. Um. So,
Speaker 1: do you have any advice for maybe listeners that have
Speaker 1: been ghosted it on not necessarily how to prevent being ghosted,
Speaker 1: but how to deal with the other side of being ghosted. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think the biggest thing if you've been ghosted trying
Speaker 1: not to take it personally, which I know is probably
Speaker 1: the hardest thing because it's like, wait a second, this
Speaker 1: person disappeared on me. Clearly you know there's a problem,
Speaker 1: but um, a lot of times it has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with you. It has everything to do with the person,
Speaker 1: their timing, um, their own situation, whether or not they
Speaker 1: haven't released the next you know, there's so many reasons,
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of times I get people
Speaker 1: that come to me and wonder why guy disappeared, and
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, it doesn't matter because it's just
Speaker 1: it is what it is, you know, And and spending
Speaker 1: time thinking about somebody that you dated for a couple
Speaker 1: of dates or a couple of weeks or whatever is
Speaker 1: not doing you any service, So go back on Bumble
Speaker 1: and Tender and replace them. Yeah, Bumble, we can use
Speaker 1: them because that there are podcast monsters, so will definitely
Speaker 1: don't get on Tender. Definitely use Bumble. It's a much, much,
Speaker 1: far superior app. I was trying to think, um, as
Speaker 1: you were ap ping up that point that I was
Speaker 1: trying to think of the last time that I might
Speaker 1: have been ghosted. But it's hard for me because I
Speaker 1: haven't really been in a relationship outside of a TV
Speaker 1: show for so long, aside from my girlfriend before going
Speaker 1: on the show, so it's been I'm sure I've been ghosted,
Speaker 1: but I was just trying to think of how I
Speaker 1: reacted to it and how I felt. I'm sure it
Speaker 1: didn't feel good. Um yeah, I mean it doesn't feel good,
Speaker 1: but it's it's again, you know. That's where it's so
Speaker 1: important to realize that there's you know, it's not about you,
Speaker 1: and it's about them, and your person that's meant to
Speaker 1: be your person is not going to ghost you. So
Speaker 1: there's you know, it's a get back out there and
Speaker 1: find someone else that's actually going to treat you right
Speaker 1: and show up and and you know I could progress
Speaker 1: into a relationship, but yeah, it doesn't feel good. I
Speaker 1: think it's I think that's a great point too. I
Speaker 1: think that's the main takeaway um the listeners should take
Speaker 1: from this is if you are to get ghosted, it's
Speaker 1: not because of you. It's because of the person that's
Speaker 1: ghosting you. They're personal um issues that they're having, so
Speaker 1: I think, and you can't get in their head. So
Speaker 1: don't go to a psychic. It's it's not gonna help.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what they left there.
Speaker 1: So let's figure out what we do next. What is
Speaker 1: your stance on psychics? Just how to curiosity? Rachel, I
Speaker 1: think people have a lot of um capabilities. I think
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people out there that are real,
Speaker 1: and I think there's a lot of people out there
Speaker 1: that are faked. But I also think they were done
Speaker 1: where you're at. So you know, I know that that
Speaker 1: psychics make a lot of money off of love and
Speaker 1: dating because there's a lot of questions. Don't don't waste
Speaker 1: your money over there, go back on bumble, there is
Speaker 1: go out back on bumble. All right, Rachel, Well, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for taking the time to call
Speaker 1: back in. Um. I think honestly that was incredibly helpful
Speaker 1: to to whoever has either ghosted or been ghosted in
Speaker 1: the past. Um. And and yeah, thanks for having me. No,
Speaker 1: I mean it's it's it's great that you weren't so
Speaker 1: turned off the first time that you decided to come back.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. I wish to the best of
Speaker 1: a lot. Keep keep recording. Thanks, Rachel, I'll talk to
Speaker 1: you soon. Maybe we'll be able to suffer back in
Speaker 1: a couple more weeks. Okay, so I'm good, all right,
Speaker 1: take care? Right? Can I throw this in that I
Speaker 1: was once the victim of a triple ghost triple ghosts
Speaker 1: meeting three consecutive women ghosted me the trick, and they
Speaker 1: said it couldn't be done exactly right, I hadnt done.
Speaker 1: First goal was Darby went out to a Christmas party together,
Speaker 1: went out a few times, made out a little bit,
Speaker 1: nothing too serious. But she went home for Christmas to Illinois.
Speaker 1: I'm from Wisconsin. This was in Wisconsin. When she came back,
Speaker 1: Radio Silence would not answer her phone under any circumstances.
Speaker 1: Months later, I found out that she had gotten back
Speaker 1: together with her boyfriend in Illinois, which I wish you
Speaker 1: could have just told me that, because I'd have been
Speaker 1: okay with it instead of all the wondering why isn't
Speaker 1: she calling me back? And at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: that wasn't your that wasn't because of you, It was
Speaker 1: you were completely removed. Number two was named Anne and
Speaker 1: was delightful. Worked at a coffee cart, met at a
Speaker 1: baseball game. We dated for two months, like spending nights
Speaker 1: together and spending weekends together. In two months, all of
Speaker 1: a sudden boom, out of the stops returning my calls
Speaker 1: and that was it. And to this day I've never
Speaker 1: spoken to Anne, at least derby and I had some
Speaker 1: closure to it and simply was gone. I did leave
Speaker 1: her a message saying that I wanted to get some
Speaker 1: of my stuff back, and she left me a message
Speaker 1: saying I could bring it by the house or I
Speaker 1: could come by the house she'd leave it on the
Speaker 1: front porch and did. Yeah, and that was that. You know,
Speaker 1: it's funny about that. So you're you're twenty years later
Speaker 1: and you're still in the ghosting process. I mean, obviously
Speaker 1: not that you're interested in getting back together with and
Speaker 1: by any means because you're happily married man, but you
Speaker 1: still the closure never came around exactly. Yeah. And some
Speaker 1: of the stuff she left me was gifts I'd given
Speaker 1: to her, which hurt my feeling, and I left those
Speaker 1: fair because those were gifts. Number three was Christina. Christina
Speaker 1: was a swimsuit model. Yeah, I met through a radio station.
Speaker 1: She was delightful, data like for a month, very nice.
Speaker 1: One night we got into a little bit of an argument,
Speaker 1: she left, and I to this day have never heard
Speaker 1: from her again. Okay, So to that note, then kudos
Speaker 1: to Derby for allowing the closure that you also, you know,
Speaker 1: generally want. At some point she had to start answering
Speaker 1: her phone again. Two months later she did, and that's
Speaker 1: when she told me, So, were these the three relationships
Speaker 1: you had before? Yes? Number four? After that it is
Speaker 1: twenty years going has a ring on the finger now, Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1: So maybe that's what it takes. Maybe it takes the
Speaker 1: vaunted a hat trick of ghosting until you find your
Speaker 1: forever person. That's right. I think that may be true.
Speaker 1: And Darby the first one. One more closure on Darby.
Speaker 1: When I talked to her, she explained everything, and she's
Speaker 1: and I said, you know what, you want to get coffee?
Speaker 1: Because she wasn't even with this guy anymore. She said, sure,
Speaker 1: I'd love to get coffee. Let's go to this place
Speaker 1: two their six o'clock. Okay, great, So I show up there.
Speaker 1: She never showed up. I've never smoke. Yeah, but it
Speaker 1: made me wonder what is it about me that it's
Speaker 1: so hard to say this isn't working. Mark, there's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with you. I think there's got to be something
Speaker 1: that they can't just say to me it's not working.
Speaker 1: That's fine, which is fine. I think I could have
Speaker 1: handled it. You're not going to bout a thousand and
Speaker 1: you're not going to be great with everyone, right. Um.
Speaker 1: I think it's important to Rachel's point too, to be
Speaker 1: a man or a woman about at it and confront
Speaker 1: the person and tell them exactly why and what's going on. Um.
Speaker 1: And again for the listeners who who are wondering who
Speaker 1: that man on the mic is, that that's Marked the producer.
Speaker 1: He uh, happily married. But I guess we're all victims
Speaker 1: of ghosting at some point. If it happens now, it's
Speaker 1: really going to be a problem. That would be Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're six years old. I was married for twenty years
Speaker 1: all right. So, as Rachel was mentioning, if you get ghosted,
Speaker 1: maybe one of the best ways to rebound through that
Speaker 1: is to jump on a dating app. And what better
Speaker 1: dating app to jump on then Bumble. I'm sure you've
Speaker 1: heard of it. It is probably the best app out there. Bumble,
Speaker 1: like many apps, is used to meet other people, but
Speaker 1: unlike every other app, it allows you to match with
Speaker 1: people if you're looking to be in a romantic relationship.
Speaker 1: It allows you to match with with friendships, business colleagues, networking,
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff all en compass into one app.
Speaker 1: The great thing about it, too, is if you're a
Speaker 1: female and you're on this app, no conversations are able
Speaker 1: to get started until after you reach out and send
Speaker 1: the initial message to someone that you're interested in, So
Speaker 1: none of that persistent nagging that um you know you
Speaker 1: might receive from guys from other apps. And on the
Speaker 1: flip side, if you're a guy, it's nice to know
Speaker 1: that if a girl reaches out to you first, then
Speaker 1: she's genuinely interested in having a conversation and maybe seeing
Speaker 1: if there's a mutual interest. In order for you, guys
Speaker 1: to get together. So I'm not sure how that works
Speaker 1: on the friends app, but um, there's three different apps
Speaker 1: within this app of Bumble, the app for dating, app
Speaker 1: for best friends, and app for professional networking, which is
Speaker 1: are all great. Um. You can meet cool, educated, empowered people,
Speaker 1: uh and and like minded individuals depending on on kind
Speaker 1: of what you're looking for. So if you go to
Speaker 1: Bumble dot com slash Dean, download the app, you can
Speaker 1: find love, find new friends, find business connections. So go
Speaker 1: to Bumble dot com slash dean and start bumbling. You
Speaker 1: never know. I can't promise you won't get ghosted, but
Speaker 1: I can definitely promise you'll meet some fun and interesting
Speaker 1: new people. So joining us now is one of actually
Speaker 1: only two couples to make it out of Bachelor in Paradise,
Speaker 1: two of my good friends. We have Adam and Raven
Speaker 1: on the line. How are you guys, what's going on?
Speaker 1: We're here, I know. Thank you guys so much for
Speaker 1: taking the time to jump on my podcast today. Of course. Um, Raven,
Speaker 1: I think I saw you taking your dog to the vet.
Speaker 1: I hope he's okay. Yeah, I don't know if you
Speaker 1: can hear him, but he has the loudest pant in
Speaker 1: the world, and so he's like panting. I thought that
Speaker 1: was Adam, But okay, that makes more sense. Um, alright, guys. So,
Speaker 1: so today's topic is long distance relationships, and since Adam
Speaker 1: you live in Dallas, Raven you live in Arkansas, I
Speaker 1: figured no better than you know to kind of test you, guys.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to ask you, guys. You know what really
Speaker 1: makes you guys work? Um, what advice you might have
Speaker 1: for anyone that's listening that's in a long distance relationship
Speaker 1: or considering getting into one. Um, you know, obviously if
Speaker 1: anyone falls follows you two on social media, it seems
Speaker 1: like you to hang out a lot. But what kind
Speaker 1: of what do you guys do to make your relationship
Speaker 1: work so well? Where you want to take it? Only mean, well,
Speaker 1: I think Instagram highlights when we're together, but throughout the
Speaker 1: week we're so busy. Um. Everyone knows that I own
Speaker 1: a store and Adam is in real estate. So when
Speaker 1: we're all together, we're really focused on our businesses. So
Speaker 1: when we're apart, it just makes it When we see
Speaker 1: each other, it's like almost a honeymoon phase, you know.
Speaker 1: So I guess, like the best advice I would give
Speaker 1: is just communication and probably just to be super honest
Speaker 1: about your expectations with each other. Like I told Adam
Speaker 1: we can't go more than two weeks without seeing each
Speaker 1: other because they just think like that's too long of
Speaker 1: a time. And so I guess just having boundaries and
Speaker 1: I don't know, communication is key, Raven. What's your threat though?
Speaker 1: If we don't see each other for more than two weeks? Oh?
Speaker 1: I tell him all the time, like, if we don't
Speaker 1: see each other for two weeks, were breaking up? Yeah? Hey,
Speaker 1: she has to hold the bar that she has to
Speaker 1: hold it up just as much as I do. What
Speaker 1: do you think about it? Um? I really see it
Speaker 1: as more. I mean some people, I personally like to
Speaker 1: see it as an opportunity because if you want to
Speaker 1: live together, you first probably need to learn how to
Speaker 1: live apart. And I feel like, um, you know, it's
Speaker 1: funny because I don't really consider this long distance, even
Speaker 1: though I'm only probably an hour flight from her. Um.
Speaker 1: And I mean if we were to drive, I think
Speaker 1: it takes like four and a half or five hours,
Speaker 1: So I really consider anything over three hours, no matter
Speaker 1: what type of travel, arrow or ground, like that's considered
Speaker 1: long distance. So, UM, I think that Raven kind of
Speaker 1: hit the nail on the head with UM just communicating
Speaker 1: with one another and set expectations because at some point, Um,
Speaker 1: we've had talks about you know, moving in together and
Speaker 1: where the relationship is gonna kind of turn from there,
Speaker 1: and you know, eventually you do want to settle down
Speaker 1: and do things. And I think that our weekends that
Speaker 1: we do spend with each other are are are exciting,
Speaker 1: we do things together, and Um that we're just we're
Speaker 1: continuing every time we see each other. It's just the
Speaker 1: balls moving forward a little bit out of time as
Speaker 1: far as like progressing a relationship. So every time you
Speaker 1: guys see each other, it's a step in the right direction,
Speaker 1: is what it sounds like. Yeah, I think like our
Speaker 1: end goal is not to always be long distance, and
Speaker 1: I think that's key when you're in a long distance relationship,
Speaker 1: it's not going to be forever. And if it is,
Speaker 1: then maybe you shouldn't be in a long distance relationship.
Speaker 1: You know that makes sense. And I think and and
Speaker 1: Raven to your point that you made earlier, I think
Speaker 1: that you said, um with your business shop Grace Wade
Speaker 1: shameless plug you're you're so busy, and Adam with his
Speaker 1: real estate business, he's incredibly busy as well. So even
Speaker 1: if you two were living in the same city as
Speaker 1: each other or or living with each other in the
Speaker 1: same home, most of the time that you're spending together
Speaker 1: will be on the weekends. And it sounds like you're
Speaker 1: you're devoting a lot of time to each other on
Speaker 1: those weekends, right. Oh. Absolutely, And it's really key right
Speaker 1: now in the process of doing a lot of things
Speaker 1: it's not business and starting another business, and so like
Speaker 1: this coming week will be our first week that we
Speaker 1: won't see each other, and it's just Adam, I don't know,
Speaker 1: Adam is better at this than me. Like I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can handle it. We can see each other this weekend,
Speaker 1: and Adams like, no, we have other priorities that you
Speaker 1: know need our attention and you need to, you know,
Speaker 1: handle this thought of your business and then we can
Speaker 1: see each other. So it's all about priorities to and
Speaker 1: just staying you know, you have to, like Adam was saying,
Speaker 1: we have to learn to live apart before we live together,
Speaker 1: and so that's what we're just kind of figuring out.
Speaker 1: I feel like trust is a big part of it too.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you two have a pretty much blind
Speaker 1: trust within each other and that's incredibly important. It sounds like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: Adam knows if he ever cheats something all, not just
Speaker 1: get yeah exactly, not just not just cheating all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, but trusting that you'll see each other
Speaker 1: as often as you promise, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: But so you mentioned it earlier, do you guys ever
Speaker 1: see yourself moving in together. I know it's still you know,
Speaker 1: early on and you guys both still have your respective businesses,
Speaker 1: but do you see that as a possible future? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a I mean, it's an end goal. I think
Speaker 1: that's that's something that we want to explore. I mean
Speaker 1: also I mean to my benefit. Um, you know, Raven
Speaker 1: wants to get out of Arkansas and eventually expand her
Speaker 1: business into a bigger city. That's that's maybe a little
Speaker 1: more I'm not going to call it business friendly, but
Speaker 1: Texas it really is for small businesses that are looking
Speaker 1: to start. So, um, I think that's something that we
Speaker 1: that we want to eventually. You know, you want to
Speaker 1: build up too, and you get to and you know,
Speaker 1: you want to settle down with somebody. That's kind of
Speaker 1: what you do. Um. But I know Raven always told me,
Speaker 1: she goes, no, you're not gonna come here to Arkansas.
Speaker 1: It's just it's not for you. Um. So I think
Speaker 1: it's a bet. And then wherever life Texas from here,
Speaker 1: you know, we'll just kind of ride the wave and
Speaker 1: we may be a next door neighbors one day, Dean,
Speaker 1: you never know. I was gonna say maybe Los Angeles. Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe it's one point that would be the day. All right.
Speaker 1: So so let's say you said you have about a
Speaker 1: fourteen days threshold about that. That's how often you want
Speaker 1: see each other at the bare minimum, right, So say
Speaker 1: you're eleven, twelve, thirteen days into that. How do you,
Speaker 1: guys keep it exciting for each other? How do you
Speaker 1: kind of keep it interesting? And I'm just talking about
Speaker 1: sexting you guys, Just to be clear, he never does
Speaker 1: I do the same thing. I don't think he's ever
Speaker 1: set me when I've asked him so many times. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I mean that's what snapchats for. But then we also
Speaker 1: I mean, look, I mean being obviously there's there's tension
Speaker 1: that starts to evolve over these let's call it fourteen
Speaker 1: day grace period you like to call And Um, I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's something that we've always played around with.
Speaker 1: Raven at first was very very timid and shy, like
Speaker 1: it's the very conservative Southern woman in her and I
Speaker 1: have to kind of like break her out of it.
Speaker 1: But I don't think we have as much of a
Speaker 1: problem as we used to in the beginning. And um,
Speaker 1: I mean it's see, I know she's smiling here to
Speaker 1: hear on the other hand of the right now. So
Speaker 1: seeing I was listening to a podcast of yours earlier
Speaker 1: and you said that you're not in the sex thing,
Speaker 1: like that's just something you wouldn't do. No, it's just
Speaker 1: the very reserve side of me. It's just not I
Speaker 1: don't know, maybe you're just shy like me and you
Speaker 1: need Adam to walk you through it. Get yourself an atom.
Speaker 1: I need to find myself an atom. Should we do
Speaker 1: a podcast on sexting one on one? Um, I think
Speaker 1: that would have to be more of like a video
Speaker 1: blog or something like that. Right, I'm very good verbally.
Speaker 1: How much people can close their eyes let me allow
Speaker 1: me to use my words, and I promise you I'll
Speaker 1: take you to places you've never been. Raven step aside.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but I gotta step in with this one.
Speaker 1: I guess that's that's a good point. There's probably a
Speaker 1: distinct difference between sexting and like phone sex. And I
Speaker 1: can tell already that Adam is just a veteran not
Speaker 1: maybe not a veteran, but a ten out of ten
Speaker 1: when it comes to being on the phone. And I
Speaker 1: don't know what to say. Um, all right, Well, so again,
Speaker 1: I don't know how Raven at the top of this
Speaker 1: uh phone call kind of mentioned how Instagram kind of
Speaker 1: romanticizes relationships a little bit, like, you know, it seems
Speaker 1: like you guys are always hanging out, but unfortunately that's
Speaker 1: not quite the case. So what type of advice would
Speaker 1: you have for someone? Um, I know you said communication
Speaker 1: is huge, but say you know, someone lives in New York,
Speaker 1: another person lives in Washington State, what kind of advice
Speaker 1: would you have for them? For um, you know, kind
Speaker 1: of nurturing that relationship and making sure that if it
Speaker 1: is something that they want, how how to make sure
Speaker 1: it works? Um, well, I think you have to take
Speaker 1: care of yourself first. So it's really important to be
Speaker 1: to you know, be home and really work on my business.
Speaker 1: I mean, have money in the bank account. I got
Speaker 1: beastland everywhere without any money or you know something. Um
Speaker 1: of working towards in goal. Um, but I think you
Speaker 1: have to work on yourself. But then when you you
Speaker 1: are with that other person, then you kind of have
Speaker 1: no work reason, no stress, because it would be awful
Speaker 1: for me and Adam to go all week and then
Speaker 1: I see Adam, I don't know, like this week, we're
Speaker 1: taking a week off, so it'd be like almost two
Speaker 1: weeks when I see him again and me just bombard
Speaker 1: him with financial troubles or things going on at work.
Speaker 1: So I just, you know, I think it's really important
Speaker 1: to take care of yourself and make sure you're okay,
Speaker 1: and that way, when you do things home with them,
Speaker 1: you know that time is precious and it's not blogged
Speaker 1: down by negativity or worries that you have, and that
Speaker 1: you're really just taking care of yourself and taking care
Speaker 1: of your relationship. So do you guys have do you
Speaker 1: guys have like arguments ever? Because it is a little
Speaker 1: bit different to have an argument with someone when you
Speaker 1: don't see them quite as often. Um, I'm gonna aggravated
Speaker 1: at Adam twice so far? Was the second time? Um,
Speaker 1: the second time is when well is the first time
Speaker 1: referring to be losing my depth of cards? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: think what's that? Yeah? So the first time was he
Speaker 1: lost my debit card. It was in his shoe, by
Speaker 1: the way, the whole time, like after searching for it
Speaker 1: for an hour. It was an his shoe. That was annoying.
Speaker 1: And then Adam thinks, um, that everything is solved by
Speaker 1: drinking water, and I just gets on my nerves so bad.
Speaker 1: Like every time I'm like have a headache or whatever,
Speaker 1: He'll tell me to drink water. And so those things
Speaker 1: annoy me. Wait, so these are your two biggest arguments
Speaker 1: that you've had so far? Yeah, and um, I've seen
Speaker 1: one other time. We had an argument that I thought
Speaker 1: someone was taking advantage of Adam. I won't say the situation,
Speaker 1: but I felt like someone was taking advantage of Adam
Speaker 1: and he was not really doing anything about it, and
Speaker 1: that aggravated me. But other than that, I mean, I
Speaker 1: feel like me and Adam had pretty good core values.
Speaker 1: I'm sure like when we lived together, we're gonna like
Speaker 1: want to twist each other's heads off. But yeah, thank god.
Speaker 1: Yet I love I love you, say when we're going
Speaker 1: to live together, like it's already kind of in the stars,
Speaker 1: which is great. Oh yeah, for sure. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: trap him. He was calling us at the end of Paradise.
Speaker 1: I remember, so I mean more power to you. But yeah, exactly, Um, Adam,
Speaker 1: I know you met her parents at the finale, Raven,
Speaker 1: have you met Adam's parents yet? Yes? I have. I
Speaker 1: actually kind of did a little shopping with his mom
Speaker 1: this past weekend our besties. Yeah, we're there. That's amazing.
Speaker 1: I love that. Um, all right, guys. Well, Raven, what's
Speaker 1: your new business venture that you were talking about earlier?
Speaker 1: Just out of curiosity. Oh, my new business venture is, um,
Speaker 1: I am creating a mother store and just for children,
Speaker 1: so it'll be behind too, and I'm working really hard
Speaker 1: on that and hopefully it'll be up and rounding in
Speaker 1: the next week. That's amazing. Congratulations, good luck. Well, I
Speaker 1: don't want to take up too munch of you you guys time,
Speaker 1: so thank you so much for calling in and taking
Speaker 1: the time. Um. You know, obviously everyone to be obsessed
Speaker 1: with you too as a couple. I don't see why
Speaker 1: they wouldn't because you guys are obviously perfect. Um. But
Speaker 1: I look forward to see what the future holds between
Speaker 1: the two of you, and I will be sure to
Speaker 1: talk to both of you soon. Okay, good luck, sing.
Speaker 1: I hope you don't check at dating now you know
Speaker 1: I can. I can confidently say that I suck a
Speaker 1: little bit less after hearing you too talk about what
Speaker 1: it takes out a successful long term relationship or long
Speaker 1: distance I have all the sights in you. Thanks, all right, Dean,
Speaker 1: Let's hang out next moment in town. All right, see
Speaker 1: you later. Age by bye guys. An incredibly sweet and
Speaker 1: romantic gesture that anyone in a relationship can do for
Speaker 1: their significant other is to cook meals for them. You know,
Speaker 1: whether it's uh, say, your girlfriends out a long day
Speaker 1: at work, um, you know, long business trip, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: comes back if she has dinner waiting for her when
Speaker 1: she gets home, or vice versa, if he has dinner
Speaker 1: waiting for him when he gets home. Credible gesture and
Speaker 1: an incredibly what easy way to do that is to
Speaker 1: go through Hello Fresh. So what Hello Fresh is is
Speaker 1: a subscription based meal delivery kit that makes cooking fun
Speaker 1: easy so you can focus on the whole experience and
Speaker 1: not just the final plate. And what's great about them
Speaker 1: too is they send you just the perfect amount of
Speaker 1: ingredients so there's little to no waste. And I personally
Speaker 1: am a big advocate of of minimalism. So the fact
Speaker 1: that there's not much excess, you know, packing material, food,
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff, I think it's great. It's
Speaker 1: a it's a great uh mission, especially in today's world. Um.
Speaker 1: What they do is they create amazing recipes, send you
Speaker 1: all the freshest ingredients with step by step ingredients and directions,
Speaker 1: and it's only gonna take you about thirty or so minutes,
Speaker 1: even if you never cook. I personally am not much
Speaker 1: of a cook. Um. I think I mentioned this in
Speaker 1: the past. I I basically eat out for every single meal.
Speaker 1: I'm not very happy about it. I've been working on it,
Speaker 1: and what Hello Fresh has been able allowed me to
Speaker 1: be able to do is be able to cook for
Speaker 1: myself a lot more, cook for my roommates a lot more.
Speaker 1: Most of the meals are incredibly creative, they're delicious, they're
Speaker 1: nutritionally balanced, the perfect portion and sent directly to your door.
Speaker 1: So if you go to a hell of Fresh dot
Speaker 1: com and use promo code unglerd thirty. You get thirty
Speaker 1: dollars off your very first week of Hello Fresh deliveries. Again,
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Speaker 1: gonna spell it for you. It's U n g l
Speaker 1: e r T three zero at Hello Fresh dot com
Speaker 1: and you get thirt dollars off your very first week.
Speaker 1: I'm Dean Unglert and I have two very special guests
Speaker 1: in studio today. Heather, how are you? We have, Um,
Speaker 1: Heather and Timmy, who are Crystal Energy music energy music readers. Well,
Speaker 1: we have a Crystal company and so, um we have
Speaker 1: a book out on the market called Crystal Muse. But um,
Speaker 1: we've been best friends since the single digits and we
Speaker 1: are are from Manhattan Beach. But we have a crystal company.
Speaker 1: We've been here for about seventeen years and um here
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. Here in Los Angeles, and we sell
Speaker 1: crystals all over the world. And um, what we try
Speaker 1: to do is help people utilize the energy of the
Speaker 1: earth to help them have a breakthrough and shift through
Speaker 1: stuff they have have going on in there. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: does this coincide with like chakras or that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: You know what it does kind of it does kind
Speaker 1: of So a lot of people, a lot of celebrities.
Speaker 1: We deal with a lot of athletes, professional athletes, we
Speaker 1: have dealt with. UM. One of our first clients, our
Speaker 1: first person that war our jelry, I will say, was
Speaker 1: Ryan Seacrest. Yeah, wow, okay, the energy Strong way way
Speaker 1: back then when we very first started. But the thing
Speaker 1: that's cool about Crystal Stone readings is is that people
Speaker 1: and athletes and whatnot who want to always be on
Speaker 1: the leading edge, they might not have twenty years to
Speaker 1: go through therapy, so they will come in for Stone reading.
Speaker 1: And what it does is it helps you get to
Speaker 1: the core of maybe some issues in a really quick
Speaker 1: amount of time. So you work with athletes, is it
Speaker 1: physical issues, psychological issue? Is what types of issues do
Speaker 1: they help? Usually with athletes, UM, it's always a mental
Speaker 1: issue because um, the mind controls the body and so UM,
Speaker 1: I'll be honest with you, a lot of the professional
Speaker 1: athlet it's not all of them, but UM, quite a
Speaker 1: few of them. We were their last stop. It wasn't
Speaker 1: like they stopped off at Energy Mused and had a
Speaker 1: Crystal reading. You know that was kind of like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm about to lose my career. Things are going really sideline,
Speaker 1: and someone said you might want to go and get
Speaker 1: a stone reading and it was the last result. But
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, Um, we have had
Speaker 1: some majoring, major results with people and that's why we're
Speaker 1: still here seventeen years later. So again, in the case
Speaker 1: of an athlete, it's therapeutic in the sense that their
Speaker 1: careers are winding down and they're trying to I guess
Speaker 1: realign what they want to do with themselves. How does that? Oh? No,
Speaker 1: So for example, um, hypothetical, but not hypothetical, I won't
Speaker 1: say names. So say somebody is uh professional ball player
Speaker 1: and they were at the height of their career and
Speaker 1: then something happened in their personal life and their career
Speaker 1: took a major turn because they couldn't turn off their
Speaker 1: personal life from their career. And then you have someone
Speaker 1: who is at the height of their career and they're
Speaker 1: about to lose it because they're not performing, and so
Speaker 1: they have to get their mental state back on track.
Speaker 1: And so what did that mean? They had to deal
Speaker 1: with some of the emotional blockages that we're inhibiting their
Speaker 1: mental state to be on track. So I keep thinking
Speaker 1: of like a field goal kicker or something that's missed,
Speaker 1: like seven field goals in a row, and they need
Speaker 1: to like refocus and yes, yes, so some there's a
Speaker 1: lot of different ways to do it. More people are
Speaker 1: working with this modality because it's a kind of a
Speaker 1: fast track. Um, Tony Robbins, I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: heard of him. He's okay, So he's worn our jewelry
Speaker 1: for the last sixteen years and so um we are
Speaker 1: you know, his official jewelry company. If you go to
Speaker 1: Tony Robbins um seminar, you're going to see energy me
Speaker 1: steory there. So we learned through him is that everything
Speaker 1: comes down to a formula. And if we know how
Speaker 1: to change our state or have a breakthrough and work
Speaker 1: on our stuff because we all have it right, then
Speaker 1: we can make grab a change in our life. So
Speaker 1: how does this all work? Because I'm new to this,
Speaker 1: I don't have a plethora of stones in front of me.
Speaker 1: How do you go about I guess helping? Okay, So
Speaker 1: the thing that's cool about a stone reading is is
Speaker 1: that I am not a psychic, although in my intuitive
Speaker 1: absolutely you're probably your intuitive. We're all intuitive. The thing
Speaker 1: about this is that I know how to work with
Speaker 1: this energy of the earth and using it as a
Speaker 1: tool to help you have a breakthrough or help you
Speaker 1: learn a little bit more about yourself on a deeper level.
Speaker 1: So the all you have to do is pick the
Speaker 1: stones that you're most attracted to you. There's no right
Speaker 1: or wrong answer, and it could be based on color
Speaker 1: or shape or size. So just taking a look at
Speaker 1: these crystals and the stones in front of you, what
Speaker 1: are the ones, um that kind of are calling you?
Speaker 1: And for the listeners, I have about twenty stones in
Speaker 1: front of me right now. How many do I pick?
Speaker 1: There's no right or wrong. It really just depends, okay,
Speaker 1: And those are great and the court is pretty good too, okay.
Speaker 1: So um, so basically you picked, um, you pick three
Speaker 1: stones and one of them is a okay, Now you
Speaker 1: pick four? I like it, Okay, So you pick four now, okay.
Speaker 1: So four is a about wanting to have more stability
Speaker 1: in your life. So there's certain times in our life
Speaker 1: where you know, hey, we want to just be free
Speaker 1: and fancy and you know, have a good time. And
Speaker 1: then there's other times where we kind of want to
Speaker 1: settle down or just at least have some more foundation
Speaker 1: where everything isn't in such a chaotic state. Um. And
Speaker 1: so right now for you, because you picked it at
Speaker 1: the end, you're looking to have more foundation, having a
Speaker 1: bit more structure in your life that feels comfortable right
Speaker 1: now versus maybe last year you could have cared less
Speaker 1: about it, you know what I mean. You want to
Speaker 1: have fun or whatever. So the thing I love about
Speaker 1: the stones that you picked is that you picked this
Speaker 1: black rainbow obsidian and rainbow absitting is when you want
Speaker 1: to heal maybe some deeper grief in your heart, you
Speaker 1: want to go where you want to be a bit
Speaker 1: more honest with yourself, where you're like, you know what,
Speaker 1: there's some there's some stuff that I got to look
Speaker 1: at at myself. Although it's easy obviously to blame others
Speaker 1: and always look at everybody else in our life. But
Speaker 1: when we really take ownership and say, hey, what can
Speaker 1: I heal about myself or what can I do? What
Speaker 1: can I take a lookout with me? Then that's how
Speaker 1: we really shift, and that's how relationships in our lives ship. Right.
Speaker 1: So the thing I love about Rainbow City and it's
Speaker 1: kind of like where you want to take a look
Speaker 1: of any grief and sorrow, but then you're also willing
Speaker 1: to kind of infuse yourself back with the energy of
Speaker 1: the rainbow, like it's not all dark and dreary, you know,
Speaker 1: it's like you're not like going down that rabbit hole.
Speaker 1: The thing I like about this, um, you pick this
Speaker 1: stone and it's a really you're very probably very intuitive.
Speaker 1: I mean, do you think Okay? I mean and I
Speaker 1: don't mean, like you know, you're outside and you're like, hey, man,
Speaker 1: I totally know what you're thinking, and you know, getting
Speaker 1: readings on the side of the road beating that intuitive
Speaker 1: that you probably know what's right for you or what's
Speaker 1: good for you. But what maybe you're picking this is
Speaker 1: that you need to trust yourself more. You know, when
Speaker 1: you have that gut instinct about something and you're like, uh,
Speaker 1: and you don't trust it and then and then everything
Speaker 1: goes wrong. Okay, so kind of like trust my gut more, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because usually when you have I don't I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't know you from Adam, but I'm sure in the
Speaker 1: past when you have, you probably it worked out better
Speaker 1: for you than when you didn't trust yourself. Okay, so
Speaker 1: I'm just and for the listeners, I forgot to preface
Speaker 1: that Heather does not watch the Bachelor, Bachelotte, Bachelor in Paradise.
Speaker 1: I have, I have in the past. We just have
Speaker 1: it like there was no there was no and I'm
Speaker 1: really sad because he's adorable and that is a really
Speaker 1: bad day for me. But I'm having a really good
Speaker 1: day right now. But it's because it allows for a
Speaker 1: much more unbiased I guess reading. Okay, okay, so once again,
Speaker 1: um you picked um this angel or a court and
Speaker 1: so basically you want to have a lot more clarity
Speaker 1: in your life. But it also is kind of like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I feel like you need to have
Speaker 1: more fun. And I don't mean like fun partying on
Speaker 1: like the Richter, you know, like you woo, you know,
Speaker 1: being a lot of I mean more fun, like maybe
Speaker 1: the things that you did as a kid that maybe
Speaker 1: brought you joy. You know, I don't know whether it
Speaker 1: was going out and playing basketball with a couple of
Speaker 1: really good guy friends, you know, some of those simple
Speaker 1: pleasures that really we're like you were laughing hard and
Speaker 1: you were having fun, you were playing Does that make
Speaker 1: sense at all? Where for you right now. If things
Speaker 1: get way too serious and intense, it's kind of like
Speaker 1: you lose your magic. I don't know, No, I like,
Speaker 1: I think that's that's an interesting point. I like to
Speaker 1: kind of keep that childish sparkle that everyone tends to
Speaker 1: lose eventually, Okay, And and I'm getting I feel for
Speaker 1: you that's kind of your inner magic when you are playful,
Speaker 1: but not playful where you're playful, where you're working at it,
Speaker 1: playful when it's authentic. So what would that be for
Speaker 1: you in terms of like, so if I were to
Speaker 1: go back as a child and like what made me
Speaker 1: just like just like, what makes you happy when you're
Speaker 1: having fun, like really fun, not you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: when you're just having fun? What is it? That's that's
Speaker 1: interesting that you asked that. I think that as a
Speaker 1: child I was outside and like, like, I don't know what,
Speaker 1: as children experience a lot more things for the first time,
Speaker 1: like more new things, all that kind of stuff. Kind
Speaker 1: of straight away from that and gotten comfortable. I grew
Speaker 1: up the mountains, I like now live in the city,
Speaker 1: so I'm less, I guess at one with nature and
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. Um, and I have been
Speaker 1: thinking about that lately, about how I wish I was
Speaker 1: able to kind of get out and be as like
Speaker 1: explorative as I was at because I've kind of lost
Speaker 1: that a little bit. Okay, So what happens with us
Speaker 1: humans is is that when we lose our magic, are
Speaker 1: when we lose the thing that helps us refuel. Like
Speaker 1: and I seriously believe this. I have met landlocked mermaids,
Speaker 1: like I've met people that are these fis like Larry
Speaker 1: Hamilton's to me is a human fish, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. If he's not in the water, if he's
Speaker 1: out of the water folly for three or four days,
Speaker 1: he feels probably not like himself. So he gets in
Speaker 1: the ocean. So for you, when you're starting to feel
Speaker 1: off kilter or getting sad or depressed, you got to
Speaker 1: go take a hike, or you gotta go out and
Speaker 1: refuel yourself. That's your medicine. Okay. So our medicine could
Speaker 1: be simple things. So find your medicine because that's what's
Speaker 1: gonna make you happy, and that's what's gonna make you sparkle,
Speaker 1: and that's what's gonna make you more people see the
Speaker 1: real you, because you're going to be the real you?
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? And you did pick the love Stone?
Speaker 1: Did you know this? Come on, now, come on, now,
Speaker 1: come on now. So all right, so you pick Rose
Speaker 1: Courts and this was the last one. So this was
Speaker 1: like you're like, hey, three, they're a little bit dark.
Speaker 1: You got the dark, you got the purpose, you got that.
Speaker 1: So you really do want to have love, but right
Speaker 1: now for you, because you want instability, I kind of
Speaker 1: feel like you gotta love yourself. But that's like, it
Speaker 1: sounds like a really simple thing, but I don't know
Speaker 1: in our culture, especially here in Los Angeles where we are,
Speaker 1: really who's teaching us how to love ourselves? And what
Speaker 1: I guess going back to you, for you is loving yourself.
Speaker 1: For you right now is getting out in nature, having fun,
Speaker 1: being around people that make you feel good, laughing, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Those things that I think doing
Speaker 1: more things that make you feel like you've you're rooted
Speaker 1: and more foundational at least right now, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: feel your heart open and then your relationships will change.
Speaker 1: There you go. There, It is absolutely and again the
Speaker 1: book Crystal mews um every day rituals to tune into
Speaker 1: the real you. I'll give it a shot. I think
Speaker 1: to listen to the podcast back remember exactly what I
Speaker 1: have to think about and work. Oh my god, Well
Speaker 1: you're awesome. Thank you for being so vulnerable and you're
Speaker 1: the best. Thank you. Thank you. So we got some
Speaker 1: great listener emails sent to I suck at Dating at
Speaker 1: i heeart media dot com. We have Mark the Hatrick
Speaker 1: ghost ghost. I guess ghost. He's gonna lobs him over.
Speaker 1: We're gonna discuss and and see. You know what some
Speaker 1: of the listeners are dealing with. Stephanie's got some tough
Speaker 1: love for you. Okay, here we go, Dean. I have
Speaker 1: listened to your six podcasts so far. I keep waiting
Speaker 1: for you to get it, and you're not getting it.
Speaker 1: I'm taking this into my own hands. I think you
Speaker 1: need some advice from a girl who does date a
Speaker 1: guy like you. Number one. I think you were attracted
Speaker 1: as strong independent women like Christina and Rachel, but you
Speaker 1: don't want to fall ahead over heels for them in
Speaker 1: fear of them walking away, which makes you hold back
Speaker 1: from showing them how much you truly do care about them.
Speaker 1: Take them one at a time. What do you think
Speaker 1: of that, dude? Well, first of all, step first, of all, Stephanie,
Speaker 1: thank you for listening to my first six podcasts. Um.
Speaker 1: I think that I am definitely attracted as stronger women
Speaker 1: uh Rachel Christina both definitely fit that narrative. Um And
Speaker 1: I think that what you kind of tackled that an
Speaker 1: episode four five that I do definitely have a fear
Speaker 1: of of loving and not being loved back, or having
Speaker 1: someone uh leave my life kind of unexpectedly. And I think,
Speaker 1: to the credit of a lot of people that have
Speaker 1: been on this podcast so far, I have a lot
Speaker 1: of personal growth to do before I can kind of
Speaker 1: maybe work through that uncomfortability. I think I need to
Speaker 1: be more comfortable with myself, be more confident within myself.
Speaker 1: Um And you know, I obviously hope that's not like
Speaker 1: a recurring issue in my life, but well, it's basically
Speaker 1: personal growth at this point. I think number two, Yes,
Speaker 1: I think you're a people pleaser. You need to make
Speaker 1: everyone else happy and make sure they are having a
Speaker 1: good time or feeling happy before your own feelings. We
Speaker 1: want to see you be a little selfish and take
Speaker 1: care of your own emotions first. To that point, I
Speaker 1: definitely am when people pleaser. I have been my entire life.
Speaker 1: I hate seeing the people around me not necessarily happy
Speaker 1: or as happy as they can be, and I like
Speaker 1: to kind of be the catalyst to allow them to
Speaker 1: do that. And I have been kind of stranging away
Speaker 1: from that a little bit lately. I do know that
Speaker 1: there are certain things that I need to need to
Speaker 1: do to make myself happy, and sometimes you need to
Speaker 1: put other people on by the wayside in order to
Speaker 1: do that. As much as I don't like that idea,
Speaker 1: I think that you're right. So Stephanie, your two for
Speaker 1: two here. It's a great job. Um. But on the
Speaker 1: flip side of that, I think it should be everyone's
Speaker 1: mission to make the people around them happier, better, um, smarter,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And I guess they're just it's it
Speaker 1: all kinds of kind of comes down to a certain
Speaker 1: time and place for that fair enough. Number three, I
Speaker 1: think you were stubborn when you have decided that you
Speaker 1: don't agree with someone on a certain topic, no matter
Speaker 1: what the other person says, you're going to do disagree Stephanie,
Speaker 1: Are you like really my best friend? Have we known
Speaker 1: each other for years? Um? Yeah, I'm incredibly stubborn. But
Speaker 1: that's not for lack of being open to new ideas
Speaker 1: or anything like that. I just I think that there's
Speaker 1: a lot of uh, there's a lot of guidance with
Speaker 1: lack of information. These days, people are so quick to
Speaker 1: tell you what you're doing right, what you're doing wrong,
Speaker 1: with no real analytics or information to back it up.
Speaker 1: And so I wouldn't say I am strong headed in
Speaker 1: that sense. I think that I'm just very inherently skeptical
Speaker 1: and I want to be proven wrong um through ways
Speaker 1: of of logic and reasoning, rather than just ideas. I
Speaker 1: guess yeah, it would be persuaded. You want behind. I
Speaker 1: like evidence, I like objectivity, I like evidence, I like analytics,
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. Number four, I think it's
Speaker 1: hard for you to take advice if you listen back
Speaker 1: on your podcasts. I don't know if you even realize
Speaker 1: you do it. You flip almost every single question someone
Speaker 1: asks you back onto the person that asked you. All
Speaker 1: of a sudden, the person that asked the question is
Speaker 1: talking about themselves, and you did this like magical dean
Speaker 1: thing you do, and boom, you've avoided answering the question,
Speaker 1: along with avoided any possible growth that could have come
Speaker 1: with that question. Stephanie, I'm not bad at taking advice. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's horrible advice. No, I'm just kidding. Um No, I
Speaker 1: think that's something I've done a lot in my life. Uh,
Speaker 1: I grew up, Well, I didn't grow up. I guess
Speaker 1: after graduating high school, I worked in the hospitality industry
Speaker 1: for four and a half years, and a lot of
Speaker 1: those conversations are better to be had if you're letting
Speaker 1: the other person talk the entire time. Um, Because when
Speaker 1: someone is talking about themselves, they feel like they kind
Speaker 1: of grow closer connection to you. So I guess I've
Speaker 1: kind of conditioned myself to maybe speak and have conversations
Speaker 1: that are a little bit more reflective of that. And
Speaker 1: it's hard. Mm hmm. It's hard, especially when you when
Speaker 1: you're on a podcast like this, if someone says something
Speaker 1: that you maybe disagree with, but you still want to
Speaker 1: be respectful of what that person is promoting, what their
Speaker 1: what their ideas are. Um. I don't want to to
Speaker 1: kind of outwardly say no, that's wrong or no I
Speaker 1: don't believe that, etcetera, etcetera. So I like to have
Speaker 1: them kind of explain a little bit more, maybe help
Speaker 1: me see a side of it that I didn't see initially. Um,
Speaker 1: but I I am very good, I guess like kicking
Speaker 1: it back to other people and kind of avoiding the question.
Speaker 1: So Stephanie, I'll work on that one for you. I promise.
Speaker 1: That's all she has. That's the end of the email
Speaker 1: from Stephanie. How was a long one. She had a
Speaker 1: lot of thoughts for you. Let me take a break first,
Speaker 1: stefinitiely Okay, Stephanie, will you email me again after you're
Speaker 1: listening to the next six episodes? Maybe give me uh?
Speaker 1: I think that was like four or five points right.
Speaker 1: If we can go back through those four or five points,
Speaker 1: uh and kind of let me know maybe if I'm
Speaker 1: doing anything better or worse. I would love to continuously
Speaker 1: try to gain your approval. Well, this is a sad
Speaker 1: one from Laura. Okay, my mom passed away five years ago,
Speaker 1: also because of cancer, and my dad is a very
Speaker 1: eccentric personality who doesn't seem to understand what I need
Speaker 1: from him now that my mother is gone. His behavior
Speaker 1: often makes me feel unloved and miss inger stood. But
Speaker 1: I think I have to learn to accept him for
Speaker 1: who he is and accept that he doesn't show love
Speaker 1: in the same way other people do. I'm wondering if
Speaker 1: you have any advice for accepting my father for who
Speaker 1: he is and letting everything else go. We recently had
Speaker 1: a confrontation where I told him basically everything that I
Speaker 1: felt hurt by. I feel like it's on me now
Speaker 1: to cut ties with him forever or just let it
Speaker 1: all go. I would really prefer to just let it
Speaker 1: all go. I would love to hear how you dealt
Speaker 1: with the loss of your mother, what got you through it,
Speaker 1: and how your grief has changed years later. This is
Speaker 1: Laura in Toronto. Well, Laura, I think that I'm probably
Speaker 1: not the best person to be taking advice from for this,
Speaker 1: just because you know, as you saw on the show,
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily have the best relationship with my father. UM.
Speaker 1: While like you, I do wish I had one. I
Speaker 1: just think that they are very fundamental differences that him
Speaker 1: and I are kind of going to be unable to
Speaker 1: work through. UM. But at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: you know, fast forward twenty years, maybe your father is
Speaker 1: not around. You obviously wish that you had the time
Speaker 1: and spend it with him, and you know, loved fully
Speaker 1: with with within each other. But UM. In regards to
Speaker 1: how I dealt with my mother passing away, I think
Speaker 1: that I had a very strong foundation and a friendship
Speaker 1: around me, and although my my siblings weren't there, my
Speaker 1: father wasn't necessarily there for me. I had a solid
Speaker 1: group of probably ten or fifteen friends. I had a
Speaker 1: girlfriend at the time who was able to confide in,
Speaker 1: and they were all very supportive of me. UM, you know,
Speaker 1: as much as at least the high school or can
Speaker 1: be at the time, because you're just basically still learning
Speaker 1: a lot about yourself and and we learned a lot
Speaker 1: about each other through that process. So I grew very
Speaker 1: close friendships throughout that time. Okay, well, I guess while
Speaker 1: we're on the topic of of my father and your
Speaker 1: father and UM grief and and kind of how we
Speaker 1: handle all that stuff. So I did text my father
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago after I had Eric Bigger
Speaker 1: and studio UM. I had mentioned how this is the
Speaker 1: first year, I guess to start from the very beginning
Speaker 1: before my mother passed away, because we all knew it
Speaker 1: was kind of coming um, or at least she did.
Speaker 1: She had mentioned how she wanted her ashes scattered in Hawaii,
Speaker 1: but UM, my family kind of being the from the
Speaker 1: humble beginnings that we wouldn't necessarily have the the necessary
Speaker 1: funds to get all of us out there, and we're
Speaker 1: not gonna do it by ourself. It would kind of
Speaker 1: have to be a joint family effort. Um. So this year,
Speaker 1: I'm flying myself, my two brothers, my sister out to Hawaii. UM,
Speaker 1: I think we're going to the Big Island. At least
Speaker 1: I'm not certain yet, but we're we're figuring that out.
Speaker 1: We're going on Christmas because Christmas Day is her birthday. UM.
Speaker 1: My siblings have encouraged me not to invite my father,
Speaker 1: but we all understand the significance of this trip and
Speaker 1: why he should be there. And so I texted him,
Speaker 1: and again, my father and I don't really have much
Speaker 1: of an open line of communication. I said, Hey, hey Dad,
Speaker 1: I'm going to Hawaii for Christmas to scatter mom's ashes.
Speaker 1: Do you want to go? And I'm reading this verbad
Speaker 1: him through my phone. He said, what island? Dates? Who
Speaker 1: else is going? I said, Brad Ross and Sky, We're
Speaker 1: going to Big Island. We're going over Christmas. And then
Speaker 1: he said, not going to Big Island. And then I
Speaker 1: said question mark, and that was the end of the conversation.
Speaker 1: So at this point, I feel like I've done my
Speaker 1: due diligence of extending an offer. He knows where I'm
Speaker 1: going to be with my siblings on Mom's Birthday this
Speaker 1: year and the purpose of the trip, and I don't
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna push anymore with him. Again, I don't.
Speaker 1: I think he has every right to be there. I
Speaker 1: think that he would enjoy being there, maybe for the closure,
Speaker 1: for his sake, I think that as his son and
Speaker 1: as his children, we appreciate him want we we appreciate
Speaker 1: him being there as well, even though we might not
Speaker 1: want to spend the time with him. So, Laura, it's
Speaker 1: your point. It's hard to have relationship with your father,
Speaker 1: especially when you disagree with him and a lot of
Speaker 1: the things that he does, and especially when he's not
Speaker 1: necessarily showing you the compassion love that a father should
Speaker 1: show you. Um, But if you have it within you,
Speaker 1: I think a lot of it can kind of come
Speaker 1: back down to if you want badly enough to have
Speaker 1: a relationship with him, then you should extend that olive
Speaker 1: branch and try, and I guess mend the the issues
Speaker 1: that you two have together. Um, at this point in
Speaker 1: my life, you know, I've spent ten eleven years basically
Speaker 1: removed from I guess spending time with my father, both emotionally, physically,
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. So it's it's it's an
Speaker 1: old chapter that I don't necessarily plan on revisiting again
Speaker 1: if things change draft stically. Uh, like if I could
Speaker 1: get an apology from him, I still haven't yet to
Speaker 1: hear that. Um, it just seems like there's a mutual
Speaker 1: disinterest in in having a relationship with him. So I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's not ideal, it's not great, but it
Speaker 1: really just depends on what you value and if you're
Speaker 1: comfortable enough with you know who you are and where
Speaker 1: you are and what he's doing and all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff. It really I can't really think there's like
Speaker 1: an overarching umbrella opinion about that. It just has to
Speaker 1: come down to who you are and what you want. Right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good answer, dude, that's kind of a good
Speaker 1: non answer. Yeah, that's to Stephanie Chagrin. I'm giving money
Speaker 1: aud answers, all right, So I'd like to give one
Speaker 1: more big thank you to all of my guests for
Speaker 1: this episode Adam a g from my season Raven Gates
Speaker 1: of course, the the fantastic uh multiple business owner now
Speaker 1: um of course Rachel. They also form Married at First
Speaker 1: Sight Heather Asconosi, author of Crystal Muse everyday rituals to
Speaker 1: tune into the real you. Um. She left me a book,
Speaker 1: so I'm definitely gonna be able to read that a
Speaker 1: little bit. Okay. So again, if you have any type
Speaker 1: of feedback, any questions, any interesting stories that you think
Speaker 1: you would want to share with us about kind of
Speaker 1: just the suckiness of today's dating landscape, please be sure
Speaker 1: to email us at I Suck at Dating at i
Speaker 1: heeart media dot com. We'll do our best to answer them. Um.
Speaker 1: If you have any questions for me, specifically, tweet at me.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I can try and get back to you,
Speaker 1: but let's uh circle background next week. This has been
Speaker 1: help I Suck at Dating. My name is Dean Anglert,
Speaker 1: and maybe next week I'll suck a little bit less.
Speaker 1: Follow Help I Suck At Dating with Dean Anglert on
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.