WEBVTT - #7 Long Distance 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:05.519 Hell I Suck at Dating and I Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:10.240 Hello and welcome to episode seven of Help I Suck 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:13.640 At Dating. I'm Dean Anglert, and thank you so much 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:16.960 for tuning in to listen. So last week we talked 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:19.680 a little bit about ghosting for our Halloween episode, and 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:21.320 this week we're going to cover it a little bit 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:24.360 more because the listener reaction is pretty uh inquisitive, there 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:26.880 were some questions that were be left unanswered. So circling 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:29.160 back to episode number one, we had Rachel de Alto 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:32.080 from Married at First Sight and she's going to jump 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:36.919 on the phone and kind of help diagnose what ghosting 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:39.720 really stems from and kind of why it's around. So, Rachel, 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:42.599 are you there. I'm here. Hey, Rachel, good to hear 0:00:42.600 --> 0:00:45.199 from you again. How are you. I'm doing well. How 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:48.479 have things been since the last time we spoke? All 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:51.839 as well as well? How are you doing? I'm doing well. 0:00:51.880 --> 0:00:53.960 I'm doing well. Thanks so much for taking the time 0:00:54.000 --> 0:00:56.840 to call in, um as you're as you know, we're 0:00:56.840 --> 0:00:58.960 talking a little bit more about ghosting today and I 0:00:59.000 --> 0:01:01.920 think that you have some um good information about it. 0:01:01.960 --> 0:01:05.840 So why do you think someone ghosts? It's just easier. 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:10.240 I think people don't like to have confrontation, and you know, 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:12.720 especially in a situation where you're not in a relationship 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:15.200 and you kind of don't owe anyone that kind of 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:20.080 super sit down, serious conversation. Um, it's just easier to 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:22.640 kind of let it fade away. And so it's just 0:01:22.760 --> 0:01:25.559 it's a non confrontational way to let things go, whether 0:01:25.600 --> 0:01:27.960 it's the nicest thing, you know, that remains to be seen. 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:31.480 So it's kind of a way to avoid conflicts. Yes, 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:34.840 I think most people that goes are kind of like, well, 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:38.000 I don't really like this person enough to continue, but 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:41.280 I don't have enough relationship with them to say, let's 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:43.200 sit down and I'm going to tell you why I 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:45.240 don't want to date you anymore. Why do you think it? 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:49.040 Typically men are more often to ghost than women. Uh. 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:50.720 You know, it's funny because I feel a lot more 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:54.320 women ghosting of recent Uh so it's you know, we're 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:58.200 evening that out. But I think typically guys kind of 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:01.200 are are just very cut right, like, Okay, this is over, 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:03.320 I don't need closure. I'm just going to move on. 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:05.840 And I don't even know that a lot of guys 0:02:05.960 --> 0:02:09.200 understand kind of depending on the woman kind of what 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:14.040 they're left with, um, you know, that emotional empty, you know, 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:17.240 empty answer of like why did he leave? Um? So 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:19.000 I just think guys were just you know, they're like, 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:21.040 oh wait, that's over that. You know, it's the cut 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:23.680 and dry approach. They're not really as interested in getting 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:26.120 into the motions of things, whereas women are like I 0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:29.480 want to answer, like I want to understand. I think too. 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:32.120 I think with ghosting, if you were to go someone, 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:36.720 it's a lot less binary than ending things just outright right, 0:02:36.720 --> 0:02:38.359 Like if you're to say, if you're kind of to 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:41.320 go silent um, it kind of leaves the door open 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:44.000 for a future relationship if both parties so wish to 0:02:44.120 --> 0:02:46.360 kin get into that. Right. So, so, if if someone 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:47.880 ghosts you and then tries to come back, do you 0:02:47.919 --> 0:02:49.600 think you should ever give them another chance or do 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:52.799 you think that's not something you should even consider. I mean, 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.600 it's fully depends on the situation. I think, if you know, 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:57.680 a lot of times people goes because they meet someone 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:00.280 different or better or someone more interesting than they want 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:02.280 to kind of pursue, and then if that falls apart, 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:06.360 you know, there's always kind of the circle back. So listen. 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:08.280 If it's not a big deal to you, then why 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:10.080 not give them another chance? If you were in this 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:14.200 kind of more intensively developing relationships and someone ghosted, I'd 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:16.400 be like, wait a second, let's talk about you know, 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:20.000 do they respect you enough to actually consider your feelings 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:22.120 this time around? So why are you giving them another shot? 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:24.399 So I think it really depends on a case by case, 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:27.480 but I've definitely seen people get ghosted. The person comes 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:29.720 back three months later, and then all of a sudden 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:32.120 they're dating again. So it's a lot of times timing 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:35.320 and it's just situational. We would you say, once a ghost, 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:41.360 always a ghost. I'm pretty sure you can recover from that. Okay, 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:42.520 so it is something that you can work on and 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:45.360 improve that. Yeah, But you know what the problem is 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:46.720 is that a lot of times, and this is kind 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:50.120 of like a p s A is people and ghosting 0:03:50.320 --> 0:03:54.160 because the conversations ending situation ships, which is not like 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:56.080 a relationship that sich you're dating, you end up kind 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:59.400 of falling into something. They get uncomfortable because then they're like, well, 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:01.840 I'm understand, you know what's wrong with me? And it 0:04:01.880 --> 0:04:04.800 becomes like a conversation that this person didn't want to have, 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:06.960 so it becomes easier to go. So we all have 0:04:07.040 --> 0:04:11.720 to make it easier for people to end a relationship peacefully, um, 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:13.520 to get rid of ghost thing. And how do we 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:16.640 do that? Well, I think if someone tells you like 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:19.000 I don't think we're a match or I don't think 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:20.640 that this is going to work out, you don't get 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:23.280 defensive and kind of ask for more information. I get 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:25.360 that from the women alive, you know, if they tell 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:28.440 a guy, hey, listen, I just don't think you're right 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:31.360 for me. The guy comes back and is like, well, 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:33.840 why and what's wrong with me? You're you know, what's 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:36.880 what's the problem, what's your problem? Um? And vice versa. 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:38.919 So I think we just have to be okay with like, 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:42.000 not every lid is going to fit every pot, and 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:44.640 it's okay to get you know, kind of passed on 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:47.039 so that you're opened up to someone who is your fit. 0:04:47.360 --> 0:04:49.359 I will say, as a bit of a retort for 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:51.040 that is, if I were to be broken up with, 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:53.000 I would definitely want to know why I was broken 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:55.359 up with. I think that's well, I think it's okay 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:59.599 for why, but it's I've not personally think God but 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:03.760 in in a lot of clients experiences, friends experiences, it's 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:07.000 been almost angry, like they get there's a little angry 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:10.240 else that comes out. Um So I think that kind 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:12.520 of this fear is like, Okay, this is just pafer 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:16.000 to not have that conversation. I think if you're gonna get, 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:17.640 if you're gonna break up, like you're going to have 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:21.720 to break up without the ghosting, um you know. So 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:23.760 I think it's it's more so the people like you 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:26.680 go on one day and the persons like I know 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.960 that this isn't my person and I'd rather not have 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:32.599 a conversation around that because they could end up getting 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:34.920 defensive and kind of like pussy. I think. I think 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:36.880 that's one of the biggest appeals of ghosting. And again 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.320 I'm not condoning by any means, but when when you 0:05:39.320 --> 0:05:41.360 break up with someone, if you are to break up 0:05:41.400 --> 0:05:44.520 with them and be you know, obviously mature enough about 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.039 it to to tell them that you want to break up, 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:50.600 there's so many uncertain avenues that that could kind of progress, 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:52.719 whether it's a conversation talking about why they're not the 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:54.520 person for you while you're not the person for them, 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:56.400 what they did wrong, what you did wrong, etcetera, etcetera. 0:05:56.600 --> 0:05:58.880 If you were to go someone, the only real outcome 0:05:58.920 --> 0:06:00.520 of it is you're just not to be talking to 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:02.720 them anymore. So it's a lot more it's a lot 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:04.880 more predictable, I guess than if you were to break 0:06:04.960 --> 0:06:08.360 up to that with them. Um normally, I guess exactly. 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:10.919 Although it's sometimes when ghosting you end up getting the 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:13.760 people coming back saying, you know, where did you go? 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:16.000 Why did you go? And then it becomes really awkward 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:18.520 because you've left and now you're you're explaining yourself like 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:22.039 a month later. Um, So listen, if you've been dating 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:24.360 someone for like a couple of months, don't go with them. 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:26.480 But it's like a date or two. It's really not 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:28.200 that big of a deal. I don't think everybody owes, 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:31.520 you know, we don't owe everyone a huge explanation of 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:35.120 why this isn't working. Not again, I like, I like 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.719 maturity and things like that too, But you know, I 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:39.680 think we put so much pressure on it. So like 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:41.440 if you went out for coffee with someone or grab 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:43.480 a drink with someone, it's not feeling you know, and 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:45.680 you're not feeling them. I don't think you have to 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:48.800 say hey, this isn't working. Great point, and I think 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:51.840 it's definitely very circumstantial depending on the number of dates 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:53.479 you've gone on or you know, the the amount of 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:57.359 time you've been dating quote unquote that person. Um. So, 0:06:57.400 --> 0:06:59.240 do you have any advice for maybe listeners that have 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:02.719 been ghosted it on not necessarily how to prevent being ghosted, 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:07.599 but how to deal with the other side of being ghosted. Yeah. 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:10.960 I think the biggest thing if you've been ghosted trying 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:12.560 not to take it personally, which I know is probably 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:14.360 the hardest thing because it's like, wait a second, this 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:16.960 person disappeared on me. Clearly you know there's a problem, 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:19.480 but um, a lot of times it has nothing to 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:21.360 do with you. It has everything to do with the person, 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:25.200 their timing, um, their own situation, whether or not they 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:28.320 haven't released the next you know, there's so many reasons, 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:30.920 and I think a lot of times I get people 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:34.040 that come to me and wonder why guy disappeared, and 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:37.760 it's kind of like, it doesn't matter because it's just 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:40.600 it is what it is, you know, And and spending 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:43.000 time thinking about somebody that you dated for a couple 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:45.400 of dates or a couple of weeks or whatever is 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:48.480 not doing you any service, So go back on Bumble 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:52.480 and Tender and replace them. Yeah, Bumble, we can use 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:54.440 them because that there are podcast monsters, so will definitely 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:56.920 don't get on Tender. Definitely use Bumble. It's a much, much, 0:07:57.040 --> 0:07:59.600 far superior app. I was trying to think, um, as 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:01.080 you were ap ping up that point that I was 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:02.520 trying to think of the last time that I might 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:06.120 have been ghosted. But it's hard for me because I 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:08.480 haven't really been in a relationship outside of a TV 0:08:08.600 --> 0:08:12.200 show for so long, aside from my girlfriend before going 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:14.600 on the show, so it's been I'm sure I've been ghosted, 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:15.680 but I was just trying to think of how I 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:17.760 reacted to it and how I felt. I'm sure it 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:21.800 didn't feel good. Um yeah, I mean it doesn't feel good, 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:24.080 but it's it's again, you know. That's where it's so 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:26.840 important to realize that there's you know, it's not about you, 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:30.160 and it's about them, and your person that's meant to 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:33.120 be your person is not going to ghost you. So 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:36.360 there's you know, it's a get back out there and 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:39.199 find someone else that's actually going to treat you right 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:42.000 and show up and and you know I could progress 0:08:42.040 --> 0:08:44.280 into a relationship, but yeah, it doesn't feel good. I 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:45.559 think it's I think that's a great point too. I 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:47.839 think that's the main takeaway um the listeners should take 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:50.400 from this is if you are to get ghosted, it's 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:52.480 not because of you. It's because of the person that's 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:56.360 ghosting you. They're personal um issues that they're having, so 0:08:56.440 --> 0:08:58.120 I think, and you can't get in their head. So 0:08:58.200 --> 0:09:00.000 don't go to a psychic. It's it's not gonna help. 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:02.120 It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what they left there. 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:05.160 So let's figure out what we do next. What is 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:08.880 your stance on psychics? Just how to curiosity? Rachel, I 0:09:08.920 --> 0:09:12.880 think people have a lot of um capabilities. I think 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:14.360 there's a lot of people out there that are real, 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:15.679 and I think there's a lot of people out there 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:18.840 that are faked. But I also think they were done 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:21.839 where you're at. So you know, I know that that 0:09:21.960 --> 0:09:23.959 psychics make a lot of money off of love and 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:27.120 dating because there's a lot of questions. Don't don't waste 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:29.559 your money over there, go back on bumble, there is 0:09:29.600 --> 0:09:32.080 go out back on bumble. All right, Rachel, Well, thank you, 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:33.800 thank you so much for taking the time to call 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:36.120 back in. Um. I think honestly that was incredibly helpful 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:38.959 to to whoever has either ghosted or been ghosted in 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:42.480 the past. Um. And and yeah, thanks for having me. No, 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:44.760 I mean it's it's it's great that you weren't so 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:46.400 turned off the first time that you decided to come back. 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:50.520 I really appreciate it. I wish to the best of 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:52.679 a lot. Keep keep recording. Thanks, Rachel, I'll talk to 0:09:52.720 --> 0:09:54.240 you soon. Maybe we'll be able to suffer back in 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:56.840 a couple more weeks. Okay, so I'm good, all right, 0:09:56.880 --> 0:09:59.880 take care? Right? Can I throw this in that I 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:03.600 was once the victim of a triple ghost triple ghosts 0:10:03.840 --> 0:10:07.679 meeting three consecutive women ghosted me the trick, and they 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:10.320 said it couldn't be done exactly right, I hadnt done. 0:10:10.600 --> 0:10:14.560 First goal was Darby went out to a Christmas party together, 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.400 went out a few times, made out a little bit, 0:10:17.480 --> 0:10:20.120 nothing too serious. But she went home for Christmas to Illinois. 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:23.199 I'm from Wisconsin. This was in Wisconsin. When she came back, 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:28.040 Radio Silence would not answer her phone under any circumstances. 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:31.360 Months later, I found out that she had gotten back 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:34.079 together with her boyfriend in Illinois, which I wish you 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:35.880 could have just told me that, because I'd have been 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:38.440 okay with it instead of all the wondering why isn't 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:39.880 she calling me back? And at the end of the day, 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.360 that wasn't your that wasn't because of you, It was 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:46.640 you were completely removed. Number two was named Anne and 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:48.840 was delightful. Worked at a coffee cart, met at a 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:53.880 baseball game. We dated for two months, like spending nights 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:57.679 together and spending weekends together. In two months, all of 0:10:57.679 --> 0:11:01.800 a sudden boom, out of the stops returning my calls 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:04.640 and that was it. And to this day I've never 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:07.000 spoken to Anne, at least derby and I had some 0:11:07.040 --> 0:11:09.719 closure to it and simply was gone. I did leave 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:11.400 her a message saying that I wanted to get some 0:11:11.440 --> 0:11:15.120 of my stuff back, and she left me a message 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:16.800 saying I could bring it by the house or I 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:17.959 could come by the house she'd leave it on the 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:21.079 front porch and did. Yeah, and that was that. You know, 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:24.040 it's funny about that. So you're you're twenty years later 0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:26.560 and you're still in the ghosting process. I mean, obviously 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:28.240 not that you're interested in getting back together with and 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:30.520 by any means because you're happily married man, but you 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:33.360 still the closure never came around exactly. Yeah. And some 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:35.160 of the stuff she left me was gifts I'd given 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:37.760 to her, which hurt my feeling, and I left those 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:41.320 fair because those were gifts. Number three was Christina. Christina 0:11:41.440 --> 0:11:45.200 was a swimsuit model. Yeah, I met through a radio station. 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:48.760 She was delightful, data like for a month, very nice. 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:50.640 One night we got into a little bit of an argument, 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:53.080 she left, and I to this day have never heard 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:55.400 from her again. Okay, So to that note, then kudos 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:58.360 to Derby for allowing the closure that you also, you know, 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:00.600 generally want. At some point she had to start answering 0:12:00.600 --> 0:12:02.840 her phone again. Two months later she did, and that's 0:12:02.840 --> 0:12:05.479 when she told me, So, were these the three relationships 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:08.400 you had before? Yes? Number four? After that it is 0:12:08.440 --> 0:12:10.840 twenty years going has a ring on the finger now, Yes, exactly. 0:12:10.880 --> 0:12:12.640 So maybe that's what it takes. Maybe it takes the 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:15.800 vaunted a hat trick of ghosting until you find your 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:18.280 forever person. That's right. I think that may be true. 0:12:18.679 --> 0:12:21.120 And Darby the first one. One more closure on Darby. 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:24.600 When I talked to her, she explained everything, and she's 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:26.320 and I said, you know what, you want to get coffee? 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:28.559 Because she wasn't even with this guy anymore. She said, sure, 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:30.680 I'd love to get coffee. Let's go to this place 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:33.000 two their six o'clock. Okay, great, So I show up there. 0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:39.520 She never showed up. I've never smoke. Yeah, but it 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:41.319 made me wonder what is it about me that it's 0:12:41.320 --> 0:12:43.839 so hard to say this isn't working. Mark, there's nothing 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:45.920 wrong with you. I think there's got to be something 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:48.840 that they can't just say to me it's not working. 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:51.719 That's fine, which is fine. I think I could have 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:53.120 handled it. You're not going to bout a thousand and 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:55.560 you're not going to be great with everyone, right. Um. 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.840 I think it's important to Rachel's point too, to be 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:00.959 a man or a woman about at it and confront 0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:04.400 the person and tell them exactly why and what's going on. Um. 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:07.199 And again for the listeners who who are wondering who 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:09.079 that man on the mic is, that that's Marked the producer. 0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:13.559 He uh, happily married. But I guess we're all victims 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:15.319 of ghosting at some point. If it happens now, it's 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:18.880 really going to be a problem. That would be Yeah, 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:23.000 you're six years old. I was married for twenty years 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:29.040 all right. So, as Rachel was mentioning, if you get ghosted, 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:32.439 maybe one of the best ways to rebound through that 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:35.280 is to jump on a dating app. And what better 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:38.280 dating app to jump on then Bumble. I'm sure you've 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:42.560 heard of it. It is probably the best app out there. Bumble, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:47.080 like many apps, is used to meet other people, but 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:52.000 unlike every other app, it allows you to match with 0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:55.000 people if you're looking to be in a romantic relationship. 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:58.600 It allows you to match with with friendships, business colleagues, networking, 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:01.200 all that kind of stuff all en compass into one app. 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:04.200 The great thing about it, too, is if you're a 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:06.839 female and you're on this app, no conversations are able 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:08.920 to get started until after you reach out and send 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:11.160 the initial message to someone that you're interested in, So 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:13.480 none of that persistent nagging that um you know you 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:15.360 might receive from guys from other apps. And on the 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:17.520 flip side, if you're a guy, it's nice to know 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:19.520 that if a girl reaches out to you first, then 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:21.920 she's genuinely interested in having a conversation and maybe seeing 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:23.960 if there's a mutual interest. In order for you, guys 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:26.120 to get together. So I'm not sure how that works 0:14:26.120 --> 0:14:29.800 on the friends app, but um, there's three different apps 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:32.840 within this app of Bumble, the app for dating, app 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:35.480 for best friends, and app for professional networking, which is 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:39.000 are all great. Um. You can meet cool, educated, empowered people, 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:42.640 uh and and like minded individuals depending on on kind 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:43.920 of what you're looking for. So if you go to 0:14:43.920 --> 0:14:46.960 Bumble dot com slash Dean, download the app, you can 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:50.800 find love, find new friends, find business connections. So go 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:54.040 to Bumble dot com slash dean and start bumbling. You 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:57.240 never know. I can't promise you won't get ghosted, but 0:14:57.280 --> 0:14:59.960 I can definitely promise you'll meet some fun and interesting 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:04.000 new people. So joining us now is one of actually 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:06.120 only two couples to make it out of Bachelor in Paradise, 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:08.840 two of my good friends. We have Adam and Raven 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:12.800 on the line. How are you guys, what's going on? 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:16.720 We're here, I know. Thank you guys so much for 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:21.320 taking the time to jump on my podcast today. Of course. Um, Raven, 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:23.040 I think I saw you taking your dog to the vet. 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:25.480 I hope he's okay. Yeah, I don't know if you 0:15:25.520 --> 0:15:28.160 can hear him, but he has the loudest pant in 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:31.720 the world, and so he's like panting. I thought that 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:36.040 was Adam, But okay, that makes more sense. Um, alright, guys. So, 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:39.720 so today's topic is long distance relationships, and since Adam 0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:42.200 you live in Dallas, Raven you live in Arkansas, I 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:45.520 figured no better than you know to kind of test you, guys. 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:47.080 I'm sorry to ask you, guys. You know what really 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.360 makes you guys work? Um, what advice you might have 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:51.400 for anyone that's listening that's in a long distance relationship 0:15:51.520 --> 0:15:54.360 or considering getting into one. Um, you know, obviously if 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:57.240 anyone falls follows you two on social media, it seems 0:15:57.240 --> 0:15:59.160 like you to hang out a lot. But what kind 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:02.600 of what do you guys do to make your relationship 0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:08.040 work so well? Where you want to take it? Only mean, well, 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:11.800 I think Instagram highlights when we're together, but throughout the 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:15.920 week we're so busy. Um. Everyone knows that I own 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:19.320 a store and Adam is in real estate. So when 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:23.000 we're all together, we're really focused on our businesses. So 0:16:23.880 --> 0:16:26.880 when we're apart, it just makes it When we see 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:29.080 each other, it's like almost a honeymoon phase, you know. 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:34.200 So I guess, like the best advice I would give 0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:39.920 is just communication and probably just to be super honest 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:43.480 about your expectations with each other. Like I told Adam 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:45.680 we can't go more than two weeks without seeing each 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:47.880 other because they just think like that's too long of 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:52.320 a time. And so I guess just having boundaries and 0:16:52.800 --> 0:16:56.880 I don't know, communication is key, Raven. What's your threat though? 0:16:56.880 --> 0:16:59.160 If we don't see each other for more than two weeks? Oh? 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:01.600 I tell him all the time, like, if we don't 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:10.120 see each other for two weeks, were breaking up? Yeah? Hey, 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:11.679 she has to hold the bar that she has to 0:17:11.680 --> 0:17:14.040 hold it up just as much as I do. What 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:17.000 do you think about it? Um? I really see it 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:19.960 as more. I mean some people, I personally like to 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:22.320 see it as an opportunity because if you want to 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:25.080 live together, you first probably need to learn how to 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:30.040 live apart. And I feel like, um, you know, it's 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:32.679 funny because I don't really consider this long distance, even 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:36.200 though I'm only probably an hour flight from her. Um. 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:37.760 And I mean if we were to drive, I think 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:39.160 it takes like four and a half or five hours, 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.840 So I really consider anything over three hours, no matter 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.479 what type of travel, arrow or ground, like that's considered 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:49.600 long distance. So, UM, I think that Raven kind of 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:52.480 hit the nail on the head with UM just communicating 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:56.320 with one another and set expectations because at some point, Um, 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:59.240 we've had talks about you know, moving in together and 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:01.720 where the relationship is gonna kind of turn from there, 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:04.480 and you know, eventually you do want to settle down 0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:07.520 and do things. And I think that our weekends that 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:09.680 we do spend with each other are are are exciting, 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:12.840 we do things together, and Um that we're just we're 0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:14.679 continuing every time we see each other. It's just the 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:16.879 balls moving forward a little bit out of time as 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:19.679 far as like progressing a relationship. So every time you 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:21.200 guys see each other, it's a step in the right direction, 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:24.520 is what it sounds like. Yeah, I think like our 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:27.560 end goal is not to always be long distance, and 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:30.360 I think that's key when you're in a long distance relationship, 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:33.040 it's not going to be forever. And if it is, 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:36.399 then maybe you shouldn't be in a long distance relationship. 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:38.399 You know that makes sense. And I think and and 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:40.240 Raven to your point that you made earlier, I think 0:18:40.280 --> 0:18:43.680 that you said, um with your business shop Grace Wade 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:47.040 shameless plug you're you're so busy, and Adam with his 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:49.400 real estate business, he's incredibly busy as well. So even 0:18:49.440 --> 0:18:51.080 if you two were living in the same city as 0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:52.879 each other or or living with each other in the 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:55.119 same home, most of the time that you're spending together 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:56.680