1
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:04,960
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's good to be back. Oh man,

2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:12,080
Speaker 1: how are you doing. I'm good. Good. We're just post

3
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:18,079
Speaker 1: fringe festival, which is just like yeah, this whole lifestyle,

4
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:22,479
Speaker 1: post coitus moment where we're just like sprawled out on

5
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:26,759
Speaker 1: the floor like, oh my god. Oh if I ever

6
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,080
Speaker 1: had a craving for a cigarette, I would have right now.

7
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,200
Speaker 1: But um, yeah it feels good. Yeah no, wait, great,

8
00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:37,720
Speaker 1: it was awesome. It's now over. It's just some wrap

9
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,720
Speaker 1: up work, and it was really nice to just be like,

10
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,240
Speaker 1: I'm just going to tell a fun love story now. Yeah,

11
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,239
Speaker 1: this is the last you'll hear us talk about it

12
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,520
Speaker 1: for at least ten months. We had so much fun

13
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:54,760
Speaker 1: last week. Would tossed popcorn. Yeah, are hilarious, um and

14
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,640
Speaker 1: brilliant and just fast. They have a fun show too. Yeah,

15
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:03,440
Speaker 1: a good time definitely, So everybody. Hey, I'm Diana, welcome

16
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,960
Speaker 1: back to the show Ridiculous Romance. Oh yeah, if you

17
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,319
Speaker 1: didn't know the title, you do now. I don't know.

18
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,920
Speaker 1: I was listening to podcast where they're like, and this

19
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,120
Speaker 1: is the show where we talk about this, and I

20
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,240
Speaker 1: guess our theme song does that job for us? I

21
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,760
Speaker 1: wonder if there's like a shuffle for podcasts or you

22
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:22,360
Speaker 1: just like play me a random episode of something. Maybe

23
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:26,600
Speaker 1: I should know this as a podcast post and producer. Well,

24
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,200
Speaker 1: I don't know how this industry works. We're back with

25
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:33,200
Speaker 1: a good one today. Very ridiculous, as ridiculous as they come.

26
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:40,800
Speaker 1: All our strengths history, big dicksins, true people running around

27
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,960
Speaker 1: acting foolish. Also, it's ancient history. I don't think we've

28
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:48,160
Speaker 1: done an ancient history one in a while all the

29
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,840
Speaker 1: way back, I know. And to get a little out

30
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:53,440
Speaker 1: of the Western hemisphere too, because as you said, we've

31
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,800
Speaker 1: been in France a lot later. It's hard not to

32
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,360
Speaker 1: be in France a lot because there is some ridiculous

33
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:05,800
Speaker 1: Roman but honestly ancient China, ancient Japan. There's some silly

34
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,760
Speaker 1: ship going on, for sure. Absolutely, I'm so excited to

35
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:13,320
Speaker 1: get into this today. No, right, So the time, it's

36
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:18,320
Speaker 1: around two hundred sixty b c e. The place the

37
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,720
Speaker 1: Chin State of ancient China. It's the Warring States period

38
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,720
Speaker 1: of ancient Chinese history, and that's a time where there

39
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,560
Speaker 1: were seven states who were all vying for power in

40
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:33,000
Speaker 1: this nation. But one little love affair would forever change

41
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:37,320
Speaker 1: the course of history, leading to a unified China under

42
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,919
Speaker 1: Emperor Chin, who is the guy responsible for probably most

43
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,519
Speaker 1: of the things you know about China, such as erecting

44
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:48,440
Speaker 1: the Great Wall of China or um creating an enormous

45
00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:54,040
Speaker 1: mausoleum protected by an army of life sized terra Cotta warriors. Yeah,

46
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:58,440
Speaker 1: but without one giant penis, none of it might have happened.

47
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:03,760
Speaker 1: So let's here about Lu Eyes irresistibly big dick and

48
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:09,119
Speaker 1: how it changed the course of Chinese history before ever Hey,

49
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,920
Speaker 1: their French comel listen well, Eli and Diana got some

50
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,959
Speaker 1: stories to tell. There's no matchmaking, a romantic tips, It's

51
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,560
Speaker 1: just about ridiculous relationships, a lover, it might be any

52
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,600
Speaker 1: type of person at all, and abstract concept door a

53
00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,720
Speaker 1: concrete wall. But if there's a story, were the second

54
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:32,919
Speaker 1: Glance Ridiculous Roles a production of I Heart Radio. Our

55
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:36,280
Speaker 1: story starts with a traveling merchant named Lu Bu Wait

56
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:39,800
Speaker 1: who made tons of money selling his wares around the

57
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:44,240
Speaker 1: various states of China. He's like the original vacuum salesman

58
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,760
Speaker 1: door to door Jeff Bezos stuff. Yeah, yeah, it was

59
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:53,920
Speaker 1: a fuller brushman anti China, and at the time the

60
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,800
Speaker 1: ruler was a guy named King jaos Young and one

61
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:01,880
Speaker 1: day the king's oldest son died, so his younger son,

62
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,640
Speaker 1: Lord ung Wo was promoted to air a parent and

63
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,640
Speaker 1: Lord Angwo was like hell yeah, so he promoted his

64
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:13,840
Speaker 1: favorite concubine, lady Huaiyuan to the status of primary wife.

65
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,080
Speaker 1: But the problem was Angwo and why Young didn't have

66
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,880
Speaker 1: any kids together, So there's no air for Ngwoh. Okay,

67
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,880
Speaker 1: so Onwo is the son of the king and he

68
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,080
Speaker 1: don't have a kid with his with his wife. Uh

69
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,239
Speaker 1: so there's no grandkids. So we're talking like third in line.

70
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,919
Speaker 1: There's no one to take over exactly. They're very worried

71
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,240
Speaker 1: about his bloodlines. Exactly. They need to figure this out

72
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:42,719
Speaker 1: long term planners. Very true, and ung Woa did have

73
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:47,320
Speaker 1: twenty sons already, but they were from other concubines, not

74
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:51,800
Speaker 1: his primary account. Basically they were like royalty, but not

75
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:55,800
Speaker 1: like they couldn't inherit right right right, None of them

76
00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:59,960
Speaker 1: could rule um, but they did have other purposes. For example,

77
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,560
Speaker 1: one of his sons, Jin was sent away to the

78
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,920
Speaker 1: state of Joo to serve as a royal hostage, which

79
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,600
Speaker 1: basically means, okay, we have a peace treaty. You and

80
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:14,480
Speaker 1: I so I'll send you one of my sons as collateral.

81
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,360
Speaker 1: Now you know I won't blow you up or something. Okay,

82
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:21,520
Speaker 1: so on gwo at some points like son, that was

83
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,080
Speaker 1: a great game of catch U. Now I have a

84
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,120
Speaker 1: new job for you. I need you to go be

85
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,320
Speaker 1: a hostage in other territory so that we don't come

86
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,760
Speaker 1: and go to war with them, so that we don't

87
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:37,479
Speaker 1: kill you. You're you're you're the shield this foreign human

88
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:42,239
Speaker 1: shield from You're the only thing stopping me from going

89
00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:44,840
Speaker 1: in and slaughtering everyone there and taking over. At least

90
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:49,360
Speaker 1: they think that, yeah, if you see me coming uh

91
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:54,000
Speaker 1: duck yeah, because it might not be to pick you up. Yeah. Well,

92
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:57,920
Speaker 1: one day lu Bua was traveling around Joo selling merchandise,

93
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,760
Speaker 1: doing his door to door thing when he came across

94
00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:04,800
Speaker 1: Jigen in the capital Handan and he met Yegen found

95
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:08,559
Speaker 1: out that he's this royal hostage, and he knew that

96
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:12,160
Speaker 1: the queen didn't have any sons, and with the king

97
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,560
Speaker 1: only getting older, it seemed like this power vacuum was

98
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:19,680
Speaker 1: coming and Lubue's got the diamonds in his eyes, saw

99
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:24,480
Speaker 1: an opportunity coming here. So Lubua took one look at

100
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:28,160
Speaker 1: this young prince and he said, quote, this is a

101
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:31,800
Speaker 1: rare piece of merchandise that should be saved for later. Yeah,

102
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,400
Speaker 1: guy knew a good deal, right. Apparently he even went

103
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,880
Speaker 1: there's a whole section where he goes to his father

104
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,400
Speaker 1: and he's like, listen, you know if you plant a

105
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,560
Speaker 1: bunch of stuff, like, what's the return on your investment?

106
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:47,000
Speaker 1: And his dad's like, oh, tens you know, it's tenfold?

107
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,680
Speaker 1: You know. Oh well what if you do this a hundredfold?

108
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,440
Speaker 1: What if you do this a thousandfold? What if you're

109
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,280
Speaker 1: in charge of the next emperor of China? Oh well,

110
00:06:55,320 --> 00:07:00,960
Speaker 1: your riches would be I mean, insanely trilliant. Come found interest.

111
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,720
Speaker 1: So he's like, I found him, I found him. I'm

112
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,880
Speaker 1: going to do this. It's a lot better than plant potato. Yeah.

113
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:10,680
Speaker 1: He's doing some math. Yeah, it's a very long term math. Okay.

114
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,280
Speaker 1: So he goes to this kid. He's like, hey, you're

115
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,080
Speaker 1: technically the son of the heir to the throne, even

116
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:21,400
Speaker 1: though your mom isn't the queen. I'm gonna work with this.

117
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,960
Speaker 1: I think I can make you the heir to the throne.

118
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:30,480
Speaker 1: And apparently was living in like pretty squalid conditions. So

119
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,880
Speaker 1: when this like enterprising merchant shows up with this great idea,

120
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:39,160
Speaker 1: like hey, yeah exactly, Yeah, oh boy, have I got

121
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,559
Speaker 1: your future planned out? And you're gonna be king of China,

122
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,560
Speaker 1: this guy is like, all right, yeah, that sounds good

123
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:50,679
Speaker 1: to me. What am I gonna lose here? So Yen promised, Okay, buddy,

124
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,040
Speaker 1: if you make me king, I'll share half the kingdom

125
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,920
Speaker 1: with you. I'll give you. I'll give Lubuay a ton

126
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,000
Speaker 1: of money and land whatever you want. Just yeah, sure,

127
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,680
Speaker 1: make me king. You'll be my guy. Yeah, if you

128
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:06,040
Speaker 1: say so. Power behind the throne and all that. So

129
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,800
Speaker 1: Lubu Way went to the queen Lady Huaiian and suggested

130
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:14,720
Speaker 1: that she adopt Yushen as her air and Lady Huanyang

131
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,240
Speaker 1: had a reason to do this, all right. She definitely

132
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,360
Speaker 1: had interest here because if the king died and she

133
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:24,280
Speaker 1: never bore him a son, all her privileges and royal

134
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,960
Speaker 1: and royal titles and everything would also be stripped from her.

135
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,840
Speaker 1: She wouldn't have any tie to the throne anymore. Classic

136
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:34,040
Speaker 1: Searcy issue classics. Right, She's got to make sure one

137
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,000
Speaker 1: of her kids is in charge, that she stays in

138
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,560
Speaker 1: power exactly, and preferably he comes to power a little

139
00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:46,040
Speaker 1: too young. She can like that kind of thing. So yeah,

140
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,760
Speaker 1: Hwaiian is like, yeah, good call. I should be a

141
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,840
Speaker 1: part of picking this air and and getting myself security

142
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,280
Speaker 1: for later. So she's like, I'm in. The King and

143
00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,600
Speaker 1: Queen formally adopt Yijian and they bring him to the

144
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:04,240
Speaker 1: palace and rename him Si Chu meaning son of Chew,

145
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,080
Speaker 1: because she was from the Chew state of China, so

146
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,840
Speaker 1: it was like a way to kind of be like, oh,

147
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,720
Speaker 1: now he's my son. He's like my adopted son. So anyway,

148
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:15,959
Speaker 1: close enough, here's the air. Everybody shut up, okay. So

149
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:19,520
Speaker 1: lu Bue has convinced the King and Queen to adopt

150
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:24,520
Speaker 1: this illegitimate son of the prince. Yeah all right. So

151
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:28,560
Speaker 1: lu Bue the merchant had this mistress and unfortunately for him,

152
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:33,000
Speaker 1: Zi Chu had met her and she was this beautiful

153
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:37,640
Speaker 1: dancing girl named Lady Joo, and to Chu became so

154
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:41,160
Speaker 1: infatuated with her that he asked Buei to give him

155
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:45,079
Speaker 1: Joo as a gift. And bue was not excited about

156
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,600
Speaker 1: this obviously. He's like, that's my girl. We've been together.

157
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,600
Speaker 1: It's kind of a thing. She dances like, that's kind

158
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:54,120
Speaker 1: of cool. She's won a million here, you want to

159
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:57,600
Speaker 1: sleep with her, but I'm kind of sleeping with her.

160
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,360
Speaker 1: I don't really want to stop, uh huh. But he's like,

161
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,839
Speaker 1: I mean, I did um invest a lot of time

162
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,520
Speaker 1: and money and you and I have put you in

163
00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:07,840
Speaker 1: line for the throne, and you did say you were

164
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,800
Speaker 1: going to give me anything I wanted. So he's like,

165
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:15,400
Speaker 1: all right, I guess I'll hand her over to you.

166
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:19,240
Speaker 1: No questionable ship here about give me this woman as

167
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,240
Speaker 1: a gift. I hope. Lady Choo was like, at least

168
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,720
Speaker 1: got a chance to say, I guess he's not totally disgusting.

169
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,120
Speaker 1: Yeah right, I'll go. But probably not. She probably was

170
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,280
Speaker 1: told you live you used to live here, but now

171
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:35,400
Speaker 1: you live here. Yeah, maybe a speculation station. Maybe she

172
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,520
Speaker 1: was like, oh thank god, I don't want to be

173
00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,320
Speaker 1: with the guy who willingly gave me to the emperor.

174
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:44,440
Speaker 1: I'd rather just be with this nice emperor to be,

175
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:49,240
Speaker 1: nice emperor to be. I mean that's true, you know

176
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,880
Speaker 1: it was definitely yeah, like in terms of how she

177
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:57,400
Speaker 1: was treated, right, maybe maybe I don't know. Maybe so

178
00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:03,280
Speaker 1: lubuway hands over this girl Joo. But unbeknownst to Chu,

179
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:08,319
Speaker 1: lady Joo was already pregnant with lu Bua's child, so

180
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,000
Speaker 1: she married a Chu and gave birth to a son,

181
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:16,040
Speaker 1: ying Jong into b C. And then in two fifty

182
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,840
Speaker 1: one BC, just eight years later, the king died and

183
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,760
Speaker 1: Lord Anguo ascended to the throne. But only three days

184
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:29,160
Speaker 1: later he died, so boom Zi Chu is now the king. Wow,

185
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,560
Speaker 1: Lubua was like, my longs term plan. Had just got

186
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:35,480
Speaker 1: a whole lot very quickly. Oh yeah, that's what I

187
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,959
Speaker 1: like a guy who dies quick. So this kid who

188
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,080
Speaker 1: ended up king in like no time now fulfills his

189
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,520
Speaker 1: promise to the merchant lubuway and makes him a marquis,

190
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:49,520
Speaker 1: giving him a fifetom of over a hundred thousand households

191
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,360
Speaker 1: and making him the prime minister of the king. The

192
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,960
Speaker 1: guys got power, everything he wanted. He got his investment back.

193
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,240
Speaker 1: Some other merchant is like, man, I bought all these

194
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:06,400
Speaker 1: beanie babies and they're worthless now except for that one

195
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:11,800
Speaker 1: lady died one. But then get this, only three years

196
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:16,840
Speaker 1: after that, ch died and his thirteen year old son

197
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:22,479
Speaker 1: yang Jung, who is biologically lu Bue's son, now becomes

198
00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:26,400
Speaker 1: the king, but nobody knows it's lun Everybody thinks that

199
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:30,640
Speaker 1: it's Lady Jao and Chu's son, right, totally legitimate king,

200
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,360
Speaker 1: no problem, even the kid doesn't know. Your real dad

201
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:38,320
Speaker 1: is the merchant who orchestrated all this crazy the true farce.

202
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,960
Speaker 1: It's such a soap opera, it really is. I'm like, yeah,

203
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:49,800
Speaker 1: one life to live wishes, so yeah, everything's coming up

204
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:55,000
Speaker 1: bou way. It's his way or the highway. And he's

205
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,400
Speaker 1: large in a charge. He's basically the regent because you know,

206
00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:00,319
Speaker 1: king is still young, so he needs a lot of

207
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,320
Speaker 1: guidance his prime minister, so you know, he's kind of

208
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:08,200
Speaker 1: the the power power center of the palace at this point.

209
00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:11,200
Speaker 1: Um the king is his actual son, even though nobody

210
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,320
Speaker 1: knows it. I mean, that's pretty he to know that

211
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,880
Speaker 1: for himself. Let's keep it in his heart. And he

212
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:21,240
Speaker 1: even resumed his affair with Lady Joo once her husband

213
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,680
Speaker 1: once c was dead, so he's really got it all him.

214
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,480
Speaker 1: But after a little while, he started to worry that,

215
00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:32,120
Speaker 1: like his affair with Jaw, would cause some problems with

216
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:36,200
Speaker 1: the new king. As the king got older, would just

217
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,520
Speaker 1: be more and more problematic, would be scandalous for his

218
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,080
Speaker 1: prime minister to be sleeping with the dowager queen, and

219
00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:45,640
Speaker 1: you know that's his mom. That's pretty messed up. It's like,

220
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,600
Speaker 1: I don't want my prime minister to end up being

221
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,840
Speaker 1: a stepdad. Also, like stepdad's aren't really a thing in

222
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:54,080
Speaker 1: this royal, Like, I don't want you to do that.

223
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,920
Speaker 1: I don't like that. But when he told Jow like, hey,

224
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,760
Speaker 1: maybe we should cool it, she us thought bu Way

225
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:04,560
Speaker 1: was trifling with her and didn't love her anymore. So

226
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,600
Speaker 1: I guess she's like, oh, sure, politics, that's always your excuse.

227
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:13,720
Speaker 1: Was it politics that was texting you last night? No, baby,

228
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,080
Speaker 1: I swear it would just look really bad. The optics,

229
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,880
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, man's the optics between us. It's not me.

230
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:25,520
Speaker 1: It's the optics. But bait It was a clever guy.

231
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,840
Speaker 1: So he decides he's gonna like put his mind to it.

232
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,880
Speaker 1: I mean, after all, he orchestrated this entire dynasty basically

233
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,600
Speaker 1: easy p easy to solve this one. R right. He

234
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,440
Speaker 1: didn't want to upset the king, but he also didn't

235
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,240
Speaker 1: want to alienate the queen. So what did he do?

236
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:43,760
Speaker 1: He decided that what Lady Joo needed was a distraction,

237
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:56,760
Speaker 1: preferably a nice big distraction. So distractions. So he goes out,

238
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,320
Speaker 1: you know what she needs the d and by D

239
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:07,040
Speaker 1: I mean distraction. So he goes out into the kingdom

240
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,720
Speaker 1: on a little talent search. I guess he's putting up

241
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:22,440
Speaker 1: posters everywhere, like if you know anyone more, call to uh.

242
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:26,400
Speaker 1: And sure enough, eventually he came upon a man named

243
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:31,240
Speaker 1: Lao I who had a dick so big that it

244
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:35,120
Speaker 1: could be used as an axle for a carriage. That

245
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,640
Speaker 1: is not the myth or the exaggeration, That is what

246
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:43,640
Speaker 1: this guy did. The ancient Chinese historian Sama Chien wrote

247
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,760
Speaker 1: that who I would even get musicians to come and

248
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:51,040
Speaker 1: play songs while Lao I quote put his penis through

249
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:54,840
Speaker 1: a wheel of polonia wood and walk about making certain

250
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,040
Speaker 1: that the Queen Dowager would hear about it to entice her.

251
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,840
Speaker 1: This little demonstration he's got going on outside, everybody gather

252
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:06,000
Speaker 1: around for this for the street performer slips his turgid

253
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,720
Speaker 1: dick through the spoke of a wooden wheel and just

254
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,640
Speaker 1: I guess, just runs around like he's playing the hoop

255
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:17,680
Speaker 1: and stick down the street. Girl. You would not believe

256
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,160
Speaker 1: what I saw in the square today, Queen, you would

257
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:25,800
Speaker 1: not believe it. This guy's dick so big. I'm hang

258
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:31,200
Speaker 1: on though the splinters. I definitely was like it better

259
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:35,080
Speaker 1: be nice and sanded down before you pushed. I imagine

260
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,640
Speaker 1: that lu bu Way was like, this is a very

261
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,320
Speaker 1: this is going to be a very special dick, So

262
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:44,000
Speaker 1: we can't have it be pucked and cut up. It's

263
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,720
Speaker 1: got to be ready for service at any time. It's

264
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:53,040
Speaker 1: just the most important dick in China, right, nicely polished interior. Well,

265
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:58,880
Speaker 1: it worked because his his Axcel dick cranks worked and

266
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:04,800
Speaker 1: Lady Joe uh pricked up her ears of this big

267
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:08,000
Speaker 1: dick energy that Lau I was rolling around the square with.

268
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,160
Speaker 1: But she's the dowager queen. You know how she's supposed

269
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:16,360
Speaker 1: to carry on an affair without causing a lot of scandals.

270
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,280
Speaker 1: You know, she could be persecuted, she could be ostracized

271
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,440
Speaker 1: for this kind of thing. That's exactly why bu Way

272
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,560
Speaker 1: was trying to end their affair, to not cause a

273
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:29,600
Speaker 1: bunch of problems. Right, but Bue's big brain hit on

274
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:34,240
Speaker 1: the perfect solution. He would have lou I accused of

275
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:38,160
Speaker 1: a crime something bad. Hear me out here out wait wait, wait,

276
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,000
Speaker 1: here we out. It's gonna sound crazy at first, but

277
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:44,600
Speaker 1: trust me, it gets crazier. He would have low I

278
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:48,480
Speaker 1: accused of a crime, something bad enough to require him

279
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:53,480
Speaker 1: to be castrated, but instead of chopping off his dick,

280
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,600
Speaker 1: they would just shave his beard and pluck out his eyebrows,

281
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,159
Speaker 1: which were the more outward signs of a un Nick.

282
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,320
Speaker 1: It was the way you knew a Unich without having

283
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,320
Speaker 1: to like actually make him strip naked in front of you.

284
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:09,359
Speaker 1: That way, he whispers to lady Joo, Wow, I could

285
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:12,320
Speaker 1: be part of your harem. He'll be able to come

286
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:17,600
Speaker 1: and go and come and go, come and go as

287
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:21,920
Speaker 1: often as he wanted without raising any suspicion. This whole

288
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:28,399
Speaker 1: strategy only Lubue could come up because I'm I'm thinking, First,

289
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,000
Speaker 1: we have to accuse him of a crime, So we

290
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:33,399
Speaker 1: gotta plant evidence, We need to hire witnesses. We gotta

291
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,240
Speaker 1: get this whole thing going. And then we got to

292
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,199
Speaker 1: make sure that he gets sentenced, so probably paying off

293
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,120
Speaker 1: the judge, make sure that this sentence really gets handed

294
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,840
Speaker 1: down like it's supposed to like we need it to.

295
00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:46,040
Speaker 1: And then before they execute said sentence, we gotta bust

296
00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:49,080
Speaker 1: him out of jail. And then we'll just shave his eyebrows,

297
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:52,080
Speaker 1: pluck his shave his beard, pluck his eyebrows, put in

298
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,480
Speaker 1: back in jail, and tell him, oh, yeah, well we

299
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:58,520
Speaker 1: did it. We cut his dick off there. And by

300
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:02,120
Speaker 1: the way, the Queen wants miss us her personal sermons,

301
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:05,800
Speaker 1: no reason, no reason. Meanwhile, she's like, I don't care

302
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,520
Speaker 1: about his missing eyebrows and shape face as long as

303
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 1: that d is in the palace right, And by D

304
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:19,280
Speaker 1: I mean do process, which they did not have. So

305
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,560
Speaker 1: I think you're you're giving them a lot of credit.

306
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 1: I feel like once the Prime Minister is like I

307
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 1: want him castrated, bring him here and I'll do it,

308
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:30,200
Speaker 1: everyone was like, okay, long as it ain't me, I

309
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:34,160
Speaker 1: don't really care what happens this guy. So you're thinking

310
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 1: much quicker, shorter, easier process. I don't think he had

311
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,840
Speaker 1: to hire nobody. He just said bring him here. I'm

312
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,840
Speaker 1: gonna chop his dick off, no harm, no foul. I

313
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,200
Speaker 1: like this dick heist, and I'd rather see that movie.

314
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,320
Speaker 1: I mean, that is a fun heist movie. The Ocean's

315
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,520
Speaker 1: eleven up. Getting this guy's dick not chopped off like that.

316
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,720
Speaker 1: Lady chow Is down for this too. Is like, she's like,

317
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,520
Speaker 1: do whatever you need to do, just give me that dick. Dick,

318
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 1: it's so big. I mean, there was not another person

319
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,240
Speaker 1: in the entire region who had a dick this big.

320
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,280
Speaker 1: It didn't matter, they'd have to do the same thing

321
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,200
Speaker 1: with whoever it was. Right. Well, and considering that she,

322
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,040
Speaker 1: you know, was at first a dancing girl at lu

323
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,680
Speaker 1: bu Way's house and then handed off to another guy,

324
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,639
Speaker 1: it's been a nice that she gets to now do

325
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,119
Speaker 1: the choosing. Yeah, she's seen a lot of small dicks,

326
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:30,239
Speaker 1: probably doubt undoubtedly she's like, oh this is different. Oh

327
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:37,919
Speaker 1: this is a big d and by d I mean different. Amazing. Well,

328
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 1: all in all, it worked out just like lu bu

329
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,320
Speaker 1: A thought it would. Wow. I ended up having the

330
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 1: freedom to roam around wherever he wished in the palace.

331
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 1: The queen was well satisfied with her new lover, and

332
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 1: nothing remained that could threaten lu Bua's power. That is

333
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:03,919
Speaker 1: until law I maybe understandably got a little cocky, started

334
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:10,440
Speaker 1: swinging that big cocky, started swinging that big dick around.

335
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,720
Speaker 1: And we will get more into that story right after this.

336
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 1: Welcome back everyone. So here's loo I walking around the palace,

337
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,880
Speaker 1: no beard or eyebrows, but he did have the love

338
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,920
Speaker 1: of the queen. Would you'll get you a lot further

339
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:36,800
Speaker 1: than facial hair in any day and age? So much

340
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 1: so did did she have his favor that they ended

341
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:43,400
Speaker 1: up having two secret sons together who they hit away

342
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,960
Speaker 1: from yng Jong in the provinces. Like, so, my my

343
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 1: son the king, I won't ever know about his secret

344
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,280
Speaker 1: half brothers because that would be bad news. You know,

345
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:58,199
Speaker 1: kings hate surprise relatives, has nothing to hate more. I

346
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 1: don't know many people who love a surprise eyes relatives. Well, okay,

347
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:03,880
Speaker 1: if I had a surprise couple of brothers out there,

348
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,920
Speaker 1: I'd be excited to meet him. I wouldn't be ahead

349
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,480
Speaker 1: them immediately. They wouldn't be threatening my power. I don't

350
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,399
Speaker 1: have any well, I mean, except for the inherent social

351
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 1: structural power that I'm given as a straight white man

352
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 1: in this world. But they're not going to threaten that.

353
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:28,560
Speaker 1: Nobody that Oh it's too bad anyway. Jow showered Law

354
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,879
Speaker 1: with riches, giving him a palace of his own and

355
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 1: hundreds of servants, and ennobling him as a marquis, which

356
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 1: again just nobody's asking questions here because They're like that

357
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 1: Eunich that we charged with a crime so heinous that

358
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,600
Speaker 1: we had to chop his dick off, who came in

359
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,199
Speaker 1: to work for you as a servant, now has his

360
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 1: own palace and servants of his own justice. Because plenty

361
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: of eunuchs would certainly gain favor and power everything. I mean,

362
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: for keeping with our Game of Thrones thing, let's not

363
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:05,679
Speaker 1: forget Varius whispers whispers. But yeah, it's a surprised that

364
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 1: if anyone asked, they certainly kept it to themselves. I

365
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 1: did not write that ship down, that's for sure. Or

366
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,560
Speaker 1: maybe they were just a different society from ours, and

367
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 1: they respected that a former convict could actually turn their

368
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,639
Speaker 1: lives around and do something good for the world. You know,

369
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 1: I really got rehabilitated. Look at him being a great

370
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 1: citizens helping the queen. The Queen's always so happy when

371
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:30,160
Speaker 1: she's been closeted with him. They're like a prisoner reform

372
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,640
Speaker 1: is real. We don't have to lock everyone up forever.

373
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,439
Speaker 1: We can help them turn around just by cutting their

374
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:44,159
Speaker 1: dicks off. A better world world t M. Anyway, So

375
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,639
Speaker 1: law I is a marquis. Now he's got his own palace,

376
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,440
Speaker 1: he's got his servants, and he started to get a

377
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 1: little arrogant and reckless, feeling a little bulletproof. Not to mention,

378
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 1: the only thing anyone ever tells him is, Wow, your

379
00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:01,439
Speaker 1: dick is so big. You're the best. Hi. Will you

380
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 1: do that wheel thing again? So he would get drunk

381
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 1: and he'd start boasting about his close personal relationship with

382
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 1: the queen, and he liked to get drunk with some

383
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:19,720
Speaker 1: high level officials. So this was totally unhinged for his behavior.

384
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 1: This is a very stupid thing to do. And one

385
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 1: night at a dinner party, after a big night full

386
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: of drinking and partying, he got belligerent and he yelled, quote,

387
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: I am the stepfather of the emperor. How dare some

388
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 1: wretch opposed me? Let show you how big this dick is.

389
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: Say that again? Like but he's like, no, you're supposed

390
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 1: to be a eunuch. O can't other question? How is

391
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 1: he hiding being a eunuch with this massive dong he's

392
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 1: carrying around. He's always carrying some heavy bags in front

393
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 1: of him. It's like in sitcouncept to hide pregnancy. He

394
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 1: just has a big bag. He's always like holding a

395
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 1: bunch of bananas in front of his tables. Banana's perfect.

396
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 1: Well one of these high level officials that he's yelling at.

397
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 1: I guess it was probably like, man, this guy sucks

398
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 1: at parties. He's always bragging about the queen. So he

399
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 1: decided to go tell Ying Jung that Lao is run

400
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 1: around boasting about fucking your mom, and law I also

401
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 1: seems to be plotting to replace Yang Jung with one

402
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:40,439
Speaker 1: of his hidden sons with the queen. Oh well, that

403
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,399
Speaker 1: ain't cool, and Ying Jung is like, oh hell no,

404
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,399
Speaker 1: So he puts out a royal proclamation basically being like,

405
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: y'all see this guy, he has a dick, Like I know,

406
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 1: it doesn't look like he has a dick because of

407
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 1: the hair thing, but he does have a dick, and

408
00:25:55,640 --> 00:26:00,440
Speaker 1: he's using it with my mom. Disgusting, and he wants

409
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 1: to replace me with one of his sons with my mom.

410
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 1: Just one bad idea after another with this guy. So

411
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: law I, who's you know, been orchestrating this whole thing,

412
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: is like, oh shit, I got drunk, I screwed myself over.

413
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:21,400
Speaker 1: Oh man, my stupid giant dick again, thinking with my head,

414
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 1: not with my head. So he's like, you know what

415
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:27,440
Speaker 1: actually overthrowing the king is a good idea. Let's fast

416
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,120
Speaker 1: track this coup. So he took the Queen's seal, which

417
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 1: is this special stamp that she used to authorize and

418
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 1: legitimized orders from the palace, and he used it to

419
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,360
Speaker 1: mobilize his own army, which is crazy, like it's it's

420
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 1: seriously just a rubber stamp. Get whatever you want you

421
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,439
Speaker 1: which I guess makes sense. I mean, there's only one

422
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,159
Speaker 1: place to get it. So if you like out in

423
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,199
Speaker 1: the provinces, you're like, well against the queen wants us

424
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 1: to do this stamped it. What else do I have

425
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:54,359
Speaker 1: to go on? I can't call her It's been notarized. Yeah, right,

426
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:57,639
Speaker 1: So the King yan Jong, who was traveling at the time,

427
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 1: ordered his old buddy, the Prime Minister lu Bua, to

428
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 1: attack lou Ey's army and suppress the rebellion. And lu

429
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 1: Bua has got to be like, god fucking lou that

430
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 1: all you had to do was you had one job

431
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 1: with that big dick, and it was to keep the

432
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:18,880
Speaker 1: queen happy. But no you had to go slapping people

433
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,120
Speaker 1: in the face with it. And now I gotta deal

434
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 1: with it. So low I had put this whole army

435
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 1: together at least a thousand guys, but none of them

436
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 1: were military people. They didn't have any training, they weren't

437
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:37,639
Speaker 1: good at organizing, and the Royal Army definitely was, so

438
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,439
Speaker 1: they managed to kill hundreds of them during the battle,

439
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,399
Speaker 1: but Lau I himself managed to escape. He's running off

440
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,360
Speaker 1: the battlefield, tripping over his dick and he makes it

441
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: into hiding. He said, you run a lot faster when

442
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:56,640
Speaker 1: you have three legs. Oh no, no you don't. He like, yeah,

443
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 1: he like stuck it in a wheel and then he

444
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:04,679
Speaker 1: just rolled awayycle he lost he lost an axel, and

445
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:09,440
Speaker 1: he's like, only one thing to do. I was born

446
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 1: for this, It's my time. Well anyway, obviously, not catching

447
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 1: Lao I, the guy who started the whole rebellion, it

448
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 1: was not going to work for Yang Jung. He's like,

449
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: I need, I need to get him. So he placed

450
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:28,959
Speaker 1: a bounty on laois head one million copper coins if

451
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 1: Lao I was brought to the king alive, and half

452
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 1: a million if he was brought to the king dead,

453
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,920
Speaker 1: because Yeing Jong wanted to do that deed himself. Yes,

454
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: he was incentivizing the opportunity to slap this guy around

455
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 1: oh yeah, And it wasn't long before Lao I was

456
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 1: discovered and brought before the king, and that's when the

457
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 1: punishments began. All of Laoi's supporters were beheaded. Three generations

458
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 1: of Laos relatives were executed. Ying was like if I

459
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 1: hear about a single loud left in the entire state

460
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 1: of chin oh, y'all are next. He wanted to kill

461
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:11,200
Speaker 1: every single one of them. Before and after. Lao Ying

462
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 1: did not kill his mother, Queen Yao, but he did

463
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 1: like her imprison her in her palace as like she

464
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 1: was like under house arrest for the rest of her life.

465
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 1: Um and the two sons that she secretly had with

466
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: Lao I were found. They were placed into sacks and

467
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 1: beaten to death, and Lao I was torn apart by

468
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:38,719
Speaker 1: five horses, which sounds to me like a quartering, like

469
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 1: you know, but like maybe one on the head, an

470
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: extra one, but one on the dick. Oh no, no,

471
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 1: he's like one on each limb and one on the axle,

472
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 1: and the horses all ran off in separate direction. One

473
00:29:55,160 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: of the worst horrifying death. Horrifying also like did you

474
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 1: really find these two sons or did you just find

475
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: two poor kids somewhere and we're like, you'll do you're

476
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 1: probably them. But they didn't have fingerprinting back then, did

477
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 1: they DNA evidence? That's true, but it would have been

478
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 1: in his best interest to get the right people. Yeah,

479
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 1: he knew. I mean, it happened to his own father.

480
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: If there's a guy running out there that happens to

481
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 1: have enough of the bloodline, he could get enough support,

482
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 1: he gives all lubu way and next thing, I know, right,

483
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 1: So I feel like he probably did get the right kids,

484
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 1: just like when they couldn't have been that easy to hide.

485
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 1: I guess not. I just wonder when someone's in hiding

486
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: like that in that era, like are you them? No?

487
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 1: Damn it? Okay, I guess we'll ask somebody else. Maybe

488
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 1: it was real nice about it, like free ice cream

489
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: for whoever are the secret sons of these two people?

490
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: They come running, that's us, that's me cream. This is poison.

491
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 1: What are you doing with that? Sec? I bet he

492
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: followed the money because they must have been sending money somewhere.

493
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 1: That's good, So he probably. So where's they sending money

494
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 1: that we don't make doesn't make sense? Look at Detective

495
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 1: Diana over here tracking down the secret suns Big d

496
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 1: d I meant stop, Okay, don't you mean desist? No?

497
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:29,600
Speaker 1: I do not no, no, Well that's what Yeing Jong

498
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: was saying anyway. All right, Well how about Lubuai, the

499
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 1: mastermind of the Big Dick affair. He was stripped of

500
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 1: all his royal titles and he was sent into exile,

501
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 1: but he was very scared that he was eventually going

502
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 1: to be executed, so he just drank poison and died

503
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 1: by suicide in two b C. I mean, if the

504
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 1: other if he was worried about them five horses showing up,

505
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 1: and it was probably a better option exactly. I thought.

506
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 1: The Sam was like, well, you just did the job

507
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,480
Speaker 1: for him basically. But I guess if you have to

508
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 1: choose your death, you're going to be like, let me

509
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: find the most painless way. Otherwise he's going to punish me.

510
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 1: And I've seen what he does when he gets bad

511
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 1: um And I think there was some inkling, like he

512
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: had some idea that oh that's coming, but he's decided

513
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: he's pissed at me and coming for me. Probably the

514
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 1: more information he's uncovering about this story, the angrier he's getting, absolutely, boy,

515
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 1: and bu Ey's chosen retainers and trusted officials in the

516
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 1: palace were also stripped of their titles. Ying wasn't taking

517
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 1: any chances here, and he didn't want any loyal people

518
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 1: sitting around. He did keep one around, Lisa, who became

519
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 1: Ying Jong's prime minister and trusted adviser. And we'll talk

520
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 1: more about that guy later, but as of now, all

521
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 1: of Ying Jong's enemies were totally rooted out, murdered whatever

522
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 1: needed to do, and he was the undisputed king of

523
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: the Chin State. Now it's at this point that Ying

524
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 1: Jong starts to really shape history for China. Remember how

525
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 1: at this point China is a collection of seven warring states.

526
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 1: They're constantly vying for power or at the very least

527
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 1: autonomy from one another. Well, Ying Jung decided it's high

528
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 1: time we unify all these states under my rule, of course,

529
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:22,239
Speaker 1: and he first went after the weakest state, Han and

530
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 1: conquered it easily because again, weak state pretty small. Then

531
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: he grabbed up the state of Jao, where his mother

532
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 1: was from. Next, and bordering Chow was the state of Yin,

533
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 1: and they knew they stood no chance of beating the

534
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:40,200
Speaker 1: powerful Chin army. But Crown Prince Don of Yin didn't

535
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 1: want to take this land down, so he hatched an

536
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 1: assassination plot. So Don got to warriors Jinka and Chin

537
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 1: Wu Young, and he's like, here's the deal. You're gonna

538
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 1: go to Yan Xiang in Chin and pretend to be

539
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: nobleman from Yen begging for mercy. You know you can

540
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 1: be oh, oh mighty Chin King. We know we don't

541
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 1: stand a chance against your power and influence. Ya YadA, YadA,

542
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 1: and bring him some gifts, something he'll really really likes that.

543
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 1: You can get in nice and close and then bow

544
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 1: you stick it to him. Easy. Yeah. Now they knew

545
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,720
Speaker 1: that Ying Jung wanted to conquer the du Kang region

546
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 1: of the End State first because it had really fertile farmland,

547
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:34,240
Speaker 1: So one of their gifts would be this beautifully drawn

548
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 1: map of du Kang to help him strategize. They're gonna

549
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: stop by the gas station. They're gonna find that little

550
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,839
Speaker 1: rack with just a really nice fold out map like

551
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 1: this was freshly printed yesterday. Like this is your last

552
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 1: bathroom break before you get into do it. Yes, there's

553
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 1: no toilets, so make sure you something and on your way.

554
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 1: This is the world's biggest noodle. And if you just

555
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,200
Speaker 1: pull off, it's a fifteen minute visit, but you won't

556
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 1: regretted it so cool. They got little hats and buttons.

557
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 1: You're gonna be You're gonna have stories to tell for days. Yeah.

558
00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're going to conquer, you may as

559
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: well enjoy yourself. Exactly exactly. It's about the journey, not

560
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 1: the d and by D I mean destinations. It won't stop.

561
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 1: She won't stop. Um. But they knew that, you know,

562
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,399
Speaker 1: to get close enough to the king to stab him,

563
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 1: a simple map was not going to be enough. They

564
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 1: needed a better gift than that. Unfortunately, they knew about

565
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 1: this disgraced Chin general Wan Yee, who was living in Yen.

566
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 1: There was a price on his head from the state

567
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 1: of Chin for a thousand gold pieces, and Wan Ye

568
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 1: was pretty grumpy about that, so he wanted some revenge

569
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:49,319
Speaker 1: on the Chin kingdom. Hate having a bounty on my head.

570
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: This sucks assholes can't go anywhere. And I couldn't find

571
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 1: out why they had a bounty on him to just

572
00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:59,799
Speaker 1: just betrayed them in some way. And he was like,

573
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,280
Speaker 1: at that guy for me, but he really a thousand

574
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,439
Speaker 1: gold pieces is a lot of money, so he really

575
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 1: wanted him. So Jim Cub went to him and told

576
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 1: them about this assassination plan and all we got this map,

577
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:13,399
Speaker 1: and one he is like, listen, you got to give

578
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 1: him more than a map. He's not going to let

579
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: you into the throne room just for that. That ain't

580
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 1: enough of the gift, and Jinks like yeah about that.

581
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 1: Um yeah. We thought that he would be pretty excited

582
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: if we brought him like a bounty he was looking for,

583
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 1: you know, a guy he like really wants dead, you

584
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:33,399
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And one he is like, oh yeah, huh, yeah,

585
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: I know it sounds good. So oh oh you mean me, Like, yeah,

586
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: that's that's that's why we're here. Here kind of came

587
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,799
Speaker 1: for you. Didn't want your permission to do this plan

588
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 1: or anything. Just thought hoping you'd come along with us.

589
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 1: And one Ye actually thought, you know, like, guys, you

590
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,920
Speaker 1: really got something here. This is a great plan. Honest.

591
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 1: I think he'll get close enough to kill him if

592
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,480
Speaker 1: you do that. And so he agrees to commit suicide

593
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 1: so they can take his severed head to Yang Jung.

594
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:13,360
Speaker 1: That's commitment to I hate this dude so much that

595
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: I know you'll get close to him with my head,

596
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 1: so let me just go ahead, and it's all yours.

597
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 1: I mean, he really bet on this plan. So they

598
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 1: behead the guy and then Prince Don gets them this

599
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: super sharp dagger that's imbued with poison so that they

600
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 1: can stab the king and they wrap it up in

601
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 1: the map scroll. All they gotta do now is get

602
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 1: at the palace, get inside, and killed the guy. Easy peasy.

603
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:42,320
Speaker 1: He's just yeah, he's part of the whole thing. We

604
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 1: got the head, we got the map. I noticed there's

605
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: no exit strategy, so they were clearly like, we'll probably die,

606
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 1: but whatever, they're going to kill him. The plan here, yeah, right,

607
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 1: the point is the task. So Jinka and chin Wu

608
00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,320
Speaker 1: Young get to the palace and they're granted permit to

609
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 1: see the king. Oh you have gifts, Well right this way,

610
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: my friends, please get as close as you'd like. He

611
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,879
Speaker 1: loves gifts. Two gifts. Well, I think you could even

612
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:16,399
Speaker 1: give him a hug. But at this point, who Young

613
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,720
Speaker 1: freezes up. This is a kind of a funny note

614
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 1: because he's known to be very tough. He was known

615
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 1: to have had killed someone at the tender so he's

616
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 1: like this guy but he gets in there, and he

617
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: just gets like really terrified. Yeah, this is a big

618
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 1: job used to killing, you know people as a kid.

619
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 1: We just do it in the village. But I'm here

620
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 1: at the palace. Everybody's watching me. Very upsetting. He starts

621
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: trembling uncontrollably and like just having this little panic attack,

622
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:52,240
Speaker 1: and Jinka has to be like, oh, oh, don't worry

623
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:55,359
Speaker 1: about him. It's nothing. He's just Oh, he's just never

624
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 1: set eyes on the grace of the Son of Heaven here,

625
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,400
Speaker 1: So he's he's just flipping out, a little star struck

626
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,280
Speaker 1: about meeting the king. Don't where. He did the same

627
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 1: thing when we met Kianu last year, totally freaked out.

628
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 1: It's embarrassing. But don't worry about it. You know. It's

629
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 1: like he's meeting Beyonce or something. You know, he's just

630
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 1: losing his mind. He'll calm down when he gets in there.

631
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:20,799
Speaker 1: But the guards are not happening. They're like, nah, we're

632
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 1: not letting this fan boy in. You know, why don't you,

633
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 1: Jinka go in and give him both gifts by yourself.

634
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 1: So too man job has now become a one man job.

635
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: So Jinka is probably like, God, damn it. Yeah, you're

636
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 1: supposed to be my my fucking right hand man in

637
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,399
Speaker 1: this hold your ship together from some piece of ship.

638
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,439
Speaker 1: So he goes into the throne room alone. He goes

639
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 1: up to the king and politely presents him with the

640
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:50,839
Speaker 1: two gifts, and as the king starts to unroll the map,

641
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:54,799
Speaker 1: Jinka crabs the dagger and the king sleep and like

642
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 1: plunges the dagger towards his heart, but ying Jung backs away,

643
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 1: manages to to evade the dagger, tearing his sleeve in

644
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 1: the process, and starts to run away. And he starts

645
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 1: trying to pull his ceremonial sword out of his sheet,

646
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,920
Speaker 1: but he can't get it out because the swords too long.

647
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:17,760
Speaker 1: So he's being chased around the throne room with Jinko

648
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: wielding this poison dagger. He's pulling on this long ass

649
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 1: sword that he can't get out of the chine, and

650
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:26,080
Speaker 1: there's no one else in the room has a weapon,

651
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:29,719
Speaker 1: because it's considered rude to have weapons around something. So

652
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,719
Speaker 1: they're just standing there like, oh, what do we do?

653
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,360
Speaker 1: Circles he can't get like this is supposed to be

654
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 1: decorative but exactly like it won't come out out, and

655
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 1: the scene becomes even more of a cartoon when the

656
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 1: court physician Shea Woudo joins the chase, smagging Jinka in

657
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:57,960
Speaker 1: the back with his medicine bag. Stu's get the dagger

658
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,120
Speaker 1: and he's trying to get the sword, and you get

659
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 1: to see it. It's like a Roger Rabbit cartoon. Oh

660
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 1: my god. So the doctor hitting him with the medicine

661
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,840
Speaker 1: bag gives yan Jiang enough time to hide behind a pillar,

662
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,640
Speaker 1: and apparently his courtiers are are all like yelling at him,

663
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,360
Speaker 1: like he's on the prices right, like, get the sheath

664
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 1: on your back and then you can draw the sword.

665
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:22,200
Speaker 1: Don't try stabbing him. Why don't you try stepping on

666
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: the sheath and pull it out from there. Good idea

667
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 1: that one. Just whip it, whip it, it'll fly off.

668
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 1: Hit him, hit him with the health hit him with

669
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 1: the yeah, and he's freaking out. It's like, what are

670
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:36,879
Speaker 1: you saying? Number three? Is that number two? Which one?

671
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 1: But he does. He manages to get the sheath on

672
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 1: his back and he like pulls the sword out like that.

673
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:47,880
Speaker 1: He jumps out from behind the pillar and he immediately

674
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:51,240
Speaker 1: stabbed Jinka in the thigh and sort of topples him,

675
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:54,840
Speaker 1: and desperate, Jinka throws the dagger at the king, but

676
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 1: he misses, probably hits like a some old vase or

677
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 1: something that falls and shatters through the round and someone's like, oh,

678
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 1: I just finished painting that, or it just happens to

679
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 1: like hit the eye of like a beautiful painting painting.

680
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 1: But Jinka ends up getting stabbed eight times for all

681
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 1: this trouble, and even though he's dying, Jinko wants to

682
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:19,279
Speaker 1: get the last word, so he stretches out his legs

683
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 1: in front of him in a gesture that was considered

684
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 1: very rude at the time, and he just hurled insults

685
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 1: at the king until the palace guards finally arrived and

686
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 1: finished him off. They also killed chin Wu Yang, who

687
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:36,240
Speaker 1: tried to escape outside. This is why I was so nervous.

688
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 1: I gotta get out of here. Sorry, swim fan, get

689
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:43,799
Speaker 1: over here, Chaos. I mean, you could not write a

690
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:47,839
Speaker 1: better force like that ship is hilarious. I would love

691
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 1: to see it on stage right. So yeah, that assassination

692
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 1: plot did not work forre Wani, but it did make

693
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 1: the Guinness Records for silious assassination attempt in his career.

694
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 1: He was like, with it worth it cut my head

695
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 1: off for a good joke. Well, and Yank Jung, you know,

696
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 1: took it a little to heart. Personally, he does. He's

697
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:12,799
Speaker 1: a little overreactivity. He does not like these attempts to

698
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 1: stop him from doing what he wants to do, so

699
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 1: he went after Yen with a vengeance, and Prince Don's

700
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:22,880
Speaker 1: father even tried to mollify him by putting Prince Don

701
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 1: to death, Like he's like, let me kill him for you,

702
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 1: I'll do watch me. I got it. God, my son

703
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:32,439
Speaker 1: is such an idiot moron. It's like that guy um

704
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaker 1: uh In John Wick when his son is the guy

705
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:41,720
Speaker 1: who like and he's like, stupid bitch idiot, like punches

706
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 1: him out, which doesn't make me think. Like the court

707
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 1: hot the royal hostage thing, how how much of a

708
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 1: collateral is that it works? Like they weren't willing to

709
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 1: kill their sons. This is a pretty extreme situation, it's true.

710
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: But yeah, that did not work. He was like, thanks

711
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,319
Speaker 1: for killing him, but no, still going to take you over.

712
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:05,360
Speaker 1: And Yen fell to the Chin state five years after

713
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 1: this assassination attempt. But it was not the last time

714
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 1: someone would try to put down Ying Jong. And we

715
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:16,879
Speaker 1: will find out about a second hilarious assassination attempt right

716
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 1: after this commercial freak and welcome back to the show.

717
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:32,040
Speaker 1: So Jinka was dead. All his friends and relatives went

718
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 1: into hiding after this because they were fearing reprisals from

719
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:39,480
Speaker 1: the king. I mean, let's remember three generations of Laos

720
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 1: family were put to death, so they were kind of like,

721
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 1: this guy doesn't like anyone, you will kill us all.

722
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:50,680
Speaker 1: And one of Jinka's friends was a skilled loot player

723
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 1: named Gao Jin Lee, and he hid his lute, changed

724
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:57,680
Speaker 1: his name, and became a waiter in a wine shop.

725
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 1: It was like a whole new world, set up his

726
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 1: own little personal witness protection. Basically, he's like, let me

727
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:07,760
Speaker 1: just dip out of here, start a whole new career.

728
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 1: Forget this loot playing I've done for years. But one day,

729
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 1: probably he's restock in the shelves or something, and the

730
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 1: boss heard him singing and he's like, wow, my little

731
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:21,719
Speaker 1: waiter is a great singer. I ought to recommend him

732
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:26,280
Speaker 1: to the king. So he gets called before the King

733
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 1: ying Jong to do a little performance. And while Gau

734
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 1: is playing the lute and singing, somebody recognized him as

735
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 1: Jinka's friends oh no, hey, I know that guy. He

736
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:39,959
Speaker 1: knows that guy. Which, again, as to your point about

737
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 1: there's no fingerprints, I'm just like people clearly were like

738
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 1: I better remember every face because one day that it

739
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:49,760
Speaker 1: could be useful. But Ying Jong was in a merciful

740
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:53,360
Speaker 1: mood that day, and he liked gals playing, so instead

741
00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 1: of putting him to death, he's like, buddy, I don't

742
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 1: care that you were friends with my attempted assassin. You

743
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:02,480
Speaker 1: know you're a beautiful musician. I would never take this

744
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 1: out of the world. I'm just going to gouge your

745
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:10,359
Speaker 1: eyes out. Pardon. Yeah, he blinded him. After that, Goal

746
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:12,919
Speaker 1: was welcome to play and singing for the king as

747
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 1: often as he liked. Oh, thank you so much. That's

748
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:19,720
Speaker 1: exactly what I wanted. No eyes in a new job,

749
00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 1: well go. Understandably, he was a little bitter at this point,

750
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 1: but he kept playing and singing and singing and playing

751
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:31,440
Speaker 1: until one day the king started to relax his guard

752
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 1: around Gal, and Goal began hiding little pieces of lead

753
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 1: in his lute until it got heavier and heavier, and

754
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 1: each day he would sit closer and closer to the

755
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:47,839
Speaker 1: king as he performed. Finally, when he was he was.

756
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:50,920
Speaker 1: He was like, hey, here's the king. Here's here's little

757
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 1: he's little pizza route lute here, and he's sitting right

758
00:46:56,200 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 1: next to him. This machine kills fashion yep, And he

759
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,440
Speaker 1: picks up the loot and he swings hard at the

760
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:06,719
Speaker 1: King's head, hoping to cave his skull in and kill

761
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 1: him once and for all. But he had this one

762
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:14,320
Speaker 1: little problem. You might recall, goal didn't have any eyes.

763
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 1: He was blind. He could not see what he was doing,

764
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 1: where he was, or which direction. So what was I

765
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 1: imagine like a pinata game? Pretty funny. Somebody's blindfolded takes

766
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:28,439
Speaker 1: a big, heavy swing, totally bift it. Do you think

767
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:34,360
Speaker 1: he spun around from the weight, totally bifted, swung in

768
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 1: a big circle, missed the king, and it was no

769
00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:42,239
Speaker 1: more lute playing for him. He was executed for this

770
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 1: assassination attempt. Another assassination, Oh boy. Yeng Jong apparently was like,

771
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:50,359
Speaker 1: I don't want anybody from the state again anywhere near

772
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 1: me every again. I can't trust any of them. Right,

773
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 1: He's like, I tried to be nice and just take

774
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:58,000
Speaker 1: your eyes. Yeah, what do you need? Those four at

775
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 1: least useful thing on the body? I think so Despite attempts,

776
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 1: no one could stop Ying Jung from unifying China, which

777
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 1: he did successfully by two twenty one b C. And

778
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 1: since he'd done all that, he wasn't any old king anymore.

779
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 1: He would now be known as Chin shi Huang, the

780
00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 1: first Emperor of Chin, and it was time for some

781
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 1: big changes around here. Before Ying Jong's time, several schools

782
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:32,839
Speaker 1: of thought about society and culture and morality existed. They

783
00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:36,320
Speaker 1: were freely debated. It was known as the Hundred Schools

784
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:40,839
Speaker 1: of Thought, and it included Confucianism and Taoism and tons

785
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 1: of other just philosophies about how the world should work basically,

786
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 1: so it's kind of like the Warring States. Time was

787
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: like a really chaotic time, but it was also sort

788
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:53,640
Speaker 1: of a golden period and freethinking Chinese history. But Chin

789
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 1: chi Hwang and his Prime Minister Lisa, who remember was

790
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:01,120
Speaker 1: formerly the ally of Lubu Weah and the only guy

791
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:04,360
Speaker 1: that got kept on after they purge I guess you

792
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:09,959
Speaker 1: could call it um They both liked legalism the best. Now,

793
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:14,520
Speaker 1: legalists believe that humans are inherently selfish and had to

794
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 1: be managed with a comprehensive set of rules, and those

795
00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 1: rules had to be enforced with severe punishments to keep

796
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,760
Speaker 1: them in line. Now they believed in the state above

797
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 1: all else, including the individual welfare of citizens. Lisa was

798
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 1: into this philosophy, and he pointed out to the Emperor

799
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:34,720
Speaker 1: that the feudal system had been the downfall of China

800
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:37,799
Speaker 1: once already. As soon as a leader ran out of

801
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:41,800
Speaker 1: profitable fifedoms to award his loyal followers with those followers

802
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 1: would get butt hurt and they would start plotting against

803
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 1: the ruler out in the provinces. Surrounded by friends, these

804
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:50,919
Speaker 1: guys could easily rile up a force before the king

805
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 1: even knew what was going on. Far better, Lisa told

806
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 1: the Emperor for him to centralize the government under a

807
00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:02,280
Speaker 1: bureaucracy that operate from right here at the palace under

808
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 1: his watchful eye. That way, no one could surprise him

809
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 1: with any shenanigans. They wouldn't have this powerful warrior class

810
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 1: capable of whipping up dissent. Instead, these guys would be

811
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 1: tame and dependent courtiers and bureaucrats imposing the Emperor's will

812
00:50:19,239 --> 00:50:25,359
Speaker 1: on people. So Chin Chi Hwang liking this idea, which

813
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,680
Speaker 1: is maybe not surprising after the whole thing with his mom,

814
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 1: and two assassination attempts. He centralized the government, creating a

815
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:37,000
Speaker 1: system where all power flowed from the emperor. I gotta say, though,

816
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: you know, looking at his history, two assassination attempts, the

817
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:43,279
Speaker 1: thing with his mom, all of that happened because he

818
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 1: was a dick. You know. He couldn't stand the fact

819
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 1: that his mom had a boyfriend, and he executed three

820
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:55,400
Speaker 1: generations of his family. Like, buddy, you brought this on yourself.

821
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 1: As usual Meglomaniacs create their own first enemies, and then

822
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 1: they say, I have to rule you with an iron fist,

823
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 1: because otherwise you'll try to kill me. Like, well, we're

824
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,879
Speaker 1: not trying to kill you because you let us have

825
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:09,719
Speaker 1: our own autonomy. We're trying to kill you because you're

826
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:12,680
Speaker 1: an asshole. Yeah, because you keep killing us. Now we

827
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 1: have the vengeance, you know, the vengeance that you have.

828
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:19,239
Speaker 1: We have that. Well. He canceled all aristocratic titles and

829
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:22,279
Speaker 1: privileges that he himself did not make a grant, so

830
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 1: a lot of people who were very rich and noble

831
00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:30,319
Speaker 1: were put to manual labor. They lost everything. Oh there's

832
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:33,160
Speaker 1: nothing rich people hate more than being put to manual labor. Too.

833
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 1: He also standardized currency. He canceled everything, and it was like,

834
00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:42,440
Speaker 1: this is there's one thing. Now we all use also language,

835
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:45,520
Speaker 1: he said, we used one language, one script. Everything should

836
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:47,839
Speaker 1: be able to be read by everyone else. He had

837
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:51,720
Speaker 1: canals and roads built to increase the efficiency of trade

838
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 1: and of course the flow of information to and from

839
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 1: the palace, because now you have this new system, you

840
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 1: have to be you get a bunch of letters every

841
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:02,440
Speaker 1: day and be like how ship going way out there? Uh?

842
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:06,319
Speaker 1: And apparently it was the efficiency of this information flow

843
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:10,240
Speaker 1: was pretty notable, like pretty awesome. Well, I mean, unifying

844
00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:12,480
Speaker 1: your currency and giving a bunch of roads and canals

845
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:14,720
Speaker 1: for goods and information to flow around isn't the worst

846
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 1: thing a ruler has ever done. Not really. I wish

847
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:22,200
Speaker 1: somebody would build some roads and canals and trains here now, right,

848
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:25,480
Speaker 1: Infrastructure What a thing. I guess there's an argument to

849
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:29,200
Speaker 1: be made for, like, you know, ethnic languages out in

850
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 1: preference of another one. But but yeah, I the money

851
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 1: and the roads makes sense. He actually even required that

852
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 1: the carriages on those roads had to have the same

853
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 1: size axles engages so that they were easy to fix

854
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:45,640
Speaker 1: when they broke down, which is an interesting point. I

855
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 1: never thought about them being made different sizes. But of

856
00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 1: course if you have a carriage that's a different size

857
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:55,400
Speaker 1: axle and you're traveling to to you know, a different state,

858
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 1: and you can't find the size axle you need, well

859
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:01,880
Speaker 1: that that stops everything. That's my chain is disrupted. So

860
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: I need you to all have the same ship should

861
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:07,319
Speaker 1: be standardized. The interchangeable parts did a did a lot

862
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 1: for the industry of man, and I wonder if he

863
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 1: was like, just for his memory, let's make all axles

864
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:22,359
Speaker 1: the size of loudes. He made him bigger, just like

865
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:24,839
Speaker 1: now is dick don't fit? No, no, no. He made

866
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 1: him smaller so that when people told the story of

867
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:29,920
Speaker 1: him using his dick as an axle, they're like, oh,

868
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:34,359
Speaker 1: that's not that big. It's my dick's bigger than an axle, right,

869
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:36,840
Speaker 1: Yeng Jong was probably like, my dick's bigger than any

870
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:39,719
Speaker 1: This guy talked a big deal about his dick, But

871
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:46,400
Speaker 1: look how small a wheel is pencil into teeny wheels.

872
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:53,759
Speaker 1: After not that don't impress me much, he said, is

873
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:58,240
Speaker 1: that you? And of course you know he was again

874
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 1: bit of a bit of a controlling guy, and he

875
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:05,040
Speaker 1: had the power of all the nation's laborers, and he

876
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 1: puts them to work. He forced them to build huge projects.

877
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:13,880
Speaker 1: For thirty years, seven hundred thousand workers built his tomb

878
00:54:14,640 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 1: and the mausoleum that you see in China today with

879
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:20,839
Speaker 1: thousands of life sized terra cotta warriors. That's only a

880
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 1: fraction of what they made. Most of it is still buried,

881
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:29,600
Speaker 1: has yet to be uncovered. Another giant project was marrying

882
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:33,200
Speaker 1: all the disparate city walls together into one big Great

883
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:38,640
Speaker 1: Wall of China, which, as history collection dot com points out, quote,

884
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 1: did double duty keeping the northern barbarians out and keeping

885
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:46,840
Speaker 1: the Chinese seeking to flee the emperor's onerous taxation and

886
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 1: oppressive rule in So remember that about walls, they do

887
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:57,080
Speaker 1: two things. Not not an entrance nor exit exactly. Fun fact,

888
00:54:57,280 --> 00:55:00,480
Speaker 1: I saw a part of the Great Wall when I

889
00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:03,960
Speaker 1: was in China and not this was before our time. Yes,

890
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 1: this is before we were together. In two thousand seven,

891
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:08,440
Speaker 1: I got to go to China with my family. It

892
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:11,040
Speaker 1: was very cool and the part that we were we

893
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:13,800
Speaker 1: were in Chian, China, and they have a very big

894
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:17,160
Speaker 1: part of the wall still standing. And they said it

895
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:23,360
Speaker 1: was because actually they used sticky rice too. Basically, glue

896
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 1: all the brick, all the stone together, and it was

897
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:29,279
Speaker 1: so effective that it's one of the strongest parts of

898
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:31,759
Speaker 1: the wall. And I think about that every time I'm

899
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 1: scraping egg yo popper plate dried egg yo, because I'm like,

900
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,280
Speaker 1: dried egg yo could hold a lot of ship together

901
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:43,160
Speaker 1: out of rice and egg yolk, and it'll stand the

902
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:45,800
Speaker 1: test of time. It'll be here. That's all I'm saying.

903
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 1: Three thousand years from now. True, it's standing. Seriously. The

904
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:54,080
Speaker 1: emperor also ordered the burning of a bunch of history

905
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:58,759
Speaker 1: and philosophy books and banned all schools of thought but legalism.

906
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:01,320
Speaker 1: So that's where we're getting into. Uh, yeah, thanks for

907
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:05,240
Speaker 1: the canals, but say it's so good. He even ordered

908
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:09,479
Speaker 1: the mass execution of a bunch of Confucianists by having

909
00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:13,560
Speaker 1: them buried alive. Now, this brings us to the inevitable

910
00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:17,319
Speaker 1: part of every story from ancient history, where we have

911
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:21,359
Speaker 1: to say that it's possible some historian was just making

912
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:24,600
Speaker 1: this ship up. All right, a lot of this story

913
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 1: might be exaggerated or made up for various political purposes.

914
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:33,920
Speaker 1: Uh that the story of lao Ey's giant dick comes

915
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:38,960
Speaker 1: from ancient Chinese historian Samachen's Records of the Grand Historian,

916
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 1: which is a book he completed around nine BC. Confucianism

917
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:47,279
Speaker 1: was a prevailing mode of thinking by then, so they

918
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 1: weren't big fans of the First Emperor at this point

919
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 1: in history. He was like, you can't be confused. Yeah,

920
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:56,839
Speaker 1: he banned all their teachings and schools and everything. So

921
00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:02,040
Speaker 1: some historians, including John Noblock and Jeff Regal, who translated

922
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:05,799
Speaker 1: lu bu Ey's Spring and Autumn Annals, I think the

923
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:10,200
Speaker 1: story is quote patently false, meant to both libel lou

924
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:15,560
Speaker 1: and cast aspersions on the First Emperor. Confucian society also

925
00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 1: thought of merchants as the lowest of the social classes.

926
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:23,000
Speaker 1: So making a merchant like lu Bua his father as

927
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 1: well as you know, his legitimate his biological father, as

928
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 1: we said, as well as making the emperor an illegitimate

929
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:31,920
Speaker 1: child at all, was the worst thing they could do

930
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:34,840
Speaker 1: to him. It'd be, like, you know, historian now being like,

931
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 1: turns out Joe Biden's father is a DJH, the lowest

932
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:49,320
Speaker 1: of the social classes. The name lao I even means

933
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 1: lustful misdeed in Old Chinese. So some people think the

934
00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 1: whole story about the giant dick was just an allegory

935
00:57:57,120 --> 00:58:00,560
Speaker 1: for how a conspiracy threatens imperial bloodlines and maybe not

936
00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 1: a real story at all. Right, it was like Sally

937
00:58:04,120 --> 00:58:08,000
Speaker 1: Slutty slept with a guy and guess what happened, you know,

938
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:11,320
Speaker 1: Like it was basically like it's you know, it might

939
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:14,440
Speaker 1: just be a whole fake thing. And the dick, like

940
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:16,760
Speaker 1: the word for dick is also close to the words

941
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:19,480
Speaker 1: of her conspiracy and stuff, so they're like, if you

942
00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:22,640
Speaker 1: translate it differently, it's a whole it could just be

943
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:25,440
Speaker 1: a metaphor for something. I mean, throughout this story, I've

944
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:29,960
Speaker 1: been getting hints of the Elagabolus gender Empress of Rome story.

945
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:33,240
Speaker 1: She also put out a call for the biggest dick

946
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 1: in romes uh and found it and did that guy

947
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:39,840
Speaker 1: pretty prominent figure in politics, and everyone hated him for it.

948
00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:42,360
Speaker 1: Real similar kind of story a lot of the ways,

949
00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:46,120
Speaker 1: And similarly we look at it now in history and

950
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 1: some people say, technically this is historical record, but is

951
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:54,040
Speaker 1: it true. Just because somebody wrote it down a couple

952
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 1: of thousand years ago doesn't mean it's necessarily true, because

953
00:58:57,880 --> 00:59:00,400
Speaker 1: just like today, it might have been a hit peace,

954
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 1: it might have been somebody making up a story and

955
00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:07,200
Speaker 1: saying I'm recording history right now so that people remembered

956
00:59:07,240 --> 00:59:10,280
Speaker 1: this person a way worse than they were because they

957
00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:13,439
Speaker 1: didn't like them, right, and and like legitimize their own

958
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 1: way of thinking in a way of governing even more

959
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:19,880
Speaker 1: by saying, man, this guy was, Yeah, he unified and

960
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:22,560
Speaker 1: cool whatever, but like look at he's crazy. Like we

961
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:25,000
Speaker 1: don't want that, we don't want that, we want this

962
00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:28,680
Speaker 1: that we have now. Yeah. Apparently even the mass execution

963
00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 1: of Confucians that might even be a myth made up

964
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:35,680
Speaker 1: by Confucians like Harter's myths. Oh, he killed them because

965
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 1: they only because they were Confucians and they wouldn't change. Um.

966
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 1: Some research suggests that he actually killed like a group

967
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:47,320
Speaker 1: of alchemists because they fooled him into thinking that they

968
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:52,160
Speaker 1: had made an elixir of life for immortality. Um, and

969
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:54,080
Speaker 1: he was mad about that, so he killed them all,

970
00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:56,400
Speaker 1: and they all happened to be Confucians. But that's not

971
00:59:56,520 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 1: why he killed them. Because Chin Chi Wong was obsessed

972
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:07,760
Speaker 1: with living forever. He was like really single minded about this. Uh,

973
01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:11,080
Speaker 1: he was willing to try anything, So he let in

974
01:00:11,120 --> 01:00:14,640
Speaker 1: a lot of snake oil salesman, a lot of Charlatan's

975
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:18,040
Speaker 1: into the palace. They give him all kinds of different

976
01:00:18,040 --> 01:00:20,560
Speaker 1: treatments and swear they would work, or they'd just be like,

977
01:00:20,560 --> 01:00:22,520
Speaker 1: oh yeah, we're researching it, we're working on it. We're

978
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:25,000
Speaker 1: so close, so close. We just see a little bit

979
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:27,760
Speaker 1: more money, if you could just give me a little

980
01:00:27,760 --> 01:00:30,360
Speaker 1: more money, And you know, kind of milked them along

981
01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:34,360
Speaker 1: until he would get impatient and either execute them or

982
01:00:34,480 --> 01:00:36,280
Speaker 1: like find a new kind of a d h D.

983
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 1: Like he's like squirrel and you find another thing to

984
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:43,880
Speaker 1: to look into. One guy, a self proclaimed magician, Jiufu,

985
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:47,080
Speaker 1: told Schinchi Wong listen, I've been in touch with the

986
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:49,440
Speaker 1: eight immortals, who you know they live in the mystical

987
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:53,440
Speaker 1: pung Li Mountains. Everyone knows about pug That right, everyone? Great? Um, Well,

988
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 1: I've been in touch with these immortals and they have

989
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:57,880
Speaker 1: the elixir of life, and they said I could get

990
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:00,959
Speaker 1: it from them for you. Yes, go on, but they're

991
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:05,840
Speaker 1: demanding six thousand virgins as a sacrifice. I'll tell you what.

992
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:08,960
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you as many ships as you

993
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:11,360
Speaker 1: want and six thousand virgins and you go get me

994
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:15,000
Speaker 1: that a lixer of life right away, Sir and yep,

995
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:18,400
Speaker 1: Chinchi Wong Gavesu Fu a fleet of ships. Six thousand

996
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:24,120
Speaker 1: virgins watched him sail away, never to rid her so

997
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:28,720
Speaker 1: long and thanks for all the virgins. And the legend

998
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:32,360
Speaker 1: is that he actually reached Japan and colonized with his

999
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:35,520
Speaker 1: six thousand virgins. Six thousand virgins. We're starting a new

1000
01:01:35,560 --> 01:01:38,520
Speaker 1: world together doing it. But I did read too that

1001
01:01:38,560 --> 01:01:41,360
Speaker 1: like it might have been that he really believed he

1002
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:44,120
Speaker 1: could find the lixer and the they didn't. They were like, well,

1003
01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:46,040
Speaker 1: he's going to kill us if we go back without it,

1004
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:48,640
Speaker 1: So then they just found somewhere else. This is nice.

1005
01:01:48,840 --> 01:01:50,320
Speaker 1: But I kind of love the idea of him being like,

1006
01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:52,919
Speaker 1: oh yeah, be I'm a magician, total the magician. Uh,

1007
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:54,720
Speaker 1: the immortals talk to me last night. They called me

1008
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:57,040
Speaker 1: last night. We had a great chat. They love you,

1009
01:01:57,080 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 1: by the way, and they said not just give me

1010
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:04,760
Speaker 1: everything I want and I will go get that for you.

1011
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 1: I love that he if he does believe it, he

1012
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:12,040
Speaker 1: gets to Japan, we can't go back empty handed. Well

1013
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:15,880
Speaker 1: this place is nice to stay here. They got cherry blossoms, Nintendo,

1014
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:19,160
Speaker 1: this place is great. Why don't we just look at

1015
01:02:19,160 --> 01:02:25,600
Speaker 1: this kiddy? She says, hello, adorable, why would we ever leave. Well,

1016
01:02:25,720 --> 01:02:29,480
Speaker 1: all this experimentation with trying to find eternal life ironically

1017
01:02:29,960 --> 01:02:33,560
Speaker 1: shortened Chin Chih Wong's life, and it drove him insane

1018
01:02:33,680 --> 01:02:37,720
Speaker 1: because some of his alchemists and magicians told him that

1019
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:40,600
Speaker 1: until they found the elixir of life, he should just

1020
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:43,880
Speaker 1: keep taking mercury pills to tide you over. This will,

1021
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:47,600
Speaker 1: this will keep you going until we find the real thing. Mercury,

1022
01:02:48,240 --> 01:02:51,080
Speaker 1: the thing you should put in your body. Well, the

1023
01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:55,320
Speaker 1: mercury poisoned him slowly, and something that his crazier decisions,

1024
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:58,680
Speaker 1: such as building a huge network of tunnels underground so

1025
01:02:58,720 --> 01:03:01,360
Speaker 1: he could travel around without being seen by evil spirits,

1026
01:03:02,160 --> 01:03:04,760
Speaker 1: might be attributed to all the mercury that he was

1027
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:08,960
Speaker 1: taking that was making him insane underground, a place evil

1028
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:16,800
Speaker 1: spirits don't like dark underground places. Well, eventually the mercury

1029
01:03:16,840 --> 01:03:20,240
Speaker 1: did kill him. He dropped dead inside his carriage at

1030
01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:24,040
Speaker 1: the age of forty nine. Not that he didn't live

1031
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:28,680
Speaker 1: a full life, a very full life with a high

1032
01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:30,920
Speaker 1: body count. Uh huh. Well, and in a way he

1033
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:33,000
Speaker 1: is a bit immortal, right, we're still talking about him.

1034
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:35,520
Speaker 1: I suppose that's true. In a way, he found his

1035
01:03:35,600 --> 01:03:41,400
Speaker 1: e lixir in all the deaths that he caused, not

1036
01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:47,720
Speaker 1: an encouragement for your life. As an example, Well, the

1037
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:51,000
Speaker 1: Prime Minister Lisa didn't want anyone to know that the

1038
01:03:51,040 --> 01:03:53,320
Speaker 1: emperor was dead right away because he's like, you know,

1039
01:03:53,480 --> 01:03:55,680
Speaker 1: I get to get my pieces together before all the

1040
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:59,520
Speaker 1: power changes around here. So he and his courtiers made

1041
01:03:59,520 --> 01:04:03,200
Speaker 1: a big of continuing to bring and take documents and

1042
01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:05,840
Speaker 1: orders to and from this carriage as if Chin Chi

1043
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:08,560
Speaker 1: Wong was still in there making decisions. I love that

1044
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:11,360
Speaker 1: they walk up with the beast paper. Yes, Emperor, I

1045
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:14,080
Speaker 1: do think you should sign this. What's that you're like

1046
01:04:14,160 --> 01:04:17,280
Speaker 1: my hair today? Thank you so much? Or they closed

1047
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:20,520
Speaker 1: it over by him, hilarious, sir, you are you're so

1048
01:04:20,600 --> 01:04:24,880
Speaker 1: good that guy? Am I right, best emperor ever? And

1049
01:04:25,200 --> 01:04:27,640
Speaker 1: you know, of course his body is like rotting in

1050
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:33,360
Speaker 1: the carriage, so there's an you know, noticeable smell. Well

1051
01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:37,080
Speaker 1: they hid that by positioning carriage is full of rotten

1052
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:40,640
Speaker 1: fish nearby, which has to wonder if people were like,

1053
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:43,480
Speaker 1: what is the emperor into these days? Like he wants

1054
01:04:43,560 --> 01:04:46,920
Speaker 1: that near him, Like okay, whatever, I guess I'm glad

1055
01:04:46,960 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 1: he's not beheading me for no reason They're like, oh,

1056
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:52,320
Speaker 1: all these carriages full of fish. You see, the axle broke,

1057
01:04:52,720 --> 01:04:54,200
Speaker 1: so we can't move him out of the way. And

1058
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:56,360
Speaker 1: what wouldn't you know it, We just don't have the

1059
01:04:56,440 --> 01:04:58,520
Speaker 1: dick the right size to fix it. There are a

1060
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:05,360
Speaker 1: lot smaller these days. Everybody's dick is too big. We

1061
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:09,160
Speaker 1: can't use are tried and true backup plan. But at

1062
01:05:09,240 --> 01:05:10,960
Speaker 1: least I really just wanted to make sure the right

1063
01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:13,400
Speaker 1: guy got the job next. Right, he did not get

1064
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:16,920
Speaker 1: along with Chinschi Wong's oldest son, who of course would

1065
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:21,200
Speaker 1: become the emberor next. So he faked an order from

1066
01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:24,680
Speaker 1: Chin Chi Wong telling his oldest son to commit suicide

1067
01:05:25,160 --> 01:05:28,800
Speaker 1: and naming his second son as the heir. She's throne.

1068
01:05:29,280 --> 01:05:31,360
Speaker 1: And I guess that's all it took because it was

1069
01:05:31,480 --> 01:05:35,400
Speaker 1: no problem. That's exactly what happened. Imagine, Oh, I got

1070
01:05:35,440 --> 01:05:40,600
Speaker 1: a letter from dad, what's it all right? Well? Others orders,

1071
01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:46,720
Speaker 1: I know, horrible And unfortunately the second son wasn't nearly

1072
01:05:46,760 --> 01:05:50,320
Speaker 1: as capable as his father, and their dynasty only lasted

1073
01:05:50,360 --> 01:05:54,960
Speaker 1: another three years. And it was the legalism that would

1074
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:58,000
Speaker 1: get him in the end. Yeah. One of the defining

1075
01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:03,280
Speaker 1: principles of legalism was that severe punishments ensured that people

1076
01:06:03,320 --> 01:06:06,120
Speaker 1: obeyed the law. The reason that if you had a

1077
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:09,560
Speaker 1: very severe punishment in place for even a minor infraction,

1078
01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:12,880
Speaker 1: people would imagine the horrors that would be visited upon

1079
01:06:12,960 --> 01:06:15,320
Speaker 1: them if they did a major crime, and that would

1080
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:17,960
Speaker 1: keep them in line. And I gotta say, I know

1081
01:06:18,120 --> 01:06:20,360
Speaker 1: this is a bad idea because I had it in

1082
01:06:20,480 --> 01:06:22,960
Speaker 1: fifth grade. I remember when I was a kid thinking,

1083
01:06:23,240 --> 01:06:25,720
Speaker 1: why don't they just say, uh, you know, life in

1084
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:28,160
Speaker 1: prison for stealing a pack of gum, then no one

1085
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:31,720
Speaker 1: would commit crimes. But obviously that's a very limited and

1086
01:06:31,800 --> 01:06:39,600
Speaker 1: uneducated way. Yes, exactly because instead, obviously this type of

1087
01:06:39,600 --> 01:06:43,520
Speaker 1: punishment in place just encouraged a rebellion. After Chin chi

1088
01:06:43,640 --> 01:06:47,200
Speaker 1: Huang died, rebellions popped up all over the place. Civil

1089
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:51,240
Speaker 1: wars began, and one of them, according to History Collection

1090
01:06:51,280 --> 01:06:55,400
Speaker 1: dot Com, was started by a platoon of draftees. These

1091
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:59,400
Speaker 1: guys got stuck in the mud during a rainstorm and

1092
01:06:59,480 --> 01:07:02,720
Speaker 1: it made them late to their military stations. So one

1093
01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:06,040
Speaker 1: of the recruits asked around and he's like, hey, what's

1094
01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:09,600
Speaker 1: the penalty for us being late? And he was told, well,

1095
01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:12,280
Speaker 1: the penalty for that is death, same as everything else.

1096
01:07:13,120 --> 01:07:16,000
Speaker 1: So he asked him, Okay, well, then what's the penalty

1097
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:20,040
Speaker 1: for I don't know, rebelling against all this. Well, the

1098
01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:23,720
Speaker 1: penalty for that is death, same as everything else. So

1099
01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:27,320
Speaker 1: he turned to his fellow draftees and said, quote, well,

1100
01:07:27,920 --> 01:07:32,800
Speaker 1: we're already late, I mean, and they slaughtered the officers

1101
01:07:33,160 --> 01:07:36,560
Speaker 1: and launched a rebellion, and not long after the Chin

1102
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:40,000
Speaker 1: dynasty was quashed, and then the Han dynasty rose in

1103
01:07:40,080 --> 01:07:44,240
Speaker 1: its place and ruled China for the next four centuries.

1104
01:07:44,680 --> 01:07:46,240
Speaker 1: I mean, it's right, the in for a penny, in

1105
01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:49,080
Speaker 1: for a pound, may Wellbie hangs for you know, like

1106
01:07:49,640 --> 01:07:53,800
Speaker 1: if you're gonna try, if you're gonna punish people terribly

1107
01:07:53,880 --> 01:07:55,600
Speaker 1: either way, then they're like, well, I guess I'll just

1108
01:07:55,640 --> 01:07:57,600
Speaker 1: do the more horrible things if I'm going to get

1109
01:07:57,640 --> 01:08:00,840
Speaker 1: the punishment anyway, what's my incent to for not or

1110
01:08:00,880 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 1: I'll do the thing that's that at least I have

1111
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:06,920
Speaker 1: a possibility of surviving and have a launch of rebellion

1112
01:08:06,960 --> 01:08:10,160
Speaker 1: against this insanity and hopefully come out with a better

1113
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:13,280
Speaker 1: world than just show up late and get executed for

1114
01:08:13,280 --> 01:08:16,479
Speaker 1: no reason, all right, like just because, I mean, they

1115
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:18,320
Speaker 1: definitely had a good reason too. It was like get

1116
01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:20,759
Speaker 1: stuck in the mud. It's not like we're laying around chilling.

1117
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:23,880
Speaker 1: We were. It was rain rain. Do you see the rain?

1118
01:08:25,240 --> 01:08:27,160
Speaker 1: I don't know if you noticed about our axle broke

1119
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:31,360
Speaker 1: and no one could fit their dick in there. Whose

1120
01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:35,720
Speaker 1: fault is that? I'd like to know? So, yeah, this

1121
01:08:35,800 --> 01:08:39,000
Speaker 1: is this is basically the China that we we know

1122
01:08:39,160 --> 01:08:43,479
Speaker 1: today has its roots in legalism thanks Chin Chi Wong

1123
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:47,360
Speaker 1: and Confucianism. Both of those things still have a lot

1124
01:08:47,400 --> 01:08:50,639
Speaker 1: of echoes and the way the law is is made

1125
01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:54,680
Speaker 1: and enforced in that country now. And if it was

1126
01:08:54,760 --> 01:09:00,439
Speaker 1: not for Lu Bu Way's ambition and loud eyes, giant

1127
01:09:00,479 --> 01:09:05,200
Speaker 1: dick and queen jaws thirst, we might not have ever

1128
01:09:05,280 --> 01:09:09,840
Speaker 1: had this bloodthirsty emperor who was ready to really go

1129
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:15,479
Speaker 1: to town to get control over everything. Wow. Really just yeah,

1130
01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:18,960
Speaker 1: that that thirst can really change a whole the whole continent,

1131
01:09:19,360 --> 01:09:21,840
Speaker 1: in the whole world. Have you brought us into the

1132
01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:26,280
Speaker 1: modern era? Right? Incredible? Can you imagine a dick so

1133
01:09:26,360 --> 01:09:30,439
Speaker 1: big it change the world. I've heard some people say

1134
01:09:30,479 --> 01:09:34,120
Speaker 1: they have one, but it's never true. Oh yeah, dick

1135
01:09:34,240 --> 01:09:36,880
Speaker 1: so big it'll change your world. And you're like, all right,

1136
01:09:37,080 --> 01:09:39,200
Speaker 1: let's see it let's see a stick it through a wheel?

1137
01:09:40,720 --> 01:09:43,240
Speaker 1: Can you roll around a car? Can you fix my

1138
01:09:43,640 --> 01:09:47,599
Speaker 1: can you fix my cheep? Didn't get your dick out

1139
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:54,280
Speaker 1: of here? Ladies set standards, that's right. Everybody who wants

1140
01:09:54,280 --> 01:09:58,400
Speaker 1: a dick, set a standard for yourself. If you can't

1141
01:09:58,400 --> 01:10:02,320
Speaker 1: hold up a tire, then I'm tired of that dick.

1142
01:10:03,320 --> 01:10:08,720
Speaker 1: Damn right, are you ready to hold up? Don't ask me?

1143
01:10:09,520 --> 01:10:14,479
Speaker 1: Don't ask me there as I say, not as I do,

1144
01:10:15,200 --> 01:10:20,960
Speaker 1: not as I D, not as I D What what

1145
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:27,759
Speaker 1: do you mean? I mean? Du what a story? Thanks

1146
01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:30,240
Speaker 1: for this one. I love this one seriously. I would

1147
01:10:30,280 --> 01:10:34,479
Speaker 1: watch I would watch a six seasons show about all

1148
01:10:34,640 --> 01:10:38,519
Speaker 1: these people, and they're insane. There's just too many. It

1149
01:10:38,600 --> 01:10:41,120
Speaker 1: was like I wanted to stop with the end of

1150
01:10:41,160 --> 01:10:44,040
Speaker 1: the dick story, but then the assassinations were too funny.

1151
01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:45,880
Speaker 1: I was like, we have to have those. And then

1152
01:10:45,920 --> 01:10:47,800
Speaker 1: the whole thing with him trying to hide his body

1153
01:10:47,840 --> 01:10:50,040
Speaker 1: with a bunch of rotting fish, and I was just like,

1154
01:10:50,120 --> 01:10:54,720
Speaker 1: y'all are farcical, and stop. Yeah, nold coward could not.

1155
01:10:55,720 --> 01:10:58,040
Speaker 1: It's so goofy, and it really is, but it's like

1156
01:10:58,360 --> 01:11:01,040
Speaker 1: goofy and harrowing at the people getting drawn and quartered

1157
01:11:01,120 --> 01:11:04,240
Speaker 1: or whatever. The five versions of Quarters is drawn and

1158
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:11,439
Speaker 1: pentagrapt paret. Oh no, um? Is that what that movies

1159
01:11:11,479 --> 01:11:17,000
Speaker 1: about Mike Meyers really changed? But damn you know, HBO

1160
01:11:17,080 --> 01:11:20,000
Speaker 1: for real, Like, do do the Game of Thrones series

1161
01:11:20,040 --> 01:11:22,439
Speaker 1: about this? You know, it's not just a bunch of

1162
01:11:22,439 --> 01:11:25,080
Speaker 1: old white guys with the same name and I can't

1163
01:11:25,120 --> 01:11:27,439
Speaker 1: keep apart. It's a bunch of old Chinese guys with

1164
01:11:27,439 --> 01:11:29,840
Speaker 1: similar names. But I can't keep apart. But I'll watch

1165
01:11:29,920 --> 01:11:32,360
Speaker 1: the hell app watch. I would get it together. Yes,

1166
01:11:32,439 --> 01:11:34,320
Speaker 1: I'll figure it out by season three, just like I

1167
01:11:34,320 --> 01:11:37,080
Speaker 1: did with Game of Thrones exactly which bearded white guys.

1168
01:11:37,120 --> 01:11:42,599
Speaker 1: This uh so true though after because like I loved

1169
01:11:42,600 --> 01:11:47,160
Speaker 1: Seng Chi the Marvel movie. Um, but even that, it's

1170
01:11:47,160 --> 01:11:49,800
Speaker 1: a very serious you know, it's just very serious. All

1171
01:11:49,840 --> 01:11:52,280
Speaker 1: the leaders are like serious, and their followers are very

1172
01:11:52,320 --> 01:11:55,479
Speaker 1: serious and every stoic and it's very like honor and

1173
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:57,760
Speaker 1: dignity and stuff like that. And I'm not saying that

1174
01:11:57,880 --> 01:12:01,639
Speaker 1: wasn't happening, but this still was happening. This farctical ship

1175
01:12:01,840 --> 01:12:07,639
Speaker 1: was still happening. Please lean into it. So funny, people,

1176
01:12:07,920 --> 01:12:10,559
Speaker 1: true and human. That's the one thing we keep learning

1177
01:12:10,680 --> 01:12:13,080
Speaker 1: at the history of this show. People are the same

1178
01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:16,479
Speaker 1: now as they have been throughout history and across the world.

1179
01:12:16,720 --> 01:12:20,880
Speaker 1: Like they like fart jokes, and they act fucking insane

1180
01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:23,720
Speaker 1: and they do the wackiest ship in the name of

1181
01:12:23,840 --> 01:12:27,120
Speaker 1: the wackiest ship. Yeah for a big dick whatever, hot,

1182
01:12:27,720 --> 01:12:31,759
Speaker 1: hot lady, crazy. I love it. I'm so glad story.

1183
01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:35,800
Speaker 1: I hope you loved it too. Please tell us, uh,

1184
01:12:36,160 --> 01:12:38,200
Speaker 1: don't send us any pictures of your dicks and wheels,

1185
01:12:38,520 --> 01:12:41,160
Speaker 1: and we don't recommend sticking your dicks in any wheels.

1186
01:12:41,160 --> 01:12:43,080
Speaker 1: Please don't do that and tell them that we told

1187
01:12:43,120 --> 01:12:45,960
Speaker 1: you too, because we're not telling you. We're telling you specifically. Matt,

1188
01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:50,160
Speaker 1: don't do that. Don't be it didn't work out for lau.

1189
01:12:50,280 --> 01:12:51,840
Speaker 1: I it's not going to work out for you. I

1190
01:12:51,840 --> 01:12:56,559
Speaker 1: mean it worked out for a while, alright, alright, alright, Yes,

1191
01:12:57,800 --> 01:12:59,880
Speaker 1: you've got to be a long term thinker like Luke

1192
01:13:00,000 --> 01:13:02,439
Speaker 1: A way, I gotta think about these things. But do

1193
01:13:03,439 --> 01:13:04,920
Speaker 1: send us an email, let us know what your thought,

1194
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:07,240
Speaker 1: or shoot us a message on Instagram or Twitter anywhere

1195
01:13:07,240 --> 01:13:10,400
Speaker 1: you want. We would love to hear from you. Yeah,

1196
01:13:10,600 --> 01:13:13,080
Speaker 1: we love it every time. Always. You can reach us

1197
01:13:13,080 --> 01:13:16,000
Speaker 1: at ridic Romance at gmail dot com, writer on Twitter

1198
01:13:16,040 --> 01:13:19,000
Speaker 1: and Instagram. I'm at Dyanamite Boom and I'm at Oh Great,

1199
01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:22,360
Speaker 1: it's Eli and the show is at ridict Romance. We

1200
01:13:22,439 --> 01:13:24,600
Speaker 1: love it. Thank you for tuning in. We're back on

1201
01:13:24,640 --> 01:13:27,559
Speaker 1: our regular schedule now it's going to be great. Uh So,

1202
01:13:27,880 --> 01:13:29,880
Speaker 1: tune in next time and we'll see them. Love you

1203
01:13:29,960 --> 01:13:34,000
Speaker 1: by so long. Friends, It's time to go. Thanks so

1204
01:13:34,280 --> 01:13:38,400
Speaker 1: listening to our show. Tell your friend's names, Uncle Sandance

1205
01:13:38,680 --> 01:13:41,040
Speaker 1: to listen to a show ridiculous roll Nance