Speaker 1: Parks Talk, Parts Talk, Punks Talk, Punks Talk. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: episode four already. Wow? Wow, it really makes you think,
Speaker 1: you know, time passes, the sun rises, the sunsets, We're
Speaker 1: all just humans on this rock. Kinachs insignificant. You start
Speaker 1: a podcast episode one, and then all of a sudden
Speaker 1: it's episode four, you know, And and pretty soon I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna be in the ground, and my hair is
Speaker 1: gonna be real long, and bugs are gonna be eating
Speaker 1: my fingernails, And it just really makes you think, Okay,
Speaker 1: should we start now? Oh, you've been recording the whole time. Hello, viewers,
Speaker 1: this is Parts Talk with me, Doctor Nancy Pitts O B.
Speaker 1: G Y N and Classic Belaware Lady. How's my week been? Well?
Speaker 1: My husband Patrick got an air friar, so you tell
Speaker 1: me now. He's there frying everything. I mean, I had
Speaker 1: fried miso soup the other day. You want their soup
Speaker 1: to be crunchy? Okay, that's just tofu this man. I
Speaker 1: gotta give him poised to entertain himself like the air friar,
Speaker 1: otherwise he'll be barking up my tree for you know what.
Speaker 1: Qu A l I T y Tim Quality Time The
Speaker 1: other day He was asking me to go on a
Speaker 1: nature walk with him, and I says, Patrick, why don't
Speaker 1: you just jack off into the toilet like the other
Speaker 1: husband's okay, we're better get get drunk and sleep on
Speaker 1: the lazy boys like a real man. All the men
Speaker 1: in my family fell asleep in chairs. It's just what
Speaker 1: you do. It's not his faulty as board. He's my
Speaker 1: ass husband, or as I guess they call him now,
Speaker 1: a himbo. But he wasn't always an unemployed you know,
Speaker 1: you sto own an edible soap store, and he went
Speaker 1: on Shark's tank. Thought he was going to be a millionaire,
Speaker 1: but then he ended up boofing all all over Laura
Speaker 1: grand Year or whatever her name is. Does biff mean Barford?
Speaker 1: Doesn't mean fart? Why are you barkst on her? So
Speaker 1: since then I've retired my husband because I said, just
Speaker 1: do what he liked to do at home. He's been
Speaker 1: really needi lately, so I took him to breakfast over
Speaker 1: the weekend, which brings me do Biden spotty? Does anyone
Speaker 1: know if the Biden granddaughters waitress at Perkins? I thought
Speaker 1: I saw one of them there. You know, they're beautiful girls,
Speaker 1: the granddaughters beautiful saw them at the inauguration. They look
Speaker 1: like an ad for the King of Prussia. Mall. I mean,
Speaker 1: I was impressed they got James Ens. Let me tell
Speaker 1: you bike. You know, we had to leave the Perkins
Speaker 1: before it could get and good look at the waitress
Speaker 1: because Patrick brought our dog Amtrack and Amtrak was barking
Speaker 1: like there was a dupot chemical fire. I mean, I
Speaker 1: swear to God, it's our fault. It's our fault. We
Speaker 1: got Amtrak from the same breeder that the Bidens got
Speaker 1: their last dog. You remember Major, Yeah, the one that
Speaker 1: was a threat to national security. This dog tried to
Speaker 1: take the old guy out and now jos All went
Speaker 1: around like he slipped in the shower. It's not good
Speaker 1: for the country the dog Major. And I can say
Speaker 1: this because I'm an abgyn. The dog was undercooked. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's what you get for going to a breeder. The
Speaker 1: DNA is too close together. Maybe we should just do
Speaker 1: to Amtrak what the White House did a Major. I mean,
Speaker 1: they sent Major to a farm. And you can't see
Speaker 1: on the podcast, but I'm doing air quotes when I
Speaker 1: talk about send them to a farm, and good Witance.
Speaker 1: You know, I hope they killed him. I really do. Anyway,
Speaker 1: talking about my husband, and I guess my dog brings
Speaker 1: us to the real meat and potatoes of the episode.
Speaker 1: Today's topic is bobbing years six. Unfortunately, old people have
Speaker 1: sex too. And when my mom went into her assistant
Speaker 1: living facility, I mean the clap spread like wildfire crotch,
Speaker 1: so much clap. I thought when am I at a
Speaker 1: production of Hamilton and I wish I was because I
Speaker 1: saw a tour of Hamilton and Philly a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago, and my best girlfriend, her name's also Nancy.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it was amazing. They got George Washington,
Speaker 1: Thomas Jefferson, they're all rapping. I mean they never would
Speaker 1: have done that. They didn't even have rap back then.
Speaker 1: It is so creative. And the other thing is all
Speaker 1: these Founding Fathers. They're black in the musical. I guess what,
Speaker 1: guys in real life they were actually white. It really
Speaker 1: makes you think, It really makes you think. And also
Speaker 1: the songs are real good. Anyway, speaking of my mother
Speaker 1: having sex, I go visit her on Mother's Day and
Speaker 1: I'm giving out penicillin like greeting cards. Okay, this woman
Speaker 1: She says to me, this woman, this woman, and I'm
Speaker 1: talking about the woman who brought me into this world,
Speaker 1: my dear mother. She tells me, oh, Nancy, guess what,
Speaker 1: I got a boyfriend. And she keeps telling me her
Speaker 1: boyfriend is her first love, which is write to my pop. Okay,
Speaker 1: she said to me the other day, she says, your
Speaker 1: father never could satisfy me like I care. My dad
Speaker 1: paid for my college and he scared the shit out
Speaker 1: of all of my boyfriends. As far as I'm concerned,
Speaker 1: he did his duty. His husband, Well, what are you
Speaker 1: gonna do? She's eighty and she's hornier than my Marcus
Speaker 1: when he goes to his sister volleyball games. Relax, he's
Speaker 1: staring at her friends, not his sister, although you know
Speaker 1: I wouldn't put it past him. She's got a body
Speaker 1: on her. And I can say that because she's my daughter.
Speaker 1: And Aaron, if you're listening, enjoy a while, alass, because
Speaker 1: he got my same hair, of my same pitts, and
Speaker 1: I know where that shit goes south. All that's to say,
Speaker 1: my horny mother really inspired today's episode, which brings us
Speaker 1: to our first segment, Tips for old people who want
Speaker 1: to have sex, even though when we think about it
Speaker 1: it makes us want to spew. Sex is always weird,
Speaker 1: but exactly how weird it is changes as we get older.
Speaker 1: You get older, your joints are stiff, you can't move
Speaker 1: like he used to. The penis is less out than
Speaker 1: paying a little more wet noodle, and of course in
Speaker 1: menopause there's all sorts of dryness that occurs. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: only forty two, but God took away my period as
Speaker 1: a reward for bringing so many of his children into
Speaker 1: the world, and as a result, I've got the early pause.
Speaker 1: And let me tell you, I love it. I'm boiling
Speaker 1: hot about once an hour, but I am about tampons
Speaker 1: about four years. So let's go through some of our
Speaker 1: top tips for the elderly who want to get it on.
Speaker 1: Tip number one, poys are your friends as you get older,
Speaker 1: your dexterity lessons. You know how it's taking you a
Speaker 1: little extra time to button that button, Well, you don't
Speaker 1: want that to mean you can't press her button. See
Speaker 1: next Chris miss or Easter. Ask your grandkids to buy
Speaker 1: you a vibrator and yeah, it also works as a
Speaker 1: back passager. Tip number two, lots of things are sex.
Speaker 1: Sex doesn't mean in outcome. Sex can be cuddling, watching porn,
Speaker 1: edging side by side, diddle aka mutual masturbation, or maybe
Speaker 1: you just buck parts until one of youse gets tired.
Speaker 1: The point is, don't think of sex as a failure
Speaker 1: if it's not what we traditionally think of as sex. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you want to know what My idea of an orgasm
Speaker 1: is a cleanhouse and I get in a solid couple
Speaker 1: of episodes of yellow Stones before I pass out. Best
Speaker 1: case scenario, no one touches me. Tip number three bring reinforcements.
Speaker 1: The mind baby willing, but the body she's got some
Speaker 1: catching up to do. That's where science comes in. Last Christmas,
Speaker 1: I went to Kinkos and had a hundred copies of
Speaker 1: Viagra prescriptions made, and I'm just passing those out of
Speaker 1: the retirement home like Candy and lou Blue Blue. Step
Speaker 1: number five talk about sex. Whether you've got a hot
Speaker 1: nursing home boy boy hook up, or it's your huband
Speaker 1: the fifty years, The hottest sex is communicative sex. And
Speaker 1: it might go a little something like this, stimulate my PRUSHTYEP,
Speaker 1: you're what my BRUSHTYEP, you're a right by prusty girl
Speaker 1: up state. No finger in the butt. Okay, I'm growing
Speaker 1: like that. Oh okay, Miracle alert, miracle alert. This is
Speaker 1: very important medical information for the public. The older you are,
Speaker 1: the more difficult conception is. However, miracles do happen and
Speaker 1: they are gross. Don't let this be you. I had
Speaker 1: a fifty eight year old comment my unit pregnant, and
Speaker 1: I've got sweats to say this, but the baby came
Speaker 1: out old. Okay, Benjamin Button style. But only difference is
Speaker 1: I don't think this one's coming out looking like Brad
Speaker 1: Pitt in forty years. I think that they're gonna look
Speaker 1: more like those dance and raisins you know that come
Speaker 1: on before the movie plays, even though I think those
Speaker 1: raisins are racist. Now, okay, okay, let's get into some questions.
Speaker 1: I'm really excited about this Q and A about sex
Speaker 1: and any age because we got a lot of questions
Speaker 1: because I guess old people aren't afraid to write letters.
Speaker 1: Pulled on one second, Oh God, he's calling me. It's
Speaker 1: just Patrick. Okay, I'll call him later. Say. Our first
Speaker 1: question comes from Hoho kessin haughty? Who kessin haughty? Says
Speaker 1: I'm danged the man in his seventies and want to
Speaker 1: know will I be charged with murder if I fuck
Speaker 1: my partner to death? I need an answer very quickly.
Speaker 1: Please help me. Okay, well, then cassin hatty if you
Speaker 1: want my honest opinion, there's a lot worse ways to go.
Speaker 1: Might as well go out having a good time. Also,
Speaker 1: it sounds like you do need to call him nine
Speaker 1: one one right now, so you know, stop listening to
Speaker 1: the podcast and go do that question number two ski Boomer.
Speaker 1: Ski Boomer says, I was ski in the Pocono Poconess. Nice,
Speaker 1: I was ski in a few weeks ago, and I
Speaker 1: hurt myself real bad. Do you recommend any fun sex
Speaker 1: positions for someone with a bad back and a bad
Speaker 1: knee and a new hip and a bad shoulder. And
Speaker 1: also I get busy when I stand up too fast?
Speaker 1: Do I have any fun sex positions for you? No?
Speaker 1: Take a hint. God doesn't want you to. You know.
Speaker 1: I had knee surgery a few years ago and went
Speaker 1: on bedrust for six weeks. Patrick, God bless him. He
Speaker 1: tries to get on top of me as delicately as possible,
Speaker 1: but it just made it worse. I made him sit
Speaker 1: on the floor while I diddled myself. Think about John
Speaker 1: Legend finishing about forty eight seconds. Oh, speak at the devil. Okay,
Speaker 1: he's calling me again. Ignore stop calling me. I am
Speaker 1: at work, all right. This next question, Anomalous says, what
Speaker 1: should I do if I accidentally mix up my VIAGRAA
Speaker 1: with my morning vitamins and I have to go to
Speaker 1: work with a Rocky Balboa in my pants. This is
Speaker 1: funny that they asked this because this actually happens to
Speaker 1: my Patrick all the time, and I usually tell him
Speaker 1: to stop at the Duncans. You know, get a couple
Speaker 1: of boxes of donuts, your sprinkle classics, your jelly fills,
Speaker 1: your corollers, maybe a seasonal one, and then carried around
Speaker 1: the office all day, you know, pretending like you're doing
Speaker 1: something nice and giving out free donuts, but really like
Speaker 1: the box is kind of covering your pecker, if you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Plus, people are much more forgiving
Speaker 1: of an accidental bone or when they got a mouthful
Speaker 1: of cruller. Jesus's text to me, are you at work? No,
Speaker 1: I'm getting my asshole bleached. I'm always at work. Okay.
Speaker 1: Next question, Anonymous says, I can't find my penis. Where
Speaker 1: did it go? Oh God? This happens to Patrick Doo
Speaker 1: And it's actually a very real condition called buried penis,
Speaker 1: And don't worry. It's super uncommon. It just means he
Speaker 1: got a lot of foreskin or a lot of ball sack.
Speaker 1: What try rolling it down sort of like a popsicle,
Speaker 1: you know, the wrapper, and just dig around in there.
Speaker 1: Don't worry, your penis don't disappear. Okay, We've got another
Speaker 1: question from anonymous and I'm missending in a lot of questions,
Speaker 1: says my partner only wants to have sex if we
Speaker 1: turn on an episode of yellow Stones at full volume
Speaker 1: while we're doing it. Is this normal? Okay? You know
Speaker 1: what these questions are all from? Patrick? What the heck
Speaker 1: is he doing? Let me give him a call. Patrick.
Speaker 1: You know, if I had known that, it would have
Speaker 1: taken me twenty questions. I'm playing twenty questions with these
Speaker 1: over here on the phone. Patrick, I pulled us. I
Speaker 1: was at work and I'm recording my radio show podcast Nance.
Speaker 1: I know the day to day, Okay, I'm putting together
Speaker 1: your schedule. I'm looking at Google Cow. I'm basically your
Speaker 1: assistant at this point, I just come home. Okay, Nance,
Speaker 1: I'm missus Patrick. I am looking at the cow right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what's it's down the cow? What's it's and the cow?
Speaker 1: NaN's take a close d do a close read to
Speaker 1: the cow. Okay, And that's gonna be a mea culpo
Speaker 1: on Nance's part because I am seeing that it's our anniversary.
Speaker 1: It's our anniversary. I feel so bad at our anniversary.
Speaker 1: And that's why you've been paxt then that's why I've
Speaker 1: been texting. I'm not trying to make you feel any
Speaker 1: type of way, but I just but but I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: this is the big this is the ghost tour anniversary.
Speaker 1: This is the first date was the ghost tour and
Speaker 1: Bethany Beach. Oh my god, now you're taking me back. Okay, folks.
Speaker 1: So Patrick and I, as you know, we met at
Speaker 1: ud that's University at the Delaware and uh yeah, on
Speaker 1: our first date, he took me on a ghost tour
Speaker 1: of Bethany Beach. But um, because Bethany Beach is actually
Speaker 1: such a Christian town, it was a pretty boring ghost
Speaker 1: tour is a boring ghost tour, and they said everyone's
Speaker 1: gone to heaven. You're not going to see the ghosts
Speaker 1: here because you know they don't believe in the purgatory
Speaker 1: or some such. We go, you know, we Christian ghost tour, Okay,
Speaker 1: And I'm really excited because I'm thinking, Oh, I'm with
Speaker 1: this guy, Patrick, my husband currently. Back then, when we
Speaker 1: you know, we were we were young, and uh, you know, Patrick,
Speaker 1: I hope I'm not speaking out of school. You do
Speaker 1: with a little different back then, Yeah, I had I had,
Speaker 1: I had the gutters. Yeah, and I had a I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean Trice tricep And I remember telling my mom
Speaker 1: about shoes and being like, I met this guy. I
Speaker 1: think he's the one. He's got gutters. Then I had
Speaker 1: midlife scoliosis spine kind of you knows say that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was terrible. And he had a herniated disk and
Speaker 1: he was on bed rest for six months. I had
Speaker 1: to hire a nanny for him. And this is the thing.
Speaker 1: Nance can do nothing to help me. Nancy's like, I'm
Speaker 1: I don't I don't go down there. I'm on the
Speaker 1: other side of the body. You know, it's not I
Speaker 1: don't do the back stuff. I don't do the back
Speaker 1: stuff at all. And always asking me to do the back,
Speaker 1: and you tell me that you look to look from
Speaker 1: the front. I like to do it from the front.
Speaker 1: I think if you're married, you should do it from
Speaker 1: the front. Nancy, you didn't even put me in the
Speaker 1: damn stirrups. All I wanted was like one little ride
Speaker 1: on the stirrups. He wouldn't even do that for me,
Speaker 1: you know, I you know this is actually I'm getting
Speaker 1: upset because I'm reminiscent a little too hard, and it's
Speaker 1: just a lot of it's just a lot of moments
Speaker 1: where you weren't there for me, Nance and I'm older.
Speaker 1: You're cooking. I'm cooking meals for you with the air
Speaker 1: fryer every day. Patrick. How many times I have to
Speaker 1: tell you this, Okay, I'm there for you financially. Here's
Speaker 1: paying for that air friar? Okay, Who's panned for Marcus's
Speaker 1: hockey go equipment? Who's paying for Aaron's uggs? Okay? Nancy
Speaker 1: is so yeah, your role is the air friar. Your
Speaker 1: role is taking care of the dogs. You kind of
Speaker 1: make the house a home while I'm out, you know,
Speaker 1: bringing babies into the world and a pan or mortgage.
Speaker 1: That's it. That's tale. Is all this time. Patrick, Okay,
Speaker 1: I understand, I understand and listen. I don't have no
Speaker 1: qualms about the gender roles being what they are. I
Speaker 1: knowed you then you're very well Patrick. I always say
Speaker 1: that about you. I always send it to the nurses
Speaker 1: on my unit. I say, you know, say what you
Speaker 1: want a boy, my husband, Patrick piece extremely wet well
Speaker 1: pray twenty twelve. We'll say you would even say worked
Speaker 1: because I because I you know, my You've I've undiagnosed
Speaker 1: what's it called? What's it called when you can't sleep?
Speaker 1: I'm not the medical expert. You this is what it's
Speaker 1: called insomnia? Well, I don't know. I don't know the
Speaker 1: word because I'm awake every freaking hour. Every waking hour
Speaker 1: for me is twenty four I've got I'm awake the
Speaker 1: whole time. No, so you're kind of a zombie. I'm zombie. Fine. Also,
Speaker 1: all I'm gonna say is, ever since you started to
Speaker 1: listen to a stair Perell girl, you're going, oh, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm the financial You know, you and I are financial partners.
Speaker 1: We're financial soul maids. I bankroll all your stuff at home.
Speaker 1: As long as you looks at the Google Californy, and
Speaker 1: I go, I don't want that nance. I want you
Speaker 1: to look at my potential and grown hairs. I'm shaving
Speaker 1: with a single razor with a single blade down there,
Speaker 1: and you won't even look at my damns grow. Oh. Patrick,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I really am sorry. And I know and
Speaker 1: I know everything you do for me, and I do
Speaker 1: notice your ingram heres. I just don't want to say
Speaker 1: nothing about it because I don't want to embarrass you.
Speaker 1: But I do notice. And I love it when I
Speaker 1: get my aired Peeban jay in the morning and it's
Speaker 1: it's in the fridge with my Chinese chicken salad. I
Speaker 1: love them. You do that, I really do. Do you
Speaker 1: like it when I air fried the lettuce? I like
Speaker 1: it when you air fried the lettuce. I like it
Speaker 1: when you air fried soup. I like it. What was
Speaker 1: that thing you meet the other day? It was like
Speaker 1: a vegan corn dog began corn dog with this sloppy
Speaker 1: joe filling. It wasn't a weener. Well, Patrick, I don't
Speaker 1: want to air out our dirty laundry on my radio
Speaker 1: podcast show, but um, I guess it's too late. Uh.
Speaker 1: I'll just be honest with you, you know, the successive parts.
Speaker 1: Dog's really gone to my head, and I'm kind of
Speaker 1: looking in the mirror and I'm seeing myself differently, and
Speaker 1: I'm walking a little taller, and you know, maybe it's
Speaker 1: a classic case if I forgot the people who brought
Speaker 1: me here. Yeah, and I don't want you to think
Speaker 1: that your husband of nineteen years is one of the
Speaker 1: little people. Okay, and look, what's the topic this episode?
Speaker 1: Old people? The topic is elderly sex. Old people just
Speaker 1: say old people. Okay, Well, I'm trying to make it
Speaker 1: pec but uh, you know, yeah, I mean it's old
Speaker 1: people slapping parts. But I don't really want to think
Speaker 1: about that with us, you know, like, yeah, you had
Speaker 1: your scolios, this whole thing, and you know, I tore
Speaker 1: a lot with Marcus and so that was a whole journey,
Speaker 1: you know. But I guess I don't really want to
Speaker 1: think about us having sex from the world or really
Speaker 1: us having sex now, to be honest, I don't say
Speaker 1: that nance you and I watched and just like that
Speaker 1: together and he said, oh, fifties and you thirty, and
Speaker 1: you're not even there yet. You're not even fifty yet.
Speaker 1: We're both in our late forties. Over her love and life.
Speaker 1: I'm going crazy with the air Friar home, setting up
Speaker 1: the Google cow, putting trumpets in the cases for Marcus
Speaker 1: and Aaron. We're raising two trumpets. What are we doing?
Speaker 1: Raising care trumpet? Okay, this is something that I need
Speaker 1: to talk about. Actually, I'm glad you brought this up. Patrick,
Speaker 1: Marcus starts playing the trumpet at eleven. Okay, that actually
Speaker 1: has a lot of sense. Boy playing trumpet, Boy play trumpet.
Speaker 1: Aaron at sixty, she's a sophomore in high school. She
Speaker 1: starts playing the trumpet. Okay, I part a daughter no
Speaker 1: matter what, but not everything needs to be supported. Nance
Speaker 1: This is the thing. I don't think the podcast changed it.
Speaker 1: I think You've always been this person who's, you know,
Speaker 1: been a little hesitant to be there for people. That's why,
Speaker 1: that's why as you didn't know that this was our
Speaker 1: anniversary today, I kinda think it's almost like burthen Babies.
Speaker 1: Every single day. I feel like I'm there for people
Speaker 1: on the first day, most important day of their life,
Speaker 1: and then after that I kind of get a free pass.
Speaker 1: And I'm realizing, Patrick, baby, that's a big issue for me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and maybe we should get on us there, Parrel's podcast
Speaker 1: and exams that together dance. I think we're doing all
Speaker 1: the work here, no mediator needed. I think we can
Speaker 1: work this out right now on Parts Talk, and I
Speaker 1: think the listeners are really gonna love it. I think
Speaker 1: you're gonna get even more listeners. I'm looking at the
Speaker 1: analytics every week. I'm going, Wow, month over month of
Speaker 1: growth is hockey sticks. Baby, you're looking at the analytics.
Speaker 1: He never tell me you're looking at my radio podcast analytics.
Speaker 1: I read podcast statistics for dommies in one sitting for you, Babe, Patrick,
Speaker 1: you are the wind beneath my wings. I just don't
Speaker 1: even know what you're doing. I mean, you're like, what's
Speaker 1: that thing? Like Jesus in the sand? I only saw
Speaker 1: one set of footprints. Babe, you're cheering me like Jesus
Speaker 1: saw at the beach. And I don't even know. It's
Speaker 1: not my job to tell you. I'm just over here
Speaker 1: saying every day I want to try to recreate something
Speaker 1: with you. That's the same thing as me going, Hey,
Speaker 1: let's drive from Newark down to Bethany Beach. It's only
Speaker 1: two hours because we're not going to because we're leaving
Speaker 1: world early in the morning and it's date number one.
Speaker 1: And we went to a Christian ghost tour that was
Speaker 1: extremely short, fifteen minutes. And the whole time I was spoofing,
Speaker 1: I would get really spooked, so what could chop into
Speaker 1: your arms? But the only time they had was eleven
Speaker 1: Aya and so it was bright daylight out kind of
Speaker 1: like midsommer before they did midsommer, you know, like scary daylight.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't even scary. It was it daylight. And
Speaker 1: then I'll never forget it turned to me at eleven
Speaker 1: fifteen when the ghost tour is over, and you said,
Speaker 1: let's go down to the floor walking get a cone
Speaker 1: from course, can I remember that cone? And you got
Speaker 1: oh cherry dip a cone and I got a chocolate
Speaker 1: dip cone. Do you remember that? I remember that. I
Speaker 1: try to make a cherry joke. But I knew you
Speaker 1: were in school that you wanted to, you know, look
Speaker 1: at vaginas someday, and you know, I thought would be
Speaker 1: in poor taste. Yeah, But then I was eating that
Speaker 1: chocolate dip scone and I meet sure you saw all
Speaker 1: the play down light throat, because I said, this man's
Speaker 1: gotta know the skills that Nancy has. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Patrick reminiscent about Bethany Beach is getting me a kind
Speaker 1: of hot in my seat. Yeah. Yeah. And the funniest
Speaker 1: part is you and I didn't even do nothing until
Speaker 1: the seventh day. Well, no, because I'm a good Catholic girl. No, no, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: and you were going to respect me because I'm no whore. No,
Speaker 1: You're not a whore, I know, no, of course, no. No.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, this podcast is about sexual health, and
Speaker 1: this podcast is a no slut shaming zone. But I'll
Speaker 1: just say to slut shame myself, which I could never
Speaker 1: because I'm no whore. You know you're not. There's no slut.
Speaker 1: I'm not a dirty girl. No, you're not doing any
Speaker 1: sort of auto slut shaming because you know you were
Speaker 1: never a whole Like on the first day. If I
Speaker 1: don't care about you is yeah, I'll sucking fuck anything.
Speaker 1: But when it comes to my husband, Patrick, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: not sleeping with you until the seventh eighth day. You
Speaker 1: got to meet my father first, because you're my husband,
Speaker 1: and I ain't a dirty girl. Now before yous, I
Speaker 1: was this and that and traps and all over town.
Speaker 1: As I know, you were as well, Patrick, because I
Speaker 1: had in my mind a couple of gals that I
Speaker 1: know around the University of the Dolaware campus that I
Speaker 1: knows he's what's fooling around with. But guess what a
Speaker 1: man's going to be A man's people don't know about
Speaker 1: my medical peculiarity there? Do they have you told anybody's what? What? What?
Speaker 1: What's wrong? What's what's wrong? Darling hippo, that's not I'm
Speaker 1: I'm to disclose. I'm gonna say it disclosed, babe, disclose
Speaker 1: tell the people might asked deference a shot. I'm over
Speaker 1: here horny is hell every day waiting for my wife
Speaker 1: to come home. I'm horny, but I got nothing off. Okay.
Speaker 1: It's like when someone you know, making working class weightes
Speaker 1: want to be philanthropist, you know, don't really work out.
Speaker 1: But you're talking about your brother, talking about my brother,
Speaker 1: and I'm talking about my dick. Yeah, anytime I climax,
Speaker 1: nothing comes out. It's what us in the medical community
Speaker 1: call a ghost nut. Yeah, it's a ghost super Patrick
Speaker 1: is Uh. He's as hot for me as a and
Speaker 1: basically all you know, I wear shorts around the house
Speaker 1: and he's at full mast and the kids and the
Speaker 1: dogs can see. I mean he doesn't care. No, there's
Speaker 1: no there's no like hazard or anything. No. I mean
Speaker 1: every time I hear the dog's bark and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: Patrick's walking around a full mast again. I know, I know,
Speaker 1: you know, and you know not to get too graphic.
Speaker 1: But we hop and we pump, you know, once a
Speaker 1: month because we're married, and I made a vow, and
Speaker 1: we hop and we pump, and it gets to that
Speaker 1: magic moment and pumping. There's no final moment. Okay, you
Speaker 1: start to realize that the water fountain is out of order.
Speaker 1: Instead of an old faithful you're kind of getting just
Speaker 1: like a balloon that pomps. What's it feel like, Patrick,
Speaker 1: Because it looks like it's that feels good. I do
Speaker 1: feel the cartilage sort of move in a little bit.
Speaker 1: Oh the blood's flowing, for sure. Yeah, it feels nice.
Speaker 1: But there's nothing, um, there's nothing coming out. And you know,
Speaker 1: it works out for us because there's no cleanup. There's
Speaker 1: no cleanup. And you know what I say, when this
Speaker 1: little problem came up, thank god, we had our two children,
Speaker 1: oh my god, before this came up, and our little
Speaker 1: miracles because imagine no and my vast deference not being functional.
Speaker 1: No more is I think God giving me a gift.
Speaker 1: It's a blessing because I bless the world with Sorry
Speaker 1: Marcus Merit Hey, good God. Marcus and Aaron are two
Speaker 1: beautiful children, and the world needs two more trumpet plays.
Speaker 1: Are two little trumpet leaders. God, he know. I just
Speaker 1: s think about Marcus, her son at Powis sheets, at
Speaker 1: everything in this room, and honestly the base with absolutely
Speaker 1: covered in cold. Then Eric got she's had a bristed
Speaker 1: she was seven years old, because she's her mother's door.
Speaker 1: Then I just look at her and I think die.
Speaker 1: And my daughter is that they might cost me. I
Speaker 1: just want you then, fine, blood the wrist, that's the
Speaker 1: one hive you. I am so happy he need. I
Speaker 1: want to die in your arms. I want to die.
Speaker 1: I want to I want someone to kill you while
Speaker 1: I'm bolding you. I didn't remember the last taking the
Speaker 1: note fock patch. That's how I want to go. Listen. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: not on our anniversary. We can't do this, baby. I've
Speaker 1: turned it over for a new week. I'm gonna renew
Speaker 1: my vows right now. Let's renew our vows. Right now
Speaker 1: on the podcast house on parts Talk Okay, over the fat.
Speaker 1: It's exactly how we should be doing it, exactly. I'll go.
Speaker 1: I'll go first. Thank you, okay, I pinky promise too,
Speaker 1: never complain about the podcast growth, especially since I'm the
Speaker 1: one basically behind the scenes. Check in the megaphone dot
Speaker 1: fm site looking at the numbers every day. Don't my god,
Speaker 1: look at the Look at the line on this raft.
Speaker 1: It looks like a damn hockey stick. It's going up, up, up,
Speaker 1: with a sharp upward turn. I promise to give you
Speaker 1: the space to succeed in this, in this space, in
Speaker 1: the digital podcast space. I promise to air Frau, a
Speaker 1: PB and J a Chinese chicken salad every morning waiting
Speaker 1: for you in the fridge. I promise to make sure
Speaker 1: Marcus don't have no ghost now when he grows up,
Speaker 1: and that Aaron keeps her huge, huge breasts proportional to
Speaker 1: her body size and wait for the rest of her life.
Speaker 1: She needs to get a reductionable support her that's what
Speaker 1: she wants, if that's what she wants. But Patrick, that
Speaker 1: was so beautiful. Thank you Nan. Those were the most
Speaker 1: beautiful vows. Those were more beautiful than the vows that
Speaker 1: even did it our wedding day, and honestly don't really
Speaker 1: remember them because I was hammered. That was I, but
Speaker 1: not as beautiful as the way you looked at the
Speaker 1: Christian ghosts. Okay, let me think I were so beautiful
Speaker 1: that day? Was that beautiful you were? You were ravishing
Speaker 1: and beautiful. I'm gonna cry cry nice, I'm not. I
Speaker 1: got it. I'm good. I'm good. I can't beat my Browns. Patrick,
Speaker 1: to you, my hubband, my house huband of nineteen years,
Speaker 1: Patrick Pitts. By the way, baby, thanks for taking my
Speaker 1: last name. I found to be more emotionally vulnerable and
Speaker 1: emotionally available, if not physically available, to you. To not
Speaker 1: let the massive success on my podcast parts talk, to
Speaker 1: go to my head and to remember my roots, my foundation,
Speaker 1: my core as OBGYN mother and wife and dog mom.
Speaker 1: And also I make the best sangria on our block.
Speaker 1: You do you put Parson everyone's too afraid to put Parson.
Speaker 1: I vow dull apples. Sorry, I vow to jack you
Speaker 1: off at least once a week, penetration once a month
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life, until your boner does
Speaker 1: whatever it does. I don't know if the viewers really
Speaker 1: got this from the ghost nut part when we talked
Speaker 1: about that. But there is a release. The boner is there,
Speaker 1: and then the boner is gone. There is just no nut.
Speaker 1: There's just no nut. And the reason it's called a
Speaker 1: ghost nut is partially I think I'm getting the etymology
Speaker 1: right is that it is possessed. Oh, I think, I
Speaker 1: do think. I think that the theory is all the
Speaker 1: medical professionals and my wife notwithstanding, say that I have
Speaker 1: a ghost living in my penile connection. And my final
Speaker 1: vow to you, Patrick Pitts is that I will forever
Speaker 1: take a ghost tour of your ghost haunted penis for
Speaker 1: the rest of my life and never look at another man,
Speaker 1: whether he be Joe Biden or anybody in the Biden
Speaker 1: family who I secretly find extremely attractive, no matter the gender.
Speaker 1: Speaking of Joe, I got something waiting on the sons
Speaker 1: for you. You want me to play it? Give me
Speaker 1: a little sneak peek, babe, Alexa, play our special song
Speaker 1: of your baby. Um Baby, I'm coming here right now.
Speaker 1: He's better be wet now, baby baby, I'm about to
Speaker 1: slip off this dang podcasting chair. I'm gonna go right now.
Speaker 1: Well fits. This has been Patrick Pitts, my Bolts schooldiosist,
Speaker 1: thought of a husband, father of my two kids. God,
Speaker 1: I love him. I'm gonna go home and write him
Speaker 1: until his dick falls off. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: listening to Parks Podcast.