1 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 1: So you have to have good banter by text, not 2 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,000 Speaker 1: too much. You don't want to keep going and going 3 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,079 Speaker 1: and droning on, but you want to hook them in 4 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 1: by saying, you know, by being authentically yourself, and by 5 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:24,079 Speaker 1: being a little shocking and a little disruptive in a 6 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,599 Speaker 1: way that is engaging, not in a way that makes 7 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,840 Speaker 1: you like a psychopath. But when you're not getting exactly 8 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:34,839 Speaker 1: what you want, meaning the normal version of interest, then 9 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:38,560 Speaker 1: you just shut down. You are closed, you have dissolved, 10 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 1: you have evaporated, And in most cases, if you hook 11 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:45,559 Speaker 1: them in the beginning, they'll come and be disengaged, and 12 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: what you'll say is either a yeah, I'm a serious person, 13 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: so I lose interest pretty quickly. So if someone's not 14 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 1: engaged with clear intentions and accountability, I lose interest because 15 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: that's confident. That's walking away from the business sale. It's 16 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: not like weed, you didn't call me, you didn't text 17 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: me and give all these dumb, dumb rules. It's being 18 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 1: the confident, grown ass woman that you are that basically 19 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:11,039 Speaker 1: says things like something that I've said, I've said this sentence, 20 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: I've said yeah, without clear intention and pursuit. I lose 21 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 1: interest I've said that sentence and people have literally chewed 22 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 1: up their own food, spit it out, chewed up my 23 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 1: food and eaten it out of my hand. Like, basically, 24 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,640 Speaker 1: you don't accept less than what you deserve. You don't 25 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:32,760 Speaker 1: date down, you don't take scraps, you don't date boys, 26 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,680 Speaker 1: and you don't date charming. You have self respect, and 27 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,120 Speaker 1: you don't accept less than what you deserve. Clear communication 28 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,479 Speaker 1: means no games. You're not on your first date one 29 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 1: drink and saying I want to get married, I want 30 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,880 Speaker 1: to have kids, because that's ridiculous anyway, who is this guy? 31 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 1: You don't know, You don't know that you want that. 32 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: Don't be desperate you're interviewing him. We all are sitting 33 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 1: at these women like, oh my god, he's texting me yippie. 34 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: What are you a dog waiting for a treat? No, 35 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 1: you decide, you're body of your choice. Another big fatal flaw, 36 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 1: women and judging each date, going low, getting miserable, eating 37 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: ice cream, going home, self loathing because the date didn't 38 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: go well. A he didn't call, Okay, great, he didn't call. 39 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 1: He doesn't like you. Who cares? It's the only person 40 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,200 Speaker 1: in your life. You're only gonna meet. You're at a 41 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 1: restaurant and there's one dish on the whole fucking menu. 42 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: That's all you could eat the rest of your life 43 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 1: is this one angel hair Arabiata. No who cares good? 44 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 1: You don't know what's going on with them. Maybe it 45 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 1: doesn't like you. Maybe he thinks you're annoying, Maybe he's 46 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 1: going through a breakup. Maybe he's a mama's boy. You 47 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 1: have no idea. So also getting home and like feeling 48 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,079 Speaker 1: depressed because you've gone so many bad dates. You know 49 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: what those dates are for? Those dates are when you 50 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,919 Speaker 1: go walking on an apartment tour to go look at homes, 51 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:42,639 Speaker 1: which is exhausting, dehydrating and a pain in the ass. 52 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 1: But you know what looking for a home does for you, 53 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,639 Speaker 1: shows you what you do want and don't want. It's 54 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:51,079 Speaker 1: a real estate search. So you decide different than everybody else. 55 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: You need high ceilings and you need brightness, but you 56 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 1: don't require a bathtub. You need to be in a 57 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: good location and a gym in your building, but you 58 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 1: don't require amazing wood floors. Whatever your thing is, so 59 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,079 Speaker 1: you walk away from each of these guys. You always 60 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: be a class actor. You always be nice you always 61 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:13,840 Speaker 1: respond you don't ghost anybody. You're always wonderful to be around. 62 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 1: Why Because let's say there are putts, a moron, a loser, 63 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 1: they're not attractive. But they did one thing right. You 64 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 1: liked that they ordered for you. You like that they 65 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 1: opened the car door for you. That becomes something that 66 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: goes on your list of things that you're going to 67 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 1: want and that you now find out are possible because 68 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: your ex didn't do any of that, and that's why 69 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 1: you're in this situation. Your ex was not chivalrous. He 70 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 1: was selfish. He lets you walk through a parking lot 71 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: alone and didn't think about the fact that you needed 72 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 1: to be there. He'd let you walk on the street 73 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: side of the sidewalk where you could get splashed or 74 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 1: you know, something could happen with dust in the street. 75 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: This guy, this dork that you don't like, did the opposite. Okay, 76 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: that's one thing that you now know why you broke 77 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 1: up with your ex. So you take that as institutional 78 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 1: knowledge and you find the dream apartment for you, or 79 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: an apartment with things that have many things that you like, 80 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,800 Speaker 1: but some things you can settle for. Also, that guy, 81 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:11,240 Speaker 1: that dork that you don't like. You're gonna be nice 82 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: to him. Maybe he likes you more than you like him. 83 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 1: You're gonna say he was very handsome, you had a 84 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 1: wonderful time, Thank you so much. When he tries to 85 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,840 Speaker 1: reach out, you know what, I think you're really wonderful. 86 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,920 Speaker 1: I'm in a weird place right now. I'm not sure 87 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: that this is right, but you know what, I have 88 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,360 Speaker 1: so many I have many girls, and because I think 89 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,080 Speaker 1: you were so lovely to me and you did this, 90 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,559 Speaker 1: that and the other thing. Right when I think of someone, 91 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,279 Speaker 1: I'm gonna call you. Or maybe that guy works somewhere 92 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,280 Speaker 1: where one of your friends might want a job. Maybe 93 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 1: that guy has other friends that you might want to 94 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,159 Speaker 1: go out with. Maybe that guy has a great social 95 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,039 Speaker 1: schedule and you might end up at a party with him. 96 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:46,360 Speaker 1: Don't be small picture, don't play checkers. Dating is getting 97 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:51,440 Speaker 1: institutional knowledge. It's crowdsourcing information only dumb, dumb, basic bitches 98 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,839 Speaker 1: take it on face value and start just criticizing the guy. 99 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:58,039 Speaker 1: Oh he wore ugly shoes, he did this, that's for 100 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 1: basic bitches. You're not basic. You are the prize and 101 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 1: you're going to figure it out along the way. So 102 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:05,800 Speaker 1: everything is an opportunity for you to grow in this 103 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 1: dating experience and don't date boys, date men. A twenty 104 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: five year old person can be a man, and a 105 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 1: seventy five year old man can be a boy. You 106 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 1: date men, not boys. You send them all right through 107 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:34,599 Speaker 1: the strainer, and if it's giving, boy, it's giving by 108 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:43,279 Speaker 1: Relationships can become your identity. Why you're young, You went 109 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,359 Speaker 1: pre wed. You wanted to be taken care of. You 110 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 1: thought that that's something that would be the envy of millions. 111 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,840 Speaker 1: All your friends would love it. Everybody's going to your wedding, 112 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:53,359 Speaker 1: it's your time, et cetera. But you are entrepreneurial. But 113 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 1: somehow you feel like it's going to satisfy you enough 114 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,840 Speaker 1: to be in this relationship, because this is going to 115 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,600 Speaker 1: be your identity. You're going to live in a cul 116 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 1: de sac, You're gonna meet a bunch of friends. You 117 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,799 Speaker 1: might play tennis, you might have a cute little job. 118 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,600 Speaker 1: You're gonna do the costumes for the school play. And 119 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 1: this is going to be satisfying. And then you're gonna 120 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,480 Speaker 1: be forty five, and then you're gonna be drinking rose 121 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 1: with your friends, buy the washing machine, gossiping. Maybe at 122 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 1: book club, and you're gonna be like, what the fuck 123 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 1: am I doing? He's doing what he's doing, And now 124 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,280 Speaker 1: I have no purpose and I don't have a job, 125 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,640 Speaker 1: and I don't feel like I really went and did it. 126 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 1: And I see people like Bethany Frankel who maybe haven't 127 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: been successful in relationships, but she really fucking went and 128 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: grabbed the bag. She was on the cover of Forbes magazine. 129 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 1: She can do whatever she wants, buy whatever she wants, 130 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 1: go wherever she wants, a date whoever she wants. And 131 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 1: I'm sitting over here by my washing machine. So what 132 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,919 Speaker 1: you're gonna do is do both. You're gonna work and 133 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 1: keep your identity in work. And if a relationship is 134 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:46,000 Speaker 1: going to debilitate or diminish that you may not be 135 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,960 Speaker 1: in that relationship because you got to secure something on 136 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: your own. If you want to be an entrepreneur, I'm 137 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,479 Speaker 1: not saying you want to be an entrepreneur. I'm not 138 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 1: saying you don't want to be a stay at home mom. 139 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 1: Nothing wrong with that. But for me, had I stayed 140 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: in my very secure relationship in my twenties where I 141 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:02,159 Speaker 1: knew his family would ultimately support me, where I knew 142 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:06,240 Speaker 1: that I would have financial mediocre security from my current standards, 143 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 1: I would have stayed there, and I would have been 144 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 1: itching because it was always in my body and my 145 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:15,080 Speaker 1: gut instinct. If it's itching inside of you but you're 146 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 1: scared because it's not going that great and you're broke, 147 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: the way to solve that is not to jump into 148 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 1: a relationship because that's going to save you. It will 149 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 1: not save you. It will become your identity and you 150 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: will still have that itching part of you, but you'll 151 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 1: be much older and much less marketable. Why you don't 152 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: need a guy in finance trust fun blue eyes. Six ' 153 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 1: five six ' five is categorically too tall. If you 154 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 1: are five to eleven, you probably need a guy that's 155 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: six y two six ' three, and it could be 156 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,200 Speaker 1: six y five. And I'm not discriminating against anybody. Six 157 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 1: y five. Tall guys are great. I think height is wonderful. 158 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: You don't need a guy that's sixty five unless you 159 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: want to be carried out of a fire. That's a 160 00:07:54,120 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 1: good reason. Trust fund means entitled means, don't understand word ethic, 161 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: don't understand the value of a dollar, have been given everything. 162 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,480 Speaker 1: It means boredom. It means they've never had to fight 163 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:10,280 Speaker 1: for something or earn something. They're not self made. It 164 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: means getting really bored and cheating, unrest unsettled, It means 165 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,800 Speaker 1: the Emperor has no clothes. It means feeling less than 166 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,880 Speaker 1: and like you have no drive and purpose and you 167 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: have to fill that void with toys and purchases. And 168 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 1: it means depression. Finance means you run around with a big, 169 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,680 Speaker 1: swinging dick in crisp clothes, your hair slipped back with 170 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: gel and some cologne, that you hang out in bars 171 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 1: at happy hour, that you're expensing to your boss saying 172 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: you have to go out for drinks on Tuesday night 173 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: to go sell to other people. It means you're working 174 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: for someone else. You're not making that much money. You're 175 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: fronting and stunting, and you will have sex with girls 176 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 1: and ghosts them. You do not need that guy and 177 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 1: that girl who created the sound can do better. Do 178 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 1: not date down, Do not accept screw apps. Women are 179 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 1: accepting scraps. The littlest thing that he did he texted 180 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: and it was a hard It wasn't a Sideway's emoji 181 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,720 Speaker 1: winky face. Get your life together. You're not that desperate. 182 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,319 Speaker 1: You'd rather be alone than date down. If you're begging 183 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:20,719 Speaker 1: for scraps and getting excited over morsels and crumbs, be 184 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 1: alone