WEBVTT - Ask HTM - Diagnosable Money Disorders, Rising Home Values vs Wage Growth, & Saving with a 1031 Exchange #682 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.000 Welcome to How to Money. I'm Joel, and I am 0:00:03.360 --> 0:00:05.720 and today we're answering your listener questions. 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:26.400 You you kind of jumped the gun on that one. 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:29.360 I barely had time to swallow my little taste of beer. 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:30.680 There time to get this train roll in my mouth 0:00:30.840 --> 0:00:31.560 was it. 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:34.599 Was still still watering. But this is and ask how 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:37.920 to Money Monday episode for folks out there. We've got 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:41.199 five listener questions lined up for you. A listener is 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:45.440 asking about diagnosable money disorders, whether or not Joel, you 0:00:45.520 --> 0:00:48.360 in particular, whether or not you've been that you discovered that. 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:50.600 This probably sounds really confusing, but we will get to 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:52.440 that one here. In this question itself is a hip 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:53.680 a violation. I just want to know. 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:55.680 I don't think we should be taking you after. 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:57.640 You can sign off and allow us to talk about it. Right, 0:00:57.680 --> 0:00:58.880 it's but it's your right. 0:00:59.400 --> 0:00:59.640 I guess. 0:00:59.840 --> 0:01:00.639 Is that how it works out? 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:01.360 Not to mesually. 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:04.080 But somebody else is wanting to know what he should 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:07.720 be doing with this unsustainable housing market the way prices 0:01:07.720 --> 0:01:10.280 have been going. And another listener is wanting to make 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:12.760 the most of a ten thirty one exchange. What is 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:15.160 that and how does it pertain to real estate. We'll 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:17.679 get to that here in a second, and we'll answer 0:01:17.760 --> 0:01:20.600 to additional questions. Ten thirty one exchange one of those 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:22.560 things not a lot of people know about, but as 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:26.959 a real estate investor, if you're planning on swapping properties, 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:28.760 it can save you a ton of money. We'll discuss that, 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:31.040 along with a lot of other things on this episode. 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:33.200 Right man, But some in laws I'll chatting with them, 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:36.000 and they recently bought a new car. They're rich, so 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:37.520 they've bought. 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:40.679 In this market, a brand new car must be loaded. 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:43.319 No, they are retired and they thought, you know what, 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:46.280 it's time to get us a nice vehicle. That's you've 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.200 never been owned by anybody else in. 0:01:48.120 --> 0:01:49.960 The world, like that could have been my inheritance. 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:54.240 I'm hey, one day we might be driving that car. 0:01:54.280 --> 0:01:55.480 I don't know. We'll see how long you've been on 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:57.960 a car last on the road. But they got a 0:01:57.960 --> 0:02:02.240 brand new Kia Sportage. And dude, that thing is I'll say, 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:05.240 it's pretty stick and sweet. It's like a hybrid kind 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:07.640 of suva, you know, it's like one of those one 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:09.440 of those new types. It's not a hybrid, right, No, 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:11.600 I'm sorry, No, Yes, it's not an actual hybrid. It's 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:12.480 like a crossover. 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:15.480 That's what I meant to say. But they've really enjoyed it. 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:16.840 But what they have in he is are so hot 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:17.720 right now? They are? 0:02:17.880 --> 0:02:18.200 They are? 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:19.440 Yeah, we talk about that with. 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:24.399 The car Dealership guide that tell you right in particular 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:26.600 is I think that was the beginning of Kia just 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:29.000 changing their image, changing their brand. And that's what I 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:31.839 keep telling my in law, specifically my mother in law, 0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:34.399 is I'm curious to see if in ten fifteen years 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.280 from now, if folks are gonna look at Kia's in 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:39.600 the same light the same way that we look at 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:41.080 Honda's and Toyota's. 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:42.639 Yeah, I think they already kind of are. 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:44.160 It seems like they're getting that way. 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:47.400 I remember my brother in law had a Hyundai like 0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:50.480 twenty years ago, and Hyundai's were trash. They were just 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:52.680 like nobody respected them. They were so cheap. They had 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:54.800 these tenyure warranties. They're like, why why would you buy 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:57.560 a Hyundai Instace. You should get yourself a Saturn. That 0:02:57.680 --> 0:02:59.239 was like the only way they could convince people to 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:03.280 buy Hyundai's was this ridiculously incredible warranty and all of 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:05.919 a sudden, like overtime, Hyundai Kia, they both just started 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:08.359 to turn out better and better cars. Game Now, yeah, 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:11.040 they rival with some of the better car manufacturers out there. Yeah, 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:12.880 but that being said, they haven't up their game enough 0:03:13.040 --> 0:03:15.480 to for mind Lust to not have to take that 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:18.160 thing back into the dealership multiple times. 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:21.640 Now. They've had some issues with the electronics. Things aren't 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:24.320 working the way that they're supposed to obviously. But yeah, 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:27.600 So this raises the question, then, is it's a good 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:30.919 idea to avoid the first model year after a car 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:32.519 gets revamped. 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:34.760 Basically that's been a baphorism for a long time. 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:37.320 Something that you hear, and so I actually dug into 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:39.560 the data, dug into the facts, and if you look 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:42.360 at that, it actually shows so JD power They've got 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:45.640 like a vehicle dependability study, and if you look at 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:48.960 the past multiple years, actually the first model year, it 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:52.480 doesn't perform any better or any worse when it comes 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:55.480 to that particular make and model of the vehicle. Why 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:56.760 has that been a thing then for so long? I 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:59.120 wonder I think people just back in the day, I 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:00.960 think it was more of a thing. But cars today 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:04.280 and research kind of points this out. Cars just get 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:07.320 tested so thoroughly. I mean they drive it like above 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:10.560 twelve thousand feet for so many miles, and they take 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:13.120 it to Death Valley and basically they're trying to break 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.760 the car, and there is substantial testing that there truly 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:18.320 shouldn't be anything like that. It doesn't mean that if 0:04:18.320 --> 0:04:21.000 you were to buy a new car that anecdotally there 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:24.120 will be instances where something might go wrong with a vehicle, 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:27.400 but generally speaking, that's not necessarily something you should worry about. 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:30.159 Don't let that be what keeps you from buying a 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:31.480 new vehicle or even when you're. 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:33.640 Buying a used vehicle, like going back to be like, oh, 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:36.159 well this was the model crossover year twenty thirteen. Maybe 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:37.640 I shouldn't go for that, Maybe I should look for 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:39.359 a twenty twelve or twenty fourteen instead. 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:41.120 Well that doesn't really matter. 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:43.400 Really good thing to know. And like you said, you 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:45.160 can look back at stuff like JD Power, or you 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:49.039 can look at consumer reports. Those reliability rankings are far 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:52.359 superior than just kind of the first model year, the 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:55.279 truthy non truth sort of way of thinking, kind of 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:57.839 the gut reaction or the stories that you hear and 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:00.520 actually and you can always especially and you're looking at 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:01.120 use vehicles. 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:03.800 I think it's the National Highway Institute or whatever, but 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:05.200 there's a website where you can go and you can 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:08.240 enter in your VEN number and it'll tell you some 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:11.800 of the different recalls that are outstanding on that particular vehicle. 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:13.279 So we can make sure to link to that in 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:13.800 the show notes. 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.120 Yeah, for this episode. Good resource for sure. Yeah. And 0:05:16.200 --> 0:05:18.039 by the way, it is always helpful to do a 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:20.839 carfax report or to run some sort I think there's 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:22.760 actually a free one too. Maybe I'll find that and 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:24.159 link to that in the show notes as well. I 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:26.120 think there's a free resource where you can kind of 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:29.039 find out the vehicle's history, which is just all that's 0:05:29.279 --> 0:05:31.960 more helpful to know than whether it's the first model 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:34.000 year or not, because I don't know what has happened 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:36.960 to this specific car over its history. And you know, 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:39.960 those are imperfect, but they're still helpful. But Matt, let's 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:42.000 totally mention the beer we're having on this episode. This 0:05:42.040 --> 0:05:46.279 one is called Pyrotechnic Pleasantries. It's by Sour Sellers out 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:50.279 of California, out of Rancho Cucamonga, which is just a fun, 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:53.719 fun city to say that's not a real city. It 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:56.359 truly is that, and I want to visit just so 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:58.680 I can say Rancho Cucamonga while i'm there. 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:00.719 I love it. But yeah, this is a cho kuka 0:06:00.800 --> 0:06:03.640 mundo cua manga manga. Yeah, pardon me. 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:07.040 This is a beer I picked up when I was 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:09.440 in California a couple months ago. And did you you 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:12.320 didn't actually go to sourseller? No? No, Actually, the guy 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:15.600 at the beer store he recommended it, highly recommended it. 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:18.400 So I'm super excited to check this one out today 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:20.799 on the show. But let's get on to listener questions. 0:06:21.160 --> 0:06:23.440 And if you have a question you want to Matt 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:25.279 and I to tackle on an upcoming episode, just go 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:28.080 to howdomoney dot com slash ask. You'll find the simple 0:06:28.080 --> 0:06:30.440 instructions there so you can record a voice memo send 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:32.200 it our way hopefully we can take it in a 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:34.920 couple of weeks on the show. But Matt, let's get 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:37.000 to our first question of this episode. This one is 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:40.640 about whether or not I'm diagnosably insane. 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:44.800 Hey there, this is Keith from the Organ Coast again 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:50.000 and I've got a question for you, Joel about how 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:53.360 your relationship to money might have changed since your wife 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:57.039 has started going to counseling school. My girlfriend is in 0:06:57.120 --> 0:07:00.560 counseling school, and it's sort of brought out a lot 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:07.039 of questions about my relationship to money and insecurities I 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:11.680 have around money, Why that came about, and her diagnosing 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:17.000 me with lots of psychological issues related to money, and yeah, 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:20.280 I'm just curious if you've had the same experience, if 0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:23.240 it's been a net positive for you, let me know 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:23.800 your thoughts. 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:26.120 I think this is the first time we've had a 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:29.600 question directed at a specific host. So Joel, shall you 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:33.160 take this away? My palms are sweating. Actually, I'm just 0:07:33.160 --> 0:07:34.840 going to kick back this one. Let's move on to 0:07:35.920 --> 0:07:37.560 are you feeling a little nervous? Keith? Why did you 0:07:37.600 --> 0:07:38.040 do this to me? 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.920 You're on the hot seat. Yeah, I'm feeling the pressure 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:42.600 a little bit right now. So I'll answer for Joel, 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:45.920 which is always what you want to hear. Yeah, when 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:50.280 someone asks you a question about nature, it hasn't changed 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:52.920 your relationship to money, but it's completely changed your relationship 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:55.160 to your wife. You two aren't saying out to I anymore, 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:55.880 right exactly? 0:07:55.920 --> 0:07:58.800 Yes, No, she hasn't diagnosed me with anything formally, because 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:00.640 I want to allow her because she's not actually a licensed 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:03.640 professional at this point. She's just in school. Okay, No, 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:06.200 I'm kidding, But this is actually a really good question, 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:09.520 and it's it's fascinating that Keith is going through the 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:11.600 same thing I'm going through to a certain extent, and 0:08:11.800 --> 0:08:14.240 it's helpful to hear that I'm not alone, I guess. 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:17.080 And yeah, and she's she's really kind of halfway through 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:20.240 her education and she's learned a lot, and I'm like, 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:23.920 it's honestly, her going to the school to become a 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:26.400 licensed therapist, she's going to become a marriage and family therapist. 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:31.640 Has been really good for our relationship and although not 0:08:31.680 --> 0:08:35.120 always easy, as Keith has figured out, it's definitely opened 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:38.000 up a can of worms at some at different points, 0:08:38.320 --> 0:08:42.240 different fun, interesting conversations and also difficult conversations, but overall 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:44.640 a net positive. And I would say it's been good 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:46.760 for me, it's been good for us. It's been good 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:49.000 for our kids in a lot of ways. To see 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:52.360 her dedication, to see her excel at something that's just 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:55.839 really demanding. So yeah, I don't know. I think it's 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:58.480 also fun to watch because it just very much feels 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:00.840 like she was born to do this, which it's so 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:02.320 fun for me to get to support her in that. 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:03.880 And she's like at the top of her class right 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:07.600 like literally she is maybe completely not only getting a's, 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:10.640 but she's like acing tests. She was sharing that with 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:12.239 Kate and the other night at dinner. 0:09:12.000 --> 0:09:14.440 And I was like, holy crap, you're you're gonna be 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:15.199 really good at this. 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:17.400 And I'm sure not just from a textbook standpoint, but 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:21.439 so much of like the testing involves actual, like the 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:22.360 kind of counseling work. 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:25.120 It's not just like Scantron's. Yeah, it's not rote memorization 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:27.320 right now, like one of the classes she's taking this semester, 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:31.480 it's it's literally people pairing off and diagnosing each other 0:09:31.559 --> 0:09:34.160 with stuff essentially and working through issues. So it's like 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:36.600 doing the practice of being a therapist. So why don't 0:09:36.600 --> 0:09:38.320 they do that with like heart surgery, And that's a 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:41.560 good question. Yeah, you are, Mike a lot of cadavers. 0:09:41.640 --> 0:09:44.360 You two go off cadavers, that's true, Well, not on 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:45.760 each other. That it's not like if you and I 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:47.400 were going to med school that we operate on each 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:51.600 reason for that, although when we were in Edinburgh recently 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.319 we learned some interesting stuff about cadavers. Do you remember 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:57.880 that with people were digging up bodies in order to 0:09:57.920 --> 0:10:00.319 sell them to the school in Edinburgh, and that's why 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:03.880 they've got those greats over over the over the g 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:07.040 plats or whatever. Yeah, exactly, all right, so crazy stuff. 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:09.160 Let's continue talking about this for just a second. I 0:10:09.200 --> 0:10:13.320 will say that I've grown a lot as Emily's been 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:18.000 in grad school, like and that I've done more self examination. 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:21.959 And I do think that an unexamined life is kind 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:23.680 of boring. That you have to kind of do some 0:10:23.760 --> 0:10:25.360 of this work in order to grow as a person. 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:27.080 So she's helped me do that, to help help me 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:30.680 unearth different things over the past couple of years, which, 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:32.440 like I said, has been kind of a mixture of 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:36.760 like fun, hard and enlightening and and it's not always 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:38.720 easy to do that hard work, but I think it's valuable. 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:43.319 I think, uh, leaving those stones unturned isn't helping anybody, 0:10:43.360 --> 0:10:45.600 and not recognizing maybe some of those patterns that lead 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:48.839 you to a certain place sure isn't healthy. So yeah, 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:50.959 growth as an individual, growth as a couple. But when 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:53.760 it comes to specifically like money issues, I don't know 0:10:53.840 --> 0:10:55.599 I think I had actually done a lot of the 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:57.320 hard work on that already. I think there are other 0:10:57.360 --> 0:11:00.480 things that we've probably unearthed more than the issues that 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:03.280 I have with money, because honestly, if you've been listening 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:04.840 to this podcast for a number of years, you probably 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:08.559 heard our philosophy shift, morph and change and grow and 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:12.320 hopefully become a little bit freer in some ways. I think, 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:16.520 Matt like, we've talked about my journey with frugality and 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:19.319 extreme frugality at times, and I think I've grown a 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:21.440 lot in that way. I think a lot of what 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:26.640 I experienced as in childhood and my parents' relationship with 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:31.559 money and to each other about money was difficult and informative, 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:33.480 but I've also had to grow past that because I 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:36.719 think I had more like a too too secure of 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:38.800 an attachment to money, or too insecure of an attachment 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.680 to money, I guess, And so I've developed been able 0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:44.160 to kind of work through. I think some of those 0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:46.560 issues slowly, but surely it's not something that you do 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:48.240 over night snap of a finger or anything like that. 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:50.959 Sure's I think some of the conversations Emily and I've 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:53.959 had have you know, not necessarily any diagnosis I knew 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:56.080 I was weird, and I knew that impacted me, but 0:11:56.160 --> 0:11:58.080 definitely has helped me work through some of those things 0:11:58.080 --> 0:11:58.439 even more. 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:00.000 Yeah, well, I like what you said about working through 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.000 it too, because I think it is like, yes, it 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:04.440 is important to do the work right and to dig 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.400 in and phrase right, figure out what Yeah, figure out 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:09.520 what it is that has impacted you. But simultaneously, I 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:12.480 think it's important to make sure that you're not completely 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:16.000 living in the past. You are not necessarily like yeah, 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:18.600 you shouldn't be defined by your previous actions. What are 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:20.360 you doing today? What are you going to do in 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:22.920 the future as you're moving forward? And this isn't to 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:26.240 say bear your past ignore those feelings, like no, it 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:30.000 is worth shove it deep down. It is worth paying 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.600 attention to that and seeing truly how it has impacted 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:35.640 specifically how it has impacted how you view things I 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:37.880 guess in the past. But then to take that information 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:39.640 and then move forward. Like we've all seen folks who 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:42.080 they just have certain hang ups, different things that have 0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:43.920 happened to them in their lives and they just can't 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.719 seem to get past that, and it tends to come 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:49.559 up in conversations as like an excuse for why they're 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:53.280 choosing to not move forward. And I think that eliminates 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:55.920 a whole lot of agency that we have as individuals 0:12:55.960 --> 0:12:58.040 to make the best of what it is that we've 0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:01.839 learned from those hard, very hard and painful at times experiences. 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:03.720 Yeah, but I think we lose some of our agency 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:05.520 if we don't do the work of seeing where we've 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:06.760 come from and how it's influenced us. 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:09.520 So you're just flying blind all this. You don't understand 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:12.160 how it was that this, how the plane was put 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:13.080 together that you're flying. 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:14.920 You know, Oh, yeah, you're treating symptoms instead of the 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:16.920 root problem, right for the root cost and so sometimes 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:18.240 you got you really do have to go back and 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:20.079 look at some of that stuff. And it makes me 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:21.840 think about how we talk about money here on the show. 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:24.480 Numbers in math are obviously important when we talk about money, 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:27.200 but even that is not as important as our own 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:29.960 psychology kind of what we're bringing to the table. Money behaviors, 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:33.720 ingrained money behaviors, ingrained ways of relating to and thinking 0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:37.199 about money that have really been instilled in us over 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.800 the course of a few decades. And so it's one 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:42.240 of the like it does of course, take time to 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:44.560 overcome some of those hang ups that we have with 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:47.120 money and really to even kind of put a finger 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:49.720 on how we got there. So I think that's why 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:51.800 we try to talk about the psychological side of things. 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:54.200 We try to bring on financial therapists something like that. 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:56.880 I mean, we really do want people to the whole 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:59.440 gamut of a healthy approach to money. We want people 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:03.400 to consider that, not just know the maximount you're allowed 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.280 to contribute to a roth Ira this year and the 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:06.320 mechanics of doing it. 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:08.840 Like, not just about the mechanics. Yeah, absolutely, Yeah, if 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:10.920 we were just a bunch of automatons, then what's the 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:14.440 point of even like having a podcast, because well, here 0:14:14.679 --> 0:14:16.560 is on a single sheet everything you need to know. 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:19.800 Follow these steps, and you will be wealthy right by 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:21.400 the time you hit fifty years old. 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:23.560 And there's some of that, right. Some people need to 0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:25.320 you need to know about compounding, You need to be 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:29.000 kind of have your imagination open to how it works 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:32.000 and what it can produce. But that's why the behavioral 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.920 element is so crucial, so crucial to understanding. So I guess, yeah, 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:36.920 I don't know. I guess over time I realized that 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:39.840 money was like a security blanket for me, and that 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:42.720 it was unhealthy and I had to kind of work 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:45.920 through that. I will also say it's something that I 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.120 continue to wrestle with and I continue to think about 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:52.800 it like that because those experiences from childhood still loom large. 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:55.080 And so, yeah, I still worry and I have to 0:14:55.160 --> 0:14:57.720 run like worst case scenario things in my head, realizing 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:00.000 that well, the worst case scenario really isn't as bad, 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:04.280 and sometimes it's just catastrophizing in my own brain and 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:07.040 it's like, well, really, come on, that's unlikely to happen, 0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:08.560 and even if it did, we'd still be okay. 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:10.240 Still be okay. Well, and I mean this is a 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:12.360 part of why we have the podcast. We are saying 0:15:12.360 --> 0:15:15.000 these things not because we don't know them, but because 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:17.520 we forget them. We have you know, when it leaders 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:20.200 talk about Mission leak, right and how you kind of 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:22.280 lose sight of what it is you're striving after the 0:15:22.320 --> 0:15:23.880 same thing happens when it comes to some of these 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:27.840 different personal finance tenets that we need to make sure 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:28.640 that we're living. 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:29.480 By as well. 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:31.400 But okay, so one other things you said too is 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:35.080 that it takes time, which I completely agree like it's 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:36.600 something that you know, it's something that you need to 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:39.880 work on over time. You're not just like healed, right, Like, yeah, 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:42.600 you can't just snap your finger, snap your fingers. But okay, 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:45.320 so my brain's kind of go in multiple directions here. 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:47.440 I think a takeaway maybe for a lot of folks 0:15:47.440 --> 0:15:51.800 out here who unlike Keith and yourself who you know, 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:55.160 you both have girlfriends or wives that are going through 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:58.400 who are becoming counselors. But there's a lot of folks 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:01.200 out there who don't have that. Yeah, but I still 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:03.000 think and this I'm not saying that these are the 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:05.560 same thing, but when it comes to talking about money 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:07.520 with your partner, I think you can do a lot 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:09.600 of some of this work with your partner by just 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:12.080 being very intentional about some of the conversations that you 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:15.800 have and specifically just carving out time on your calendar 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:18.960 to have some of these deeper conversations, which do take time. 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:23.880 Its relationship, right, and relationships are messy and they're not efficient, 0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:28.080 but that's oftentimes how you're able to draw out a 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:31.440 deeper fear or a bigger goal out of a life 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:34.320 partner that maybe you didn't even realize that they had, 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:36.920 or maybe you'd heard them mention it before, but you're 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:40.120 now realizing for the first time after talking about this 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:42.160 and that they're serious in this way a second that 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:45.760 makes you tick. Yeah, yeah, exactly, And so I don't know, 0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:47.120 I just wanted to mention that because I know we 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:49.240 can be awkward sometimes to talk about some of these 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:51.880 It's like, oh man, we've never talked about money this way. 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:53.680 This is this is brand new, and it's going to 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:56.760 feel real clumsy. But I think it's really important to 0:16:57.000 --> 0:16:59.560 have some of these conversations, especially when you're when you're 0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:01.760 trying to get a partner on board financially. 0:17:01.840 --> 0:17:03.360 Yeah. All right, One last thing I want to say 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:05.720 too on this one. And I'm not sure if I'm 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:07.879 reading into this or not Keith, but it sounded like 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:12.639 maybe you were like somewhat slightly just annoyed at maybe 0:17:12.680 --> 0:17:15.960 the diagnoses that your girlfriend is like bringing down on 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:16.480 your head or. 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:18.520 Maybe taking aback a little bit by like oh man, 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:20.359 which I didn't know I had all this going on. 0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:23.800 He's totally understandable. And I will say, like, I am 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:26.960 kind of one of those people who's like instantly defensive 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:29.560 at times, and I don't want to Necessarizy. I don't 0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:31.199 want to be told who I am, what I like. 0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:34.399 Don't reveal that about me, like cause it hurts or 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:36.119 it's or it's just a tough thing to hear. And 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:38.320 sometimes I would rather just like close my ears and 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:40.679