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Speaker 1: Most of the time, being part of the Legion of

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Speaker 1: Christ felt like being trapped in a cage. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: a cage made of bars. It was quieter than that,

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Speaker 1: beautiful even maybe that's what made it hard to leave.

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Speaker 1: It was a golden cage. When I was Gonzagrada, I

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Speaker 1: was traveling, meaning very interesting people, and had a purpose

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Speaker 1: that I thought was superior. But a golden cage is

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Speaker 1: still a cage, and inside it I often felt like

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Speaker 1: a helpless kitten, kept still, unquiet, told how to dress,

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Speaker 1: when to eat, or to sit, always watching the world

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Speaker 1: through a window I wasn't allowed to open. Sometimes I

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Speaker 1: let my mind wonder what if I just walked away

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Speaker 1: and left. I didn't dream it aloud, never told anyone,

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Speaker 1: but I thought about it a lot late at night,

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Speaker 1: staring at the ceiling on long walks, in moments of silence.

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Speaker 1: I imagine the life I had missed out, on the

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Speaker 1: things I had dreamed of doing Georgetown University, diplomacy, a

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Speaker 1: life that had once belonged to me. And every time,

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Speaker 1: as if he could smell the doubt, Masielle would reach out.

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Speaker 1: His advice never came with comfort. He came with fear.

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Speaker 1: Disguised as spiritual counsel. Once it came in the form

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Speaker 1: of a letter dated March third, nineteen ninety I see

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Speaker 1: all too clearly the devil's tricks that are hunting you. Naturally,

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Speaker 1: I'm not willing to play this game. The cost would

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Speaker 1: be far too high. In the end, only he would win,

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Speaker 1: not you, not me, not God nor Jesus Christ, who

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Speaker 1: would suffer your departure like yet another thorn cry I'm

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Speaker 1: painfully driven into his heart. I didn't want the devil's

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Speaker 1: voice inside me. That scared me more than the doubts,

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Speaker 1: so I pushed through. I stayed even after nineteen ninety seven,

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Speaker 1: when the accusations came out in Jason Barry's article. That

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Speaker 1: same year, something else happened. My father had a stroke,

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Speaker 1: a serious one. It almost killed him, but I didn't

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Speaker 1: find out until days later. My superiors didn't tell me

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Speaker 1: because I was supposed to lead a group of students

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Speaker 1: to Rome for a Legion event. They didn't want to

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Speaker 1: disrupt the mission. They said God's will will come first.

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Speaker 1: That was a moment something broke. These people weren't my family.

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Speaker 1: They didn't care about me. I could have lost my father.

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Speaker 1: It wouldn't have mattered to them. That was the moment

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Speaker 1: I started to pull away emotionally. By late two thousand

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Speaker 1: and one, I was falling apart. I had lost thirty pounds.

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Speaker 1: My mind felt like it was cracking open. I couldn't say,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't leave. I was breaking in both directions, and

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Speaker 1: then one of them. Ber night, I found myself staring

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Speaker 1: at the window, the bare branches scraped against the glass. Inside,

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Speaker 1: everything was still just a low hum of the heater

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Speaker 1: and the soft creek of old floors. The wind luwed

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Speaker 1: me to sleep, and I fell into a deep dream.

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Speaker 1: It's a dream that still haunts me. I tried to

51
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Speaker 1: put it into words in an interview, and in that

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Speaker 1: moment when I had this dream, it was the dream

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Speaker 1: of a kitten that had finally found his way up

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Speaker 1: to an olive tree. But the kitten was being attacked

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Speaker 1: by two huge government dogs, and they were barking on us,

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Speaker 1: moving the tree so forcefully that the kitten was about

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Speaker 1: to fall. And in my dream, I kept running toward it,

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Speaker 1: just begging it to stay on the train I fall

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Speaker 1: the kitten analog instrumendous side. I got very emotional, but

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Speaker 1: the kitten fell, I was grabbed. I want one of

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Speaker 1: the dogs, and the dogs started just killing it back

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Speaker 1: and forth with you know, tossing the kitten back and forth,

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Speaker 1: and finally made it. I had the option to open

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Speaker 1: the dogs stout and remove the kitten from its teeth

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Speaker 1: jaw and try to get him back to life or

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Speaker 1: just to give him a sweet death at that point,

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Speaker 1: and I chose for it to live, so I opened

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Speaker 1: the dogs jaw and took the kitten in my arms.

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Speaker 1: I woke up and I knew immediately that was me

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Speaker 1: and I had to run. So that's what I did.

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to be the helpless kitten anymore, tossed

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Speaker 1: around waiting for someone else to save me. I might

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Speaker 1: come out of this hurt, unbroken, but I would be alive,

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Speaker 1: and to live first, I had to set myself free.

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Speaker 1: My name is Elena Sada and this is my story,

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Speaker 1: is the story of how I learned to hide, to cry,

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Speaker 1: to survive and eventually how I got out. And this

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Speaker 1: is secret scandal, the many Secrets of Marseilles Maseil episode six.

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Speaker 1: After the Fall will be back after the Break. I

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Speaker 1: was eighteen when I joined the Legion and thirty seven

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Speaker 1: when I left. Other than my family, it was the

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Speaker 1: only home I had ever known. In the first few

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Speaker 1: episodes of this series, I talked about what it was

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Speaker 1: like to live as a concertrata, the manipulation, decoration, the

85
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Speaker 1: subtle waste, masilles, ordered, capitals obedient. It took me nineteen

86
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Speaker 1: years to break, But when I finally did, I had

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Speaker 1: to take a hard look at my options, at whether

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Speaker 1: I could even try to leave. I had no money,

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Speaker 1: no job, no plan. I didn't even have my passport.

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Speaker 1: I had never paid a bill. I didn't know how

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Speaker 1: to rent an apartment or open a bank account. My

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Speaker 1: world and the Legion had been completely controlled. Everything in

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Speaker 1: my life, my clothes, my schedule, my thoughts had been

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Speaker 1: decided for me. Leaving meant stepping into a world I

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Speaker 1: didn't understand, and worst, it meant doing it alone. The

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Speaker 1: idea of living had lived in my head for years,

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Speaker 1: but every time I got close, I would freeze. What

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Speaker 1: would happen to me? What would my family say? How

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Speaker 1: would I survive? Still, a small voice on my head

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Speaker 1: slowly grew into a roar, telling me that if I

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Speaker 1: didn't find a way, I would die here. An entire

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Speaker 1: life lived under Massielle's thumb. It was November one, two

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Speaker 1: thousand and one fall in Maryland. The air out side

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Speaker 1: still held a chill from the Potomac River. I was

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Speaker 1: inside one of the Legion's centers, what most people would

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Speaker 1: probably call a convent. It was still dark when I

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Speaker 1: woke up that day. I was shaking. A scream had

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Speaker 1: yanked me out of my dreams. I didn't know if

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Speaker 1: it had come from me or one of the other women,

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Speaker 1: almost girls. The only thing I knew was that I

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Speaker 1: had to leave and fast. If I didn't act now,

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Speaker 1: I would never do it. I looked at my watch.

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Speaker 1: It was five twenty five am. Around me, everyone slept.

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Speaker 1: I slid my legs over the side of the bed.

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Speaker 1: The wood was cold under my feet. The room looked

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Speaker 1: the same as always, neat and lifeless. I thought about

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Speaker 1: gathering my things, but nothing really belonged to me. Even

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Speaker 1: the slippers by my bed were the Legions, so I

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Speaker 1: left everything behind. They even had my passport logged somewhere.

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Speaker 1: I remember walking down the hallway thinking if it would

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Speaker 1: be possible to get a new one. Every creek felt

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Speaker 1: like it could give me away. I moved slowly, quietly

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Speaker 1: past the bedrooms, past the sleeping women I had lived

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Speaker 1: with for years. I knew each of the breathing patterns

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Speaker 1: by heart. I couldn't believe I was living without saying

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Speaker 1: good bye. But I couldn't risk it. Monsieur would find

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Speaker 1: out and gild me into stands for the hundredth time.

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Speaker 1: At the stairs, I hesitated. His photo was right there,

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Speaker 1: holding the Eucharist, his eyes fixed on me, judging. I

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Speaker 1: could hear his voice inside my head. If you leave,

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Speaker 1: you'll carry the weight of all the souls you are

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Speaker 1: meant to save. I answered him silently, I'm sorry, Admasil,

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Speaker 1: but tonight I choose to live downstairs. I reached the

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Speaker 1: visitor's bathroom near the front door, the only one with

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Speaker 1: a mirror big enough to see myself, really see myself.

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Speaker 1: I closed the door, locked it. I changed quietly. My

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Speaker 1: hands were shaking. I didn't flush the toilet. I couldn't

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Speaker 1: risk the sound. I looked on my body, O what

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Speaker 1: was left of me? I was so thin. I looked

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Speaker 1: like a shadow of the woman I used to be.

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Speaker 1: I hadn't seen myself naked in a full length mirror

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Speaker 1: in years. The bathroom time was so tightly controlled. Three

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Speaker 1: minutes in and out, not time to look, barely time

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Speaker 1: to think. But here, for the first time in a

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Speaker 1: long time, I saw everything, and it startled me. I

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Speaker 1: slipped a simple dress over my head. For the first

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Speaker 1: time in almost twenty years. I could feel my bare breasts, thighs,

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Speaker 1: and knees against the fabric. It felt strange, but it

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Speaker 1: also felt like freedom. I I opened the door and

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Speaker 1: looked into the living room one last time. That's when

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Speaker 1: I heard it. Someone upstairs had woken up, a voice,

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Speaker 1: maybe calling my name. I couldn't be sure, and I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to find out. I rushed into the cool

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Speaker 1: night air and didn't look back. I touched the pocket

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Speaker 1: on my chest. My Metro card was still there. I

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Speaker 1: knew if I moved quickly enough, I could reach the

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Speaker 1: train before sunrise. By the time I made it to

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Speaker 1: the Potomac station, the black knight was easing into a

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Speaker 1: pale pink. At six thirty am, the train doors opened

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Speaker 1: and I stepped inside Destination Washington d C. I sat there, shaking,

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Speaker 1: finally realizing what I had done, still dressed like a concertrata,

162
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Speaker 1: afraid someone might come after me, And then right there

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Speaker 1: in front of a train full of morning commuters. I

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Speaker 1: broke down. It was two thousand and one, just weeks

165
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Speaker 1: after the towers fell. New York and DC were still

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Speaker 1: on edge. Grief hung heavy in the air, but so

167
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Speaker 1: did something else, an unexpected softness, a kind of tenderness

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Speaker 1: between strangers. People were sensitive, raw open. Yeah, I cried

169
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Speaker 1: and then I People were sensitive to what had just happened.

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Speaker 1: So I think it was a very common, a common scene,

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Speaker 1: you know, it was. It was. There was a lot

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Speaker 1: of pain. I remember this woman sitting beside me, asking

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Speaker 1: are you okay? And I said no, but I'm alive.

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Speaker 1: That train was the beginning of everything, of me trying

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Speaker 1: to rebuild a life I had forgotten how to live.

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Speaker 1: But as the train pulled closer to the sea, part

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Speaker 1: of me still wondered had I really escaped? Because even

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Speaker 1: out there in the real world, outside the Legion, Messille

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Speaker 1: still had power. He was still giving masks, surrounded by

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Speaker 1: thousands of followers, many of them were my closest friends,

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Speaker 1: my mom, my family. To most people, he was still

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Speaker 1: a saint, adored and untouchable. At least that's what I thought.

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Speaker 1: I thought I was the only one who saw him clearly,

184
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Speaker 1: But someone else had been watching too, someone powerful and patient,

185
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Speaker 1: and he was about to make his move more and

186
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Speaker 1: that after the break. It was two thousand and three,

187
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Speaker 1: two years since I had left the Legion, I started therapy,

188
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Speaker 1: I had fallen in love, I had gotten married. I

189
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Speaker 1: was trying to put my life back together, peace by peace.

190
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Speaker 1: But even from the outside, Mazille's shadows still lingered over me.

191
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Speaker 1: It felt like no matter how many lives he had shattered,

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Speaker 1: it was impossible to bring him down. And it wasn't

193
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Speaker 1: for lack of trying. In Mexico, Josel Barba had gone

194
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Speaker 1: to the press. In the United States, Jason Berry had

195
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Speaker 1: published his investigation in the Hartford Current. In Rome, Alberto

196
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Speaker 1: Atier had launched a canonical process inside the church, and

197
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Speaker 1: still nothing happened. I kept telling myself to move on.

198
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Speaker 1: Part of me was still waiting for someone somewhere to

199
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Speaker 1: finally see what I saw, to see the monster he

200
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Speaker 1: really was, so the world could understand why I had run.

201
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Speaker 1: Turns out someone had been watching all along from the

202
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Speaker 1: inside the Vatican, someone who believed the victims, who knew

203
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Speaker 1: exactly what Marseille was, but also knew that timing was everything.

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Speaker 1: That man was Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger.

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Speaker 2: Ratzinger was a very interesting man of an intellectual, a philosopher,

206
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Speaker 2: and he really was I don't know he talked to us.

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Speaker 2: He was very austere, he wasn't a centatious at all,

208
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Speaker 2: and he was a very smart man in general.

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Speaker 1: That's ROBERTA. Garza. She's a journalist who's been investigating the

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Speaker 1: religion of Christ for more than fifteen years. She's also

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Speaker 1: my cousin. You heard her voice in episode two as well.

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Speaker 2: During the papacy of John of the Second, Masille was

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Speaker 2: a very very close friend and ally of the pope.

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Speaker 2: They both united around the fierce anti communism they shared

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Speaker 2: and the way the church should be run.

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Speaker 1: So that's why Mazielle had touched every accusation over the decades.

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Speaker 1: That's why he was still the leader of the Legion

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Speaker 1: of Christ, giving mass, traveling surrounded by followers. The Vatican,

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Speaker 1: especially under John Paul the Second, loved something about Mazielle

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Speaker 1: and the Legion of Christ.

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Speaker 2: He gave money to high members of the Church of

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Speaker 2: the Kuria, to cardinals in high places, in high power,

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Speaker 2: and it wasn't necessarily even illegal. He just gave, you know,

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Speaker 2: envelopes from Marcelle mazill or from the Legion of Christ

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Speaker 2: for your good works, you know, for your charitable works.

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Speaker 2: And of course they might, but they were, you know,

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Speaker 2: envelopes filled with cash.

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Speaker 1: Several of those envelopes went straight to a man with

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Speaker 1: the power to bury any investigation, Angelo Sodano. He was

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Speaker 1: the Vatican Secretary of State, the Dean of the College

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Speaker 1: of Cardinals, and Massielle's personal shield. Every time a complaint

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Speaker 1: showed up, so did an envelope, sometimes carrying up to

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Speaker 1: fifteen thousand dollars, always landing on Sodano's desk. This was

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Speaker 1: during Ratzinger's time as Prefect of the Congregation for the

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Speaker 1: Doctrine of the Faith, the Vaticans watchdog. And he was

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Speaker 1: nothing like Sodano.

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Speaker 2: And Rattinger was also very very strict and very austere.

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Speaker 2: He was really truly a man like almost a Franciscan

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Speaker 2: style of life. And he detested seeing massiel And you know,

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Speaker 2: in his mercedes and going about out and about and

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Speaker 2: you know, first class, et cetera. He actually, Cardinal Ratzinger

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Speaker 2: wanted to proceed with an investigation, but Angelo Sodano stopped it.

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Speaker 2: He stopped it at every turn. He impeded it because

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Speaker 2: he was a huge ally also of marcell Mazille.

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Speaker 1: That was the real reason alberto Jas canonical process went nowhere.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't because Rassinger didn't believe the victims. He had

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Speaker 1: read the testimonies and seen the patterns. He wasn't naive.

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Speaker 1: He knew Massile was sturdy.

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Speaker 2: Ratzinger knew very well the accusations against Maziele. I mean,

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Speaker 2: the whole church knew them since a very long time ago.

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Speaker 2: You must remember that, ever since the forties and fifties

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Speaker 2: the first accusations against Maciele were given.

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Speaker 1: But Rasinger also understood something most people didn't. In the

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Speaker 1: val truth isn't enough. You need timing, you need power,

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Speaker 1: and above all, you need political cunning. Ralsinger knew Masielle

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Speaker 1: was protected. That's what he'd said years earlier when Alberto

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Speaker 1: Atis complained landed on his desk. Back then, he told

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Speaker 1: that tier his hands were tied, that Mazille was very

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Speaker 1: dear to the Pope, that the legion brought in too

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Speaker 1: much money, too many vocations. Going after him meant fighting

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Speaker 1: against the whole system that protected him. And Ratzinger knew

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Speaker 1: he couldn't win that fight, not yet, so he was patient.

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Speaker 1: He just had to wait for one thing, the moment

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Speaker 1: when the child a round Mazielle cracked. A few years later,

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Speaker 1: his chance came.

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Speaker 2: Until two thousand and four when Dropoulo Second was dying

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Speaker 2: and he was a prefect for the doction of the faith.

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Speaker 2: So with the Pope Jounpull the Second basically unconscious and

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Speaker 2: unable to stop or do anything, she ordered the investigation.

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Speaker 1: It was quite strategic, almost invisible, but it worked, and

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Speaker 1: four months later, on April second, two thousand and five.

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Speaker 2: The Holy Father John Paul the Second died this evening

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Speaker 2: at nine thirty seven in his private apartment.

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Speaker 1: With that the shield was finally gone. For the first

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Speaker 1: time in his life, Mazille was completely vulnerable. Lsinger didn't

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Speaker 1: waste the second. He moved fast because he knew his

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Speaker 1: window of opportunity was small. The concluct that would decide

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Speaker 1: a new pope could take weeks, maybe months, but his

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Speaker 1: investigation could take years, and if the wrong person took power,

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Speaker 1: it could all be buried again. And one of the

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Speaker 1: top contenders to replace jump On the Second was none

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Speaker 1: other than Angelo Sodano, Massill's most powerful protector, the man

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Speaker 1: who had blocked the investigation before and could do it again.

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Speaker 2: And if Angelo Sodano hap became the pope had won

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Speaker 2: the throne, that would have been completely squashed, as it

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Speaker 2: had been with Jump on the second.

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Speaker 1: And Sodano wasn't a long shot. He was one of

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Speaker 1: the names being whispered inside the conclave. Fans of the

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty four movie Conclave got a taste of the

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Speaker 1: secretive process. For my non conclave heads, here's what really happens.

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Speaker 1: The Concliff is the secret election held after a pup dies.

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Speaker 1: The case of the Vatican close and inside, the cardinals gather.

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Speaker 1: They come from every corner of the glove, dressed in

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Speaker 1: crimson robes. They swear notes of secrecy and lose any

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Speaker 1: contact with the outside world, just silence, prayer, and ballots.

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Speaker 1: The voting takes place inside the Sistine Chapel under Michelangelos Frescos.

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Speaker 1: The ballots are handwritten, folded, and collected twice a day.

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Speaker 1: To win, a candidate must have a two thirds majority.

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Speaker 1: If no one reaches that, the votes are burned in

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Speaker 1: a small stove and they try again for days weeks

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Speaker 1: it once took three years. In the meantime, the world

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Speaker 1: around them waits for smoke. Black means no decision, White

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Speaker 1: means a new pope. This time it didn't take long.

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Speaker 1: The Concliff of two thousand and five lasted just two days,

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Speaker 1: one of the shortest in modern history. Hello, and welcome

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Speaker 1: to the night show. I was watching the news when

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Speaker 1: the white smoke rose from the Vatican's chimney. A few

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Speaker 1: minutes later, Cardinal Josephvassinger stepped onto the balcony, now Pope

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Speaker 1: Benedict the sixteenth. In that moment, I remember the first

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Speaker 1: time I met him. It was years earlier, in the

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Speaker 1: late nineties, when I was still like Concerrada. I was

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Speaker 1: standing with a group of veryan Christy candidates on a

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Speaker 1: cold morning in Rome. When he entered the room, he

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Speaker 1: didn't greet us. There was no warmth in his tone

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Speaker 1: or his body language. I remember telling him that Father

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Speaker 1: Marziella appreciated him very much. His face changed immediately, he

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Speaker 1: went pale, and then he left without responding. It was

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Speaker 1: known he wasn't a fan of the legion. At that time,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't understand why, but now looking back, it makes sense.

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Speaker 1: This was after he'd received Alberto Atier's letter, the same

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Speaker 1: one we heard about last episode, the one filled with testimonies.

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Speaker 1: So when I saw him take the papers in two

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Speaker 1: thousand and five, I thought, finally, Monsiel isn't best friend

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Speaker 1: with the pope anymore. Maybe now the world will see.

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Speaker 1: And just like that, a few months later, something extraordinary happened.

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Speaker 2: Monciel declined, being relected as the highest leader of the

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Speaker 2: Legion of Christ.

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Speaker 1: To be clear, the news reported that he'd declined, but

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Speaker 1: we all knew what that really meant, and Massiel was

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Speaker 1: in trouble.

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Speaker 2: He declined that, and I remember by the time I

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Speaker 2: was already working at the newspaper. I remember thinking, this

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Speaker 2: is not normal. He would never ever linguish power on

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Speaker 2: his own. He would have to be absolutely dead to

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Speaker 2: relinquish power. If he did this, it's because something really,

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Speaker 2: really bad is coming.

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Speaker 1: Razinger was coming. Marsile knew it. He knew the investigation

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Speaker 1: had been reopened, he knew he was exposed and unprotected.

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Speaker 1: So before anyone could say anything, he stepped down. He

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Speaker 1: retired as head of the Legion, but it wasn't really

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Speaker 1: a retirement. Massielle was removed from his position. That moved

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Speaker 1: alone made people think, this is it. After decades of silence.

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Speaker 1: This felt different, like real justice was finally within reach

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Speaker 1: this time. Maybe he'd go to trial, maybe new victims

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Speaker 1: would speak up, Maybe the Church would finally call him

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Speaker 1: what he was, a criminal, a pedophile. Finally people would

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Speaker 1: understand all the damage he had caused. And then a

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Speaker 1: few months later, the Vatican made an announcement. They said

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Speaker 1: Monsieur would be removed from ministry, he would no longer

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Speaker 1: be allowed to act as a priest. And we all waited,

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Speaker 1: expecting the acts to fall, for the bigger official punishment

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Speaker 1: to be handed down, And then it came. He was

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Speaker 1: sent into a life of prayer and penance.

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Speaker 2: That means he could not no longer speak in public

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Speaker 2: as a priest. He could no longer give any sacraments, mass, marriages, baptisms,

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Speaker 2: anything like that. He could not speak, he could not

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Speaker 2: lead his order. He had to retire from that.

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Speaker 1: That was it, After all, he had done a life

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Speaker 1: of prayer and penance. He got a slither off into obscurity.

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Speaker 1: I remember that at the time, I was working as

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Speaker 1: a school district supervisor. It was a Friday afternoon. I

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Speaker 1: stopped by the main office to drop off a note,

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Speaker 1: and that's when I saw it, a photo of Masielle

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Speaker 1: and a headline from the New York Times dated May nineteenth,

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Speaker 1: two thousand and six. The Vatican punishes a leader after

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Speaker 1: abuse charges. I grabbed the paper and read the article

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Speaker 1: ended with a statement from the Legion. Masielle had long

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Speaker 1: declared his innocence and had decided not to defend himself,

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Speaker 1: following the example of Jesus Christ. There was no explanation,

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Speaker 1: no mention of the victims, no nudgement of what he

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Speaker 1: had done on He was just told to step aside quietly.

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Speaker 1: That was it. But something had shifted. The silence around

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Speaker 1: him finally started to crack for the first time ever.

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Speaker 1: People were ready to listen, the media, the church, and

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Speaker 1: so was I. Little by little, I started listening, and

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Speaker 1: once I did, I couldn't stop. I thought leaving the

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Speaker 1: Legion would be the end of it, but it wasn't,

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Speaker 1: because what I had lived was the only the tip

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Speaker 1: of the iceberg, and the things that came to light

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Speaker 1: after that were worse than I ever imagined. Their views

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Speaker 1: we knew about what had been in Jason Barry's article.

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Speaker 1: It was only the beginning. The real truth was worse

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Speaker 1: than what any of us had been prepared to believe.

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Speaker 1: That's next on Secer Sky Sacre Scandal. The Many Secrets

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Speaker 1: of marcell Maseil is a production of A half podcast

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Speaker 1: in partnership with Iheartmichael Doula podcast network, and is hosted

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Speaker 1: by me Elena Sada, written by Menissa Hendrix and Alvalo

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Speaker 1: ses Pedes, Produced by alvaaloce Pedes and Robert Tagarza. Research

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Speaker 1: and reporting by Robert Tagarza, edited by Jasmine Rometo with

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Speaker 1: the help of Carmen Graterol. Fact checking by Annapla Dovar.

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Speaker 1: The vocal coach for me Elena Sada is in a Tapia.

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Speaker 1: Executive producers at a Half Podcast are Carmen Graterov, Isaac Lee,

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Speaker 1: and j H Car mixing on sound designed by Patrick

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Speaker 1: and Jones. Original music by Darko and I Am based

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Speaker 1: on Patrick Hart's original composition. Executive producers that I Heard

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Speaker 1: are Leo Gomez and Arlene Santana. Alexi Scardoza also serves

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Speaker 1: as producer. Circars Scandal was created by Melanie Bartley and

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Speaker 1: Paula Varos