WEBVTT - A Different Kind of Identity Theft 0:00:14.956 --> 0:00:15.436 Pushkin. 0:00:30.236 --> 0:00:33.156 It's always about the music. Music is everything to me. 0:00:33.716 --> 0:00:37.276 Music is the food I eat, it's the blood in 0:00:37.276 --> 0:00:42.316 my veins. Without music, I'm not here. I'm actually not here. 0:00:43.156 --> 0:00:46.556 When world renowned musician Nin Kim first picked up a violin, 0:00:47.036 --> 0:00:49.996 she knew immediately that it would define her, and it 0:00:50.076 --> 0:00:54.756 did until one day in a London train station, everything changed. 0:00:56.116 --> 0:00:57.836 I didn't know if I was ever going to play 0:00:57.836 --> 0:01:00.196 the violin again. I didn't know if I could ever 0:01:00.236 --> 0:01:03.716 listen to music again. I didn't listen to music, even 0:01:03.716 --> 0:01:07.036 if it was the most healing music. I just couldn't 0:01:07.076 --> 0:01:11.036 process it. And in that my life as I knew 0:01:11.076 --> 0:01:12.076 it ended. 0:01:15.996 --> 0:01:23.276 On today's episode, a different kind of identity theft, I'm 0:01:23.316 --> 0:01:25.956 Maya Shunker and this is a slight change of plans, 0:01:26.316 --> 0:01:28.436 a show about who we are and who we become 0:01:28.756 --> 0:01:51.316 in the face of a big change. I felt an 0:01:51.356 --> 0:01:54.116 immediate and close connection to me and Kim the first 0:01:54.156 --> 0:01:57.156 time I heard her story. We both began playing the 0:01:57.236 --> 0:02:00.116 violin at a young age, and it quickly became the 0:02:00.156 --> 0:02:04.236 center of our identities. And then we both experienced a 0:02:04.316 --> 0:02:07.116 plot twist. Many of you know what happened in my 0:02:07.276 --> 0:02:10.716 musical career when I was fifteen, an injury to my 0:02:10.796 --> 0:02:14.076 hand left me unable to play. Min's slight change of 0:02:14.116 --> 0:02:17.036 plans arrived a little later in her life, but we'll 0:02:17.036 --> 0:02:19.836 get to that in a bit. For now, let's start 0:02:19.836 --> 0:02:22.996 with Min's love story with music. She says it began 0:02:23.156 --> 0:02:26.956 before she was even born. Min's uncle would often send 0:02:26.956 --> 0:02:30.316 Min's mom classical music records in the mail. Her mom 0:02:30.516 --> 0:02:34.116 loved these recordings, especially the ones that featured the violin, 0:02:34.876 --> 0:02:37.756 and when she became pregnant with men, listening to these 0:02:37.796 --> 0:02:40.196 records became a sort of pregnancy craving. 0:02:41.076 --> 0:02:43.516 It was sort of the highlight of her week to 0:02:43.636 --> 0:02:46.556 get these records. And my parents had a very sort 0:02:46.556 --> 0:02:50.116 of traditional career and marriage where my father would come 0:02:50.116 --> 0:02:52.516 home pay his wages on the kitchen table. My mother 0:02:52.516 --> 0:02:54.716 would budget for the week, but she'd always put some 0:02:54.756 --> 0:02:58.116 money aside because she just so desperately wanted a high 0:02:58.116 --> 0:03:01.756 fight system, and they were terribly expensive in those days. 0:03:02.316 --> 0:03:04.476 But she managed it, and she didn't know she was 0:03:04.476 --> 0:03:06.876 pregnant with me at the time, but she just had 0:03:06.916 --> 0:03:11.116 this yearning to listened to as much classical music as possible. 0:03:12.116 --> 0:03:14.956 She eventually got this hi Fi system and she was 0:03:14.996 --> 0:03:20.836 listening to things like Sibelia's Violin Concerto, Mozart, violin concertos, Mendelssohn, Tchaikovski, 0:03:21.396 --> 0:03:25.596 and I'm sure that exposure in my mother's womb. Yeah, 0:03:25.996 --> 0:03:27.796 was my first violin lesson. 0:03:28.396 --> 0:03:32.796 Wow, amazing, What is your first memory of the violin? 0:03:33.436 --> 0:03:37.596 So my best friend at the time, we were both six, 0:03:38.396 --> 0:03:41.796 she had started learning the trumpet for the Salvation Army 0:03:42.396 --> 0:03:44.796 and her sister was playing the violin, and she had 0:03:44.796 --> 0:03:47.036 a quarter sized violin, and I would look at this 0:03:47.116 --> 0:03:49.356 viol and I just felt this sort of pang of 0:03:49.676 --> 0:03:53.636 feeling like I'm at home. It's really difficult to describe 0:03:53.836 --> 0:03:59.276 that sense of wow, everything makes sense. And I think 0:03:59.356 --> 0:04:02.316 that is possibly as a result of we'd actually come 0:04:02.316 --> 0:04:05.076 to England three years before that, and I know it 0:04:05.116 --> 0:04:07.196 was tough. I know it was tough for my parents, 0:04:07.756 --> 0:04:12.116 coming from you know, very Korean culture, not really speaking English, 0:04:12.636 --> 0:04:17.276 learning a new language. So language became really really important 0:04:17.956 --> 0:04:20.676 in my mind at the time, And all of a sudden, 0:04:20.996 --> 0:04:24.036 seeing this violin, I realized that it's actually another vessel 0:04:24.116 --> 0:04:28.516 for language and music, being the you know, the universal language. 0:04:28.996 --> 0:04:32.276 I sort of realized that actually everything that can be 0:04:32.356 --> 0:04:35.956 expressed can be done through music. And I actually taught 0:04:35.996 --> 0:04:38.156 myself to play the violin before I had my first 0:04:38.196 --> 0:04:43.596 violin lesson via my friend's instrument. I mean, it was 0:04:43.636 --> 0:04:47.996 just twiggled to good. Little style wasn't but it was 0:04:48.076 --> 0:04:51.916 just so exciting. You know that the sounds that the 0:04:51.996 --> 0:04:54.916 violin was capable of making. I think, the freedom of 0:04:55.116 --> 0:04:57.876 having this. You know, you put your finger down and 0:04:57.916 --> 0:05:00.436 it makes a different note. I mean, for a six 0:05:00.556 --> 0:05:02.316 year old, it just absolutely blew my mind. 0:05:02.916 --> 0:05:05.396 It's really delightful for me to hear this story because 0:05:05.396 --> 0:05:07.596 I also started playing the violin at age six, and 0:05:07.676 --> 0:05:10.836 so we must have been an very similar stage of development. 0:05:11.116 --> 0:05:13.116 Oh, I just away of that. 0:05:13.996 --> 0:05:16.596 I remember they would put little pieces of colored tape 0:05:16.596 --> 0:05:19.836 onto the fingerboard to help q where it is that 0:05:19.876 --> 0:05:22.116 we were supposed to put our fingers, and so yeah, 0:05:22.116 --> 0:05:24.916 I think I had a similar level of intrigue and like, ooh, 0:05:24.956 --> 0:05:28.316 this is really cool. Okay, so you had this moment 0:05:28.356 --> 0:05:32.316 at six where you're looking at your friend's violin and 0:05:32.396 --> 0:05:34.596 you feel a sense of home and then I'm presuming 0:05:34.636 --> 0:05:37.956 you ask your mom for your own violin. Can you 0:05:37.996 --> 0:05:42.276 describe me your early relationship once you began playing the violin. 0:05:42.356 --> 0:05:44.076 What was that like? Like, what were you drawn to? 0:05:44.436 --> 0:05:46.836 What did it make you feel? 0:05:47.916 --> 0:05:51.796 It made me feel free. So when I was talking 0:05:51.796 --> 0:05:54.956 about language and things like that, it just felt like 0:05:55.076 --> 0:05:57.396 there were no barriers. I mean, I look back now, 0:05:57.556 --> 0:06:01.676 I did have this sense of destiny. It was like, 0:06:01.756 --> 0:06:04.636 I remember there was a moment around the time that 0:06:04.676 --> 0:06:06.676 I started playing the violin and it starts to rain 0:06:07.556 --> 0:06:10.276 and I didn't have a number. I was in the 0:06:10.276 --> 0:06:12.876 playground and I was looking up into the sky and 0:06:12.956 --> 0:06:16.996 seeing these rain drops falling, and I just knew there 0:06:17.076 --> 0:06:21.196 was a god and I knew that I was supposed 0:06:21.196 --> 0:06:25.036 to play the violin. Right. It's kind of I mean 0:06:25.076 --> 0:06:27.316 I think that now, and I put myself back into 0:06:27.356 --> 0:06:31.276 that six year old mind, and I was deadly serious. 0:06:31.796 --> 0:06:33.276 Do you know what. I think I was more serious 0:06:33.316 --> 0:06:35.316 as a six year old. Now. 0:06:35.876 --> 0:06:37.636 I was going to say, then you were a very 0:06:37.716 --> 0:06:39.876 precocious six year old, because I think my six year 0:06:39.916 --> 0:06:42.636 old brain was like, I love the violin. Also, how 0:06:42.636 --> 0:06:44.956 do I convince my mom to give me more cookies? 0:06:45.556 --> 0:06:47.996 Like that was the level of sophistication that I had. 0:06:48.436 --> 0:06:50.916 Oh well, yeah, yeah, you know, I love cheese sawagy. 0:06:51.276 --> 0:06:55.356 Wow, it's quite extraordinary that you had such a deep 0:06:55.436 --> 0:07:00.116 attachment from such an early age. So how quickly did 0:07:00.156 --> 0:07:02.876 you realize min that you had this incredible gift? And 0:07:03.396 --> 0:07:05.196 I'll say it for you so that you don't have to, 0:07:05.356 --> 0:07:08.596 but you were deemed a child prodigy? So when did 0:07:08.596 --> 0:07:09.036 that happen? 0:07:09.956 --> 0:07:13.596 So actually, one of the reasons why I think it 0:07:13.716 --> 0:07:18.556 was recognized very quickly that I did have an unusual 0:07:18.636 --> 0:07:21.996 talent was because I was actually allergic to rosin. It's 0:07:21.996 --> 0:07:25.516 a substance that you used to oil the bow. That 0:07:25.636 --> 0:07:28.476 the bow is made from horse hair, and so in 0:07:28.596 --> 0:07:31.836 order to make it slightly sticky and produce the sound 0:07:31.956 --> 0:07:34.156 so it's not sort of sliding everywhere, you put this 0:07:34.236 --> 0:07:37.836 rosin on the hair. And in those days, I had 0:07:38.196 --> 0:07:42.196 really really terrible asthma. I was being hospitalized every other month. 0:07:43.036 --> 0:07:47.156 I was allergic to everything, including rosin, and so that 0:07:47.316 --> 0:07:49.836 meant that I couldn't actually practice more than half an 0:07:49.836 --> 0:07:53.876 hour at a time before I would start wheezing, and 0:07:53.956 --> 0:07:56.676 so my mother would have to monitor me, like the 0:07:56.716 --> 0:07:59.156 first sign of the wheezing should make me stop. 0:08:00.716 --> 0:08:01.436 But what it. 0:08:01.316 --> 0:08:05.516 Actually did show was with half an hour practice a day, 0:08:05.796 --> 0:08:08.556 I was still able to progress at a pace that was, 0:08:08.836 --> 0:08:10.876 you know, outside of the norm, and I think that's 0:08:11.076 --> 0:08:14.316 why people called me a prodigy. I mean, I remember 0:08:14.356 --> 0:08:17.916 actually going to the awards ceremony picking up this prize 0:08:17.916 --> 0:08:20.156 that i'd won because I'd got the highest mark in 0:08:20.196 --> 0:08:22.396 the country or something like that, and I'm looking around 0:08:22.396 --> 0:08:25.316 and everybody else is sort of you know, in their 0:08:25.356 --> 0:08:32.396 late teens, and I'm like a child, and yeah, I'm thinking, well, 0:08:33.076 --> 0:08:34.996 I guess that's my life. 0:08:35.116 --> 0:08:37.596 How did your devotion to the violin and your relationship 0:08:37.596 --> 0:08:41.436 with the violin evolve during your teenage years? So, I mean, 0:08:41.556 --> 0:08:43.836 was there a moment in particular where you decided I 0:08:43.876 --> 0:08:45.996 want to be a professional or was that always in 0:08:46.036 --> 0:08:47.396 the cards for you that you knew? 0:08:47.836 --> 0:08:50.036 No, it was actually So that's the bit I suppose 0:08:50.076 --> 0:08:52.436 of my life where I look back now and I 0:08:52.596 --> 0:08:55.156 realized that I really didn't have any control over it 0:08:55.236 --> 0:08:57.876 was already decided by the time I was eight, by 0:08:57.916 --> 0:09:00.076 my teachers, by the school, that I was going to 0:09:00.116 --> 0:09:02.756 be a violinist. I mean, I had no choice in 0:09:02.796 --> 0:09:05.596 the matter. I wasn't complaining because I think I'd always 0:09:05.596 --> 0:09:08.876 felt that that was the case. But I think it 0:09:09.316 --> 0:09:13.396 make me develop a sort of love hate relationship with 0:09:13.476 --> 0:09:16.716 the violin, not music, but with the violin, because I 0:09:16.756 --> 0:09:24.436 think when that kind of expectation is on very young shoulders, 0:09:25.556 --> 0:09:32.036 it does cause a sense of responsibility. I mean one 0:09:32.076 --> 0:09:35.196 of the things that I would hear constantly was the 0:09:35.236 --> 0:09:43.956 word potential. And what a loaded word that is. Expectation. Yeah, 0:09:44.316 --> 0:09:49.796 you can't help but pick up the subtext behind the 0:09:49.836 --> 0:09:54.516 word potential, which is that the saddest thing is unfulfilled potential. 0:09:55.396 --> 0:09:58.236 And to deal with that as a child, you know, 0:09:58.836 --> 0:10:01.036 not even in double figures. By that we were talking 0:10:01.076 --> 0:10:03.436 eight nine years old. It was Yeah, it was daunting. 0:10:03.676 --> 0:10:06.796 And I remember saying to my mother, I don't think 0:10:06.796 --> 0:10:08.596 I want to play the violin anymore if I'm not 0:10:08.636 --> 0:10:11.996 going to enjoy it. And that was a really strong 0:10:11.996 --> 0:10:15.196 message for her to hear. And she did sit me 0:10:15.236 --> 0:10:19.276 down and say, look, if you don't want to do this, 0:10:19.356 --> 0:10:24.276 you don't have to. And that was the moment that 0:10:24.316 --> 0:10:26.156 I decided that that's what I wanted to do. 0:10:27.116 --> 0:10:30.836 Wow, what a nice pressure test. Yeah, So I'd like 0:10:30.916 --> 0:10:34.516 to fast forward over a decade to when you're twenty one, 0:10:34.596 --> 0:10:38.276 and from the perspective of a violinist, you have this 0:10:38.396 --> 0:10:41.236 once in a lifetime opportunity when it comes to the 0:10:41.316 --> 0:10:44.556 violin that you play. Do you mind bringing us back 0:10:44.636 --> 0:10:45.236 to that moment. 0:10:46.396 --> 0:10:51.316 So I'd actually been borrowing violins since I was, oh gosh, 0:10:51.436 --> 0:10:54.516 twelve years old from this dealership, but you know, I 0:10:54.556 --> 0:10:57.276 always wanted to have my own instrument. It's a little 0:10:57.276 --> 0:10:59.636 bit like a house, I suppose, or a home. When 0:10:59.676 --> 0:11:01.396 you own your home, you feel like it's your home. 0:11:01.756 --> 0:11:03.516 You can't be kicked out at any point. I mean, 0:11:03.556 --> 0:11:05.636 the thing about borrowing a violin is that there's always 0:11:05.636 --> 0:11:07.676 that sort of sense at the back of your mind 0:11:07.716 --> 0:11:09.956 that it can be taken away times. So it became 0:11:10.036 --> 0:11:12.876 very important for me to actually own my own instrument, 0:11:13.516 --> 0:11:16.396 and so I asked the dealership if they wouldn't mind 0:11:16.476 --> 0:11:19.036 just keeping an eye out for any instrument. They knew 0:11:19.036 --> 0:11:21.876 my playing very well, and so I just asked them 0:11:21.916 --> 0:11:23.636 to just, you know, to keep an ear to the 0:11:23.636 --> 0:11:26.076 ground if they hear of any instruments that they might 0:11:26.156 --> 0:11:31.196 feel suited me. And as it happened, after a few 0:11:31.276 --> 0:11:33.676 years of nothing, two came along at the same time, 0:11:34.716 --> 0:11:36.836 and so I got the phone call saying, well, we've 0:11:36.836 --> 0:11:39.236 got two violins that we think might suit your playing. 0:11:39.476 --> 0:11:43.796 They're both strads, and I'm thinking, wow, okay, this is 0:11:43.876 --> 0:11:44.596 very unusual. 0:11:45.076 --> 0:11:49.036 Yeah, tell us what makes the strad so spectacular in 0:11:49.076 --> 0:11:51.396 the world of violinists. 0:11:51.796 --> 0:11:59.476 So, Stradivarius was an incredibly prolific violin maker in the 0:11:59.476 --> 0:12:02.076 sixteen hundreds all the way to the seventeen hundreds. He 0:12:02.076 --> 0:12:04.916 actually lived unti a very ripe old age. He basically 0:12:04.956 --> 0:12:09.276 revolutionized how violins were made. And I think it is 0:12:09.276 --> 0:12:14.756 a real testament to his genius. That's how he visualized 0:12:14.836 --> 0:12:19.396 the violin, how he understood the physics of the violin 0:12:19.556 --> 0:12:24.796 has never been improved. I mean that is incredible. And 0:12:25.316 --> 0:12:27.396 you know, there's no wonder that they're going for millions 0:12:27.396 --> 0:12:31.756 of dollars. So a really quality instrument like a strad, 0:12:33.596 --> 0:12:36.676 it shows you how to play, It teaches you how 0:12:36.676 --> 0:12:41.276 to play, It makes you better, you know, and the 0:12:41.356 --> 0:12:44.116 magic and you feel like, you know how when you 0:12:44.196 --> 0:12:48.476 listen to great singing and it sends shivers down your spine. 0:12:49.196 --> 0:12:51.636 And that's what a top violin playing on the top 0:12:51.716 --> 0:12:56.996 violin does. You feel these electricity, it's magic, you know, 0:12:57.036 --> 0:13:02.876 and you feel alive. So I was presented with two strads. 0:13:02.916 --> 0:13:05.156 I mean, can you imagine two stratavirus is. You know, 0:13:05.916 --> 0:13:09.116 we were actually in my parents' home. The dealer actually 0:13:09.356 --> 0:13:13.796 with a double case, and in that case are two 0:13:13.876 --> 0:13:16.956 violins that's worth more than the house was standing in. 0:13:17.116 --> 0:13:23.196 I mean, it's just it's insane, right, And he opens 0:13:23.276 --> 0:13:27.276 the case and I can feel everybody willing me to 0:13:27.396 --> 0:13:31.716 choose the one that has the better pedigree. Gorgeous looking instrument, 0:13:31.796 --> 0:13:37.116 I mean, was just so handsome, had a kind of amber, 0:13:37.276 --> 0:13:39.396 dark amber hue to it. And I picked it up, 0:13:39.476 --> 0:13:42.916 and I mean the sound was just incredible. It sounded 0:13:42.956 --> 0:13:48.916 like Pavarotti. Okay, it had this incredibly rich, rich, vibrant 0:13:49.356 --> 0:13:53.956 just tingles, you know, but you know what didn't feel 0:13:53.996 --> 0:13:57.156 like me. It didn't sound like me. It was like 0:13:57.236 --> 0:14:02.876 I was wearing the most beautiful gown and it just 0:14:02.916 --> 0:14:06.756 didn't suit me. So the other one was smaller, It 0:14:06.836 --> 0:14:10.196 had a much more slender body and neck. It was 0:14:10.236 --> 0:14:13.196 made in sixteen ninety six, it'd been through the walls, 0:14:13.236 --> 0:14:15.556 it had a hole in the top, and you know, 0:14:15.676 --> 0:14:18.516 it didn't come from such a great pedigree year. But 0:14:18.596 --> 0:14:21.396 I picked it up, and you know, I just knew 0:14:21.436 --> 0:14:26.716 it was the one. It felt like you know, when 0:14:26.796 --> 0:14:32.636 you meet someone and you on paper, you wouldn't necessarily 0:14:32.676 --> 0:14:35.276 say this is the perfect fit for me, this is 0:14:35.596 --> 0:14:38.316 this is you know, you might not necessarily know that 0:14:38.396 --> 0:14:41.276 it's your match. But the chemistry, and I know it 0:14:41.316 --> 0:14:44.596 sounds so strange talking about a chemistry with a violin, 0:14:44.636 --> 0:14:47.796 but it was the chemistry was just right. It just 0:14:47.876 --> 0:14:51.516 felt right. It felt it felt like it completed me. 0:14:52.596 --> 0:14:55.716 You know, it's I don't know if you're a fan 0:14:55.756 --> 0:14:58.636 of Harry Potter, but it does remind me. Okay, so 0:14:58.796 --> 0:15:01.036 it does remind me of the you know, the one 0:15:01.276 --> 0:15:03.876 chooses the wizard. And what I'm hearing in your story 0:15:04.076 --> 0:15:07.076 is this particular strat of areas chose you. 0:15:07.436 --> 0:15:07.876 Yeah. 0:15:08.116 --> 0:15:10.516 You know a lot of people might meet their life 0:15:10.556 --> 0:15:13.516 partner at that age, and I'd never felt like that 0:15:13.556 --> 0:15:16.476 about another person. I was twenty one. You're kind of 0:15:17.036 --> 0:15:21.556 you know, you're on the cusp of leaving childhood, you know, 0:15:21.876 --> 0:15:25.716 youth and really becoming an adult. I was becoming a woman, 0:15:26.476 --> 0:15:29.236 and I think, yeah, it just came at that point 0:15:29.316 --> 0:15:32.196 that I was ready for a new life, and this 0:15:32.356 --> 0:15:36.556 violin really fulfilled that new life. I mean I basically 0:15:36.796 --> 0:15:40.076 invested everything I had in that violin. I had been 0:15:40.076 --> 0:15:42.956 earning since I was ten eleven years old. I won 0:15:42.996 --> 0:15:46.756 a competition when I was eleven which the prize money 0:15:46.876 --> 0:15:50.076 was a lot, which my parents actually invested for me. 0:15:50.716 --> 0:15:52.916 So by the time I actually reached twenty one, I 0:15:52.956 --> 0:15:56.556 actually had enough money to buy a flat. And I 0:15:56.556 --> 0:16:01.276 think the normal thing would be you upgrade your flat 0:16:01.916 --> 0:16:04.796 and buy a bigger place, you know, and so on 0:16:04.836 --> 0:16:06.836 and so forth. Well for me, it was a no brainer. 0:16:07.276 --> 0:16:09.316 I didn't care about my flat. I just need did 0:16:09.316 --> 0:16:10.596 this violin for everything? 0:16:10.876 --> 0:16:13.276 So rather than the flat upgrade, you were like going 0:16:13.316 --> 0:16:15.996 all in and eventually wanting to own this violin. 0:16:16.236 --> 0:16:16.756 Yeah. 0:16:16.876 --> 0:16:19.516 I had loans, I had mortgages, but yeah, I mean, 0:16:20.036 --> 0:16:20.636 you know, it. 0:16:20.516 --> 0:16:21.436 Was my life. Wow. 0:16:21.596 --> 0:16:24.916 But actually also I don't know, it was just it 0:16:24.956 --> 0:16:27.516 gave me a sense of home. It gave me sense stability. 0:16:27.516 --> 0:16:29.596 The thing about the violin as well. And I was 0:16:29.636 --> 0:16:32.796 traveling a lot as well in those days, and whenever 0:16:32.836 --> 0:16:35.596 I felt homesick or whenever I felt like a culture 0:16:35.596 --> 0:16:38.596 shock or anything like that, and I felt like, oh gosh, 0:16:38.676 --> 0:16:41.196 I'm you know, a bit anxious. I don't know where 0:16:41.236 --> 0:16:44.276 I am. If I got out my violin, I played 0:16:44.276 --> 0:16:46.196 a few scales and I would just sort of get 0:16:46.236 --> 0:16:49.076 lost in the violin world. I just felt at home 0:16:49.236 --> 0:16:52.396 so effectively, you know, you're sort of carrying your home 0:16:52.436 --> 0:16:53.636 around with you wherever you go. 0:16:54.756 --> 0:16:55.596 And I loved it. 0:16:55.596 --> 0:16:57.876 It was just it meant everything to me. 0:16:59.236 --> 0:17:04.236 Now, let's fast forward ten years to this called November Day. 0:17:04.436 --> 0:17:07.076 It's twenty ten. You're thirty one years old at the time, 0:17:08.116 --> 0:17:12.596 and everything changed for you. In a London train station. 0:17:13.076 --> 0:17:17.996 So it was actually particularly cold November. I had actually 0:17:17.996 --> 0:17:22.196 been in hospital a few days before with asthma. I 0:17:22.236 --> 0:17:25.036 actually collapsed in the street. I was sort of on 0:17:25.076 --> 0:17:28.676 these heavy duty steroids, you know, head all over the place, 0:17:29.236 --> 0:17:33.636 and I was heading off to Manchester. So got to 0:17:33.676 --> 0:17:37.676 the train station. I was with my boyfriend Matt. We 0:17:37.796 --> 0:17:40.196 got there a little bit early, decided to get something 0:17:40.196 --> 0:17:43.676 to eat. We were in prit Mages, which is our 0:17:43.716 --> 0:17:49.636 Sandward shop, and because I wasn't feeling well, Matt wanted 0:17:49.676 --> 0:17:53.756 to look after my violin. My default position sitting down 0:17:54.116 --> 0:17:56.436 with my violin was to tie the strap around my 0:17:56.476 --> 0:17:59.236 ankle and I would never let anybody carry my violin 0:17:59.396 --> 0:18:05.436 for me. So my response was absolutely no way, and 0:18:05.516 --> 0:18:08.196 we had an argument. We actually had an argument about it, 0:18:08.316 --> 0:18:10.556 and you know, the thing is I'm the kind of 0:18:10.596 --> 0:18:14.436 person I just really don't like creating any kind of 0:18:14.476 --> 0:18:19.636 scene in public. And he was very insistent on looking 0:18:19.676 --> 0:18:21.916 off my violin, and I said, promise me, you'll look 0:18:21.956 --> 0:18:30.476 after it. And then about ten minutes later he said, 0:18:30.556 --> 0:18:39.516 oh my god, where's your violin? And it had gone. 0:18:40.436 --> 0:18:45.836 And in that moment, my life as I knew it ended. 0:18:49.916 --> 0:18:51.996 We'll be back in a moment with a slight change 0:18:51.996 --> 0:19:07.596 of plans. Min Kim's beloved violin was gone. Here's what 0:19:07.716 --> 0:19:11.996 happened in the London trains that day. Min had reluctantly 0:19:12.036 --> 0:19:14.756 let her boyfriend watch over her instrument while she grabbed 0:19:14.756 --> 0:19:18.036 a quick sandwich. He got distracted for a moment, and 0:19:18.116 --> 0:19:23.156 someone snatched the violin. Security footage later revealed that three 0:19:23.196 --> 0:19:26.396 men were behind the theft. The violin was valued at 0:19:26.396 --> 0:19:30.196 one point two million pounds. As police began a search, 0:19:30.556 --> 0:19:33.076 Min tried to adjust to life without her violin. 0:19:33.916 --> 0:19:38.276 I was sort of struggling between feeling a sense of, 0:19:39.596 --> 0:19:42.196 you know, just needing to be very practical, dealing with 0:19:42.236 --> 0:19:44.556 the practicalities of it, like the assurance stuff like that, 0:19:44.596 --> 0:19:48.996 and also feeling very guilty about feeling so devastated and 0:19:49.076 --> 0:19:55.796 got it almost like you know, it was there were 0:19:55.796 --> 0:19:58.916 some very well meaning people who loved me and were 0:19:58.916 --> 0:20:01.356 basically just trying to help, and they, you know that, 0:20:01.396 --> 0:20:03.796 they were saying, man, it's just a violin. You know 0:20:04.356 --> 0:20:07.596 there are other violins, And of course they're right, there 0:20:07.636 --> 0:20:11.516 are other violins. But I think for me it was 0:20:12.116 --> 0:20:15.636 like it was akin to say, you've lived somewhere since 0:20:15.636 --> 0:20:19.676 you're twenty one, you've lived somewhere that you've really made 0:20:19.716 --> 0:20:23.196 your home, You've tended the garden, and you know everything 0:20:23.276 --> 0:20:25.956 is your home. You know it's your safe place, it's everything, 0:20:26.036 --> 0:20:30.236 and then all of a sudden it's destroyed. So that's 0:20:30.236 --> 0:20:35.556 how it felt like for me, and well, I suppose 0:20:35.556 --> 0:20:37.756 it was a sense of loss of identity. It was 0:20:37.796 --> 0:20:40.436 a sense of a loss of everything that i'd actually 0:20:40.956 --> 0:20:43.676 it was my life earnings as well. And at this 0:20:43.796 --> 0:20:47.116 point I'm not even sure what's happening with the insurance, 0:20:47.196 --> 0:20:50.676 so I don't even know if I've actually lost my 0:20:50.996 --> 0:20:56.956 entire life earnings, my savings, my pension, everything. I didn't 0:20:56.996 --> 0:20:58.836 know if I was ever going to play the violin again. 0:20:59.356 --> 0:21:01.636 I didn't know if I could ever listen to music again. 0:21:02.196 --> 0:21:05.796 I didn't listen to music actually, for gosh, the best 0:21:05.836 --> 0:21:08.356 part of six months. I couldn't it was too painful. 0:21:08.596 --> 0:21:11.956 And this is, you know, having been someone who's basically 0:21:12.036 --> 0:21:14.116 been in love with music since I was born, well, 0:21:14.236 --> 0:21:17.636 so as I was in the woomb to all of 0:21:17.676 --> 0:21:20.916 a sudden actually reject music. I had to reject music 0:21:20.916 --> 0:21:24.156 because it was just so painful. I didn't want to feel. 0:21:24.236 --> 0:21:27.596 I didn't want, I couldn't feel. I couldn't cry. To 0:21:27.756 --> 0:21:31.676 cry meant that I had to feel, and to feel 0:21:31.716 --> 0:21:37.516 meant that I was human, and I just felt like 0:21:37.996 --> 0:21:41.916 I was going through the motions. I slept. I was 0:21:42.076 --> 0:21:45.316 just all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't 0:21:45.356 --> 0:21:48.156 want to get out of bed, just wanted to sleep. 0:21:49.036 --> 0:21:51.716 You mentioned that for a long time after your violin 0:21:51.796 --> 0:21:56.196 was stolen, you were not even able to listen to music. Yeah, 0:21:56.316 --> 0:21:59.996 tell me about when that changed for you and what 0:22:00.236 --> 0:22:03.396 cracked you open again and made music an option for 0:22:03.436 --> 0:22:04.076 you once again. 0:22:04.996 --> 0:22:11.516 So I needed silence, I felt so immediately after the theft. 0:22:12.316 --> 0:22:19.036 I just needed silence. I couldn't process. I couldn't process 0:22:20.516 --> 0:22:26.476 noise or sounds. Everything just sounded like noise and I 0:22:26.516 --> 0:22:29.916 couldn't deal with it. You know how when you listen 0:22:29.996 --> 0:22:34.876 to a song and they have very specific lyrics, very 0:22:34.916 --> 0:22:38.716 meaningful lyrics to something maybe that you've experienced, and it's 0:22:38.796 --> 0:22:42.876 just so exactly what you're going through, and you're just like, 0:22:43.116 --> 0:22:45.116 get it away from me. I can't deal with it, 0:22:45.396 --> 0:22:48.276 you know. And every single piece of music sounded like 0:22:48.276 --> 0:22:50.396 that to me. It was like a dagger to my heart. 0:22:50.996 --> 0:22:54.076 Even if it was the most healing music, I just 0:22:54.196 --> 0:22:58.916 couldn't process it. I certainly couldn't play. And I really 0:22:58.956 --> 0:23:02.836 didn't want to be self indulgent about grieving, and I 0:23:02.876 --> 0:23:06.476 think that's why I denied myself the grieving process for 0:23:06.516 --> 0:23:10.876 so long. I felt guilty that maybe I'm being massively 0:23:10.876 --> 0:23:14.036 self indulgent. So I kind of went into sort of 0:23:14.196 --> 0:23:18.436 soldier mode, giving myself a massive of doses of tough love, 0:23:18.516 --> 0:23:22.156 not actually realizing that what I really needed was to 0:23:22.236 --> 0:23:26.916 just take it easy, just you know, say it's okay 0:23:26.916 --> 0:23:31.436 to cry, It's okay to cry over something so important 0:23:31.476 --> 0:23:35.116 to me. And I think that delayed just sort of 0:23:35.116 --> 0:23:40.116 reconnecting with my life. And the moment actually came through bach. 0:23:41.676 --> 0:23:46.676 I was alone in the flat in Manchester and I 0:23:46.716 --> 0:23:51.076 had this violin that borrowed that sort of be sitting 0:23:51.596 --> 0:23:55.676 unopened for months. Took it out, took out the boat. 0:23:55.716 --> 0:23:57.876 It felt like a golf club in my hand, you know, 0:23:59.516 --> 0:24:06.596 just felt soulless. But I suddenly had an urge to 0:24:06.676 --> 0:24:09.396 play Bach. And the reason, I think is because I 0:24:09.436 --> 0:24:12.716 always think of Bach has been the ultimate detox. You know, 0:24:12.836 --> 0:24:21.236 it's so pure, it's so clean, and my soul felt 0:24:21.276 --> 0:24:24.916 ready to let go of some of the of the 0:24:24.916 --> 0:24:28.756 real darkness. I didn't realize just how in such a 0:24:28.836 --> 0:24:33.356 dark place that i'd been, I hadn't laughed in months. 0:24:34.156 --> 0:24:39.596 I hadn't cried either. So I played a piece by 0:24:39.716 --> 0:24:43.836 Bach called the Chakan, and I started shaking, like my 0:24:43.916 --> 0:24:47.636 body actually started shaking in voluntarily, like it was trying 0:24:47.676 --> 0:24:50.596 to feel something, like it was trying to connect with something. 0:24:50.636 --> 0:24:54.036