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Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a Mental Wealth podcast

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Speaker 1: Build you from the inside out.

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Speaker 2: Now here's Jay Glacier.

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Speaker 3: Welcome into Unbreakable, a Mental Wealth podcast with Jay Glazer.

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Speaker 3: I'm Jay Glazier and we are just a week outside

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Speaker 3: the NFL Draft and there's a lot of players here

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Speaker 3: who are just going to start their journey. If I

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Speaker 3: want to do chime with somebody who just entered their

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Speaker 3: NFL journey and is now using football as an opportunity

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Speaker 3: to branch out into a music career so much more

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Speaker 3: in transition. This is former Pro Bowl tight end from

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Speaker 3: the Raiders and the Giants, Darren Waller.

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Speaker 2: How you doing, buddy?

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Speaker 4: I'm great man. How are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Living the dream?

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Speaker 4: Man?

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Speaker 2: Trying crazy a couple of weeks here?

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Speaker 3: But man, glad that you're joining, because, like I just said,

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Speaker 3: a lot of these players are just about to start and.

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Speaker 2: They have no idea what's about to you know, what

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Speaker 2: is about to hit that?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 3: If you can get these guys some advice from what

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Speaker 3: you've already been through, what would have what would I

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Speaker 3: guess you know, what would you give.

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Speaker 2: Young Darren Waller?

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Speaker 1: Uh?

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Speaker 2: You know, first year Darren Waller?

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Speaker 1: Uh?

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Speaker 3: The lessons life lessons that you want to shet them

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Speaker 3: off on the right path with.

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Speaker 1: I would say it'd be a combination of patience being

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Speaker 1: the answer and also, you know, develop a relationship with

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Speaker 1: the present moment. I feel like I spent so much

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Speaker 1: time thinking about what my future needed to look like,

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Speaker 1: how I needed to arrange it perfectly, or I was

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Speaker 1: in shame about things I did in the.

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Speaker 4: Past or what I could have done better.

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Speaker 1: Or you know, as opposed to as being like, I'm here,

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Speaker 1: I have an opportunity each and every day, each and

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Speaker 1: every meeting, each and every workout, each and every like

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Speaker 1: in those individual moments stack and create the.

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Speaker 4: Career that you want.

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Speaker 1: It may not happen as fast as you like it

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Speaker 1: to happen, but you know, you need to develop your

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Speaker 1: character and your game slowly before you get an opportunity

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Speaker 1: to have a big moment and you're not ready for it.

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Speaker 3: That's deep, and you know, because look, anxiety is really

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Speaker 3: worrying about stuff that hasn't happened yet you can't control,

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Speaker 3: or stuff, like you said, stuff that's happened in the past.

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Speaker 2: It's so hard for us to live in the present.

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Speaker 2: How did you teach yourself or training yourself to accept that.

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Speaker 1: Well, life had to humble me and ended up in

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Speaker 1: rehab in twenty seventeen, and they're one of the first

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Speaker 1: few days where they taught us the practice of meditation,

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Speaker 1: and it was like a five minute meditation. It felt

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Speaker 1: like an eternity and it was the first time I

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Speaker 1: felt like I ever, like really truly paused and was

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Speaker 1: just like in where my feet were, like.

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Speaker 4: Just in that moment fully.

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Speaker 1: And then from there and doing a lot of work

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Speaker 1: in recovery allowed me to step back into football, like

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll.

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Speaker 4: Ever play in the game again.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if another team would touch me or

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Speaker 1: trust me with an opportunity. So really all my focus

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Speaker 1: can even be on is just improving my game and

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Speaker 1: if there's an opportunity for me, that can happen. So

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Speaker 1: it's like my life circumstances arrange themselves in a way

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Speaker 1: to where I had to focus on the moment, and

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Speaker 1: then I can look back in hindsight and be like, wow,

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Speaker 1: that actually helped me succeed and not focus on things

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Speaker 1: that I didn't really need to even focus on that

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Speaker 1: would take care of themselves down the road.

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Speaker 4: If I just kept working.

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Speaker 2: Man.

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Speaker 3: It's funny because I went I went out to Thailand

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Speaker 3: to learn how to do breathworking meditation.

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Speaker 2: So man, I was there for maybe I'm.

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Speaker 3: Thirty seconds and the time monk kind of looks at

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Speaker 3: me and he looks in my direction and he says, oh, man,

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Speaker 3: you're a lot of pain.

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Speaker 2: You go to learn how to love yourself up. And

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Speaker 2: I kind of turned around, like who is this guy

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Speaker 2: talking to and I realize he's talking to me. I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, but you're right like having it.

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Speaker 3: Look, I got beyond adhd, I got element of ptill.

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Speaker 2: So for me to for me to.

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Speaker 3: Like be able to focus on that and look inside

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Speaker 3: and turn off the noise, what's such a powerful thing

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Speaker 3: for me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's it's amazing because our like the mind

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Speaker 1: is just constantly yapping and yapping and yapping, and just

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Speaker 1: we can step back away from that noise and just

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Speaker 1: like allow it to exist, not judge it, not repress it,

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Speaker 1: suppress it, whatever, just allow it to be.

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Speaker 4: It'll go, it'll pass.

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Speaker 1: It's like a lot of times we just kind of

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Speaker 1: latch onto those thoughts and you know, form an identity

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Speaker 1: out of them or whatever it may be.

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Speaker 4: But it's like they'll they'll pass if we let them.

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Speaker 3: I want people to understand I want to Thailand. But

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Speaker 3: you can go online and look up breathwork. You get

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Speaker 3: on one line, look up meditation. I still do. I

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Speaker 3: go around different apps and stuff, so it's really available

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Speaker 3: for you. You just got to do the work. So

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Speaker 3: you end up going to rehab. What was the tipping

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Speaker 3: point for that?

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Speaker 1: So I overdosed in twenty seventeen off of you know,

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Speaker 1: I was an addict. My main drug of choice was

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Speaker 1: like persets, opioids, painkillers there I can yeah, and people

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Speaker 1: in the Baltimore area I was my first team have

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Speaker 1: been saying like, you know, be careful out here. Depressing

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Speaker 1: pills could be fitting all. And I'm like yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And then one day, August eleventh, twenty seventeen,

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Speaker 1: was the day that happened. And from there I just

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Speaker 1: kind of like came out of that moment. Within a

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Speaker 1: couple of days, I got a call from the Ravens doctors.

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Speaker 1: They were like, we're still getting your toxicology results from

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Speaker 1: your drug tests.

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Speaker 4: We're afraid for your life.

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Speaker 1: We want you to go see this addiction specialist and things,

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Speaker 1: just trying to start the fall in order. I met

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Speaker 1: with the specialist in Atlanta, that's where I'm from, and

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Speaker 1: they sent me to rehab.

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Speaker 4: There.

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Speaker 1: Things started to unfold and my life kind of slowly

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Speaker 1: started to turn around.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, I had to crash and burn.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't like a conscious life decision of I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: turn my I'm gonna just make some changes and be better.

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Speaker 4: It was like no, like I learned best from rock Bottoms.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what you got to do. I look, I've

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Speaker 3: helped so many players out, you know. Look I got

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Speaker 3: Balden Smith back in the NFL. Who I met him.

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Speaker 3: He was homeless and he helped me with a lot

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Speaker 3: of players and a lot of veterans. And the same thing, like, hey,

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Speaker 3: you got to hit rock bottom before you want to

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Speaker 3: go back up. Are you going to just keep going

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Speaker 3: back down? You said your Indeed? Was it laced with fenerol?

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Speaker 3: Is that what happened?

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Speaker 1: It had to have been, because it was not anywhere

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Speaker 1: near the dose that I usually took, so like I'm

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Speaker 1: used to, I was grabbing like, you know, three thirty

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Speaker 1: milligram like whatever.

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Speaker 4: It is.

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Speaker 1: Like that day they had like some twenty milligrams and

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Speaker 1: it was like a few of them and I was

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Speaker 1: like okay, Like so just that day, I was just

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Speaker 1: trying to pass time until I was moving out of

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Speaker 1: my apartment because I was suspended in Baltimore, and it

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Speaker 1: hit me instantly and it was just like lights out,

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Speaker 1: Like I pulled from on the TV off of an

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Speaker 1: amount that I usually don't even take.

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Speaker 4: So it's just like, did.

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Speaker 2: You realize that in the moment or did you just

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Speaker 2: passed out?

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Speaker 4: That was It was no realizations, this was all in hindsight.

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Speaker 3: Wow, that's wild, man, it's deep. Give me the couple

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Speaker 3: things that you learned in reapp then you wish others

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Speaker 3: could learn without having to go.

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Speaker 1: I don't think anybody knows the real power of just

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Speaker 1: like honesty and vulnerability and allowing people to see you

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Speaker 1: exactly as you are instead of trying to manufacture yourself

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Speaker 1: to only allow people to see you when you think

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Speaker 1: you're doing well or you think you're measuring up. It's

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Speaker 1: like I started to feel lighter and lighter every day

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Speaker 1: as I You know, that's what.

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Speaker 4: The people talking about the twelve step program. A lot

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Speaker 4: of people probably don't know what that is.

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Speaker 1: All it is is just something that's allowing you to

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Speaker 1: see your limitations and where your life has gotten you,

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Speaker 1: and to accept help from other people and to be

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Speaker 1: honest with yourself and to develop a spiritual life.

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Speaker 4: And that's the key for me.

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Speaker 1: It's like if we're living closed up, walled off still

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Speaker 1: by these old definitions of what a man should be,

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Speaker 1: or you know, just kind of blocked off from the world,

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Speaker 1: it's like that's you're going to suffer. You're going to

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Speaker 1: be in your own prison. So for me, it's like

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Speaker 1: the biggest thing I learned was honesty and vulnerability. And

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Speaker 1: there's been times in my recovery where I've drifted away

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Speaker 1: from that and I've had to pay for that in other.

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Speaker 4: Ways that aren't drugs and alcohol related.

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Speaker 1: But it's I realized, like I have to keep coming

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Speaker 1: back to living honestly and vulnerably with other people, not isolated.

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Speaker 1: Is the biggest thing that I took away.

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Speaker 3: What the stress of playing in the NFL is there

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Speaker 3: a temptation to get back into the bills.

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Speaker 2: How hard was that to fight that?

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Speaker 1: So I think the things that I'm learning now in

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Speaker 1: my life, it wasn't tempting. After the first six months

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Speaker 1: of sobriety. I've never been like had a thought of

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Speaker 1: like it would be nice to do a pill again,

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Speaker 1: like or drink again or anything like that. I feel

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Speaker 1: like for me getting into like deeper stages of recovery,

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Speaker 1: I realized, like the drugs and alcohol were soothing for me.

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Speaker 1: But it was like as soon as I gave those up,

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Speaker 1: it was relationships with women that became.

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Speaker 4: The new drug.

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Speaker 1: Especially you know, where my career was going, the options

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Speaker 1: that were available, like that became my new drug.

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Speaker 4: Choice was like I don't even have to drink, I

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Speaker 4: don't even have to do bills.

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Speaker 1: Like this is a drug in of itself, and it

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Speaker 1: wasn't tearing my life apart.

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Speaker 4: Honestly.

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Speaker 1: It's like, you know, you get to that level of

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Speaker 1: status in your career, it's like people celebrate you for

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Speaker 1: they honestly think that you're supposed to do it. That's

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Speaker 1: a way of like enjoying your life. And yeah, so

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Speaker 1: what I didn't have to go back to using that.

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Speaker 1: I was just I had found a new drug.

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Speaker 2: Look.

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Speaker 3: I started charity Emerging Guts Some Players eleven years ago,

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Speaker 3: ten years ago, where I would take performer pro football

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Speaker 3: players and fighters and olympians and put them together with

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Speaker 3: combat Bess to help them in transition for when the

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Speaker 3: uniform comes off, right, because you lose that locker room,

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Speaker 3: it sucks. You lose that structure, It sucks. How have

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Speaker 3: you been able to find structure? What have you done

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Speaker 3: in transition here? But now you're not with that team?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Honestly for me, I look.

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Speaker 1: Back and it's like it really helped pay off for

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Speaker 1: me that I've had these relationships with people that are

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Speaker 1: like in recovery and going to meetings and friends outside

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Speaker 1: of football that are the people that spend a lot

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Speaker 1: of time with now and lean on in this transition

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Speaker 1: with you know, the difficulties or the fears or the uncertainties.

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Speaker 1: Even though this is a decision I wanted to make

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Speaker 1: and am glad that I made, it doesn't mean it

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Speaker 1: doesn't come with levels of grief and things like that.

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Speaker 1: So it's like that's things I process in therapy, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: you got to have a support system to do it,

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Speaker 1: because it's like our whole life, Like I've been on

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Speaker 1: the same loop since I was four years old. I'm

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Speaker 1: thirty two and I just retired, you know, so it's

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Speaker 1: like I can't expect there to not be levels of

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Speaker 1: discomfort as I try to figure out, Okay, who who

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Speaker 1: is it that I want to be in this next chapter?

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Speaker 4: Like it's gonna be hard. I'm gonna miss you know,

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Speaker 4: the highs.

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Speaker 1: Of playing that and that that the competition provided. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm just grateful to have people that I can lean

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Speaker 1: on with, therapists that I can work with, you know,

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Speaker 1: going back and doing like.

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Speaker 4: A lot of the early you know, childhood work.

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like even with the work I've done

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Speaker 1: in recovery, being in recovery for almost eight years, I'm

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Speaker 1: still like just the tip of the iceberg as far

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Speaker 1: as like the total picture of who I am and

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Speaker 1: how I've come to be myself. So yeah, I'm just

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Speaker 1: grateful to have people that can walk through me with it,

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Speaker 1: because some days are great and then some days it's

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Speaker 1: just like what the fuck am I doing?

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Speaker 4: You know what?

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Speaker 2: What made you hang up?

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Speaker 4: The clicks?

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Speaker 1: It was getting to the point where I was realizing that,

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Speaker 1: you know, playing football like for me, I don't know, man,

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Speaker 1: It's just like it just kept me in survival mode

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Speaker 1: a lot, and I don't like who I am in

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Speaker 1: survival mode and how I try to cope with, you know,

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Speaker 1: because football is pressure.

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Speaker 4: It takes a lot from you. It gives lines like

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Speaker 4: the game has blessed me with so much.

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Speaker 1: I don't even want to get up here and act

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Speaker 1: like football hasn't blessed me with a tremendous life. But

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Speaker 1: it's like, man, it takes so much from me that

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Speaker 1: the only reason I'm here is because man, I should

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Speaker 1: be making this money, I should.

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Speaker 4: Be collecting this check.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel like it's somewhere that I need to

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Speaker 1: continue to show up, especially with.

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Speaker 4: All that's required of the process.

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Speaker 1: All of your teammates are wanting from you, all that

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Speaker 1: your coaches are expecting from you to give, and it's like,

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Speaker 1: I don't feel like I'm in a position to give that.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm just doing it to kind of

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Speaker 1: please people. I feel like I've pleased people my whole life.

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Speaker 1: So this was like the first step in me being like,

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Speaker 1: all right, this is I'm going to look to create

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Speaker 1: the life that I want to create, you know.

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Speaker 4: So it's just I feel like that was probably the

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Speaker 4: biggest thing.

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Speaker 1: And then having another my body kind of letting me

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Speaker 1: know like I had this viral perfection of my lungs

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Speaker 1: randomly during my last season in New York. It's like

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Speaker 1: in November of that season, I was in the hospital

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Speaker 1: for three days. I couldn't pissed by myself, couldn't shit

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Speaker 1: by myself. Like it was just I was in rough shape.

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Speaker 1: Like my body is like, hey man, like we had

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Speaker 1: a we've had great running here, but it's like it's

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Speaker 1: time for something new. And it's like it's also my

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Speaker 1: body letting me know, which I don't think was even possible.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I was trying to hang on and get

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Speaker 1: the most I could add football. But it's almost like

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Speaker 1: in the way God was like, hey man, I'm done

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Speaker 1: with you in the game, but I got new things

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Speaker 1: for you.

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Speaker 4: So that's kind of how I came to the decision.

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Speaker 3: I want you to understand. Also, this is what I

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Speaker 3: always tell our athletes. You play in the NFL is

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Speaker 3: not who you are, right. You got something different behind

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Speaker 3: your ribcage that got you to beat out millions and

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Speaker 3: millions and millions to play in the NFL. That's who

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Speaker 3: you are that suddenly doesn't just leave when the uniform

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Speaker 3: comes off. Too many guys thinks it does, and that's

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Speaker 3: just not the case. It's always behind that ribcage.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's so good, Man's that's so true because.

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Speaker 1: Even with all the things I feel like I've tried

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Speaker 1: to do to actically separate my identity from just being

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Speaker 1: the football player, it's like, naturally it's so woven in

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Speaker 1: there because you get so celebrated for it your whole

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Speaker 1: life and it just like you've been doing this since

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Speaker 1: you were a kid. And yeah, it's hard to separate

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Speaker 1: the two. But that's that's that's so to I tire

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Speaker 1: mind myself of that every day.

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Speaker 3: Well, and I want you to celebrate that. I want

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Speaker 3: you to like, we've got to work on being proud.

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Speaker 3: And it's hard also, I know, even the addiction part right,

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Speaker 3: because our egos really what gets in the way there.

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Speaker 2: But we've got to work on being proud.

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Speaker 3: So even though career is over, I want you every

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Speaker 3: day to work on being proud that you did have

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Speaker 3: this great career.

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Speaker 2: You're a pro bowler, You've.

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Speaker 3: Had the fame and the ford, You've had the gift

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Speaker 3: that we all hope for as little kids, and nobody

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Speaker 3: can take that for you.

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Speaker 2: So work on that always.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, man, that's that's actually real advice that I can

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Speaker 1: apply because I feel like a lot of what got

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Speaker 1: me to where I was and the engine behind it

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Speaker 1: was like this perfectionism. And it's almost like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be seen as not good enough

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Speaker 1: or just like you know, So it's now when it's

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Speaker 1: time to actually celebrate things. I've never really been able

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Speaker 1: to stop and celebrates. I've aways been just go grind, grind, grind.

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Speaker 4: So that yeah.

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Speaker 3: So what I do every morning when I do my

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Speaker 3: breathworking meditation, I'll meditate to like two three different songs.

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Speaker 3: One of them I'll do things I'm grateful for and

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Speaker 3: another one is things I'm proud of. And like I said,

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Speaker 3: sometimes man, it's hard, you know. It's like, at least

348
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Speaker 3: for me, I ned to beat up on myself like crazy.

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Speaker 3: So it's like I've got a I'm a fighter. I

350
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,120
Speaker 3: learned how to fight back on things, you know, so

351
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Speaker 3: I will fight back on in the room. It's my

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00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,400
Speaker 3: crazy rooms in my head tell me that I'm not

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Speaker 3: worth it, haven't done enough, or ain't shit or something

354
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Speaker 3: like that.

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Speaker 2: So you got to work on it. You got to practice.

356
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Speaker 3: But one thing you know you could do, if you

357
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,160
Speaker 3: wrap it things, you'll get better. Right, So that means

358
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,520
Speaker 3: you got to wrap at this also, so I wrap

359
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,920
Speaker 3: it every morning. I do this every single morning in

360
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Speaker 3: my life. Things that I'm proud of what you got

361
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,840
Speaker 3: to get in that happen a little bit, right, Like

362
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,360
Speaker 3: I want to hit here a little bit. Also because

363
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,840
Speaker 3: football is I think it was Herr. Edwards said this

364
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,720
Speaker 3: to I learned from John Lynch and Rende Barber. He's like,

365
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,840
Speaker 3: football is not a career, It's an opportunity. It's an

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Speaker 3: opportunity to set you up on some great things for

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Speaker 3: the rest of your life. What you've done now, right,

368
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,640
Speaker 3: and you have the transition and you've moved over to music,

369
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Speaker 3: tell me a tell us about your music career.

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Speaker 2: You just came out with.

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Speaker 3: I think a new ballad also, right, tell us about that.

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00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,520
Speaker 3: I would come on driving a little bit.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, A lot of people probably don't know.

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Speaker 1: I've been making music for like a year, Like the

375
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,600
Speaker 1: same week I got drafted to Baltimore, and I was

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Speaker 1: in the hotel like that. They put the rookies in

377
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,600
Speaker 1: in Owings Mills and I was I've.

378
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Speaker 2: Been in there.

379
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was out.

380
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Speaker 1: I would sit out back in the parking lot and

381
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,280
Speaker 1: smoke black and miles back there and just chill and

382
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Speaker 1: I was just like I have been saying, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to start writing music. And it's like I'm not doing

384
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,520
Speaker 1: nothing up here if I'm not in the building, like

385
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Speaker 1: I'm just kind of chilling out, like I'm just going

386
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Speaker 1: to start making music. And I started making music back then.

387
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Speaker 1: The first two years, I didn't let anybody know that

388
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Speaker 1: I was making music. And then I started like realizing

389
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Speaker 1: some of my friends from back home were producers, started locking.

390
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Speaker 4: In with them.

391
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Speaker 1: It just kind of became a thing and I started.

392
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Speaker 1: I've been releasing music since probably like twenty seventeen. It's

393
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Speaker 1: just like off of just hey man, like I am

394
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Speaker 1: naturally drawn to this and I love doing it.

395
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Speaker 4: And I've seen the growth in myself.

396
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Speaker 1: I say what I've seen growth like as a as

397
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Speaker 1: a player, like going from like a guy that had like,

398
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Speaker 1: oh he's got some potential and like it really just

399
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,360
Speaker 1: work working in on like little details, like I've been

400
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,440
Speaker 1: in the same way with music with like deliveries and

401
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:10,640
Speaker 1: ideas and perspectives and melodies like things like that. It's

402
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,000
Speaker 1: just it's just been a super fun journey for me.

403
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,200
Speaker 1: And it's like now that I'm done playing football. It's like, yeah,

404
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:19,480
Speaker 1: I'm definitely an artists, I'm definitely creative, but it's like

405
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,960
Speaker 1: this is just like something that I want to do,

406
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,120
Speaker 1: Like this is something that whether anything comes from it

407
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,800
Speaker 1: or not, I will always be creating like this.

408
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,360
Speaker 4: It's it's like a spiritually like my.

409
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,520
Speaker 1: Great grandfather was a jazz musician, so it's like these

410
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:32,800
Speaker 1: are kind of things are in me.

411
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,880
Speaker 4: So I'll always be doing.

412
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Speaker 1: This and I'm just grateful to have the time to

413
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,920
Speaker 1: pour into it more and just continue to share it

414
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Speaker 1: with the world.

415
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Speaker 2: Is music your way of journaling?

416
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:42,040
Speaker 4: It is?

417
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,560
Speaker 1: It is, man, It is because my songs can range.

418
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,160
Speaker 1: They reflect all the different parts of me. There's like

419
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,240
Speaker 1: songs like the one I just released, the top play song,

420
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:57,640
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, the more competitive, like football type

421
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,960
Speaker 1: side of me, and there's like emotional song.

422
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,480
Speaker 4: We're like ones of depth and just like what's going

423
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 4: on in my head.

424
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 1: Like it's just and they can they'll all range, they'll

425
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,680
Speaker 1: all be different, like people will see like the next

426
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,280
Speaker 1: few songs that I have coming out will sound nothing

427
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,800
Speaker 1: like each other. So it's like it's a it's a

428
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,520
Speaker 1: great creative tool in a lot of ways. When I'm

429
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,760
Speaker 1: not even truly conscious of it. The words that are

430
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,760
Speaker 1: deep within me, like subconsciously are coming out in what

431
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,880
Speaker 1: I'm writing. And that's like I'll look back and I'll

432
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,840
Speaker 1: be like, damn, that was trying to come out of me.

433
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,120
Speaker 1: I was almost maybe trying to suppress it in a way.

434
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,320
Speaker 1: I don't know, but it is a great expression tool.

435
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,520
Speaker 1: And like when as I was doing it and getting

436
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,520
Speaker 1: more into it, when I got sober, like that's what

437
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,040
Speaker 1: it was. It was almost a way for me to

438
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:40,400
Speaker 1: like speak things into existence before they happen. So that's

439
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:44,640
Speaker 1: why it's become such an amazing tool and just way

440
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:45,240
Speaker 1: of doing life.

441
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,280
Speaker 3: You know, what's your process for creating a song? I've

442
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:53,560
Speaker 3: trained With's Khalifa, Dema Levado, Jonas Brothers, Snoop Michaels that

443
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,160
Speaker 3: hang out every week, so I hear a lot about

444
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:59,680
Speaker 3: different processes of creating a song, creating music.

445
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:03,680
Speaker 1: What's you Yeah, it usually revolves around like hearing some

446
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,400
Speaker 1: type of sound or being sent a beat that i'll

447
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,400
Speaker 1: just you know, kind of sit with. I don't ever

448
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:12,080
Speaker 1: really write things before music is there. It's kind of

449
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,479
Speaker 1: like the music moved in a way, so it's just

450
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,879
Speaker 1: you know, and being patient with that. It's not putting

451
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,760
Speaker 1: a timer on the process or going into it saying

452
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,600
Speaker 1: like all right, I gotta make a banger today or

453
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,040
Speaker 1: I got to make a hit today. It's more so

454
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,160
Speaker 1: like what is this music? What are these sounds? Where

455
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,679
Speaker 1: are these chords? Like bringing out of me? What is

456
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:33,879
Speaker 1: my you know, spirit trying to express as it meets

457
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,159
Speaker 1: this music like, and it's usually something with some with

458
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,080
Speaker 1: some depth to it.

459
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,359
Speaker 4: Sometimes you get some hard hitten bangers out of me.

460
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,560
Speaker 4: But it's like, yeah, it's.

461
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,480
Speaker 1: Just like being being patient with it and not allowing

462
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,960
Speaker 1: like the instant gratification parts of my mind to be like,

463
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,919
Speaker 1: all right, what's me the song being bing, being mean

464
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,040
Speaker 1: and being put it out make it impressive. It's like, no,

465
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:58,080
Speaker 1: let's make this authentic, Let's make this have intentionality behind it.

466
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 4: Trying to approach it from that standpoint.

467
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:04,120
Speaker 3: But is it show it's the music first, and then

468
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,919
Speaker 3: is it an idea and everything comes from an idea?

469
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,320
Speaker 3: Or is it just like I just want to put

470
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,439
Speaker 3: words in to this music that that's that's motivating me.

471
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,840
Speaker 4: For me. Honestly, I think words and ideas flow simultaneously.

472
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,800
Speaker 1: A lot of times. I usually will come up more

473
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 1: times than not, usually coming up like with a hook

474
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,959
Speaker 1: or a chorus first, and then from there it's like

475
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 1: me and like if I'm collaborating with people will be

476
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 1: like all right, like what, like what do you think?

477
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 4: Like what are we talking about here?

478
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,120
Speaker 1: And it's like okay, Like from what I have right now,

479
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 1: it's it's trending towards this way I'm talking about overcoming

480
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 1: this or like this tough chapter in my life. It's

481
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 1: like from there it's like okay, boom, Like that's the

482
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,040
Speaker 1: direction we're going with for the verses. So it's like

483
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,680
Speaker 1: I feel like the idea comes as those initial words

484
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,080
Speaker 1: are to come out.

485
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,199
Speaker 4: And like it's almost like the same thing, like my

486
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:48,840
Speaker 4: body will be.

487
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,680
Speaker 1: Like there's like this natural like yes, this works, or

488
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 1: it's like something I'll be like okay, like now let's

489
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,040
Speaker 1: just keep working with to see what comes. But it's

490
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,919
Speaker 1: like that feeling of like yes is so clear in

491
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 1: my body in my mind like and feel it, and

492
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 1: then it's from there it's whatever that idea was, we're

493
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 1: moving in that direction with the verses, with the lines

494
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,720
Speaker 1: with the wordplay kind of moves like that. How often

495
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:13,160
Speaker 1: are you in studio I'm not an everyday studio person,

496
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,240
Speaker 1: but I mean I'm writing, I'm cooking up stuff at

497
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:20,120
Speaker 1: least like every other day minimum, because for me, it's

498
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,960
Speaker 1: like I understand like getting the reps, getting the work in.

499
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,119
Speaker 1: So I am recording fairly regularly and writing fairly regularly.

500
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,320
Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like my music is

501
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,960
Speaker 1: more like authentic, and so it's like I need like

502
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 1: life experiences and not like being locked in the studio

503
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,160
Speaker 1: almost because then I won't have much life to write about.

504
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,720
Speaker 1: It's kind of like my standpoint. But yeah, it's at

505
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 1: least a few days a week.

506
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,400
Speaker 3: You said something earlier too, like mag you've been doing

507
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,720
Speaker 3: this since you're four years old.

508
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 2: So one thing I always get.

509
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 3: You know, nervous by guys when their career is ending,

510
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,280
Speaker 3: is they don't have their structure as far as like

511
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 3: you're away is told where to go, when to go,

512
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,439
Speaker 3: who to train with, who to sit with, who to

513
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,160
Speaker 3: heat with, what time you're studying, what time you're you're playing,

514
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 3: what time you practice, what time you're lifting.

515
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,160
Speaker 2: Now that you don't have that, how difficult has that been?

516
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 2: And are you doing things to make sure you have

517
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 2: a structure in your life?

518
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 4: Yeah.

519
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: Luckily I've gotten introduced to like a new group and

520
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:15,040
Speaker 1: fellowship of men over the last year that have been

521
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 1: on me about like writing up, writing out my daily schedule.

522
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:23,679
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, like this morning, I've woke up, meditated, prayed,

523
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:27,000
Speaker 1: walked around my neighborhood, gone a twelve step meeting at eight,

524
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,639
Speaker 1: and after this, I'm going to go work it out

525
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 1: because I'm training for this high Rocks event.

526
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 4: So I got to workout at ten. I got therapised

527
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 4: this afternoon.

528
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,719
Speaker 1: On Mondays, I help out with this like seven year

529
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,199
Speaker 1: old kids flag practice.

530
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,399
Speaker 4: They do like offensive drills on Mondays. So I'll go

531
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:44,880
Speaker 4: over there.

532
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,639
Speaker 1: So it's like and writing those things out in my

533
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,439
Speaker 1: journal before my day starts. I was like, I can

534
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,400
Speaker 1: check them off as I go because that idle time

535
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,959
Speaker 1: it's just as dangerous as it is.

536
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:57,800
Speaker 3: And that's what I want to every offer to listeners

537
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,919
Speaker 3: to understand that when you're done, don't look at it

538
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 3: like what.

539
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,680
Speaker 2: Am I going to do now? I'm just gonna float

540
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 2: through life.

541
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 3: No, you got to continue to have that structure because

542
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 3: that's how we are ingrained to do.

543
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 2: We're ingrained practice, practice practice, And like Darren saying, too.

544
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 3: You don't want your out of mind to sit there

545
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,439
Speaker 3: and take you down a bad road there, So make.

546
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:15,679
Speaker 2: Sure you have a structure, all right.

547
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 3: Last question I asked all my guests, give me your

548
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,679
Speaker 3: own breakable moment, the moment that should have broken you

549
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 3: could have and didn't, and as a result, you came.

550
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,880
Speaker 2: Through the other side of that tunnel stronger forever in life.

551
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: I think we talked about my overdose. I want to

552
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:31,840
Speaker 1: talk about a different one. I think a lot of

553
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 1: people have heard about the story of how I got

554
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 1: acquired by the Raiders, from the Ravens, from being on

555
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,239
Speaker 1: the practice squad and from them seeing me work out

556
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 1: before the game. But that was Thanksgiving of that season,

557
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 1: so that was like two thirds of the way through

558
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: that season, and.

559
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 4: I felt like I was approaching the practice squad and

560
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 4: coming with a good attitude. I think eleven it was

561
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:53,959
Speaker 4: twelve weeks. It was eleven of them.

562
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,879
Speaker 1: Leading up to that week before that Raiders game, I

563
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 1: was kind of down because there was a lot of

564
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,440
Speaker 1: tight ends that were getting hurt and I was thinking, like, man,

565
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 1: like I should be getting my shot, I should be

566
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,440
Speaker 1: getting an opportunity now, and it was kind of discouraging

567
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 1: it was like kind of comes to the realization, like, man,

568
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,200
Speaker 1: I really might not ever play in the game again,

569
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 1: and so it was kind of like tough for me

570
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 1: to kind of get going at practice that week. I

571
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 1: think I still like performed well, but it was just

572
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 1: like the state that I was in wasn't as good

573
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 1: and as strong and as president as I was weeks before.

574
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: And I get to that Sunday morning and that workout

575
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,119
Speaker 1: that that got claimed from I was debating, like, I

576
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 1: don't even want to really do this this week, like

577
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 1: I've been doing it every week, what's the point. And

578
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 1: going out there and doing it anyway opened the wind,

579
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 1: opened the door for them to see me and for

580
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 1: me to be claimed the very next day. And I

581
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 1: look back on that moment and it's like, man, Like,

582
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,159
Speaker 1: there were times where it's like, man, it wasn't like

583
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 1: I said at the beginning, it wasn't happening the way

584
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,640
Speaker 1: that I wanted to wasn't happening fast enough the timing

585
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,640
Speaker 1: of it, and I was about to let that throw

586
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 1: me off from.

587
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,440
Speaker 4: The opportunity that I was there.

588
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 1: So it's like you never know who's watching, You never

589
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:03,199
Speaker 1: know what could be right around in the corner, and

590
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:04,920
Speaker 1: you just got to continue to stick to what your

591
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 1: values are, what your practices are, even if there's no

592
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 1: results that are coming, because it's more so a reflection

593
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: of who you are as opposed to like if your

594
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 1: circumstances are perfect, Like circumstances can be great one day

595
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,639
Speaker 1: rough than next, but like who you are can always

596
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: remain constant, and you may walk smack into an opportunity

597
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:23,680
Speaker 1: not even knowing.

598
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 4: And that's what happened for me that day.

599
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: So it was like I was feeling like I was

600
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 1: broken in, like I was gonna be back working at

601
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,880
Speaker 1: sprouts leading up to that week, but I was presenting

602
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 1: with an opportunity that changed the trajectory of my life

603
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: that weekend. And I'm grateful that I chose to lace

604
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,640
Speaker 1: up my leaves and just go out there and put

605
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 1: more reps in that day.

606
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 2: Man. I love that dude.

607
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,159
Speaker 3: So, first of all, mental toughness is doing stuff that

608
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 3: you don't want to do. And second, I always say,

609
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,360
Speaker 3: you never know what lies around next Tuesday. You never

610
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 3: know when that opportunity is gonna come, So you got

611
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 3: to give your all even when you don't want to. Man,

612
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 3: I love that dude. I appreciate you joining us. Tell

613
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 3: everybody where you could find your music and what's your latest?

614
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, music wise, just my government, it may Darren Waller, Spotify,

615
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 1: Apple Music, whatever wherever you stream at. Definitely more music

616
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 1: on the way. The most recent song up put out

617
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 1: was called top Play That's Out and Instagram rack wall

618
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 1: with two k's r A c kk W a l L.

619
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 1: Same on TikTok Twitter's rack wall eighty three. Lots of

620
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 1: cool stuff comes, lots of different kinds of content. But yeah, man,

621
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,719
Speaker 1: just grateful to be able to have this conversation with

622
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 1: you today.

623
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 3: You too, man, prid you dude, I really remember you.

624
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 3: Keep working on being proud of you. Thank you man,

625
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 3: appreciate you joining up product