1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:03,160 Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's Kaylie Shore and this is too much 2 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:20,120 Speaker 1: to say asking questions it out you. Okay, So I'm 3 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:22,959 Speaker 1: still in Los Angeles. I'm having a wonderful fucking time. 4 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,560 Speaker 1: My boyfriend Sam just met me out here and we 5 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,960 Speaker 1: started our trip by accidentally getting too drunk at a 6 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 1: really fucking cool show that my friends I'm Dave Aiden 7 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:37,159 Speaker 1: and um Jacob Child do. It was just David, but 8 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: it's like this really cool nights, like a lot of 9 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:44,479 Speaker 1: improv musician ship and um, Jacob has Grammys. There some 10 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 1: of the best musicians I've ever seen in my life. Um, 11 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: but I had a little bit too much fun, and 12 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,280 Speaker 1: so Sam and I had a horror hangover yesterday when 13 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: we were writing, but we had a really really good time. Um, 14 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: it was such a fucking blast and like, yeah, I 15 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: just couldn't have been happier. Um, I'm writing a lot 16 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: of great stuff. I'm really excited. I spent most of 17 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,200 Speaker 1: the past week like writing for other people, but I'm 18 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 1: about to dive into writing some stuff from my project. 19 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,640 Speaker 1: I wrote a due out with my friend KLi Roadi 20 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,760 Speaker 1: and um, hopefully we get to do that one together. 21 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 1: That'd be super fun. But moral story. I'm still exactly 22 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 1: as happy as I was on the N A F 23 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: episode last week and just feeling absolutely wonderful. So that 24 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 1: being said, let's get mad about something from the past, 25 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,200 Speaker 1: because I'm feeling so good right now. Um, let's talk 26 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: about purity culture. So, for those of you who have 27 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 1: listened UM to the podcast before, I talk a lot 28 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 1: about how I grew up in the church borderline fundamentalist 29 00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:41,400 Speaker 1: Christian which fundamentalism is really like it's just bad energy. 30 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 1: And it's like if you see people wearing like the 31 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: long denim skirts and like they're not allowed to have 32 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: cell phones, like that's um pretty much fundamentalist Christian um. 33 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:58,360 Speaker 1: And I let's see the exactly the exact definition of 34 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: Christian fundamentalism is movement emphasizing biblical literalism. Um. It's um 35 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 1: such as like it's very it's very conservative and maybe 36 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,400 Speaker 1: not even like necessarily so it's a lot of like 37 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: gay people are going to how abortion is murder, um, 38 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 1: all of these different things. And I just I think 39 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: that it kind of gets to the all right very quickly. Um, 40 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 1: so that the school that I grew up in, like 41 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:32,920 Speaker 1: I learned things like the slaves are actually really happy 42 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 1: because they got to worship the Lord and they went 43 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 1: from their sinful religions in Africa to being children of God, 44 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: and like, oh, that's so problemtic um. So there's like 45 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 1: a lot of racist stuff that like I didn't even 46 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,440 Speaker 1: realize was racist until I left the school and I 47 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,200 Speaker 1: look back and I'm like, what the fuck? They also 48 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,799 Speaker 1: said dinosaurs walked the earth of humans and that they 49 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 1: were alive up until four thousand years ago, because Crea 50 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 1: jian Is m says that the world was only ten 51 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:07,079 Speaker 1: years old, and like, honestly, I don't think that evolution 52 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:12,440 Speaker 1: and creationism are like I can't go together. Like even 53 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,240 Speaker 1: if you think that like God created the world, and 54 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,280 Speaker 1: like I don't know how the world got created. I 55 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,919 Speaker 1: think the Big Bang makes sense, but I also think 56 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,680 Speaker 1: that like some stuff is so like perfectly created. It 57 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 1: feels like somebody puts some extra special magicest on it. Um. 58 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 1: But like, so why did why can't like why couldn't 59 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 1: have got started this ball rolling and like made a 60 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 1: creation that would evolve itself. That feels like pretty fucking smart. 61 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: It's like, if you're the CEO of a company, you 62 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: eventually want to create such a great system that the 63 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: company runs itself and you only have to be involved 64 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,800 Speaker 1: in much larger issues, and to me that makes sense. 65 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 1: So um, but all of that aside, I think that 66 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,839 Speaker 1: the one of the worst and most personally damaging things 67 00:03:55,880 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: I learned was purity culture. Um. I was like, I'm 68 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: about the same age as like the Jahnst Feathers and 69 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,120 Speaker 1: Miley Cyrus and Demi Botto, and all of them had 70 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,960 Speaker 1: fucking purity rings. And that was like a huge conversation point. 71 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 1: Within two thousand's Disney was like they all had purity rings. 72 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: And I remember like seeing like an interview or Miley 73 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 1: Cyrus was like modest is hottest, and like yeah, and 74 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 1: poor fucking thing because like obviously she doesn't have those 75 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 1: opinions now and like is a very like free woman. 76 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 1: But I mean, and I worked for Disney and I 77 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 1: love Disney, but I mean there was a lot of 78 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: toxic stuff happening there back then, and even just like 79 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: the culture like maybe not even having to do with 80 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,159 Speaker 1: the company, but just having to do with being a 81 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 1: famous kid. And um, it's what I don't think that 82 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: this particular type of Christian understands. It's like talking about 83 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 1: not having sex all the time is still a way 84 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 1: of being obsessed with sex. And like I just remember 85 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 1: having to listen to these sermons like as a kid 86 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,359 Speaker 1: or like grown as adults were talking about like porn 87 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,480 Speaker 1: addiction and all of this stuff, and like I didn't 88 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:06,360 Speaker 1: even like seen porn yet, like um, and so I 89 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 1: was like, I don't even know what we're talking about. 90 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: And then like, but I wonder how many boys in 91 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: my youth group heard that sermon and then like google porn, 92 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,120 Speaker 1: you know, like I don't think they understand that all 93 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: this talk about not doing it was And like I 94 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,920 Speaker 1: went to a school where we had an abstinence only 95 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,839 Speaker 1: sex education, which makes zero fucking sense to me. Um, 96 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: A lot of the girls in my class, like a 97 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:35,560 Speaker 1: lot of them went on to become a teen parents, um, 98 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 1: and just like have like really horrible and safe sexual 99 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: experiences because they had no idea how to do it safely. 100 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,159 Speaker 1: They had no idea like the level of respect that 101 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,840 Speaker 1: a partner's supposed to have for you if you're going 102 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: to be intimate with them, Like, had no idea like 103 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,919 Speaker 1: what they're like, what their rights were, like you know, 104 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: like that you could go get birth control, that you 105 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: could like you know ask a guy to use a 106 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,600 Speaker 1: condom that you could ask him to like respect you 107 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:04,080 Speaker 1: and like it also just like it's just so fucking 108 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 1: like I wasn't allowed to get guard Assil, which is 109 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:10,800 Speaker 1: the HPV vaccine, UM, not because my mom's an anti vactor, 110 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: but because she thought it was going to make me 111 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,200 Speaker 1: have sex. So I had every other vaccine except for 112 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,840 Speaker 1: that one. Thankfully for those of you who are in 113 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 1: a similar position, you can get that up until your 114 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,359 Speaker 1: mid twenties, and like it can still be incredibly effective 115 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: because like HPV is very real and leads to cervical cancer. 116 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: And it's also like I think something like people have it, 117 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 1: so it's like just fucking happens if you've ever like 118 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,800 Speaker 1: sex and whatever. Um. But so like why wouldn't you 119 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: want your daughter to be like safe like that, I 120 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 1: don't get it. It's really mess stuff. And like definitely 121 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:49,159 Speaker 1: wasn't taught anything about birth control. Um. They were like 122 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 1: very everyone was very very anti birth control, not in 123 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:55,159 Speaker 1: the sense that they thought it was like abortion, because 124 00:06:55,160 --> 00:07:00,720 Speaker 1: there are some like sex of Christianity, sex sex sec 125 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:06,719 Speaker 1: t S, sex ofity UM and Catholicism that think that 126 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 1: it like birth control is murder and so it wasn't 127 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: that it was just like they didn't want to do 128 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 1: anything that encouraged kids have sex. But the truth is, 129 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 1: like people are going to have sex. Like it just 130 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:20,239 Speaker 1: quite literally like the deepest human instinct for most people, 131 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 1: um excluding like you know, a sexual people and all that, 132 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 1: but like it is such a deep human instinct to 133 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 1: to procreate. And like even if we don't think we're 134 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 1: like wanting to procreate, it's like you have this drive 135 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: instilled in you to like keep the human rays alive 136 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:37,680 Speaker 1: by banging. Like it's pretty simple. And so like it's 137 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: like asking somebody to like not like ever eat a 138 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,680 Speaker 1: food that they crave and like only eat like lettuce, 139 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: and maybe somebody could do that with some supplemental vitamins 140 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:51,800 Speaker 1: and that's fine, but like just resisting that urge, like 141 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 1: and that's so much to ask like young people to 142 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,560 Speaker 1: do as well, because like you get these like massive 143 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 1: hormonal changes, and like, I think that it's really really 144 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: really smart to teach your kids to wait for the 145 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 1: right person. That right person doesn't necessarily have to be 146 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,679 Speaker 1: your spouse, and it doesn't have to be after you, Jody, 147 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 1: Like I I waited um to have sex till I 148 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: was eighteen, and I'm really happy with that decision. It 149 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 1: still wasn't like the most amazing experience, but I also like, 150 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,080 Speaker 1: I know, like maybe two girls who had like a 151 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:39,680 Speaker 1: lovely first time, like two people, um, and so you know, 152 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,199 Speaker 1: it's just awkward. Everybody's bumbling around, like you know. Anyways, 153 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:44,560 Speaker 1: I don't need to get too far into that, but 154 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,679 Speaker 1: I waited, and I'm really glad. But like, I mean, 155 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 1: I definitely like did all our stuff before then. And um, 156 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:55,239 Speaker 1: I found a journal entry from when I was sixteen, 157 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 1: and holy shit, guys, I don't have my journal with 158 00:08:58,360 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 1: me in l A or else. I'd read it to you, 159 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:01,559 Speaker 1: but it is so fucked up. So basically, like I'm 160 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 1: gonna use real names because I just don't care enough 161 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:05,839 Speaker 1: to make fake ones up right now. But I had 162 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,719 Speaker 1: a boyfriend that I went to school within. His name 163 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: is Brandon, and I went to church camp and there 164 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:15,320 Speaker 1: was like this whole sermon series on like not dating 165 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: people who aren't Christian. And there's a verse in the 166 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,440 Speaker 1: Bible that says don't be unequally yoked, which is like 167 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:24,440 Speaker 1: two cows or bowls or something like, Well, what's the 168 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 1: other word, I don't know, some some sort of like 169 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:30,520 Speaker 1: bovine creature and they're oxen. That's what I'm looking for. Oxen. 170 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 1: So they're pulling a cart and one of them is 171 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 1: like a lot less strong than the other, so they 172 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:39,720 Speaker 1: just go on circles. And it's like interesting analogy, paints 173 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:44,559 Speaker 1: a good picture, probably not too applicable in this situation. Um. 174 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 1: And so like if the non Christian would be the 175 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 1: person who was like less strong and like just would 176 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 1: would drag you around in circles because you couldn't like 177 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 1: move forward together. And I don't even know if that's 178 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 1: really what that verse means. But given that fundamentalist Christianity 179 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 1: is very very um, it's very literal, like it's all 180 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 1: about interpreting the Bible literally, and that's where a lot 181 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,959 Speaker 1: of the gay people are going to healthyng and UM. 182 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,000 Speaker 1: I mean I could do an entire episode on that. 183 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 1: But a lot of those verses were talking about um 184 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,320 Speaker 1: like the sodom and gomor one, like they were referring 185 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 1: to pedophilia, not gay sex. And they were also referring 186 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: to like, um, don't have this particular kind of sex 187 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 1: because it's unclean and you will get a disease and die. 188 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,959 Speaker 1: Like it wasn't like don't do it because it's morely wrong, 189 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,599 Speaker 1: but like do it so you don't die, because like 190 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 1: there was people didn't take showers back then, and like 191 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: I also don't need to go too far down that one, 192 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:38,959 Speaker 1: but like use your imagination, Google, let's leave it there. 193 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,240 Speaker 1: But sot like but they would take it so literally 194 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 1: and it's like let's kill gay people and like fuck 195 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:49,120 Speaker 1: crazy ship. Um. But So I had this high school boyfriend, Brandon, 196 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 1: and then because of all of this, like thinking I 197 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 1: was unequally yoked and like having a crisis, I broke 198 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,600 Speaker 1: up with him. I like snuck my phone into camp 199 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 1: because you weren't supposed to do, and I like texted 200 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 1: him and broke up with him and started like talking 201 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: to this guy at camp named John, and he was 202 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 1: like really Christian, like capital G godly, like always like 203 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 1: the one with his hand raised and like you know 204 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 1: when we were worshiping and just getting into it, and 205 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 1: I like he's really cute, and I was like, oh, 206 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,560 Speaker 1: this is the kind of guy I should be with, 207 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 1: and like really got that in my head that I 208 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: needed to be with somebody Christians. So like I one day, 209 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: we like went off into the woods at camp, and 210 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 1: like I kissed him and I didn't know it was 211 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,680 Speaker 1: for his first kiss, so that's very scary. And so 212 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: then he had like a crisis of faith because he 213 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 1: thought that he did something wrong by not saving his 214 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,040 Speaker 1: first kiss for marriage, which is like, oh my god. 215 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,840 Speaker 1: And then, um, I just I got kind of weirded 216 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: out by it because he said a couple of things 217 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: that I considered problematic and whatever. So I went back 218 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 1: to school like a couple weeks later, and John and 219 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,720 Speaker 1: I never dated, and but I got back together with 220 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 1: Brandon and we dated again. Then him and I broke up, 221 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 1: and I like kind of went through like a little 222 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 1: bit of a home phase, but like definitely like lower 223 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,920 Speaker 1: case H because like I wasn't really having sex or anything. 224 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 1: I just was like, you know, like sixteen year old 225 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,920 Speaker 1: home phase. Um, nothing I could get pregnant from, and um, 226 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,760 Speaker 1: I really started to feel guilty about that. And so 227 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,959 Speaker 1: the next year at camp, I had dated and broken 228 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 1: up with Brandon gone through some really like bad times 229 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,679 Speaker 1: with guys because I was like really just like not 230 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 1: feeling good about myself and was really sad about that breakup, 231 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 1: like really sad I wrote so many songs about it 232 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 1: um and so I saw John there and these journal 233 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:34,480 Speaker 1: entries are like, oh my god, they're so crazy. So 234 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:36,600 Speaker 1: I'm like talking about it and I'm like, you know, 235 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,720 Speaker 1: I've really just like stopped respecting myself and like my 236 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: self worth is like absolutely in the gutter, and like 237 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 1: I'm really worried that, like I know that I'm impure 238 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 1: and having impure thoughts and like I don't want to 239 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 1: be broken for my husband, and like I just feel 240 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 1: like I'm like I'm a sixteen Like who the funk 241 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,200 Speaker 1: is thinking about their husband? Like, and like I'm in 242 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,800 Speaker 1: a long term relationship with something I think I'm gonna 243 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,320 Speaker 1: marry and I still don't think about my has been 244 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 1: calm the funk down, right, And so there was like 245 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 1: a journal entry where I was talking to John with 246 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 1: a bunch of people and like I was like, I 247 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 1: really think like I should be with somebody like him, 248 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,360 Speaker 1: and I think I've really messed up. And I was 249 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,680 Speaker 1: like and like at at the fire tonight, like John 250 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,960 Speaker 1: was like joking around with everybody and he called me 251 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,440 Speaker 1: a horror and like he's completely right, Like he's totally right, 252 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:20,720 Speaker 1: and like I just feel like I should be with 253 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,959 Speaker 1: somebody like him because he's so much nicer to me 254 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 1: and so godly. This man called me a horror. This 255 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 1: boy called me a horror in front of like are 256 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 1: all our friends. And I was just like, you're right, 257 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 1: because I have given a hand job before. You're right. 258 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,079 Speaker 1: You're so right, John, I should be with you, And 259 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,080 Speaker 1: like that's so fucked up. And I was reading this 260 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 1: back and I was like, holy sh it. But I 261 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: had been taught things like there's all these analogies, like 262 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,120 Speaker 1: there's this one like okay, like let's say you're having 263 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,800 Speaker 1: a birthday party and somebody makes a chocolate cake and 264 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 1: somebody goes in before the celebration and they eat a 265 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,120 Speaker 1: piece of the cake, and then you bring the cake 266 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: out to everybody and they're like, well, what the funk, 267 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 1: Like it's missed, like the birthday person and they're like, well, 268 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 1: it's missing a piece of the cake. And it's like, oh, well, 269 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 1: I ate I let somebody eat part of it earlier, 270 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,840 Speaker 1: and then it's like the value of the cake goes down. 271 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,960 Speaker 1: And like I would agree with that on the topic 272 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,240 Speaker 1: of cake. Um, it's kind of rude to like eat 273 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 1: somebody's birthday cake beforehand. But it just doesn't fucking apply 274 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 1: to like virginity, and virginity is a fucking construct anyways. 275 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,640 Speaker 1: Like and if you're like, if you're gay, like what 276 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,760 Speaker 1: what constitutes losing your virginity? Then, like, you know, I 277 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 1: remember putting that in the like the questions box when 278 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 1: I finally took sex said and I was just like, 279 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,520 Speaker 1: what is losing your gay virginity? And the teacher read 280 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: it was like, I don't know. So it's like, if 281 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 1: that's not proof that it's a construct, I don't know 282 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:44,640 Speaker 1: what is. So there's like a plenty of lesbians walking 283 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: around who are technically virgins by like the fucking social 284 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:54,800 Speaker 1: construct aspect of it, and that's just stupid. So um, 285 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:56,480 Speaker 1: But so I would like top thing about like the 286 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 1: chocolate cake. And then there was this whole thing where 287 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: teacher would give you a band aid and you pass 288 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 1: it around and everybody would stick it on their arm, 289 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 1: and then by the end of it, she tried to 290 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,920 Speaker 1: take another band aid and stick it to the band 291 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: aid and it wouldn't stick. And it would be like, 292 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 1: you'll never make an actual connection with your husband if 293 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 1: you've had sex with other people before, but the non 294 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:21,120 Speaker 1: sticky band aid was always a woman, always, and they 295 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 1: were like only using women in references for this, and 296 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 1: like it's just so fucked up, and we're like so young, 297 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: and so of course, I like started to hate myself 298 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: and there was just all this guilt. But um, and 299 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 1: that chocolate cake thing is from a book by Sarah 300 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 1: Malley called Before You Meet Prince Charming. And then there's 301 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 1: another book by Steven Arderburne called Every Young Woman's Battle 302 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: like dramatic. Um, I would say that my battle against 303 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 1: sexuality is probably the least of my concerns in high school. 304 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 1: But sure, um he warn't female readers that every time 305 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 1: a man has sex with a woman, he takes a 306 00:15:56,120 --> 00:16:01,360 Speaker 1: piece of her soul. Like, let's be honest, these seventeen 307 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 1: year old boys are not sucking any woman nearly well 308 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: enough to take a piece of her soul. Absolutely not. 309 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,640 Speaker 1: But like we were taught that and like it was 310 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 1: so so fucking problematic, and like I'm really proud of 311 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,000 Speaker 1: myself that I was able to find my way out 312 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 1: of that. I mean, my my mom's best friend's daughter 313 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: saved her first kiss for her wedding day, so like 314 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,120 Speaker 1: and like I've dated people who are really hot and 315 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,640 Speaker 1: really bad kissers, and I liked him, but like I couldn't. 316 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,680 Speaker 1: I couldn't do that. You don't you don't know, I think, 317 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 1: like to some extent, And also like if you want 318 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 1: to save yourself a marriage, I absolutely respect that. Like 319 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that whatsoever. Just 320 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,040 Speaker 1: nobody should tell you have to. That's that's my issue. 321 00:16:56,080 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 1: So it's like to some extent, like you kind of 322 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: want to like take it for a test drive before 323 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:08,000 Speaker 1: you fucking buy the car in cash up front, and 324 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,680 Speaker 1: like I just, oh my god, Like and you only 325 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:14,000 Speaker 1: lose money cars to appreciate in value. Women don't cars do, 326 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,680 Speaker 1: and so like if you've got divorced, you're gonna lose 327 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 1: a lot of money either way. I think that's better 328 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 1: than the chocolate cake analogy. But just me and yeah, 329 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 1: just like it was just and there was so much pressure, 330 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:31,000 Speaker 1: like it was never the girl's idea and and this 331 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: story is kind of hard to tell, but I'm gonna 332 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,600 Speaker 1: kind of end on this just so you can think 333 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 1: about it. And I also might do a part two 334 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,160 Speaker 1: of this episode because I really want to go back 335 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,720 Speaker 1: and find my journals and read them to you because 336 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:45,879 Speaker 1: they're like super fucked up. Um, but I had I 337 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: knew somebody trying to keep this as ambiguous as possible 338 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:53,639 Speaker 1: because it's a very sensitive story. UM okay. So also 339 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,600 Speaker 1: here's a quick trigger warning like that we're going to 340 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 1: talk about sexual assault, um really fast. So if you 341 00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 1: need to tap out of the episode, you kind of 342 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 1: got the point. Um, I'll see you next week. Totally 343 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,560 Speaker 1: up to you. But there is a girl that I 344 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 1: knew who got pregnant, um when we were sixteen. She 345 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:16,000 Speaker 1: had a purity ring, was in church, um, and she 346 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 1: got pregnant. She's a white girl, got pregnant by a 347 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 1: black guy, and um, I had no I'd only heard 348 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:28,159 Speaker 1: about it from my mom and like what people had 349 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 1: been saying, and like I heard like a second hand 350 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:35,919 Speaker 1: and so, but that the story was because she was pregnant, 351 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 1: they wouldn't let her have an abortion. So they made 352 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:42,159 Speaker 1: this sixteen year old girl have a baby. And although 353 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: I mean, like s beeing sixteen and having an abortion 354 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:45,760 Speaker 1: would be really trauntic too, there's like there's no win there. 355 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,200 Speaker 1: That's why you get them on birth control. So you 356 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,240 Speaker 1: never put a girl in that position. Because they're too 357 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,760 Speaker 1: young to have a kid and they're too young to 358 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 1: like have an abortion against their own wall, you know, 359 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,880 Speaker 1: So I mean they're not, but you understand what I'm saying, 360 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,639 Speaker 1: Like this, the problem is not the choices you make 361 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,680 Speaker 1: for yourself. The problem is that choices that people guilt 362 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,879 Speaker 1: you into making and then they make for you. And so, 363 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 1: like you know, that's a huge deal and every woman 364 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 1: should be able to choose for her fucking self. So anyways, 365 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,720 Speaker 1: all that being said, she kept the baby, and the 366 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,399 Speaker 1: story that was being told was that she was raped 367 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: by a black guy, and I think that that trope 368 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,879 Speaker 1: was leaned into um, which is very racist and not 369 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: okay um. And I remember hanging out with her and 370 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 1: her baby after all this happened, and like I never 371 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,880 Speaker 1: heard it from her perspective because it was just very 372 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,800 Speaker 1: hat sho. She was just like okay, just you know, 373 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:40,359 Speaker 1: just pregnant, accept it. And I was like talking talking 374 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: to her about it, and she was like texting the guy, 375 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,679 Speaker 1: and I was like, why are you texting him if 376 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 1: he raped you? She's like, oh, well, I mean like 377 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: he didn't, like I was in love with him and 378 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: I still am. And I was like oh my fucking god. 379 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,640 Speaker 1: And it was like such like such an easy fucking 380 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,679 Speaker 1: story to tell, like be like, oh my god, my 381 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 1: daughter got raped by a black guy, and like everybody 382 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:00,879 Speaker 1: just went along with it, and that' like so fucked up. 383 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,600 Speaker 1: And like the fact that like I thought that this 384 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 1: guy was a total horrible piece of ship and like 385 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,920 Speaker 1: she was in love with him and a wasn't allowed 386 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:11,240 Speaker 1: to be with him, that the child was kept away 387 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 1: from his father, and like it just got to be 388 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 1: the narrative and it's really sad. She's doing really well now, um, 389 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,360 Speaker 1: and like yeah, I just I mean, I just can't 390 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,199 Speaker 1: believe that that's those are the whispers that we're going 391 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 1: around church and like just so so much. I mean, 392 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,919 Speaker 1: I really hope she's healed from that because it's really 393 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:36,879 Speaker 1: fucking hard. Um. And yeah, just oh my god. So 394 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 1: those are like that's the situation you wind up in. 395 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:42,479 Speaker 1: It's like situations like that, Like it's not just like 396 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,560 Speaker 1: a like a low stakes like I'll get a purity 397 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,240 Speaker 1: ring whatever. And they have these like purity ceremonies were 398 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,480 Speaker 1: like fathers take their daughters in a circle and like 399 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 1: they're all wearing white and they all pledged that they 400 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,200 Speaker 1: won't have sex till they're married, and it's like, I'm 401 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 1: so sorry your daughter is nine years old. Like that's 402 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,680 Speaker 1: fucking creepy. This fucking creepy. And that's like my point 403 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,520 Speaker 1: is like, you wouldn't be talking about having sex with 404 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: a nine year old, So why are you talking about 405 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 1: not having sex? Because either way, you're talking about sex. 406 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 1: And one of my favorite answers to the purity ring 407 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:14,200 Speaker 1: question during the big Disney Purity ring era was Taylor Swift. 408 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,880 Speaker 1: It was either her Vanity her first Vanity Fair cover, 409 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,159 Speaker 1: her first Rolling Stone cover, and they were like still like, 410 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 1: you know, everybody's like wearing purity rings, like where do 411 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: you fall on that spectrum? And she was like, well, 412 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,600 Speaker 1: I just like, you know, I don't. I don't really 413 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,119 Speaker 1: like to talk about if I have sex or if 414 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 1: I don't because either I people will picture me naked. 415 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:31,720 Speaker 1: And I'm like that's the point, Taylor Swift, Fuck yeah, girl, 416 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 1: Like that makes sense. You know. It's like if you 417 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,200 Speaker 1: about not having sex, you're still talking about sex. Like 418 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 1: and it's just like this fucking obsession. I saw this 419 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:43,560 Speaker 1: thing on TikTok where this um pastor, like this girl's 420 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,760 Speaker 1: talking about her pastor like having a whole sermon about 421 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: how he was addicted child porn and he had to 422 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,679 Speaker 1: overcome that and blah blah blah, and it's like and 423 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 1: they just that was just like, oh my god, he's 424 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,760 Speaker 1: so brave for sharing his sins with us. It's like, no, 425 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,480 Speaker 1: that person is a fucking pedophile and he's talking about 426 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:01,520 Speaker 1: it in front of children so detailed, Like it's just 427 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 1: it's absolutely insane. So that's how I really feel about this. 428 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,359 Speaker 1: And again, I'll probably do a part two of this 429 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: and um, but thank you guys for listening. Uh. Kind 430 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 1: of a difficult topic if you guys want to share 431 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 1: your stories with me, like regarding this, like for the 432 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:16,439 Speaker 1: part two, Like, I don't know if any of you 433 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 1: guys have personal experiences. I'm assuming many of you do. UM, 434 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 1: but you can drop me a message on Twitter. That's 435 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: the best way to reach me. UM, drop me a 436 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,280 Speaker 1: d M on there. And also the link for my 437 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:32,439 Speaker 1: discord uh is in the description of this. I've been 438 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 1: having a lot of fun on there like chatting with 439 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,359 Speaker 1: you guys. So join my discord and I will talk 440 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,040 Speaker 1: to you guys next week. Thanks so much. I'm feeling 441 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:47,880 Speaker 1: sure and this is too much to say. Don't ask questions, 442 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,760 Speaker 1: now tell it out you