WEBVTT - ANDY STAPLES: "Getting To Neutral" by Trevor Moawad 0:00:04.240 --> 0:00:09.879 Hello, everybody, Happy New Year, my friend. Welcome to twenty 0:00:10.080 --> 0:00:14.560 twenty two and the fourth season of this podcast series 0:00:14.920 --> 0:00:18.800 Loves Someone with the Lilah, where I have the privilege 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:23.280 of having long and lovely conversations. I think we'll add 0:00:23.320 --> 0:00:26.720 a little joy to the lives of those listening. In 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:31.120 last season, Oh my word, I had some phenomenal guest 0:00:31.800 --> 0:00:36.440 like TV and movie director Dallas Jenkins, the creator of 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:41.400 The Chosen series, and Lee Isaac Chung of Minari Fame. 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:45.559 Several folks who worked tirelessly to make lives better for 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:49.320 people sat down with me, like Katrina McGhee from the 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:53.640 American Heart Association. Oh my goodness, what a hot ticket. 0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:57.200 That lady is always on the go, always trying to 0:00:57.280 --> 0:01:03.040 bless others. Carrie Peterson of Mercy Ships, Jennifer Perry from 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:08.120 Foster Moore, and Frank Siller, founder of Tunnel to Towers Foundation, 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:13.960 who walked hundreds of miles in honor of his brother 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:17.880 who was lost in even We also had Annie f Downs, 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:21.000 who pinned the book That Sounds Fun, and the phenomenal 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:26.440 artist and author Charlie mckasey, creator of the Compassionate characters 0:01:26.480 --> 0:01:30.039 The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse. He 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:33.160 dropped in to talk to us, and we even had 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:38.319 football legend Kurt Warner, who shared the unbelievable journey that 0:01:38.400 --> 0:01:43.840 took him from a supermarket stocking clerk to an NFL superhero. 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:48.560 And then there was music. Music, music. We talked to 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:53.880 Lee Bryce, to Tim McGraw, to Amy Grant, to Pink Pentatonics, 0:01:54.240 --> 0:02:00.200 Lauren Daegel, Billy Ray Cyrus and Fire Rose, the incrediblee 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:06.560 talented Idina Menzel, Norah Jones with her sweet, sweet voice, 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:14.440 Michael Bubley who Mr Boubley, oh so charismatic, Kelly Clarkson 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:19.560 who was absolutely adorable, and Rob Thomas. Superstars one and all, 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:24.120 but more than that, they are people, people with families, 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:31.040 with friends, with hopes and dreams, Talented, beautiful, perfectly imperfect, 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:36.800 people who've experienced victories and defeats, love and losses, and 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:39.840 who take it all and pour it into the music 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:45.679 they create that we love so much. YEP, was pretty phenomenal. Here. 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:49.840 I love someone, and hopefully the time we spent together 0:02:50.400 --> 0:02:54.440 brightened a year defined by uncertainty and the longing that 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:58.880 we have vers stability. That's my goal. I can't bring 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:03.840 you the stability. I can bring you joy in the 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.920 stories we tell. I'm going to try and do the 0:03:07.000 --> 0:03:11.200 same this season. We're kicking the year off by recognizing 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:17.079 the importance of maintaining and bolstering our mental health. Today's 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:20.080 guest is going to help us by sharing some tools 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:25.400 to manage and overcome negativity from a method developed by 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:29.840 a renowned mental conditioning expert and advisor to some of 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:35.119 the world's most elite sports performers, Trevor Moad. Some months ago, 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:38.080 we were working towards setting up this interview with Trevor, 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:41.880 who was eagerly anticipating the release of his second book, 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:45.560 Getting to Neutral, How to Survive and Thrive in a 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:49.920 Chaotic World. At the time, what I didn't know is 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:54.200 that Trevor was fighting an aggressive cancer using all the 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:57.720 tools outlined in his book to maintain a positive outlook 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:03.360 and live his life fully each a Sadly, Trevor has passed, 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:08.120 but leaves behind an incredible legacy that will continue to 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:11.560 help people to learn how to harness the power of 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:16.520 neutral thinking to navigate the twist and the turns of life. 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:20.000 With me today to impart some of Trevor's wisdom, is 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:24.440 Andy Staples, his friend and writing partner. On both books, 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:28.840 Trevor wrote about the power of neutral thinking. What does 0:04:28.920 --> 0:04:31.720 that mean? What does that even look like? I'm as 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:34.120 eager to chat with him as I'm sure you are 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:37.839 to listen in, especially if you've been dealing with a 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:41.400 lot of negativity. We'll be back to do just that 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:43.800 right after I give the proper credit to one of 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:50.000 today's podcast sponsors. Everyone has the power to change the world. 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:54.680 Mercy Ships as an organization dedicated to that mission and 0:04:54.839 --> 0:05:00.599 is sustained entirely by the generosity of volunteers and donors 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:05.800 like me and you. They're an organization comprised of floating 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:12.039 hospitals staffed with physicians, surgeons, medical personnel, and hundreds of 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:17.800 other volunteer positions from administration to galley cooks, traveling to 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:22.240 some of the poorest countries in the world to provide free, 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:28.679 life changing surgeries. They make the world a profoundly better place. 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:33.039 You can visit them at Mercy ships dot org to 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:36.680 see how you can be a part of all that 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:42.040 Mercy Ships does. Give go or pray. There are so 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:45.599 many ways you can help Mercy Ships help others give 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:51.400 go or pray that's Mercy Ships dot org. Mercy Ships 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:56.479 dot Org. Andy Staples, Welcome to Love Someone with Delilah. 0:05:56.640 --> 0:06:00.279 I am honored. I've been on a lot of sports 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:02.719 talk radio shows. I have to say, this is the 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:04.760 one radio show I never thought I would ever be on. 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:07.680 So I am honored. My mom, I used to listen 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:10.640 to you all the time. Thank you. Tell me who 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:14.040 was Trevor Moad Tell me about Trevor and I'm sorry 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:17.839 I didn't have a chance to meet him. Yeah, Trevor 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:19.440 should be the one here talking to you right now. 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:24.679 Unfortunately he passed away in September after a fight with cancer. 0:06:24.760 --> 0:06:28.000 That is part of the book that we wrote together. 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:30.400 We we've written a couple of books together, and so 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:34.400 I met Trevor. Trevor was a mental conditioning coach, which 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:38.880 you've heard of sports psychologists, You've heard of coaches, but 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:41.320 I had never heard of a mental conditioning coach. And 0:06:41.400 --> 0:06:45.760 still two thousand eleven when I I covered college football 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:48.520 for Sports Illustrated, and I was looking for some other 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:50.920 story to do about the University of Alabama football team 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:54.520 because there we pretty much written everything, and so I 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:57.680 heard that they had a mental conditioning coach working with 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:01.000 the Alabama football team and and shound out it was 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:03.880 Trevor and gave him a call and we started talking 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:06.160 and end up running a story about him and just 0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:08.760 kind of following his career after that. But but what 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:14.640 Trevor did was he would help athletes be their best 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:18.880 selves mentally, be the kind of people who could you know, 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:21.080 if you were a cornerback on the football team and 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:23.840 you gave up a touchdown, he'd helped make it where 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:27.560 you could play that next play without freaking out. Or 0:07:27.560 --> 0:07:29.600 if you're a pitcher who just gave up a home run, 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:32.720 he would help you figure out, how do I throw 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:34.960 that next pitch, how do I get my mind in 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:38.480 the right place to throw that next pitch. And he 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:42.000 would work with these guys in their off seasons when 0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:45.200 they weren't practicing, And I wound up being kind of 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:48.440 the one of the best friends of Russell Wilson, who's 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:51.200 now the starting quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, who's won 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:53.560 a Super Bowl and done pretty much everything you can 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:57.880 do in football. What Trevor did was was try to 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:02.600 help those play years be ready for any situation they 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:06.040 might face on the field, be mentally ready and it's 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:08.160 different from being physically ready. You can lift all the 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:10.680 weights you want, but if your mind is all over 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:13.320 the place, you're going to struggle. That was his job. 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:17.000 And then a few years ago Harper Collins asked him, 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:21.840 do you think you could translate this to the average person, 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:25.440 to the to the non elite athlete, and he said absolutely. 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:28.160 He said that this stuff is universal. Now, this is 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:30.960 something that can help everyone because we all go through 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.480 lots of stressors in our daily lives. We all deal 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:38.439 with things. Life throws all kinds of curveballs at us. 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:42.440 And so if we could look at the world the 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:45.240 way these elite athletes do, then it would help us 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:48.640 make better decisions. It would help us live better lives. 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:51.640 And so that's where our first book, It Takes What 0:08:51.760 --> 0:08:55.560 It Takes, came from. And then the second book that 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:57.880 that's about to come out is called Getting to Neutral, 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:02.280 and Neutral Thinking was probably I would call it Trevor's baby. 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:06.080 He he came up with this concept because his father. 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:07.600 We have to go back to his dad. His dad 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:11.800 was the guy named Bob Moya who was a nationally 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:14.080 known motivational speaker. He was one of the original authors 0:09:14.080 --> 0:09:18.680 of Chicken soup for the soul. He preached positivity and 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:23.319 always having a positive outlook, positive thinking well Trevor, and 0:09:23.400 --> 0:09:25.520 this used to make him feel bad when he worked 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:28.080 with athletes because he would try to convince them to 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:31.480 think positively, and an elitiate athlete doesn't want to be 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:36.600 told just be positive. They've their BS meter just runs 0:09:36.600 --> 0:09:39.040 a little too hot for that sort of thing. They 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:41.840 want to know why everything is going to happen. They 0:09:41.880 --> 0:09:44.920 want to know how this works, Why does this work. 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:47.280 You can't just tell them just be positive, because they're 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:49.559 gonna say you can't. I'm not gonna believe you unless 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:52.040 you tell me why. So I just I have to 0:09:52.080 --> 0:09:54.560 interject something real quick here. Don't you think that applies 0:09:54.600 --> 0:09:57.240 across the board to all of us? Oh a hundred? 0:09:58.880 --> 0:10:00.960 That the idea of neutral thing thinking was just Trevor 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:04.680 watching these elite athletes. Michael Johnson, who won the gold 0:10:04.720 --> 0:10:07.199 medal in the two hundred and the fos at the 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:09.120 ninety six Olympics in Atlanta, the guy who wore the 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:12.320 gold shoes. He was one who helped Trevor kind of 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:16.800 formulate that neutral thinking concept by just explaining what his 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:20.400 thought processes were going into a race, and he had, 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:22.440 you know, three things that that he would say to 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:24.840 himself every race, and one of one of the things 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:28.080 was I'm a bullet and he just he it kind 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:31.560 of centered him. And so and Trevor, you know, watched 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:35.480 Russell Wilson as he developed in his career, and I 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:38.640 talked to Vince Carter, who was a great NBA player 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:41.120 who played until he was in his early forties, you know, 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:44.360 so just a guy who, you know, physically he didn't 0:10:44.400 --> 0:10:46.280 have what he had when he was twenty, but mentally 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:50.120 he made up for it. And so Trevor gathered stuff 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:52.200 from all these guys and he kind of noticed they 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:56.319 all had kind of a commonality, and that was they 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:59.440 were very non biased in the way they thought about 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:02.199 stuff when we're making a decision in the heat of 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:06.720 the moment, especially in game, and he would ask him, 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:08.760 just pepper them with questions, Okay, why why do you 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:11.839 do this? How do you do this? And basically what 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:14.280 they do is they go to the facts to the 0:11:14.320 --> 0:11:17.880 truth every time they face a critical choice. Now in 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:20.680 their world, in the elite athlete world, that credit they 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:22.959 might have half a second to make that critical choice, 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:25.000 so they they've dealt with a lot of stuff in 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:28.959 practice and in our own lives. Will face critical choices 0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:30.439 that we have half a second to make, will face 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:32.600 them that we have, you know, two weeks to make. 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:35.920 But the way you need to look at it is 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:38.600 the same, and that is go to the facts. Go 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:42.199 to what you know about that situation, you know, not 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:44.160 how you feel about it. And that that that's the 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:47.280 part that I think Trevor felt bad because he was 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:50.040 moving away from when his dad taught into something different. Now, 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:51.880 if you go back and listen to his dad talk, 0:11:52.520 --> 0:11:55.160 they were actually saying a lot of the same things. 0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:58.160 And I told Trevor that at the you know, near 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:00.720 the end of his life and at up trying to say, look, 0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:02.800 you think you're moving away from this, but you guys 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:06.599 were pretty close together on this deal because his dad. 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:09.800 His dad also passed away from cancer, had a much 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:13.000 longer fight, had about a five year fight. And I 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:16.360 remember listening to one of his dad's last speeches that 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:19.680 he gave, and you know, he was talking about people 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:21.520 coming and saying how are you doing? And how you 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:24.200 answer someone who says how you doing? And he said, 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:26.640 I'm upright, I'm on the side of the pavement and 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:29.319 with the audience not knowing what he was fighting through 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:32.240 at the time. But that's a new Those are neutral statements. 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:35.000 Those are not I'm good, I'm great, I feel this, 0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:38.000 I'm sad. It's hey, these are the things that are 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:40.600 going on right now that I have to celebrate. And 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:43.960 so that's where the basis of neutral thinking comes from. 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:47.880 Trevor actually figured it out. He and his um, he 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:52.000 and his wife went hiking on Camelback Mountain in Phoenix 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:55.240 one day and I didn't know this, but you apparently 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:58.600 should not leave for your hike any later than say, oh, 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:00.720 I don't know, seven o'clock in the morning, because it 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:04.040 gets really really hot up there if you if you don't. 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:06.719 And so they left a little too late and they 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:10.320 were just, you go, covered and sweat and panting, and 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:12.360 they wanted to yell each other because it couldn't remember 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:14.679 who who decided to you know, who had to do what. 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:16.920 That made him late and and made it where they 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:20.160 were both you know, physically exhausted. And he's sitting there 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:22.920 looking at the gearshift and he sees the end and 0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:27.520 he goes, that's it. Neutral. We gotta get to neutral 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:29.480 right now or we're gonna, you know, we're gonna be 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:32.760 yelling at each other. And that's he realized, Okay, this 0:13:32.840 --> 0:13:34.800 is this is how I need to brand this. And 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:38.560 you know, I think when when he taught it to athletes, 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:42.360 it was a very natural thing. They understood, Okay, I'm 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:45.600 a picture. If I just gave up a hit, I 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:48.000 can't think it's the end of the world, because the 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:50.120 next hitter is coming up right now and I have 0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:52.280 to try to get him out. But I think in 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:54.520 our own lives, I don't know if we we feel 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:56.280 that way to lie. I think you know, when when 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:59.000 something bad happens, we tend to just a lot of 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:02.760 times we'll go into a hole and say, oh, no, 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:04.920 this is awful, and only if I'd only done this, 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:06.839 and if I'd only done this instead of just saying, 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:10.160 here's what's going on right now, here are this, here 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:12.600 are the next steps I need to take to either 0:14:12.640 --> 0:14:17.839 solve this problem or make it better or change my situation. 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:21.320 And it's it's a hard thing to to get yourself 0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:24.240 to do, but once you start thinking that way, you 0:14:24.360 --> 0:14:26.800 find the world becomes a much easier place to deal with. 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:31.040 As you're speaking, it's bringing up so many thoughts for me, 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:36.040 and so many places, really wonderful places that I have 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:39.960 been taught or heard the same message in different language. 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:43.320 Because in a twelve step program that I belong to, 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:46.640 they say first things first, So you think about what 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:49.040 is the first step I have to take. I got 0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:53.040 fifty tho things to tackle, but first things first. When 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.320 I'm caught up in that like Christmas or you know, 0:14:56.920 --> 0:14:59.120 the holiday is coming up, or this is coming up, 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:01.080 or my kids have to do this, this, this, and this, 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:03.920 and to get them into school, you know, after the pandemic, 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:05.600 I had to get their shot records, and I had 0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:07.400 to do this, and I had to do this, and 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:11.080 I get so frustrated. I'm like on a hamster wheel 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:13.920 at three o'clock in the morning. But when I remember 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:19.280 that first things first, okay, and and that's that's mentally 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:22.200 shifting to neutral. Like you just said in Mom and 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:24.080 Dad World, I think that's one of the best places 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:25.920 for it. I've got a twelve and a ten year old, 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:29.800 and I think back to anybody who's got kids that 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:31.880 are close in age. You can remember when they were 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:35.240 under five and just what it took to leave the 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:40.320 house when you have a couple of kids, or God 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.320 bless those families that have three or four or five 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:44.240 kids and they're all young and they're trying to get 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:46.920 him out of the house. You have to be able 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:49.200 to think this way. And I think that's when we 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:53.200 were at our best. That's naturally how we think. Is Okay, 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:56.640 I have the bottles made. Do I have a change 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:58.680 of clothes? Do I have a change of clothes for 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:01.680 each kid? I have have the diapers? The diapers are here, 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:04.720 the diaper bag is packed, and and so you're just 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:08.680 starting and the U c l A women's basketball coach 0:16:08.720 --> 0:16:10.560 Corey Close told us really good story, and I realized, 0:16:10.600 --> 0:16:12.960 I'm shifting from mom and dad world of basketball. But 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:16.360 they had they actually studied our first book. She had 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.640 them during the pandemic when they couldn't get together and practice. 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:23.320 She still wanted her players learning things that could help 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:25.400 them on the court, and so she had her players 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:28.560 study our first book. And so they studied neutral thinking. 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:31.400 And so fast forward to the first season they play 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:35.520 after doing that, and they were playing against Oregon. They're winning, 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:37.600 they were winning by a lot, and then Oregan comes 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:38.880 back and all of a sudden, the're not winning by 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:41.640 very much at all, And there's a time out and 0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:45.320 one of their captains addresses the whole team and she says, 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:50.720 don't worry about anything else. Ask yourself, what is the 0:16:50.800 --> 0:16:57.120 next right step. That's it. Take stock of this situation 0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:00.800 and find the next right step, which I thought was 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:04.479 brilliant and we actually made a chapter out of it. 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:06.800 One of the things that I know you talk about, 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:11.760 or Trevor talked about and you wrote about, is catalog 0:17:11.800 --> 0:17:15.600 young or um really being clear on what your core 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:21.639 values are. And I know so many people who don't 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:27.240 even have a clue what their core values are. You 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:30.280 meet me, you spend an hour with me, you will 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:34.680 know what my core values are, what my faith is, 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:38.080 what my family means to me, what my career means 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:41.200 to me, what my mission is on the radio every day, 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.880 round the podcast every day. But I think a lot 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:48.639 of people don't have a clue what those core values 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:51.560 are that make them tick, that motivate them, that get 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:53.760 them up and get them going every day. And I 0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:58.680 love that that you talk about identifying those and owning them. 0:17:58.880 --> 0:18:01.560 That was a big to Trevor to to have that 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:04.639 chapter in the book, and it was something that I 0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:06.679 had really not thought about when we were doing the 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:10.159 first one, and he he explained his kind of his 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:13.280 journey through that because he'd always been you know, he'd 0:18:13.280 --> 0:18:17.840 always had faith and he churchgoer, you know, since the 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:20.560 time he was a kid. But he had a moment 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:22.480 in college where he kind of questioned his faith and 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:25.239 he wasn't sure am I on the right path? Am 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:30.080 I doing the right things? And he had a health scare, which, 0:18:31.560 --> 0:18:35.480 strangely enough and sadly it was kind of the precursor 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:40.840 to what eventually happened later in life. But after that, 0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:44.720 when he got healthy, he re examined his values because 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:46.320 it given him a lot of time to sit and 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:49.560 think what really matters to me. And everybody says, okay 0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:52.480 it well it's your family or it's faith. Well, yes, 0:18:52.560 --> 0:18:56.159 that that's pretty universal. Most of us are going to 0:18:56.280 --> 0:18:59.639 say our faith in our family. And but one of 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:01.600 the other things that really mess for some people, it 0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:04.480 may be your fitness. It maybe you know, you you 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:06.600 want to make sure you stay in shape, you want 0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:09.080 to make sure you exercise. That may be a key 0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:12.720 thing for you. Maybe artistic expression for some people. You 0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:15.399 you know, you may need an outlet where where you 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:17.120 maybe you need to pain, or you need to write, 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:18.760 or you need to do something that that kind of 0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:22.840 fulfills your soul. Every everybody needs to take stock of that, 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:26.320 and that stuff changes over the course of your life. 0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:28.479 It's sort of like, you know, when when you're married 0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:31.200 and I've been married for for over twenty years now, 0:19:31.920 --> 0:19:35.159 and I somebody told my wife and I and I 0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:39.200 thought this was was really smart. The person you married 0:19:39.240 --> 0:19:42.600 twenty years ago, it's probably not the person you're married 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:45.639 to now, and you have to make sure that that 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:49.280 you can deal with that person and that person can 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:53.520 deal with you. And it's the same for yourself. You're 0:19:53.560 --> 0:19:55.800 not the same person you were ten years ago, fifteen 0:19:55.840 --> 0:19:59.280 years ago, twenty years ago. Your values may be completely different. 0:19:59.520 --> 0:20:01.639 You know, twenty years ago I didn't have any kids, 0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:07.440 My my priorities, values were very different. But now they 0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:10.119 are absolutely my number one priority. They they are the 0:20:10.160 --> 0:20:13.280 thing I value most in the whole world. And so 0:20:14.200 --> 0:20:17.720 it is important to take stock, i'd say, every couple 0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:21.600 of years what matters to me, and then you you 0:20:22.640 --> 0:20:26.720 sort of point your behaviors towards what truly matters to 0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:29.280 you so that you're getting the most out of your life. 0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:32.320 I think one thing that I noted when I was 0:20:32.400 --> 0:20:37.040 going through the notes on the book is that you say, 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:41.800 or Trevor said that it's important to be honest about 0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:46.240 those values because how many people when they go through 0:20:46.280 --> 0:20:50.320 those changes in life. You know, maybe you know ten 0:20:50.440 --> 0:20:53.000 years ago, fifteen years ago, the most important thing was 0:20:53.560 --> 0:20:58.200 having the Christmas event or the birthday party with your kid. 0:20:58.240 --> 0:21:02.400 And now your kid has grown and you it's hard 0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:04.359 to be honest with you know what. I want to 0:21:04.400 --> 0:21:07.720 focus on me right now? I wanna Yes, I want 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:10.480 to travel right now. Travel is important to me, or 0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:17.800 learning a new hobby is important, or whatever that is. Um, 0:21:17.840 --> 0:21:22.720 just being honest and without judgment, because we judge ourselves 0:21:22.760 --> 0:21:26.879 the worst. You don't have to post your values on Facebook. 0:21:27.400 --> 0:21:31.080 This is all internal monologue here. This is this is 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:35.040 strictly between you and you, and so be honest with yourself. 0:21:35.680 --> 0:21:38.479 If you can't be honest with yourself, you're gonna have 0:21:38.520 --> 0:21:42.560 a lot of problems. And so this especially because when 0:21:42.600 --> 0:21:45.760 you determine your values, your values start to determine your 0:21:45.760 --> 0:21:48.439 behaviors and what you what. You're prioritizing what you do. 0:21:48.920 --> 0:21:51.760 So if you can't be honest with yourself. You're gonna 0:21:51.800 --> 0:21:54.800 be like, well, I keep doing this trying to to 0:21:54.920 --> 0:21:57.200 fit this one thing because this is what I believe 0:21:57.240 --> 0:22:00.360 I should be. Well, you're gonna be unhappy because you're 0:22:00.359 --> 0:22:02.399 gonna fel like you're wasting time. You're gonna feel like 0:22:02.400 --> 0:22:05.320 you're kind of pointing in the wrong direction. So, like 0:22:05.400 --> 0:22:09.480 you said, it's okay if one of your values is 0:22:09.560 --> 0:22:14.399 I need more time for me, by all means, prioritize that. 0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:18.720 Add that into your behaviors. Build time for yourself so 0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:22.080 that you can have that time to mentally decompress or 0:22:22.200 --> 0:22:25.119 whatever it is you like to do that that makes 0:22:25.160 --> 0:22:29.600 you happy and fulfilled, because that is going to make 0:22:29.640 --> 0:22:34.080 you an altogether happier person. It's hard to do if 0:22:34.080 --> 0:22:38.320 you're especially like I said, empathy is such a great 0:22:38.440 --> 0:22:41.560 quality for a person to have. Even the great qualities 0:22:41.600 --> 0:22:45.159 you have can overwhelm you if you let them. And 0:22:45.240 --> 0:22:48.879 so you just everything needs to be in balance. And 0:22:48.880 --> 0:22:53.000 and so I'm one of those people who I get 0:22:53.000 --> 0:22:55.680 in these cycles where Okay, what can I do next? 0:22:55.680 --> 0:22:57.199 How do I figure this out? How do I you 0:22:57.200 --> 0:22:59.320 know what what's gonna happen ten ten years from now, 0:22:59.359 --> 0:23:01.480 fifteen years or twenty years from now. So you're a 0:23:01.480 --> 0:23:05.080 future tripper, I am, and I have to pull myself back. 0:23:05.119 --> 0:23:07.160 And I said, no, no, no, Well, am I gonna 0:23:07.160 --> 0:23:10.400 do tomorrow? How can I How can I help tomorrow? 0:23:10.560 --> 0:23:13.800 Make my kids lives better, make my wife's life better, 0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:17.480 make my wife better. That that that's the only that's 0:23:17.520 --> 0:23:20.199