WEBVTT - Ep 215 - If Now is a Good Time To Invest, Where Do I Start? 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:23.520 Hey, hey, hey, we're back, We're black, We're round. 0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:27.680 And this I was trying to hit you with the 0:00:27.680 --> 0:00:28.280 bass there. 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:31.560 Coming in with the with the alto. Were you an alto? 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:32.960 Sopranos is alto high? 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:34.160 That sounds like a high. 0:00:34.800 --> 0:00:36.800 No, sopranos are the high ones. The altos are the 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:38.599 for women are the low ones. 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:43.280 I was never anything regarding vocal prowess. I was, however, 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:49.040 first chair of clarinets in the concert band at Fayette 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:52.640 High School in Faithful, Georgia. I'll have you know. The 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:57.280 concert band was the lesser band than the symphony band. 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:01.720 So I was the best worst clarinet player, and I 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:03.960 wore you know what, first chair. I was like the bombsa. 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:06.560 You could not tell me anything about my clarinet skills. 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:08.160 It was, what are you crazy? 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:11.040 It's great being the captain of the bad clarinet players 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:13.319 because the bar is so low and you're the best 0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:16.520 out of all of them. So honestly, oh, I come 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:19.640 at me like it's like you set your expectations low 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:20.479 and you end up happier. 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:22.320 Right now, Well, I I was. I never. 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:24.480 I mean I sang in choir only because the school 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:26.400 that I went to, especially the middle school that I 0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:28.720 went to was like heavy on choir, which is now 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:30.959 I look back on it, that was odd, like everyone 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:32.399 saying in choir whatever choir. 0:01:32.440 --> 0:01:34.600 I mean, I wasn't some great singer, but it was 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:35.039 for fun. 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:35.400 Yeah. 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:38.880 But what I did joined in high school was I 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:40.679 joined the step team. 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:43.800 Because I grew up in a largely Caucasian. 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:46.080 I'm surprised they even had a step team. Based on 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:48.160 what you've told me about your school, what. 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:50.120 It was, I think it had to be. 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:52.440 Maybe it was like sophomore year there was a young 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:56.480 brown sister named Cherrelle that moved from Newark to Westfield. 0:01:57.280 --> 0:01:59.240 Shout out to you, Charrell. So Charrell brought with her 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:01.160 all these wonder for black things and we were like, oh, 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:01.520 what's that? 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:04.800 So she was like the first because you know, when 0:02:04.840 --> 0:02:08.360 expectations are low, like you know, like you come to 0:02:08.440 --> 0:02:10.680 a new school where there aren't very many black kids 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:12.280 and you're the black kid who knows how to do step, 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:16.960 then you're like first chair of the step dancers, like 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:19.480 you might have been a mediocre step dancer, you know 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:19.959 what I mean. 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:21.400 Like she was the coolest. 0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:23.760 We were like Sorelle teaches your teachers, your Black Day, Yes, 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:24.440 like the. 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:26.200 Five Black Kids. 0:02:26.960 --> 0:02:29.679 So she brought step to us and let's just say 0:02:29.760 --> 0:02:32.760 I was all the way back. I was so terrible, 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:34.720 but I was determined. I said, oh no, I'm going 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:34.920 to be. 0:02:34.919 --> 0:02:37.480 On the side. Yea, I need. 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:41.280 I was terrible, but I will say it was really 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:43.360 a lot of fun. But yeah, so that was my 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:47.360 that was my horrible group participation. But it was, like 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:48.680 I said, it was a lot of fun. Although she 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:49.760 was like, girl, you have to go all the way 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:50.919 in the back because you. 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:52.679 Are off off with them. How are you gonna be 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:53.760 African with no rhythm? 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:56.680 See, that's the thing that's like, It's so the stereotype 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:59.440 works against you. It's the same thing with my husband, 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:02.320 and well, bless his heart, he's not the best dancer. 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:05.840 Like he dances though, and it's hard for people out there. 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:07.440 It's hard to find a partner who will like dance 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:09.320 with you at the wedding or at the friends event 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:12.000 or whatever, you know. So he would try. But if 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:13.600 the Latin song feels like a but shot that comes 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:16.639 on mangue, he's sitting his butt down real fast. And 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:19.320 his younger brother can really dance and soak in his 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:22.840 fiance and any way, he gets a lot of shit 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:26.840 for for not being like the best but Shota dancer, 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:29.360 And you know, I'm sad for him because the expectations 0:03:29.360 --> 0:03:31.519 are too hot. Meanwhile, I just swing my hips and 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:36.200 they're like oh, like they're like, yeah, I look at 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:42.040 that one, because again, low expectations. We should just title 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:46.400 this show Low Expectations. Yeah. I once had an idea 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:48.640 for a book that every time, but every time I 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:51.640 described it, it made me sound so sad. But I 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:53.520 and every time I tried to explain the premise, people 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:56.080 will look at me like are you okay? Because my 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:59.320 whole idea was it was literally a book about how 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:02.880 everyone would be happier if we just expected less from everything. 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:06.320 Expected less from your partner, you're going to find expected 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:08.840 less from the job that you have. And I think 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:11.720 I still think that this is true. I believe science 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:14.560 would back me up on this. When you have less 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:18.160 expectations for what an outcome will be, or lower expectations 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.120 than you end up being happier because you're grateful that 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:22.440 anything happened, you know what I mean. But yeah, but 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:26.520 that's just so against the American mindset around and I'm 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:28.880 not trying to get too philosophical. But I ended up 0:04:28.920 --> 0:04:30.840 just like, stop talking about it because people will look 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:33.520 at me like, like I was, you know, had four heads. 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:37.280 What do you mean maybe like less is less. 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:42.280 Stratified with like less than excellence? What satisfied with like 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:45.480 a partner who can't be you know all seventy five 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:49.800 different friends and family and sexual God and God? Is 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:51.960 that you need in your life? What? No no one 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:53.320 wants to like admit. 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:57.000 That, admit now that maybe they're not having like you know, 0:04:57.720 --> 0:04:59.880 well whatever, because I'm just like that I love that 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:01.360 it won't get better than this. 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:07.839 No one wants I'm saying it. I'm like, we're brown ambition, 0:05:08.200 --> 0:05:12.599 not not brown. It's okay brown. 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:15.120 So so but like he comes back. 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:18.760 So I know last week we talked about a hard conversation, 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:22.320 So I had one today. Okay, Oh my gosh, I 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:24.520 want to tell you all day stress stress, stressed like 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:28.599 thought about him, literally took a walk beforehand, took a nap, 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:32.839 like stomach and bubble guts, sweating, and I'm like, Tiffany, 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:37.040 really all leading up to this conversation and it just 0:05:37.360 --> 0:05:37.800 it went. 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:40.960 Okay, we would know what but Baltimore, what how long 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:43.599 had like, how long was this conversation coming? Did you 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:46.440 ask for it? Had it been hearing for a while? 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:51.520 Saying any specifics about what it was about, Well, I'll 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:53.799 say it's about money. I'll just leave it at that. 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:56.240 That Like, so, ye, it was about money. And it 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:56.800 was just. 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:01.520 Like I said, I'm was I told myself this is 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:03.680 what I told myself to kind of feel better. I 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:05.599 was like, before the conversation, I was like, you know, Tippy, 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:07.800 I know your stomach's inns, I know you feel like 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:10.279 a little uncomfortable, But guess what, girl, You're about to 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:12.720 have this conversation and that that is done. 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:17.120 Girl, that's done. That's my move. Yeah, no, it's not done. 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:20.440 I didn't anticipate that some hard conversations are actually hard 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:22.480 conversations plural. 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:25.599 Okay, so it's not it's not it's not resolved. 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:29.040 If it wasn't some like no knockdown, drag out like 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:32.000 bite or anything like that. But it's just it's not 0:06:32.160 --> 0:06:34.560 resolved to more conversations to be had. And I'm like, 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:36.839 are you freaking kidding me? Like that was the one 0:06:36.839 --> 0:06:38.040 thing I was leading on. 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:41.960 Well do you at least so what was do you 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:45.760 think that it's leading to more conversations because the first 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:48.440 conversation was so hard, and like, well, yeah, so just 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:50.640 tell me more, like what happened in the first conversation 0:06:50.760 --> 0:06:52.120 And was it just that there was so much to 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:54.560 unpack that you realize is it like the meeting that 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:55.840 you think is going to be half an hour and 0:06:55.839 --> 0:06:57.200 then you end up we need really need to do 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:59.600 twenty different things and we need to have some follow 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:01.800 up meeting to discuss and make sure we really cover 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:03.479 it cover our tracks. 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:05.280 Well, yeah, it was. 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:08.200 It was, well, this is not like this is actually 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:10.920 the second of the com first the first time it 0:07:10.920 --> 0:07:12.600 didn't it was only like like five minutes because we 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:13.360 didn't have much time. 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:16.400 I was like, okay, we will reconvene. 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:17.400 And like talk about it next week and just like 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:19.960 really like lean into it. So I was like great, 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:23.560 even though the first time we talked about we were 0:07:23.600 --> 0:07:25.720 supposed to really talk about it, but we just didn't 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:27.360 get a chance because it was like, you know, time 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:29.760 was like running thin and I'm like, damn it, I've 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:32.080 been in Nots all week to talk about it and 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:33.800 it's only like five minutes literally. 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:35.920 Like, hey, we we really should talk about this. 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:38.760 Thing, and I'm just like, ah, but I you know, 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:41.200 because I had already saved them all the anxiety. Yeah, 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:43.920 and so today I was like, no, we're plucked, We're 0:07:44.000 --> 0:07:46.520 we're plowing ahead. And I just was like, you know, 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:50.480 plowing ahead, sharing how I found. She was sharing how 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:52.400 she felt and like and it wasn't like I said 0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:54.360 it was. There was no yelling or anything. It was 0:07:54.360 --> 0:07:56.760 like super calm, and but it was very clear that 0:07:56.840 --> 0:07:59.960 it was like, yep, we both agreed that we don't agree. 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:05.320 And I was like, wait, well, I'm not gonna lie. 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:08.400 I had not planned for that. Oh I did not. 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:12.960 Oh oh so you expected to. You expected to kind 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:14.800 of like get what you wanted out of the conversation 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:16.800 or to have them understand where you were coming from. 0:08:16.840 --> 0:08:19.040 But oh, this is just every fight my husband and 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:21.000 I have ever had, so yeah, continue. 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.160 So I thought that at the end she was going 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:27.360 to be like, you know what, you know what I see? 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:29.840 Yea, yeah, tell me tell me how right? 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:33.000 You were like, yeah, exactly, you know what. 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:35.439 I didn't see what you meant at first, but now 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:38.440 that you fully explained it, girl, yes I agree. 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:39.080 I don't know why. 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:40.720 I just thought that's what it was, but it was 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:45.040 more like you know what I hear, you still don't. 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:48.840 Agree though it was the worst, that's the worst, yes. 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:51.480 And I'm like, wait, so now we're going to have 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:54.240 another conversation, but so I think we're going to bring 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:57.360 in maybe like a like a neutral party to have 0:08:57.400 --> 0:08:58.560 a conversation with us. 0:08:58.559 --> 0:09:01.679 Okay, mediator. I've had to use a professional mediator. I 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:03.640 mean not a professional, but in my professional life, I 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:05.760 have needed to bring in a third party to be 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:10.040 there to witness the discussion, just as like, yeah, it's helpful, 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:10.840 it's helpful. 0:09:10.880 --> 0:09:11.760 Yeah, and I think so too. 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:15.400 And I think that it's just I just feel like 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:20.240 lately in business that every time I solve an issue, 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:23.720 because usually I'm pretty I've gotten much better at like 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:26.679 like managing the stress of what it comes to being like, 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:29.640 you know, to running a business. So websites done, Okay, 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:33.079 you know we need a new hire quickly. 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:35.480 Because you know X y Z is leading on. 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:39.000 You know she's doesn't feel well, Okay, I've gotten so 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:42.839 much better at managing the day to day putting out 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:45.240 the fire component of business. And I'm like, I feel like, 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:47.680 you know, I mean, I sleep wildlight now, like but 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:52.839 lately the fires are blue, you know, like usually fires 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:54.280 are like you know, like I think blue is like 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:56.040 when the fire is hotter, right, is that what it is? 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:57.240 When it's like what you're. 0:09:57.080 --> 0:09:58.920 Saying, Yeah, the hottest is the hottest part of the 0:09:58.920 --> 0:09:59.840 flame is the blue part. 0:10:00.400 --> 0:10:03.320 Yes, And so I'm like, wait what And it seems 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:06.760 like why am I putting out blue flames over and 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:08.199 over and over again? And I'm not gonna lie. It's 0:10:08.200 --> 0:10:11.400 taking like this like emotional toll that I'm not used 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:12.840 to that. I used to feel like this in the 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:16.360 very beginning of business, when I didn't know how to 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:18.000 manage anything, you know, so I. 0:10:17.840 --> 0:10:19.640 Was like ah all the time. 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:21.600 And now I'm like, oh, but you know, you're season tifty, 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:23.800 You're ten years in so, like I said, up until 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:26.480 I would say maybe like three or four months ago, 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:29.120 you know, I've been really good at like that kind 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:31.200 of thing and at like managing. 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:33.520 But now it's just different now. 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.000 And I'm like, but one thing I've learned after ten 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:38.640 years of business, and the part that sucks is like 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:40.280 I already know what's happening because I've been here so 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.880 many times before. I know what's happening, and I'm like, uh, Frank, 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:47.640 so something good is happening. Whenever I am growing to 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:51.400 the next level, this always happens that there is a 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:57.120 period of heavy uncomfortableness where everything sucks and I want 0:10:57.160 --> 0:11:00.240 to quit. So I know that's what's happening, but I'm 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:05.280 still like I want to quit. Yes, everything, and so 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:07.920 that's what's happened. So I know one hundred thousand percent 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.520 that that's what's happening, but it doesn't make it easier. 0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:14.600 I'm just like, I don't want to do it. I 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:15.160 don't want to. 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:20.040 You're going through hell. Keep going. That's the chant that 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:21.120 helps me sometimes. 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:25.200 I just so, I mean, like it's not that me obviously. 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:27.079 I mean I'm really blessed. I mean, thank God. 0:11:27.120 --> 0:11:28.000 You know, home is good. 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:30.520 You know, my husband is good, my sisters are good, 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:32.640 my parents are good, my friends are good. So all 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.040 that's good and honestly the true things. Business actually has 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:38.480 literally never been better. So that's not it. It's just there 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:41.120 isn't no I'm growing, Like I know, there's an emotional 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:44.400 growth that's tied to like this external growth that I 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:48.400 have to meet this like oh this external growth internally, 0:11:48.600 --> 0:11:50.920 and I'm not you know, and I know that. I 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:52.079 know it's like, well, Timmy, you have to put on 0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:53.720 your big girl panting. It's like you have been avoiding 0:11:53.840 --> 0:11:56.680 like growing this part of yourself for a long time, 0:11:56.920 --> 0:11:59.160 and it's time now. And I've been like, wait one 0:11:59.160 --> 0:12:03.960 more year, one more you're being a punk, please, and 0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:09.120 like the external part, what's happening in my life? It's like, no, girl, no, 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:12.480 we have allowed you for forty years to navigate in 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:15.800 this space of like internal smallness in this one area 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:19.079 of your life, and literally you have to grow up 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:21.440 in this one area. You have to boss up and 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:23.600 you have to be like okay, and you have to 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:26.640 push through or you you know, like there's no option. 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:28.679 It's either this or you stay. Not even because I 0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:30.400 already know what's going to happen if I don't push through. 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:32.080 It's not that I'm going to be allowed to stay 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:35.079 at this level. You actually move backwards. So I mean, 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:37.400 I know it. It's just honestly, it freaking sucks. I 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:39.920 hope you know. I share this with y'all because I 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.800 want you to know that, like, even when even in success, 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:48.080 there's you know, there's strife, there's gut wrenching moments. 0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:49.160 Even like, you know, literally nothing's wrong. 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:52.960 We had our bus month yet in business, but like yeah, 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:57.320 there's still aspects that I'm learning and growing and it 0:12:57.360 --> 0:12:59.600 freaking sucks. And I'm just like but I'm like literally 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:01.199 every year, I used to tell myself that this is 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:02.959 the year I was gonna work on this part of myself, 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:05.560 this character challenge. I spoke, ooh, this is the year, 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:07.400 Tiffany that we're going to work on like the hard 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:08.400 conversations part of you. 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:12.880 And then I'm like, you know what I'm gonna work on. 0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:17.960 I'm gonna get in basiline instead, I want to get 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:18.840 a gym membership. 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:19.640 Oh that's what I'll do. 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:22.880 Let's work on this booty or like I'm gonna be 0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:25.840 a better friend or I'm gonna be a better auntie 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:27.560 this year. So every year I kind of set like 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.760 goals and like this is always on the list. 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:33.000 And I'm like, yeah, I don't think I think I'm 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:34.200 gonna put this one to the side. 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:37.319 So this is the year that like it's forcing my hand, like, girl, 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:38.760 you are not going to be able to elevate to 0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:39.400 the next level. 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:41.320 So, like I just said, it's just like. 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:44.520 Have you ever read the Year of Yes by Shonda 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:47.719 rh No, but I heard you're gonna say yes. Oh 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:49.520 it's so you need to read it. It's actually a 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:54.280 quick read. But it's about how Shonda, who was incredibly insecure, 0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:58.120 and it's different because her insecurities and her shyness and 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:02.440 her social anxiety in part from her her weight issues. 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:05.760 So she struggled with her weight and anyway. And there 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:08.599 was one year that she decided because she was always 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:12.280 the writer inside of her shell, like never went out, 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:15.640 never said yes to any invitations in Hollywood, would just 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:18.280 hide from any and then she decided one year like, Okay, 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:20.200 I'm done with this. And it wasn't like she had 0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:22.600 some big epiphany. It was like it's like you're saying, 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:24.680 it's just you kind of get tired of having the 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:26.800 same conversation with yourself and you're like, you know what, 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:28.480 this is the year I'm just going to say yes 0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:31.880 to everything. And I really recommend it. I even recommend 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:33.840 the audiobook because she reads it herself. I think I 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:36.040 might have read the audio listened to the audiobook version, 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:38.720 but that's great, what I'll say, because I have the 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:40.480 same internal dialogue like I think a lot of us do. 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:44.280 There's always that like personal flaw like character flaw or 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:49.040 flawsa plural that you have that aren't as easy to imagine, 0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:51.200 Like they're not as clear cut a path, Like you 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:53.120 want to fit into the bikini in six weeks. You 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:54.760 know you need to eat less and work out more. 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:59.440 But it's almost like with these you know, character like 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:02.680 the internal things that we have that can hinder us 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:04.680 or hold us back, Like you've said, there's not as 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:06.560 clear a path, and so it's it's harder and it's 0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:10.800 also harder to measure success. And what I all I'll 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:12.960 say is like I hope that you celebrate even though 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:15.480 it has led to more conversations. You should still like 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:19.160 celebrate the win that you had, the conversation you might 0:15:19.200 --> 0:15:22.080 not have had, and put yourself on the back and 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:25.760 acknowledge that it may not be like a clear linear 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:28.800 path and to get to the point where you're able 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:31.040 to like it may always be uncomfortable, and I think 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:34.200 it probably will because you're a human being uncomfortable to 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:37.480 have tough conversations with people. But it's like, you know, 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:39.840 how much time do you spend agonizing over it? Do 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:41.960 you always get bubble gut? Okay, No, this time I 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:44.040 didn't get the bubble cut. That time I didn't it 0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:46.960 wasn't in the bathroom for four hours. And like, give 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:50.840 yourself a pat if you improve a little bit. And 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:53.080 that's and this is just like the type of thing 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:56.800 that I've worked on coming back from all the postpartum anxiety. 0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:00.840 Is okay, if I fell asleep, you know, within forty 0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:03.480 five minutes last night instead of four hours, Like that's 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:07.400 a win, okay, And just mark those little those little 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:09.920 wins because it isn't as Yeah, it's just not as 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:11.960 linear as some of the goals like you talked about before, 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:14.080 you know, working out, et cetera. 0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:16.520 No, that is really good advice. I didn't think about that. 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:19.320 Like the fact is you had the conversation Tippany, that's 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:21.040 bigger than most Normally I'd be. 0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:24.960 Like, uh oh I double booked. Hey, hey sis, can 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:25.400 we talk? 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:29.720 Oh my god, I would be the master avoid Like 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:32.239 sometimes Superman will ask me. They're like talk to Supergirl 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.040 about something difficult, like maybe like you know, they've got 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.760 into like an argument. He's a key talk to her, 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:40.200 so you know, because maybe they're arguing over like you know, 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:43.680 her not cleaning her room and whatever. She's getting sassy 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:45.080 and he's a key talk to her, and I'm looking 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:49.080 at him like to who, I. 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:51.840 Don't want to talk to a teenager. She's gonna kill me. 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:57.280 So I'm just yeah, Like it literally permeates every aspect 0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:59.200 of my life, like it's it reached like a fever 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:02.720 pitch like me to every aspect of my life. I 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:04.960 could be at the supermarket and be like the person 0:17:05.000 --> 0:17:06.359 that's standing in too close behind me, and I'm like, 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:08.960 you should really tell them six feet please, And like 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:10.520 in my inside, I'm like dying. 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:12.280 I'm like, you should say no, don't say nothing to 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:14.440 you should say no. Even how did that say? 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:14.800 He is? 0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:15.680 You can get. 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:23.000 Like yeah, so it's yeah, So I'm I'm gonna But honestly, 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:24.720 one thing I like I've learned from you many like 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:27.920 I absolutely need to get a therapist. I've been saying 0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:29.959 it for a long time anyway, because like you know, 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:34.040 like I'm typically decent at managing stress. Well, let me 0:17:34.119 --> 0:17:35.679 not say that, because who knows if I don't even 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:37.600 know if I'm decent. Who knows what decent is? But 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:40.240 you know, I don't think typically a lot of things 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:43.080 bring me stress like they used to so I was 0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:45.280 kind of like, I'm good, but I realized, no, I 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:50.520 would really love tools and resources to manage like you know, 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:53.600 stress and also tools and resources, because I was asking myself, 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:56.880 I'm like, I actually don't have the tools and resources 0:17:56.960 --> 0:18:00.440 to navigate this because I, like, I grew up in 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:03.280 a household, like my parents are really strict, and so 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:06.040 it was like, you you have to be like walk 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:08.760 the straight and narrow or else. And so I know 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:13.240 that a lot of the anxiety comes from what's or else? Mean, Tiffany, 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:16.199 Like you have to be like in the straight and 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:18.720 narrow or else, and that's what That's the fear that 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:21.199